KILL TONY - KILL TONY #328

Episode Date: February 28, 2019

Bert Kreischer, William Montgomery, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 02/25/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. You're listening to Kill Tummy. Kill Tony. Oh yeah, hello everybody. Welcome. Make some noise here at the number one live podcast in the world. Brian Redband's here. Brian J. Ebel drawing tonight's episode. It's a very special episode, everyone. It's a positivity purge in memory of our good friend Stephen Brody Stevens, who passed away just a few days ago.

Wild stuff, man. Brody was one of our favorite guests in the show's history. And I do believe tonight's episode is going to have a lot of positive energy. Positive energy. Hell yeah. We're going to have a blast. And we just got back from europe we sold out three amazing shows in dublin manchester and london and the fun train just keeps moving along special announcement breaking news right now is uh is that we've just sold out two philadelphia kill tony's so good for you philly

you did it we're adding a third one on Saturday early evening. Before two stand-up comedy shows, we're going to knock out a third Kill Tony in Philly. That's at 5 p.m. Helium Comedy Club just added Saturday, March 23rd. Literally added today. So that's exciting. Putting us to work, Philadelphia. And, hey, how about another big announcement?

Another breaking news. and uh hey how about another big announcement another breaking news there will be a live kill tony in ventura california on march 28th how fucking exciting is that um and uh how about another one kill tony april 11th west nyack new york levity live april 11th followed by an entire weekend of stand-up comedy. Hey, you ready for another one? Who loves Kill Tony more than us? The fans do. It's been years since we've been back to this place, the home of the original Road Kill

Tony. La Jolla, California will be on the roster for April 28th. Yes, fancy La Jolla, California. We sold that joint out about five years ago, and they finally decided to book us again. Wow, so smart.

Comedy Store has their finger on the pulse. Really, really smart move. Shout out to them. By the way, we will not have Kiltony two weeks in a row. Brody's Memorial is one last way to wreck our show. Brody decided to die, and so guess when the memorial is? Of course, the Comedy Store scheduled it on a fucking

Monday. Classy. Enjoy it. Classy move. Enjoy. But again, I mean, they are just dialed in. I threw together a good Death Squad secret show. We got Tom Segura's on it. Hey, look at that. Brandon Schaub, Andrew Santino. Wow.

Malcolm's going to be there. Oh, that's March 4th. Yeah, March 4th. I love that. Next Monday, if you guys want to come to that show, we got a cool comedy show. That's great.

Slight chance I might be pulling out of this long weekend gig that I have, so I might be there too. I might swing by. Slight chance that I might cancel due to Brody's memorial. How dare you? Exactly.

Hey, you want to break some more news? Let's fucking do it. New York, New York. We're talking about absolute New York City, the Gramercy Theater. That is a gigantic venue. Kill Tony, June 20th. That's more breaking news. So there you go.

Kill Tony, Fort Worth, Texas, July 11th. And then a stand-up, four stand-up shows, July 12th and the 13th. How about one more? Let's do one more. Big announcement. Kill Tony Mania, the return of Kill Tony Mania. That's two shows each night at Cobb's Comedy Club. Last time it was a blowout.

For those of you that don't know, Kill Tony Mania is a crazy format in which we bring a bunch of special guests with us. Some of our favorite people from this show down here come up to San Francisco with us and then also sit on a rotating panel. So there you go. Exciting stuff. You know, one of the things that upset Brody was actually his hair loss. How dare you? It's true. 66% of men lose their hair by age 35.

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I mean, I guess we're just going to blast through those through the ad reads. I wasn't really expecting that because this is the part where like maybe during like the gaps of so it's not double talk. But anyway, I'm a professional. Okay, really, really blowing your whole load in the first few minutes. Oh, no, I'm a professional Okay, really blowing your whole load In the first few minutes Oh no, I'm not Well, I mean, we have a whole episode of a show I see Okay, there you go, very good Now you have fucking hecklers

Riled up Let's just slow it down a little bit for a second There we go I get it Okay, Red Band, we get it There you go, I had a feeling. Okay. I get it. Okay. Redband. Redband. We get it. There you go. I had a feeling you were going to blast through that fucking soundboard.

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So let's start the show. You guys ready to start this puppy pie or what? Everything's out of the way. This guy's doing a world tour. He's got his own tour bus. He's one of our favorite guests. He has an amazing Netflix special. He has an amazing show called Something's Burning.

He's going to Australia in June. Tickets available at burpburpburp.com. It's Burt Kreischer. Yeah! Welcome back, buddy. He's back. Yup. I totally know what I meant to promote.

My old Netflix special, The Machine, is now streaming on Netflix. Oh, I see. So now you have two Netflix specials. Beautiful. Hey, I need, I need, you need to make an app, Red Band, and put all of those Brody sayings on the app.

There's actually a app that came out like seven years ago or something. And I had to find an old cell phone. It took me like 12 hours to find this one phone that had the app still in it. And then I had to manually take each sound effect. That's what we're listening to right now. It's fucking hilarious. They should bring back the app. Yeah. Bring it back.

That's what Tom Segura says when they take an appetizer away too quickly. Bring back the app. I am so excited that you're here. We're going to have fun on this strictly positive episode. We're going to have fun on this strictly positive episode. We're going to try our best to stay positive, even though I almost snapped during Red Band Soundboard blastings a little bit ago. I think what we should do is we should go positive.

But if we go negative, we need to go full tote Brody negative. Like, you know when he'd spiral? Give him one of those. Brody is the only guest to ever storm off during an episode of the show. He pulled that once. He literally left. There was one time after that in which he left and then came back, I do believe. The old trickster.

Hashtag, you got it. Dude, dude, my daughters, I live next door to Brody, like down the street from him. And we used to go to the same Starbucks all the time. I'd see him at Starbucks all the time. And he'd see me and say hi to me and my daughters. And we'd hang out with him if we had a coffee. So one time we're crossing the street from Gelson's over to Starbucks. And my oldest sees Brody and goes, Dad, Brody Stevens.

Coffee Bean or Starbucks? Wow, this is getting scary, actually. It's gotten to the point to where it sort of feels like he's here. This is like that movie where they turn the person you love into a hologram and you can still hang out with them. Enjoy it. The crazy thing is Red Band stopped pressing buttons three minutes ago. Enjoy that. All right.

We have a band on this show. Enjoyable. Okay. Wow. I mean, Jesus. Okie dokie. Yeah, let me get my sound bites in in case I die next week. I am the machine.

Fuck that bitch. This is Russia. Double Tito's and soda please That's not warts Oh that's a private one We have a band on this show They went to They went to Europe with us as well We had a blast

And they're here tonight You know how it works They commit to characters throughout each episode. Sometimes it's the return of crazy characters that we haven't seen in a while. Sometimes it's brand new characters, and they stay in character throughout the entire episode. They are the best damn band in the land.

We have no idea what they're going to be tonight, so let's all enjoy it together. Here they are, the Kill Tony band. Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, and Chroma Chris. Hey! Look at this. Wow. Wow.

This is incredible. Very clearly they are... The three wise men that met Jesus. Frankincense, her. They are homeless wizards, everybody. This is amazing. Am I right? Are you a wizard, sir?

Let me introduce my clan to you. Tony, I am Joharis the Powerful. I am Gorlok the Warlock. This guy gets it. And I am Viagra the Horny. Viagra the Horny? Gorlok the Warlock? And what were you again back there, sir?

Joharis the Powerful. Joharis. Joharis the Powerful. I just got that. Oh, you printed them up for me. I love that. Wait, wait, do them again? I don't think I was listening to the first time.

Joharis the Powerful. I am Gorlok the Warlock. And I am Viagra the Horny. Gets better every time. Joel, when are you going to take that cape off? Right now. Can I show it? Yeah.

This is his first time. I don't know if you guys know this, but he got sponsored by Ludwig Drums, the biggest drum company in the world. This is the debut of. I don't know if you guys know this, but he got sponsored by Ludwig Drums, the biggest drum company in the world. This is the debut of his free fucking drum set. Wow. That is amazing. Wow. That's a standing ovation from some very cool audience members.

It is that big of a deal, if you're wondering. Tony, I also want to add a special thing to my drum kit tonight. I'll be right back. Uh-oh. Joharis the Powerful is not finished setting up his drums. We're adding the chair tonight! What? Oh!

He's adding a chair! Brody Stevens was a professional chair drummer. That'd be a good moment for the soundboard with a thousand Brody things. I'm a professional. There you go. This chair is made by Ludwig.

Well, I love it. We have the band. We have the band. We have Bert, Red Band, me. We have the spirit of Brody Stevens is here tonight. And I think we're ready to start the show. Let's do it. I have a bucket filled

with comedians' names. We did a little experiment tonight, and instead of having 100 names in the bucket and 100 comedians in the room, we... It was getting too hard to find these people. They were waiting in lines out the door. Yeah, so instead, we

pre-selected out of the bucket 25 random names. We notified the 100 comedians of the 25 that were selected. So now there's 25 names in the bucket and 25 humans sitting here in the room ready to go up.

Pre-selected. Hell yeah. Kai thinks it's smart. It's very smart. And that's how it works. So if you get pulled out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds. You know your time's up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And we're going to try our damnedest to stay positive. 818 till I die.

Yes, we're going to try our damnedest. Hashtag too soon. Never too soon. Never too soon, Viag soon, Viagra. Viagra! All right. You guys ready to start this fucking thing or what? It's Kill Tony Live.

The Positivity Purge. This looks like a new name to me. Let's see what happens. Make some noise for your first comedian. Getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds. He goes by the name of Corbin Wilson. Corbin Wilson. Here we go.

Wow. Hey, there he is. What's up, guys? People make mistakes, right? My mom made a mistake, named him Corbin. I stand before you today. What's up, guys? That's me.

