KILL TONY - KILL TONY #36

Episode Date: February 8, 2014

Dom Irrera, Steve Trevino, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Iron Petetriot/Peteec, Brian Redban – Date: 02/03/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.TV, La Jolla, California, slash San Diego. We're coming to the La Jolla Comedy Club. It's February 28th, which is a Friday, and March 1st, which is a Saturday. Yeah, it seems really weird because it's like 28 to 1. Anyways, Friday and Saturday, February 28th and March 1st, we're going to be at the La Jolla Comedy Club. We're bringing in Kill Tony. We're having comedy shows. All the tickets should be going on sale any day now,

but you can always go to deathsquad.tv for all the links. And Kill Tony is at the Comedy Store in Hollywood every Monday at 8 o'clock, and that's a free show. So if you're at one of the two comedy stores, you're bound to run into a Kill Tony if you go there either every Monday at 8 o'clock in Hollywood or February 28th and March 1st in La Jolla. God, that was confusing. Anyways, just go to DeathSquad.tv for all the information.

Also, check out ShopSquad.tv. That's the official Death Squad merchandise, including the T-shirt and the kitty cat stickers and all that stuff. Go to ShopSquad.TV. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony Volume 2. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe! Fuck yeah, everybody. How you guys doing? Hello.

Hi, everyone. Good to be here. Happy Monday to you. Episode 36 of Kill Tony. I'm here with my good friend Brian. How you guys doing tonight, everybody? Always fun. Down? What? What are you saying? Yeah, that's what we're talking about.

This sound system here changes every single week it's fucking annoying as hell yeah it's a they probably do about probably about 20 or 25 different shows out of this room a week so I can't imagine how many crazy hands get on all the dials and everything on different things yeah that's 20 different people that

does not know how to use that right they have no idea yeah oh it's totally always just a comedian working that big box back there to try that. Right, they have no idea. Oh, it's totally always just a comedian working that big box back there to try to get a spot on whatever show it is. Right. It's in the place, just has been... So imagine that.

I mean, that's every week, 20 different hands times 52 weeks times 40 fucking years this room has been in operation. Yeah, they keep on blowing speakers and replacing them with, like, 80s boom boxes or whatever these... I think these are i-homes, old old iHomes that they're using here. Fuck yeah, though.

We're getting it all figured out. Yeah. You're the master of disaster with that shit's heavy cord tonight. Yeah, see? Cords are changing in girth. Wow. Hello? Check.

Okay. Yeah. It's been a crazy week since the last episode. Last episode, I'm pretty sure, was definitely, undisputedly, our most buzz-worthy episode. People are saying that's the best episode we had, and we were very nervous for last episode being the first of Volume 2. We hit number one on Stitcher in some category at some point.

That's cool. That's a first. Oh, no applause on that. Okay. Thank you so much, everyone, for your support. I mean, number one's not that big of a deal, but, I mean, you know, there's other numbers, so who cares, right? Who cares about being number one? Why would you work towards that goal?

But, I mean, and just the fucking tweets, the everything, the outreach and support of the show has been unbelievably awesome. It's great. Like, I don't think I think I only heard a few negative comments in the negative comments. We're all like, hey, us people that like to fuck dogs are very disappointed in Death Squad. Right. Yeah.

And I'm telling you, man, it's amazing because, because you know the podcast world is one thing but there's also this crazy hollywood land thing that i that i like to delve into during the day with like auditions and you know there's just everything it's show business that we're in and there's an amazing amount of buzz there too which really surprises me for a raw renegade type of podcast that takes place in the belly room of the store. Like it's so funny to hear people talking about listening to the episodes and this and that, like pretty high up people. So we're rattling the cages. So it's very fun. It's really exciting. And to think that we did it after getting stabbed in the back, that that's what it took.

Betrayal is what it took to push us to number one. So, you know, it's just, I mean, to push us to the best that we've ever been. So that's an exciting thing. And, you know, last week it was fun. We tested out the Iron Josh. Yep, Iron Joss. And maybe we'll give him another chance. but in the meanwhile, I think we should keep

testing out different types. That's right. See what we got tonight is something very special. This Iron dude is pretty well known in the Death Squad community. Very well known. Been in many

episodes of Death Squad, especially Ice House Chronicles. And he's been a friend of the show for a long time. He's been there since the beginning. Let's just bring him up, huh? Let's do it. Ladies and gentlemen, our head of security tonight. Put your hands together for Iron P.D.C.

Wow. Wow. Look at this. Upgraded Wow Wow Stronger than ever This is great As we can tell, there's been some upgrades

No longer does he have the iron penis snake He has an advanced wireless mic system coming out of his crotch. Yep, you can tell. Yes, thank you very much. Yeah, that's a hot mic. That is a hot mic. Heck yeah, some Ikea lights on your palms.

That's pretty cool. Yep, that's right too. You might have seen these at the checkout stand. Wait, what was that? They sell these at the checkout. Oh, I gotcha. So it's an impulse buy. Yeah, that's true.

It's an impulse buy. Hell yeah. You got to really get that crotch mic in there. You got to stay in one spot, Patriot. Or I mean, PDC. Patriot. Patriot. Is it the Patriot or the Iron PDC?

What do you think? Well, I particularly like the Patriot. Patriot it is. Patriot. Patriot it is. Patriot. His name's Pete. Turn the patent to the Pete. It's the Patriot. So, fuck yeah.

So what's been going on, Patriot? What's going on? What's your world like? Tough day on the boulevard today. Yeah? Got into a fight with one of the Superman guys. Oh. Yeah, trying to get in my pictures and get dollars from kids.

It's bullshit. Exactly. Now, you had a band too, right? What's that called? I did. It's called Filthy Lobster. Filthy Lobster. Yeah.

I had to hit the song, Share My Papaya. Share Your Papaya? Yeah, Share My Papaya. Oh, wow. Heck yeah. share your papaya yeah share my papaya oh wow heck yeah it's really weird because like him looking over at me

really seems like we're looking at the original Iron Patriot yeah it's a pretty nice city back here yeah it's

it's slowly getting there it's like it's like if the Iron Patriot this is what the Iron Patriot looked like on Halloween

when he was six years old or it looks like the Iron Patriot looked like on Halloween when he was six years old. Or it looked like the Iron Patriot's on a slumber party. He's in his little jammies. A little sleepover. When all else fails, just make those noises. I've watched the tapes.

Hell yeah. You've done your research. That's great. Well, I'm glad to have you here, Pete. What do you say we get this thing started, huh? Tony. Yeah. Oh, yes. Wait a second.

What is it? What is it, Pete? I have to use the restroom. Can I go use the restroom? Oh, well, absolutely. But in the meanwhile, to stand in for you while you use the restroom, we are going to bring up the Iron Gatriot, everybody. Our first ever.

Our first ever homosexual head of security. Wow. It's Iron Justin Martindale, a.k.a. the Iron Gatriot. Okay. How are you doing today, buddy? I'm, you know, furious. Wow. This is amazing. I had nothing better to do on a Monday, so, you know.

Right, exactly. I'm glad that you were able to be our backup head of security today. A lot of people weren't able to do that. I had to call. This is a podcasting kryptonite. able to do that. I had to call this is a podcasting kryptonite. I'm sure he's

used to touching tips also. It's not a really hard thing. You got it right there. Last time you had this trouble with a mic, it was a guy actually named Mike. I don't know what he's doing. He's just turning it on and off now.

It should just stay on. Oh. He's doing some sound effects for us. I gotta hold on to this, Jeff said. What was that? A number 32? Yeah. Okay. I got it. I'm sorry. So, Gatry, what's going on?

Anything going on? I fell out of a hot tub this weekend. Oh. Yeah, that was exciting. Yeah, and then the people, I was in a group of people in a hot tub, as one should when they look like this, and

then fell out of the hot tub trying to get a drink and they were like, oh, we forgot to tell you the floors were made of marble. And, yeah, so I got to eat shit in front of a bunch of people. Yikes. Now, Tony, the Iron Gatriot sent me a song this week. What?

I heard you guys liked music, so. Wow. It's been a couple weeks since we've had a song from our head of security. I'm pretty excited about this. Ladies and gentlemen, here you go. The Iron Gaytriot, everyone. Whoa, what's this going to be? It sounds scary.

Can you change any of you? When will we go from here? When will they stop? And I believe that fate has brought us here And we should be together, babe But we're not And I play it off that I'm dreaming of, yeah And I keep my cool, but I'm feeling

Not trying to say goodbye, and I choke Try to walk away, and I stumble Shit, though I try to hide it Let's clear my little crumbles when you are not near Goodbye, and I choke Let's play my little crumbles when you want it now. Goodbye and I'll choke. Try to walk away and I'll still fall. So we'll try to hide it.

Let's play my little crumbles when you want it now. Guys, give it up for the Iron Gatrian. Wow. Heck yeah. That was Wow. Heck yeah. Stop that. Stop that. That was awesome. That was awesome. Heck yeah.

There he goes, the Iron Patriot. That was amazing. Justin Martindale, everybody. Justin Martindale. Unbelievable performance. Thank you so much. Pretty good. Everything come out okay, Iron Patriot?

Yeah, we're just fine. Fantastic. Hey, I don't know if you guys know this, a little bit of a factoid for you, but this is the first episode of Kill Tony that's ever taken place during Black History Month. Oh. I got a lot of tweets from my female N-words about that today. Oh. I don't know if you guys... Oh, wow.

Wow. Very good. You may have seen me retweet them. Wow, you call girls Nancys. That's very old-fashioned of you. Very, yeah. Real quick before we jump into it. We are at the La Jolla...

