Killing Dad: The Crystal Howell Story - 6: The Roommate

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

The Howell’s get a roommate, and the wrath of Michael leaves her fleeing in the middle of the night. 

My name is Jason Alexander, the star of bedtime stories of the Ingle Side-In, a brand-new scripted comedy podcast in which I play Palm Springs Hotelier, Mel Haiber, who in the 1970s turned the rundown Ingle Side-In into the best-kept secret getaway for Hollywood's elite, thieves, and mobsters. The series also stars Brian Jordan Alvarez, Michael McKean, Richard Kind, Lance Bass, and Moira. You can find bedtime stories of the Ingle Side-In on Sirius XM, Pandora, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts. Don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode. The following episode contains graphic material and distressing themes that may be triggering to some audiences.

Lesson or discretion is advised. Fourteenage Girl Crystal Howell already had a rough life. She went through her parents' bitter divorce, traumatizing incidents with her dad, and alleged sexual assault by her uncle and a breakup with her first love. But Crystal's story is far from being over. In 2011, her dad, Michael, had taken her out of the latest mental facility early. And when she returned home to the mountaintop, when he announced to Crystal, the house had a new roommate. My dream of being a thought is how differently my dad adds around other people.

So I'm knowing we're trying to home. Like, do they tell me ahead of time, like this lady lives with us now. And I've met her before. So I knew that she was. I met her whenever I've been on her home trips. And so she'd been there for a little while. But in my head, I'm thinking, okay,

well, my dad asked this way around people. So I'm gonna be fine. Like everything's gonna be okay. So I didn't mind, really, I just going home and trying again and seeing where it took us. Her name is Cole. So I was living in stateville and I was going through a divorce

and I was hearing heart broken and somebody said, we just need to get on the internet dating site. Oh my God. Those places are nightmare. But anyway, Michael was on there, and I wasn't looking for anything just kind of killing Tom again.

And he had the most beautifully written, whatever, biography or whatever. And it really was, they were beautiful words, but kids weren't really happy to sell. Anyway, we just started talking back and forth. And this was in 2011, later in the year, and on the week before science giving of that year,

he called and said, do you want to come up for a couple of days to visit with Crystal and me. And so I was at shore. The relationship was never going to be anything other than being friends. I was in no place to be in a relationship with my end. And, you know, kind of to find out after a little while, I understood about Michael, you know, kind of to find out after a little while I understood about Michael, you know, he's just wasn't. He couldn't have a girlfriend because he had too much hatred. In the time that Holt would spend at the mountain house, she would learn all about Michael's deeply rooted hatred

for his ex-wife, maybe a little too much. I knew that it was about Christina. I just, I don't understand that kind of hatred, y'all. It's just not, it's not inside me. So I just maybe looked the other way and just refused to think that it could be naive or just turn around and walk away. Crystal though was looking forward to an ally

and advocate in Holt, but it turns out the three under one roof would be anything but ideal. I just think he was a tick and tongue bomb. Mom. I'm Melissa McCarty, and I'm Kelly McLear. We are Emmy-nominated investigative journalists, and we've been talking to Crystal Howell since her dad's murder in 2014. Eight years after Michael Howell's murder at 25 years old

Crystal is telling her story We bring you the exclusive series killing dad a first degree mistake Well, you are about to hear from Holt has never been released before. Holt lived with Michael and Crystal for long stretches at a time at the mountain house in Maggi Valley, North Carolina. I mean, not in play, and it was because I was going through this divorce. This was like not place was solid to the refuge. And he knew that.

And he had a good heart. That was the same about it because he had a no good ness. You would just say go away. But we actually were friends. I mean, we did a lot of things together. It's just there was that underlying current.

And anything that worked, and time went on. Halt was around to witness Crystal and her dad's relationship. She saw things a little differently at first. On the surface, they were very quiet. Everything was about Crystal. and of course Crystal wanted to go and do what Crystal wanted to do. And he was very, very, very strict with her.

