KILL TONY - KILL TONY #69

Episode Date: October 22, 2014

Pauly Shore, Rick Overton, Jeff Richards, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Iron Scott Kidd, Brian Redban – Date: 09/08/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Brrr, it's getting cold Death Squad. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Death Squad has a brand new sweatshirt that's available right now for pre-order. If you go to shopsquad.tv, you'll see the Lorde hoodie pre-sale going on right now. A lot of you people have been wanting a new sweatshirt, now it's available. We also have a bunch of t-shirts, hats, some brand new stickers, a whole bunch of stuff. So go to ShopSquad.tv. This pays for everything that we do here, including Kill Tony. If it isn't for this, we wouldn't have Kill Tony.

So please, go to ShopSquad.tv. Also, click on Live. That's our tour date calendar at ShopSquad. Or just go to DeathSquad.tv. Also, click on Live. That's our tour date calendar at Shopsquad. Or just go to desksquad.tv and click on Tour Dates. And you'll see that Desk Squad's all over the place. Me and Tony Hinchcliffe, this Thursday, October 23rd, we're returning to Stand Up Live. We have a secret guest, too, that's going to be there.

It starts at 8 o'clock. And that's Stand Up Live in Phoenix, Arizona. Hate to announce, but Punchline Sacramento and San Francisco shows have been canceled due to a special event that the club had to do, but we're going to reschedule soon, so I'm sorry about that, but no worries. Kill Tony is coming to Toronto. I am going with Tony for a week of comedy, I guess. We're going to be a part of the Dark Comedy Festival in Toronto. There's a bunch of shows that me and Tony are on. I think we're on a different show every single night. But we have our own show, Kill Tony, Toronto, November 7th, and tickets are going crazy.

So if you like Kill Tony and you live up there, go get your tickets now before they sell out November 7th. And you can get all these tickets and all the information and all the updates. Go to DeathSquad.tv, click on Tour Dates, or go to Shop Squad and click on Live. And don't forget to go to Tony Hinchcliffe's website. He's got a bunch of fun stuff over there, don't forget to go to Tony Hinchcliffe's website. He's got a bunch of fun stuff over there,

including his tour dates and his clothing line of Tony Hinchcliffe shirts and stuff. So go there, Tony Hinchcliffe.com. I know I am far behind in kill Tony and I'm trying to catch up. That's the problem of trying to do everything myself. So please be patient. I'm working on catching up and hopefully in the future we we'll have Kill Tony streaming live from the Comedy Store. So this will be not a problem in the future.

Also, don't forget Comedy Store, Death Squad Secret Show, November. Check it out. Alright guys, here's a brand new episode Kill Tony Hey, this is Red Baron Coming to you from the world famous comedy store For a brand new episode of Kill Tony Volume 2 Give it up for Tony It's Craig Yeah

Hi everybody, welcome How exciting It's a good live crowd, you guys are still clapping Yeah! Hi, everybody. Welcome. How exciting. It's a good live crowd. You guys are still clapping. That's exciting. You're like a real live audience. Thanks for being here, everybody. Happy Monday to you.

Hello. Good to be here, guys. This is another very exciting episode of Kill Tony. Good to be here with my great friend, the one and only Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen. Hello. Podfather, founder of the Death Squad, good friend. We had a crazy week this week. We had a lot of fun in town, back in LA, didn't go on the road, stayed here, and we had a

fun Ice House Chronicles, a great Joe Rogan episode last week. Oh, yeah. By the way, I keep on getting feedback from your appearance on the Joe Rogan podcast. That was one of the best episodes ever. You haven't listened to it. Check it out. Tony was on fire, and he really got into your love for wrestling. Pro wrestling. Yeah.

So it turned into me trying to convince Joe Rogan that he would love professional wrestling. The UFC kind he keeps going, no, I don't like it because it's not real. And I go, well, we know it's not real. You're going to love it. It's better than real. It's pre-written, these storylines. And he's like, but it's not real.

It's great. We go on for a half hour, and I'm throwing thunder, and he's throwing thunder back and forth. So it's really fucking fun. I'm actually in a fight right now. How many pro wrestling fans are in the audience tonight that might know a little bit? Check this out.

I am currently in a semi-Twitter war with Goldust, ladies and gentlemen. I said, there was a part during the podcast where it's me and Joe talking and Joe goes, Tony, if you wrote, Jesus,

that's Josh Martin on the For people watching at home, there was not an earthquake. That was Josh stumbling over his words and feet. Yes. As if he couldn't possibly be more of a debacle. For you

video watchers, that was all Josh handing me a ginger ale. Last time I had him give me a drink, he spilled a shot of tequila directly on my lap. He didn't even sit it down on the table. He just sort of tossed it at me. Oh yeah, so the gold dust thing, there's a part where Rogan goes

because I talked about writing, and he goes, if you wrote for the WWE, you'd probably make a wrestler who's outgoingly gay and that blows dust in people's faces to mess with them. And I go, Joe, you're never gonna believe this. But there already is a very famous

professional wrestler who's notorious for doing that and being that. And then later on in the episode, we say, oh, you know, he's straight and whatever. And I say that he uses that divisively to psych out his opponents. He'll blow a tough guy a kiss and the other guy obviously will play it like, oh, come on, man.

And then he'll shoot low on him or whatever. But... Ha ha ha ha. So, anyway. Goldust tweeted at me, know your facts, Tony Hinchcliffe. And... Cat fight. By the way,

I'm a huge Ohio State Buckeye fan. I'm hanging out at a, this was opening big game weekend for college football, a game which we lost, by the way, which was tough. But anyway, I didn't even care about this game anymore. I get this tweet from Gold Dust in the fourth quarter of a game that I was invested in. And I, all of a sudden, the game means nothing anymore. I'm thinking of what the 12-year-old Tony Hinchcliffe would say to the 30-year-old Tony Hinchcliffe if he could see that Goldust just tweeted at him. So I'm just happy to live in a world where, you know, and I tweeted back, you know, what's the problem, Goldust? And he was mad. So, you know so it's tough because I'm a fan of Gold Dust

so Gold Dust, if you're listening to this episode of Kill Tony I love you buddy and I meant no harm your character at many points has been very gay I've seen you kiss other men I've seen you do crazy crazy things and let's not really try to defend the fact that you're not gay, Goldust, because that's just a weird approach.

And I'm not saying that the actual person that plays Goldust is gay. I never said that, Dustin Rhodes. Alright? Yeah, I know your real name, Dustin. I know your dad's name, Dusty Rhodes. So let's not get started here. Guys, this episode, we have our sponsor.

As always, she is here. It's the great chef, Elise Lane, everybody. Happy birthday to you. She made delicious meals for our guests and Brian and I tonight. And it's her birthday. And it's her birthday, everybody. She is the only sponsor we have on this show because we believe in good laughs and good food and that's it.

Now normally she makes these gourmet meals and I try to say what it is that she cooked. Tonight I'm going to do something a little special and have our fun little accident prone speech impediment producer try to enunciate these things. Here hands together for Josh Martin. Josh, stand right behind that mic right there and give it a shot. Get right into it. Tonight she made a delicious... Masala,

campanada, Moroccan chicken, and tempeh? I don't even know what... Tempeh? Tempeh, yeah. And we also... Tempe? Tempe, yeah. And we also have cheesecake and Nutella cheesecake, which I will definitely eat. Fuck yeah, why don't you give out...

Oh yeah, and make sure to follow her on Twitter at Elise Lane and Facebook, Instagram at thegirlwithapant. Faebook? What's Faebook? I'm pretty sure she just lost 11 Twitter followers after that plug. Josh Martin, everybody.

He's on Twitter at JoshMartinComic. Always hustling around for us. Guys, we did something a little bit fun last week that I really found intriguing because he's one of my favorite comedic artists and he's working on something really special right now. Last week he did a song that he debuted, actually, right here. It was such a debut that he didn't even have an ending

to it. Tonight he's performing, you can get his new album off of iTunes, it's called The Shingles 2009-2014. Tonight he's performing a song off that album. This is SNL and MADtv alumni Jeff Richards doing Muscle Bitch. This is

Muscle Bitch on Kill Tony. Jeff Richards doing muscle bitch. This is muscle bitch. On Kill Tony. I've got your finger. I've got your finger. I've got your finger. But it's not my finger. Tricky donkey. Honky tonky.

From San Francisco To Milwaukee I feel weird I feel funky You're fine That's the internet connection Wow Yeah, we'll try it Do you have it on an iPod?

Not on me though Fuck Try again If I start it over, we'll start it again Not on me, though. Fuck. Try again? If I start it over, we'll start it again. This time I'll really get into it. We really need the internet here at the Comedy Store. It's really something else.

All right, we'll try this again. Sorry about that. We could post something. Yeah. I've got your finger. I've got your finger. I've got your finger. I've got your finger. That's not my finger. Tricky monkey.

Honky tonky. From San Francisco to Milwaukee. I feel weird. I feel funky. You're fine. My little donkey. I feel dizzy. I feel funky You're fine! My little donkey! I feel dizzy I feel sick

You're fine! My little donkey! I'm a muscle bitch I'm a muscle bitch I muscle With tits I'm a muscle bitch I'm a muscle bitch. I'm a muscle bitch. I muscle with tits.

