KILL TONY - KILL TONY #72

Episode Date: November 20, 2014

Johnny Skourtis, Brody Stevens, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Iron Jesus / Kevin Lee Light, Brian Redban – Date: 09/29/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.TV. If you go to DeathSquad, check out our tour date calendar. You'll see that we just got off of a big tour, but we're also doing a lot of local shows, including the Comedy Store. We're doing this new DeathSquad secret show where it's like five to seven comics or so, and there's special guests that will pop in. And the return of Joe Roggan last week to a sold out main room show we have another show with joe rogan and duncan trussell this week uh thursday just go to the comedy store.com or go to death squad and click on tour dates uh also check out shop squad.tv there you have the death squad mug hoodies t-shirts hats and uh trying to keep it all

in stock so if you see something you like you better grab it because everything's been going out of stock really fast so check that out and also check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website TonyHinchcliffe.com alright here's a new episode of Kill Tony Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the world-famous comedy store

for a brand-new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 2. Give it up for Tony, already on stage. Hitchclick! Yeah! Hi, everybody, and welcome. Holy moly, how exciting. We have a very, very special episode of Kill Tony ready for you guys. And I'm so excited to be here.

Another wonderful Monday. We're here with clean cut Brian Redband, everybody. Look at him. Hats off to Brian Redband, literally. Looking good. You say clean cut, but most people say creepier than ever. Who says that? Anyone that sees this mustache.

Who prefers Brian's new look over the hidden under the ball cap? See? I'm only doing this because I'm about to go on the road with Dean Del Rey. If you know Dean Del Rey, he has a really big mustache like this. I bought vests.

You're going to dress up like him? I'm dressing up. I'm becoming a Del Razor when I'm on the road with him. Wow. You're going to raise some Dell, huh? Yeah. Well, that should be interesting. Who would have thought that people get

double the Dean Del Rey that they pay for? I know. With the Tiffany Haddish in the middle. That's right. That's right. Which is the opposite of Dean Del Rey. Exactly. That's more like Dean Del Rey Jay. That's really funny if you know Tiffany Haddish, but since some of you don't, just laugh now.

Google it and then laugh later. Yeah. Exciting show coming up on Wednesday, huh? Oh, yeah. Death Squad Secret Show number two is going to be here Wednesday. We have Mark Maron, Steve-O, Joey Diaz, Neil Brennan, Bobby Lee, Rory Albanese, which used to be the producer of The Daily Show and The Writer,

and Mike Black, Tiffany Haddish, Tony Hinchcliffe. We're all going to be here. Main room, stand-up comedy, Wednesday night. Is that at 10? 8 o'clock, and there's a couple surprise guests, too, believe it or not. Surprises on top of Maren, Steve-O, Joey Diaz, Tony Hinchcliffe, Neil Brennan, Bobby Lee, Rory Albanese, Tiffany Haddish. And it's Mike Black's birthday.

Wow. So, yeah, it's Mike Black's birthday. Wow. So, yeah, it's going to be a fun show. That's going to be exciting. Yeah. I was just in Toronto this weekend and performed in front of 3,400 people at the Sony Center and had an amazing set. Got heckled by a crazy Canadian lady.

Handled it extremely well for seven minutes and lit her ass up. And now I'm famous in Toronto, everybody. That's what happens if you have one good set Handled it extremely well for seven minutes and lit her ass up. And now I'm famous in Toronto, everybody. That's what happens if you have one good set in front of 3,400 people. Did you catch it on video? Did anyone catch it on video or audio? I'll bet you there was a few creepy YouTubers out there.

Out of 3,400, there has to be at least a few. But I got it all audio recorded, and it's pretty amazing. Death Squad's so huge in Canada. It's insane. It's ridiculous. A lot of Kill Tony fans stuck around afterwards for the long meet and greet so thank you Toronto for an amazing time. And yeah, some exciting news perhaps being announced next week

about something about Red Band and Tony in Toronto. Oh yeah, that's right. Let's not make it official just yet but there could be a special announcement in the next episode. Next Monday. That has to do with Toronto and us. That's right.

Man, your breath smells like fish. That's because we just had delicious fish tacos, everybody. From our one and only sponsor, put your hands together for her, there she is right over there, the lovely Eliselyse Lane. Before I jump into that, I will say, even though they're not our official sponsor,

a cool t-shirt company called Homage, based out of Columbus, Ohio, sent me this amazing Ohio State Buckeye shirt and asked me to wear it on Kill Tony, and of course I will. This company's really cool for anyone that grew up in Ohio because they pretty much take old designs and they reprint them. They have a lot of Surf Ohio shirts

that are one of my favorites growing up and a lot of the old logos and designs of old Ohio stuff. They sent me three amazing Buckeye shirts that I'm going to be wearing over the next however long and also I'll keep that as a surprise too. I will tell you it's a professional

wrestler on a t-shirt because they heard that crazy Rogan episode. Now, Elyse Lane made us fish tacos. But I always tell Elyse, you know, you're a gourmet chef. You're a professional recipe checker. She is a top-of-the-line five-star chef, people. And she cooks us gourmet meals. What I used to do is I used to tell her,

write it out fancy like you would for a recipe. And I'll read it. And I had trouble reading it a couple times because they're weird French words sometimes, you know, this or that. And then I realized, why should I say what she made us tonight when our associate

runaround producer, Josh Martin, notorious for his speech impediment, notorious for his commitment to kill Tony, why don't I have him read it into the microphone? And then the week after that, we realized, instead of Josh taking his time reading it, what if he had to read it all at once, without stopping, or else he gets flicked in the nuts?

And then this week, I decided, why not use this ninja star to flick him in the nuts since it's been sitting on the table? We could lose our first penis tonight on Kill Tony. And that, if that's not, you can't get that on NBC or ABC or Fox, everybody. You guys excited about this at all? Josh is shaking his head no in the back. Put your hands together for Josh Martin, everybody. Here he is.

He's on Twitter at Josh Martin. Another new thing that we updated for this week is this is his first time getting to look at it right now. This is his first time getting to look at it. If you have any questions other than enunciation questions, if you have any problem with the handwriting, let us know now. Do you think you have a ballpark of it? Don't ask the word. Are you have any problem with the handwriting, let us know now. Do you think you have a ballpark of it? Don't ask the word. Are you ready? Yeah, I think I got this.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you ready, Josh? No problems with the handwriting. You think you have it, correct? If there's a problem with the handwriting, I'm going to say it. Guys, who's ready for Josh Martin could get flicked in the nuts? Josh, whenever you're ready,

tell us what the lovely Elise Lane made us tonight. She made taco de pescado with tilapia with cilantro, lime cream, cabbage, jalapeno, and tomato. Whoa! Non-stop. Josh Martin killing it speech impediment might be fake

might be fake all we need to do is always have somebody about to flick him in the nuts and he doesn't have it anymore follow Elise Lane on Twitter

at Elise Lane that's E-L-Y-S-E-L-A-I-N and she's on Facebook and Instagram at the girl with a pan everybody so if you want a gourmet chef

to cook at your next party, Elyse Lane is available. Boom. There you go. That's the part where you clap for Elyse, everybody, right then. What else? That's it, right?

Yeah, didn't you make a deal with one of the comics a couple of weeks back? I did. I did. I did, and I'm going to... I should have the... I'll bring him up first

when we bring up everybody. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah. But I did. There was a comedian on two weeks ago. Josh, if you could get... I forget his name.

There he is. Right there. Meet him. Get his name. All right. Fuck it. That didn't go as smoothly as I thought it was going to go.

But anyway, I realize I've seen him for the last few years doing stand-up comedy and actually, I'm going to wait for this. I'm going to wait for that. We're going to bring up our weekly head of security. It's a great start to the episode, everybody. It couldn't be more quiet

in this room than it is right now. We really started on fire the last four weeks. I sort of forgot what it was like to dig us out of a hole, but this is exciting. Here we are. Every week we have a new head of security keeping us safe. It's always somebody in the form of an Iron Man type of suit.

Because the original guy that was our head of security was a guy in a $5,000 custom-made Iron Man suit, and he screwed over the show. And he said that he got too big for the show and that he's not coming back until it's a show on Comedy Central. We told you you're replaceable. He said, no, I'm not. So what did we do?

We've replaced him every single week since then with a new superhero based off of his original character, loosely based. And this week's no different. This is this guy's third or fourth time being our Patriot. He's one of our favorites. A lot of people call him West Hollywood Jesus, but we call him Kevin Lee Light. Jesus Patriot, everybody.

There he is. Live in the flesh. The resurrection, everybody. There he is. The resurrection, everybody. There he is. Welcome, Jesus. Thanks for having me back.

I love that just like all the other patriots, your speaker box is near your crotch area. You know, the strap that holds it on usually is missing this time, so this is double-stick taped to my pubes. Really? So if you see me fiddling around on there... I love that. You're on fire already, Jesus. Really exciting. How's things been? Anything crazy happen on the streets of West Hollywood lately?

You're always out there. A lot of people see you. You're one of the most famous fixtures in Hollywood. Anything crazy happen? in Hollywood. Anything crazy happen? Is it? Is it? I don't know. We had a pipe break down the street the other day.

