Knowledge Fight - #409: The Lionel Countdown

Episode Date: March 18, 2020

Today, Dan and Jordan self-quarantine from Alex Jones' nonsense by taking a vacation into the exotic, very trivial world of Lionel's career. 

I'm sick of them posing as if they're the good guys saying we are the bad guys knowledge and your knowledge fight I need money Andy and Kansas Stop it Andy and Kansas It's time to pray Andy and Kansas you're on the air, thanks for holding

Hello Alex I'm Mr. Tim Cullen, I'm a huge fan, I love your work Knowledge fight No, no, no, no, knowledgefight.com I love you Hey everybody, welcome back to Knowledge Fight, I'm Dan I'm Jordan We're a couple dudes like to sit around, drink novelty beverages, and talk a little bit about Alex Jones Indeed we are, Dan

Jordan Dan Jordan We're all having a rough go, so let me ask you a question Is it about the Witcher? No, no, good god no I've started to play the card game Oh have you, Gwent is amazing, it's so good, I love Gwent

I do like the diversity of things to do in the game, especially that that is such an extreme example Oh yeah, yeah There's just a whole different game inside the game It's really good Anyway, I'm sorry to derail your question I was just saying, let's have a happy thought, what was your happiest St. Patrick's Day? Because here we are recording on St. Patrick's Day Huh, that's an interesting question, I don't know, I don't really

Remember St. Patrick's Day as fondly? I don't know, I mean, I think like during my younger childhood years, it was just like a thing that you know, maybe you'd draw a little four leaf clover at school or something And then as I got older, it was just an excuse to drink, and so I just get fucking drunk But at the same time, I was doing that almost every other day too It wasn't like, you know, by my early twenties and late teens, it wasn't like a, you didn't need a reason It reminds me of Paul F. Tompkins a bit, where he's like, I don't remember that it's St. Patrick's Day Mainly because for me, any old day could be St. Patrick's Day

Yeah, it's new and I could crank out a beer Yeah, sure, it's especially whenever I've driven out a snake Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't something that, you know, I'm not, I think I might be a little bit Irish At some point, at least one of my grandparents has adopted, and we don't really know a whole lot of Like family lineage and stuff, so, but I understand there may be a little bit, but I'm not, I can't Really claim that as being something really important to me. I guess the best like specific St. Patrick's Memory was, but back when I worked at Groupon, my office was right over the river downtown Chicago Oh, that's great

And so we had just an amazing view of them dying the river green Yeah, that's so cool And so you could just see it dispersing and like, you could see it becoming the celebration of St. Patrick's Day I thought that was pretty cool Yeah, the becoming is very interesting Yeah, I like that And then a couple days later, you know, walking around like in Wrigleyville and just seeing the trash Oh, this is the other side of that, great

Yes, absolutely Yeah, this is a podcast where I don't know too much about St. Patrick's Day, but I know a lot about Alex Jones And I don't know much about either, Dan Right, so Jordan, today we have an interesting episode to go over, but before we get down to that We got to take a moment to say thank you to some folks who have signed up and are supporting the show Thank you So first of all, Michael, thank you so much. You are now a policy wonk I'm a policy wonk

Thank you, Michael Thank you, Michael Next 281-330-8004. Thank you so much. You are now a policy wonk I'm a policy wonk Normally, I wouldn't thank you Normally, I would have Did you try calling it? No, it's a reference to a Mike Jones song

Okay, otherwise I would not have said a phone number on the show All right It's a it's a rap song Is that Larry Nichols? Is that you? It's not Next, Matthias, thank you so much. You're now a policy wonk I'm a policy wonk Thank you, Matthias

Straight out of Redwall right there Next, Tag, thank you so much. You're now a policy wonk I'm a policy wonk Thank you, Tag Thank you Next, Chris, thank you so much. The conspiracy grows I'm a policy wonk Thank you

Thank you, Chris Next, Rosemary, thank you so much. You're now a policy wonk I'm a policy wonk Thank you very much, Rosemary, as well as Parsley, Sage and Time Uh-huh And finally, I'd like to say thank you to a couple people who donated on an elevated level We appreciate that very much So first of all, Kelly, thank you so much

You are now a technocrat And Vidya, thank you so much You are now a technocrat I'm a policy wonk Crikey, Mike, that's fantastic Have yourself a brew How's your 401k doing, bro? All right, we gotta go full tilt buggy on this Watson, all right?

Let's just get down to business We ain't making that money off that heroin Why are you pimp so good? My neck is freakishly large I declare info war on you Thank you so much, Kelly And thank you so much, Vidya Yes, thank you very much, Kelly and Vidya

If you're out there listening, you're thinking, hey, I enjoy this show I'd like to support these gents, too You can do that by going to our website, KnowledgeFight.com Clicking the button to support the show, we would appreciate it Yes, thank you very much So, Jordan, today we're in a situation where, I mean, the world is going a little bit out of control There's a lot of various ways you could describe it I think tensions are incredibly high

Yeah I think that there's a lot of trouble afoot Yep, yep I don't know how to put this well It's the most uncertain, I think, I've ever felt in my entire life I think so, too, for me, unprecedented on many levels The uncertainty surrounding the health situation In the country and all over the world

The whole fucking world And in a situation like this, I don't want to talk about Alex Jones I don't really want to We did our episode on Monday They covered a lot of the solidification of his conspiracies around the virus and the outbreak And I don't really have a whole lot of faith that it's going to grow much from there Yeah, it's doubtful And simultaneously, you see his own personal struggles

Bleeding into his show in a way that makes him incapable of covering it I don't know, I haven't actually listened to Monday's episode But I don't, of Alex's show Yeah, yeah, yeah I don't really have a whole lot of faith that it's going to be anything really all that interesting to cover And I worry that we would be spinning our wheels And I don't know if that's necessarily a great thing to do And I feel like in this climate of, there's a lot of information

And I think that people should be getting that information from better sources than us In terms of health information, what you should do, what's best practices I think that there are tons of other outlets And I don't think that we can fill that hole Absolutely not Whereas I would love to be able to be the show that does literally everything That's just not, that's just not possible It's not what we can do

So Jordan, I find myself in a situation where I Also, it's just a real bummer It's just a real bummer It is, it is I don't know exactly what to do There's a lot going on and it's a scary time for a lot of people We're going through this unprecedented health crisis And the question of what's going to happen, it's impossible for us to answer

No clue I feel like in times like this, listening to Alex and talking about his bullshit isn't the highest priority He's going to do what he does And on our next episode, we can get back to paying attention to that But in this time, I think a lot of people, you know, they're self-quarantining and stress is really high So maybe the best thing we can do is provide an escape An amusing escape from the present day In order to do this though, I'm going to need to perform a magical ritual

I need everyone to close their eyes All of you listening, Jordan, you included Okay Unless you're driving, don't do that then But close your eyes and take a deep breath Breathe in, breathe out Breathe in, breathe out Feel your breath taking you to a simpler time, a simpler place

What's that sound you hear? Is that a breeze rustling a palm tree? Is that a songbird fluttering right outside the window? It feels so familiar Kill it! What is that sound? Kill it! Lino! Lino! Lino! Lino! Lino! Lino! Lino! Lino! Lino! Lino!

Lino-lino-lino Lino! No no... Lino! Alright let's do this So, we got ourselves- So we hear some cranky bullshit I felt like maybe the best use of our time would be to uh do another episode about Lionel If he gets into the fucking subway now, he's still gonna be bitching about people's fucking

backpacks on this- on the goddamn subway train I will say that I was going through a lot of his back catalogue and I found that there's a lot more episodes about backpacks I believe that I believe that I believe that I believe that Yeah, he's very man who's very mad at people having backpacks on the subway

Oh Lionel So in case anybody out there have not heard the other Lionel episodes, Lionel is a gentleman who used to be a pretty regular guest on Alex's show He is a formal lawyer I may be still a practicing lawyer, I'm not entirely sure what his life is all about But he would come on Alex's show and be really dishy about stuff and then it stopped because he went real far into QAnon He loves QAnon

He now currently does three live streams a day That can't be real Three Three live streams a day 8 a.m. 2 p.m. and 8 p.m. I believe That is a working man I will, I got, you got to give it to him for the work ethic That's tough

That's what Geddy Lee calls him Absolutely It's a rush song called Working Man Yeah So he's super into QAnon now, but even before he would go on Alex's show in the earlier days You know, 2010, 2011, 2012 Back in those days His crime

He was a commentator on a TV station in New York And he would complain about the most trivial bullshit Like, like it was the biggest deal in the world People having backpacks on the subway were is a real pickadello of his He also is mad at how words are pronounced They're terrible He owns a thesaurus Absolutely

And so that now you're up to speed A very dog eared, crumpled thesaurus that has been rifled through several hundred times a day And in order to help get us through this I've got us this spiteful brewery Miss O'Leary's Chocolate Milk Stout Love it The Illinois product helping out these these Illinois companies Hell yeah So let's let's take some novelty beverage drinks cheers to you to the end of the world my friend

Drink drink or smoke them if you got them Yes, eat drink and be merry That's pretty good That's not bad So we start off There's been some trouble Surrounded with this public health emergency that we're in With cruise ships

Are we in the present day? No, okay This is all in like 2011-2012 Okay, all right, okay I was thinking about getting some of his current day stuff about the QAnon and all that And I'm like why why ruin a good time? So we there's a lot of trouble about the cruise ships You know there have been the Diamond Princess situation

There's you know people are saying hey don't go on cruises Yeah Turns out Lionel was way ahead of the curve Of course He really did not like cruise ships Way before anybody with the exception of maybe David Foster Wallace I was going to say people needed to listen to David Foster Wallace We wouldn't be in this situation

Lionel had a supposedly fun thing He's never going to do it again And here is Lionel complaining about cruise ships Lionel Lionel Lionel The story about the tragedy involving the stricken Italian cruise liner Reminded me of something I'd like to forget Let me see if I can get through this without becoming a medic That means throwing up for visitors and viewers of the station

I'd rather drink bleach than go on another cruise You will my friend You will if I live to be a thousand I will never understand what the attraction is to cruises My wife and I've been on our share radio and work related paid promotional deals And the only thing worse than going on the cruise Is not being able to hide because you're obligated to a meet and greet And you can't escape

You're on a prison scowl confined to quarters either referred to as cabins or state rooms The height of duplicitous labeling you got them your mind immediately shuts down Through a cruel and systematic sensory deprivation So starve to you for stimulation that you'll see anything vaguely labeled as entertainment Bingo on the Lido deck bad mimax ventriloquist broadway cavalcades karaoke charades staring at your hand in the crow's nest lounge anything you'll do anything Look, I I need to I need to pause here. I can't tell if this is self-deprecating I have no idea because lionel already established that he's been on these cruises a bunch of as a media thing

Yeah, he's on there. It has to do meet and greets. He is the entertainment on the cruise ship And he hates meet and greets like how could you how could you be on this? Oh, what an asshole He's complaining about how anything appears to be entertainment on a cruise ship when he is entertainment on a cruise ship They will do anything including listening to lionel talking to lionel. Yes. I don't understand I I really can't figure out if that's trying to be self-effacing or not Who wants to meet and greet lionel? Hey, all right, because you're stuck I have an idea for a great reality show. How about entertainment acts not good enough for cruises imagine the horror of that

I do imagine walking around And around In a catatonic fog and a seemingly endless death maze like a rat Sentence to spend the rest of its miserable life in this god-awful mind of a paralyzing boredom mill and the food Non-descript and amazingly similar cuisine motifs with exotic names. Oh, but the quantity Oh that quantity look how much you could have as much as you want This is great comedy of gustatory mediocrity. Yum I'd rather suck a hospital mop than go on another cruise

You will anywhere period And you can see the gradual destruction of your mind and will to live in the series of pictures on sale No less that chronicle your maritime equivalent of gitmo The first day Thousand yards stair day three Facial paralysis and the stultifying expression of someone just condemned to death in a turkish prison day five Edvard Munch is the scream And your table mates the people you force to eat with nightly

The people that have been in i'm sure personally selected through some cia rendition torture algorithm to annoy the living out of you I'd rather lick a bar rag than go on another cruise Can't do two licks can't do two lick things Over a bear trap than get near anything Anything even resembling a cruise. Have I made myself clear? Comment as you see fit. I love the guy saying no Also, what kind of a niche complaint is this? He's getting on the news and doing a piece about how much it sucks to be entertainment on a cruise

Oh Very relatable millennials are so terrible. They're the worst people they complain about the smallest shit anyways I'm rich enough and popular enough to go on cruise lines and I hate people pay me to go I hate them Sucks the food's bad the food's bad and I'll be all the dumb people on the cruise ship want to talk to you You're stuck Oh my god I'm so frustrated. We've all been there. I'm so frustrated by the people laughing at his

Like I don't know where the bit is well because I I think that some of that is uncomfortable laughing Like a lot of the laughter was at the I'd rather suck a hospital mob. Yeah. Yeah. And also that's one of liners like sort of Go-to lines. He says that a lot. He says he'd rather suck a lot of things But mostly hospital rather lick a bar rag The problem with that from a structural standpoint if you're writing a bit is that licking a Barrag is less disgusting than sucking a hospital mug. You have to flip those two if you want this to work At least the barrag has a little alcohol The squatting over a bear trap is a good third one because that causes like bodily harm and what has you

Yes, but you're going like backwards then forwards in terms of the the rule of threes there at the end And that's uh, that's a failure of a bit. Absolutely. So even if you're trying to do this hacky nonsense At least do it like with a little bit of joke structure Yeah, yeah, yeah Anyway, that's my notes for you there You said comment as you see five I've been with enough road hacks to know that if you just get the rule of threes, right? Yeah, you can do fine Yeah, it's less disoriented. Yeah, you at least have the progression. Correct. Absolutely. So lionel in this next piece

Has found some news in this next piece. I like that Well, I think this is a little bit different from a structural perspective even from our show because these are a little bit Longer than most of the clips of alex. Yeah, and there's someone trying to be funny a lot of the time Whereas a lot of alex is just Discomforting very upsetting dispatches from the lower upper class. Yeah, that's what this is called So lionel here has found some news stories that he thinks are funny. Yeah Okay, and so he's going to cover these stories that are funny. Let's see what petty bullshit this is I think this might be the opposite. This might be like this is you these are not funny stories

Lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel, lionel Just the headlight headlights just the headlines ma'am Watch it sparky The subject of tonight's piece New stories that are so great just in terms of their fact structure and premise That's what tonight's piece is about and I don't trust you with that Lewis and graphics. Thank you because as titles go this one really sucks. Now. Let me explain Scouring the internet as I do daily

I come across stories that are just great and I've got three for you tonight now first please These stories are not funny. I in no way want to create the impression that I'm mocking anyway, okay? Then don't do this Interesting stories. This one comes out of New Orleans. All right already. You've you've given the Like the the point where this is flawed in conception You're talking about funny headlines and you're like, I'm not trying to make fun of these stories Okay, let's see if you can thread that in. All right Joe Newburger had her four monkeys seized by state wildlife officials

Newburger who I'm not I don't think this is funny. Newburger The claim has a form of autism claims that chimps are service monkeys But here's where it gets interesting It seems that said state officials were suspect if her claims as to the chimp status as service monkeys Because they were dressed in pirate costumes She was also decked out in buccaneer tongs And charged two bucks for a picture with her and her swashbuckler primates

They're service monkeys now. They're not but you charge two dollars. So what they want to take a picture. What can I do? I can't stop them This is what I might go for the usual pirate pun. Okay, but I'm not our media. You know that just just the facts now So this first story here is about a woman having some monkeys that she'd dressed up like pirates Yes, there's no joke in lionel's segment about this. He just thinks the very existence of this story is enough to be fucking hilarious So there's no need to do any more work. No, no, no just say monkey pirates. It's time to go to lunch And then don't even bother with the slightest of puns to kind of accentuate right you do the joke where it's like I would do this joke and that's supposed to be the joke. That's terrible. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're not Todd glass There is an explanation for this story

The monkeys were dressed like pirates because it was New Orleans during mardi gras Also, there's much more to this story that Lionel could have rift on if he cared at all So, uh, this is a piece from 2011 But if Lionel did any work past just letting a headline be a joke He could have found that this woman had one of her monkeys stolen in 2007 years prior. That's great. Yeah, it turns out that she works I mean, it's not great. No, yeah It turns out she works for an exotic pet store and four men allegedly came into the store and stole her monkey friend That was named destiny

The explanation for them being service monkeys is spelled out in an article from news for Jacksonville about this theft Where she says that she has seizures and the monkeys are trained to help her in that situation Whether or not that's true. That is the explanation for that. All right An article in the florida times union points out that the store was the victim of a number of pet thefts in a short span of time A police major told them quote. It was the second time in six months that this type of monkey was stolen from that business The store owners also found a leopard gecko king snake and ball python missing around the same time presumably stolen Okay. All right. Okay. That's how we're doing this people people are stealing monkeys from snakes. All right. Okay So on the on the one hand, you have a clearly struggling older woman who has some monkeys who may or may not be trained to help her

In the event of a seizure One of her monkeys was stolen a few years prior. So having them taken in 2011 is probably Yeah, yeah, that's fucked up. But then on the other side of this, uh, which is uh, you know that in The situation is there's a double-edged sword. Yeah in july 2011 this woman was convicted of cruelty to monkeys over this whole All right. Well, that's trouble She didn't have permits to have the monkeys. They were being used as street performers That's an issue and a department of wildlife and fishery spokesman said quote the monkeys were in poor health overall With a diaper rash dehydration and piercings Jesus Christ. There's a larger story here because they're pirates. I get it

What the diaper rash? No, the piercings. Yeah, maybe So there's a larger story That on the one side deals with an unwell person who has a connection with these monkeys and on some emotional level Probably does need them as support. Absolutely on the other side It also is a story that clearly deals with animal abuse. Both of these are serious issues Yeah, Lionel. There's a funny headline about a crazy lady dressing monkeys up like pirates. That's wild This is a disservice to the story. There was a rash of

exotic animal thefts. Yeah That's but again, that's years prior. That was in 2007. Whatever happened to destiny. Did they find her? I couldn't tell from the news reporting I think that they moved to Atlanta and you know where she's working. She was a big fan of two chains. All right Uh, is it the uh, the magic city? Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I couldn't tell from the uh, the stories The what happened what became of destiny. Yeah, but uh, I mean it appears that maybe she got another monkey friend All right. Anyway, he's not done with his headlines But the premise of the story marinate with you next this is just a great headline

From the center daily news in pennsylvania, and I hope you can read this Butts waves hearing in boob murder case. That's it That one evolves kermit butts and marinda boob I'd love to hear our own marvin scott. The great marvin scott announced Live from the courthouse butts waves hearing in boob murder case marvin's got pixel of a news He doesn't sound anything like that, but then again, neither do I So that's what he's got. Yeah, this is just about people with funny names. That's it. Butts at boob, but it's a murder Okay

What a fucking dick So this is a story about a man named ronald heichel who has romantically involved with a woman named marinda boob Problem was marinda was married to samuel boob and in order to take care of that inconvenience marinda and ronald decided to murder Samuel and then ronald paid kermit butts five thousand dollars to help him dispose of the body This is a pretty fucking serious story. What was the murder and all but these people's names are funny This is so fascinating to me because on the one hand linole tries to play this game Where he has a hundred synonyms for every word he uses and tries to sound like the smartest fucking dude in the world But he also seems to have the humor of a fucking third grader

His name's butts. Haha. This is great. All I need to do is read this headline and people are going to go apeshit Yeah, love it. Great. And finally, please. I'm not making this up and I even got an okay ahead of time So don't email me about this one. This is true. Oh, I'm gonna email you from the global times out of china The headline reads I swear to god A happy ending to farmers anus woes And let me just read part of the first sentence from the story. Okay quote A farmer from jiayu county of hubei province Has lived 55 years without an anus

Now for some reason g comes to mind now knows now what you think? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, sir That's a fucked up medical. You know what he talks about the weekend It's cool imagine g Natalie attired saying do you know what he wanted jiayu county? A special hello and a howdy-do and a get well soon to my favorite farmer with the um, you know Hope you get better. So there you have it Thank god for the internet and I have these stories linked in their entirety on my pixel 11 blog comment If you're bored out of your mind comment Oh, that took a dark time. Wow. Uh to be clear also when he says ji

He's referring to the weatherman at the station. He's not talking about uh, president g. Uh, that's confusing now Yes, it is confusing now. So that story is fucking horrifying. Yeah, what are you talking about? So there's a 55 year old chinese farmer who was born with a congenital condition that left him without an anal opening Without getting too graphic prior to 2011 He had a surgical hole that he could use to shit, but he also had to extrude it manually According to an article in pediatric clinical advisor There, uh, there's some degree of imperforate anus in approximately one in five thousand live births But you can imagine this is usually not too big of a deal for people with better health coverage

They can take care of it. Yeah. Yeah, pretty immediately upon birth, but it could be horrible for someone like a farmer living in china Yeah, absolutely. This story is just ha ha. This guy didn't have a butthole to lionel I can't believe this. He probably thinks it's like really edgy comedy stuff. Like he's out there working blue man But like this is this is I I never imagined missing j leno If you're going to read headlines, at least he has some competence I think that he thinks that he's kind of like a hipper edgy or andy runy Something I believe that I believe that that's what I think

But this shit's just funny to kids, man. Guy doesn't have a butthole This is soft moron. That is a tragic reality that that guy lives with. Yeah This is just Lionel mocking people with shittier lives than him The headline really should be like awareness that this congenital condition exists. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely We should be donating to his medical bills. Yeah. What an asshole. Yep. Uh Choose your words better Oh, god damn it. So, uh, that really was unintended Lionel is a mess. Yes, but It would be wrong of me to sit here and say that he is wrong about everything or doesn't have some good takes

Sure, for instance, he seems generally to be very in support of lgbtq, right? That's true That is one thing that he is. I did watch a video where he was very in favor of legalizing sex work He has some pretty decent cosmopolitan ideas. Yeah, yeah, let's say and this next clip I gotta say I find no fault in this. Okay, here we go. This take that he has Why do we have presidential debates? Seriously, have you ever heard some candidates say something about anything that made you say, hey I think I'll vote for that guy or gal. I never once considered this idiot for a second not once But that answer just now. Well, that changes everything. I'll save you the time. No

If you like a candidate, you'll love her debate performance If you hate someone short of them announcing the cure for cancer, it doesn't make a bit of difference Real quick. This isn't the part I agree with. I think that's a bad take. Yeah, a lot of people are swayed by Yeah, yeah, I think that's kind of how it works. Yeah, that's the whole point. It's all well I can't say what it is, but I can think it now if I had my druthers and I'm not so sure what druthers even are Whom am I kidding? Have you ever heard me before? Of course, I know what druthers aren't What? Okay, that was great stuff. If I had my druthers Here's how I do debates. Take the gop snooze fest for one solid hour before the actual debate

Everybody commences drinking. I mean hardcore power slack. All right. He's swaying me with this one whacked Then let about it ties at half-mast hair messed up a cigarette dangling from your lips Maybe an eyelid droops words are slurred, but the truth pours out and exudes like a septic tank hit by Irene Okay, Michelle Bachman says hey, look, I'm hot and you know it. I was a front really what for an hour That's what Michelle Bachman's got to say an avon lady on soap By the way, four guys in brooklyn just got that joke Romney, hey You think I like me me? I know I know I'm boring and I'm sick of the romney jokes even I'm sick of me

Perry If we try playing cowpoke 24 7 this trying business, it's hard Ron Paul look at me Secretly the look at me and they keep calling me a nut I want to follow the constitution and they call me a nut. Wait, that's what wrong. That's what we've got That's what we've got and they call me a nut Ron Paul's gonna get drunk and start yelling about how blacks need to get out of the country and suspend foreign No, wait, he's just he's just doing frontier psychiatrists. No, I'm a nut. I'm crazy in the coconuts

What does that be? Unbelievable, but that's your image of what Ron Paul would be like drunk We're talking about how he tried to uh invade that island It would start like this. All right. Let's get real and then he would go real bad. Yeah, let me tell you about my problem with Oh, yeah, exactly. Well, maybe I am a nut ready with these bunch of losers and thinking the media will cut me some slack Cain and huntsman. Oh, you think you've got it bad Herman's adding the initial why it was named. Yep. Herman. Why Cain? Why why? Because of all the times people ask Herman. Why?

Newt. Oh, you think you've got problems. I nailed him. I'm old. I look like chucky My wife's run up a half a million dollar tablet Tiffany's so quit your belly aching and finally Santorum Why am I running again? Anybody help me now that I'd like to see come it as you see I like the idea of coming onto your platform and being like presidential debates. They should be fucking wasted. Yeah. Yeah I think that that's an interesting take. I'm fine with that the public conversation. I think is As room for that like that that being floated However, as a comedy bit

Those are bad examples of what these candidates would say when they're drunk. Oh, yeah He needed to take another pass at that extreme newt gingrich is just saying he's fat. Yeah, exactly No, no, no newt gingrich is like i'm trying to get another wife right now. Yeah, michelle bachmann is like i'm hot You can do better than this little michelle bachmann is like I can see on Either side of my head, but not straight ahead line of it to go with your drunk thing Like they you know, they say they say right drunk edit sober Take a night take a night get tanked. Yeah Figure out try and embody these presidential candidates and see what they would say if they were in your position

Because you're wasted see now i'm gonna i'm gonna take his idea and wake up in the morning Polish it up a little bit. Yeah, get on tv get the language back. Yes remove some preposition Sure, i'm gonna some slurs for ron paul's section Do I go with the hard art also cut that section about druthers it was pointless made no sense get that out of there Okay, so i'll take this idea i'll improve it Do you did you ever do there was a show out in the northwest suburbs where they would get you a hotel and you would do the first The first show i think i know what you're talking about and the second show completely drunk In the meantime, i'd heard of that, but i've not i did i do that i'm gonna go with that is the perfect format for a debate

That would be interesting. I i really i think those kinds of shows are really irresponsible. Oh, yeah. Yeah, i really i I probably while i was doing stand-up would have done it if asked, but i'm glad i didn't yeah I i think it it sends a pretty Fucked up message. Hey, i don't people enjoy it and i can't lie and say that i was sober every time i did stand up No, no, no, no, absolutely not um Yeah, i i don't know i the this is as close to like All right. Yeah All right, lionel. Yeah, but again as a comedy piece doesn't work. I say we give it a shot

But uh, yeah, you should uh head back to the editing room So i'll say this for lionel in that last clip he had a point and he made it Concisely and that is that these these debates would be better if everyone was drunk That is the point of it the message is yeah gotten across. Yeah. Yeah Now i think that i thought i stumbled into a couple of these these missives of his these letters these Dispatches from the lower upper class i need a the source can't think of any more fucking synonyms That these couples sure yeah, that's not bad. I like it these next couple are muddy I don't know what the point of them. Okay, i want you okay from now on before we start these

I want you to try and guess what they're going to be about Okay, uh, let's see this one. We're talking 2011 almost all of this is from the 2011 2012 window. Okay He was gone from this station by about 2014. I think all right. That's when he started doing like Overly long boring. Yeah vlogs and i'm not going to cover those. No, no pass. Uh, wait. I mean 2011 we got to go with obama. This one's got to be obama, right? It's not Oh My friends I'd like to discuss something with you one of the best of human endeavors

In fact, it's what it's what makes us different and separate and distinct from the other animals the pyramids our ability To hope and wish and pray and dream of winning winning The big one the pot of gold the brass ring And you know what provides that vehicle of hope The lottery Powerball mega millions lotto take five take a chance take a high scratch and sniff whatever So if you're listening at this point, you're thinking oh, he's going to take the piss out of the lottery Of course

He's going to go after these either either the exploitative nature of the lottery You would think uh, or the dum-dums who buy lottery tickets. Of course it could go either way Absolutely because it's linel. Yeah, who knows? Yeah, he likes to punch down. Yeah, absolutely So scratch and sniff is his best shot at this point. No idea where this is going But you think it's going to be about the lottery. It's going to go back to cruises. No, okay It's your ticket to a dream and nothing better exemplifies this in the office pool You see it works like That's what exemplifies the most fanciful of the group perhaps a tad daft and dreamy