And I just thought it was because she had been in trouble. And he was trying to protect her from trouble, but I don't think he just wanted complete control because he manipulated her. And anything she would do that he'd get the code, oh, he'd let her know. But he wouldn't be able to scream at her

in front of, you know, when I was around because that's not something that I can be around. There was no romance between the two, but they enjoyed each other's company. It was just kind of a, you know, we're going to be friend kind of thing. I mean, I didn't certainly have any feelings of it in that for him. And he told me, but as a man, right away, it was very clear that he was strong, very well-spoken, very well-spoken, educated and well-read.

But he was harsh. I mean, early on, I knew that I had to be careful, you know, walk on a shelf. That means that you can never show any weakness to anybody or show any vulnerabilities, because if you do, I guess this is what this means, if you do, then somebody's gonna take advantage. And we can't have that.

He's already been betrayed. I used to say rejection is the hardest thing and he would say no, betrayal is the hardest thing. Michael shared with Holt the tales of the tumultuous relationship and better divorce with Crystal's mom, Christina. Michael, you know, in retrospect, King Raya then had a huge pity party. He was always had this story and this anger, and it was the topic of almost every conversation. But there was always an undercurrent with Mike. And it always came back to the portrayal of his life.

It would be the whole story. It would be how she betrayed him and cheated on him and took his money through him and jailed. And how she had this child by another man and he didn't have any idea of how he just hated her. Michael would say if I had her up here on this mountain by myself, she would never be seen in and her husband too. I mean, I believe he had murder in his heart.

In the past, Michael had told Crystal his plans of wishing to do harm to Christina. Now, he was telling Holt about those plans too. I honestly, you know, maybe at the time I truly, maybe I believe he would do it, but it would never happen because he would, he would never have all of us on the side of the mountain anywhere. Maybe that was it, but I'm doing that is his anger and his hatred. He's loved and despised that woman, every father of his being, And it didn't have anything to do with me. And it didn't have anything to do with Crystal. Or anybody that you know, it was about Christina only.

As the days went on, Holt saw the cracks in the relationship between Michael and Crystal. I didn't see that she was from a maker. I could see that some of the things that Michael would say to her, like, you know, you'll never go to college, which pretty much says you'll never amount to anything. That's what I think. But she just went on, you know, as a team,

because she loved her daddy. They were really close, apparently, early on. So she really loved Michael. And she was you know trying to do good she spent a lot of time on her artwork and her painting and all that kind of stuff she was a teenager but her friends were never allowed to convert. She's always on the phone texting, always. I mean, it was like a teenager. And Mike would yell about the data, blah, blah, blah.

He just didn't have any faith that she was ever gonna be a productive member of society. He'd say she will do anything because she has no fear, she's just like me. And I would say, do you think that there's anything that she could do that would scare her? Like, are you expecting her to get pregnant? Is that going to scare her or what? And he never could really just say what? He just didn't think she was ever going to the amount they owe of a big. How did that affect Crystal that you saw?

I can't imagine it was any good and I called Mike out on this too when she wasn't around. I was like, Mike, why are you talking to her like that? Do you need to build her confidence and not say those things to her and in front of her. And he didn't say to him, she would just go on about her business. I had no idea what was going on in that child's mind. Her mother had turned from back on her. Her father was really kind of jerked. During her time at the Howell House, Crystal and Holt developed a friendship and special bond. I mean, I love Crystal.

I just spend a lot of time with her. I remember her saying that she understood now why my mom had blessed him. And I had a coffee off guard because, you know, my parents' divorce was something I really talked about a lot. So for somebody to say something like that, you did not listen to me like because I had thought the same thought over the years like as things progressively worsened.

So just so for somebody else to acknowledge that and to realize like to feel the same pain as I felt I guess kind of. I don't want to say it was a relief because I didn't want her hurting but and then you realize like I'm not crazy I'm not imagining that this stuff might be wrong. She would stand up to him but yeah she she knew how was, but she knew how he was more than I knew how he was, apparently. So she had to be running on some fear, even though she didn't show it. And she was young. And here she is trying to please this man, and the whole whole world has been rocked. And she's running away.

