KILL TONY - KILL TONY #441

Episode Date: March 11, 2020

David Lucas, Michael Lehrer, Joel Jimenez, Jessie Johnson, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 03/08/2020 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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The Happy Stack. Only at CUDO. Conditions apply. Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.TV, for everything Kill Tony, including past episodes of the show, video portions, and if you click on tour dates, you can come see us live. Not only do we record every Monday at the Road Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California,

but we are on the road all the time. So if you click on tour dates, you can see that we're in Vancouver, Swansea, La Jolla, Ventura, Washington, Boston, Austin, a bunch of dates. Click on tour dates at DeathSquad.tvtv. Also check out Tony's website, Tony Hinchcliffe.com. There you have everything golden pony, including his standup dates. So go to Tony Hinchcliffe.com and Ryan J Ebelt. He's the house artist.

He draws every single episode of kill Tony. You can check out his website, Ryan J Ebelt.com. He has posters prints. He even has the kill Tony book there. So check out Ryan J Ebelt.com and last but not least shopelt.com. He has posters, prints. He even has the Kill Tony book there. So check out RyanJEBelt.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. There you have the official Kill Tony T-shirt, including Death Squad hats and shirts and mugs.

Go to ShopSquad.tv, the official merchandise of Kill Tony. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the La Jolla Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for a Tony Hitchclap. Guys, we're in La Jolla. We're live. Make some fucking noise. Fuck yes.

How exciting. Ladies and gentlemen, Brian Redman's here, everybody. Hi, everybody. I'm sure there's a lighting change coming from house lighting at any moment. But hey, while he's in the lights, look, everybody. It's the real deal. Ryan J. Ebel right there. Yeah.

Live in the flesh. Southern California gets all the best goodies. That's the real Ryan J. Ebel. Normally only seen in his hometown area of the great state of Texas, but since we're all here in beautiful Southern California with a piece of wood on two tables, very janky setup we have here, but this is the La Jolla Comedy Store, people, the only other comedy store on the planet. You guys excited to be here? There it is the show has begun how exciting coming off an unbelievable weekend here how many of you uh by any chance got to see me here at all this weekend do stand up comedy all right good that's

what a great turnout sold out shows it was so much fun we had an absolute blast kill tony and myself continue to go on the road uh ventura, California next week, next Thursday. How exciting. Show added to that. And Tacoma, Kill Tony March 21st. Stand up on the 20th and 21st in which I will be headlining. And you get to see some of your favorite Kill Tony comics on that one. And Skankfest South, of course.

Kill Tony Miami for the first time ever, April 3rd. Actually, that's April, yep, April 3rd. And stand-up on April 4th. Boston Kill Tony, April 9th. We just added a show to that. Stand-up April 10th and 11th. And we might be at Moon Tower at the end of April. We announced that we would be at Moon Tower.

Now we might be at Moon Tower. Because I have to open up for Dave Chappelle and Joe Rogan in gigantic stadiums. So no big deal. I'm sure you guys get to do shit like that all the time. So anyway, real exciting stuff. We had a great time here last night. Unbelievable pack shows. Shit was crazy. And I had an absolute blast. Oh, by the way, how can I forget? Make some noise for the best burrito I've ever had in my life. I have it every time I come here. Don Carlos, everybody. I mean, oh my God. The California burrito. French fries inside of a steak burrito. It's just

un-fucking-believable. I had no idea until I came to San Diego years, a decade, over a decade ago, and found out that that was a thing. You can bet that I will be back. Speaking of betting, it's March Madness, and I got to talk about where I'm betting and winning money, money, money. MyBookie.ag. I bet with MyBookie.ag. I win with MyBookie.ag, and I love MyBookie.ag. Right now, MyBookie.ag is matching our listeners up to $1,000. All you have to do is go to mybookie.ag and use promo code Tony. That's mybookie.ag and use the promo code Tony. If you deposit 50, mybookie will match you 50. If you deposit 250, mybookie will match you 250, baby. If you deposit $1,000, guess what?

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killtony link in the description. That's ridge.com slash killtony. Hey, you guys ready to start this episode? Very good. Then we shall. Ladies and gentlemen, what an exciting time. Southern California, which means that you guys get more special treats than all the other road shows that we go on.

Whether it be Europe, Australia, Texas. You guys are spoiled rotten and we're all squozing together in this tiny black box. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a band on this show. Every single episode, they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be. About ten minutes ago, they went to a separate dressing room and began the process of getting ready. Maybe they're going to be famous characters that we've seen before.

Maybe it's the debut of brand new characters, but they stay in character throughout the episode. And you got the full fucking band tonight, everybody. I present to you the best damn band in the land, the Kill Tony Band, Jeremiah Watkins, Chroma Chris, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, and Jesse Jetski Johnson. Whoa, look at this.

Wow, FedEx. Oh, my God. FedEx delivery drivers, this is incredible. We've never seen these guys before. How did you get four FedEx shirts like that? That is mind-boggling. It's kind of scary. Oh, my goodness.

Look at this aggressive FedEx guy. How are you, sir? Hello. Hello, my name's Teresa. I'm gender fluid. Oh, my God. And you better not ask me what my package looks like.

Wow. My pronouns are who, what, when, where, why, and they. Jesus Christ. Patrice? Teresa. Teresa. Okay, I gotcha there. And who's this little whippersnapper you got next to you there? What's your name, little lady? Hey, Tony, I'm Rhonda. I'm manager

from the Arizona branch since 87. Welcome, Rhonda. And how about you, young man? Hey, Tony. Name is Dan. Dan Thrax. No relation. Dan Thrax? Oh, my God. No relation to what?

It's just an unfortunate name. Wow. And then back here we have what appears to be Joel Jimenez's grandmother. Exciting. I get that a lot. Name's Clarence, Tony. Okay, Clarence. Well, nice to meet you, pal.

We have FedEx guys. Incredible commitment to characters all wearing shorts and actual FedEx Express shirts. It is mind-boggling that a thrift store would be selling four FedEx shirts at the same time. It seems like a security concern. Let's just say we got them at a Goodwill.

We definitely did not get them from an actual employee. Very interesting. Very, very interesting. Well, we have the band. We have Red Band and the soundboard. We got Ryan Jay already drawing this episode. And that brings me to this, everybody.

This is the actual touring bucket of destiny. This thing went with us. This thing traveled with us all around the country. Normally, it sits on one of the museum-like shelves of Kill Tony stuff in my living room, but I popped it out before I walked out the door, because I'm like, better this than some

fucking ice bucket that they assuredly give me. And a bunch of people signed up before this show. You know how it works, though. If I pull your name out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds of time to do stand-up comedy uninterrupted. You know your time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or I'm sure going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's not the West Hollywood bear. It is the angry Hillcrest bear, everybody. My bad. I made a mistake. There's only one way to get on this stage, and it's that stairway right over there, right next to Ryan J. E. Belt.

Very, very easy. There's no other way. You can't walk that way. You can't walk right down the middle. That's the only way to do it. You guys ready to start this episode or what? La Jolla. I don't know if you guys know this.

We travel the world. We need more energy than that. Are you guys ready to start this fucking show? There you go. That's how to do it. We have a hot crowd tonight. A lady came out with a broken neck, everybody. How exciting is this? Stand up, take a bow. Come on. Stand up. Give this lady a hand.

That's a real broken neck. That's what the Kill Tony nation is known for. Coming out no matter what the situation. Teresa? Give they a hand. Oh my god. Oh. I don't know what's going on.

Alright. I pulled a name out of the bucket. Your first comedian, getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds, and then you get interviewed by me and the band afterwards. We try to find out more about you and what makes you interesting. Answer the questions honestly. Make some noise for your first comedian. Goes by the name of Adrian Savella. Adrian Savella.

Here we go. Live from La Jolla. One more time for Adrian Sabella, everybody. So I like to read books. All kinds of books. The only kind I don't like, all kinds of books. The only kind I don't like are erotic fiction books. See, I prefer erotic nonfiction.

I need to know that shit really happened. One time I read that JFK's wedding ring got stuck in Marilyn Monroe's pussy. But I know that guy's right-handed. Just didn't add up so it's currently the Catholic holiday of Lent which means I'm supposed to give something up for 40 days so I think I'm going to give up paying back my loans

they should have thought twice before they lent me shit I used to get high with an Indian guy named Mandeep. I'm sure you could guess how every freaking conversation went. Fuck yeah. Adrian Sevilla, everybody. Hell yeah. Look Savilla, everybody. Hell yeah. Look at you, Adrian. How adorable are you busting out of that jacket?

Look at that fucking... How long did it take you to zip that up this evening? 30 seconds. Fuck yeah. I love it. Very good, Adrian. So welcome. How long have you been doing stand-up for?

Since September. Since September. What made you start in September? It was my birthday. It was just kind of like a thing I wanted to... When's your birthday? 9-11? 9-12, actually. Wow, look at that. Heck yeah. The sweet smell of... Some people blow out candles on their birthday. On your birthday, you were blowing out World Trade Centers.

How exciting is that? Okay, Adrian. How old are you? I'm 26. 26 years old. You're from La Jolla? Born and raised? I'm from Anaheim originally. Oh, Anaheim originally. Where do you live now? San Diego. What part? Chula Vista. Ooh, Chula Vista. Wow, look at that.

Some real excited people about Chula Vista. I just saw one lady break her own neck for a second time. Not a fan of Chula Vista. I just saw one lady break her own neck for a second time. Not a fan of Chula Vista at all. Wow. What's Chula Vista known for? Mexicans. Ah. Yes.

Wow. And what do you do for work, Adrian? These days I drive for Uber, but I used to work in politics for a few years. What did you do in politics? A few different things. I worked for a congressman at one point, just an intern. What congressman?