Decides that for reasons that I can't quite reckon or fathom a given lottery jackpot is significant enough to warrant Pulling his co-workers hard earned shekels to buy a series of tickets in a mutual fund of sorts So he's mad about office pools for lotteries. Yeah, which seems borderline antisocial Yeah on a certain level But also he seems to be like actually like this is he's saying it's kind of dumb Yeah, nothing exemplifies this. Yeah, this dumbness. I mean, I guess It feels like a negative. I'm waiting. How does he feel about march madness brackets? He doesn't bring it up. He doesn't bring those up. No, but he will like point to like this

This fool the simpleton who believes and he has all this hope He's constantly pointing to the guy working the board behind him Okay, so he's like you somebody personal when you see like when you hear laughter It's often because he's gesturing to the uh, the room. All right. The fool Okay, it can't be just like a hey guys, let's just do a fun thing together and well Just he's nobody wants to win, but it'll be fun. He's pimping out like a technical employee of the station A mutual fund an index fund or derivative of hope and fantasy

So this wide-eyed delusional and frankly insane alpha member of the psych ward Collects everyone's dollar and buys a series of of tickets. He photocopies them Serializes them somehow and provides weird notation as he vends by an almost childish Scrawl that an FBI profiler would look at and say aha serial killer And then he and his dream mates wait and dream and hope and pray and wish to win To say they won stop the money It's a chance to say i'm a winner And you look at this poor example of genetics run amok who has a slightest idea of math probability or anything

Approximately rudimentary elementary cognition And you know you know in your heart. I should this man child ever win He certainly would be that lottery victim that pathetic urchin who blows it all on on mountain bikes fast times Mountain bikes women in german porn, but I say I say let a man dream let him grovel in delusion. So what wait let him pull off this So now you're fine with it Cocked it and deliberately cobbled image of cool collected and together Let the man dream that noted that noted philosopher charles manson once noted as follows

Look down at me and you see a fool look up and you see a god look straight at me and you see yourself What does that have to do with anything nothing? I have the foggiest idea of what that has to do with anything But this is a part of life the sacred dance the ritual of aspiration and reverie to dream for chance to dream Winning of being something just once For one moment let the man dream Comment as you say fit. This is it like kind of Like incoherent, you know like the from it from a standpoint of like what is he saying?

It's like he's abusing this guy as being crazy At the beginning and like this is the like he called him genetically inferior For doing this, but then the point turns into let the man dream let the genetically inferior just hope It's very strange. That's I'm not quite sure how to decipher it. Is he pro or against hope? I can't tell really. I mean, I guess at the end he's definitely for it, but at the beginning he thinks it's stupid right So maybe it's just sort of a thing or it's like ah the the dumb Raffle the crowd the rabble

They're uh, let them eat cake. Let them have their yeah exactly. I get paid to be on cruise ships and I hate it Uh, let them have their stupid dreams of office pools. I think you're just mad that no one invited to him to the office pool That might be yeah, I think that there's something behind this quite frankly This is one of those that I'm like there's a personal story. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. He's mad at a guy in the office Generally speaking his topics might as well be like he looks over his balcony and is like what's a billboard say? I'll be bitchy about that, but this this does feel like there's a guy involved. Yeah two important points one The german pornography thing is a running gag. Okay, is that's why everyone laughed at that

Gotcha, because he always right whenever he brings a pornography. He references german pornography. Right, right And then the second oh the germans the second thing is that charles manson thing I think is actually the closest he gets to like being pretty absurdist funny Yeah, like the it has nothing to do with what he's talking about and the way he calls himself out for like what does that have to do with I think nothing Yeah, like it's it's close to working But because of the surrounding confusion about what the joke right, right, right? I think that it fails I I think maybe my biggest issue here is his complete nutter lack of timing when he slows down

Yeah, like he can get the rant timing pretty well, but once he starts trying to hit the the punch line He winds up fucking up completely. That is a problem. You know that that just like Charles Manson noted philosopher child Manson once noted and then uh terrible you should go do some reps at an open mic Absolutely get some of this worked out Most people work out their five at a at some shows long before they show up on the tonight show or anything like that come on Man, work out your work out your five minute missives. My friend. This is not the tonight show. That's fair So that I thought was a little bit confusing a little bit muddy. What his actual point is I think this next one is another example of that. What do you think this is about?

Let's see. Well, we just had a office pools you bet the scourge the the genetically inferior getting everybody in the office to give them one dollar The very important pressing issue in American culture office pools Oh man, it's got to be backpacks again. It's got to be backpacks again. That's a good guess, but I will say that I didn't include any further no backpacks, although I could have No This week a friend of mine Was showing a young lady in her 20s snapshots from about oh 40 years ago

And he handed her the yellowed photos and she held them like you'd handle bones from an extinct mammal And it hit me. She never held snapshots before photos ever never before I mean, she's got a smartphone and iphone but all her pictures are on a screen And may may be printed for a special occasion, but that's rare She knew nothing of polaroid kodak kodachrome one-hour photoshop, and we're not even talking home movies So right now you can tell that the setup is kids these days. Yes. Yeah. Yeah That's the genre of this lives. Exactly. This is andy rooney all the way. Yeah Yeah, it lives in the the the genre of these kids don't know anything about

X Y or Z thing they don't know about chasing a hoop down the road with a stick What are we doing these kids have never worked in the coal mine right right? It has that uh, that's the feel of it Oh, look, I'm not harkening back to those days no way But what really got me was when she asked when were these photos taken? How old were they and I said we'll turn the photo over and there was a printed month and year She never seen a snapshot Remember when you'd get your photos back and every now and then through some snafu you get the wrong batch And just for a moment just for a moment. You thought who are these people?

How do we remember taking these photos? Who are they? remember Before when photo books came with the clear plastic sleeve remember the before that you had these little black almost construction paper albums And you glue in these little triangles to hold the pictures in place I'd spend hours looking at the same pictures And now that I can see theoretically the pictures on a phone or computer or screen It's just it's just not the same. Why? Because it's better today. That's why comment as you see fit

I don't know what the point of this wait wait Yeah, okay All right, so his point is uh, look at these dumb dumb young kids who don't know what a snapshot is Don't have a polaroid in there in their bones and cool Well, that's great. It's kind of it's kind of set up as this like uh, hey these kids don't know from photographs

Right, but then at the end it's like because it's better. Yeah. Yeah I I mean this is I mean, yeah, this is maybe a tried observation. That's just an observation. Yeah These kids don't know anything about photographs and good Good Okay, all right. All right. Thanks for signing off on iphone These kids don't know anything the tv used to turn off at 9 p.m. And there was nothing until 6 a.m. The next morning and that's bad

It's like you now. I appreciate late night infomercials. It's like the whole message is uh, You know having people remember and having evoking images of this bygone time and then being like That sucked I spent hours putting looking at the same photograph wondering who are these people and now I don't have to do that It's really it's a it's a lot better. It's weird pretty good That's pretty good on a certain sense. I think maybe that's an example of liners subverting the form I guess and I think that might be like I think it's poorly done I think there's that you you can't just throw the twist there in the last second of the of the

Right, right, right. You kind of need to earn it a little more but absolutely overall. I just think that's poor construction Anyway, this next clip Jordan. Yes next, uh, missive epistle letter post report I'm out. Okay. Um This next one. What do you think it's going to be about? Okay Let's see

I'm going to go with young people again. What are young people destroying? Uh, oh, oh, oh, uh, this is about ipas The beer. Yes. No. Oh, it is not. It's actually about uh, how doesn't anybody drink loggers anymore? It's about how there's a rash of stupidity that is uh going around the country I like to address a topic that isn't ever discussed. It's a condition that someone you know suffers from There's no cure and the diagnosis can be tricky. It's called Stupid now. No one talks about stupid. I mean, it's not that we don't have a long-standing uh series of

aphorisms About how stupid people cannot be cured. Well, and like, uh, he seems to be like, uh Trying to set this up with a uh, like, hey, no one talks about how some people are dumb This is the quiet problem. Again, I would say go to an open mic. Yeah, you'll you'll disabuse yourself with that notion Pretty quickly what we do The heartbreak the pain of stupid is responsible for more lost jobs and lost opportunities than you can imagine It's wrecked political careers marriages relationships

It costs this country billions of dollars in lost productivity more than any other individual pathology factor There isn't a person or family today who hasn't been personally touched by stupid For years medical science has both failed and refused to address and quantify this sometimes deadly diagnosis The stupid I refer to is uncontaminated by either a substance abuse or sexual component Take bread farbs pension for obscene sexting and the like. Is he stupid? Yes, but there's a sexual component involved which renders many a man completely devoid of any rational thought In fact, they can even potentiate stupid like for example, how alcohol

Potentiates certain medication bread farb was motivated by You know So that's weird. Okay. So men are responsible If there's a boner aspect to it, then it's not stupid. You're not stupid. Well, he is saying that it is stupid But it's not the stupid that he's talking about. Right. So he's made that clarification. He missed the easiest joke He missed the easiest joke that everybody has had a family member Who does it and then the obvious joke there is if you don't know who it is It's you that's that's the oldest

Not do Doesn't take the easy road But no pure and authentic stupid is different stupid enjoys a singularity on the bone-headed spectrum that is untouched And uncontaminated by any other factor Chemical emotional or hormonal case in point Navy captain o and p honors who enjoys the honor Of losing command of the aircraft carrier uss enterprise because of a series of profanity laced sexually explicit Homophobic and inappropriate videos when he was the ship's executive officer translation

He was stupid He wasn't drunk high row rows. He did it for the heck of it on his own in a strict military regime That doesn't broke any of this nonsense a man who clawed his way up the career ladder whose wartime command is pure gold He gave it up for no reason whatsoever And what makes him stupid Subtext here. He was drawn by the lure of the camera even an in-house closed circuit camera There's also the similarity of the case of general stanley mccrystal Who on his own for no particular reason disparages commander in chief in of all places a rolling stone interview

Stupid stupid stupid Profoundly, inordinately Magnificently stupid colossal enormous Bromding nagging stupidity source. Yeah dangerous. You can't rob me medication won't help and it could strike anyone at any time If you were someone you love suffers from the heartbreak of stupid There's no known cure No medication no treatment and don't be misled by milder forms of the disease foolish idiotic And the seemingly ubiquitous damn fool. No paraphrasing justice potters toward who quipped in the seminal

1964 jackabella's case with stupid you know it when you see it comment accordingly So I don't understand this Because the parameters as they were set up. Yes the Brett fars stupidity doesn't count because he was horny. Yes, right? So horny stupid doesn't exist doesn't exist in this in this piece, right? All right, just about stupid stupid, right? So that first example that he used oh and honors that guy was a navy captain until he got in trouble for those offensive videos He was filming while he was on board his ship The reason this shouldn't qualify as pure stupidity is because honors wasn't just making those videos for fun

He was screening them on saturday nights for the crew in the same way that farve had a secondary motivation to his actions Namely being horny So did honors he was driven by a desire for attention and some form of localized celebrity on the ship This obviously doesn't meet the standards Lionel has established for the sort of sort of stupidity that this report's supposed to be about Yeah The situation with general mccrystal was a rolling stone piece by michael hastings where mccrystal and his staff talked a bunch of Shit Maybe this is closer to an example of just regular stupid

But I don't know if I would say that speaking to a journalist critically is necessarily stupid This seems like uh, you know the problem isn't what mccrystal said It's that he was doing so while being the commander of the international security assistance force in afghanistan Given that these are the only two examples lionel gives about this rash of stupidity He's worried about it seems like maybe he was trying to talk about a lack of discipline in the military I think I well seems to be more what connects these two examples Right his military people who got out of pocket I

boggles my mind just because his problem with honors Seems less about the massive homophobia and more about that he recorded it Hey, or with I agree with you might be splitting hairs with mccrystal It's like oh the issue isn't that his criticism or correct or incorrect. It's that he told somebody about it military discipline Exactly. It's just like hey keep your house in order. Otherwise, you're stupid You might want to consult that's a thesaurus because I don't think the military discipline is uh stupid Or I don't think they're synonyms. No, I don't think so because I think he's trying to trojan horse a complaint about military people Not following orders and being like really regimented and all that

Everyone's so stupid The problem with the world today is stupid and I have two examples both of them Exactly the same. Yeah, it's weird. That's bad. So that clip or that report is really weird to hear. Yeah Particularly after you hear this next one If you think for a minute Now rick perry's disastrous performance wednesday night is going to affect his chances of cinching the gop nomination You're out of your mind. This age if anything it will endear him more to republicans Look, let me be brutal

The gop and republicans have some kind of immunity against stupid Now before you think of being partisan Parish the thought and we remind you that the democrats were nuts over the prompter The dependent obama whose campaign transmission never got out of hope and change They love what they perceive as smart though messageless But republicans love anything any republicans says no matter how he says it so long as he mentions lowering taxes And bats his eyes lovingly over the image in myth of reagan He could dispute evolution darwinian mechanics gravity

He can believe in intelligent design and that the earth is 6 000 years old No problemo and the more the supposed left-wing media laugh and chortle over perry's Incredible inability to remember the three agencies whose removal represents the sole basis of his campaign No big whoop republicans since w have repackaged wandering confused logolalia And grammatically As somehow charming. Oh, these guys are good They've immunized. They're verbally and intellectually ambiguous candidates and politicians from any critical analysis

By rebranding them as a new and improved departure from the intellectual elite So you see you have a pretty good diagnosis of the situation. Yeah, yeah, you have like a take where it's like Yeah, republicans have immunized themselves against being seen as stupid because it's an opposition to some kind of idea of the Intellectual elite. Yeah, he's talking about anti intellectualism on the in the right wing. Yeah aside from his Logolalia useless the source. This is a fairly accurate take. I would say this is middle of the road ship Let's see where it goes. Okay They embraced the incurious and laud the functionally illiterate Stupid uninformed and grossly underqualified. No, no inclusion and their political lexicon

