KILL TONY - KILL TONY #81

Episode Date: January 17, 2015

Jerrod Carmichael, Brody Stevens, Pat Regan, Sara Weinshenk, Kimberly Congdon, Tony Hinchcliffe, Big Gay Biker Patriot / Ryan Mirvis, Brian Redban - Date: 11/24/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.TV. Go to DeathSquad.TV, click on Tour Dates, and there you'll find all the places we're going to be at, and there's new dates coming soon, including every Friday at the Ice House Comedy Club in Pasadena, California. We have a show there, and that's where we do the Ice House Chronicles. Also DeathSquad Vegas coming January 24th. That's next Friday night. We're doing a free show. Sam Tripley, Jason Rouse, Rosie Tran, Yobi, Yoshi, Abayashi, Brian Redband. That's me. I don't know why I read my own name like that. Anyways, it's a free show.

It's The Dirty at 1230 at South Point Hotel and Casino. And that's during the AVN, so it should be a fun weekend. So go check it out. And then also, don't forget, Kill Tony records every Monday at the Comedy Store in Hollywood, California. It's a free show. It's at 8 p.m. in the Belly Room. One of the best stages ever, the Belly Room. Check it out. ShopSquad.tv, that's the website, that's the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe, including hats, mugs, t-shirts,

all that crap. I'm working on a new shirt right now, and it should be up this, in the next couple days, hopefully. So check it out, go to ShopSquad.tv. And don't forget Tony Hinchcliffe, the Golden Pony, to shop squad dot TV. And don't forget Tony Hinchcliffe, the golden pony. He's got his own website. Go to Tony Hinchcliffe dot com and get some golden pony stuff. All right, guys, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the world-famous Comedy Store for a brand-new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 2. Give it up for Tony. It's Glenn.

Yippee-doo-dah-day, everybody. Welcome. Hello. How's everybody doing? Happy Monday night to you. Hi, everyone. Fuck yeah. They always have that one burst of energy right in the beginning, that one good one. They're like, oh yeah, we're at a show. It's that type of thing.

And then it gets weird immediately because it's Monday night. It's a weird night to do a show. Monday night's a day. But we're happy to have you guys. There you go. That's right. There you go. We're teaching you. This is how we break you in. It all happens quick. Fucking all happens quick.

Fucking lovely day today. Beautiful, 75 and sunny, the Monday before Thanksgiving here in Los Angeles. I don't even know. I was just watching TV all day. Grand Theft Auto live throughout Los Angeles. Did you see it? No, I was working on things. Did anyone else watch that amazing five hours of footage? One person.

It was crazy. It was crazy. What happened? Somebody in a car chase? Car chase throughout Hollywood going like 100 miles per hour. That's not real life GTA. That's just a fucking car chase. Then he got out.

He wrecked his car. Then he got out and climbed on top of a roof of this huge apartment complex. Uh-oh. With a rifle? No, with nothing. The grenade launcher. With nothing. So it's not like GTA.

And then he built himself a little hut using bricks that were on top of the... Then he took a bath. He opened up some water main. I swear to God, he did. He took a bath? With helicopters watching him? Yeah.

And then he sat there for a long time and walked around. It was amazing, and it ended horrible. Live entertainment is really the best. Anything can happen in a situation like that. And we watch because we think anything can happen. But it really always ends pretty boring. Yeah, it's pretty boring. More people probably watch that than Birdman, and that's a damn

shame, because that movie was amazing. Two people saw it, see? Four, five, six. Birdman won. So it's good to be back, and life is good. Should we... Yeah, let's talk a bit. What did we

do this weekend? Oh, we opened up for Joe Rogan. Oh, yeah, the Ontario Improv. Yeah, did the Ontario Improv thing. That was great. Yeah. Played a lot of video games. Live audience, what did you guys do this weekend?

All at once. One, two, three. You two people right there. From where? Fuck yeah, New Zealand in the middle of the fucking room. Look at that. I love it. Give New Zealand a good hearty Monday welcome. New Zealand.

You gotta make them laugh. If you don't make them laugh, they'll throw a boomerang at you. They don't give a shit. They'll sacrifice their one boomerang. Is there an old Zealand or is that just not, that means something different? No, it's just always a new one. Guys, we have a

musical guest tonight. I love sharing my funny friends with you guys and this guy is really fucking cool. I saw him play here a few times. I love his album. It's Pat Reagan Smells Like Shit. You should get it immediately. I've been listening to it the last four days. It's all I've been listening to. I love his album. It's Pat Reagan, Smells Like Shit. You should get it immediately.

I've been listening to it the last four days. It's all I've been listening to. I'm obsessed with the stylings of my friend and now yours, Pat Reagan, everybody. Here he is. It goes one, two, three Then we jump in the water It's just you and me And these oceans of blue that surround us.

This blue that surrounds us now. I'm a baby boy. You're my best friend, Greg's dad. You, me, and Greg went on a jet ski group tour. But you and I ditched the tour so we could be alone. the tour so we could be alone now you're the king of

my body and I am the god of the ocean I hope Greg's not upset that we totally ditched his fat ass his tubby ass. But I'm tired of playing these crazy games with your emotions.

You are an angel. And I fucking love you. Love you. Greg's dad. Greg's dad. Cool guy. Cool guy. Sweet man.

Gentle man. Yum, yum, yum, yum. Soft hair. Kind eyes. Sweaty back. Thick thighs. Great lips. fat hips, you fucking angel. We make love in the open water And you start to hum a Peter Gabriel song But we're interrupted by the U.S. Coast Guard

Who informs us Something's wrong Greg is dead Who informs us some things wrong? Greg is dead. There was an accident. Oh, my God. And the Coast Guard asked us if we could identify the body I say that's definitely Greg, you can tell By his fat ass, his tubby ass

But I'm tired of playing these crazy games with your emotions You are an angel Te amo Oh, te amo Te amo, Greg's Dad Te Amo Greg's Dad Te Amo Greg's Dad Te Amo Greg's Dad I'm all pregnant I fucking love you

Thanks guys Fuck yes Pat Reagan That was amazing I almost want to cry guys. Yes. Pat Reagan. Amazing. I almost want to cry. It's unbelievable. Pat Reagan.

Check out Pat Reagan. Follow him on Twitter. He's at Patty Reagan. P-A-T-T-Y-R-E-G-A-N. Don't spell it like Ronald Reagan. There's no A in that last Reagan. That was awesome. Check out his band, Pat Reagan and the Baby Boys. They perform live. Wouldn't you like to have seen a video to that?

Like this guy, a little kid getting fucked. I've been listening to this album for the last, like, week obsessively. And I picture an album. It's fun. I mean, like, I picture the video. It's hilarious. The whole thing. I'm obsessed with that song.

You should hear it on the album version. I mean, live's hilarious. The whole thing. I'm obsessed with that song. You should hear it on the album version. I mean, live's fun, but this whole album, I'm telling you, listen to the whole fucking album. I'm buying it. The whole thing's got a storyline. It is insane. It's amazing. If I've been listening to it and it's musical, I'm not a big musical comedy guy. I love music.

I love comedy. I think they're always good separate. Pat Reagan has changed my mind with that. I disagree because Ween and Bloodhound Gang and all that shit. I want some of my favorite music. Yeah. MC Chris. All that silly shit.

Yeah, I can't get into that as much. The thing with Pat is it sounds like it's a real song. And then he just drops the bottom out of it. Starts fucking Greg's dad out of nowhere. So dark. One second, he's in an ocean. You think with maybe a girl that he's in love with. No, that's his best friend Greg's dad.

He's fucking all of a sudden in the middle of it. Talk about a left turn, huh? His little oshkosh like halfway down his knees. It's adorable. So follow Pat Reagan. Guys, this is Kill Tony. And every week on Kill Tony, we have a brand new patriot keeping us safe, a brand new head of security.

This was actually the very first replacement Patriot that we used, and he was just on for a couple minutes. But now he's back to be able to do a full thing, because normally he works the front bar at this time and gets us completely liquored up. But he's got the night off, so put your hands together for him. It's Ryan Mervis. off, so put your hands together for him.

It's Ryan Mervis. But tonight, he is the big gay biker patriot. Holy shit. Wow. You podcast listeners that don't

watch the show are really missing out on this one. Holy shit. Put your hands together for him, everybody. He really looks like that. You might be wondering how many tens of thousands of dollars we spent on prosthetics to make him look like Will Ferrell on steroids. But, no, that's just natural. He's like a One Direction roadie.

One Direction's a beautiful band. The Patriot mask is almost even overkill at this point. I feel like it's taking away from even more. No, this is great. It's like an anime. It's like an anime? Yeah. Everything about this is real. What did you eat for dinner last night?

Ribs. How many? Full slab. Wow. Fuck yeah. When's the last time you saw your ribs? 1987. Wow.

How old are you? In patriot years or in human years? I like what you did there. Welcome. Ryan Mervis is one of my funniest friends. Tonight he's wearing the mask. We've done mushrooms together. He's a great guy.

