KILL TONY - KILL TONY #331 - PHILADELPHIA #2

Episode Date: March 27, 2019

Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 03/21/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, deathsquad.tv. There you can find every episode of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. You can click on tour dates. Not only do we do Kill Tony

every Monday at the World Famous Comedy Store, but we're all over the place. This Thursday, March 28th, we'll be in Ventura, California. And we're also coming up on St. Louis, West Nyack, New York, La Jolla, California, New York, Fort Worth, Texas, Sacramento, and San Francisco. All these dates are almost sold out. We're adding new dates all the time. So your best bet is to go to DeathSquad.TV and click on Tour Dates and get your tickets before they're gone. Also, check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have everything you want, Golden Pony, including his own tour dates. So check out TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have everything you want, Golden Pony, including his own tour dates.

So check out TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he draws every single episode. And you can check out all his cool artwork and, like, his books. He has the Kill Tony book and posters. It's great. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. There you have the official merchandise of the death squad universe universe and you have the kill tony shirt there's a few of them left

and hats and and a bunch of stuff we got death squad mugs check it out shop squad.tv and now here's a brand new episode of kill tony of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchcliffe. Philadelphia, make some fucking noise! Brian Redband's here, everybody. Hey, what's up, guys? Wow, only sound issues from the get.

We are live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Make some fucking noise, everybody. We're here. Everything is smooth. Easy breezy. You are at the number one live podcast in the world. Kill Tony. This is Brian Redband.

Yikes. Starting off without a single hitch. Because the sound isn't the only one thing that you need. Look at that poster, everybody. You have your own custom-made Philadelphia poster. That's for sale after the show from Ryan J. Ebelton. Couldn't make it out here, but he sent only a hundred of those

along. I think there's only very few left, but we'll sign them for you if you get one after the show. We're live in Philly for only the second time ever. Our first show ever here was just hours ago and I think you guys might be the ballsy ones because this is the late show right this is where shit gets a little

a little turned up we had all the grandmas and the grandpas in the first show this looks like somewhat of a hipper crowd I'd say but Jeremiah did get flipped that was crazy some guy picked him up and flipped him just gonna have to watch it on and flipped him just gonna have to watch

it on YouTube this week gonna have to catch up heck yeah did you guys find out about this show from listening to us mention it on the podcast kill Tony then you're probably gonna appreciate the fact that we do that for other cities too like next Thursday we're in Ventura St.

Louis the Thursday after that for the first ever Kill Tony St. Louis. Same with Wes and Nyack, April 11th. La Jolla. The Gramercy Theater in New York City. Kill Tony Mania is back in San Francisco with two dates in Sacramento as well. And I said La Jolla. Drink some Kill Tony. Use the promo code Kill Tony at Caveman Coffee Company.

Save 15% off any order for those who don't like coffee. How's the coffee here in Philly? Just all right. That sounds like a town that has a war between 7-Eleven and Dunkin' Donuts right there. Sounds like you need to order some Caveman coffee. So let's fucking do it, shall we? Should we just get right into it? Is there anything else you guys want to do

before we fucking get the show started? Shout out to Alex Yorkebeza for making this amazing Philly bucket of destiny. Making it special. Well, we had a lot of first timers up at that first show. I'm excited about this show. I'm excited to let it rip and use the rest of our fucking

energy that we were conserving to have a fucking party here tonight. As with all the road Kill Tony shows, there is no guest. In lieu of that, it just so happens that since we sold so many goddamn shows here in Philly, we were able to bring a little thing called

the Kill Tony Band along with us. Every single episode, they commit to being different characters. We don't know what they're going to be. There's a split-off dressing room back there. They were on the other side of the curtain. I'm excited to see what they're going to be tonight. They stay in character throughout every episode. Sometimes it's a new character.

Like this last episode, they were high school coaches, like college sport coaches, like gym teachers, sort of hybrid coaches, like shady fucking youth coaches. For the first time ever, it was a brand new character. So we don't know what's going to happen here. Make some noise for them. It's the Kill Tony Band for the first time ever in Philly.

Jeremiah Watkins and Jewel Bird, Joel Jimenez. Whoa! Whoa! We've seen these guys before. It's 80s comedians. Wow. Am I right? Do I remember that correctly?

You got it. Heck yeah. Jeremiah is obsessed with that door being open or closed for some reason. What the hell is that about? You left it open while we were changing, Tony. No big deal. Let's just call it the powder room. Oh, I see.

We've had you guys on the show before. You're 80s comedians, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Tony. Yeah, yeah. I grew up in a very religious household, guys. I had a digital Bible growing up. A Sega Genesis. Guys, come on.

What are we doing here? Come on. Come on. Come on. The crazy thing about bad 80s comedies, it's my favorite kinds of jokes in the world. Like, nothing makes me laugh harder than that. So we have...

What's your name again, 80s comedian? Can you remind me? Zippy. Zippy. Wow. Zippy. I'm going to write that down. And clearly back here we have...

Wow. Jesus Christ. I had no idea that... And clearly back here we have, wow, Jesus Christ. I had no idea that. Wow. It's Phillip. That's it? Just Phillip?

I thought it was Wanda Sykes over there. I know her, actually. Yeah. My God. Wow. You keep rubbing your nose, Phillip. Great 80s comedy name, by the way. Phillip. Phillip and rubbing your nose, Philip. Great 80s comedy name, by the way. Philip. Philip and Zippy. Thank you.

Tony, you seen this traffic? No, what happened? What up? It's bad. Wow. Philip is on fire already here tonight. Don't get me started about my mother-in-law. I mean, come on. Why? What about her?

Oh, she is the worst. Yeah? I took out the trash the other day. I ended up being my mother-in-law. I mean, come on. Come on. All right, all right. Come on.

They're going to be with us the entire show. I have a bucket with at least, I don't know, maybe 30, 40 Philadelphia people's names on them. Almost everybody in the first show that signed up, that got up, it was pretty much all of their first times. There was one guy that I think had been doing it for a little bit longer than that. So who knows what the hell can happen here tonight. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. Wrap it up then, or else you're going to bring out the angry gay neighborhood bear, the gayest bear in Philadelphia. Everybody, there he is. Hell yeah. Gay neighborhood? What's it? Gay neighborhood. Gay neighborhood bear. The gayest bear in Philadelphia, everybody.

There he is. Wow. Hell yeah. Absolutely. Zippy, what's going on over there? Get my sheet music ready. Uh-oh. These guys are out of control.

You have sheet music? All right. That's so fun. You guys ready to start this fucking thing or what? It's Kill Tony live from Philadelphia. We have 80s comedians here. The only way you can even see 80s comedians anymore is by seeing them here. And carnival Cruise Lines.

Is Zippy doing the fucking mannequin challenge right now? Assuming the position. Alright, here we go. Wow, this is crazy. Actually, this guy went up in the first show.

And I believe this is the fucking guy that maybe... He's the guy that's going to move to Los Angeles and actually did pretty decent. Oh, okay. Wow, this is crazy. He signed up for both shows. He's a lucky motherfucker. He was on the first show. Make some noise for Brian Durkin, everybody.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Rocking music. One more time for Brian Durkin, everyone. I'm in a relationship with a woman, and she's very nice. She's actually too nice. You know, we'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, and she'll be like,

Hey, Brian. Hey, Brian. Can I touch your penis? Ew, no. You can grab my cock. My uncle touches my penis. I don't know. I'm not one to talk, really. I grew up pretty ignorant. I was 19 when I realized the vagina and butthole were separate things. Yeah, apparently one's for fucking

and the other one's for peeing so I knew pooping was fake news that's for sure alcoholism runs in my family but that didn't deter me from drinking when I was younger but in all fairness Coors Light did make me better at hopscotch so

there you go closing with what appeared to be a paid advertisement by Coors Light Brian Durkin I am quite like lucky yes yeah indeed uh you were just up was that moments ago and you were and we talked about you'd actually you're one of the only ones that have been doing it for a while, right? Yeah, a few years. Moving to L.A. in about a week. Yeah. Christian girlfriend pegged me a couple years ago. That's right.

He got fucked by his girlfriend. He got butt fucked by his girlfriend. I almost forgot. Yeah, yeah. We had a lot of moments with Brian. I told him that I was upset when he switched from T-Mobile to Sprint and that he got in trouble during his subway days.

Alcohol runs in his family and boy are his legs tired. And the last thing I told you during that last episode was that you said you're moving to L.A. What, April 4th or April 1st? April 1st. I'm taking the train, so I arrive April 4th.

Wow, look at you. Jeez. My God. Wow. The fucking old timer over here. Yes. What are you, a prospector? Yeah.

Taking the train to the west where the gold is. That's my prospector impression, for those of you wondering. You sure that ticket you bought for the first isn't just a neighbor fool's joke? So, and the last thing I told you was that we'll see you in L.A. to come sign up for Kill Tony there, and then you just completely disobeyed everything that I told you was that we'll see you in LA to come sign up for Kill Tony there and then you just

completely disobeyed everything that I told you at the end of that first episode you're being clingy was it your plan to come to and sign up for both shows no matter what happened yeah I liked your jokes more in the second show I was surprised that you saved some of them

not the closing one but the funny one. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Your uncle with the girlfriend. I'm obligated to do the Coors Light joke, so that's why. Now I got you, Brian. Tell us something crazy about you we didn't find out in the last interview with you. I mean, last time we found out that you had your girlfriend,

a very Christian-like lady, he called her, and then I asked him what the craziest thing she's done to him in the bedroom is, and she put a strap on him and butt-fucked him. Yes. We made a bunch of jokes there, too, about other things. Yeah. This is weird. This is like a Tarantino film, and

we're not supposed to be at this part right now in this night. I heard you're moving to L.A. because you're a fan of the Rams. Yeah. Because you got We're not supposed to be at this part right now. I heard you're moving to LA because you're a fan of the Rams. Yeah. Because you got butt. What did you do? Did Zippy just put his finger in your butt?