But I must say something about ol rick perry I get this guy checked out immediately I'm not sure if he's got a drinking problem a drug problem or a combination thereof But something's wrong with this dude if your parent or kid acted as goofy as he does You'd rush them to a neurologist right away and just think what ol mitz thinking What the hell do I have to do to get ahead in this town herman canes allegedly assaulting women? Okay, 14 years ago perry's yelling. What ordered the vio cutlet. What about me? Well, I love reagan. I'll lower taxes. Hey, I can play wall street sell out. Come on people

Please but remember when it comes to republican candidates from bush to bachman to palin to perry to cane It's nice to know that there exists not anything that they can say That would be considered so stupid that it would disqualify them And in a way that's it's kind of nice, isn't it? What's comment as you see fit. So it's a good There's something wrong with rick perry and I think that's a good thing he should be president. I could be president I don't know what he's trying to say to me. I'm not sure either. It's like a toothless joe peshy Like you're just confused, but you're not afraid of him. Yeah, there's a complicated Sort of point. He's trying to make I guess well. I don't think it's complicated the point. I think no the

It's it's the follow through comprehensible the follow through is my issue right? I mean he does a whole piece about how there's a rash of stupidity going around the country as evidenced by two military guys And he also has a thing where it's like all these republican candidates are allowed to be as stupid as they want and that's great Isn't that isn't that lovely? So don't you don't you want to live in the world where one half of the political system is completely stupid? Seems that those two things are a little bit contradictory strange. That's strange. So we're going to get to this next report. What do you think it's about back to our game? You're over already. I'm over. Well. Yeah, but he's so out of left field. It's true

I Fuck it. Let's go with left field. He's gonna. He's gonna talk about Sammy sosa. That's that's what's gonna have no left field. So he's gonna talk about berry bonds. I should tell you this In terms of sports references. He makes it's almost always pro wrestling. It's always pro wrestling. He's an old school pro wrestling Of course. He is. Of course. He is. That's the only thing that makes. I'm not sure if there's a baseball references as much as there is talking About like gorgeous George. These are all shoot promos essentially. Yeah, you could say that. Yeah, but heavily scripted So maybe not. Um, you're wrong. It's not about sports at all. Okay As you listen more to me, you'll know that I believe at looking at the uk to see where global insanity is heading

No disrespect to the britons, but it's true seems disrespectful. Hell. Let's be fair and just just call it. You're up fine But to be honest, the brits are simply the best laboratory to see what insanity is cooking up Now, I'm sure by now you've heard of schools in our country prohibiting dodgeball tag hugging name it because of fears of Whatever, that's why they all started in the uk first. I'm telling you if it's nuts It's in the uk. You know, that would make a good tourism slogan Anywho, here's the latest that you won't believe some primary schools in the uk are banning school kids from are you sitting down? Having best friends. That's right. Swear to god They're banning kids from having best friends. Why you ask good question

The first reason is because they want to encourage kids to play in large groups versus focusing on one-on-one individualized Amicability and socialization. There's a weird socialist message there, I guess and the main reason is my favorite They're doing it to save the child from the pain of splitting up from their best friend When I guess the friendship ends the kid moves gives you the heave-ho or predeceases you I suppose Kind of novel, don't you think? I guess along that line kids and adults should not have pets because they'll die They shouldn't grow too attached to grandparents or their own parents because let's face it They're old and they're gonna kick perhaps self loathing might be a theme as well because you're going to die So don't get too attached to yourself and for that matter. Yeah, there's a philosophy

To be here before you know it Now what's the real reason for all this simple learned helplessness? Yeah Yeah, you got it that when you're subjected to overwhelming unrelenting negative stimuli without surcease You learn to accept it and become helpless to give up to just stop It's the guiding principle behind the abuse spouse syndrome and in our world You are overcome overwhelmed and oversaturated with law after law limitation anybody laws You can't even keep them straight And now we're habituating kids to becoming habituated from cram

All right, clear you can do nothing. We control what you eat smoke wear read and eventually think You'll become habituated and conditioned and when the feeling of helplessness completely sets in They will have won. They will have captured your will to resist Gotcha Come on as you see fit So this is a story that liners reporting on out of the sun sure which is I might say has thin sourcing Oh the sun no that that rag is right on it every time

There are no specific schools or educators who are said to be banning kids from having best friends in that piece The entire article is based on two secondhand comments saying that some schools are doing this The rationale provided is basically close to what liners talking about You know avoiding the pain of losing your best friend if you move sure But it's also supposed to be like the emphasis Largely is on encouraging group play instead of children excluding each other sure I have no idea if anyone is actually doing that from this article though because no one who's enacting this policy is mentioned Or quoted in the article

What's super weird is that this article was published in march 2012 then in march 2013 There's an article on fox news quote several schools in the uk issue best friends ban God damn it. These people are all stupid weirdly This is just fox news reporting on the story in the sun from a year prior fox news is great Yeah, they've always been tip-top then in september 2017 There's an article on business insider quote schools are banning best friends to protect students feelings This article is implying that uk schools are banning best friends But the only source it has is a mary claire article about a school that prince george attends

Which might be a skewed sample set. Yeah, we're talking about the royals. That might be an issue Then in january 2018 There's an article on fox with the headline quote british school bans best friends Which is just about the business insider story Which itself was just about the mary claire story about the school that prince george goes to god. This is that then No, there can't be more in september 2019 There was an article in the sun about how princess charlotte is going to a school where she can't have a best friend The sun came full circle which happens to be the same school that prince george goes to

God these people just want something so bad But it's it there seems to be a singular obsession on the idea that britain or the uk won't allow you to have friends This is this is such that like that rainbow lipstick party thing all over again. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, the blowjob parties Who are you people sure? What are you doing? Yeah, what are you guys doing? It's this seems a little bit more damaging though as an urban myth Yeah, it does seem to have gone on for a long time because I you know like uh Lionel gets the message of what these stories are supposed to evoke in you. Yeah, it's like the socialist

social planners Making me not have friends. Create learned help as a kid so they can't do anything nothing's more 1984 than Unsourced report about some britain's maybe not wanting to have best friends anymore the royals. Yeah I don't think the royals are allowed to have best friends period I don't know if there is a movement in schools Entirely in the united states or in the uk about not letting kids have best friends But I wouldn't be surprised if there were some schools that tried to emphasize communal group playing. Yeah, it's healthier that way It's fine. Yeah, but exclusionary behaviors are generally things you want to discourage

In uh in children. I don't think even if this is 100 percent accurate The the place behind all of this shit is coming from is they're just like hey don't exclude people Right, that's a good idea social planning. Yeah. Why is why do we have to turn this into a fucking the government is Monitoring you what I think is so fascinating is like for I don't know the span of seven years There's all of these articles about the the uk banning best friend. It does it's catnip to right wing media sources It is it really is it's just that thing. They're just like oh, I want to yell about something But there's nothing really big going on the news today I think I remember that story from like 10 years ago where best best friends were maybe

And it's always presented as like this new thing. Yeah in 2012 was this new thing based on an article Absolutely the next year in fox news it was being presented as a new brand new thing even though it was a year old article There was the source god these people. Yeah, it's wild. This is out of control. So in this next clip lionel I think stupid might be an issue for for america Uh, maybe so lionel talks in this next clip about the collapse that's coming in the world summer of range What do you think is going to precipitate this collapse? Oh some petty bullshit. It's got to be some petty bullshit I'm gonna go with Pet ownership. Oh interesting incorrect

This new year's weekend Of course television heaven for me luxuriating before the flat screen And scanced on the couch with the wife watching tv marathons and marveling at how great those classic shows were We gave you the honeymooners the gold standard. I watched dallas the honeymooners is the gold standard Absolutely incredibly brilliant larry sander show the writing was incredible the acting superb The show's timeless and classic and then Whilst flipping through the hundreds of channels I came across the most frightening television show that I have ever seen a show. What do you think it's gonna be?

What do you think it's gonna be? I just I I mean New year well, it's not the twilight zone Uh, it's not dr. Who? No, let's go with the bachelor. No show whose impact and import Are beyond anything you could imagine two and a half men's television show That will be looked at by civilization to sift through the rubble of our once pride proud culture at the beginning of the end While many factors cause roam to fall our fall Will be because of this program the show is called

My strange addiction on and this is the saddest of ironies the learning channel Yes, the same learning channel that has yet to apologize for toddlers and tiaras, but wait I know what you're thinking. Why do you want to line up if it's so bad? Why? Because it's my job That's why I I watch it for you. I've got to that's a cop out. I'm in favor of teaching the public about the problems associated with mental illness in an effort to demystify and Distigmatize the subject you heard that laugh there. It's because he pointed at the employee. Yeah. Yeah, that's sort of also a running game Okay, selling out the board. Yeah, gotcha. I mean, you know, you watched like the band leader problems of ocd from hoarding buried alive Not to be confused with the animal planets

Confessions animal hoarding, but this show my strange addiction. Well, let me just tell you about a few of its episodes in no particular order There's the woman who has pica syndrome and is addicted to eating household cleansers, you know, like ajax Since she was 12 You're gonna be a cunon guy buddy eating ajax You're gonna drink bleach buddy. She's not gonna be confused with a teen who may be not drinking Up to seven times a day another woman eats toilet paper Clean of course. Come on. Gee. Come on. Clean of course. They've got standards Then there's the gal who's addicted to sleeping with her hairdryer turned on

Right next to her all night That doesn't seem that crazy. They also highlight more ordinary addictions like the ventriloquist who can't leave home You know without her puppets. They won't stop talking to them the one who tans up to three times a day Tana rexia But wake up. Do you see what's happening? We're devolving dematerializing as a creative culture at the honey motors thick man die mash even Seinfeld Slowly giving way to the reality show and now this My strange addiction and there's no end in sight to the pathetic and pitiful

Who'll bear all not to share or teach but for that chance to stand before a camera and be noticed Look at me. They scream. Look at me. I'm as helpless as sorry comment As you see fit that got really cruel at the end. Yeah, like that that like It seemed to be that he was sort of dancing around a commentary about what our tastes in media were Yeah, and like I think that there's a fair point to be made that the way The exploitative way people engage with media like let's say celebrity rehab or my strange It does seem like the modern version of the freak show and those things would not exist on television

If people didn't want them if there wasn't a demand the supply probably wouldn't be there Right, or it would be like one season and then why yeah, yeah There wasn't another season of who wants to marry a millionaire. No, that one was done Right. We went too far somehow undercover boss had two seasons or whatever, which is bananas. That one was interesting Yeah, sure. So theological. There was is there another Joe millionaire that one was mean That one was mean so the um If that were the critique he was making I guess that's fine But then I don't know why you have to point fingers at the people with pika like that's a real condition

Yeah, I that's not that's not like something that people are just making up for attention or something And it just gets like cruel at the end when he's like these desperate people Yeah, and then the problem that I have is that because he's really bad at this I don't know if that part at the end is supposed to be self-effacing Like he's shitting on these people on my strange addiction for their desperation to be in front of a camera But meanwhile, he's so desperate to be in front of a camera that he thinks insulting them counts as worthwhile commentary Like I don't know I really don't know if that was meant to be a winking jab at himself at the end

Or if it was just a cruel outro punching these people who he is only heard about because of their openness about their struggle And because of that because I can't tell yeah, it's a bad bit. Yeah I think why I think what what really undercuts him here His biggest his biggest problem is I think in most of these clips. He has Kind of gotten the point at in each one He's also kind of given a nod to that idea of like well These are about de stigmatizing mental illness and getting people more comfortable with it and then incredibly obtusely goes as hard against that as humanly possible like almost deliberately like

He's he's literally like these are people who deal with strange addictions And we're watching this out of fascination But also it does help us kind of get more comfortable with the eye of the idea of addiction being a mental illness And hey, look at how dumb those dumb-dumbs are for going on tv. You're so desperate for attention Yeah, it's very weird. Yeah, it's uh, and if he'd made it more clear Like at the end if that was supposed to be like, uh winking like I am I am desperate for attention too Yeah, he should have laid that the the setup for that punch line throughout the rest of the right

There should have been some hints along the way sure sure sure because as it stands now It really just feels mean it feels like pointlessly mean not least of which because buddy You're talking about one you're living through the fucking golden age of television Right with the mad men and breaking bad and so many at the sopranos like this is the golden age Yeah, you've just had the wire. Yeah, exactly. And then not only that, but he's not going after Reality tv shows that are based entirely around gathering attention like fucking The bachelor or jersey shore or any number of these he's going around reality tv shows based around people who are struggling Yeah as being this is a mean man. Yeah, there's a mean there's a more

Full criticism that could be made of the exploitativeness of of uh like That genre of television. I just think liners incapable of it certainly within two minutes So he just goes this route of kicking people who are in trouble people We're dealing with stuff people going on the real world are looking for attention People who are going on my strange addiction are sometimes people who just cannot afford to get counseling any other way Yeah, sure, and you know and those types of shows they do deal with like things that will be a problem Yeah, like like there was a situation on the real world road rules challenge where a couple of dudes sexually assaulted a female contestant

And like of course they were never on the show again Like they got sued and like that altered the programming because of obvious like there's an issue here Yep, yep, there there is like the demand would be a problem if not if they didn't address this thing Right same thing with um, I can't remember what it was There was that vh1 when they were trying to do all their their reality show stuff There's a show called megan wants a millionaire and there was a contestant called that Um, she was like a gold digger lady and whatever you and there was also the their version of real world road rules challenge It was called i love money

And so it'd be like the people competing for for money Yeah, and there was a contestant who was on megan wants a millionaire who then ended up on the i love money And that guy After they had filmed the season of i love money He murdered his wife. Okay. Well, that's not good and it was a grisly murder. Yeah, of course it was dismembered her And like like put her in a suitcase They were only able to determine it was her because of the serial number on her breast implant Yeah, the only way that linel would know about that is if her last name was butts true

So the uh, what ended up happening was They just cancelled that season. Yeah, it already been made. It never came out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah A lot of people believe it's because he won The show and like you can't just get rid of the first couple episodes or re-edit it. He won the fucking show So what i'm saying is it's tragic at the point that i'm trying to get around to is that there is a Whether it's an actual demand or an implied demand element that will alter content that is supplied Absolutely, so if people started engaging with content like these rehab shows or Um my strange addiction in ways that weren't freak show ish

