Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

The nautical tale of the Batavia continues this week as the boys follow the path of the Dutch merchant ship's treacherous maiden voyage along the southern tip of Africa, where after enduring harsh conditions, lack of food, the spread of disease, and a brewing mutiny, one missed turn would alter the fate of all passengers onboard. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. Who's that? I don't drone on. I'm pretty succinct. People people said that about my bits. Yeah, people say Henry. What a great self editor Which is why today I'm gonna start with

Requested it yeah, of course Drawing a line in the water. Yeah gurney's a big fan of sea shanties. Doesn't want to hear his butch room. Oh, Rob, can you give me a show? I like to show me the way to go to bed. Yo, I remember straight to my ladies and gentlemen, my name is Marcus parks. I'm here with the self editing Henry Zabrowski. Well, sure. Wow. It's more annoying somehow. Yeah. Way more annoying. And here with the sick of it all. Ed Larson. I'm so sick of Henry's bullshit. It's so fucking sick, man. I puked out my penis. Yep. I hope you die. I hope it fucking kills you. It's scurvy.

I hope my content kills you. It will. And we're here for the Batavia. Yeah! Part two. Yeah, now we're really gonna fucking get into it. Yeah, I really like Batavia because it makes a, it's a good artificial sweetener. God damn it.

Cut all of that up. At the very top. But to really make sure we're all on the same page here, we're gonna back up the story just a little to really examine the mood on the Batavia and the relationships between the crew that resulted in a mutiny plan by two VOC employees. Captain Ariana Jacobs and undermerchant, Euronymous Cornelis. See, I know that it's Ariana or Ariane. Yeah. But then I just think Ariana Grande. Yeah. Yeah. So just don't imagine Ariana Grande as the chip captain of the show.

Took over a mutant need wicked. I'll tell you. She took over that sponge Bob's dick and balls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She better made her throat slimmer so that she could make his penis feel bigger. That's pretty slim throat. Yeah. Well, mutinies, got a good way to start mutinies were actually quite rare on VOC ships. And in fact, it was entirely unheard of for a mutiny to be led by a VOC officer like Euronymous Cornellis, as most undermerchants in his position were vetted to ensure they had no mutinous qualities. We talked about this in the very beginning when we were talking about how they assembled

the team for this. Is that normally they hire from within. Normally it's a guy who works his way up a certain amount. And normally these trips out to the Indies were reserved for people that either were I guess the best of the best of the best or the worst of the worst of the worst seem to be no in between he went in and said like he just got in remember because he was educated well a captain vouched for him yes so he got in but the rest of them were like scared to death of their bosses yeah because he knew what they do. What's a mutinous quality like bestiality or if you Well, if you'll remember the conditions for being an under merchant required that they not be bankrupt because while the VOC did need an air of desperation in an employee in order for them to risk their life for a trip to the endies a in an employee in order for them to risk their life for a trip to the Andes, a reek of desperation could lead to them getting ideas about the 500 pound chest full of treasure down in the hole.

The trip has to be worth more than what's in the boat. Yeah. Yeah. Very much does. Cause at this point, Henry was telling me the other day, a 10th of the VOC's entire earnings were on board the Batavia. Yes. So a 10th of their entire corp was sitting underneath their feet as they were floating out into the middle of the Indian Ocean. And they're the most successful corporation of all time? Well, technically. Well, the most, I mean, not compared to what, you know, businesses today do, they're not even close, but they were the first successful corporation and definitely the most successful

corporation of their day. Okay now I wouldn't say that your onimus cornelis necessarily had the desperation reek rather your onimus was simply greedy and amoral With nothing to lose as the only things waiting for him back in the Netherlands were a failed apothecary Business a sick wife and his dead baby's grave My sick wife just will not have sex with me on that grave, no matter what poison I bring home. I try to be with my haunted wife and I wish I could see my dead child, but instead, I'll be a king of an island.

Also, you can just say baby grave. Yeah. A dead baby's grave is true. Because, well, it's better than just a baby's grave, because it just sounds like you just put say baby grave. Yeah. A dead baby's grave is true. Well, it's better than just a baby's grave, because it just sounds like you just put an infant in a hole. That's true. You know, I had a lot of...I actually debated a lot about that. About whether or not I should say just baby's grave or a dead baby's grave.

And I thought like, well, you know, sometimes people buy graves in advance, but you don't normally buy graves in advance for children. I mean, that's a super not confident person. And that's how you know if your parents think... Just the game! Graves in advance for children super not confident person It'd be so nice first thing you get somebody for their child's christening and just in case I bought a little plot Right over here as you could see it's right by the restrooms Go and throw up out of grief first and then go look at the grave. And his casket! Look how small it is! It's so small! Look, Spider-Man theme, just like what he loves! Hahaha!

But concerning the morality of fomenting a mutiny on a ship with women and children aboard, Euronymous had no qualms with the consequences of his actions, for he was a so-called heretic. Yes, I care about nothing and I like it. His personal philosophy, influenced by the famous Dutch Gnostic, Johannes Torrentius, held that he was incapable of sin, that no thought or deed, not even murder, could be described as evil or even wrong. And then I got deep in the fucking up to the balls with Dan Carlin's prophets of doom. Like all of the story about the Anabaptist rise and monster and all this shit. And I found out that like

essentially the same crew of Anabaptist, which we brought up last episode, were like kind of what the Uronimus grew up in. And it was a very specific sect of guys that were essentially the Protestant version of ISIS that decided to just start attacking a bunch of, after the Lutheran break of all the, the Protestant Reformation of the church, basically Martin Luther put a little tenant in there that says you're allowed to go interpret the Bible as you want and it caused all this fucking chaos.

And so the Anabaptists, one sect went so far that they were like, oh, we're now destroying churches and reliquaries and doing all the shit. Aren't you happy Martin Luther? Martin Luther says, no, please stop emailing me. But then this Anabaptist crew took over Munster and did this whole fucking calling of all these people. And so it's from that, those guys comes your on us. Yeah. I'm glad we have this show for you to talk to me about this stuff Because if you do it outside of here gonna have to beat you up Deep long info dumps

Historical slash horror movie thing they it's a feature not a bug people like it Well, that's all to say that your onimus felt no guilt over what he was about to do, and his only thought concerned the life of luxury and freedom that all the treasure on the Batavia would give him once it was in his grubby little hands. Euronymous, however, was in essence an apothecary who'd never been on a ship like the Batavia before this journey, so he didn't really have the cred necessary to organize a mutiny without someone who could speak the language of the sailors. But Euronymous found a way around his lack of cred when he became friends with the Batavius

captain, Ariana Jacobs. Yes, we can be friends, can't we, Mr. Grande? This guy's an old salty dog, dude, you remember when we came on captain, captain Yakobs is salty as stock and he's getting too old for this shit. Yeah. And we checked the pronunciation. We actually did. That is the proper way to say the proper 16th 17th century Dutch way to say Jacob's. Yeah. Yeah. There's lots of Yakobs and your onimuses and like all the names are like so close to the other ones. You're doing a wonderful job. Mark. Thank you. And our best. I went through hardcore history in that podcast and there's four different Bernards, different yawns and you're just, there's nothing you could do. They just were lazy with the names.

I don't know why the Dutch people were lazy with the names. They were complaining about how the sponsors in their feed from the wooden shoes. Also whenever I hear your Ron, I feel like it should be yelled like, you're out of this. Now it was almost as rare for a captain to mutiny on a VOC ship as it was for an under merchant to do the same. But Jacobs had a few reasons of his own for getting a mutiny together. Firstly, Jacobs was a man in his mid forties and therefore one of the ship's elders. He was the very definition of I'm getting too old for this shit. Yeah. God damn it. It's just always him with the fucking cool hang out of his mouth. He's

got one of those like heavy welts on all times. Been like, God damn what? Not fucking damn it. Can I do one real quick? I'm getting too old for this shit. I hurt my back too yesterday. Yeah. So I'm actually kind of, I'm, I'm feeling yackups. I hurt my back writing this script. Wow. From Wow, from shortening and our imagined responses? No? So what were you doing? I was crouching for nine hours straight. Yeah. Why were you crouching? He hunched over his computer.

