Knowledge Fight - #284: April 12, 2019

Episode Date: April 15, 2019

Today, Dan and Jordan check in with the present day of the Alex Jones Show. Come witness the lengths Dan will go to try to find something interesting to talk about when Alex is being really boring, and Jordan getting a little surprise treat before he takes off for a short vacation.

Andy and Kansas, you're on the air, thanks for holding. Hello, Alex, I'm a first-time caller, I'm a huge fan, I love your work. I love you. Hey everybody, welcome back to Knowledge Fight, I'm Dan. I'm Jordan. We're a couple dudes like to sit around, drink novelty beverages, and talk a little bit about Alex Jones. Oh, indeed we are, Dan.

Yes, Jordan. Dan! Jordan. Who's your favorite Game of Thrones character? Happy Game of Thrones Easter to everyone. Right, we're recording this on Sunday, so, you know, people are excited. People, you know, the streets are a buzz with winter coming and shit. It is a blizzard in Chicago right now.

Yeah, sometimes you wake up and it's fucking snowing in the middle of April. Yeah. Great, love this city. Yeah, Chicago's great. This city sucks. What was the last year we didn't have snow in April? I think last year we did. Yeah, we did, totally.

I remember that. I at least like this game too. I'm not dodging your question. No, no, no, of course. So, in the first season I just decided I didn't give a shit about any of these people. They all just seemed like boars to me. Except for Bran and Arya. Right.

The only characters I gave a shit about were these kids. They're the only ones who seemed like they had any semblance of an interesting story going on. Like, I don't give a fuck about who's king. I don't care about your guys petty squabbles for power, but those kids, they seem to have something going on. Not a big palace entry kind of guy? Not into it. And for the rest of the season's sense, I have been proven correct.

Come on. Except I guess, you know, Jamie Lannister goes from being a... Don't care. Okay, fair enough. Tyrion Lannister goes from being a... He's all right. He seems more interesting.

And then Dany with the dragons, I enjoy that too. Pretty great. And then, yeah, I guess Jon Snowth is sort of rejecting of all that palace entry bullshit. You know, there's everybody who stays away from that stuff, I'm into. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anybody who's too caught up in that, don't care. Don't understand why anyone gives a fuck about that part of the story. I think the people that I hate the most are actually Jon and Ned Stark and all of those people.

They're so goddamn stupid. Ned is in it for one episode. Ned is in it for a whole season. Maybe. It felt like an episode. No, Ari is the best thing about Game of Thrones for sure. I said that at the beginning and everyone said I was stupid. And Bran too.

I really enjoyed Bran. I think Bran is boring as shit. Hey now. Oh, I'm sorry. You're omniscient. Great. It seems like a good thing. He can plug into a tree.

Cool. Spoiler alert. That is pretty fun. He's basically the R2-D2 of Game of Thrones and that he just kind of plugs into a tree and then has the schematics of the Death Star. You were pretty surprised before we started recording that I have ever watched. I didn't think you were at it all interested. I'm not.

And clearly you aren't. Like I said, I've watched all of it, but I don't care at all. Full disclosure, HBO is not an investor in this show and we wish they would pay for it. I think we'd probably, I'd probably say I cared about it if they were. You know who is investing in this show? Our audience. Oh shit. I appreciate it also very much.

So, uh, they would like to start off this episode by giving a shout out to some people who are signed up as donors. So first of all, Callum, thank you so much. You are now a policy wonk. I'm a policy wonk. Thank you, Callum. Thank you, Callum. Next, Crystal, thank you so much.

You are now a policy wonk. I'm a policy wonk. Thank you, Crystal. Hi, it's Crystal. Next, Asha. Thank you so much. You are now a policy wonk. I'm a policy wonk.

Thank you, Asha. Thank you, Asha. Next, Elena. Thank you so much. You are now a policy wonk. I'm a policy wonk. Thanks, Elena. Next, somebody who took their donation, pumped it up a little bit.

Oh shit. Appreciate it also very much. And so, Amy V, thank you so much. You are now a globalist. I'm a policy wonk. Four stars. Go home to your mother and tell her you're brilliant. Someone, someone, Sodomite sent me a bucket of poop.

Daddy Shark. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Thank you, Amy V. Thank you very much, Amy V. Next, somebody who took their donation and bumped it up a little bit as well in a similar fashion. Christopher, thank you so much. You are now a globalist.

I'm a policy wonk. Four stars. Go home to your mother and tell her you're brilliant. Someone, someone, Sodomite sent me a bucket of poop. Daddy Shark. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Thank you, Christopher. Thank you, Christopher.

Finally, someone I'd like to say thank you to who donated on a bit of a more elevated level even and we appreciate that fantastically. So, Carl, thank you so much. You are now a technocrat. I'm a policy wonk. Four stars. Go home to your mother and tell her you're brilliant. Someone, someone, Sodomite sent me a bucket of poop.

Daddy Shark. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Jar Jar Binks has a Caribbean black accent. He's a loser little, little kitty baby. I don't want to hate black people. I renounce Jesus Christ. Thank you so much, Carl. Thank you very much, Carl.

If you're out there listening or you're thinking, hey, I like what these guys do, I'd like to support the show. You can do that by going to our website, knowledgefight.com, clicking that button that says support the show. We would appreciate it. And I particularly appreciate people who continue to, you know, sign up and support the show because I think it's pretty easy to get the image in your head. You know, you hear six names listed off the, you can easily get the idea that we're like

Scrooge McDuck jumping into a pile of coins. I don't think, I don't think that's the case at all. That is not the case. So we appreciate everybody who continues to support and help us build this show into what we believe it can be. Yeah, absolutely. Speaking of which, nobody likes talking about money, but no. We are broke.

I hate every element of it. I hate every element of it except thanking people for support. Yeah, absolutely. That I believe is the only good way to talk about money. Yeah. So speaking about money, you're about to spend a bunch because you're going to Mexico. I am. Well, I spent the money before I got fired.

Right. And I will be God damned if I'm going to let some bullshit firing keep me from doing one good thing this year. I assumed that that was the case. And so you're going to be going off on vacation. I am next this week. We're on, we're going to have this episode here on Monday. We're going to have a pre-recorded episode on Wednesday and then who knows for Friday.

It could be a grab. Could be anything. Could be the roulette episode of your dreams. You never know. So that's very exciting. So I wanted to do an episode here where we send you off in style. Okay. But unfortunately, unfortunately, we're going to do this episode.

Indeed. Unfortunately, we're going to be going over April 12th, 2019. That's Friday. Oh, this. Oh, well, there's so much going on in the world that I needed to know what Alex was was up to. I mean, people are people are clamoring for our insights. Yeah, it is.

It is weird. It's fucking blowhardy. No one's clamoring when the it's hard not to do a present day episode when it feels like the president is trying to get a house representative killed. Yeah, but that's tough. That doesn't come up. Of course not. No, you wouldn't want to talk about how the president is essentially committing attempted

murder right now. That doesn't really come up. Although Alex does say a bunch of dumb shit about Omar. Oh, of course. I'm not, I didn't include any of those clips. It's so standard for him and not really relevant to the actual news of the day. Yeah. That is like, ah, fuck it.

Who gives a shit? Terrorist trader, blah, blah, blah. Move on. Right. But there's other stuff, you know, like Assange's arrest, you know, those, these sorts of things. Alex has got to have a take on that. Was this take that he's never heard of WikiLeaks too? Who's this guy?

I've never heard of this guy. What? I'm going to swing for the fences on this one and just say he's not even real. What's an email? False flag. I don't even think Ecuador is a place. No, he has an interesting take and we'll get to it down the road. Alex is, it's a, this is a pretty boring episode for the most part.

There's not a whole lot in here, but that doesn't mean that this next clip didn't almost entirely ruin two days of my life. Here's where we start out the episode and I will explain on the other end of this clip why I am a lunatic. Clip number one. Trump's be giving him a medal. Wouldn't be here right now without Assange. But when freedom fails, the best men rot in filthy jails. Those that cried appease appease are hung by those they tried to please. Author unknown.

Written on a cell wall in the revolutionary war. Hmm. A British cell wall. Oh boy. That American patriot. Dan read a book. When freedom fails, the best men rot in filthy jails. Those that cried appease appease are hung by those they tried to please.

And the jolly green giant. But digressing back to the information. So here's the thing. I'm going to leave aside that Assange question for a moment because I want to discuss that quote that Alex is using. Yeah. He's reciting it pretty correctly. So as far as his behavior relates to quotes, he seems to be getting better. Or at least this is, this is a better version of Alex.

Yeah. Unfortunately, he's completely misattributing the quote. He says that the author of the quote is unknown and it's found written on a cell wall during the revolutionary war. That isn't true. That doesn't sound true at all. The author of that quote is pretty well established. It was from a March 28, 1947, letter to the editor in the Wall Street Journal written by a man. Is it a Nazi?

No, he's written by a lawyer by the name of George Hiram Mann. Uh-huh. Or at least that's the consistent attribution given to the quote as it appears online. Pretty much across the board. Okay. One place that differs in its attribution is a book that's called The Impossible Dream, a self-published anti-communist track published in 1990. Dan read a book.

I was hoping to track down a copy of this to read over. Yeah. Since it's one of the only places that I can find where this quote is attributed to author unknown. But unfortunately on Amazon, they only have one copy available and it costs $400. Yeah. I wasn't willing to pay that $400 to get a copy of this book. So I decided to see what I could learn about the author. A one K.M. Heaton initials, K.M. Heaton.

It turns out that this is K. Maureen Heaton. And the more I looked into her, the more certain I was that this book is where Alex got the quote from. See, the first thing that led me to suspect this is that Heaton is listed as a member on the website of the Foundation of Economic Education. Oh, that's not good. The F.E.E. was founded in 1946 and has the distinction of being the first modern think tank specifically set up to promote libertarian ideas. That's what I thought. That seems like the sort of outlet Alex would know about. And furthering that suspicion is the fact that from 2001 to 2002, the president of F.E.E. was Mark Scousen.

Brother of Joel Scousen and nephew of W. Cleon Scousen, two people that Alex is all about. Why not? Of course. So this is completely off topic, but I've been waiting weeks to bring it up. But unfortunately, W. Cleon Scousen just hasn't come up. We've often mentioned his stupid books, The Naked Communist and The Naked Capitalist, but I recently discovered he's written a ton of books. A lot of them are weird fundamentalist Mormon stuff. But in 1962, he published a book called So You Want to Raise a Boy.

Irregardless of gender. Right. Question, Mark, I'll set the end. So you want to raise a boy? So you want to raise a boy? It's not really, there's no emphasis given to any of the words, but there's a lot of different ways that sentence could be said. So you want to raise a boy? So you want to raise a boy?

So you want to raise a boy? So you want to raise a boy? So you want to raise a boy? Right. A lot of different ways. Yeah. The book includes this passage. Quote, sometimes boys get into bad sex habits during their early teens.

Okay. This is in the 60s, right? 62. This is 62. So he doesn't even know about internet porn yet. This should be avoided. Every boy should know that masturbation may be the first step towards homosexuality. Hold on.

Wait for it. It starts out with masturbation and then the individual seeks a partner for mutual sex play. These practices are destructive to the personality and frequently this type of individual disintegrates to the point where he becomes involved in various types of sex crimes. That is quick. Yeah, that escalated really fast. That is the jerk off to prison pipeline for sure. In fact, the moral degenerate is responsible for some of the most vicious and sadistic sex crimes on record. Okay.

In practically all cases, homosexuality is cultivated. When homosexuals are arrested, they try to excuse their conduct by saying, I guess I'm just made that way. Oh boy. So what we learned from this is that W. Cleon Skousen and his family are really cool. Yeah. Really cool. And is that the reason that he has, Cleon Skousen's got uncles and shit and not... And that's why his books are always the naked blank.

Yeah. Is he a virgin? Is he a virgin? So anyway, I bring all that up just because this FEE president of it for a couple years was Mark Skousen. Okay. I just needed an excuse to talk about that because I've been waiting to talk about it. That's admittedly shoehorned it. That is trouble.

