KILL TONY - KILL TONY #34

Episode Date: January 27, 2014

Doug Benson, Iron Patriot, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Brian Redban – Date: 01/20/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.tv. Please, I need your help. We need to pay for all this. The only way I pay for all this is if I sell T-shirts. The only way I don't have 20 minutes of commercials before the show of shit that you'll never use or buy is that I sell T-shirts. Do you hate it when you're listening to a podcast and there's a commercial break like a radio station, well guess what, I can do that also, but I don't want to, because I think it sucks, and the only way I can do it is if you guys buy t-shirts or stickers, please help us out, help Death Squad out, support, no commercials, support Not me charging for shit on iTunes. You can only do that by going to shop squad dot TV.

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and now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony Volume 1. Hey, this is Redman, coming to you from the blah, blah, blah, world famous comedy store. This is a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Blah, blah. Yay. Fuck yeah. How you guys doing?

Happy Monday. Hi, everybody. How exciting. Episode 34 of Kill Tony. Here we are. Yes, yes. And we're still alive. Yeah.

You had a fun weekend. You were in Vegas. Yeah, I pretty much took, if you listened or hear last week, we went to Texas. We killed our bodies. We both pretty much died. Came back to life. But I had to go immediately to the AVNs. I didn't have to. I made

myself. And so I just had, I partied like I was 21. I can't believe that. And I specifically told you before you went, I'm like, you're going to have to be careful out there. Yeah. You totally just didn't give a fuck. I think the earliest I went to bed was like 9 a.m. Wow. Like seriously.

And it went from like, the problem is that you go downstairs to get like coffee when you wake up in the morning. And immediately you're inside of a porno. Like there's like people, there was people with machines that were inside their like pants that looked like robots that were going and it was just putting dildos in their ass when they were walking around really i swear to god wow and then every single person you see they're like oh hey come up to my room let's smoke some weed you go up to the room it's like it's fucking miami vice 1980 there's piles of cocaine there's fucking bongs. I feel like most people would think that the AVNs would be a disappointment.

You're saying that it's... No, it's hangover the movie. Anytime you close your eyes as a kid and think, I want to go to Vegas one day, and then you go there and it's like, oh, that was kind of cool. No, it's what you closed your eyes as a kid and thought it was going to be.

Machine dildos going in and out of people's asses. That's awesome, man. How cool. Saw people fuck at the bar. It was great. Dave Navarro was there with five girls all eating each other out. And the best part was... Really? Yeah. Dave Navarro.

And you saw him eating girls out in Vegas. He was on a couch with girls all around him and all the girls were eating each other out and their boobs out. Wow. So you got to see Dave Navarro's life for a moment. Yeah, I did. Just for a glimpse.

Yeah, and I sat next to him. Because it was AVNs for you, but it was Thursday for Dave Navarro. Yeah. Yeah, there's a whole Dave Navarro story that it's too long ago, and there was some weird shit with Dave Navarro. It was weird.

But the best part was, is that there was constantly, I saw it at least twice, there was families with kids checking into this hotel while there's people walking by with dildos on their foreheads. Wow.

Worst parents of the world. Yeah, you gotta do research. You can't take your kids. I bet they have creepy discounts to draw kids there because they know it's a very adulty weekend. Right. Like whatever, water parks or whatever. Ugh. God. They discounts to draw kids there because they know it's a very adulty weekend. Like whatever, water parks or whatever. They try to get kids there.

That's disgusting. I had the opposite weekend. I spent my weekend recuperating. I miraculously came out of the most sick that I've ever been in years. Did you go to the doctors and everything? I went to the doctor twice. It was a debacle. It was a debacle it was a debacle but i'm all better it just ended up being some crazy bug

or we got roofied which could be a possibility also because we talked about we've lost six hours of our life one night yeah that that that i think i did i think i may have blacked out on in during in dallas shit got creepy that night i i agree like you were talking earlier and we were like, remember we were at that place and we were on that one place? And I'm like, no, I don't. I remember a painting. Like, you're not supposed to. Jack Daniels doesn't make you black out that much where you're at a place for six hours.

I think it was the Long John Silvers, man. We had Long John... Our only meal all day because we were in the tail end of this crazy road trip was Long John Silvers that was connected to a Shell gas station. And we're like, we're in the middle of Texas. Who gives a fuck? We're hungry.

Let's do the Long John Silver's. We haven't had that in forever. It seemed like it was a cool idea at the time, but it was a really big mistake. But I had a great weekend, spent it recuperating, did shows back here at the home clubs, the comedy store, the ice house for the first time in like four or five weekends I've been out on the road. So it's good to be home. Played some Birds of Steel. I have a flight simulator video game that I got for Christmas that's very exciting. I know how to fly planes now.

No big deal. But I'm excited because I came to the show on Friday in the main room here. Big, big show. And a packed show. Good spot. And there's something glistening in the second or third row. And I see this gold hat. And who was it but the Iron Patriot.

He came to the show in the flesh. Put your hands together for the Iron Patriot, everybody. He came to the show in the flesh. Put your hands together for the Iron Patriot, everybody. I will lead these new Avengers into battle against anyone who would threaten our way of life. I am the Iron Patriot. Fuck yeah, that's our head of security here making sure we're all safe at all times. I had a good weekend, Tony.

I came out of my costume on Friday and Saturday to the main room. I was looking very stylish. I had my 5950 Iron Man cap. I had my Nike Air Force 1 Ironman shoes, my Under Armour Ironman shirt. I had my all-white Adidas warm-up suit. And many of the comedians commented on me. Mark Maron wanted to know who I was.

I told him I'm Iron Patriot from Kill Tony. Oh, no. You didn't say this during the live show, did you? Yes, yes. And he was really, really making fun of me. And I said, I go, Mark, this is how I came back to him, I said, Mark, my brother gave me this white warm-up suit before he died,

and it threw off his game a little bit. Why would you do that to him? Well, I wanted to make him feel guilty, and it is a true story. My brother did give that to me before I died, but he ended up playing it off good. The crowd loved it. It was a funny moment. Jeff Ross, he wanted to know who I was. but he ended up playing it off good. The crowd loved it. It was a funny moment. Jeff Ross, he wanted to know who I was. I told him who I was.

Well, I bet, Patriot, you were wearing an all white jumpsuit with a gold sparkly cap in the second row of the show. Did he have his gold chains also? His oversized gold chains? Yeah, I think so. I had my silver necklace on. Oh. Do you dress like that?

What is your normal, I'm going to Jamba Juice Saturday morning costume? Well, here's what's creepy. Is that he came in the exact same clothes both Friday and Saturday. Well, I felt like I need to make a statement. It was my first weekend coming down. What's that statement? That you don't bathe or wash your clothes?

No, no. I wash the shirt. I take it to the cleaners. There's no same day dry cleaners where you live in Hollywood, Patriot. I wash the shirt. I take it to the cleaners. You did not take it to the... There's no same-day dry cleaners where you live in Hollywood, Patriot. I washed the shirt, but you got a warm-up suit. You don't have to wash that every day. Why would you lie and say that you got that shirt dry cleaned in between Friday and Saturday?

Why would you lie to me on our own podcast? I washed the shirt, but the warm-up suit, you don't need to do that. It's not like I was doing a triathlon or nothing. So did you take it to the dry cleaners or not? No, I'm talking about the shirt I washed. I do every once in a while. I'm just

saying every once in a while. What are you saying, Patriot? I think you're having a short circuit right now. The only thing I didn't wash is a shirt. Jeff Ross beat up on me pretty bad, but one thing I want Jeff to always know is I'm the one that fired the first shots because when he was on Kill Tony,

I got after him before he got a chance on me. So, Jeff, you remember that. It didn't go well. Yeah, but I got him first. That interaction didn't go well. You ruined that moment. It hurt him. It hurt him.

I got a little torpedo shot to the bowel. He didn't like me talking about his double chin. All right, all right, all right. That's enough. Yeah, yeah. Jesus, Patri talking about his double chin. Alright, alright, alright. That's enough. Jesus, Patriot. Take it easy, man. I got a special song I'm going to do tonight, Tony. Oh, no. He's sending a song?

This is going to show my softer side. I know you guys purposefully don't tell me when he sends in a song because you know I don't want to do it. And I'll just tell you guys right then. We can't possibly. I've been moving through my music career. I did one for my first band,

Roaming the Dreamers. Let me ask you a question because I saw a tweet this week that somebody tweeted that they bought the Dirty Craver album. This is a failed rock and roll band from Dallas in the early 90s. And the whole album, I believe,

is $10, right? Yeah, it's $10 a night. All right, now here's my question. From your newfound Iron Patriot fame, you know, Death Squad fans have gone and ventured into this music and some of them are buying it. Are you sharing the profits

with the other members of the band? Yeah, yeah, because clear back in 98, I signed up with The Orchard. Do you know that red band, The Orchard Company that sells music? No. I signed up with them and it... Sounds like a really big label.

No, no, it's a big internet label the orchard and if people buy that that money will go directly into my bank account so I appreciate anybody bought it helps me out a lot Wow well he just loophole their response to you he just pretty much said that he just gets all the money double promoted it he said the name of the website five times the orchard gets a percentage and. No, the orchard gets it. Andy double promoted it. He said the name of the website five times. The orchard gets a percentage, and then I get the rest. How much does orchard get? I think they get about 30% maybe, and I get six. Wow. I'm not sure what the thing is, but they pick a pretty healthy chunk out of it.

Fuck yeah. All right. I can't believe you sent in another song. Yeah. Patriot, is this a new one? Yeah, I'm going to tell you. After I get done with it, I'll tell you what it's about. Okay. Well, how far in do we have to go?

