KILL TONY - KILL TONY #332 - PHILADELPHIA #3

Episode Date: March 28, 2019

Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 03/23/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, deathsquad.tv. There you can find every episode of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. You can click

on tour dates. Not only do we do Kill Tony every Monday at the World Famous Comedy Store, but we're all over the place. This Thursday, March 28th, we'll be in Ventura, California, and we're also coming up on St. Louis, West Nyack, New York, La Jolla, California, New

York, Fort Worth, Texas, Sacramento, and San Francisco. All these dates are almost sold out. We're adding new dates all the time. So your best bet is to go to DeathSquad.TV and click on Tour Dates and get your tickets before they're gone. Also, check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have everything you want, Golden Pony, including his own tour dates. So check out TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have everything you want, Golden Pony, including his own tour dates. So check out TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he draws every single episode.

And you can check out all his cool artwork and, like, his books. He has the Kill Tony book and posters. It's great. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. There you have the official merchandise of the death squad universe universe and you have the kill tony shirt there's a few of them left and hats and and a bunch of stuff we got death squad mugs check it out shop squad.tv and now here's a brand new episode of kill tony of Kill Tony.

Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from Helium Comedy Club for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Philadelphia, come on. It's Saturday afternoon. Make some fucking noise.

Booyah. We are live. Hey, look, everybody. It's Brian Redbeck. Hey, guys. We are live in Philadelphia. This is so exciting. We're back for our third and final show.

Yes. And this is it. Yes. It's been a very exciting weekend so far. We have a couple more stand-up shows after this tonight, and then we go back home, and we're back to L.A. Another show in two days. Do it again on Monday with the great Tim Dillon.

And just like you found out about this show through listening to the podcast, other people will too. Thursday night we're in Ventura, California. The next Thursday after that, St. Louis Kill Tony. The Thursday after that, West Nia Kill Tony. St. Louis and West Nia have weekends of stand-up with them in which you can check out me, Red Band, and Jeremiah all doing stand-up comedy sets as well that whole weekend. We're doing Kill Tony's at the La Jolla Comedy Club,

the La Jolla Comedy Store. We already sold out one. We just added a second show to that, so congrats to you, La Jolla. And the Gramercy Theater in New York, New York, the 20th of June. That's a big one. We roll into Skank Fest that weekend.

And then it's Kill Tony Mania, San Francisco, October 18th and 19th. It's back. Two shows per night at Cobbs in San Francisco. And then Sacramento just added the 16th and 19th. It's back. Two shows per night at Cobbs in San Francisco. Then Sacramento just added the 16th and 17th. We're going to be in Northern California for those four nights doing six Kiltonis.

Six Kiltonis. Eight Kiltonis in eight days if you count the ones in LA. That's a record for us if you're wondering. Business is a-boomin'. And if you think we're ever coming back to Philadelphia again, you're probably right. I'd say that's a safe bet to make.

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Okay, let's start the show. Here we are, Kill Tony Live, Philadelphia, the final blowout. This is it. Now, as with all these road episodes, and you can tell by the size of our table and stage, we are going guestless tonight. However, because we love you, Philadelphia, because we love you so goddamn much, we just so happen to bring the entire goddamn band with us. Shout-outs to Chroma Chris, who couldn't make it.

But the rest of the band. The meat and potatoes, if you will. We left the pickle back in Los Angeles. Every single episode of this show, they commit to staying in character. We never know what they're going to be. They have a separate slid-off curtain in that dressing room back there where they were changing right before the show. The first episode, they were high school coaches, gym teachers, yes. And the second episode here in Philly, they were 80s comedians.

Oh, that was the best. Wow. We'd seen them before. They debuted a new character the first episode. The return of 80s comedians, the second episode. Who knows what they're going to be tonight? Let's all find out together. It is the best damn band in the land.

It's the Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins and Joel Berg. Joel Jimenez. Whoa. Whoa. Wow. Woodland creatures are back, ladies and gentlemen. Wow.

Look at them. This is incredible. Remind me of your name and ethnicity one more time. Yes, it is I, Mr. Fumna. My mother is a goddess and my father is a deer. Wait, your mom got fucked by a deer? And then, wow, look at this. What do we have back here?

Is this the Spanish version of Avatar? What are you, avatarded? Oh, hey. Oh, it has begun. Tony, my name's Derek. I'm a straight fairy. I love pussy. So I got, I'm going to write it down so I remember.

Derek and Mr. Thumbnair? Thumbnair. F-U-M-N-A-R. F-U-M-N-A-R. Look at me and you'll see the stars, Mr. Thumbnair. Mr. Thumbnair. Someone is in danger. Oh, my goodness.

All right, well, we got Mr. Fumar. We got... Fumnar, I just spelled it for you. I just gave you all the letters. Six letters, multiple personalities. I thought you said F-U-M-M. You said F-U-M-N-A-R. Okay.

Mr. Fumnar. Don-N-A-R. Don't look at me like that. All right. We got them. They're going to be with us the entire episode. We got Red Band. We got me. We got motherfucking Philadelphia.

And right here I have a very special custom-made for Philly only Kill Tony Bucket of Destiny in which it appears that I'd say probably somewhere between 30, 40 people. Perhaps they're in the audience for their, maybe it's their first time. Maybe they're a comedy vet. They've been a fan of the show a long time. Maybe it's, they've been doing comedy a while. They don't even know what the fuck the

show is. A friend told them to come here. Maybe that happened. Maybe it's a fucking guy from New York that's been doing it 30 years. They got in trouble for jerking off in front of people and he's trying to get back in the game. The craziest way he knows how. Is he out here? Wait a second. Mr. Fumnar.

I don't know. He's having trouble getting his saxophone over his antlers for you podcast listeners. I didn't know antlers bent like that. That is the half-man part. Him and his fleshy antlers. So you guys know how it works, I do believe. If I pull a name out of the bucket for someone that signed up, they get 60 seconds to do comedy uninterrupted. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitty.

That means, oh, you can barely hear that thing. Where's that kitty at? There you go. Wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry gayborhood bear. Thank you, Philadelphia. Yes. It's a gay bear that says... One of my greatest foes in the

forest. And just a heads up, if you get pulled out of the bucket, you have to make your way all the way over here and enter through this side. There is no middle entrance. There is no entrance over there. You'll have to somehow wiggle all the way over here and enter through this side. There is no middle entrance. There is no entrance over there. You'll have to somehow wiggle all the way through there

and then come up this direction. Make sure you watch your step. There are cords. There's a step. There's a whole thing. Don't be an idiot. You guys ready to start this thing or what? We are live.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Mr. Fumnar, Derek, and the whole crew. Here we fucking go. Hands in the bucket. And your first comedian tonight, getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds. And remember, this is important. I'll say this before,

because Philly's got a little bit of a fucking I could do that attitude. You do not heckle during the people's sets at all. During their 60 seconds, you either fucking laugh or you don't laugh like a good goddamn audience. Well, after their 60 seconds is up, we'll take care

of the rest of it. You guys ready to start this thing? It's two letters, this first name. Make some noise for JP, everyone. Here we go. And it has begun. Live from Philadelphia. Coming from the back. We got a long walk. Look at this guy.

Wow. Here he comes. Bananas. Lucy in the sky with motherfucking diamonds. All right, here we go. Make some noise for JP, everybody. Hey, what's up, everybody? So, my wife just got pregnant,

and we were trying to get pregnant, so part of that, we had to do some tests beforehand, which included a semen analysis. So, basically, I just had to come in a cup. Not as good as it sounds, though. You have to do it dry. They specify no lube and no saliva. So that means enough people have jerked off by spitting on their dick

and then coming, you know, that way because they're maniacs. What type of fucking murderer would spit on their dick to jerk off? Just go dry. It's not that hard. That's something that if you do that, you should be immediately taken to jail. Because you're a murderer. You might not have committed a murder,

but you're going to. That's something like fucking Robert Durst is probably in jail right now doing. It should be something that disqualifies you from getting a job. Under have you committed a felony, it should be have you spit on your dick to jerk off.

Thank you. Fuck yeah. JP. How's it going, buddy? How are you? Great. Look at you. That's your first time on stage?

Fuck yeah. Wow, JP, everybody. I love it. I love it. For those of you listening to the podcast, JP looks like Walter White pre-cancer. Look at that audience. Show them that beautiful fucking face he has.

JP, so this is your first time on stage. You said your wife got pregnant? Yep. And then you had to do a semen analysis? Before she got pregnant. Before she got pregnant. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Because she took a visit into the woods recently. So you're very much against Spitting on your dick So you've never done it before You never spit on your girl's crotch Before you fuck it Wow red band just starting strong A lot of spit crotch dick

My god wow you're letting it all out at once I think that's a little different When you're with somebody else Look at you you romantic Judging by the way he speaks He sounds like he spits on his dick every time he masturbates. So, JP, I'm a little

confused. There was a lot of business going on. Did you get your wife pregnant? You did? After the semen analysis? After the semen analysis, yep. Wow. What'd you do to get her pregnant? You came inside of her? Yep. Wow. What did you do to get her pregnant? You came inside of her? Yep.

That's it? That's it. You seem like the kind of guy that would take your semen analysis and then use a dripper to put it in yourself. Like some type of mad scientist or something. Or sad scientist, perhaps. I don't know. Wow. So, JP, tell us more about you.

Is she still pregnant? Yep 16 weeks pregnant 16 weeks not too late It's not too late JP If you think you can't handle this It's never too late Why do I feel like the wife is the one that ordered the semen analysis Look at these fucks coming in late

Why don't you come on in you idiots You just said it's never too late I guess so you're right Very good point Mr. Fumnar Dropped that hard end for you So JP what do you do for work Basically deliver junk mail. Deliver junk mail.