So anyway, back on track. It is like the more innocuous sounding the think tanks name, the more likely they are to be the most evil. Oh, totally. Americans for prosperity. That doesn't sound bad. And they vote for murdering every children. I'm not positive that it has any relation to anything, but the FEE absolutely takes in so much Koch Brothers money. Yeah, of course.

And donors trust and donors capital fund give hundreds of thousands of dollars to them. So like it is, it's part of what's known as the Koch network. Yeah. It's the AstroTurf. But I don't know if that's related or relevant to any of this stuff at all. So I bring it up, but it's not part of any case I'm building or anything. Anyway, back on track. Kay Maureen Heaton is best known for disseminating a document purporting to be evidence of outside meddling in local politics back in 1974.

Heaton was a concerned citizen who operated as a local government watchdog, focusing largely on the California Council on Intergovernmental Relations or CCIR. According to her account, quote, I had been receiving the output from the California Council on Intergovernmental Relations for some time when I went before a governor's task force in local government reform to present testimony against CCIR and the state meddling in local governmental affairs. After my appearance there, the CCIR reports stopped coming to my mailbox. It's pretty easy to see what happened here. They took her off a mailing list, which makes some sense after she testified against them in a governor's commission. So she's, but what is the CCRI, like what is it as far as a larger place inside of the government?

I mean, it's the body of the Council on Intergovernmental Relations. Like is it a big deal or is it just like a little like the state government and the county government and the city government? It's just like let's coordinate all of this information. That's the sense that I get. As someone who doesn't have like my head buried in California politics, it would probably be tough for me to say exactly what it is, but that's the sense that I get. It has to do with coordination between different governmental bodies. And I'm getting the sense that she's some lady who goes to these council meetings and is an agitator of some sort.

I don't even know she goes to the meetings necessarily, but gets the documents and then gets mad about it. And then gets mad about it. That's the sense I get as well. She's bored. So Heaton thought it was a conspiracy that she stopped getting these reports. Naturally. So she got a state senator involved who told CCIR to give Heaton the documents she wanted. So according to Heaton, she shows up at the CCIR office and picks up the reports she was missing.

But quote, I noticed though that there was one box near her desk, talking about the secretary, which she studiously avoided. While she was gone, I idly picked up one of the documents from the box she had not looked into. It was titled The Politics of Change in Local Governmental Reform. If you're keeping score, we now have the first essential element needed to create a nefarious backstory for a document. An attempt to keep it away from someone, whether or not that story isn't any way real. I suspect elements of the story are not accurate if I'm going to put all my cards on the table. Oh yeah? This sounds like a story I've heard a fucking thousand times from these sorts of weirdos.

Oh, come on. She's got government sources. Right. So Heaton reviewed the document and found that it was a quote, textbook on mind control techniques. Okay, I'm sorry. Apologies. An appalling negation of the principle of self-government as it told public servants how to use politics of change to obtain programs which citizens did not want. Ah.

The report itself is a 220 page analysis of how change occurs in local government operations, and it is not a mind control textbook in any sense of the word. The preface specifically states, quote, finally, a report tries to be objective. Put another way, we do not want to assume any stance. We do not advocate change or restructuring of any kind. What a community does or plans to do should remain up to the jurisdiction's leadership based on the unique facts of the community. We do feel, however, that it's timely to study in practical form the ways in which change occurs when it does. So what's the change that they're talking about? Obviously, Heaton thinks that it's some sort of move by the federal government to take over the local.

Naturally. In reality, when you read the report, it's super broad as a term. It encompasses pretty much any kind of altering of local policy. But one thing it seems particularly interesting is how to deal with growth. For instance, how does a local government change when the city it represents absorbs previously unincorporated areas on their outskirts? We're going to get into FEMA camps and murder, aren't we? Not really. The report describes why this presents a problem.

Quote, problems common to cities and neighboring fringes have continued with some unincorporated urban areas here have developed into tax havens, which avoid sharing their financial wealth. So because they aren't part of the city, they are unincorporated. There are places that are now connected to the city physically, but don't have the same tax oversight as the city. So they don't pay back to the city the services that are now afforded them because of the connection to the city. Right, right. And I assume that the document says that it's all right for the city to go to war with the unincorporated areas in order to annex that territory is real in Palestine, right? And another question they ask is like generally speaking, a city is within a county, right? And so what happens when a city grows beyond the confines of the county?

How does that change the organizational structure of city, county, cooperation, all that sort of stuff? It's important to note that this report did not advocate change, but was merely a study on how change happens and if it even actually is happening, you know, that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's agnostic to the idea that change is even happening to some extent as a tactic of scholarly focus. Yeah. They started by sending a questionnaire to local government officials and had this to say about it. Quote, it is highly significant that among the jurisdictions which responded to the questionnaire, 80% had either restructured, reorganized or modernized their management structures in some manner in the recent past. The motivating factor most frequently mentioned by instigators of change at the local level was cost of government and the belief that a better management system would save money and deliver better quality services.

So what it's saying there in that in that is that like they are already changing. There's a lot of changes that are already happening without any kind of intervention or the federal government or even the state government doing anything. Right. More of a cause and effect. Right. An act and react situation. Exactly. So ultimately the report concluded that change often doesn't happen except outside a quote, climate for change, which could include the collapse of government function, a civic crisis, a catastrophe like a natural disaster.

Findings of corruption in local leaders or financial troubles that are overburdening the city or the county or whatever. Yeah. Heaton probably called every one of those counties and annoyed them. Was that another question on the question? That doesn't cause. Heaton fucking called you. That doesn't cause change. Okay.

And this is what Heaton uses as misinformation, this conclusion that they come to. So it's what she does is actually shockingly similar to what Alex does. She claims that the report is advocating for creating this climate of change in order to push through evil legislation when that's just her paranoid reading of the text. Oh my God. They're descriptively studying case studies and things like that. Yeah. And they're like, well, there are positive changes that probably could have been helpful that didn't work out. Yeah.

Why didn't they work out? And then similarly, there's like, well, this seems like an arbitrary change, but it did end up getting pushed through. Why did this one succeed at this one fail? Right. And what they ultimately found is that there are circumstances that they describe as a climate for change that are usually required, not all the time, but usually required to make things much easier for these changes to happen. Right. She reads this and she's like, well, obviously they're saying they want change even though explicitly they say we're not interested in advocating for any specific changes or change at all. Well, you can't trust them.

They're the ones who want change. Right. So because she believes that they're trying to push through this unwanted change, because they're saying that they need a climate of change to do it, obviously they will precipitate that climate of change, which could include the collapse of the government. Of course. Catastrophes like a natural disaster, civic crisis. False flag shootings. Or financial troubles. They'll overburden the system.

Yeah. All of these things are, it's the same paranoid worldview that Alex applies to all of the primary sources he reads. It's fascinating. Very similar mental processes going on. Or lack thereof. Indeed. So he didn't try to spread the document far and wide, but it only got a little bit of traction in the paranoid right-wing world and caught the attention of a few local politicians. But in the end, she failed to topple the evil globalist plot, mostly because anyone who would read the report she was citing as evidence of said plot could easily see that she was full of shit.

But this is what makes her relevant in these right-wing worlds. Of course. Being full of shit is what makes you relevant in those right-wing worlds. So then in 1990, she wrote The Impossible Dream, and I was able to find a PDF copy. Nice. So I didn't pay $400, but I did read this. I had the same situation. I was really interested in this book on the Sullivanists in New York, and it turns out there's only one book that's ever been written about them.

And in order to get a copy, it's like $250, and I couldn't find a goddamn thing. Yeah. I was so interested and so fascinated by it, and I will never be able to read it. Keep digging. You'll find it. I got to get to a library. Yeah. So this book is just like a rambling pile of nonsense.

Yeah. For instance, on page nine, Heaton suggests that a rebuttal to the theory of evolution is that no animal who's ever lived has made an impact on history, whereas humans have. Air tight. Did she drop a microphone whenever she wrote that line? I have to stress that that's not written as an artistic flourish. It's literally an argument that she's making against evolution. That's not good. I'm certain that Alex has read this book.

Just so many of his ideas are mirrored in the pages. From the book's introduction, quote, here's have been split over patriotic resistance to socialism or communism, both of which have been perceived as an apparent goal of this worldwide revolution, the globalists. The more real than apparent is the true goal evidenced in every revolutionary move implicit in every program promoted actualized in every conquered land and explicitly stated in early documents. That true goal is a return to feudalism with the revolutionaries and total control of all the resources of the world, including what they have identified as quote, human resources. Okay. Alex talks about the globalists seeing us as human resources a bunch. Yeah. This is something that's pretty germane to his worldview that I'm not actually totally honest.

I've heard people talk about in a conspiratorial way many other places. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. There's just so much of Alex's world in here. Like ideas that the forces that have taken over the schools and the media, you know, these nefarious forces, arguments that these globalist forces employ the Hegelian dialectic of problem reaction solution. Ugh. The market crash of 1929 was planned to bring in governmental controls.

That's in there. She defines liberal as quote, anyone who is a sycophant and conservative as quote, anyone who is actively resisting the revolution. Oh my God. She points fingers at the Bilderberg society. Of course. The council on foreign relations. Give me three dudes created the Federal Reserve. Give it to me.

I want to bingo. She claims that a minority of Congress voted to establish the Federal Reserve. Yeah. No. She doesn't say three, but it's pretty close. And she also says that the Federal Reserve is an evil plan to make everyone poor. Naturally. She hero worships Joseph McCarthy.

Oh boy. She frames immigration as a means to take over the country and destroy our quote national identity. She decries globalist meddling in the quote internal affairs of Rhodesia and South Africa. Oh my God. No. She is playing the hits. She believes that FEMA is a part of the plan to take over the government. The whole lot of what's in the book is your standard New World Order paranoia dribble.

Yeah. So it would be really easy to say that she and Alex are probably just cribbing from the same sources. And I'm certain that explains a lot of it. However, there are a few things in this book that I've not heard anyone other than Alex seriously argue. For instance, she keeps saying that there's a war on for the minds of men, which though it's kind of generic that might as well though be the inscription on the Info Wars family

crest. Right. Right. And it's something that she brings up repeatedly. Alex also uses particular phrasing that I often hear Alex use that I never really hear anywhere else like the term in the main. Alex, in terms like in the main analysis. Yeah.

But without the word analysis. Uh-huh. In the main blank. Right. She uses that. That's very specific phrasing. Another thing is that she discusses the oil crisis and her main piece of evidence that it was a planned conspiracy is citing Lindsay Williams, the supposed chaplain at an Alaskan

oil rig who is allowed to live with the globalists for a while and learn of their nefarious plans. No shit. I've never heard anyone except Heaton and Alex take that guy seriously. Really? Even most patriot and conspiracy message boards I've read call him a scammer and a charlatan. Yeah. That's a weird similarity. Wow.

Also, Heaton argues that the rise in suicide rates among youth in the 90s is attributable to what she calls quote death education in schools. This is a piece of Alex's rhetoric that I've heard a ton of times, but I've never really known where he's getting it from, but it's literally spelled out in this weird self-published book. I'm not saying necessarily that he got it from there, it could be from another source, but it's something that I don't really hear from other places. The idea that teaching kids about the dangers of suicide and suicidal thinking causes them

to commit suicide. Yeah. That sort of thing. And even though it's an impossible book to find, essentially, in Alex's Cleon Scousen, Marvel Universe, that does seem like he would have access to a copy of that book somewhere. Well, my working theory is that if he has read it, it does make total sense, because before the times of the internet being really super what it is today, like 1990, when this book came out, the internet was not what it is today.

And the means by which a lot of these patriot, militia worlds communicated, there were like people would order books from self-published outlets and stuff like that. There were pamphlets that would go around and things like that. Right. I could very easily see this book being part of the sort of literature ecosystem that Alex had access to at this time, or Alex's dad, more likely. The Underground Racist Road. Because 1990, Alex would have been, what, like 15?