She's stealing things. She's trying to get her tension anyway that she can. But Michael's attention that she's so craved would soon turn from crystal to halt. Two's company, Threes a crowd, could not have rang more true in regards to halt living with crystal and her dad. Holt witnessed first hand the mental instability

of Michael Howell and would too be on the receiving end of his rage. It was just a normal day. Crystal was there and I mean, I don't know what set him off with my comments. Unless he was just a chicken turnbomb, but yes, I knew early on that Mike was stern and strict. It was getting later in the afternoon,

and he came in and he started off with whatever. And I don't even know what it was. I'm sure it was something that wasn't right. You know, why is there a why that crystal this or whatever. And I just very on the cuff off the cuff. And I should not have said anything said, well, here we go with the lecture. And that was the switch.

He was on the like, staying going for a cheap suit. I mean, he and I had he was just wasn't bad. We were standing in the kitchen and I didn't. I'm lady back to wife, but I didn't back off because I felt like, you know, I had maybe back to way, but I didn't back off.

Because I felt like, you know, I had to be strong with that moment. And, but I was upset. He was in my face yelling and screaming at me. I can't tell you what he said. Other than, you know, you better be gone. You're, you're out of here now. You know, whatever. I mean, he had these bright blue eyes and I mean, they were on fire. And she was in my face was landing on me.

And crystal apparently was on the planet. She went and called her mother. And according to. What she said. She thought Michael's been killed. I was in my room when there are even began and I was in my room when there what she said, she felt like a child.

I was in my room when their argument began. And I just hear screaming. So my dad left and told her, by the time I get back from taking this walk, he better be gone. So whenever I hear that the argument is kind of decided, I come up there like to see what's going on and hold back in her veins.

And I'm most of called my son Walter during the fight and was screaming. You just come and get me. You just need to come and get me now. And he did. And man they packed me up and I was going from this place and I told Crystal all my way out that she needed to get out And I told her I said you need to get away. You need to get out. You need to go to your mother. She needs to do something because I just felt like Michael's just had lost it was just had lost it. Crystal heated Holtz warning and decided to spend Thanksgiving holiday with their mom Christina in Georgia. But rather than mean halfway to drop her off, Crystal's dad does something

out of character. He offers to drive Crystal all the way to Augusta and to Christina. to Augusta and to Christina. So we dropped the four hours down to Georgia and we looked at my mom's house and I'm out and I'm going to get my stuff out of the back and my dad's helping me. And I see him like he's first where the driver's side is away from now. And I see him grow done out of a floor board in the back seat.

And I didn't even know it was in the car. I didn't know he's on it with him. So I was kind of shocked by it. And I was like, what are you doing? Like, why don't you have that? And he just looked at me and he said, well, I'm gonna make it a thing and he's giving me, I'm going to make it a thing

is giving that no one will forget. And internally, I'm panicking like, I'm like, this is finally happening, like it's actually an incision. And it's real. It's not something I can stop. So I'm trying to think quickly. I'm trying to think what's the next thing to think, what's the next thing that might stop him?

And I lie and said, well, what are the family members and there is a crop? So what he's gonna do is there arms, what he's gonna do when he go in there. And he just kind of seemed to his mind kind of click like me. He didn't the right thing to do, or what am I feeling here? Like, he seemed to look kind of click like me. We sit in the right thing to do or what am I feeling here?

Like, he seems to look kind of confused like he didn't realize how he got there. Like he was waking up from sleep or something. And he just nodded his head and was like, okay, okay. And he put the gun away. And I'm leaving. I'm nervous, like not knowing what to expect. I was just afraid just because I didn't expect anything

that I'm getting in my bed, I'd already talked about like going out dramatically and being remembered. So he did this on Thanksgiving so in my brain. He taught me how to make this quick, like what it would be to try to do something on Christmas Eve. Like what I miss kind of here and what it is for like everything is beginning to put me on edge. I'm not sure what takes effect from him. So I guess it was just an assumption and before I didn't

get half an eye, I left home again, I ran away. The vicious cycle of crystal running away from her dad and her problems continued, but this time would be the last. I missed someone on Craigslist. I thought I had a room for it. Dad's been selling paintings throughout. I thought the painting is my school and I thought the painting is online.