I hunch when I write. I hunch. I try. I'm just like a little gargoyle in there. Yeah, I try to stand up straight. I even tried using one of those those back things. Back straps. Doesn't work. Doesn't work. You know what Natalie does sometimes? Tries to touch my butthole

While you're working sometimes you come up 60 straight up. Oh, I'll see if Carolina can add that to her schedule. Hey Well to give you an idea of who captain yac was, he'd been working at sea for two decades and had taken several trips back and forth to the Indies on behalf of the VOC. Which is like, you're 195 in sailor years. To survive that, no, to survive that many trips you gotta be a hardy motherfucker. But by the time the Batavia reached the Cape of Good Hope, six months into their journey, Jakobs was absolutely exhausted with the lifestyle. God damn it, I'm sick of going these capes of good hopes.

I'm a fucking one of these cape of good asses or something. We need some kind of something else. Take this fucking shit, I'm sick of waves. In fact, Captain Jakobs, in talking about his lot, was known to repeat one phrase over and over. If only I was younger, I'd do something different. Yeah, that was it.

That was just he would say that to your on him. I think that if I just got one shot, I'd dance. Just sad catchphrase. I was younger. I've been saying this since I was four. You suddenly turned to Tom Waits. Yeah, I'm talking to teacups and I had a relationship with an elevator. But the thing that really spurred Captain Yakups into mutiny was good old-fashioned hatred which was directed at upper merchant Francisco Pelsart He's not Paul Rudd he's Mel Gibson he's very much a Mel Gibson type in the story

So let's get a little recap on upper merchant Pelsart who if you'll remember was the man in charge of the entire journey And basically the only guy above captain Yakups. He was the captain supervisor. See upper merchant Pelsart had done some good turns for the VOC during his career. He established the route for the Dutch Indigo trade and he was a skilled diplomat who'd opened up a lot of profit lines in India. But in the time leading up to the launch of the Batavia, Pelsart was going through a rough patch professionally.

His last diplomatic mission to India had been an utter failure. So he had convinced the VOC's big bosses, the Gentleman 17, to let him take $7.8 million in silver on the Batavia so he could transport it to India, where he would bribe a second Indian court to make up for his losses at the first. Got it? Yes. So legitimately, again, this whole trip for Pelsart is to get him back to zero. It's not even to get him like to make him money. This is just so that he can start showing his face around town again. Yeah. And was there silver on the other ships in the fleet or just the Batavia? So the way it seems is that the Batavia held all of the treasure.

The reason why, part of the safety measuring things that they did was by going in large groups because what we said is it helps you immediately. You are not immediately alone in the water yeah you were surrounded by all these of essentially messenger ships and various things that help the main boat do other things and certain other like you have the main Pelsar's on the main ship but there are captains on the other smaller ships yeah that all kind of run various aspects but mostly secure the Batavia yeah so it's all there to keep the Portuguese away yes yeah but yeah. To keep the Portuguese away.

Yes. Yeah, partly. Yeah, to keep the Portuguese, the Spanish, the English, and also to protect against mutinies. And regular-ass pirates. Yeah, regular. Exactly. And regular pirates. And then when you arrive at the place, and then those people, let's say you are trying to bridge a new trading gap with a new crew of people, you don't know

who they are either. Yeah. Like when the Batavia left, like the Batavia was supposed to be in a fleet of 14 ships, but it had a lot of problems getting off at left late. And so it was now at this point in the story, it's in a flotilla of seven ships, but the maiden voyage of the Batavia that had to go well for upper merchant Pelsart. If he was going to get taken seriously in the VOC ever again. Did you know the flotilla is back at Taco Bell?

But unbeknownst to the gentlemen 17 they had introduced an X-factor into the Batavia's journey when they assigned Ariana Jacobs as the captain. See, just after upper merchant Pelsart had fucked up his last deal in India, he'd clashed badly with the captain of the boat that had taken him home to the point where that captain and Pelsart had gotten into a physical altercation. The captain the upper merchant Pelsart had fought with was none other than Ariana Jacobs the very same man who was now in charge of the crew navigation on the Batavia Okay, well the crew's watching

Cuz I'm a funny guy I can't argue that Dumb shit, please kick your ass again, and I'll do it. I mean I think I won the fight The captain Jacobs had nursed a grudge against upper merchant pelsart after their tussle on the boat out of india but while he had resolved to put that aside for petavia's maiden voyage the resentment was still bubbling under the surface just waiting for someone to come along and stir it up. Cause you got this guy all pelsart is a reminder that they really don't care if any of you die No, they don't want you to die, but they don't mind if you die care less Pelsart's the only one that matters and Pelsart doesn't even matter

He just needs to bring the stuff as long as he has the stuff and he gets it Safely and sells it then he's fine or if he brings the money back safely He's fine But otherwise all Pelsart is a reminder of like oh I'm an expendable piece of shit and he has no skills and he depends on me but he's my boss. He is the ultimate company man. Yeah and as you may have already guessed the man who was about to stir up Captain Yakup's resentment real fucking nicely was Euronymous Cornelis. Together Yakup's and Cornelis would create the conditions that turned the Maidam voyage

of the Batavia into a blood-soaked, murderous nightmare for almost all who survived the ship's eventual destruction. Now, as I said earlier, we're going to back up the story a bit from where we left it last episode. Thank you, Edward. Thank you very much. So, let's Thank you very much. So let's begin today's tale right before the crew put in at the Cape of Good Hope,

prior to the conversation that would lead Euronymous and Captain Yacovs into mutiny. By April of 1628, the Batavia was still in a flotilla of six other VoC ships and had been at sea for six months in truth things were going about Average for a VoC ship of this size, which is to say that it was a horror show by modern standards Yeah, you know cruise ships aren't really nice now except for you want to join On our true crime cruise, which is true. The crime wave November 3rd to 7th. Yep. We are going to be hosting our own mutiny. Yes. We cannot wait to be there. Yeah. All right. You get tickets next week. All right. We'll keep moving. moving Well by this point in the Batavia's journey almost a dozen men had died from that most particular

horrific and stereotypical of all sea deaths scurvy now when a sailor has an extreme deficiency of vitamin C and scurvy sets in a Sailor's legs would swell and his breath would become rancid soon after his gums would begin to bleed and his mouth would become rancid. Soon after, his gums would begin to bleed and his mouth would become so swollen and rotten with gangrene that his teeth would fall out one by one before he mercifully died. Thank you. Why is it as soon as I see it, for some reason,

maybe I'm just, I should have jerked off or something. The idea of like a sailor's legs and butt getting all swollen and big and then looking at him and the first thing you think of is like are you? scurvy Say anything about his butt get getting big I just assumed But slowly expanding and you're just looking at it and you know all of a sudden his pockmarked rotten faces slowly, but surely turned into Alexandria to Dario and You still know you know cuz you're out in the water and any port in a storm that literally is the story of the first

Time a guy ever had sex with another guy's butt on a boat Is this where that term came from which term any port in a storm? Because the guy's name was port so once the guy's name was port. So once he said, what do we know about scurvy? Like once it sets in, like, can you get better from it? Or are you fucked like rabies? You know, I'm not sure. I think you can get better from scurvy. There's depth. I I'm I'd imagine there's a point of no return, but I think you can you can yeah If I remember from a medical drama that I watched where a homeless man showed up to the hospital with scurvy I think they said he's got scurvy. Just give him some vitamin C and he'll be fine. People still get scurvy. Yeah Oh, yeah, it's actually a very bad problem with homeless people man

Can't get the vitamin C pills for everybody Honestly, this is why I mean a lot of people really been angry with me But a part of the my big reach out that I've been doing Los Angeles is just throwing oranges at him Yeah, and people get really upset with me and I'm like I'm fighting scurvy But while nearly a dozen men dead of scurvy in six months sounds like things were going exceptionally badly This actually put the Batavia ahead of the Kirk. Wow. We needed some good news on an average eight month journey. The VOC

expected to lose 30 men to scurvy and in extreme cases, half the crew might die resulting in triple digit body counts. Think about being one of the anonymous men on this boat who are all like, you know, I don't my name. I don't know my name. Me neither. I don't care. Neither do I.