Mervis is a positive guy. I once saw him when we were on mushrooms in Joshua Tree one time. He jumped like a 15-foot cliff. And only I saw it. And he didn't think anybody was watching. And I thought he was going to die die but he floated in the air he did it and I saw it

like one of those crazy things where I'm like that's impossible but even you're like you saw that I know what the fuck was that I just thought I could do it and I did it I'm extremely nimble it is pretty strange but I'm glad that you made it.

Did you get any food tonight? I ate some ribs. Oh, you ate ribs again tonight. I love ribs. Wow, two days of ribs. So that's what it takes to get that kind of physique, huh? Let me ask you something. When you eat enough ribs, does the biker jacket just appear out of nowhere?

It comes Amazon Prime. Really? You got that off Amazon Prime? No, this was custom made for me, Tony. Come on. Really? It doesn't look like it can button. First of all... Whoa! You had to suck it in for that one. Yeah, just button one button. Just button one... No, button

one lower. That one right there. And let's just see if it stays closed through the whole show. I'm going to see how long you can last. No, don't go And let's just see if it stays closed through the whole show. I'm going to see how long you can last. Don't go two buttons. Don't play it safe. Just one. Yeah, there you go. If I make you laugh once, that thing's just going to go boom! Right? We'll see.

Alright, fuck it. I'm excited to have you, Ryan Mervis. Did you eat any of the food? I didn't get a chance to yet, but I get a little woozy right before the show. I'm always jacked up on coffee and stuff, so I usually save it until after the show. You had some, though, right? Yeah, it was delicious. It was delicious.

They gave you a fork this week, so you didn't have to eat with your hands. For half of it. I love it. It was unbelievable, guys. We had an awesome meal from Elise Lane, at Elise Lane on Twitter. Chicken fennel and honey crisp salad. We also had slow roasted chicken breast over mixed greens, shaved fennel celery, honey crisp apples,

candied walnuts, pecorino cheese with extra virgin olive oil, lemon, and Maldon sea salt. It was unbelievable. For those of you that didn't eat anything tonight, go fuck yourselves. Our lives are better than yours. So, it's very exciting. She's Elise Lane.

E-L-I-S-E-L-A-I-N. She's an amazing chef. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram at TheGirlWithAPan. That's our only sponsor, everybody. Elise Lane. Mervis, you should eat something that somebody like that makes. Don't just eat ribs all the time. She usually gives me food.

What's the healthiest thing you've eaten in the past few months? I ate a cucumber once. Just a cucumber. Where were you dipping it in? Ranch. Oh, you son of a bitch. You did it again. Guys, this is a...

Josh, what episode number is this, if you had to guess? Do you know? did it again. Guys, this is a... Josh, what episode number is this if you had to guess? You know? Yeah, who gives a fuck? It's the next episode, and guys, this is a really, really fun one. These guys have both been on before.

Two of my funniest friends in the world. One has an HBO one-hour special that just came out. The other's been in a ton of movies. This half-hour was filmed in Boston. Both of them have had specials out this year, and these are guys that I hang out with during the day and shit. These are two of my best friends. Put your hands together for Brody Stevens and Gerard Carmichael, everybody. These guys get it.

They work in show business. Professionals. How lovely. Brody making a hell of an entrance on a podcast. Very physical. Get in here. Get all cozy. Gerard and I get lunch once a week.

In fact, we went to a barbecue place. A barbecue place. Yeah. JR's. JR's Barbecue on La Cienega. Well, we don't want people knowing where we have lunch. Shady. It's like

Freddy's House of Cards. Yeah, it's exactly like that. Including the old black guy. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, it was really nice. Brody Stevens. You got it. Push. Believe. Never forget. Let me just adjust my phone. I'm

excited to be here.'d uh you know it's a nice moment that gerard and i had in front of the crowd we embraced on a on a turbulent night in american history so we're gonna do we're gonna do a great show and we're excited to be here and it's always an honor to uh to get invited back on kill tony. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for the awkward moment. Thank you for letting a man who took a stand. I took a stand. And I was met with deafening silence.

I'm excited. I feel really good about myself. Have you guys ever worked on a stage where anything like that is standing next to you? The biker patriot, Ryan Mervis? No. It's pretty intimidating. It's weird The biker patriot, Ryan Mervis? No. No, man. It's pretty intimidating.

It's weird because it's like, wait, it's a new patriot every week? Yeah. That's great. What are you? Sons of Iron Man? What's the... You got it. Look it up.

Add a JPEG to that statement and you'll be satisfied. I'm actually on hold for tons of Iron Man. Tons of iron. I get it. It's a supplement joke. You should have just gone with the anarchy. That's when you gotta nail it.

Vegetarians, they take iron supplements. What'd you call them? Vegetarians? Vegetarians. Oh, I like that. Nutritional supplements. That's right. I do it. Iron.

You got it. Don't be deficient in it. Yes. Don't want to be. What a great night. Beautiful weather tonight. Let's be thankful for what we do have here in Los Angeles. But I do like that our embrace meant something more than just, oh, hey, it's Brody. I forgot tonight.

It was like really good. Well, yeah. People are it's Brody. I forgot tonight. It was like. Well, yeah, happy. You know, people are a little on edge. Who knows what's going on? But look, everyone's got their opinion. I want to keep it positive. I like people. Who knows what's going to happen?

Who knows? Awkward moment number two. Yeah. Wow. No, I just thought it was kind of fun. You know, people are like. You're talking about Ferguson. Yeah. Wow. No, I just thought it was kind of fun. You know, people are like. You're talking about Ferguson. Yeah.

Yeah. The freeway is shut down. They're down on La Brea. I don't know what's going to happen, but you know. Really? Yeah. That's what I read on Twitter. But I'm out doing the show. I'm not going to stay home.

I'm going to get it done. What do you think about that? That's right. There it is. It's a special Ferguson episode. It's almost like we're bringing everybody together on this. That's why we have the... But here's the deal.

One thing. Twitter, we can't really be funny tonight. It's like pretty... Got to be careful. Here, we can have some fun, so we'll blow off some steam, hopefully. But, you know, Gerard, it's your call. It's your show tonight

I'll think about it I think we're ready to laugh we're professionals every week our every week our patriot asks our guests a question big gay biker patriot what do you got for us tonight? Steven Brody, Stevens.

Yes. Got a question for you. Okay. You were in The Hangover, The Hangover, dude. You were on the most recent Funnier Day Audible Festival Tour. Who had the best food? The best food? I'm talking craft services here.

What? That's a great question. That's a great question. That's a fantastic question. Actually, it's pretty cool backstage at these amphitheaters. The food is very good. It's nice. They take a lot of preparation. It's a full-time gig feeding Blink-182, Jimmy Buffett,

and then Louis C.K. and myself. I would say the food was pretty consistent. Everyone was right on par, but it was all solid. Gerard was on a bunch of the shows. What did you think about the food? It was cool. It wasn't amazing. It was fine.

I think it was good enough. It's fine because all the amphitheaters, all due respect to the chefs, all the amphitheaters are kind of in the middle of nowhere, so for an only option type of thing, yeah, it's great. But they would have chicken dishes. There would always be fish. Wait, wait, why do you got to bring up chicken first?

Why? Chicken's healthy. There's good, I enjoyed the food, but I know you, but it really made it's kind of cool all the amphitheaters they do blend in together to be honest but you know you make it what it is and you're good people

you know comedies are fun it's fun out there so we appreciate it thank you and welcome great question Patriot that was for Brody good question was it good I think I answered it okay yeah it was very good that That was a great answer. Really? Yeah. I mean, it's really first world problems

saying that all the amphitheaters really blend in in the end, but... Well, they do. I get it. I understand. They really do. It's kind of fun going to those things. I'm glad I did it. Kind of fun? Yeah. 20,000 people or whatever? It's cool. You loved it. You've done

it two years in a row. You're like the only guy that did it. I appreciated it, but I'll tell you what. I wanted to make that thing a little more special and I felt like, you know, last year when you had Dave Chappelle on all the shows it was really magical. There was that moment is he going to show up? Is he going to be here? Who knows what's happening?

This year was more just kind of solid stand-up. Joke, joke, joke. I wanted to create. I tried to push some moments, but it's kind of hard. Gotcha. But I had a great time, and it was wonderful. Perfect.

Mervis. Jesus, Tony. Mervis, what's your question for Gerard? Okay. Gerard, when you were filming your one-hour special for HBO, you had a special director, Mr. Spike Lee. Okay. Gerard, when you were filming your one-hour special for HBO, you had a special director, Mr. Spike Lee. When you first met Spike Lee, what was the reaction?

Did you guys hit it off immediately? Were you best friends, like you've known each other forever? No. No. He's really cool I really I've enjoyed him He was great And brought a lot

Yeah, I mean the first reaction was just It was like cool He called me And then I made a joke about gentrification That didn't work And then It was just kind of cool from there you know it's just like he's really a serious guy and you know it was cool so

he directs comedy special yeah yeah exactly yeah Michelle Gondry's doing the next drop of a show God you reference like that. He has all the videos. Good videos. Thank you, Patriot. Great question. That was a great question. Is my mic going to stay low? What's the deal with it?