Because these are usually just completely unbearable. It's not gonna be that long. Okay, go ahead. Alright. Here we go. This band failed completely. And he's trying to reintroduce it to people. This is me playing guitar solo, just singing with a guitar. It's hilarious

though. You gotta check out the music videos. The man behind the suit is Turn up a little. They always sound the same. Do do do do do do Jamie How can I find the words to say

I think of you every night and day And God only knows I can't help it And sometimes when I look at your brown eyes I get a feeling that I just can't hide And God only knows I can't help it It's what I wanna do I wanna get real close to you

I wanna hold you in my arms Cause this time's gonna be right It's gonna be right Oh, Jamie When I'm holding you so near The world just seems to disappear And God only knows I can't help it That's it, you don't have to do it anymore.

Whoa, something bad happened in that song right there. I didn't know your robot suit had a bailout switch like that. Do you go into an experimental rap part of that song or something? Because you jumped on to tell me to stop right there. Well, I didn't want to go on too long. You guys get the point. It's a beautiful song. I get the feeling the second verse

of the song is when you choke out Jamie and hide her underneath your parents' stairs. Let me say something. That's the only girl I wrote a song to. It was a girl I was in love with named Jamie back in 1992. And I just really fell for this girl. The ironic thing was that she had a bunion on her foot. And I usually don't like that on a foot,

but I gave an exception. She had a nice face, a nice body. I soothed down the pouch, licked the toes. Now, she ended up marrying my bass player from my band Shame, so I didn't get her. I didn't stay with her that long, but I was really in love. When did they start dating?

Were you still in the band with them? It was a couple years after that they started hooking up and they have three children now and live in Dallas. Let him deal with the bunions. Yeah, but she was a beautiful woman. mean there's no doubt about it Wow yeah but that's a little slice of my life back in night where did things go wrong with Jamie well did you really have brown eyes or was that supposed to be a joke when he's we were

looking into her brown eyes yeah were you talking about Jamie's asshole in that lyric? She had beautiful, beautiful brown eyes. It's, I'm thinking about now. Oh my God, geez. You're really twitching over there. My God. That nervous twitch is unbelievable. I noticed you don't really have it outside of the suit,

but inside the suit, you're just a fucking, I mean, my God. I work in mysterious ways, Tony. Are you still writing songs? Do you still write Dirty Crabber songs? No, I haven't been writing songs in a while. Awesome. That's great.

That's really good news. I still got to play a lot more songs from my past before I get to New York. Well, I'm glad that you're here, Patriot. We have a very exciting show. What do you say we get it started? It's Kill Tony 34, everybody. Our guest tonight, this is his third time on the show. What do you say we get it started? It's Kill Tony 34, everybody. Our guest tonight, this is his third time on the show.

He is a true Kill Tony favorite, one of my funnier friends in the world. You know him from his hit show right now, Getting Doug with High. It's the one and only Doug Benson! Boom! He's back! Him and the Patriot have a great chemistry. I give you all that I have to give I'm gonna make it hard to live I'm gonna make it hard to live

I'm gonna make it hard to live Him and the Patriot have a great chemistry. They're very close. It's just fun to pretend that you're punching, you know, Tony Stark or whatever. I'm Norman Osborn. The Patriot. Doug, how's it going, buddy?

Welcome back. I'm so happy to be back. It's already been a great show. That song wasn't so bad. No, that was actually one of his better ones. Normally his songs get very repetitive over and over and over again, very quickly, within like 20 seconds.

I think he was very professional tonight and cut it off before that happened. Yeah, he did. Yeah, that was very emotional. I actually like that song. I think that might be my favorite of yours because it didn't have the same formula that jumps into a chorus back into the thing.

It was like, you know, whatever. Thank you. He's really growing as an artist. Doug, Doug, can I talk to you a little bit? Oh, sure. Here we go. Doug, Doug, it's good seeing you again. We had fun at the podcast festival.

You're the Messiah of marijuana. You got one eye that looks like it's on indica, one eye that looks like it's good seeing you again. We had fun at the podcast festival. You're the Messiah of marijuana. You got one eye that looks like it's on indica, one eye that looks like it's on sativa. Hey, that's a Jeff Ross line. Now, okay. Yeah, yeah. Now, the comic patriot stealing should not be part of your repertoire of comedy. You're right.

But that was a good line when Jeff said it. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I love that. It's funny how it also didn't get a laugh when the Comic Patriots said it. But I do love watching your new show, Getting Doug with Hyatt. I've watched all the episodes. And this is what I wanted to ask you is, you know, you always have your first smoke down of the day at 419.

Now, did you arrive at that precise time over a lot of experimentation over the years of smoking too early and too late. How did you come at that time? Is this a real question? It's 419. You've heard of 420, Comic Patriot? Oh! There you go. Oh my God, that really just happened.

Yeah, every episode at 419, I announce that it's 419, and then we're smoking at 420. What was that? Somebody just threw some energy drink. Can I ask you this, Doug? I know that Tony isn't a big enough star on his own

To come on your show Jesus Christ What if I came with him He's definitely Oh it's Brian that's throwing stuff What if I came along with him Would that be enough star power for us to get it Oh my god Patriot

I was You're a couple steps ahead of me Which is odd because you can barely move in that thing. But I was thinking about doing an episode where you just stand in the corner and do this thing that you're doing now.

Because that would be pretty fun, because we could just blow pot smoking in your face the whole time. Well, I want to be right in there, though, with you in the conversation. I don't want to be on the side. I want to be participating. Put a tube into him. A tube's just coming out the side and we can all blow it into him. Yeah, let's blow it inside your costume.

I think that'd be fun. We'll send a bus. We'll send some sort of a bus or something to come and get you so you could stand in the suit. We could put a tube that goes straight up to the top of his head so that when we blow smoke into it, it just comes right out of his eyes and shit.

That's what I just said. Right. No, I mean, I can really picture it being great. It's a great idea. We should just do that any time. We should do that. And of course, Tony is a big enough stoner to be on the show.

How dare you, Patriot? What kind of team player are you? I want him to bring me, though. I was trying to make an excuse why I could come, too, because I want to come down to Culver City to that studio and see that video podcast network. All right, well, it bothers me that you know where it is. We're going to have to blindfold you

before bringing you to the specific location. Hey, can I talk movies with you real quick before we move on? before bringing you to the specific location. Hey, can I talk movies with you real quick before we move on? That's up to the hosts. Of course. Okay. There's a movie that came out in 2011. Brian, I said hosts.

It's called Take... Brian, weigh in on this. Can you talk movies with me? Just one more thing. One more thing. I don't get to talk to Doug very often. There's a movie that came out in 2011 called Take This Waltz. And there's a shower scene that not only shows Sarah Silverman naked, but Michelle Williams too. Have you seen that?

I have seen it. It's pretty awesome, isn't it? It's one of those kind of slice of life kind of moments in the picture where there's also a lot of uh different sized ladies in the same uh shower yeah so it's uh it's kind of a weird uh a lot of different emotions in my uh in my in my dick what is your favorite shower scene in a movie because i do love me that michelle williams but i feel seeing sarah silverman naked is weird to me. What? What is your favorite shower scene from a movie with women in it? With women in it? What do you think he was going to say?

The Penn State documentary? I loved when Kevin Bacon got out of the shower in Wild Things and you saw his dong. No, women in a shower? What's my favorite? Perky's is my favorite. Oh, that's pretty good. Carrie's good, too. I knew he'd agree.

He said, yep. No, I can't think of any offhand, but I'll get back to you. What movies are we talking about? Patriot, you know how to bring up. I was trying to get on Doug Lo's movies also. This guy's a fucking machine, literally. Do you like food? Can you eat in that thing? No, I eat before I cum. Get the feeling he said that.

Wow, that should be in your personal ad. His back page. You know, I'd like to have a little sandwich before you do this well let's get this thing started you've been on before Doug and we had you at the podcast fest you guys know comedians over 30 of them signed up tonight

it's so much fun you guys know that you get 60 seconds you know that 60 seconds up when you hear that sound of a kitty and that means wrap it up, and don't do much more than that, or else she'll bring out the Angry West Hollywood Bear. Furious. So, here

we go. New tagline this week. Yep. Oh, you know who you should bring out? It's that guy that was yelling after the game yesterday at Aaron Andrews. Oh, he was great. Yeah. Richard Sherman. Richard Sherman.

It's so funny his name's Richard Sherman. It's crazy. Didn't Richard Sherman write Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious with his brother? Yep. Wow. That's true.

That's an interesting fun fact. You know, saving Mr. Banks. I just saw that. When Richard Sherman did that last night, the group of people that I was watching it with was more excited at that part of him freaking out than the entire game. I love that Erin Andrews,

she didn't just watch all that shit go down between him and Crabtree. She goes, when he's screaming, she's like, well, who is this directed at? Who are you talking about? That guy, all that fighting they were just doing in that game that we were all watching. She really went against the grain. Especially the reporters should be watching.

She really didn't roll with that one. She had a good chance to have something fun happen, and she went awkward. She sure did. Well, let's get it started, guys. You guys excited or what? Your first comedian goes by the name of Brendan Looney? Cooney? Lo-sick? It could be anything. Your name's Brendan. You're up.

Cooney. I'm a middle class white guy, so it was either stand-up comedy or anything else I wanted to do. A funny thing happened to me the other day. I was in the grocery store, and there was a rather large woman behind me. And all of a sudden, an entire ham fell out of her dress onto the ground. I think she was trying to steal the ham.

And what she did was she looked down at the ham, and then she looked up at me, and she said, who be throwing hams? Who be throwing hams? I wanted to point and be like, that guy. But I was laughing too hard. So opportunity missed. Speaking of buying stuff, I hate going to Starbucks because I always mispronounce the name of the coffees. Like the other day I asked for a tall caramel mama say mama sama macusa.

They don't have that at Starbucks. Speaking of drinks, there's a new study that just came out that said that diet soda can cause depression. But I'm going to keep drinking diet soda because what does it matter anyways? Meow.