But these guys on this boat, they know that it's packed to peon capacity for the planned murder, for their planned death. They know that this, this ship is overly filled because by the time we get to where we're supposed to be, it will be at just the right amount of people. It's a weird way. Like it's almost good if people die. Cause then they don't have to pay them. I mean, I think that might be a little bit of part of it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but that's also, I think what it is, I mean, it's kind of a checks and balances type thing. I mean, they're looking at the balance sheet where, you know, we're paying a lot of guys less than living wage. So I

think in the end it just kind of all balances out for them. And the Brits, they would like bring citrus with them, but for some reason the Dutch didn't sometimes like every once in a while they might have like lemons, like they might be able to like squeeze a lemon or something like that. Like they didn't know that vitamin C was what, you know, curated. They didn't know that fruit was what you kind of needed what you could do to get like a big like boost of it. But they did kind of happen upon it by accident every once in a while. I'd be like, Oh yeah. I remember the last time I had scurvy, I squeezed a lemon in it and I drank some wine and it was fine. Cool. Yeah.

You just got to hopefully you're on the right boat. I mean, this is it and I drank some wine and it was fine. Cool. Yeah. You just got to, hopefully you're on the right boat. I mean, this is very much the era of trial and error. Oh yeah. Yeah. And not really human kind. Yeah. And not really knowing why things work. Just knowing that they work. Yeah. And like the surgeons were like poor. Yeah. The surgeons, no surgeon was like a tradesman. He's like a carpenter, you know, like they did. And they were at this point they were called barbers. You know, you can get your hair cut, set a bone to pull out a couple of teeth. Good to go. All the same guy. Good scissors. Yeah. Very good with scissors. I just can't wait to go to my Amazon dentist surgeon gun store. It is going to be so much

fun to have it all happen again because that's what it's going to be. Yeah, it is all one place, one stop shop. Yep. And so now we get to the point where the Batavia is six months into his journey and they're putting in at the Cape of good hope. But when I say that the Batavia put in at the Cape of good hope, I don't mean that they stopped off at a rough and tumble port town for two weeks of booze and women. Instead VOC policy called for camping in tents on the beach so the sick could be given a chance to recover and so the upper merchant could trade with the local South African tribes to beef up their food supplies. You got to put it in the VOC's terminology Marcus. Each one of our incredible, intpid members of our VOC family get to an experience, a luxurious

beach side accommodation in the beautiful, beautiful skies of Southern Africa. That's South Africa, Southern Africa. The whole thing was the cut. It was cheap, right? And they wanted to make sure that they didn't stop for long. Yeah. They had to go. And so everybody else had to stay on the boat. All the captains got to stay on the boat. Yeah. And you also don't want to have to spend a lot of time gathering up all your guys from all the bars and taverns around the, around the port town. Like you

don't want to give them a whole lot to do. Yeah. Yeah. They disappear. I imagine. Yeah. It's wild. You know, just sitting in that beach, the whole thing. It's very dangerous. It's a, in fact, it's intense. I give you that one. That was good. I really liked that one that I really enjoyed. But even though upper merchant Pelsart was talented with languages, he had a difficult time communicating with the local tribe when they put in at the Cape of good hope. And since it took him a while to negotiate, mischief began to brew back on the water in the Batavia seven ship flotilla.

See captain, Yakups and Neuronymous Cornelius have become friendly during their six months at sea. And while upper merchant Pelsar was on land bartering for sheep, I need to see fluffy white, white, white, white sheep. You know what I'm saying? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? The fatality of every ship in the flotilla. Hey, let's go over there. There's one guy who's gonna feed the smells like oranges. Anyway, let's go check out the other fucking boat, dude. Or they got a thing called a tortilla chip. But much like a man who hits half a dozen holiday parties in one night and goes hard

at each and every one, Captain Yakup soon became drunk and belligerent, starting fights, talking shit and acting in a manner quote, most beastly as upper merchant Pelsart put it in his journals. Well, and I, and I was joking about this with Marcus about how beastly do you have to be to be kicked out of a party on a boat to tied up waiting to go to the Indies? Like, like imagining how rough that party must already be because they all go into the wine stores because they bring wine and booze with them. So they allow them to have extra rations like during this time period, only the upper class though, the soldiers and the sailors get nothing, they get nothing. So

like that party was crazy to begin with, you know, it's that whole lesson or it's like never get too drunk at an open bar. You're not paying for. Yeah. That's actually a really good, that's a very good rule. Well, nothing will always remind me. Used to do that one show at a place called sound fix and they, and the producers of that show thought it was such a good idea to have a six to 7 PM open bar before the show. And it was impossible. Yes, it was literally an impossible show. Yeah, we were performers slash bouncers. Yes. Well, as such, by the time upper merchant Pelsart was back on the Batavia with supplies after securing a deal with the

locals, the other six ships had already lodged several complaints about the behavior of Captain Yakups and his little pleasure crews. The actions of Captain Jacobs were bad for upper merchant Pelsart on a couple of levels. Yes, having a drunk and violent captain in charge of the flagship was not a good look, but the more serious offense here was taking a boat without Pelsart's permission. Stealing the boat broke the chain of command set up by the VOC that ensured nothing happened on a ship without the say so of a representative. So captain Yakups had to be punished borrowing the boat, but the more I get into this story, the more I'm realizing that Pelsar was kind of running the Batavia in a candy fashion

by VOC standards. We talked a little about this and I think it's because he Leadership revolves around social contracts that quickly dissolve When you move away from the center of powers that hold those like contracts in their hands, right? So when you go out in the middle of the ocean if you can't rule with an iron fist you better be well-liked Yeah, right and but a lot of times it but you'll find that fear is a lot more effective out on the open water Oh, yeah, you're too nice people try and kill you yeah well for the crime of stealing a boat and physically fighting crews on other ships

Yakobs got away with just getting chewed out thoroughly in upper merchant Pelsart's cabins, where Yakobs was basically told that he was getting too big for his britches. Do I have to make your britches bigger? Do I have to go and get bigger britches for you? All right, because right now it seems that your belly button is extending past your britches so far that I'm going to have to spank your belly. Oh, you spank me, you big fucking bitch. I feel like I'm just using metaphors and I shouldn't.

You're in trouble, is what I'm saying. Okay? Just need to listen to me. Cartoon mouse stuck in a whiskey bottle. You! I need you to focus! Focus! I need you to focus, focus. I mean, he basically gave him a listen here, mister.

He just, I mean, he chewed him out very thoroughly, but in these sorts of situations, a verbal reprimand was actually far less than what VOC policy called for while swearing blasphemy and drunkenness earned an employee a fine. In subordination, violent threats, or violent acts were met with more violence or on-ship imprisonment. For a simple fight, a sailor on a VOC ship could be shackled by the hands and feet, then thrown into a cell too small to stand or lie down. This cell was on the bow of the gun deck, and the constant sound of the wind whistling through the cell slats for weeks on end

was known to drive men to the brink of insanity. Meanwhile, during the Santa Ana winds, I'm sleeping like a baby. Yeah, the winds like knocked me out. I don't know what happened. I was just, I was so relaxed. But if a sailor took his fight to the next level and pulled out a knife, the VOC policy escalated as well. his fight to the next level and pulled out a knife, the VOC policy escalated as well. Their written guidelines said that a knife happy sailor should be nailed to the mast with his knife stabbed through his hand and the sailor could only leave once he pulled his own hand off without removing the knife first.