Dance for mommy. Flex your tummy. Mommy loves you. Do you love mommy? I'm a muscle bitch. I'm a muscle bitch. I muscle with tits. Prepare for conditioning sequence. Good sets. Prepare for conditioning sequence. Shoulders width apart. Backs slightly arched. Stomach in, chest out. Time to hit tomorrow. Are you ready?

Get ready. Better get ready. Get ready. One and two and two and six and eight and five and eleven and one and eight and nine and two. 1 & 2 & 2 & 6 & 5 & 11 & 1 & 8 & 9 & 2 5 & 7 & 1 2 & 11 & 1 2 & 5 & 6 2 & 1 & 3 2 & 11 & 11 & 11 Don't forget to stick the smile I'm a muscle bitch I'm a muscle smile I'm a muscle bitch I'm a muscle bitch I'm a muscle bitch

Did you answer? Did you answer the phone? I'm a muscle bitch Airplane, airplane Get down, get down I'm a muscle bitch with tits Yes Wow Jeff Richards

Throwing the house at us tonight everybody Yes! Wow, Jeff Richards! Throwing the house at us tonight, everybody. Holy shit. It's actually a lot funnier the second time around. Yeah, that's... Fucking love it. And he had a whole song this week, too. Yeah, it was awesome. Find his album now everywhere.

The Shingles, 2009-2014. That was the great Jeff Richards, everybody. Now the part of the show where we weekly bring on our always new and different head of security. This is this guy's first time being the Patriot. So we love that. A lot of different comics have their own approach of what it takes to be the head of security for a live podcast in which nothing ever happens to where you need to secure anything. And I'm excited to see how he does tonight. He's a Comedy Store favorite,

one of our favorite Young Rising comedians here at the store, and a good friend of mine. Put your hands together for Iron Patriot Luke Hurl, everybody. Muscle Patriot. Whoa. First Patriot to fall down the stairs. Fuck yeah. I didn't see that step, Tony.

I'm sorry. We're starting off with a bang. I love it. Oh, shit. Good to be here, Tony. Well, you know, you just fell on a human being. At least, you know, when you fall, at least there's nothing on that suit

that's really hard on your palms or your hands that could really hurt somebody. Except my muzzle, Tony. I was referring to the lights that you have attached to the... There you go, yeah. Oh, one's working. Yeah. There we go. Oh, yeah, fuck yeah.

I might need that. Also brought to you by AA Batteries. Right. Aerosel. Luke, how's it going, man? You're one of our first patriots to ride a bicycle to kill Tony. Am I really? Yeah, the other Patriot can't even sit down or move.

The original Patriot. I actually rode here in the Patriot suit. What's that? I rode here in the Patriot suit. Oh, great. What I love is that I never noticed this before, but you sort of have a big chin, and it sticks out from the bottom of the mask.

I'm also not used to seeing that with Patriots either. It's pretty funny. It's like if Jay Leno was the Patriot. Which he's actually been asking me to do lately. We gotta think about that. That's where his career is at right now.

Luke, I love your style. You're one of our larger Patriots. You're not wearing the shoulder pads because I'm guessing that it couldn't all fit in there. No, it couldn't, style. You're one of our larger patriots. You're not wearing the shoulder pads because I'm guessing that it couldn't all fit in there. No, it couldn't, Tony. You fill out that 12-year-old outfit pretty well. Thank you, thank you. The face is honestly the smallest part.

My head's too big for this, but otherwise I feel good. Fuck yeah, that's what she said, Luke. That's what she said. Maybe you're feeling comfortable though. You're ready to do this. I feel fantastic. You're excited about tonight's show? Oh, I'm so excited.

You know the guests, you're fans, you're excited, right? I'm a huge fan of both these guys. Let's get into it, shall we? Ladies and gentlemen, I have an awesome show lined up for us tonight. As always, two extremely funny pals of mine. This is a very exciting one. This is the what we would call the stocked

IMDB version of Kill Tony. These two guys, you might as well read a novel if you're going to read their IMDBs because they've been working a while and extensively and I'm excited to have their expertise here. Put your hands together for Rick Overton and Pauly Shore, ladies and gentlemen.

Here they are. Comedy royalty, everybody. Pauly Shore, Rick Overton. Amazing. Welcome, Rick. Thank you very much. I just want to say, you guys, the internet is actually going to be fixed here at the store.

It is? Yeah. So we got some new... I saw the Mexicans here this afternoon. Oh, good. Well, if we're getting... They had the big cable. What's the password?

What's the password? Yes, I had the Mexicans here this afternoon. So they had the... That's great. Well, at least we're getting some internet then. I don't know if Mexican internet's the internet that we need to live stream the show. But give it a... Yo, that song was awesome.

Yeah, Muscle Bitch, everybody. Muscle Bitch. Fun to have you guys here. Pauly, we've been trying to get you on for a while. You made an appearance many episodes ago. Just for a moment, you were watching the show. Rick, it's a pleasure to have you on. You're in so many of my favorite comedy movies.

You guys know each other well because you just did a podcast together because you're launching your own podcast. Yes, yes. That's right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Hell yeah. Yes, Rick is... You guys all remember Robin Williams, the late, great Robin Williams, correct? Absolutely. Rick and Robin Williams, for those of you... There's a lot of younger people here that might not remember, but Rick and Robin Williams, for those of you, there's a lot of younger people here that might not remember,

but Rick and Robin Williams worked a lot together on a lot of different shows, and he was also on Miss Doubtfire with Robin as well. That's right. We did improv a lot together on stage. Two men playing around. Yeah. Wow.

So the first episode of my podcast is a tribute to Robin Williams, and it comes out on Wednesday, and I interview Rick Overton and Ed Begley Jr. comments. Do you guys know Ed Begley Jr.? Sure do. A couple people, yeah. Pauly, why don't you describe though, because what's really interesting, you have a new format for a podcast because we talked about how you didn't want it to be just like a normal podcast and everyone has the same kind of ideas, but you actually have a really unique formula for it.

Yeah, the formula, I wanted to do something different, so I kept thinking and talking to people and trying to figure it out. So basically, it's I'll interview someone, and then I'll have someone else comment on the interview. And that's pretty much the format. So you're doing two podcasts kind of about the same podcast with each other. Yeah, so some of the episodes, I've been doing it for about a year almost. So I've banked about over 25. I got

one of them was I interview Kitty Bruce the daughter of Lenny Bruce. Kitty's a sweet boy. And then I have Mark Maron comment on that

which was kind of cool because Mark as you guys know is, you know, he's been around for a long time but he really knows a lot about Lenny Bruce. And there's a lot of people here that might not even know who Lenny Bruce is.

Right. Because it's been so long. Lenny Bruce was before Richard Pryor, and he was in the 50s, and he was the first guy. Tell them about Lenny Bruce. Lenny Bruce broke down a lot of the language barriers in live venues because you'd get in huge trouble for using four-letter words in clubs back then, and he'd do the jail time for it. He'd take the hit for it so that the rest of us can use the language.

Freedom of speech advocate. He's like a beat poet. So all those people, I mean, everybody was inspired by Richard Pryor, but a lot of people probably don't know that Richard Pryor was inspired by Lenny Briggs. Exactly. Yeah, who was inspired by Lord Buckryor, but a lot of people probably don't know that Richard Pryor was inspired by Lenny Bruce. He was inspired by Lord Buckley and so on. I'm so excited to have you guys here.

You know what we do. We go through new comedians. Patriot is a huge fan, as always, of my guests. He always has a question for each guest. Patriot, if you want to go ahead in any order. I'll start with Rick first. Rick, as Tony said, your IMDb is insane.

You were in not one, but two episodes of Seinfeld as the Drake. Yeah. And you were in one of my favorite films of all time, the Harold Ramis written and directed Groundhog Day. Yeah. Thank you.

I have two questions. What project do you get recognized the most from, and who from your class ended up making it, and you look back and you thought, he didn't. That shocked me. Great questions, Patriot. That would be me me i'm surprised uh but what was the first question oh why do i get the most recognition from i don't look like any of those guys i

see i don't age in hollywood years i age in actual chronological time. My brother has a great line. He says, they put me in a cryogenic sleep chamber for 20 years, but they forgot to turn it on. So, he opened it up and there's this old dude sitting there. So, yeah, I guess

most recently I'm getting recognized from things I did. I just did an episode of Murder in the First, and I was just on True Blood. Wow. So those two things might have gotten a little bit more attention, because that's me with the beard, and it's a little bit from The Informant with Matt Damon. Let me re-ask Luke's second question in a different way. Was there anybody who started out

not that funny to you and to others and then kept getting better and learning and growing more? Yeah, that Woody Allen kid. For a bunch of rough sets up front, I gotta say. I heard that about him. I heard that his comedy was very, very, like he

really didn't give a crap. No, but the French people went apeshit for him. They loved it. Yeah, pretty much everyone came up. I don't really, I can't think of anyone that made it. The ones that we didn't think made it, they didn't make it. Wow. That's fucking awesome. It's a little followed

logic, you know. Yeah, that's so cool. But when we started out, there weren't as many comics, were there? We started out in a time when you could sort of name them. And now it's gone to the place where it's hard to name them while there's so many. Wow. Patriot, what's your question for Pauly Shore? Pauly, I have to ask you. You've been in the Army now, jury duty, son-in-law.