No, my whole head. The whole head. All right, Brian. I told you we'll see you in LA and I'll say it again. Let's just keep this thing moving along. There's Brian Durkin. We had fun, Brian. Well, I told you we'll see you in L.A., and I'll say it again. Let's just keep this thing moving along. There's Brian Durkin. We had fun with Brian. We'll leave that anywhere. Piece of shit.

Jesus Christ, this fucking guy. Thank you, Zippy. Thank you, Zippy. Thank you, Zippy. You know, Zippy, that looks an awful lot like the Doc Brown wig I've seen on I Believe This Show before, no? I have no idea what you're talking about. It's a completely different wig. Okay.

Doc Brown, if you are not familiar, big hit in the 80s. He has gray hair. This is an interesting name. We love one word names on this show. Let's see what happens. Make some noise for with two N's. Don. Don. Look at Don. Here he comes. Over there. Here we go.

You guys having fun? Are you excited to be here? Here's Don, everyone. What up? My name is Don. I work in corporate America. It's terrible. As much as I hate it, I've learned a lot. Like one thing I learned is white people invented passive aggressiveness.

Yeah. They'll sneak this you to your face. The other day I made a joke in a meeting. It ain't go great. A lot like right now, actually. My coworker was like, oh, Don, you're quite the character. I said, oh, really, you're quite the character. I said, oh, really? Well, you a bitch.

She's going to call me a character. Oscar the Grouch is a character. You trying to say I'm a trash-ass nigga? Say what you mean, Paul. Say what you mean. I don't think... No, that's my time. Thanks, guys.

Don, everybody. Give him a mic. Welcome, welcome. Hello. How's it going? Fantastic. Feel good? Feeling great.

I thought it was fun. This is the first time we've ever had Jada Pinkett Smith on the show before, so... This is very exciting. He looks way too dark to be named Don. His name should be Dusk. Dusk? Whoa! Come on! I'm sorry, he's from the 80s.

Whoa! Sorry, Don, he's from the 80s. It was a different time back then. All right, I'll bring us back to the present Are you what black Are you Are you what black people are like out here? I'm at This guy

This guy looks like if T.I. was raised by a good family Hey Hey There it is. He looks like T.I. did I.T. Wow. Punching up his own jokes over here, this fucking guy. Hot damn, diggity damn. It's the real deal.

So Don, how long have you been doing stand-up for? A little over four months. A little over four months. Hell yeah. You're a little baby at it. I love it. What do you do for work? I work in investment consulting. Wow. Crazy thing is

so far that's the blackest thing I know about you is that you work in investing consulting. Wow. Crazy thing is, so far that's the blackest thing I know about you is that you work in investing consulting. Is that here in Philly where you work? No, I'm actually from Connecticut, from Hartford. Wow. Made the drive out here. Hartford, Connecticut?

Fucking. The party started, huh? Well, Tony, you're never going to believe this one. I'm from Hartford, Connecticut. All these jokes about how I seem white and proper are insulting to me. After the long drive that I had, well, technically my Tesla drove me, but... He's so white, he pulls over cops in Connecticut. Investment firm, Hartford, Connecticut.

I love it. Damn. Wow. What are your parents like? How'd you end up so fucking, uh... perfect? Oh, man. My mom

actually smokes crack. Yeah. Okay, he's black. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, goodness. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Goodness. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Does she smoke crack regularly? Uh, yeah. She does heroin, too. Heroin, too? Yeah, both. Does she do that when you were, like, when she was pregnant?

Yeah, yeah, a little bit. Wow, so you're a crack baby. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Wow, look at you you're a crack baby. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Wow, look at you, a Hartford, Connecticut crack baby. And I always thought they said black don't crack. I mean, come on. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Okay. How about your dad? What's the situation with your dad? He's just a cool black guy. Wow. What does he do? He's retired a cool black guy. What does he do? He's retired. Unemployed.

Oh, come on. I'm sorry. Zippy. What's he retired from? No. Smoking crack. Yeah. That's facts. No, that's fair.

You don't want to talk about it? No, no. I don't know. He did random shit. He used to be a pimp for a little while. Pimp? Yeah, that's real. Did your mom have a job? Was she on the streets?

She was a crackhead, you know. Yeah, but I mean, Nurse Jackie was on a bunch of pills, but she was still a nurse. I don't know. What do you want me to say? Does she have it together at all? Wow, Nurse Jackie fan there. No. No, my mom

used to, she used to do home care assistance, like taking care of old people. Oh, Nurse Jackie. Ugh. Home care assistants, like taking care of old people. Oh, Nurse Jackay. Streetlight. All right. Well, I mean, do you live by yourself? No, I have two roommates. Two roommates.

Are they all investment consultants as well? No. One's in school. One works for ESPN. How old are you? 23. 23? Look at you.

You got it all going for you. I'm trying. You have a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Girlfriend. She's here. She's in the back. Heck yeah.

How long have you been with her? She is black. Come on, guys. Come on. He was born addicted to crack. Let him think for a second. It's been since September. September.

Where'd you meet her at? Tinder. Wow. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Damn. What's your Tinder profile say on it? What's your big sell for you? My bio used to say, we all ugly to somebody.

I know, that was it. I also used to hold umbrellas for Puff Daddy. Damn. Y'all look good. Give an inch, take an argyle. I don't know. All right, bye. Y'all look good.

I like you, Don. I think at the rate that you're going, I think you have been hosting The Daily Show for the last five years. Anyway, there he is, your first comedian of the night, Don, everybody. Yeah, I mean, I'm not really counting Brian Durkin. That's a true episode two first comic right there.

You seemed like a recap of the first show. Yeah. Yeah, it was like a, you know. Yeah. There's Don. I bet he has a hot girlfriend. I'd be surprised if she had like a really ugly face. He was funny too.

For four months. Yeah. Geez, I thought you were an 80s comedian what the fuck are you talking about sometimes who let this

nice guy in back here okay hold on boo sometimes it wears off you know wow I wonder what you did

behind that jacket oh here's another one word name you guys like one word names too make some noise I wonder what you did behind that jacket. Oh, here's another one-word name. You guys like one-word names too? Make some noise for Marco, everyone. Marco. Marco. Don't you want me?

Don't you want me, baby? All right, I don't see Marco coming. You got a Marco coming from over there? Nope. Nope, nothing happening. Aw, I don't see Marco. Blacklisted. You got a Marco coming from over there? Nope. Nope? Nothing happening? Aw, is the sound guy trying? Pussy ass bitch.

Wow. What's going on over there? You're blacklisted, and we don't mean the Connecticut kind. You're blacklisted, but if we learned anything from Don, not that black. You know what I mean? Make some noise for your next comedian, Andrew Jardell. Andrew Jardell. Right in the middle. Here he comes.

He's excited. He's got a good, steady pace coming. One more time for Andrew Jardell. Hey. What's up, Philadelphia? How's it going? Hey. So I'm about to turn 31, which means I remember a time

when I can get my porn before the Internet. Anyone get porn before the Internet? It's pretty much me hanging outside of Sunoco begging older guys to buy me porn, which, if you're going gonna buy a child pornography, which the A in that sentence is doing a lot of work. If you're gonna buy a child pornography,

buy them something a little normal. You know, like full penetration, Asian. Don't buy them what I got, which was a foot fetish magazine. I didn't realize it at the time until I was older. It was like everyone had a foot in their mouth, which really screwed up my perspective of how important the foot is to reproduction.

It was like, I remember the first time I was hooking up with a girl, she was like, do you have protection? I was like, well remember the first time I was hooking up with a girl, she was like, do you have protection? I was like, well, I'm wearing socks. Andrew Jardell. You're not going to believe this. Uh-oh. This is two crack babies in a row. Wow, really? Thank you. Oh my god.

Because I'm proud to be an American. Wow. We've hit the crack baby lottery here in beautiful Philadelphia. You should be proud of yourself Philly. First two admitted crack babies ever in the history of the show

back to back in Philadelphia I mean if that Benjamin Franklin had it all figured out it makes sense there is a crack in the liberty bell so did you have problems breathing on your own when you were a baby huh

whatever that was don't know more of that. Were you seriously a crack baby? Yeah, yeah. My older brother... Were you seriously a crack baby? No, seriously. I believe you. I can see it. It makes funny kids.

You look like if one of the kids from Home Improvement was a crack baby. Yeah. You look like if the kids from Home Improvement was a crack baby. Yeah. You look like if the mom from Home Improvement fucked Al on a one night stand. Huh? You're not one of the

Tim Allen kids, you know what I mean? I'm just like them, except I wasn't molested. Were you really molested too? No, I wasn't molested. Oh, I was going to say, if you're a crack baby and you've been molested, you just won Philadelphia Bingo. Wow, never been molested.

Molester, I hardly knew her. But there's still time. Still time. I guess so. The night is young. Right, right, right. Andrew, how old are you? I'm about to turn 31.