Daryl Issa. What was their stances? Daryl Issa. He was a Republican from San Diego. He was the chairman of the House Oversight Committee when I was in his office. Oh, wow. Why'd that end for you?

They realized you were Mexican? It was just an internship. I worked for the city council here in San Diego once upon a time. Did some fundraising. Once upon a time in Chula Vista.

Sounds like a straight-to-red-box movie if I've ever heard it. Maybe even brown box. Adrian, what do you like to do when you're not working? Do you want to stand up? I like to go to the movies a lot. I know that seems kind of lame. I like to cook. Comedy is really a passion of mine. I know that's what everyone on the stage says. Of course. Absolutely. What do you like to cook? Mexican food.

Yeah, wow. Super obvious, I know. So much going on here that's just straight up Mexican. Yeah. How about girlfriend? You have a girlfriend? Yeah. No.

Oh, okay. Teresa. He's making my burrito wet over here. Oh, my God. Jesus, Teresa. Whoa, Teresa, Oh, my God. Jesus, Teresa. Whoa, Teresa, get out of there. Whoa, whoa. Oh, my God.

What do you have between your legs, Teresa? I said don't ask. Oh. He's the total package. You already made that joke. All right, Adrian. So no girlfriend? When's the last time you had a girlfriend?

So I recently got dumped because I'm Catholic, so that's a lot of fun. Oh, wow. I bet she was a lot of fun. Yeah, that's probably a good thing. So no one right now. That was like two weeks ago. What religion was she? She was Protestant, which is like so different, I know.

Oh, my God. What ethnicity? Yeah, don't get us started up here. What ethnicity was she? She was Protestant, which is like so different, I know. Oh, my God. Yeah, don't get us started up here. What ethnicity was she? She was white. White girl. White girl, yeah. And she told you that she doesn't want to be with you because you're Catholic? That's basically it, yeah.

It really sucks. Put a stamp on him. Return to sender. Oh, my God. Oh my god I forgot you guys were FedEx drivers I love it when the jokes are about the actual Yeah quality guaranteed Wow oh my goodness So how long were you with this girl for?

We were talking for about Four months since October. What does talking mean exactly? Did you fuck her with your penis? Did you put your penis in her pussy, bro? It was like a long-distance thing. We met at a party. What kind of party?

A quinceanera? It was a Halloween party. A Halloween party. Day of the dead or whatever the fuck you guys call it. Everything's Mexican with this guy. Now I just wish I was dead. That's fine. You wish you were what?

What did you say? It's a joke. Say it again. I said I wish I was dead. It was a joke. Everyone went, aww. No, we also wish that. Wow.

So you were talking. Did you ever have sexual intercourse with her? No. No? What's the farthest you got with her? Talking. That's it? Yeah.

It was long distance. Long distance? Yeah. What did you do at the party? Did you guys make out or anything? We, so. You didn't even lick her envelope? No.

I, uh. Ah. Honestly, we just had a really good time talking. I remember telling my friends that I was having such a good time I forgot to flirt. But I got her number, I got her Facebook, and we kept talking after that. You were having such a good time you forgot to flirt, dude. This is horrible. Are you a virgin? Yes. Wow, look at that. You horrible. Are you a virgin? Yes. Wow, look at that. What a good, you really are a Catholic, huh?

Yeah. Why do you believe in God so much? That's a... Convince us. He obviously doesn't love you. Go ahead. What is it about Catholicism that... You know, I think...

Has anything ever happened? Have you ever prayed for anything and then it happened? I mean, I guess. I don't know. I think faith is kind of just a weird thing to explain. It's not entirely logical by definition, I guess. Yeah, that's what they've been telling me my whole life bro sorry I just can't buy into it

it's like listening to the policies of Pete Buttigieg or something like that like it's like it sounds like a good idea but I'm just not seeing it yeah wow my goodness and this chick was really Protestant huh I guess so, yeah.

Enough to... What do you think about the Protestants? What's your take on them? You know, I didn't have very strong opinions before. But now? But now I'm just like, man, they suck. I love it. That's exactly what Jesus would say.

Wow. That's so Christian of you. Would you consider getting fed triple X with me? Oh, my god. Okie dokie. What's the farthest you've ever gone with a woman? Have you ever done anything? Made out.

Second base. When did that happen? What's second base to you? That's also Mexican of you to play second base. What does that mean? Tell us what second base is to you. Because I think we all have different baseball fields that we play on sometimes.

I mean, there's definitely some groping of the chest area. She grabbed your breasts. That's right. She grabbed my breasts. So you grabbed breasts before? How long ago was this?

Two years And where did you meet that girl at? That was at a different party Church party? No Let me ask you this, when you grabbed breasts Did you go under the bra or over the shirt? We were both, we were in the shower

Whoa Look at that Wet backs and everything We were both in the shower. Whoa, look at that. Wet backs and everything. Wow. Were you naked in the shower, or were you wearing your underwear? We were skinny dipping in a hot tub. Skinny dipping. I don't know if you can call it skinny.

You were thick dipping. That's right. It was overflowing, the hot tub. All right. Adrian, you're adorable. Congratulations on starting stand-up comedy. Congratulations on kicking off tonight's show. Adrian Savilla, everybody.

To the next one. There we go. That's how it's done. There we go. That's how it's done. Adrian Savilla. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for your next comedian. It's Dave Lowenstein, everyone. Dave Lowenstein.

Live, La Jolla, Kill Tony. Here he is. He's already on stage. Dave Lowenstein, everybody. One more time for Dave. Dave Lowenstein, everybody. One more time for Dave. Son of a bitch. My goodness.

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Things just aren't fair sometimes. I could be at the park with my little kid and a grandma will come up and say something like, oh, look at him, he's just so precious. I just want to pinch his little cheeks. I just want to take him home with me and bake him some cookies. I'm just going to take him home, bake him some cookies. I could just eat those little cheeks.

If I said that to somebody's kid, I'd end up in handcuffs. Who's watching these grandmas? Should some of them be on, be on the registered sex offenders list? Can you imagine a registered sex offender who put all that shit behind him, started a new life, fell in love, had a kid of his own, that kid got a couple years older,

and then he couldn't go within 500 yards of their school to drop him off? Alright, little buddy. Daddy's good right here. It's just three blocks up. You turn left at the gas station. And if you see anybody who looks like me, run! There you go.

Dave Lowenstein, everyone. Welcome to the show, Dave. Welcome, welcome. A lot of pedophile material there. How long have you been doing stand-up, Dave? First time. Wow, first time ever. My goodness, look at that.

Adorable. Walter White, season seven. What's up? You just made it out of Vermont or wherever they hid you, and you're going back to kill everybody. Yeah. How old are you, Dave? 46. 46.

Fuck yeah, dude. You still have a youthful spirit about you. I do. You from Southern California? Yeah, I'm actually from right up the street, San Diego. Wow. Right up the street. How far up the street?

Chula Vista? University City. University City. Hell yeah. That's where you were born and raised? Mm-hmm. Nice. Look at you.

So what have you been doing your whole life? Let's see. I'm married. I have two kids. I've been working in IT for like 20 years. Uh-huh. Jiu-jitsu. Lots of stuff.

Wow. Look at that. Interesting stuff. My God. How about for fun other than jiu-jitsu? Any hobbies or anything like that? I'm a musician. I used to be in a lot of bands when I was two kids.

I was in four bands at once, now I'm in zero. Four bands at once, now you're in zero. What did you play in the band? Bass and guitar. Bass and guitar. Very interesting. You sing at all too? I do. Really? Would you be willing

to maybe play a little song on guitar and serenade us? Chroma, you think we could do that? Chroma Chris. Very giving with his instrument. This is exciting stuff. He's a professional musician. What's the name of one of the bands

that you were in? Mudgrass. Mudgrass? dude in fact that gives me a good idea i could play one of my own songs i was delivering a package the other day and i fell on some mud grass how much do you want full song just fucking kill it, dude. That's all I ask. Hell yeah. I see you making eyes across the room. Probably gonna be leaving if I don't make a move real soon. But my guitar's in my hands and I'm playing in this band. Don't you worry, baby.

We're gonna be done by two. So ask the barkeep to fill her up. The band's a little better when you're a little liquored up. And I'm ten times more charming when you're three sheets to the wind. If you don't believe me, just ask one of my ex-girlfriends. You're the prettiest girl out there in the crowd. Come dance up in the front, even though it's way too loud if the band does good and I make a little dough

I'm gonna buy you a burrito. Hey look at that Dave Lowenstein Wow powerful my goodness you're definitely better at music than you are at comedy. That goes to show all that experience really pays off.

That song just downright almost delivered me to tears. I play banjo too. Wow, look at that. How long have you been married for? Like eight years. Eight years. Where did you meet your wife at? We knew each other through mutual friends when we went to a music festival together in like Yosemite. What music festival?

It's called Strawberry. And we like went separately and left together. Been together ever since. Wow, look at that. Man, it's hard to find a girl at a music festival. Right?

It's hard to find the girl you came with at a music festival. Depends how high you are, yeah. So what happened? I'm near the stage! The stage! All right, all right, Joel.

We get it. Clarence. Okay, so, and what day did you meet her on? Day one of the festival? Yeah, well, she knew a friend, like, friend of mine, went to high school with her, so we were all going to meet up in camp. And we had met before, but we just really hit it off. And then what happened? You guys were in the tent

together? Yeah, we were in the tent together. Next thing you know, you're at second base with her? Maybe more like first base for that weekend, but then the bases developed over time. Goddamn right. Absolutely. No 29-year-old

virgin up here now. You know what I'm saying, dude? Then you have two kids. How old are they? Seven and four. What do you hate the most about your kids? Nothing. Nothing at all, except they won't listen to me, and they keep getting bigger and stronger, and even though I'm doing jujitsu and stuff, it's harder

to control a seven-year-old that doesn't want to do what you want them to do. A 60-pound kid is very hard to get to walk. No, that's not the right song. Not like that. My God.