Sounds like a great job to support a new baby. What do you mean you deliver junk mail? I work for UPenn and I work at the hospital. So I'm a clerk. So that's the bulk of my job. It's just getting the bullshit junk mail that comes in and distributing it to doctors. Wow, a junk mail that comes in and distributing it to doctors. Wow.

A junk mail that delivers junk mail. Hey. Derek. Wow. JP, how long have you been with your girlfriend or your wife? Wife. Wife. How long have you been with your girlfriend or your wife? Wife. Wife. How long have you been with her?

Over ten years. Over ten years. That was the first girl that you've been with? No. No? Geez, look at you, you fucking pimp. Wow. How many different women do you think a player like you has torn up inside out?

Three in total. Three total. Very good. Wow. What does your wife do? She works at outpatient rehab. Wow. People with brain injuries.

Gosh, that's why you guys connect so well. I like that. You come home, you're like, babe, what's for dinner? She's like, I've been dealing with this shit all day! Wow, people with brain injuries. That's a wild one. My goodness, JP.

Tell us, what do you do for fun when you're not delivering junk mail or banging your wife? Tearing it up? Nothing really. There must be something. Play video games a lot? Yeah.

When you call them a player, he's like, it's actually gamer. If you say your favorite video game is Deer Hunter, I will kill you right now. Wow, what is your favorite video game is Deer Hunter, I will kill you right now. Wow, what is your favorite video game? Just out of curiosity. I don't know shit about it. Never helps the interview part of this show,

but I'll ask you anyway. I've been playing a game on Switch lately. It's B-Cop. B-Cop? B-Cop. B-Cop? Yeah. What do you do?

You arrest bees? B, like B-E-A-T. B-Cop, Mr. Thumbnail. Yeah. What do you do? You arrest bees? Beat. Like B-E-A-T. Beat cop. Mr. Thumbnail. Listen. Beat cop. So what do you do in that video game? You just walk around and like fucking write tickets to cars.

It's like super dumb. The whitest game ever. I shoot black people. I hand out repossession papers. JP, is stand-up something you've always wanted to do? Yeah. Can you see yourself doing it more

now that you've done it one time? Yeah, probably. That's fun. You live here in Philly? Yep. The heart of Philly. What part? Not the heart of Philly. The burbs. The kidney of Philly.

Abington. Abington. Yep, not a lot of Abington people here to represent really. What's Abington known for? What's the cool thing? Oh, okay. Eddie George is a great

player from The Ohio State University who's playing in March Madness this week. Go to betdsi.com. Use the promo code... Well, JP, you got the show started here tonight, and we are greatly appreciative of that. Congratulations on your first time, and I wish you the best of luck with stand-up comedy and your baby on the way.

16 weeks means what? He's got five months left. Five months until a baby's looking at that face like, what the fuck did I do wrong to end up with this fucking nerd as my fucking father. I don't know why it's a talking Italian baby, but it's just what I picture.

All right. Your next comedian, 60 seconds uninterrupted, goes by the name of Adam Nutter. Adam Nutter. There he comes from the left. Adam Nutter. There he comes From the left Adam Nutter There he is Come on, one more time for Adam Nutter

Oh, what's up everybody Thanks for coming out Guys, I love drugs I know about you, but I do Right? Love you some DMT Love you some mushrooms Love you some marijuana

What I hate, I hate being a dad Because I can't do all the fun stuff I want to do instead. I have to go to kid parties a lot, they're awful. Last one I was at, I go, my buddy's like, Adam, you gotta help me out. I'm like, what's up, man? It's like face painter called out sick. I'm like, alright, I can't draw, but how hard can it be to draw dicks on little kids' faces for a few hours? Can't be that hard. One kid came up to me, he's like, oh, I really want to be Batman.

So I killed his parents because I'm being a good role model. I'll tell you what didn't happen. He didn't become Batman. Just cried a lot. I was like, hey, kid, Batman would have picked himself up by his billionaire bootstraps, fly to cross to China, train with the League of Assassins, fly back, build a super suit. And all you're doing is crying. Your generation is awful.

Oh, there you go. Adam Nutter. Good job. You've been doing stand up a little while, right? This summer will be five years. Five years all here in Philadelphia? No, I actually started in New York. I'm from New York.

I live out here now. I can feel it. You came out aggressive from the get. You maintained a healthy volume level. You projected. You performed. That's all fun and games. That's good.

Good set. Fun times. There you go. So let's find out more about you, Adam. You've been doing it five years. You are a dad. Yeah. How many kids do you have?

Just one. Yeah. How old's the kid? He will be eight in two weeks. Wow. You have one of those just kids that's like growing up all by himself and shit. Yeah. Yeah.

Especially because I don't live with his mom, so actually by himself. Wow. Is he by himself right now? No, I'm kidding. No, no, no. Oh, actually, I don't live with his mom, so actually by himself. Wow. Is he by himself right now? No, I'm kidding. Oh, actually, I don't know. I'm here. Wow, now I don't know what the fuck's true and what's not. The eight-year-old lived with you?

No. With the mom? Yeah. Yeah. And what do you do for a living? I'm actually a retired cop from New York City. Wow. So I used to stand up and have a podcast.

You ever play Beat Cop? No, it sounds terrible. Real Cop was mostly Angry Birds and Netflix, not fucking that boring-ass game. How are you a retired cop already? Oh, I got too many head injuries from years of football.

Wow, you must know his wife. If you don't know the guy that plays Beat Cop, you know JP's lovely wife. She's 16 weeks pregnant. I know. Is this your first time on Kill Tony? Yeah.

Oh, this is my second. I know. Adam, let's talk about those brain injuries. What the hell happened? How do you get brain injuries? Years of football, a few years of MMA, and then car accidents. Wow. Yeah.

You played football, what, in high school? High school, then I played a little semi-pro in Jersey after high school. You played semi-pro? It's like rec league football to joke. I was not that good at semi-pro football. What position were you in? Safety. Wow, you were a safety?

I was. The last line of fucking defense? Yeah. The responsible one? The guy that's supposed to run at the right angle and catch a fucking running back? Yeah. All right. What was the name of the team that you played for? The guy that's supposed to run at the right angle and catch a fucking running back? Yeah. What was the name of the team that you played for?

The Edison Mustangs. The Edison Mustangs. Holy shit. Who came up with that light bulb of an idea? Wow. Then you started MMA? At 18, I started training. I fought for only a year from 20 to 21. How many fights did you have in that year?

Only three. Three fights. What was your record? I was 3-0. Wow. Look at you. I was an amateur, not professional. Right, right. I was just semi-pro. Yeah. 3-0, that's it. Did you take a lot of shots during that? Yeah, a ton.

But you still won somehow. Explain that. Why do you think you were able to pull it out? I don't know. When you get so many brain injuries already, you don't care anymore. It's like, fuck it, I'll just stick my chin in there and you just duke it out. You know, you say that you have all these brain injuries, but you come out here, you do stand-up comedy. You've been doing comedy for five years. I think it's one of the harder things to be able to do and get good at and get better at.

Are you afraid that the cops that are sending you checks every month from our amazing United States government, who I love dearly, do you think are you a little bit afraid that they might find out about... I mean, you've been doing this five years.

What if five years from now, you get you get a netflix special and uh the police are like uh what the fuck are we doing here with this uh oh yeah no it's cool they just told me to have a gun and make like hard decisions so right you know i'm not doing that here so it's a little more lenient you know what do you consider hard how dark does a person's skin have to be for you to... Point to us on Joel's body. Is it nipple dark? Oh yeah, nipple dark's good. Wow, nipple dark, you're dead.

So Puerto Rican. That's good enough. So how long were you a cop for? Eight years. Did something happen? You shot a kid or something? It's good enough. It's good enough. So how long were you a cop for? Eight years. And did you end bad? Like, did something happen? Like, you shot a kid or something? No.

No, it's... Come on. No, we were actually going to a call. Other cops were calling for help during this giant fight. And we were flying, and some girl, ignoring all the lights and sirens, just walked out into the street. And I either kill her or I swerve. So I swerved, hit a light pole.

Light pole crashed in the car. Tire flew off. I got knocked out for a few seconds. Woke up. I'm like, don't cut my vest. It's expensive. And they had to call my clothes off and shit. Yeah, it was pretty crazy. I was out for a while and they're like, yeah, you're just done, man. You can't do this anymore. And I retired. Wow. So you got into a car accident.

A few. Oh. Were these people crossing the street, were they even there? I do a lot of those mushrooms, man. I don't know. You were doing mushrooms? It's that girl here on stage right now.

How do you get in so many car accidents? Well, I was only driving in one of them. The other two were my buddy, and he's not that great at driving, obviously. You let a buddy drive your cop car? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My goodness.

Craziest thing you saw in your eight years as a cop? Craziest thing? Other than a light pole falling on you. Dude jumped out of a window, got stuck on a,

like a metal fence and decapitated himself. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Fucking. What was he trying to do?

He was trying to escape the police or something? Like, why did he jump out of the window? I think he was in a drug dispute with another upstanding citizen. What floor? Second floor? Third floor? Roof. I'm sorry. Roof. Third floor roof.

Just took it off and missed. Took his whole head off. And you got to see it? Oh yeah. Helicopter blades hitting people's heads. Pretty crazy shit. And you got to see it? Oh, yeah. Helicopter blades hitting people's heads. Pretty crazy shit. Did you take selfies with it?