31 years old. And how long have you been the captain of the high school football team? I've never played a game of football in my life. I know, I know. 31 years old. How long have you been the captain of the high school football team? I've never played a game of football in my life. I know. I believe it. Now, everything about you is very you seem very white to me. Are you from here in the middle of Philadelphia? Born and raised. Yeah.

What ethnicity are your parents? Super European? I think they're both American. When you say you're a crack baby too, you're talking about your mom? My mom, yeah, my mom smoked crack. And does she still smoke crack? I haven't talked to her, but I don't think she gave it up.

How long has it been since you've talked to your mom? 13 years. Can we call her and ask her if she's still doing crack? I mean... You guys want to break 13 years of not talking more? I mean, uh... You guys want to break 13 years of not talking more? Wait a second. Wait a second.

I like how you all think I have my crackhead mom's phone number. Unless someone here does. Is her dealer here tonight? He might have it. Andrew, you son of a bitch. Do you know if there's anybody in your family that has talked to your mom recently? My sister recently got addicted to heroin.

Oh, so it seems like those two are talking again. It's a family. Wow, so drug addiction is the only thing that runs in the family. Yeah, really. Andrew does waddle in the family though. What do you do to stay in such tip-top shape?

What's the most physical thing that you do in an average month? Me? I'm in terrible shape. You're in terrible shape? I'm in bad shape. Oh, wow. Okay.

I love that you truly thought I was serious there for a second. I'm asking you how you stay. I know that. My question is... Oh, I get jokes. Oh, I work in a restaurant and I eat in one too. What restaurant do you work at?

It's called the Hop Angel. Not a lot of fans here in Philadelphia. Wow. Do you ever work out at all? Anything? Do you have any hobbies where you exercise a little bit, like paintball or meatball or something like that?

Did you say paintball or meatball? Yeah, yeah. That's another joke about how you're fat. Oh, okay. Okay. No, no. Just, you know. Nothing? Most physical thing that...

Leg day or thigh day or breast day? Really any trip to a chicken place? Gravy day? Come on. I want you to think. Use all that fucking crack baby brain of yours. And I want you to think. Use all that fucking crack baby brain of yours. And I want you to think of the last time you did something physical.

Come on. A really good one. I did. I literally did run to a pizza restaurant today. You ran to the pizza restaurant? I ran to a pizza restaurant. Holy shit. Yeah.

I did. How? Why? You were that hungry? Yeah. I ran to a new pizza restaurant that opened up in Philadelphia today. And I ran to it. Wow. I did How? Why? You were that hungry? Yeah A new pizza restaurant opened up in Philadelphia today And I ran to it Wow

I got I got a notification Is that my mother-in-law? What's going on here? Yeah, I got a notification I ran to it How How far did you run on this run?

I mean, by the end I was fucking exhausted Oh, so How far did you run on this run? I mean, by the end, I was fucking exhausted. How far? So across the street? Yeah. I was winded. Yeah, I bet you were. My goodness, Andrew. Interesting stuff, man.

Not really. You're such a likable guy. You have that big smile, those fucking Asian eyes on your white... Is that why you asked what ethnicity my parents were? Yeah, and you said American. Did you really wait outside and get people to buy you porn as a kid? Yeah, I did.

It really was a foot fetish magazine. At least that's a sense of humor. And I didn't realize it until later on because my dad had stolen the magazine from me. Ew. Yeah. And then we had this weird porn tug of war. I bet you did.

Yeah. Hey. I'll hold your magazine and jerk you off If you hold my magazine and jerk me off And it'll be like we're hooking up with the person On the paper in front of us Is it like When you say porn are you talking about magazines

Yeah it was a magazine it was before the internet Wow A physical copy of a magazine Wait so are your parents Asian? No. Oh, just checking. Maybe. I don't know.

Well, dude, I mean, fun times. Did I ask you how long you've been on stand-up? This is like my third time. Third time ever. Wow, that's incredible. Well, keep doing it, dude. Get on stage more. Appreciate it, guys.

There he goes, Andrew Jardell, everyone. Thank you. Get on stage some more. Appreciate it, guys. There he goes. Andrew Jardell, everyone. I can already tell this show is better so far. Like, the talent that's coming up. Yeah, it's fun. Make some noise for your next comedian, Dylan Morris, everyone. Dylan Morris. Dylan. Oh, wow, is this Dylan?

Yeah. Wow, look at Dylan playing possum, walking through the back of the room. Looks like a very serious man. Jewish lumberjack. I'm in the dream of the night, looking up to the challenge of our eyes. One more time for Dylan Morris I've been really intrigued by 15 year old girls lately

I have two daughters. They're four and five years old with my wife back there. So soon, you know, I'll have my own. I, uh, during the holiday Christmas season over, you know, recently, I made a huge mistake. Huge. I got really, really stoned and went into Sephora. Really weird energy in that place. Really intense.

Like there's girls comparing shades on their wrists and really intensely looking at these things. And I felt so weird. I just wanted to be like, stop, everybody stop. You're all gross. There's nothing you can do. Just, you know,, stop. You're all gross. There's nothing you can do. Just, you know, just stop. You know.

Fuck yeah, all right. Dylan Morris. What's going on? All right, Dylan Morris. Let's talk about it. So you have a three-year-old and a five-year-old, right? Something like that? Two daughters?

Four and five. Four and five. And so the joke when you say I've been, what do you say, intrigued by 14-year-olds, 15-year-olds? Lately, I've been intrigued by 15-year-old girls. Right. Long paws. Right. Definitely a long paws.

Yeah, I can tell. Maybe there's a little nuance there to get that right. The explanation, that part was supposed to explain it. Because I have a 4 and a 5 year old so they're going to one day be 14. So it's alright. It's alright. I was trying to bring the heat.

You know what I mean? I love it. I love it. You definitely brought the meat. I don't know if you brought the heat. So Dylan, let's talk about it. First time doing stand-up? Yes, sir.

Hell yeah. Give him a hand, everybody. The goat of the first time of stand-up comedy. Thank you. Thank you. Congratulations to you. Thank you. Congratulations to you. I loved you as the clown in The Devil's Rejects.

You were one of my favorites. Oh, fuck. The great Sid Haig. Hell yeah. Dylan, you seem like a real Philadelphia tough guy. I mean, you went into a Sephora and you looked at all those women of all shapes and sizes and you thought, you're all fucking ugly. You went into a Sephora and you looked at all those women of all shapes and sizes

and you thought, you're all fucking ugly. You know what I mean? You sure you were at Sephora and not on Safari? They're animals! Wow, alright. Dylan, I can't believe you have a four and a five-year-old girl. That seems crazy to me.

Like, it seems like, you know, you're the kind of guy that it seems like you would desperately want a son. Am I correct about that? No. Do you have any photos of your kid's feet? No, no. All right. Hey, man. What are you doing around here?

Have you ever been tempted to eat your young? No. No, young? No. No, sorry. No. No. No. Dylan, what do you do for work? I'm a line cook.

You're a line cook? Yeah. I fucking love that. You've been doing that your whole life? No, just for a year. I love lines. How old are you? 29.

29. You've been a line cook for one year. What did you do before that? For four years, I worked at a large residential facility for special needs people. Did you really work there? Yes. Yes. Or were you assigned to stay there for four years?

Security's pretty decent. Where I come from, we call that a retard center, but I don't know. I mean, that's a different. Whoa, no, that was the 80s. I mean, come on, it was the 80s. He's from the 80s. I'm sorry, Dylan. That's from the 80s.

Wow. So I can't believe you have a four and a five-year-old. That's crazy to me. So that's it? Those are the only two kids you've ever had? Yes, yes. And you're still with the baby mama? She's right over in the back booth.

She's right over there. Oh, that's great. I see her with a four-year-old and a five-year-old in a 21 and over establishment. Where are the kids at tonight? They're just at the home with her mom. Oh, her mom. What's her name? Ooh, mother-in-law.

I know. What's your least favorite thing about her mom. Oh, her mom. Ooh, mother-in-law. I know. What's your least favorite thing about her mom? Tell us the truth. Oh, boy. Don't try to be funny. Just tell us the truth. Your wife will appreciate it if you're honest. Hey, I mean, you know, she can be a little stubborn.

I ask for the truth And you give me that Dylan Honestly I have it pretty great with my mother-in-law Like really He couldn't have any jokes on her He really couldn't She pegs me You think Zippy wouldn't have jokes About your mother-in-law

She's great she's really cool. Show me a picture. Uh-oh. No, it's okay, Dylan. So what else? What do you do for fun now that you have a four-year-old and a five-year-old? It seems like it'd be hard to even get to. It's a small window of fun.

Right. Still, come to kill Tony. He said it's a small window. I said, we know he can't get through that. As soon as. He said it's a small window. I said, we know he can't get through that. There you go. It's good when they can hear you. It means the world. So Dylan, so what is it?

What are the couple things that you can squeeze in to do? You seem like you spend late nights on the dark web or something. Yeah. The moment this was announced. Are you perhaps a Reddit sub-moderator or something like that. Yeah. The moment this was announced. Are you perhaps a Reddit sub-moderator? No. I don't go that deep. I definitely go on Reddit.

Small penis? Let me ask you this. How many fake Instagram accounts do you have? What? I've never even thought to do that. No. We know you spent four years working with retards. You're not fooling me.

Dylan, do you ever do anything crazy with any of the special people? Do you make friends with any of them? Oh, I mean, some of them are, you know, it's a huge spectrum of people there. But, yeah, I mean, not now. We're not still buddies. But there's some people that I genuinely, legitimately like care about and hope are OK. What's the funniest thing you ever saw go down at that place, at that facility? Whatever happened.