Do you use your jujitsu on your kids sometimes? You try to utilize it? You don't mean to, but we learn a lot about grabbing clothes and stuff. It's good for helping them, whatever. Time to go to bed. Yeah. My God, you are an animal, Dave. No, not that.

Well, Dave, you had a good set here. It took you a while to get there, but you really closed strong, especially at the end, which is basically the most important thing because that's what everybody remembers anyway. And you had a great interview up here. Thanks for the song. Thanks for the jokes. Dave Lowenstein, everybody.

His first time ever on a stage doing comedy. He's on social media at David Lowie, all one word, L-O-W-I-E. Absolutely doodly. Well, let's do something fun. The last time we were here in San Diego, out of the shows that we did, there was only one guy who was invited back, who was guaranteed a spot the next time he came. And this is that moment right now where he gets to perform a spot.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Eli Smith, everybody. Eli Smith. Here he is. He debuted. His first time ever doing stand-up was here on Kill Tony the last time we were here. He's been doing it ever since. One more time for Eli Smith. Eli Smith.

So let's see. Depression is a son of a bitch. You guys should know I just don't talk about my mother willy-nilly. But it's 2020. I feel like if you're not going through some shit right now, then I can't fucking trust you. The best way to tell, though, if someone is depressed is by the length of their pubes. Like, if you got a Bob Ross fro going down there, you definitely have moderate to severe depression.

Maybe you got a nice do, a sick fade going on. You might be doing okay right now, but that shit's going to grow out. That's how depression works. The worst one, though, is if you meet someone and they got it shaved down to the skin. I like to call that the, why won't you love me anymore? I think I heard the meow. Was that the meow? All right. There you go.

Eli Smith. Started stand-up comedy his very first time, was on this stage on an episode of Kill Tony. How long ago was that? That was in September. Right. And I actually did some research on you, asked the door guys here,

and they tell me that you've been doing a lot of spots and working hard ever since then. Is that true? That is true. I've been doing a lot of stuff. I had my first paid show in LA, and that was kind of fun. Wow, they paid you?

Yeah, I got 20 bucks, and that was cool. Hell yeah, 20 bucks. That's half the gas. You only lost $7 on gas. That's great. Hell yeah. Wait till you pull a profit. It feels amazing.

I'm waiting. Remind us, what do you do for work? I am a consulting utility forester. I do tree shit. I'm an arborist. Oh, that's right, an arborist. My other tree guy's here. Oh, wow.

Fuck yeah. What branch is he working? Leave him alone, Tony. Oh, okay. Leave him alone, Tony. I gotcha. Oh, why is Teresa being negative? Nope, it's not gonna joke on ya. Oh, my. I gotcha. Oh, why is Teresa being negative? Nope, it's not going to joke on you.

Oh, my God. Okay. What does he do with you? You know, a lot of times we just team up and then... You stumped right now? A little bit. Am I barking up the wrong tree? Tony, I'm rooting for this guy, okay?

Yeah, he's being serious. It's no oak. Guys, I knew this would happen. The band is on fire tonight. This is exciting. All down the row. Wow. It must be stemming from the cocaine we did earlier.

Oh, my God. Wow. It must be stemming from the cocaine we did earlier. Oh my god. Wow. FedEx. Brought to you by FedEx. When you do that, your mustache goes upside down. I didn't know Waluigi had a sister, but stunning.

Alright. Anything crazy ever happen to you up in the trees? Stunning Alright Anything crazy ever happen to you up in the trees? No it's a pretty chill job When I was younger I fell out of a tree and broke my arm Oh wow You're like this is payback Basically Fuck yeah

How about your personal life oh Chroma go ahead I was just gonna say so you broke a limb hey I love it so what do you do for fun when you're not doing stand up or climbing trees or whatever mostly I just hang out

I just went to New York that was fun I saw my sister out there hang out like what fuck god what what was that I don't know I just in my head

I'll be honest with you Tony I'm nervous up here oh okay that's fine there you go that's good so what do you tend to do to like pastime any hobbies or anything like that you ever play on those big chess boards at a mall or anything like um no i do a lot of art um just random stuff um what's your favorite kind of porn to jerk off to uh you know what i'll be honest I watch a lot of weird porn. Well, be real honest and tell us what kind of weird porn you actually

watch. I watched a porn the other day. It was called Edward Penis Hands. Wow. Dude's hands were straight up penises. Oh my goodness gracious. When one penis in a porn isn't enough. When you absolutely must have 11 penises in your porn.

So what did he do with his penis hands? Well, he... He cut hair. Oh, my God. The jet ski has arrived, everybody. Bin bin. Wow. We might have to figure out your own little Joelberg-like situation.

Oh, the jet ski. situation. Oh, the jet ski. Maybe that'll be the thing. Let's try it out sometime. If she gets a big one out, you guys can all rev your engines like you're on a jet ski. That's going to be so annoying one day.

Could be today. Could be that soon. Depends on how much you guys get into it i guess uh all right so um very fun so eli you could say that we changed your life oh yeah i would say that yeah i would too for sure the opportunity that we give people is absolutely insane and yeah through your you having a good set for your very first time on this show gave you a very nervous guy, yet not nervous enough to tell us about Edward Penis Hands

enough confidence to go and keep doing this and believe in yourself. Right? Yeah, I'm trying. Yeah, there you go. Let me ask you this final question. How did Edward Penis Hands end? I mean, it's just shooting all over.

Really? I gotta look this up. We gotta find this. Can you look it up right now? Is this true or are you kidding? It's true. His whole hand is... What was it on? Look it up. It's Red Band's screensaver on his iPad. Edward penis hands Edward Penishands, a 1991 porno.

That's like a real fucking movie, man. Brian's is Edward Mozzarella Stick Fingers. No. All right. Eli, congratulations. You got another great spot. Things are going good for you. Eli, congratulations. You got another great spot. Things are going good for you. There he goes.

Eli Smith, everybody. Sure. There you go. I just shook a guy's hand who jerked off to Edward Pina's hand. Cold and clammy with the coronavirus out here. All right, back to the bucket we go. Make some noise for your next comedian, Aaron Trahan. Aaron Trahan.

Hey! Mama's going home, mama's going home. Do you live here? Join me a little. Hey! Mama's going off, Mama's going off. Let me, let me a little. Hey! Here he is, ladies and gentlemen. One more time for Aaron Trahan. Hello. So my goal tonight is to make all yous assholes laugh.

Yeah. Because if I can make your assholes laugh, then that shit is funny. All right, cool. So do you talk to the asshole before you eat it? Do you say, come here, sexy asshole. I'm going to eat and lick you like a donut hole. Come here, coolo, coolo, coolo.

Yeah, you know, I'm just trying to get better oral sex, so any pointers would be great. After the show. Fuck yeah, Aaron Trahan. Absolutely. I've always wondered what I'm going to look like when I'm 80 years old. Exciting as hell to see future me here. No, really, Aaron, you are one of the funniest little league coaches we've ever had on this show.

Nice. Very exciting. What's in your hoodie there? Face the audience. What is that? Why do you have a boner coming out of your belly button right now? This is a new

hoodie. I am really excited. Whoa, there you go. Oh, that's a... Schoelberg's got his eyes on it. Yeah. Classic. That never gets old to me. Welcome, Aaron. How's it going, man?

Oh, yeah, good. How are you? So why'd you fire the Mexican guy from being your Republican intern? That's what I want to know. You know, 2020 is a rough campaign. You just got to keep going. No, it's all good. Aaron, how long have you been on stand-up?

14 months. 14 months. Congratulations. How's it been going? Good? Yeah, good. I love it. I love been doing stand-up? 14 months. 14 months. Congratulations. How's it been going? Good? Yeah, good. I love it. I love it.

You got a lot of that asshole material? That's older stuff. A little older stuff, but I want to use the strongest shit I had. Go ahead, Teresa. It's even creepy the way he describes how long he's been doing stand-up like a little child. How old is it? 14 months? Aaron, what do you do for work?

I work at the Madhouse in the kitchen. Actually, I got to hang out with Red Band. Yeah, Red Band finds the kitchen real quick. That's his... Every comedy club he goes to, that's his first spot. That's a cool place. It's like the old Hard Rock in the downtown area. That was neat.

There you go. I don't support them whatsoever. I'm loyal to the Comedy Store and the Comedy Store only. I think it's the only comedy club you ever need in San Diego. I'm not. And Don Carlos is the... Well, they're not loyal to you either, Red Band. Good.

Wow. So how long have you been working at the kitchen at the Madhouse? A little over a year Nice, what did you do before that? I worked in the office What did you do in the office? All kinds of fucking shit I actually have a degree in computer science But that's hard fucking shit, you know

Heck yeah How about your love life? You seem extra creepy So I want to know more about what you're into. Okay. You look like you edited Edward Penis Hands. That would be step up. Yeah, nothing going on. I haven't had sex

since 1996. Really? Wow. Who'd you have sex with in 96? My friend Hello Maybe I don't remember That was a long time ago

Wow Why is that? Why haven't you had sex since 96? Are you just not interested? You have Oh no Like I've gotten close It just

Shit goes wrong I don't know I'm socially awkward. When's the last time you kissed a girl? Fucking years. I don't know. Really? Years? Yeah.