Yeah, the treatment of it wasn't as freak show ish. Absolutely then there would Wouldn't it be less incentive for the shows to be created in that vein right and the way linel's behaving is actually part of the problem Yeah, oh 100 percent. So absolutely because he's there for the exploitative nature of these programs, right? That's what he's there for. Yeah, that's that's he's the demand, but it's his job. Yeah, sure. Sure, buddy. Right. Yeah So this next one. What do you think? Okay? Um, all right. Um I want to try and ask. I want to try and lead you towards. Yeah, give me a give me a direction. It's hard. Um It's a social criticism Don't know if that helps

You got me I'm gonna go with. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Some people are saying consumerism. No. No. No. No. No. Here we go I'll try and give you like a fill in the blanks madly. Okay. Some people are saying X or Y Wait, some people are saying X or Y X people are Y adjective. Okay That's not I mean that is as good of a template as I can give you and you are never going to get it. All right I'm going to go with. Well, obviously if I'm never going to get it. I'm going to say young people are out Uh, I'm going to go with I'm not sure the Lionel complains about the youth as much as it seems. Yeah Yeah, it seems it seems like maybe he does. I'm going to go with some people think women are

Capable of holding public office. No, it's uh, some people think women be shopping. Yeah, dammit. I knew it. You are incorrect Okay The word hero might be the most overused word of our lexicon next to genius and love Look, we all are thankful that nothing happened at Times Square and more thankful that the mad bomber turned out not to know Diddly squad about car bombs. Okay. Well boy. Here we go. We leave that nothing happened This is going to be a take let's not refer to everyone who was vigilant and alerted the cops as a hero Let's thank them laud them appreciate them congratulate them But not automatically bespoke bestow the hallowed title of hero

So Lionel gets a certain amount of time on air For these reports and he sat down and was like, you know what? I'm pissed off that people reporting terrorist attacks are being called heroes. Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna say who overt tragedy are being called heroes and i'm sick of it. I'm gonna say that this take Is heroic Heroism involves an act of bravery doing the right thing calling 911 calling the cops is what's to be expected It's what civilized people do To suggest that it's heroic to alert the cops that something's wrong means that getting involved is not the norm

We want to thank folks for being alert for doing the right thing We've seen the video of that poor man left to bleed the death alone on the sidewalk a man who really was a hero He showed bravery and stopped the woman from being mugged. How about Wesley Autry who in 2007 Lay on top of a complete stranger who had fallen on subway tracks as the train passed over him Psychologists now refer to the bystander effect where people see something and do nothing It conjures up kiddie genovese. So we appreciate anyone who alerts the cops, but yes Did that involve bravery hero overuse is a verbal version of brave inflation It's becoming major an automatic reflex response

That's really meant to show thanks and well deserve thanks at that. Do you know how many police dogs? What's your fucking point of duty have received heroes tribute fuck those dogs? And as wonderful and great and fantastic as they are They're not heroes. They're dogs harrowed them fine, but a hero is special and human Thank the congressional medal of honor Which isn't even given to everyone actually demonstrating bravery given to rush limbaugh. Some bravery is recognized for conspicuous gallantry and Intrepidity at the risk of one's life of

That's all of duty the word hero is almost holy and recognizes quintessential valor to you Hero sandwiches guitar hero and the worst sports heroes You know how xerox became the word for photocopying and sketch tape for all the adhesive tape Don't let that happen to hero. Remember the first amendment doesn't protect someone from yelling fire in a crowded theater Okay, and only if there's really no fire because if there is it's your duty Right me raid me in common as you see fit So if I understand correctly, it's your duty to yell fire if there is a fire, right? So if you don't You or it's you're you're gonna be arrested for not yelling fire. I guess

It's against the first amendment to not yell fire. This is uh, this is a weird point to me And not that part of it. But yeah, this whole idea is very weird So there was a people who uh, they reported a suspected car bomb right right and the police came and uh crisis was averted everything worked out Okay, uh Lionel an act of heroism if you will Lionel is fucking bent out of shape about this I I for a guy like Lionel To argue about the sanctity of words and their definitions While at the same time tossing out as many ten dollar words as he possibly can in places that do not need them

They're the only reason you would use those words is if you need to be incredibly and very specific Not if you wanted to show off your fucking vocabulary Take your hero word and shut the fuck up. That's a really good point. It kind of is an invalidation of his Soros use Yeah, I I think um, I mean my response to this if I were just like I would what I like to do is I like to imagine that every single thing I hear from Lionel is somebody saying this to me at a dinner party Like I'm hanging out like all right with a cocktail like dinner for schmucks kind of situation I'm hanging out with the cocktail and this guy is telling me that people aren't heroes

I think my response would just be relax Calm down No people over use the word hero too much Uh, okay, and I honestly I honestly think this is sort of a position that I've turned the corner on I might have agreed with him in my younger years You think so well because I used to work at a movie theater and the movie coach Carter came out And the movie was all about Samuel L Jackson played this coach

Who uh, he closed the gym He locked the gym because his students they were on the team were failing Yeah, and unless they got their grades up they couldn't play sports for some reason. I recently watched coach Carter Really? I'm not joking with you. I think it's I think it's the I can't remember. I think I wound up watching it on netflix with my partner there and I don't I don't remember if it's a good movie or not You just saw it so you might be able to have more insight on it, but you know what it's very paternalistic It gives a dad ish. Yeah, it gives that idea of the hard-nosed coach who really teaches people a lesson about

I mean that's the genre it was. Yeah. Yeah. It's very it's very non White people version of the blind side like it's all right. All right I mean I saying nothing about the movie because I don't remember it well enough To have a critique My position on it back then and I remember telling a lot of people this was that he's supposed to do that These kids are failing. Yeah, he's supposed to not let them play sports if they're failing That's part of the rule. Why is he being considered a hero for this? Why is there a movie and I think that now is a 35 year old man looking back on that position?

I had I think it's a little asshole ish. Yeah, because the it's not so much Doing what you're supposed to do that is considered the heroic thing It's the result that comes from it that you're celebrating sure So the act even a trivial trite act can be heroic In the in the right circumstances and I believe that lionel's missing that forest for the trees Well, and not just that but there's a certain amount of What do you have to overcome in order to do what you're expected to do? Sure, you know, it would be legitimately heroic

If somebody actually took control of our current situation and was like let's fucking do some shit about this And to it, you know, like they're fucking supposed to do Uh, but it would be because the the insurmountable odds are there just doing your job is sometimes heroic And taking it taking it outside of that context. I mean like if you're thinking about what you have to Sorry for putting into that context. It's just on the head, you know, even even when you're talking about like What do you have to overcome? Lionel makes that clear the psychological bystander effect Exactly it is almost something built into your human brain, right? Yeah, there wouldn't be a name for it

If it wasn't something that was studied and is a shortcoming of human reason Yeah, absolutely. You see something happening and you assume someone will take care of this And so no one does anything, right? So Overcoming that to the point where like I got to do something right it is it is abnormal. Yeah, you should celebrate it Call it hero. Call it the get or done guy. Yeah, whatever you call it. Whatever you fucking want. It doesn't matter It like this is pedantic nonsense. I worry that Lionel likes the movie boondock saints too much You think he's a boondock? I think he's a boondock saint. I think that's what's going on there

Absolutely, I think he's been fighting will them to foe for years now. Let me ask you this Yeah, I haven't seen coach Carter in a long time, but I also haven't seen boondock saints in a long time I haven't seen boondock saints in a long time. I did not happen upon that Is there a black face in it in boondock saints? No, but there is a lot of racism. Well, it's interesting. I there's a load. How is he about to defend blackface Your face does not say the good answer. I Here's where it's at. You know, no, no, no. I don't know if I would say that Lionel's defending black There's a quick answer. I will say that this next

Missive of his does seem to imply that everyone is too worked up about it. Okay This week I read the umkeith story about blackface It seems an australian cosmetics makeup brand was running an ad that appeared as though the woman depicted was in blackface I mean, she had a black face, but I'm not sure it was blackface as in jolson or minstrel show or you know The cake walk look it featured a woman Dressed in black dark complexed at the caption read not dreaming of a white christmas. I don't even know why i'm describing it. It's right here To clarify it is up on screen and it is it is blackface. Oh, yeah On the right now look take note of this

There was a very simple rule that you must learn Especially if you're in the communications world blackface is never without objection No one will ever ask you why you played it Uh, they won't ask you its basis the message the theme the media direction whether it's instruction of historic apparently nothing We care not what your intent was correct. You're nothing of your goal or aim or messaging strategy It's very simple. You're nailing blackface inspires immediate objection in time and without fail. It's almost it's almost pavlovian I don't like that there's a butt coming even if it looks like blackface or minstrel show or jolson ask I honestly don't think that's totally true

Like i on it. I really don't think that that's true. I think there may be a conversation That comes up around artistic uses of blackface or whatever or parody uses Like but I don't think it has the negative social stigma that lionel is trying to paint it to be When it's used in a context that is kind of like, okay, whatever Like robert downey jr. Didn't suffer any consequences for doing it in tropic tropic thunder Because because of the because of the parody satirical context within the movie the boy somehow that is right allowed In ways that let's say this australian ad clearly is yeah, you know not or let's say, um, uh, ralph northums Right, right, right or

Our our our dear canadian prime minister justin true dough I should also say that this is not the only video of his that's about blackface I would not be surprised one of the other ones he tried to point out that like hey with the wayans brothers made white chicks Oh, man. Oh boy. That is a man deliberately trying not to get to the point and pretending that people didn't say like That's fucked up About the movie right, right, right, right, but anyway he goes on I remember There are scores of people who thrive on being offended. Oh, they pour over the news That's you trying in vain perhaps to find anything. It's your job to be offended by and over

No, his job's watching my story. I got you musical in 2010 the scotsboro boys I remember in november of that year my wife and I saw the production at the lysium theater And there was a protest guess what was important to know about this incident Okay, I'll save you the time the protesters who heard about the blackface part hadn't seen the musical They heard about it The black actors who performed brilliantly in the production didn't seem to take offense Probably because of two major points first they needed a musical as they were in it and two they understood the message You might recall it was 1999 the book to the museum of art

And mayor rudy juliani took offense to the painting the holy virgin mary it contained in toralia Pudenda references an elephant dung as a theme now Let me remind you first it was rudy and the story got a lot of traction second He was offended offended and cared not about the symbolism or imagery and he loved the the warm glow of being offended We all do to be miffed and violated our senses and sensibilities under attack and throw in blasphemy And you are ready for freddy. We love to be offended. I'm offended. Therefore. I am And the audacity that cannot be missed is that because I am unable to appreciate your message And because I'm unwilling or incapable of appreciating or grasping your message too bad for you

I'm offended you lose and that's it. No important thought or idea is not capable of not offending or insulting or angering someone If an idea or messaging is so vapid and insipid and anodine, it's not worth even having much less saying The marketplace of free speech involves the marketplace of controversy. I thrive on controversy America thrives on it It's who we are Come on as you say fit This is also this weird Contradictory thing where it seems to be the entire report is about people are too offended by blackface Yes, but then by the end he's talking about how great it is that people are offended because people thrive on controversy

So it's actually a good thing. Yeah But I don't I don't get the I don't get what's going on. He's shitting on people who are offended by blackface Yes, and saying that's stupid. You're right. You're way too sensitive. You shouldn't be offended by this But but then at the end like ah, we all love controversy. We all love to be offended Is but it's not presented as that being a bad thing being like into being offended He seems to be like, ah, it's all good trying to parse this. I think What's going on is he's fine with his own version of taking offense, which is performative and full of bullshit But I think he feels it

But he's against people taking actual offense when something offensive is going on You're supposed to just perform it. You can't actually mean it. He doesn't like valid criticism He hates valid anything. He just enjoys two two and a half minute pieces of yeah Yeah, right bullshit. He's like that guy who just likes to argue right and you're like fucking I don't have I'm not today man. Not today So people are mad sometimes about blackface and rightfully. Well, not according to line. No, let's just call it right Well according to line all it is overblown. Okay, they're too sensitive fair enough too sensitive can't even Look through it and see what's going on white people really don't like talking about how racist white people

Hey, man, blackface is totally cool according to line all okay, but something else is not. Oh my god Whiteface I'm uh I'm going to try and make it through this commentary without soiling myself I tend to lose certain bodily functions when Some subject matter invades my soul and I I speak of it Well, I have to actually put into words and explain and explicate and limb the Basis of my contempt. I feel a rage that may be hard for you to understand. What am I talking about first?