Yeah. Something like that? Yeah, his dad, if his dad is John Bircher, I doubt there's any possibility that, or I doubt that they couldn't be one step removed from getting a copy of that book. I doubt there's a possibility that it's impossible. Yes. But it's not definite. But one thing that really freaked me out, legitimately, I was like, whoa, it was on page 53.

There's a picture of Alex. Right. This one will be in the future. What? Every year since 1957, around the Ides of March, the curtain goes up on a round of weird rituals. What? Few Americans recognize significance in the sequence of events. If indeed, they consciously realize a relationship in them.

But significance exists. It's subliminal in nature. But these rituals serve to keep the American people alert to what happens to those who, like Joe McCarthy, refuse to compromise with evil. The rights begin with a saturation reporting by the media of a rash of right-wing extremists or terrorist activities. It's vital that Americans recognize this campaign for what it is, a classic example of mass brainwashing and mind-changing.

Holy shit. Not a month ago, after Christchurch, the shooting in New Zealand, after that, Alex began his show by talking about how the Ides of March, the globalists' plan, all sorts of things. That's fucking crazy. I have literally not heard anyone ever say that. That's fucking insane. It is. How dare you.

You're a witch. You're a goddamn witch, Dan. You made this happen. You're a time-traveling witch. So, I think it would be a huge stretch to say that Alex took a ton of his inspiration from this book. A whole lot of it is kind of wonky nonsense about local California politics and insistences that the Politics of Change document that she quote-unquote found in the 70s cracks the

entire globalist case wide open. Honestly, the book is pretty boring and I spent way too much time reading it. But at the same time, I refuse to believe that Alex has never read it. And here's the thing. I've never heard him reference it, nor have I ever heard him say the name K.M. Heaton. And yet, here she is, writing a book that expresses a ton of the things he would go on to preach a good five years before he ever got on the air. I don't know what this means.

I don't know what to make of it. But I do know that Heaton's book is one of the very few places that I can find that quote that Alex is reciting is referred to as being attributed to author unknown. Yeah. And for the part about it being scrawled on a revolutionary war cell wall, I think Alex would just make. Yeah. That's just his imagination.

That's a nice little flourish though. Because I can't find that anywhere. Why would that be anywhere? What did they take a picture or somebody saw it on the cell wall and was like, well, we got to write that down. Those are some famous words. I think that's what Alex calls lore. Yeah.

So what we have here, Jordan, don't get it twisted in any way is Alex weirdly misattributed a quote or at least I had the suspicion he misattributed a quote. And then I read 500 pages of nonsense. Yeah. And discovered this book that very clearly has some like that. Ides of March part is really, really, really fucked up. That's too much. That's like a fingerprint.

That's almost like a fingerprint. That's like a forensic comparison. Yeah. Yeah. It's very, very tight. You did some forensic literature analysis right there. I'm not sure it proves anything, but it looks weird. It does look weird.

It looks like Alex probably had this book. Is there a picture of her? Because it was self-published. Do we know, we do know that she exists though, because she was part of the. I still actually don't know that she exists. It could be a pseudonym. It could be a pseudonym, right? I have not seen a picture of her.

And it's very difficult to trace down any information like specific about her other than she's left a footprint with the FED and she self-published this book and she exists as someone who was a quote unquote watchdog in the 70s in California politics. So weird. Yeah. I also found a site for a web or a show called Sweet Liberty that promoted her book and her document, the politics of change document. And unfortunately, they also sell a bunch of books about how the protocols of the elders

of Zion are real. Pes dispensers. Oh boy. But that doesn't mean that she is necessarily. Right. Even though there is a lot of that in the book. It does sound very Pes dispensy. It's at least adjacent.

I don't know. It's super weird. I like learning. And so I don't, I'm not mad about that or anything like that. But it was like, I was reading that book and I'm like, what the fuck? This is insane. And well, Alex never talks about like this. Like her, her picadillos, her, her, like the points of interest that she has about California

politics and stuff like that. The ideas that she's expressing through that like climate of change and the, the politics of change and that sort of stuff is definitely what Alex thinks the globalists do. For sure. So like all of the thematic aspects of it are very similar with the like. I mean, they're updated. There's a polish. There's a, there's a new polish on that.

Yeah, that would probably be the way it's put. So anyway, sorry about that. A lot of, a lot of information up top. But now let's get into this show stinks. Alex rambles about nothing for a while. And then guess what? You know how I know it's, you know how we can all confirm it's terrible. You read a 500 page book instead of really like if the episode, if the episode was great.

Yeah. You would have so much planned. You'd be like, I don't have time for this 500 page page book. Let me be clear. The book is only 300 pages. Okay. I'm sorry. There's 200 pages of that politics of change document.

Those two things. Oh boy. Anyway, Alex, you know, like I said, he rambles about nothing. And then guess what? He has another one of his lawyers on the show. Well, he's a very famous civil rights lawyer. First amendment lawyer, one of the best in the country. He writes the forwards for major books with some of the top people out there.

And we're just very honored to have Norm Pattis in studio with us. He also is representing me in Connecticut on the Sandy Hook anti-free speech suits. But that's not why he's on air today. That is why he's on air. I mean, yeah, that might be what they talk about the entire time, but that's why he's on. Yeah. Why else would he be on?

I think we're starting to see elements of my predictions starting to come true. Like I suggested a while back that one of the directions we might see Alex's show go down in the present day is him go like full Lenny Bruce, where he just like makes his whole show about his own legal troubles. Yeah. Yeah. I think we're starting to see that like that strain of narcissism become like he's having multiple episodes where his lawyers just come in as guests, which is super weird.

That is weird. So that said, this Norm Pattis character is a real douche. On January 8th of this year, he got in a little bit of hot water after he posted something pretty racist on Facebook from the Connecticut post, quote, local attorney Norm Pattis posted Monday a photo depicting three white hooded beer cans around a brown beer bottle hanging by the neck from a refrigerator rack to his Facebook page. The caption read, quote, Ku Klux Kours. Pattis explained his bullshit by saying, quote, I enjoy being provocative for the sake of

provocation. I like to drop a bomb and then watch it explode in the comment section. Why? It's more it's more than blood sport. I suppose I like the attention Alex's goddamn attorney is a troll. Oh, man. Yeah. You know what?

You know what's worse? You know what's worse? I would have given that a solid C plus if he didn't have the brown bottle hanging. Like if you just had the course cans with the hoods and said Ku Klux Kours, that's a C plus joke. Yeah. I mean, it's not a terrible meme. I mean, if you may, if you made some sort of effort to make sure that you weren't in

favor of being a client member, if you somehow make the meme a negative, then maybe. But yeah, I still think it's not creative. It's brown bottle hanging is that's the one that puts it. Yeah. That's the one that puts it beyond beyond C plus and into, uh, you should be arrested. I don't know about arrested. I don't mean to read. Yeah.

After the NAACP condemned him, people started to say he was an asshole. Patis responded, quote, let's face it. If you're white, you can't be right. Alex's goddamn attorney is a white, identitarian troll after the, why didn't he just say, guys, I'm representing Alex. You know who I am. Stop it now. Surprisingly, one of Patis's former clients was Anna Christina, who's known as, uh, also

known as the Manhattan madam. She ran an escorting ring and guess who her big client was, Alex's good buddy, Charlie Sheen. I'm not sure that even means anything, but it seems weird to me. I have no idea. Uh, you know, small world, right? Everybody knows everybody. Very strange.

Yeah. Uh, among his other past clients was Lucy and Winchrich of the gateway pundit. So you kind of see where his bread is buttered, you know, that, that sort of, I think he's figured out a way to, uh, latch on to the right wing grifters and make money off them. I think I, I, I applaud the hustle. Yeah. It's like, uh, it's like the lawyer for, it's like the lawyer in the wire, uh, you know, for, uh, uh, Avon Barksdale, it's like, he knows what you're doing.

Everybody knows what he's doing. He's making a shit ton of money though. So let it ride. Yeah. So weirdly, uh, he also represented the new Haven Occupy encampment back in 2012, which isn't so much a counter example, uh, to these, uh, examples of what he's doing now as much as it is one more instance of the weird trajectories a lot of people took after Occupy. For example, Jason Kessler, the guy who organized the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville

was involved in Occupy before it was an event that had a broad appeal is what I'm saying. A lot of people who had a lot of different motives got involved. Right. Well, I mean, it is the 99% versus the 1%. It's not like all 99% is great. Yeah. They're not all great guys. Yeah.

Just because this is always so fucking fun. I'd like to read to you from Norm Pattis's blog from December 20th, 2012, about a week after the shooting at Sandy Hook quote, cigarettes don't kill people. People do. That would be the tobacco lobby lying to the world. We'd recognize the claim at once as transparent nonsense. So we taxed tobacco using the proceeds to pay for, among other things, healthcare for those destroying themselves by indulging their right to smoke.

Why not use the same public policy tools to attempt to control gun violence? I can see the hidden agenda. We're within my power. I'd repeal the Second Amendment. It's an anachronism. Alex's lawyer is a goddamn gun grabber. Jesus. In the response to Sandy Hook, he's clearly like I would repeal the Second Amendment.

So and I'm about to defend a guy who's denying that it happened at all and hoping Alex doesn't find this blog post because he will murder me. Norm goes on to suggest a mechanism he'd like to put into place. When an inherently dangerous product is placed in the stream of commerce, all those who introduce the product can be forced to share the liability for the harm the product causes. Why not treat guns in this manner? Suppose a Colt firearm is used in a murder. Upon proof that the Colt was used, assess a $250,000 fine against the manufacturer,

a $10,000 fine against the seller, and a $5,000 fine against each registered owner. These fines would catch the attention of folks, trucking and bartering in firearms. It might also inspire a sense of greater accountability and responsibility. He concludes by saying, quote, you'll have to pry my gun from my cold, dead fingers. A friend of mine said not too long ago, fine, I say, game on. It's time to get serious about gun control. Gun violence is a matter of life and death. Don't expect me to fight fair against your fear.

Against the fear your gun will kill me. That's, those are, those are solid words. As we're listening to old 2012, 2013 episodes in our Sandy Hook investigation. One thing that we found is that Alex is completely obsessed with the impending gun grab to the point where he's on the border of incitement towards his audience and saying that there's the civil war coming. They're trying to kick off a civil war by advocating for taking guns. I find it completely hilarious that his new lawyer in his Sandy Hook defamation trial is

literally one of the people he was saying was trying to destroy the country and kick off a civil war. Oh boy. Alex doesn't vet anything billable hours, please. I don't need to tell you my personal beliefs at all, but you do need to pay me. So long as you hit me monthly, man, I'll say whatever you want me to say. I mean, I just don't understand how you can end up with someone as your lawyer who like is someone who advocates for something that you are publicly saying is going to overthrow

the country and the freedoms. I don't know. Like a lawyer who literally said, if I could, I would get rid of the second amendment, something that Alex Jones seems to be the only thing he actually cares about consistently. Yeah, it sure does seem like that. It's weird. You know, that's an interesting question as far as, you know, like the ACLU has defended absolute utter racist in the past.

Oh, totally. I'm not judging the lawyers. Oh no, absolutely. I'm judging Alex. Well, if he's a good lawyer, who gives a shit what he believes? Because Alex doesn't really believe, you know, Alex isn't going to let him take his guns away, but he is going to let him get him off. Because he can't be that good of a lawyer that he there's not someone else who's as

good. You know what I'm saying? That will work with Alex. Well, that Alex wouldn't consider that a variable. Everyone is clamoring to work for him. The issue is if this guy is someone who advocates for the repeal of the Second Amendment, Alex doesn't want him to be associated with his big First Amendment win against these defamation lawsuits.

Right. Why would he bring this guy along who wants to get rid of the Second Amendment to ride his coattails? As they take it to the Supreme Court. Right? It's not going to the Supreme Court. But that's what Alex thinks. Yeah, I know.

