KILL TONY - KILL TONY #35

Episode Date: January 29, 2014

Bert Kreischer, Tom Segura, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Iron Josh/Josh Martin, Brian Redban – Date: 01/27/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony, Volume 2, here at DeathSquad.TV. It's finally here. All the controversy, all the talk you've been seeing on Twitter, all the hints, everything is answered in this episode. And this is a brand new chapter for Kill Tony, and we've got a lot of new surprises lined up for you in this episode. And in the next episode, we've got a bunch of stuff that we can't wait to introduce to you. So I hope you guys like this. Sit back, and don't forget, if you want to see Kill Tony, you can always go to the Comedy Store every Monday at 8 p.m. in Hollywood, California, and you can see this live.

Or March 1st, we are going to be at the La Jolla Comedy Store in San Diego, La Jolla Comedy Store in San Diego. Well, La Jolla, California, whatever. But March 1st, tickets should be on sale any day now. Just go to DeathSquad.tv for all your ticket links. And don't forget about ShopSquad.tv. That's where you can get the official Kitty Kat t-shirt and stickers that helps pay for everything, including this show. So, sit back, relax, smoke a joint.

Here's Kill Tony, Volume 2. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 2. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Wow. Boy, oh boy. What an exciting episode of Kill Tony we have ahead of you. This is the long-awaited episode 35 of Kill Tony we have ahead of you. This is the long awaited episode 35

of Kill Tony. And what an exciting week it's been. We did Getting Doug With High on Wednesday. Me, Red Band, and the Iron Patriot. Yes. If you guys don't

know him, he's this guy. This is him right here. The Iron Patriot. Yes. If you guys don't know him, he's this guy. This is him right here. The Iron Patriot. It's him. Hi. This is his... There we are. That's his doll.

The man has a doll. So, yeah. It was an exciting week. And then, as you can tell, for the first time since episode one, there is no Iron Patriot here. Oh, no, Brian. I got a phone call. I get a phone call while I am having coffee, doing some writing,

the day after getting dug with high, and the Iron Patriot quit Kill Tony in a stunning turn of events. The Iron Patriot's words were, he's gotten too big for the show that when I'm ready to move on to Comedy Central or JASH, that he'll be waiting for my phone call. But until we are up to a higher production quality

and not on the Death Squad network, he will not be working with the show. These were his words. At which point, I'm on the sidewalk. I took the call inside the coffee shop. At this point, after that, I'm on the sidewalk yelling like a crazy man. And I was thinking, you know how you have that third eye that's sort of like, man, I bet you one of these cars driving by right now

is going to see me yelling like a crazy man, which I never am doing. But there's a point when he's telling me all of this. A guy who we've sort of had a bond. Just the night before, actually, I saw his cute little flip phone that he had, because he was using MapQuest that he printed out on paper and it had failed him and he was 15 minutes

or 10 minutes late to this meeting to go to Doug's podcast. Right, and there was a car to pick us up and he was using a printed paper map. So we asked him about it. We saw that he had an old flip phone. For being such an

advanced robot, his phone I think it was the E815 Motorola if you guys know what that is. And we also noticed that when he was having trouble parallel parking, but then the thing that really stood out was the Patriot has this thing where he

slams car doors really hard. There's a couple theories. I think he wears the armor all day so when he's out of the armor he's very strong. Because he's slamming the doors like you're fighting with an ex-girlfriend. It's a very standout problem. It's not like we're

trying to find something. You could hear this door slam from far away. And I noticed it when he got out of his car. So he gets out of his car and he closes his door he has to open the back door in the trunk to get these giant bags out with this suit and anyway it ends up being that when he gets in the suv he slams the door when he so he's gonna get him and he's getting in the car got out of his car's up hey man what what's going on right and like so then when we get to the place he gets out of the car and the driver goes hey I'll help you with your bags.

And the Patriot goes, yeah, I'd really like that. But the way he said it sort of sounded condescending, and then he slams his door really hard. So the driver's like, what the fuck's up with this asshole? Yeah. Anyway, but look, I've always looked past the little things. That's no big deal. Forget his car door problem.

Forget the fact that he's had a dog lick ice cream off of his genitalia. Several times. There's a lot of things that we've talked about with him on this show that I can look past. But what I ended up yelling at him about on that sidewalk was a thing of loyalty. about on that sidewalk was a thing of loyalty and, you know, he was basically saying that he didn't want to work with you or the Death Squad network anymore. Yeah, me. The guy that offered him a cell phone for $500.

I got a brand new cell phone. I'm not going to use it. And I saw his little phone. I was going to just give him the phone. A couple weeks ago, I was promoting his CD on iTunes. Just no reason. I have no reason to do this. I'm just trying to help him out.

Yeah, and that's what I was saying to the Patriot was that he's insane for that you'll never be able to build relationships in any form of show business if you burn each bridge that you go to. So the next day, or no, that day that he

quit, not even an hour later, I'm in communication with Doug Benson, who says, the Iron Patriot just asked if he could be a regular on my show. At which Doug replied, I could see the response time was so fast.

It was so fast. And he goes, no chance of that happening. It was funny because it was a one-time thing. Patriots always hinted at wanting to jump ship. I guess I always truly deep inside thought it was a

joke, but there you go. He's done it. The crazy thing is, two weeks ago I was at Target, and this tweet's still out there in the universe. I found this little Iron Patriot mask. And I go, wow, $7 clearance. It says Iron Patriot. But I tweeted out that he's irreplaceable. And, you know, next thing you know, he quits on me. But luckily... Simulation theory, don't you think, a little?

I think so, because I bought the mask. I bought the mask, and I'm like, this is fine, you know, just in case we ever want to do anything silly, I'll have this mask. So then he quit, but I don't know if he's that irreplaceable. We're going to give it a shot. Ladies and gentlemen, Red Band and I would like to introduce to you Iron Josh, everybody.

Wow. Holy shit. Wow. Holy shit! Wow! Iron Josh! Sorry, there's not an... Sorry, there's not an Iron Patriot to fix your mic for you. So let me fix this because you got a little bit better sound system. There you go. Iron Josh, how's it going, man?

You know, I'm just trying to lead these new Avengers to friendship. I don't think your machine's on. Let's see. Nope, nope. I believe he said that he'd like to lead these new Avengers into friendship. Here, I gotta take out your voice, nope. You gotta fix your... I believe he said that he'd like to lead these new Avengers into friendship. Here, I gotta take out your voice, Snake. I gotta turn this on for you, brother.

Here, maybe... This is an official product now. I'm guessing this isn't a $5,000 suit from Norway. No, no, this is our penis microphone, Snake. You just can put it in your pants and talk any time. It's adjustable for any heights yeah it's on you just gotta put it near your penis there that's it going? I feel great. I feel like it's an upgrade. Yeah.

Huge upgrade. Yeah, you got to watch out for your penis speaker pump there. Yeah, I'm just... Maybe you could just hold it to your mouth the whole time. Let's hear one of your famous catchphrases yeah i iron josh you have any other ones you know um all the all the knowledge in the universe can just be found on wikipedia that's there you go and very helpful yeah unlike most of the time that actually was a very helpful hint. Yeah, totally.

Fuck yeah. Well, how exciting. You know what, Iron Josh? This costume doesn't seem as realistic without a chest light. So let me just turn on your chest light right there. Fuck yeah. How are you alive, Tony Stark? Or wait, who are you? Who are you actually,

the Iron Patriot? What? Oh, you actually, the Iron Patriot? What? What? Oh, you've said so many weeks before that actually you're not Tony Stark, that inside your costume is actually a villain from the Marvel Universe. Who is it? Osmond. That is true.

He did say that about a week or two ago, that the Iron Patriot turns bad at one point. And then he ends up trying to fuck everybody over. Fun fact, he said that over 72 times. Osborne. Did you take the bus here tonight, Iron Josh? No, I can take this off and put it on. Wait, can you try to sit down

on this stool right here on the stage? How hard is it for you to sit? Wow. I've never seen... Isn't that nice, guys? You can stand. That must have cost more than $5,000. You need to get to the speaker. Get to the microphone.

You still have the same lack of common sense, I see. Like I said, it's an upgrade. Yeah, get to the microphone. You still have the same lack of common sense, I see. Oh, Michael Sanderson upgrade? Fuck yeah. From the original Iron Patriot? Wow. I look great? So we've got the Iron Josh. We've explained to, I think, a great enough deal about the Patriot.

So that's where we stand with that. Yep. We'll let you know any updates. You know what? I think every week we're going to upgrade our own head of security so I think by the next chapter or wait no

next volume that we'll have a better Iron Patriot than anyone in the world after we upgrade this shit using some fucking help from t-shirt sales or stickers. Well, we've got that out of the way.

What do you guys say we bring up our guests? Huh? One second. What's that? Can I go use the restroom real quick? Absolutely. There you go. The Iron Josh. Luckily, we have yet another replacement for even him.

Iron Mervis is here, everybody. Put your hands together for Iron Mervis. Fuck yeah. Wow. Wow, look at this. So wait a second, he can... That is interesting. Wow.

Holy shit. That is unbelievable. Oh, whoa. The old Patriot couldn't do that. He just flailed his arms and stuff like he had a nervous twitch. This guy is totally motionable, and you can drink as much water as you want, and I bet you can sit down on that stool as much as you want.