I made the mistake of going to an open mic the other night, and everybody was bombing. So I made another mistake, went on my phone, I started texting at eye level, so much so that it caught the attention of the comedian on stage, and he shouted out from stage, and he was like, hey, are you filming this? And I was like, oh, no, no, no, I'm just texting. He's like, well, you better not be filming this, that's super rude. We're just working stuff out up here. What's so important that you're texting? And I looked at my phone, and the text message I just sent was,

I'm watching the worst comedy set right now. I hope this guy gives time back to the room. Hashtag give time back to the room. But I didn't think he could handle that, so I just said, oh, man, you caught me. I'm filming you. I'm sorry. After the set, he came up to me, like me after the whole show was over and he was like

hey man I was like oh I'm so sorry I didn't mean to throw you off up there he's like oh it's all good man but can you show me that clip that's it that's it I'm good that's me hell yeah positive energy huh positive well you're white that's one thing Hi. Positive energy, huh?

Positive. Well, you're white. Yeah. That's one thing. No, yeah, I know. Got a lot going for you there. I look like Joel Osteen's kid. I know what I look like.

Maybe his lesbian daughter, right? It's a beautiful flannel you got. Beautiful flannel. I know what I look like. Maybe his lesbian daughter. Right? It's a beautiful flannel you got. I'm trying to stay positive. Yeah, no. Yes, Viagra. Yes, he inspired me. After he said it, I was like, I can do that too. Hell yeah.

Corbin, this is your first time on the show, right? This is my first time on the show, yeah. You've been in L.A. a while? Yeah, just a year. Just a year. Where were you from? Torrance. Torrance?

I was down in Costa Mesa for the last four years, so I moved back. So where do you live now? In Mid-Wilshire. Oh, the Mid-Wilshire area. Hell yeah, a lot of... It's L.A., it's L.A. Detroit Street? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I did a lot of that too. What high school did you go to? What high school did you go to, Corbin? It was Tribuco Hills High School. Oh. I've seen a high school, home of the Karate Kid. I'll take you to Miyagi's apartment. Hey, look at that.

So, Corbin, your parents successful? You the son of a newscaster or something like that? Yeah, yeah. I mean, my mom for sure. My stepdad probably doesn't give a shit. What's your mom do? My mom, she's a GM for Red Robins. Whoa.

Red Robin. My agro is ready to go. I worked at Macy's and Red Robin. That's an actual fact. Shut the fuck up. Brody Stevens worked at a Red Robin. You did not just have that. Hit it again.

I worked at Macy's and Red Robin. That is true. Oh my God. Brody is here in person. He's not hitting buttons, I'm telling you. Steven Brody Stevens. He worked at Macy's, he worked at a Red Robin, and he was a tour guide at Radio City Music Hall.

So if anybody else has those answers lined up, it'll be great. She really is the GM for Red Robin? Yeah, and she's moving to Seattle for being a regional manager. She's moving up in the company, guys. She's making power plays, making money moves. She got promoted to the most depressing city in the country. Yeah, yeah. Seattle?

Seattle. I lived in Seattle when Cobain was alive. Shut the fuck up. Oh, my God. Wow. That's fucking amazing. You're welcome. Wow.

So, Corbin... This is fucking surreal. Yeah, it's kind of scary. How old are you, Corbin? I'm 28 in two days. 28. Does your mom still give you an allowance? No. How do you survive?

I serve tables. Really? Where do you serve tables at? Please tell me you're Red Robin. Please tell me your mom makes you dress up in that fucking... She hooked it up at one time and then I decided corporate wasn't for me. I stepped away. Now you're at an

indie restaurant. Yeah, it's called the Country Club, but it's not really a country club. It's just called the Country Club. Yeah. Man, it sounded nice until you fucking put it down. Kind of how Cracker Barrel isn't technically a barrel.

You have good stage presence. You were very confident. You got up on stage You started working right away Which I liked I personally would I mean I would always veer away

From telling jokes about stand-up To a stand-up audience Thanks I mean that's just That's my take There's only 25 of us tonight So I'm sorry

The comics The fuck are you interrupting The guests for Corbin Get it together No you know what I gotta be honest with you. Fuck it. If you think a joke works, stick with it. No, no, no. I'll let you do them. I'm sorry.

No, no. But you're very good on stage for doing it for a year. You've got all the working mechanics of it. Thanks. And the jokes seem to work too. I mean, it wasn't bad. It's just you've just been doing it a year. That's all. Yeah, yeah. You still have all your hair. No, yeah. Straight teeth. It's going gray for sure been doing it a year. That's all. Yeah, yeah. You still have all your hair. No, yeah.

Straight teeth. It's going gray for sure, but it's there. It's going gray? Dude, fuck that. Bald sucks dick. Oh, yeah? I take Lamictal. You seem like you only have sex in the missionary position.

Do you have a girlfriend right now? Yeah, four years. Wow, four years. She's only four years old? Yeah. I get it. That must be tight. Hashtag too soon, hashtag me too, hashtag time's up.

Hashtag, you got it. Oh, my God. Incredible. Where did you meet your girlfriend at? Instagram. Instagram, wow. She slid into your girlfriend at? Instagram. Instagram. Wow. She slid into your DMs?

Yeah, she did. Really? Yeah. She was like, wow, you seem basic. What up? Follow me on Instagram. I'm a drummer. That's more like Brody.

Follow me on Instagram. There you go. So what does she do? What does the girlfriend do? She's a nurse. Oh, yeah. You ever, ever put on that outfit? The scrubs?

What? The scrubs? No, the other one. What other outfit is there? No, the scrubs are gross, man. You don't want to have those on You want to shower You ever ask her how many cocks she's seen?

That's a good question She works with the babies So a lot of cocks But they're super small Oh, nice, smart Wow Day the girl that deals with baby cocks all day You look like a fucking horse

That's right Yeah You got it Did she get sexually harassed at the workplace? Not yet. No? She doesn't tell you. No, yeah.

Well, she's probably, you know, maybe. Maybe, right? Yeah. Like other doctors. Have you been there? No. That industry, because they work so many hours, I heard there's a lot of, you know. 12 hours, for sure.

Do you get through her phone? All the time. Jesus. What's a lot of, you know. 12 hours, for sure. Do you get through her phone? All the time. Jesus. What's going on, Red Band? Red Band, you having problems at home right now? What are you and your... Hello, bank. Okay.

And your timing is just like a little touch off right now. Sorry. It's my first time using this. Corbin, what do you and your girlfriend do for fun? You guys seem like... Camping. Just travel a lot, yeah. That's what I was about to guess, actually.

Hey, listen. Camping. Tell me a sex joke about you and your girlfriend right now. A sex joke about me and my girlfriend. I'll give you 20 of mine for one of yours. Okay. Sounds good. Yeah, I mean, she's...

Listen, I always thought I'd procreate with someone who wasn't my race, you know, make some racial diversity be a really beautiful thing. But if I procreate with her, I'm just going to make another privileged white kid, and I think we're good, right? Can I talk to my whites really quick? My whites. My whites.

I like how you're doing material right now. You guys gave me the floor. I like where you're going with it. Listen, my wife, we're capped, right? We're not even fun to name, you know what I'm saying? Corbin's a spicy name for a white, you know what I'm saying? And then I go into an ice cream store. It's a whole nother two minutes.

I like this woke angle. Yeah, yeah. Corbin, do one of your... We're right. We should exterminate the white people, right? Am I right, white people? We're done with us. We got our run.

It was fun. We're good, right? Corbin the white people. Right? Am I right, white people? We're done with us. We got our run. It was fun. We're good, right? Corbin, do one of your jokes. Where my white's at. Where my white's at. Wow. Okay. You're losing your mind now.

Very good. I like it. I like it. I like where we're going, Corbin. Very good. The hair flips like Conan. Yeah. He just wants an excuse to flip his hair.

What the fuck? All right, Corbin. I've seen enough of your weird. It's been positive, guys. Wow, look at that. Positive push. Hey, great job, man. Great job.

Corbin Wilson, everybody. Great job. There you go. That guy's got dad issues. Can you guys tell? You can tell. I asked him about his parents. He went mom first, then stepdad second.

He didn't like me dismissing him. He had to dismiss himself there at the end. I'm like, all right, Corbin. He's like, stay positive. Good night. I say goodbye on my terms. You're not my dad. I would want to flamethrow the audience that that white joke worked on.

Where he was like, we made enough white people, right? We're good. We don't need any more, right? And the people that applauded, I would lock the doors and fucking. And just watch them catch on. They're all dirty and they smell. Fucking woke ass. He really did.

He did it like it was going to kill. Like, where are my whites at? Even Mexicans were looking at him like, hey, man, you guys should exist. Yeah. Like, I know you guys are unbearable sometimes, but don't exterminate the raid. Black guy in the back was like, I'm all for it. Let's keep this fun train moving along.

Pulled another name out of the bucket. Your next comedian goes by the name of Mary Romeo. Mary Romeo. Mary Romeo. Here she comes. Here we go. All right, shut up. It's my time now. I moved out here four months ago, you know, from Pennsylvania to follow my dreams.

And you guys know the saying, like, do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life. And it's true. Like, I'm finally doing comedy. And I've been unemployed for seven months. My mom and I have a weird relationship. Like, when I was living with her at home in Pennsylvania, she accidentally walked in on me masturbating. And it was weird because she came into my room to have the moving out talk, but it ended up turning into the birds and the bees.

I was like, Mom, I know what sex is. She was like, Clearly you don't, Mary. It's with another person. I was reminded of my body type the other night. I was walking home from work, and a group of guys caught out at me, and they were like, Damn, girl, you thick. And I was like, Thick as in fat? and they were like damn girl you thick and i was like thick as in fat and they were like nah like a good fat and i was like case like an avocado i like that hell yeah thank you mary romeo am i saying that right it's actually romeo

yeah it's a word you've probably seen your entire life. Your name's Mary Romeo? You sound like a police call-in. Mary Romeo, Mary Romeo. We're for art, though. We're for art, though. Joelberg's lighting up up there. Mary, this is your first time on the show?

Yeah, first time. Awesome. Heck yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up? It's going to be a year in March. Oh, wow. Look at that. And you started here in L.A.?

No, I started in Pennsylvania. I keep noticing you're saying Pennsylvania, not Philly or Pittsburgh. Yeah, I started in York, kind of by the Baltimore scene, Magoobies. Oh, okay. Yeah, I know Magoobies. Oh, okay. Yeah, I know Magoobies. Yeah. You know Alabama? No.