So I had a little bit of money. It was cheap for it. It was just fine. The guy was nice. So I moved in with him and I put him in the back bedroom. And I wasn't really sure how long I was going to be gone. I only stayed gone.

I think about probably a couple of weeks. I was just, I was just with strangers every my dad because I felt unsure of what he was going to do. And I started thinking, kind of, dribbling more mentally to the point where I wasn't sure, am I going to be in the control of him? I probably can't stop him forever, but in my mind, I'm thinking I just have to make it so my 18th birthday and I'll be gone. And I can just go on my own way."

And just like all the other times Crystal ran away, her father found her. Michael had filed a missing persons report. The cops brought her to the station. He picked her up and drove the two hours back to the mountain top. But this time, dad wouldn't be bringing her home. We're up on the mountain at this point and it's dark. And I see drive back the driveway. And I was like, you just drove back the driveway. When he drives back the driveway, I'm just kind of a fun edge. Um, to get to where he took me there is a gate.

Um, only people who live on the mountain have a T-8. So he's now in the mountains and he keeps driving us up the mountain too, that thing keeps spot where the incident with the stick and the gun happened. And I'm wearing a pair of leggings and a Hollister jacket and a pair of P-boarding shoes as they were banned. And I got them whenever I was at the minute they said sequence on him. And he was just pushing me like not hard or anything, but you know guiding me, you know, and by the shoulders. And he pushed me into a tree and I kind of put up my hands and brace myself.

And I remember snow was all in my shoes. I wasn't wearing socks. And he told me, you know, you want to be out there in the cold world, well, welcome to it. Like, here you are. And he turned around, he turned a walkin' away. And I just stood there like, it's dark. And he left.

He just had me, my stuff with me, too, and just to close on my back. But I guess I don't know how comfortable and knowing where I was, like I knew. I'm not just somewhere in the middle of the woods, like I'm familiar with this area. I can just wait here and I'll leave in the morning. So that's what I did.

I just sat down on the ground and the snow kind of sunk through the materials of the lighting. And it was cold. I put the hood up over my head and I just kind of tried to hug my knees. And it's the weirdest thing I remember looking at my shoes and seeing the sequins. And even though the case was dark, I could still see them shine like the glimmer of the sequin I'm terrified of the dark So I just kind of shed my eyes and it's like every little noise

Like it brings me out and I didn't force myself to sleep because I was scared I didn't know to do it really And I finished the sun came up I started walking back home. In the months that passed, Sence Holt abruptly left the Howell home in fear. She distanced herself from both Michael and Crystal. So she was unaware of the Thanksgiving threat, Crystal running away again, and her being left alone on the cold snowy mountain top.

The silence broke when Michael reached out to hold to make amends by way of a letter. Holt has never shared the contents of Michael's letter until now. There's really not much to say about the way things ended here about my meltdown. You are way too nice and did not deserve to be blasted like that. I truly am ashamed and will regret not actions for the rest of my life. Clearly, we did not see at on many things. Obviously, I got on your North and vice versa, simple enough not to make excuses, but it's more

complicated than that. There is a reason why the Bible says to love your enemy because when you hate, it does not hurt an enemy it destroys the individual from within. I remember when we were watching one of those murder mysteries they mentioned the suspect was an ex-marine you said quote he's a trained killer in quote well the truth is man does not have to be trained to kill. It is inhuman nature always has been, always will be. The switch just has to be flipped and the darker, from a vital aspect, which insects the human spirit will rise to surface. I can't, my way too strong reactions, this is not an excuse I'm supposed to be smarter than

that, but when you come right down to it humans are simply another animal of this planet. The most intelligent yes, but capable of most that would do re as well. Even as your dad said quote some people just need killing. In quote. My dad would say something like that is if he is just an outside observer being my father I guess. But others have said the same thing.