Wow, look at that. That is just a mask on hair. That's amazing. This is like if Patriot and Thor had a baby. Fuck yeah. This is the iron deficiency Patriot right here.

Anyway. Fuck yeah. Put your hands together for our guests tonight everybody two guys that I'm pals with we've done the road together really hilarious guys you know them from their TV shows and podcasts put your hands together for Tom Segura and Burt Kreischer wow

fuck yes Fuck yes. Hell yeah, guys. Fuck yes. All right. Welcome to Kill Tony. This is both of your first time. The Iron Josh is back. One more time for the Iron Mervis, everybody.

Nice. Really good. How much was that? The outfit. Like $25,000. $25,000. Mostly because you can make this sound. You can make that? that wow that's nice

we went to a kids party and they had a spider-man show up and it was just a dude and a spider-man outfit like this and one of the dads in the back goes spider-man's not wearing under and you can totally see his dick heck yeah patriot Let me see his dick. Heck yeah.

Patriot, or I mean Iron Josh, do you have any questions for our guests? I actually do have some guests. I've been researching the two of you. Like I do every week. I have a question for Tom. Apparently you have a fetish for, you love poop, I hear.

You like poop. What's the deal with the Bristol stool chart with you? What's the deal? Do you like it? What is it? Do you mean like how do I come up with it? I don't know what it is. Oh, it's a thing I devised that the medical world has taken to, that there's seven different types of shit.

This is interesting. I remember learning about this with you at a nice house chronicles. The Eskimos have 100 different words for snowflake, and Tom's got seven different words for shit. Iron Man, I did not make it up. It's from the medical world and it was developed um in the uk and basically like one two and three are super hard constipated shits really one and two are you don't want those um those are bloody and like ones you really

like when you pull the side of the bowl you're really really, really straining. Three and four are desirable. The kind where you've got to suck them back in and break it up inside you. Exactly. And push it back out. Three and four slide out. I'm going to chew this a little longer. Five. Five's a little looser. And then six is not

good. It's a real mess. And seven is, you're going to the hospital probably. A lot of water. Did I sufficiently answer that for you? I guess. I don't know why. I mean, Josh doesn't poop so I don't know why I'm asking you that question though. Okay.

I can't wait to hear my question. Bert, your question is apparently you was on a TV show called Bert the Conqueror. You was on that? I was on it. The whole stuff. the Conqueror. You was on that? I was on it. Yes, the whole stuff. What is your favorite roller coaster in the state? In this state?

In the United States. To explain to Jens, I think you said, what's your favorite roller coaster? I had a show called Burt the Conqueror on Travel Channel where I rode roller coasters. A lot of viewers. Big, big show.

What type of kids love the show the most? Tell them. Little kids. With what? Stop. Stop, stop, stop. Why? Stop, stop. I'm not talking. I tell you secrets. It's tall kids, guys.

It's tall kids. God. It's tall kids. God damn it, dude. Fucking. Super tall kids. Shut the fuck up. If you're super tall, you can get on. If you're a little short kid, you're not allowed on. God damn it.

Guys. So my favorite roller coaster. My honest favorite roller coaster is a roller coaster like honestly and I hate to be but is a one called the Diamondback

in Ohio oh yeah to your point yeah no no no no Kings Island Kings Island Kings Island's got my favorite roller coaster

if you ride in the way back and you don't touch anything it's just a waste restraint I hate to be this but I did this for a living but it's a lot of fucking fun really good roller coaster. Did you go down the mean

streak at Cedar Point? It's the wooden roller coaster. I rode all the roller coasters at Cedar Point. How is that roller coaster legal? Because that shit beats you up. If you have a baby, you don't have one after that. Not a lot of pregnant people ride roller coasters,

Brian. Actually, none ride roller coasters. What if you don't have one after that. Well, not a lot of pregnant people ride roller coasters, Brian. Actually, none ride roller coasters. What if you don't know? A pregnant woman, nine months pregnant, goes, I want to get in the back seat. Really fucking put a hurt to this kid. Have you ever riden the Beast? The Beast in Kings Island? That's the one ride that ever hurt me.

My neck's still fucked up for the Beast. That's exactly it. I've done Cedar Point almost, well, I mean, up until a few years ago. I was going like every year of my life. I mean, when you live in Ohio, it's just sort of something you do in the summer. But one time I went to Kings Island,

the only one time I rode the Beast, and my neck was fucked up. My neck's still fucked up. But I'm one of the few people that ever had a rollback on Top Thrill Dragster. I almost got stuck on the top. It's actually a pretty fucking fascinating video. It's on TV. We shot it for TV on accident.

But we got shot up at 120 miles an hour. And then you go up like 410 feet. And at the top, it stopped. It was just the wrong amount of time to wait for the compression to send us. And we got stuck. And I fucking lost my shit. How long were you up there for? Not very long, because I started thrashing around like a mental patient.

And I was going, fuck you! Fuck you! And then it rolled backwards. Were there any... No, there was no... No tall kids? No, there were no tall kids, Tom. Oh, okay.

Not like super tall, like six footers or anything? No, there was no tall kid. I love it. Well, before we get started, we just needed to cover one more thing. A fan of the Death Squad, Yuck Nasty, over the last few weeks, Yuck Nasty on Twitter, we found out that his house burned down and he has a kid and a wife and the house burned down and the Death Squad fans got together to raise

a very hefty amount of money for him and his family and one of the things that we did here on Kill Tony is we actually donated the actual Kill Tony sword from the last 34 episodes for auction to raise more money.

And we did that, and we gave it away because one of our biggest friends of the show, Water Boxer, was nice enough to exchange that sword with a sword that he made. He makes the heavy majority of the awesome fan art that you see on the show, and he made a brand new Kill Tony sword that replaces that one. He makes the heavy majority of the awesome fan art that you see on the show. And he made a brand new Kill Tony sword that replaces that one.

And so whoever the lucky buyer is of the other one will get that. Wait, is Waterboxer here tonight? Yes. Where is he? He's right there. He is. Come get this, Waterboxer. Take a bow, buddy. It's your great work that made that possible. So that's super cool that we were able to help out a friend of the network.

Waterboxer, Bricks and Bullets. You're Bricks and Bullets? Whoa, Bricks and Bullets. Shut the fuck up. It's so bizarre to fucking... You're Bricks and Bullets? It is. Oh my god.

You can get Twitter starstruck. I've seen you on Twitter before. It is wild that we just go by those names now. Like, Yuck Nasty's house burned down, so Waterboxxer helped us out. Yuck Nasty definitely sounds like a black rapper from Florida. Yuck Nasty? Yeah. He's a white non-rapper from Green Bay.

The opposite. Well, I don't fuckingrapper from Green Bay. The opposite. Well, I don't fucking believe you. MC Cheese. MC Cheese? All right. Spoiled Smoker. Do you know that guy? Yeah.

Yeah, I know all these. That's so crazy. These names are like, I see the name and I go, oh, yeah, I know him, but I don't really know anybody. But I feel like I fucking know them. Right. I called into their show. They were doing a 24-hour podcast.

I was in Paris. I called in and then I ended up spending a dickload of money on a fucking long-distance phone call drunk talking to them on the phone and one of the guys on the phone was a guy, Mike Maxwell that does all the art. Fucking bizarre. Water Boxer was on that call, right?

Oh, cool. Hell yeah. So what do you guys say we get it started, everybody? It's Kill Tony, volume two starts tonight, episode 35, stronger than ever. You guys know how this show goes. Yeah, why don't you let Tom

explain it? Over 30 comedians signed up tonight for the opportunity just to get pulled out of the bucket to do one minute. And comedians signed up tonight for the opportunity just to get pulled out of the bucket to do one minute and comedians you know that your time of a minute is up when you hear the brand new volume 2 sound

of a kitty aww how adorable so that's your light that's when you know your time's up so you might as well stop there because if you keep running your sound effect you're going to bring out the brand new Volume 2 Angry West Hollywood Bear. Holy shit. Oh, my God.

Wow. I said holy shit when it was halfway through. That sounds like me taking a shit, Iron Man. That's a big, Iron Man. That's a big one. Wow. That's powerful. Let's point something out just so people know this. You signed up for this shit.

Right. If you get your name, I would never give you unsolicited advice. Okay? Yes. There's nothing more annoying than any comedian being like, you know what you should fucking tag with. And you're like, not your ideas. So, like, just you

fucking want this, right? Right. Absolutely. Cool. Definitely. I probably have nothing for you. So you guys ready to get this started? Here we go. You guys know the story. We're rolling in with our brand new Iron Head of Security.

Are you doing okay, Iron Josh? Are you hot in there? Is your legs... Because you can sit down if you want to take... I might take a seat down. Yeah, just take a little sit down. Hey, Iron Josh, can I get a double Kettle One on the rocks? Yeah.

Yep. I'll get that for you. Thank you. Yep. Yeah. See, the old Iron Patriot would never have done that. Got drinks for Bert Kreischer. It almost seems like Josh was like the runaround producer of the show up until tonight.

Yeah. He's really working double duty. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Your first comedian doing stand-up for a minute tonight goes by the name of Nick Babbitt. So I grew up on a ranch in Arizona. There wasn't a lot for a kid like me to get into out there. See, I've never been very athletic, and I've always had a terrible ear for music. The earbuds really never quite stay in.