You want more? I'd like to get a little more so I don't scream. I'm going to be honest with you. It's just weird because you like to talk about Spike Lee on like a Ferguson night. I don't know why. Yeah. It just feels like weird. It's just like, oh, man, if you bring up Spike Lee, then I got to go on a rant. Right. You know how that kind of sounds. That was a Ferguson night. I don't know why. Yeah. It just feels like weird. It's just like, oh man, if you bring up Spike Lee,

then I got to go on a rant. Right. You know how that kind of sounds. That was a sensitive question. I wouldn't have brought it up. But Spike Lee is a big sports fan. Let's focus on him. He's a big fan.

I love it. I love what's going on here tonight. Ferguson is a thing. Well, yeah. But we're here to do our thing. Good questions, good stuff. Tony, I'm excited. Welcome to Kill Tony, episode 64.

What number is it? You literally took the words right out of my mouth. What number is it? I'm pretty sure it's 80, but Josh stopped counting at some point. So fuck it. Who gives a shit? They'll figure it out when it comes out. So let's fuck it. Who gives a shit? They'll figure it out when it comes out. So let's do it.

Over 30 comedians signed up for the chance to do one minute on stage. After they do a minute on stage, we talk to them about anything. We don't necessarily have to even talk about what they talked about. We can just talk about anything. They go from being a comedian for 60 seconds to a podcast guest for however long we decide. They know their 60 seconds is up when you

hear that sound of a kitty. How cute. Adorable, right? That means wrap it up. Or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. There he is. He sounds furious tonight, everybody. So don't make him make a noise, because that's all that happens.

Wow. You could probably do a better West Hollywood bear, Mervis. What would that sound go like? Hot. Oh, yeah, that's it. Nailed it. That's a true West Hollywood bear right there. All right, let's get it started.

Here we go. Let's do it. Are you guys ready or what? Tony reaching into the bucket. This is where the magic happens. He's wearing a sweater. A lot of stuff happens before the mainframe of the show. I like it that way.

Tony's looking good. Here we go. He's got the name. Put your hands together. I know this young man. Funny guy. Stretch SHP. Stretch SHP.

Stretch SHP. Stretch SHP. Thomas, hit the mic. Way to go. Not your fault, Thomas. All right, put your hands together for Stretch SHP, everybody. Yes, you got it. How's it going, everybody? Glad to be here.

Let's see. I just recently had a baby, me and my girl, and she's breastfeeding. Glad to be here. Let's see. I just recently had a baby, me and my girl, and she's breastfeeding, which is amazing to me because breast milk is the best milk. All right? It's the best milk. Saves us a ton of money. Do you guys know how much formula costs these days? I don't.

Never bought it. And we're very lucky. She's overproducing, so we're starting to stockpile milk in the freezer. And the proud, happy dad in me is like, that's amazing that my son has access to this. But the ex-drug dealer in me is like, we need to flip this breast milk. You know what I mean? We need to get this money.

It's 100% profit right there. Cut it with water, 200% profit. Every time I open my freezer, I just see little baby bricks of breast milk. It's like a scene from The Wire in there. I want to be the Walter White of selling breast milk. It's my goal. Fuck yeah. Nailed it.

Talking about his life. Stretch, SHP. See you at a kid, huh? Holy shit. How old's the baby? Ten and a half months. Wow. I didn't even know that. baby? Ten and a half months. Wow. I didn't even know that. You just do comedy with people all the time.

You don't even realize they have lives outside of here. Congratulations. That was the big thing for me. I was like, oh, man, Stretch had a kid. Yeah. Little boy. Baby boy Royal. Royal?

Yeah, that's his name. I like that. That's some powerful shit. Yeah. Named after Kansas City Royals? No. Okay. Named after Lord City Royals? Is that? No. Okay. Named after Lord's hit single of 2013?

That was it. That's what we were going for. What's the middle name? Sinclair. Royal Sinclair. Damn. What's the last name? Smith Connell. God damn.

That's a name, man. Yeah. Say it all together. Royal Sinclair Smith Connell. Now five times real fast. Holy shit. That's a big name. Yeah, that's a big name.

He's got big shoes to fill. You better hope he's something good or else. That'll just be weird. He'll get butt fucked in prison. Based on his name alone. Tony, you've got to keep it clean. I'm just saying. But he does have the name of a rec center.

They got to donate it. The Royal Rec Center. Yeah, the rec center. So he's going to donate a rec center. I love that. Hopefully my parenting skills will allow him not to be in jail. No, of course. Can I tell you, everything is just weird today.

Yeah. Everything is just a black dude in a hoodie. First comment, it's like, my son will not go to jail. It's like, god damn, this is like a rally. I noticed that, too. I noticed that, too. It's just a little weird. I'm sorry.

It's a little weird. And I brought him up to a Fergie song, so. Oh, God. Oh, Brian, that's a cheap shot. That's short for Ferguson. Spelled it out. For all the listeners. Oh, I got it!

Did you taste your wife's breast milk? Because you said it's the best milk, and I kind of thought you were going to go there for a second. It took me a while to do it, but yeah, I finally did it. Is it better cold? My son likes it cold. You mean you tried it straight out of the boob?

I did not try it straight out of the boob. Has it leaked or anything accidentally? Have you grabbed it? How does that work? When we've had sex, it's kind of leaked. You know what I mean? You make her squirt, huh? I gotta keep it clean.

I don't.irt, huh? Fuck yeah. I got to keep it clean. I don't. Stretch, right? Yes. I like your style. I like the shoes. I like the hoodie. I like the whole thing. The beard.

My two points of what I notice, I'm not a material guy necessarily, I would say I like how you hold the mic, but I would say I got to see your face a little bit or I would say you just like enunciate a little more you know speak up a little more just a little that's my only thing I feel like you got a good style but I think you should not eat the mic so much I would feel like I'd like to see a

little more am I wrong? No? Okay, great, thanks You're a comedian I feel like I'm not saying the jokes are bad But I'm saying I gotta see a little more command Yeah But you did watch him from behind

So that's why you didn't see his face I'm looking at the mic technique Okay, I'm the bad guy. But look at Gerard. It's clear. Like I said, I like the style. I like the vibe. I'm just saying a little more oomph.

Maybe I'm wrong. No, I get what you're saying. Just a little bit. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think the sound's a little bit down. Maybe he was trying to project, right? Well, the sound system's not that great, let's be honest. So I'm nitpicking, but like I said, I liked everything else.

The breast milk stuff, that's a Tony department. Yeah, it's good on the way in. I'm more on style. Look, you got Air Force Ones, you get it. The hoodie, I'm wearing a hoodie. Beard, I have a beard. That's positive energy. Yeah.

I look like Brody Stevens, man. Stretch, I love your style, man. Anything else, Gerard? It was really good, man. I like, you know, anything personal is always great, man. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Congratulations.

Keep writing about that baby shit. That's funny. People can relate to that. I mean, this is probably like the most least baby having room in all of comedy. So, I mean, other places that shit's really going to destroy. And fuck yeah. That's great. Thank you very much, guys.

Appreciate it. Great take on breast milk. You got it. One of the breast sets so far tonight. It's good stuff. Father figure. That's a big deal. It does change far tonight. It's good stuff. Father figure, that's a big deal. It does change your perspective. It's true.

I have a kid, and it's putting him through school. It's not easy. I've got to pay for that. Yeah. What's the story with him? He's just been a brat recently. Yeah? So my ex is giving me a hard time. So I've got to discipline him. It's just been a brat recently. Yeah. So my ex is giving me

a hard time. So I gotta like discipline him. Uh-huh. So what'd you do? I got a switch. Whoa. Wow.

Oh, is that... I don't even know what I could say. No, you can say anything. That's not a Ferguson joke. That's an Adrian Peterson joke. Anything. No, you know what

was most fun about that? It all comes back to Ferguson. You know what was most fun about that? I don what was most fun about that? I don't have a kid, and Tony didn't deny he let me play. It really felt fun to, like, talk about me having a kid and my ex. There's no such thing. Yeah, well, that's why I jumped out of it because I was, like,

I was surprised once tonight by who had a kid. So I was like, oh, I thought maybe he had a kid. Sometimes it's surprise. That's what I did. Yeah, it's fun to. That was fun. Thank you for playing along. It's fun to play like that. Mervis actually did have a kid, yeah. Sometimes it's a surprise. That's what I did. Yeah, it's fun to... That was fun. Thank you for playing along. It's fun to play like that.

Mervis actually did have a kid recently, right? Yeah, right here. Okay, well. Oh. I'm going to do something about it. So who's going to pull... We're going to rotate on who pulls the name down. If you want to, if you'd like to pull a name out, I'll let you.