Kill Tony comes to the La Jolla Comedy Store on the road for the first time ever on March 1st. So San Diego, if you're listening to this, it's going to be March 1st, and tickets will be available online probably by the time you hear this.. It's going to be March 1st and tickets will be available online probably by the time you hear this. It's going to be very soon. It's going to be March 1st at the La Jolla Comedy

Store, the first ever Kill Tony on the road. Very exciting. Also, that's it. This is Tom Segura's t-shirt. That's available at TomSegura.com, I believe. Special birthday shout out to Marie. Water's available at TomSegura.com, I do believe. Yep, TomSegura.com. Special birthday shout-out to Marie. Yeah. Waterboxers in the house,

everybody. My favorite person. He's a fan of me, but I'm a fan of him. I retweet him all the time. Very good. Yes, exactly. Alright, so let's get it started. You guys ready? Kill Tony 36, motherfuckers. Just as always, it's super

duper special. In no particular order, it's super duper special. In no particular order, your two guests go like this. Truly one of the first people to ever take me on the road with them or work with me. One of my favorite people. One of the funniest people here at the Comedy Store. It's Steve Trevino, everybody. And also, coming with him, from the Big Lebowski, from Seinfeld, another one of the best comedians in the fucking world, Dom Irera, everybody.

Boom. Go. Wow. Thank you. Thank you, nice people. Dom Irera, welcome. Steve Trevino, good to have you. Tony.

Heck yes. You've been too long. I know. It's always too long. Actually, it's just been a couple days. I did your podcast the other day. Seems like a long time to me, Tony. Because I miss you.

Hi, guys. That was really gay. The gay trick? Right, yeah. I can't be gay. What? I can't be gay trick? Right, yeah. I can't be gay. What? I can't be gay even if I wanted to.

I couldn't get in that kind of shape. Yeah. I go to the gay gym hoping to get raped. That way at least I know I have a nice body. You know what I mean?

There you go. I tried. See, it's not on. It's on. It's this weird belly room that's being crazy right now. Yeah. Do you guys hear us? Super clearly?

No, we hear you. We just don't like you. Do you guys want a drink? Josh is going to make a run right now. You want anything? Josh, y'all have a beer, bud? Can you get me a beer? What do you want, Don? Can I get a Jameson Neat? Put your hands together for my fucking guests. We're going to have fun tonight, guys.

These two guys know comedy big time. Patriot, you got any questions for our guests? I was doing a little research the afternoon. Steve, you started comedy in Texas, right? Yep, Texas. Then you came to Hollywood. You had a writing gig and opened up for Carlos Mencia, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's keep that to yourself. I'm still trying to shake off the stink, buddy. Well, I heard you on Marc Maron's podcast. Yeah, I did. Talking about Carlos stealing jokes from you. Has he contacted you since then? No, I haven't. He doesn't talk to me much anymore.

He doesn't talk to anybody fucking much anymore, apparently. I just like the way that the questions are coming from your dick. Beautiful. Yeah, that's where the voice box comes from. So yeah, it's a good question, Patriot. How about anything for Dom? Dom, you've been in The Big Lebowski, Seinfeld, Golden Girls, Everyone Loves Raymond,

The Late Show, Tonight Show, Conan. So my question for you is, what's your favorite breakfast cereal? Say it's Mr. T, please. Special K. You know, I actually

stole material from Carlos Mencius. Nobody would believe him. Fuck yeah. We just jinxed on that one. That's a great move. So you guys know how the show goes. I'm so happy that you guys made time

to come on this because I trust your opinions up there with, I mean, absolutely fucking anybody. Thanks for inviting us because my Monday nights are jammed. I slipped into my schedule because I love you. You are the best.

Yeah, one of them anyway. Even Comedy Central said you're one of the top 50 comics in the world top 100 I was number 79 oh shit I really blew that one no no let me tell you

I'm not bitter but fucking Cedric the Entertainer was 78 and how can I compete with an entertainer I mean all I am is a stand up he entertains

he has people over He has a nice spread. That's a solid point. That is great. I was voted top ten of comics in Gregory, Portland, Texas. That's a very important list. I was number nine.

How big is that zip code? There's about 2,000 people there. 2,000 people. That's pretty good. My mom was on the committee to vote. That's how I got number nine. Hell yes. Thanks, bud.

I like your attitude. Awesome. So you guys know how the show works. As always, over 30 comedians signed up tonight for the opportunity to do one minute of stage time in front of our lovely guests and myself and the show. And we try to help them out or talk to them, find out information about them. They go from comedian to guest on the show as soon as the minute's up. And you know your minute's up when you hear that sound of a kitty.

Aw, how adorable. That's when you hear that sound of a kitty. Aww, how adorable. That's when you know you've hit a minute. Now don't go longer than that or else she'll be running the light and you'll bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Wow. He is extra angry tonight. Holy shit. He really

is furious. So, I mean, we try to teach the people, you know, you got to do your time and get off. That's part of being a stand-up. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, all those little lessons. Tell that to Dave Chappelle. Right. Can you imagine that?

I'll let you tell him. So, with no further ado, what do you guys say we get into it? Here we go. I have a bucket full of comedians and two of my favorites with me. Please pick Dane Cook. So with no further ado, what do you guys say we get into it? Here we go. I have a bucket full of comedians and two of my favorites with me. Please pick Dane Cook. Please. Dane Cook's just stopping by to do a quick 90.

Just a tight 90. Are you correcting me? No, sir. I was number 79. Don't forget it, sir. No, sir. I was number 79. Don't forget it, motherfucker. I won't. I'm sure you'll remind me a couple more times. Well, here we go. Your first comedian goes by the name of Tracy Greenwood.

Wow. Right there in the front. Is this on? Yeah. Mistake number one. Is this thing on? That's fucking hacky. Can you turn on? Yeah. That's mistake number one. Is this thing on? That's fucking hacky. Can you turn on the microphone?

There's a button on. Is it? Yeah. Okay. There we go. Got to talk into it closely. Thanks. Sorry about that.

Okay. Well, actually, in my daytime job, I was an attorney until I got fired because I was really shitty at it, so I thought I'd try stand-up. But I worked with a guy who used to bring his phone into the bathroom, and I didn't like that. So I came up with a public service announcement to tell him that I didn't like him doing that. And I wrote it in the form of a poem.

Don't use your phone on the throne. Don't put that image in my dome. You can text, you can sext, you can tweet me some teat, but don't call me from a round porcelain seat. I think that my concern's legit. I just don't want to hear your shit. So if I hear an echo or a grunt, I'm hanging up and you're a cunt.

Some things are just better when you do them alone. Don't use your phone on the throne. Thank you. That's it? Wow, okay. 37 seconds. That was a lot of poem. Okay. You don't do stand-up. This is something like you're trying out right now.

Exactly. Is this your first time on stage? Second time. Wow. Where was your first time at? The Improv, Hollywood. Wow. See, they just throw – that place just puts anybody up.

That's the difference between the comedy store and the Improv, by the way. If you pay for a class, you get a go up at the end. Is all your material poem-based? Do you have jokes? I have jokes, yeah. Can I hear a joke? Sure, I have a joke about being a father. There you go.

Tell it. The great thing about being a father is you don't have to be very good at it. Just be very positive. Set your sights really low and just be very enthusiastic. That was more of a statement. Maybe a tweet. That could have been a solid pound, pound, pound inspirational. You know what I mean?

Something like that. Thank you. You know? That would be great on a calendar of father advice. Yeah. With a kitten, you know, something like that. Sure. Absolutely.

I'm not a laugher, but I gotta tell you, you had me fucking crying. Thank you very much. I was, I mean, I have a little bronchitis, I was wheezing. And I think Cedric the Entertainer did that rhyme on Def Jam in 93. I'm pretty sure

and it killed and murdered him. I have to bring him up. The Def Jam where.... I'm pretty sure. And it killed. I have to bring him up. That's actually original. The Def Jam where. That's totally original. Are you thinking about doing this for real? Like you want to do this as a career? Good for you.

It's hard to say anything. It's your second time on stage. Right. The only advice I have is fucking keep doing it. Yeah. Maybe make it funny. Right. Yeah, probably make it funny.

That's some good advice. Two times on stage, I'll tell you this. Just that you nip it in the butt. You want to do poems? That's great. If you really want to be a poem type of comedian, it's got to hit hard. You've got to raise the stakes. You've got to start rhyming with crazier words.

You know what I mean? You've really got to go for it. What I'm basically saying is, if you want to do stand-up, you've got to immediately lose the poem. Yeah, because you don't want to get... That's if you want to do stand-up, I'd immediately lose the poem. Yeah, because you don't want to get... That's my first time to do that poem. That's what he was trying to get to.

Don't do the fucking poem. Jeff Ross is on the phone for you. Jeff Ross wants his poem back. That's what Don said. Dice Clay is a good example of doing a poem right, even if it is like a nursery rhyme or something like that. Even if you stole it from Otto and George, by the way. Really?

Yeah. That was a little fact. It wasn't even his. My inspiration for that was Attila the Stockbroker, who was a punk poet in the 80s. Russians running the DHSS. Well, if you're going to do that that way, you might want to start off at the poem side,

because stand-up comedy comics would just start beating you up if you keep on doing poems. Right. When you say you were inspired by Attila the Stockbroker, is that an actual stockbroker or is that a comedian? No, he was a punk poet. He was a punk poet. But not a comedian.

Right. No, but he was very funny. I think you're very likable. Yeah. Thank you. I think you're very likable. I like the way you started out with the mic not working. That was funny.

No, I couldn't. The tight tuck T-shirt, hilarious. Thank you. Tight tuck, buddy. It works with my body type, actually. No, it doesn't. I mean, it's your second time on stage, guy. The last person to hit me.