Army Now, Jury Duty, Son-in-Law, what is the craziest thing a fan has done, male or female, to show their appreciation? Great questions this week, Patriot. She's a waitress here at the Comedy Star. And, uh, no, I'm just kidding.

So what's the question again, sorry? What's the craziest thing a male or female fan has done to show their love for you shit um i don't know anybody ever do anything weird like you ever you ever been pulling out of a city on the airplane and you see somebody running down the tarmac behind you like anybody ever show up anywhere? Something to scare you? Anybody ever freak you out? Well, I don't...

No, I don't remember. I don't remember. Sorry. I'll tell you one of my greatest memories is I actually met Pauly almost 21 years ago. I met you in 1992, 91 maybe, in Daytona Beach. I met you at spring.

You were doing the MTV Spring Break thing there, and I was there for my spring break, beach i met you at spring you were doing the mtv spring break thing right and i was there for my spring break and i met you at a bar see i don't remember that that's the thing i mean i remember there's there's like crazy stories but i don't remember like anything like specific weird everything was fucking weird i mean it was all just fucking weird right yeah so it wasn't one thing um i remember there's a lot of girls yeah back then so like what's what's well i see the leah now it's hysterical right hysterical yeah because he's like in his 30s like looking for vagina like he's like but i was like 21 yeah you know what i mean it was like different than like you know what i mean you know what are you crying for what what happened then. You know what I mean?

What are you crying for? What happened? 30s. No, but you know what I'm saying? I'm not going to be in my 30s again. No, but I'm just saying when I made it, I was off of MTV. And MTV was, as we all know, very appealed to a very younger audience. So my audience was very young.

And that was like just the fun time back then in the 90s. It was crazy. So I mean, this room right here, it's like every time back then in the 90s. It was crazy. So I mean, this room right here, it's like every time I come in this room, I think of, I remember in, this is the belly room, I remember in, I think it was in June 1990, I had my MTV party when I had my show on MTV. And in this room was like Billy Idol and like Rat and like fucking, you know, Kennison was here and CeCe DeVille. And like, it was like Guns N' Roses and Slash and Sean Penn.

They were all in the belly room? Well, the whole place. We shut the whole place down. Wow. Yeah. And I remember doing an album in this room and in the audience was Gary Coleman and Ron Jeremy. Wow.

In this room. Holy moly. So this is a fucking cool room. This is the room actually that Whoopi Goldberg got discovered in for the color purple. A lot of people remember the color purple with Whoopi Goldberg.

Steven Spielberg was sitting right up there and Whoopi was doing her show here and this is the room. My mom's office is right over there, right through that wall. So yeah, this was a very special room. And now they got Kill Tony here. What that's right that's cool keep it moving along right over 20 some comedians signed up for the chance to do a minute on this show they do a minute of stand-up and then we talk to

them maybe about their set maybe about anything at all maybe give them advice maybe not maybe try to figure out something they should talk about comedians you know how it works. You get a minute. You know your minute's up when you hear that sound of a kitty. There it is. That means wrap it up then. Don't keep going or else you're going to bring out the angry West

Hollywood bear. There he is. With a little horse thrown in at the end. The horse survived the bear on that one. And the horse you rode in on. Yes. So let's get it started, shall we? This is Kill Tony.

Your first comedian tonight goes by the name of Alex Duong. It's just a way to find out. I don't see it. Oh, there heong. Oh, there he is. Oh, there he is. Fuck yeah, taking his time. Alex Duong, everybody. The long entrance. I got my first request for a dick pic.

It was pretty awesome, right off passage. And she was really nice about it, but she was like, hey, can you see me a dick pic and I'm like no because I'm a gentleman I'm gonna need to see some tits first let's go ahead so I got the tits on my phone and I'm a filmmaker guys so I started storyboarding my dick pic and I'm like all right we got the frame here you know mushrooms gonna enter on first frame we're gonna ball sack dolly and goot shot. Oh, right. And then I started thinking about, like,

what filmmakers inspired me. I'm like, am I gonna go, like, do I wanna go Scorsese with this? Like, you know, quick pan, boom! I was like, whoa! My dick looks like Joe Pesci. I can't have that. And then I was like, no, no, no, you know,

I wanna go, like, Academy Award winner last year. 12 Years a Slave. Just like, ooh, static, long shots, beautiful ambiance. And I was like, wait, I'm black. I don't have that much footage. Let me go ahead and redo that. Filmmaking joke. So I was like, you know what?

I'm going to go Michael Bay with it. Let's go 360 view. Fucking dick coming in the frame. Megan Fox, Will Smith flanking me. My dick's holding a Desert Eagle. Like, what, bitch? fuck yeah alex dwong the minute on the dick pic now she asked you for a dick pic yeah wow she goes will you send me a picture of your dick yeah it was like 2 a.m and you know i got one of those uh you up texts and

i was like wow yeah i'm up. That's what you guys do. You exchange pictures. Did you send it? Yeah. Did she send her pic? Yeah. Did you guys masturbate? Yeah.

How was it? Fantastic. It was cool. In my day, it had to be a dick drawing. I'd lay it out on some construction paper and get a crayon and I'd draw it out then I'd fold it into a paper airplane and I'd throw it from my roof

to Becky who lived across the street hey, don't you kids open that that's for the lady in the house holy shit Rick Overton baby Welcome to Kill Tony That's throwing

Or like on a piece of stone You know I thought you kind of drove past the exit Of a joke you could have done for Michael Bay Is you know have my picture of my dick And then it turns into a truck Oh okay There you go That's a bigger laugh than what you got.

Stick with it. Rick Overton, of course. Rick Overton, remember when you were doing comedy with braces on? Remember back when you had braces? I remember when I had hair. I remember that. So you guys masturbated.

Why didn't you want to go hang out with the chick? Why didn't you want to do this in person? She lived on the west side. What about Skype? I mean, that's really hard to masturbate on a single frame. Right. I feel like it forces you to use your imagination more. And then when I get to her and I'm just like,

Oh, the things I've been thinking about doing to you. All right, so you know this person, right? Yeah. All right, you're not just randomly throwing those things out there. Oh, no, no, I'm a gentleman. Oh, that's good. He's not just using a number search, like a phone call for voting for someone and just, hi, and is this your cell? Good, send.

Yeah, it's not like a Snapchat. Please vote for that. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely am very selective. So the dick pic bit is something you've never actually done. You're doing a bit about it, but you've never actually done that. Oh, no, no.

It was a real thing. You really sent out a picture of your dick? I really thought about it. Everything that I said was just truth. I really thought about it. I had to make sure it looked good. Is it your 8x10? Is it sort of like, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, did you include your photo in it? I mean, your face in it? No, that'd be evidence. It's on your phone number. It's evidence. Yeah, I know. The NSA is looking

at my picture. Think it out. Damn it. They got me. So did you end up hooking up with this chick in real life ever yeah

we were she's like was this before the picture thing was the book better it was after oh man the picture book

it had more layers yo was your yo did you had you already hooked up with her before the dick pic or that was

the dick pic oh so you already hooked up with her yeah she was like she was from London, and I'm like her American booty call. Yeah, that's fitting. The most Asian guy in the room

is her American booty call. That's one of those women where you doing a British accent doesn't do shit for her. Absolutely not. She's like, it's rubbish. Not exotic to her. Your accent's complete rubbish.

Oh, that's nice. Good, good. It sounds like, it's rubbish. Not exotic to her. Your accent's complete rubbish. Oh, that's nice. Good, good. It sounds like it did all right. Well, you know, it works on American girls, and I've had a couple of whiskeys, yeah. Don't do that. Don't do that. Stick with what you got.

So she had seen your dick previous to the photo. Yes, all around. That's always good, because, you know, you can do touch-up and airbrush and get all the spots out on the picture. You never really have a good look at the real thing, right? Yeah, no. Yeah.

If you become a celebrity, then your dick pic's going to be out there. You know that, right? I could deny it. Really? No, it has a mole. Damn it. Yeah, you always Google search somebody else's dick and send it. That's what I do.

I just find a familiar... Google image. Just go to send it. That's what I do. I just find a familiar... Google image. Just go to Google image. That's what I tell the fellas. Yo, has anyone seen the pictures of Jennifer Lawrence and all of them? Yeah. Really? No, I haven't seen them.

What happens if you go on? Doesn't your shit... Don't they like... Don't you get in trouble if you look at their pictures? They would have to arrest everybody. I think they're more like if you host it. Like if you pay them to share it. The beginning

of your bit was very technical. Now, I've already heard almost a very similar joke of people talking about dick pics before about using lighting and trying to make the best pic. I think you could just imagine that's very hacky, I guess, doing dick pic jokes. But you do have

a very fun objective, I guess, doing dick pic jokes. But you do have a very fun objective, or I mean, stance, because you are a storybook artist, or whatever you said you were. Is that right? Storybook artist? Filmmaker. Filmmaker. So, I mean, you can be unique with it, but you kind of got confusing, like you said, because it was very

a lot of terms, you know, like using key grip or whatever you were saying. I don't know, man. I think I got what you were trying to do, but I kind of heard it already before, but if you had a unique twist, it might be interesting. But I like the rest of it. Like the first half was just kind of a little weird. Okay, the setup. Yeah, the

setup was a little bit long and I don't know. It could have been one sentence probably. Okay. What's your favorite thing about it? What was your favorite moment about exchanging those pictures with the girl in real life, away from the movie thing? What was the exciting part?