It clogged up to Sunset Boulevard. Were you there? A hundred-year-old water main. Did you turn it into wine? Was it a wine main after that? I don't know. You want to bring up wine and fish and loaves and all that. I had my fish on a tortilla tonight and I want to thank that chef

that's right, she's right next to you directly to your right very fine, delicious meal there you go, absolutely, we love making our podcast listeners as hungry as they could be while listening to this show, hard at work between their lunch break and dinner so that's our plan with Elyse Lane

I got your back there you go, I love it. Jesus Christ, everybody. He's here. He's keeping us safe. Always fun. I always have two of my funniest friends on. It's one guy who's, I believe, fourth time. He's one of our favorites.

And another guy's first time. Put your hands together for tonight's guests. Movie stars. Brody Stevens and Johnny Sportage. Brody has been on so many times. Johnny's first time. It's very exciting to have you guys here. Two, check, check, two, two.

Welcome back, Brody. Great to be back here in Southern California. I was in Toronto the past week and before that all over America and it's always good to be here up in the belly room doing Kill Tony. Yes! You got it. Push and believe, never forget.

Is there an outlet up here? I'd love to charge my phone. You want to plug and believe. Never forget. Is there an outlet up here? I'd love to charge my phone. You want to plug in your phone right now? I do. Is there an outlet? It looks like there might be one right there. If you want to try that out. I'll go and do it.

Or does Josh plug it in? Yeah, Josh. You want to just do it? Can you do it? I'll do it, Josh. No, let Josh do it. All right. Do you know how to do it?

Okay, thank you. There he goes. Charging it up. He's at Josh Martin. Just keep an eye on it. Thank you. Welcome to Kill Tony. Thank you. There he goes, charging it up. He's at Josh Martin. Just keep an eye on it. Thank you. Welcome to Kill Tony. Thank you.

Yes, Stephen Brody Stevens. Thank you. And Johnny Skordas is here, everybody. His first time on Kill Tony. The Equalizer is the number one movie in the country right now. And guess who's in that movie? Johnny Skordas, everybody. Yeah, you got it.

He believed. This is one of the guys who seven years ago, a true true classmate of mine, me, you, Jamar, Gerard, Angelo, the whole kit and caboodle, we all started together waiting in lines for long hours and

we're all very proud of you, Johnny. And now we're here. Yes. Doing it. In the belly room on a Monday night, listening to Brody wiggle as hard as he can. Well, I'm trying to get comfortable. You need a different seat? No, the chair's great. I just wanted to put my leg up and sit back and enjoy and watch a conversation. Very good.

Tony, meet Johnny. Johnny, what's so crazy about Johnny is he filmed this movie about a year ago. Yeah, it was a year ago. And so he's been just sitting on it, just going, like, one day you will all know me. How was that wait? Because that wait had to have been worse than any iPhone, like any announcement, like, oh, I have to wait a year and a month.

It wasn't that bad. I kept myself busy. But I had no idea. You did have an idea. No, I didn't. You kept a secret. I did? Yeah, you did a great job. I didn't know. Did you know? No, I knew because, you know.

Nobody knew. Oh, well. I knew. But that speaks to your character. You're a humble guy. Very humble. Thank you. No, I appreciate that. If you can't tell by the way he's looking directly down and under a hat.

Yeah. There you go. I got to change that. Yo, party time with Johnny. Score this, everybody. Guys, give Johnny a little more respect. He's in a movie with Denzel Washington. Not one scene, but several.

Let's go. DJ, DJ, DJ. One of the key roles. There are two people up here with number one R-rated movies. That's right. You got it. Johnny Skordis, The Equalizer, and The Hangover, Hangover 2, Due Dates, Stephen Brody Stevens.

Positive energy learned in the belly room, created with the help of Kevin Lee Light, Brian Redman, and Tony Hinchcliffe. Yes. That's right. It's all happening all at once. Kevin, you always have a question for our guests. Every Patriot always does. What are we doing tonight?

Well, with the creation theme, Brody, one of my finest creations, you just were one of the features of the Oddball Comedy Tour, one of the main attractions. What was your highlight of your tour? The highlight of my Oddball Tour experience? Yes. Oh, just the camaraderie backstage, getting the opportunity to host the main amphitheater,

trading off with Jeff Ross and learning from one of the masters how to host a show and keep an audience engaged. And it's a good feeling to travel across America and know that comedy is the new rock and roll, and I'm Jackson Brown. You got it. Let's push. Thank you, Brody. And, Johnny, remember the Lord sees all and knows all.

Is there anything you might want to confess to these fine people about the time that you dressed up as the boy on Halloween as the boy from the movie Up? Oh, boy. Okay, a couple Halloweens ago. I was here for this night. That sounds adorable. Oh, it didn't end up that way,

but I had good intentions to start. I thought that everyone was going to be dressed up over here for Halloween, and I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the comedy store. I'm going to have a great time. Everyone's going to see my costume. It's going to be great. And I dressed up like the fat little kid from Up.

And then I got here. He looked adorable. He's got the little orange flagpole sticking up in the back. A little Cub Scout hat. A little strap with medallions on it. Short, khaki shorts. But I was the only

person in costume. And then I proceeded to just... I was throwing back little mini bottles of Jack Daniels, and then I ended up throwing up on the piano downstairs in front of everybody. He projectile vomited in front of all of us while we were smoking pot.

And when... I got my barf badge that day. And that's always funny, but when the buddy is dressed up like the little boy from Up and he's projectile vomiting on Halloween night after a long night of drinking, that was perfect. Just humble pie everywhere. It was actually DiGiorno's pizza that I had at my brother's house down the street. Share with us.

Do they deliver? It must be delivery. Johnny, share with us something cool about working with Denzel Washington. I mean, it's something everybody must wonder. You've been there. You worked with him. What was that like? It was, it's something everybody must wonder. You've been there. You worked with him. What was that like? It was really cool.

It was really intense. He's very focused on his craft. But in between takes, he likes to fuck around. And there was one time where there's, like, all this sawdust on the floor, and I started, like, doing, like, the James Brown dance, and he comes in. He's like, oh, oh, you're doing James Brown dance?

I was like, yeah. He's like, oh, okay. And then he starts doing the dance, and then we have, like, you're doing James Brown dance? I was like, yeah. He's like, oh, okay. And then he starts doing the dance, and then we have a dance-off in front of the whole crew. Wow. And he ended up winning. Of course, it's Denzel Washington. Clearly.

He was on Soul Train, so he had a... Is that true? No. Oh. Just to do that in. You know what's funny? In the film, he actually has a joke about being on a soldier. Are you serious?

Positive push. There you go. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm dancing. There you go. See, we believe things happen. You haven't seen the equalizer yet, huh? No, I have not.

The only equalizer I've seen has been on my iPod. You got it. Volume. Volume limit on. What was that? Is that a foghorn from Long Beach? Guys, this is so exciting. We're going to have so much fun.

You know the deal. Comedians signed up for the chance to do a minute in front of you guys and then chat with us on a live podcast afterwards. So you know the deal, comedians? You get 60 seconds of uninterrupted stage time, but you know that 60 seconds is up when you hear the meow of a kitty. Here it comes.

Right about motherfucking now. Are you making that sound yourself, Brian? Because that was pretty cool. Yeah, it's 60 seconds seconds you'll hear this. Aww. That means wrap it up. That's cute. Or else you're going to get the angry West Hollywood bear. Via helicopter.

Helicopter. Airstrike standing by. Who are you, Rusty Dooley? That was quite the production on that one. Somebody downloaded an app. Yeah. That was a big one. That was a big one, everybody. So, guys, respect your time.

Obviously, nobody wants to hear that bear come out again. So just do 60 seconds. You're the not angry West Hollywood bear, Johnny. You're the nice West Hollywood bear. I'm a pacifist bear. The humble bear. Oh, yes. So what we were talking about earlier was there was a comedian on two weeks ago that I've been watching get better at stand up for years.

And he gained a lot of weight. He did. He gained a lot of weight. And I kept noticing it and bringing it up. And I noticed that he was very dismissive of it. And I asked him, do you ever talk about being heavy? And he said no. And I go, well, you should.

And he goes, if I come back in a couple weeks and only do a minute of fat jokes or whatever, can I come on and work it out there? And I go, fuck yeah, you can. Let's make a breakthrough. Let's help him talk about the real him. Put your hands together for his first time talking about his weight. It's Watt Smith, everybody. Oh! Your painful manners are a crying shame. real him. Put your hands together for his first time talking about his weight. It's Watt Smith, everybody.

Your table manners are a crying shame. Thank you, guys. Thank you for accepting me as I am, a pregnant woman. And I wouldn't look this way if it wasn't for my great ass, but you're like, damn, dude, with that ass and this stomach, I look fat. Used to

play soccer a lot. Now they just use me as the ball. Haven't gotten laid since I got fat. Every morning I have to brush cobwebs off of my penis. I forgot all the memories of girls I hooked up with. So now my spank bank is just me remembering other times that I jacked off and it felt good. It's the life of a fat guy. You feel fat when you're sweaty and you're eating chicken wings

and the waiter comes by and he's like, you still working on that? Yeah, this is all I do is eat chicken wings. Or when you drop something and you're sitting and you try to reach for it while you're still sitting and you're bending over a basketball and you can't even reach the floor. Couldn't even get a 15 on the sit and reach?

Thank you. There you go. Watt Smith. Talking about the weight. Johnny, any initial thoughts on that? There are ways to get around bending over. Picking something up. Me, usually I'll put a leg out

and come around from the side that's one you can ask someone to do it but you know I'm glad to know that you're finally accepting the fact that you're putting on this weight.