No. You must have done something fun. Like, did you cuff him, cuff his hands behind his back? Um, so we try to do stuff fun

before everybody shows up. So, like, you know, we used to, like, cuff our friends to go to the cars and. So like, you know, we used to like cough our friends like a hood of the cars and shit like that, you know, for fun,

just to dick around. Do you ever take any other drugs? Like where you're like, oh, I like this cocaine. Nah, it's too hard. Like it's, everything's too monitored.

You can't do it. It's not like the TV shows at all. Everything's fucking, it's like Big Brother, man. It's hard. I love it. Well, Adam, congratulations.

Thank you for your service and thank you for coming on Kill Tony. There you go. Five-year comedy bet. Adam Nutter. You got it. Wow. Got the lungs of a deer.

And the breath of a goddess. Breast? Your next comedian goes by the name of Neil Wood. Neil Wood. Neil Wood. Here he comes. My best friend. What's up, people?

I think period sex is a lot of hard work. You know? You gotta get all those costumes. The first time... First time... First time I ever had oral sex, we 69'd. First time.

I don't know whose idea, it was my idea. I don't know why I'm lying to all of you. And she had braces on her legs, and, oh, it was like smelly scaffolding fell on me. It's like, ah, where's my union rip? Yeah, yeah. I hate shower sex. Can't do shower sex.

I'm very tall, and cats hate water, so. Look at me, I'm a dog guy. Come on, stop. It's enough. You know, as shower sex, as it's known in the rainforest, stop. That's enough. You know, as shower sex, as it's known, the rainforest sex. All right, there you go. Thanks, guys.

There you go, Neil Wood. Hilarious. What's up, Tony? Very good. Very, very good. I'm getting the feeling that, like Adam, this isn't your first rodeo. No, yeah.

Five years, coming up on five, I think. Five years. And you perform here in Philly, New York. Do. New York, like once or twice. New Jersey, Philly. Mostly Philly? You based out of here?

Yeah. This is where you live? Yeah, South Philly. What are they called? New Breeze or some shit? Your voice doesn't match your head at all. No, it doesn't. You have a fucking real voice. Doesn't at all.

You have the voice of a pro wrestler cutting a promo. Oh, yeah. When I get my hands on you this fucking Monday. That sounds about right. And you have the face of the guy that would just watch the pro wrestler cut the promo. Yeah. He looks like a nerd that got drafted to Vietnam.

Fuck. Yeah. Is that what I look like? Shit. You sound like... No, I swear I have flat feet. I can't join. He's like a full metal faggot.

Joel Byrne. That was pretty good. Fuck yeah. Oh, boy. Fuck yeah. That was pretty good. Oh, boy. Fuck yeah. That was fucking amazing. He's warming up back there. This is the best day ever. Fuck yeah, dude.

You sound like a guy that looks like you, right? Got arrested and you're in prison for the first time ever and you're trying to not get butt fucked. Hey, what are you looking at over there? I'm a man. Clearly this isn't put on. This is my real voice. He sounds like he's auditioning to be a strip club DJ.

Welcome to the stage. There you go. I don't know. You have a girlfriend? No, just got out of that. Really? Yeah. Oh yeah? How'd there you go. Yeah. I don't know. You have a girlfriend? No. Just got out of that. Really? Yeah.

Oh, yeah? How'd you get out of it? I got herpes. Is that true? Are you serious? 100% true. So did you cheat on her and you got herpes? No. Or she gave you herpes straight up?

No. Yeah, yeah. We broke up and then I got the gift. You broke up? You hooked up with somebody else? You got herpes? Yeah. No. I'm so confused. The timeline's a little slippery. I bet the gift. You broke up. You hooked up with somebody else. You got herpes. Yeah. No.

I'm so confused. This timeline is a little slippery. I bet it is. It's a bumpy road. The memory, much like the herpes, never goes away. That is true. One in eight. One in eight.

All right. So, yeah, no. We were dating. She had it. I knew she had it the whole time. We dated for four years. Did she tell you? Yes, she did.

She told you at the beginning of the relationship? Yes. She was like, just to let you know, if you ever want to fuck me without a condom, you're going to have a little something to... I couldn't have been harder when she told me. That's the kind of guy I am. Really? It lubricates, right?

Brian. Red man. Absolutely. Clearly. Fuck yeah, absolutely, 100%. Yeah. It's like Jersey trash showing? Yeah, dude. Is it? I fucking love harpies.

So did you not wear a condom, or what happened? No. You literally looked at her in her eyes and be like, baby, it's worth it to me. You were like, tonight I want a raw deer. I like how your antlers bounced when you said that. One of my favorite parts of your set, Neil, was when you said that your first time

having oral sex, you 69'd, and I heard a cool black guy in the audience go, yeah. It's pretty amazing in that middle area. Buying that guy a drink after. Hell yeah. It's pretty amazing in that middle area. Buying that guy a drink after. Hell yeah. And yeah, man,

you had great fucking jokes. You've been doing it five years in Philly. What do you do for a living? I'm a creative director for a college. Wow, what does that mean? Oh, advertising, marketing, design. Wow, hopefully not Penn State. No. Alright, so not Penn State. No.

All right, so we got some work to do. Got an image to upkeep. I love you doing my voice. It's so much more intense. Like, your eyes are like, oh, so. I like that. Thanks, Neil. Like, I give a fuck about what you like.

Fuck. The hell are we talking about here? So what do you do at the college? Yeah, yeah. Like, I give a fuck about what you like. Fuck. The hell are we talking about here? So what do you do at the college? Yeah. Yeah. Very good. How long have you had that job? Six years.

Six years? Yeah. Wow. Pre-herpes. Pre-herpes. It was a different time back then. Wow. Hell yeah.

So what do you do for fun? You seem like an interesting fucking guy. I like your sense of humor. Love the jokes. So I want to know more fun? You seem like an interesting fucking guy. I like your sense of humor, love the jokes. I want to know more about you. Just getting herpes and doing comedy, man. Come on. But like for a hobby or something like that. I do since I went to art school and work for an art school.

I paint, design, and stuff on the side too. Yeah. Paint, design, stuff on the side too. What do you want to do? I can probably do it. Digital media, film editing, painting, that kind of stuff. My goodness. I'm very talented. Wow, I like that.

Talented in a bunch of stuff that we can't see. Yep, yep. Nope. Not available for purchase. Alright, well how about now that you're single, what's your master plan? What are you going to do? Openly telling people I have herpes.

You're going to openly do it. Wow. Just to weed them out, I think. So let me ask you something. Are you going to warn people from now on? So how does that work now that you have herpes? So let's say a chick is like, after this, a chick comes up to you and she's like, I love your set and we have the same voice.

No, I'm kidding. If she's like, hey, what's up? I like you, Neil Wood, and I maybe want to see more of your last name, if you know what I mean. What would you be like? You'd be like, well, there's something I gotta tell you. I don't know if you heard during the interview

part, but... I was gonna say, if it's after this and she didn't pay attention, then she sounds like she's for me. No, yeah, I'm getting used to having to talk about it. I just got out of the hospital because I got herpes. I also got a brain infection. What? How does that work? Yeah, yeah. Apparently, you know, herpes is

usually in the back of your, it's the base of your spine is where it lays. My herpes went to the base of my spine and then was like, fuck it, we're going right into a spinal tap, and then went to my brain and gave me an infection. Wow. So how did you find out about that? Like how do you find out that you have a fucking brain?

You get progressively sick and sick and you have crippling headaches. Whoa. And then you go to the hospital and they're like, do you have herpes? I'm like, yes. And then they're like, you have a brain infection. That's cool. Has any nurse on accident, after she asks you that question, do you have herpes, accidentally go, ew? Yeah.

That's happened. That's 100% happened. So you didn't get it From doing like 69 with her It didn't just go right In your mouth Into your A little Wow

Dr. Redband Yeah Is a Is a very brain damage Heavy episode Of Kill Tony Is what I'm noticing Yeah Adam is my best friend

Is that true That's 100% true Really Yeah So the guy He does have that kind Of brain damage yes Wow

That's your next question. Look at that. Did he ever let you drive his cop car? All the time. All the time. Oh, dude, I'm fucking wrecked again, man. You're going to be in big trouble this time. All right.

You mentioned Batman and being rich, being a rich kid. What was your childhood like? Did you grow up with rich parents? No. We were just, I think, lower middle probably, right around there. Right around where you're... I'm from a blueberry farm in New Jersey, dude. Lower middle, right around on your spine where your

herpes like goes. Okie dokie. So that was, you know, Neil, another another great set i love that guys like you and adam showed up comedy uh comedy experience showing off i can tell people that have done stand-up in new york before that's what it's turned into now i can tell by the way that they project they don't fuck around like you you'll notice somebody for their first time or really even at other places, they'll be like, hey,

what's up everybody? You know what I mean? And someone from New York will be like, what's up everybody? It's a different thing. They have to get their point across because everybody before them and after them is getting their fucking point across. Can't pussyfoot. Make some noise for Sean Maguire everyone. Here we go, keeping it moving along

We're flying through people Damn Sweet dreams are made of these I wear my sunglasses at night. Oh. One more time for Sean McGuire, everybody. Thank you. What's happening, Philly?

Excited to be here. Oh, man. So not a good time in America for a lot of icons. R. Kelly, down. MJ, recently down. Donald Trump hanging in there, but he's not looking good, but we'll see. we'll see one icon though who's doing well perhaps on a serious come up

is David Attenborough the greatest documentary narrator of all time BBC is working that motherfucker man

how many more god damn nature documentaries is that this poor old man. He's standing there. He's got like Parkinson's everywhere. He's like...