I'd like to, but we can rotate. Since you asked politely. Okay, I'll do it. I mean, that's not really a thing. I normally pull the name out. I know, but I did a lot. I think it's a nice variety. Go right ahead. Stick your we can rotate. Since you asked politely. Okay, I'll do it. I mean, that's not really a thing. I normally pull the name out. I know, but I think it's a nice variety. Go right ahead. Stick your hand in there.

Thank you. I love it. Stick my hand in there. Fuck yeah. I get it. Okay, here we go. I have the name. I have the slip of paper.

Okay, we have the name Drew Bem. Dean. Dean name Drew Bem. Dean. Dean Bem. I have to work on that. Good energy already. Thank you. Thank you for having me, guys. I found this out the other day.

Did you guys know that there is no tickling allowed in the UFC? That's a rule. You know what that means is that there used to be tickling in the UFC? That's a rule. You know what that means? Is that there used to be tickling in the UFC and they had to get rid of it forever. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall

on the day that tickling had to be banned, right? Like some dude's just in some serious neck hold and he's just like, I just got a freaking doodly-doop-doop-doop. Come on, Steve.

What are you doing? That's the third time this week. No, put it in the rule book. I don't care. Make it number one. I don't give a shit. Which, when you think about it, is a missed opportunity on behalf of the UFC, right?

Like, I would have liked to have seen tickling not only loud, but encouraged. I'd watch that, right? Coming to the ring, this man has a third-degree black belt in Brazilian Coochie Coo. You guys are leaving me hanging on this one. Standing at 5 feet 11 inches

tall, weighing 182 pounds from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, George the French tickler, Saint-Pierre. And he just makes explosions and he comes out and he's like Alright, anyways, thank you guys very much. Thank you. There he is. Drew Bem. Is it Beam or Bem?

Beam. It rhymes with name. Beam. Drew Bemp. Is it Beam or Bem? Beam. Beam? It rhymes with name. Beam. Yeah. Okay. Can I just go ahead? Go right ahead.

Where are you from? Canada. Okay, you're from Canada. That's what I thought. How long have you been doing stand-up? It's almost seven years. Do you smoke pot today? Yes.

Okay. I think you're a good performer. That bit, the tickler bit. Yes. Okay. I think you're a good performer. That bit, the tickler bit. Yes. You wrote that. Yes. Okay, because it's good. You got it. I'm not accusing. I like what you're bringing to the stage. Tony, go ahead and take it from here.

What were you saying? Yeah, I know. I feel like I'm under the heat here. The bit, it was good. It was very fleshed out. Maybe I'm, I mean, but I guess that's, anybody could show up here, right? That's not like an open mic. That's like a good bit is what I'm saying.

Oh, you're saying, okay. Okay. I was just trying to make clear. It sounded like you were accusing him of something. I'm not accusing him. It was so, no, because it's like an open mic kind. I'm thinking like, that bit's so good. That's not new shit.

No, he's been doing it for seven years. We're at Canada. All right, that's what I'm getting at. All right. Yeah, you could definitely tell it was something that you worked on. That's what I'm getting at. You still live in Edmonton or you live here? Yeah, I live in Edmonton.

Yeah, I was just visiting for the past couple weeks. Nice. Rick Bronson. Yeah, I saw you there a bunch of times. Oh, cool, man. Yeah, it's a good spot. You know, it's funny what you said. Go for it, Brody.

My shoes, I know. He's got DC shoes. That's good. My shoes are fucked. From a ridiculousness, I support DC shoes. Oh, great. Oh, nice. I'm sorry.

What were you saying, Jeremy? Oh, no, no no it was funny i um but no it's just funny how like certain words that you say get like a laugh like you said like coochie coo is just a funny word right you know what i mean like it's just like oh it just made me realize how like just certain sounds and stuff like that like coochie coo is just i'm an adult and I was still like, Yeah, hard consonants. Do you watch the UFC? I do. You're a fan. Yes.

And I know you guys are like super in. That's not a real rule, though. You can still tickle. You can't? Because I talk about it all the time on the Joe Rogan podcast about how they should just tickle each other, and they would win. So they do?

You can tickle. Okay. So there's a tickle bit. Yeah, because that's exactly what I've been talking about. I talk about this actually on stage a few times also. Oh, here we go. You did a really good job putting it all together, way better than I did a few times. But the Coochie Coo thing in particular was really good.

But, yeah, I mean, I think the people who will attract the UFC nerds, I think they're immediately going to go, No, that's not a real rule. I don't know, but maybe say they're not. I've never had anybody say that to me before. I think you're fine. I'm just saying that bit. I probably heard the tickling. It just raised my antlers a little bit.

I know Brian's big into tickling. When you're down, he touches you to try to tickle you. So it's just a lot of tickle stuff, but I think you're doing the right thing. You're good. Just keep doing it. I have nothing else to add other than the tickle you. So it's just a lot of tickle stuff, but I think you're doing the right thing. You're good. Just keep doing it. I have nothing else to add other than, like, you know, the tickle stuff. What else do you talk about? Mainly, no, like on stage?

Yeah. I don't know. Lots of stuff. Weed sometimes. You got a good accent. Are you from, like, France? No, from Canada. You seem like the South Park's, like, version of Canadian.

Like, hey, buddy, don't call me a pal, guy. You seem like you're split right down the middle. Sort of, I guess. Do you know about checking the oil? Because that could be something you could add to it. Checking the oil is actually another legal move where you're actually allowed to stick your finger in the guy's butt. Shut up. Come on.

Swear to God. Let me ask another question. Because it could be other than just stand-up. So you live here in Los Angeles? No, I'm just visiting. Oh, you're visiting. Yeah. And you work up in Canada all over?

Yeah, doing stand-up. All right, you're good. Just keep doing it. There's no secret. I can't change the world. What am I supposed to do? Just keep talking instead of dismissing them at the very end.

What do you mean? It sounds like you're baiting them. It sounds like you're baiting them somewhere. You did a good job. Good luck with your life. You got it. What am I, a police officer? That's the story of you.

You're done here. If it ain't broken, don't fix it. We're not. I said, what are you doing here? Let's hang. What are you visiting? What have you seen so far? Do audience warm up at midnight when Ron Funches and Pete Holmes were on?

There you go. Positive energy. You make me drop the stick. I blame you, Tony. Aggressive. You got it. But it sounds like he's trying to get information from people. You're just like, all right, you still live in Canada.

Your mother's maiden name is Smith. I've got all I need. You just drop it. Well, I felt pressure from Tony a little bit, but I didn't want to come down hard on you on the tickler bit. I thought you did a great job, but I just had to get my head clear. I realize this show's very popular. Everybody shows

up, so thank you for being here. What's your name again? Drew. Drew. Welcome to Los Angeles. Drew Boehm, everybody. Thank you. Thank you, guys. He's on Twitter at Drew Boehm. That's B-E-H-M, all Bame, everybody. Thank you. He's on Twitter at Drew Bame. That's B-E-H-M, all one word, Drew Bame. You got it. Get on with your life.

He's doing good. I know. But we're talking to him. This is Dr. Drew. Everyone's got an issue? You got it. That just washes it clean, I guess. Oh, you want to pull the name, Gerard, or Red Band? Brody, we have a whole thing that goes on here that every week when you're not here.

Yeah, and I don't change. So you're telling me I should change the way I am? Tony doesn't like sharing, all right? Who likes when I call the name? We switch it up. They're always going to clap. They're a positive audience. They didn't all clap. About half of them. Enough to get me back in to pull a name show.

You want to pull another name? Yes! I did it last time. What do I know? I only do warm-up at the number one rated show on Comedy Central every day. You do warm-up for Tosh.0? Oh. I've been on it. You don't do that Let's keep it real

I work for Comedy Central too I'm all over the place, I travel everywhere I know how to behave Ladies and gentlemen Who's my friend from the Dodgers? You got it, catcher, AJ Ellis And what name did I just pull out of the bucket? Here he is, Ian Ellis.

Yes! Man, give it up for Rob Zombies Iron Man, also known as Greg's dad I don't support animal abuse but if you have one and you're having a party and they won't shut the fuck up you should threaten to murder them loud enough for all of your guests to hear like as a responsible pet owner

I shouldn't have to feel like an asshole because I want to put your dog in the oven it's not just dogs I've wanted to put your dog in the oven. It's not just dogs. I've wanted to kick cats out of the second story window of an apartment as well. And I don't want to sound like a total monster, but I have the same policy about crying children. I think a good mother should tell them, if you don't shut up, I'm going to send you to live with your father. Now, obviously, you can't send kids to jail, but you can teach them how to make shoes and send them to Malaysia. My name is Ian Ellis.

I love you. Good night. Fuck yeah. There he is. 57 seconds. Brody, you were talking during that. Will you want to? I was just hearing some offensive topics.

Kicking a cat out of a window. Abusing an animal? No. I didn't say it was a black cat. Whoa. Topical. This guy's good. Topical.

You know what? I like your energy. I like your personality. I like your demeanor. The material's a little dark, but it fits you. It fits you. And you're from Chicago? Yeah, man.