Little boy. So if he thinks that his First Amendment precedent setting case that he's involved in is going to make it to the Supreme Court, you don't want this guy who wants to get rid of the Second Amendment to be in the Supreme Court and get a win in the Supreme Court. That only makes this much closer to actually getting rid of the Second Amendment. I don't know. Who cares? It's just Alex is stupid.

The lawyer, if he is taking the case on like a pre-speech, absolute form basis, whatever. Yeah, sure. Whatever. You might lose that case, but I'm not mad at you for taking it or whatever. Monsters still need representation. Yeah. That's an underpinning of our system. And you need to make some money.

So, hey, good on you. Good on you. Although stop with the racist memes. Yeah, that one's tough. Yeah. That one's tough. I'm actually going to move that back down to a B minus because his plan is terrible. Right.

$10,000, $10,000, $5,000. That's like the flat tax all over again. That's a terrible idea. I think it was just sort of a broad idea. Yeah. I think it was just sort of spitballing. I know. I'm just saying come back when you got a second draft for me.

Don't toss off a Facebook post. So interestingly, this guy, this Norm Pattis, is also a lawyer who represented Candace Owens. But not when she was Candace Owens, as we know her. When she was Owen Candace. No. Okay. When she was, I believe, still in high school and she was the victim of some racist harassment and sexual harassment from white students.

And so she, I don't believe that she sued the people who were harassing her, but she reported this harassment to the school and they didn't take care of it. And so she's school, she and her parents sued the school district for failing to take care of it and respond appropriately. She ended up winning like $37,000 in a settlement or something like that. And Norm Pattis was her lawyer. I don't want to say anything about this really because I don't know all the details of this case.

I did find an article about it so I can say that it's a real thing, certainly. And I believe her. I believe Candace. Yeah, absolutely. Just because I think her politics suck and all that stuff doesn't mean that I don't believe her that she, as a youth, was the victim of this sort of horrible harassment and abuse. I believe that. And even though she is presenting ideas right now that would only perpetuate that very same

horrible abuse, that does not mean that she does not deserve to be protected from it. No, and totally. The only thing that I take issue with is that she does say things like real hate crimes don't exist. Yeah. But hate crimes are all hoaxes and that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, she's involved with that sort of, that rhetoric being put out into the world.

And so the fact that, I mean, I didn't know this about her before, that that was part of her history. Yeah. That makes it even worse. Oh yeah. That she's putting those sorts of ideas out and hanging out with people and reinforcing people who put those ideas into the fact that she used to come on info wars kind of regularly.

And Alex talks, I believe in this next clip about how he was almost going to hire her like that sort of thing. It's like, you know that this stuff happens. You know, you were the victim of this, so you know that other people also are and they aren't making it up. That you are helping a system of rhetoric be established and normalized that says that people are making it up and were those people to hear your story, they would say you were making it up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that sucks. I'm not entirely sure. I don't want to litigate any of it. It's not important other than to say that learning that she has that inner history makes her look worse now. But at the same time, I believe her and my heart goes out to her as a high schooler having to deal with that sort of thing.

I also, my heart goes out to her after hearing Alex talk about her like this year and a half ago, two years ago, I had a chance to hire her. I got busy. We never got it done. I'm glad that she's a turning point USA. She's awesome. She's super sexy, super smart, has great integrity. No wonder they're so scared of her.

You know, what's number one on that list? Isn't it weird that that's always the first thing that comes up whenever he's talking about any of these women that like are part of his side. It's always the first thing. So fucking sexy, gross, man. Well, that's the same for Roger Ailes. So well, there's a reason every anchor is blonde and white. So at this point, they get done talking about Candace Owens.

They talk about her for a long time and try and defend the idea that you know, those comments that she made about like, if Hitler just wanted to make Germany great, that would be wonderful. But she had, he had international aspirations and that's why I hate globalism. Yeah. I don't even give a fuck about saying that she's like a rationalizing Hitler. I just think that whatever she was like, even taken as like a defensive nationalism and anti-globalism kind of thing, I still think it's just stupid. It's insane.

So take the evil out of it and it's like, well, you're just saying dumb shit. Conspiracy theory. Yeah. All right. She does know what's going on and she's grifting the very people who hurt her as a child. She knows that they're the easiest to grift. She's a black woman know that what, who's going to step into her spot, you know, Omarosa's gone.

You read too many comic books. I think the idea of that sort of, she's going to reveal, she's going to reveal in two years when she's the president that she was fucking with the white nationalists the whole time. That would be interesting. She's the most progressive president in history. Not going to hold my breath. I don't think so. So in this next clip, they get done with all that and Alex is talking to his lawyer some

more of this patent, no, paddice, um, and they start talking about Eisenhower's farewell speech. This might be some, uh, revisionist, here we go. Recall Eisenhower's famous famous warning about the military. Everybody quotes him. It's a 21 minute speech is farewell speech 1961 in January, but everybody always only partially quotes. He says there's a technological controlling elite over the military industrial complex.

And we must then beware that they are in control of the military industrial complex. He goes on to say they're a breakaway civilization and a monopolizing the future and creating basically a new class system. So at no point in Eisenhower's final speech, as he mentioned, a breakaway society, that's just pure bullshit. And Alex is just making that up. Yep. At one point, he does use the words, quote, scientific technological elite, but the context

he's using it in is very clear. Eisenhower is discussing a balance that needs to be maintained where the government needs to be involved in the development of science and technology, but not so involved that it controls it. If the government is not involved at all, it runs the risk of quote becoming captive to the scientific technological elite who would have full control over the modern innovations which the government was dependent upon. Hmm.

Similarly, the government shouldn't totally be involved, uh, because that would replace intellectual curiosity with government money, which would lead to a likely, uh, dead end in terms of innovation. The context is very clear. There's another problem with Alex's thinking, uh, that this speech is somehow a warning about the globalists, in that Eisenhower is literally advocating in this speech for the things that Alex thinks the globalists want. For instance, he talks about how the world is getting smaller and how it needs to become

a quote confederation of mutual trust and respect, which is pretty close to a global government. Pretty much. The world are seen as equals. Eisenhower literally also says quote disarmament with a mutual honor and confidence is a continuing imperative. He was trying to disarm the world, just something that Alex has worried that the UN is trying to do through their non binding treaties.

And even in the way that they're rewriting this, it is so much a defense of the military industrial complex, you know, like, Oh, no, no, no, no, the military industrial complex. That's great. Right. The guy's running it. Yeah. They're evil. What if we were running it?

We would run it so well. Not evenly. No, definitely not. Yeah. So that's stupid. Alex is just making shit up as he always does by history. And it's the same behavior that, uh, Heaton was using in terms of like her reading of documents.

Yeah. He's assuming so much of what of Eisenhower meant by all this and then citing it as gospel. And that's inappropriate. It's always fascinating to go back and look at the things that presidents have said that they, uh, what, you know, weren't able to accomplish during their, you know, his speech is unbelievably prescient in the way that Facebook and Google and all that stuff run everything. Uh, they, they, and the government isn't really involved and they're also, uh, stifling innovation

themselves. Uh, but at the same time, you know, he didn't really do, uh, much. Uh, about any of that stuff, you know, and then Jimmy Carter, whether he could have, right. Exactly. But that's, that's exactly my point. Jimmy Carter, like all of these guys who wind up being dead on in terms of what should have happened are constrained by the limitations of the government.

They weren't able to actually accomplish those things because of all the entrenched money to interests like the military industrial complex. Yeah. Yeah. Perhaps. Perhaps that, uh, that, uh, that explains a lot. Um, so Alex, uh, talks about how he's expanded. He signed two new radio hosts and he has an in-house show that's going to be launching.

And I'll, I, Really? Fuck you. I'll believe it when I see it. Really? There's, I feel like there's no chance this is true. You can afford that. Well, I mean, maybe if it's like Harrison Smith is the in-house show, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever,

that's going to be a ratings bonanza. Right. Um, and then the, the in, like the hosts he could have signed might be fucking Rappaport. You know, like, That'd be fun. Like, okay. Whatever. Rappaport and Larry Hagman or whatever picture.

Right. I mean, so like, it could be that bland of a thing. Like basically people who are doing the fourth hour are now going to do a show or something like that. I don't give a shit. On the other hand, he does have both Stone and Corsi's salaries off the books now. So he can hire some lower-end people. Wow.

That's fair. You don't know that. You don't know that. He was paying Corsi for quite a while after he got, uh, let go. Well, they're on expiring contracts, if you will. You could, you could flip them for prospects pretty easily in the NBA. These, uh, contract or whatever, the payments, I believe that is absolutely ended. Yeah.

Um, but, uh, Roger, I think he probably still has to pay. It's not like you just like, he's not working here anymore. And now I'm free. You've all find it. Oh, no, no, no. Of course. I'm sure whatever arrangement he had had some sort of a parachute, um, but also something I learned recently is that Buckley is gone.

I didn't know that Buckley doesn't work there anymore. What happened to Buckley? I don't know. I just know that he's not there anymore. Oh, I have sources. Well, are we on Buckley watch? No. He's seen Buckley.

It does explain a lot though, because I was wondering why he'd been posting like inspirational videos about how you can do like whatever you put your mind to. So now he's a wedding DJ. Yeah, it might be, but he was posting these videos and they're like, I don't know. That's the fucking water tower in downtown Chicago. Really? Buckley lives in Chicago. Buckley's here now?

I might have to find him. Oh, we got to get, we got to hang out with Buckley. Or he's looking for us. I'm not sure what the case is, but I'd love to talk to Buckley. He seems like a nice guy. Yeah, he seems all right. So anyway, we get to this next clip where Alex talks a little bit about his feelings about Assange and Paul Joseph Watson's on the line.

They're talking and I don't think this is very interesting, quite frankly, but like I expected much more of a like a take from Alex in terms of Assange because it seems like something he cares a lot about or at least has and it's just kind of like, listen to this. This is very underwhelming. We queued that up. We played it yesterday. You know, I don't know who's got it.

WikiLeaks the Russians. If you got it, release it. You can't say release it. Then he released the goods, the spirit cooking, the corruption, the rigging the polls, the rigging the debates. The president as a candidate ordered Assange to do it. Assange did it. Trump must, must, or I'm still don't like Trump.

Let me tell you, I'm going to do a little bit of shame, Paul. If he doesn't, if he doesn't let Assange out of prison, my God, Paul, what do you think? So Paul rambles a bit after that is his take on it is also not all that important because like Paul's approach to it is essentially like, okay, well, the fact that Trump in his administration is looking to extradite Assange to the United States means that there wasn't any coordination between Assange and Russia and stuff like that or Trump at all. And like, well, maybe that's a nonsensical take. Well, I mean, yeah, I don't know what the truth of any of these situations really is.

Right. But that argument doesn't hold because Trump is a narcissistic aspiring authoritarian. So the idea that he would turn on someone who collaborated with him is in line with what dictators have done throughout all history. What are you talking about? That's what Alex talks about all the time is like, you team up with the globalist, you'll be the first one against the wall. He's literally turned on everybody so far.

Everyone. Everybody. Right. So, of course. Me or you at all saying that that is what's going on just that Paul's argument is dumb. Yeah. Alex's argument is just pathetic because he's like, I think, you know, Trump told him to release those things.

He did. And now he's being persecuted. Yeah. I'll still like Trump, but I'll do it with a little bit of shame if he doesn't let him go. Sure. Where's the line? Assange up your own dirty asshole.

Yeah. It's like, where's the line? It's there. It's just made up. On this next clip, Alex tries to get Paul Joseph Watson pumped up and we'll see if it works. What would you quantify this because we're not trying to drive around the Lamborghinis or being Hollywood or any of that, but the true fame we have, the infamy we have because

of our audience and their steadfast support. It's just incredible. I want to salute the supporters that have stood with us through all of this. We've changed the world, Paul, and I want to salute you and I want to salute this crew. We still got a long way to go, but we've won some big ass battles here, brother. We've won some battles and it's all worth it. I've known we can win this thing and whenever else we got to go through, let's just commit to this.

Do you feel what I'm saying? Do you feel it Watson? Yeah. We've won some battles and we've basically won the argument. That's the time that we're in now. We've won the argument. That's why populism is rising. That's not why.