I have felt that intensely underlined. I have worked to suppress it, but that hate, that feeling of having a mortal enemy can come out. So you are not the real target, I am sorry you got in the way. That said, a question you call in my ex, certainly you could have made some constructive comments to her. I don't know if it was just to say what an ask I am, you will, you as a police, you can't forget the person who instilled this rage in the first leg. That woman has done some very wicked and selfish

things and not to flip trust switch. I'm sorry, enough to flip that switch inside me, that's for sure. Yes, I have plenty of deficiencies as a person and parent but have done not best with Crystal. No, she did not run away because of me. I have done right by her to the best of my ability. So did you, exclamation. Thank you for that. You really helped with Crystal and with Petty, somewhat with me.

I need more though, but I am not beyond hope. Remember the Grinch? That's me right now. Better, resentful, sick of the silly world. I salated up on the mountain with my dog, sliding instead of living. But change the Grinch love love of all things where he has hard.

Curled his grimace to a grin. This is one of your greatest shrinking love. You believe in love. You have love. You know what love is. Maybe I am not that fortunate at this point in life. That it is a very dark place to be perhaps one day is me, I am not that fortunate at this point in life, that it is a very dark place to be,

perhaps one day obviously, the light. Yes, part of the chicken scratch, also sorry, for the delay in mail. I worked one cycle to run through, so it all could be mailed at once. Thanks again for all you did for us and for who you are as a person. I was just stubborn yet cool 52-degree day and while the winds were gusting, no one could have anticipated just what the wind was about to blow in. a pretty great dealer like I woke up and I got out of it. I kind of picked up here a little bit in the mirror

and then after I'm close and I went to stairs and my dog came running the house and he said, oh really regular stuff like that's how my day started basically every day. And my dad was sitting at the kitchen table and that's not like coffee. And he was cutting the keypons, which meant we were going to grocery store.

So I just kind of moved around even and I was kind of going to do something to eat. And I went back into the living room with a dog and he kind of threw me a hand and he was on the grocery store again. And I said he had a cookie sheet when I don't go to the grocery store and I had to say, oh, I'm in clean out.

And I just, I don't know. I don't know, it sounds stupid, but I was going to steal from the store to try to get caught. I'm not scared of the stupid, but I don't know. I just went to the blog if I get. Whenever all this stuff I have to go before, like when I was outside, I kind of was thinking I could try to draw lines somewhere.

I need to try to make it easy to help, but I wasn't sure how to get help. I wasn't sure how to just go to the police station or just walk into a teacher or one of my friends and ask her, I thought, well, I can be called stealing and they'll think of the police department and then maybe I can tell them. And it's like I found childish, but I was like, well, maybe the universe can decide when the right time is like, because I'm not just making my own decisions.

So I just figured, well, if I get caught up feeling, I get caught up feeling, and that's the turning of the table figure. Crystal finally had a plan on how to get help. She and her dad head out to the local store. So we pulled up a huge grocery store and got out and you know, seemed like a normal grocery trick, but I have an empty purse with me right here in the net, though.

And like I said, I was taking things before, like when we got out, like it's like a little like test to say I get, but it always been something smaller. And so going to the store and thinking, thinking maybe I should push the limit. So I go all my own and I just start grabbing things like I think it was like a space wash and like a lot of cheap soft puzzle. You just a bunch of random things that I didn't need but I grabbed a lot more than I thought I did. I was just kind of grabbing stuff. And in the middle of doing that, like I did, I don't want to say realization,

but I just kind of hit me like, what are you doing? Like, why are you doing this? Like, you're not really going to tell in your dad like, I was kind of conflicted. So I went to the bathroom, I sat down, telling your dad to get a kind of conflicted. So I went to the bathroom, I sat down in there with the stolen stuff, and I was in there.

On the toilet thinking, what are you doing? Like, how are you going to betray your dad? The only person that's really there for you, you're going to be the one that's sending a jail again. And so I'm sitting in the bathroom, like, well, I'm just going to back out. I'm just going to go shove the cards, because it's just sending a jail again. And so I'm sitting in the bathroom like once in a back out. I'm just going to go shove the art because it's like a key part.