Wow. Well, that only means one thing, I guess. Is there a Kill Tony fan out there? A young lady, perhaps, of any shape or size? The prettier you are, the funnier it is. Is there a girl out there that's willing to give this guy his first kiss in years? Oh my god it's the lady

with the broken neck. Here she comes. Oh my god. She's coming to the stage right now. She's coming. She's not returning from the restroom. She's coming up here. Whoa!

Whoa! Oh, my God. You're a legend. What's your name? Val? Make some noise for Val, everybody. Wow. All right, we'll let you off with that one.

Let's give it up for her. That was awesome. Val, everybody. Oh, she tripped and fell. She was just coming back from the restroom, and we totally hijacked her. Only on Kill Tony can you take advantage of a woman with a broken neck like that.

Can't say no. Let's check in with Teresa. Did you notice that she almost broke her neck again trying to kiss him? My goodness. And you actually seem like the kind of guy that only gets attracted to women with broken bones in their bodies.

It's interesting. Normally, I break their neck after I kiss them, Tony. Since 1996. Wow. That is so cool. Aaron, do you feel like you have a new wind of confidence about you? Oh yeah, reset the clock. Reset the...

Reset the quark. Reset the quark, everybody. I remember back in 2020 when I got kissed on the cheek and they gave me a boner for six days. That's true. Wow. Aaron.

Aaron, anything else crazy about your life we should know about? How old are you? Let's see. 40? I'll be 49 this year. Wow, 49. Okay, very good.

And how about anything else? What else have you done? You ever fight in the military, perhaps on the other side or something like that? No, I can ride a six-foot unicycle and juggle. You can do what? Yeah, you got a six-foot unicycle? What can you juggle? If we gave you something, can you juggle it here?

Sure. Like what? Cans of Red Bull? Yeah. How many? Three. Can we have three cans of Red Bull, please? Three cans of Red Bull to the stage. We'll just say on

the audio podcast that it's Caveman Coffee that he's juggling. When I need energy, I drink caveman coffee. Use the promo code KillTony. Save 20% on orders of caveman coffee. Here come three cans of Red Bull. I implore the people in the front row to

sort of just go like that with your arms. I have no idea how good of a juggler this guy is. Leave the mic stand back there. Throw that in the... Throw that in the, there we go. Ladies and gentlemen, some good old juggling music here for Aaron Trahan.

Hey! Wow! Look at that. All right. It is an awkward shape. I realized that right after I said it, that it might be one of the worst things to juggle that I could have picked, but we gave it a shot, Aaron. You were awesome here tonight.

Thank you so much. Oh, thank you. Hilarious set. More hilarious than the interview. Great way to roll with everything. Aaron Trahan, everybody. There he goes. Make some noise for Aaron, everybody. Fuck yeah.

You guys having fun out there? This looks like a familiar name. It's hard for me to forget names sometimes. I believe we've seen this guy before, so let's see what happens here. Make some noise for Mike Bentley, everybody. Thank you. Hello.

I was asked where I stand on abortion. I said in the lobby waiting. My girlfriend said I masturbate too much. I said I'll be out in a minute. My girlfriend's cool. She likes to be choked during sex. I hope. I was helping,

I was working at a restaurant, and I was helping a nice black couple during my shift. I said, let me know if you guys have any questions about the menu. They said, yeah, what's the old-fashioned cheeseburger? I said, it's a regular cheeseburger. You just can't eat it in this section. That's my time. I'm Mike Bentley. Wow.

Wow. Very impressive. Let's put that anywhere. It. Very impressive. Let's put that anywhere. It's all good. Hi, Mike. What's up, Tony? You're a funny man. Thanks, buddy.

Have you been on this show before? No, I have not. How do I know your name? I don't. I don't know. All right. Very good. I must know another Mike Bentley.

Sorry, I'm out of breath and nervous. I couldn't have been further back. It's all good. It's all good. We didn't even notice. What's up, bud? Fuck yeah. Didn't nervous. I couldn't have been further back. It's all good. It's all good. We didn't even notice. What's up, bud? Fuck yeah. Didn't notice I can't fucking breathe.

Wow. They had you sitting in the old-fashioned section? How long have you been doing stand-up, Mike? Full-time, almost a year. How about part-time? But I started doing open mics like in 2013. Okay. Very sporadically.

I quit a bunch of times. Never did any real shows or anything. All right. You're a former Marine? No. No? I just look like this. Yeah.

You look like Vern Troyer and Mark Wahlberg had a baby. There it is. Wow. Good one. My goodness gracious. You really do. You look like Mini Mark. Fuck yeah.

What do you do for work? I work as a bellman at two hotels. Wow. World's toughest bellman, huh? That's me. You hear the bell, you just start boxing? Right.

Yeah. He hears a bell, he's like, I'm on it, and I'm on it. It's a performance product company owned by Joe Rogan. On it? Okie dokie. I've on it. That's a performance product company owned by Joe Rogan. On it? Okie dokie. I've heard it.

Fuck yeah. You work out a lot? Yeah, I work out a decent amount, I guess. Yeah, what's your favorite type of workout to do? That's a weird question, Tony. That's a weird answer, Mike. I like to give myself exactly an hour at the gym, and I just mix in cardio, lift, cardio, lift,

until my hour's done. Cardio, lift, cardio, lift. Meanwhile, you're out of breath from walking from the back of this room. It's incredible. My favorite exercise is reverse cowgirl. Oh, my goodness. Teresa, you dirty, dirty girl or boy or something.

Careful. I was actually almost on a show with you guys in Palm Desert, but it got canceled. Or bringing the Watkins. Well, that's cool. Thanks for bringing that up. Got canceled because they sold

too many tickets, obviously. Actually, the kitchen was broken. No, there was a problem with the venue. Yeah, there was exhaust. Oh, Teresa. Whoa. Oh, my estrogen is kicking in. Oh, my God.

I think Teresa might be a woman under there. My goodness. Mike, what's the creepiest thing you ever put your penis into? My couch, easily. Ah, really? I had a soft couch. I actually left it to my ex. When I was sleeping on my couch for the last six months when I actually left it to my ex. When I was sleeping on my couch

for like the last six months when I was still living with my ex, yeah, I would fuck the couch knowing that I was going to leave her the couch. Like in between two seat cushions or like from the side going in? Did you go doggy style or missionary? You got on your knees and went doggy style.

No, no, I stood up. I stood up. Stood up? Yo, but because I could see... You fucked your couch against a wall? You fucked your couch into the corner of another couch? That's how a love seats, man.

That's very good. That's good. Not bad. That's very good. Uh-oh. Love your delivery. Love your delivery. Thanks, bud. I hear a lot of guys... Hey, delivery Thanks bud Jesse Johnson

I hear a lot of guys like fucking couches Because there's more cushion for the pushing Hey And it has begun And it has begun. And it's immediately a hundred times funnier than Joel Berg chants. It's great because you can actually see the people do it. Fucking throw it up like that.

That's the shit, dude. Oh, the empire has begun. Wow. Mike, anything else crazy we need to know about you? About your life, your life history, anything like that? My dad was a big-time drug dealer and went to prison. Really? When I was like, I mean, he finally got arrested when I was like 18 or 19.

What kind of drugs? Steroids? No. Nah, Speed and Weed in Palmdale. Speed Weed. One of our sponsors back home Palmdale. Speed Weed. One of our sponsors back home. We love Speed Weed. Any chance we get to mention it? It's your dad, Gino. I wish.

My goodness. Speed and Weed, huh? And he started when I was like 14, so it's not like I was like a baby. Is he still in prison? No, he actually went to prison not for selling, but for assaulting an off-duty officer and then fleeting

when he had a warrant out for him. Wow. Your dad has great excuse on leaving the family. A lot of dads just do it without assaulting an off-duty police officer. Does he ever call you? You stay in contact with him? Yeah. He just moved to

Colorado. We're fine now I forgive him, I get it That's cool He forgives you for fucking a couch What color was your couch, by the way? Was it white with little red dots? Light tan Why, do you have it?

As dark as I go Did you rebuy a used couch? I missed that. Alright, Mike Bentley. Well, great fucking set tonight. Probably the set of the night so far. Absolutely fantastic. You're really good at this. Really great.

Mike Bentley. Alright, let's have some fun here. I warn you guys that La Jolla, due to its proximity to beautiful Los Angeles, California, gets extra special treats that other road episodes simply never get. This is one of those special treats coming at you right now. All the way from Los Angeles, I just did the entire weekend here with this guy,

and he had amazing sets all weekend here. He's an unbelievable comedian. You know him from Kill Tony. His great joke writing, his incredible roasting abilities. I present to you the one and only David Lucas, everybody. Here he is, live and in the flesh. Here he is, live and in the flesh. Make some fucking noise for David Lucas.

Yeah. Yeah. I swear, girls be dating fat niggas just to find out about new restaurants. But I got simple rules when I take girls out. If I take you out to eat and we ain't fucked yet, you can't take a to-go box home. yet, you can't take a to-go box home. Because some guys will let their girls go out to eat with fat niggas just to bring food back home.

Like, hey, when you go out to eat with that nigga, get a T-bone medium well. Get two sides of garlic mashed potatoes. Take one bite and tell that nigga you full. mashed potatoes, take one bite and tell that nigga you fool.

And if you touch your phone while we eating, you just paid for your own fucking meal. Alright, thank you guys. Fuck yeah, the great David Lucas, everybody. Woo! Fuck yeah. Red band. Hi, buddy.

I ain't seen you in like four or five days. Yeah, you haven't seen red band, but you have seen a bread pan, obviously. My goodness. Goddamn, Tony. Look at you. Look at that fucking tight-ass T-shirt, huh? You like it? Someone's been eating good here this weekend, huh? Tony been eating bamboo all weekend.