That she sent me her tits first and I got her to do that. You say first, but did you each just send one picture? Yeah, it was just one picture. That's all it took for you guys. Once she saw that dick, it was over. It was over.

Did she even text goodnight after that? No, she sent me the surprise face emoji. All these 21st century words. That's it. An emoticon. That's when you know you sent the right picture. It's when you get that surprise emoji. Critics agree. You sent her you sent the right picture. That's when you get that surprised emoji.

You sent her back like the eggplant. The emoji. Then you guys are just jerking off to emojis at that point. See, there we go. That's a good, unique approach to it. I don't know. I just have heard that before. I like the filmmaker thing.

Of course the premise is the dick pics are a thing so that's going to be a premise no matter what. My only concern is will the filmmaker thing work on the road or other places but you're doing it in Hollywood right now and it's good to just keep

writing and trying stuff and that's fun. I like the Joe Pesci part. I like the Michael Bay part for 60 seconds. I think it was pretty good through and through. Take the stuff, every single thing that Rick Overton said, and add it to it. Maybe add the emoji stuff, because that's a really funny

real part. And keep rocking. Alex Duong, everybody. He's on Twitter at Dapper Duong. D-A-P-P-E-R-D-U-O-N-G. So there you go. Now you're an Alex Duong fan. I always take a moment and I ask

first-time guests, was there ever anything when you first started stand-up that you can't believe you did? Looking back on it, it's an embarrassing thing. Yeah. I heard the famous Richard Pryor story about running up on stage at the Improv in New York naked and screaming, Blackjack, and running off.

And so me and a couple of the fellas who will remain nameless till it's their turn to tell their end of the same story, we ran up just to do the same thing, but it was a different era by then, and Silver was not happy at all with us going up. You can get us fucking closed. It's a different era now.

Wow. Yeah. My dad actually ran across. My dad, he was opening, I think, for Connie Stevens in Vegas. Connie Stevens. He ran out naked for Connie Stevens. Yeah, you remember that, right? Yeah, I so remember that.

Yeah, no one does that anymore. Streaking? Yeah. Yeah, no, it doesn't happen that much. Didn't someone do that here once a while ago? I don't know. I just see it in football games. I think Josh Martin needs to run across streaking.

Josh, come on up. Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh. Do it, Josh. At any point during this episode, you should run up here naked and run back. And then we'll get dick pics from the front of the squad car footage. Yeah, no, I don't remember

anyone doing that. You don't remember anything that you did that you can't believe you did? A lot of comics talk about how they would do a terrible impression of someone or they'd go up with their shirt off and, you know, say they look like the letter C I've heard. Some people tried a ventriloquist thing at one point.

Like anything, any chance you ever took that you can't believe you did? Well, my whole fucking career has been like that, you know? I mean, I've been doing stupid shit my whole career. I love that. But it's awesome. Like, I mean, I thought I was a rock star. You know what I mean? Like, and stupid shit my whole career but it's awesome like I mean I thought I was a rock star you know what I mean like and I was never a rock star but I

always like when I was on MTV I was like I used to do my shows and it wasn't people weren't sitting they were standing and it was festival seating and I would just fucking do a joke and then stage dive wow like no for real like it was like

that's a like i used to come out to like skid row slave to the grind and like take my shit off and just fucking run in the audience like stage dive wow that's how i did most of my shows that is awesome no it's fine that's a great answer nobody's ever responded with stage diving before after a joke. Have you ever stage dived ever, Tony? No. It's not like they show on TV. I thought about it. I thought about it once in a late night set in the original room,

but there weren't people there to catch me. I was just thinking about jumping off from pure depression. Doing stand-up where people are standing up is a different vibe. I hate it. I don't like doing it. I know, it's fucking weird. It's like doing it outdoors

during the day where it's not like the isolated light. We are lit, you're not. Everything's lit and either you can hold focus or the little girl with a sparkler pulls focus off to the side. There's people coming

in still for this show, and I keep looking at the door waiting to just see gold dust in full paint and garb, just like eyeballing me from the back. I'm so scared of this fucking guy. Put your hands together for your next comedian. His name is Mike Dapper, everybody.

Here he comes. Deep in the upper deck. I believe this is Mike's first time on this show. Sounds like a new name. One more time for Mike Dapper, everybody. Here he is. A little bit about myself. I'm 35 years old. I'm single and I date online. I'm not good at it, but I like to think I'm getting better. I tell them shit like, bitch, send me a picture of you holding up today's paper. Little stuff like that.

And I think I'm not good at it because women are liars. That's why I'm not good at it. And the thing they lie about the most online is weight. They got this category called weight and every lady puts average. Which is fine if the average woman is 300 pounds. But she's not. She's not.

And they have so many categories for big girls. They got full figure, more to love, big and beautiful, a few extra pounds, which is a bold face ass lie okay anytime a woman tells you she's just a few pounds it's like a black dude saying i just got a few kids you know not a lot you know fuck yeah that's a minute from mike dapper

i dated i dated uh i met a girl online too I was on OkCupid you guys know OkCupid? I saw a German girl and this is a true story and I swear to God her profile said I love Jews that was her thing I love Jews so she lived out in Malibu

and she told me to take a train out there I was like whoa whoa what the fuck and then once I got lived out in Malibu and she told me to take a train out there. I was like, whoa, whoa. What the fuck? And then once I got out there, she wanted me to hop in the shower. I'm like, whoa, whoa. What the fuck? But sex was so good that afterwards she put a gold

star on my arm. Look at that. That's fucking great. Are you really on OkCupid? No, I'm just kidding. I was going to say, that'd be pretty interesting to be a girl and just say, Hey, Pauly Shore. Okay. I'm in on that.

I like the averaging, but you know, this is the United States, so average is probably fat, if you really think about it. True, true. Probably. How long have you been online dating? Man, about two years. About two years. Is it fun? It's entertaining.

I get a lot of... Big girls love me online. They love the hell out of me. Do you love the big girls? Is that why you guys are talking a lot? Is there a way to set your online matches with like 300 pounds and above or something like that? Is there a way to filter for the bigger girls?

Is it white big girls or black big girls? White, right? It's white. What's up with the black dudes? They love the fat white chicks, dude. Because it's like a retirement plan for us. Really? We call it the 299 LBS plan. That's what we call it.

Instead of the 401k, you Right. That's what we call it. Instead of the 401K, that's what we call it. Oh, my God. So the big white girl is going to support you? Is that what it is? Yeah. When Madden season comes out, man, they come in handy. When what season? Madden season.

Madden. John Madden. Oh, right. Okay. Video games. Video games. Oh, so you get to play video games. Oh, they buy that shit.

While the big girl works. And obviously, she's cooking a lot, right? Oh, all the time girl works. Obviously, she's cooking a lot, right? All the time. Breakfast in bed, baby. You should have material about that. Do you have material about that? I do. About the Madden stuff and all the video games and all that? I'd say that's more your focus than any attack on someone's weight or

appearance or anything. You'll notice the needle will dip a little bit when you go into attacking someone else who's less fortunate than you in any other way. And the more you say you like it and you like all the weird things about it, the needle comes up and up and up. Okay. Because you're addressing more of the people out there all at once. That I love them.

Yeah. Okay. Focus on the jokes about what you love more other than, you know, because you're a guy and anyone in good shape or attack something that isn talk about them attacked something that isn't in your in your category it looks like you're hitting from above you know

and never hit from above always beat David always striking Goliath okay because the truth is is that you love them anyway right I do love them

you love the big white girls yeah I mean they come handy in the winter time I love the cuddly shit it's like two women feels like you're with two now what's the difference

between a big white woman and a big black woman ah personality wow get it your damn self and it's coming right now baby but

yo black girls black girls are like yo black girls are like hardcore right yeah they tell you what it is yeah they're fucking hardcore

right yeah white girls you can get away with more yeah they fuck on Jerome yeah yeah right but it's sort of fun because you know I think what it is. They're fucking hardcore, right? Yeah. White girls you can get away with more. Yeah. Go on, Jerome. Yeah, right. But it's sort of fun because I think big black girls

are that way with black guys, but I think big black girls are the opposite to little white men. They're very protective of y'all. They're always like, hey, baby, let me get you something, baby. They're always super nice and nurturing. Have you ever had sex with a black girl?

I have. Just one? Not a you ever had sex with a black girl? I have. Just one? Not a big black girl. But a black girl. Just one time? Twice. Two times. What are we talking about here, Pauly?

What are you trying to... No, I'm just asking. Are you trying to blackmail me? Boom. From three. There you go. Is it because you don't really go after black girls or black girls don't go after you i had one amazing summer about three about three or four years ago i was still working here and i was yeah it was like four or five years ago i was still working here and but i was house sitting

for our buddy benji aflalo, who at the time, his family owns a lot of real estate, and at the time, he had a compound in the Hollywood Hills that he had me house-sitting for for an entire month. So I was on the top of my game here at the Comedy Store. I'd be working the door here, and I could get any girl out of anywhere

because I would say, hey, house-sitting, my buddy's a mansion in the hills. It's a seven-minute drive, and I had the one line that would always work. I'd go, I left the pool heater on before I left tonight, so it's going to be... But there was a time, I remember, there was a time several years ago

where you were having sex with a lot of girls here, not just the girls that worked, but just girls at the comedy store. You used to come up to me all the time and be like, dude, I... Reallyda-da-da, dude, I da-da-da-da. Really? Yeah, I think I remember that. See, that's the part with being a little bit of a stoner is I forget what I...