No. You hear like his response was almost like it. Yeah. Like it was almost like a scoff. You're angry. We're losing. You do realize that. But Alex, isn't it?

Like I don't think that's anger. I think what that is is like, we had some good times, didn't we? We did. We did good. Didn't we? You think so? Yeah. I think it's an enthusiasm of trying to get this other person to recognize and feel

what you feel about what you've done. Yeah. Like we did it, didn't we? Like it's two people at the end of a run. Yeah. Like, man, we went through a lot out there. Yeah. We left it all on the field.

Right. Yeah. I lean more towards the, him like having done that tour of podcasts and being like, see, I got my message out when they try to tell me that I couldn't possibly do it. Like that kind of thing. Maybe. It's usually about him. That's my default position is look at how great I am even when he's saying I want to

salute you. But Alex wants Paul to feel the way that Alex is expressing because that will make Alex feel more justified and entitled to feel that way. So it is still all about him. Yeah. Well, that's true. Always. So we have one last clip here of April 12th and it's, it's a reveal of who is hosting

the fourth hour on this episode. You're listening to the Alex Jones show with Nick Baggage. I hope he doesn't come in and we just listen to this song. To info wars. And you know, the last couple hours in the broadcast, pretty interesting stuff, right? I know. I only kept that in. I don't give a fuck about what Nick Baggage has to say.

Track. It was smooth. Smooth. That was very weird. That comes very uninfowarsed. I'm, I'm guessing Nick Baggage got to choose his own intro music on that one. Yeah. I only left that in because you, you know where Nick Baggage was on April 8th, 2019.

No. Project Camelot. Oh, you also grabbed a couple of clips from Project Camelot. Didn't you? No, I just stood up. I was so excited. Nick Baggage is too boring. Okay.

But it's just to say that like within a couple days, he was on both Project Camelot and hosting the fourth hour of Alex's show. I just introduced this as a exhibit in terms of my argument that these worlds are not as different as you think. They share a booking agent. Yeah. Yeah. I did there that I had some clips from Project Camelot and I apologize that I don't.

But like I said at the beginning of this episode, I do want to send you on your vacation in style. And so I do have something special for you. Yes. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. You're not pretty. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

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No. No. No. No. No. Yeah. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Not.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Yeah. No. Oh. No. No. No. It's definitely not me. Oh...

You know what,如果 no acknowledgement to be given on that editorial, like, it's nothing compared to what you have to do to be able to make a card disappearing. I know. Fuck you. You lazy piece of shit. How dare you be mad at someone who has a craft. It's crazy. It's hacky bullshit.

I hate mimes. Who's mad at mimes? Who is listening to you be mad at mimes? I think Trump- This is- I think the reason that Trump invited him to the White House wasn't Q and on stuff- That's because he hates mimes. No, because he's on PIX 11, which is a New York station.

Oh. I bet Trump, like, watched Lionel on TV. Jesus Christ. And knew him as, like, a media figure before he got into Q and on. Oh, man. I suspect. I'm not entirely sure, but yeah. What a fucking take.

How dare you be mad at mimes? It's the least of anyone's problems. At all. Mad at mimes! Did you get knocked over by a mime? Musto. Did you- did you get punched by a mime? What happened to you that a mime is the object of your ire?

I mean, old time, like, vaudeville-era entertainment, you got a lot of mimes. And then in the next generation after that, which is, I guess, when he probably came of age, he, like, there was a lot of jokes about mimes. But the world we're living in now, and this, sure, I mean, this was probably eight, nine years ago. This- This take? This not take?

It still was irrelevant. The idea of, like, making fun of mimes. What entertainment do you like? I don't know. Well, oh, wait, actually I don't know. But I do know that there is a piece of entertainment that he doesn't like that he brings up in this clip that is not my Murray. Lyin' on, lyin' on, lyin' on, lyin' on, lyin' on, lyin' on, lyin' on, lyin' on, lyin'

on, lyin' on, lyin' on! Tayman Worlds, a buzz over the news that Anchorman 2's been announced. Will Ferrell will reprise his role as Ron Burgundy. Great. Ron Burgundy's no Ted Baxter. Let me explain. The significance of the Ted Baxter character cannot be overstated. When the Mary Tyler Moore Show debuted in the fall of 1970, keep in mind the Zeitgeist.

And more importantly, that of television broadcast news. Cronkite wouldn't sign off until March the 6th, 1981, 11 years later. Cronkite was Zeus. And in the pantheon word, Chet Huntley, David Brinkley, Douglas Edwards, Charles Collingwood, Robert Trout, Richard C. Hodlitt, Eric Severide, and the inimitable Edward R. Murrow. I mean, it was like the 1927 Yankees. These guys were venerable and venerated, wise, distinguished, and honored and respected. That the airbrushed, bowtack, slathered, and sutured pretty boys.

Myself excluded. No, these folks were all the slatters that was exalted. They had come from print, out of the blood and fog of war, and no, no comparison today. Then entered Ted Baxter at the height of our love and respect affair with these broadcast news giants. Ted Baxter presaged the news anchor, Dope, the human news version of the Potemkin village and its idiot. So like, I mean, sure, Ted Baxter was a great character in the Mary Tyler Moore Show.

He was very funny and stuff like that. But like, that's just parody. And like, so is anchor, but why are you mad? Why can't they both be pretty decent set time? Like, I don't, hmm, I guess, I mean, making fun of mimes, harkening to like this new version of news parody isn't as good as my version of news parody is just like, I wish things were the 70s again, or like. Yeah.

Why aren't all of his broadcasts just, Lino, Lino, Lino. I'm old. I'm old. You know, and broadcast. You know that Lovecraft story, the dream quest of unknown Kadath, the character Randolph Carter, he, he tries, he dreams of like this magical city of the gods that it's forbidden for humans to go to. And so he's like, now I want to go.

So he tries and he has these adventures with these cats who fight the like armies. It's great. Yeah. So he tries to get back to this, the city of Kadath, the dream, the city that he dreamed of. And it turns out that it was just people who practiced really hard at building a city and they didn't want people in. No, there was a city of the gods, right now, because of the version of it that he had dreamed

of. Yeah. It was so much better than the actual city of the gods that the gods left Kadath and went to his city that he had dreamed of dreams. Yeah. Yeah. And so it was actually what he was dreaming of was the city of his childhood. It was Providence when he was a kid and that was like his memories of his youth were so

beautiful that he had lured the gods to this dream city of his own. Right. It's a nostalgia warning. Exactly. Yeah. Or just an artistic expression. Yeah. Some of those ideas.

That's what Lionel is doing. Yeah. He doesn't realize that all of these complaints he has are basically just like because of him like idealizing his childhood when, when he watched Mary Tyler Moore. I'm Lionel and my back hurts. I will see you next time. Like you, you might as well just do that. It's not far off.

Yeah. But he also drifts into some other interesting areas of criticism. Does he? Well, I mean, so, so far we've heard mimes and magicians and mascots, the three M's of evil. And what is it with mobs? Oh, no. I prefer butterflies.

The three M's of evil out. Eggerman 2. Gone. Terrible. Baxter. But little do we know that our boy Lionel also has some ideas about clothing. Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel. The foot is an amazing feat of engineering.

And what women do to their feet is nothing short of horrific. Shoe designers are sadists, sick and demented dispensers of torture that would make even Lindy England cringe. That's hard to tell when she's cringing with that mug. And the granddaddy of Cobbler's sadist, the Torque Amada of Inquisition Footwear, is this guy, Manolo Blanik. Second only to this monster, Jimmy Choo, Manolo the Madman, who was made famous in that cable show about four miserable self-indulgent narcissistic and heavily Botox social misfits, four dames

who constantly complain and gripe and cry in their cosmos about why no one get this. No one loves them or finds them the least bit worthy of attention. He's talking about sex in the city. Oh, I thought he was talking about golden girls. No. So women in their primordial love of the shoe felt a strange compulsion to buy these torture devices and as such, when purchasing a pair of fetching sandals, confused and optically challenged women attempt to force into them, in some cases, disfigured and gnarled claws

that belong in a carnival midway, the stuff of subway ads. So now he's showing pictures of mangled feet on the screen, which the rest of the people in the studio aren't enjoying. Bunion and hammer-toed feet that can double for a hoof. Feet that are weathered, worn in particle, calloused in cracked paws that have withstood a lifetime of abuse, and feet that now fight back, resulting in a contorted and hideous fetlock. We're talking circus quality here, folks.

Why? In the name of God, there's a woman now decided to expose to the world, in some cases, her Clydesdale quality toe-beast appendage. And to add insult to injury, she'll slap on a coat of nail varnish for the utterly superfluous toe ring to call more attention to her paw. Not to mention the instep tattoo, which, when its colors fade, look like a hideous bruise or an advanced stage of melanoma. Why?

I'll tell you why, because there is an illusion that stemmed from the belief that a pair of sandals are cute. Translation, obscenely expensive, tiny slivers of leather stitched onto a wafer-thin sole that sits atop a heel that is so high it distorts and contorts your gait and forces her to display the silliest examples of locomotion that would baffle the most learned and neurologist. In fact, John Cleese on his best day couldn't come up with anything close to it. So there you have it, and I leave you with this simple question. Why?

Why don't you answer your own fucking question and look into the history of women's shoes? And then you'll figure out why your question is stupid. He's complaining about women's shoes so much, and if they are like, they have chosen the history of women's shoes. What is it with women and shoes? It's almost like thousands of years ago, men forced a standard of beauty upon these feet that they couldn't live up to without some sort of device to take care of it. And then men have only perpetuated the oppression throughout this time, and that's why, what

are women doing buying shoes? Ah! I don't know. That to me was wild. I was like, huh, did you not think about this at all? What are you... So the complaint, I guess, is valid of these shoe designers making, perpetuating and continuing that tradition of restrictive shoe wear.

Yeah, I'm fine with talking shit on shoe designers, but then somehow he makes it the women on Sex and the City's fault, which is not great. And then it seems to also... I'm still going to go with Golden Girls on that one. So much of the blame seems to be resting at the feet, if you'll pardon my use of the word, of women. Nicely done. Pun definitely intended.

I feel like he's targeting the wrong area here. Maybe there's a bigger picture you could look at, Lionel. Maybe that's not your thing. I know you're big into QAnon now. So maybe it's sort of a tradition of his career that you just focus on the wrong piece. Isn't it amazing that you can get away with asking a question that you could have answered before you did the... Like you're asking the question after you've already given your dumb opinion.

What was the plan on this? Why didn't you ask the question first and then look into it and then be like, oh, hey guys, here's my complaint about footwear. It's us. Well, why don't you bring up the Chinese footbinding stuff? You could make your report better if you tried. So easy. Just a little bit of trying.

Just a little... It's amazing that a white man with a thesaurus doesn't have to think and he can still get a TV show. Totally. So speaking of something that a lot of average white men do, stand up comedy. I wonder what his hot take on that is. He doesn't have a hot take on it as much as... Jordan, this next...

What are they using words for? Why aren't we mimes anymore? This used to be the height of entertainment. I fucking wish I found one of you. You were talking about a great mimes. You said that would be perfect. No. I would give anything for that.

This clip in this episode of Lionel's report is... I would describe it as him trying out some open mic material. Like if someone hooked him up with a check set over at the New York comedy club or something like that and he's got to work it out. Right. He's glad this is this weekend. We are going to have to pause periodically, I think, just to check in with how he's doing on these jokes, because this is one of the only ones where I'm like, he's actually trying

to do jokes. Okay. Yeah. Lionel! Lionel! Lionel! Lionel! Lionel!

Lionel! Lionel! Lionel! Lionel! Lionel! And now, miscellaneous thoughts. Where did all the bedbugs go? What's in the news today?

There was a time when every TV news show dedicated story after story to the epidemic of these hematophagic buggers. What ever happened to them? I'll tell you. I had them a while ago. Yeah. A couple years back, I had bedbugs. It was one of the worst fucking things I've ever experienced.