Yeah, sure. I eat bamboo. Stir-fry eucalyptus leaves. I don't know if you guys know this. David Lucas is a pescatarian, and I actually caught him. He had lunch at SeaWorld this weekend. I saw him eating Tilikum. Tony eats sauteed dick tips.

Oh, how dare you? That's not even true. That's not even true. However, I have eaten penis hands once or twice. Fuck yeah. No, we had fun this weekend here in La Jolla. You had unbelievable sets.

Thank you, man. We had an incredible lineup and great shows. What did you love about this weekend here in La Jolla. You had unbelievable sets. Thank you, man. We had an incredible lineup and great shows. Damn right. What did you love about this weekend? What was your favorite part? All the white women. Goddamn right. I agree.

I agree 100%. Fuck yeah. And they love you. Hell yeah. They're not used to seeing your type. No, man. Hell no. There's no 300-pound black guys with tattoos in La Jolla.

Goddamn right. Well, they are. They're at the La Jolla local prison. Yes, I was like a fucking unicorn this weekend. I had to buy like six grande coffees from Starbucks. Yeah? For white women? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. With almond milk Right I love it I love it So It's exciting times Is this your first time

In San Diego Nah I was I mean I don't want to mention Other clubs Well good Great

Me and William Headlined a club Like three weeks Three months ago In San Diego. Awesome. No, it is incredible. He is a real pescatarian. You made

salmon for everybody at the condo on Friday afternoon. I wasn't. It was fucking incredible. I cooked, bro. My mind was blown. He really fucking fries it. You can really tell he's black for sure. Like he pan fried this.

I couldn't fucking believe each bite. I'm like I would eat this every fucking day. I did eat it every day. Yeah. No I don't blame you. You do that shit right. I don't know how you got it that crispy on the outside. I'm Aunt Jemima's nephew. I believe that.

I believe that. You look like you've been getting high on your own family supply over here. Some people sip on the sysurp. You just drink it down all at once. You chugging on some sysurp. I love it. My goodness gracious. That is exciting. Did you learn anything about Tony?

Because you guys shared a condo together, right? This whole weekend That nigga's sleeping biker shorts Biker shorts? What'd you say? Biker shorts Like Neil Armstrong Them little spandex

I don't know what they call them Those were mesh fucking shorts Such a weird thing to lie about here I don't know what they call it. They look like... Yeah, just like that. Oh, I see. I see what you're talking about. I took these off of Tony earlier

tonight. Very good, yeah. When I came out and gave Punky that hug yesterday, you thought those were shorts. Those were my underwear, you fucking idiot. Not all of us have to wear fucking Santa Claus sacks around our crotch to fucking sleep at night. Biker shorts. Those are human underwear, David Lucas.

He thought I was wearing biker shorts. I didn't know what you were talking about. I'm like, the shorts that I was wearing this weekend aren't tight at all. And now you're telling me you saw me once in my underwear. You thought those were shorts? Yeah, he's wearing these shorts that say

Hanes on them. My God. They was long though. They was like nigger bockers. Goddamn. Well, I'm not allowed to say that word, but you're allowed to say it. I'll say it, I'm not allowed to say that word, but you're allowed to say it. I'll say it. Every time you need to say nigga, just point at me.

That's right. We've done that before. We do that. That's how we do it. There's one thing that we don't have enough of here in La Jolla, and that is... Niggas. Niggas. Fuck yeah, man.

Absolutely. There's no doubt about it. David, you did it again. You absolutely killed. You killed here all weekend. The whole staff fell in love with you. Everybody's mind is blown. Can't wait to be back.

That's right. You're building a goddamn empire here, and you are just an absolute monster. We inspire each other. I love taking the funniest people I know out on the road with me and you killed. I love being under Tony's tutelage. I learned that word this weekend.

And you know what word I learned this weekend? Nigga. There he is. David Lucas, everybody. Uh-huh. We're having fun. We're having fun. We're having fun here this evening. The early Kill Tony.

How about one more time for the great David Lucas, everyone? Back to the bucket we go. This guy sounds like he's from Southern California. Make some noise for Rudy Ortega, everyone. Rudy Ortega. It was a mate. It was a mate.

One more time for Rudy Ortega. Hi, everyone. Enjoy this moment. Here we are and one day we won't be here. Always and forever. Just like FedEx. That's why the employee is giving away his t-shirts because he's knowing it's going out of business. But comedy will never go out of business because of you guys.

I'm crouching because I'm a troll in the internet. Some things I like to masturbate to are Instagram hashtags. For example, teachers from San Diego. Teachers from San Diego Look at my kids, they're studying I thought that was gonna go better Fuck yeah

Wow Hello, welcome to the show Fuck yeah. Wow. Hello, welcome to the show. How are you? Thank you. Good. Very good. Hi, Rudy. Are you the kid that they murdered in that Netflix documentary?

The Trials of Gabriel Hernandez or something like that? No. Because I can see why they beat that boy to death after seeing you sat here tonight. I never met Michael Jackson.

This guy, this guy looks like Pee Wee Virgin. I'm both of those. Pee Wee and a virgin. Are there any virgins in the crowd? Oh my god, Rudy. Relax, Rudy.

Rudy. Rudy. Rudy. Rudy. Over here, Rudy. Hi, Rudy. How are you, buddy? I'm going to calm you down with my energy.

That's what I have to do. Rudy duty fresh and fruity. Alright, Rudy. So over here, Rudy, how long have you been doing stand-up comedy for? First time? Yes, sir. Congratulations. First time for Rudy, everybody. Rudy, tell us about your actual life. How old are you?

What have you been doing with yourself up until now? Put that mic right up to your mouth I'm 26 What have you been doing your whole life? Tell us about it Living in San Diego I've never met any of these faces that I see in the crowd That's not what I asked you Rudy

So most of the time I'm never in the city unless these people are in the city. How about your parents? What do your parents do for a living? That's an easy question to answer. Mother's in HR and father I don't speak to at the moment. Why? Because he dropped you on your head when you were younger? That's called ground shipping.

Jeremiah Watkins of the Jeremiah Wonders why don't you speak to your father I'm not ready you're not ready to talk to him have you ever spoken with him oh yes I can. I don't have his number right now. So, no.

Oh, okay, Rudy. What is it? The last time you talked to him, what happened? How deep was he inside of you? Oh, my God. Red band. All right. Red band. You guys all want to do it together?

One, two, three. Trash can. He actually accidentally said, what'd I do this time? Rudy, the last conversation you had with your father, what was that about? Did you tell him or did you not tell him? He was like, hey, so when is the next

time we're going to have lunch together? And I was like, why are we going to have lunch together? Teresa. Yeah, has anybody ever told you you have strong Arkham Asylum energy? You're like if a sock puppet became human.

Rudy, tell us something about your life. What do you like to do? What are you good at? Any hobbies or anything like that, Rudy? No, I just love you guys. Well, we love you too, Rudy. There he goes. Rudy Ortega, everybody.

On to the next one we Rudy. There he goes. Rudy Ortega, everybody. On to the next one we go. There he goes. One more time for Rudy. Okay. Pull another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Geiger. One word name, Geiger. G-E-I-G-E-R. Let's see what happens here. Is this Geiger. One word name Geiger. G-E-I-G-E-R. Let's see what happens

here. Is this Geiger? Oh no. There he is. Geiger. One more time for Geiger, everyone. This wasn't supposed to happen. So, it's 2020.

Marijuana's fucking legal, right? Right? Okay, so here's the deal. I'm a 90s stoner. I smoke dirt weed Mexican weed. But my brother-in-law comes over the other night. Shows up

at the house. Bags. Different bags. Different bags. I'm like, what the fuck are these? I got some dabs. I got glass. I got Keef. The fuck is Keef? So, hey,

he pours it out onto the counter. Holy shit. You scientists, stoner nerds, learned how to fucking create THC well I can snort it fuck yeah

so I look at him sheer terror well why are you scared well there you go Geiger you were right. That wasn't supposed to happen.

Not a single punchline in any of that. The snort part, was that supposed to be the part that shook the room to its core? No, the whole deal was she snorted it, and he was there when I got maced in the face, and I was like, oh, shit. It's when I got maced in the face and I was like, oh shit, it's like he got maced in the face. Wow, I never thought I'd say this.

I never thought I'd say this, but it's hard to follow Rudy Ortega, isn't it? Jesus Christ, Geiger. My God. People call me Geiger too. Is that a guy or girl, Geiger. My God. People call me Geiger, too. Is that a guy or a girl, Geiger?

All right. I was just happy you pronounced my name correctly. Well, yeah, I'm in the writer's guild, Geiger. Of course, I'm going to pronounce your name correctly. Wow. Have you been on this show before? Never Really? Yep

Welcome Couldn't tell What? Nothing, sorry What did you say? Nothing No, you said something, what did you say? I said couldn't tell that I've never done this before

So it's your first time performing stand-up period? 100% I believe you So what have you been doing with your life up until this point? Can you answer that? So it's your first time performing stand-up, period? 100%. I believe you. So what have you been doing with your life up until this point? Can you answer that? I'm an accountant. Uh-huh.

Your whole life? No. Right. My whole life, we don't want to talk about that. Oh, okay, Rudy. What do you like to do for fun? Any hobbies or anything like that? Yeah, I fish, I golf, and I look at spreadsheets daily.

Wow. Live in that La Jolla baller lifestyle. Oh, no, I can't afford La Jolla. Oh, yeah? What part of town do you live in? Lakeside? What? What are you saying? Say it into the fucking microphone. We don't have any

code words. I don't even like you, dude. I love you for saying that, but no. My... What? I live in UC. Loewy, what up? Oh, God. Everybody hates you so much.