Patriot, you got to say something. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's the fucking host of this show, guy? It's okay. He inspired me. I do want to hear what Pete said. When you said your name was Tracy, I was sure it was going to be a woman. And you're not, but I do appreciate your breasts.

Oh, thank you very much. See why I let that happen. You don't want to wake the Patriot. The Patriot only thinks evil thoughts. So you probably should have just sat down. First mistake, you don't care. Second mistake, Jesus is going to bring his opinion on you. But I'll tell you what, Tracy.

Your dick looks fat in those jeans, though. I'm going to be honest with you. It looks huge. Everybody at home is looking at my dick now. One of my favorite things about this show is getting to watch people really finally, whatever you've been through in your life, the fact that you're finally now taking a chance

and trying to chase a dream that is so hard to accomplish yet so fun and unorthodox to try, it's so fascinating to me that you're doing it now, and that's great. So if you're into it, work hard and have fun and knock it out. Thank you. I would kill the poetry side, though. If you want to do the poetry side, go over to the poetry shops and just

kill them all. Be the star. Be the funny poet. Yeah, be the funny poet. But I mean, look, man, for you to get on this stage second time in front of us, that takes balls. Totally. And that's half the fucking battle. Exactly.

To have the balls to walk on stage. And then to have the balls to do a poem in front of us. I mean, holy shit. That's insane. Truly have Alvin Titus. Wearing a Whoopi Goldberg shirt, too. Oh! Whoopi Goldberg.

This is not an entire climate. I'm sorry. Wow, guy, I'm sorry. Wow, guy. I'm embarrassed. I didn't realize. I've been having trouble sleeping. If there's any way you can get me that poem. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Can I plug my podcast? No, you can't plug it. Plug your podcast? They can find it if they follow you on Twitter. It's at WFascination. He's on Twitter, WFascination. Tracy, ladies and gentlemen.

Tracy Greenwood is second time on stage. Is it a poetry podcast? Poetry-based podcast? Poetry podcast. Oh, yeah, everybody listen and find out. You heard him. He's sitting down now. He's cocky. Yeah, that was cocky. You're real You heard him. He's sitting down. Now he's cocky.

Yeah, that was cocky. You're real cocky now that you're sitting down, motherfucker. You weren't that cocky up here. Oh, this show is fun, Tony. You said it was going to be fun. Oh, I mean, we're just getting started. Fucking crushing dreams. This is awesome.

Let me ask you guys something. Do you remember maybe like a joke or something you did when you very first started stand-up comedy that maybe you regret and like you're a little embarrassed that you did? Can you share it with us? Two giant purple dicks walking to a bar. True story. No. The joke that I hated that I did, that I really fucking hated was...

That you did. I did joke, but I hated it. It was so jokey and it made me sick to my stomach. I go, a guy stood up in the middle of my act. He said, I hate you, son of a bitch. I hope you drop dead. And this was the owner of the club. I told you it was terrible.

But you remember those things. I mean, there's jokes that I did five years ago that I'm like, what the fuck was I thinking? I don't even like your new stuff. I told you it was terrible. But you remember those things. I mean, there's jokes that I did five years ago that I'm like, what the fuck was I thinking? I don't even like your new stuff. Thanks, bud. Wow. Wow. Motherfucker, don't clap so hard, guys.

Don't clap so hard. I hope you stick it out, motherfucker. I hope in five years I can remind you about your bullshit poem. I hope in five years I can remind you about your bullshit poem. Hell yeah, baby. This is what I'm talking about. We are playing with fire.

Tom Herrera, both of you guys. Wait, did you answer that? Here's the first joke I ever wrote. I go, my father used to take me and drive me around the nice neighborhoods. And my father would go, look around, son. One of these days, if you work hard and stay dedicated, you could cut a yard like this. And I was nine, all right? I was nine when I did the joke, and it used to kill.

And then I started doing comedy again as an adult, and I was like, let me dust that fucking gem off. Right. You got to do double digits, huh? I thought you said joke you hated. I mean, the first joke I wrote that I actually liked was... No, I did say joke that you

were embarrassed that you did on stage. My father left home when I was in second grade. Never cheated on my mother. Used to cheat on me. Pick up the other kids after school. Take them to the gym to play ball. One day he came to me. He says, look, I got to love with you. I met another kid. That's a great fucking joke, man.

I was an extra. I think Mancia's doing it. I was an extra on All My Children, not to brag. And I wrote that. But that was one of the first. And the other one was, I asked this girl out. I says, I guarantee you three screaming orgasms a night. I don't know what you'd do, but I scream like a bitch.

But I will say that, you know, you look at it like a pro. Your delivery now is just, you could say fucking anything. And it's so funny. Even in second grade, I had a good delivery. I killed. But you know what I mean? Like your cadence and you learn to kind of get that

and your second time on stage. Of course I know what you mean. I won three Emmy Awards for Christ's sake. There you go. Yeah, that's rude. Solid point. Number 79. I have to remind you.

Three Emmys. Just say top 100, okay? From now on, Tony, I'm out of here. I love it. I'll wait for fucking Don Barris. We'll do that show. All right, here we go. Your second comedian tonight goes by the name of Steve Cotrone.

Steve. I already like him, though. Steve Cotroneo. Steve. I already like him, though. Steve Cotroneo. Alright, it's great to be here. Fucking sweating already. I was thinking of joining a gym, and you could tell what that decision wound up being. I look like the world's biggest 8th grader up here right now.

I'm not doing it with buttons. I'm not doing it. I got to take a tour of the gym at least, which was a colossal waste of my time. She took me into the spinning room with all the cycles. She said, you can go at your own speed. You don't have to feel bad if Louis Armstrong is on the bike next to you.

I thought that was an interesting choice. That's a black jazz musician. He's not going to be in there. Some people are going a little too hard. Going a little too hard. When you're working out and you got dick veins running through your whole body, let's skip a day.

You know what I'm saying? Eat a fucking burrito already. I'm over here. I got to peel off my shorts. I got waistband marks just dimpling in. It's like a mold for macaroni art. Pretty much is what it is. You just glue it in, make a little belt.

Next workout, you peel it off, you have a little snack. It's good. Wow, he stopped talking. That is one angry bear. That is a bear. He couldn't wait to come out. You ever think of doing poetry? Shit. You've been doing it a while, haven't you?

Two years. Yeah. He did the right thing. He moved the microphone to the side, which is smart. He's sitting there like he's Mark Maron or something. No, I'm just sweating and tired. Make yourself comfortable. Are you nervous?

Really tired? A little nervous. You're that tired after one minute? More nervous. That strong minute? Yeah. Take a little break. I was fine at 30 seconds.

I couldn't catch my breath at 45. I love the Dick Vane shit. The belt thing as being a fat guy, I'm totally down for that whole idea. You could also have some idea of maybe having different belt buckles gives you different kind of fat tattoos on your stomach. You know also have some idea of maybe having different belt buckles. It gives you different kind of fat tattoos on your stomach.

You know what I mean? Like, I got a moon. Are you really going to the gym? No, no. I didn't join. I would have probably opened with the dick veins. Okay. Especially when you got like a minute.

Fucking hit them, man. Yeah. You know, usually a seven-minute set. Come out strong. Fucking hit them. And then you got them. And then fucking hit them, man. Yeah. You know, you got, you got, you know, usually a seven minute set. Something like that. Come out strong, fucking hit them and then you got them and then you can kind of do more,

you get a lot of premise, you know. Cool. A lot of, let me tell you about the gym. Well, motherfucker, tell me about it.

Sure. You know what I mean? That's right. Come out, get them on board. When you do a minute and a half, you have more time to set things up.

Right. All right. Right. And then you can run the light 15 seconds. You really got time. Yeah. At a minute and a half, you'd probably need an inhaler.

Probably, the way I'm feeling, right? Get exhausted pretty quickly. But I like the whole thing, guy. The hair, you know, keeping the Jufro, even though you're losing it in the front there. It is. It's going bad, yeah. But that's something you can talk about.

You know, you walk on stage, people see that immediately, fucking talk about it. Yeah, if you have curly Jufro and you lose it in the front, is it easier to do like push it towards the front cover up? Is it a comb forward?

The real problem is the top dries faster than the rest of it, so it looks like I have a mullet for like an hour after I get out of the shower. Don't wash your hair. You can do something with that,

like the redneck Drew. You hate yourself. I don't wash your hair you can do something with that you know like the redneck Drew you know something like that you hate yourself yeah you know I don't know something that's you know what I mean

yeah yeah absolutely but you know you look at your appearance kind of talk about that real quick and fucking go into it but I think you did great man I was impressed

cool thank you not impressed enough to take you on the road but I was impressed where are you from Steve? DC mostly how long have you been in LA? just past five years.

Wow. Yeah. Do you hang out here at the store much? I come by on Mondays. I don't spend a whole lot of other time here. I feel kind of weird just like, hey, just hanging out. But that's part of the process. I guess so.

You just got to fucking hang out, man. Yeah. I guess it's funeral. You put it the best, didn't you? You said it was like fight club? I did. I agree with that. It's like fight club. You sit on the best, didn't you? You said it was like fight club. I did. I agree with that. It's like it's like fight club.

You sit on the porch and people tell you suck. Yeah. And then they finally invite you in the house. You just got to fucking hang out. That sounds that sounds fair. I guess it was more of a comfort thing than anything else. I didn't feel around all the time. Well, that's the thing. You have to make yourself comfortable in whatever it is that you do.