Did you ever see somebody, did you ever see like a special softball game and they run the wrong direction, like around the bases? You're just like, these fucking retards. Dude, I've definitely seen it all. It's even hard to pinpoint stuff. I've seen an angry kid throw a 50-gallon fish tank on the floor and just be like, what? He threw a fish tank and then said, what, like that? Like a Diaz brother? Yeah, also a lot of behaviorally challenged, bad, troubled kids there as well.

That kid's a sushi chef now. Wow. Jeez, a 50-gallon fish tank. Huge. My goodness. What was he mad at? Do you remember what he was mad at? Was it you? It's tough.

Was it the cooking at the retard facility? My job involved... I worked in the large kitchen as a food delivery driver and then I worked, they were trying to create like a program where it was a cafe and you'd come in and kids worked there and I'd try to teach them how to make sandwiches. That's always a bad idea. Was that your idea?

Did you pitch that? It was not, but what's crazy is Hey, we should let the fucking, you know, the wild ones work. We don't gotta pay them. You're right. They made a minimum wage and it was a terrible idea. And it was in Monopoly money. Were they just slobbering on all the food and stuff, and you had to pick it up? I was kind of in charge of the food.

Do you want some more biscuits? I really had to make sure everything was okay. It was tough. All right. Well, Dylan, I'll tell you this, dude. You had your first time ever on stage tonight. You did it at one of my favorite comedy clubs in the country. Thank you. At Helium Philadelphia. Dylan Morris, everybody. Let's keep it moving along. You had your first time ever on stage tonight. You did it at one of my favorite comedy clubs in the country.

At Helium Philadelphia. Dylan Morris, everybody. Let's keep it moving along. I like how you're like, you're doing comedy for your first time at my favorite comedy club. Like it had nothing to do with it. It's one of my, I can never say truly my favorite comedy club. One of my favorite comedy clubs. This place is cool. truly my favorite comedy club.

One of my favorite comedy clubs. This place is cool. One of the weird things about this club, though, is they have their lights around the side look like they're cold space heaters. Is that what that is? No, it's just lights. Those are lights? But it looks like it's blowing fucking avatar energies out of something.

Yeah, what is it? Okay, pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for your next comedian. Velma Reyes. Velma. It's your time. The bucket of destiny has summoned you. Velma Reyes.

This is our first female so far in Philadelphia. Our first lady of the night here on Kill Tony. Anytime. Anytime. Tony. Anytime, anytime, anytime, anytime. Oh, I'm so excited about this. Make some noise for Velma Reyes, everybody. Being short, I attract people with road rage. And when my kids were small, I was stuck in traffic. It was like back-to-back cars, both sides parked up.

And one of my kids said, hey, mom, I got to poop. Oh, shit. Anyway, I was creative, not thinking of being creative, and I found a paper bag and I said, here, shit in this bag. So, my kids, being born in Philly, little thuggish, yeah, he shit in that bag so we're sitting in traffic back to back no room everybody's tight and I said I'm sitting there I'm hanging on to a bag of shit

and I say to myself self what do you do now I said bitch throw that bag of shit out the window! No! Wow, this is incredible. I can't believe we have Joel Berg's mom on the show for the first time ever. She's unbelievable. Mom Berg!

Mom Berg! Mom Berg! This is incredible. Mind blown. Wow. Welcome to the show. Get behind that microphone, Velma. Look at these beautiful people. They want to see you. Velma, how long have you done stand-up comedy for?

This is my first time. First time ever. First time ever doing stand-up comedy. I never miss you. I never miss your shows. Really? I am an avid fan. I am an avid fan. You're like comedy gods to me.

Wow. Look at that. This is one of my favorite scenes from the movie. Say it into the... Oh, you son of a bitch. Anyway, my goodness. You, uh... You keep that up, you're gonna have more than just gum in your mouth tonight. Hello. Oh, no!

No! You stole my line. Velma, you are a wild one. How many of these kids that have been up here tonight are your crack babies? No, no, no, no, no, no. That's funny.

That's really funny. That's really funny. It is true. Velma, just looking at Velma reminds me of three of my favorite scenes from Requiem for a Dream. It's incredible. If you're wondering, if you're listening to the podcast, Velma looks like if Rosie Perez got stuck on that island that Tom Hanks got stuck on talking to a volleyball. So, Velma, this is so cool.

Your first time ever doing stand-up. You mind me asking how old you are? Not at all. I'm going to be 60 in April. 60 years old in April. That is so fucking cool. Look at all. I'm going to be 60 in April. 60 years old in April. That is so fucking cool. Look at you. That's incredible. Wow. What was that?

You just slapped your own butt? Hell yeah. That's Philadelphia shit I don't know about. I'm 60. I'm still hot. I love that. My man is 31. Your boyfriend's 31? Yes, and he's hot. Wow.

You get fucked. Wow, look at that. Congratulations. Is he here tonight? Yes, he is. My man is buff. Is that true? You think we could bring him up here to make out with you for a second?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No hesitation whatsoever. Whoa! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! I love you

wow this is incredible I love them what a cute couple whatever's going on here this is like the reverse of whatever Michael Jackson did to those kids this is unbelievable I'd watch the whole documentary about you two This is like the reverse of whatever Michael Jackson did to those kids.

This is unbelievable. I'd watch the whole documentary about you two. No, actually, he taught me to grow up. Wow, that is so cool. How long have you two been fucking? Well, I just waited until the 20th birthday. Oh, Velma, you crazy lady. I'm not lying.

I'm not lying. I swear, I swear. Is that really true? We've been together in April 11 years. 11 years? Wait a second here. Hold on a second. Hold on.

So you were 20. That makes you, what, 40? I was 48. 48. Yes, and it was so romantic. It was so romantic. Oh, my God. He's a really romantic guy. This is unbelievable.

Tony, even in the 80s, this wasn't legal. Goddamn. So you said you waited to fuck him until he was 20. When did you guys meet? We met at a New Year's Eve party, and it was really funny. What year was that? Oh, my God. No, he always says I was born in 18...

What is it? 1870? No, it's something like that. No, we met... What year was it? It was like 11 years ago. What grade was it? They dragged him out of the ninth grade

just for me. Wow. You guys met at a New Year's Eve party. Did you guys hook up that night? No. You made him wait for it. You're like, you can wait a few weeks. I've waited 48 years for this.

No, no, no. He courted me. We courted. We courted. It took two years. It was real old-fashioned. What's Silent But Deadly here's name? Oh, my God.

This is Ed. Ed, how are you? How's it going? You feel good? He's all dick, no voice. Pretty good. How are you? You feel good?

He's all dick, no voice. Pretty good. I never imagined that we would ever be on this stage. Well, this is the type of magic that happens when I find out creepy shit about somebody. I mean, she's so much older than him, she has cave drawings on her shirt. I love that. I've never seen a couple one was getting out of diapers and one's getting into them at the same time it's uh unbelievable wow you guys are

the coolest couple fucking ever love it now let me ask you one question ed when you were when you were a young man and the you and the chemicals were starting to float through you, right? You're going through puberty. You're starting to jerk off and find out about women. Were you always sort of into older women? Right from the get? Were you sort of into your teachers or whatever when you were younger? Well, teachers, yeah. Fuck yeah.

Obviously. And then you saw this one and you're like, I'm going to take this shit down. Take advantage. Yeah. I like that. What's your favorite thing that you've done sexually with Velma? It's too many to name.

Too many to name. Let's ask Velma. Velma, what's your favorite thing that you guys have done in the bedroom? Everything but the fourth hole. Oh. Fourth hole. Yeah. The fourth hole. Yeah, the fourth hole. For some of us who don't know what that is.

Yeah, it's the hole that women pee out of. You can actually do it. It stretches. I don't think I know what the fourth hole is. I don't think I got that. I don't think I got that upgrade yet. You have the fourth hole option? No, no.

Well, I mean, you know, to me, there's three options. There's the mouth, the vagina, right? Don't say it. The butt. The butthole. And then the peehole. That's the famous number three. Not the peehole.

The belly button? No. Not the belly button. Lynn? It's peehole. The ears? It's not the peehole. Or you cut a hole on the side of the girl, fucker.

Nobody puts it in the pee hole. What's the fourth hole? No, no, no. That is the pee hole. No pee hole for me. That's out. That's really a thing that people try to do? And I tried to show you videos of it the other day.

Oh my God. It's gross. It is gross. Well, Velma, I'll tell you this. I could spend the rest of the fucking night with you up here riffing and talking with you. This is so awesome. And thank you. Thank you, everybody.

Thank you. One more time for Velma Reyes, everybody. Great job, Ed. There you go, buddy. Hell yeah. One more time for the Cougar Slayer, Ed. Velma, we love you. Thank you.

Velma, we love you, thank you See, take note from Velma, people She got up here, she knows the show She did jokes, but she knows that the funniest part of the show Is being honest about the stuff that most of you Would probably be insecure about And she fucking made it entertaining for us For six, seven minutes by talking about how she's pounding this young buck. Have you ever been with an older woman, Tony?

I actually was. How much older? One night, and I literally, let's put it this way. I literally cannot talk about it until, like, my dying memoirs because it was that crazy of a night. How old? I was a door guy at the store. I was 23, and I was brand new. I was wasted, and it was unbelievable.

Yeah. You guys are going to love it. If you outlive me, you're going to love that story when you read it. I swear to God, it's one of the craziest nights of my life. She might be the most likable child molester I've ever seen. I like seeing it backwards like that, though. I love seeing that backwards. Even the playing field, you know what I'm saying?