Meow. Meow. I kind of wish that that cat was in the act when he does it elsewhere. Says that line. He throws it out the window and a trash can falls. You sounded very talk show host-y. You sounded like your segues were very unnatural. And it kind of threw me off. But other than that, yeah, I mean, I think your jokes were pretty good.

It's actually an interesting one because I coincidentally was walking through the original room like 45 minutes ago or something, and I saw you just as I was walking from one side of the back to the front. from one side of the back to the front. And I saw you do that joke about how I'm middle-aged and white, so I'm a comedian or whatever the hell you said about being able to do whatever you want. And I laughed then, but I think that you totally said it completely different

than how you said it the first time downstairs. And you got it across down there, which isn't on this, so I don't know why I'm really referencing it. What's the difference? Do you remember? Do you know what you changed? I think it was the pacing, really. Well, yeah, it was the pacing. I started off with, what's a friendly audience?

And then there was probably more confidence, I would say, downstairs than there was when I did it right now. I don't know why. If you had to guess on why that would be, why would say, downstairs than there was when I did it right now. I don't know why. If you had to guess on why that would be, why would you? Maybe I was just shocked that I got picked first. I don't know. Or, I don't know, I'm a big fan of

Doug Benson. Oh, shit. It could be like the Golden Globes, you know, every acceptance speech was, I didn't think I was going to win. And I'm always amazed by that, because they do have a 1 in 5 chance. In your case tonight, you had a 1 in... How many people do you think there are?

30-some. So I buy that as an excuse. I'm on board with that. I mean, you know, sometimes there are things that throw you off your game when you can recognize them and adjust. And that's why I liked when you walked up here and just went cooney just said it and then went into your act which is very matter-of-factly you didn't uh you know

whine about it but missed opportunity there because you could you know maybe maybe you've said something funny about it and then everyone would have enjoyed the fact that you ad-libbed something based off of the awkwardness that had just happened. But, yeah. I mean, you know. Clearly professional presentation. Right. Fuck, what was I just going to say?

Shit, I just lost it. Speaking of... What do you think about the ham falling out? The ham falling out from the lady in the pile. I thought the voice was interesting. Had you said the ethnicity of the lady or was that supposed to be a surprise? I didn't go into that. Yeah, I was sort of surprised

by that when it was such an ethnic sounding voice. Especially it sounded like a guy. It was funny though. It was a funny voice. I'm not going to argue with that. One thing I would say is that you could definitely add on to a lot of that stuff it seemed i don't know if that's your take is like change direction almost it was very one-liner-esque but it almost didn't seem that way but it's you're like right in the middle of a one-liner and not is that is that the way

that you roll or is that a thing or do you purposeful do you like changing direction that often or like for example the starbucks joke after you do the mama sam or something like you could have other you go to a different topic after that and after you're open or with the middle-aged white thing you go into something totally different that really doesn't have to do with that i usually tell stories and then i have one-liners so like i think it's the minute restriction if i may on your on your behalf i think it's the minute restriction that's making him throw out as many of his wares as possible. How long have you been doing stand-up? About two years.

In L.A.? No, no. I did it back home in Arlington, Virginia, which is right near D.C. How long have you been in L.A.? About a little over a year. Cool. Awesome. Well, there you go.

Thanks, guys. Appreciate it. Cooney. It's Cooney Soon to be Arlington Phenom Cooney Do you think that looks like I think that's the other thing you should do Is just cut it down to just Cooney

This Brendan stuff at the beginning Is slowing it down Ladies and gentlemen Cooney What's that down. Ladies and gentlemen, Cooney. What's that? He's on Twitter at Cooney or Die. At Cooney or Die. Cooney or Die. That's fun.

All right. Your next comedian goes by the name of Sean Conn. All right. Your next comedian goes by the name of Sean Khan. A round of applause if you've seen the movie Lion King. All right, great. I don't like that movie because it doesn't make any sense to me. If you remember in the beginning of the movie,

Simba and Nala are wrestling and Nala flips and she's like, ha-ha, I pinned you. And they wrestle again. She's like, ha-ha, I pinned you again. Cut to 15 years later, Nala's hunting Timon and Pumbaa. Simba tackles her at the last second. Now they fight for real until nala flips him yet again which makes simba recognize nala and then nala's like oh my god simba you're still alive you need to come back you need to fight scar things are terrible it's like nala why do you want simba to fight scar for you when you just defeated simba for the third time in this movie it's like can't

you do it yourself you just proved you're like a black belt in jiu-jitsu and like black belt in lion jiu-jitsu. You're like the Hoist Gracie of the Lion Kingdom. It's like, you can't fight Scar. Simba can't beat you, yet you want Simba to fight Scar. Simba is going to die. Fuck yeah. Did you just recently get really high and watch The Lion King? Like three weeks ago, but I didn't get high.

Three weeks ago? Yeah, three or four weeks ago. And that's what was happening. You were noticing all that deep shit when that was going on. Finally, someone's called that movie on its bullshit. Yeah, you really got to... I think that kills if a crowd just got out of seeing The Lion King. You know what I mean?

Well, who hasn't? That's the lives we're leading. We've all seen The Lion King. I don't remember. I don't remember. Just got out. But that's part of the charm of it is the specifics are so fun. Just the fact that a grown man – are you also a brony?

What? No, no. You know those adult and young dudes that love My Little Pony? Have you seen that documentary by the way? It is so good. It is the best. It is so good.

I haven't laughed that hard at anything in a really long time. That's the only reason I'm referencing it and will continue to reference it for the rest of my life because they're super into My Little Pony like you are seemingly into Lion King. But it's more like you just

saw it and you know you're looking for things to talk about and you came up with that bit about it and so here we are. Well it's more so to kind of as open up to like entitlement and things like that. Oh you had that idea

first and then applied it to Lion King? basically you had that idea first and then applied it to like yeah i had the idea first but i needed to find like some type of like gimmick to get into it so i use like the lion king as like a tangible point to start off with well that's you know that just felt to me like you just you know like what's already said that you saw a lion king and like thought of a funny thing about it so no no no it's that's that's just to kind of get into the other bit. Like, I have, like, stuff, and then, like, I'll watch things, and then that'll remind me of, like, oh, that kind of goes with this, that kind of goes with that.

So I'm just mixing things up. Sure, sure. We're just seeing a section of it, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is to open into that bit, because I would do things, and it would just come off, like, too, like, misogynistic. And then this is, like, a way to kind of buffer that. It's still misogynistic as hell, but, you know, fuck it. There's nothing less smogynistic and then this is a way to kind of buffer that. It's still misogynistic as hell.

There's nothing less smogynistic than the Lion King. Was it the time limit that made you speed up so fast? Right now you're talking normal and you were so fast that I couldn't understand half of it and it gave me a heart palpitation.

I just want to do a quick little game but I want to try something. Could you... I just want to do a quick little... Not game, but I want to try something. Could you say his name again and could you put the mic back in the stand and come back up and do this... Start exactly the same way you did last time, but just do it again. Go from the back of the room,

leave the mic in the stand. We'll introduce you again. And then just... No, just start the same way you did last time. If you can remember how you started, just start the exact same way. Ladies and gentlemen, are you guys ready for your next comedian or what? You're never going to believe this. Sean Conn, everybody.

Hey, it's Sean Conn. You've been on before. All right, one more time. Just go. Don't. Start the act. Start like you did before. Just start over.

Come out like you're top of the act. Exactly what you did the last time. Then I'm going to point something out. And don't thaw the mic stand into the stage. Don't tell him what to do. I want him to do exactly what he did the first time. I know. Okay.

Put your fucking hands together for Sean Conn, everybody. Whoa, what a surprise. All right, all right, all right. So I've made my point. Just by doing it three times, you already started to do it more like a goddamn human being and not like you just got shot out of the cannon at the circus. Like the first time, it was super cool the way you took the mic out, moved the thing.

So have you seen The Lion King? But it was just like, what the fuck? What were we doing? It was very UFC. Yeah, so quick, so aggressive. And still, you pulled it out. The story was funny and the bit was funny. And still, you pulled it out.

It was still, you know, the story was funny and the bit was funny. But I just thought, you know, go ahead and even though you only have one minute here today, go ahead and like even now you're just sitting down super cash. Like just come up and, you know, you owned it for sure. But it was like you could be more calm seeming. Yeah. Like how you're right now. And the way you did it the third time. I've done that bit before and it usually takes me like a minute and a half, two minutes

to get into that kind of content. It's a lot to explain. So I was trying to like Yeah. Because I mean there's all these points like because that's why I open up with have you seen Lion King they clap and then that's why I want to go over the finer points to not even to give like the base of the joke but also for people to like remember that happened,

that happened, that happened. Therefore, I think learning to do, to do one minute of comedy is a, is a bad thing to be aiming for through this show because all we're seeing is a minute, but you should treat it more like it's of a bigger thing.

Because if you did, if you ran out of time and we're interested to hear the punchline, then we're not going to force you off the stage. We're going to say, what's the rest of the joke? You know what I mean? So don't, like, it shouldn't be a game about trying to get a joke in under a minute, because where are you going to be able to apply that

to the rest of your career? And that's exactly what I think happened with Cooney before. Like I said, I saw him downstairs and he was taking his time. He was doing one-liners to get a bunch of different things in instead of just presenting, you know, part of what he's trying to do overall. I just say do that slower and you're good to go.

Lion King's relatable. I think the more recently they saw it the harder they're going to laugh because they'll probably understand your references whereas a lot of us are sort of relearning it for the first time. It's risky in that way but it's definitely going to kill at children's parties. Sean Conn everybody. time. So it's risky in that way, but it's definitely going to kill at children's parties. Sean

Khan, everybody. If he plays any gay bars, they'll like it because they see the musical. Heck yeah. Do gay people like that musical or is it just okay to them? It's probably just okay. Right? Bunch of dumb animals running around.