You got to try to make friends or try to find something or whatever. Find exactly your favorite liquor or pot or whatever the hell it takes to numb the pain and you get through it. That's the cool thing about the comedy store. It's open until 2 a.m. so you can do other spots and then come here at the end of the night and hang out, get to know people

and become a part of this place. You did a great job. I think you did great. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Tom, I don't know. – he hasn't said a word. No, that's – Yeah, you definitely have – I mean, it shows, the five years. How long have you been doing stand-up? About four. Right.

Okay. So my question is, in that gym joke, do you say that you didn't join or do you say that you were testing it out? What do you say? I said I was going to join, and you could tell what the decision wound up being. Yeah, but see, you're not fat enough to do that. I don't see fat when I see you. I think huge dick, big nipples.

That's not a terrible thing to do. You're not out of shape enough to do that joke. It's like somebody doing a fat joke that's not that fat. Like if Tracy had done it. I thought we were being honest. I thought we were being – just kidding with you, bud.

Yeah, I think that's a good point. I think you're a little bit on the chubby side but not enough to really be able to sell the – I think you can tell what that decision was. Like I think it's funnier if you just say that you – The tour. That you tried, right, that you took the tour. And what you saw on that tour. Right. Okay. Because everybody that went to a gym, you get took the tour. And what you saw on that tour. Right.

Okay. Because everybody that went to a gym, you get the bullshit tour. Even if something like, I went to the gym and I started exercising and I would have done more, but I get so out of breath. Do you know what I mean? Just something that you're in bad condition because you're not fat. Yeah, okay. You're actually kind of cute.

Okay. All right. Whoops You're actually kind of cute. Okay. All right. Whoops. Every time. That works. Whoops. Took the words right out of my mouth. But I definitely, like Steve said, I'd start with the dick vein thing.

Then you're cooking with fire. You already have momentum going into anything else. You have a minute. Do the belting right after that. I like the belt idea that you had, too, was the different. It's that cookie cutter shape. Those are the two big punchlines in the joke.

I didn't really get the Louis Armstrong reference because he's dead too. You know that, right? Yeah, she met Lance Armstrong. Gotcha. Now it's funnier. I can see the parallels

between Lance Armstrong and Louis Armstrong. Tweak some words to make that work better. Yeah, make it a little more obvious that she fucked that up. That's one thing lately I've been noticing that in my head, I think I'm already being obvious,

but you actually have to dumb it down a lot. Audiences are dumb. That's the hardest thing is dumbing it down because it pisses you off. You should get this. You should be at least on the dumb level that I am because I'm a retard. But no, most of your audiences are even dumber than what you think they are. Even if you said Louis Armstrong, he's black. And then you kind of let him into, he's black and has both his balls.

Something like that. So you let the audience know who he is. Sure. Because when you said it, I didn't immediately go, oh, yeah. All right. I think you did great, man. Steve Cotronio. Cotronio, thanks, man.

Thank you so much. He's on Twitter. He's on Twitter, at Steve Cotronio, C-O-T-R-O-N-E-O. Good job, man. Heck, yeah. This is fun. I didn't have to crush him. That was good.

Yeah. No, it's fun to start off with the Tracy Greenwood. You get that out of the way, the guy that's just starting, you know. It's good, Tracy, because, you know, I mean, the million-dollar question, when I said you're new at this and you go, this is my second time. That means that's like the complete get out of jail free card, right?

Sometimes there's literally been times on this show where I go, okay, great. Well, you're just starting out and they're like, I've been doing this 13 years and that's when I'm like, you should kill yourself. Right?

Exactly. It's just like, yeah. Um, so heck yeah. That's a good thing about your set exactly. You need to quit. Yeah. So, heck yeah. That's a good thing about your set. There's nowhere to grow. You started, you know what I mean?

Right. You have to get better from there. You're definitely starting from the bottom. How'd the set at the improv go? Oh, this is not great for a podcast. One person came, exactly. Perfect. That sounds about right. You gave that one person a ticket.

Perfect. Which, by the way, you know you know for young comics that's the worst thing like when you're a young comic you want to invite your family and you want everybody to come see you that's the fucking worst the bringer show shit just skip that you know i don't even believe in that concept that's a scam that's a guy trying to make money off you guys do not fucking do that bringer show shit. It's better to do any open mic. We didn't have that bringer show thing when I started out because there weren't even that many people on earth. Not that I'm old. Come on, Tony.

Get off your high horse. Heck yeah. Did you ever do an open mic with musicians or anything or no I didn't do a I was an actor

I was already polished by the time I did stand up I just didn't have any material I couldn't believe you had to repeat material right that was the biggest the hardest thing for me

because like coming out of improv I thought fuck these guys are saying the same shit they said last night I didn't realize how hard it was

to tweak it you know absolutely that was the exact same thing I mean I was totally amazed Same shit they said last night. I didn't realize how hard it was to tweak it. Absolutely. That was the exact same thing. I was totally amazed. Obviously not the first night I was here, but the second night I was here, when I saw them again, I'm just like,

wait a second. What's the deal with that? One of the first people I saw was Pablo Francisco. And he tricked me. And you think there's no way that he could do that. Yeah, he made all that shit up. Right. So then the next day I go, I got to hear what he says. That's the beauty.

That's the trick of it. That's the trick of it. Then I came back to see him, and I'm like, wait a minute, you motherfucker. But it was still brilliant. Right. Yeah, it was still brilliant, still laughed. Yeah. But then you realize that every fucking motion,

everything that he did was worked out somewhere. And you notice, if you notice quickly, like a real good one, in my opinion, is Al Madrigal. You can watch Al one night, and then the next night you'll see him do the same thing, but it'll be bigger and it'll be better. I don't mind that, but what I mind is the fake laugh. Something about the fake laugh. Laughing at yourself. Laughing at yourself as if you cracked yourself up again. That's my number one

pet peeve sometimes it's real if it's real that's fine but I usually get a laugh from somebody in the audience like sometimes I'll say yeah I mean

no I'll say something I'll say something and then somebody will react in the audience that'll make me laugh right right you know like somebody will lose their shit

or they'll fucking pull their glasses off because I have I have a lot of fun on stage because I love looking at girls' faces when I say things. That's my favorite thing. Right, you enjoy what they're like. Like, let's see how disappointed she looks now.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ha, ha, ha. I was in a show in Knoxville the other night, not to brag, and this woman... Humble, humble brag. I was asking them the difference between hillbillies, rednecks, and hicks. I was asking them. difference between hillbillies rednecks and hicks

I was asking them and she said she was a hillbilly and as we went on in the show and I never seen this before she got a standing ovation in the middle of the thing

I'm not gonna do it justice but I said to her are you married she says yes and she says I'm here with my brother I said well now now I know

what hillbillies are you know that they're fucking their brothers and they fucking stood up and clapped for her She says, I'm here with my brother. I said, well, now I know what hillbillies are. They're fucking their brothers. And they fucking stood up and clapped for her. And I said, I can't follow you. I can't follow the audience member. I can't follow Angela. It's a hillbilly.

When natural. Wish I hadn't done that story. I could only take it back. Dom, I love your face. I can look at your face all day. You have a great face. It's very comforting and cute. It's big and it's sad. It's sad.

It's a sad head. Drug, a lot of steroids. I could never kill like this straight. You must slay pussy though because you are a charming guy and you have a charming face. I get chicks that I should never get if I didn't have an act. I do.

God bless the act. That is the best, exactly. I can make them come just doing setups. Look at these two. You want a piece of this, don't you? Alright, your next comedian tonight is Kevin Jones. Kevin, what's up, bud?

A lot of, I'm pretty sure these are all new names so far. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I do believe Kevin Jones just missed his spot, which means he's blacklisted. Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Boo! Very good. Did you do that?

Wow, that was pretty damn good. Hey, by the way, for all future blacklistings, you have to recreate the car alarms from the one that's been on since the 80s. That's the British one. That's the British one. Well, Kevin Jones is blacklisted. He's not going to be on the show.

Kevin Jones. Which, by the way, that's a horrible way to start your comedy career, by signing up for a fucking open mic and not showing up. Yeah, what the fuck? That's horrible. Exactly. How about Jessica Blankenship? This is a dude I'm going to be pissed.

Oh, I see movement. I see movement in the audience. Oh, here see movement. I see movement in the audience. Oh, here we go. Here she is, Jessica Blankenship. Yeah. Hey, so I realized that I'm not fit to be a parent the other day. I live in a small camper with a big dog. And usually she's a really good roommate

but the other day I came home from work and she had shit all over the floor and instead of cleaning it I poured a bottle of water over it, put a towel down and took her to the park. So I can imagine if I had a kid and she got sick I'd just pour a bottle of water on her and tell her to run it off. Um, if she got sick in the backseat of the car, instead of cleaning it up, I'd wait for her to eat it. Um, I'd probably end up asking her to teach me how to lick myself. You know, I just, I really don't think I should be caring for anything that I should let out into public. How much time do I have? That's it, 56 seconds.

Jessica Blankenship. Now, I can really tell you're brand new, right? Yeah. Okay. Okay, rule number one, grab the microphone stand and move it out of the way. Yeah. That's rule fucking number one, grab the microphone stand and move it out of the way. That's rule fucking number one. You walk on stage, if you're not going to use it, grab it, move it out of the way. That's rule number one. And then another dead giveaway was that I noticed that you slowly moved back throughout the entire minute.

Slowly but surely. I love the premise. Going away from the audience. I love the premise of the joke It was a really good premise And there's beats there You just gotta find them What joke?

You know what I love? That's all very real Yeah I know But it's not funny No but it's real That's what's good Keep it real The thing I love is

I would love to see A really professional comedian Do that How much time do I have?. How much time do I have? How much time do I have left? In a minute set. I'll take a 30 second light if you can give me a...