It's like... Watched Africa. It's like one of the latest ones. He's standing there in this... Between these two rows of trees. Go ahead. go ahead. I'm here in the Serengeti. Thank you, thank you.

Here you go. Sean Maguire. Fuck yeah. I don't recognize you not sitting behind a crystal ball. Surprise. Wow. Sean, that was fun. New to stand-up? About four months. Four months. Hell yeah. That's fun. New to stand-up?

About four months. Four months. Hell yeah. That's fun. You from here in Philly? I'm from Virginia. Virginia? Yeah.

Wow. You came up here for this or you're in town? I live in Philly now. Oh, cool. You're originally from Virginia. How long have you lived in Philly? About four months. About four months. About four months.

Yeah. Came to Philly to live your dream as a stand-up comedian. I was actually, I was in Brooklyn before for about four years. Oh, okay. But you didn't do stand-up there. I started there. Fuck New York City. If you want to make it anywhere, you got to go to Philly first.

Right? Oh, shit. The guy that likes 69ing agrees with that. Fuck yeah, dude. This guy likes 69ing and starting comedy in Philly for some reason. So why Philly? Why the move from Brooklyn to Philly? I was partly just wanted a little change from New York. Wanted to chill out and slow things down. Do you have a girl break your heart in New York?

No, I had a girl just get a promotion with her job, which has led us to Philly. So I just said, fuck it, I'll move to Philly with you. Wow, look at you. That's a fucking real man right there. Jeez.

New York City? Fuck this. I'll go to Philly for you, babe. I love it. I like wind and dirt. Let's go. Just like I am half man, so are you. My goodness.

How long have you been with your girl? It has been almost two years. Where did you meet her? I met her... What chat room did you meet her in? No chat room. I met her at a former job of mine. I was working as a manager at a grocery store,

and she was an account representative for a juice company that I would buy juice from. Keep going. Make the answer longer. Make it longer. Wow. What do you do for a living? I'm a barista Monday through Friday.

A barista. Wow. You almost made it sound like you're not a coffee making guy. You said it like it's like some bigger thing. I'm like, wow, he works on the bar of Easter. He steams margaritas. You're a barista. And I fry

chicken and donuts on the weekend. Whoa. Chicken and donuts. Federal donuts, Center City. I'm your man. I'm surprised when you said that you fry chicken and donuts, I didn't hear you. I'm really surprised there was a gap there. Sorry to stereotype you, but I really thought I had you figured out by now.

How do you get in the business of frying chicken and donuts? How does that start? I don't know. That's a great question. I don't know. Only on weekends, though. Only on weekends, yeah. Saturday and Sunday.

Yes. I was full-time, but I went part-time. So Saturday and Sunday, you're like, fuck it. It's still Friday to me. Yeah. So Saturday and Sunday you're like, fuck it, it's still Friday to me. Yeah. My fry jokes never work the way that I think they're going to.

All right. What else, Sean? What else are you into? There must be something about you. You seem like the kind of guy that likes to ice skate backwards in the... I play some bass guitar. Yeah? I love to watch Kill Tony. Uh-huh.

And I'm into, like, yoga and meditation. Really? Can you give us a good, can you give us an example of some of your yoga skills right now? Would you guys like to see that? Here he is doing a little yoga for us. Sean McGuire.

Just watch the drums behind you. That's all. Yep. Here we go. Wow. Wow. That was beautiful, Sean. Thank you, Tony.

Sean looks like the last person to suffer from the disease scurvy. It is true. It is true. Is that downward-facing pirate you just did? It was crow to handstand. Ah, crow handstand. Oh my goodness. Alright, well Sean,

congratulations on this new life you found for yourself in Philly. You did really good. You got great laugh. You did one of the hardest things possible on Kill Tony, which is you know, hit your fucking mark, even though you didn't get it in the time when I gave you the extension. A lot of people say, why do you tell them to finish?

It never works. Like, it's like sometimes it fucking does and it makes it worth it. And you hit your mark. And, you know, a piece of advice I would give you is sort of something that I was talking about right before you came up, which is, like, get it out there. You know, I know you're only four months in, but it's such a good note to sort of take from the last two guys. You have to convince us. You have to project so you could fucking own it more

because with the stuff you were talking about, it was really funny. Thank you, Sean. There you go. Sean McGuire, everybody. On to the next one we go. Here we go. That's the wrong song again. Quit singing along with the wrong songs.

It's Hang On Sloopy. I love that. The drum line. Hang on. Sweet dreams are made of these. Pooh-wim. Pooh-wim. I spent 40 minutes before the show rehearsing.

40 minutes. Who am I to disagree? All right. alright wow you taught me a lesson it looks so funny to me. There's something about antlers that just cracks me right at my core. I feel like as the episode goes on, are they going more and more sideways? Are they going down?

They're getting limp. You need to go to 4hims.com. Slash kill Tony. There you go. Rub it a little. Get in there. Wow. Hey, look at that.

Okay, your next comedian goes by the name of... Oh, fuck. I swear, ladies, this has never happened before make some noise for your next comedian the one maybe there might be more make some noise for him it's Dorian Vasquez

everybody Dorian Vasquez, everybody. Dorian. Here we go. Here we go. Is that Dorian? Oh, wow. We got a runner over here. Here comes Dorian. He's making his way. One more time for Dorian Vasquez, everyone. You guys think socially retarded Japanese kids obsess over American TV? Hell yeah. Comic-Con Tokyo is just a bunch of kids dressed like Al Bundy. I talked to my mom the other day. She's 68. She lives in Belize now.

She asked me what non-binary meant. That's a lot of pressure. I don't even know how to explain it to someone that... Like, she hasn't cleaned a white person's house for 10 years, so she's, like, out of date on wokeness. It's like, it's a person who, it's a person who doesn't, it's an out of shape white lady. Look at that.

Is that it? Wow, Dorian Vasquez. Wow. That wasquez. Wow. That was incredible. Wow. That is the funniest set I've ever seen Tig Notaro have. That was incredible.

That's a good one. Wow. How long have you been doing stand-up? About seven years in May. Seven years, and it shows, my friend. Applause breaks all throughout. You live here in Philly Seven years, and it shows, my friend. Applause breaks all throughout. You live here in Philly? Yeah, now I do. Now you do.

I'm originally from Inglewood, California. Originally from Inglewood. How'd you end up in Philly? I wanted to be on the East Coast, but I wanted to afford it. Wow. That's the same reason all of them are here right now. Yeah. And they're ancestors. Wow. So you the same reason all of them are here right now. And they're ancestors.

Wow. So you chose Philly. Yeah. I mean, it's cheaper than New York, and it's only a $20 bus ride. $20 bus ride to New York. And you do stand up in New York quite a bit. I try to. Yeah. What do you do for a living? How do you afford living in Philadelphia? How, oh, how could you possibly afford it?

No, actually, I'm a videographer. A videographer. I'm a videographer here a lot of times. Here at this club? Yeah. Oh, you work for Helium? No. Freelance work, though?

Oh, very cool. That's awesome. You've done that for uh how old are you you seem like you could be like any age I'm 20

yeah no I'm 29 29 yeah yeah that's lovely yeah no I uh your parents are the Vasquez's

of Englewood California yeah what do they think about you living out in Philly uh they were fine with it when they saw that I can take care of myself Yeah They feel like

They send me money Really? What do they do? No, they're retired I'm trying to have a dream Are they Mexican? Are you Mexican? I'm sorry?

Are you Mexican? No, sorry? Are you Mexican? No, they're from Belize. I don't Belize it. That's cute. Thank you. You want to make out? Jesus, look at this. Look at the natural rivalry you guys have.

You don't play drums by any chance, do you, Dorian? No. My goodness. I will eat you alive. What do you do for fun, Dorian? What are you into? Actually, I just left, apart from videography and comedy, I'm actually starting to

wrestle. Wrestle? You're starting now to learn how to wrestle? Yeah, I literally just went to a wrestling practice before this. You went to wrestling practice before this? Yeah. How literally just went to a wrestling practice before this. You went to wrestling practice before this? Yeah. How long have you been wrestling for? No, I literally just started.

It's my second time. Second time ever wrestling. You're like, fuck this. I'm 29. I'm going to learn now. What are you doing? You're doing like drilling double legs and whatnot? Single legs?

Nothing complicated. Just like bouncing off the ropes, learning how to take falls. Oh, you're talking about professional wrestling. Yeah. Wow. Holy fucking shit shit. Oh my god. Now that's even crazier than what I thought. I'm like wow wrestling is such a hard sport.

So fundamentally hard. But at least the kids built for it. Now you're telling me that you're a pro wrestler. I'm not at all a pro. No, I know. Semi-pro. I know, but the sport, basically, yeah. The sport is called pro wrestling.

Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah. So, like, what the fuck did you learn today? Getting thrown into the ropes is what you said? Yeah, no, just getting thrown into the ropes, learning how to take the... This is so interesting to me. Yeah. What would your character be if Vince McMahon called you today and was like,

Well, Dorian, I like what you're doing. I heard about you. I like the fact that you're coming in late, and you're completely different than anything we've ever had here before. I want to sign you to a contract. What are your ideas for characters? What could you be? How do you see yourself?