There's tons of buildings in Chicago that you can just go and look up that are like, don't move into this building. There are websites dedicated specifically to warning consumers about buildings that have unresolved bedbug problems. Lionel, what the fuck are you talking about? Whatever happened to bedbugs? Well, I had to burn a lot of them in the fucking dryer. With all my stuff.

Yeah, exactly. I had to set all my things on fire. Idiot. Yeah, what the hell? That's not even a joke. Where did all the bedbugs go? And what's now virus? And the dead bees?

And the birds that were showing up? Whatever happened to mad cow? What about H1N1? Have you ever calculated your BMI, your body mass index? Look how little you can weigh and still be considered normal. Don't you love local commercials? The ones where the owners insist on being in the spot. Remake your dreams come true.

I love that one. So that must be a local New York commercial. And I guess that as a joke is just sort of like it's based on recognition and like he's doing an impression of it. So I mean, I guess that misses the mark for us in Chicago a decade later. All I'm saying Lionel is local jokes means local work. That's all I'm saying. But then also I didn't even pause it because I didn't realize that was the end of the joke

with that body mass index. That was it. That's unreal. Ooh, where's the joke? Where? Boy. I'm confused. Is he, what is, what is he trying to like?

All he did was just list a bunch of things that he doesn't hear about anymore. That was still a continuation of the bedbugs bit, I guess. But yes. Yeah. But mad cow does still exist. Yeah. West Nile and H1N1 were, I guess, of a season. I think the answer to that, whatever happened to all of these horrible things is we all

know about them now so they don't need to be in the news every day. I guess maybe they got sensationalized a little bit, but they also killed old people and children. I don't know. Not a good bit so far. I wouldn't book him. No. Let's see if he gets any better. Who buys all those knives at three in the morning on QBC?

You know, I could have watched Ron's showtime rotisserie all day. Lonely people. I would have watched it in Spanish. I admit it. I read the value-packed mailer. I love to walk over to a grown man wearing a jersey with, it says, Manning on the back and ask him, excuse me, are you a, are you Eli Manning? Boo.

Are you not? Then why are you wearing a jersey that says you are? Boo. Look confused and walk away and disgust. You know. Yeah, that's your fault. That's the end of the joke. I mean, I heard.

And then they walk away and disgust. I've heard variations of that at open mics. Oh yeah. The idea of like, why are you wearing someone else's clothes? Right. That sort of thing. Yeah. You need, you need more meat on those bones.

You need a little bit more than a, hey, are you Eli Manning? No. Well, next joke. I would, I know why you're doing it, but I would, I would caution you to resist the urge to boo him. Cause we might miss some of this gold. Well, no. And also I think that there's some value in just hearing the crickets in the room.

You know. That's true. So it's my favorite. So I don't want you to boo over the silence. I think there, I think there were like, I think it was the second clip where something he said, there was just a, and then moved on. I, that was my favorite thing that's ever happened. I'm just pausing it too.

This isn't clips or anything. This is all one thing through. Yeah. I'm just pausing it whenever we need to analyze. No, I'm still waiting for someone to be charged with a love crime. I love what I believe will speak Spanish, especially when they have a translation underneath him in Spanish. Did you know that Kenny G and Mr. G were related?

I don't know who Mr. G is. I think he's a local New York celebrity or something like that. I didn't know where to pause there. Those jokes don't seem like jokes, but the, but the, but the love crime one is like, all right. I guess that's filler for some, like, uh, if you're, you know, you just need a pad or something like that. Yeah.

Yeah. If you're a road dog, you could see throwing that in somewhere. I need to, I need to pivot or whatever, but also it's fucked up to come from Lionel because he also has a ton of videos that he's put out that you can find on his YouTube channel where he's like, there's no hate crimes. Yeah. There we go. Or hate crime is like a distinction that doesn't deserve to be involved.

Yeah. Isn't it, aren't all crimes crimes? Don't you hate everybody if you're committing a crime against him? I don't want to say that he ignores the idea that people of various groups are targeted for crimes, but he, and he speaks from a position of like, I am a lawyer, like that sort of thing. So, so it's, it, it's tough to hear him say, like, make these videos where it's like, you shouldn't be charging someone with a hate crime when you're just charging them with a crime.

Um, and then him on this open mic set, he's doing be like, anyone charged with the love crime? Yikes. Yikes, because there's more, there's more behind that joke. Yeah. Absolutely. That's fucked up. So how many of these sound like a premise that a friend of the show, Mike Wiley would

throw away? I would, I would, I, he wouldn't even put it on one of those no cards. Yeah. No, he would think about it in the back. No, no, no. He would have a Twitter draft up and then be like, I think I'm going to delete that one. Maybe. Did Carly ever find out who was so vain?

Did Bruce Springsteen ever find out who was dancing in the dark? That sounds like a home invasion. Did, uh, did Clapton ever figure out who shot the share? Whose tears were they? Where they is? No, they were in heaven. They were in heaven. Oh, okay.

Okay. Oh boy. I don't even know. Oh boy. I think you need to page one rewrite on that. I think you throw that one out. Also wasn't it uncle Joey? All right.

I do think that there's an interesting type of comic who could pull off that joke. Like you would have to be someone who's like deeply absurdist. Ridiculously deadpan. Yes. It'd have to be real deadpan. But I think it's a good idea. Yeah. To be like, did Carly Simon ever figure out who that song was about?

Or something like that? Because then the joke is about you. Right. It's not about what is being said. Right. Because what's being said is fucking stupid. Yeah. And even like that's still, uh,

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But it's all stupid. Yeah. And even like that's still, uh, you know, you want to open strong. You want to close strong. You put that one in the middle and hope people forget about that one.

Right. Right. You want people to let that one go and remember your final five. You hope they're, uh, signing their check. Yeah. Exactly. You say that joke. Yeah.

That's a good check drop joke. Yeah. Alright, you give up, tell me exactly what I'm supposed to do to keep a video. Diary of whatever I'm supposed to do when I use activity. What, I'm not keeping a video of, that's all I'm going to say. Whatever happened to Esteban? Remember the dude with the shades who wanted to teach you the guitar? That was, whatever happened to blockbuster?

This place where you rented movies. The activity thing is, uh, I think he's referring to bowel movements. Yeah. Yeah. Cause that was Jamie Lee Curtis doing the whole, you'll shit right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't care about that.

That's not a great joke, but it is, it is what it is. It is what it is. I will say that when I was listening to this, the whatever happened to Esteban is where he, like he got me. Like I just laughed. Never happened to Esteban? Yeah. But not because it's not because I think it's funny, but just because like I had like,

I, he had, he had broken me. Yeah. There was, there was so little funny going on that when he said, what happened to Esteban? It was just like, I can't fight it anymore. This is so bad. You know how like, if you had an open mic, if you were struggling so poorly and they say something that's so stupid, just like, oh, that's, that's that moment for me. Esteban.

And also cause he flashes on screen a picture of Esteban. And I'm like, he did look silly. I used to run an open mic at in Schomburg and my favorite comedian never got a laugh from the crowd and I could not stop laughing. Every time she went up, every time she went up, it was a terrible joke after terrible joke. And the crowd would do nothing and then turn and look back at me laughing like, who the fuck are you? What are you doing?

Like, that's a hundred percent a different. Is that a different thing? Cause I find it, I actually enjoy it on that same level right now. If this was where is Esteban? That's perfect. That alone is kind of, kind of funny as an observation because now I'm also curious. I'm not. You're talking about someone who's very good, but isn't connecting with an audience.

Oh, no, no. A complete opposite. Never mind. She was the worst. Fine. It's the same thing. Yeah. I still don't think you would take any enjoyment in this if it wasn't Lionel.

Oh, no. Of course not. Now let's get back in. Okay. Why do they show traffic reports on TV? By the time you get home in your car, it's all changed. It doesn't drive you crazy when you hear a 911 call and the person calling is screaming in front of you.

Get the cops here. Get him here now. And the dispatcher gets hung up on some esoteric question that could wait. Please, son help. He's coming at me with a sword. Are you wearing shoes? See, now that last one, I think is a bit, if you had a better performance, could work. There could be something there.

No, the structure is right. Yeah. The structure is there. Yeah, absolutely. No, the structure is right. In a way that none of these, and that traffic one, that's just hacky 80s comic. You've heard that a thousand times. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it doesn't deserve a response. I think that that 911 call is also kind of hacky because I think it sounds familiar in some ways. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But at the same time, there is the kernel of what you can work with. You need a better act out. You need a better question than are you wearing shoes? Way better question than are you wearing shoes?

The specifics need to be better. And then you need to flesh it out a little, but there's something there. Yeah. Lionel, if you're building a set, start with that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of everything here, bring up Esteban at some point. You work with that one. Where is Carl?

Who is Sylvain? I'll give him, I'll give you two. I don't think Lionel can pull that off though. No, that's true. You should sell that to another open-micro. An open-micro would buy it too. Yes, absolutely. You know it.

All right, here we go. When did you last eat? Was Murray wondering too, really, the unknown comic? I mean, there could have been more than one. I need to, I need to go back because when did you last eat? Oh, okay. That wasn't a joke. I'm sorry because if that was just a complete non-secretary in the middle of this, that

would have been perfect. I paused it at the wrong time, but it was still just a part of the 911 joke. I would give him a million. You don't ask two questions on that joke. No, I don't think so either. No, uh-uh. I think when did you last eat, couldn't be the one you ask to? Uh-uh, no, no, no, no.

I mean, it has to work off the sword. You know, I'm being chased at by, by a man with a sword, and then you ask, well, is he wearing a kimono or something, something along those lines, tie it up in, tie it up in something related to it. Yeah. The more I think about it, the more I actually don't think it can work because if you do that, then like, what are you doing? You know, like if you bring the sword play word play into it or whatever, is he wearing

a fencing mask? There's no punch there or anything like that. And then if you ask an unrelated question, like what's your sign or something like that, are you trying to imply that this person's hitting on you? Yeah. The shoes is like, it's supposed to express some sort of concern, I guess, on the 911 operator's point, but like, I don't know. I think it's the sword that has to change because that can't be the absurd part.

It has to be something normal and then the absurdity is the response to it. There's someone in my house. Yeah. Just that, just that bland thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then, yeah, then there's a number of other directions you can go. Man, we're joke doctors. I would hope we would be at least okay.

Shoes. When did you last eat? Was Murray Langston really the unknown comic? I mean, there could have been more than one. You know, like Gallagher, for God's sake, please send the cops. That actually kind of, you... Was that a continuation? Yeah, yeah, I guess it was.

That was still a continuation. I didn't realize. I thought it was another bit. Uh-huh. Yeah, but I guess, I would say that is that guy the unnamed comic or whatever. Yeah. I think you keep that as the third one. You could keep that as the third one.

I think so. Are we going rule of threes on this? Yeah. Okay. Well, he's going rule of threes. He just disproved your, you only need one. Yeah. Three is the way to go.

Three. But those are, the first two are bad. Yeah. You fix those two. Yeah. Questions. You keep the unknown comic as the third one. Make it a normal, make it a normal vague thing.

Actually, I think, uh, you know, when... Well, humor is in specificity though. When did you... So it should be something really specific that's going on. When did you last eat is no good. No. That's in the realm of like what the first question should be. Because it should be something close to what a 911 dispatcher would say.

Like, are your windows locked or something like that? Um, are, are, uh, are you wearing a coat? You'll catch your death. Sure. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Anyway, we've spent way too much time on this job.

You ever think at least a hundred times during a debate, why am I watching this? This is horrible. I'd rather lick a hospital mop than watch this any more. One day, I want to see a computer screen that looks like the one that they always show in the movies. Is there something that happens to older men who actually think the Andy Rooney, Martin Scorsese, Spanish Moss, eyebrow look is dignified? What is that age that changes perception to the point of, hey, this looks good.

57. And one more thing, comment as you see fit. I just let that play because I'm tired of deconstructing and critiquing his jokes. Oh. Uh, across the board. Bad. Uh, yeah. Uh, the comment card, uh, would not, uh, would not go well.