See it's stern, but fair. So he can't like wiggle the knife off? Well yeah, that's actually what he's expected to do. Yeah, It hurts with his other hand tie behind his back. The sailor had the choice to either wiggle the knife. I mean, that's the thing you, the knife is in so deep that you can't wiggle the knife off. You have to wiggle your hand to make the wound bigger so you can fit the knife through the wound. Handle and all that's big hole. Yeah. It's a very, very large hole. Or you could also just rip your hand down in one swift motion and basically cut it in half. Oh, either way you're never working

as a sailor ever again. Yeah. It seems like counterintuitive, but he could be a pirate. Yeah. I mean he could be a pirate, but that's the thing to be a pirate. You still got to be a pretty good seaman. Yeah, but they're missing limbs. But that's actually more in pop culture representation. Oh really? That was reality. A lot of them were pretty like, well, it was a career. Like it's funny. Like you think about it and we always think about it kind of pirate to the Caribbean style, but it was also like weirdly like a job too. I watched pirates to the Caribbean style, but it was also like weirdly like a job, too I watched Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest to like get ready for this episode and it had nothing to do with it

No across the other side of the world It's kind of in the name yeah pirates of the I know, but I googled what movies have the Dutchman company in it. They're like Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest. I was like, all right, I'll watch that. That seems like fun. I like Johnny Depp. And then I put it on. It's fucking British. It's pretty bad. It's a bad movie.

Google's broken. Yeah, but the Kraken's fucking rock and roll. It's very cool. Yeah, I love the Kraken. We should do an episode on the Kraken. Should we stop? How dare you? It's very cool. Yeah, I love the crack. We should do an episode of a crack and we'd stop But that's all to say when you consider what Pelsar was given permission to do Captain Jacobs should have been thankful for getting off with just a verbal warning Because from what it seems like to me Pelsar Probably didn't want to deal with the logistical pain in the ass of punishing the captain because punishing him would naturally slow down the journey and Pelsar's trying to get his fucking nut in.

He's trying to fucking make it. This has to get done. Yeah. And it needs to be done efficiently. And quickly. Yes. And it needs to be by the book. He is like, he is under a lot of fucking pressure.

They're going to put him in a horrible place if he doesn't get this right. So I feel like it's also you're in the middle of the ocean. You just got fought. You just fought with this guy the last time. Yeah. Like at this point you're like, I just don't want to, I don't want to fight with you, bro. I just need to get your shit together so we can get this done with. Also this might be a stupid question, but who takes over if he has to kill the captain? Probably the boats, Wayne. Okay. Yes. We'll get to him in a bit. All right. Great. But word soon spread amongst the crew that upper merchant Pelsart had ripped captain.

Yakups, a new asshole in the upper merchant's quarters, which may have been more humiliating for captain Yakups than if he'd just taken his lumps physically. I had bent in front of him and I told him you be a man and you spank the hell out of me You take me you you master me. All right. I say in there you treat me like a dog. I'll be be my father I need an out the guts. Did that usually happen on ships you've been on? Yeah Like a little boy. Yeah being trained to be a man You never been canood on a canoe You ever been pegged by a pig leg Being trained to be a man way You ever been pegged by a pig leg Well because Jacobs was humiliated he naturally started talking shit about his supervisor and who else would be there with a sympathetic ear

But the captain's new buddy under merchantmerchant Euronymous Cornelis. He's the first thing they know everything about. Well, we used to fight boats ourselves. Just hit a boat with my hands if I wanted to. Now without the influence of Euronymous, Captain Jacobs would have probably just grumbled a bit before putting on his big boy pants to finish out his last voyage at sea. But when Jakobs told Euronymous during a conversation on the upper deck that he had half a mind to kill upper merchant Pelsart and make himself master of Batavia, Euronymous paused for a long while, then asked how one would go about doing such a thing. It's such a cinematic moment in history.

Because it's real, it's right, this is lifted right from the witness recollection, it's great. Yeah, and so Euronymous and Captain Jakobs began selling each other a fantasy where they would take the Batavia and its riches for themselves. Yeah, I'll get some. I'm gonna be doing the spanking. I'm gonna be doing the bridge building, bridge buying. Tell the people how big they should be, and how big the britches are, and how they fit, and what length they go in first. Yeah, the plan is just to get britches that are a lot larger so then you can grow into them The idea is to create room for growth Liebenshram and within the britches

Well before long Uronimus and Captain Jacobs had sketched out a plan where they'd use the might and riches of the Batavia to become pirates Operating out of Madagascar. This is like two guys on Coke talking about opening a restaurant. This whole thing is like, because it's such a far flung. It's just like, I have an idea. We'll take all the money and then we, we're pirates. Like a couple of kids, you know? But the plan was about after a year or two of plundering and such,

they along with their mutinous crew would all retire as wealthy men somewhere out of the VOC's reach. You heard every single, you remember when you used to deal weed, you heard all those guys fantasies, but they're going to get out and they're going to go and they're going to turn into a DJ or going to turn into a Mandala designer. They were all DJs. Yeah. They're going to take that weed money and they're going to flip it to a sword store. As far as everyone else on the ship went, your onimus and captain yacobs figured, fuck them. We'll figure it out. Now it's hard to tell if your onimus was plotting a mutiny all along or if it was an idle thought that was given opportunity. But it's clear that once a mutiny became a real possibility, Euronymous was going to do everything

in his power to stoke the fires of Jacob's resentment. There's a little part of me that man wonders if in the back of his head, if he remembered where he came from in a way. And he's like, Euronymous? Yes. Like, my people, the legacy of my people and my religion. The Anabaptists. Yes, is to go and to form our own home. Make Zion where we stand, right?

Bring people to us. Create a home for Anabaptists. I think he's got a little Elrond. Maybe. He's got a little LRH in his head. Oh, you just say that because he likes boats. He does, well yeah, he likes boats in that way. But he doesn't like boats.

LRH doesn't like boats that much much he was forced to live on a boat Boat lifestyle the life the boat lifestyle chose your honest where it's like I think that this guy like there's a little part of me the wonders. He's like out here. I Can be the Pope sure and your onimus is Just to remind me is a merchant, right? Yeah. He's an under merchant under merchant. Yeah. On the boat. But in real life he was a pharmacist, but bad one. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, basically he's going to the Indies so he can make some deals with somebody to, you know, get put, set up some trade to bring money back to like

bring it set up like profit lines for the VOC. But as far as his mutiny went, getting a high ranking sailor on your side was the hard part. The lower ranking sailors and the soldiers on a VOC ship, they were always prime for mutiny, especially near the end of the journey because as bad as conditions were at the outset, that only got worse. The longer the ship was at sea. See, even though the Batavia was one of the largest and most advanced ships of its age,

it still only had four latrines for its 341 passengers and crew. But as it usually goes, two of those latrines were reserved for the relatively small number of upper-class passengers and higher-ranking officials, maybe a few dozen people. The rest of the ship, numbering in the hundreds, had to share the other two latrines,

which latrines in this case were pretty much holes in the deck that had to be used in full view of everyone. Hey, hey, sometimes we close our eyes. Because when it's a big fat guy, sometimes I close my eyes and I imagine me father When it's a skinny lady Sometimes I close me eyes and I think of my mother whose name was also Now Now, they also, the thing about the latrines where they couldn't use them whenever they wanted. No. So they only had like a, like a half hour a day to go fucking shit and piss

the soldiers at least. Yeah. Cause yeah, they were kept underneath in the or lop until they were brought up twice a day for, you know, a long line of men, shitting and pissing in the same hole. Speaking of that, do you got to go to the bathroom? I have to go to the bathroom. And that's your hole. And just, we'll be back after word from our sponsors. Fly from Northway. Can I go on the ship Marcus?

No, get out of here. No, get out of here. We're going to get to the rats. I won't be on the ship. No little mouse, no stay home. Okay, so now that you've shit, let's get back to the rack! I won't be on the ship! No little mouse, no! Stay home, get a cookie! Okay, so now that you've shit, let's get back to the shit. Thank you. Each latrine had one long rope supposedly sanitized by the ocean, dangling from the hole.