I was thinking, actually, I've got to tan and be a revolutionary migrant worker. God damn it, I love it. You're hired. Revolutionary migrant worker. Can you cut a promo for us? Can you show us what that would look like? Are you challenging perhaps Brock Lesnar? Can you show us what that would look like? You challenging perhaps

Brock Lesnar. You got Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania. Show us what that would look like. Look out in the crowd and show them. Tell those people. Pretend like that's Madison Square Garden. Alright. I honestly got nothing other than

just anger at white people, to be honest. Perfect. Thank you. It's just, I'm tired of white women telling me to check my privilege. I'm a working class Hispanic. The only way I get to reach a glass ceiling is if I clean it. I love you, Dorian. Can you maybe amp up the accent, perhaps?

I am a migrant worker. Hi, guys. Belize is an English-speaking country in Central America. Damn. Belize is an English speaking country in Central America damn I'm sorry I'm not

from that neck of the woods wow I like your style this is fun thank you for having me. Did I tell you you can fucking go? Wow. This was fun. Thanks for having me. I'm done here.

This is what I came to do and I'm done. Wow, I've never seen someone play the credits on their own set before. Alright, Dorian. You can go ahead. Thank you. There he goes. Dorian. You can go ahead. Thank you. There he goes. Dorian Vasquez, everyone.

I like that kid. You guys having fun out there? How many of you like it when comedians do good on Kill Tony? How many of you like it when comedians do good on Kill Tony? How many of you like seeing people bomb up here? Oh, dear. Make some noise for your next comic. David Weissner, everyone.

Here we go. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Here it comes. Here comes David. One more timeed. Here it comes. Here comes David. One more time for David Weissner, everyone. Hey, everybody. I'm going to be a dad, too.

I didn't jerk off in a cup, though. I just didn't pull out. I'm going to get 18 to life for that. But I'm hoping for a mistrial. I mean, we've only been together for nine months. We haven't even done butt stuff yet. I've been keeping my ass clean for nothing. I've been keeping my ass clean for nothing.

I forgot the next part. There's always things I wanted to do before having a kid, like cocaine. I'm 22, and I've never even seen it. Right? How am I going to parent with no life experience? When I told my girlfriend that, she was like, oh, you still have like six months? You want to go try it? This is the longest minute. There you go.

Fuck yeah. This is the longest minute. And also, now that you've been here, one of the widest minutes. It's so exciting to have Red Band's little brother on the show for the first time. It's like an... No, we don't touch each other, Brian. It's like an Addams Family reunion up here. Fuck yeah. So, David, it's true.

You're going to be a dad? Yep. How far along is she? 15 weeks. 15 weeks. Uh-oh. We might have a baby competition coming out. There's a 16-weeker out there that's ready to pop any day now.

You know if it's a boy or a girl yet? No. Either way, it's going to be a pussy. No, I'm kidding. I don't know. I don't know why I said that. Is anybody else worried that Bobby Hill is going to be a dad? I actually got a lot of work.

Thank God. Wow. That is what you fucking look like. Yeah, I've been told. My goodness. Now, strangely enough, you're the person on stage who's not currently learning how to become a pro wrestler. Not yet.

What do you do for a living? I work in a body shop. A body shop? Wow. It looks like the only body you don't work on is your own. David, I love that everybody knew exactly where I was going with that. Looks like everybody's like, ha ha ha, here it comes, Tony. Sign him up for you, man.

Give us what we want, you fucking fatty. So body shop for like cars and whatnot? Ambulances and fire trucks. You specialize in ambulances and fire trucks Did you recognize the guy that wrecked a bunch of cop cars earlier? No You really specialize in ambulances and fire trucks? Yep

Wow, my goodness What's it like working on an ambulance Knowing you're inevitably going to end up in one? I think about that every day. Really? No. How long have you been working on ambulances and fire trucks?

About four years. Four years. What an interesting thing. You specialize in sirens or anything? No, I'm in the paint shop, so I just prep things to be painted.

Oh, cool. So a lot of red. A lot of white. A lot of white. A lot of white and red. White ambulances, red fire trucks. You ever have any fun on the fire trucks or the ambulances? You ever do anything silly, like extend the ladder and try to climb it and be like, Oh, shit, I'm too fat for this.

They don't let me play with that stuff. What's that? They don't let me play with that stuff. No that? They don't let me play with that stuff No, they don't Just tape it Yeah, just paint You ever think that inhaling a lot of paint might not be good for you? Yeah

You said you're 22, right? Yeah And you're still with the girl that you got pregnant? Yeah How long have you two been together? Nine months Nine months? Wow, isn't that fitting?

Wow So did you try to have the talk? How long have you two been together? Nine months. Nine months. Wow, isn't that fitting? Wow. So did you try to have the talk, you know, the Planned Parenthood? Yeah. How did that talk go? Just so that your baby can one day listen back on this episode. How long was the talk? It was like half an hour.

Oh, two seconds? She's like, uh-uh. Basically. Oh, hell no. She's not black? She's not black? Oh, okay. I just assumed. I heard that black girls are into white guys with big asses.

So is that it? Maybe I have it backwards. I'm not sure. Did you want kids before this? Sure. Yeah. Sure. Not now. Not anytime soon.

My goodness. What's the plan? Is things already changing? What do you have, an apartment? No, we live at her parents' house. You live at her parents' house. Oh, no. Is there a long stairway or anything that you can

Oh red band If you ever need to escape you can come to one of my tree houses or something So you live at the parents house she lives at the parents house the parents live at the parents house Is there anybody else living there?

Does she have any brothers and sisters or anything? She has a brother He has his own place She has a brother. He has his own place. He's a fucking grown up. Yeah, he's still a buddy of mine. Yeah. Yeah.

He has a house and no kids. Do you guys fuck at the parents' house? Oh, yeah. You guys conceived a baby? No, that was at my parents' house. Whoa. Hell yeah. That was the house with the stairs.

I think that's why she wanted to move. Wow. Got to buy her a hoverboard and put it right on top of the stairway. Oh, goodness. It's hard getting a girl pregnant. Not for all of us. At your...

I wasn't done, you fuck! Setting up a completely improvised joke. Son of a bitch. Anyway, can't do it now. So tell us, how did you end up like that? What are you? What's your food of choice? You a big cheesesteak guy?

Yeah. Yeah, what else? What else do you love? What's like a guilty food of choice? You a big cheesesteak guy? Yeah. Yeah, what else? What else do you love? What's like a guilty pleasure of yours? What's something crazy that you've eaten that we would be surprised by? You seem like the kind of guy that drinks a gallon of milk to start the day.

You know what I mean? It's just what I do, man. I gotta go fucking paint ambulances. I'm out of here. Peace. Nah, just fast food. Fast food. Fast food and slow walking. It's mostly standing in one spot.

I like it. I like your style, David. A lot of people with babies on the way here. It almost seems like that's one of the only things to do in Philly. To make babies and rationalize how creating life is life. You know what I mean? That's so deep, bro. Alright, David.

Well, let's just keep it moving along. You're adorable. Congratulations. Wait a second. I didn't even ask you. Is that your first time doing stand-up? Wow. First time ever doing stand-up. Well, do it more, dude. You're 22. A lot of the greats start at 22.

So don't quit. How about one more time for David? There he goes. Is that the baby mama next to you there? Damn, look at her. I like that. Yeah. She's one of those fucking thick rimmed glasses chicks.

Get her a couple shots. Okay. Ken Offey, everyone. Ken Offey. Ken Offey. Rock me like a hurricane Ken Offey Whoa Jesus Alright oh my god

Fuck did he just come out of his bucket? One more time for Kevin Ophie, everyone. How you guys doing? Feeling good? All right, I've been getting along better with my dad recently, which is cool because growing up, we didn't really get along at all. He was all of the abuse with none of the alcoholism, which just means he really, really meant it, you know? Yeah, he would wake up every morning clear-headed as shit and be like, I remember what I did, you know? But I've been a single guy lately, first time single in the adult

world, and I had my first one-night stand last year. Thank you, it would have been better if you were there. But while we were doing it, I said to her, hey, say my name, just to see how long it would take for her to remember. And a few seconds went by, and she went, daddy. I was like, oh, fuck, that's a power move, for sure. And then she was like, say my name, daddy. And I was like, I'm so fucking proud of you.

Thank you. Kevin. Offee. Offee. Offee. Offee. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah, you did it, dude.

Thanks, man. You fucking did it, Kevin. Thank you. How long have you been on stand-up? Two years in June. Two fucking did it, Kevin. Thank you. How long have you been on stand-up? Two years in June. Two years. That's awesome.

All here in Philly or New York? Philly. I just did my first shows in Texas, Austin. How'd you end up in Texas? It was really fun. It was fun to do it in another radically different place. Right, but how did you end up there? Did you book, like, did someone? My old internship from LA flew me out to do South by Southwest stuff,

so I just was like, all right, I'm gonna Facebook blast people and see if I can do some time. That's sweet. Heck yeah. Yeah. That's great.

I love that. It's so good to see the son from Married with Children all grown up and out there hitting the streets. Yeah, I'm a little boy.

Yeah. That's fun. So you've been doing this for two years. What do you do with computers for a living? I do video editing. Yeah's fun. So you've been doing this for two years. What do you do with computers for a living? I do video editing. Damn right you do.

I just have to ask a question because this is weirding me out a bit. Do you have paint or blood on you right now? Where do you see that? On the right side of his ear, on his eye, Let me see.

Turn your head this way. Turn your head this way. Yeah, over here. Turn your head, okay, well turn your head that way. I can't see it. Okay. What is that?