And, you know, don't be proud of it, but find a way to work around it. Come on. Okay. Yeah. Can I throw my – You always can. You won't have to ask again for the rest of the episode. Oh, okay.

What about the next episode? Maybe. Okay. So what's your name again? Watt Smith. Watt. I would say the fat jokes, did you reference like you've recently got fat?

Like I would always talk about I used to be skinny, but now I got to do this. I used to be able to do that, but now I'm doing that. So that's what I, I mean, you had some good – some decent jokes, you know, but I would say talk about being – you're newfound fat. Right, exactly, and that's a great note because now you're giving it your real perspective, which is the real purpose of the bit, what I was saying in the first place,

which is, you know, you have something new to talk about. When when a comedian has a baby even though it's crazy when i see comedians have babies next thing you know they usually have a killer five or ten minutes about their perspective on this new baby and in a way you sort of have a new baby which is you know that 60 pounds of extra weight that you've put on in the last couple years can i ask did you put that on is it by choice? Is it just by... What's the reasoning? It took about four months. I blew my trust fund on bar tabs.

You had a trust fund? Yeah, this was like the shrine of a squandered inheritance. I mean, why don't you say that? Why don't you lean out? You have good skin. Why don't you... What are you out here in Hollywood for? Same acting, comedy, that sort of thing.

I just got a job, solar sales. Solar? Kind of doing that a little bit. That's really caught on. I think you're young. You should try and be a little healthy. But if it aids your comedy, some people are funnier when they're overweight.

I think you're going to give your chance, your skinnier self, to give that guy a chance first. Every time you keep it real and say you just got to roll with what you've got. Even that shrine of the blown inheritance, that took you 10 seconds to explain the front end of that and get a

big laugh off of it. It's true, and it's real, and it gives that perspective. It would help your soccer joke, too, where you talk about, you know, if you said I was skinny and now I've gained weight, you know, it actually makes it so that it's not as goofy. Yeah. Just roll with your rolls. Yeah. I mean, roll.

I waited for that one. Another interesting thing that I thought might have a chance at something, out of that chicken wing thing, there's something about them asking you if you're still working on it, I think. Because it's like, I don't know, there's something about being asked if you're working,

which I think is what you were trying to get at, but I don't think it was very clear cut. But it's like, you know, that you look so committed to your chicken wings, to this server, that they think that, like, you clocked in for that or something, you know, anything about working that you can add, because saying that's a weird thing. I mean, I get it. I know that they say that, but you can give your new fat perspective to it.

When you were skinnier, did you wear slippers during the daytime? Yeah, Tom's shoes. Now I'm afraid I'm going to twist an ankle, though, every time I put them on. They're so tight and thin that it's like they can't handle the upper body. Those look like slippers. Can you even take those off? Those look stuck to your foot.

You could say something, yeah, like, I wore Tom's shoes, I gained weight, now I can't get them off. Something like that. Talk about how your clothes. You wore Tom's shoes. I gained weight. Now I can't get them off. Something like that. Talk about how your clothes. But I don't say get – I'm not saying get too committed to the overweight stuff. I say try to lose some weight and get healthy. I want to lose weight.

I've been eating unhealthy because I'm like, I know in two weeks I got this show. Well, we just found you. Now I'm going to start trying to lose some weight. You're the first person to put on weight for Kill Tony, and we appreciate that. We'll give Witt, right? Watt. Watt. Watt Smith.

Where are you from? Virginia. Richmond. Spiders. I-95 freeway. Uh-huh. Yeah. I'm all over that.

Triple A for the Braves. Yeah. Now it's the Squirrels, though. We changed the name of the team. Really? But is it still Triple A for the Braves? Well, the Braves aren Squirrels, though. We changed the name of the team. Really? But is it still AAA for the Braves? Well, the Braves aren't there anymore. Who's there?

The AAA? Squirrels. Squirrels. I don't know about AAA. But who's the team? The Squirrels. Wait, no. Hold on. Who is the major league team that represents the AAA?

Who's the AAA? It might be the Atlanta Braves. I think it is. Okay. But he really brought be the Atlanta Braves. I think it is. Okay. You know, I'm... But he really brought home the squirrels. Somebody find that out. Find out who the...

I think it's the Braves. Please find out. You want to... Okay. Well, get back to me off the mic. I know my sports. I believe it is. I believe the AAA affiliate for the Atlanta Braves would be the... In Richmond. Richmond Squirrels. Richmond. I like the name. I the Atlanta Braves would be the Richmond Squirrels.

Richmond. I like the name. I love squirrels. Really? You do? Yeah. I took a great video of a squirrel in Toronto the other night. He let me get super close.

When you were a kid, when you were a little child, did you ever kill an animal with a BB gun? No, I wasn't into that. No, I just vandalized dollhouses. Oh, that's weirder? That's more weird? I'll come at you, too. How does that not get a big laugh? How does that not get a big laugh that I vandalized an adult dollhouse in Sacramento?

Now it gets a laugh? Oh, gosh. Oh, my God. What, are you doing anything To try and lose this weight I bought a surfboard A surfboard One of those surfboards

That just has sushi rolls all over it Like what are we talking about here Yeah yeah Just a real Craigslist surfboard Fifty dollars Craigslist that's like a You know what Beyonce's surfboard means That's dick you got dick on Craigslist surfboard. $50. Craigslist? That's like a... You know what Beyonce's surfboard means? That's dick.

You got dick on Craigslist. What? Okay. Let me ask you a question. Look at me. Did you smoke pot tonight? Or today? You're scaring me now.

Did you smoke pot? Yes. All right, listen. Was it pot or edibles? I think you need to establish yourself, find your character, get strong, book a couple things, then smoke pot. Quit the pot tonight. Whoa.

Whoa. Brody Stevens. I didn't smoke pot until I booked my first Craig Kilbourne show. Thank you. Late night CBS next to The Price is Right. Wow. Wow. I don't like it Kilbourne show. Thank you. Late night CBS next to The Price is Right. Wow. Wow. I don't like it.

I see the glass eyes. It's disrespectful to comedy. So there you go. You got your advice from Brody. Less pot, less pot roast. Give me all your pot. No, but there is some truth to that. I'm being serious.

I mean, the pot thing, you're going to make bad decisions on pot. How about, I just think, I didn't smoke until I found my voice, my character. I'm not going to say smoke or don't smoke. I just think you're probably better off not doing that here in Hollywood. This is

the major leagues. This is it. I like that. I know I'm not going to smoke again until I get booked on the Kilbourne show. Wait, wait. Why are you going off on him about pot? He was just doing some fat jokes. Because his eyes are glassy and I notice it. But you didn't notice it while he was doing stand-up?

Yes, I did. What am I going to do? Stop him in the mid-set and go, are you high? I saw they were shiny. I'm just saying, like, maybe that. I think he performed well. I'm not saying he didn't, Brian. It might have something to do with his appetite. I'm just saying.

Oh, you just got double air horned. I got double air horned? Yeah, you did. I don't even know what that means. I've never even seen it happen before. He just did it, though. It's okay. I'm doing fine.

I mean, I'm not even seen it happen before. He just did it, though. It's okay. I'm doing fine. I mean, I'm not harsh on anybody's buzz, but I'm saying, like, I do a lot of shows, I talk to people. Smoke pot! But if you're trying to make an impression and your eyes are all glassy, I'm thinking pot. That's all. Do I smoke pot? Yes. But I

have a regular gig. And the day that gig stops, I give up pot. That's right. Now, Johnny, did you always talk about your weight from when you first started stand-up, or did you weight a little bit too? I weighted a little bit before I started doing that. How did it make you feel

when you got to start talking about it? It's what hit. I was just like taking whatever the hell it is that people see with me on stage, letting them know that I know what they see. And then I get to work in other stuff. And you've been killing ever since.

So you see what? You can live the dream. Quit smoking pot. Why did I scare you? You can't be scared. This is a test, man. Oh, you scare me. I look like a cop?

Well, neighborhood watch. Check this guy. Check the African-American guy. Welcome to Ferguson. Is that Big E from the WWE? Who let Big E in here? Former Intercontinental Champion, Big E, ladies and gentlemen, heckling from the back of the room relentlessly

on a live podcast. Thank you, sir. There you go. Hint, hint. Jesus has a question. I was going to say, wear something tighter. Ooh. You're wearing a muumuu. You know you can hide a lot under loose clothes.

So yeah, I'll take a cue from Johnny over there. Yeah, man, I'm Rubenesque. Heck yeah. When Johnny's done with the show tonight, he has to hang his shirt back up on the curtains. I didn't say that right, but there we go. Watt, we love you.

You got a special one-minute guest spot. You talked about your weight. There he is. He's Watt Smith. Give J.J. Watt a nice hand from the Houston Titans. Texans. It's on Twitter at Watt Smith, right, Watt? Tennessee Titans. There he goes.

Watt Smith, everybody. Very Anglo. Very Anglo. What's he going to eat later? Watt. Watt-a-burger. Texas. Delicious.

Oh, this is exciting. I met this gentleman earlier. Put your hands together for Peter O'Keefe, everybody. Yeah. Boy, you should have known by now. Easy does it. Easy does it. Here he comes. Knock him over the ground. Nice. Sure. Peter O'Keefe, everybody. Yeah! Boy, you should have known by now. Easy does it. Easy does it. Here he comes.

Knock your motherfuckers out. Nice. Sure. Peter O'Keefe, everybody. Yeah! What's up, Comedy Store? How we doing? Woo!