I don't know. That's a tough one. It's a lot of gay people like animal puppets, maybe bears. I don't know. Maybe bears. I don't know. It seems like that bronies thing,

something else though, right? Oh, it's the best. Highly recommend that. It's actually very touching too, that, that they all, dude,

I teared up a couple of times watching it. It really is. It's actually very touching, too, that they all have like a... Dude, I teared up a couple times watching it. It really is. It really is. It really makes you happy that these weirdos... No, that's the thing. They're not weird. They're not... They just like something in a very...

Socially awkward. Yeah. Well, I love the guy that calls it Asperger's. Yeah. That's a whole other level where you're not even saying the thing right. Watching a camera crew follow him around trying to get directions to find the Brony Con. Yeah. And him being so Asperger-y that he can't ask for directions.

But there's a crew following him around and they know where it is. Right, that's the part that, yeah. True. Exactly. It seems kind of cruel, but it was effective. It's a very interesting documentary. What's it called again? Bronies. Just Bronies. It's on Netflix. Netflix.

Watch it. Get stoned, though. Get really, really stoned. Yeah. Trey Stewart, everyone. Holy moly. Trey Stewart. That's a comedy. Oh. Employee. Holy moly. Great Stuart. That's a comedy. Oh. Employee.

No. Whoa. What? What's? There it is. Blacklisting. You know what that sounds like? What just happened to some poor person?

You know what happened. Remember what happened last time we did? First time I remember. I spilled my glass the last time. I went back and watched that a few times over and over again. It's a really funny moment in the video history of this podcast is the Patriot blacklisting somebody, and he's shocked. These are easy to topple.

Look at how that's very sturdy. I've got a sturdier glass this time. Good call. Low center of gravity. That's it. Trey Stewart, you've been blacklisted by the Bobby Lee rule. He is banned from the club for three months, but since he works the door here, your next comedian is Melanie Baldonado.

Here she comes. Me, right here. Here she comes. It's nice being almost white. My mother is Hispanic and I don't understand that if you look white, why you wouldn't want to play the white card. I never understand how the most militant people of any race are the lightest skinned like you don't understand the struggle it's like I don't think you understand the struggle you are the color of a paper towel I don't get it I have I have cousins that are like really really light skinned with green eyes and they get mad at me like you're so judgmental it's like you're the one who got a tattoo that attacks your neck. Okay? Don't come at me like that.

I felt like that was my minute. Maybe I've got more seconds. You've got about 20 seconds. All right. Whoa, really? All right. I thought I was with her. That felt like a minute.

I'll stay in on it. When people get mad that they get judged at the airport it's like you look lighter than me yeah you're middle eastern but nobody judged you until they saw your ID she just didn't believe you she thought that was your fake college ID that you look 25 you're 40 we get it

nobody judged you sweetheart nope 15 more seconds 15 more seconds Sweetheart. Nope. 15 more seconds. 15 more seconds. Ugh. What do you got? Some sort of stoner timer? Is it still not up? Oh, no.

I did it. Oh, I didn't hear it. Yeah. All right. Go. Yeah. They have a... Your cousin has a tattoo that attacks their neck well oh it attacks their face oops sorry that's new oh yeah well it attacks their neck to on the neck but it sure yeah so that the joke was it looks

like it's attacking right all right yeah you totally lost me on that I was trying to figure that out. And the last joke, I didn't get the last joke. Middle Eastern people, sometimes they say they get judged at the airport, but it's like, you didn't get judged until you flashed your ID. Nobody knows that you're Middle Eastern. I mean,

don't bitch about it. I get judged at the airport. I get pulled out of line. I'm not even Middle Eastern. I look like a terrorist. I mean, I guess. You did I look like a terrorist. I mean, I guess. You do not look like a terrorist at all. The terrorist robes aren't helping. I do. That's a dumb outfit joke.

Well, you know how in the line they're supposed to go every other? They're supposed to go every other in the line. Do you remember that? But they used to pull me out right after they pulled other people. Granted, I was flying from Kentucky because that's where I lived. So I was always getting typecasted.

I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever look at you and think anything about terrorism. Really? Thank you so much. Seriously. I don't think anyone here would ever even think that. Anyone here? Now, bombing, on the other hand. What?

on the other hand. What? I thought that everybody really enjoyed your presentation. And it was unfortunate about the time thing, but I thought you'd done enough material by that point as well. I mean, I thought it had been about a minute. Right. What is the tattoo that your cousin has?

What are you trying to exactly say? Even if it's attacking the face out of the neck. It says Southside on it. And it's an animal? No, it's the word Southside. Like the south side of town. Like southeast Boston, but it's south side. What an awful tattoo.

So it's like Dino. I mean, I don't know him that well. Yeah, he's an annoying guy. He always has to stand so he's facing with his neck. The south side has to be facing south at all times. He has a compass neck. Well, people go to him for guidance. Yeah.

Hey, Tom, can I see your neck, please? I got to get out of here. Which way to the north side? That's interesting. And what city is he repping the south side of? Oxnard. Oxnard. The only people that should be in...

Oh my God. So he's kind of almost representing Camarillo. Right. He's actually representing Breaking Bad is what's going on. There's no way that guy's never done meth Southside tattoo on the neck? I don't know Oxnard? Is that really your cousin?

yeah, like distant and he really sails through it? TSA? do I sail through? I don't know if he's ever been on a plane I don't really show up to family reunions anymore he flies southwest side yeah um maybe uh there's there's something to having a huge tattoo on your neck and how it looks like it's attacking your face you could write south

side jokes or you can change what the tattoo actually says and explain it you know like if you can find some jokes in northwest or Southwest even, do some airplane jokes, whatever. But maybe go deeper into that since it's based off something real, it's easy to make it sound realistic when you're talking about it. Yeah, all the stuff that we've talked about about the side of the neck,

I think is pretty funny. And since it really is Southside, there's already a lot there. Yeah, and the stuff you did seemed from your point of view, which is good. It's just that your point of view could confuse all of us

easily because you're speaking as if everyone thinks you're more ethnic than I think we think you are. Got it. Is that what you were saying earlier, Brian? So I don't look Middle Eastern?

Not at all. I don't? Oh, my God. I want to fly a tower at this. Oh, my God. Come on down to find out what you look like. We get an audience of people in the belly room, and we just tell you the truth.

You're beautiful. What is your actual race again? What is it? My father's Italian Italian and my mother is three types of Hispanic yeah that's exact you look Hispanic you look like

you don't yeah why do you think you look like a terrorist are you ashamed of your do you work at Zanku Chicken or something

well I never well I never get that for one thing and then I have like all kinds of Persian and Middle Eastern guys come up to me and they're like

oh you look like you're Middle Eastern everybody has Persian and Middle Eastern guys coming up to me and they're like, oh, you look like you're Middle Eastern. Everybody has Persian and Middle Eastern guys coming up to them. That has nothing to do with Middle Eastern. I have Persian guys coming up to me. And they sound exactly like that. That's a pretty good in for them,

that they could say that to you. So they'll try it. Normally they're just like, where do you want me to drive you to? Anyway, don't feel bad. If you need some confidence, talk to us after the show.

We'll get you drunk. Maybe now you've found an area of more material is how you think people perceive you and how... I don't know what I'm saying. No, it's true. There's probably a lot there about being a Hispanic

that gets confused for being Middle Eastern or vice versa or what you wish you were. And there just seems to be a lot of opportunity for you to get to talk about yourself by talking about that culture clash. But at the same time, that does seem I know it's like a dress and a sweater, but it does seem a little bit Middle Easterney.

It does seem like you Middle Easterned it up a little bit. There could be a bomb under there the more you think about it. It is a sweater, but it could be a burka if wrapped a certain way around a certain body part. Can we take off your shoes?

Oh, my God. No, Patron. No. Melanie Baldonado, thank you so much. There she goes. Thank you. It's Melanie B Comedy on Twitter. Whoa.

Jesus, Patriot, you're out of control tonight. Do you ever pay women so you can look at their feet? Yeah. What? Kind of figured. Hey, I was just watching Savages today. So maybe you could give Melanie a nice offer.

You know what I thought of that movie Savages? There's a good scene of Selma Hayek with somebody massaging her feet. I just watched that today. Have you seen Savages? I haven't seen it. I was intrigued and it got bad reviews. Patriot, is there like a website that you can go to? Yeah, Wikifeet. Oh, my God.

Wikifeet? That's where I found Natasha Leggero. I found that she has a little curve on her toe. I found that on Wikifeet. Yeah, and then you mentioned it to her on this show and she freaked out. Yeah, you know the story, the legend. Yeah, and then you mentioned it to her on this show and she freaked out. Yeah, you know the story. The legend. Okay, so power down.

I love it. How many do we do? We just get through as many as we can. Oh my God. Well, then let's stop fucking around with him in between acts. Put your hands together for Kyle Henson. Oh, deep. You know it seems the more

we talk about it it only makes us surreal. Okay. Don't ever sit in the corner again. Okay, baby. People change when they move to Los Angeles. After only a couple of months,

I don't really have time to explain to you guys, nor do I really care about you. But I'm going to need you available all day on Thursday. I'm from a town called Beaverton. People always ask me, like, hey, Kyle, what's Beaverton like? Thank you so much for asking. Everybody wears plaid.

We say hi to each other. And we drink bald eagle tears. We drink tears from a bald eagle, like logistically. How do you get a bald eagle to cry? You could try it mentally. They're majestic, like, I find like 99 feet above you, be like, fuck you, you're in danger.

You could do it physically. If you happen to catch a bald eagle, he's going to be freaking out his cage. His wings are going everywhere. That's pretty cool. I'm going to do animal noises at the same time as Brian's animal noise. It really blended together nicely. I thought you were really getting

in some deep Michael Winslow shit and that you were making the cat noise deep Michael Winslow shit and that you were making the cat noise and the... That was weird. What was that, an eagle? It's a bear. It was not a bear. It was a bear? The second one was a bear. West Hollywood bear. Very angry bear.