It's fake blood. I did a tape segment for the same wrestling show that Dorian's on. Oh my god Are they recruiting a tiny gay wrestling community? I wrestled low weight in high school You look like you wrestle in the WWW It's a nerd joke

Yeah, I got it So what the fuck were you doing? Explain clearly what you were doing with this pro wrestling It's a nerd joke. Yeah, I got it. So what the fuck were you doing? Explain clearly what you were doing with this pro wrestling group. Well, it's called Awful Wrestling. I bet it is. It's a local thing. And I came in as a sidekick that's taken hostage of this character called Party Priest. Can you give us an example of what it sounded like?

Come on. Well, I was an example of what it sounded like? Come on. Well, I was an altar boy, so I just screamed as... You were dressed like an altar boy? They put me in Gregorian robes. It was pretty wild. It fit. I was like, the smaller and weaker I look, the better. Hell yeah.

A lot of fucking... A lot of special effects they must have used to make you seem small and weak. Yeah, they put a blade up to my dick and I screamed like, I'm already circumcised and shit like that. Wow. Yeah, and then I screamed. Yeah, it was cheesy. It was fun.

But yeah, I got covered in blood and then came to this. So how long? I was going to just ask how long you'd been wrestling with your sexuality. My whole life, baby. So do you have a girlfriend? No, single right now. Single right now.

Last date you went on, when was that? A few weeks ago. It was with the person who just dumped me. A few weeks ago with the person. When did they dump you? Yesterday morning. Wow. My goodness. So you went on a date a few weeks

ago. Yeah. Philly. I picked her up at work. We watched the new Spider-Man movie. At a movie theater? No, I bought it on iTunes. Oh, you watched it at your place. Good fucking movie.

Her place on my computer. Her place on your computer. You brought a laptop? Let me hook up my laptop to your TV. Yeah, 15-inch MacBook. She doesn't have a TV. So would you watch it on a couch or in bed? Bed.

Wow, straight to the bedroom. Yeah. First date. No, no, no. We were together for a little bit. Yeah, how long is a little bit? Like four or five bedroom. Yeah. First date. No, no, no. We were together for a little bit. Yeah. How long is a little bit? Like four or five months. Right.

I mean, like a second. Yeah. Okay. So when she dumped you, she dumped you yesterday. Yeah. So you wake up. What happens? Well, I was in Austin for a week, which was last week.

I called her. We hadn't really like talked in a second. So I called her to see like what was up. Yeah. It's like, hey, what's up? You want to watch spider-man again baby hey it's a great fucking movie um but uh no and i called her it immediately kind of turned into like a defensive fight and i was like do you want to keep seeing me and she said no and i was like all right well then goodbye like when you say a defensive fight like what did she say um i called her to see how

she was doing because she said she was depressed and then she didn't really give me any information. So I was just trying to keep the conversation going. So I said I had to find out. Let me explain to you something. I'm aggressive, yeah. You went to Austin for a week. She feels depressed because it's not really depression. That's sad because of guilt because she fucked someone while you were there.

Probably, honestly. Women don't just fall out of love. They get fucked by someone else. It is what it is. Probably taller. Here's what you do. You go into the secluded woods. You find a babbling brook.

You look into the water. If you see the reflection of a badger, you will be alone forever. Noted. But that's it? So he's just going to find out if he's going to be alone forever? He will be alone forever. There is only one option.

For other people, if you see a Mustang, then, uh... If you see a crow, oh, it's on. All right. Is there anything about you, Kevin, that we would be surprised to know other than the fact that you tape segments for wrestling? My first job when I was 16, I was Elmo at Sesame Place.

Do you have an Elmo? I do not have an Elmo. Thank goodness. Elmo's world! No, Elmo sounds more like this! There it is. Jesus, woodland creature. Mr. Funmar had a little Elmo as a kid, huh?

It was the only thing that kept me company while I rumbled through the forest, wondering, am I more man or am I more deer? Do I belong with the people in the village, or do I belong with the woodland creatures, like my straight fairy brother in the back over there? Elmo was the only thing that kept me company. And I tickled him until his batteries ran out.

And then I did not hear another human voice for 14 years. Then I became Mr. Fumna. Wow. Well, Kevin, you tickled us here tonight. One more time for Kevin Ophie, everybody. There he goes, Kevin Ophie. Sure. There you go.

One of the tiniest, one of the tiniest, most innocent handshakes I've ever had. Little tiny, soft, cold hand. One more time for Kevin, everybody. There you go. All right. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Keeping it moving along.

Make some noise for Chris Sicoli, everyone. Chris Sicoli. Here it comes. Saccoli, everyone. Chris Saccoli. Here comes Chris. Here he comes. Your next comedian. Make some noise for Chris Saccoli. Hello, everyone. Hello.

Oh, man. It's a longer jog than I thought. Okay, I'll tell you about me. I live in the suburbs, which means my drug dealer is a white child. I say child to be funny. It's not inappropriate, you know? Like, he's old enough to sell me drugs.

He's not old enough to drive them to me. Is anyone else in that situation? Does anyone go to their dealer and then take them to lacrosse practice? Anyone? Anyone? Just me? Really? Does anyone go to their dealer and then tutor them for drugs? Anyone? No, you've got to help your community more. What are you guys doing?

This is how Amazon becomes a thing. You're not helping anyone. I'll tell you, though, nothing's worse than going to your white child drug dealer's driveway expecting him to come out with drugs only to have a mom come out and ask you why you're there to see her 14-year-old son. And I didn't want to rat the kid out, you know.

I didn't want to ruin that. But I panicked. I'm not going to lie. I was just like, 14? He told me 18. Then I left. I was like, good news. Your mom does not think you're selling drugs. Bad news. She does think you're banging older dudes.

That close. What was the bad news, just out of curiosity? Bad news. She does think you're banging older dudes. All right. There you go. That's enough. Bad news, just out of curiosity. Bad news, she does think you're banging older dudes. All right, there you go. Chris Sicoli, you talk a lot about drugs for a guy that looks like he's never done any.

I look innocent. I've done a number of stuff. Not heroin and cocaine, everything else. Mr. Fumnar knows your darkest secrets. When his antlers go all the way down to the sides like that that means that you're going to be alone forever

same thing as when you see a badger in the reflection of the brook so Chris we found out about drugs and that you live in the suburbs what else? is that your first time doing stand up? I've been doing it a little under three years.

A little under three years. Heck yeah. All here in Philadelphia? No, I actually live in Jersey. You live in Jersey. I'm actually now interning for the Legion of Skanks podcast, if anyone listens here. Oh, yes.

Yes, of course. I'm Thud. If anyone knows Thud. Thud? Hell yeah. Hell yeah, guys. Thank you. What was that part?

What the fuck? Would you say that just made this guy's head explode? What? I'm Thud. Oh, so you're like famous on the Legion of Skanks, sort of. Legion of Skanks and open mics, I'm famous. Wow, there you go. Look at that.

Legion of Skanks is our brothers. We say that with no hesitation. We love them. We'll be there for Skank Fest. We're heading back. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Heading back in June. You'll be there at Skank Fest. We're heading back. Heading back in June.

You'll be there at Skank Fest, obviously. I'll be at Skank Fest, for sure. Wow, that's very cool. When you said thud, this guy went wild. Clearly he's a fan of the Legion of Skanks. I dig it. Hell yeah. Stick with me over here, Chris. Sorry, Tony.

Jesus, Chris just walked himself to the green room in order to bottle a champagne. It's like, relax. How do they know you as Thud? What are you popular for? What was your breakout? So they had a competition, the Intern Special Olympics. Of course.

I won. I just was better than everyone else. This gang's brought me in for an internship. I'm graduating college in May, so it's for college credit, which is ridiculous. Wow. But, yeah. The Legion of Skanks?

Yes. Louis J. found a way to get someone a college credit? That is... That fucking guy. We seriously need to start considering the fact that Louis J. Gomez in 2024 could be the president of the United States of America. What that guy's able to accomplish is crazy. Yeah, I made some phone calls, doggy.

What do you want? Did it. I'm president now. Fuck it. You want to be press secretary or what, dude? Let's do it. So, Chris, that's fucking awesome, man. You know, it's a big part of being a comedian is, you know, making friends with fucking people that you like and respect. And being in with the legion of skanks at a ground level is a great thing.

What do you do for a living? How do you make money? So right now since I'm still in school. Oh, yeah. You're finishing school. What's your degree in? Public relations. Public relations.

Where are you going to school at? Fairleigh Dickinson University. Say that again. Fairleigh Dickinson. Fairleigh Dickinson. Dicks. again? Fairleigh Dickinson University. Fairleigh Dickinson. Dicks. Jesus Christ. It's very stupid. Wow, yeah, the word dicks in it, Brian. My goodness.

Jesus Christ. Wow. What do they specialize in? It sounds like a school that... They specialize in taking money from people. That's pretty much it. Fairly Dickens. All right.

And you got scholarships to go to school? You just owed them a bunch of money? What's the deal? No, I'm 27, and after 25, New Jersey gives you a shit ton of money to go back to school. So I'm basically going to school for free at this point to finish my bachelor's. So basically, in Jersey, they're so used to people not going to college. Yes. That they're like, all right, once you hit 25 and we're positive you're a fuck up, we'll give you money to go to fucking college.

Please God, go do something. That is the most Jersey shit I've ever heard in my entire life. It's like pretty please do something with yourself. That's incredible. That must cost them a lot of money on the back end instead of just giving it to them when they turn 19. People wait around working minimum wage jobs for six years, right? Yes, pretty much.

Not too far off. Fucking amazing. So what did you do those years that you weren't going to college? I worked at PNC for a while, and then at night I started doing comedy. The bank, yeah, PNC bank. What did you do at the bank? A teller for a month, and then at night I started doing comedy. The bank? The bank, yeah. PNC Bank. What did you do at the bank? A teller for a month, and then they switched their entire system over, so I just became like a mortgage person.