That's what we do. Yeah, my ocean rope. Yeah, here at LPN, yeah, the salt rope. I just, we just have one wet rope, I run between our cheeks, and then we all check each other. You guys do that with with yeah I talk I check gurney ed checks Rob to make sure we're clean. Yeah Rob is fucking spotless Well hundreds of people would use this salt rope to floss their butts before handing it to the next guy Oh, thanks. Well, you can well, I guess you dip it down and just like, like kind of swish it a little bit. Hey, I'll wash it for you.

Things got a little messy. Wash the room. I'm just going to say, I might've had a legume Anyways, better go deal with the sales! But when it was too dangerous to use the latrines during bad weather, the soldiers and seamen relieved themselves in corners, or even worse, crouched over ladders that led down to the holds where they lived that I didn't get. I read it. I read that passage over and over again in Batavia's graveyard, trying to figure out like what the function of perching on a ladder. So the Duke could splat down harder. What the logic was in that there's a little thing about being human and just like taking

the, taking the little pleasures where you can get them. Yeah. You gotta see a plop. Yeah. Also, if you're a sailor, I imagine you're shitting on the soldiers. No, the soldiers are in their own hold. The soldiers are down in the oral. The sailors are up in the gun deck. That's what I'm saying. They probably made a hole from the gun deck to the oral. I wouldn't be shitting on the guys with the guns. No. Well, this was particularly a problem, you know, shitting off of the ladders and going in corners. There was, this became a big problem when the Batavia's pumps got going during the same bad weather,

the pumps would bring all the urine liquid shits and rainwater that had leaked down into the bilges. But instead of pushing all that directly out to sea, the men who designed the Batavia had the disgusting mixture slosh through the sailors sleeping quarters first until it found an open port or sluice. Now I could only sluice. Yeah, the term sluice. Almost every word in this episode, including your anonymous is hard to deal with. Yeah. Now, I can only imagine what sort of horrible shits these sailors and soldiers would take because their diet was not what you'd call balance. It's all salt.

Yeah. Tell me, do you guys have a-sa-ee? Does anybody, where's the motherfuckers supposed to get a poke bowl? While the highest rank ate only the best food, sailors and soldiers ate cask meat, legumes, and hardtack. But I do feel like even the good food that the guys, the officers got to eat couldn't have been that good by the end. It's like, but they had to bring them like these to bake them turkeys, do all this like

big extravagant meals for the first week. Yeah. And then it's just whatever fish you can catch. Yeah. But the fish never made it to the men. Then, you know, the fish never made it to like the men down at the bottom. The fish were all reserved for the people up top. The used fish made it down to the men. That's what I call my shit as well. As far as what the sailors and soldiers ate, cask meat was heavily cured and dried meat pickled by boiling it in brine or vinegar. While hardtack, a cracker-like food used by armies and sailors throughout history, that

had to be soaked in seawater before eating. Otherwise it could crack a sailor's already fragile teeth. Wouldn't that just make them crazy? What? Having all that seawater? It wasn't good for them. No, it's not good for you and it kills you. Yeah.

It's very bad for you. Yeah. Well, the heart attack on the Batavia was also teeming with insects. And while some sailors would tap the rations on the side of the ship to dislodge bugs before eating, some came to like the added ingredient and could even tell which bug was which by taste and texture. Hey, man, you got to do something on that boat. Yeah.

Yeah. And the scurvy made him blind. Yeah. the only way I could tell the difference between the bugs. Arr, I think I got a good one. It's a ladybug. Arr, taste! Arr, bad ladybug! Oh, I got, hold on, don't clean that. I want that back.

Yeah, here, take my, take my bug. Ah, yes, it's good. It's my used ladybug. Yes, oh, yes. Whatever we don't eat will use this lube. Yes, fur the fucken. That's what he means. For when we're having sex. Did you realize that lube is such a pirate word? Yeah, lube.

Yarr, make sure before we set out to fill up the lube cask. Got to. We've got to keep it a full. brim 15 barrels of lube on this Favorite flavor strawberry kiwi Helps me take the or Well concerning the taste and textures of bugs weevils were bitter while maggots were spongy and cold Yeah, but, juicy cockroaches were considered a treat, because they were described as vaguely resembling sausage. Vaguely. The word vaguely is doing a lot of work in that thing.

Yay, because you're just crazy and you haven't seen a sausage for months. It's kind of dark. And it's full of juice. Yeah, yeah, kind of dark. And it's full of juice. Yeah. Yeah. Little poppers. Yeah. But while this sounds awful, the Batavia was actually considered pretty high class by 17th century standards, but only because the crew always ate something three times a day. Now, besides meals at eight noon and six, the only thing that broke up the mind numbing boredom for the sailors on board was the entertainment they created themselves. While they did engage in stereotypically manly pursuits like fistfights for sport, they

were also vicious gossips and even put on theatrical performances if they were so inclined. That's the only thing I like about Lou Stool, Tim. He knows a lot of songs that make me cry. Never get angry, it means sad. Then I get happy, thinking I had the ability to be angry in the first place, and that means I'm alive. Thank you, Lou Stool Tim. Oh, he's dead.

It was a lot of fun, but the late show guests just kept repeating. Oh yes. Very. Oh God. You think your Rogan has the same four guys. The sailors also played games. The most interesting of which being the execution game. Now from what we can tell, this was a sailored up version of an innocent 17th century parlor

game called forfeits and forfeits. All participants began the game by putting a personal object in a box, and once the objects are collected, one person is selected as a judge. Once the judge sits down, an object is taken out of the box and held above the judge's head, so the judge can't see what it is. The person who owns the object is then told to come forward, where they would basically be engaged in a game of truth or dare with the judge so they could get their object back. Like the judge would say like, yeah, if you want your thing back, you're going to need

to do dance me a jig. Come on loose store, Tim, dance the jig. This is a new Twitch show. Yeah. Cause you could see loose stool, Sam being like, finally, I knew I'd be able to perform on this boat. He's having too much fun. Let's run them through.

And so after the player has done or not done what the judge has asked, the judge decides whether the person deserves to re-obtain what they'd put in the box in the first place. But to make it more interesting, sailors gave the judge the option to also tar the player if he wasn't satisfied. Well, as such, forfeits became so dangerous in the hands of sailors that it could only be played with the express permission of the captain. I suppose if the voyage was going so well that he felt the men all deserved a little treat.

Yeah, I guess you guys can all beat the shit out of each other. I know you like it. I love to see it. Oh, good quail. Oh, I'm so glad I could eat this six month old quail. A truth or dare on a fucking on a between sailors on this horrible ship What secrets could they possibly have? Truth or dare truth, okay. Do you have a crush on Stephen? No! Let's see him stab his head into the mat!

Get him! Cut off his butt! He's forfeited! No, I don't! No, Stephen, it's true! Now obviously, the sailors on the Batavia played fast and loose with their own lives, but that was partly because they all knew they could die any day in dozens of equally horrible ways. Most however died by disease brought on board by rats and insects.

Author Mike Dash described the hold of the Batavia as an empire of rats, hundreds if not thousands of them that only multiplied as the voyage went on. Knowing that food could sometimes be found on the other side of the wall, rats would chew through the hole, not knowing there was only water waiting and the leaks the rats caused had to constantly be filled by the ship's caulkers. Dude, rats can chew through anything. When I was working at the poor house and a restaurant in New York city, they would literally chew through the brick walls and through like, you know, like kitchens are lined with metal. Yeah. You know, they would chew through that and then we would have to like fill it with

like those like metal, like a scrub, like scrubbies. We used to call them space pussies because you open them up and it's like a metal little vagina. Yeah. We would stick those in the wall and then we'd cock that up and then eat through that fucking shit. Yeah, dude. Now rats are incredible because it's just like if one rap breaks all his teeth, the next rat comes up and takes the job. Yes.

I love to eat your teeth. So much. Meanwhile, like I was just thinking of ship cockers. Yeah. You have to stick it with a guy fucking a bunch of guys on a boat. Calkers. I fill the hole with me. Yeah, yeah, I think of another guy fucking a bunch of guys on a boat caulkers I Fill the hole with me You're just fucking old Davies

Do it while you talk But with rats come lice and with lice especially in in the 17th century, one had to contend with the black plague, which could kill dozens on one of these ships, if not hundreds to make matters just that much worse. The sleeping quarters were also infested with bed bugs and that was just the vermin that the Batavia had left the Netherlands with. That was baseline. Yeah.