In fact, he seemed extra angry tonight. Fuck yeah, Kyle. Well, let me tell you the first thing i noticed was that you came out really confidently and the material said that you didn't give a fuck that's what your material said and then you started talking about how you're from beaverton and we don't we don't know why that's supposed to be funny and then you're into the eagle tears and you're almost to something I think cool and then you just

fall into this act out to me and it's just like it's not a good impression of an eagle just going and putting your hands out like that and just going like that's not like people are going to be like whoa did you just see him transform to the next level see this guy transform into an eagle in front of our eyes

so yeah you came out very aggressive, you know, just telling the audience whatever you said, I don't fucking care about you or anything. That immediately makes

half the audience flinch up, like, why is that guy yelling at me? Right. And then so now you just put a huge wall that now you have to get over this wall

that's unnecessary just to get him back into liking you and listening to you and like going, I'm on his side, I think. And then the eagle tears, once you started talking about eagle tears, you just lost me.

Make-believe shit, it has to be really fucking funny and silly. Or I just personally just don't... I was looking for an answer on how you did get the tears. You don't answer it. It just flailed into an eagle impression. You start choking it out. Oh, that's what you said? That was the thing? Yeah don't answer it. It just flailed into an eagle impression. You start choking it out.

Oh, that's what you said? That was the thing? The bear interrupted. Right. Well, I don't know if choking out is the way to go. Doug, what do you think about this? What did you see? Well, as long as we're picking it apart,

the thing that jumped out at me was because I think overall he did. He I think he got the job done even after digging the hole of what you say at the beginning. What was the first part about people changing? But no. What was the mean thing you said to the audience? Oh, I don't care about you. I don't have enough time to explain it. Yeah, that's that could. What was the mean thing you said to the audience? Oh, I don't care about you. I don't have enough time to explain it. Yeah.

I think that could be fun under the right circumstances, like if you had more of that sort of attitude to back it up. But after that, you sort of shifted gears to being what seemed like a nice guy. Like it wasn't all – you didn't have – and again, we're only hearing a minute of it. But the part that I thought was – that jumped out at me was when you said people come up to me and they're like, hey, what's it like in Beaverton? And it's like no person has ever walked up to you and done that. And it's just – that's just like – but somebody has probably asked you the question. Somebody's probably asked you the question.

So, you know, I just say try to not – the phrasing of people come up to me and say, like, why would that be the first thing somebody says to you? You know what I mean? Like, ever. So, like, it just – the phrasing of it, the idea behind it is fine. That just jumped out at me as, like, a weird way to put it. But then also the voice and the jumping around was funny, though. Like I did. I did enjoy that aspect of it.

So that's the whole thing was an emotional roller coaster. I'm trying to say. Now, Beaverton, where is that located? Oregon. Oregon. What's it like there? What is the coolest thing about Beaverton? Nike Nike World Headquarters

We have Nutria, which are like rats with really big teeth and they hiss at you Nutria? That sounds like something you put in a drink to lose weight Nutria might cause dizziness, diarrhea Rat face You should talk about that because I don't know anything about that drink to lose weight. Nutria might cause dizziness, diarrhea.

Rat face. You should talk about that because I don't know anything about that. You could probably find something funny in that. Especially if it's exclusive to where you're from. Do you have anything about the Nike headquarters being there? I got hit by Phil Knight's R8. I think you should just do it. Sorry, that's exactly.

You got what? Phil Knight hit me with his R8. It was a pedestrian. His RA? R8 Audi. I was driving a car. Did you get hurt? No, I just jumped on its hood.

Did you see the fuck out of him? I should have. What? You didn't? What did you get out of it? Did he at least give you a pair of shoes? A Christmas bonus. What?

Yeah. You were working for him at the time? I was working for R8. This. What? Yeah. You were working for him at the time? I was working for AT&T. This goes deep. Yeah. You were working where? I was working for AT&T, like giving their employees cell phones and plans.

And I was on campus. My hand was like, what's going on? Oh, you went Winslow on us again. Chewbacca was that game? Uh-oh, Skippy Simon. Can I hear your car driving by one more time? I liked it. Oh, that's different than the first one.

The first one was definitely Chewbacca, and he didn't want to do it again because he was embarrassed. Do the first one again. No, now you're just doing Chewbacca. Fuck it. Kyle, you got to just relax. That's Kyle Henson, everybody. He's that I got Kyle. I love it. I like you got to just relax. That's Kyle Henson, everybody. He's that I got Kyle.

I love it. I like him. The first one was Chewbacca, I'm telling you. Then he tried too hard. He was, you know, he's got to just get his thing going. Like, he was trying a lot of different things in that one minute. And I think he's got some ideas and some funny sounds. I'm just saying, if anybody's going to do an eagle impression up here,

make it Don Henley. You know what I'm saying? Oh, snap. It's an eagle joke for the six Eagles fans in the crowd. Put your hands together for your next comedian. It's Aaron Marsh, everybody. Hey, guys. I'm going to let you know right off the top a secret about me, What's a love that can't go? What's a love that can't go? Hey guys, I'm going to let you know right off the top a secret about me.

And that's I've never experienced true love. And I know this because I have friends who love drugs. And I want to experience love the way they experience drugs. You know? Like I want to look at a girl and be like, I would give up my teeth for you. You know? Like, I want to experience, like, love the way my mom experienced drugs. I know, that's selfish.

I just never want to be left alone in a house full of SpaghettiOs ever again. And that's because SpaghettiOs taste like fucking neglect. And Chef Boyardee knows this because he's on the can like... Sorry, buddy. With you all weekend, I'm as cold as your mom's love. Is that my minute?

All right. I'm Aaron Marsh. Thank you, guys. Fuck yeah. Aaron Marsh, killing it. Thank you, guys. Good job. Thank you. All right. I'm Aaron Marsh. Thank you, guys. Fuck yeah. Aaron Marsh, killing it. Thank you, guys. Good job. Thank you. Hell yeah. Yeah, that's what you do with a minute. Yeah, that's how you do it.

Yeah. That Chef Boyardee shit was hilarious. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. It's a great call. And I think you had it from the very beginning. What was the first thing? Oh, yeah, the giving up your teeth for love.

I mean, that's just great, man. Thank you. and i think that there's more that could be added to that before you get to the chef boy rd thing like there's more examples like uh you know i want to you know i want a girl that after the teeth you're already in it so you can tag it some more you know i want a girl that you know makes me throw up every night you know. You can really just stay in that weird pocket of what drug side effects are. Or what if a girl that... Really? Oh, shit. Here we go.

A girl where you have withdrawal if you can't have sex with her again. Like heroin withdrawal. That might be more you than me, buddy. I don't know. So wait, what? You start stalking her and stuff. You want to put your needle in her arm.

Is that what happens with loving you? Well, I'm just saying I'm using the heroin withdrawal like with a girl. I got to say that I got to give it up to all the comedians that come on this show to stand there and do their act without even acting like that guy standing next to them. That's a challenge in and of itself. Totally. But, yeah, I thought I really liked it. You know, you can't argue with the success of every punchline got laughs

and it built to an applause break on the – it's funny that people will just be listening to this because the Chef Boyardee arms were really funny. There's a video up there, buddy. I know, but I'm saying it's also a podcast, popular podcast. And some people won't get to see the shrug. Right.

But they will remember that he does that on the can. He really does have that kind of gesture. Yeah. Sort of like he doesn't want to be there. Yeah. It's like he was an unknown, and maybe there's more to that. It could all be added about how it seems like

they offered him just enough money at the time. We need a chef to be on this can. He's like, how much are you paying me? Oh, fuck. And they just took the picture of him doing that. He's like, I guess I'll do it. Oh, wait, we already got it. You're done. I don't know. You know who was almost

up for that gig? Who? Swedish Chef. Berky, berky, berky, berky. Swedish Chef. Yeah, that's another place I thought you were going to go with it. Not necessarily like it's the greatest place to go with it, but I do love- Just throwing the cans around? I do love a Swedish Chef impression.

Did you have Mr. Food where you're from? Anybody have Mr. Food? Mr. Body or Mr. Food? You had Mr. Food? Mr. Body or Mr. Food? You had Mr. Food. I had Mr. Body. Richard Simmons looking guy with his body tattooed all over his insides. And he was the cook guy? With a muscle suit, right?

Yeah, the full muscle suit. Slim good body. Slim good body. Oh, shit. Fuck yeah. Devil's Rejects knows what's going on. Yeah, we had this guy called Mr. Food that would show you something how to cook,

and then at the end of every segment, every night, he would go, ooh, it's so good. What? That's creepy. Yeah, it's very creepy. Aaron, you killed. Great job. What is this Twitter handle?

Aaron is 5FT2. 5'2", my height. Wow, that is a really bad Twitter handle, man. Aaron is 5'2", foot spelled FT. Aaron is A-A-R-O-N. Aaron is 5FT2. What's wrong with your name? Was it taken?

It is. I'm a famous musician with the same name. A famous musician? Aaron Marsh. Do you ever look for Marsh things, like Marshmallow or other? I don't know. You could add a number to it. Marshman? I might go Aaron Marsh. Did you ever look for Marsh things? Like Marshmallow or other... I don't know. You could add a number to it. Marshman.

I might go Aaron Marshmallow. Or try Aaron Neville. See if that's taken. Fuck yeah. Or Aaron Brockovich. Yeah, he did a very good job, Aaron. That was awesome. I think he's been on the show once or twice before,

and he always seems to do really well. He's a good stage presence and everything. Gets it. I see Aaron doing a lot of spots around town. Patron together for your next comedian. His name is Kyle Shore. Oh, yeah. Hi, everybody.