Exactly. All right, pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Michael McDewitt. Michael McDewitt. Let's fucking do it. Right in the second row. Right here. Hey, guys.

Tony. Welcome to Philly. Home of cheesesteaks, Rocky, and horrible heroin epidemic. So heroin's a real problem in Philadelphia, unless you like your blowjobs slow and at a discount. But we do have a new Black Rocky, super progressive for Philly. My wife loves him. She said she actually feels bad for Michael B. Jordan because he has to use his middle initial, so he's not confused with Michael Jordan. I said, actually feels bad for Michael B. Jordan because he has to use his middle initial. So he's not confused with Michael Jordan. I said, relax. It's not like his name's Jeffrey F. Dahmer.

I mean, Michael B.'s been killing it since The Wire. And poor Jeffrey F. is just trying to get a face to face interview at Walmart. Somebody should tell him he can pick any name he wants to use as his initial. I mean, ask L. Ron Hubbard. I mean... Finish it. Do you think Leslie or Hubbard would have been able to get a book deal so easy or start a cult? Heck yeah.

Michael McDewitt. Look at this. Look at this guy. Looks like a Wahlberg brother from Philly. How's it going, Michael? How are you, buddy? I'm good, I'm good, brother.

First time doing stand-up comedy, right? First time ever. First time ever. The goat of the first timer. So, wow. How old are you? I am 37. 37.

And what do you do for work? I'm a plumber for SEPTA, the local transit. Plumber for what? SEPTA. It's the buses and trains, the local buses and trains. From now on, if somebody asks that, I would just say I'm a plumber. Plumber. I? SEPTA. It's the buses and trains. The local buses and trains. From now on, if somebody asks that, I would just say I'm a plumber. Plumber. I'm a plumber. Yeah. Because once you say I'm a

plumber for buses and trains, people are like, what? Shitting on buses and trains? Like, that seems like the worst kind of plumber. It's like when you're on the go, and you gotta go. Anyway. What's that? Do you find a lot of weird Like do people flush

A lot of shit on trains Like needles and shit like that Oh yeah Is that a big constant problem Yeah Full maxi pads Diapers What's the worst thing

You've ever found In a flushed plumbing system And you look like You've seen a lot of shit A raccoon You want the answer Yeah Fetus

Oh What Fuck yeah That's awesome What Did you Instagram story it A raccoon? You want the answer? Yeah. Fetus. Oh, fuck yeah. That's awesome. What? Did you Instagram story it? No way. Is this true? Fucking way.

Did you put a filter on it to make it look like a dog? All right. Come on. Come on, Red Band. Red Band. What'd you do this time? Did you put a dog filter in that picture? You kicked it to make it open its mouth so it would open its mouth.

All right, all right. Oh, my God. What is going on? Red Band's been waiting five and a half years for someone to say they found a fetus in a plumbing system. I've been waiting. Okay, so you did that? You found it yourself? Like you were just like sifting through the thing?

No, no, no. Someone else found it in the broken pipe we were replacing. And of course, when you find a fetus, you go, yo, check this out. So everyone came over. Oh my God. Did this broken pipe happen to be a crack pipe? Was it a black or a white fetus?

That's pretty unrecognizable at that point. It was basically a brown fetus because it was in a fucking plumbing pipe. It had corn hair. Now, was that on a bus or a train? That was a bus. That was when I was a subcontractor for Wawa. Wawa?

Wawa? Oh, wow. Wawa? It's so sad that was that fetus's last words. Goo Goo Wawa. Wow. So, Michael, what else? You have a girlfriend?

You seem like a douchebag. No, I'm married, so I suckered one in. Really? How long have you been married for? Eight years. So you married the fetus that you found in the... Where'd you meet your wife at? Smashed at a bar.

What? Out drinking at a bar. Oh, out drinking at a bar. Did you say you smashed at a bar? Yes. This guy is a douchebag. So she was drunk at a bar. You didn't smash at the bar.

No, we were both drunk at the bar. Right. I smashed her in the face. You know what I'm saying, fellas? Regular bar, just like a dive bar? She was out for her sister-in-law's bachelorette party. Oh, hell yeah. Don't get me started on sister-in-law's bachelorette party. Oh, hell yeah. Don't get me started on sister-in-laws.

Whoa. You guys didn't hook up that first night? No, we did not hook up that first night. Not at all? We did a little make-out session on the street, but that was about it. She's like, I'd love to, but I just flushed a fetus. I'm not.

Joel Burns. She's like I'd love to but I just fleshed a fetus I'm not Joel Byrne How many years ago did you find that fetus? Oh 12? 12 years ago Right when Right when You had what? 12 years ago? Right when... 12 years of fetus?

Really, Joel? Is it worth it? I'm putting together a case over here because 12 years ago was I do believe the exact same time that Velma was keeping her relationship secret with Ed. Just doing a little Forensic Files Philadelphia edition out here. No way, Tony.

I didn't fucking flush no baby down the toilet. She's chewing that baby. Chew the baby. Any other fun facts about you that we might find interesting? You seem like the type of guy that likes to do things in small bathing suits

and shit for some reason. I don't know. I've been to Morlago. Trump's place, Morlago, down in Florida. What did you do there? I was at a white trash shotgun wedding. Really? I was just curious why you look like. Really? Yeah. Wow, yes.

Yeah, I was just curious why you look like a youth pastor for the Marine Corps. It's with me. Come on. You just went to a wedding there? Yeah. That's it?

That was it. All right, well, you're from here, deep in the heart of Philadelphia? Yeah, from Manioc. Oh, shit. A little gang war about to start here. What part of town did you find the fetus in a pipe in?

What part of town was that in? Drop a name for us. Drop a hard R. It's a joke about enunciating the name of the city. Not saying say the N-word, you fucking creeps. Ask them what part of town was that in. No, it was outside of Philadelphia. It was up in Howardtown.

Howardtown. Havertown. What? Havertown. Haverton. See, there was a hard R after all, you assholes. So there we go. Michael McDewitt, everybody. There heton. See, there was a hard R after all, you assholes. So there we go. Michael McDewitt, everybody.

There he goes. Michael McDewitt. Good, right? We lose Joel Burr? I think he had to take a poopy or something. Wow. I think we lost Joel. Phillip.

Calling Phillip. Can I get a Jack and Diet wherever the waiter is? I think we lost Joel. Phillip. Calling Phillip. Can I get a Jack and Diet wherever the waiter is? Can I get a restraining order from my mother-in-law? I mean, come on. There he is. He's back. How's it going over here?

What were you doing back there? I had to flush a fetus. Oh. All right. You guys having fun out there? How you doing? Show two, Philadelphia? Okay, here we go.

Make some noise for Akash, everyone. Akash. Come on, Akash. Is that Akash? I hope it is so deeply. Oh, my God, yes. Oh, there's Akash. Oh, damn it.

I was hoping it was an Asian lady. What the fuck does that guy have? Whoa, what's going on? Holy shit. What the fuck is up? That's bright as shit over there. Alright, welcome to Philadelphia, Kill Tony. Alright, I don't know. Alright.

I love Philly, though. Philly's cool. It's kind of like me, browned, but sounds like this. Cont don't know. All right. I love Philly, though. Philly's cool. It's kind of like me. Browned, but sounds like this. Contradictory. I don't know, man. A lot of... I don't know. Yeah.

Philly. City full of contradictions. A lot of blue folk, but also a lot of people that aren't so blue. I don't know. I feel like Philly's the home of working class racism. We have a statue of Rizzo, but also our mayor is Mayor Kenny, where it looks like Rizzo would have made fun of Kenny

in high school. I don't know. Walking contradiction. I like that. I feel like it's cool. I don't really know where to go from here. Honestly, I feel like a deer in fucking headlights. Shout out to fucking Kill Tony. I've been messaging this guy all night.

That's me, Moonwatcher. That keeps messaging this guy. Fuck's the longest minute. All right. Cool. Wow. Akash. Akash, Akash. My friend.

My buddy. My good, good, good friend. Akash. You know I love you, right, Akash? You know this. You're the type of guy that's listening to the show and you've heard someone and you're like, I could do better than that. Right?

That wasn't your first time, was it? Uh, nah. What is that? If I could possibly get you guys to maybe... What are you saying there? What is this? Are you about to blow us up or something? Is this a ransom letter? What is this? Are you about to blow us up or something? Is this a ransom letter?

What does that mean? It means no one reads that letter. Hey. Akash, what is that? You're going to have to explain to us what that is. You're on a live podcast right now. Oh, thanks, man. I appreciate that. So, I had a friend that did comedy

out in Philly, and then she moved to L.A., and she was on Kill Tony a couple weeks ago and she got misaffordated to write this little thing for me and I was just wondering if you guys would be nice enough to maybe sign it as well so I can frame it up and be corny. Do you know that normally if somebody was going to sign something for you

they normally don't do it during the show? Yeah, I probably wouldn't. Have you ever seen that happen before on the show? Where they're like, oh, this is the part where they sign shit for a while. Talk about infinite CBD because they offer the cleanest, healthiest, and purest form of CBD available. It's become more popular. You're seeing it everywhere because you know that this stuff works.