Right on, right on. Is everybody over the Ice Bucket Challenge? Can we all be agreed we're done, right? Right now, let's think about this. Wouldn't it be ironic if we found out that the number one way to get ALS was by pouring a fucking bucket of ice water on your head? Wouldn't it be ironic if we found out that the number one way to get ALS was by pouring a fucking bucket of ice water on your head? Wouldn't that be

amazing? That'd be great. I just found out my six-year-old daughter needed her tonsils taken out. Crazy? You guys know how much it costs to take a six-year-old's tonsils out nowadays? $13,000? Yeah, Wu is fucking right. That's amazing. $13,000. And thanks to Obamacare,

pow, I'm going to pay for most of that shit. You know what I mean? That's the way it is. I'm going to tell you. I'm a comedian. I don't have a lot of money. I had to figure out different ways. I went on the internet.

I found out I'm like two YouTube videos away from being able to fucking do it myself. You know what I mean? If I could just figure out how to cauterize the wound, I'd hook that bitch up. Hook her up. Yeah, I called my six-year-old a bitch. Jesus, I did. That's what I mean? If I could just figure out how to cauterize the wound, I'd hook that bitch up. Hook her up, yeah. I'd call my six-year-old a bitch. Jesus, I did. That's what I did. That's what I did.

I had to go on the Internet. I had to figure it out. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have the money. I'm frugal like that. And I found out for $13,000. You want to finish it? You want to try?

For $13,000, I can buy whole kids from other countries. There you go. Peter O'Keefe. That rarely ever works when you want to finish it. It usually never, ever works. It's true. Thank you very much. Okay.

Nice shirt. Peter. Thank you very much. You have great confidence know confidence for sure and I think you can you know that can go a long way you connected with Brody a couple times you know you felt his energy

you called over to Jesus at a good time you know that all makes sense I think a lot of the stuff in between that though you know like what I noticed about your set was that your energy sort of carried it and told us where the punch lines were but if your set was written out on paper and somebody had to read it it would just read like facts you know what i mean it would read like barack because of barack obama i have to pay for that shit you know it's like yeah well

that's your you know first of all you's your, you know. First of all, you went political, which is always weird. Second of all, there's no punchline, and you just bashed Obama for a second, which is also weird. But I get it. You're from Florida, and you have a goatee, so you must be a Republican. Yeah, that's, no, no, not at all. Not at all. No? Libertarian, baby, libertarian.

Oh, but that means you won't vote for the black guy, though. From three. I fucking voted for the black guy, though. From three. I fucking voted for the black guy twice. Fuck off. No, but you are from Florida, so you do have the coke buzz when you're on stage because you do have a very high energy. Like, this is a very small room,

but you're playing for an arena in your head. You're like, hey, what's up, everybody? So when you're on stage, you're trying to kind You're like, hey, what's up everybody? So when you're on stage, you're trying to kind of hypnotize the person, people to listen to you. So when you're throwing so much energy, it's kind of like, oh, why is this guy going crazy on me?

It almost puts you off a little. So I would really be interested to see you do a set that was maybe slowed down by 50% or more. Well, I did rush a lot of it because of... Right, right, right. But when you rush it, it's like, oh my god, why is this guy screaming at me? Instead, I would

rather you just came and be like, hey, you know, I voted for Obama. Yeah, it's definitely always better to do anything at your normal speed. Doing a minute of your normal speed. It's hard to do that, too. Or else you'll always make those weird adjustments. When you have 30 minutes of solid material and you get the Tonight Show,

you don't see people going on the Tonight Show trying to get as much as they can just because they have a four-minute spot. They're not going, I do it all the time. You have to just do it your own speed. Brody Stevens is here. Steve Brody Stevens.

Pete, I would say my only complaint, my only red flag, my only red flag was the use of the F word. Unnecessary. I would say I liked your stage presence. You want to call it confidence, whatever. You, I don't mind if you smoke pot. It works at your character.

Thank you very much. I want you to smoke pot. Thank you very much. I want you to smoke pot. Thank you very much. Watt, it's not good on. With the khaki pants, the toms, it's not good. You've got to be clean-eyed. Trust me. I know what it takes to work in this town.

You, Pete? I just got to say real quick, sorry to cut you off. That's okay. But Watt is agreeing with you while eating food right now. I'm watching him. He just had a mouthful of French fries. Are you still working on with you while eating food right now. I'm watching him. He just had a mouth full of french fries. Are you still working on that? He gave a thumbs up.

I remember the bits. Remember, I got double bullhorned. Just remember that. That's my thing. I can't break down material. That's not my shtick. I'm a personality-driven guy. I liked your energy.

I mean, this is a weird room. You know, I would even say project more, but I think you're holding the mic down to kind of keep it in. I think you were actually trying to hold back in this room. And I feel if that's the way you are, if you're wired that way, keep doing it. So I don't know about that. I didn't, like, pay so much attention to the material. I didn't think it was Obama necessarily.

I'd do an Obamacare joke. Everybody's making fun of Obamacare, so just assume if somebody says Obamacare, it's a joke. But he literally didn't have a punchline. He just said he's going to have to pay – he did a kick act out and then said, I'm going to pay for it. The kick reminded me of – you've got kind of a Joey Diaz vibe too. Go with that. Maybe you're Joey's Cuban uncle. Go with that. I'm down with that. But I like what you got.

Keep it up. Keep smoking pot. Don't change who you are. Here he is, Johnny. I would say the opposite. You know, go even further with it. You have a very Ice Road Trucker thing when you come up on stage and if you were just to let everybody know that you're a very ice road trucker thing when you come up on stage and if you were just to let

everybody know that you're a fucking ice road trucker and you do meth, you do all these fucking things, you're from Florida, that the people who will accept you will accept you more than the people who wouldn't. So, truck on. It's true. You know what? I really like

that note. If you talked about being from Florida and what you look like while doing that exact energy, there's no way it doesn't kill. All right. I'm done. Thank you very much. So, you know, your take on Ice Bucket and your take on Barack Obama means nothing compared to your take on you, which is what people really want to find out about. But you could also play like a Latino guy from East L.A., like a Danny Trejo guy. I'm serious. You've got to think across the board.

I'll do Arabic or Israeli. I have to admit, though, Ice Bucket and Obama are two topics that if a comic does, I'm just like, oh, God. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Why cover things that anybody can cover when you can talk about yourself? Sure. I did that the same way we worked in Jacksonville, too. that anybody can cover when you can talk about yourself yeah yeah you actually

opened up for us in death squad in Jacksonville Florida was a lot of fun yep and you're always gonna want to hold the mic a little bit closer I think you did that for this room yeah yeah great hair yeah it's not gonna go anywhere you can use your acting range is wide you could play Cuban uncle all the way to Santa Claus if you grow it out. It's amazing. Peter, thank you. All the way from Florida, everybody. There he goes.

Wow, he's Death Squad Florida. So does everyone pull a name out, or is it just... How does that work? Do we all pull names? No. Do you want to? I'd love to. I was trying to look for more interaction, but what do I know? Only 2,000 television will be warmed. Here we go.

I'm pulling in a name. I can read it, Tony? Yep. All right, here we go. Here we go. The name is Taylor Rizzo. There he is. What's up, guys?

I drove here from South Carolina. That's crazy. Originally, I was planning on a trip to fly out here. But everybody kept telling me that if I even step into an airport with this beard, that the TSA is automatically going to pull me aside for a strip search. And I think that's bullshit. And I wanted to figure out a way, like, if they're going to waste my time, I want to figure out a safe way to fuck if they're gonna waste my time, I want to figure out a safe way

to fuck with them and waste their time, you know? And I was thinking, like, what's the policy on smuggling things in your butthole? Because the only time I've ever heard anybody get in trouble for that, it's always illegal stuff, like drugs or weapons. But, like, if they search me, and they just find, like, my keys and my wallet

and my passport, like, in a baggie, of course. Because there's poop in there. They can't just arrest me for being a weird guy. But it sure is going to eat up a lot of their time. Alright, that's my joke, guys. Thank you. Fuck yeah, buddy. That's hilarious. That's really good, man.

Thank you. That's really funny. I don't know what I did with this. Do you do stand-up in South Carolina? I good, man. Thank you. That's really funny. I don't know what I did with this. Do you do stand-up in South Carolina? I do, yeah. The first time I ever did stand-up outside of South Carolina was two weeks ago when I left on this trip. How long were you doing it there? Like two and a half years.

Nice. I'm so glad you got pulled up, too. This is awesome. Yeah, me too, man. I'm excited. I had talked to you, and was it also Jacksonville? In Jacksonville, yeah. I met the other guy there, too, as well.

It was crazy. It just kind of worked out. And what did I tell you to do? Oh, my original plan, I was dealing with some depression, and I was like, I'm going to quit my job and go pursue stand-up. And I met Red Band, and I told him, and he was like, do not quit your job at all. And I was like, well, all right, what do I do?

So I took a month off from work and making it happen. Because you have to get out there, you have to see it, but you can't just be like, I'm just going to quit and become a stand-up. Because honestly, dude, you're going to become homeless. There's a lot of homeless comics. Most of the guys

that you've seen tonight are homeless. Most people in here are homeless. Josh Martin lived in his car for almost two years. I think he still does. He still lives in his car. Josh lives in his car. Put your hands together for Josh Martin.