Ships could also pick up native insects anytime they stopped in a port within days Those insects would rapidly multiply and spread typhus Sometimes captains would offer brandy as a reward to the best bug killers So an endless army of several tens of thousands of insects would be crushed every few days. Oh, that's nice That works. Yeah, no, someone's gotta do it Yeah crushed every few days. Oh, that's nice, that works! Yeah, no, someone's gotta do it. Yeah, but that's all to say that this was the life a sailor or soldier had to look forward to for less than a living wage. So the men of the Batavia had little to lose by participating in a mutiny.

All they needed was someone to give them permission. It's important to remember that there's more of you than them. You can win. The biggest moral quandary of a mutiny however was presented by the other people on board the ship the passengers. The Batavia had plenty of civilians aboard who were just trying to make their way to the Indies including numerous children and 22 women. These women and children were either the families of men aboard or they were traveling to meet their husbands in the Indies. For a while wife delivery was a pretty good side business

for the VOC who usually capped the number of women at 20 because they only sprung for one single company chaperone per ship to look after them. It's bad luck to have ladies on a boat. It's not really bad luck as much as you can't trust the men because the menstruations. Yeah, no, no, no. Because the men just are come on. No, yeah. Because that's being silly. Yeah, yeah. I'm being silly. Yeah, yeah. But after the repeated rape of many women by hundreds of sailors during these types

of voyages, the company ended the service with few exceptions like the Batavia. Can't they just put them, they should put little penis locks on them. Yeah. You know? Or get an old lady, an all lady fleet. That wouldn't happen Honestly You fucking laughing until next year you You're going to see lady pirates on HBO max.

I'm fine with it. At least it's not IP. We're going to make the Batavia the labia. Now prevent rape on the Batavia. The women were kept segregated. I don't know. There's no way to fucking come out of that. There's no way to come back into that. I know it's really are like, it's like joking, joking, joking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, there's just no way. That's why I put it in the middle of a paragraph instead of in the beginning of one to start over with it. Yeah. No, no, no. Well, to prevent, do you want me to say it? Well, the women were kept segregated from the majority of the sailors and soldiers, but that segregation did not extend to VOC officers. As such, one woman in particular on this voyage, a woman who would play an involuntary role

in the mutiny to come, she caught the eye of the famously horny upper merchant, Francisco Pelsart. Because you remember, his Achilles heel was in his balls. Yes. That woman was the unusually beautiful Cracia Jahn's doctor. 27 years old when the Batavia set sail. Yeah, I know I should. I am too pretty to be on this boat. Honestly, it is like the worst place to be hot.

Honestly, I blame myself for just being here. I should not be here. I am too hot. Now it's thought that Cracia had stayed behind in the Netherlands to raise her three children when her husband joined the VOC, but after all her kids died before the age of six, she decided to roll the dice and join her husband in the Indies. It's sort of like, it's kind of like the the angel of death gave me my groove back. and join her husbanded in Indies. Now Captain Jacobs had repeatedly tried to seduce Crazier even though he was a married man. You're prettier than the last whore I had sex with.

I'm sorry. I'm just angry. I'm an awful man. I'm a bad, I'm bad at this. He would have been great, the guy, the coach from major league. Yeah. Oh yes. Oh even better than Nick Nolte. I'm a bad, I'm bad at this. You would have been great. The guy, the coach from major league.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, even better than Nick Nolte. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But when Cracia rebuffed captain, Yakobs advances, the captain turned his attentions to Cracia servant.

As it turned out, the servant was fully game to be the captain's on-ship girlfriend, and in private, they gossiped about how much they both hated the highborn Cracia Jahn's doctor. And it got even worse after Cracia started gravitating towards upper merchant Francisco Pelsart. Oh yeah, dude, because, well, she also definitely needed protection because something was going on. Like when she started watching her nursemaid fallen like So there wasn't a nursemaid cuz you didn't have any kids it's whatever she was she was a servant

Yeah, they called her the nurse that was like one of those the Shakespearean titles Yeah, they have or whatever, but there's just something to like there's boat mansis Jar boat mansis happen. Yeah, see wife Yeah, people have sea wives, but the thing about this one is that it kind of gets out of control boat manses. Sure. Boat manses happen. Yeah. Sea wife. Yeah. People have sea wives, but the thing about this one is that it kind of gets out of control. They say he, for some reason, this lady, she was doing something, something. Well, they said she was unusually beautiful for the time.

Whoa, no, I'm talking about the nurse. Oh. The servant. The servant. Let's not get the names mixed up. I'm sorry. The servant, she essentially, you remember I said during their Fred and Rosemary West Series that sometimes you're only as hot as what you're willing to do. Mm-hmm. That's this lady. This lady knows oh

I've got if I want to get a special cut. I've got to gargle the balls A special to goggle the balls. You know, like this is a lady doing it, a special. Now the relationship between the servant and Captain Jacobs only fueled the fires when it came to the captain getting more comfortable with the idea of a mutiny. But if he and Euronymous were to fail, the punishments were the most severe the VOC had to offer. See, despite the VOC's harsh treatment of their employees, full mutinies were incredibly rare in company history. Between 1602 and 1628, there had been just six serious mutinies, none of which were successful.

Usually, general unrest amongst the crew resulted in small protests met with brief compromise. But once the VOC regained control, they would execute the leaders or punish them in a variety of increasingly brutal ways that would discourage further complaint. They really tried to stop any thought of mutiny or any thought of organization in any way whatsoever. Like if anyone, if they started complaining and they started getting together, it's like, you know, like unions weren't even were hundreds of years away. But this is like the beginning of that. And also a time when, you know, the companies, these corporations, like

when you tried to organize, you'd be murdered. Yeah. I mean, they just straight up killing people and stabbing their hands to the mass. Like what could the torture for this be that everyone's scared of it? The most common punishment for a mutineer was 200 lashes punctuated by splashes of seawater that would both disinfect the wound and burn like hell. For many sailors, having their backs turned into a bleeding gummy mush was eventually fatal. If the VOC wanted to get more dramatic, though, mutineers, while still at sea, were sometimes

dropped from the yard arm, which is the crossbar on the mast that holds up the ship's sails. After lead weights were tied to the mutineer's feet, he was taken up the yard arm, where his arms would be tied with the rope, and the other end of the rope would be tied to the post. He would then be dropped forty feet, and when the rope reached its end, the weights would dislocate the mutineer's shoulders and usually break his arms and wrists in the process. A bit of a crick in the back. Like it could see it feeling really good for half a second. Maybe. Yeah. But then you just become useless. Why not kill him?

Well, it's because you want to see, you want to show everyone else what sort of horrible death you're going to die if you do this. And that's the thing. It's like, it, or not even what sort of horrible death, but cause that guy would be left there to scream and scream and scream for a very long time. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. But that's what it was really about showing everyone else making an example of you, man. I bet like an afterwards, like, you know, some guys screaming for days, I imagine they just beat the shit out of them at some point. They probably just do the whole thing where they, you know, they, you know, put the hand over the mouth and

you know, they pinch the nose and just slowly suffocate them to death. Yeah. Kill them in the night. Yeah. But being thrown off the yard arm was not the worst punishment above them all was keel hauling, which not surprisingly was a Dutch invention. When a man was keel hauled, his arms were first tied together above his head and his legs were Bound one end of a very long rope was passed under the keel while the other end of the rope was tied to the mutineers arms The mutineer was then tossed overboard and by using the rope tied to his arms He was pulled from one side of the ship to the other over and over again, as the ship continued its forward momentum. Now under the boat, under the boat. Yes. Now in theory, keel hauling was supposed to just be a terrifying and deeply unpleasant experience because at this point

in history, only one man in seven on a VOC ship actually knew how to swim. Think about that for a second. You're on the ship. All these sailors, one in seven knows how to swim six out of seven of them have to, if they're on the ship, all these sailors, one in seven knows how to swim. Six out of seven of them have to, if they fall in the water, they're fucking dead. It's because the waters work. I don't, when I'm not working, I'm walking. And if I'm not rolling on the waves, I'm sitting. I hate the water. It's my enemy. But it's also my love.