It does work. You know, I had a sore neck the other day, and then you rubbed some on my neck, and within minutes it felt great. And not only did they have lotions, they have lubes and gummy bears i'll tell you something else not only did it feel great for you buddy but you know what it felt good for me to rub that on your neck it made your hands it made me so happy to get to help a friend a guy that normally i wouldn't fucking physically touch if my life depended on it but but i decided oh red band's neck. I'm going to fucking be the nice guy. I'm going to take the upper hand here, and I'm going to help him out because he can't reach that part of his neck.

Even though he told me in London that he's super flexible. I'm going to rub it on for him. And it helped you, and it helped me. It's a bonding experience. But I think I ran out of lotion. Where did I go to get it? Well, anyway, not only that, but it's just really, really good

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you're going to get 15% off. That's InfiniteCBD.com Tony15 and get 15% off. See Akash, we just saved your segment by making money off of you. We did it. So Akash, how bad was that

do you think? Oh my god. Now let me put it to you this way. I feel like this crowd hates you. And the crazy part is that it has nothing to do with you being Middle Eastern. I feel like they would have hated you had you done good.

They would have been like, ah, the fucking one Indian guy was funny. But now you're both. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Akash, it was your first time doing stand-up, right? Oh, my God. No, no, not at all.

It wasn't? How long have you been doing stand-up? About like six months, six, eight months now. Six months? You go up a lot, a couple spots a week or something like that? A couple spots a week, yeah, every now and again. I think it's time for you to flush that fetus. Yo. Look, people get in their heads, man.

This could be one-off night. It happens. I'm a big fan of the fucking show. Seriously. I can't really emphasize it. Really? Are you a big enough fan of the show to know when to not interrupt me when I'm saying something? How big are you?

How big of a fan? Everybody has bad nights. I know for a fact, you know, we do this a lot. We're out every night, and, you know, some of the greats have bad sets, and obviously, clearly, some of the bads have bad sets, too. And this could just be...

You definitely were excited. You were amped up coming up here. Kill Tony, what's up? Shout-out to Kill Tony for coming here. You made it all about this. I was also that guy to keep an eye on you in true tradition. Last time you were here in Philly, I was also that guy in the back going, yeah, Kill Tony!

The only guy. Oh, during one of my stand-up shows is what you're bragging about. I stopped. So you were horrible then too. Only the first guy. I was only in the beginning. Wow, you're the worst on almost every level. There's almost nothing you can say to make me hate you more. When you were reading that ad for CBD, I thought you were talking about the crappy brown dude on stage.

I mean, come on. CBD. That's the same letters. Come on, guys. So, Akash what would we be excited to find out about you what's a fun fact

about Akash that would be a redeeming quality because now you've made me mad everything I can say about myself will probably make you

hate me a little bit more go ahead let's give it a fucking try I don't know I just started a restaurant doing very well for myself yeah what kind of restaurant

just contemporary American in the truest sense of the word you know just a lot of that's great man that's hard to do to start a restaurant I keep FaceTiming

the people there right now because I'm like show me the place just show it to me like go around like this real quick where's it at Manny Yunk

Plumber Guy Tavern on Ridge come by wow what just happened? Akash, I'm going to get ready. There he goes. There goes Akash, everyone.

There he goes. Leave it to him to not go through the right way. This guy would fly through one of the trade centers to get on this stage. This guy would fly through one of the trade centers to get on this stage. I don't think that's the right country. It all makes sense.

All right. Put your hands together for Chase Fury, everyone. Chase Fury. Oh, sweet, a woman! Hello, everyone. Yes, my last name is Fury. You can call me Das Führer. I know, right?

So, I think I masturbate wrong. There's three different colors on my dick. And I didn't realize that you had to use either lotion or spit or anything. So I just dry it all the time. So I kind of have three colors on my dick. I don't know. I don't know what to do about that. Speaking of jacking off.

I don't know how to ask my ex-girlfriend to get our sex toys back when we broke up. I kind of miss my anal beads. You know? Just like to throw them in there as you're jacking off and come as hard as you can. I'm trying my hardest, but it's just not the same. Because I moved to Colorado over a year

and a half ago, and all the shit's here. I feel lost. Like, I feel pretty lost. Fuck yeah, Chase Sperry. Here we are. Hi, Chase. Hello. How are you?

I'm doing very well. How about yourself? I've been a fan of you ever since the days of being on Blossom. So, you know, I'm just amazed. Yes, Zippy. Yeah, didn't we burn her at the Salem witch trials? I like your style. Witch! I really do.

You are something else. Thank you. How's your life been going since they canceled Roseanne? Pretty depressing. I don't even know which character you're talking about. All of them. Darlene. Darlene.

Darlene. Have you ever used conditioner? I'm sorry. You've got frizzy hair, man. What are you talking about? This looks like Troy Polamalu in one of the Head and Shoulders commercials. Since living in Denver for the past year and a half, coming back to the humidity has fucked me up. I see.

What are you doing out in Denver? I came for this. You came from Denver for this? Yep. You live in Denver. Yep. So you live in Denver full time. Yep.

And you do stand-up comedy? This is my third time. Third time ever doing stand-up. Your first two what? Open mics at Comedy Works? Yeah. No, not Comedy Works. Lion's Lair.

In Denver. Yes. And so you came here. Yes. Tonight? Yes. Just for tonight? Yes.

Are you at the first show? I flew in yesterday. No. It sold out by the time that I got money to buy tickets. So you got in yesterday. When do you go back? Tomorrow. Wow.

Yeah. Really? That is so crazy. The odds of you not getting up were incredibly high. Instead, you got up. Why here, though, and not somewhere closer? Because I grew up here, kind of.

I was born in Colorado, but I moved around my entire life. Did you fly here on your gigantic flying dog from The NeverEnding Story? The NeverEnding Story. I wish. I'll try you. So Chase, you seem pretty rock

and roll. You play music at all? I used to play bass, yes. Gotcha. And your dad was Michael Jackson, right? Yes, he was. Okay, nice to meet you, Blanket. You definitely covered a lot of topics here tonight It was exciting having Velma on stage again

for the second time Is that really true? Have you really used anal beads and do they really make you Yes Jesus Christ And that's coming from Red Band Red Band. Red Band, a guy who swears people shove stuff up their butt all the time

is now shocked that it's actually happening and not just used for comedy material. So it makes you cum harder having anal beads? I think so. I enjoy it. So are the beads all like... Smaller to larger. What's the most amount of beads that you've ever gotten in your ass?

Full rack. A full rack? You say that like it's a pool table. How many of you want to see this guy shove anal beads in his ass tonight? Does anybody have any anal beads? It's like 10 people are like, oh, hold on one second. You know what? My buddy Trey is

friends with people at a billiard hall, and I think he could connect a bunch and put them on a rope for us. Can we make some make... Alright. Very good. Thank you. So there's just one super gay guy in the crowd like, shove anything up there! Find something else!

Ironically, it's the guy who said gay at the first show. Alright, Chase. Well, this is so fucking cool that you got up and that you're talking shit. Is it true that that's your ex-girlfriend? Does she really have a bunch of other stuff too? Yeah, she has a bunch of my...

Anal beads, what else? What are we talking about here? Handcuffs, bowls for smoking weed. She's got your handcuffs, your bowls, and what? You took her haircut. No, actually, my hair is longer than hers. Wait, Tony, can we call this girlfriend and get your stuff back? Yeah, can we do that? Say you want your anal piece.

Very good. Now, for this to work, he's going to be on speakerphone. You guys have to be super quiet. Yeah, you have to make sure that the butt of the phone is on speaker volume all the way up and keep it on the microphone the whole time. What's her name? Joe. J-O. J-O, not J-O-E.

J-O. It's short for Joanna. I was going to say, I think he's going to keep your anal beads. Put it up to the phone. Just let me know when. Hello, Joe? Hello? Come on, pick up.

Put the anal beats down. Come on, you fucking heartbreaking thief. That's a good point. We'll leave a voicemail if she doesn't pick up. You have reached... I know, I moved it. I know, I know. We got that.

It's okay. So there you go. It's all right. It's all right. There's no one that's going to be out there trying to guess the four numbers that we didn't hear. Oh, okay. you hung up. No, it's okay. Nope, too late now. So...

Witch! Witch! You said anal beads. What else? What else was on the list? She has a lot of my pipes, because when I moved to Colorado, I drove out there. What kind of pipes? Like, weed pipes. You ever found a fetus in one of them?

No. Wow. So Chase... Why'd you guys break up? So when I moved out to Colorado, she kind of found a new guy when I was out there and so she was just kind of like, hey... I like how you say she found a new guy.

Yeah, it was one of her managers at work. Whoa! Where did she work? Dairy Queen. Whoa! Damn! You're a fucking 14-year-old kid, huh? My God.

With all those anal beads that she has, her bed must look like a chocolate blizzard right now. Yeah, yeah. Peter Buster Parfait. Is she calling you back? She just texted me. Oh, shit. Read the text.

What does the text say? What's up? It says what's up. What's up? You really got to be quiet. You guys have to listen to us if we give you direction. You can gotta be quiet You guys have to listen to us if we give you direction You can't be crazy Should I call her again?

Alright call her Please answer. Wow. This is the anticipation. Very, very exciting. I've never asked a... Hello? Hey. Hello?

Hello? Hey. So we're on Kill Tony right now. Okay. So what's... Hello, Joe, it's me, Tony Hinchcliffe, one of the top Young Rising comedians in the world. How are you?

Good, and where are you? Good. So we're hanging out here with Chase Fury. He's with us in Philadelphia. He just had an amazing set on stage. We're talking to him during the interview part, and I was asking him

if he has a girlfriend or whatever. When you came up in some of the talks that we had, and I was wondering if there's any chance that you'd be willing to return his anal beads to him. Wow. I mean, you can have them back. I don't use them anymore.