Almost got flicked in the nuts. Sleeping in his car for the love of the game. What's the safety deposit for that? But comedy is something that you need to do if you want to do it, but don't throw all your turds in the basket, put it in your mouth or something. I don't know what that means. You're right. No, I really appreciate the advice because this has been an eye-opening trip for me.

I've never really been off the East Coast, so I've seen more of the country in the last two weeks than I have my whole life. Can I ask a question? Yeah. I know this will play in the podcast. It's kind of interesting how you hold your mic. You hold it like on your – I put it on my –

You have an interesting mic texture. Shen right here? Yeah. Because I'm really shaky. You're shaky. So it's a defense mechanism. What you'll get is what I have. You might be able to see. You'll get a little herp right here because I'm really shaky. You're shaky. It's a defense mechanism. What you'll get is what I have. You might be able to see.

You'll get a little herp right here because comics are the dirtiest. If you bite your lip, next thing you know, you do a show. You have 32 comics that probably have touched that mic in the last 24 hours. I think I have a little lump there. Don't put it in your pants either.

It's okay. I'm not going to kiss you. Right. What's your job in South Carolina? What do you go back home to? I work at Urban Outfitters. I build the displays and stuff that they have in the store. Or help build the displays. What city in South Carolina?

Charleston, South Carolina. Do you have a girlfriend there? That's a hot town. I do not. Boyfriend? No. They're open-minded. They are open-minded. What Do you have a girlfriend there? That's a hot town. I do not. Boyfriend? No. They're open-minded. They are open-minded there.

So what are you going back home to? Just that? My job and... I'm going to disagree with Reddick on this one. No, no, no, no. I told him to not quit yet. He has... Urban Outfitters is every city.

I was just some guy walking up to him saying, hey, I'm going to quit my job for stand-up. Well, I think you should get a job at the Urban Outfitters in the Glendale Galleria and split rent with somebody. There's one on Cahuenga. That's one on Florida. You get 40% off it. What's your employee discount?

40%. There you go. Good call. Positive energy. Connected. I picked all the numbers. 40. I got it.

But what do I know? By the way, that is the ninth time Brody's dropped the mic during this episode, for those of you keeping count. But to be honest, let's be honest here. We talk about this a lot on podcasts, especially Joe Rogan podcasts. How many comedians actually make enough money to survive, to live? It's a very, very small number. Not many, but the ones that sacrifice everything for a few years

are more likely to end up making money than the people that just keep working and only go up a couple times a week and don't throw themselves to the wolves. I mean, a job at Urban Outfitters, that means you can still go up at night. Don't do your Urban Outfitters. Do a waiter job.

I mean, I only get to go up like twice a week in Charleston. The first year that I did stand-up, I only got to go up once a week in Charleston. The first year that I did stand-up, I only got to go up once a week. If it's something that you want to do, then you'll figure it out. You'll either move to LA or New York and knock it out. It's definitely something I want to do. This is kind of a trip to see if I

am capable. You think so? Thank you. Definitely. The one thing I'd give a structural note on is there's a part where you say it's bullshit, which before the reveal of everything, it's for no reason. It's sort of like a good Brody, no need to cuss if you don't because you're going from one thing to the other when you do that. You're saying somebody told you that you're going to get stopped at TSA, and then what do you say, which I think is bullshit. Which is bullshit. Which is bullshit. Which is bullshit.

That they would waste my time. But you're saying that in a period where it won't get a laugh, A, and you're about to tell them what you'd rather do anyway. So there's no point in that this is bullshit. And you might make people wonder if that was a punchline that just didn't hit. So instead, don't give them the option. Go straight into more shit. Straight into what I would do.

Yeah, straight into more bullshit. Think of other things you could put in your butt. Think of it like I said. Think of, you know, you're only allowed one carry-on. Think of like turning, like going to airplane mode, not when it's in my ass, you know. Like there's a lot you could just, I mean, again, you're messing, you're in that weird airplane humor world.

So, you know, but it're in that weird airplane humor world. But it's unique because it's in your ass. That's true. I need to have some insight to the butthole jokes. The more butthole jokes, the better. As for putting all your eggs in one basket and doing this thing, I did that, and now I'm trying to find out where the hell I put the basket. But if you keep fucking looking for it, things could be good.

Absolutely. I took the Josh Martin approach. I threw everything out there. And at one point, I was sleeping behind this building in my car for a few months. And I was having more fun doing that than a lot of the time since then and before then. And because all that I had to do was wake up for stand-up. And you wake up when the sun comes out, you shower, you get a newspaper, and you start writing all day. And if it wasn't for some of those days with absolutely no distractions and no work and nothing else

to do, I probably wouldn't have gotten the writing work ethic that I get to do during the day, then go do stand-up and whatever else I want to do at night. So now I do both. I'm in the writer's guild and I'm a stand-up comedian, and it's stupid and insane and retarded because all my teachers were big haters. They never thought I'd be able to do that. And so, you know, that's too funny of a TSA joke, probably one of my favorite ones I've ever heard. And if you got up more and chipped away and added more to that,

it could be really amazing. So I'd love to see, you to see what other stuff you have. When do you have to go back to South Carolina? I have to leave here Thursday. I'm staying for the secret show on Wednesday. I say come back in two months, and let's see another 30 seconds on that bit. All right.

I can make another drive out here. I'll take that. Cool. If I come back out in a few months. Kid's got a good attitude. Keep doing it. Stay nice. Fuck the drive, dude.

You can get tickets for like 200 bucks. I'm so scared of flying. Just sell your Xbox. What? I'm so scared of flying. You shouldn't be. I just got to make it happen. Get over it now.

Dude, more people die in a bus or a car than an airplane. Just fucking have some Jack Daniels. Close your eyes. Go to sleep. You wake up. You're in another state. It's amazing. Cool.

Sounds good. Yeah. Being afraid of flying is never going to get you anywhere. You've got to get over that. What are your guys' policy on shorts on stage? I hate it, and I just didn't want to go there, but yeah. Don't wear shorts on stage. I usually don't.

I've been walking around. I'm staying at my friend's house, and he went to work at noon. don't wear a shirt. I usually don't. I've been walking around. I'm staying at my friend's house and he went to work at noon. You put on his shorts. I've just been out on the town ever since. You put on your friend's shorts, Brody asked. These are my shorts. Do you want to put on my shorts, Brody?

I'm 36 inch waist. What are you? These are 34. But I am a 32 now. Got another number right. What are you up to? 34 barely fits. 34 barely fits. Then he's 34 without

buttoning the top button, everybody. We're on either end of the spectrum for 34s. Mine are way too big and his are way too tight. That's a 36 in denial. That's pretty much what it is. Taylor, it was nice meeting you. Very funny meeting you. Thank you very much.

Taylor Rizzo. Got to go back to South Carolina on Thursday. That's so cool. So please keep them away from sharp objects and nooses because I'd be miserable. John, you want to read one? Yeah, sure. That's so cool that he got to go up

because both of those guys, Jacksonville, Florida, I was there doing shows with them. It's amazing. And it just goes to show. What's it like sleeping in a car? It's actually surprisingly fucking amazing. I could tell you it's really, really crazy. It depends on where your car is parked.

Or what kind of car. I'd imagine. It helps with the perspective. I have troubles doing it. Who do we got? Jared Elvis. Jared Elvis. The guy from the park.

I don't know if that's you or me. Jared Ellis. Jared Ellis. He's very happy, Ellis. All these disease awareness campaigns everywhere. You know, cancer awareness, AIDS awareness. If you aren't aware of these diseases by now, get to a doctor because you probably have them. How about instead of promoting awareness, we go back to, I don't know, trying to find a cure?

That seemed like a novel idea. Being aware doesn't really get you anywhere. I mean, I was aware I was balding for years. Look where that got me. I think it shows how lazy we've gotten as a society. Like it used to be run for the cure. Then it was AIDS walk. Now it's just be aware. Keep an eye

out your window, that pesky AIDS will get you. The campaigns themselves don't even make sense half the time, like the NFL has their breast cancer awareness month coming up, they all look like a bunch of assholes wearing pink. That's all well and good, but it seems they should be promoting awareness for a few other things, such as gun control awareness. I used to say domestic abuse awareness right here, but they are promoting domestic abuse awareness nowadays. Going about it in a different way than I would have chose, but hey, at least they're trying.

Wow. Jared Ellis just got two kitty meows. That was being nice, because I like his stage presence. Did something techno just happen? Yeah, you have a good stage presence. Came up smiling, good posture up there, shoes are good. DC, I support that. Rob Dyrdek, I'm with that family.

Yeah, good stage presence, likability. I'll let Tony and the other guys handle the material and all that, but I thought it was pretty good. You got some good, smart, clever lines in there, so I would say just keep doing it. There you go. A little encouragement from Brody. Don't quit.

Johnny? If anything, I would just say be louder about it because it's more convincing to the people. It sounded like you were just running through. Yeah, I usually have more. I don't know. I was nowhere nervous. It's been over a week since I've been up.

Yeah. Well, you know. But they were coming down hard. Not hard, but Pete saying, like, bring it down a notch. I'm sure. Did you hear that? Did you hear that? Like, bring it down.

I'm going to bring it down because of that. Did you think that a little bit? It didn't cross my mind. Oh, you son cross my mind. You should have agreed with me. You were just missing pauses. Your timing was a little weird. You were just trying to run through it. But you still looked and felt good on stage,

I could tell. Where are you from? Illinois. What nationality are you? Aryan? Irish. No, I mean, I got Irish, German, Italian. That's it? Yeah. Midwest mutt.