I hate hate. I I hate the word hate. I'd rather be bathed in an ocean of f-bomb Someone spouting that he he hates something. There are a bunch of videos on liners YouTube page about how much hate crimes are bullshit So I think he's sort of harkening to those he thinks that hate crime Designations are stupid right right just like heroes, but look dude. He's mad. He's mad about something He's about to you can say he hates it. Yeah. Yeah, but I will make an exception for no word or concept Comes close to even describing the vast and incomprehensible disgust that pathological rage that is inspired by

These people this one group of people that I will tell you I I hate Who are they? It's those six selfish egocentric egomaniacal self-centered self-absorbed look at me Rude and boorish starbucks loiterers get to the fucking point vagrants who take over tables for hours and hours with their newspapers and laptops They're starbucks squatters. They're vile and disgusting Churlish despicable waste of human flesh. Does anybody talk to you? Psychotic hominids that I am rumored to share DNA with people who claim

Are they just sitting there on our phylogenetic tree now it's reported that some starbucks may be covering ac outlets with blank faceplates to force these sick people to leave once their laptop batteries wear down And you see these degenerates some of these psychopaths sitting in a store in excess of eight hours a day By the way, I would assume that the starbucks if they are putting plates on there It's more to like not allow let's say people who are experiencing homelessness to charge their phones I would assume it's more that than the guy writing a screenplay. No, I don't think they're buying a croissant Yeah, I think they're fine with the guy writing a screenplay putting all there I can't say it, but I can think it you know all they're

Adjust on a table and using a a separate chair for their laptop case or files Some of these animals ask for free water all day and think that their coffee is somehow rent And do you know whom I blame? Starbucks you sick idiot starbucks's fault people why what were you thinking tried to report that cool Seattle spirit is that it does he think that this is unique to starbucks? I guess has he ever been to any other coffee shop no other coffee shops have these people other coffee shops have the fucking moral Fortitude necessary to keep these loiterers from just sitting there and working. This is the working dan

This is the whole thing with a coffee shop. What is he? That's the idea How long is he spending in the coffee shop to know how long they're spending in the company to sit down get your coffee and go Nobody's bothering you. No, nobody's walking over being like. Hey, have you read my screenplay lately? Why is this a problem? It's a huge problem dad I hate these people. They're arrogance. Their attitude is though. They are the epicenter of the human race They haven't spoken to you sick demented heartless Mindless zeros and before laptops they sat with their journals thinking and newsing and recording their deep inner most thoughts If there was a god

And if she answered my prayers just once I pray I could walk into a starbucks Survey the room and snap my fingers and produce a flamethrower a blowtorch or a water cannon and let these sick Loiterers have it take that you starbucks squatters tap in the world Ma and what I would give to walk over to one of those journalists that are writing her deep thoughts for the past 10 hours And pull out a gallon of unleaded and a zippo and scream with a blood curly delight I am the god of hell fire and take that heavy way well and Yes, that's fear and I just Soiled myself

Comment as you see fit So lino wants to murder people who loiter at starbucks. I will kill all poets John keats. I saw you at a cafe in the early I will kill reneer mario rilke for going out to a park and sitting there and thinking look. I understand All poets must die. I understand that he's trying to be funny. You know like it's an attempt at a bit Right, but the bit is I want to murder all of these people who loiter at starbucks Yeah, now you compare that to his other material, which is people are too offended about blackface Yes, it kind of looks weird. I don't think his priorities are in the right areas

I uh Oh people sit somewhere too long Oh People are offended by referencing the absolute exploitation and murder and enslavement of an entire race But let me tell you something if they were sitting in a starbucks, then I would be angry as that is weird Wolf so lino wants to ban something. What do you think it is? Uh, I I'm guessing cosmopolitan white men isn't the Is the situation I need a serious answer before I can hit play on this. Okay. Um, all right. What does he want to ban?

Okay, this is the point where lino is a rational reasonable person where I think you're fucking with me And it's going to be backpacks. No, no, no, no, okay I I would never do that to you and I apologize if I've lived in such a way as to make you think I Set you up. You haven't but this would be a good time to set me up. Should you we all know he wants to ban backpacks Yes, this is something you don't know. Okay. He wants to ban Uh, I think he's going to want to ban Uh, to play toilet paper. No, incorrect dammit

I know I won't dance. I don't ask me Did you see the story about the couple who was arrested for allegedly dancing on a new york subway platform? Well, after they were pinched for impeding something or other Oh, it's a good job. And now they're suing. I wish them well But I absolutely advocate the prohibition of all dancing. I mean criminal Incarcerative sanctions as sissaro said no sane man will dance Ballroom dancing square dancing polka. I don't care. I am without that part of the brain or nervous system that craves

Silly movement ostensibly set to a perceived rhythm structure. No, you old fucking white, dude See for yourself what I'm talking about. What's videos of music? And let's play stump the neurologist But there exists throughout our history ordinance after ordinance that limited public dancing all together or without first obtaining a permit Why because dancing is unnatural and un-american. It's counter evolutionary There's the old joke Why do some strict and you can fill in the blank with your particular favorite conservative faith system? But why do they never make love standing up because it looks too much like dancing?

I'm being very serious here. There's some atavistic primordial reason why we loathe dancing because remember no sane man will dance Why we humans do we is doing a lot of work there buddy evolutionary antecedents that are again atavistic and vestigial Why do we nod our heads to indicate affirmation? Because it mimics the suckling our mother's breast Why do we shake our head? No to mimic the action of spitting out something bitter and why do we dance? Well, the reasons are basic first to attract mating partners to define and mark territory To events dominance and for the most part in human cases to create the illusion of hot sexy and attractive Dancing indicates a breakdown of structure and control. It precedes riot societal And a complete and total breakdown of civilization dance. What has nothing to do with ceremony or the rhythm of life?

It is about exhibitionism and the devolution of societal order and besides No sane man will dance Comet as you see fit I mean that's all good fun and all that I don't know like obviously he doesn't want the government to ban dancing I mean like I obviously the only way this works is if kevin bacon shows up and gives him the people's elbow Like there's no other way that this function. He doesn't reference footloose at all. I know. How do you know reference? Yeah, but like Okay, so here's the thing. Yeah based on his political set. He can't possibly want dancing band

No, he can't possibly want that. It's free speech the only way unless you're dancing fire in a crowded theater Right when there is no fire. If there is a fire. It's your duty. That's your duty. Yes But you're still not a hero. You have to fire walk with me out of the theater Yes, the the so the point that he has to be making since he obviously doesn't want dancing band That dancing's great and that's clearly not the point. He's making so it's the satire element of it doesn't make sense Anyway, but it's all good fun. Look whatever The problem though is that Cicero quote that he bases this whole thing on no same man will dance Is actually a mistranslation of the actual quote

It's dancing is fucking dope bros. It's not quite that quote Cicero the quote is taken from pro marina Which is uh in the it's in the context of cato accusing a dude of being a dancer Which apparently back then was a serious accusation That is like a That's like a man who doesn't wear a hat in the 1930s. It's like something's got somebody's got to die. Yeah So in response to this Cicero says quote no man One may almost say ever dances when sober unless perhaps he be a man a madman nor in solitude nor in moderate or sober party dancing is the last companion of prolonged feasting of luxurious situation and many refinements

The basic argument he was making against this accusation was that no one other than a madman dance sober And he was being uh, he wasn't being accused of being drunk So the accusation of being a dancer must be an accusation of being mad Okay, paraphrasing the quote as no sane man will dance is fine I guess but then attributing that quote to cicero is really unfair It essentially is putting words in cicero's mouth or more accurately taking context away from what he was actually saying Cicero wasn't saying only insane people dance Drunk people dance to you saying no sober man will dance. No sober not

Not insane insane personal dance dude. These guys got I dance at home all the time by myself Dancing is great. No. Oh, wow. Wow. You're crazy. Yeah. Anyway I have a singular obsession with how all these people like who end up becoming fascist bootlicking cheerleaders seem to have a common inability to understand quotations No idea. I'm really getting to the point where I'm starting to wonder if that commonality is significant among them like if there's actually a legitimate piece of What informs their ability to deal with the world right that they can't understand quotes within their proper context, right? Right. Right. Right. Right. Like is

Is it a chicken in the egg situation like that kind of thing? I'm not sure but my the thought that I'm having is if whether or not it would be predictive Like you see somebody who is unable to wrestle with what a quote really means Where it comes from if that makes them more likely is that a high correlation to being a right wing Maybe even a right wing. Well, it could go it could break either direction But certainly you see it a lot in these right wing right right right dogs But that might also be partially because how ascendant that is in the conspiracy world right over the last decade or so Like the left wing conspiracy world has not been nearly as fertile of a ground particularly as a place you can make money

Of that as the the right wing world right right you would obviously see the results skew in that direction Yeah, of course, of course I wonder I wonder about that that is interesting. Is there a high correlation in grad school? I might make it my thesis that wouldn't be a bad poll I idea like just give somebody like what do you think this quote from thomas jefferson means? And then in small parentheses. Are you sure it's from thomas jefferson? I'll give you Two hours. Yeah, determine if this is real and tell me what it means perfect perfect Yeah, then that also is going to skew the results because it wouldn't have the knee jerk

Yeah, that's true. That's true of their own accord. They'll never figure out what these quotes mean No, no, no But no sane man will dance is the formulation of it that like is thrown around in memes and stuff like that It's just Using that is not a fair description of right, but you apply it to cis row because it's better than just saying No, no sane man will dance. Yeah, I would say at the same time though. It's very much like that that's controlled Media environment that they take in because they don't want to expand beyond that If a source they trust gives them a quote about some bullshit that reinforces their beliefs

That's just a true quote regardless. You don't have to look into it. It reinforces what I already believe So for a lot of people Maybe one of the issues is that real quotes reinforce what the left tends to believe And fake quotes reinforce what the right tends to believe. I think this one's politically neutral though. Yeah, that's true That's what makes it almost more interesting to me. Yeah. Yeah, like when you have the thomas jefferson ones It's like obviously these are weaponized by right by propaganda outlets that are all the fringe militia weirdos and stuff This one is really just a trite Um, I want to complain about dancing. Yeah. Yeah, but the behavior is similar, right?

The the well, I have old white man prejudices, so I'm looking for a quote that reinforces my old white man prejudices Sure, which include dance. Yeah, you could draw that parallel there So I should tell you I I go through linals YouTube page scroll through it try to find. Yes, anything good. Maybe watch a hundred other videos that we're not talking about because They're so goddamn boring. Right I should tell you this almost all of these have like three hundred views. These are old videos that no one has ever watched So we're getting to a popular one. Some of them only have ten like these are Long adornment. Yeah, no one. No one watches those

You're spelunking for bullshit. This next one out of nowhere has a hundred thousand views What could this possibly be? That's what you have to guess. Okay. All right. What could it be about? What could Lionel penetrate the consciousness with this video right before it two hundred views video after it fifteen this one a hundred thousand I'm okay. This is going to be this Colin Kaepernick. No, this is before. Yeah, this is that's too early Damn it. This is too early for that. It's got to be something like that, right? It's got to be something that captured the zeitgeist in 2012 early 2012 around that frame. Yeah This might be a live on. I'm not entirely sure. Damn it.

I'll tell you this has nothing to do with politics. Nothing to do with politics. Nothing to do with like the 2012 election. Okay. Get that out of your mind. All right. I'm going to tell you this right now. There's no way you'll ever guess this. I'm going to go with I'm going to go with like an American idol or a singing tv show. Oh, you think it's like a pop culture? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah show related. Yeah. That's a good guess. You're wrong. Of course. Who are we or anyone to say what is and isn't a legitimate religion? Okay. Okay. Now, with that clue, with that clue, no idea where this is going. Why would I know where that, I mean, this has to be Islamophobia, right? That's an interesting way. That's a, that may, do you think? No, you're wrong.

And one business is in of a secular government to pass judgment on the theological authenticity of one's faith. Scientology. Scientology. Well, that's precisely what this intrepid young man wanted to know. His name, Nico Alm, Lionel's hero of the week. Mr. Alm, an Austrian atheist seen here in these photos applied three years ago for an Austrian driver's license. Please inspect these photographs carefully. Mostifyingism. Notice anything? There it is. Got it. It seems that the time I remember the story was heated debate over a discussion over a provision of the European unions in Austria's recognition of quote

confessional headgear and official photographs. You know, we'll even have the perennial case where a muslim woman wants to appear in a driver's or official ID wearing a hijab or other various types of muslim headgear and veil. Don't let her dance. Or if you're erroneously by Americans as a burqa. You, you responded with a gasp like a mocking Lionel and I should be clear at this point in his career. He does not seem to have like a negative opinion. I'm not, I'm not saying he does. Yeah. Yeah.

Just in case any of the audience gets that impression, there's one for At this period. So what Nico Alm did was to announce to Austrian motor vehicle authorities that he was a pastafarian and a member of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as depicted here in this holy painting. Its website states that the only dogma allowed in the church is the rejection of dogma. They also list in part as articles of faith that they believe that pirates, the original Pastafarians were peaceful explorers and it was due to Christian misinformation that they have an image of outcast criminals today.

I was going to say they're actually all monkeys. As such, Mr. Alm explained that pursuant to his faith, he had to wear a plastic pasta strainer as religious headgear. Place sideways, of course, in the photo's display. Needless to say, the Austrian officials were not amused by the Pastafarian Mr. Alm So to make him prove his bona fides and eligibility to tool about Nico had to undergo a psychiatric evaluation to establish his mental fitness to drive. Now stop Wouldn't that be great hammer time a psyche valve to get a driver's license? Think about it. This city would look like a ghost town I'm guessing that it wasn't a psyche evaluation to see if he could drive and it was more like This guy says he worships a flying spaghetti monster. Let's make sure because that sounds

Outside of the context of what pastafarianism is, right? Not knowing any context. Yeah, that might be something that's like, oh, we might need to check in on this. Yeah If you weren't familiar with the internet, you'd be like, uh, Yeah, yeah, but it has nothing to do with the driving. Yeah Well this month three years later, I'm happy to announce that mr. Nico I'm pastafarian and member in good standing of the church of the flying spaghetti monster Finally received his laminated official driver's license seen here with his pasta strainer colander Shepo firmly and conspicuously affixed to the devout mr.