You're not getting rebooked by Yoder. Who's your favorite comic tonight? Not Lionel. Not Lionel. Yeah. I love his theme song though. So that like, that should give you like a sense of when he's trying to be funny. Cause that's clearly what he's doing.

Oh yeah. He whiffed on every one of those jokes. Nothing landed. Nope. Not in the room. Not in this room. Uh-uh. That would never fly.

Uh, anywhere. Anywhere. No. Anytime. Maybe a couple of decades back, back when Mime was miming was King. Yeah. He could have pulled that bullshit. The cat skills would have been great.

Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, if you just put on some blackface, he would be the funniest guy in the world. It's possible.

Yeah. At that point. Yes. At that point. So it's ironic to me that he just did that boring three minute segment of horrible attempts at jokes. Oh, and now he's going to bitch on comics. No, not necessarily, but I would say that this is equally unacceptable based on that

story we just saw. In my opinion, the worst of human traits is to be boring, and I have cobbled together my nomination for the Boring Hall of Fame. Now for those keeping score at home, boring is defined as lacking any degree of human excitement, entertainment, or interest level whatsoever. They suck the air out of the room. Now, for our nominees in no particular order, first, his picture is listed in the dictionary under the word vapid, the paralyzingly insipid NBC political, whatever, Chuck Todd.

As I've stated, he could single-handedly reverse the rate of teenage pregnancy by explaining the sex act in detail. They would lose all interest whatsoever. That's a little spicy for the Lionel report. That's a little bit, that's a little rippled. Just say the word the sex act. So Chuck Todd. Yeah.

Yeah. Next, a man who barely retained his seat and who was rumored to have died in 1978, said a majority leader, Harry Reid, a man devoid of anything resembling vitality. Next, a man who makes my skin crawl when he speaks in that Quailu delivery. Then he's not boring. The comatose and criminally boring Ben Stein, whose message is something. He was a Nixon speechwriter. Yeah.

May have had some involvement in knowing what happened in Watergate. He had a TV show. He was really funny in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Yeah. And also, it went Ben Stein's money. That was great. That was great. He wrote a couple of satirical books that how to destroy your life books.

You know, I mean, he's also be, you know, terrible. He's an idiot. Terrible right wing pundit all over television. Yeah. He's a monster, but he's not boring. Yeah. No, he's very fascinating in terms of the trajectory of his career. Like the idea that he was a speechwriter for Nixon and then.

And then went to be in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. And then a beloved, like a game show host. Yeah. Very interesting. Lionel. I don't like Ben Stein, but this is the wrong. What are you? What have you done?

I think he's just referring to how monotone. Yeah. Ben Stein is as an affectation, which is dumb. Yeah. That's kind of purposeful. There's a, there's a bit of a brand. Yeah. There's a bit of a put upon act to that.

It's an affectation. A little bit. He's an entertainer. Yeah. Our next nominee, the poster child for mandatory sterilization. This Android, who's as funny as stillbirth, I give you carrot top. I would rather drink bleach or lick a hospital mop before listening to a nanosecond of this thing.

What year is this? Yeah. Are we, are we still making fun of carrot top? It's carrot top at this point, just doing Vegas. Yeah. So we, I thought we circled around to like a begrudging respect for carrot top, right? Like carrot top was being made fun of in like Mr. Show. Yeah.

Yeah. He was, he was head of the board. Okay. We, we got it. We got carrot top taken care of, man. Yeah. Chairman of the board. Whatever.

How's that board spell? No McDonald's on Conan. Next, the secretary of the department of Homeland Security, who makes me feel anything but secure in my homeland, this firebrand, Janet Napolitano, who has the pizzazz of a soap dish. She couldn't lure me out of a burning building. Now, this next nominee's boring factor is stultifying NBC's X FBI profiler, Cliff Benzant, who looks like he survived a hanging with his unique head tilt, nicknamed 10 after six. Benzant will get, get this profile suspects after they've been arrested and convicted.

Brilliant. Next are penultimate nominees. These vapid nobodies, these mind numbing slatterns, the Kardashians, who have never stated anything of worth ever, a complete and total waste of skin. And finally, the granddaddy of them all, the big kahuna, a man who redefines the outer limits of sheer heart-stopping boring. I'll give you Alan Greenspan, ex-fed chairman and Einran Quoten, sax play and heeping master. The personality black hole.

And there they are. If I left one out, email me. Click, click, click, click. Just emailing you. You, you, you, you. All caps for a while. You included. You included the Kardashians.

One long you. You included the Kardashians and carrot top in your list of boring people, which is very boring. You included Ben Stein, who is categorically not boring. You had Harry Reid and Janet Napolitano. Like, I don't like, who cares? Right. A criminal profiler that I don't know who the fuck you're talking about. And then at the end, Alan Greenspan, he's the head of the fucking Federal Reserve and

he plays saxophone. Yeah. That is not boring. I don't like him. And he sat at the feet of Einrand. That's still fascinating. Right. Yeah.

Like, oh, do you know who else I find boring? Let's find more irrelevant characters. I'm going to go right back to Escalus. Get that guy out of my face. Actually, he is wondering where Esteban is. Yeah. So that's not boring. He would like more Esteban.

Man, it's just like, I think you need to have a conversation with yourself Lionel about what is and is not interesting. Yeah. Because some of these people are not boring. Maybe you're saying they don't have a magnetic personality or something like that. That shouldn't be held against them in any kind of successful capacity. Especially when they're not entertainers. Yeah.

Like someone like Harry Reid or whatever, like him not being entertaining to you is not his job. The Kardashians, whether you want to call them vapid and all that stuff, there's might be some coded beliefs in there possibly. Yeah. But at the same time, like they're not boring as entertainers. I don't know. I don't.

And I would even say carrot top probably isn't that boring. No, like I said, I think we circled back to begrudging respect for carrot top at this point. I've never seen him live. I mostly, I guess I've seen some videos of him and I'm not super into them, but I know the parody of carrot top more than I actually know carrot tops material. No, I've seen some people. I know a couple of guys who have opened for carrot top and universally they were like,

one, he's the nicest fucking dude. And two, he kills from start to finish. And yeah, you get some of the, you get some of the bullshit in there. Toilet on your head and your shit face. Yeah. But he actually has really good writers who work for him. He is not, no, he's no longer writing his own bits guys. Yeah.

I, I don't know how I feel about him. I'm not going to say I have a begrudging respect, but I have heard similar things too. But I'm being very nice and generous and doing well in, in front of actual crowds. So I mean, like whatever you want to say, I mean, I can't take that away from him. Yeah. I wouldn't say he's boring. I might be bored by one of his performances, but I'm bored by almost everything. Right.

Especially when we're talking about standup. I have no pulse for anything except for Alex misattributing a quote and making me read hundreds of pages of a book. So I'm not a good barometer. I wouldn't get on PIX 11 and try and yell at people for being boring. I know that my radar is off and so is yours. Lionel. So is yours.

Everybody thinks they're the hero in their own story, man. So a lot of this so far has been what I would describe as meaningless. Like a lot of it. Boring. Tepid. Lukewarm. There's been a lot of low stakes so far. Yeah.

And this, and in this next one, Lionel gets a little bit political and you'll hear him sounding not too surprisingly, a lot like Alex Jones. Lionel. Lionel. Lionel. Lionel. Lionel. Lionel.

Lionel. Turn this off right now. Go to another channel. Do it. Do it. That is the unofficial religion of many. And it enrages people beyond anything you could ever imagine when you so much as hint that their belief system in this might be motivated and encouraged, promoted, funded,

and or promulgated by organizations consortia, covens, cabals, and conclaves for any other reason but the sincere and actual and beautiful belief in preventing ecocide. For this, it's global warming, global politics, and the absolute article of faith in an anthropogenic causation model for climate change. The thought mesmerizes people. Just say green. Go green. Be green.

Sorry, Kermit. It is easy being green. And what they want to hear nothing of is and come closer. Listen carefully. I don't want them to overhear me. Agenda 21. What? I don't even know what it is.

What is it? I've never heard of it. Did we just say agenda 21? They just heard the word sustainability. And that's all they needed to hear. They don't know it's a code word, a shibboleth, like a war on terror or 9-11, like a mental cognitive green screen. It provides a background where you can superimpose lies and distortions on a seemingly innocuous

veneer of legitimacy. These people have not the first clue of what they speak. It's like the peace sign, the bubble ticker, drive-by sloganeering. And if you're interested, look up Agenda 21. It's a UN non-binding plan that's been around since 1992. And if you really want to go deeper, look at the Club of Rome. From their report entitled, The First Global Revolution, published in 1991. Listen to this feature.

But don't tell your friends. Listen. Quote, in searching for a new enemy to unite us, we came up with the idea that pollution, the threat of global warming, water shortages, famine, and the like would fit the bill. Here's my big comment. Anytime I hear someone bringing up that, first of all, Agenda 21. Yeah. The second question is, have you read it?

It's like 350 pages. I bet you haven't. Oh, no, he is not. That's my first question. Yeah. And then my second question is when you bring up the Club of Rome, the publication that he's talking about. Yeah.

Have you read that? Because if they say yes, then I know that they're an intentional liar. Yeah. And if they haven't, they don't understand the context of that quote. If you use that quote as to say that these people made up the idea of climate change as an enemy, then you don't, you're either intentionally lying or you don't know what you're talking about. Because that's not the context that that quote exists in.

We talked about this a bunch of times. That is absolutely like a mark of a propagandist. So that's just to demonstrate that he has a lot of the similar, like even though we laugh a lot, and this is still laughable. I mean, it's stupid. Yeah. But he does still have a political side to him. Even back in this PIX 11 days.

Yeah. Man, all I could think of during that clip is where is Esteban? Who knows? Who knows? He wanted to teach you guitar. So here's a clip from 2010 where Lionel is talking about some of his pet peeves. Lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel. There are many things that make my skin crawl, that make me wince, that cause my soul to chafe.

Mine. Mispronunciations. And you know they drive you nuts too. Let's start with the granddaddy of them all, shall we? Big bugs. Irregardless. The consummate double negative that is known by all except the grammatically comatose. The next time you hear irregardless, try this sentence.

Irregarding your misuse of the word or irregarding the matter at hand, they won't get it, but so what? Welcome to my world. They're all here just to amuse me. Axe. Made famous by President John F. Kennedy in a rough draft of his inaugural address, though later corrected. Axe not what your country can do for you, axe what you can do for your country.

Sandwich. The past tense of sandwich. There's no vinaigrette. It's vinaigrette. Vinaigrette denoting the diminutive form of vinegar. Then there's supposedly. That which is able to be supposed. Supposably.

Like fingernails on a chalkboard. Yes, we are. Ready, Kylie? Ready. Nuclear. I'm more pertaining to a new cure. What's a new cure? There's no such thing as a new cure.

Bush 43 made this word famous. When I pointed that out to Bush supporters, they're almost unanimous retort was, well, Jimmy Carter said it too. Oh, well, that changes everything. So that's in 2010, right? Yeah. So he's working. So he's only six years past when nuclear or nuclear nuclear happened.

Yeah. I'm not mad about it. So when, at this point, he's doing these reports for PIX 11 and there's a three minute time frame basically. He has like he has a hard out. Yeah. They're not going to let him take over all this time. He gets the Andy Rooney spot.

Nail it. Get it out. Now looking over the course of his YouTube archive. Oh, has he ever misspoken? No, no, I don't care about that. Okay. That's not my interest. Okay.

I promise you I don't give a shit. I also don't give a shit about most of the mispronunciations he's talking about. What you're saying is irregardless of his actions. You bet. Okay. So you notice that around 20 in 2014, he stops appearing in a studio and starts talking into a webcam. Oh, and at that time, his videos no longer have a time limit.