How come you slowed it down? Why did you, like, bring it down a notch? You were nervous? Yeah, I was more nervous than usual tonight, actually. Oh, you've done this before? Yeah, I've been up here once before. Two weeks ago? Two or three weeks when Pauly Shore was here.

Yeah, yeah. How'd that go? It went pretty well. Pauly offered me a job here. That. Two weeks ago? Two or three weeks when Pauly Shore was here. Yeah, yeah. How'd that go? It went pretty well. Pauly offered me a job here. That's right, remember? I haven't heard back since. I've talked to Adam a few times. He keeps giving me the run around. What's your background? You speak pretty well. I mean, I've always

been, like, I took a lot of speech classes in college. Got it. Did I say speak well? Take speech classes. But what do I know? Bike shop number 10. There he is. Powerful.

Triple air horn. It seems to be a good thing now. It went from a negative to a positive. Josh Martin. This fucking guy. Where's Josh? Sleeping in his car? What's he doing?

He's taking a nap on the 405. Taking a nap. So Jared, you lost your hair. When did you lose your hair? How old are you? I'm 31. What size waist are you? 32.

Wow. 32. Soon those two things will eclipse. And one day Jaret, or one day Watt is going to be 55, like his waist. Guys, I'm kidding. Everybody knows they don't have odd numbers in waist. They actually do. Some do.

I just got a Macy's 35 the other day. You can get a 35. That's a weird one. They go odd numbers sometimes. It is weird. I think Quicksilver also. I guess 31 is one. I guess they do do odd numbers.

It's still got to laugh. You guys didn't realize it when I said it. So do you still have to shave your head? Yeah. Where does it grow in at? What does it look like when you have it growing out? What do you mean? Hey, hey.

Whoa. Whoa. This is a choice. I gave up on it at like 28. I mean, it had been falling out for years, and then I just said, fuck it. How long have you lived in L.A.? I just got out of here a couple months ago.

Well, congratulations. Welcome, Jared. That's Jared Ellis, everybody. Good job, Jared. It took a while on the first two. You're not friends with Deardick, are you? Are you friends with Rob? I don't know him.

Okay. Not everybody is that deep into show business, Brody. You're the one that works with everybody. No, he looks like a guy who would hang out with Rob Dyrdek. He's wearing the DC shoes. He's got a chill vibe. He probably doesn't smoke pot. Jared, are you straight edge?

No, I smoke pot. All right, I've been wrong on a lot of stuff tonight. I've been wrong on a few things. Jared Ellis is on Twitter at Jared Comedy, but it seems like he spells it differently than his first name on the Twitter handle. Oh. It's J-A-Y-R-E-D.

Is that true, Jared? What's going on here? That's all I can get for that. No, no, no, Jared. If you are spelling your name wrong than what your real name is, you need to get a Twitter name that's just J-J-J-2. Yes, you need to do anything

but spell some other man's name on your Twitter handle. Don't confuse the fuck out of your people that know you. No, I think it's a Y. No, it's an R. No, it's a Y. Yeah. I thought your last name was Elvis. You ruined everything. Jerk. No, good set. Oh, we know this young lady very well.

Alright, here we go. Let's say it together. Her name is Sarah Kinney. Oh, you ain't swift moving like a tortoise. Full of rigor mortis. There's a little bit more to show. It's been a really good day for me, you guys. When I was riding my bike, I found a finger on the ground.

And, like, everybody knows that's really good luck, right? It's like that saying when you were a kid, find a finger on the ground, you will never wear a frown. Did you guys have that? Or was that just me? We found a lot of fingers in my family. So I'm a little worried that overall women might be less, well, we might be more gullible than men. Because I've never had a girlfriend come up to me and say, I went to my psychic today. I've only ever had a guy say that to me. And

you know, I don't need a psychic because I have a therapist and a life coach and a shaman. And once in a while, we all get together and we beat up a psychic. And what's weird is they never see it coming. You would think they would. Interesting. Sarah Kenny. All right, let's get into it. The finger thing, I don't know how it worked but it worked so

did you really find a finger um i i actually was riding my bike once and i saw what looked like it might be a finger on the ground and then i didn't stop so i have no idea if it was i looked around there was nobody running around screaming like where's my fingers so just kept going screaming like where's my fingers so just kept going yeah you think like lesbians that find fingers on grounds don't tell anybody and just put it inside them no no i don't think that i'll just answer that like a normal question and say no for a fact i know they don't do that really yeah nobody ever finds a finger on the ground first first of all. The odds of a lesbian finding a finger are crazy. The closest we'll ever get is Sarah Kenny, who's not a lesbian and

didn't actually find a finger on the ground. And that's a hidden cam show. A hidden cam show. In West Hollywood, like outside of a lesbian bar. See how many girls put it inside them and not tell the cops. Ryan, you're sneaking in a lot of your creepy things tonight.

When's the last time you did a dysentery? You need to vent. You need to do that crazy shit that you do. You're all pent up. I love it, but that's a lot. To say that, I mean, to say that would be like saying, do gay guys find penises on the street and put them in their butt?

I think they would. If they were hungry, if their butts were hungry, they would just put it in their... You think that's what happens? Gay guys' butts get hungry, and it's like I have to eat penis with my butt? Look at the chatter that you started. If this audience was mic'd right now, you wouldn't be able to hear us.

Can I get all... Sarah, I think... Again, I don't pay attention much to material, but it seems like you got... In general, that's not my thing. You watch Dancing with the Stars. I'm like Bruno. I'm Bruno. But they don't say that after every single contest.

Exactly what they do. Why not? It's called branding. Welcome back. Same every night. Get the audience used to it. Right. Just do it. Don't say it, though. I'm only doing what I've been doing the last six months. I love it. Killing it. You're killing it.

Thank you. I want complete freedom. I would say that you have a nice, likable personality. I would talk about that. There's no reason to go... Unless that's your whole shtick. I look this way. She's dark and evil. Then if you're dark and evil... She's like a

Chucky doll. It's like, oh, I'm gonna buy this for my kid, and then... Well, I would say if you're gonna be dark and evil, you gotta be really dark and evil, because you don't look like you'd be dark and evil, so I think you have to almost double up on that. That's my opinion. Well, the stuff surrounding that finger is a lot of, like,

she's really worked hard, and she's taken a lot of chances. I've seen her do some's taken a lot of chances i've seen her do some crazy abortion jokes and i mean they really stand out to me and the last few times you've been on it's been you know definitely more refined i think bringing all that a little bit of that evil stuff that you want to talk about with that actual person that's telling it in that perspective so there's always constant improvement what did you talk about after the finger thing uh the psychic yeah i didn't get that at all because I've never heard a guy say I went to a psychic. It's always a girl. It's the opposite.

Did I say guy? Oh my god, I watched it. I didn't even realize I watched it. It's like, what guys are you hanging out with? Yeah, that's an important one when the setup's backwards. That's the first time I've ever done that and I didn't even realize I did it. The setup has to work for everything following to work. Or else it would be, why did the chicken stay on that side of the road? And then people would go, they get to the other side, and everybody would be like, what the fuck did you just say to me? I only had a guy friend say, oh, that's so funny. Okay.

Well, there you go. No wonder, because I usually get a really big laugh. I'm like, that's weird. They don't get it. Johnny, what do you got? No, I was going to say just that. I don't know any guys. I can't even believe I said that.

That's ridiculous. I do believe it. There you go, Sarah Kenny. We're flying through it. S. Kenny Comedy. She's on Twitter at S. Kenny Comedy. She did it. Constantly signing up. Constantly doing spots. It's so fun to watch her grow. She did it. Constantly signing up. Constantly doing

spots. It's so fun to watch her grow. Yeah, definitely. Put your hands together for Rob Banks. Rob Banks. That's a catchy name. Rob Banks. Rob Banks, everybody. Here he is. Put your hands together.

So I'm coming up on my year anniversary of moving to LA. And I'm looking back at my experiences. And when I first moved here, I was living in a 16-person house. It was a four-bedroom. So it was really jammed. It was gay. It was all guys. It was really jammed.

It was gay. It was all guys. And obviously I... I'm out of breath running down here, but sorry. But obviously I come from a white family. But it was a mixed ethnicity house. There was white guys, there was black guys, and there was one Filipino guy. And he scared me the most.

The black guys, he said the N-word a lot. I said something. I was like, hey guys, how about we say Nathan instead? My Nathans in the house weren't feeling it. They weren't. The reason the Filipino guys scared me the most is my dad told me that my grandfather was... Thank you, guys. If you want to finish it, go ahead. Well, thank you.

He said that my grandfather was stationed in the Philippines, and he said that we might have some family out there, so he could be my long-lost brother. See, it doesn't usually work. The Filipino guy? Which guy? You say Filipino weird. Are you aware of that?

Yeah. Do you do that on purpose? I say a lot of things weird. Really? Yeah. Do you do that on purpose? I say a lot of things weird. Really? Yeah. Filipino. Filipino. Yeah, it's like you turn another nationality just for that one word.

Yeah. Johnny, do it again. What does he say? Filipino. Those are spicy Filipinos. Yeah. Mmm. Delicious. A jalapeno and a filipino

Fuck yeah I mean I'm not a material guy No I'm kidding But you guys are talking about that stuff I mean a lot of They go right into it Is this your first time here? Have you done it before? No I've not

This is the same time I made it to the store Wow congratulations I just like to have this See people talk more about themselves real quick. I'm this. Boom. Sometimes they're right into it. I just like to find out.