What are your thoughts on this, Joe? Anything else? His pipes, his handcuffs. I didn't even hear what she said. She said she would? Oh, what else? Okay, his pipes. How about his heart?

Can you return his heart to him that you stole? Joe. How far across are you? Joe, why do you think that... Is there anything that you miss about Chase that you're not getting from, you know, maybe some of the people that you've been hooking up with? You know, like maybe some of the kings that you've been hanging out with since Chase?

Okay, well, this is getting extremely personal, so I'm just going to hang up now. Thank you very much. Joe, we love you. We were just trying to have a nice talk with you. We thought maybe you'd play along, but it's all good. We were just talking about it. I love that now it's getting personal, but the anal beads wasn't

personal. But it's all good. We all have a good sense of humor. We love you. Have a good day. There she goes, Joe, everybody. I do not like that. It's uncomfortable. It's a fun one. I got bad news for you, Chase. You two are never getting back together again.

Oh, trust me, I know. Yeah. I know. That was a kamikaze blow right there. You just got your sweet, sweet, sweet revenge, if you know what I mean. Did she just re-break up with him? She's still got to give you your shit back.

That's not fair. Come on. She's still got to give you your shit back. That's not fair. Come on. That's true. It's going to be very awkward getting those anal beads back, and that's sad. That's why I asked her brother first. Wow, you really did? Yeah. I did ask him first.

Let's call her brother, dude. Oh, man. No, we're not going to do that. I'm not going to call him, but I did ask him first, and he just laughed, and he was like, I'm not touching that with a 20-foot pole. Chase, you think she has a pretty good sense of humor, right? She'll get over that easily.

Oh, yeah, no, she will. All right, good. I want to make sure. Hey, I leave tomorrow. It's not like I'll be back here so she can bitch at me. Oh, she's here in Philly? Yep. Oh, wow.

She might be on her way here right now. All right, we're going to get them tonight. Let's get in the van. All of us are going to come to her house. How many of you want to go to this lady's house and get anal boobs? We always give the people what they want, so, you know. Everyone in this audience just wants to try him out, you fucking weirdos.

What was the final question that I asked? Is there anything your new guy's giving you that he wasn't giving you? This is way too personal. I'll send the anal beats. This is way too personal. Alright, Chase. Well, that was a lot of fun. Congratulations.

He came all the way here for the chance to get on Kill Tony. And he did it. One more time for Chase Fury. What do you guys think? Should we go back to the bucket? All right. I guess so. I guess so. Those calls always make me so nervous. I don't know why. I guess so. I guess so.

Those calls always make me so nervous. I don't know why. Yeah, Brian jumps into his sweater every time. I know. It gets uncomfortable. I'll spend the rest of the night thinking of how I could have handled that phone call differently. Yeah. That's my world that I live in.

It's a lot of fun. Thanks for the noise for your next comic Matt Fleming everybody Matt Fleming That name sounds familiar Here he comes Is this him? Nope, that's a waiter

Here comes Matt Fleming Yep, same way as everybody else Come on up Except for Kosh, that bastard. Come on, people. You got to make noise for Matt Fleming.

So, I kind of wish that my mom did crack and maybe then I'd be a little bit funnier. But, see? Yeah. So this is my first time on the show tonight. I found out I was going to be on this show, or not on the show, but here, about a few hours ago. So I looked

up, watched a few videos, so I found out a few things that I shouldn't do. I know you shouldn't be racist, obviously. People, like, didn't... Can you tell them to chill? I knew that you shouldn't talk about how small your dick was and I knew that you shouldn't talk about how you got molested by your uncle on the Delaware River coast God damn it. What the fuck was that? Holy shit, man. You self-destructed before you even gave it a chance.

What the fuck happened, man? I had it all planned out. Sure. Wow. Jeez, dude. I was literally about to leave too You had it planned out, you went on the internet To find out that you shouldn't be racist

Like Well I guess I found out By the way Had you been racist and talked about your little dick You probably would have destroyed You know what black guys don't have? A dick this small See how funny it is?

Here's the thing about these attractive people This isn't for you Thank you Thank you So Matt Hell yeah Matt stick with us over here I like how he asked you for referee help

With the man in the audience Could you tell that guy to calm down That was That was your big laugh That was the funniest part Because it was the only time that you said anything That didn't just feel like you were giving in You came up and you said

I never wished that my mom was a crack. You know, been a crack baby and this is my first time and you expected them to be like, whoa, but look at the same show you've been at. They've seen six people have their first time already. Six people much more likable than you have their first time

on stage already. I mean, you know, and you're up here looking like you're about to go to a phone booth and turn into Superman or some shit. We're just waiting for you to make us laugh. He looks like he's about to come out of a body of water and show cologne.

Heck yeah. It's the same gay guy in the middle of the room, by the way. Do it! Do it! Scream me with cologne! Waterfalls me! All right.

All right. All right. Red band. So, Matt, tell us about you. Let's find out anything about you at all. Anything about me. Yeah. I'm in nursing school.

I was a cheerleader in college. Fuck. Do you fuck a lot of, do you hook up with a lot of the nurses at nursing school? I've gotten with girls before. Yeah. Do you have,

at nursing school? No, actually. So the question that I asked you, the question that I asked you about hooking up with nurses or nurses at, or people in nursing school, the answer is no. But instead, you chose to answer,

I've hooked up with girls before. I thought we had our douchebag for this episode. I got a question. It's incredible what's happening here. This guy's like, no, I got this shit. Send me in, coach. Send me in, coach. Send me in, coach. I'm going to show this guy what it'd be like

if one of the Franco brothers got massive head injury as a kid. What's your biggest insecurity? Good question. Now it's my brain, I guess. That's what I would have said. Come on. Matt, you play sports? You a polo guy?

What are you, a Quidditch? No, I'm more of a book reader. Wow. Swimming, tennis. Swimming, tennis? Football. Football? I cheerleaded in college.

You cheerleaded? Get the fuck out of here. Really? Wow you take all the Sleazeball jobs I like that I can look up their skirts and hold them up Dude It's not gay I swear

Have you ever worked at Abercrombie? I've hooked up with chicks Have you ever worked at Abercrombie? Nope Worst job you've ever had? Worst job? Yeah Wow, I like how you rub your cock while you

That guy's like Pull it out! I got you. Mine does. Nice job. Joel keeps looking more and more like a bowl of flan as this episode goes on.

What is happening back there? The people like it! Hey, stop. This is Philadelphia, man. You want to start a gang rape? This looks like if the plumber found an old troll doll in a septic tank. Well, I don't want to tell you I was that fetus. Wow.

Matt, what are you best at in this world? How do you think, if you could help change the world in a way, how do you think you would do it? Well, I actually think that's why I'm getting into healthcare, because I want to help people. You want to help people. Hell yeah. I love it.

I've always wondered what it would be like if Tom Brady had a serious concussion injury. I think we're really finding out right now. Thank God for that offensive line up there in New England, huh? This is my first time

playing football. He looks like the guy on the packaging for a lacrosse stick. That was the worst thing you could have said all night, honestly. He turned around and said that was the worst thing you could have said, but I think that was the best thing you could have said, maybe. Are you ticklish?

Yeah, you are. You're not? You're not? You want to test his tickle ability? Nope. It's Philadelphia, man. Does the gay guy want to test tickle this guy? No, you're not going to let a random audience member touch you?

He got pissed. Did you see that look? He's wearing a slave mask with a ball in his mouth. Come on. Come on. All right. Well, Matt, you know, it was your first time ever on stage. I'll tell you this, dude.

How old are you? How old are you? I was going to tickle him. No, it's okay, tickler. Go back. It's okay. God, he's scarier than I thought he would be, by the way. Philadelphia, there's people running to the stage.

I'll tickle him. He made it all the way to the stage on all fours. Like, I'm ready to tickle. That's why I asked you to help me out earlier, because of that guy. Do you know that guy? No. He's going to fuck you. We're going to keep it moving for right now.

There goes Matt Fleming. Hey, do it again, dude. You didn't even do it. You got to give yourself a chance next time. Don't shit on yourself right from the top. Go up there and fucking make believe like you believe in yourself, damn it. That's what performing is, you son of a bitch.

Do it like daddy gave you son of a bitch. Do it like daddy gave you the opportunity. At least he signed up. A lot of you guys didn't. Which reminds me, all of you that yelled during other people's sets, you are the bottom of the barrel of human beings. Don't ever forget that. If you didn't

sign up and you didn't get pulled out of this bucket of destiny, then you fucked up. And your opinion means less than nothing. During somebody else's 60 seconds. We had a guy here that flew all the way from fucking Denver for the chance to maybe

get pulled out of the bucket. He got pulled out of the bucket. What if one of those bozos would have yelled during his set? You fucking fucks. So respect comedy by heckling and yelling shit after their 60 seconds is up. You're worse than an anal bead thief. Yeah.

Alright, this is seriously it. You want to go to it one last time, huh? This is it. There will be no more after this. And your final comedian of the night goes by the name of Dan Callahan, ladies and gentlemen. Here we fucking go.

Here he comes. Here comes Dan Callahan. The Florida State Fight Song, Dan Callahan. The Florida State Fight Song, Dan Callahan. All right, so my full name is Daniel Patrick Callahan, if you couldn't tell by that. Yes, my blood type is Jameson. Yep, that's right. So I recently got engaged.