I'm a former Marine. I went to Afghanistan. Clap for everybody. I'm a former Marine. I went to Afghanistan. Clap for me. I'm a veteran. That's great, because if you don't laugh, you're a terrorist. I'm messing, okay.

I went to Afghanistan, though. I didn't kill anybody, which I'm thankful about. But at the same time, I'm kind of upset I didn't kill anybody. Hear me out. Not because I want to kill anybody, just because I trained so long to do it.

For like three years, I trained to do that, and I get there like, oh, no, no, no. Win their hearts and minds. Then why'd you teach me to kill people for three years? It's like training to play football for like three years of your life, and you get really good at football, and then for the big game, they tell you, all right, cool, you're going to play football? All right, awesome, we're going to play baseball. And you have to wear all your football equipment. And if you fail, you are, yeah, you're, I don't know, a terrorist, sure. What else?

I don't know. That's about all I had really planned. It was like, what, 40 seconds? That's 51 seconds. All right, cool, thank you. Yeah, you talked a little faster than you planned to probably. Yeah, I did, Yeah, I did. Yeah, but all the words were intelligible. Right.

When you said that doesn't happen with football, like training for three years and then not getting in, it made me think that it's like Rudy without the special happy ending. It's like what if Rudy just ended and he never gets into anything? That's what that's like Rudy without the special happy ending. It's like, what if Rudy just ended and he never gets into anything? That's what that's like. Or at least that's what you're trying to paint the picture as, is training all that time for the big dance and not having to get it done at all.

Right. Yeah. So I think there's room to slide a Rudy reference in there maybe before or after the baseball thing or the football thing or during or after it, you can write it down later if you want, but, uh,

or beyond audio or video. Yeah. Um, but yeah, that's fun that you're talking about, uh, you know, that I don't know if it's a shame you didn't get to kill anyone.

Um, but there's obviously going to be many more things you have to say about the experience. Right. But then are you going to have, in your comedy, is there other topics you talk about as well? In the Marine Corps? For that, you mean?

No, no, I'm saying other than your military background do you have other stuff you talk about or is it all from that perspective? it's all from that perspective pretty much right now you know

I liked what I heard so I'd want to hear more of that yeah if you could find a way to make that shit funny you know this is what I thought

I thought he was when he talked about football I thought he was going to say like football with no tackling when he went the direction of the baseball that kind of threw me off you know what I thought. I thought when he talked about football, I thought he was going to say, like football with no tackling. When he went the direction of the baseball, that kind of threw me off. It's kind of interesting to know what one person he'll never have to please has to say about.

Yeah. Patriot, did it turn you off, or did your battery just run out for a second? You know I'm fully charged. But, yeah, but the patriot aside, because he should have your back in all things, because you both fight for our country and our rights.

Yeah. Both true patriots. So you might want to apologize, patriot, to a true patriot. We have a real patriot on stage. He didn't ride a bus to Afghanistan. Can you imagine just dropping off the Iron Patriot in Iraq or something

like that? Having him walk the streets. I'm already looking for a bus that goes to Culver City. Oh yeah, it's just a spag. Oh, thank God there's no routes that achieve that. You're going to need a transfer pass, Patriot. I'll go all the way down Santa Monica.

But anyway, I thought that was good. Yeah, fun times. Keep it up. Keep it up. Kyle Shore, there he goes. He's on Twitter. At Baked as Cake. Baked as Cake.

Wait, what was your rank, Kyle? Lance Corporal. Lance Corporal Short? Shore. Shore. Wait, what was your rank, Kyle? Lance Corporal Short? Shore. Shore. Oh, okay. I was trying to make it funnier. Captain Short. Wasn't that Pauly Shore's name in In the Army Now?

What? Fuck it. Lance Corporal Shore. All right. In the Army Now jokes. Wow. Oh, Shore is your last name, though? fuck it Lance Corporal Shore alright in the army now jokes wow oh Shore is your last name though you're not part of

the Shore Comedy Store Empire nope alright or maybe he is oh here we go you might be able to

convince them you're part of the family somehow long lost or something oh sweet I'm happy about this next one. Yeah, this is a fun guy. His name's Joshua Meyerowitz.

Autistic Thunder. How's it going, guys? My name's Joshua Meyerowitz. I have Asperger's or Asperger's. Asperger's, which is a high-functioning form of autism. If you don't know what that is, it's like being retarded, except I'm smart.

So feel free to laugh. Don't get weird on me. I'll be weird for you. Luckily, I have very loving parents as well. I live with them. Go figure. My dad always has something to say to me. You're a comedian. You're more like a vampire. You sleep all day and then you go out at night and suck.

I'm Joshua Meyerowitz. Thank you. Holy shit. Action packed. Wow. Fuck yes. Thunder and lightning. God damn it. That might have been the best minute I've had so far this year. Don't touch me.

I bring love. In the microphone. Autistic Thunder, Joshua Meyerowitz. That was great, Josh. You could have done a better job in one minute. That was perfect. You just look great. For those of you that don't know Josh,

he's been doing comedy for three years now? About five years, actually. Really? Here in LA? How much at the comedy store? Three years. Three years, right. And, yeah. Huge, huge, huge transformation in three years to

insociable and unfunny to able to be around in public and obviously hilarious. So, I mean, it's just so awesome to get to see. We've been friends for those three years, sort of like somewhat of a mentor relationship. Josh used to wear those handicapped shoes where you'd have to Velcro them shut.

I like Velcro shoes. Really? Yeah. Well, I told him about the shorts. Do you really? I think I was the one that told you about the shorts, though. You used to wear shorts. Yeah.

Like in the wintertime, like 10 degrees, you would wear shorts. T-shirt too. Yeah, a t-shirt and shorts. I thought you liked dolphin shorts. Dolphin shorts. Weren't that the kind? I don't know. I had issues that I had friends

help me work through and you have totally evolved and you keep such an open mind you really are smart as fuck and it's unbelievable to watch your growth

over the last few years and a killer fucking job tonight just keep doing what you're doing it's unbelievable thanks man what kind of smart stuff do you do

you probably I've actually met him before a movie at the Arclight before and I will always go into movies movies movies yeah him before a movie at the Arclight before, and I will always go into movies, movies, movies. Yeah, he's a movie monster. This is the real movie. I've taken a lot of information.

This guy's a freak of nature. Right, yeah, you know a lot about movies. Video games, comic books, that's the height of my autistic hyperfocus. That's what they call it. Autistic hyperfocus. That's what they call it. Yeah.

I'd say that's one thing I would say is watch out for is that like, you know, I know it's you're not... How do I put this? What? Inherent. Good guess, Jerry, but no cigar.

Really waiting for it on that one. Good guess, Jerry, but no cigar. Really waiting for it on that one. But listen, seriously, inherent? Yeah, I don't know why that word would have applied. No, what I'm trying to get at is you said at one point you said you live with your parents. Go figure. Yeah. And I'd say why put yourself in a, like, I'm talking like an old Jewish man kind of corner if you don't have to?

Or has that just really come naturally to you? It's come naturally. Do you really have, like, Catskills Comics, like, your idols or something? No, no. They were my dad's idols. Yeah, okay. So you heard a lot of that kind of. More or less. But you also read about Howard Stern and so shit. And your parents are both, like, super du or less, but you're also raised in Howard Stern.

And your parents are both super duper Jewish, right? No, we're not religious, but they act super duper. But your impressions, I've heard impressions of both of them. Do a quick, your mom. Listen, look at you in that dress code. You have broad shoulders. You're accentuating them. You look like a young Rock Hudson. That's enough.

Sorry. Oh my God. You look like a young Rock Hudson. That's enough. Sorry. You look like a young Rock Hudson. That's a perfect example. You got go figure from her. Or from someone much older than you. It could be anybody. Do another quick impression of your dad real quick.

You're going to be the next John Apatow. Is that not like a full-blown rabbi? They're such both power Jews. It's incredible. I think so. Is that the guy that full-blown rabbi? I mean, they're such both-power Jews. It's incredible. You met him, too, right? I think so. Is that the guy that picks you up every night in the van?

I take a special needs taxi. You know what I mean? You're smart, and you like things that are modern and don't talk in an old-timey way. Yeah, so just, unless, you know, that could be part of the fun of your act is that you say crazy things like that

but it just I thought you had a really good set in that one to me and it was a throw away so it wasn't that big of a deal but that was the only little like bump to me was that like

you know go figure it's just kind of like I don't know people still laugh though because it is funny that you would say go figure

after I live with my parents. It interrupts me the wrong way when I hear it. It makes you go, ugh. It's just not how people talk now. I don't think you need it to reestablish yourself either. No more go figure.

I would say so. It's just like anytime you notice if it's not getting a bang unless you want to – But I think that's established in your thing anyway that you're sort of still old school. Man-child. Well, that's the thing. If you get into that at all, if you're going to get into the parents and their influence on you, then saying stuff like that makes perfect sense. Like maybe leave, go figure in, but point out that that's something that you say because

you got it from your parents. Yeah. I never not at least get a chuckle. And I didn't even realize I said it all. Cats go like, I thought I had my own voice on that one. No, it is your own voice. Trust me. Yeah.

Saying go figure. You're right. It's hard not to say that and not sound like Walter Matthau and the Soshone Boys. All right. Josh, great fucking job. Love you. Josh! Give your hands together for Joshua Meyerowitz, everybody.

Come on. That's at Autistic Thunder on Twitter. Spelled how it sounds. Autistic Thunder. I was kind of sad there. He owns it. I was sad there at the end when he said he thought it was his own voice. I know.

But that's what we're here for, to point out things that you can then really worry about for no reason. Because don't change a thing, man. That's it. Don't listen to us. We're just the man trying to hold you down. Yeah. Marshmallow. Yeah.