But I'm afraid of it. But it's also giving me everything I've ever got. I'm too poor to learn how to swim. But in practice, once the mutineer was dragged from side to side underneath the ship, he would either be cut to pieces by barnacles on the ship's hull, or his head would actually fall off after being smashed into the side of the ship over and over again. And you know, they're like, now I hope you have learned your lesson. Oh no. Is his head supposed to collapse? Can we get some sort of inflatable?

Is that inflatable to fix this man's head? Because we take off 45 minutes from now. Also, like barnacle are fucking crazy sharp. Yeah. I remember one time, like I saw a guy like fall off like like a pier type of thing Everyone was out there fishing and shit And then when he tried to get back on his scraped his hand on barnacle and it fucking sliced it open like fucking you can See the bone and shit. Yeah, it's fucking wild. Yeah, man. No the fucking it'll kill you. Oh, yeah Now the VOC didn't necessarily want their employees dead

So to prevent death by keel hauling VOC ships were equipped with special leather harnesses Actual company torture devices that were designed to keep the mutineer alive for three full rounds of keel hauling before the punishment was deemed Complete now this time don't die All right, here's your leather strap, don't die! Yes. Alright. Alright, here's your leather strap, and don't forget your snorkel. And remember, this is unpleasant, but we don't want it to be entirely so. Alright? So enjoy.

Yeah, back like they would do that, they'd give him a little sponge that he could bite down on for the pain. This will help you. Now, just remember, this hurts us more than it hurts you. Alright? Kill all him, please! Now, these punishments would have been well known to Captain Jacobs and the entire crew, so Jacobs and Euronymous had to be very careful about who they brought into this plot.

But one by one, they began collecting all the right men to pull it off, and their plan was put into motion the moment they set sail for the final leg of their journey to the Indies. Before they did anything, they first had to separate the Batavia from the rest of the VOC flotilla, because if shit went down on the Batavia, the other six ships would quickly come to its aid. So as soon as the Batavia left the Cape of Good Hope in Africa, Captain Yacobes very simply allowed the ship to drift away from the rest of the convoy. Now, nobody really paid any attention to this because ships got separated all the time due

to differences in quality and sailing speed. So once the Batavia was out of the rest of the fleet's range, Euronymous and Captain Yacobes began gathering men for the mutiny to come. So at this point, the Batavia has started with 14 ships, like it and 13 others. Then it gets taken down to the Batavia and six other ships. And now after leaving the Cape of Good Hope, the Batavia is all alone.

Yeah, and the Batavia, it's easy for it to become alone because it's fast as hell, right? Yeah. Yeah. And what they say is because it's so common for them to drift in and out, like for a while, they probably don't even think about it. Yeah. Well, amongst the first mutineers recruited was the ship's Boatswain, who was in charge of the ship's sails, rigging, and anchors.

The Boatswain was more or less the second highest ranking sailor on the ship, a master seaman who'd worked his way from the bottom and had in the progress become one of the toughest customers on board. In his normal day-to-day, the boatswain would lash at his men with a tarred rope called a starter, so the men were conditioned to follow his orders. Once the boatswain was recruited, Euronymous now had the two most senior seamen on the Batavia on his side, and the numbers grew exponentially from there. But while the boatswain and the captain were good at recruiting the sailors, Euronymous

was able to expand their numbers to include the other classes on the ship. Most important, however, were the soldiers, easily the most dangerous men aboard the ship. I say when I was listening to the Dan Carlin Hardcore History episode about the monster revolution there was something I think that he said that I thought was Fascinating that this is kind of how it works where you gotta remember before mass information Things and people getting new ideas was so like it was kind of amazing New thing at the time for an idea to spread Virally right because of the printing press all this stuff coming out like it's spread ideas So the way like Dan Carlin puts is that you can watch by sermon by sermon

How anabaptism got spread by like two people at a time. Mm-hmm. So your onus is using the same exact ability Slowly, but surely use it preaching at people one at a time to slowly Like and so he'll be talking to six people one of them all get it No, he's not talking to six people at a time at all. No, they're keeping it. They're talking going by one by one There's no talking about in public at all I'm not the mutiny aspect the ideas aspect and then you see who's that who? Picks up on the there's no such thing as sin. Yeah, there's no such thing as that

He starts saying these things seeing who says like yeah, I'm with you. Yeah, yeah, and then it's next level. It's cult leadership Yeah, it's months that they really get to like dissect each other psyche. Yes But starting with a couple of easily influenced cadets But starting with a couple of easily influenced cadets, Euronymous worked his way to the corporal who was in charge of disciplining the soldiers, a man who played much the same role as the boat swing. Later, Euronymous would be called a seducer of men, who used his uncanny powers of persuasion to draw men to his cause, and indeed, his silver tongue would eventually convince the men of the Batavia

to commit all manner of evil. Now once the recruitment reached the soldiers, the mutineers had a team of somewhere between 8 and 18 men on their side. We're not really sure exactly how many people were on board with this, but you know, that's the estimate. Honestly, I'm surprised we know what we know. It's because of how much witness testimony came from the survivors and Pelsar's journal Yeah, but that's the thing eight to eighteen that was more than enough to put them in a position where they could overthrow upper-merchant

Pelsar once and for all because they just needed choke points Mm-hmm, but unexpectedly upper-merchant Pelsar got seriously ill quite possibly from malaria contracted in Africa was it bitch disease malaria contracted in Africa. Was it bitch disease? Yes! Yes! Yes! Unfortunately, yes. And with the recent rollbacks in our health departments, bitch disease is on the rise.

And it's really not much we have to fight it. And because he was so sick, he was confined to his bunk for weeks on end. Captain Jacobs was therefore put in total control of the ship, but instead of taking advantage immediately, he wasted the opportunity on piddling things, like when he proudly announced to everyone that he had officially taken Craceus' servant as his girlfriend. He's my girlfriend, yes. Alright, we are going steady. I am in way like with her, and I sent her a note saying would she go steady with me and she checked yes and if I find one her pee that did not come from me her pee one her pee two her pee three years Ted now the plan for some reason was to wait until upper merchant Pelsart died before taking over the ship.

Sure. And Eronimus was so confident in Pelsart's impending death that he'd stop recruiting people for a violent mutiny. I don't think he was wrong. He was he was dying. They were going in there and Pelsart's like, You fucking piece of fucking shit. He'd sit in there dying, being like, I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna feel better and I'm gonna take over this of fucking shit. He's sitting there dying me like, I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna feel better and I'm gonna take over this little fucking ship. And they're all like, just, all they had to do was wait.

Yeah. But why not do the suffocate thing that we were talking about earlier? Why not just take his ass out? That's what I'm saying. No one would have thought any different. Yeah. They weren't ready.

They were pussies and because there still was a bunch of soldiers in the way. There were still, if open war happened, if open war on the open, on the water happened, that would also be really bad for them because the soldiers would outnumber them. And right now, yes, they have this, some of the sailors on, but they did not get to get to the soldiers because you didn't really know who they were going to be loyal to. Now the reason why there wasn't much hope for Pelsart, the reason why Euronymous thought like sure we can just wait around for him to die.

You get sick on a ship, you're fucked. That was because he was in the hands of the ship's surgeon and the surgeon's assistant, the underbarber. Underbarber, yeah, sounds like the guy from Pupic hair barbershop. See, the VOC had a hard time getting surgeons for their voyages because of the surgeons extremely high at sea mortality rate, which had been earned by being constantly stuck in small cabins with sick men. Most likely if you were treating a guy with a plague, you were going to get the plague.