You were. You were into it, I remember. Okay, yeah. You know, because when you're young, you want to get laid. You're like, oh, I want to get laid, I want to get laid. Totally. And you were into it. Totally.

Now it's like, eh, whatever. Oh, yeah. But you date a lot of girls here. No, I only dated one late, and you were into it. Totally. Now it's like, eh, whatever. Oh, yeah. But you date a lot of girls here. No, I only dated one. Who was it? Esther? Yeah, that was Esther. Yeah. How was she? Was she fun? Well, it was six years ago, and back then she looked like she was 11, so it was pretty

hot. Now she looks like she's 13, so it's a little bit different out of my age group. Okay. Oh yeah, I forgot Mike Dapper was here, everybody. Look what you started. It was a magical summer.

It was a magical summer because these two black girls I hooked up with are to this day two of the most beautiful women I've ever been with. And in fact, if you want to hear a funny part, this one black girl, I'm just going to go for it. There was a part, remember the pool I told you about? I'm talking, this place was amazing.

I've been in a lot of nice houses and this and that. This place was ridiculous, and it was all mine for a month. Anyway, so I can't believe I'm about to tell this one. So I'm hooking up with this black chick in the pool right I mean we're not having sex or anything yet but then I realize you know it would be fun because they don't really get it that often

as if I go down on this chick but we're in a swimming pool so what I do is and I'm talking she's not a she is an 11. This is an 11. We're talking about the kind of black girl with the poofy hair.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Anyway, so I lift her, I have my left hand on the back of her neck and my right hand posting up underneath her ass, right? So there I am. And I'm loving this. And I'm talking about fucking loving

this i'm loving it but after about 12 13 14 minutes goes by my arms are starting to get a little bit more tired but i don't want to fucking stop because i'm an animal at this point so what ends up happening is i'm drowning in pussy i'm literally like there's parts where the water's like going in the back of my throat. And I'm just trying, because I don't want to give up. I don't want to stop. And my arms are just fucking shaking at this point. It looks like she's on one of those crazy fucking massage chairs or something.

And after five minutes of risking my life going down on this girl, in the last 20 minutes of it, I'm just like, hey, why don't we go inside? But I almost drowned going down on a hot black chick about four years ago. Thank you. Very rarely do I get into stuff like that. Josh, you have sex with black girls in the parking lot, correct?

Yes. Fuck yeah, Mike. So when's the last time you hooked up fuck yeah Mike so when's the last time you hooked up with a big white woman recently? big BBW it's been about 6 months 6 months

rent was real bad I had some hours at work 6 months y'all want me to be honest I need to help pay rent. By the way, I didn't know Madden had an entire season. Like that's a video game.

It's Madden season right now. It's Madden season right now. It just dropped like last week. A new Madden's out. How long does that season last for you? Because I'm getting the feeling it's about 10 months. About like to February, you know.

Fuck yeah, man. Well, that's fun. You like a chick? Leave it up to a chick that looks like a linebacker to make you happy during Madden season. Okay. Mike, this was fun. You did a good job. Mike's on Twitter

at MikeDapper. Is that 623? MikeDapper623 on Twitter, guys. If any BBWs are listening, you should follow him on Twitter. Can I tell my nephew it's his birthday? Is that okay?

Sure. You're going to put him on speakerphone? Hello. Hi, Uncle Paulie. Hi. Thank you for the present. Happy birthday. Hey, right now I'm opening

the Minecraft Lego set. Oh, really? Did you get it? I sent it to you. Yeah. How is it? It's really cool. Thank you. Oh, you're welcome. We all want to sing you happy birthday.

Is that cool? We're here in the belly room. We're going to all sing you happy birthday, Caleb, okay? Where's Jeff Richards? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Caleb. Happy birthday dear Kayla. Kayla. Happy birthday to you. Yeah.

Do you have anything to say to all the people that sing happy birthday? What? All right. We love you. Have a great night. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Kayla. Bye. Happy birthday, Caleb. Bye.

Happy birthday, Caleb. Caleb, you got our Minecraft. Caleb, it's a guy. Oh, Caleb, you got a Minecraft. Yeah. That's awesome. That was cool. Thank you, guys.

Mike Dapper's mad that Caleb's playing Minecraft during Madden season. It's so fun fun how old's Caleb uh nine eight no eight or nine wow good thing he wasn't here to see that part put your hands together

for your next comedian named Jared Ellis everybody here he comes. All right. Alex was up here earlier talking about dick pics. Hate to sound like a hipster, but I was taking dick pics way before that shit was mainstream. Yeah, before social media, camera phones, I don't know if any of you under 25 might remember,

camera used to be its own device. You couldn't tell what the pictures were until you went and got it developed. So if you left your camera unattended around an asshole like me, I'd sneak off with it, and bam, snap picture of my dong. Never got to be there for the payoff either, but I was just imagining all the families all excited. Oh, look at this. This is our trip to the water park. We had such a good time. Oh my God, it's a dick!

Eventually it did come back to haunt me, though, because at my high school prom, they set up little disposable cameras on every table, so with each of those cameras, I snuck off and dick pic. A couple months later I call him the principal's office Jared we got the pictures develop prom today we have 43 pictures of your penis principal sir how do you how do you know this with me I have no idea you're talking about Jared you're the only redhead in your class. Fuck yeah. Jared Ellis.

I thought it was cute. Following Caleb, the birthday, into that, that was sweet. What did you think? I love it. He's likable. I've also done the dick pic at a wedding thing, too. I think all of us were like,

dude, there's just cameras everywhere. Let's start taking pictures of our assholes and stretching our balls out. It was great. How fun. I think he could be a doorman here. Uh-oh. Move for a job. It's the best place to work if you want to become a real comic, man. There's not a better place

in the world. I'd fucking love to. Yeah, it'd be good. He'd be a good doorman. I'm pretty sure we just saw our first live hire, everybody, on Kill Tony. The power of the poly is powerful. Jared, I see you wearing a Hulkamania shirt. You a wrestling fan? Yes, I'm a wrestling

fan, and I had heard the podcast, so I figured I'd pander a little bit. What do you think about my recent gold dust troubles? You know, I've always been a gold dust fan. Me too, by the way, which is what makes it sort of rough on me. And it's been like, what? It's been a long time since he's done the dust thing, though.

Like, he dropped the gay stuff a long time ago. It's true. And, you know, I mean, for comedic effect, I couldn't really break down his entire career during the Joe Rogan experience, but I'm sort of bothered that he's upset. You ever go see wrestling live or anything like that? I went to quite a few shows when I was a kid. I even went to ECW back in the day.

Wow. What do you do for fun now? How long have you lived in LA? I just got out here about a month ago. A month ago from where? Chicago area. Nice. It's like two hours outside of Chicago, but if you're from Illinois, you have to stay in Chicago. Did you come out here about a month ago a month ago from where uh chicago area nice that's like two hours outside

chicago but if you're from illinois you have to say chicago did you come out here specifically to do stand-up uh yeah i went to school for film and tv production too so which which town in in illinois i probably performed in it uh a town about 2 000 people what's it called earlville never performed in fucking earlville is that by like vernon hills no nowhere near is that by like schomburg uh the nearest there's not even like a big city near it i can't even tell isn't what is it the insane clown posse don't they do their their big clown thing down there what's it called that's in uh southern illinois what's it called insane clown posse. Have you been to that shit? Oh my God, the Juggalos?

Have you done that? What was that like? It was fucking insane. I got shit thrown at me. Juggalos sounds like muscle bitch with tits. No, it was awesome. It's like their version of Lollapalooza. It's Insane Clown Posse. Clollapalooza, right?

It's Insane Clown Posse. Clownapalooza? Pretty much. But where is it? It's in Southern Illinois somewhere. Is it still there? I think they still do it every year. And they usually do a big pro wrestling thing with it.

You're in Northern Illinois? You should go do your podcast down there. It's fucking insane. Really? Yeah. Don't you guys think? It would be cool for him down there. Don't they also, like

Insane Clown Posse bought, was it Faygo? Yeah, I think they're part owners of it or something like that. Yeah, they bought Faygo. They're this band that has an insane audience and they're very loyal and now they're just buying old soda pop companies. It's great. How old are you,

Jared? I'm 30. Nice. You just moved out here a month ago. Yeah. What do you do for work? I worked as a video editor for a year back in Illinois. So you're an editor. Jay Mandy. You can work with Jay Mandy in the video room?

Yeah. You can cut this video, right? I like you, Paul. He's trying to help me out. Give me some words. Would you help edit this video for free? I'd love to. Do you know how to edit on Final Cut?

Yeah. I'm telling you, it's all working out. Our newest intern, Jared Ellis, everybody. There we go. Josh Martin better get his shit together.