I don't care how to look. I'm just going to shove the art on a shelf somewhere for somebody to find and then those three thoughts stuff. Like it'll be okay. Like I can just go back and begin that thing happen. And I walk out of the bathroom

and an employee without there was a manager in their face, like, and you heard her and I was like, oh, okay, so I'm wondering like, now I'm not going to tell for this, like, because I knew what my friend was and I knew how I was planning to keep that plan to go to the police and all this, but I'm not thinking, what if I back out, what if I came to our mind, I don't have a point for that.

So I just realized her and, like I said, it was a lot more stuff than I remember putting in there. Like I was just kind of on autopilot, nothing good, no issues. And they said they were going to call the police, and I just told them, I was like, well, my dad's in here, like using the store, so. And they told me to call my dad, so I put down my phone

and I called my dad and told him where I was at in the store, and I needed to come to see him. And my dad came back to here and I turned off my phone and when he came back to here, he took my phone and he took the part and he kind of kind of stopped saying, I guess, like he wasn't hitting me or screaming at me really, but he was a friend for his gun of voice.

And he was like, we just finished going in corporate life, mom. And that's what I remember saying. And I was just kind of waiting for him to explode and see in each and... The store manager releases Crystal to her dad. They load up the car with the groceries and head back to the house. the car with the groceries and head back to the house. We start driving on the road and my husband is reaching his pocket. And in my mind, I'm thinking my husband carries a walk and I put in there and where he goes.

And son thinking like, what if he cars is tonight? What if he stabs me? Like, there's just always thoughts going through my head. And I'm afraid. And I see him pull something out. And it's not a knife. It was his cell phone. And I kind of had to release that pinch in. But then I'd be thinking, like, who is the check thing?

Michael had text his friend Holt. She shared with us the text messages. Today in grocery store, she was caught with a bag full. You think the jury is still out? Question mark? Right. And that's when I said, well, to be honest, I came up with a you know, a couple of

things missing, and which propagated the last, the last text that he sent at 106. Dumpish and dishonest people have made me no more than a dead man walking. And I didn't answer back until that night and I said let her go Michael and try to move forward with your life. You are letting the actions of others dictate your life, freedoms, happiness, it makes no sense. By then he was already dead. Holt's last text would never make it to Michael. Crystal and her dad arrived back at the mountaintop house. So I go on the house and I was like a cornflug or a tree that I'm sitting in on the counter

and I look in the refrigerator and I'm putting away it's like data and sorting through stuff and whatever I stand up from the closing door. I see him standing in the kitchen, like, not in the doorway, but about halfway across the kitchen. And he just stayed in there staring at me. And he just was kind of unfamiliar I guess? Like he didn't really recognize who he was anymore. Like he just looked dead. And he just walked over to me slowly

and I kind of back up towards the wall. And I'm going on. So I back up and my back is the thing I see my dad go for the night walk. And I see him slowly grow up. It's nice. And he walks over towards me. My back is pretty big. I didn't wash her area.

And he used to get me. Like, it's my mate that we're almost touching. And my dad, my dad was blood-candered, and he kind of fell in the night, and in my life, and he told me, you know, I can make you disappear again until the place you ran away, and they wouldn't think anything of it.

And he said, it's nice and a thing. No. I don't know. He walks out and he just laughs and just really unfamiliar that the warden can only want to really think of to be trying to kind of like an aesthetic kind of people been wanting. I'm not really sure how to put it,

but it didn't sound like him. And he told me, it's not even thinking about running away that he would deal with me when he got up. And my dad went and lay down for an hour. And that was the last thing he ever said to me. On the next episode of Killing Dad, where was your dad, Crystal?

He was sleeping on the couch. Was Michael's death an act of self-defense of a scare teen or a cold-blooded murder? Not only did I remember seeing afterward, it was, you know, I looked out of his bedroom door and I saw him and I heard like his black bread. I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a woman, I'm just a broken man. Where you hold and fall me, but your arms around me I might see on the skin in this bone

Yeah, I'll be coming home And I'll be on my knees When you hold on You're the only one who can't help me To run around the town I see on this endless road