They always fall out. So sports and music off the table, I was forced to pursue. Other more talentless hobbies, like whittling. I wasn't the best in my county, but I can definitely hold my own. If you give me a knife and a tree branch, I could probably make you a drumstick, a magic wand, maybe a prison shank. At the very least, a slightly smaller tree branch. Whittling's a very useful skill to acquire, unless of course you already have an innate ability to peel

a potato. In which case, feel free to forego four years of wood chips and tears. Hey look, I'm not gay. There's only so many things a tree branch is shaped like. Oh my god. Okay.

Fuck yeah. Whittling. You know, the good thing is no one's using that subject. Yeah. You own that territory right now totally yeah like if anybody's ever like hey you know that guy

with the whittle bit people be like you're talking about Nick Babbitt hey do you know what's funny is I've been in Arizona and at a lot of the craft shops they actually sell straight up whittling kits

yeah he knows he's the whittler you've heard of the R shops, they actually sell straight up whittling kits. Yeah. He knows. He's the whittler. You've heard of the Riddler. This is the... What? A Pinocchio penis. Yeah, yeah.

How long have you been doing stand-up? About a year and a half. Oh, man. Fucking fantastic. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Very likeable. I would open with a non-gay thing.

That made me laugh really hard. Because I saw your hair and I was like, fuck, I'd love to have that hair. Totally. Yeah. I wasn't necessarily thinking you were gay. I was actually thinking this while listening.

You come across to me sort of as like the type of straight guy who dances on pop videos that bangs all the girls but everybody thinks would be gay.

It's sort of a half compliment. It's pretty good. It's a good thing to be. Do you ever dance? Do you break dance? No. Damn, you look like you would know how to break dance. No.

That's not something I assume most people do. There's something about you that just says break dancing. Yeah, I can see you escorting and stuff. Whittling and break dancing. So what were the things you couldn't do that were very Arizona? Listen to music or be a ranch hand? Well,

just my natural talents aren't music and sports. Or hating Mexicans. You could put that in because I think everyone in Arizona pretty much hates Mexicans. Yeah, well, I'm Mexican. It's even better. It's even better it's even better

it really works now are you really Mexican? can I see you with your hat off? this is turn I don't like where this is going do you just have a gray head or hair? you want me to take my hat off? I'd love to

oh he's getting serious. Oh, fuck. Whoa. Fuck that. Holy shit. Fuck that. Oh, my God. What the fuck is going on here?

This guy's got the head of a centaur. Wow. God. Like, where do you keep your horse body? Kid Icarus grew up. You and your brothers should have started a band. Oh, the Iron Josh is back. Oh, there he is.

Fuck yeah. The Iron Waitress, everybody. Wow. Eddie Wiggler. Fuck yeah. How long do we do this for? As long as we feel it. I didn't get the earbud joke,

but then when you started your next joke, then I was like, oh, that joke's over. And then I got it, and I liked that it wasn't a big, you know? Yeah, I think that wasn't my key joke, so that's why I didn't really hit it very hard. I mean, I probably could have emphasized ear and then waited. I didn't really hit it very hard. I mean, I probably could have emphasized ear and then waited.

But... Hey, uh... I'm fucking gonna be bad at this. Wait a second. I have an idea. Hey, Josh. You were downstairs for most of that, weren't you? Yes. Okay, so do me a favor.

Hey, what's the name of that... What's the name of that... What's the name of that Batman villain that asks all the questions? The Riller? Okay, forget it. First time you've sounded out an R properly in your entire life, and it's the time that it ruins my joke. Normally he has a speech impediment where his R's sound like W's,

so I was trying to get him to organically say the Whittler, but it didn't work out. If you're in England you can pun the fuck up out of that joke. They love puns. Oh yeah, whittler on the roof? Yeah, oh, I'm Bette Whittler.

I am so good. Bette Whittler. Yeah, Bette Whittler. Whittle me this, Batman. They love that shit. Not that you're going to... You know, you could also just not do any of those. It's so awesome.

No, you got to trust your instinct because you're really funny. You have funny jokes. You just got to. How often do you get on stage? Like once a week. There you go. If you do that more, that shit will be second nature to you. Yeah, definitely, man.

Hey, man, you're beautiful for real, man. Thanks. Yeah, you have confidence and a look. If you're doing one day a week for a year and a half, you've gone a long way in a little amount of time. Thank you. Nick Babbitt, everybody little amount of time. Thank you. Nick Babbitt, everybody. There he goes. We got one down.

No Twitter. No Twitter handle on you, Nick Babbitt? You're not on Twitter? Yikes. All right. It's gorgeous. What do you think we can get him to do? What are you doing over there?

For those of you tuning in to the other podcast that's being recorded right now. He's my private Idaho. Yeah. All the things you tuning in to the other podcast that's being recorded right now. He's my private Idaho. All the things you can do to him. It looks like the West Hollywood Bears are here. I love how this patriot just sits down and relaxes and watches the show. He's taking a load off. It's so much less noisy, too.

None of the twitching. Fuck yeah. You sure got a lot of drink left. Let me ask you guys something. Do you remember when you first started comedy, did you have like a joke or something that you were... Jacking off in a cheeseburger. You'd be embarrassed.

Jacking off in a very elaborate storytelling of me seriously jacking off into a cheeseburger one time. Wow. And the person that followed me was Dimitri Martin, and he literally did like a like it was like I was aggressive with it and I sold it.

And I don't know if people were laughing at that they thought I was making it up. It was a real story. And then I was like and the best, this is a real story. I jacked off in a cheeseburger because it was warm. And then I I know I don't do it because it was warm. And then I, oh, I know. I don't do it because of that.

But, and then my butt, this guy that ended up beating me up, pulled up next to me right as I, and I was in a car. Oh, I was in a car. I should have told you that the whole time. I don't do the joke. Let's just. That's it. That's hilarious.

Would this be, this was like your, like, early, your big time closer? This was my machine story. You're like, got the light? Hold on. Here we go. Guys, anyone ever drive up to Cheeseburger? Yeah. All right.

Fucking, that was it. How about you, Tom? You have something that you did back in the day that you can't believe that you did? All gold. I don't have it, but. So many. I can tell you some of his. The one.

Guy had a lion. That's not that old. I had one. It was really original. But guys are more outspoken with how much they like filthy, dirty things. They're like, I eat ass. But the girl will play shy. It killed pretty hard. He's underselling it. He's really like...

It was very cool also to do in front of more established people who were like, it's really funny, man. It's nice. And then their first five minutes would be about, hey, how about that last guy's fucking clothes or what a fucking asshole he is.

And I was like, you like me or you didn't like me? I don't understand. That was a pretty bad one. There's a bunch. I don't think we need to. There's a bunch. I don't think I've had that answer before where people are like, I have a long list.

There's a lot. We can't even get to it. There's a lot of stuff I've said you don't want to hear. Let's just leave it at that. I love it. Alright, sorry I was honest. How exciting. No, it was great. Ooh, here we are. Stephanie Barber, everybody.

It's Stephanie Barber. She's coming. Here she is. Stephanie Barber, everybody. Put your hands together one more time for Stephanie. So I get my fair share of dick pics, which I like because it's a lot like window shopping with none of the commitment to buy. But guys, do us ladies a favor.

Maybe you could step it up a little bit. Get a little bit more creative. I'm sick of getting the same headless dick pics from guys. Maybe you could be a little bit more like my ex-boyfriend. He used to do really cool things like backlight his penis. It looked just like Darth Vader. We called it Dick Vader. Those jokes were endless.

He did other things. And I suggest you guys try this in your own personal life even if you don't have anybody to send it to get two mirrors put one in the front, one behind drop that dick right in between and boom, you've got a dickmatizing picture

I call it dickfinity it's literally an infinite sea of dick. It goes on for fucking ever. That's it. All right. Fuck yeah. Stephanie Bart. Oh, yeah.

I think you have, actually, the part I like the most about the bit is when you say, like, like the statement you could get more original with what you send me like that opens you up to go so many places that you know you're setting yourself up

for all the creative things somebody could do that's like the I mean like you said the Dick Vader thing there's a thousand of those you can try every time you do that bit you should literally do it like a checklist and see what's the response to the one you know like the you say that so many of the dicks are headless right what do you say headless dick pics headless dick pics you mean with our

heads or the dick's heads because i got lost i was like who doesn't put the head of their dick in it that's like a forearm i thought it was a fucking shaft pick, too. I was like, it's a shaft pick. I was like, who's sending shaft picks? Oh, I got shafted. Yes. I was like, you know what? I'll start sending dick pics if you just have to use the shaft.

Shaft? Yeah. It's going to look huge. Who's that man? I had to break this pic into four pics. My panorama wasn't working. Shaft, shaft, shaft, shaft, head. That's actually like a fucking amazing bit.

That's hilarious. It's her bit. Right. Exactly. We can share it. I'm going to show you how hacky I am right now. Because this is what's really bothering me. Is it?

The advice I'm giving you is bad advice. I fucking... But when you said, I thought there was a joke going to come. Look, just because I thought a joke was going to show up then doesn't mean that's the right time to put it in or this angle. But when you're like,

my ex-boyfriend used to get really creative with it, I thought you were going to say because he was white and he had to. Because then when you said he wasn't, I assumed he was black the whole time. That's on you. I know. No, yeah, I know. No, I'm well aware of that.