Josh. I did have to use paintbrush. Oh, man, this guy can enunciate words and everything. That's not cool. That's not cool. I'm in really deep shit and he's

willing to streak whenever Tony tells him to. Not cool. Not cool. Some of that fun Josh Martin energy. Jared, let me ask you something. You just got out here a month ago. You're 30. Can I take a guess

and say that you had a big breakup in Northern Illinois before you came out here? No, actually I didn't. Oh, just been single the whole time. Not getting any pussy whatsoever. Fuck yeah. Basically. That was going to be my second guess. How long have you been doing stand-up for? I've only been doing it solid about six months.

Yeah, so that's why it would be good to work the parking lot probably. No, it's good. A lot of people have worked the parking lot. Tell them. Proximity, man. It's good,'s a good a lot of people work the part tell them proximity man it's good yeah be near it it's you can read a million fucking books about it's not going to even add up to two months of just hanging near pros and hearing what they said when they come off after a set because you're right next to them it's very true a lot of people don't realize that the guys that work here are so close to some crazy stuff like Like the lot guy here, if Jim Carrey pulls in here,

the lot guy has to shake his hand and say hello and take his keys. I mean, it's just a part of the thing. So when that happens once every 15 years and Jim Carrey pulls in the lot... By accident. Yes, turning around. I'm just turning around.

All righty then. I love that he, turning around. I'm just turning around. Alrighty then. I love that he would say that. Oh, so fun. Well, there you go, Jared. If I were you, I'd definitely follow up with Pauly after this. Say, hey, man, you told me I'd get a job. The newest employee of the world-famous comedy store, Jared Ellis, everybody.

Trappeded straight off of Kill Tony. Anything can happen here, guys. If you're really quiet right now, you can hear the fury of the other 30 comedians in the room that have been out here for two years wanting a job at this place. Your next comedian goes by the name of Radu Isak. It's a new name, always exciting.

Who knows, Radu could be the next employee hired here on Piltone. Hey, guys. So I know I don't really look it, but I'm an immigrant. I'm from Romania. I Don't really know what's it like Eastern Europe were like 15 different countries 20 different languages

Yet when we speak English we all sound like Russians. I Don't sound like a wife beater when I speak Romanian Just out here. I'm a good guy. Some people do it back in my country, I would never do that. I would never hit a girl, I really wouldn't. I've never hit a girl, I would never even hit a guy. And I've been in over 20 fights. Okay. I think I was close to it, right?

No, I have to go more? I'm kind of nervous. I wanted to hit the minute mark, but I think I'm at like 30 seconds. And I don't have any other shorter jokes. I'm looking to make friends out here. Okay. There you go. Saved by our Romanian cat.

Bro, dude, you are hilarious. Andy Kaufman, bro. Andy Kaufman. Seriously. Smart stuff. Thank you. Stick with the details. Yakov Smirnov. Sticking with details of all the other languages, that got a laugh, you know?

Playing against archetypes and stereotypes is very good for you. Yeah. Very smart, very fun. How long have you been doing stand-up? I've been doing it like eight years, but like English for months. You really speak like that, or are you eight years but like english for months you really speak like that are you acting like you speak like that i really speak like this i have no control over it say for a month in four months four months in english yeah holy shit that's awesome is that hard

to translate that in american i'm just writing new jokes in english right not really translating and it's uh it's just a minute I can do a minute in four months. Now, do you have a American voice that you can pull out just to like, hey, like... I haven't tried it ever. Try it. Try it right now. Try to say, the fox came up to me and said hello.

The fox came out to me and said hello. What was your fox in for? Was that close? I don't even hear my accent. I know I have it. I don't really hear it. Look, Josh Martin's been speaking English for 30 years,

and you're better than him. Radu, you're hilarious. What's the... How long have you been in LA? It's my second summer here, so it's two months. It's my second trip. So you have to leave?

Yeah, I'm leaving like on Wednesday. No. Oh, my God. I wanted to get that out. Thank you have to leave? Yeah, I'm leaving like on Wednesday. No! I wanted to get that out. Thank you guys. Because of the green card thing? That's a thing. I'm like a professional comedian back home so I make money in November and in December.

So I have to go back for the money. So what's the comedy club like there? We have two clubs and I heard we're opening up a third one. How do they differ from here? Smaller, fewer comedians. I think it's kind of like Indiana. I've never been to Indiana, but I think it's a good scene.

We got to get you a fucking green card. Yeah. Maybe you can marry Goldust. Do not start shit with Goldust. Do not start shit with Goldust, Brian. I'm not going to let this happen. We are not throwing more fuel on this fire.

He's not really gay. We can't do this. I swear to God he's going to fucking show up here and kill us. Dude, God, you're so funny. There's really not any advice because you have it so perfect already I want to know more about these you know I always when I look at comics

I always think of my mom because what she fucking started this place if there's anybody in this room that doesn't know Pauly Shore's mom is the great Mitzi Shore the queen of the comedy store built designed every piece of leather and mirror and red neon Shore's mom is the great Mitzi Shore, the queen of the comedy store.

Built, designed, every piece of leather and mirror and red neon that you see is all her vision. She's a brilliantly crazy wonderful genius woman who is responsible for everybody pretty much that's come out of any scene. Even the guys that she told

weren't funny, they went and got funnier because she told them they weren't funny and the guys that she told weren't funny, they went and got funnier because she told them they weren't funny. And the guys that she told were, you know, used it as a catapult. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, so she would say that you're really funny and that she would say to, like, dress different. Dress different?

Yeah. Like, prettier or... Just like, I don't know, just like, you know, I mean, think of Yakov Smirnoff, you know what I mean? Like, just think of, like, wear, I don't know just like you know I mean think of Yakov Smirnoff you know what I mean like just think of like wear I don't know a suit or a sweater how do you dress in Romania like generally like this and I'm not trying to identify

with being Romanian but you're kind of like a character yeah I don't want to really do the Yakov Smirnoff you can make a lot of money look at the guy that's on fucking Big Bang Theory right you guys if if he came up, you'd be good on a sitcom. Coming in and saying some funny shit

and leaving and collecting like a half a million dollars for doing that shit. All I've done, I've done stand-ups, so I'm kind of basing my life on what I know to do. What do you think? You worked with Robin Williams, right? That's right.

Yeah, so Mork and Mindy, Nanu Nanu, what the fuck? I would just say you probably shouldn't argue with three people who believe in you more than you do. No, I'm not arguing. I'm saying my point of view because then we get to the correct conclusion. This is the correct conclusion. I'm happy that you guys are talking. The actual correct conclusion is over here. It's dual character.

Yeah, I know you look. There's safety in your head. Safety, go back to the Romanian circuit where your language really flows and they get everything you're saying. And sometimes safety is not something that guarantees your future at all. So for sure I want to come back here and move here. Remember what everybody said when you get back here, what you got to do back here

because it'll be a different market. You look like a guy that, like all of us, you know, you don't look different. Right. But you are different. So all I'm saying is if you came on stage

with a green sweater and like a, maybe like a, you know, like a collared shirt or something and just did that thing looking more like a character, I think, I don't know.

Right. I can see what Paulie's saying. He's not saying, you know, be a character. You already are a character. He's saying dress the role a little bit better. Because you look... Like all of us. Yeah, you look like a typical American. No one makes a mental snapshot of you.

No one goes and makes a mental picture of you. There's no snapshot of you. No one goes and makes a mental picture of you. There's no snapshot of you from the way you're dressed. There's nothing that stands out about the way you were dressed. And so it just helps everyone imprint you when they look at you. Right. Like if you just did a big, huge showcase and everybody was like, who was that guy

that killed? And they'd be like, what guy? The guy that was dressed like... Put it this way. You give them nothing. My mom told Roseanne Barr to wear overalls. Right. And look what that did for her when she did The Tonight Show. Yeah.

If you guys remember her on The Tonight Show, she did like six minutes in her fucking overalls as the domestic goddess. It's the same shit. If he came out on Letterman dressed as... And just, you would kill. You'd fucking kill. I'll try.

No, that's it. I'm not going to argue with you anymore. Thank you. Radu, unbelievable. Please come back again soon, Radu. You're always welcome here. I'll be here in April. Thank you very much.

April. We'll see you then. He's on Twitter at Radu Isac. That's R-A-D-U-I-S-A-C. They have Twitter in Romania. So for those of you that were wondering, it's there. Yeah, very smart. Very funny.

God, that line about Indiana came out of nowhere. That's hilarious. It is like less people and not as much fun. I'd imagine how Indiana is. Dead on. Dead on with his description of Indiana. It really is the south of the north.

All right. Radu, that's fun. Fucking Romanian. Funny Romanian. That's crazy. Put your hands together for Byron Valino. A lot of new names. Byron Valino, everybody. This is the second Asian Minute of the night, guys.

Now, I do have a lot of Asian friends. I got a Vietnamese friend who's addicted to junk food. It's pretty disgusting. His name is Tran Phat. But I do love junk food. It's pretty disgusting. His name is Tran Phat. But I do love Asian food. Every time I go to an Asian restaurant, I always put my phone into airplane mode because the sign on the wall says no MSG. Okay, fuck that. But I'm

Asian, so you can't tell that I'm getting old. The only way I can tell is by feeling. I'm starting to see the value in things. Like, when I go to the grocery store, I see the self-checkout line. I never used to see the value in that. But now, I do. Because the normal checkout line, organic tomatoes rings up as $3.99 a pound.