I'm going to be there in a couple weeks. Beautiful day. You want to watch me do some shows? No, you're a good guy. And I like your T-shirt and keep doing what you're doing. God bless and welcome to Los Angeles. So you passed the style points. There you go. The style judge, There you go.

The style judge, Brody Stevens. Yeah. You got like a weird inflection on your voice. It's really weird. It never lands. It always kind of sounds like a question you know what i mean like every like even like punchline i mean that's really technical it's just something i heard like it was just like you know so i kick a cat out of a window and it's like wait is that you know what i mean like it's just a weird kind of questioning

it's very quick so that was you know were you raised on the south side of chicago yeah i'm actually originally from Colorado. The mean streets of Colorado? What are we talking about here? We're out in Colorado. I don't know. I was a kid when I moved, man. So how old were you when you moved?

13. Great. So you're from Chicago. Yeah. Cool. Where'd you grow up in Chicago? Do you have all the information you need? No.

I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, like Plainfield, Bolingbrook. You a fan of hip-hop? You have the Wu-Tang shirt on. A little bit. The cat and the dog thing falls under that, you know, half the people here have cats and dogs in the audience. So unless it's like crazy hilarious, all these people are probably like, man, do you really hate dogs? You know, slapping cats out windows and shit. So, like, I don't know.

I mean, do you have a pet? Do you really hate pets or animalspping cats out windows and shit? So, like, I don't know. I mean, do you have a pet? Do you really hate pets or animals that much? I had a dog. No, I love a dog. But you know what? What happened to the dog? Whoa. The Patriot is in the house.

But here's the deal. His character, it's like a whole Michael Myers thing. I think you play it up. He's like a menacing guy. So if you're going to do the dog I say keep doing it Is what I'm saying That kind of joke fits you

Now if somebody else The guy before you He did the killing the dog joke or whatever No You it fits you It could be a character thing Yeah you're taking a chance But I think it could fit

your demeanor. That's what I think. You have the right look to pull that off. You're saying I look like a serial killer. Whatever, but you're kind of like menacing, but not in a bad way. Like I said, like a Jason, like a Michael Myers, like

one of those deals. You're looking at me. But in a good way, because you're doing comedy. So I say keep doing those dark jokes. It's just funny because he wants you to say, you're like a Carlin or like a Pryor, but you're like a Jason or Michael Myers or a Hannibal. Hannibal Lecter.

You know, you'll murder, but not in the way you want to. You got it. Yes. That's Kill Tony, folks. You're like a comedian Chucky doll. Go about your way. Fuck yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up?

2007. 2007 is when you started in Chicago. You live here now. How long have you been doing it here? Well, this is the first time I've been up in a month because I haven't been hitting the lottery system too well. Wow. You don't go up other places? No, I've been trying to get out.

I just haven't been getting called. You mean other places too? Does everyone place a lottery now? Well, I get out like two or three times a week. You can't get out more? I live in Mission Hill. I don't have a car, so it's like when I can afford a ride. Can I ask a question? You were living in Chicago most recently?

Yeah. And then what made you want to come out to Los Angeles? Because you have industry out here. How long were you in Chicago doing stand-up? About five years. Okay. I mean, that's good enough to take that chance to go to la or did you think about going to new york maybe i did uh don't need a car i think i'm more of like a new york comic but yeah my people in new

york were like if you want to get writing for a show go to la nah that's i mean it's kind of true but kind of not true like the most important thing for you is just like, not to turn into whatever, but it's just to get better. You know what I mean? I'm not saying you're not. I'm just saying if it is New York that allow you without a car. I didn't have a car for years when I moved over. We didn't have a car. We didn't have a car, yeah.

So we would hitch rides with everybody together. Yeah, you just hop rides and walk or take a bus or whatever. I mean, I understand you're living kind of far out, but even in New York, if you live kind of far out, you can still take a train into the city. Where's Mission Hills? Yeah. It's in the valley.

Oh, God. North Valley, way out there. Like Northridge? I spend the weekend getting my motorcycle license. I'm going to buy a scooter, and then I can get out more. There you go. A scooter? Cool.

A man's got a plan. Just go to a local bar that's near you. They probably would love to have a comedy night. You just talk to them. Set your own shit up. Fucking advertise. Start your own shit by where you live where you can just go across the street. Make it as easy as possible but make sure you go up because the more

you go up, the more you're actually going to become a comic. This once a month shit, that's like you're not a comic. I will say something to tag that you got to like public go up, the more you're actually going to become a comic. This once a month shit, that's like you're not a comic. We just moved out here. But I will say something to tag that you got to like public speak. I was a tour guide at Radio City Music Hall for a year and a half. I sold T-shirts for NBA basketball games.

You just got to want to talk. Get out there. That's why podcasting like this is a good thing. So where do I go with that? I don't know. But keep doing what you're doing. You got to want it. I think you want it. You moved out here and you're figuring out. Do the dark stuff.

Yeah. You got it, right? I got it. Tag it, though. Tag it. Yeah, ride it. Go that route. If you're going to go that route, then you got to own it all the way. Are you comfortable? One dog joke and then one cat joke and then one Malaysia. Are you comfortable with doing those kind of jokes? Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, I'll write you some more. Okay. No, I got a lot of... Okay. Fuck yeah. Good stuff. Ian, why is one shoe dirty and one shoe clean? It's bothering me so bad.

I can't figure out what horse do you kick every day on your way out. I was at Runyon Canyon yesterday, so they're a little dusty. With just one shoe on? What the fuck? Why is the other one so clean? You have one dusty, looks like it was at Runyon and the other one's perfect. Who takes boots in the Runyon Canyon? That's like an interesting thing.

I have my boots. Are those boots or are those like low? They're regular shoes, man. They're regular shoes. Wow, look at those. Those are like fake boots. I had my boots. Are those boots? They're regular shoes, man. They're regular shoes. Wow, look at those. Those are like fake boots. I had a feeling. They look like boots, but then they're like little short boots.

They're bootsies. Little baby bootsies. Hashtag baby bootsies. That's what number episode this is. It's Kill Tony, the baby bootsies episode. There you go, from kicking cats. He went back to it. Good.

Wow, there you go. There's the callback. I mean, I said the horse thing three minutes ago, but pretty quick, kid. Really, but really confident, man. Like, really, really confident and really bold. Keep doing it, man. All the best to you, really. Yeah, you're so great.

I love you, Ian. And Ian Ellis is also the guy, the amazing artist. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at ChicagoOpenMike. He's made the coolest fan art. You wouldn't even believe it. He's an amazing artist. Absolutely my favorite artist.

That's cool. He really draws some crazy shit up. I have no talent in terms of that stuff. I know, me neither. It's amazing. I always ask every guest a question, the same question. I can't remember whether I've asked you guys this or not, but anything you did when you first started out doing stand-up that you're embarrassed you ever did

or can't believe you ever did, like when you were starting out? Something silly? Maybe a joke? Something stupid? I can come up. Would you like to go first, Geronimo? No, you go first. Something stupid that I did early on? That you can't believe you did. You know, something stupid. I can come up. Would you like to go first, Geronimo? No, you go first. Something stupid that I did early on?

That you can't believe you did. You know, something silly. Something silly. I can't believe I did that. How about you, Mervis? Oh, thanks for moving on, Tony. I mean, you spring this question on me. It's like, this is your life.

Go ahead, Mervis. I used to try to play the mandolin on stage. That did not pan out well. What's the mandolin? The mandolin's a tiny string instrument. I can play the mandolin, but not properly. It's like a ukulele, but a little bit harder to play. You're a real hippie, huh?

You know how to play the mandolin. That's like the Jedi level of hippie. Most hippies, they take it easy. They just get some silly drum and all stand in a circle. The mandolin's got fucking rhythm. When was the last time you had craps? Oh, no. I have all shaved down there. All shaved? So have you ever had

craps? Not this month. I see you have. Tony, what's your question again? I'm going to think about it. Have you ever had craps It's anything silly you did When you first started out I'm trying to think of silly I can think of mistakes

I can think of mistakes I'll give you one example The first time And it's kind of weird The first time I ever did A real comedy show, it was like a bringer show, I took a workshop at UCLA. This was after college.

1993. So summer of 93. We took a workshop and Pauly Shore's sister taught the class. Sandy Shore. Sandy C. Shore. And so I would go to UCLA every week, drive out from the Valley from Tarzana to see if I liked comedy.

So I would do my two minutes at UCLA. And I got excited, and I would do the class. And then after, I would drive down Sunset. I'd look at the comedy store, and I'd go see. It was just intimidating to come by here. But about six weeks later, anyway, we did our graduation class and I was up on stage here. And I just remember

I had a hat on. You couldn't see my face. I was saying the F word and it was like, you know, it's like your first comedy tape. I think anybody's first comedy tape is embarrassing

and is cringeworthy. But it's funny that you brought that up because it happened right here in 1993. And I'm still because it happened right here in 1993. And I'm still going at it right now. Wow. I didn't quit. I kept going from an open mic in Chatsworth, not far away from Mission Hills.