And I'll meet you over at Astro Bergers later. You allergic to that one, Ryan? Yeah, what's that one? That joke made you sneeze like a cat. I know. Oh, my minute's up. My minute's up. Go ahead.

Was that like, were you trying to not sneeze first? Like, what happened, right? What was that noise? I was trying not to sneeze at first. Why? It made them like... Total pro. It sounded like a tiny little baby animal sneeze.

What does the Patriot do when he has to sneeze? Just shit his pants? It sounds like a modem. I'm glad I've been lucky so far. I haven't had a runny nose to deal with, but I'm trying to take care of myself. Yeah, it's cold and flu

season, buddy. Take care of yourself. Yeah, it's cold and flu season, buddy. Yeah, well, it's pretty hot. Take care of yourself. Yeah, right? It's really, it's earthquake-like. It's true. That's one enemy the Patriot can't beat is the common cold. That's so silly. Your next comedian is Jerron Horton, everybody.

Wow, he's right there. Holy shit. It's like he knew. My favorite character on Mortal Kombat is Liu Kang. He's like a Bruce Lee dude. He can kick, shoot fire out of his hands. He's a beast. My least favorite character?

Fucking Sonya Blade. She's just a white woman with a ponytail. She has the powers of a woman who just got cheated on. She can punch and kick. She doesn't belong in that game. I didn't even have that growing up, though. Like, my mom bought me Shaq Fu. Shaq Fu's just like Mortal Kombat, except for Liu Kang.

You play with Shaquille O'Neal, and he throws flaming basketballs. Like, I feel like the creators of that game should have just put Sonya in Shaq Fu and called it NBA Away Games 95. That's it. I got time? Was that a sports joke at the end? I had no idea what that meant. It's a sports video game

90s hybrid joke. It's all that. You got to know a little bit about Mortal Kombat to truly get it. I thought of for her special skills it's all that you gotta know a little bit about mortal combat to truly get it I was completely lost that made no sense to me I thought of for her special skills you could the girl that has special

skills you could say like keying your car door or something like that you know some shit from that I thought of Carrie Underwood in that song right away where she fucks up that guy's car she's like you're never gonna cheat again it's like well maybe he won't, but maybe he'll pick women that might not beat up his car

when shit goes down, you know? She's a special kind of crazy. Right. Because that is still against the law, young lady. Yeah. And there's no breaking the law. Destroy somebody's property. But yeah, I got a little lost at the beginning

on some of the references. Like when you said, when you were like, fuck, what's her name? What's her name? Sonya Blade. Yeah, when you were like, fuck, Sonya Blade. I think the whole audience was kind of like, oh, why is it so mad at her? She sounds like a nice name. But then once you got into it, I mean, I just enjoyed the whole, you know,

kind of being so specific about a topic and also just the smooth delivery of the whole thing. It was definitely smooth delivery, which made it easy. There's nothing to dislike, really. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Just make sure you hold our hands a little bit more with references we might not understand.

Yeah, but did anything make sense enough for you to make you laugh, though? You said you liked it, but I can't even think of one thing that made sense in that, because I don't know what he's talking about. The video game football thing, I have no idea. He clearly lost some of the dumber audience members. Hey! And other people were like, I'm interested in what he's... I'll figure out what he's talking about.

Eventually it all made sense to me, but yeah, it needs stronger punchlines, but I'm just saying that I thought that he's clearly not... doesn't seem nervous or any also has a point of view. Delivery perfect just didn't understand it. Did you understand it? It was a little bit

wibbly wobbly to me. I was along with you on the ride completely. I could understand. I liked the pacing. I just think that you're putting a lot. There's a lot of math to it. There's a lot of, you gotta know Sonya Blade, you gotta know NBA,

you gotta know Shaq, you gotta know Shaq Fu, to know why that's funny. You gotta sort of have something against white women to call them always getting cheated on. Ones with ponytails. Well yeah, I said that's where her powers were. But I, her powers were. They could just punch and kick. She didn't have a Sonya Blade doesn't have some kind of crazy. Well, yeah, I said that's where her powers were. They could just punch and kick.

Sonya Blade doesn't have some kind of crazy move she does? She's shitty, but I like that. But what is the move, just out of curiosity? I don't really, honestly, I don't know. Does anybody know what Sonya Blade's thing is? Look at this video game nerd. No, who is it? She does like a front handspring and grabs you with her feet.

Oh, she's a feet grabber. That sounds like Patriot's a dream. Fuck yeah, Patriot. What would you do to Sonya Blade? I don't even know who she is. Well, it sounds like she has feet. Yeah. Heck yeah.

That she wants to put around your neck. Yeah, I'd take a look at her toes. Would you let a woman, like, you know, choke you out with her feet on your neck? I just kind of like to look at them. Like, when a girl's naked walking around, that's a beautiful thing. Just barefoot and everything. Yeah, yeah. You know where to look.

I don't need to do kinky things with them. It's not about that. It's just a beautiful thing to look at. So if a girl's completely naked walking in front of you, you're going to take at least what? How many seconds to look at her feet? I'll take a look all the way from bottom to top. But the feet is what you really want to talk

about. Yeah, it's beautiful. Alright, so let's say a girl is standing in front of you completely naked for 10 seconds. How much are you giving to boobs, face, vagina and feet? Well, probably 40% feet. Whoa! See, probably 40% feet. Whoa!

See, that's a lot. What the fuck? That is a lot. Save just some time starting with feet. I don't really care about the rest of it. We got a 15. Everybody's negotiating way lower than you. Feet is one. I don't even care if a girl has feet. That's still... Yeah, I know, right? I said 40. There's still 20% for the

pouch, 20% for the breast, 20% for the... Wow, you for the breast, 20% for the... Wow, you're really good with the numbers. It's almost like you thought about it prior to tonight. Do you ever think if you didn't call it a pouch, you might get more vagina? Yeah. I don't mind if there's little hair on it.

It doesn't have to be shaved. Are you talking about the feet? The pouch. Oh. All right. I love how Jaron's just hanging out during all of this. Like, whatever. It's fucking Patriot, man.

Stage time. Stage time. But I like him. I want to see more. Totally. Jaron, great job. He's at Jaron Horton on Twitter. J-E-R-R-O-N Horton. Let's see if we can knock out another one.

All right, let's do one. Let's try hands together for Dan Lawler. That seems like a new name. That's a new name. That was the guy that was just telling us about... How's it going, guys? I'm Dan Lawler. I would totally fuck Sonya Blade.

So, how are you guys doing? Fuck Sonya Blade. Yeah, how you guys doing? Fuck Sonia Blade. Yeah, I will. I will. I want to. Guys, I'm not sure why it's called a glory hole, but it sure is fun peeing through such a little target. You know what I mean? Guy on the other side didn't agree. But, I mean, give it up for the comedy

store bathrooms. They're top notch. They're great. So, I'm not sure. Maybe you can help me. Is it still considered fingering if you use your thumb? Or did I just thumb that gas station attendant down the street? Guys, free juicy fruit either way. That's a W. That's a win. So I go to church a lot, as you might have guessed. But I had some trouble the other day. This woman was freaking the fuck out. She's freaking out. Like in the middle of the sermon, she starts freaking out. So I had to of the sermon, she starts freaking out. So I had to say to her, I'm like, look, lady, relax.

All right? The Pope has said that breastfeeding in church is totally fine. Sit back, read your Psalms. I'm almost full. Guys, I'm Dan Lawler. Jesus Christ. This guy's a fucking machine. How long have you been doing stand-up, Dan?

I started like seven years ago, but I took like two off. Right. Yeah. I could tell. You live here in LA? Yeah. Yeah, 10 years. Wow.

How cool. What else do you do? I write a little bit. I act. I was in Little Caesars commercials. That was neat. Oh, you were that guy in Little Caesars that was jerking somebody off? Yeah.

It was part of their big ad campaign. It was really big in Chicago, I think. Fuck yeah. I was trying to remember the part I liked the most, but I liked it all. But there was one line in particular that I thought was really funny. The slurp at the end,

I wasn't crazy about that, but that's just something you've got to learn in time. Right. Great stage presence, though. How often do you get up? A lot? Yeah, a couple days a week. I try to do like three or four days a week.

Nice. Yeah, it was just, you know, came out with the line about what had happened earlier with the thing. Because he was the one in the audience that knew everything about it. Thinking about Sonya Blade's butt that whole time, really. Heck yeah. Yeah, and then that's funny that he got picked next after we had that conversation with him. And, you know, you incorporated that and it was a fun opening thing to say.

That Sonya Blade thing was good. One could even call that a mortal callback. Oh! Anyway, I'm in the Writer's Guild. My health insurance number is one. Okay. Dan,

that's fucking hilarious, man. I hope you come back. I would definitely like to hear more. I would like to hear more, also more realistic hilarious, man. I hope you come back. I mean, I would definitely like to hear more. I would like to hear more. Also, more realistic stuff. Yeah. You know, like the whole like stuff is cute and fun and it's all positive and good. And it works for this format, but it also helps if we're just given some new premises that are able to be worked on.

You know what I mean? Like one pocket. So hopefully you come back, share a bit that's a little bit longer than, you know, seven seconds. A lot of my stuff is like that. It's sort of schizophrenic and fast. I'm trying to work on some longer bits. Is that what you would do?

How much time do you think you have altogether total over seven years of doing it a couple days a week? I mean, I've been back on it for a little over a year now, and I had a lot of mustache jokes, so I shaved those all off my face, so I lost that. Your mustache is back, by the way. I don't know how fast your facial hair grows, but you have a full beard right now. Wait, you normally have a crazier mustache?

Yeah, like I had a big old handlebar for a minute. Oh, you wax it and shit? Yeah, a bunch of Silver Lake jokes and shit like that. Fingers? I'm so glad you don't have that anymore. Keep the beard going. Comedy Central is going to give you an hour in the next month. Right.