He's the host guy at that other place. Whatever. Fuck off. I never went up at Magoobies. I wasn't good enough. Oh. Magoobies. Where'd you go up in York?

Harrisburg Comedy Zone was one. Where'd you go up in York? Harrisburg Comedy Zone was one. Whits End was the other place at Magoobies. And you moved to LA? Yeah. Seven months ago? Four, about four months ago. Four months ago.

To pursue comedy. Yeah. Nice. And you really are unemployed? Well, I work part-time. I'm a barista now. Oh, yeah. So you're a barista.

Yeah. So I'm a barista. It's not really part-time. It's not really unemployed. You're'm a barista now oh yeah so you're a barista yeah yeah it's not really part-time it's not really unemployed you're a fucking barista yeah that's it's time to start to face the facts that you are currently a barista i used to be a bartender so that i mean yeah okay that's like getting a promotion and having to move to seattle uh like uh it's not So where are you a barista at? It's this cute little place in Sherman Oaks called Tortoni Cafe. Oh. Yeah.

Tortoni? Tortoni. That's where you can get tickets for all my upcoming dates. Tortoni. Tortoni. Tortoni.com. I don't know why that's funny to me.

I don't know either. Because it's not. It's really not funny, but I said it, and I laughed, and I said it again, and I laughed even more. Mary, tell us something we'd be surprised to know about you.

You seem like you have some tricks up your sleeve. Oh, boy. I bet you're really good at, you have a special hobby or something like that. Well, I like to go to live game shows. That's kind of my thing.

It's like once a week. Oh, daddy like. Jesus, Viagra. Getting all horned up over there. Viagra. Viagra? It's on a freaking card I printed out for you. I even phonetically put it on there. I even phonetically put it on there.

I literally phonetically put it on there. He really did. He really did. Can you see that, Viagroer? He really did. All right, I won't mispronounce it again. Viagroer the horny. You're into chicks that go to live game shows?

Oh, I love game shows. What are some of your favorite game shows to pick up chicks at? Oh, Trivial Pursuit. And also Good Game of Stratego really gets the blood going. That's board games. Yeah. We're talking about live game shows. Oh.

You know? Yeah. What's a game show? Okay. By Agroar. What live game shows have you been to, Mary? Price is Right, Let's Make a Deal, Whose Line Is It Anyway? So as a comic sitting in those game shows, what are the jokes you've written about your favorite game shows?

Good question. Wait, what was the question? I mean, I can't shut my brain off when it comes to writing jokes. I don't write joke jokes as much, but still, even going to a game show, I'd write a thousand jokes about that game show. What are your jokes about game shows? Oh, I mean, I haven't really made up too many jokes about game shows yet. Well, then what the fuck are you writing jokes about?

Just me and my life and my parents. No, no, no, no, but that's part of your life. See, that's where you're missing out. When you're at that game show, you should be fucking up. You're wasting your time as a comic if you're not hosing it down with material. Like just literally picking apart everything. I think that's the one thing that you've been doing. You haven't been doing it that long, but when you really get into comedy,

your brain breaks from everything, and you're at a funeral writing jokes. Everyone else is crying, and you're going, I wonder why she isn't smiling. It would be weird if she was smiling in that box. Like if I were you, I would do a joke like, you know, I love game shows. I'm such a big Price is Right fan that I'm starting to look like Drew Carey.

There you go. That's one. That's one. There's one. Okay, I like that. I'm not going to use it because it's yours. No, no, no, it's yours. This is Kill Tony where I just give this shit away for free because I'm a genius. Yeah.

Yes. So if you got pulled up on The Price is Right, you wouldn't have any material to come back at Drew with? Like how much you bid, Mary? I'll suck your cock. Yeah. I swear to God I'll suck it, Drew. Better than any., Mary? I'll suck your cock. Yeah. I swear to God, I'll suck it, Drew. Better than any...

Is this... One dollar! One dollar! Hell yeah. It's going to be a bloke showdown. Yeah, I think they would kick me off if I did that.

What's that? I think they would kick me off if I did that. I would do that for Wayne. You would go fucking viral. They would kick you off to Drew's green room. That's where they would

kick you off to. By the way, Drew would take you on fucking tour with him. All right, cool. Can I have his number? You guys can accidentally exchange glasses with one another waking up in the morning. I have a couple different frames. So what are you writing jokes about?

When you say I write jokes about myself, what parts of your personality are you writing about? I mean, I try and be pretty vulnerable. Most vulnerable thing, say it. I'll say mine, you say yours. Which one of you is going to go first? I can go first. I can give you 1,900 things that I

don't like about myself. This is a game of emotional chicken. Go. I piss the bed at night and bleed out of my gums. It's hard to write about your emotional parts because sometimes you're too close to the forest to the trees. Like I wake up with panic attacks every morning at four in the morning. I've tweaked my nipples so much I started lactating. I fingered my ass once in college while I was jacking off.

Keep going. I went down on a wand. All right, Mary, your turn. Well, right now I have really bad upper lip sweat because I'm really nervous. Oh, daddy, lie. Upper lip sweat. They call that salt in the driveway What's your living situation Mary? You live by yourself now?

I live with my roommate She came out with me from Pennsylvania She's a copywriter So she just works from home So that's why when I get all these free game show things She just comes along with me from Pennsylvania. Oh, what does she do? She's a copywriter, so she just works from home. So that's why when I get all these free game show things, she just comes along with me. Have you been close to getting on any of these game shows? Not really, no.

Actually, they interview you, and we've made T-shirts. They just still... Can you give us an example? Is your lip sweaty at all these... T-shirts? Dude, you could not waterboard me into wearing a matching T-shirt with my wife Fucking Bert and Leanne

Fucking fuck off I would wear a Ku Klux Klan outfit Quicker than a matching outfit I would go in blackface Quicker than I would wear a matching Fucking The price is white Alright Mary

Well uh Fucking awesome to meet you Great stuff Oh thank you Hey next time you go Next time you go to one of those game shows Try writing jokes around the game show About if you were in it

And see if that works And like sucking through a stick Well yeah yeah I mean I'll try it If you want to kill Sure yeah Okay Thank you guys

There she goes. Mary Romeo, everybody. Romeo, oh, Romeo. There we go. You guys having fun out there? You see how the show works? Yeah. Good.

Live. Fun times. Tony, shout out to Ludwig. These drums sound so good, I can't stop hitting them. Indeed. Make sure you check out Joel on the official Ludwig artist page. It's pretty crazy. I'm a drummer on my steering wheel.

I pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Rachel D, everyone. Rachel D, here we go. Rachel here. here we go. Rachel here. Here we go. Hey, so I used to be a Catholic school teacher. Yeah. No, but I just got fired.

Yeah, not for what you're thinking. No, I got fired for doing stand-up comedy. I got fired for doing one joke in particular. And it goes like this. So I'm 40, and when you're 40, you're horny all the fucking time. So you have something to look forward to. And it kind of feels like I have an 18-year-old boy inside me. Like I'd like an 18-year-old boy inside me like I'd like an 18-year-old boy inside me

people are like 18 they don't even know what they're doing you know what that's fine I got that because I'm a teacher okay yeah so that got me fired but here's the deal guys I was fired by the Catholic church for joking about wanting to sleep with adults. Yeah. So when they handed me my termination papers, I said, you know what? Can't we just, like, not tell anyone and move me to another school? I like that. There you go.

All right. Well, uh... I love everything about her. By Agroar. Would you like a 776-year-old man inside of you? By Agroar, is that a wand under your robe? Oh, no, it's a little saxophone. Oh, okay. Rachel, you've been on this show a couple few times.

I remember you as the chick that we would always joke about fucking your students, and now you've been fired. Yeah. Wow. Oh, wow. Did you get in trouble for doing that joke on Kill Tony? Yes. Are you serious? I am. So, wow. Did you get in trouble for doing that joke on Kill Tony? Yes. Are you serious?

I am. So, hold on a second. So your supervisors found the clip of Kill Tony in San Francisco? Yes. It was that episode from Kill Tony Mania? Yep. Really? We're blowing up.

Wow. We're getting people fired. Wait, who found it first, the boys or the supervisors? Actually, it was a girl student. It was a girl student who found it. Oh, who found it first, the boys or the supervisors? Actually, it was a girl student. It was a girl student who found it. Oh, my God. What a cock block. Damn.

We call that a cunt punt. A poon jab. Man. Now you're allowed to sleep with the students. You don't have any rules. No, no, no, no rules Wow Your last name's Dee?

Yeah So they used to call you Mrs. Dee? Yeah, Miss Miss Dee Oh, just stop it already She's my cherry pie Actually, you know That's not actually my name

So it's even more She it's like she was a detective, right, to find that clip. Wait, your name's a detective. That's not my name. Your real name is not D, it's something else. A lot of people watch this show. No, no, I'm done teaching. It's over. So how old was the little girl that was watching Kill Tony?

I don't know if she was watching Kill Tony or not. But what grade is she in? Sophomore. She's a, yeah, 10th grade. How do you think she found it? I really have no idea. So she's probably a fan of the show. She might be.

Yeah. Wow. Yes. Shout out to you, sophomore up in San Francisco. Thank you. Hey, let's play Fortnite. Wow. So you really got, how long ago did you get fired? Right before Christmas. Right before. Hey, let's play Fortnite. Wow. So you really got...

How long ago did you get fired? Right before Christmas. Oh, nice. That's nice. Yeah, isn't it? It's very Catholic. Oh, I will pay you to fart in my butt. So what do you do now, now that you've been fired?

I am unemployed. And I'm moving down here. Oh, you're moving down here. No reason not to. I got fired for doing stand-up comedy. Might as well. That's a good way to get into it. Might as well commit.

Dude, we had a hot... I went to an all-boys Catholic high school, and we had two hot teachers. Really hot. One's a dude, one we had two hot teachers, really hot. One's a dude, one was a chick. No, they were both chicks. And it was distracting as fuck. Like when they would come in – it was Florida, too, so they'd wear like a light blouse,

and you'd just be in class being like 17 years old going, how the fuck am I supposed to study? I barely listened to you on stage tonight. Literally. We had a teacher that molested three of my friends. But she was hot. We were all kind of jealous. But then we had those gym teachers that molested three guys that we know.