Arms noggin placed sideways, of course Austrian officials certainly not to be accused of being anti-pasti Remarked that as long as his face could be made out clearly He could pretty much wear whatever he wanted and that this was not an official acknowledgement of pastafarianism or the church of the flying spaghetti monster to which i'm coyly announced That's next comment as you see fit. So I don't know. I don't know what's this point Is it good? Is that bad? He seems supportive. He seems like you shouldn't you shouldn't take away religious freedom. Yeah

At this point in his career, it's weird because he becomes a giant qanon guy, which is essentially a mask of a cultish Yeah, it's strange But I I think that's about as middle of the road of a report as you can do. Yeah It's just about this guy. Yeah, isn't it cool that he did this thing It's cool, but also a little silly and so let's just kind of like hey Let's reflect on this being cool and silly. Yeah, there's an there's a like quirky interest to it There's not like that's as close to a

Fine Lionel report. There's no real analysis or anything that goes along with it. There's no like He's he's pointing out kind of the absurdity of religion as a whole and this whole thing is kind of threatening I would I would imagine that the flying spaghetti monster doesn't want you to ban dancing. I doubt I doubt it Yeah, and it's so weird to me that I mean Although it would be interesting if it turned out that John Lithgow was the flying spaghetti monster That would be weird. That would be wild. I just think it's strange that this got so many more views than any of these old I guess I guess probably the postafarian Online community you sent it around. Sure. Maybe there wasn't a ton of coverage of this story

Maybe it was early coverage. Yeah. Who knows? I mean like it's got to be something like that Like he probably just got memed. I didn't realize that there was that robust of a postafarian community or Or maybe this was picked up by the reactionary right wing kind of people who are like Oh, we got to talk about this. I doubt it. I doubt it. I think it was I think if I would assume My assumption would be it was more just these people who are into those sort of me me worlds. Yeah, yeah Putting it out. So a hundred thousand views. Yeah Which is Shockingly that's bananas all like the the ceiling that's a thousand times the ceiling for a lot of these videos

Like being very generous is like 1500. Yeah, like these are not No one watches these videos. They're a decade old They've been online for nine eight years Uh, so yeah, oh man weird. All right. All right. Well, he knows I'm surprised he didn't lean into the zeitgeist then I would make more stories. Yeah more stories about get rid of this Q bullshit go postafarian. That's what almost makes me think that possibly these views all came like later Yeah, they came like two years after he posted this video like there was a resurgence of interest Right. Right. Oh, look at this a fucking news guy covered the spaghetti monster. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like your voice for

A news guy covered the spaghetti monster. It's how meme guys talk It's my meme impression All right so, uh, right Let's see. It's really hard for me to try and uh lead you down the roads where you have a chance How are you going to lead me down postafarianism without giving up the game? Ah, totally. Yeah, but like I mean even for this next one Lionel thinks a president did something

What do you think it is and who's the president? Um, okay, okay Okay, god, there's think project Camelot think project Camelot. Okay. I'm gonna go with eisenhower met aliens bingo Yeah Look at it like The 34th potas and supreme commander of the united fort look at him. Look at him D-day consummate badass

I didn't know how cool he was notice the de minimis fruit salad and campaign ribbons. I like the cut of his jib Understated he didn't have to impress you. He wouldn't think of going all portray us on us We know Dave. We know But like was general the army wouldn't think of the most misunderstood man with a tremendous legacy But what sets double de apart is that he thrice met In secret meetings with aliens dig According to author tippity good. I can the fbi scheduled sit-downs by sending out telepathic messages

They met at various installations including hollaman air force base in new mexico In fact, ike and woodson churchell had discussed ufo sightings on many occasions. Remember during world war two Allied pilots reported seeing balls of fire Mysterious glowing spheres that follow the I tried not to speaking of balls of fire Did I ever tell you when I was attacked by red bugs on a camping trip? What are we doing now? Well, what's happening remind me later this great story Now let's be serious and tell that story. I know that there's something out there

There always has been And they've been here plenty of times ufo's extra terrestrial aliens Whatever you want to call them or the The most protected secrets that your government holds the idea of our being the lone planet Supporting life is beyond absurd the age of our planet is four and a half billion years old That's 45 hundred million years If another planet was just 4500 and one million years old It will be a million years more advanced than us

Fockel fossil or focal that makes zero sense I could do a bermuda dance. Don't don't bastard But fossil records show modern man first appearing just a couple of hundred thousand years ago There have been thousands and thousands of contacts throughout time all over the world by reputable lucid professional witnesses And not lucid unreliable Dancers even the french commeter report inter rally When you bring this up invariably someone will say but why don't they want to make contact with us? Well first they have and do sure and second

Why would anyone want to speak with us? Have you ever gotten down on the ground face to face with ants? So real quick it's it's really weird to me because this isn't a bit This is clearly he thinks for sure that first of all aliens are coming down and talking to us about sure And like it's not a joke like he believes that I know that with aliens. Yeah, contacted telepathic And he does seem to believe there is no joke here. It doesn't seem like there's a joke Now at the end here he's talking about the like why haven't they contacted us yet two answers to that one Is they have and then his second one is why would they want to those seem contradicting those do seem contradictory

Yes, it'd be like you talking to an ant But then the first answer was they have and they are yeah, it would be like is it it would be like me talking to an ant Which I do Yeah Talk to them. Why not? Why don't you want to communicate with them? Maybe because they're beneath us Maybe because we're they're beneath us. Maybe because we just rather observe them and not disturb them You get the picture and look at me. You know, I'm right Come it as you see fit. Okay. I will

I like her. I like Lionel is an alien supremacist. Okay. I will you dumb bastard Yeah, wow Lionel likes aliens more than humans I do I do like the rudimentary logic that he applies of like Well, if our earth is four and a half billion years old and we're here Then that means that if there is a planet that's four point six billion years old Right, then they have a four point six billion year olds of them mathematically mathematically. He's right that there is a Million year I agree

But that has nothing to do with when life might have been seated or the progress or Any pressures that might have come that it would lead towards species Branching or you don't have a million year head start just because this thing is older Lionel's dumb Lionel is very dumb. So this next clip. I think he is right. We have talked to aliens though and double D. Eisenhower He thought he was he he I swear to god when he wrote that down He was like I might be the smartest funniest man alive and he probably thought like this is ribald

Yeah, because that would be a word he would use This next clip I'm not even gonna ask you what you think it's about because I just need to tell you that I think the only reason I kept this clip or I took it at all is because Lionel uses the word sneaky snake Oh A phedophobia is a fear of snakes A phedophobia is unique in that the fear component is in part rational As some snakes are venomous bullshit, man. There's so many fears that are rational Ha ha ha

Fear of heights could be rational to a to a no it's crazy. God damn anybody who's anybody who's afraid of heights is crazy It's what what what's next a fear of dancing? Well, I wouldn't wish I knew the name of it. There's got to be a name for it. It's not logolio. Yeah, that's no That's certainly true. There are a lot of fears that are completely rational If you're allowing the snake fear is rational I don't understand how a fear of cars isn't rational. Yeah, probably kill more people than snakes hell. Yeah Bio behavioral experts believe that the fear of snakes expressed this Hyperdeveloped and exaggerated and that had originated to accompany man's walkie upright

You see it's believed that since he was now farther away from the ground Where snakes hid he was more prone and likely to stumble upon our more venomous serpentine brother in the Hyperdeveloped fear of snakes was preferred through natural selection and evolution mechanics now Wouldn't that be the same with all sorts of predator? Things that you're afraid of no, no, no, it's completely irrational to be afraid of tigers Armchair Freudian folks love to see the hidden subliminal representations, but I let others play with that one I get it. It's a plea Now this bronch zoo cobra story the bzc escape is the dream story for the criminally unimaginative and culturally shunted world

The dreaded mainstream media not them the msm Alex will complain that they're all the main snake media dad Alex will complain that they're all mockingbird cia trying to cover his dwi Lionel will tell you that no they all want to talk about a snake escaping from the zoo Intellectual junk food quickly digested with a high glycemic distraction level The cobra story wasn't maybe like my strange mainstream media Not not here mind you but there

The first wake up the dude in the video library and have him dig up and dust off every conceivable pop culture reference to snakes Jake the snake roberts harrison ford and reyner's Snakes on a plate alice cooper snake YouTube features of some weird guy saying hey the snake What about an auroboros of bullshit like you sneaky? Mentally deranged and criminally vapid weathercasters screaming nonsensical nothings only to capture that youtube moment anything And gee i'm proud to say you're off the hook on that one my friend

Now punsters and piranamasiacs alike using every conceivable play on serpentine imagery story the missing cobra islamophobia meets aphidiaphobia It was an egyptian cobra Egypt home with the muslim brotherhood Donald trump weighs in and demands to see the cobra's birth certificate It's a muslim snake as alleged by the comb over quaffed bombast whose mane is dyed the color of tang News accounts report that the escapee snake broke out of the bronc zoo thus conjuring up the image of this Medicing serpent and messenger of death marching down broadway while frightened new yorkers run for their lives

It wasn't an escape They found it in the reptail house outside of her cage Which would have been my first place to look i'm just saying Look if charles manson fails to show up for a change They don't announce the escape from the corker's day prison Even bindi arwin the late croc hunters 12 year old daughter said you know He's probably right by the cage and meanwhile in libya Oh

Anyway comment as you see it So here's what's great about this first of all I mean the trite issue of a snake escape that even within the report you're like it wasn't a big deal Yeah, I don't know why we're I don't know why we're doing this. I don't I don't know at all But he does reference sneaky snakes. That's always good. It's worth it Most important thing though is that linol is on a new york tv show. Yes. He hates trump He hates trump back in like 2011 because trump is a dick. That's because he hadn't unsealed the indictments yet dan There were thousands of secret indictments linol very regularly will make jabs at trump for the birth certificate stuff

Of course for him being a birther guy, right? And one of the things that I wanted to actually do was I wanted to trace linol's path towards Supporting trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I think it follows a very similar path as the people we've seen like alex and nick fuentes But actually his path is a little bit different He's super against trump As the campaign begins. Yes, and then he gets to a point where he's like, all right. You had your phone Cut it out. You're you either need to stop what you're doing or just get out. Yeah, you he tells him to drop out in September 2015 right like he's just not into this

Anything at all then once trump becomes like really likely to be the candidate on the gop side He endorses him and the reason is just anti hillary. Yeah when he endorses trump. It's a Dual endorsement of trump and sanders because it is a specifically anti hillary, right? Anybody but hillary. He is not super interesting to me in terms of the the right-wing path towards trump thing Like the uh, nick fuentes and alex jones seem to follow like a very similar trajectory of Like real negative horrible things about trump when Trump shouldn't be in their orbit or they shouldn't care about him all that much

And then right around very similar times they end up supporting him with linol. He's a new york media guy So obviously he's been aware of trump for a really long time. For sure. For sure. Fuck. It doesn't like him Think he's a piece of shit. Yeah, like all of new york. Yeah, and then when he starts running for office Like all right. We're tired of this act. Whatever. Yeah, and then as soon as he realizes the devastating like damage potential trump has of like destroying the g.o.p These the rhinos. Yeah, yeah, get him. Yeah He's into that in the same way that he's into what bernie sanders could do to the democratic right, right? He wants a certain amount of just disruption of

Right, so he sports both of them the system doesn't work. So he's going for either candidate that is not the system Yeah, I get that but also primarily like I listen to a bunch of the clips primarily it is surrounding like Like abject hatred of hillary clinton, right, right, right? So his path is not that interesting although It is interesting to hear this next This next report that he has Lionel talks about what sort of president he would vote for. Oh god. Now. This is in the context of the 2012 election It's interesting to hear this with the awareness that later he would end up supporting trump, of course

Don't ask me whom I would endorse or vote for in the 2012 presidential elections because I'm neither endorsing or voting for either mittens or hopi but But if I had to craft the ideal hypothetical candidate that I might even consider as maybe earning my vote They must have one characteristic. They must Be crazy. Let me explain You see what I would insist upon in a presidential candidate would necessarily mean they'd never have a chance to win The platforms that I would insist upon are so out of sync with the candidates the left and right paradigm offers So antithetical to the status quo so polar and antipodal to most of the brain dead and

Brainwashed electorate that the only candidate who'd even come close to passing my electoral muster would be the candidate everyone would call Crazy Just say you like ron paul. I was gonna say fucking say rock ball over this dumb dumb You know who you like the snowballs chance and hell candidate people who want to revolutionize and undo the expected Status quo and the usual those who would retool revamp but reconstitute the business secretly invade countries of a torpid sluggish and Brain dead washington. That's my guy or gal And for anyone to even think they had a chance at that that would by definition make them crazy

I would never vote for a candidate for the left or right side of the identical coin the greatest and grandest of deceptions ever pulled in this country Next to the neck tattoo is the myth of true and actual political duality the fiction You don't like little when the republican policies are substantially and significantly much similar The delusion that will and shall always keep this great and grand country from extricating itself from the death grip of the globalist internationalist stripping bagster cartels and only someone crazy Dare to go after them the democrats again have barack obama as this candidate and the g.o.p As met romney is there the debates are a waste or as someone said they're like watching mcdonald's debate burger king

Get them drugs fries What I have to counter as I call them the identical duality of left and right someone Crazy give me a candidate who would demand that the fed be at least audited That drug laws would be repealed that no further wars or kinetic military actions NATO offensive nothing would be done without an explicit Sensing some ron paul here declaration of war and that hoax poke is an illusory virtual and reserve currencies and strs Oh, that sounds like ron paul immediately Just a name a few in other words

I want a candidate Who's crazy and doesn't have a chance of winning someone who would be best described as that great line Ron paulian tv sure. He's crazy. But what if he's right? Comment as you see fit you're quoting a comedy show. Yep. Also. What if he's not right? Yeah, that's real fucked up to here years prior to supporting trump and becoming a qanon guy Yeah, like yeah, you know what? I want somebody's crazy and what he really you know what else only three people pass the law to create the federal reserve That's right comment as you see that's what a crazy person's brother would say What's really fascinating to me about this is like

There is that essay that webster tarply wrote about like when trump started to become Ascendant within the g.o.p. Yeah that essay that he wrote about how the failures of the ron paul libertarianism and the uh, the the implied cruelty of that worldview that went unexamined was a Opening into the vestibule that is fascism. Yeah, authoritarianism. Yeah Like I don't have any respect for webster tarply's appearances on like the obama deception or on alex's show But that essay was incredibly prescient. It really was about the the ways in which like just sort of um this this fanatical support for ron paul And the deterioration of it because ron paul had no fucking chance at now the whole time

And then once ron paul stopped running rand paul comes in he's a more disappointing option Yeah, absolutely not going to do it. It leaves this vacuum Where people uh are primed to to go in that direction and when I hear Lionel talking about what I want is a crazy person. Yeah Obviously he's talking about ron paul in 2012. He's talking about the disappointment that ron paul didn't make it through the primaries That's the subtext of right of what he's getting at And when you hear that and you know how things went It's really easy to see on a certain level emotionally that like that is the path that that lionel walked down. Yeah

Yeah, absolutely. It's disappointing. It is it is very much like uh now He may manifest. Sorry. It may manifest publicly a lot of times as like Everything is whiny bullshit and defending like anything but hillary the status quo and yeah. Yeah. Um It is it is hard to It's hard to read that webster tarply essay and not be like Oh, I get it. It takes one to no one You know that kind of thing like the only the only voice that was really Putting that together on that in that world

at the time was Unfortunately a bunch of dum-dums like what's what you you know your own community better than right right right ones At times you can have a more critical eye on sure sure sure sure and you know like there there's a There it's not like ron paul's policy set was all bad No, there are a lot of reasons why you might support him Yeah, that aren't involved in the like rank cruelty and awful things that you believe right Things like getting out of foreign entanglements and wars Is a positive thing that that is something that you could gravitate towards in the same way that tulsi gabbard talks about