Right there, my open mic. And I knew, like, you know what? L.A. is not a good place to start. There was desperation in the air. So I went back to UCLA and took a business comedy class. And then I wanted to get on stage, but the guy says, if you want to do comedy, start.

Get out of LA. And that's why I went to Seattle after the Northridge earthquake. You got it. Working today. 15 years straight. Oh, I know what I did. We'll edit that one out. That was great. Triumphant story.

Thank you, Gerard. You know, keep at it. Push hard. Do those, you know, do it. Yeah. Oh, I did a, I did a, after. Yeah, what was it like when you graduated from comedy class, Gerard? Oh, how dare you, Tony.

I took a path. I took a path laughter laughter laughter I took a path oh yeah after Chris Brown the Chris Brown Rihanna thing uh this is not starting silly

I had an idea at the improv open mic I wanted to go up and pretend to do the Chris Brown apology bloopers. And real performance artist shit. I got like Willie the whole cue cards. Pretended to read off of it. I would like dance to the mic. It was like really crazy.

Just a couple years ago. That's hilarious. That's awesome. I actually have it, and I would dance to the mic. It was really crazy. Just a couple years ago. That's hilarious. That's awesome. I actually have one more, and I'm sorry. I was downstairs. When you went to get your master's degree in comedy? All right. Is that what this is turning into?

So maybe about eight years ago, I was downstairs in the original room, and I remember some girl yelled at me, and her name was – I did a Jerry Jewell reference, you know, from Facts of Life. Bleyah. Bleyah. Nobody knows who she is? Jerry Jewell? There you go.

Nobody. One person. Oh, great. Jesus. Yeah. I did – all right. So I did an impression of somebody. This was an old joke eight years ago.

All right. What is it? Crap on Brody night? It was a really awkward moment. You asked for it. It stopped the whole show. It stopped it. She was that upset.

I made a grown woman with cerebral palsy cry. Oh, my goodness. That's aggressive. Wow. You got it. I'll snap. I'm demonic. You got it.

Push and believe. Never forget. Let's pull a name out of the bucket. You used it. Push and believe, never forget. Let's pull a name out of the bucket. You use that you got it like a piece of ginger between sushi bites. It's supposed to clean the slate that you've built. But there's another thing. On my last special. We don't forget what you just said.

I said you got it like 30 times on my half hour special. That's embarrassing, too. To repeat yourself when you think you weren't. You got it. Alright, here we go. Oh, you pull a name. It's your turn. I pulled out Ella, so you're next.

You don't want to, Gerard? No, I'm cool. Tonight's the night we found out Gerard can't read everybody. That's racist. That's crossing the line big time, Tony. I had to say it. When in Rome,

you gotta say the joke. Oh my gosh. I'll put it right there. You served me a big beach ball of set up there. Rashid Stephen. Good name. Rashid Stephen. Oh, good name. Rashid Stephen.

Yeah. Rashid, yeah. I come in peace. Okay, sure. Growing up, I had, like, some really big fears. Two of my big fears in life kind of hindered me a little bit. One of those big fears were of dying. I was petrified of dying.

Then I listened to the resurrection by Tupac. I wasn't afraid of more. One of the other fears was of this bully in my neighborhood. Really, really, really bully in person, man. Her name was Keisha. She was six foot tall and she wore a mustache. Keisha is not Ted I was petrified of that thing

my fears are more specific now I have more specific fears now like I'm petrified of dying of a stereotypical death I remember I was out with this girl we having a good time I'm making her laugh, throwing my best jokes she's like, ha! you know what I mean

she threw my best stuff out there and I remember I get overly excited so I choke and I think this is going to be my last moment so I. And I remember I get overly excited, so I choke. And I think this is going to be my last moment. So I think I'm like, man, God, please don't let me die with this chicken bone in my mouth. All these white people, man, you know. I didn't want to perpetuate stereotypes, you know.

Fuck yeah. There he goes. Rasheed Steven. Gerard, you want to go first? You win. You won the night. No, I don't know. I don't know.

That was funny, man. That was really funny, the dying stereotype. I like the perspective of that. It was really, really strong and great. And, yeah, man, go Ferguson, man. You know? Yeah, redemption. I think you got more confident as the set went on.

I felt like you got more confident and into it. I feel like you got, like, a good flow. Like, you got an interesting, like, a flow. I don't know about point of view yet. I mean, maybe. But so you got something that's a little different. You know, your voice is interesting. And I think it's something that you just keep doing it. You just got to keep.

But you have something there. See, that's nothing. A year is nothing. One year, one year. I actually started. I started three years ago in Atlanta, but only did it for like three months. Atlanta is scary, right? Yeah, it was.

They say that's a scary place to start. Really? Why is it scary? Well, I'll tell you. Because, and especially for a black comedian in Atlanta. Because the clubs there, they have these themed nights where the crowd purposefully fucks with you. Who's got jokes? I'm going to tell you tell you you're gonna love this

gerard i'm about to blow your fucking mind you're gonna dig this the most ready one night it's gonna make me mad is it no you're gonna love it all right one night there like tuesday nights we'll say is keys night where if a comedian who's doing i mean this this is like their real show too real stand-up show but on keys night the second a comedian loses your attention, you're allowed to take out your keys and just start jingling them lightly. It'll start with some people and then it'll take over and some

comedians are just dying on stage and everybody in the room is jingling their keys. And the noise that it makes, it makes you want to quit. Where the fuck is this at? What's the main club in Atlanta? Not Punchline Atlanta. Atlanta's where a lot of monsters come from, by the way.

But that was the thing that kind of made me... Stuff like that. What's with the shirt? It's coming undone. Gotta tighten it up there. Tighten it up. A couple buttons undone. Yours came out at some point, huh, Mervis? That button didn't last very long at all.

No, it did not. Fuck yeah. The only button... Look at the size of your belly button. Jesus Christ. What lands in there? Like, what type of spaceship? That looks like that part of the Death Star

that, like, the Emperor pulls into. Mervis, you watch what you eat? Yeah, he watches it go down his throat. Oh, Tony, that's an aggressive statement. Watch what you eat. Look at him. Come on. Why is the mask?

I've been getting healthy. I have. I've lost some weight. Fuck yeah. Cocaine, everybody. Dude, if it was just cocaine, I would be so skinny. That's true.

Hey, everybody. Fuck yeah. What was up with the buttons? Is that a thing that you normally do? You just let the buttons go and it's like a... No, it was halfway button. I mean, I had just came out of the restroom. I was taking off that coat. I had an undershirt on. How old are you? 24.

Yeah, you seem young. What were you doing before stand-up? Played college football. Holy shit. Played college football. At Georgia? No, no, I went to Jacksonville State University. Where's that? Alabama. It's not in Jacksonville? Yeah, Jacksonville, Alabama. It's Jacksonville, Alabama, not Jacksonville, Florida?

They have two Jacksonvilles. There's one in North Carolina also. Camp Lejeune Military Base. I didn't know about that one. It's all over there. A lot of Jacksonvilles. It's really cool because you have that look like if I were casting a movie for a football team in Jacksonville. Absolutely.

You'd be like the triumphant quarterback who mom was on drugs and then still played despite it was like coach i want to be somebody yeah he would have fucking destroyed that shit you were a wide receiver no i played free safety you got it all right free safe so you get to hit guys you stay in the back and help despite despite what his foster mom said about him playing free safety when she said i'm sorry i'm just making up your life story. I'm sorry. I'm right. That's what I'm working on. That's what I got from that.

I played two years and then I just finished college. I mean, I just, I got, I injured my knee like twice. You played for two years? Yeah, I played two years and then I, I mean, I had to quit because I kept injuring myself. So just finished college and I just moved out. Did you ever get a concussion? Several. I got 14. That was it.

You got 14 concussions? 14 concussions. I got 14. You got 14 concussions? 14 concussions. I got a CAT scan. They said over my career, I had 14 concussions. So, I mean. Is that a normal number? Like, what's the normal number?

Well, you know, I mean, they just start taking, like, they just start documenting when people get concussions about four years ago. So, I had been playing since I was four years old. So, the documentation of me getting it wasn't around. So, when they did, me getting it wasn't around. Good thing this show's a podcast so you'll be able to remember what happened here tonight. Fourteen concussions. That's got to mess you up sometimes. Do you ever

notice it fucking with you? No, that's why I quit. I quit when I felt it was taking a toll out on me mentally and physically. Get out after fourteen concussions, you quit. But you never notice it messing with you or catching up to you? You never

pour your cereal and you think it was cornflakes and you grab the milk and you come back and it's fruity pebbles and you're like, what the fuck? Let's keep it positive. It's in the news. He's dealing with it. He could probably talk about it. I've been through a lot for making it a part of your act. But it's all about positivity.

That's exactly what I'm trying to obviously and clearly get at here, is that he should be talking about his experience as a football player, that it's topical and a good time to do it. And he can get away with it because he looks like a football player. Not because you're black. I think you did great on stage. You're very comfortable on stage. I think if you keep on doing it, you'll great on stage. You're very comfortable on stage. I think if you

keep on doing it, you'll be very successful at stand-up comedy, man. Is Steven your real last name? Yeah, Stevens. I adopted him. You guys are related. Why did that not get a laugh? I mean, are you that sensitive, audience?