Everyone knew about it. All the kids knew about it, but they never did anything about the school district until seven years later. I was older and I saw that the guy finally got arrested for it. But it was so well known. Six kids that you went to school with got molested? Yeah, if not more. If not more. Jesus. Red Band, did it hurt you

that you weren't molested at all? His nickname was Fill Me Up Phillips and his name was Mr. Phillips. Alright. Jesus. I had a teacher who lived in a cave and would caress my beard every night before I went to sleep,

and he taught me every spell I know. Five days later, he arrived out of a tomb, having died. All right. The whole thing's getting off its tracks a little bit. Rachel, so what have you been doing for fun lately? You're unemployed. Just stand-up comedy.

That's it. That's all I've been doing. What are you doing for work? I'm not working. Yeah, I'm looking for work, but I'm not working right now. I was thinking about homeschooling my kids. She's my cherry pie. I was thinking about homeschooling my kids we have weird hours so Rachel

other than stand up comedy what else like I mean anything other than stand up there must be some things that you're into. You know what I mean? Some hobbies or fucking anything. There must be something that you enjoy other than stand-up. Because there's only so much you can stand-up. There's only so much stand-up that you can do.

I mean, there's only so much stand-up that we can do. And we still do other things. And we can do a lot more stand-up than you. Because we're us. So you must have a lot more. There must be other things in your schedule. At the moment, honestly not. So give me an example of what you did today.

What time did you wake up? I woke up at 10. Sure, what did you do? And I wrote. From when to when? From probably 10 to 1, and then I did yoga. Oh, okay.

Now, what were you wearing during yoga? Okay, Viagra. Viagra, you're so horny right now. I did, yeah. So what were you wearing during yoga? No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Did you go to hot yoga? No. Oh, me either then? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Do you go to hot yoga? No.

Oh, me either then. Just the other one. It's hot when she does it. Do you ever think about doing online classes on YouTube where you teach them in a bikini and you just teach algebra? What class did you teach? English.

You could teach one of those master classes if you did it. Yeah, break down a novel. Break down War and Peace, but in a bikini. The word of the day is integrity. What is that? So did you teach literature or English, like how to talk English? Literature. Literature.

So what's your favorite book? My favorite book right now, I guess. No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's go classics. To teach? Here's what I'm doing. I think there's money in this for you to give cliff notes to kids that are in high school that would love to see you in a bikini and learn.

Hey, I literally not... I literally think Burt is absolutely right about this. It's a brilliant way to make money. You can literally create a system. What's your favorite of like... Frankenstein. Oh.

Ah, Mary Shelley, an old friend of mine. Can you give us a little lesson? Like if this was your classroom, how would you teach it? Break down Frankenstein in a funny, sexy way Oh, shit Well, Frankenstein was written by an 18-year-old girl Right? Yeah, she was 18 Are you serious?

Viagra just came in his robe Yeah 18 was old as fuck back then, too That 18-year-old girl was sleeping with a poet who was married, and that poet was Percy Shelley. And when his wife, who was pregnant, found out that he was shagging Miss Shelley, she killed herself. I don't know if that's sexy or not.

Way to get my dick soft. Yeah, right? This whole thing's about suicide. You bring that up? Hey, no, no. This is what you do. This is soft. Yeah, right? This whole thing's about suicide. You bring that up? Hey, hey, no, no. This is what you do. This is my two cents, okay? One minute Instagram videos of you breaking down the great novels in one minute in a bikini.

You don't have to do it in a bikini. You don't have to do it in a bikini. But you're sexy, but like in a cool looking top. Girls always get more views when you like, like when there's a little less. It's like I go there too little less and it just it's like i go there too and i'm a married man gotcha but you should break down break down all your favorite novels in one minute hammer it like it like if i was gonna do the salem witch trials i go uh i just read about this yeah salem witch trials three chicks go to the woods take mushrooms

their dads freak out when they take mushrooms they go fuck it these bitches are whores and they're witches. Burn them. Burn them. Grab all three witches. One girl's, we're not a witch. We're not a witch. We're not a witch. Black chick's like, fuck it.

I'm a witch. They're like, oh, fuck. They're never going to kill us. They wrap them up. They kill them. They start killing every chick that's hotter than the fat wives back there. Next thing you know, we're burning the whole village until the guy that starts Harvard goes, hang on, man.

We're killing all the hot chicks. Stop this shit. Those hot crazy chicks suck dick crazy. Let's make them live. Okay. That's the all the hot chicks. Stop this shit. Those hot crazy chicks sucked it crazy. Let's make them live. Okay. That's the Salem Witch Trials. Okay. Yeah.

Beautiful. You know what? Do that with your novel. Try that out with your favorite novels. Yeah, I could do that with Frankenstein. Yeah, write it out. Tomorrow when you write, write it out in a funny, quick, maybe no brawl kind of way. By Igor?

I think I'd rather watch Bert do that in a bikini than her. All right, done. All right, well, you know, Rachel, it's always a pleasure. Thanks, Tony. And congratulations on, you know, I think you're the first person ever fired because of Kill Tony and its history. Yes! We're always accomplishing new things. There she goes, Rachel D., everybody.

Great job, great job. There is an opening as... There is an opening in the management at Red Robin, by the way, Rachel, so... Dave Deary, check your text messages, fucker. Wow. Was it worth it? If he's in the room, that'd be a miracle.

Wow. Okay. Hey, this is fun. A lot of momentum here. Another young lady. Make some noise for Allie O'Leary, everyone. Allie O'Leary. Allie O'Leary.

So I used to be an equestrian. These are my riding boots. I don't ride horses anymore now. I just ride dick, but I still wear them. Thank you. I like your beard. Your beard reminds me of the one in my pants. This, what I'm wearing is a onesie, or as I like to call it, a pussy prison.

It says super, but they forgot to put hard to pee underneath. I can't. It's bad. I've been alone a really long time, but I'm just in a new relationship with a really weird person. I'm'm so thankful because I have a problem where I turn into Lois Griffin when I come so you know I'm just like oh yeah that's it right there yeah yeah oh oh oh fucking harder Peter holy shit fucking Peter Peter but he loves me for who I am mainly because he looks like a virgin and ladies, this is how you get the appreciation that you truly deserve.

Wow. Allie O'Leary. Hell yeah. Damn. Look at you. Yeah, fucking the one night I didn't wear makeup. What's that? Wow

I don't think The makeup could have Distracted from What's catching my eye From the thickness Thickness Yeah Yeah that's

That's that I'm here to represent Bert What's it like Looking at A female version of you? I'm sorry. That is like the biggest compliment ever.

I won't stand up for this body shaming of both me and you. I think you did fantastic. Have you ever thought about taking your shirt off on stage? No, mainly because my titties are different sizes. Mine too. So my nipples fall at different areas. So if I can just... I love that you wear that belt so that we can tell where the titties stop.

Wait, wait, wait. Let's see the titties are different sizes. You were going to show us? Oh, they really are different sizes. Wow. Wow. Wow. That is my biggest self-conscious thing, and I just did it for the fucking world. So, hey.

What is? You have nothing to be self-conscious about. Fuck it, right? I don't believe that for a second that you're self-conscious. I literally live a hippie life, and I wanted to wear a bra, and my boyfriend was like, yo, fuck it, we're doing comedy. If they cared what we looked like, we wouldn't be doing comedy. I'm like, good point. Oh, your boyfriend is wrong.

Then how are you here? Definitely not Anthony Jeselnik. Your boyfriend is afraid some other comedian will try to fuck you. He's like, oh, you don't need that, babe. No makeup tonight. No deodorant. No deodorant. Leave that pussy hairy. I don't have that reputation. Hey, put that silly red belt around the middle of your body.

Get out of here. Tie a balloon to it. Come on. Allie, where are you from? I am originally from Fresno, California. Fresno. How long have you been in L.A.? Are you just visiting?

I am literally just moved here fucking three weeks ago. Got my car towed. Have no money eating spam. Really? Because I'm a garbage person. How you doing? So your boyfriend's Hawaiian? No, I grew up in Hawaii though, and that's why I have

spam issues. I'm the type of garbage. She didn't say he was eating spam. What ethnicity is your boyfriend? Because I'm spam. Your boyfriend a white guy? Yeah, he's white. He looks like he's homeless. He looks like a Down Syndrome version of John Lennon. He's going to love like a Down syndrome version of John Lennon. He's gonna love this I mean, no, he's he's amazing. I love him. He fixed my car and all kinds of cool shit. It's great. Wow

Jeez, but uh, so your car is towed right? No, I got it I have the car just no no food, but I don't need more of that. So Is that really true? When's the last time you ate? Last meal you had. What are we talking about? Eating? Oh, fuck.

That's my number one priority. So, like, fuck, before I came here, I was like, I got to fucking load it down because I'm going to be stuck in this shithole forever. There's no food anywhere nearby. Where? Here? Well, okay, expensive food. Again, I have no money. You know what?

I'm talking about. You know what? I've never done this before. Wait, staff here at the Comedy Store, can we have an order of chicken strips and fries for my friend here? There you go. Just tell El Tocho that it's the first time

I've asked for food in five and a half years of doing this show. Is it true that you really used to ride horses? Yeah, I really did. And then I tried to do it again as an adult and couldn't walk for a fucking month. So ladies, squats, then horses. Okay, don't fucking go dormant

and then try to do that. You couldn't walk. Imagine how the horse must have felt. I was gonna say I know I shot that beaver shot just right there in the fucking I'm a horrible horrible human being

you're disgusted what does that say I'm not disgusted I'm offended by the joke I know oh that's nice of you no they usually

make them about me oh I'm on your team thank you we are body positive. Yeah, body positive, man. Let them uneven titties rip. I am so much like you when you go, yeah, I was like, I'm going to fucking eat a ton.

I'm about to go on stage and wear a unitard. And then I was eating a cheeseburger. I performed without my shirt. I was eating a cheeseburger before I got on stage. Someone's like, what are you eating a cheeseburger for? I was like, I'm about to go on stage. They're like, you're you eating a cheeseburger for? I was like, I'm about to go on stage. They're like, you're going to look fucking huge. I was like, yeah, I didn't think that through.