But in the self-checkout line, organic tomatoes rings up as grapes. Organic food tastes way better when it's 79 cents a pound. And all my dreams are starting to shift. When I was young, my dream in life was to be... Brought out the bear.

What's changed in your dreams in life? Well, when I was younger, my dream in life was to be a millionaire by 30 but now that i'm in my 30s my big dream in life is to be out of debt by 40 i think the bear saved you on that one how did you create your own debt um not saving splurging a lot so how's the 30s part set up again? You set it up by saying what? Well, when you're Asian, you look a lot younger than you really are. But I mean the one you just said that transitions to 40s.

Oh, my big dream in life was to be a millionaire by 30 because that really was. Now my big dream is just to make it to my 40s. Just to live to my 40s. Something like that. Make more of a switch on what the expectation is on it maybe. Raise the stakes. Yeah, yeah. It's always hard when you're talking yourself up in a bit, and it's always a little easier when you're putting yourself down.

Okay. It sets up a relatability factor. But if you start bragging about yourself too much in an act, that's dodgy territory for people. That's Andrew Dice Clay. What's in the bowl, bitch? Is most of your material Asian-based? No, I just wanted to start out that way.

There's a lot of old jokes, but now it's a lot more age and more... How long have you been doing stand-up? About two years. All in L.A.? Yeah. Eagle Rock, right? I'm in the Valley. You're from the Valley?

Yeah, I'm in the Valley. What part? I live in North Hills. Northern Hills. But then my girlfriend lives on the west side, so I started doing mics out there. And I work in Hollywood, so I started doing mics. What do you do? I produce video.

Are we talking about porn? No, no, no. I work for one of the major networks. Really? A major network? Yeah. Oh, that's exciting. Who?

CBS. Who do you work for? Okay, Byron, you were hilarious. You killed so hard one of the best funniest minute I've seen CBS that's classic

what TV show you work for right now I'm working on Big Brother yeah Alice and Grodner Alice and Grodner Richie and Al dropping big names over here Jeff and Jordan just got engaged. Oh, cool. Say what's up

to them. Can you say hi to them from the comedy store? Yeah. Yeah, what's up, Jeff? What's up, Jordan? Congratulations. So what do you do? Are you an editor on the show? I started as an editor. Started shooting, so now I produce. How do you edit fucking Big Brother, dude? Isn't it just you guys just film and just... He takes out all the cum shots.

I work for the online portion, so I do CBS.com. Social media. A lot of social stuff, yep. Tablets. Wow. Can you help do the social media for Kill Tony's show, too? That's a great question. And then he could get free spots, too, bro. There's a social

media department now, so you should get a whole department for that. See, bro? I could have my own department? You know what what's crazy you know what's crazy about this fucking business is that people that are super rich and super doing something else all want to do fucking comedy oh dude this is amazing like he just that's cool like everyone wants to fucking do comedy right rock stars wish they could do comedy it's because comedy is the best job in the world that's pretty cool so would you quit working for Big Brother

if you could do stand up Les Moonves is a big fan of this show you might not want to answer that I do this stuff for free so if I do this and get paid for it that would be amazing you would like to do stand up I'm doing all I can to do it like would

you would you quit your job at big brother if you were offered a job here at the comedy store probably well you're not getting offered that job um i was just curious no i'm kidding but uh so that's interesting where do you do a lot of your spots in the valley um yeah lately he's been on the west side what What is the west side? When people say this about L.A., I have no idea. San Monica, Playa Vista. I just call that the ocean. That's the west side. That's like, I guess.

Okay. Byron, you have a black name. Has anybody ever told you that before? I have a bit about that. I should have did that, actually. What's that? Well, all the famous Byrons are black. You know, like Byron Scott, the new coach of the Lakers.

And then there's Byron Allen, the comedian. And then Lord Byron, the British poet in the 18th century. Okay, fine, he wasn't black, but he writes rhymes. Jesus Christ. I have a little more. Am I redeeming myself Now since your name's Byron Have you ever been attracted to

Heavy set white women It's all been No but I'll probably take it Have you ever been with one before Heavy set white women no My game sucks Really your game sucks Why do you think that is

For heavy set white women You have a girlfriend already, right? I got a girlfriend. She lives in the valley too? She's on the west side. That's why I'm always there. Oh, the west side. Fuck yeah.

She lives by the beach. What nationality is she? She's half Filipino and Japanese. Oh la la. Fuck yeah. Damn. Hey, yeah. Fuck, yeah. Damn. Hey, Patriot, what did you think about it? I was going to ask,

have you ever seen a dick pic? Yeah, I have a dick pic joke, too, actually, but it's not fleshed out all the way. You do have a dick pic joke. Are Asian women a fantasy for Asian men? No, I have a joke about that, too. Jesus. Throw anything at.

Yeah, no. So, you know, everyone loves Asian women. Everyone has yellow fever because freaking Asian women are trendy. They'll never go out of style, right? But for Asian men, they're just regular chicks with no ass or tits. That's funny. Oh,its. That's funny. Oh, funny. You're funny.

You're funny. Have you ever been with an Asian woman? But obviously you're with an Asian woman now. Half Japanese, half Filipinos. What is she, like three foot six? Yeah, yeah. She's got to be shorter than me. I can't be with taller chicks.

I have a male thing. That's as alpha I get. Is your dad short too? Yeah, I'm taller than my dad, thank God. I'm barely hanging in there. Interesting. Josh, please. Josh, come here, Josh.

Suck his dick, Josh. This is the part where every week we have, Josh, come here, Josh. It's been 45 minutes, right? He'll take a pic. Josh, come here, Josh. It's been 45 minutes, right? That's when he comes in. Josh, please. I'm buttoning your top button. We need some more throat space in there.

The Indian on your T-shirt, what does that represent to you? I don't know. My boy's a graphic artist, and he gave me his T-shirt. Shout out to Kukui. There you go. You got a shout out out of it. Fuck yeah. I'm sure he'd be much happier if you ironed it before wearing it

out in public. I mean, maybe not. Maybe just steam it or something. It's just a t-shirt. Guys, that was Byron Valino, everybody. Luke, how you doing over there? The Muscle Patriot. You feeling good? I feel good. It's a great show.

Oh, Byron is on Twitter at Byron... Oof. Byron, your handwriting is not very Asian at all. Byron A... Byronosaurus. B-Y-R-O-N-A-S-O-R-U-S. Byronosaurus. Byronosaurus. Oh, my God. So it's...

We always have a terrible Twitter handle on this show, and this is definitely... Byronosaurus, everybody. B-Y-R-O-N-A-S-U-R-O-U-S. O-R-U-S. O-R-O-U-S. You need to get your social media department on that immediately. Yeah, exactly.

CBS social media leading you wrong. Can I interrupt the show for a second? Yes. Okay. I met a girl a little while ago. She takes comedy class from my sister because my sister teaches stand-up comedy. Is it Bobby?

Yeah. Can you come up and do like two minutes? Just like a segue thing. Is that okay? Just for a second? Try it. Come on, ladies and gentlemen. Bobby.

Just two minutes. Because she takes with my sister. All right. So, I mean, it's cool. Just a little. There you go. Okay. Here she is.

There you go. Just one? Just one or two jokes. I'm just going to say like 30 seconds. Okay. Talking to the mic. Oh, yeah. Just one or two jokes. I'm just going to say it in 30 seconds. Talk into the mic. Yesterday was my first time to ever speak into the mic. And I did it in this room.

I've never... I don't want to take up anyone else's... What did you say into the mic yesterday? Just do it again. Here she is, everybody. Hi. I'm Bobby. That's what i said wow there you go all right i well i'm not saying you took it but i have an i'm bobby hunk that i do and i'm saying it's parallel thinking i'm not saying you stole it i'm just no no but honestly his's amazing. I was a little bit freaked out

because she wasn't so friendly at the beginning when I walked in because I was an hour early. And no one was here and the only other person that was here didn't speak English.

So I was asking him a lot of questions like, is this the class, the comedy class? And he was like, si, no, si, no. And it was scary for me like it is right now, talking in front of

a bunch of people. Polly, don't you also offer a class at midnight? I teach a special course. Stand up upstairs in my office. But I will say this is the only reason I upstairs in my office. Yeah. It's a... Alright.

But I will say this is... The only reason I signed up was for a stage fright. So it's another step. You signed up for this show tonight? No, no, no. No way. I signed up for the... To do stand-up

so you can get over your stage fright. Yes. Because it was something that was really scary to me, so I was like, I'm going to do that. Hell yeah. Attack your fears. Fuck yeah.

There you go. That's it. There you go. What's your name? Bobby with a Y. Bobby with a Y. Or Bob. A lot of people call me just Bob.

Guys, give it up for Jeff. Keep it going for Bob, everybody. Getting over stage fright. You know, that actually is fun because it leads us right into our part because Bob, you know, we actually have had two regulars. The only two regulars

on our show that go on every week are both young ladies. And they develop a brand new minute each week and they come on and do it again so let's get right into that bob to show you how easy it is to get over stage fright this first young lady you're about to see actually started stand up on this show doing a minute on this show she's been doing a brand new minute every single week since this is kimberly congan Sitting for the ain't just all across the world. Still, hit them totals in the Molo's gun. Still. Hey, guys.