My stage name is Stevens. His last name's Stevens. I adopted him. But you're two looking to be offended on something very funny. And my feelings are hurt. That's true. Brody Stevens is just a stage name, right?

Why are you Mr. Negative? It's not a stage name. It's real. You just said that. You said your stage name is Brody Stevens. I talk about positive stuff, Tony. Carl. I talk about concussions and mixing up cereals. Carl.

Will you tell the crowd what your real name is? Steven Brody Stevens. That's true. Everyone calls me Brody. I keep it positive. Good job, son. We're all keeping it positive, Brody. I'm proud of you. Let's do a DNA test. Welcome to Maury Povich. Again, why are we not laughing?

Because he's African American? Stop it. Positive push. You got it. Big Patriot, what's your take on Rasheed here? This is a 15-minute segment? Cody. Very, very comfortable on stage.

I'd say definitely talk about the football stuff. I've never lost football. Talk about concussions. There you go. That's what I said. Actually, that's what I said. You said you were trying to keep it positive. Tony, let me pull the name out. No, I'm pulling the name out. Why are you pulling the name? Give it to me.

Give Rashad a nice name. Rashad. nice hand. Rashad. Rashid Stevens. Let's get this thing going and talk about positivity. Positivity is boring, brother. It isn't. It helps me.

You don't have Twitter, Rashid? I'm booking things off positivity. I've got a show tomorrow. You don't have Twitter? It does work. Get a Twitter. Why am I doing a show for the Boston Red Sox owner? Guy just spent $200 million on guys. All right, here we go.

How much is he paying for you? You son of a bitch. Stop talking to me that way. It's a rib dinner in Brentwood. All right. Hold on now. Oh, Mervis got excited. Okay, here we go.

I think I got this name properly. Let's see. Ladies and gentlemen, the name I pulled out, his name is Jonathan and his last name is Tumbland. Yeah, what's up? Respect. What's up, Brody?

What it do, Brody? What it do? What's up, guys? How y'all doing? This is a weird-ass night. Since it's weird, I'm going to keep it weird. When I was in the military, I almost gave a white friend of mine

the pass to say the N-word because he helped me out of a life-or-death situation. I felt... I was in Biloxi, Mississippi, like in tech school, and there was this racist-ass dude. He kind of looks like Murph right now, I ain't going to lie. He was like, hey, I didn't know they still let monkeys in the military. And then my own boy, he was like, hey, man, sir, he's a goddamn soldier.

Show some respect. And I was like, you know what, Will, you my nigga. And I was like, he's like, wait, Jonathan, I don't want to offend you. I'm like, you can say it. You can say it. Until we had a house party at his house and I was helping him clean up

and then he pulls out a broom and he's like, hey, my nigga, you want to sweep that corner up for me? I'm going to beat your ass in this motherfucking wheel. Tell me what to do.

That's it, man. That's all I got. That's funny. Jonathan, you've been doing stand-up a while. I remember you from some of the original Kiltonis, right? I started from the bottom, Tony. I was here.

That's right. Kiltoni won. Jonathan Tumblin was there. And I can tell a blatant difference, like a blatant improvement. So you've been doing a lot of spots, right? You've been out here for like, what, a year and a half, two years? Well, I've been on the comedy scene for like two years. I'm turning into a valley comic because I don't

have a car. Oh, shit. You guys gotta, I'm telling you, this is not an option. Being a valley comedian is not an option, guys. This goes for everybody, not just you, Jonathan. You have to do whatever it takes to get your ass to this side of the hill. Brody will tell you differently, but you were born and raised here, and that makes you different.

That's home to you. But if you come here and you're not at home, you've got to be on this side of the hill to get shit done. Yeah, it's like the Valley of Death. You're just like, these people don't get shit, man. Exactly. They don't know shit. Brody, you were born and raised, primed and prim, 818 till you die. Valley boy.

Positive energy. I get it. 818 till you die positive energy I get it so you I feel like you have an advantage that other people don't have as far as somebody coming here yes as far as somebody else

coming here hey I lived it I was in Burbank and it was terrible and I did whatever I had to do I had to barely pay rent on a pal's couch you know for a few months until getting my shit together. Or a few years, whatever the fuck it was.

But whatever it takes. If this is the fight that you're going for, then... I'll still get up over here. Don't get it twisted. But let me just... When people are training for a boxing match, they don't live 35 minutes away from their gym that they have to go to every day to get ready for their fight.

Brody, you're shaking your head no over there. No, I'm just thinking, like, you know, L.A. is the major leagues. This is it. Yeah. You know, I think New York City is, like, the mecca of stand-up. This is the major leagues. I just feel like if you're here, you know, you might as well go for it. But I always tell people, go to a Chicago.

Spend as much time as you can. Visit here. But to really grind it out here, it's hard in L.A. I think to grind it out in New York, you're going to get more real stuff. To grind it out in Chicago, I think you can get on stage. But out here, you know, it's the big leagues. It's...

You gotta be all in or go play those smaller markets. Have you been getting any gigs or anything? Things working out for you? Yeah, I'm doing okay. I've been... Who you talking about? My turn. It's my turn, man.

I get gigs. I have a few relationships with a few bookers that put me up every now and then. Anybody having you open for them yet or anything? No. I would love to do that. Gerard, you see what I'm doing here? I'm setting you up so you can take Jonathan on the road. Oh, yeah.

There it is. I wouldn't do that. I mean, I never want to discourage somebody, say they can't make it coming straight here. But I'm always going to say to somebody, go out on the road, move out of Los Angeles until they're asking you to come here or your mom owns a condo in Tarzana. Then you can come back. That's a weird approach. Which my mother does. Thanks for not laughing.

It's an interesting thing. And you were always, very early on, you were a mentor to me, Brody. Early on? Not anymore? Okay. Here we go. No, but from very early on, you were a mentor. And you always told me that. And that happens organically.

You know, when you're broke and you live in L.A. and you're trying to do comedy, it's really hard to just, you can't, it's so hard to book gigs on the road. Right. But, you know, that'll eventually happen. In the meantime, and it's just my advice for everyone, you have to be on this side of the hill to really be in the game.

Yeah. There's a world that exists where you, it's up to you how strong you are mentally, like, in LA. I think to ignore industry, I mean, I think we really, like I ignored industry for the first couple years. I didn't take on a manager, didn't take on anything. For me, the rule is at some point you have to be doing it, not as a career, which being in Chicago helps being in,

but it's knowing yourself. If you're able to come to L.A. and just completely ignore industry, because we say industry's here, but also industry wasn't at the Sunset Grill. You know what I mean? When we were just working on it, industry's not there. We weren't in South when we were performing in front of just breadsticks. Yeah, not even new Souths. Old Souths on the bread.

Why do we sound like our grandpas? We just performed for breadsticks. This is like 2009. But if you can ignore the industry I think LA is great like cause you can I mean you can still get up you know and it's there for you but it depends on what your ambitions are but don't you think the crowds

are better like for a beginning level in say like a Portland or a Seattle or Chicago well that's why knowing yourself I think is best right like for me it was like I'm

competitive so I wanted to be among who I felt would be the best in the country you know what I mean like so only New York or LA I didn't even do comedy in North Carolina like I moved to LA like, so it was only New York or L.A. I didn't even do comedy in North Carolina. Like, I moved to L.A. Right. Yeah, like, for me, it's like whatever works, whatever drives you.

You know what I mean? And so for me, it's like I like competition. I like being around really great minds. And it helps, you know, drive you and make you. And I say that I go, you know, I give advice. I'm good at giving somebody their best odds. You're like, it's like a one in a million. You did that.

But for every Gerard who does it, there's a lot of guys who don't. Meaning, like, I feel like I always err on the side of go someplace else, get good, and come back. That's not to say you can't go from, like, North Carolina and come straight here. Tony came here straight from Youngstown, Ohio. It does happen. But I think that's rare. It's just knowing yourself. The point is whatever works best for you.

I went from West Hollywood to the Valley. There you go. Welcome back. Jonathan Tumblin, everybody. He's on Twitter at jshurlockt. All one word, jshurlockt. He put out good energy and it triggered a good conversation. He's a good guy who's here since Kill Tony won.

This is the part of the show where we have our two regulars go on. Every week they do a brand new minute. And it's always fun to watch. Your first comedian tonight dropped out of the University of Florida with just a semester left after she came here and did Kill Tony for the first time. She's been writing a new minute every single week since. What are you laughing about, Brody? You made her drop out of school.

I didn't make her drop out of school. She dropped out of college. I'll pay for it. You ever go to University of Phoenix? I'll take care of you. Here she is. Kimberly Congdon. Yes.