Geiger, Geiger, Geiger. Any redeeming qualities about you that'll make this room like you? Anything you've ever done for charity or anything like that? Actually, yeah. My very first job I ever did, I bagged groceries, and there was an elderly lady, and she couldn't change her tire. And honestly, while I was bagging groceries, getting paid $5 an hour in the 1990s, I changed her tire. She offered me $50.

I handed it right back to her and I said, no, ma'am, thank you. Wow. Look at that. You did do one nice thing your entire life. It was 30 years ago at a grocery store. That is so cool. The best thing I ever did in my life. I love that that's the moment that you remember.

It's true proof that you've done nothing since then. You helped a lady change her tire while you were still on the clock at a job. You wouldn't have done it if you were off duty. Let's face the facts. Right? Correct?

You didn't have to bag groceries for like 20 minutes. You're like, this is a break. Right. And I bag groceries before. It gets annoying doing that. You're looking for any escape. I used to beg to do go-backs or push the carts. You know what I mean? But there you are, helping a lady with her tire.

You piece of shit. Alright, Geiger, we're gonna keep it moving along. There goes Geiger. There you go. Let's do that. Let's do that. Make some noise for Geiger, everybody. Thank goodness.

You know it's struggling when you get through Geiger and Rudy in less than eight minutes. Tony, your biker shorts are showing. Oh, my goodness. Yes, indeed. That's why you guys have that angle. Better my biker shorts show than my entire ass crack red band, by the way. You guys don't want to know what I deal with. Actually, it looks like this next comedian's name, what I normally

see back there. Make some noise for Dusty Tunnel. Your next comedian is Dusty Tunnel. This is not a joke. There he is. Dusty Tunnel. Dude, thanks, guys.

That's my real name. Dude, my mom gave me that name. When I was seven, she told me she gave me a famous name, and that's why she did it. But I got older and I realized, with a name like Dusty Tunnel, the only way I'm gonna be famous is by doing stand-up comedy.

Or gay porn. So I'm really hoping this shit works out. So I'm really hoping this shit works out. Dude, because I can't take a dick on camera to be famous. I'm camera shy. I just, you know. Trying to date, dude. Dating is weird.

I went on this date with this girl. First date, we hook up. She looks me in the eye eye She goes, I like choking Like what dude? I like choking So I tossed a baby carrot in her mouth And tickled her Dusty Tunnel coming in strong

Dusty Tunnel coming in strong. Dusty Tunnel. Great. Yeah. Congratulations. Thanks, dude. That was a great set. I've got a muddy tunnel right now.

What? What did you say? I said I've got a muddy tunnel right now. Oh, shit. That's fucking... I said I've got a muddy tunnel right now. Oh, we got it. We got it. We got it.

It's a dusty tunnel that's wet, dude. I know. It's absolutely fucking disgusting. Absolutely vomitile. Dusty, how long have you been doing this? I can take more than a baby carrot, I'll tell you that much. Oh, shit.

Oh, my God. Oh. Chroma Chris? If it fits it ships Oh shit Oh wow How long have you been doing stand up Dusty Five years ish Five years all of it here in San Diego

I started when I was in LA AndA., and then I moved down here. Why'd you move down here? Well, I moved to L.A. for a girl. And then that didn't work out, and then I came back here. Okay. So what do you do for work? I work at Kaiser. Okay.

When you moved in because of this girl, you went up to Los Angeles. How long ago was this? Six years. Six years ago. You moved up there for her, right? Did you change jobs or you transferred? No, I was doing the same job just for a different company. Okay, right.

And you transferred up to L.A. to live with her or to just be closer to her? To be closer to her. Right. And how long had you known her at the time? Since high school. Whoa. And then you moved there. How long did you stay in Los Angeles?

Three years. Three years. That's pretty good. But then what happened with the girl in LA? She slept with a janitor at a skilled nursing facility in Portland. Oh. You saw that. She slept with a janitor at a skilled nursing facility in Portland. She slept with a janitor? She slept with a guy literally responsible for cleaning dusty tunnels?

That's exactly what happened, dude. Unbelievable. Did you catch her or did she say something? I caught her through text messages. She just came home with a bunch of keys? Yeah. God.

Yeah, her purse was like fucking heavy. I was like, what's in here? Yeah. Wow, that's incredible. Yeah, that was the joke. How'd you know? How'd you find out that it was a janitor? She was so clean.

Yeah. How did you find out that it was a janitor? She was so clean. Men, men, men, men, men, men, men. Wow. I think that's right, yeah. Yeah. She came home smelling like fucking bleach and Murphy's oil soap, all that shit. That sweet, sweet stink. My God, that is incredible.

She had broom bristles in her hair. I don't know what the fuck was going on. Wow. Let me ask you this. When you moved, did the janitor at least help you come and clean your place up? No. No, I know.

My God. Is she still with him? Do you know? No, she's with a new guy now. Yeah, what does he do? He owns a vegan restaurant. Wow. Look at that.

We moved down. Yeah. My God. Goodness gracious. A vegan restaurant. Yikes. At least someone's giving her some meat. You know what I'm saying?

All right. Why do you think this is that she would cheat on you? Is there a thing in the bedroom that you do where you underperform, you think? Do you perhaps come too fast? You refuse to eat pussy? It's something weird. Tell the truth, Dusty. It's okay.

I like choking, dude. You do? You like choking? What's that? You like choking people? Yeah, I do a little bit, yeah. Really? Yeah.

But not during sex, though. Dusty, you son of a bitch. Just on stage? Dusty, I'm asking you a real question here. Is there something in the bedroom that you think you're not good at? There's an answer. Probably breathing, I think. Dusty, stop trying to be funny.

I'm asking you a real question about your real life. Do you have perhaps a little bit of... I don't know. I'm pretty confident in the bedroom. Yeah? Honestly, yeah. Do you have any special moves that you could teach us or anything like that? Perhaps the old fucking crusty tunnel.

I call it the El Chapo because I escaped through her dusty tunnel. Yeah, it's called... No, I just want to do a joke again, but I'll try not to. It's okay. Try your hardest. Yeah, that's's what I did and then she left me anything else crazy about your life or any accomplishments or anything like that you have any special skills

or talents other than comedy accomplishments I just moved into a van when can you start work it's an ambulance it's an ambulance actually yeah and i converted it to a camper yeah i'm sleeping in it now it's actually right here around the corner wow look at that yeah absolutely have a drink later just wow yeah we'd love to. Definitely. For sure. Yeah. Okay. All right, Dusty.

How long have you lived in the van? A little over a month now. What's changed in your life? Showers. Right. Where do you shower at? The gym. Uh-huh.

Yeah. It's a lot less. I like a lot of showers. I was doing two or three a day and now it's like two or three a week wow look at that yeah absolutely you ever run into the janitor when you're showering at the gym no he's in Portland dude I don't you don't understand jokes no Dusty you had a great set here tonight thanks for coming on Dusty Tunnel everybody Dusty, you had a great set here tonight. Thanks for coming on. Dusty Tunnel, everybody. Dusty Tunnel.

All right, La Jolla, you spoiled, spoiled babies. Let's do something extra fun, shall we? You guys like fun things? We have yet another surprise for you, ladies and gentlemen. You know this guy is a regular on Kill Tony, the newest regular on Kill Tony. He's an absolute machine. This guy made the long trip here for you today. Wasn't going to do it.

Last minute, decided he was going to make it. Make some fucking noise for the great Michael Lehrer. Make some fucking noise for Michael Lair, everybody. Thank you. I love you. Give me a microphone. I don't give a shit if any of you see me. I just want a microphone. I, so you know, I'm secured safely to my power chair by a butt plug.

a plug. If I start coming red bands, that don't count towards my time. I should only come once every six months or whenever I can manageate to the dentist. You know what? I don't know what it is about doctor's offices that make me cum so hard. All I know is this nurse is gonna

need a new pair of Crocs. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Nurses gonna need a new pair of Crocs. Oh my God. He just killed it. He started telling the audience, fuck you bitches immediately. This guy has... Staycation.

Staycation. Staycation? Yeah. Yeah, I'm having the time of my life. I just count the minutes. I've never been here before. This place is... I love all y'all.

I love y'all. I love y'all. We fucking love you, Michael. I love you. But if any of you step to me, you can suck my fucking dick. I will die before I let anyone fuck with me. You are right. You probably will die before you let anyone fuck with you, Michael.

That is probably true. Jesse Johnson. I gotta say, this is a special delivery. Abso-fucking-lutely. Michael, how you doing? How was your trip down here? It took me 18 hours. Wait, you drove in that thing? Yeah.

Oh, shit. Like, I don't want to be ridiculous, but I did take side treats. This motherfucker took La Cienega the whole way Yeah I love all that Spanish shit I feel like we could have the same chant Hey Hey

Man I feel like Hey Man I feel like I probably should have watched the show to get that joke Wow Michael Lair and I also know for a fact was that your first California burrito you had here tonight?

Dude If you know anything about me, Tony, I want you to know this. I don't care about food. Oh, okay. I care about drinking, smoking pot, and looking beautiful. Well, you know what? You do all those things really fucking well. No doubt about that. No doubt.

Yeah, no, I ate, like, two parts of that burrito. like two parts of that burrito. Tommy Hilfiger, they have clothes for disabled people called Tommy Adaptive and it has magnets and I'm like, this shit is dope as fuck. Wow. And I'm like, I'm going to get on this shit. So y'all help me. And then I'll buy myself too. But I'm going to be looking right as rain right quick real soon. You're getting some of that Tommy Adaptive? Fuck yeah, man. What do the magnets in the clothes do?