And then another one at 45. Blink it at 45. Two second encore. You definitely just need to start going on stage more. You definitely can tell that your stage presence is very shy and if you sell it you could probably work with it. You just need to put going on stage more you definitely can tell that your stage presence very shy and like like if you sell it you could probably work with it you just need to put some tags in it and lighten up the mood a little make it a little bit more sillier less depressing do you live really live in a trailer yeah because you seem like you're right out of an oliver stone

movie or something like that like robbing banks and well that's what makes you great i can tell that you you've been uh uh you're punished and abused right which uh no that makes you great. I can tell that you're punished and abused. Right. No, that makes for great comics. It really does. The more pain you have, the fucking funnier you'll be. You know what I mean? You can tell that you fucking, yeah. Yeah.

It's true. And all that definitely gives you perspective. And so, I mean, if you're interested in this, then you've got to be knocking out open mics because what the open mics do is they just burn away that muscle

of the muscle of how you kept looking down at the stage how you're slowly moving to the back of the stage and all the little

fundamentals like moving the mic stand that's what all those open mics are about personally I thought it was great that you walked up here with a nice premise

yeah you had the right idea you did the comparison between the baby and the dog. I thought you were on the right track. Keep doing it. Your material is not the problem whatsoever. That's a great problem to have is for it to just be the onstage stuff. So you already have the right idea.

Yeah. Awesome. And you have a lot of shit that, seriously, dig into the shit that we're not used to. The world that you live in a fucking trailer. Or like farting in a thing while it's raining with a boyfriend in there, you know, because there's not much

you can really do. Yeah, there's all kinds of shit. Yeah, because I don't know anybody that really lives in a trailer park. So just the idea of saying you hear about this trailer park trash? Right here, baby. You know what I mean? Right.

Because it really is. I mean, do you ever meet anybody who lives in a trailer park? No. I'm from Texas. I've met several. I guess it's just, to me, it's regular. It's not funny. But that's what it is.

You talk about your life. When you're with your friends and you're at a party and you're talking about your life and they're laughing, you got to bring that onto here. You could park your house in a handicap zone

so your house is wicked retarded. You could go into a lot of different areas. I had to unhook the porch the other day to fuck. It's funny. Yeah. I have a little bit about how I have to move. Rob a bank.

The getaway house. The getaway house. Stop. The getaway house. What did it look like? It was a fucking house. How many times have you done stand-up? Have you been working at it, or what is it?

Less than 10. Maybe once a week. There you go. Have you ever had sex at your house? Do you have a donut on your house? I've got a little bit working about the house, about how I have to move every three days. But this once a week shit has got to stop.

You can't do it once a week. Well, I have a job that actually pays my bills. You have to figure it out. What do you do? Stand-up is an everyday fucking thing. You've got to figure it out. What do you do? Stand-up's an everyday fucking thing. You've got to figure it out. Hey, easy. Whoa, whoa.

If you fuck a black guy, you have to put the emergency brake on? That's just racist. All right. That is just racist. Yikes. Because he's going to pound you, and you don't want to roll down a hill. Oh. Jessica Blankenship, everybody. Thanks, Jessica. Thank you. How fun. You've got to roll down a hill. Jessica Blankenship, everybody.

Thanks, Jessica. How fun. You've got to dumb down the jokes. Great premise, interesting stage presence that can easily be fixed by doing it more often. You've never known anybody that lived in a trailer dump?

No. So the only trailer you've ever been in is a movie trailer, one could say. I've actually thought about buying one of those. It's not really a joke. It's just true. I've thought about buying one of those silver trailers because I'm never home. Why don't you just live by the beach?

I live on Malibu. Yes, Airstream. Airstream. Let's keep it. What? Have you met anybody living in a trailer? Oh, wow. One of the whites.

One of the patriots. The patriot is falling apart. Oh, wow. Yeah, it seems like some of your upgrades are cheap, Brian. Well, I'm sorry. I have a lot I do every week. I think the upper body is starting to look pretty sweet. Maybe you should call me when the show gets a little bigger.

When you can afford a better costume. Wow, you do a great Patriot impression. I think Amazon Prime is doing a perfect job helping me out. Amazon Prime. All that stuff from the computer to the front door in less than two days. Yep. Your next comedian, another, I believe, new name. Put your hands together for Brian Vestal.

Hey, guys. So my first date was also my first concert when I was 14 And it was Boyz II Men with Montel Jordan opening That is true, and my mom said, because I asked the girl before I asked my mom Can I go on the date? My mom said yes, but I'm coming with you So true story, my mom bought a seat, sat right behind us, and read a People magazine until the show started. And then when the show starts, everyone stands up. My mom says, as loud as she possibly can, to everybody around,

Why is everybody standing up? We paid for these seats! We should be sitting in them! And proceeds to get everybody within arm's length to try to sit down. That was the first and only date I had with a girl named Rachel who had mall bangs. And that's it. Okay.

I'm waiting for the Montel Jordan or the Boyz II Men thing to come back into play. Okay. And was the audience all black? No, it was pretty much like whoever was into hip-hop at that time, so I guess a bunch of 13 and 14-year-olds. How old were you?

I was 14. So you were literally a boy becoming a man at Boyz II Men. Yeah, yeah. But you're with your mom, so you're really not fulfilling the prophecy after all. No, not at that time. One could say that when you're watching Montel Jordan, you were thinking this is not how we do it.

No, no. But he did say the party's here in Sacramento and everyone lost their face. Just laughing hysterically because there's not a party in Sacramento. How long have you been doing it? This is my second time. Ever on stage?

I do a lot of sketch and improv. Yeah, you're an actor or something. Not stand-up, so I'm trying that this year. Well, what's amazing is that it's really interesting how blatantly great your stage presence is because even Dom, and I agreed with him, when you

first came up, the way that you moved the mic stand and started talking, he leaned in and said, this one's a pro. I mean, not like, he hadn't heard the fact that you... I didn't mean professional comedian. I can tell that you've been on stage many times. Right. But you have that whole

Jay Moore thing going. A little bit. Don't be rude. I'm not trying to be rude. Wait, wait, Jay Moore thing going. Oh. Right. A little bit. Don't be rude. I'm not trying to be rude. Wait, wait. Jay Moore, when he's successful or now? See, that was funny. Why didn't you say that when you walked on stage?

Don't do that fucking story. Do jokes like that. Yeah. That was funny. I literally haven't written anything yet, so I was like, I'll just do something I remember. Very comfortable. Let me do something i remember very comfortable let me do something i remember let me go back 20 fucking years and bring up a story about my mom that's what you remembered what about what you did yesterday where did you go where did you eat where'd you get that bullshit t-shirt but i mean this is one of the few white haines that doesn't have like

pit stains here so it's like if i get hot i I won't look like I don't know how to do laundry. It's actually clean. The idea of sitting people down, I think that's very... Everyone has been there where you're sitting at a boxing match, a UFC or something, and people are standing up. You're just sitting there like, come on, do I have to stand up? So there is something there you could probably play with or you could just do something else.

And the embarrassment of having your mom on a date. Your mom's going, sit down. Everybody's like, Mom, I'm trying to finger bang here. Can you give me a flick? I like the idea of your mom scoring. Your mom scored some guy. She goes out with one of the security guys and you don't get fucked.

Your girlfriend leaves you, but your mom gets laid. Now we're talking. That's right. Make your mom listen to us. That's fucking funny. I look back and That's right. No, that's a great... That's fucking funny. I look back and mom's making out with one of the singers.

Whatever song it is. The End of the Road or whatever the fuck. Yeah. But you're really pretty. They said if you don't have a material, just tell a story that you know. I think that's for people. I think you're a little bit – just off the – I know it's saying probably too much.

But I think just off how you responded to that Jay Moore thing alone, I think you're funnier than that story. Okay. So I agree with Steve. Unless you punch it up. Right. And you could always punch it up. But that's a story. I don't – I mean –

You're fucking lazy. That's what you are. Thank you. Thank you. It's inad or iphone notes to do comedy so that's the first thing to do are you going to continue to do it or yeah yeah i i plan on coming as often as possible at least every monday night here and then other places wherever i can get up do you smoke weed i oh man okay i stopped today because i have you stopped today i stopped today because I have – You stopped today? I stopped today because I have a job interview in like a month. I stopped today because I'm out. I need to get it all out.

So I picked the day to stop smoking weed to stand next to this guy. And if I was so high right now, I could just go for like 20 minutes on – I have the best weed. You really fucked up and picked a bad day. I know. You're talking out of your crotch. I just – it's weird. But I like the whole fucking white boy thing you've got going on, too.

I mean, it's whatever those are called. Khakis? No, the shoes. Oh, Sperry top-siders. Yeah, those fucking gay things. I don't own a boat. I just wear them. Oh, but you have a good look.

Thank you. You have a good stage presence. Do you live in the valley or Dawson's Creek? Where do you live? Up on One Tree Hill. There you go. Brian Vestal. Good name.

Second time on stage. We've had three out of the four people second time second time and less than 10 people. Less than 10. So popping a lot of somewhat cherries.

Well, it's not really popping the cherry. This is like that second time when it's still nice and tight, but none of the blood. Anyway, oh, I know this guy. Very funny one-liner comedian. Put your hands together for the one and only Gabriel Killian. But a guy breaks down and flies in a burrow, Al. This guy, very funny, one-liner comedian. Put your hands together for the one and only Gabriel Killian. This guy's got fucking jokes right here. That shit sells his voice loud and strong.