So I'm on your team. I think I liked your jokes. I liked your material. Awesome. I would lose the jacket. I mean, the outfit's pretty aggressive. Yeah, it is. I just go straight, no jacket, no sleeves, fucking pow, pow, bring it, bring it.

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. A lot of female comics wear a lot of boots and leather. I think it's because we have to be fucking intimidating. I like your style, Allie. I really do. I think you have nothing but swagger. Thank you.

You said that you haven't been eating a lot. So you've been bigger at one point? Like, what's the... Fuck, dude. I mean, okay. This is a weird loaded question. Hey, look at that. Here's a little gift for you.

Chicken strip dance. All right, let's take this to the next level. What I want you to do is deliver a one-liner to the audience, then dip the chicken stick and bite it as your catchphrase. Like, bitches be jocking my shit, son, or whatever. I don't know. I don't speak youthful. All right, my one-liner to the audience. Let me get this ready and put it in my mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah my shit, son. Or whatever. I don't know. I don't speak youthful. All right.

My one-liner to the audience. Let me get this ready and put it in my mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep going. I like to max out two things in life. Pants and credit cards. Rip declined. Wow.

Oh, wow. I'm a garbage person. Wow Oh wow I'm a garbage person Did you say you were from Fresno or heaven? And then you follow that with I got three more chicken strips and a ton of ranch Motherfuckers If this wasn't live it'd definitely be all over my tits So uh

Allie what's Is this where we draw the line? Nope. You have no idea where my line is. I am in good company. Is there anyone else here? Do you know? Nope. I wonder what you and Bert's combined weight is

together. 818 till I die. Yeah. Yeah. You got it. A little magic. I really appreciate that. Brody talked me off a cliff about six years ago in a Starbucks unknowingly. Is that true? Yeah.

Tell us about this, please. He's one of the only two comics I ever met. Him and Joe Coyne. Joe's so fucking nice. Let's stick on Brody. Okay, so I met him. I was in a Starbucks. I saw him and I was like, oh my god, I'm pretty sure that's my favorite person. But I stood there for 25 minutes. Hold on, wait a second. Breathe

a little bit. I don't breathe ever. It's a problem. Let's change that. Through my nose, I'm sucking dick. It's a skill. I love this woman. So anyways, I saw him at a Starbucks. You're like a female Sam Kinison, but a little more masculine. Okay, so you see Brody in a... I just wanted so the listeners of this show can hear you.

Yes, I love this story. So you're sitting at a Starbucks, you see Brody. Saw him at Starbucks, stared him down for 25 minutes like a fucking weirdo because I was like, okay, I love this story. So you're sitting at a Starbucks, you see Brody. Saw him at Starbucks, stared him down for 25 minutes like a fucking weirdo because I was like, okay, I'm pretty sure this is him. But if it's not, I'm going to weird a weird person out for no reason. And then I saw him jotting down notes. I'm like, that's him.

She goes, maybe that's another guy periscoping a guy rolling dice. I believe in the power of magnets. I do too. Stick with me here, Allie. So you see Brody there, and then what?

I just went up to him, and I talked to him. I gave him my piece of shit business card that means fucking nothing to anyone except for to break up Coke lines. And he was just like, oh, you know, keep it going and stay positive, and it's a shitty, you know, long thing. He told you this? Yeah.

A minute after meeting you in a Starbucks yeah and I was like literally rock bottom had just done the John Lovitz comedy club on methadone because I used to have drug problems no oh now we're getting somewhere and he was like keep fucking going

be positive and I'm like broken as shit shaking sweating methadone sweats like thank you so much sir like it was good. Wow. All right, drug of choice. Heroin, dude. If there's a meteor coming towards the earth, I'm going to find a hot dose, find a mountain and be like, can't get me, motherfucker. If you told me that was your favorite thing to do with a spoon, I would be shocked.

I had it. Fucking shit. I had it. Fucking shit. I had it ice cream all the way. I'm a nice girl. You ever use that red belt to tie your arm off and shoot up? No, I just use it for sexual reasons. Oh, shit. Wow.

No, I don't. I don't do that. This is cheap. It's from Torded Break. I love it. I love your style, Holly't do that. This is cheap. It's from Torrid Break. You know, I mean. I love it. I love your style, Holly. I don't do that.

Thank you. This was fun. You're a fun fucking character. Yeah, you're fun. Thank you. Thank you. Come back. Sign up again, will you?

I will. And may I plug my show in Fresno real quick? Yeah. Sure. Sweet. There's a show, Strummer's Comedy Show in Fresno. Strummer's Bar.

Come hang out with us once a month. When is it? Monthly. Our next one has Bruce Gray and Brian Vokey on March 7th we're very excited to have everyone out I guarantee 37 black guys will show up hey I love black guys

listen I'll tell you in a sense of positivity you are fun and fun always outweighs everything as long as you can stay fun, stay fun. That's what this business is all about. Thank you so much. Exactly it. Great advice.

Allie O'Leary, ladies and gentlemen. She's at Allie O'Leary. A-L-I-O-L-E-A-R-Y on Instagram. She's got chicken strips, potato chips, ranch dressing. Dude. We're feeding people. To go from the teacher's ass to her ass was such a departure. Yeah, for sure.

We went from people that have gotten fired because of this show to feeding people. It's incredible. This thing can change direction at any given moment. You killed me on that one. I mean, you know. You should have seen the horse. That was your favorite thing to do with a spoon? I'm being sharp.

You didn't even need a setup to that. That punch is just so funny. You should have seen the horse. Okay. I hope I'm saying this right. I guess this is a weird spelling perhaps of the word Dana, but we're going to go for it anyway. Perhaps Dana Caffin.

Hey, here we go. Wow, we got a lot of girls. Yep. Dana Caffin. Holy fucking shit. Main room comedy store. How the fuck is everyone? I hate doing laundry,

especially in L.A., where it's coin-operated unless you finally landed a sugar daddy. Just like everyone else, I know it's time to do laundry when I have no more clean underwear.

The difference is I have the same cotton black pair of undies I wear, type of underwear I wear every day, or underwear intended for sex. Has anyone else ever walked through a Trader Joe's in crotchless panties? Because I have and my vaginal discharge is thicker than a frosty so all of a sudden a quick trip to the grocery store becomes a race against gravity thank you that's all I fucking have Wow look at that Wow Look at that Wow You shop at Trader Joe's?

Are you really creamy? Love those savings Jesus Red Band Fucking No way you say that No I mean Some girls are really creamy

I mean That's a real thing I haven't gotten any complaints Red Band just heard Frosty and he lost his mind. Okay. So this is your first time on the show, right, Dana? Yeah. I've not been doing comedy very long at all.

How long have you been doing it? I've done like four open mics since August. Four open mics since August. Does it show you guys? Once every two months you give it another shot, huh? Yeah. Huh. All right.

Why do you not do it more often? I'm actually jumping back into it because I just got very unexpectedly booked on my first show this Friday. Oh, it's this Friday. Yeah, I was not thinking this was a thing. Everyone who says women don't get a fair break in comedy shut the fuck up. She's done it four times. And they just went, you look great. Let's do it.

Oh, nothing against you. Good luck. Thank you. I feel those positive vibes. Is that really true? You have crotchless underwear that you wear in public? It's happened. Really?

I'm speaking from experience. Do you guys have granny panties, ladies? Or do you just have, like, weird sexual underwear? Like, that's what I have. There's a lot of dudes answering you right now. Yeah, you have no idea. When you started talking about that, as a married man, all I see are, like, granny panties.

Like, when you went, I have black underwear, I went, black underwear? Shut the fuck up. You don't see shit stains in it? You don't see shit stains in your wife's underwear? Oh, when you said crotchless panties, I sounded like you were saying the headless horseman. That's not real, right?

Or bathing suits. Has anyone ever worn a bathing suit? Okay, yeah, but usually crotchless underwear. I like vaginal discharge. Y'all ever been swimming? This noise is perhaps the most annoying thing ever. Why did you just wink at me and do that? Because I do that nervously all the time.

I didn't even know what this was before 20 minutes ago. That's the sound when you tip a girl in a webcam website. There you go. There you go. One other masturbating loser in the back. Whatever. He looks just like Redman. So tell us about yourself.

It seems like all the material you're doing right now is a little bit of a scratch on the surface. Tell us about who you are. So I'm from Seattle. I've only lived in Los Angeles since July. Pretty new here as well. So you got promoted at Red Robin? Yes, yes, I did, and I came down here. I'm actually in healthcare sales.

I have a very boring, stuffy 9-to-5. What are you selling in healthcare? I sell big machines. I'm in capital equipment sales. Whoa, don't say stuffy and big machines in the same sentence. Like sleep apnea machines? No, they're machines for storing medication. Would you like to buy?

I have a Dell iPod. How long have you been doing that for? A little bit over a year. Before that, I was doing spine implants for five years. Spine implants. All right, let's do this.'s do let's do let's do fire question answer and then when we find something interesting

you have to write a joke about it on the spot here we go okay parents still married mom's dead dad's remarried was remarried six months after she died booyah Jesus all right let's try it this way, Dana. We'll ask you questions. You don't try to make them funny.

We'll dig. We'll find. We'll find what's interesting to you. You don't have to go. You don't have to go like booyah afterwards or anything. Here, get those chicken fingers back up here. It'll cancel out even if it was funny. That's not a great catchphrase. Don't use that on Friday.

Brother died in a car accident. Just got an abortion. Cancel out, even if it was funny. That's not a great catchphrase. Don't use that on Friday. I'll try not to. Brother died in a car accident, just got an abortion. Booyah! Friday, all you got to do is open with, I'm not wearing a bra, and you got him for ten minutes. Hell yeah. Yeah, I know. Whoa. Yep.

Wow. Told you, it sells on the internet. Wow. Wow. So, Dana, next question. Something weird about your childhood that happened? Anything like that? Something crazy happen?