Kimberly Congdon. Hey, guys. I know I'm supposed to come up here and be funny and stuff, but today I want to switch it up and ask you guys to actually pray for me. Nothing's wrong, but men keep calling me cute instead of sexy. It's fucking devastating. They keep saying that I look really innocent and I'm not. I do really bad things.

Sometimes I'll take the last ice cube and not fill it up again. Sometimes I'll not retweet something that's really funny just because I'm jealous. It's true. I was going to make a joke about Ferguson, but I think it's kind of dark. I don't think it's appropriate. Oh, a guy said that he wanted to be friends with benefits with me, and I thought that was really exciting because I've never had a 401K. Fuck yeah.

There you are. Kimberly Congdon with another brand new minute. You did it. You did your Ferguson dark joke. Oh did it. You did your Ferguson dark joke. I'm glad that that's only topical tonight. What was the

first part about again? That entire first 45 seconds? How guys talk about how I'm cute in the magazine. Yeah, there's definitely something there. It sounds like you have another new take on it. When do you find that

the new minute comes to you? Is it, like, over the course of the week, like, immediately, or is it just, like, right before the show? Yeah, probably in the last hour and a half before, uh...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's actually when I work. It's day of, yeah. It's day of, yeah, yeah. It's always day of. And then sometimes I'll use, like, a tag that I used

on another joke that I tried at a mic or something as a new joke but you've been doing a lot of spots having a lot of fun

I have got a blue blazer I do is that new well you know I don't know you know there was a wrestler named

the blue blazer that died coming into the ring did you know that I don't know what are you trying to tell me whatzer that died coming into the ring. Did you know that? I don't know. What are you trying to tell me? I'm not trying to tell you anything. How many people caught Survivor Series last night? Anybody?

Fuck yeah. One guy. One guy that wished he hadn't started clapping. I like the honesty of that one where you said you didn't retweet it because you were jealous of it. That kind of shit really is hilarious because I know you, and so I know that's you being honest. Yeah, I just roll my eyes.

I really like how your material has really grown into a very honest kind of voice of you. So you're doing great. Thank you. Well, there she goes. You had a great time. Well, Tony, I don't get a chance to talk. I didn't even notice. I didn't even notice.

I'm sorry, Brody. Were you into it tonight? Were you comfortable? Did you feel relaxed tonight? Was something on your mind? Did I not seem into it? I asked you a question. You asked a question with a question?

Jesus. I'm like, she's talking back to me. She's like a Tony Jr. It sounds like a third date conversation. No, here's my thing. Did I not seem into it? No, you seemed into it. Just not like you were the first night.

Oh, sorry, Gerard. I thought when you went up there, when you said, I'm going to be serious for a moment, I really thought you were going to make some kind of like a one-minute speech on like what's been happening tonight. I really thought you were. So that got me. And then I was kind of like a little disappointed because I thought it was going to be something, you know. I'm not nitpicking, but it is thought it was going to be something, you know. But there's just a couple. I'm not nitpicking, but it is tough to come up with the material once a week.

Well, yeah, it just changes. Some weeks I come up extra confident because I know that the jokes are going to be really good. And then some weeks because it's a new minute every week. So it's like this might work. Like right now, I like the bubbly energy. But, yeah, it's hard to do when you're forced to do a new minute every week. How dare you, Tony? yeah, it's hard to do when you're forced to do a new minute every week. How dare you, Tony? No, it's good. I'm just laughing

because Brody's review is talk about Ferguson more. I didn't... Well, no, I didn't say that, but... No, no, I know. You were expecting it. No, I just... You did pull me in.

I thought she was going to... You were going to... That's good acting. So you were committed to that. There you go. And Brody's been in a lot of movies, so he knows good acting. What does that have to do with anything, Tony?

No, it does. I've been in four movies. I haven't booked a movie since I went off my meds. I'm a loose cannon. There you go. Brody Stevens and Kimberly Congdon, everybody. There she was. Kimberly Congdon is on Twitter, at Kimberly Congdon.

We have one other regular who does a brand new Minute every week. I'm really excited to bring her up as always. Put your hands together for Sarah Weinschen. Here she comes. Yeah. What's up? I had a very lonely experience the other night.

I went to a paper supply store. I went to a paper supply store. I went to Office Depot at 9 p.m. in November for a 2014 planner. In November. That's not the loneliest

part about it. When I walked into the Depot, Office Depot, the first thought that hit my mind was, smells like home. Love the smell of Office Depot. Then I started to look around, and I saw some binders. I like a spiral, but I do love a binder.

I started thinking about hole punchers. I thought thought whoever invented the three hole punch really believed in the binder I said you know what this binder is going to be a hit I'm going to piggyback on that alright

fuck yeah she's got the style on that. Fuck yeah. She's got the style of small things and making them big. Yeah, I like it. You're like weird as shit. That's really cool. It's like in a great way. It's like if the Fonz did comedy. Really cool. You know what I mean?

It's really cool. Throw a joke out. It's cool. I know what I mean? It was really cool. Throw a joke out. It's cool. I like that. One thing as the technical, as more on a technical note, I would say I feel like in the beginning there was still a lot of stuff that could have been shortened down.

You know what I mean? Instead of saying that's not how things went or something like that, it's like how it really went was, you know, it's just getting into it. You said something, it wasn't the first time that I what? I don't remember. There you go. That's the new minute that these guys do every week.

They just come up here and get really lucky for 60 seconds and then... I would say, Sarah, I like, I think what Gerard was saying, like I like the jacket, I like the red, I like the boots, the voice. I like the red. I like the boots, the voice. You know, you had

not saying Kim didn't have it, but I feel like there's an edge here. There's a point of view. I'm hearing the words. There's energy. So keep doing that. I mean, that's my thing. I'm not a material guy necessarily,

but only the materials that they wear. I wouldn't say, you know, a lot of people say like, hold the mic different. Anuncia, you're doing all that. So and she's got a good style, which does matter. Dialed in the binder thing's a funny bit. That's yeah. And that's as wine shank as it gets for sure. Like that's right up your alley. Did you say that the paper people were like, oh, this binder thing is going to take off? The three-hole punch. The three-hole punch man. Yeah.

He believed in the binder. Yeah, it's weird that you went that way instead of that they made binders because of paper. The binder guys knew this paper shit is going to take off. It's always the funniest thing. It's weird that you did it backwards. It's always when it works with you, when this stuff works,

you bring a human into the picture. It's always inanimate objects that you're talking about, but when you bring a human in, like the guy that thought of the three-hole punch, the guy that pushed it to the next thing, you know, that's always when it works. So you did it again, Sarah Weinshank. Thank you. That's what it looks like.

Two brand new minutes from our regulars, and that's what it feels like. Kill Tony, what could be? Episode 80, maybe 79, could even be 78, could even be 81. Yeah. But we're calling it hashtag baby boots, or something like that. Mervis, you were

unbelievable. I love you so much. You were great. Thanks. You really pulled your own weight tonight, which is a really big deal considering how humongous you are. You're on Twitter at Ryan Mervis. R-Y-A-N-M-I-R-D-I-S.

Josh Martin Comic hustled around for us. He's on Twitter at Josh Martin Comic sitting next to Adelise Lane. Brody Stevens did an amazing job. Steven Brody. Steven. Yes. You got it.

Push and believe. Never forget. I don't know about you peasants, but I'm an Amazon prime member and you can watch episodes of enjoy it. It's still Amazon. Will it be up there forever? How does that work? I hope so. I just watched it the other day. So yeah, it's my favorite thing to It on Amazon. Will it be up there forever? How does that work? I hope so.

I just watched it the other day. It's my favorite thing to watch on Amazon. It's a show all about Brody Stevens. It went through a lot. He had his own Comedy Central show, Half Hour. It was also on HBO. Speaking of HBO, Gerard Carmichael, we had so much fun. Thank you.

Fantastic hour that you taped right here in our home club. Love at the store. What else is going on? You're on Twitter. I'm there. I'm around. People are going to want to find you. You're my favorite.

You're one of the only people that I still get lunch with all the time. I know, right? Everybody else disappears, but we can still hang out. We're crushing. We'll go to JR's. That's right. We'll go to Tender Greens. Yeah.

We've got to go to Tender Greens. I'm healthy. We've been to Tender Greens. I was at Tender Greens with you, but you went next door to the BBQ Chicken place and brought it to Tender Greens? Yeah. You go to Tender Greens. I'm healthy. We've been to Tender Greens. I was at Tender Greens with you, but you went next door to the Barbecue Chicken place and brought it to Tender Greens. And I brought it to Tender Greens. It was a rough day. That's how we do it. Elyse Lane is Elyse Lane.

She's at the Girl with a Pan on Facebook and Instagram. I'm Tony. Delicious food. I'm Red Band. Thank you. Thank you, live audience. So much fun. I love you guys.

Yeah. We did it, folks. Kill Tony. Steven Brody. Steven. Gerard Carmichael. I am you guys. Jamaica, then France, the whole damn world. Take effect to fuck and tell them, Hey, bad, slow down. We come to your town. Hey, bad, slow down. What you represent when we come to your town.