Yeah, talk, you motherfucker. I was watching some porn online, and much to my surprise, I came across a 48-minute video featuring my girlfriend getting gang banged by six black guys and three Puerto Ricans Jesus I don't know man but let me tell you this I would have been so fucking pissed

but thank God it was just a movie girls don't believe me anymore when I tell them I'm a light-skinned black guy I'm going to have to start saying light-skinned Dominican They don't believe me anymore either when I say I'm black from the waist down but it's true It's the price I paid for saving children from burning school when I was 19

I used to think that urban legends were really cool basketball players who lived in the hood. Nailed it. 58 seconds. That was funny. Fuck yeah. Your voice was stronger this time, but you still you're very quiet

and shy on stage. You're wearing a hood and a hat. Yeah, but you know what? I kind of like it. Do you? Yeah, I kind of like the kind of whisper into the thing. You got that raspy voice thing. You're hiding behind the hat. Mitch Hedberg, I used to work with Mitch bragging. And I asked Mitch one time why he covered

his face and he said he had stage fright. And Mitch said that's why I grow my hair out, so that I could put it in front of my face, because I'm afraid of being on stage. And that just kind of was the allure of him as well. So I mean, I kind of like the kind of quiet fucking... You have to listen. You want to hear a joke.

You know what I mean? It makes people listen. It puts them on the edge of their seat. It's a great psychological trick. I didn't know you were light-skinned black the whole time I knew you. I'm not. No, he's not.

He's Armenian. Do you have any jokes about being Armenian? What the fuck? Okay, all right. Do you have any jokes about being Armenian? No. Oh, come on. That's hilarious.

Right. Nothing, huh? Nothing. Well, I... There's got to be a good... I wrote one, but I never told you. It, come on. That's hilarious. Right. Nothing, huh? Nothing. I wrote one, but I never told you. It's just short. As opposed to the other ones? I'm half broken, half Armenian. I wrote it, but I never said it. Half broken?

Half broke and half Armenian. Sounds like a full Armenian. Yeah, I never told you. What was that? Iron Patriot? Sounds like a full Armenian. I never told you. What was that, Iron Patriot? Sounds like a full Armenian to me. I think you did good, man. You do a lot? Today was my first time on stage in over a month.

How come you don't do other places? You said earlier, you mentioned to me before the show, that you signed up for the last 17 weeks in a row and you didn't get on. Yeah. I go other places. Yeah. Open mics and shit, yeah. You're saying you haven't done this show for a month.

No, just before this, I went up at the pod lock downstairs. That was my first time in over a month. You really get nervous on stage. You are so shy. What if I kiss you on stage? Do it. Do it. All right. I'm going to kiss you on the list You are so shy. What if I kiss you on stage? Do it. Do it. I'm going to kiss you on the lips.

Oh, shit. Oh, wow. Yeah, pull out that dick. Let's touch tips. All right. This is a kill Tony first. Oh, wow. There you go. What makes you nervous

on stage? Because I could tell by your hands you're like going like this and stuff like that yeah the way that he breathes is pretty who cares about

these stupid faces looking at you who gives a shit it's weird I don't feel nervous on the inside but my body reacts that way sometimes

you get like jittery especially cause it's been a while since I've been up on stage do you ever look at audience members in their eyes

when you're on stage does that part freak you out a little bit? I don't usually because most of the times when I go downstairs, the lights hit you in the eyes. But yeah, other places... What do you look at? What are you looking at when you're on stage?

I did the Flapper's Main Room and I was looking at people, yeah. Right in their eyes. Flapper's Main Room? Who's booking that? Is that a club? I admit I barely look at people's faces. I daze through them or I dazed around them, but it looks like I'm looking at them, but I really barely ever look at people.

I look right at them. I look deep into their eyes and I command because it wasn't always that way. When I very first started, it was sort of like whoever the fuck, Jessica Blankenship, who was looking straight down a lot. I was a lot like that. I had a bad habit of looking straight down. And since I started in the original room, I had a bad habit of looking out that window on the right side. So I'd be looking down and then out the

window, almost not at all. Did I look at the audience and I'm talking my first couple of weeks, but one thing that I started doing immediately that I'm now super glad that I started doing, because now I can get a feel and a vibe in the middle of a set or the beginning of a set or the end of a set for the tone how they're feeling, what they want because I'm literally looking so deep into their soul. I sort of know what they're thinking at the time. So

if you wanted to, you could really do that and I'm sure that would help with your stage fright is to make a point to really make eye contact with people because looking at the ground and looking at the lights and looking at the ceiling, it's cute and all, but why not make it worth something? If I go up a couple of days in a row, the nervousness is completely gone.

If you keep writing and you keep writing funny one-liners the way you do, it won't matter. Just fucking boom, boom, boom. You'll be getting laughs and you'll be like, oh shit, I'm getting laughs. Right, and once you get that, put your best joke first. That way you get that laugh out of the gate and then you feel more confident.

If you get silence out of the gate, you're like, fuck, now what? You've absolutely got to be going on stage every night. I've heard your jokes before. I just brought you up as the one-liner guy. It still worked. Yeah, the fire joke's smart, man. It's a really good joke.

Yeah. That's the price you pay. Oh, yeah. You got a knack for writing those one-liners, so get in the game, man. Stop pussyfooting around and do it because your jokes are way too funny for you to just

be doing once a month or whatever the fuck. Don's alarm's going off. He needs to take his pill. But is it bedtime? Is that your sleepy time alarm? Sleepy time! It's Xanax time. I think it'd be great, man.

I was impressed. Yeah, awesome job as always. That's Gabe Killian. He's on Twitter at Gabriel Killian. That's G-A-B-R-I-E-L-K-I-L-L-I-A-N, Killian. I disagree with the thing about him having to look at people. Yeah? Yeah, because I see guys that...

I see Stephen Wright and guys that don't look and they look down. Mitch? If it's funny, well, Mitch... He's not looking down much anymore, but... Unless they buried him out. I was saying that literally I said I use it to know sometimes where to

go, but I'm talking about his stage fright. But if he's a joke monster, I think he can get away with it. Just one joke after another. You're more personality, but he has no personality, so... No, I'm kidding. And what they're saying is if you guys would get together, you'd be one good comedian.

Oh, thanks, Steve. You know what I mean? I do wish I could write jokes. If I could only somehow find a way to make a living out of doing that. I agree with Mr. Herrera here. Yeah, totally. I was talking about the stage fright.

It's something that I know helped me. I remember a few weeks then I was literally just staring at people, which is a bad extreme, but I was trying to break the habit of looking down. So fuck yeah, we're really getting to the roots of shit tonight. Let's burn through some of these guys. We're flying through it. Your next comedian is Mike Roberts.

Mike Robertson. Mrs. Robertson. Simulation theory, guys. Alright, alright. Hey, I'm just going to get straight to it. I've been divorced 32 times. And nobody knows but me. And my wife doesn't know. And it's all in my head.

And I walk past her in the living room. I look out on the couch. I'll be like, fuck you, bitch. Smile on her face. she doesn't know. I had to realize one thing first, that she's crazy and I'm slime. The reason I'm slime is because she treats me like slime. All right, I wasn't going to cry for real. So the reason she treats me like slime... Alright, I wasn't going to cry for real.

So the reason she treats me like slime... The reason she treats me... Oh, you guys making me laugh at myself. Alright, so let me go back to it again. I've been divorced 32 times. Straight to the bear. You know what it tells me that you were laughing? Your thoughts were funnier than the actual words you were saying.

In your head, you're like, this is going to fucking kill. Whatever you were thinking, you should have told us. Yeah, exactly. That was a simple case of just not. Whatever you were thinking, you should have told us. Yeah, exactly. That was a simple case of just not saying what you were thinking. Where do you work?

You're a manager at Target or something? What do you do for work? No, actually, I work at Xerox. Xerox? Yeah. That's still around?

So you nailed it. Big corporate. Yeah, I can see the slacks, you know, the shirt, the whole thing. It's just you're black. I didn't think you the slacks, you know, the shirt, the whole thing. Just got off. It's just you're black.

I didn't think you had a job, but. I wanted a few. There you go. We're soul survivors. How long have you been doing Santa? I'm very recent. I used to do it back in the day in the 90s, but I'm just not getting back to it in the last six months. So how often have you been going up the last six months?

I've been coming out a lot, but not really getting a lot of time on stage. Once a month? Once a week? Yeah, about that. Once a month. Once a month, twice a month. That's what's hard, man. You've got to try to get on stage as much as possible.

I've been trying like... I would recommend Ha Ha Cafe and places that charge you $5 to get on stage because at least it's guaranteed as much as that sucks. But that's why you have to pay it. Because if it's not convenient for you to wait in line and not get up and stuff like that, you have to pay the $5 just so you can get the mic time

and figure your shit out. I always tell comics too and a lot of comics go I don't want to host. That's the best spot. If you can go to an open mic and host it, that's the best spot. Because that means you're getting on stage that night several times as opposed to sitting in the back, not getting on stage and waiting for your stage time. Sounds good. It's the best spot.

How much do you hate your wife? I'm sorry. Were you talking to him? How much do you hate your wife? It seems like a lot. I'm getting the vibe of a lot. There's a percentage of it, but I don't really hate her. How long have you been married for?

19 years. Oh, my God. That's painful. That's your opening line. Yeah. Yeah. I've been married 19 years. Painful.

And then get into it. How's it going? Do you have kids? I have three kids, yep. Wow. Three kids. Oh, yeah, you have a wealth of material to talk about. They are in ninth grade, 11th grade, and freshman in college.

You need to just talk about that shit non-stop, man. And the fact that you work at Xerox. There's got to be funny stuff in there, right? Is that what you said? Xerox? Yep. Trying to get people to stop emailing. Copycat. Copycat.