But I thought that's where you're going to go with it, so you could add something like that, like he had to get really creative. I don't know. Whatever. Right. Yeah, I just feel like... First of all, definitely,

these headless dick pics, the whole shaft angle is definitely a go. But the other thing is... You're setting... Who's my pussy? Ichabod Crane? You're setting yourself up to try a lot of pussy? Ichabod Crane? You're setting yourself up to try a lot of jokes.

Ichabod Shaft! With the line of, I wish they would get more creative. And like, so that's like, I always felt like those are the most fun jokes when you come up with that and you're not married to the joke. Planking!

Just a hard dick! Just a hard dick. Just a hard dick. Planking. Oh, my God. Listen to him. Yes. Yes. I like it, though.

I like that you're talking about that. Thank you. Yeah. It's really, really funny. That sounded so insinc that. Thank you. Yeah. It's really, really funny. That sounded so insensitive. Have you ever sent a picture of your vagina to anyone? Not yet, no. Okay.

Have you gotten a lot of dick pics for real? Yeah. Are they texted to you, or is it now through Instagram? No Instagram yet. Do you ever forward them to dudes? Maybe a couple of times. So are these all guys you've hooked up with? Or just people you meet?

Friends? No, no, no. No to all of those? No, no, no. I haven't hooked up with all of them. But I get some sometimes. Some from guys you've hooked up with? Yeah.

Some from guys who are trying to hook up? Yeah, potentials. And they're like, what do you think? How does that work for them? Yeah, what's the result? Are you like, that's a nice dick pic you got. Oh, fun. Really?

I don't know. Have you ever responded super positively to the dick pic? Yeah. So sometimes you'll just be like, beautiful dick! Four exclamation points. This is awesome. Thank you. What are great responses to dick pics?

That's what I want to know. That's a really good angle. Like the idea is that the dick took a picture of himself and the guy's sleeping. A dick selfie? The dick just kind of like, hey, he's sound asleep. Like what would you say to it when you got a dick pic? I don't know. I just found out you're not allowed to send dick pics to people.

That's like highly offensive. I didn't know that. Really? Oh, yeah. Well, at workplace. Who have you... Like, dudes, I've sent dick pics to you. Yeah, I saved them.

I have a file of you just from Hawaii. You know, it might be illegal to send a dick pic, but I bet it's not illegal to do that separate the shaft from the head thing because it's almost like two different parts of a nuclear weapon. And together it's a nuclear weapon, but separate it's just for medical purposes. Go back to how you've responded. How have you responded to, truthfully, to dick pics? What does the text back say? That's the really funny line.

There's a good joke in that. What is that, a dick-hoss-o? I'll tell you what. Like a work of art. Let's workshop this joke in the internet. What's your phone number? And then we'll just have people send you dick pics.

Or I could show you my dick pic now and just let the first words come out of your mouth. Pull it up. Why are you Google imaging giant dick right now? Here, she wrote her phone number down. Three, two, three. Seven. Oh, my God.

What are you doing? What the fuck are you doing, man? All right. That sounded like such a real number. Get out of the show or I'll kill you. I'm just going to show it to you real quick. I have another number I can read. No, no, no, no.

Here we go. Oh, my mama. Oh. I like you responding to other people's It's a puppy. Why do you think it's a penis? Oh my god.

I wish I could show people that it's just a dog that looks like a penis. Maybe compliment somebody's eyes on their dick pic. Things of that nature. I like that. He looks sleepy. Stephanie, I think we've broken the dick pic

code. I think you have about seven minutes of dick pic on your hands that you're going to have to edit down now. 3, 2, 3, 8, 9, 10. 3, 7, 9, 9, 5, 7, 8, 9er, 2, 6, 4, 3, 7.

Maybe talk about the just out of shower dick pic. There's like where you got the prune hand or something like that. Or like if it's a little wet or a little sweaty. If it's the veins. If you're a vein girl or if you're not a vein girl. A vein girl. If you're a scale chick. A lot of people like the scales.

I'm not a big scale guy myself. Right. Where you mean to scale like they put it up next to things. No, no, no. Scales like those the scales. I'm not a big scale guy myself. Right. You mean to scale like they put it up next to things. No, no, no, no. Scales like those little scales. If you look really close at a dick, it has like little scales on it. Wow. What?

All right. What? Who's next? Yeah. Stephanie Barber. Great job, Stephanie. Stephanie A. Barber. Good job, Stephanie.

At HeyLady with four Ys. Is that right? That's right. Her Twitter handle is at HeyLady with four Ys. Is that right? That's right. Her Twitter handle is at HeyLady with four Ys. Where are the Ys? Hey or Lady? If you want to tweet her a dick pic, feel free, everybody. She's at HeyLady with four Ys. HeyLady. I almost want to ask, why would you use that Twitter

handle? But anyway, why am I making Y jokes? Do you see how weird I just made it right then? Did you guys feel that moment? If yes, respond with nothing. Patreons together for Savory. Wow, just one name.

Savory. Hey, guys. what's up? You guys good? I just moved from New York to L.A. Okay, and the first thing I found out when I came out here was that Snoop Dogg have a GPS system. Anybody know this? Snoop Dogg have a GPS system?

First of all, when you turn it on, it comes on and goes snooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo that right, nephew. Keep your pimp hand strong. I was like, keep my pimp? It's like, what kind of high Tourette's message thing has been out, right? Like, I look up, I get to my destination, I'm at a weed store. I was like, I didn't put weed in there, Snoop, you know? And big shocker, it comes with a built-in police detector.

Like, I drove by the police station just to make it go off. Okay, I drove by the police station, it's like, sipping on gin and juice hi just ash you know is there cameras all right thanks guys fuck yeah all right 57 seconds am i saying that right say read sarai sar Yes. So he was not saying that right at all. No. I'm used to it, though. My go-to is like Sarai.

And you go by the one name. Yes. Like Madonna. Heck yeah. That's powerful. Have you ever seen The Wiz? Yeah. You look like Michael Jackson as a scarecrow.

Oh, okay. Cool. I just saw that the other day. Like eerily. Like, yes. You're beautiful. Oh, eerily. Like, yes. You're beautiful. Michael Jackson was beautiful. It's a huge compliment. I wasn't saying anything bad.

He's like, Jesus. I think you look lovely. I think you look lovely, too. Here's what I was going to say. He can't help himself. So, the premise is like, how long have you been doing stand-up? A few years.

A couple years? A few years. What is that? Like three. Three, okay. It's a premise where, not necessarily Snoop Dogg, but it's like when you hear a character as GPS system, there's versions of that that exist.

So I think if you like the bit a lot, the one thing you can do to make it stand out more would be if you can do an awesome Snoop Dogg impression during it. So that way it's like if somebody goes like, oh, you know, it's a Snoop Dogg as a GPS, the value in it is in

that it's also you're doing an awesome impression of him. That's what I think would make that, if you do impressions if you don't, then obviously It is one of those things that you don't realize you get up in the bit and you start doing the bit and you don't realize

how much that little bit of a real impression sells it to the audience. But you're... I'm wondering, but I just found out recently that you can actually change the accent on your GPS. Oh, I didn't know that.

You can actually change it so it is a British guy or a Spanish guy or an Australian guy. You can do that on your iPhone. So there's a whole field of that. Because I actually, when you said... Does he really have a GPS? Yeah he does. It's called Boy Skin. Really? It's called what? So he's really got one. Yeah he has a real thing.

He has one called Boy Skin. Voice Skin? Yeah. Really? Does he really? He doesn't really say like He really says like stay straight. Okay I didn't really think he did. Like when you were doing it I thought you were just doing a premise that like Definitely. I didn't know that he really So you need to really sell that.

And then lie about it. Yeah, right. Say that there's a hip-hop GPS system. And don't call it a GPS system because when you say that, it sounds so weird. I got GPS in my car and I buy voices for it. And I maybe – don't you know – Yeah, it's not really a system anymore. And sell how real it is, like he says.

I didn't really know it was real. But once you said to me it was real, I actually kind of want to hear the bit again. Like because when you started it, I was like, oh, he doesn't really have one of those. I was like, oh, this is just a – but like Tom said, tell some things that he really does say, then lie about it. Yeah, then lie about it. things that he really does say, then lie about it. Yeah, then lie about it.

And you know, they'll start second guessing. Like if you go, like there's other hip hop artists or whatever rappers on it. Oh yeah. You could be like. Mike Jones.

Right. It's like, you put in the address and he goes, whoop. And you're like, oh shit, this thing doesn't work.

He's like, whatever. Or the LL Cool J. But there is a lot of people that have these jokes. This isn't a, this isn't a big joke. Which is why,

I've heard this many times before. You expand, is what I'm saying, like you expand it and you make it yours. Yeah, talk about DMX, I couldn't even get there. I mean,

I didn't know when to get, what, what, what? Get, where my dog's at. I don't know. It's a lot of white people in here. I wouldn't, I wouldn't blame that joke

on these people. They don't know hip hop like we do. Patriot or I mean Iron Josh sometimes I like to check in with you in the middle of things what did you think of say it one more time for me

Sarai there's a button on the side of this Iron Josh. You should probably know your own. Oh, yeah. I didn't really hear much of the joke. Good. But from what you did here, just chime in.