You ever take a Tonka truck down the basement stairs or anything like that? Have you ever squirted before? Whoa, she hasn't answered the fucking question, Red Band. Surprisingly, no. I find that easier to answer. Is squirting real? Hashtag me too. Squirting's real? Yeah. I have plenty of friends that are squirters. Yeah... Surprisingly, no. I find that easier to answer. Is squirting real? Hashtag me too. Squirting's real. Yeah. I have plenty of friends that are squirters.

Oh, yeah. Have you seen them do it? I've made so many witches squirt they filled up cauldrons with that puss juice. Oh, Jesus. She doesn't squirt, she soft serves, didn't you hear? Oh, God.

Alright, let's go with this line. Have you ever been with a girl before? What is the over-under on too many men for a woman to have slept with? Give us that number. Well, I'm a feminist, so unlimited. Whatever you fucking feel like is good for me,

it's good for you. When you say you're a feminist, what exactly does that mean got touched by an uncle never had a real orgasm booyah i believe in equality for all no no no but yeah but okay okay then let's then let's flip it let's flip it how many how many girls is too much for your boyfriend to have slept with when you meet him? None, as long as he doesn't have anything. So if you meet a guy and he's like, I've slept with about 3,000 women, never worn a condom, you're like, ah, cool. Did he get out with any incurable diseases?

That's fine. Whatever is healthy and feels good to you. I am so fucking... Sex positive. Hold on. Don't attack from the audience. I'm just a different generation. That's why she's creamy.

My number was six, by the way. I'm 46, so there was a time when we thought AIDS was real. Remember being scared of mosquitoes? I was scared of mosquitoes when I was a kid. You have no idea. It was a different world. We didn't have the internet. You didn't have fax.

Not that the internet provides fax. But I was terrified of AIDS when I was a different world. We didn't have the internet. You didn't have fax. Not that the internet provides fax. But like I was terrified of AIDS when I was a kid. What do you do for fun at night time Dana? Like what do you do during your social life when you're hanging out with your feminist friends or whatever you do? My grandma's been haunted by ghosts. One of my vagina

lips is bigger than the other. Booyah! Booyah! Normal social stuff. Sureoyah. All right. Booyah. Normal social stuff. Sure. Tell us about it. What do you do? Drink, have fun, go to concerts,

listen to music. What's your favorite band? And listen to music. What's the last concert you went to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last concert I went to. Kesha.

Kesha's a bad motherfucker. Kesha. I hate it when the audience is funny. Me too. Me too. It's hard. That liar and that Kesha got me. I'm not going to lie. Travis Scott.

Travis Scott. What's that? Travis Scott. Country music. Oh, Travis Scott. You saw him at the forum a couple weeks ago. Are you into country music? No, I fucking hate country music.

Then why would you go see Travis Scott? I'm confused by this question. You're thinking of Travis Tritt. Oh. Travis Scott is the opposite. I was like, what? It's such an odd choice for her to go see. Travis Scott's not a country guy?

It's quite the opposite of country. He has a very country name. I literally thought he was a country guy. Travis Scott and the Rambalongs. When he was playing at the Super Bowl, I really thought it was a country star. Wait, he played at the Super Bowl? Yeah, he's a rapper. It's insane.

He's the guy that had like two lines at the Super Bowl? Yes. Wow. Shut the fuck up. Gorlock the Warlock is losing his mind over there. I thought I was the only one. It's the most he's spoken in 12 episodes. To let us know.

We just found out Gorlock is from Oklahoma. Alright. So let's get to something interesting about you that is different. Let me ask you something about the feminist thing because that's what I find interesting. List off some feminist things about you.

Like, what have you done? Did you march against Trump? Claims to be a feminist, loves getting railed by black dudes. Booyah! We already did this one. Absolutely. It's just in my day-to-day, I've done a lot in my career to help break glass ceilings for other women. Like what?

I'm in an industry that's incredibly male-feminine. Very sexist. I have friends that do what she did. Oh, you're going to love stand-up comedy, by the way. Oh, I fucking, I feel like I'm crying. You think slinging medical cabinets is hard? You have a show on Friday. I know.

I love that you're a feminist. You've done stand-up four times and you're already booked on a show. Do you realize how long it takes a white guy to get? More power to you. Do not panic about it. Write every single fucking joke you can think of on a piece of paper. Bring that piece of paper with you on stage.

Put it on the stool and do not be afraid to go back and look at that paper. Every one of us have been in that situation where you get booked ahead of your time and don't fucking walk away from it. I'm joking about the fucking chick thing. Absolutely. We wish you the best of luck and we're glad that you got a little bit of practice in here with us.

Take our advice. This shit is more important than that. Just bullshitting on stage. I cannot believe this happened. Well, there you go. Dreams really do come true. Hopefully we don't get you. And how about giving a testament to how pro-feminist Kill Tony is. We've only had one dude on this stage.

Yeah, it's true. We've had four women on a row on this special. I get checks. There she goes. Dana Caffin, everyone. Dana Caffin. There we go. Should I order another?

God, how does Ludwig do it? Hey, can I get another double Tito's and soda, please, from a man? I don't want a woman to deliver it. That would be sexist. Dude, that's one of my spirals. I could spiral out on stage drunk talking about feminism. This is certainly a new name. I'm very excited to see what happens here.

Make some noise for Nabil the Extremist, everyone. Nabil the Extremist, everyone. Nabil the Extremist. Oh, fuck. Hello, Americans. Hello, Americans. I'm an Arab, a Palestinian. I know some people here might be a little bit nervous right now. It's okay.

Relax. Because somebody came to me and said Nabil we want you to do a suicide bombing we will pay your family $20,000 I will say you son of a bitch we are in America I can slip and fall at Walmart's and get paid more than that. Then he will say, but my friend, I have 72 versions waiting for you in paradise. Really? What do they look like? And do you provide a bomb-proof box for my sausage

because how the hell am i supposed to bang these ladies when my cock sprinkled all over lax Boom Thank you Nabil the Extremist Hell yeah I love it Yeah ladies That's how it's done Thank you I'm fucking with you guys I'm fucking with you guys

It's called comedy Now I'm starting to realize Nabil First of all That was an awesome set Very great. I remember doing comedy with you a long time ago. How long have you been doing stand-up now?

Ten years. Ten years. That's what I was going to guess. You've been coming here for about ten years. How long have you been one of the Guardians of the Galaxy? Two years. Nabil the Extremist. Either you're from Guardians of the Galaxy or you're pregnant Joe Rogan.

I can't really tell. What's going on there? Are you sure you don't have a bomb tied to you right now? No, I don't. You are adorable. It's a kettlebell strapped to his chest. I so wanted that accent, and I got that accent. Dude, you're making me suck my stomach because I'm so self-conscious.

Oh, come on. You seem like the kind of guy that would hang upside down for an hour a day or something like that. You don't work those abs at all? I work them, but I eat too much. What do you eat? Kettle bells. Virgin. Kettle bells.

Nabil, what type of Middle Eastern are you? I'm actually Palestinian. I'm from Jerusalem. Oh, wow. A holy man, ladies. This is a holy cock right here. Jesus. I've never met a chubby guy from Jerusalem before.

You're like the promised land of lakes. I've never seen a Palestinian giggle. As long as I've known Palestinians, I've just seen one intense thing. But to hear... You ever go back to Palestine? Yeah, I actually was there last month. Yeah? What did you do when you were there? What do you do for fun in Palestine?

Spring break. I rode a camel. You rode a camel? I did ride a camel. For real? Yeah, for real. Wow. A camel saw you and he's like, look at the hump in the middle of this guy.

You really rode a camel? Yeah, I did. Wow. Damn. What's that like? How long did you ride a camel for? Just a few minutes. It's too long, dude.

It's not on the blog. 40 days and 49. Did you do it for fun, or did you do it as a mean of transportation? They have camel Uber out there. Uber camel. Don't answer. Let Tony believe that they have camel Uber.

They do. They do not have camel Uber. They do. They do not have camel Uber. Uber camel. They have camel taxis. And donkey taxi. Really? Yeah. Wow.

Donkey taxi is a big thing. I mean, there's some areas that you can't walk to. Like up a big mountain, you have to take a donkey taxi. You're lying to me. For real. Swear to God. It's in Jericho. Just to be clear, donkey taxi is a racial slur. Where did it come from?

Man, Nabil, that's incredible. What else did you do? Wait, is there someone else on the donkey? Driving it? You're really like, hey man, take it up here. Donkey pool? You think you up here. Donkey pool? You think you're taking a donkey pool? They show up and you're like, oh fuck, I gotta hang with these guys for the next ten minutes.

You guys are going up the mountain too? Fuck. You're waiting outside the bar with your friends. You're like, god damn it, I said XL, not uber fucking camel. Fuck. Oh man, I said uber black not uber brown. This is incredible, Nabil. We're learning so much from you.

What's your favorite food to eat when you're visiting Palestine? They have good food there? Yeah, knafeh. It's like a dessert. That's probably what got me fat. Yeah, what is that? It's dough with cheese and syrup on it. Oh.

Dough with cheese. Oh, dough with cheese. Oh, nice. And syrup, yeah. Oh, fuck, yeah. Kind of like you. Yeah, exactly. I'll make you fat.

It's so interesting to me, Nabil. Now, tell us more of the deeper part of your story. Because I know for a fact you've been doing stand-up for 10 years. I didn't recognize the Nabil because I really honed in on the extremist. You've changed stage names a few times, if I'm not mistaken, right? What have some of your stage names...

I just used to go by Nabil. Yeah. And then I decided to go by the extremist because my girlfriend calls me extremist. I'm extremely emotional. Uh-huh. Oh, Jesus. That's what everyone

loves an emotional Palestinian yeah did you stone this woman oh my god in America that's called unstable so you've been doing stand-up for what ten years in LA you started here in LA I started how's it been going for you? It's been going great. The only thing is I ended up opening a restaurant, and it took me away from stand-up. Ah, what's the... I opened a barbecue restaurant. Oh, wow.

Really? Where's it at? It was in North Hollywood. I sold it. Wow. I just sold it a couple of years ago. You built it up and sold it. What was the name of your restaurant?

The Barbecue Bar. Cool. You should have just called it... You should have called it Barbecue. Exactly. Well, it was a bar also. Wow, it's got four stars. That's a good rating for internet.