Fucking cameras suck. Oh my my god that's so great I don't know if this is funny I've been married for 18 years and I love my wife but more than that I like to fucking kill her or I hate her just going from one right just flipping it telling the truth because it does there is something

about what you were saying about the 32 divorces and this and that basically what you were saying was the 32 divorces and this and that. Basically, what you were saying was that you don't like your wife. Every time I walk by... You have the balls. You don't have the balls to do it.

Every time I walk by, I picture her being hung. I picture her in an electric chair. Right. I don't know about hung. She's black. That's just racist. This was one of the most racist episodes of this show. She might not be black. She might not be black.

Is she white? She might not be black. No, she's black. Do you know? If she's white, that's a whole other fucking shit you could talk about. How she improved your credit. You know what I mean? Fucking something.

Iron Petria. What do you think about this? I wanted to be a homeowner. Oh, shit. Well, I couldn't see him from the front, but I want it to be a homeowner. Oh, shit. Well, I couldn't see him from the front, but I thought it was funny he worked for Xerox because he's an exact copy of Brian Moses. Oh.

I just saw the backup. It's an inside joke. Very inside reference. So inside, not a single person. Good for you, man. You're doing it. You're doing it. All right, good job.

Yeah, Mike, there you go. Thanks, guys. He's on Twitter, believe it or not. His Twitter handle is at KingMikeBoogie. You got that handle, huh? You're KingMikeBoogie. Wow. You got it.

That's awesome. Heck yeah. Mike Robertson, everybody. Hell yeah, man. He prints out his tweets. Keep doing it. I was thinking about the same thing. I was like, does he mail his tweets?

Yeah, he prints them out and mails them. I thought the only comedian that copies was Mencia. Oh. That's not true. There's a lot of fucking joke thieves out there. And that's a big problem, by the way. I don't know if there's a lot. There is.

There really is. A lot? I think there is. I found a guy the other day that was stealing my shit. Get out of here. Wow. And if you know my shit. Wow.

No fucking way. It's true. And if you know my shit, it's very hard to just come up with that type shit. It's very creepy and horrible. Yeah. I just said my shit was horrible. There you go. That's crazy. Did you talk to and horrible. Yeah. I just said my show is horrible. There you go. That's crazy.

Did you talk to the guy? Yeah. I called him out. Did you really? What did he say? Good for you. What did he say? Denied, denied, denied.

Who was it? I don't even remember anymore. I don't even want to bring it up. His name is Brandon Jeffries, everybody. Not the guy that steals. Your next comedian. Your next comedian. His name, Brandon Jeffries.

There he is. Lots of new people on this episode. Yeah, I love it. So I'm 29 years old and I work two shitty, dead-end, minimum wage jobs, you know, because I dropped out of college. I really painted myself into a corner there, you know. And one of the problems about working these kinds of jobs is you work with a lot of other people who are fucking, like, just gave up on life just like me, you know? And one of the problems about working these kinds of jobs is you work with a lot of other people who are fucking, like, just gave up on life just like me, you know?

But I try to keep it pretty positive. I don't complain a lot, you know? But every now and again, I'll have, like, a small gripe, you know? And somebody will be like, have to correct me. They'll be like, you know, Brandon, you should be glad you didn't at least have a job, you know? Just be glad you have a job. A lot of people are unemployed out there.

And, like, I fucking hate that mentality, dude. It's like, this person's aggressively settling for life so hard that they try to bring you down to their level. That's, like, the equivalent of saying, like, I fucking hate that mentality, dude. It's like, this person's aggressively settling for life so hard that they try to bring you down to their level. That's like the equivalent of saying, like, I don't like fucking rat shit on my Cheetos, but at least have an afternoon snack. You know? Or saying, like, my wife's slowly trying to poison me

with cyanide at one of my dinners, but at least I have a warm hole at night and, like, a warm meal at night and somebody to love me. I kind of fucked that one up. That's all I got. I counted nine you knows. You can't do it. You can't say you know.

Oh, you know. I counted nine. That became such a big problem that it gave me heart palpitations. It was that bad. That's all I could focus on. I thought I had it hammered out, man. It's a bad. That's all I could focus on. Yeah, it was pretty freaky. You know?

I thought I had it hammered out, man. It's a lot different when you actually get up here. Of course. You know. How long have you been doing stand-up? I've just been doing this open mic in Riverside for a while, and it's just music poetry, and then they let me go up. That's the only one I've really done so far for about a year or so.

So this is your first time not in an open mic in Riverside. First time in a comedy exclusive open mic, and yeah, first time not in Riverside. You know. Great. Exactly. So you know in Riverside is basically like saying and or the, because that's how they talk out there, right? Maybe. Maybe I just don't notice because I'm in Riverside.

You know, you gotide. You know? You got me. I got that one. I think it's just a nervous thing, man. But I liked your energy on stage. You had good energy, and you went up there, and you were into it. It's just the you-knows were driving me fucking nuts.

Yeah, honestly, the second I heard the fourth or fifth one, I lost. I wasn't even paying attention. When you were about 20 seconds in, just to let you know. I kind of liked it. I think you should be the you-know-comedian. Oh, buddy, I'm seeing T-shirts. T-shirts, cool-ups.

Yeah, no. Koozies. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word VCR? VCR, video, whatever it stands for. Okay, never mind, never mind. Brandon, nobody's ever going to make it to what you're even talking about until you get rid of your you know habit right I noticed like everybody

is kind of tuned the fuck out the six you know people laughed you know they were like holy shit how many times I'm gonna say this and then they also laughed because they didn't know what you were talking about so like at that point you had set something up and we sort of knew that you had attempted one and then you said you know.

And people were like, no, we don't. No, we don't know, man. So it sort of made it funny because they're like, we don't know. Are you Mexican, black, white? Great question. I'm an Oreo. Most people think I'm Mexican or something.

They come up to me speaking Spanish. Oh, talk about that. First thing you get on stage, talk about what you look like. And I'd also talk about how you sound white as fuck. Like, I mean, super white. Riverside's not next to, like, the ocean. Not at all.

But you sound like a surfer. You skate? Yeah. That's what it is. What is the deal with, like, riding boards like that that makes you talk super white? That's what it is. What is the deal with riding boards like that that makes you talk super white? No matter how black or Mexican, if they ride a board of any kind, it's very like, hey, what's up, man?

You know? I just like to hear somebody else that is like him talking to each other. You know? No, you know. You know. No, you know. Yeah, I know.

Do you know? Yeah, I know. If you didn't know, now you know. Dude, mark this. Yeah, exactly. So the you know. No, yeah, I know. Do you know? Yeah, I know. If you didn't know, now you know. Dude, mark this. Yeah, exactly. All right, so the you knows were just way too much to get past even to what I'm talking about. Totally. No idea what you –

Seriously, I had no idea. I was just focusing on how many times you said you know. Yeah, I was at nine. When you listen back, when you download this later and listen on – I don't know if I can. No, no, no, no. Seriously, you need to because it was really crazy how many times he said, you know.

All right, all right. Fucking give him a break. Hell yes. Here's the thing. I thought, I like the idea of working two minimum wage jobs because the fact is that takes a lot of character.

So you are Mexican. I listen to your podcast at work, too. There you go. A lot. You know what I like about you? Everything. No, but I think there's something really intrinsically

funny about somebody who works two jobs because it's admirable because you could make more money not working. You know? And the fact that you went to college, didn't want to work hard to get through school.

Right. And in the long run, I'm working two jobs. Yeah, in the long run, you're working two jobs. I agree with you. And you have a great perspective. It's totally true. In the very beginning, I almost forgot about this. I'm like, whoa, this guy is owning it right now because you were in it. You're like, I I almost forgot about this. I'm like, whoa, this guy's owning it right now because you were in it. You're like, I have two minimum wage jobs.

I'm a lazy fuck. Whatever you said, you were truly in it. You were owning it. We expected you to go off on that. Yeah, and then it went a whole different direction. So just know. A whole what? A whole unfunny direction.

But you've got something, definitely. Yeah. So don't quit. Good job, man. Just focus on your notes, seriously. That's all you have to do. Don't quit goes for fucking everybody. Right.

Period. Right. Even you, Tracy, don't quit. Yeah. I hate to say it to you, but don't quit. And Brandon, that's got to be just like, it sort of seems like a theme of tonight is, you know, the things that these open mics are great for is eliminating shit habits

right from the get. So you're, you know, you don't need to come to the comedy store. You can take care of that at your Riverside open mic. Whatever you write, whatever you do, if you get it down from to eight to five to three per minute, great. Fucking eight. If you can get it down to eight. Right.

But you got to start now. Yeah. Brandon Jeffries, everybody. He's hot on Twitter. And by the way, Iron Petri, you can't step outside if you want to cool off for three minutes because you're allowed to move and do whatever you want. You can sit down. You can fly.

Oh, that's nice. I'm dying over here. Yeah. We're almost done. Heck yeah. We're actually going to move on to the part where we get our two regulars on stage. Every week we have two amazing regulars

that have been writing a new minute of material every single episode, if you know what I mean. And it's always fun. It's always exciting. And we're going to do it again right now. Your first comedian tonight, your regular. You know her from the Kill Tony podcast. She, just like the other one, will be in La Jolla March 1st for Kill Tony on the Road.

Put your hands together for Kimberly Congdon, everybody. If you know what I mean. Let's not fight my problem. So I was reading up on nature versus nurture today, which I thought was pretty interesting. A bunch of moms had opinions. And one lady said, no child is born evil. And then I got to thinking, like, I've never seen, like, a bunch of evil babies.