I don't understand. Why are there magnets in the clothes? Are you, like, doing more brain damage than me? Like, obviously... Tony. Obviously, there are 200 people here than me. Like, obviously, obviously, there are 200

people here who understand what the magnets do. But you want to act like you don't understand. But they obviously,

look at my dog fingers I'm a monster the magnets bring us so I'm not naked in the street oh I thought the magnets

like kept you in your chair or something like that I don't know no you listen motherfucker Oh, I thought the magnets kept you in your chair or something like that. I don't know. No, you listen, motherfucker. The butt plug keeps me in my chair. Wow. The crowd, wild, on their feet. They're absolutely loving him.

Meanwhile, he's flipping them all off for some reason. Michael Laird taking the... He's dancing with it now. The Nate Diaz approach to the crowd. Suck it, motherfucker. I didn't even know where La Jolla was. I definitely don't know where Stockton is. Michael Lair, you are a goddamn national treasure. Everybody loves you. I love you.

Yeah. Catch me later, but this shit's already sold out. Wait, what? Can I go? Yeah. Michael Lair, everybody. There he goes. Abso-fucking-lutely. Guys, how loud can this place get for Michael Lair, huh?

There you fucking go. We love Lair. We love Lair. We love Lair. We love Lair. We love Lair. We love Lair. Alright. The room is in chaos right now. Another unbelievable set from Michael Lair.

Always bad at a thousand. You guys want to go to this bucket one more time, huh? Alright, let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for always bad at a thousand. You guys want to go to this bucket one more time, huh? All right, let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for Tim Hill, everyone. Tim Hill. Tim Hill. Here he comes.

Oh, we know this young man. He's been on this show before. Come on, everybody. Tim Hill, everyone. Wonderful. Good. So I dated a little person. Yeah, give it up for me.

I'm a hero, everybody. I dated a little person, okay? LGBTQ is not inclusive enough, all right? Pitch an M in there. Because my life's difficult,'s difficult okay I already look like this I live in a van I can't date someone this tall that's it looks like a crime for me to date someone this tall I can't be like no I'm driving her to college not elementary school I promise but she had like a super small pussy And Like I'm not bragging

Like oh she was so tight Problematically tight pussy It's like a square peg in a round hole You know like It's like she's got something wrong with her Called vagicosis I think is how you say it And it's just the medical term for fucking tight.

And our sex life could have best been described as like, you know what Chinese finger traps are, right? Wonderful, thank you guys so much. Fuck yeah, Tim Hill. I believe, what have you been on this show? Every time we've done one down here? Once each, yeah, pretty much. Yeah?

Yeah, so this is the third La Jolla one in Hollywood. Heck yeah. Fuck yeah. Well, welcome back, Tim. Here you are again. Absolutely. Just as both male and feminine as Teresa over here. Yeah.

You guys were made for each other. I have vagetitis too. Is it your vagina or your asshole though? Don't ask, don't tell. Wow. Yeah, Teresa has vagigrosis. We've worked together for 27 years. I had to finally say it.

Wow, Tim Hill. So you've been doing stand-up a while, a couple few years? Yeah, about four and a half. Uh-huh. And how's life been lately? What's changed since the last time we saw you? I got laid off from a weed job. I lost my apartment.

My girlfriend moved back to Detroit. Yikes. You know it's bad when a girlfriend's moving to Detroit. Yeah. That's as bad as it gets right there. Yeah. Wow. So that's all the recent developments. Is that true about the midget?

Yeah, she was 4'6". Wow, 4'6". Does that qualify? Yeah, that's a midget. Okay, yeah, for sure. That's where the top of her head was? Yeah, this was it. 4'6", what zip code is that?

So when you got inside of her vagina, did it get stuck sometimes? No, it never actually got stuck. But it was always a slow ride. It was never fun. Slow ride. Take it easy. That song's actually about fucking a midget. Not a lot of people know that.

But the great fog hat. Absolutely. Definitely. It's more into the... Nobody can see this. I'm back here. You have the least amount of ass we've ever had on this show. Wow.

Like, what the fuck is going on? Turn around. This dude's got acitosis. Oh, my God. It's like your back just continues. Wow. Yeah. Baby got, huh? My goodness gracious Do you eat

What? That was a do you eat ass joke But I left the ass part out Because he doesn't have one Fuck, there's always one God damn it Yep, there is This is the part where you tend to bury yourself

By continuing to add on more afterwards. Well, at least I'll get the package there on time. What? Oh, yep, this is that moment. You are right, it always happens once. Look, you can't even take your hand off the microphone now. There it is. Okay.

Tim, what else, man? How did the thing with the midget end? It's a short relationship? Ha ha! Hold on, Chroma Chris. Oh, I was gonna say, did you have a sign outside of your van that said, like, you must be this tall to ride? That's what ended it?

No, we dated for six years Like since high school We just grew apart I don't know if she grew apart Yeah Wow four six This is the girl that went to Detroit You sent a midget back to Detroit I

She could have done whatever she wanted to do. We broke up. She chose Detroit. Oh my god. Yikes. She got on a flight for that? Yeah. Did she have to sit in a baby seat or anything like that? Did she have to have someone fly with her? Nope, just

an unaccompanied minor. She's the only person that doesn't have to worry about leg room on an American Airlines flight. 4'6". Wow. What are other perks of dating a midget? Were there anything else other than that sweet, sweet, tight, fucking...

He gets a discount on movie tickets. I love it. Is that true? Do you guys ever take advantage of any of the systems? Kids eat for free at Denny's? No. No, actually, going to amusement parks did suck. She couldn't ride shit. Oh, my God.

Yikes. Boring dates. Wow. That's incredible. What was your favorite thing about her? Oh, she was cool. I still like her a lot. Really?

She was really cool. When you guys would 69, what would you do? She would suck your dick and you would just spit on her asshole? I'd just give her foot rubs. I'd just give her...

Just smell her farts? Just suck on her toes while she's sucking your dick? It's more like 64 or something like that. I'm not exactly sure. 65. Wow.

All right, Tim. Another good set. That's fucking incredible that you were with a midget that whole time. Oh, yeah. You guys were like Jay and Small Bob or something like that. Yeah, was she always looking up to you? Have you talked to her? Is she dating somebody in Detroit?

No, probably not. She's getting some of that fucking genital motors. You know what I'm saying? That's a Detroit joke. Chroma Chris. Were you always talking down to her? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

But you guys just couldn't see eye to eye, huh? Nope, not at all Did she have a short temper? Did she understand a lot of your jokes Or did they go over her head? My goodness gracious, Tim. Wow. I'm glad that you were the bigger man. I'm sure there's still a small piece of your heart that misses her, right?

Do you miss her? Yeah, a lot. She doesn't talk to me, though. Why doesn't she talk to you at all? What really happened? Tell us the fucking truth. We for sure just totally grew apart But then we broke up in early September

And had to stay together Like had to stay in an apartment together Until December Which really kind of fucked things up Because you wouldn't let her out of the kitchen cabinet Did you ever tell her that she was the kid to your rock? Watch the video. Oh, what's he doing?

Oh, you're lucky I need this job. He's cold-burging up over here. All right, Tim, well. So how long has she been your FedEx? Girlfriend? You didn't let me finish it! You bitch, you didn't let me finish it, Redbird! How dare you!

Whoa, Teresa, whoa. Sorry. The testosterone just kicked in. My goodness gracious. Went full man witch over here. All right, Tim. Anything else crazy we need to know about you? No, not a whole lot goes on during the day.

You know, just sit and watch Netflix on my phone in a minivan. Oh, you live in a van too? You know, you and the ambulance guy could go. You can connect by the back. Open your doors. Have a nice little two-bedroom van off there. Yeah, you guys can get together and watch the movie Little Women. Yeah.

Did you get a minivan for your young girlfriend? Okay. Tim Hill, another fun time, great interview, great set. There he goes, Tim Hill. Thank you so much. Yeah. All right.

You guys think we should go to this bucket just one more time, huh? We have not had a lady up here tonight other than the great and powerful Jesse Johnson, so we are going to pick through this thing until we had a lady up here tonight other than the great and powerful Jesse Johnson, so we are going to pick through this thing until we get a lady. Does that sound like a deal? Let's do it.

I'm sorry to Chris. Sorry to Ron. Sorry to John. Sorry to bad handwriting person. Okay, here we go. This is definitely the name of a young lady. Put your hands together for your final comedian of the night, Alison Vastano, everybody.

Here we go. This is it. Make some noise for Alison Bastano, everyone. I don't like dick pics. If there's any older gentlemen in the audience right now, they're just sending us pictures of their dick now. Without warning. It's like an Amber Alert, dude.

Other women in the area are receiving it i don't know it's not even that i don't like dicks i just want to use my imagination like on a date with a guy i'm always just trying to guesstimate his dick size and i have like an equation um first of, everybody gets five inches right off the bat, and that's just what Google is saying. Okay? And then when you start talking, that's when I'm adding and subtracting inches in my head. Okay?

Like, I was on a date one time, and a guy pulled a quarter out of my ear. Like a grown-ass man did the coin magic trick in my ear. Automatically minus two inches. All magic is negative dick, all right? Thanks, guys. Wow.

Look at that. Powerful set. Look at that. The rare set where the lady hung in there with the boys tonight. Very exciting. Very rarely happens. Allison, Allison. Awesome.

How long have you been doing stand-up? About a year and a half. Year and a half. All of it here? Yes, all of it here. Is this where you were born and raised? San Diego? Rhode Island. Whoa, Rhode Island. Near Providence? I mean, everything's near Providence. Near Swansea? Yeah. Yeah, I know Venus de Milo.

My brother went to the show, actually. Oh, cool. That's fun. He had a good time. Yeah, he did have a good time. Yeah, we had a great time there. When you say your brother, do you mean your actual brother or your black boyfriend? Oh, that is a good point. You do have those energies. Do I? Yeah.