But too many vegetarians in this country. Wow. That's a problem. I was vegan for a while, yeah. Three days. Hey, it's Kansas-style barbecue. Was it like your recipe? Were you sort of the...

It was my recipe. I lived in Kansas City for about 13 years. So it's Kansas vinegar. Is that the difference between the barbecue? It's actually tomato-based. Tomato-based. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Good stuff.

Hell yeah. It's good. Hey, can I get another double Tito's and soda, please, and a large glass no lime? All right. I like what you're doing, man. I really enjoyed it. Thank you.

Yeah, I don't have anything to say. Yeah. Here's my problem is that what's broken with me is I always want, I don't know, I want to see the limits get pushed. I want to hear a Palestinian point of view on politics on stage. I know no one in Hollywood wants that, but in the middle of the country, they're comfortable with it. I don't want to get deported.

Nabil, what's your favorite thing about being in America? What keeps you here? What do you like the most? The yoga pants. Yoga pants? What the f***? Doesn't get any better than that. Great.

We're going to keep moving forward. Let's keep it going. One more time for Nabil the extremist. Nice, good job. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Great job, man. Nabil, good to see you again, buddy. Thank you, guys. Great job, man. Nabil, good to see you again, buddy.

There you go. I've known this guy for ten years. I used to host in the original room, and I would bring him up, and he was funny way back then. Now he's Nabil the extremist. I've only had 1,000 calories today. What? I know.

I'm going to fast. I'm doing clean vodka with it. Bert, Bert. Bert, are you still on that medication that makes you pass out if you laugh too hard? Wait, yeah. Who said that? Me. Yeah, how did you know about that?

Because you said it the last time you were on the show. Yeah, it was a big deal on one episode. You're supposed to say you're a wizard, you idiot. Because I'm a wizard. You're right. You're supposed to say you're a wizard, you idiot. Because I'm a wizard. You're right. You didn't say it last time. We brought the incantation up from the dead of our day. That's right.

I saw it in a crystal ball. That last guy said yoga pants, right? I do yoga in a Pilates class. We have a regular on this show. Every single week he writes and performs a brand new minute. We love him very much. He's one of the funniest, fastest

rising top young comedians in the world. Make some noise for him, everybody. It is the great and powerful William Montgomery. Here he comes. Have you seen William yet? You're going to love this show. Come on, make some noise for William Montgomery, everyone.

I got 20, you got 40. I got 40, you got 20. I got 40, you got 20. I got 20, you got 20. I got 40, you got 20. I got 20, you got 40. That is my buddy and me when we're about to buy cocaine and we're at the ATM. Just because you can't get $30 out of the ATM. Hold on, wait a second. Where am I, Saigon?

Saigon? am I Saigon? If I'm going to be real with y'all, I'm pretty addicted to candy cigarettes. I eat like two packs a day. Hold on, where am I, Saigon? I'm going to open up to y'all right now. I'm addicted to robbing garage sales just because it's so easy to be like,

hey, hold on, this is free, right? William Montgomery. Wow. Bert, I loved you in Rescue 911. A what? I'll take it. I believe that it's funny. William, another very fun set.

I like that garage sale. You could go into that, like how easy it is to steal from an old lady or something. Just stealing from garage sales is a hilarious idea. Just going up, knocking on a door to a garage sale, just being like, hey, your name is Pat, right? And the lady being like, yeah, my name is Pat. And me being like, hey, I heard about a bird feeder you had out back. That's free, right? And the lady being like, yeah, my name is Pat. And me being like, hey, I heard about a bird feeder you had out back. That's free, right? This guy gets it.

Yeah. I had a friend like this guy growing up who came out to L.A. to visit me the first time. And we pulled up in front of a house up in the hills. We drive through the hills and drink. And it was back when you could drink and drive. And he says, bet me $100 I can't get in that house. And I go, I'm in. $100 says you can't get in that house. He goes, bet me $500 I can't get us both inside that house. I go, I'm in. So we pull up

into the park. In the driveway, he rings the doorbell. The woman answers it. He says, I grew up here. I kind of want to see my old room. Do you mind? And she went, come on in. I was fucking floored. And I was like, we're in her

fucking house. I grew up here. And then he had to find the bedroom he grew up in. Oh, dude, I want to party with this fucking guy. Yeah, William's a lot of fun. Hey, Pat, that's my bedroom. Oh. William, it's been a Couple weeks since we've seen you We were in Europe last week

I know how was that was that fun It was great man what you been doing It's more about you right now It was great though But back to you Jesus wow This really reminds me Of I did a mission trip

In Saigon. 10% gay. Did you just learn about Saigon this week? This is really becoming your getter done. I went to a yard sale in Saigon. I stole all the silver spoons and hurt real bad. So have you done anything in the last week or two since we've seen you?

Anything happen in life that's interesting in your real life? Two things. One, at the storage unit where I work, first off, my new boss was like, you've got to trim your beard. Boo. Yeah, which horrifies me. To work at a storage unit facility?

Yeah. There literally, this past week, was this old man who walked up to my desk and he had a leather pouch on top of a booklet and he slowly unzipped it and I thought he was going to murder me with a gun. For a second or two, I thought to myself, my God, we'll...

What the fuck? You're the guy that works at this storage unit that when me and my wife split up me and you end up doing coke in my storage unit looking at each other going this is gonna be the best summer ever hey wait i gotta i gotta know more about you where Where are you from? Memphis, Tennessee. Of course. Only child? Older brother. Yeah, older brother. I knew it, I knew it.

Two younger brothers, Vance and Selden. My sister makes and sells jewelry. Stephanie is my sister. All right, around the room. Boxers or briefs? What do you think? Boxers or briefs? I'm going briefs.

I'm saying boxers. It's all like mushed up. Take it back. No underwear. No underwear. Go ahead. Wow. Very interesting pick.

I'm going boxers for sure. Yeah. I don't think there's anything supported going on there. Wizards, do you want to take a shot at this? Crotchless. Chroma. Are you creamy? Gorlock the Warlock.

Boxers. And let's check in with Joharis the Powerful. I'm going to say boxer briefs. Good pick. Good pick. No underwear. But I'm going loose boxers on this. Bert's going no underwear.

You're going loose boxers too. Boxers and they're all like mushed up at the top. And he has them on backwards. By the way, right now, if you're no underwear and you take your pants down and show everyone and there's no underwear, I will fly you out for my next three tour dates on my Body Shots World Tour, and you do five minutes every time. If I'm right. If I'm right.

If I'm right. If I'm right. And if he is right, I say you just fucking do it. Don't say a word. Dude, I'll do it, too. If it's no underwear. If it's no underwear. If it's not no underwear, I'm going to still be a fan.

But if it's no underwear. Right now, he's trying to take off his underwear with his mind. He's just trying to wiggle them off somehow. What's your answer? It's actually a... Literally, I was in Saigon like four

years ago. Come on. Seriously. It was a missions trip and I discovered through a buddy I met there, an expatriate named Patrick. He taught me if you cut the butthole area out of the boxers, it's sort of like a new thing. William, William, over here, over here.

William, over here. Lift up the back of your shirt a little bit. I just want to see if we can see a band. What do you have on right now? We really need to know what you have on. Is there a band there? I don't see anything. I don't see a band.

I don't see anything. There's nothing there. Are you serious? I'm going in to investigate. There's nothing there. William, he's going to check. If there's nothing there, you're going on the body shots. Do I have your consent?

Do I have your consent? Do I have your consent? Yeah. Please tell me he's not wearing underwear. No. Oh, no. Fruit of the loom. Fruit of the loom. Oh, no.

If you're a raw dogger like me with a thumb dick, I'm telling you, you have to have a thumb dick because it's a zipper on your dick. Hold on. Is that your penis? No, it's my thumb. I know who's not wearing underwear next time Bert's a guest on the show. Jesus Christ.

I don't have any. Aphrodite, my God. Relax. Oh, boy. All right, William, another great new minute, man. It's so much fun. Thank you all so much. You really are something else.

Great job, man. We're moving it along. What do you think? Anything? One more. Let's do one quick one. You guys want to go back to the bucket again? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I fucking love this show. Let's do it. Let's do this. Just kind of stop hitting these Ludwig drums. Sorry, sorry, sorry, my bad. Made by Ludwig? God, they're so good. Ludwig.com?

Make some noise for Rich Gibbs, everyone. Rich Gibbs. Sounds like a fun name. Hey, here he comes. I like this new system. It's actually a lot faster and smoother. What's up? What's up?

My name is Rich Gibbs. 15 years ago, my mom left to get her hair done. And I'm almost 30, and I ain't seen the bitch since. But you know how long it takes for a black woman to get her hair done. And my dad, he's a dumbass, you know? His last name is Tucker. He doesn't understand why I don't want to have that last name, because I don't want to be Dick Tucker. So I was raised by my great-grandma. And she was always upset that I only brought white women home. raised by my great-grandma.

And she was always upset that I only brought white women home. And I said, Grandma, it's reparations. And also, black women don't like me. So we lived in a black neighborhood, and it was 99% black. And the only reason it wasn't 100% black? Because I talk like this. Thank you. Great.

Yeah, there he is. Rich Giz. Was that the Titanic theme song? Yes, it is. It's the Titanic theme if you were listening to it while drowning in the Titanic. That sax was a little bit underwater on that one. I think I saw a few bubbles come out of the end of it. All right.

Speaking of not being able to swim, let's get back to Rich Gibbs here. Rich looks like if Danny Brown got stung by a bunch of bees. That's for five people watching on the YouTube stream. Rich, welcome to the show. Your first time, right? Second. Oh, what did we find out about you the first time you were on? What were some highlights of that?

It was the Ron White one. He said, talk about my dad on stage. Yeah, what did we find out about your dad? He's a hooter cook. He's a what? A cook at Hooters. I love Hooters. Oh, hell yeah.

Is that really true that you have sex with primarily white women? Yes. You like them a little bit thicker than skinny? I don't discriminate. Is that true? It's all pink in the middle. But let me tell you this. It's all pink in the middle, sure.