Wanting to not be in wars and it makes sense to gravitate towards her for that Same way with ron paul and his uh like uh insistence on drug legalization Like those are things that you can really get on board with The the flip side of the coin with people like ron paul is all the like Stripping away protections for vulnerable communities in the united states getting rid of all foreign aid essentially committing Like a genocide of yeah, yeah throughout the world who uh who rely on our efforts our humanitarian efforts No, it is and i specifically remember around this time because i was just i'm sorry The point i was trying to make is that someone i'm not saying this is true of webster tarpoli

But it is possible that someone of his his order Could be like into the good stuff recognize as it goes along Oh, no, this is metastasizing the negative things are the things that are the focus now And they can call it out. So that might be why uh what you were saying is the case Uh, yeah, no, I I remember this time period like I had just been maybe a year or two in to stand up at the time and There were plenty of comedians. I remember talking about how much they supported ron paul And in retrospect you look back and you're like You had no idea about the other shit

Yeah, you only knew about the because I because i've known these people for 10 years now and it's like they would never support destroying the fucking protections for Uh, uh Yeah, exactly, but but so much of the bullshit was like ron paul cut through it and that was uh, that was very appetizing And and just like yes, somebody's finally saying this obvious thing and it galvanized a lot of the like populist feeling of You know suspicion about what are these financial? Institutions doing like yeah, yeah, absolutely, which is also another like Reasonable thing to have concerns right right. Absolutely. No, but it just always get like with ron paul

It almost always gets funneled into a hard, right conspiratorial Version of it. Yeah, it's it's the inverse of The coalition that supported obama in 2008 of that like We're here because we don't trust any of these people. We've been fucked over for 10 years You have run on a campaign of we need to take care of all of this shit And then instead of funneling us into the hard right he funneled us into the center and that's just not gonna last Yeah, that's what that's where we fucked up if if obama had Man, it's hard not to look at 2008 to 2010 and think those were the two years where we could have done it

And averted all of this disaster It's hard not to look at that. Yeah, it really is. Wow save that for a book. Uh, I can't do it That's that's an angry angry scream. Someone can write that book. That's that's the unabomber's book So I think I think that lionel being like I'll only vote for a crazy person Is a representation of like the kind of mentality that went wrong in the 2016 election Because what he's talking about is This candidate that fulfills these requirements that I want that ron paul fills because what are you saying isn't necessarily all like

Destructive horrible things. No, you know, like auditing the fed obviously there are audits that are done You just don't you pretend there aren't right that like demanding that be done. All right. I'm not really mad about that Yeah, sure, sure, sure legalizing drugs. Sure. Absolutely. It's obvious. It's too obvious Those sorts of like things that would be deemed crazy by people, right? That's what he wants in a candidate right fine But where it gets murky is when a real crazy person comes around and you're like, oh, everyone's calling him crazy That must mean that he's insane. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's where the thinking gets twisted Absolutely. So we have one last Lionel report

Um, and I'll just set this up. I'm not gonna ask you and I'm gonna quiz you just gonna go with bees No, I wish Uh, because he and I might find common ground. I think we could suspicion of these I think we could all find common ground. We also my girl are up to some it'll kill you So this last one is a real misogynist opus It's real you always close strong. It's real bad He takes pot shots at gloria all red Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, really hard like she does nothing. Whoa

It's mostly about this woman who was working at bank. I can't remember the bank, but she was Fired and then she claimed that she was fired because she was too attractive It's like a media interest story, but what's behind it? Is it really like a potential sexual harassment situation? Yeah, absolutely Lionel minimizes that and I don't want to get too bogged down into it because the way this ends is Gorgeous, this is Lionel. Maybe getting his come up into a little bit his most right for really trying to be a misogynist asshole Okay Our work is a pro wrestling term that denotes putting something over on the audience who believes it's all loves wrestling

It's an illusion Now the biggest work is that of this genius debrilee lorenzana whose name has more alternate spellings than kaddafi Now, here's the story debrilee worked for city bank and is now suing them because she says they fired her because she was so Darn sexy Can you believe this? I swear to god now. Here's the storyline Debra Lee alleges that I can't help it if I'm a seductress A lot of day siren distracting men men who lair at me a living testament to the beauty's home

Her allegation was actually that her boss said that she was too attractive and too Distracting and that's why she was fired. Yeah, that's actually not not her saying. I'm too hot to work So that's kind of putting the the onus on the wrong party. It does seem like beauty incarnate A ravishing voluptuous curvilinear goddess a sylph a libidness and the civius lass Dripping with the contupus and sensuality that renders men's speeches and women jealous of my colossal Pogritude Thank you, please It's a gift for weight

There's more enter legal gadfly gloria all red whose name should be gloria All right for the times it causes people to say all right gloria. All right. All right. All right Nobody knows better than gloria seen here in a defense lawyers erotic dream in the midst of auto asphyxiation now Nobody knows exactly what gloria already does. I mean, she's a lawyer, but she represents people who don't need representing Like amber front remember her the one that scott peterson was uh, uh with okay. She was injured. No, was she beaten? No, what nothing scott peterson murdered his wife There's those are the only reasons to get a lawyer. Were you injured or okay? Scott peterson murdered his wife And this the amber was uh his mistress who someone who she was seeing like

You should she needs representation so bad. Yeah The way that you're going to be characterized in the media. You do need somebody So gloria's not representing one of tiger woods is she mails that he allegedly whoa why for what was she hurt injured? What who knows again? It's the same situation you're somebody who's being brought into a story that you don't have the ability to handle gloria already Is there to be a guide through the or to help you with the And by the way that term the s there like that is out of character for linel. Yeah, he is generally super

I'm really kind of confused by this. Yeah, and it's not that this person was trans or anything like that That the cis woman that uh, I don't know what that is. That is just an insult being applied Inaccurately and inappropriately. I thought that was shocking from linel. This is that's gloria. I'd love to see an ad for her I would watch. Hello. I'm gloria already. Have you been injured? No. Well, has your modeling career fallen flat? Yeah, no problem I'll represent you for what I don't know But if you want to jump start that career call call me at 1-800-555 I'm a publicity star of nobody who's 15 minutes were over an hour ago Or what if you're the family of uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, da доп

What if uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh I know, right Do those technically in the discrimination suit Oh come on please Do you think this latterday mr. Drysdale wants the bankGG back? Are you kidding me keep your job? Honey, I love the night life. I love the buggy Now maybe i'm acting a too a bit too harsh Maybe sarah lee or whatever her name is. It's just a regular." Wow sarah Lee a single mom

Who just wants the normal life the ordinary life maybe we're jumping the gun let's hear from this victim of corporate terrorism in her own words Crickets How we doing Still going are you guys gonna play the clip? Oh, there she is No sound Far too risqué for the show Well, let me tell you what she would have said, but I can't if you'd like to find out what she said call me after the show

but at any event uh, she stands uh to uh Secret dressed in a court As she is entitled every citizen is Jim Absolutely the best laid plans of mice and men. Oh what a bit this was She is good-looking. Anyway, thank you You ever have those days jim board yet? You said this this is the award show. This is the one who's going to put me over the top and You should know g the time

That does it for the pics news at 6 30. That's what we call a big finish. See you back here tonight Oh man, that's a bit deflating. That's a gut punch. That is a gut punch He had built up all this like massages bullshit. I like oh fuck this dumb bitch She's all like trying to get this bank job back. She doesn't want it and then the bid doesn't the the clip doesn't play And then when he has to actually just talk He doesn't know what she says in that clip. He can't carry it on his own and he has to be like She deserves legal redress like every other citizen kind of invalidates your entire premise Okay, and the entire misogynist bullshit that you're you're god damn it. I love it when somebody has the the the the

The confidence of Icarus. Oh, this is Casey at the bat, man. This is brutal just going for it There's this this will be insurmountable. I will stand atop Mount Everest and I will scream from the heavens It's okay to hate women Again, this is the thing where like a fart sound a little bit of chops would help because I kind of been in a number of Situations where things have gone very poorly in a live comedy Setting absolutely and you know, you kind of got to just be able to roll with it And I see that and I see a guy who cannot roll with it. That is not that is not Inability to but like oh the clip doesn't play. Why are you letting?

I don't know 10 seconds of dead air happen and then Well, she should go to court everyone can go to court. I mean, yeah, glory all red does have a point Within two seconds of there being dead air you should be Figuring out what's up. Yeah, you're on live tv, baby. Oh, yeah You have the opportunity to be in this. This is the whole thing. This is my big argument Lionel had a great um Privilege he had a great opportunity afforded to him and that was he had a like a column

On a tv show right he had three minutes where he could do Clearly anything whatever he wants to do anything he wanted because he's like David Brooks If there was any goddamn editor there, they'd be like This this this like banning dancing bit does not make sense like it does not like David Brooks fine. Yes If David Brooks was trying to be funny and it was audio, we would cover it more. Oh, absolutely god. If Conor Frieder's door So as a podcast, I'm going to and it was short and trying to be funny. Oh destroy him this Like he has this opportunity in front of him and he just fails

Constantly. Yeah, like there's points that he's trying to make. They're confusing there's A murky line of like is this supposed to be a joke or are you sincerely making this argument? Yeah, yeah, yeah There's unhinged nonsense and then most of it is just a waste of time. Absolutely. It's amazing. I kind of love it because It's exactly the thing you would expect for like the previous career of a QAnon. Yeah It's I mean it's the kind of trivial trite marginally reactionary bullshit. Yeah, but They let him do it for a while. That's what's crazy. It's just it is one of those examples of

first A white dude can fail up so easily and just second like when the stakes are this low when the stakes are I don't like backpacks in the train. It's like what are we gonna? Why stop? Why stop? The guy just doesn't like backpacks Well, give him his three minutes eventually. He'll go out to pasture and drink bleach. We'll call it a day We don't know if he drinks bleach. It's just part of the thing that's associated with QAnon I've not heard Lionel actually say I'm not saying that he drinks bleach I'm saying that as a Synecdoche for the entirety of QAnon. That's fair. That's right. I'm tossing in synecdoche now

Is what I'm doing. Get it. That's right. I'll do it. How about anastrophe? You want some of that shit up in here? Now you're just trying to flex literary terms all day So we reach the end and Lionel has Knocked it out of the park as always. I was gonna say worn out as welcome. Okay. There was that That's one way of putting it I think a lot of people have I get this a lot from listeners like they want more Lionel And uh, they question why has there not been a third Lionel installment, which now there is and one of the reasons is like I can't stress this enough like

It's hard To get decent content out of him. Yeah, even though he has a ton of videos They're like these little three-minute bursts and you got to go through tons of them to find like anything interesting Here's what I think. I think people Want the correct amount of Lionel and that needs to be carefully curated Yeah, nobody wants too much too much Lionel is a line that has a very steep drop to it It's much like nitric oxide Too much dangerous man CPAs

Yeah Yeah, and so I mean like it's it's not it's not something that there there is an unlimited Uh, it's not an unlimited resource. You have to use it sparingly. Absolutely But I think these sorts of circumstances are exactly the times when you need a goddamn little burst of uh Lionel so, um We you know, we come to the end and uh I guess, uh, I think we learned a lot. Yeah, I think we think we've grown as people Lionel wants to murder people at Starbucks very much

You should chill out the fuck about blackface. What is it? Okay, so no nuance and if you report, uh, something that ends up stopping a bombing You will be an asshole if you call yourself a hero. You think you're a hero. You think you're great. Oh come on Get the fuck out of here aliens talk to ike. Of course. Well, yeah, but that's just common knowledge and your dick But also hey good for you if you like office, please. I'm really confused about that one still Uh, I'm not sure what his point on snakes was sneaky That was the fair fair enough actually I accept that yeah

So, uh, everyone, uh out there. Hope you're doing all right. Yes in the circumstances that you're in Absolutely, let's uh, I'll do as best we can to help each other and uh, you know, uh, listen to the advice of The people who are in uh much better positions to, uh, provide that advice for you Yeah, and just just so everybody knows we're very very grateful to you for listening to the show Yeah, and those of you who donate were incredibly grateful. It's insane. We wouldn't be able to survive without that I mean, especially now like all of this stuff is entirely because People care and uh, it feels amazing. Yeah, it's overwhelming It really does to the point where I want you to shut up about it. I know it's uncomfortable

It's not good for us. I appreciate it as well. And I was actually reminiscing about this Uh, not reminiscing. I was to say by yourself. I was cogitating on it as a cogiter as Alex would put it You dancing motherfucker. I see you. I was thinking about this like, uh, maybe the other night. Um About how I left my job working a coffee distribution company, uh, to do this show At a time when no one's not no one but almost nobody was listening. No one supported the show It was really tough. I did a lot of the Very bad work from home type work and sold my blood In order to keep up with this and you were very supportive as well

Like we were able to make it work. Um It was a huge gamble and a stupid risk that I wouldn't advise anybody to do ever In any circumstance But we did that and it ended up, uh, leading to where we are now and I It's overwhelming to think about like, well, if I still worked at that coffee distribution place There's a real decent chance I would be out of a job Absolutely, it's surreal. It's surreal to be in in in that sort of a position. Yeah, it is, uh, it is amazing that we get to do what we do, uh, especially now

And I understand how difficult it is for everyone and I just Well, let's let's stick together. Yeah, I hope to be able to as best we can pay back a little bit. Um through Whatever avenues we can and uh on the the most basic Lionel-esque trivial level right right do an episode about Lionel for you all to enjoy And uh, we'll be back. We may be back on Friday. We might be back on monday. It's not entirely sure As we are recording this But uh, take care of yourselves and each other. Um, and uh, we have a website It's uh worst worst

We love you so much. Thank you very much for visiting knowledge fight.com. We're also on twitter We are our on twitter. It's at uh, we love you so much Thank you very much for following at knowledge underscore fight and I go to bed jordan We're also on facebook. We are on facebook. We're on itunes You can download the show. We love you very much and thank you so much for downloading knowledge fight And uh, you know leave a review. Thank you very much. We're back. But until then i'm neo. I'm leo I'm dzx clark. I'm the guy sitting at a table that lionel wants at starbucks Andy and chanzas you're on the air. Thanks for holding

So alexa my first time caller. I'm a huge fan. I love your work. I love you