So, growing up, my mom worked full time, and my dad was a stay-away-from-home dad. So, during my college years, I started realizing that I definitely had a type of guy that I was into, because I noticed I'd watch TV, and it'd be the same kind of guy I was attracted to. Like, I really liked Dwayne Wade a lot. Tiger Woods. Reggie Bush.

I guess you could say I like my coffee like I like my men. Athletic. Obviously. Today was alright. It was kind of annoying though because my boyfriend told me he was going to pick me up and take me to the clinic so I could get birth control.

But he pulled out last minute. And I was like, are you serious? And he said, I am not kidding you. Okay. There you go. 56 seconds

from Kimberly Congdon. The first thing is the gum. She shouldn't bring the gum on stage. Definitely not ever in a million years. And she should bring pants on stage also. Are you wearing anything under there? What the fuck? She lifts it up high enough

you can almost see the shorts. I had seen you already with that outfit on earlier but when you got on stage for the first 15 seconds I was staring at your legs gum is the biggest no-no perhaps in all of us

I don't know why yeah it's the worst and there was quite a few ums yeah and you

just after just seeing what you know what Bobby did the one thing she said was um I mean it's just it's literally

the most and you built her up pretty big to come up here and like slay it and she's gotten and that's interesting because anybody

who listens to the show regularly knows that it's something that she's definitely worked on like the ums were an issue when she started

and she's gotten over it so it's sort of i mean it's not a big deal because you know it's just another episode another week but when you hear it three or four times it really is like it's like if somebody like held up a big red card or something in between jokes it's just like look at the red card now for the next joke like an um is such a blatant reset you know what i mean but the material's funny. The pull-out thing's great. I didn't really get just naming a bunch of black guys in the middle of it, but I love

the look on Mike Dapper's face up there. I was just watching Steve's smile come over. No, athletic guys. Oh, athletic guys. I would just say, for the black coffee joke that we're familiar enough with hearing a setup that we know someone will do a switch on for I like something like something else. We're going to immediately start printing out a list of alternative words in our head because we recognize the setup too much.

I don't even think it's worth even going into that. Your other stuff is strong enough. You could clip that out and splice it back without it. Don't think in terms of, well, I've heard someone do this switch on it, and I'll do that switch on it. Once you've heard two switches on a premise, ditch the premise

or that setup and invent your own. Okay. Totally. I totally agree with that. Everything before and after it was great, and it was fun. How's everything been with you? Good? Everything's been great. Doing a lot of gigs?

Yeah. Yep. I've got a few shows this week. Are you guys, like, having sex? No. I feel like there's, like, you know, I'm not saying it's bad or good. I'm just curious. No, I'm very nurturing to the two regulars on the show.

I see them every week. So you don't cross the line with them? All right. Are you asking because you want to fuck Kimberly? Is that what's going on? We can set that up for you. No. No, I've just,

because I saw you talk to her out there. Yeah. And then here, and then, you know, I don't know. I was just asking a question. I mean, I've never done the show before, so I don't know if you're, like, you know, using this to get you laid with chicks. I don't know.

It's not a bad thing, I'm just saying. It's not like it's the first time that's happened in Hollywood or anything. It's true. I don't know if anybody's gotten laid off a podcast, though, Pauly. It's a little bit tougher than you might think. Kim, great job. You did it again. Another new minute from Kimberly Congdon.

She's on Twitter at Kimberly Congdon. Always doing a fun new minute. And so is her partner in crime, regular on this podcast and the Dysentery podcast. Always a fun, goofy, different minute. The stylings of Sarah Weinshank. When she got in the back door, bitches looking at me straight.

What's up? Whoever said if these walls could talk was not sober. That is not a sober thought. Whoever said that was probably wearing tie-dye. Tie-dye makes you look like an asshole. It looks like you had the skid marks of Skittles

all over you. If you're making your own tie-dye, you're not doing a lot of other things. You're just like, fuck it, man. I got 500 mini rubber bands and a few white tees and some dye. I'm going to do God's work.

Exactly one minute. Unbelievable. That's one of my favorite sets from you from a while. Definitely. Everything was excellent. You ended at exactly 59 seconds. Kimberly hit 57, but it's always fun to watch somebody just work it,

because you guys both know this show so well. It's so funny that you guys know exactly when a minute is. That's great. And that was unbelievable. That was so wine shank. And you really know who you are. That's really interesting because everybody noticed how she came in with a distinct personality. It's usually something who's heard the phrase, you know, you don't really get your act groove until about 10 years in. What they're really saying by that is you know your opinions.

And it isn't just a thing, you know you're supposed to say these words. Now it's really what you mean and really what you say. It comes out from the real you. And because you've had that many years to figure that part out. And you're putting it in a medium

that makes it infinitely easier for a casting person to go, I know where she goes on the sitcom. Right. I see which person she is on that show, and I see who she is in the office. And how long have you been doing it for? Almost three years.

So she has a little experience. But you're saying that he said that the only time that she comes on this show, what about, do you do other shows? Oh, yeah. No, they both do other shows all the time. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I misunderstood. But they always swing in to do a new minute here each week. Oh, yeah. No, they both do other shows all the time. Okay. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I misunderstood.

But they always swing in to do a new minute here each week. Oh, okay. I got it. So they literally write at least 52 new minutes a year. So that helps. Not all of it goes to the one-hour special, but some of it, that's a continuous minute of undeniability. And there's so much you could go into it.

The whole hippie thing, the old sayings, if these walls could talk. There's a million different approaches. You could turn that easily into a 15 or 20 minute bit, I would imagine. Wow. I like the Skittles thing. That was great.

The Skittles thing? If this sofa could cook. Now the last couple weeks, we've noticed that... If this sofa could cook. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. The last couple weeks, we've noticed that you seem to be, until this week, talking about darker stuff. Last week, you were talking about wanting to hibernate,

and we figured out maybe you were a little depressed. Do you think that you've transformed that depression into writing? Because that was a really hardcore minute. I mean, that was pretty much blatantly the best minute of the show tonight. It just had beats, like laughs every seven or eight seconds.

So do you think that you're... Have things gotten a lot better in your life? Or I'm just curious, are you taking that energy and like using it to be creative? Well, like, okay, the last few weeks when I was a little more dark. Where you're talking to the moon and stuff. Yeah, looking at the moon for answers.

Yeah. And another line that I remember was you came out and you go, do you ever just want to lay in bed all day and eat and not go anywhere? And everybody's just sort of like, uh. I was just trying to, I think that I just wanted to be real, which is something that I'm trying to work on. You know what I mean?

Yeah, you have to be able to transform it and turn it into something that's fun. But I just wanted to use it to just be how I felt. Are you an actor? Kind of, but I'm mostly doing stand-up. You're studying acting? I did. Studying improv? I took improv. Well, here's why you study improv and never stop. Because at the end of your creative

career, you'll be defined by one of two things. How well you improvised or how well you plagiarized, and there's no third option. Do you want to be known for distinctly unique material like this set forever. The muscle that makes that is the thing that turns into a Schwarzenegger, not a pure mass strength from working on improv

until you trust, like doing a set list, you know, set list the game, the improvised stand up. Yeah, I watched that. It's trusting that place that will write and direct at the speed of light in your head and it just speeds everything up. For someone like you, it's a shortcut because you already have the other part out of the way. You kind of

know who you are way too early. So you got it. That part's in place. It's funny you say that because that's definitely the stand out thing with her. Instant castable.. That part's in place. It's funny you say that because that's definitely the standout thing with her. Instant castable. You figure it out right away. I see where she is on the show. I see you instantly where you go. Thank you. Sarah Wine Shank, everybody.

She's on Twitter at Princess Shank. Closing us out with a big bang. Awesome set. Lucas Hurl was our patriot tonight, everybody. He's on Twitter at Lucas Hurl. Is that correct? The Duke of Hur everybody. He's on Twitter at Lucas Earl. Is that correct? The Duke of Earl. That's H-I-R-L.

All one word, the Duke of Earl. Josh Martin took a beating tonight. He's at Josh Martin Comic. Suzy Placencia, social media. Look out. Follow Kill Tony Pod. That's a new thing. Yeah, Kill Tony Pod on Twitter. And Rick Overton, it was such a pleasure

getting to work with you on this. This was so much fun. You were absolutely hilarious. Pauly Shore. Is there anything else you guys want to plug? Rick Overton, spelled just like that on Twitter. Pauly M. Shore. At Pauly Shore.

At Pauly Shore. And I got a fun interview with Pauly. It's coming out of my podcast called Overview on iTunes. Awesome. Check that out. Overview. Thank you, guys. Rick Overton and Pauly Shore.

Thank you so much, Pauly. Bye. That's KillTony, everybody. Thank you so much for coming out. Overview. Thank you guys. Thank you so much, Pauly. That's Kill Tony, everybody. Thank you so much for coming out. We'll see you next time. Stay tuned for the world famous Ding Dong Show. Don't it feel like the wind is always howling? Don't it seem like the wind is always howling? Don't it seem like there's never any light? Once a day, don't you want to throw the towel in?

It's easier than putting up a fight No one's there when your dreams are like a gravy No one cares if you're a orange or a string No one dries when your're drinking red and baby I'm crying like this doesn't seem right you