Like, have you ever seen an evil baby gang where they started their own gang? Like, somewhere in America, is there a basement full of little tiny newborn babies? And there's, like, a leader baby. And he's like, all right. First rule of baby club, we don't talk about baby club because we can't fucking talk yet. If your shit's green, you're on that side. That means you're sucking titties. Brown poop, you're on formula.

Don't mess with the other kids. Can't fuck around and catch chicken pox. If your mom was in labor for more than eight hours, and she was in a lot of pain, you're going to fucking say, Dada first. Punish that bitch. Uh.

And since your dad got to hear dad at first, you're going to wait until he changes your diaper and then you're going to piss in his mouth. Okay. Thanks.

Was the end of that you're going to piss in his mouth? Yeah. Okay. All right. That was a weird one. But, you know. Well, it's definitely...

Baby gangs. But you have to... You have to come up with a new minute. But you know. Baby gangs. You have to come up with a new minute every time you come? Yeah. You have great stage presence. Oh, thank you. Really good cadence, good confidence. Thank you. The joke was, huh?

Yeah, it was alright. You went for it. No, she committed. Yeah. She committed to the joke and you had the ideas written out. It was good. Thank you. Baby Fight Club.

Baby Gangs. No, wait. Why would they be in a gang again? Because I was reading on Nature vs. Nurture and how they say some kids are just born evil. Right. And then I thought of a baby gang and sagging your diaper.

Because they were born evil. Sagging their diaper. Yeah, there was a whole bunch more. Like taking shots, polio shots. It was stupid. The stuff that you left out of the minute probably was stupid. What's the difference between brown and green shit?

Formula and titties. What's green? It didn't matter. I made it up. Formula. Brown is titties. Titty milk. Titty milk. Chocolate titty milk. Oh, you're used to black women Well I was gonna do

Maybe the evil babies Have a 40 of milk Yeah well you know How bloods and crips Are like blue and red I was gonna do like The color of your poop Determine which gang

You were in Or something You know Wow I thought a lot About babies today Yeah I used to do that joke

You have great stage presence Thank you How long have you been doing it Like seven or eight months Really Yeah Tony See, I used to do that joke. You have a great stage presence. Thank you. How long have you been doing it? Like seven or eight months. Really? Yeah. Tony.

She started on this show. Really? Her first time was on stage here. She dropped out of college to stay with us. Good for you. Thank you. She dropped out of the University of Florida. Did you really?

I did my last year. And what are you? Gators. You're kind of brown. My mom's Puerto Rican. My dad's Irish Native American. Oh shit you're an alcoholic. Native American? Native American. Fuck this shit. You could open up a casino.

You could be making real money. Quickly. Heck yeah. Baby Fight Club. That's an interesting one. It definitely needs to be beat it out or eliminated or something. We got to get somewhere with it. That's what open mics are for. You come up and you just try every single baby example

you can come up with until you find the ones that work. Kimberly, great job. Kimberly Congdon, everybody. There she goes. Working it out. Getting through it. I'd like to do an open mic. You want to do a minute?

Yeah. All right. You want to? Just a minute. Let's get through our last comedian, and then you can do a minute. The other regular on this show. Put your hands together for Sarah Weinschenk, everybody. Here she is.

I'm an adult 26-year-old female with a glow-in-the-dark pink sparkly retainer, guys. Yeah. Yeah. On my retainer, there's a peace sign sticker with rainbow petals. What makes me sad about this is that I don't get to eat tape by the foot when I'm wearing this shit. Okay? I got Play-Doh. I have some type of developmental issue. I was looking at this Play-Doh, and I realized in that moment that Play-Doh is a weird thing.

Have you ever seen dried-out Play-Doh? Nothing's worse than dried-out Play-Doh, guys. ever seen dried out play-doh nothing's worse than dried out play-doh guys you open the you go to open the container expecting to have some fun and what do you get disappointment a rock yeah rubble you know rubble looks like scones are just ground up inside of this play-doh container also the scent of play-Doh. Have you ever smelled Play-Doh? Yeah, you love it because there's chemicals in there that make us addicted to it. You know what I mean?

You see it and you just want to open it. And when you open it and all those colors are smashed the fuck together and it's just rust colored, you're disappointed. There's nothing worse than dried out Play-Doh. Thank you. Sarah's voice is taking things like that,

like normal things, and stressing out over them. I love the Play-Doh idea. This one's Play-Doh, and the scones reference was, yeah, it's a callback from another minute that killed where she just talks about scones. Get more descriptive about

whatever that's inside that Play-Doh. Then it's just right up fucking Play-Doh. It took a while to get to the Play-Doh. What does it look like? And that's what I wanted to talk about. There's hair in Play-Doh. It starts getting pubic hair. It starts to get shaved. Yeah, it's in that weird little tube so you can't, I don't know, what

is that like? it's almost like a Pringles can for midgets or something it's like a tiny thin little or how the white Play-Doh

used to turn all black from you know when you're a kid and your hands are dirty and you're playing with the other ones stuck at the bottom of your sneaker

yeah I had other shit I was going to say about it like how the lids don't match the color inside I don't know

if I said that like motherfucker you're like I wanted fucking green and just like, I want it fucking green! And everything is that same clay color. Dama, what are your thoughts on Play-Doh? It's like a press conference.

Well, I think Play-Doh... Play-Doh should be used for good, not for evil. I like the way that you can actually pick up newsprint on it, right? You're taking Silly Putty. Silly Putty. Play-Doh, Silly Putty. That was after this. I got four fucking months left to live.

What do I do? But I like the way you play the little cute girl. I have the retainer with the glitter. Yeah, that was weird for me to say. Because I feel like that's not my normal voice. I have a retainer. Do you really have a retainer with the glitter. Yeah, that was weird for me to say because I feel like that's not my normal voice. Like, I have a retainer. Do you really have a retainer? I do.

I have to take it out to suck dick? Nothing like that? No, but I don't want to talk about dicks. Like, I want to... No, I want you to. Yeah. Start talking about penis. No, I prefer to talk about Play-Doh.

No, but I thought it was funny. It was hard because you went with the... You know, it was hard for me to eat the... The tape by the foot gum. The tape by the foot. That's funny. Yeah. That's the only 12 inches I put in my mouth.

That's funny. See? Oh, thank you for your approval. I think it would be the biggest left turn ever, knowing you as well as I know you, seeing all the minutes that you've put together. If all of a sudden at some point you just make a huge left turn and start talking about dicks in your mouth.

I'm for this. Go from seashells to whatever to this to that. Play-Doh, scones. Dicks in my mouth, everybody. All us guys put Play-Doh on our dick when we're kids to mold it, to look at it and stuff like that. All us guys do that?

Buddy, don't put me in the... There wasn't enough Play-Doh, motherfucker. Oh! Costco, bitch! I thought you did great, though. You're really funny. There you go.

Sarah Weinshank knocking it out. Good job, Sarah. Good job, Sarah. Did it again. We did it again. Did you want to do a minute? Yeah, here's my intro.

Okay. Here's Dom Irera. Wait, no, wait. There's a guy who's been auditioning here since the Comedy Store opened. He's very close to passing. He's a friend of the club. Razor.

Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, your final comedian of the night has been performing here, auditioning here, since the club opened in 1972. He's very close to being passed put your hands together for Razor

Razor what's up with turtles I mean you know they're like this and I'm thinking pick up the pace you ever notice you ever on a bus and you

mean to pull your stop and you forget it and then you pull it two blocks later and you have to walk back, don't you hate that? anyway you know it's amazing because I was at my cousin's christening and I was really killing and my aunt said that I should be a comedian, and that's why I'm here, and I thank you for staying.

I appreciate you all looking at me. Isn't it amazing how people climb up Mount Everest when it's already been done? I'm thinking, what the fuck? Thank you. Razor, everybody. A couple. Wow. A couple things. You guys want to critique me?

A couple things, Razor. You know. Anybody that looks like this, not going to make it. Yeah. I'll tell you, Razor, I know you've been doing this a while and that you're almost past here, but I mean, you have the stage presence of a guy that's number 79

in the world in stand-up comedy. Chihuahua. Guys, we've got to wrap up this episode. The turtle premise. Dom Irera has an amazing podcast. He's Dom Irera on Twitter. I just did it and you just did it. Yeah, we both just did it.

So you're going to want to listen to that. What's it called again? What? Live at the Laugh Factory. Live at the Laugh Factory. Dom Irera live from Laugh Factory. You can find that on iTunes. Steve Trevino is Mr. Steve Trevino on Twitter.

And you got something huge coming out. I have my second one-hour special coming out February 16th. On Showtime? It's going to be on Nouveau TV. Very nice. Nobody's ever heard of it. I saw your last one. It was fucking great.

I'm really proud of this one. So hopefully people tune in and watch it. Is that the one you shot at Corpus Christi? Yeah, I shot it back. The arena. Yeah, we had 4,000 people in there. It was a beautiful show. So there you go.

We're making magic happen. Thank you guys so much for being on the show. Dom Herrera, guys. The Iron Patriot is at PDC on Twitter. That's at PETEC on Twitter. Stick around. The Ding Dong Show is next. See you in La Jolla March 1st and 2nd.

That's right, in Traverse City February 14th and 15th. I'm going to be there at the Traverse City Film Festival. And I got Omaha and Dallas, Texas coming up. There you go. I got Denver and Columbus, Ohio. Look us all up on Twitter. Find out where we're playing near you. At Dom Herrera's.

Thanks, everybody. You know. They don't look for answers. They just want to fool me. Isn't this fun? Isn't this what life's all about? Isn't this a dream come true? Isn't this fun? Isn't this a place all about? Isn't this a dream come true? Isn't this a nightmare too? you