But I really, I feel like I would want a GPS system on my own. I have an Iron Josh GPS system. A lot of feedback over there. Iron Josh. An Iron Josh GPS system. A lot of feedback over there. An Iron Josh GPS system would be great. Yeah. Oh, hey, all right. Sorry, you're starting with the ego.

Hey, I like how you didn't bring in a song. It's actually a pretty good improvement this week. I'll have one for next week. I would just take, because it's a premise that, like, you know, everyone's saying we heard versions of it. To make it uniquely your own, you need to push it further. You know what I mean? Like, expand and, like, we said, sell that it's real.

And then, you know, the stuff that you can make up about it, you could be super creative of how you want to make this outrageous claim that the GPS says. I mean, that's one way to go about it. By the way, and I meant to say this to you first before I told you you looked like Michael Jackson, but you have great stage presence. You really do and that's

going to take you a long way. And then what you'll find as you do this longer you'll get rid of premise driven bits and start talking more about yourself because someone like you doesn't need will not need in the future to go to like those so these are going to be stepping stones to get you more comfortable on stage

so just don't spend too much time on these type of jokes because when you get into it you will be talking exclusively about you. But that's... Oh, fuck. No, that's great advice. That's exactly it.

Very true. Nailed it. Savory. Nailed it? Siren. Sarai. Son of a bitch. Sarai.

Her handle is I am Sarai. Oh, yeah. And change your name would be a good one too. Yeah. To like Rachel. Yeah. Just kidding. I am Sarai is spelled S-A-Y R-I-E. See what I was saying,

Sari? S-A, what? That's a Sarai. Yeah. I don't know. I've never seen Sarai. I am S-A-Y-R-I-E. Yeah. Sarai. You said yeah. I don't know. I've never seen a Sarai written down, I don't think. Hey, Iron Chef, can I get another? Josh, can I get another double kettle one on the rocks?

Thank you. We'll have another round, too, Iron Josh. Tom will take one, too. All right, Tom will take it. Two double kettle ones on the rocks and then for them. Please, thank you. Who's next, Tony? That's good. The kettle one.

I just want to say again, I think the Iron Josh is such a huge improvement. I can't compare it to anything, but it's good. I like it. It's really good stuff. It's true.

I'm a big fan of his work. Yeah, it's great. Iron Chef's going to go down in history, by the way. That's going to be a soundbite forever. Pre-ends together for Skyler, everybody. Skyler Stone? We went from Sire. What was it? Sire? Sire? Sire? Skyler. All right.

So, I work in a strip club as a bouncer. And I have a couple of tips for fellas. If you're in the porn, in the porn theater, don't strip fully nude. Seriously, it's offensive to me, the bouncer, and the homeless guy whacking off behind you. No, no, this is a true story. I go into the porn theater, and then I open the door. Guy jumps up and then i'm like oh dude put on some clothes or something man and then uh and then he's like i'm like why why did you strip nude he's like oh man i'm high on molly right now i'm a little drunk you know how it is no nigga i do not know how it is. No, nigga, I do not know how it is. All right, thank you very much.

I'm Skyler. Have you ever seen Passenger 57 before? I just saw it the other day. You look like Wesley Snipes. I love him. He's my favorite actor. I'm just kidding. You don't look like Wesley Snipes.

You need to... How long have you been doing stand-up? You're brand new, right? No, about a year and a half, actually. Jesus. It's bold to tell stories. I applaud you for telling stories. You need to overtell that story in details,

in great detail, before you can figure out what all your jokes are. So you should tell that story in details. In great detail before you can figure out what all your jokes are. So you should tell that story for like, you told it for less than a minute now, you should tell it for like seven minutes the next time you tell it. Like it should be your whole thing. And try to remember all the details of it.

And try to like make jokes about every detail. Listen to it and that's how you're going to be able to figure out what the funniest beats are. You're like underdoing it right now. Oh, alright. You know what I mean? You're like, I'm there, and

the guy jumps up behind me. You scared the shit out of him, by the way. You did scare the shit out of me. You definitely had that going for you. You were sort of like the horror comedian. You really made us all jump for a sec. You said like... You made me jump that Bert jumped. It wasn't actually your thing.

Me too. I scared the shit out of me. But you said that then you were like, what the fuck? Right? To the guy? I did say what the fuck to the guy. Right. But what you want is essentially a joke there. Because that's like a reaction, right?

I mean, like, people will say that, especially, like, newer into stand-up will just be like, then I was like, what the fuck? And sometimes it gets laughs, but then you realize that, like, there's not an actual joke there. Right? Sometimes things that make sense to you when translated to an audience will confuse them for instance I got confused that you work at a strip club

but there was a theater there because I didn't I was like I don't I don't every strip club I've been I've never seen like a theater with like

wait wait say theater again he's I'm saying it the way he said it I'm saying it the way he said it by the way I got lost on theater also no but

no but that's the way he said it but so I didn't understand got lost on theater also. That's the way he said it. I didn't understand if it was a strip club. Don't hate the hater. Hate the game. Hate the theater. The theater. You also look like you own the fucking strip club, not bounce at it, by the way.

Yeah. You do look like you own the strip club. This is my uniform. I'm actually headed to work. What strip club? Deja Vu. Deja Vu. It's on the fence.

You really work at a strip club? Motherfucker. I am not believing anyone up here. Dude, I would just wear the fucking vest. The second you roll up in that vest, I go, oh, that guy we don't fuck with. But also, you're coming off very friendly. Every time I've been at a strip club,

the bouncers haven't been the sweetest gentlemen. But that's something to talk about. That is a real thing to talk about. The fact that you're putting your nice face on now. You have to have a calm demeanor because most people are drunk and horny as fuck. It just has to be conflict resolution. Can I hear you getting a strip club character?

Yeah. Bert's jerking off. I'm okay? Yeah. All right, so. Bert's jerking off. I'm jerking off. Let's build it. Let's build it. I work at a strip club. Because I like this angle.

I work at a strip club. I know you don't see that part of me right now, but I can switch like that, and I like that. Sir, no hats in the strip club. Very kind. Sir, the money. Put the money on the table. You can't touch the girls. All right, let's act like Tom is like Missy Corvette.

Go. You're yelling, you're jacking off on him. Let's see what he does because you're... Jack off in his face, Bert, and now he'll get mad because you're jacking off on Missy Corvette. You'd probably let that go, right? Wait, who's Missy Corvette?

Tom is playing the role of a stripper. Missy Corvette. Is this a real stripper? right? Wait, who's Missy Corvette? Tom is playing the role of a stripper in Missy Corvette. Is this a real? My point was, if you crescendo it, jokes work in three, no hats, put the money on the thing, and then your punchline would be something ridiculous you would stop someone from doing, that would be the joke. I'm not going to write your joke for you.

That's a great note. Do you understand it? Yes. You would say, sir, no hats. Sir, take your shoes off the table. Sir, stop masturbating in your own mouth. Or whatever your joke is. Sir, if you're going to suck your own dick, you need to be laying on your back. Yeah.

But I like, because you've got to understand that when you show up as the friendly guy, I don't see the bouncer. But I don't need to see the bouncer. This isn't about you being a bouncer. But that one joke lays the foundation. By the way, I am not a fucking expert. I'm just giving you my opinion. That one joke lays the foundation of –

You're credible. I told you I could be a bouncer. Now let me tell you the crazy stories I witnessed. And that has me in a fucking heartbeat. I love to hear your perspective because I never talk to you guys. I literally – unless it's a bad situation. And then I'm like, fuck your perspective because I never talk to you guys. I literally, unless it's a bad situation, and then I'm like,

fuck, I thought that was going to go differently. Yeah, yeah. She had Cholita tattooed on her stomach. Your joke on that, when that one, two, three, he's telling you, that third line,

the big punch line, can be super outrageous. It can also be real. If you really think about all the craziest shit you've ever witnessed or said. And that's going to be the good one. And that's going to be the good one.

And you should, like what we were talking earlier, you should try. That's an open place for you to try this line, that line. Like all these things that you've witnessed and had to say to somebody that everyone would be like, who the fuck ever said that out loud? And you're like, I've said that shit out loud to people. And you should end your show by going, a lot of people think, hey, I'm a good-looking guy. I'm young. I'm smart. I'm attractive.

Do I fuck the strippers? And then you should go, no, but I let them suck my dick and then drop the mic and walk off. Don't do that. Don't do that. I love it. Don't suck my dick. I've seen you a few times up here, Skyler,

and I had no idea that you even worked as a bouncer at a strip club until this set. Yeah, you gotta hook a brother up. Definitely going to Deja Vu tonight! Hey, come on out right now. You got the dirty girls? Yeah, I'll send Red Band to those girls.

The ones that go, poke it through! I know a couple. He works at Deja Vu. Deja Vu? Where's Deja Vu? I feel like I've been there. It's on Hollywoodja Vu. Everyone there is like that. I feel like I've been there. It's on Hollywood and Vine. We're open until 6 a.m. 6 a.m.

No booze. No booze. No alcohol. Means full nude. Full nude. There you go. Eat your edible. There he goes. Skyler, everybody.

Good job, Skyler. Good job, Skyler. Good job, Skyler. Talking about his life. Hey, bring up a white guy so we can tear him apart. Hey, what is here? The Iron Chef. The Iron Chef.