You became a human ATM machine. Put money inside! Beep! Like the Tin Man. They basically forced me into a role to just like sell mortgages and credit cards, which made me a fuck ton of money, but like, I got to do that during the day and start comedy at night, so it was a pretty good combination of things. There you go.

At your bank, do you accept cicada exo-skeletons as currency? If we open a woodland branch, we will definitely take that. Oh, a woodland branch. I see what you're doing. Hey, look at that.

If I'm not welcome there, just tell me. Chris, what else about you? You're working with the skanks. I used to be a pro wrestler here in Philly, actually. Shut the fuck up. I swear to God. Is every tiny man

on this podcast a professional wrestler? Yes. And no one has asked Mr. Fumbnail if he can wrestle. Can you wrestle, Mr. Thumbnail? Of course. Really? Chris, what was your wrestling character's name? Jesse Wyman.

It wasn't anything crazy. What? Yeah, it's... Ladies and gentlemen, hurry up. The main event's about to begin. It's a gigantic killer versus Jesse Weinman. The fuck is Jesse Weinman's deal?

You saw my video, yeah. I mean, there was more. That's just the name of the character. Yeah, what was about it? Tell us more about the character. This is way more embarrassing than comedy. Holy shit. No, it's not.

No, it's not. You talking about... My first character, because I started training when I was 15. My first character was Crimson Chris Cardinal. That was my first name. Tell us about it. What the fuck made him Crimson Chris? I liked the color red and I wore Hot Topic shit.

The Hot Topic jeans and the trip jeans, whatever it was. I'm the red guy! I had face paint and shit. So that was your first character? Yeah. Let's go. And then I was...

Jesse Wyman was like a transition. I was gonna be someone else. Sounds like a... It sounds like the name of a person in transition. I think I'm just gonna go for Jesse for a bit till I get the old snip snip. I think I'm just going to go for Jesse for a bit until I get the old snip snip. And then I'm going to go by Justin. Wait, no.

I'm going to go by Jessica. I did it backwards. I hurt my back on a dive through the ropes and that kind of stopped my career. That's why I stopped wrestling. Once I cut my dick off, I'm going to go by Justin. All right. Well, Chris, amazing, amazing, amazing that you were a fucking pro wrestler.

I wish we found out more about you. Drugs are a hell of a thing. I would have loved to have heard more. I feel like drugs jokes really don't give us a great sample size of what you're capable of. It's just my go-to opener, so I wasn't expecting to get picked when I heard 30 to 40 names.

It's kind of like just going to muscle memory. Nobody's expecting to get picked. Yeah. That's fair damn right it is well enjoy going back to college and we'll see you at Skankfest in June and you know what

Chris wrong handshake Chris make sure you sign up June 20th at the Gramercy Theater in New York City because you'll already be there there he goes Chris Sicoli, everyone. Alright. Back to the bucket we go.

This looks like an interesting name. Make some noise for Matthew Maximus. Here we go. This guy sounds like a pro wrestler. Matthew Maximus. Here we go. This guy sounds like a pro wrestler. Matthew Maximus. Here he comes. Here he is, walking all the way around. One more time for Matthew Maximus, everyone.

How's it going? How's it going? The one time I went camping with my dad, and he slept in the house, and he threw me sleeping bags. It's because I was smoking weed, and he kicked me out. I always miss being a little kid. Every time I was a little kid, I always yelled for my mom, and she came to wipe my ass. That never happens anymore.

Every time I was a little kid, I always yelled for my mom when she came to wipe my ass. That never happens anymore. When I was in high school, I had a stalker, and he came to my school. I'm assuming he wanted me to suck his dick, because that's what he asked everyone in the parking lot. But I never did that. Obviously. Obviously. obviously a lot of time when I go to the bathroom like taking a couple hours

and besides the hemorrhoids every time I get up I feel like a double EMBT because my legs fall asleep and I usually fall down I guess that doesn't happen to you guys there you go. There he is. Matthew Maximus.

As I like to call him, John Mayer with leukemia. How are you, buddy? Are you not entertained? What? Are you not entertained? What's your accent? No, there's no accent. Let's check in with Mr. Fumnock.

Yes, I'm pretty sure he accidentally signed up for the sheet for free therapy and not kill Tony. All of those were weird quips about his life that I was like, huh? Yeah, I really... What? I'm with Mr. Are you serious? This guy's got issues. But none of them had punchlines.

I'm with Mr. Fumnar on this one. I had a little trouble understanding you. You speak perfect American English? I think so, yeah. You think so. What did you say about something about sucking a dick in a parking lot, for example? I didn't catch it at all. I had a stalker in high school, and he showed up to my high school and waited in a parking lot, for example. I didn't catch it at all. I had a stalker in high school and he showed up to my

high school and waited in the parking lot and asked everyone if they knew who I was and they said yeah and then he asked if I sucked dick. He asked the other kids if you suck dick. That's correct, yes. Does Matthew Maximus suck dick? No. You had a different

name back then. Yeah, I did. Really? Yeah. So Matthew Maximus is his stage name. Last name's fake, yeah. Last name's fake. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? I never have, yeah. This is your first time ever.

Yeah, yeah. And you signed up, yes. Yeah. So you used a fake name, a stage name, just in case it went how it did. No, you can still find me with that name on Facebook or Instagram. Oh, okay. Well, there you go.

Alright. Interesting. What did you say about your leg falling asleep? What was the last thing? I literally didn't understand you. Just if, like, like you know you're taking a shit in the bathroom and like you're sitting there for a long time and your legs fall asleep that never happens to anyone everyone was like what the fuck and that happens to me but i guess no one else i guess i'm a long shitter

okay let's talk about it, Matthew. I'm excited to meet you and find out more about you. Sounds great. I'm down. How old are you? I'm 25. 25. Yeah.

Tell us about you. What's the deal with you? What the fuck are you doing in life? What are you doing? Well, currently I'm going to the post office, like they like to call it in England or Ireland. So unemployment currently. I used to work for a medical device company. Not anymore.

Right. Studying for a real estate test, like to snowboard, hang out. Studying for a real estate test. Yeah, for a realtor's test, yeah. And you like to snowboard. I like to snowboard, yeah. Awesome. Mr. Fumnar.

Yes, he looks like the lead actor In a Tim Burton production of a movie Called White Privilege That is true That is true You have successful parents Your dad is a CEO of a company No, what does he do?

He works for the state police He's a police officer? No, he's a dispatcher How about mom? What does he do? He works for the state police. The state police? He's a police officer? No, he's a dispatcher. He calls. Okay. How about mom? What does she do? Realtor.

Realtor? Yeah. So she's doing pretty good. She sells houses? Yes. Wow. She's good at it? I mean...

Good enough if everyone thinks I'm here. White privilege, I guess. I guess so. How long have you been unemployed for? Two months. Two months. You have a plan? Stealing everyone's money.

You have a plan or are you just going to milk it for the whole... How long do you get to stay on unemployment? Six months maximum. You are a Philadelphia guy? Born and raised? Like an hour north of here. That's where you spent most of your days? An hour north of here, yeah.

An hour north of here? Yeah. What's that called? Allentown. Oh, God, Allentown. Yeah, yeah. I know about Allentown. Back in high school, I had a wrestling tournament there.

Pro wrestling? No, believe it or not, it wasn't pro wrestling. However, I may have suffered brain damage because it turns out that one of the only things to do in Allentown is fucking beat up people from Ohio when they come over to try to wrestle when they come to Allentown. Did not go well. It's a big wrestling town.

Did you know that? Yeah, my high school was pretty big in wrestling. Yeah, they're very famous for wrestling in Allentown. That's what I know them for. Did you wrestle? No, I did not. Did you do any sports? What did you do?

Baseball, football, basketball when I was young. You look like the kind of guy that would be sitting in an elevated chair on a tennis court and judge people. Baseball, basketball, you said those were your sports? Baseball, football. Baseball, football. Yeah. That's correct. Yeah, that's right.

I didn't want to answer too long. What did you do in, what was your position or football? Baseball or football. Yeah. That's correct. That's right. I didn't want to answer too long. What did you do in... What was your position in football? Defense. White receiver? No, I actually only played defense. I never played offense. Really?

Yeah. Defense. Defense. What were you? A cornerback? Started as safety, then moved to cornerback, then moved to linebacker, then moved to DN. I guess that I was too slow. They're like, yeah, just stay on the line.

Oh my goodness. When you say slow, you mean brain-wise. I think the CT finally did kick in. Yeah, Joe. Okay. Everything you say, you say sentences like they're words. Do you know that?

I figured it out. As this interview's gone on, I put together an example. A very big analysis. Sure, ask me a question about my life. Go ahead. Anything. You can't fuck it up. Tony, what did you do today? I woke up and I drank a coffee and I

ended up watching Pitch Perfect 3 was on the TV because HBO was on from the night before, so I ended up just doing that and taking care of promoting Monday's show back in Los Angeles and really didn't think much about anything. Talked to my wife, FaceTimed, chilled, went and got another coffee, and drank a bunch of water and then came here.

So I talked fast and I'm monotone? Actually, I still, I couldn't even help myself. I still know for a fact I enunciated better than you. Like, it's like listening back to it, like, I can't even help myself. You squished all the words together. There's no comm back to it. I can't even help myself. You squish all the words together. There's no commas.

I've heard that. Right. But I did. I don't like the pause. I fell asleep with HBO on the TV and I'm telling you, I did watch Pitch Perfect 3 today and I fucking loved it.