I know we only have a short amount of time, maybe like 10 seconds. Who are you? Where are you from? What do you do? I like to see that established a little bit up front. That's my thing. And then point of view on stuff. Like you're a young kid. You know, yeah. Tony does his stuff. Like I'm young. I look then point of view on stuff. You're a young kid. Tony does

his stuff. I'm young. I look like I'm from West Hollywood. You moved here, whatever. I play into that. Play into what you look like. You're young or whatever. That's my thing. If anything, with what you were talking about with living with 16 people and they were all different ethnicities, maybe compare

that to somewhere or something where there's a bunch of different ethnicities instead maybe compare that to somewhere or something where there's a bunch of different ethnicities instead of just saying, oh, there were a bunch of people there and then one of them did this. Compare it to Toronto's multicultural. Toronto's number one multicultural city in the world. Where was this at

when you lived with 16 people here? It was in Woodland Hills. Wow. How long ago did you move here? I'm coming up on a year, so it was in November. Was it a flop house? Was there webcams in your bedroom? Where do you live now? In the valley, like Van Nuys.

Have you been offered to do straight curious porn? Straight curious. Now I get a laugh and stand up's your thing you doing spots in the valley? so you're driving out to this side a lot? yeah I started to or are you just doing it over there?

at first I was just doing it in the valley now I'm coming over the hill which by the way for all you people that were groaning earlier when I was talking about sleeping in my car, just know this. I would never, ever, in a million years, live in a house with 16 dudes. That's hell.

When I was sleeping in my car, it was behind the comedy store, which would open up at about 7 or 8 a.m. A cleaning crew would come in, and then I could walk right in, and literally, 16 dudes in one house. I had zero people in this entire building. I had

tens of thousands of square feet to do whatever I wanted. You just danced on stage, didn't you? I had eight bathrooms to myself. Think about that for a second, whereas he's sharing one bathroom with God only knows how many people.

That's a terrible situation whereas he's sharing one bathroom with God only knows how many people. Double step. That's a terrible situation. That's rough. How many guys were in your bedroom with you? Oh, no. Well, it's a four-bedroom house, but they split up. They put people in the garage, and they put people in the dining room. Wow.

Yeah, that's how they made it work. Where did you move here from? Ohio. Wow. What part? Akron, Ohio. Holy shit. You know where LeBron James, he grew up, his house and all that stuff? No shit.

No, do you? Yeah, I know. Do you know him at all? No. He left Miami. Didn't you see that? Well, he... Brady! He just came back. Asking a young man from Akron if he knew that LeBron James was from there.

No, I said, did you know where he lived? Oh, good. Did you know the house where he lived? Yeah. That's all I wanted to know. Are you aware that I'm from Youngstown, Ohio? Yes. And he came back to Cleveland. He's back on the...

Yeah, he's back. Are you aware that Brian's from Columbus, Ohio? Google that other thing. No, I did not know that. Did you know that I'm wearing a Buckeye shirt right now? I knew that. It is? Who's the main club?

Is it the Atlanta Braves? That's what I'm trying to find out. Oh, my God. They still didn't find the answer to that? Who is the AAA for the Atlanta Braves? That's all we need to find out. It's got to be Richmond. Please find out.

It's with everybody these nights. You think they really have the squirrels as their minor big thing? I think they do, but I just want to know it's Atlanta Braves. Here's my thing with these comedians. What's the point of view? It's like you're like a good-looking guy, right? You're a young kid. How are we going to sympathize with you?

You lived in the house. That's good. You talk about that. You could say something like, I'm a good-looking guy. They lived in the house. That's good. You talk about that. You could say something like, I'm a good looking guy. They put me in four. You've got to build up who you... You've got to talk about and contrast it a little bit. And calling 16 guys living in a house

gay isn't a punchline. That's not a way to describe it unless it's a bunch of gay dudes in the house. You answered an ad. You're on some reality show. You're not used to it. I'm clean. Whatever. You just got to reality show. You're not used to it. I'm clean. You're very close to a math

joke, meaning there's too many details that you're trying to say, you need to remember this. You have to make it easy and easily to listen. How was the water pressure there? Good question. It's well water. How many bathrooms were there?

Josh, how come you didn't move there? It's well watered. How many bathrooms were there? Two. Wow. Josh, how come you didn't move there? That's a good deal. No, it's not. 17 in a four-bedroom apartment. No, I love Josh Martin. He's a good guy. Give Josh Martin a nice hand, by the way.

So you've lived in L.A. for about a year. The whole time you've been on the Valley side of things. For what? To save money? Yeah. Isn't it a hassle, though, only living that Valley life? Don't you see why it might cost a little bit more money over here, but it might be worth it if you want to do stand-up?

Brody, you're born and raised in the valley. It's a whole different thing. But it's so much happier there. I'm talking about the transplant life. Transplant? Live here. Live in my old apartment on Hollywood Boulevard. I hated it.

So happy to be back in Valley Village. But if you move, you got to go the whole thing. Being out in Woodland Hills, that's not the Hollywood LA experience. If you're coming here from Ohio, Tony's right. You need to be here in Hollywood, not out in Burbank. Hey! What the fuck, bro? That is a direct shot.

No air horns. No air horns on that one. But he said it. That was a direct shot. Revenge shot at Brian Redman from Brody Stevens. It worked out. You don't do that to me. He hit the snare drum a few times before that one.

Hey, Rob, you were great. Thank you. Welcome. Come back again soon. I mean, he's on Twitter at ComicRobBanks, everybody. All one word. ComicRobBanks. He has that name.

If you're wondering who Rob Banks is, that's him. Is that your real name, Rob? Really? You've got to make a choice. Is that your last name? Is it Rob Banks? Be honest. We're here for you. My name's not Brody Stevens. That's why I go as Stephen Brody Stevens. Is Rob your dad's name or your middle name? Is it Rob Banks? Be honest. We're here for you. My name's not Brody Stevens. That's why I go as Stephen Brody Stevens.

Is Rob your dad's name or your middle name? Tell the truth. My middle name. Boom. Your first name's Anthony. Phillip. What's your first name? Any relation to John Banks from Columbus, Ohio?

Let him answer. What's your first name? Nathan. Nathan Banks. That's a first name? Nathan Banks. That's a good name. Nathan Banks. It sounds like you're in charge of something. I like Rob Banks.

Rob Banks is good too, but that's kind of like a playoff. Sounds like a rapper or a fake name. It sounds like a fake name. I like Nathan Banks, and it's not too late to change your name. It's not too late. But think about it. Confidence, you're out in L.A. You've got to push.

Get to Hollywood. It's not too late. But think about it. Confidence. You're out in L.A. You gotta push. Get to Hollywood. It's true. Hello? Yes? Johnny, any closing words for Rob Banks? I kind of like Nate Banks. If you say it like that.

I like Nathan Banks, but you know what? Have the attitude. Get up here and push it. We keep it going, right, Tony? What about Natty B? Can I reach in and pull out a name? No, we're done pulling names. This is the part of the show where we go to our two regulars. Two young ladies that have been doing a brand new 60 Seconds each week.

That's right. You fans of the show know what's up because they have been killing lately. It's always fun to watch them do a brand new 60 Seconds. This week, it's no different. You know your first comedian as a regular on both Kill Tony and the Dysentery podcast. Always with a goofy extended style on perhaps a small thing. Not always talking

about herself. That's not her style. Is that her going to come up? Yes. You're a great Instagram follow, by the way. A great Instagram follow. On top of all that, she's one of our favorites and one of the only two regulars here on Kill Tony. Put your hands together for the great Sarah White. Thanks, everybody. What's up?

Not too stoked about autumn. Just really not into fall. Not looking forward to Halloween. Don't like it, least favorite holiday, think it's weird, more confusing than that. Why do people think it's a good idea

to go the pumpkin patch? Let's go pick out a pumpkin. Let's take time out of our day to buy an oversized squashed. Not squash, not squash. Let's take time out of our day to buy an overp. Not squash. Not squashed. Let's take time out of our day to buy an overpriced squash that we don't even have room for.

Have you ever carved a fucking pumpkin? If I wanted to be a brain surgeon, then I would be a brain surgeon. I don't want to stick my hand in that and pull out all of the innards of it. And then you just, you're supposed to put lights in it and then it just rots. I don't want to stick my hand in that and pull out all of the innards of it. And then you're supposed to put lights in it and then it just rots. I don't understand where the payoff is.

Why carve a pumpkin when I can just look at other people's carved pumpkins? Fuck yeah, a little October themed. Can I tag in? Because I'm on a material note. So you're talking about like pulling the, like a doctor pulling out the inyards.

Yeah, yeah. You could say, and like put a light. You could say, it's doing something like that to a human. I pulled out, I put a,

we put a pumpkin light in the human. Just something like that. I was just combining the two as you said. Okay, don't, get on me for a minute.

You don't see anything with the, I'm trying to be involved with the material. I'm a huge fan of Halloween so I can't comment on this. I'm just talking about just an actual joke, how you did the inyards. I just think treating a human being like a Halloween, like a pumpkin. Is that what I was saying?

But what do I know? I'll tell you this, is that you had wineshank momentum in the beginning. You were setting up this dark evil. Every fucking one of the first. Like you were setting up this dark evil. Everything, every fucking one of the first six things you said was negative. It was awesome. You were setting up this whole thing. You were going, what was it?