Oh, he can hold three drinks at once. Thank you. Thank you very much, Iron Chef. Oh, my God. I don't think the Iron Patriot would have been able to do this. Oh, mine's coming? Fuck yeah. All right.

I see how it goes. So glad I got a car service to take me here. Can we dial back the ethnicity shit? Let's do something. All right. Mexican, Mexican. A lot of white people in the crowd. Give us a white guy so we can be honest.

Oh, this guy's white. This is his return after a long hiatus. It's Jem, everybody. Jem? Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. Jemem, everybody. Jem? Jem. Oh, shit. You know what that means, everybody.

Hold on. What? What's the matter? What's going on? He's blacklisted. Wow. What happened? He was banned. That's how it works. If you miss your spot, if you're not in, beep, beep, beep, beep. He's blacklisted. Wow. What happened? He was banned. That's how it works.

If you miss your spot, if you're not in the room, then you have to take a break. All right. That would have been a joke. Or else people would just sign up and then there'd be no repercussions whatsoever. That was funny stuff. All right. All right. Put your hands together for Emily McCarron.

Hi. So, um, my mom is an androgynous hippie lesbian. And as a result, we had many battles over what I would wear. Um, because I was like, pearls and lace. And she was like, can I offer you a flannel? Um, so when I was six, I came up to her and I was like, I want to be a cheerleader for Halloween. And by her reaction, you would have thought

I had said, I want to shoot you in the face. She was devastated. She thought about it for two days. And then she said, okay, you can be a cheerleader

for peace, and she made me my little cheerleader costume, and it said peace on the front, and there was a peace sign on the back, and she gave me some green pom-poms, and she taught me this cheer that I did all night at everyone's door on Halloween.

What do we want? Peace! When do we want it? Now! Stop the war in Iraq! Yay! Yay! All right. Nice. Fuck yeah.

Wow. Fuck yes. Thank you, Iron Josh. You definitely bring energy and stage presence to the show. I also really need to pee. I was standing, so I was going to the bathroom, but I didn't want to get blacklisted. That's a good idea.

Right. Fuck yeah. You know what? That's part of being a performer. The show must go on. I've shit my pants on stage. Oh yeah, I'm willing to pee right on the stage. Cristela Alonzo, do you know who that is? Cristela Alonzo. Yeah, definitely.

We were in Dallas and she went short and I was in the middle of a shit and I didn't get to wipe and the whole show I had a fucking growler. Are you fucking serious?

Yeah, she was like, great set and I was like, how fucking wide did you cut it short? I fucking had shit in my pants the whole time. No, I've been

I love Cristela Alonso. I've been in that situation where I almost had that happen because downstairs there's a big restroom but you can hear what's going on in the other room. And there's been a couple times where I've literally cut it close. I just like had to slice one off and do like a hard quadruple wipe and just jet out like just like and then you're out.

That's when you just keep the toilet paper there. Because you hear somebody starting to say your name. You're like your next comedian, really funny guy. You're going to love him. And you're just like, oh, shit. You have to get a bunch done right then and there. I think having to pee is even worse almost. It really is.

But I've noticed that if I have to pee or poop or fart or puke, all of those things go. You fart a lot on stage? I don't do anything. Once I'm on stage, it all goes away. I like the stuff about your mom. All true. I don't think she's listening to this. Actually, I peed on stage once, but it was not

real at all. I'm telling you right now, if you had peed on stage in a glass fucking showstopper, I wouldn't have any notes. Nobody knew. Hopefully they saw it, though, through the mic stand that you left in front of you the whole time. Oh, I realized that halfway through.

How long have you been doing it? Since August. Okay. Really, since I was three. Because everyone was really high in my living room. Don't ever tell anybody that. Yeah. Since August.

How often do you get on stage? Do you go to open mics and stuff? I try to do a couple times a week, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way because I'm also an actress. So you try to do it a couple times a week, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. So can I give you some constructive advice? Yes, please. Take the opposite angle than your natural instinct. Your natural instinct is high energy, getting it fun.

Let that be your strength as opposed to your lean to. So try to start off slow and then go to that for the big one. Like you started at a 10 and there was nowhere to really follow you. And I only say that because when I was younger, I would do that for seven minutes. And then when you start headlining and doing an hour, you realize, oh shit, you need to have some ebb and flow. So try to use that as your knockout punch and not throw haymakers the whole show. Talk about your mom in a

sincere, honest way and then pop it up. I think that that may help. This is coming from somebody who is disgusting amounts of energy. So I would trust what he's saying. Someone who laughs at his own jokes. He's an absolute mess.

But the thing is, he's giving you good advice. Oh, no, I like that. Yeah, and you should, you know, need to do it a lot more. If you're saying you're doing it since August, and maybe once or twice a week. So it's his idea. Even if you only are able to incorporate a percentage of what he's saying. I think it's good advice Practice what you're not good at and and and that would be I would imagine deadpan for you like a very low energy

So practice some low energy jokes like write some lower energy jokes about your mom that are word Word heavy and then you'll find that that that it's like when you see Chris Rock practice, this sounds weird, but Chris Rock can very easily get everyone to laugh. He goes, meh, like if he does the Chris Rock thing. But when you see him on stage, he is like Woody Allen, like very dry, because he wants to make sure the words work. So when you get on stage next time,

try working just very low energy with the words, and then you'll find that when you bring your energy in, it'll fucking murder. Well, my mom actually writes me jokes about her horrible parenting. All right, stop that right now. If your mom was going to be a comic

she would have done it already. You're going to be a comic. You write your own jokes. Do not let other people write your material. They're really funny. They're not. Do not trust your parents.

Did you really say that you like your mom's jokes? Yeah, my mom started writing jokes. Did she write one that we heard? No. Hey, did your guys' mom give you jokes once? My mom gives me a joke every six months, and it's just the worst. I wish I had them.

I should do a whole 15 minutes on mom jokes. Yeah. My mom doesn't. My dad has tried to sell me quite a few. My mom does your mama jokes, which are uncomfortable. Wow. I'm such a whore. Actually, one of my mom's jokes is about that I exist because she's a slut.

The way that you laughed at that was very scary. Yeah. Almost like you hadn't heard it before, but you said it. It's like you're her biggest fan. The apple doesn't... I feel like we're talking about your mother who did 65 Tonight Shows or something. What?

The apple doesn't fall out of the tree very far. Is your mom Carol Burnett? Is that what we're talking about right now? All right. Where did you grow up? I grew up in Santa Cruz. Oh, really? Yeah. That's really? Yeah.

That's a beautiful area. And you can walk around naked there. I think you can. No, you can. You can. You can. I was a part of it. I was just there.

No, legally, you can walk around naked there. Legally. Legally, you can walk around naked there. I was part of the protesting that made it legal. How do I not get into the production? How did you not know that? I was like, I went surfing surfing there and I did not get naked once. You surf now? I surf

whatevs. That's totes. Me and Jason Ratboy Collins, son. Whatever. Nobody knows who that is. I know who that is. You do? I'm from Santa Cruz. I don't surf though. Alright, you two. Yeah.

You guys have a real connection. How much were you just exhausting yourself before you figured out what you were saying about energy? When you were doing 10 minutes, were you like, and then fucking just get off stage? Dude, I remember the first time I headlined in Houston at the last stop, and I did a powerful 20 minutes. And I looked at my watch, and it was like 15 I'd only done and I was like I still have to do 45 fucking minutes

and I was like alright who wants to do shots and you just brought people up and I brought this dude with white hair and white eyebrows up and I just talked about him looking like Hitler's wet dream the whole time I was exhausting maintaining your

I wish you could get to see him, but watching Dane Cook work for me was a real lesson in how to maintain energy and use it on your behalf. And a lot of people have mixed things to say about Dane, but he was a high-energy fucking dude who knew how to pull it in and reel it back and use the words and then accentuate the words with energy.

So, I mean, find high energy acts and take a look at what they're doing and figure out and don't steal from them, but take a look at their aura. What was it? Their essence. Take their essence from them.

Well, if they remember, I was actually slower than I was last time. Yeah, last time that was my go-to. Right, you're getting less and less crazy every time we see you. Oh, no. More and more crazy. There you go, everybody. Emily McCarron, everyone.

Good job, Emily. Good job, Emily. There she goes. Fuck yeah. It's all happening. She's at Cartwheel Joy. It would have been so much funnier if she was like, I had to take the biggest shit before I got up here.

Chance to get up for your next comedian. Missy Martinez, everybody. I don't have to move the mic stand now. Alright, so being naked for a living I have to watch what I eat and stuff so I don't need any carbs. And the bad side effect of that is I have sex dreams about fucking myself with breadsticks. So I can't go to Olive Garden. I can't go to Macaroni Grill.

And it kind of explains all the yeast infections. Alright, on a side note though, I am brewing my own beer. Totally unrelated though so if any of you are interested meet me in the parking lot but you know I have to take I have to take good care of my body and I found this amazing weight loss place it's called

Planned Parenthood one afternoon I lost 8 pounds 2 ounces and my stamp card is almost full Planned Parenthood? Yeah. One afternoon, I lost eight pounds, two ounces. Yeah. Yeah. And my stamp card's almost full, so my tenth one is free, and I get my picture on the fucking wall. Great.