I've never seen two or one. I watched Pitch Perfect. I'm like, this shit is un-fucking-believable. Are you serious? Why are you guys laughing that hard? Did that happen to you? Hey, fuck yeah. That fat chick is hilarious.

Anyway. He asked me earlier today, he's like, have you seen this movie called Pitch Perfect? And I was like, yes, there's three of them. And I live in the woods. Oh, that's so funny. But Pitch Perfect, I don't know. I will not say anything about the other two.

But I'll say this. Because I've never seen them. I don't even think I'm going to. I'm going to start and I'm going to end with Pitch Perfect 3. I'm going to retire on top. John going to end with Pitch Perfect 3. I'm going to retire on top. John Lithgow is in Pitch Perfect 3. He literally said, it's incredible. They end the movie with the song Toxic by Britney Spears.

And by the way, I'm not even joking. This is verbatim what he told me earlier it's so funny i don't even have to change any of the words that are coming out of my mouth that's not true no no no actually what's what is funny is that the actual truth was is that i didn't know it was pitch perfect at all because i i caught like you know a few minutes in to the to the end so i didn't see the beginning credits so what i actually said to jeremiah was i watched this fucking amazing comedy today with all these chicks singing acapella what the fuck it was that have you heard of this it was like it was incredible i was i swear to god i'm like i don't i don't know why but it was fucking great then again i had a fucking vape pen and a good cup of coffee,

so it's like, who knows? It could be the biggest pile of shit ever. He's like, that fat girl's really funny. She's going places. I'm like, she's already places. This is the third movie she's in. I also love that this guy's so boring. I know, I know.

We're talking about Pitch Perfect 3. I didn't even realize you were still here. Oh my God. Matthew, how long have you been doing stand-up? I never have. First time ever. So this is your first time. So let me tell you something.

You got diagnosed right from the get. You started on the number one live podcast in the world. You have to end words cleanly and clearly so that we understand you. Because you could be saying the most funny shit in the world. end words cleanly and clearly so that we understand you. Because, you know, you could be saying the most funny shit in the world. If Dave Attell had the same brain joke-wise as he has, but he delivered it how you deliver it, nobody would ever fucking know what the fuck he's talking about.

And he's a genius. So the most important thing is you have to be clear so that we understand what the fuck you're talking about. Pitch perfect. Thank you. There he goes. Matthew Maximus, everyone.

We are really, uh, we're really over time. But, but, what do you guys think? Should we go to the bucket one last time? Are you going to go watch Pix Percha, like the first one now? No, no way.

Whatever, I know you. What did you say, lady? Oh, well, actually, I just fucking did. Thank you very much, by the way. I appreciate it. That's a real fucking cool Kill Tony fan. There you go. All right, we love you too.

That's enough. Just so happens that I did pull a female out of the bucket Make some noise for Rachel Grimsley everyone Rachel Grimsley Here she comes Oh yeah

One more time for Rachel Grimsley, everyone. Thank you. Well, my name is Rachel, but I go by another name for most of my performances. That would be the Hoop Fairy. You know what's up. be the hoop fairy. You know what's up. So I'm actually a flow artist. For those of you who don't know, that does not mean that I paint with menstrual materials. But I do eat and breathe my art. And that would be because I use fire. Yeah, I'm actually a dance performer. I dance with LED lights and fire and different kinds of cool props like that.

Unfortunately, most of the time when I tell people I'm a dance performer, they don't quite get that idea. They usually think I'm a stripper, which I think the thigh highs probably don't help. But I actually study veterinary sciences and work with animals in my free time. Mostly because I want people to call me doctor.

Hey, there you go. Rachel Grimsley, everyone. Come on. It's your final comedian of the night. Hi, Rachel. Hi. How are you? I'm great. This is my birthday celebration. Wow. It's your birthday? Well, Rachel. Hi. How are you? I'm great. This is my birthday celebration. Wow. It's your birthday?

Well, yesterday, but... Well, there you go. This is all I wanted to do. Happy birthday to you indeed. Thank you. So, first time doing stand-up? Yes, definitely. Hell yeah.

Not my first time on stage, though. Right, because you hula hoop. You dance with... Yeah. Mr. Funmar. Funmar. Right, because you hula hoop, you dance. Yeah, Mr. Funmar. Funmar. Yes, she looks like she was born in the side satchel of a Harley Davidson. Is incredible. For those of you listening to the podcast, she is very, very attractive.

She's wearing short shorts, high socks. And you remind me of one of my favorite characters from Pitch Perfect 3. I can't remember her name. The fat one? No, no, it's not. So you paint with fire? Oh, no. I dance with fire.

I do fire performances. I have an LED hoop and then a regular hoop and they catch on fire. So you go to music festivals and shit? Yeah, basically. Do you ever wander into the woods late at night? Yeah, I actually went to college in the woods. Is that true? Yeah.

What do you mean by that? It's a hippie college in Washington State called the Evergreen State College. It's in the middle of a rainforest. You a hippie college? I State called Evergreen State College. It's in the middle of a rainforest. You? A hippie college? I don't believe it. What do you study there? Acorns. Basic bitchery?

I study mostly zoology, evolutionary biology, different forms of science. Heck yeah. Things that end in O. Like I said. Ology. Oh dear. Oh, Mr. Fumnar.

What's going on over there? Why do you keep wiping your foot on the ground? What does that do? Mr. Fumnar is in heat. Oh, you are? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Wow. I'm pretty sure I have that outfit, though. Oh. Mr. Fumnar, she studied zoology, so she might know where all your pressure points are. What sign are you? I'm an Aries. Stop.

All right. Well, tell us more about you, Rachel. You have all these things. You're a free spirit. Everything, blah, blah, blah, blah. You have a boyfriend? Yeah, actually. Ah!

How long have you been with him? Is he here tonight? Yeah, he brought me here tonight. He's right over there. We've been together about six months. Oh, okay. What do you think about, but I mean, don't you think that your boyfriend would probably let you, I mean, look

how excited Mr. Fumnar is over there. Look at him. He can barely help himself. A mouse just crawled out of his leg. Thank Hades, this saxophone is in front of my crotch. His antlers are as hard

as rocks right now. My goodness. A little bit limp. Rachel, where'd you meet that guy at? Where'd you meet this guy six months ago? What field were you hula hooping in? In which somebody's like, yo, what up?

Ironically, he's also a musician. I met him at a show. It was during a Harry Potter festival. So I was dressed up in a Harry Potter outfit. And he saw me and obviously... And he wanted to fuck you. Were you dressed as Hermione no that would have

been cool though it was Luna Lovegood which I think sends a better message oh deep cut my goodness and now you both have Hogwarts.

I love it, Rachel. How did you find out about this? What made you want to come up here tonight? Well, my boyfriend showed me Kill Tony when we first started dating. It was probably within the first week of us talking to each other. Alright, sounds like a good guy. We watch

it every single time the podcast comes out, so we're always really hyped. We got here, and he was like, I don't know if I'm going to go up, which I think is ironic because he's the one who's on stage as well, really putting to go up, which I think is ironic because he's, you know, the one who's on stage as well. You know, really putting himself out there. But I was excited because this was something that we got to do it together.

Yeah, exactly. So you guys both signed up. What type of music does he play? He's in a band. He's a guitar player. But he also plays keyboard and a few other things. Okay, Brian. Brian is a keyboard.

When you say he plays a few other things, what do you mean by that exactly? He recently got this really cool instrument called an aerophone, which is like, it kind of looks like a clarinet, but it's programmable, so it does all kinds of electronic noises and stuff.

Does he play in the key of D-Ooshbag? Well, Rachel, thank you so much for being a fan of the show and for having the courage to sign up tonight. How about another hand for Rachel Grimsley, everybody? You got it. Rachel Grimsley. One more shout out to the amazing people over at BetDSI. You know, if you're a real fan of Kill Tony, go to BetDSI.com. Use the promo

code KILL120 so that they know that we sent you. And just bet some money. Bet a little, bet a lot. Just use the promo code KILL120. How loud can this place get for the great and powerful Jeremiah Watkins, Mr. Fumnar? How about one more time for Joel Berg?

Joel Jimenez! Anything else, guys? Anything you want to mention? Yes, in the next couple of months, the Reagan and Watkins album will be dropping soon, finally. We have a release date coming very soon. There you go. Make sure you listen to Jeremiah Wonders on iTunes.

As always, thank you to Ludwig Drums. Indeed. We have two stand-up shows tonight. I believe the early one sold out. If anybody wants to swing by for the late one, I do believe that will sell out or will be close, but you might have a chance at it if anybody here live in the house right now is interested in that.

And, yeah, we're back on Monday with Tim Dillon. A lot of fun episodes coming up, and make sure that if you're out there around the country, just a little reminder, West Nyack, New York, St. Louis, Missouri, Ventura, California, La Jolla, California, San Francisco, Sacramento, and New York City. How many of you are going to make the drive to the Gramercy Theater on June 20th, huh? Oh, that felt good.

Like nine people. Thanks a lot, bozos. How about another hand for the great Brian Redman, everybody? Thank you, Philly. Thank you so much. Love one another. Take care of each other. Yay, Jeremiah.

We have Ryan J. E-Belt, original prince out front, and Kill Tony stickers, Joel Berg stickers. Yeah, that poster that you see right there, there's only a few left. They were made, custom-made for Philadelphia. We will sign them for you after the show if you buy one right now outside. So go line up, and we'll sign posters, take pictures, and meet you all. Thank you so much. Good night, everyone.meme

me me me me me me me Outro Music you Thank you.