One could say the same thing about a steak, but I would still pick the Ruth's Chris steak with Oscar style, with fucking crab meat and asparagus through the top and an extra lump of butter over a, over a, you know,

a Kroger fucking steak. Kroger? Yeah, do you like your women naked or breaded? Naked. Yeah, naked.

Did that joke sound like it was underwater? I started a periscope in honor of Brody. Oh, I love that. Yeah, yeah, you know, he figured he'd be periscoping. Hey, wait, I love Hooters. It was my first job. Me too, dude.

Dude, I love Hooters. That's all I wanted to say. Fuck yeah. What do you do for work, Rich? I'm a bartender at a 2-Bit Circus. Oh, wow. At a 2-Bit Circus? Yeah, it's a virtual reality arcade bar.

Oh, I thought it was a male Hooters. 2-Bit Circus. 2-Bit Circus. You have a girlfriend right now, Rich? No. Oh, really? Damn, you think you're hooking up with the chick with the red belt from earlier or something like that? I'll get her some chicken fingers, I guess.

One down, 36 to go. What is your type of woman, though? Do you like white women? I think pale skin, red hair, freckles. Oh, wow. Saw a lot of that in Ireland. Maybe did you just see William Montgomery that was up here a little bit ago? Jesus Christ.

He's got a fat ass. What's your favorite thing to do with him? Cover up? That could have been better. Pale skin, freckles, red hair. I hang out with Bradley Cooper. Simple. You ever meet any celebrities?

Here? Anywhere. Yeah. Yeah, like who? Just last week we had the, I forget his name, the black dude from the Old Spice commercials. You sound really white now.

The black dude. I forget his name. What was the guy in Black Panther Louis C.K. looks up to me Terry Crews no but he was he came to my job too

yeah yeah for the America's Got Talent champions thing he was there NBC bought us out wow yeah and they kept you on as a bartender they kept the staff there normally when places like that Yeah, for the America's Got Talent Champions thing, he was there. NBC bought us out. Wow. Yeah.

And they kept you on as a bartender. They kept the staff there. Normally, when places like that... Well, they made us wear different shirts, but yeah. What's the difference between the shirt that you normally have to wear and the shirt that they made you wear? Well, the normal shirt says Two-Bit Circus, and the NBC shirt said NBC.

Well, that explains that. Were you on this show? Did you end up being in the cut of American Idol? What? What? What do you mean, what? American Idol. Who rented out the place?

NBC, Terry Crews. I think we're telling two different stories. Yeah, I think so. I think it got mixed up. This is like the capital hearings. I love how dumbfounded you are, though. You're just shocked and appalled that we went from NBC to American Idol. It's a fuck show, damn it.

Jesus. How do you know that, you fucking wizard? I'm a time traveler. All right. So, Rich, any more fun facts about you? Any hobbies or anything like that? Secrets. Guys, great news.

I finally got HD. Heart disease. It's coming. What kind of car do you have, Rich? I don't have a car. When was the last time you roller skated? I drive a Toyota Avalon. Roller skated?

Yeah. 15 years ago, probably. I don't know. Last week. I'm a black nerd, I guess. My favorite show is Doctor Who. The new one? Yeah, I have a TARDIS tattoo.

Really? Yeah, I have a TARDIS necklace, and I'm wearing TARDIS pajama pants underneath my pants. So you don't think that show is cheesy at all? So you're a TARDIS tattoo. Really? Yeah, I have a TARDIS necklace, and I'm wearing TARDIS pajama pants underneath my pants. So you don't think that shows cheesy at all? So you're a TARDIS. Oh, my God. You actually have. Wow.

Are you trying to get on the Body Shots World Tour right now? You're really wearing pajama pants. I am. Whoa, daddy lies. Wow. Viagra is very excited over there. You're definitely going home by yourself tonight. All the thick white women just came right now.

All right, Rich. Well, I mean, interesting stuff. Fun times. Okay, I'm going to go. Let's go out of the box on this one. Yeah. Out of all the acts you saw earlier, what was your favorite joke? Oh, fuck.

When he said, how did the horse feel? That was my favorite. Yeah, you about to marry that girl, dude. Who's David Deary? David Deary, do you copy us? Can you hear us, David Deary? Come fix the camera. Yeah, this waiter just bumped into it.

He doesn't even give a shit that the camera's not pointing at his ass right now. I love that he's not acknowledging it whatsoever. Yeah, that one right there. This guy's in the fucking... Spends too much money on his hair. He's so deep in the zone that he's pretending like he didn't know that he hit a camera. Make sure you tip your weight, staff, tonight, ladies and gentlemen. They are on a fucking mission from God.

They are so singularly focused on getting you drunk that they don't realize that they're knocking over things. Pretty impressive. Mondays aren't for everyone. Anyway. Keeping it positive. Keeping it positive. Keeping it positive. It's true. Yeah, let's round this up positive.

Let's round this up positive. Positive energy. But he did run into a camera during a live streaming show. But he delivered the chicken tenders quite swiftly. That is true. Did you play any sports growing up? No. Really?

Yeah, you really are a Doctor Who fan. Yeah. All right. Well, Rich, it was a pleasure to have you on the show. Fun times. Thank you so much. There he goes, Rich Gibbs. Good job, buddy.

We're going to do it. We're going to wrap it up. We did it. Thank you guys so much for coming out. This was a very special episode. Check out this drawing from Ryan J. Ebel. Is that Brody Stevens in the middle? It sure is.

All of Ryan's prints are available at RyanJEbel.com. They go to him. He's Ryan JE Belt. He's a fucking master. Body shots, world tour, BurrBurrBurr.com. They're all sold out in North America. How about that? Every single fucking show in North America, this guy's sold out.

Thank you. Thank you very much. But he is coming to Australia in June, which I guarantee you that's sold out after everybody sees this goddamn show. Fuck yeah. We have quite the base out in Australia. And so that's fun. Something's Burning on All Things Comedy. We're going to get Kill Tony on Something's Burning coming up. Hell yeah.

That would be great. I love that show, man. That's a great show. We've got to have the whole posse. Yeah, definitely. And I want to say that I'm so glad you are one of the most positive and most fun people and no one better. I'm so glad that I had you booked for this Monday coming into this weekend.

So thank you, thank you, thank you for being you. Thank you for having me, Tony. Yes, indeed. Jeremiah Watkins was Viagra the entire time, believe it or not. He has an amazing podcast called Jeremiah Wonders. Anything else you want to plug, Jeremiah? Yes, please. Go to jeremiahwatkins.com and get tickets.

If you're in Kansas City, I'll be headlining there March 14th through 16th. Chroma Chris was... I had more, but okay. Oh, okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. Plug away. Follow me on social media at Jeremiah Stand-Up. We know fucking Jeremiah Stand-Up, Jeremiah.

It's so annoying. My followers say differently. There you go. Okay. What else? And also, see me on the road with my pal Tony. Yeah, sure. Can't fucking wait.

How about another hand for Gorlock the Warlock over there? Chroma Chris. But you don't need to play. It's okay. Beth Stelling is my guest on Jeremiah Wonders this week. Sure. And also, he's Jeremiah Stand-Up on Twitter and Instagram. Thank you.

Gorlock the Warlock, what did you think about tonight's episode? Tony, I truly, truly enjoyed it tonight. It was amazing, and I'm proud to be a part of you guys' family. Thank you so much. Wow, there you go. How about Joe Harris the Powerful? Look at this guy back here.

What do you have to say for yourself, Joe Harris? I mean, shout out. We love Brody Stevens. I'm really happy you guys all came out to honor his life. It is pretty crazy. It's pretty crazy that the Brody, basically, Brody, the Brody episode, you are debuting as the newest Ludwig artist.

I mean, that is a brand new fucking Ludwig Kill Tony. Amazing art. Amazing quality. I'm a drummer. And Brody was a professional chair drummer. He was a drummer at the Guitar Center. It was the best. It was a really, really, and I say this from a sincere place, to have

Brody in part of the show, I had to hold back tears. Yeah, very impressive. Red band on the soundboard. Special shout out to Rick Kosick for helping me put together that video. We hustled for a few hours today to make

a little tribute video, set the tone. Oh yeah, shout out to Ludwig Drums. Yeah, shout out. We gave them a few shout outs. Gotta do it again. If you're looking for a kid for your kids, go ahead. Go choose Ludwig. And remember, maybe you fast forwarded through the beginning, but we're coming back.

Kill Tony Mania in San Francisco. It's a really big deal. Gramercy Theater in June. Fort Worth. La Jolla is really big deal. Gramercy Theater in June. Fort Worth. La Jolla is a big one. And what was the other one? Ventura, California. West Nyack. We just added another show to Philly.

Wait, is Aaron Goodwin here? Yep. For real? No, there he is over there. Hey, fuck yeah. Ghost Adventures, motherfucker. Let's party tonight. There you go. Shut the fuck up.

I just got your message. Travel channel, son. Wow, look at that. Shout out to Luca Clothing Company also. Very good. And just a reminder, next week there is no Kill Tony, but we're having a Death Squad show with Tom Segura, Dean Del Rey, Brandon Schaub, Andrew Santino, Malcolm, Josh Martin, Whitney,

a bunch of people. So next Monday. And the memorial for Brody, I think it's a comedy show on the 5th. I'm pretty sure it's already sold out or whatever. But yeah, that's Tuesday the 5th. There's no Kill Tony on the 4th and there's no Kill Tony at all on the 11th for

Brody's Memorial, his last gift to us. You got it live audience thank you so much for coming out thank you good night I bench pressed 250 pounds today. Born and bred in Los Angeles. I call my mother daily. I played baseball.

We call this place Loserville. I scratch your back, you shave mine. Review me on iTunes. I'm booking things. Hebrew, Buddhist, Christian. I suffer from adult... Thanks. Hebrew, Buddhist, Christian. I suffer from adult on-

... master. I'm wearing a protective cup right now. I'm intelligent. I drink smart- I'm a drummer. ... God. ... my sister. ... my sister.

... my sister. ... my sister. ... my sister. ... my sister. ... my sister. ... my sister. ... my sister. ... my sister.... my sister.... my sister.... my sister.... my sister. Thank you.