Is that almost a minute? Fuck yeah. Yeah, that's really good. Wow. Tom, I think you want to start this one. Wasn't it just your first time doing stand-up less than a month ago on this show? Yeah. Wow. This is only my second time.

That's your second time doing stand-up? Stand-up ever. But why do you get naked? I'm a porn star. Oh, fuck. I know what I'm Googling tonight. Breadsticks and Missy Martinez. Yeah.

What's your last name? It's the same thing. Martinez? Martinez. Is that your real last name? It's the same thing. Martinez? Martinez. Is that your real last name? No. Okay. Is this your second time doing stand-up?

Second time ever on stage. All right. I got excited when I saw your name get pulled out. Have you been, you haven't been going anywhere else to do practice? Because you were a lot more comfortable this time around. Yeah, I remember you told me I re-watched Kill Tony 32. I re-watched it and I took your guys' notes where you said

slow down, don't laugh or giggle in between, you know, pace yourself. Just like I'm kind of talking. Right. And I tried to project. Yeah, you need to project definitely higher. That was the one thing. I had you on full blast and I was still very... Oh, yeah, I was holding it too far away instead of... Yeah, you should almost just milk it so it's almost touching your lip like milk it I'm not getting paid for that

I'm off duty today You should almost milk it Just grab it and close Real close I've been waiting I've been waiting my whole adult career For a porn star Who can do stand up

Are you still waiting? No, no, no. For your second time on stage, I'm really impressed. Really impressed. Thank you. Because I did not... This is going to sound like an insult, but it's meant as a compliment. You don't carry yourself like a porn star. You're obviously hot, but you're not

like... You're not doing what porn stars do when they speak to people, which is disconnecting. It's like when they fuck. They're just like, and they're not there. You were there. You were talking to us like you were a comic. There's so much about sex that no one,

that guys like us talk about. I want to hear it from the other side. Oh, you don't want to hear it. I want to fucking hear it. I have a joke about squirting right now that makes people uncomfortable as fuck. But I bet you could get away with it and it not fucking bother a soul.

I'm totally going to Carlos Mencia your squirting joke. No, don't do that. No? Oh, okay. I have to wait longer? Yeah. All the stuff that you think is like... I think there's a goldmine

in whatever you think is boring and redundant. And like, you know, people will assume always that if they find out you're a porn star, they're going to be like, she's an oversteps, an infomaniac. She just loves dicks, dicks, dicks all fucking day long. And you bringing to the table that it's routine and like is casual is what is the opposite of everyone's basically experience. So that's what's so funny is going to be your take on boring, mundane, selling sex to people. You know, that's one angle. The fact that you're like, oh, a fucking other anal gang. Whatever your take on that is.

Like people are like, what? Like that's not crazy to you? And you're like, whatever. Almost any take on any aspect of porn, I think is what you're saying, is better than anybody else's because you have true perspective. I mean you are. Perspective is what it's all about. If you're in the game, then you can cross those two huge, huge things.

Another thing you have to think about, and this is only your second time, and you're used to in your career presenting the sexiest version of yourself. This is a great note. If you know what you look like, it's always going to be a distraction. Women are always a distraction to the men in the audience. And if you were not attractive, guys still look at you like,

I wonder if I could fuck this girl. That's so sweet. When you have those fucking hangers out, they are going to be super distracted by them. No, no. No, no, no, no. We enjoyed it. We like them.

This is my church outfit. Exactly. And you need this for right now. It's good for right now. But for tomorrow, when we're not here, you need to... Cover, be a little more conservative, shall we say? Just always be aware. You should choose however you want to present always be aware you can you should choose however you

want to present it that rule voids on her because I just like looking at her it is it is a very valid point because the second you this the second you by the way you also have a very pretty face. Right. But I didn't notice that until you sat down. Like, a guy, guys disconnect. I remember looking at Judy Gold one time being like, God, fuck her. But that's what guys do. And so you've got to be aware of that,

that that's the way you guys are going to perceive you. And if you're going to talk about sucking dick, I mean, you're going to fucking lose us. You still stop. There'll be a line in the bathroom like, come on, I want to see your closer. The thing you have to remember is that the more you're visually sexually appealing, the less they're actually listening to what you're saying. Right.

Like, literally, you could finish a good joke and people are going to be like, whatever. I want to jizz all over her fucking tits and face. That's how I got my college degree that's how you got your college degree yes wait explain that tell me that story

well no I'm pretty nobody cares what I have to say and you got are you serious and like professors are like whatever yeah that happens to us I'm book learned

I'm book learned I'm the same thing me and Bert same thing but no but I'm being serious when I say I worked with what's Savannah Sampson and she was on stage

trying to get into stand up and she was going you want to see my pussy up and she was going you wanna see my pussy and I was like I would love to hear about that time that you got choked out by fucking Rocco Soffredi's I would love to hear that story you'd have me on the edge of my seat

there's so much shit that is everyday to you that is fantasy to the majority of people in this room it that you that is every day to you that is fantasy to the majority of people in this room. Which will be hilarious. You have a once again you have a place to speak from

that not a lot of people can do what you're doing. There are not a lot of women in your profession that I thought you were like when you were like I'm going to get you down to be a stripper it can't be a porn star. Porn stars can't talk. No but it's the truth I mean we've all

we live in LA and so I mean but do what you're doing get there it's your second time here's another thing

you this is like a minor note but like the whole way you do the I went on the weight loss place you know the if you sell

your confusion more that joke like in other confusion more, that joke, like in other words, I knew a joke was coming. You go, oh, what's the name? Like it sounds like a joke confusion.

If you were to really sell that you can't remember, the joke will get a much bigger rise. Yeah, yeah. Just a little bit more stay away from the page. Yeah, like if you were

really trying to remember somebody's name, like fuck, what is the name? Yeah, exactly. And then you're like, then the joke will get it. You know what is the name? Yeah, exactly. And then you, yeah, then the joke was good. Yeah.

You know what? By the way, last thing, I don't want to make it sound like we're paying extra attention to you because you're not, because you're, you know, but, but you know,

Hey, you know what? A lot of guys like, like, Oh fuck. Why am I saying this? do you know what could be an interesting angle? Is a little bit of... Armpits.

A lot of guys. ...education towards like... Never mind. This is a bad angle. You know what? You gotta commit now. Would you like some after school tutoring? It's like, listen.

I used to do joke bits about... When I'd see an older couple, I'd say... By the way, I'm not expecting this to make them laugh couple, I'd say, and this, by the way, I'm not expecting this to make them laugh, but I'd say to the woman, you want to really treat him right? I'll show you my move. It's called the sandbagger.

Get on top of him. Tell him you want to watch him come, and right as he climaxes, fake throw a punch at him, and he'll go, like, that was, so like, but those, I had a hundred of those. I still do a ton of them.

Like when I go down on a girl, sometimes I put my lips around her entirely and go, like, there, but that is a go to thing is sex moves that you have done ladies you want to really know how to make your man like the thing I'm doing about squirting now is that

because Brian fucking told me he could get Leanne to squirt and I was like bullshit I can get her to squirt are you going to let Brian do it? no I'm Leanne to squirt. And I was like, bullshit, I can get her to squirt. Wait, I said, are you going to let Brian do it? No, no, no, I'm not going to let Brian bring her over and fucking let Leanne squirt. Oh, you did it, Brian. Way to go. No.

Brian's like, like this, Bert. The whole bit's about not having proof that a woman has an orgasm. It's like Kaiser Soze just, like, I want to see evidence. When orgasm. It's like Kaiser Soze. I want to see evidence. When I come, it's like, it happened! And so I want to make her squirt. Is that what you say when you come? It happened! That happened! That was real!

Charge that to the game! So the whole joke is, and I'm not telling you how, but how a great way to get away with it is I talk about, I read a thing and the whole thing's

about the G spot. And what you gotta do is, and I go, I'm not gonna be vivid, but you gotta go into the garage, up where you keep the bikes. And then you gotta

try to knock the bikes off the hook. The problem was, I was in the attic just ripping out insulation. So analogies in your profession will go a very long... You don't need to say, I put my tongue in the head of his dick. You can be like...

If you analogize it, it's a great way to talk about what you're doing. Patrice O'Neill was the king of analogies. And your lingo. You guys have your own lexicon. You should use those all the time. But you don't just say, whoa, we're going to buttfuck now?

Oh no, there's that. DVDA, BGG, BG. Do you know how quick I get into an anal situation on accident? I'll do a DVDA. Oh, oh, that's what that is? Double. Double batch, double anal. Double batch that's what that is? Double. Double batch. Double batch?

That's DVD-A. Yeah, DVD-A. I'd do that with you, Tom. I don't have that gift. It's also a podcast. It is. I was just looking at it. DVD-A.

That's what that stands for? DVD-A-S-A. I thought it was their initials. Wait, wait. Double batch of double anal sensitive artists. Oh, God, no. That's crazy. I thought it was their initials. Wait, wait. That's double-fat-double-anal-sensitive-artist. Oh, God, no. That's crazy. I'm human.

How many, what percentage of people are doing that? Less than 1%. Really? And how do they talk people into doing that? That survived it? That survived it, yeah. That's what? Yeah, you get a matching members-only jacket if you survive it.