I look like I fuck black guys? No, it's not really. It's not like you would have a choice about it. It's just that black guys would definitely be aggressive towards you. Have you noticed that? Yeah, that's kind of true. Of course, it's kind of true. Yeah, like every single black guy that sees you comes right up to you and is like, yo, yo, yo, right?

Automatic plus six inches. Wow. Goddamn. The band tonight. That bando. That's true. Except for David Lucas who came up to you and asked you if you were going to finish eating that, right?

That's the only thing David Lucas will ask for. He actually hasn't even made eye contact with me. Really? Wow. Look at you. You are something else. So based off of talking to Tony, how big would you say his penis is? That's an interesting question.

We're really shoehorning that one in there. You want to give it a guess? I mean, you have, your jokes have big dick energy, but your style doesn't. What do you mean by style? Look how excited Jeremiah gets. Look how excited Jeremiah gets. Hey, you guys remember when we found out Jeremiah had that canceled show earlier?

Fucking loser. Get back in your seat. You forget who fucking daddy is. Okay, my name's Teresa. How big would you say my dick is? I'd say it's like a girthy five. I want an answer out of my neck. Because I want to know the balance. I'm just curious.

And I want your honest guess here. Just like right now, how big I think your dick is? I just want your guess. You don't have to be statistically correct. I feel like I'm not as good at this as I made it seem. Go ahead. Just give it a guess. I'm just curious. I'll give you six, dude.

Alright, well. I won't... I think my style may be deceptive. It's okay, though. You'll give me six. Someone said they'll go seven. Anyone else?

Do we hear any more? Do we hear eight? How do you think that lady ended up with a broken neck in the first place? She's in pain right now. She just laughed. She goes, ow! Goddamn right. Yeah, you're right.

It's like that. That's how wide it is. You're right. Absolutely. All right, Allison. So welcome to the show. Unbelievable set. You've been doing stand-up a year and a half.

You have a boyfriend? Yes, he works here. Oh, look at that. Of course he does. Yeah, babe, I'll teach you stand-up, man. Fuck yeah, dude. That's awesome. How long you been with him?

For about a year and a half. Pretty much the whole time I've been doing stand-up. Oh, the timing really works out on this. You saw him and you're like, I could do this shit. I thought he was really funny. He was screaming about wrestling in a comedy club, and I laughed at that, and I told him I loved him the first time. Wow.

I went up to him, I said, I love you, and then I ran away. Aw, how cute is that? More psychotic. Yeah, that's adorable. I like your style. What do you do for work, Allison? I sell weed vapes. Weed vapes?

Mm-hmm. For dosist. Oh, I know dosist. Yeah, one of those is right around the corner from me. Do you have one on you? No, they won't give me any free product. Wow. I know.

I'm really low on the totem pole. Oh, okay. Speaking of totem poles. No. What else, Allison? Any hobbies or anything like that? You good at anything? You seem like you have a snowboard no I wish I had the money to snowboard I was coaching CrossFit and doing CrossFit for six years but my certification just expired

so I'm no longer doing that do you have any special strength tricks that you could do CrossFit I can do like a pistol what's a pistol like a one legged squat yeah show us wow look at that oh my god it's not that impressive oh my god my goodness Yeah, show us. Wow. Look at that. Oh, my God.

I don't know. It's not that impressive. Oh, my God. My goodness, Allison. You know what? I love you. I'm kidding. That's because she told a guy she loves him.

Wow. So a year and a half with the door guy here at the comedy store. Are you funnier than him yet? No. You sure? No, yeah. Not even close. Wow. How big of funnier than him yet? No. You sure? No, yeah, not even close. Wow. How big of a dick does he have?

Good. He has a great dick. Actually, the first time that I saw his dick, I said, good for you. Yeah, what's a great dick? What's a great dick? If you had to guess

exactly the measurement of his dick, what would you consider a great dick to be? Okay, so I have a measuring tape, and I'm pretty sure it's seven. Whoa, look at that. I've never been more confident in my life.

Seven's a perfect dick, honestly. Is it? What makes seven a perfect dick? You realize that if you have bigger than seven, you could always just put seven in. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Have you taken a dick before?

No. You don't know about taking dick? But I mean. You don't know about taking dick? Really? I don't think I've ever. He does so. I don't think I've ever heard.

He does so. There you go. The lowest every episode. Listen, I know about taking dick, and that's not how it works. That's not what, okay. That's not what everyone says. You do know that. No one puts their dick in a little bit. I've never been with a girl that's like what it's okay that's not what everyone says you do know that you know a little

bit i've never been with a girl that's like you know like no just seven no no no no no i mean but mine's six so i mean i don't know what that'd be like anyway here's the thing you don't want to be bottoming out all the time uh-huh if you're bottoming out constantly what do you mean by bottoming out what does that mean so like we're talking like a really big dick your pussy can bottom out what does that mean what happens to it you're hitting solid

like ground it seems like not with everyone though it's always different I mean I have friends that it's always quite surprising who has the short wall, too. I guess I'm a shallow pussy. I don't know. Tony, as a Mexican, I know what it's like to run up against walls constantly.

If there isn't one, Joel builds it himself. Wow. Well, Allison. Jeremiah, go ahead. Teresa? Yes, Teresa. Was there something you wanted to say? I was just going to say,

I think that the perfect dick size is when you're giving a blowjob and my nose touches their belly button, so 12 inches. Wow, look at that. Oh, damn. Can you do a one-legged pistol, Teresa? Yeah, let's see it. Oh, damn. Can you do a one-legged pistol, Teresa? Yeah, let's see it.

Oh, shit. Whoa, look at that. I've seen a pistol. I think I saw a shotgun fall out of your shorts there. Guys, how about one more time for Allison Bastano, everybody? Thank you, everybody. Allison Bastano, everybody. Wow.

What an episode. You guys have fun? Unbelievable. Thank you to Don Carlos. Shout out to Caveman Coffee, Vito's Pizza, all the other great places that we're going to. The next show's in Ventura next week. And, of course, another sold-out Kill Tony after this.

How many of you are coming to both Kill Tonys tonight? It's pretty cool. Tacoma, Washington, headlining that weekend there with a Kill Tony on the 21st. Skankfest, Miami, the third Kill Tony. Stand-up on the 4th. Boston Kill Tony, April 9th. Stand-up the 10th and 11th in Boston. Moon Tower. Bunch of

other fun things coming up. No show. 420 at the Comedy Store. This week we have Matt Bronger and Chrissy Meyer. Exciting stuff. The week after that, the Sklar Brothers. The week after that, Tom Green. The week after that, Shane Gillis and Big J

Oakerson return to kill Tony. Everything's booked up. Everything's happening. Amazing things happening in the world of Kill Tony. That includes Jeremiah Walken's headlining. How about a big hand for Jeremiah? It's all coming up for him. Huntington Beach Rec Room, March 14th, with Joel Berg and William Montgomery.

The Tempe Improv, March 19th to the 20th. Sunnyvale Rooster Tees, April 9th and 11th. And the Sacramento Punchline, April 16th to the 18th. He has a new episode of Jeremiah Wonders out now with Stevie Weeby. Yes, at midnight. Bobby Lee was last week, and then Stevie Weeby is this week. We remember last week. Stevie Weeby is this week.

Very good. Anything else, Jeremiah? I'll be selling these Milkman shirts in the lobby. There you go. Milkman. Might even be Milkwoman. Who knows? Who knows? Don't put a specific gender on it. Of course. We have Ryan J. Ebalt's posters drawn specifically for this.

Show your drawing from tonight, Ryan J. Get up there. Step up to this microphone. Point it out there. There you go. He's got boosters for this event right after the show. And hey, how about this? Jesse Johnson's first road show as an official... Actually,

it wasn't. Swansea was. First time down in La Jolla, though. Come on, guys. Spread those engines for Jesse. Jesse is Jetski Johnson on social media. Anything else, Jesse? I love that chant. Also, a big shout-out to Top Shelf Brass. They've been really helping us out with the music.

I love it, absolutely. Top Shelf Brass band on Instagram and so many other great things. Guys, how about a big hand for Chroma Chris, everyone? Killed it tonight. Absolutely on fire. Thank you. Huge shout-out. I want to say thank you to Orange Amps, also G&L Guitar, and Ernie Ball. Thank you. Chr shout out. I want to say thank you to Orange Amps,

also G&L Guitar, and Ernie Ball. Thank you. Chroma is one of these anomalies. You know, fun fact about Chroma is he's the only member of this cast, of this massive cast, that does not do stand-up comedy at all. And I believe the first 20, 30, 40 episodes he was on,

he didn't say one word whatsoever. And then slowly over time, through working on this show, I'm guessing, you have gotten funnier and funnier and ballsier and ballsier, and you absolutely fit in perfectly. We love you. Chroma Chris, everyone. Watching him grow week after week here,

which reminds me of someone that doesn't necessarily get better every week. Sometimes he has highs and lows, everybody. Come on, it's Joel Verjul Jimenez! He's mostly sorry on social media. Ludwig,

official artist, one of my favorite humans in the world. What else, Joel? Nothing. I love you guys. Thank you to Andrew Veles for bringing me this beautiful drum set. Thank you, Andrew Veles, for bringing me this beautiful drum set. Thank you, Andrew Veles, for bringing in the beautiful drum set. In fucking deed. La Jolla, we absolutely love

you. We're going to turn this room over, get ready for a second show here. Anything else? Red Band? Thanks, guys. Love you a lot. We love you guys. Good night, everybody. Take care of one another. Love each other. Yeah.ひらまりさんさん心は晴れ模様 二つの瞳は

ひまわりのたねのよう かたらい かさなり かたまり からまり一緒にいること絶対必然 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.