Because they love the beard right now. I'm just jealous because I can't grow facial hair and they keep passing me by. Anyway. You really think that's why? No, it's not. Good job, man. Dan Lawler, at the Dan Lawler. Yeah, good job, man.

This is the part of the show where we get into our two regulars. We have two lovely ladies that have been on the show since its inception. They always do a brand new minute every single week, and we get to watch them grow over 34 weeks. This week will be no different. Going first tonight, you know her from the Kill Tony podcast. Her name is Sarah Weinshank, everybody. Here she is.

Boom. Who's eating all these rice cakes? Anyone never gotten full off of a rice cake? How many rice cakes does it fucking take to get full? What's misleading about rice cakes is the word cake.

I feel like it doesn't need to be there. Right? I have a lot of assumptions based on this. I'm going to assume this is going to be fucking good, and it's not good. Rice cakes are not great. Another question is, what the fuck happened to romaine and iceberg lettuce do they still exist

can't just get a cob or a caesar anymore it's gone, just kale and arugula now guys also, in case you were wondering quiche is no longer a thing it's been replaced with a frittata that's it in my food trend update thanks guys that's 58 seconds

you got this thing down this is like your third or fourth week in a row staying right in that pocket of I mean I guarantee you you have to have I know for a fact just in the past month you have at least 4 or 5 killer minutes on food alone. And that's a run. If you're doing a 15, 20 or longer set, I mean, that's a great thing to have up your sleeve. You could close with it. You could open

with it. You could establish yourself. You could do it in the middle. You can do anything you want. I think you're treating this regular spot exactly how it should be treated by staying in the pocket and stretching out awesome things. And I think this one's no different. I love the rice cake. Yeah. You gave me a snot rocket right at the beginning, too. That was the fastest you got me into the snot rocket.

And you had me right away, too, because if you don't know, Sarah has that established style of telling you what annoys her. And it's always little things that you sort of really don't think about, like the fact that rice cakes are basically inedible, super light, not really fulfilling. They sort of seem good when you're at the grocery store and you're hungry and you buy them, and then you go to put it away, you pull it out of the bag, and it's just like nothing. It's like so light, and you realize there's probably no nothingness to it.

And the fact that they do call it a cake, which is normally delicious, covered in frosting, sweet, flavorful, to say the least. Are you supposed to put something on those? Are you supposed to put peanut butter or jelly on them? No, you're supposed to eat them just as normal. And then you could put little stupid things on. You could also talk about that, the shit that you're supposed to add. Dress it up.

Yeah, like the back of the rice cake packages has other recipes. Put some fucking iceberg lettuce on it. It could be a callback or something. Raisins. Raisins. Raisins. Yeah, I like quiche. Now, what do I have to say now instead of quiche when I go to the restaurant?

No, quiche, that's out. Frittata. Frittata. Frittata, yeah. I just never thought of before about how they're cheating with the word cake. Like you really pointed out like how fucked up that is. And I thought another thing you could maybe throw in there is like – but that doesn't happen with pie. You know, everybody's saying try these health pies.

Right. Yeah, that's true. Right. That's a great anybody saying, try these health pies. Right. Yeah, that's true. That's a great one. Brand new organic health pies, you guys. All the pie you want. It just doesn't taste anything like pie. Yeah.

That's hilarious. There's no kale candy bar. There's no fucking... There should be. Dude, like iceberg and like remains like poor man's salad now there's actually no nutrients in it

right isn't it like iceberg lettuce has nothing positive yeah it takes away that and celery just your burning calories while intaking nothing it's actually more of a workout to chew it then you end up in the negative so yeah you're covering it great job

I mean that's killer stuff. You fucking rock. She's on Twitter at Princess Shank. S-H-E-N-K. So that's at Princess Shank. I'm so proud of her. Yeah, it's amazing. I would definitely pay money

to see her now. I would love to see 15 minutes of her. She's been on all 34 shows? No, she's been on 29. Most of them. Yeah, and a new minute every time, right? You should have her do a longer set somewhere.

We're about to announce that just after this next week. Your final comedian. She's been with us the longest. She dropped out of college because her first comedy spot was here on Kill Tony and she fell in love with stand-up comedy. She's the one and only Kimberly Congdon, everybody. Closing it out.

Bringing it. Hello. I read a story where a lady got mad and chopped her husband's penis off because he said he was leaving. And the only thing I could think of was how good was that penis? She literally could not part from it. He was like, I'm out of here. You're fucking nuts. She's like, that's fine. You can go. But the dick's staying here. Wouldn't it be funny if she loved it so much she literally wanted custody of the dick?

Like she went to court and the judge is like, well, ma'am, what is your reasoning for wanting partial custody of this penis? Is someone dying back there? Yeah, what's going on? Whoever you are, control yourself. Just get a grip. Why do you want partial custody of this penis?

She's like, well, listen, I've raised it. I've watched it grow. It's not that I... You can live with it, but I should have it on weekends and holidays. That's it. Thank you. Slaughter Fest.

Again, 59.88 seconds. It's like a fucking... It's like a joke at this point. That was great. Very well written. I don't blame you, though, for lashing out at that this point. That was great. Very well written. I don't blame you though for lashing out at that weird laugh. Was that real? Was that a real laugh?

Just let it out or do whatever you need to do next time. Or walk out of the room and never come back. That was unbearable. Whatever you need to do to make sure that never happens again, that'd be great. Now it's just a regular thing.

What's my regular laugh? Oh, we've already been through this. Just let it out. Her regular laugh is unbearable. It's all the same thing, but just let it out. Whatever that squealing thing is that's high-pitched. Separate your laughter and water-drinking activities if that's the problem.

I heard that noise on Blackfish when they separate the kids from their parents. Kim Congdon, you fucking destroyed her. Yeah, that was awesome. The ladies of Kill Tony bringing it. Hey, can I say something real quick? I think it's a disturbing trend with these women cutting the penises off.

I mean, we all know about the John Bobbitt story, Can I say something real quick? I think it's a disturbing trend with these women cutting the penises off. I mean, we all know about the John Bobbitt story, but I would have thought it would have ended after that. This stuff is still going on, huh? Yeah, I guess. It's terrible. Do you know where this one happened at? Chopping Dicks.

I was Googling today. Yeah. Some weird shit. Oh, it was in Chopping Dicks, Tennessee? I just Googled. Okay, so I read somewhere and someone said you could just think of the most fucked up things

and you can Google and someone's done it and I was like, hmm. And I Googled Chopping Off a Man. This is a comedy writing tip right here. You see the man with two dicks?

You see that yet? There's a man with two dicks and they both can get hard and he's fucked at people at the same time. Like both holes. Oh my God. He can Jackie Smack

two at a time. Jackie Smack. You already have a name for that? Yeah. The Jackie Smack Attack. Kim Congdon, great job. Thank you so much. Follow her on Twitter at Kimberly Congdon. C-O-N-G-D-O-N.

Good job. That was awesome. The ladies killed it tonight. The big announcement is that Kill Tony is coming to the La Jolla Comedy Store for its first ever road trip. And the entire crew is coming with us. Sarah Weinshank, Kimberly Congdon, Josh Martin,

the Iron Patriot, Brian Redban, and I, all going down to San Diego that's March 1st a big huge Saturday night show for months we've been being asked when is Kill Tony coming on the road this is our big first huge test this is our beta test

we always start taking this to your city so also if you own a comedy club and you're listening to this right now get a hold of me or Tony so we can figure this shit out. It's about to all go down. You've got to fly the Patriot out. It's a big budget if you're listening and you own a comedy club. But let's figure it out.

Doug, how does that work? Does he have a special suitcase for this? I've got a golf travel bag. I'm going to get two of those, put it in, and then I'm going to bring in this middle section on the plane with me because it's more fragile. That's your carry-on? Yeah, but I'm going to get two golf travel bags and put all the legs and the chest. You'll have to be on a big plane

to get that into the overhead. The bomb people are just going to be like, are you fucking kidding me, dude? Yeah, I think I'm going to have to get there early that day. Red, white, and blue LED star. Oh, good sell. No way that's a bomb. That's what they're going to think. Doug, your show is so entertaining.

I've told everybody that I honestly think it is the funniest concept for a show that I've heard of since whoever thought of Kill Tony came up with that. Getting Doug with high is unbelievable, and I just love what you're doing over there. I got to go to one when you had Jeff Ross on, I got to sit there, uh, and watch that taping happen. And it is the most fun concept. So please everybody watch that. And what else is going on? What do you want to promote? Oh, let me tell them where they can see it. Wednesdays at four 15 and thank you. Uh, four 15 every Wednesday we start and then, uh, we smoking by four 20 and it's at my youtube page youtube.com slash Doug Benson

awesome there's a bunch of you know episodes we've already done like the one the one you mentioned with Jeff Ross so people can just go watch them whenever they want when's your comic con movie coming out still trying to finish it up we're on the finishing touches trying to figure out how much money we want to spend on music, how important music is. The Comic Patriot do the music. The Dirty Crapper. That's a good idea.

Follow the Comic Patriot on Twitter. He's awesome on Twitter. I'm in the process of building a Kill Tony blog as of today. I'm going to start putting thoughts and interesting aspects of whatever I think on that so we can get interactive and I can

communicate with you guys listening better. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much live audience for coming out. Part of history. The fastest growing podcast in the history of the internet. Thanks for being part of it. Bye guys. You know what, man? You's a freak. I seen you with that girl at the hotel after that show last week. What about that time I'll be in that car?

I wish. Don't tell anybody. By the way, what'd you think of her? First of all, what do you think of my new hat? It looks fantastic! Look at you! It looks fantastic! Don't you judge me, Bradman! Josh, it's his mother! I can't help it!

I wouldn't think you were good in it, but go figure. Listen, I like to bring love. You can't judge me.