So he can just go as long as he wants. Oh, no. And this is where, you know, I honestly thought like as soon as he gets fired or it just isn't doing these TV reports anymore. That's when he goes crazy. Yeah. And it turns out it's not. Oh, let me just say that this is one of the first videos that he puts out after he leaves

the studio. I love to bitch and moan about mispronounced words. It's a hobby of mine. And I think I'm not the only one who shares this incredible delight in finding fault with those people who destroy or confuse mispronounced, misunderstand, misstate our language. Or take as the source. Or languages. There was a word that was a big, big in the rain of King George, 43.

That was nuclear, nuclear of or pertaining to a nuclear. King George, 43. Because there is no such thing as a nuclear or a nuclear rather. So what it was, it was a kind of a transposition of sorts. It was called a cacobi, C-A-C-O-E-P-Y. And what it was was an incorrect pronunciation of a word. See, this is all the stuff that wouldn't have made it on the I-X-11. Hold on, hold on.

The word that was given a name. Now, why it wasn't just called mispronounced? If I pronounce clock, farfignugan, there's no name for that. I've mispronounced the word clock. Notice I said clock. Now, but yet cacobi somehow came to mind. So I used to refer to him as the cacoepist in chief. Now, there's another version of this called a metathesis.

A metathesis is a strange kind of a transposition of letters. Foliage, foilage, cavalry, cavalry. Kind of a weird confusion. Mispronunciation, perhaps if you are talking about the wrong concept. Because remember, mispronunciation is dependent upon that which you mean. Realtor versus realtor. Jeweler or jewelry versus jewelry. Again, little transpositions.

You got the word right, basically. Prickish, pedantic, perhaps. Maybe it was because of my astrological background. After all, I was born under the sign of feces. Now, I could care less. Not really mispronunciation, but a misspeak, a miss concept. I couldn't care less, of course. Everybody knows that.

If you could care less, what's the point? I couldn't care less that Germany won the World Cup. I could care less. Well, why even bother? Supposedly versus supposedly. Supposedly, I think, is able to be supposed, which I don't think is what people mean. So he does this one every three months or so.

He just recycles it. He needs a new act. Man, this is bad. The reason that I played that, and that is painful, is that he does the nuclear bit and the supposedly bit. Those are the only times he repeats material. That's not the only times he's done those bits. But one of the main reasons to keep that clip in

is to demonstrate, without a time limit and without that theme song, Lionel is fucking painful. This is so bad. This is bad. If he gets to talk as long as he wants, instead of having like four synonyms, he's going to do 12. It's just like, what do you know?

Getting back to the open, Mike's man, you got to give him three minutes any more than that and you've ruined the show. I always think about, too, the idea that Adam Corolla was great on Love Line. But once he's in control of his own thing, he's like, he thinks, he's just terrible. Without the push and pull of him and management,

the idea that there was a program director who was telling him to shut up and he was mad about that, that created the essential tension where his character is able to be good, or at least entertaining and not come off like a complete fucking horrible dick. In the same way, the tension of Lionel, the people at the desk not enjoying him, the idea that he has this amount of time

and he's got to hit his mark and be done, and that theme song bringing him on without those trappings, like he is a disaster. Yeah, he should not be given... That explains why I don't think we'll ever cover too much of his post-PIX11 career. But I wanted to leave this on a good note, and that is to say, Lionel does have some bad ideas,

whether it's about global warming, the project, sorry, the Club of Rome, the Agenda 21 type stuff, and he has a lot of really stupid ideas, and you know, he's a QAnon guy now, which is fucking stupid as hell. But I would be doing him a disservice if I didn't at least tip my cap to him for this.

Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel... Seems that every day there's another story, the news about the transgendered, the T in LGBT. And of the four components of that initialism, it's the most fascinating to me, and the reasons are veriform and myriad-first, it confounds the notion of the immutability of sexuality and gender.

It destroys the absolutist approach to human sexuality, and development, and crushes the idea of the apodictic, the nature of necessary and absolute truth and certainty. There are now absolutes, it's all gray, and there are more than 50 shades of gray and a wider shade of pale. First, sexuality. If you think the spectrum is gay, straight, and bisexual,

you'd better sit down, Sparky, because sexual preference is physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, communal, and levels with names and locations... What is fucking happening, Dan? Just as particle physics shows there are multiple dimensions to the universe, there are multiple layers and levels and strata of sexuality and preference. Now, gender and sex.

You want to talk Mando? Hang on. Let's play Thought Experiment. Assume, argue Mando, you went to the doctor and she tells you, I've got news for you. You're not a man, you're a woman, or vice versa. Now, quit. Do you think your genital accoutrement will make you a man or a woman?

Seriously. Now, it's who you are. It's what you feel, how you see yourself, what's in your heart, your clothing, your hairstyle, even your shoes, your walk, your talk, your date, your style, your likes, dislikes, your voice, your attitude, your laugh. Your genitals don't determine that.

It's your internal gender identity, your head, your brain, the little voice, the homunculus, if you will, that gives you the go ahead to be an act as you see fit. I'm not going to give you the homunculus. And this is nothing new. This has been going on since day one. So here's the question.

If everything is on a continuum, as I most respectfully submit, what is real and the truth and actual and certain? What are they? Nothing. So long as you are content, there's certainty. It's when society at large, when it questions, that's the problem. It's when folks are not allowed to marry or date

or be with whom they want or go to the restroom they want or dress the way they want or take to the prom whom they want. That's when problems arise. It's not their problem. They have plenty of certainty. It's society who's hung up with the hang up.

So relax. Take it easy, America. The world, you've got some serious identity and sexuality and preference and gender issues, and yet you pass this on to folks who are quite happy being who they are and aren't. So comment as you see fit. That's crazy.

I think I just had an aneurysm. What the fuck just happened? That's insanely evolved. What the fuck just happened? That's so evolved. What the fuck just happened? Lionel is so on the right tip. And it's even evolved with him.

He skipped the Sora's words there and went with characteristics for a long line. He went with a long line of characteristics, all of which are mutable. This is fantastic. It's crazy. What just happened? If that was all I heard of him, I'd be like,

Lionel's a pretty great guy. It's pretty wild to think that this was like in 2010 on like New York television, that he's up there espousing this viewpoint, which is like, that's great. That's way in advance of most progressive people.

I wonder if he still believes this. This is still something that he carries because it seems anti to a lot of the Alex Jones and QAnon world, like it's tolerant, not even tolerance. This is advocacy to a certain,

this is allyship that he's expressing. And the idea too that it's like, these people don't have a problem. You do. Society does if you have a problem with them being who they are. That's something. I can't imagine that being still a part of it,

but you look back and he's on a real good trend. Even way back then in terms of these sorts of issues, homosexual rights, all over the spectrum of LGBT rights, he's pretty consistently in support. It's weird. It's really weird to have this guy who you just assume wouldn't believe these things,

but he does. Well, because it's like, if you do get that part, then you also should have to realize how interconnected that is with so many of the things that you believe in the wrong way. Maybe. That's cognitively dissonant.

I mean, how can you... Maybe. Maybe it's not, though, to him. There's a lot of things that I see a pretty interesting consistency in him, or at least an internal consistency. He has a lot of videos talking about how you shouldn't punish people for bullying,

that sort of thing, but also he has videos about how horrible bullies are. The idea of you shouldn't make it illegal to insult somebody or something like that, but then at the same time, he has videos of how horrible these people are that would do that to another person. So there's a consistency to that

with his ideas about free speech and that sort of thing. You would want him to advocate for rules against bullying, but you kind of see where he's coming from and he clearly doesn't let people who bully off the hook. It's weird. He's a weird cat, and I think that he's even weirder

when you add the wrinkle of his later career into it, but he's weird enough, even if you just look at the PIX 11 days. Yeah, that's crazy. You can't have both transgender rights and QAnon beliefs, can you? I think that you could probably find a way to make it work just because Q's so vague and stuff like that.

That's true. But I do think that the culture of it is very much on the right. Yeah. It's very conservative. It's very, you know, like if it's the sort of thing that accepts like Trump's banning of trans people being in the military,

then I don't know how you square that. Yeah, I can't imagine. But I don't know. I don't know enough to say, like I've watched some of his newer videos. There's so fucking boring in that theme song, isn't it? So it really hurts. They must own the theme song.

Some of them are like two to three hours long. No. Like Lionel just rambling in front of a webcam. Wow. So I don't know what to do with that. Man, sometimes we struggle to entertain people for two or three hours long. We don't even have thesaurus.

Exactly. Thesaurus. Thesaurus? I always get mad at people who mispronounce multiple thesaurus as thesaurus. Supposedly that's how it's supposed to be pronounced. I suppose to be so. So I supposedly have to bring this to the end.

But before we do, just for fucking to get the taste, not out of our mouths, I guess, to celebrate Lionel's progressive stance back in the past. Lionel. Lionel. Lionel. Lionel.

Lionel. Lionel. Lionel. Lionel. Lionel. Lionel. Lionel. I salute you, Lionel,

for having at least some decent positions. Wow. So Jordan, this brings us to the end. Have a great vacation. Oh, Dan. Have a good time in Mexico. And like I told you, what happens down in Mexico stays in Mexico.

So don't bite off more than you can chew. There's things down there even the devil wouldn't do. Just remember, Jordan, when you let it all go. Put it up and down in Mexico. Stays in Mexico. I'm just going to go around. Trumpets. I'm just going to go around looking for Esteban.

I assume that's where he's from. Oh, he's got to be down there. He's trying to teach people how to play guitar down in Mexico. The video for Toby Keith's, what happens down in Mexico stays in Mexico, that I was just singing a little bit of. It's basically about these two people who were on vacation down in Mexico.

I believe they're both married and they end up fucking a bunch. Okay, good for them. They commit infidelity while down in Mexico. And I just always love the idea that Toby Keith is singing in the chorus. There's things down here the devil wouldn't do. And the video is just about people having sex outside of marriage.

I'm like, the devil would do that. Devil would be all about that. I think the devil's pretty cool with it. I think that's even too tame for the devil. Yeah, he'd be like, yeah. He'd be like, come on, get out of here with this shit. He really should have done something fucked up for that video. Just a man getting fucked by a donkey.

The devil would do that too. The devil would. That's true. He's really backed himself into a corner. Yeah. I'm like, what wouldn't the devil do? I mean, good things. Right.

Positive things. That kind of ruins the point of the song. There are things that the devil wouldn't do down there, which is provide food and healthcare for the poor. Yeah. But see, that doesn't work with a video and the theme of it. Because you wouldn't want that to stay in Mexico. You'd want to tell people about providing food for the poor.

Yeah. I mean, I guess it's probably artistic license. Sure. Maybe I should ask Lionel to make a video about it. How it bothers me that Toby Keith's video isn't a macabre version of Eldritch Horrors. That would have been a great song to play over hostile. Yeah. But the devil would do that too.

You can't out-evil the devil. I really kind of think you can. He's gotten really tame lately. The fucking idea of this guy banging someone who's not his wife and the devil being like, whoa, I wouldn't do that. Fuck out of here, Toby Keith. Anyway, have a good trip. Thank you very much, Dan.

We will see you back next Monday. We will. But the show will be back before then. Absolutely. But we have a website, knowledgefight.com. We do have a website. We have a Twitter account, I believe. A knowledge underscore fight.

I'm at Go To Bed Jordan. What else do we have? We're on Facebook. We are on Facebook. Do we have a Facebook group? We do. We do. It's called Go Home and Tell Your Mother You're Brilliant.

iTunes. Yep. You're going to leave a review rate. Subscribe. Do the whole thing. But for now, I mean like in honor of his progressive stance, we got to tip our hat to Lionel. I got to tip my hat to him. Granted by disseminating the cue stuff, it really does feel like this is leading to deaths.

I would say the net is a negative. I would say he's a net negative. I don't know. I feel like it's a dangerous trend that you see. And Lionel is a part of perpetuating that trend. Yeah. But at the same time, I don't want to give him sole ownership of any deaths that might come out of cue or not.

No. But in honor of his progressive stance and his fucking hacky comedy, I must say that Lionel has never killed anybody. But one guy who technically has is Alex Jones. Andy in Kansas. You're on the air. Thanks for holding. Hello, Alex.

I'm a person. I'm a huge fan. I love your work.