Now, if you like to bet, I would take the under on that one. We recently started living together, too, and we pay bills. We use Venmo. I'm new to the Venmo app. She's been using it quite a while, and you can see the whole history of everybody, which is really convenient. I can see she's been paying tons of dudes for eggplant emojis for years. So that's helpful.

I'm glad that I am engaged, though. I don't have to resort to online dating anymore. So I'm glad I don't have to do that. I tried to stand out of the pack a little bit, you know, when I tried to do online dating. I tried standing out. I tried a speed dating app one time. I don't recommend it. It's called Uber Pool.

Anybody hear that? Absolutely nobody in the car wanted to date me. It has a good ending, though. I got banned from the app. Mother and her four children weren't too happy. That's it. Fuck yeah, Dan Callahan. Look at that. I love that. I love that.

So much... Probably one of my favorite sets of the night. Definitely my favorite joke of the night. You snuck it in there. For some reason, that eggplant emoji. It is so fun to look at people's Venmos and just seeing all this stuff. And let's take note that your delivery was dedicated. It was, you know, not to diss the last comic again,

Matt Fleming, but, you know, but seriously, you know, he came up and he started, he just started looking for excuses and bailouts and you stuck with your plan. And the interesting thing was

the Venmo thing, I'm sort of like, you know what I mean, in the beginning, but you stayed in the pocket long enough to keep it there the whole way. You know what I mean? It got better as it went along

and that's what's possible in stand-up comedy is to stay in that pocket and to gain the audience's trust by not showing weakness sometimes. You're telling them, I know something you don't know about the jokes that I have coming up. You've been doing stand-up for a couple years?

Yeah, about two years, actually. Here in Philadelphia? Yes. A lot here in Helium, specifically? Yep. Here at Helium? Yes. Actually, my second time ever up was at Helium.

Yeah. Great club. The great Mark Grossman has Heliums all around the country. All the best. And he has been working me for years now. He's a great guy. I saw your face. That's what happens, Brian.

He fucks all the top comedians in the world. He fucks them and brings them here for weekends. Hey, John Lovitz is coming in a couple months, guys. Yeah, he must be fucking Saturday Night Live legend John Lovitz. Good friend. Good friend. Good friend. I saw this guy's face, and I had a flashback to Ireland for a second. I was like, are we back there again?

Yeah, you do look Irish, but you don't sound Irish. What are you doing with your hand in your pocket? I was going to have it on my wallet. There's a lot of stuff there. That's a thick wallet. That's a thick wallet. Yeah, I got to have my hand in my wallet. What are you keeping in that wallet?

A bunch of credit cards. An extra wallet. It really seems really thick. Do you know that? Can you pull that out for a second? Wow. Why is it that big, though? Let me get some.

Let me see what we got. Can I look through your wallet? You can go right through it. There's actually, I have a, behind my ID there, I have a small laminated college degree. My college handed these out when we graduated. It's like a pocket diploma. That's not a real thing. Really? You have a pocket diploma? Yeah, I'll pull it out for you.

It's probably tucked behind some stuff there. Pull it out! You know you don't have to bring every single card. You can just take half your cards. I'm one of those guys. I never know when I'm going to need it, so I just put everything in there. And I never use any of it. Jesus, someone's not buying a poster after the show.

$20 cash. Anyway, I was expecting to hopefully find an ultra thin condom. How big is your wallet? Let's see how thick your wallet is. I got nothing going on there. Yours is of course thicker than mine, Brian. I have

a nice slender, I have an amazing wallet from the people over at Gunnar and Company. G-U-N-N-A-R. That's real leather. They make all leather goods. They are really, really cool people. They custom made this for me with red stitching and black leather because they saw that my old

Mercedes had black leather and red stitching on the inside. But I got rid of that Mercedes and got a Corvette because I'm a goddamn American. You know what I'm saying, people? I have a wallet from the good people over at Butthole. You know what I'm saying?

What? Zippy. Cash up my butt. Ah! Dan, tell us something we'd be surprised to know about you. What part of Philly are you from? Well, I grew up in South Jersey.

I lived in Philly for five years. Ah. Yeah. Have you ever seen Vel for five years. Ah. Yeah. Have you ever seen Velma walking around the streets? Yeah, yeah. Late at night, back alleys. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Wow, you better be careful. Ed's going to beat the shit out of you. Oh, he just stood up. Oh, he stood up. There he is. No, sit down, Ed. It's okay. We'll protect you guys.

He's ready to die, dude. So is she. Ed is an intimidating motherfucker. He's ready to die. She's ready to die, dude. Ed is an intimidating motherfucker. He's ready to die. She's about to die. Many few words scare me. That's just how it is. A couple questions I asked him, he just

literally looked back at me like, you better not fuck up, dude. So, have you ever done any beads in your ass or anything like that? I think I'm the only one on this show that hasn't. Wow, well, there's a first time for everything. Let's go. We still don't have anal beads. I think we're starting to bead a dead horse.

You know what I'm saying? Uh-oh. Okay. So, Dan, what else about you? Some interesting fun facts. You rollerblade a lot? Is that true? You say rollerblade?

Yeah, rollerblade. No. No. Fun fact, though. I am banned from every Walmart worldwide. Why? There's the Eagles shirt right there. Remember when Michael Vick played for the Eagles?

When he first signed, I thought it would be a funny idea to look up online. They have codes online to get on Walmart intercoms. So I went on the Walmart intercom and there was a security guy behind me but I just picked it up, put in the code over the store-wide intercom, one of the super Walmarts. I said, will Michael Vick report to the

pets department? The security guard felt like I just overstepped his power and he got pissed and drugged me into the back room. He scanned my ID into their system. He told me that if I were to do something stupid in a Walmart in Japan that they would be able to pull my info

up and prosecute me. Yeah, but that'd really be a jaunt. At that point, they would have to... You've been to Walmart. Yeah, no alarms go off if I walk in a Walmart. 30% of the people in Walmart look like you. They look like you and Velma. So that's interesting.

Banned from all Walmarts, and you've tried since then. I mean, I've been back in Walmarts. You have a girlfriend? Engaged. Fiance. Oh, yeah? Yes. How long have you been engaged for?

Since October. How long have you known her? About three years. Wow. Did you do anything special to pop the question? I took her to the Canary Islands in Spain. The Canary Islands? Damn. Look at you. Yes. Wow. Did you do anything special to pop the question? I took her to the Canary Islands in Spain. The Canary Islands. Damn.

Look at you. Jesus. And then what'd you do? Did you do anything crazy? Did you ask her with like a drone or something like that? No. There was just a ring on the bottom of it. It's like, oh my God, what is that?

Oh! We were on a boat out in the ocean at sunset and they had wine and dinner and everything like that. And you pushed her over and you're like, I fucking love you. I got a question. I think marriage is bullshit, but if you could convince me

why it's a good idea, would you please now tell me why I should get married if I ever did? I mean, she kind of suckered me into it, so I don't want to convince her. Okay, I rest my case. Back to the show. I've got a question. Yeah, go ahead.

I've got a question. If you give birth on a boat, is that called a C-section? Guys, come on. What are we doing here? Oh, I want to be those characters one night. If there's ever another Kill Jeremiah, I want to be those characters one night. If there's ever another Kill Jeremiah, I want to be an 80s comedian. That seems like the most fun.

You just get to make whatever jokes you want. I know, it's so fun. It's like a cheat code. Yeah. Because the dumber it is, the better it is. So it's like you can literally just do anything. Yeah. And then you get to dance with the sound effects and shit.

That looks like fun. No, I'm serious. That's just amazing. All right. Well, Dan Callahan, you've been doing it a couple of years. You know, the show is literally built to be a mishmash so that people we can see what it's like for people's first times. People that have never done it, you know, can do it. You know, people that we see sometimes multiple times,

we see them get better. And, and sometimes it's for people like you that have been doing it a while to get to come in, showcase, especially for your own, you know, you know, a place that you perform at a lot and,

you know, a crowd that could possibly want to come see you do a longer set again and things like that build a bit of a following and that's awesome so we got to see it all tonight thank you dan callahan hey now we did it did you guys have fun tonight or what let's see how loud this place can get for the great and powerful Jeremiah Watkins. How about one more time for Joel Berg? Check out Jeremiah Wonders. He's got CDs, stickers, magnets for sale after the show. We'll all sign your Kill Tony poster if you get one.

Joel Berg's on social media. Mostly sorry. Jeremiah's stand up. Thank you to Ludwig Drums. Yes, motherfucking Ludwig. And anything else, guys? We all good? Thanks to Menchie Music for this saxophone. That's a sexy ass.

Philadelphia, we love you. Another shout out to Menchie Music. Ludwig Jones. David Knowles. Seth Miller. InfiniteCBD.com for your CBD products. Use the promo code TONY15. You get 15% off.

Same thing with CavemanCoffeeCompany.com. Get some fucking delicious coffee. I drink it. I love it. Me too. It's my favorite thing. That nitro. The box of cans.

It'll last you a while. It gives you a lot of energy, so it's worth it. Don't forget New York City, La Jolla, West Nyack, St. Louis, Ventura, La Jolla, and the Gramercy Theater in New York City. Kill Tony Mania in San Francisco and Sacramento in October.

We're also about to drop the Reagan and Watkins album in a couple months, so release date coming soon. Live audience, thank you so much. Have a couple months. So release date coming soon. Live audience, thank you so much. Have a great night. We love you. See you guys.ご視聴ありがとうございました you