I don't like autumn. Don't like fall. Halloween. And then you go, and worse than all of that, all of a sudden you broke up this rhythm and tone. Instead of going straight to pumpkin patch or carving pumpkins, however you do your thing, there was a part where you started explaining yourself when you didn't have to. Too much. You could have just gone right into it.

You said, I hate autumn. Everything was hatred, hatred, hatred, hatred. You were getting to your goal, which is pumpkins. But instead you go, and more confusing than all of that. Yeah, that was weird. Yeah, right. You broke up a rhythm. Whereas normally I talk about the actual material.

I'm talking about the rhythm that you had. You were setting up for this thing, blowing up this balloon, and then you let all the air out right before hitting it with the needle. Piggybacking on that, I don't know if it's because you didn't have the time, Yeah. Piggybacking on that, like, I don't know if it's because you didn't have the time, but even more examples of stuff in fall that, like, leaves and crunching leaves and, you know, whatever. And, like, yeah. All that stuff that fall, like, you know, autumn or whatever.

Be careful about, you know what works for you. You know what I mean? You had us already giggling at that goofy stuff, and then there was a part where you had such perspective and angle. You hated this. You don't like this. Bobbity-ba. And then you go, and more confusing than all of it, pumpkin patch. But it's like that's not more confusing than all of that. Before we could see what you were saying,

but why pumpkin patch is more confusing than your hatred for the overall things, it wouldn't be. The overall thing wouldn't be more confusing. I mean the pumpkin patch wouldn't be more confusing than all of Halloween because that's part of Halloween. So it's like in addition to that. I didn't need to fucking fuck up my flow. You don't even need to say that. The way you do things, one of the funniest things about your style

is that you take something small and make it goofy. So if you just go right into pumpkin patch, that's all you have to say in your goofy way. But instead you sort of gave in and wanted to be nice. Whereas I say hit the gas on your cool

Tim Burton style of dark evil creepiness. I think when you bash Halloween, you're going to have to just come with the conclusion that you're going to probably not flow for like 30% of the people in the audience, though. There's a group of people that are like, what are you saying about Halloween? Well, I can make them – I can explain why I don't like Halloween. Yeah, but a lot of people like carving pumpkins.

I want to see more Halloween shit. Luckily, it's not even October yet. Next Monday, bring it. See, the carving pumpkins. I'm like Dexter with the pumpkins, see? But again, that was my – I got shot down, and that's. I'm like Dexter with the pumpkin. See? But again, that was my, I got shot down, and that's why I didn't say anything for the last three minutes. Whoa.

Drop number 11. There it is. That's number 12. I lost count even. Sarah, that was fun. I want to hear more Halloween stuff. And I also feel like if you're going to mention Halloween, you have to say the word candy somewhere, feel like if you're going to mention Halloween, you have to say the word candy somewhere or else a part of unanswered

anticipation at any point. Anything that you think is original about candy at any point, you're going to have to say because Halloween makes us think of candy first. Okay, I got something. Maybe something I could picture you saying is along the lines of in your own way, like you don't think orange

and black even go well together. Yeah, they clash. Do you like Christmas? Yeah, I love Christmas. What do I think of Halloween? Whoa, a Red Band mic drop. I've never seen one of those. Brody, look what you've done. I've gotten, I believe, 72 or 73 episodes with Red Band

without a single mic drop. It's a good feeling, isn't it? It's contagious. Next thing, Brody's going to be hitting an air horn button. When I hear Halloween, I think of murder. Let me stab you. It's good to have you on your last free day. I don't have a gun. That was on Twitter two years ago. Speaking of Twitter, Sarah Weinshank is on Twitter.

Princess Shank. There she goes, everybody. That's Princess S-H-E-N-K. All one word. Princess Shank. That's three S's in a row if you're wondering right there in the middle. Hearing her talk about Halloween reminded me of puking in the thing. That was. That was Halloween a couple years ago, right?

It was projectile. It went straight up like a fountain because he covered his mouth and it went right out of the top. It looked like the fucking Bellagio fountain over here except it was all out of the top. South Park style? It looked like the fucking Bellagio fountain over here, except it was all liquor. Imagine that.

Our other regular and your final comedian of the night is so much fun, so cool. You know her as the college dropout. I got to hang out with her in Vegas on Saturday night, and she got to see her first UFC fight. Put your hands together for Kimberly Congdon, everybody. It's her birthday, everybody. It's Kimberly Congdon. It's her birthday, everybody. It's Kimberly Congdon.

Hi, guys. What's up? I turned 24 on Thursday, which is really exciting. I spent my weekend in Vegas. It was a lot of fun. Going to Vegas was really interesting. It was my first time spending any time there, and I drank a lot.

I told my mom about it, and she said that I might have a problem with drinking, which I disagreed with because it's really easy, you know? I had a problem with college algebra. That was hard. I'd always be in class like, I don't need these. I have a personality. Like who needs math? I have two personalities. Who needs math, right?

People were getting wild in Vegas though. I didn't do all that, but you know what they say, what happens in Vegas definitely gets on social media. So guys, behave yourselves. I gambled all my money away, which is really depressing. But I don't think it's that bad. It's better than being a Patriots fan right now. So I've got that going for me.

There you go. Fuck yeah. There you go. Fuck yeah. That was great. I would never do a you know what they say or what happens in Vegas. Those lines are you just can't do it

no matter what the twist. That's one of the rare instances where it's absolutely too beaten to death. You could have more things coming after that that people would have believed in and you're going to lose their interest on that. Oh, I hated it as I was saying it.

Yeah, yeah. But everything else was really, really funny. Brody, you're not the material guy, but I'm sure you have something about your energy. I like how you plowed through. You kept going. You're professional. Thank you. I like your jeans. Thank you so much, Brody. Are those 35s?

No, I'm kidding. I hope not. I like your jeans. Thank you so much, Brody. Are those 35s? No, I'm kidding. I hope not. I like your work ethic on it, your likability. Thank you. I see good things for you in the future. Go ahead, John. I liked the Patriots, the shot of the Patriots. It was topical. It just happened minutes ago.

It's a ballsy move to do a sports joke and you took the chance and it worked. Didn't even watch the game. Don't know what happened. I just heard they sucked on Twitter. What was the spread on that game? Something you might bet in Vegas. There you go. That's true. Yeah, that was fun. This was fun.

Kimberly Congdon. Happy birthday. She just celebrated a birthday. Kimberly, happy birthday. I teach a comedy workshop in the Valley if you're interested. Wow. It's in my apartment. It's a two webcam shoot. Wow.

My classic bits. There you go. Kimberly Congdon. You did it. Thank you. Kim Congdon. What about Kevin? He's been there the whole time.

Yeah, he's doing a great job. Kimberly Congdon's on Twitter. Kimberly Congdon. Follow her and Sarah Weinshank. You never know what could happen next in their exciting always growing lives. Kevin Lelight, you were the patriot

tonight. How do you feel? I love you all. Thank you. I feel great. Thank you, Kevin. Thank you for being here. Thank you much. Thank you all for being here. He'll be back again in three days. That's a Catholic joke for you. Chef Elise Lane filled our bellies

today. Delicious tacos. Thank you very much. They were gourmet fish tacos, as Josh Martin said, with tewapia. Tewapia. Johnny Skourtis is on Twitter at Johnny Skourtis. That's J-O-H-N-N-Y-S-K-O-U-R-T-I-S. He's my big Greek baby.

I'm a fat baby. Johnny, what else do you want to promote? Go see The Equalizer in theaters, and you're going to see this guy. Fat baby? Yeah, go watch it. It's pretty cool. It's the number one movie in the country, so he doesn't fucking need your support. But you should do it anyway, because he's made us laugh a lot tonight.

Thanks for being on, Johnny. Thank you for having me. Steven Brody Stevens, perhaps one of our most utilized guests, made three or four appearances when we were in our infantile state. I believe you started on episode two. Thank you. Started episode two, Kill Tony. It was just him.

Before I adjusted it to make it two guests, it was just Brody here with me and Brian. Things are going great. Things are going great. I'm still on Toronto time. Had a great week back there. I was on the Oddball Comedy Tour all over the country. Every single city.

Every region. He's on Twitter at BrodyIsMeFriend. Yeah, it's an homage to my Chinese and Albanian busboys in New York. Tony and Mr. Lee. Brody, you're a good guy. You're me friend. You can also find me on Fox Sports all throughout the football season with David Spade, with Nick

Swartz, and with Chuck Liddell and Turtle from Entourage. You can read all those titles. And you can find me on At Midnight every day and appearing again soon later this year. But what I recommend above all those credits is currently on Amazon. If you're an Amazon Prime member or if you just have Amazon, you can watch the whole first season of Enjoy It. You got it. Push and believe.

A show completely based around Brody's life. A lot of comedians' favorite comedy show ever. Look at that clap. Yes. That's right. That's inspirational. You got it. Push and believe.

Yes. Drop the mic. I deserve it. I'll pay for it. 13 times. That's an unlucky number. I've got a gift certificate to Radio Shack. I'll pay for it. You That's an unlucky number I've got a gift certificate To Radio Shack

I'll pay for it You got it You got it Never ending microchips Yes Take me to Suncoast I want to get a DVD I'm Tony Hinchcliffe

Brian Redband See you guys Bye bye Thank you live audience Outro Music