Is that true? The green jacket if you win the Masters? You get the fucking pink sock? Self-deprecation, good too. I heard the joke when he said, I've been waiting for a porn star. You go, you're still waiting? That's fucking funny.

Missy, both times you've been on, you killed. Great job. It's unbelievable. Missy X Martinez on Twitter. Very funny. Awesome. This is the part of the show where two regulars, our only two regulars, do a brand new minute every week. They're both lovely young ladies.

I think I followed them on Twitter today. They're very hilarious, super cool, always different and fun. This week's no different. This next young lady, you're going to recognize her from such things as Kill Tony

and she recently just did a dysentery. Yeah. Check her out on that. She's very, very funny. Put your hands together for Sarah Weinshank. I don't know how this got started. Got a friend that's a foodie.

Always trying to talk to me about subtleties in food. Trying to talk to me about her artisan roles. Trying to pair food together. Trying to taste the subtleties in shit. She gave me a scone the other day. You ever have a scone? First thing I said was, what's wrong with this muffin?

What the fuck is a scone? It's like a five day old muffin. This muffin was... This muffin... this muffin was this muffin back to scones guys here we go forget the butter in this muffin forget the sugar in this muffin you never see poor people eating scones.

Only a rich person treat. Poor people eat muffins, guys. All right. Wow. Nailing it on the minute. I remember the first time. I'm Irish my god I remember the first time I'm Irish and I remember the first time my mom made scone

and I was like what the fuck is this and she was like it's a scone yeah that's that was really great if you do it near your raisin bit you could say what is this the raisin of muffin or something like that yeah I was thinking of that on the way I'm like a raisin scone what a nightmare you know what you could that on the way. I'm like, a raisin scone, what a nightmare.

You know what you can do, by the way, because I hang out with foodies all fucking time, is what's that, when you were going through the list of things that foodies say, the one thing they say constantly is farm to tape, farm Oh, table, yeah fresh to farm. Fresh to farm

to table, like this is, it's that fucking Brooklyn hipster shit. Yeah. Where they're like, we grew these in Brooklyn. And you're like, oh my god. Grow them in a fucking farm. Where was this grown? In the place that 10 years ago dudes were sucking dick for heroin?

Oh. That's a really, I really enjoyed that. Fuck yeah. Sarah, you have this crazy style. I find myself saying it almost every week, but by second 20, you have like this thing where you end up like getting to a point about something. I'm always just like, where's it coming with?

I'm like, where's it coming with a scone? And then boom. Out of nowhere. Yeah. I wanted to just go out with the scone, but I'm like, I don't think scone's a full minute. No, you did it. You know what you do really well that I love seeing in comics?

It's one of the things I always, like, I realize I'm drawn to, is when you, your, the point you're making at the beginning, you set it up specifically. A lot of comics don't do that, especially, like, newer comics. up specifically. A lot of comics don't do that, especially newer comics. You said specifically, and you hit it a few times, foodies that like you to notice subtlety.

You say, and you make the point. So we're now in completely on what you're going to joke about. A lot of times people will say, I have friends with foodie, and then they bring me the skull. I'm like, what the fuck's a skull? And you're like, well, you set up the specifics of it really well and that's why the jokes work well

is because you're specific about what it's about. Yeah, and God, you have a fucking voice. That was really fun to listen to. Because I could theoretically do a joke about scones, but I do it like Tom said. I'd be like, what's up with scones? Exactly. But that's something you already do. You might not even know but I do it like Tom said. I'd be like, what's up with scones? Exactly. But that's something you

already do. You might not even know that you do it. But it's really something that because you already naturally do it, now you can be aware of the fact that jokes work better always when... Chris Rock is a great example of a guy who always sets you up very clearly and specifically.

He makes the premise super clear. Then people are roped in, and then he hits the jokes. You're doing that. How old are you? Don't answer that. I'm sorry. You killed. You did it again. Unbelievable.

Really? You've been doing it three years? Shut the fuck up. She's awesome. At Princess Shank on Twitter, everybody. That's with three S's, ending in S-H-E-N-K. Is your mom black? No, she's Puerto Rican. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Puerto Rican. I followed you on Twitter today, I think. Wait, both of our girls are Puerto Rican? Oh, I followed you on... Your mom's black, right? You're Puerto Rican too? You're both Puerto Rican. Are you guys sisters?

Holy shit. Well, ladies and gentlemen, your final regular and your final comedian of the show. Also a Puerto Rican. A college dropout out of the Florida Gators to stay on the staff and crew of Kill Tony.

Here she is. It's Kimberly Congdon, everybody. So I got my heart broken in college. You guys know what that's like, right? Your first heartbreak. I spent like weeks wondering, was it me? What did I do? Was it because I didn't want any kids? Because I told him in the beginning that if I wanted to raise something that pits to stealth and walked weird,

I'd just go to a college bar after hours. You know? Was it because I was jealous? Because he came home one night, and he was like, babe, I got so wasted, I blew chunks. And I was like, who the fuck is chunks? Cut to two weeks later,

and he's blowing some fat dude named Chunks. We're broken up. I'm really sad about it. I mean, I should have known when he started wearing my t-shirts to bed. That was off. I learned a lesson from it, though. Like, now I know what I want in a guy.

I want someone loyal, respectful. Someone I can really bond with. And I know what I don't want in a guy. Which is another guy. That's it. That's good. That's it. That's good. Nailed it.

Hilarious. I missed the t-shirts thing. It's bothering me that I missed it that I didn't get it. You know how girls wear their boyfriends t-shirts to bed? I said I should have

known something when he was wearing my t-shirts to bed. That made me laugh so hard. That is very funny. I'm picturing a guy like so much bigger than you wearing your shirt and like, I love the way you smell. I would have tagged him. I would have tagged him in the court. That is very funny. I'm picturing a guy like so much bigger than you wearing your shirt.

I love the way you smell. I would have tagged it. That's what that says. That's definitely an area that's worth tagging. He wore my t-shirts and panties and leg warmers. Now I have a beautiful visual of a dude in leg warmers. It's a tight squeeze.

They don't fit me anymore so he basically took them from me. He clothed raped you or whatever. You know what I mean? Whatever way you're going to take it, because I know that that has to physically stretch something out. Are you from Florida? I am. Where?

I grew up in Melbourne, Cocoa Beach area, but I went to school in Gainesville. Vero Beach. Oh, cool. You're from there? I was raised in Sebastian originally. Monster Hole, son. Yeah, Monster Hole. Do you know the

legend of Bert Kreischer then coming from Florida? No, I don't. Well, maybe you should Google that. Okay. I went to

Florida State. Yeah, I didn't start anything in comedy, didn't start watching comedy until I moved here too. You went to

Florida State? Yeah, did you ever do stand-up in Florida? No. I started when I moved here. And you dropped

out of Florida for real? Yeah, I dropped out of school during your senior year? Yeah. Wow. To do stand-up? No. I started when I moved here. And you dropped out of Florida for real? Yeah, I dropped out of school last year. During your senior year? Yeah. Wow. Did you stand up?

Yeah. She started here. Good for you. Yeah, on Killtone. Boom. You started here? Yeah, in June. It's fucking murder.

She's written a brand new minute every single week since. Congratulations. Thank you. Boom. That's right. We're running out of time. That's Kimberly Congdon.

Yeah. Follow her on Twitter at Kimberly Congdon. Tom Segura, Bert Kreischer. We're running out of time. That's Kimberly Congdon. Yeah. Follow her on Twitter at Kimberly Congdon. Tom Segura, Bird Kreischer. We did it. You got through Kill Tony. Yeah, that's it. It's over?

Thank you guys so much. We don't get to do a minute? Just kidding. Thank you guys so much. That was so much fun. That was a lot of fun. I actually had a blast doing that. Hey, thank you to all the comedians that came up.

And I apologize. I do not know everything about comedy, nor does Tom, nor does I, nor does Ryan. Don't listen to what I said. Yeah, if you don't like what we said,

we don't know what we're talking about. Hey, guys. Always. Both of these guys have awesome podcasts. Oh, shit. Hold on.

I have a book coming out. Pre-order it at BurtBurtBurt.com. It's called Life of the Party. Pre-orders are so important. Please, if you love me, pre-order this book. Life of the Party

at BurtBurtBurt.com. And one of the best podcasts ever is The Mom's House. It started at Death Squad. It's now become one of the best podcasts in the world. I have a special that premieres March 15th on Netflix. If you've never heard Your Mom's House, there was an episode that happened recently. You have to check out. It's number one. 88. Just listen to check out. It's number 188.

Just listen to that episode. You'll be a fan ever since. And Bert has a great podcast named Bert Cash. Tony, I've got to get you on my podcast. I can't wait. I'm here in town this week. Let's do it this week. Absolutely.

Bert Cash. I'm still your go-to. Bert Cash. Just know exactly that if you're listening to this, you're probably somewhat of a fan of me in some way so if you've ever wanted to know more about my crazy life right so but if there's some by some crazy chance you haven't

heard me on the your mom's house podcast two part spectacular and your mother joins in yeah I come from mafia blood it's definitely worth knowing thank you so much. Iron Josh. Give it up for Iron Josh.

Bye, Iron Josh. The Ding Dong Show is next with Don Barris, the longest-running show in Comedy Store history. Audience, thank you so much. We'll see you again soon. Thanks for coming out. Thank you. Outro Music