If you were treating a guy with malaria, you were going to get malaria. Yeah. And there would only be one surgeon, one surgeon. Well, and the under surgeon. Yeah. So yeah, him and his boy. Yeah. And there would only be one surgeon, one surgeon. Well, and the under surgeon. Yeah. So yeah, him and his boy. Yeah. Cause you could barely get like one guy to say yes. And even then you were scraping the bottom of the barrel. You were getting the guy who had fucked up enough over in his town where he was looking to leave real fast.

Yeah. He's the one with the big like thick glasses where you can see his hair, shitting shingin up and going, Oh boy, I hope I don't have to do surgery today. Yeah. Who's serious? You make Yahoo serious with goofy and that's the ship. Sir. I just wanted to see what papo look like. It's natural. All right, get ready for the keel hauling! Yee-hoo! It's something to do, didn't he die?

Well mostly, surgeons were there to set bones and treat burns, dislocations, concussions, gunshot wounds, gangrene, or any other physical malady that might befall a man on a 17th century ship. A broken heart! Really though, the primary requirement for being a ship surgeon was not knowledge, but stamina because they had to be strong enough to hold down a conscious, screaming man while amputating a limb without anesthetic. And the waves!

Yes! It was going back and forth! Can't you just borrow a soldier for that shit? Nah, you gotta do it yourself! Concerning the treatment of disease though, the ship surgeon was also equipped with an apothecary's chest, and after the surgeon used every treatment he could think of to treat the ailing upper merchant, Pelsart miraculously recovered. Once upper merchant Pelsart was back on his feet, Euronymous and Captain Jacobs resumed

planning a violent mutiny, but decided that the small crew they'd gathered wasn't enough. So they put together a convoluted plan to turn all the ship's crew members against Pelsart by using the object of his affection, Krasia Jahn's doctor. Yeah, it's very interesting. They decided to play some weird esoteric political game instead of just killing him. Yeah. Because I also love the scene that they set by how like it really was this like long night and they were kind of like pretty certain that he was going to be dead. Yeah. And then all of a sudden they looked up and they saw him standing at the railing.

Yeah. Like, and he was like sucking in air, like literally like I'm not dead yet. I'm going to get this shit to fucking Jakarta. If it kills me or not. It's crazy because like we all know that Pelsart's a bitch, but like these guys are like scared to kill him somehow so much that even when he gets better, they attack the woman. Yes. Now Pelsart and Krasia weren't together like captain Jacobs and Krasia servant were, but Pelsart did have enough affection towards his high born crush where an attack on her might provoke an overreaction in Pelsart did have enough affection towards his high-born crush where an attack on her might provoke an overreaction in Pelsart So an assault was planned where the attackers would be disguised It was hoped that Pelsart would punish every member of the crew

I don't know who did it so you're all getting a bit of this because it seems to be common way amongst Captains in the upper merchants Yeah, that would so discord and it would make it far easier when Captain Yakub stood up and said this is a bunch of bullshit let's kill Pelsart and become pirates and so in the middle of the night a team of eight men led by the boatswain invaded Cracius cabin and bizarrely in a move that almost sounds like a prank if it wasn't so fucking aggressive they smeared Cracius face and genitals with tar and feces in an attack that lasted seconds.

Alright, so what should we do here? There's a thing, Gary, I think what we do is we take her down, we'll cut off her head, we'll cut off her face, and show the whole world her stupid little skull. Yeah! What I say we do, we can lift her up, we can chuckle up her arms, we can cut off her feet, we can play with her titties a lot, we can do all sorts of crazy stuff with it, and that's what'll get him. Yeah! Can I put Doodoo on her?

My god. 40 Fred, that's the best idea I've heard all night. Thank you! That's amazing! Wow! Yeah! Doodoo! Yeah! Our weapon of! Wow! Yeah! Doo doo!

Yeah! Our weapon of choice, of course! A word of the attack spread quickly, but it seems like upper merchant Pelsart was either again reluctant to mete out punishment, or he was one step ahead of the mutineers. See, even after Crazius said she recognized the boat swaying as one of her attackers, I know who did it. Pelsart took no action It's cuz he knew yeah, as soon as she said who it was. He was like, oh

Fuck yeah No, this has gotten real out of hand already hasn't it? Yeah, it's like the one dude He's supposed to trust one of the yeah one of them He's the guy that's in charge of discipline discipl everybody else. If the boatswains involved, you're fucked. Shrewdly seems like Pelsart saw through the mutineers plot and was simply waiting until the Batavia reached Java before he made his move. Or at least, that's what Euronymous and Captain Yakups believed. So they decided, since they're already fucked, to take a more direct mute to mutiny before

they reach Java, because before they reach Java, because if they reach Java, they would likely both be tried and executed. The next plan was far more straightforward than the first. Basically, it's fucking grab Pelsart while he's asleep and toss him over the boat. Yeah, like it's a plan! Then you should have done that in Mexico! Mutinous plan! And it's been done.

Yeah, grab him, throw him off the boat. That's it. Meanwhile, the rest of the boat. That's it. Meanwhile, the rest of the mutineers would grab weapons and nail the hatches of the Orlopp deck shot so the soldiers not involved in the mutiny couldn't interfere. But just as the plan was about to go into effect, the ship entered a wind current called the Roaring Forties and no one aboard the Batavia had any idea just how incredibly dangerous this part of the sea could be. It seems that the wind's picking up.

Why was it called the roaring 40s? Because of the latitude? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Good job. Way to go. Because remember, the whole thing with the very special, highly proprietary Dutch way of getting to Jakarta and the Indies was that they are to go towards Australia and make a left. Because if not, you ain't going to make it. Now the Roaring Forties were part of a relatively new route to the Indies discovered by the Dutch. Partly, the Roaring Forties were a boon because it avoided lanes patrolled by the Portuguese and any subsequent sea battle that might spring from such an

encounter. The Roaring Forties also cut 2000 miles off the journey to Java, but only if you turned north BEFORE you hit the western coast of Australia. Left if you're going west. Yeah. I mean, if you really the ship from like, like the trail from the Netherlands to Indonesia, to Java, the island Java where they're going, it was like three lefts. Yeah. You know, it's like you, you left at great Britain. Yeah. You left to great Britain. Left of Cape down. Yeah. Left at Africa left middle of the ocean. Yeah. You're at your garden. It is wild. How like close did we get to Brazil? Yeah. No, no, they're just like a dink, dink, dink. And that's it. Well, if the ship missed the turn, a low lying chain of 122 coral reefs and barren islands laid directly in their

path. This chain called Houtman's Abrolos. Sure. Yeah. Was discovered by a Dutch upper merchant named Houtman who'd sketched them from afar I always want to call like hitman's a brutal Houtman's grand fuck up No That's what I've done they're like no, it's just him standing on a barren reef. Yeah drawing pictures of it Well, I mean he'd remember this place Yeah drawing pictures of it. Well, I mean he'd remember this place

He'd sketch them from afar and noted their location on the navigational chart Because there really wasn't much in the sea that could rip a ship apart like a coral reef But Houtman had only discovered the chain a few years before the Batavia set sail remember information travels Very slowly so this very important information about what was in your path if you missed the turn to the Indies, this had not yet made it into the VOC's latest navigational charts. As a result, the Batavia had no idea

that these incredibly dangerous reefs existed. Now the Roaring Forties were the home stretch for VOC ships heading to Java. By the time the Batavia reached this point, the turn left up north, they'd been at sea for seven months and had only 2,000 more miles to go in their 15,000 mile journey. But perhaps because Captain Jacobs was wrapped up in a mutiny plot and the possibility of execution if it failed, not to mention a new girlfriend, She's my fun new girlfriend!

And we talk about all sorts of things, about our favorite colors. We talk about what we'd name our dogs when we get them. I love you, Daddy. All right, well, let's just. Oh, please, I've got something cute out for you. Honestly, I do prefer it when you're silent. Do you love my titties?

Yes, I do. Do you love my titties? They're like two seagulls with no feathers. Oh my god. Oh my god. Don't you get me horny in front of the boys. Well Captain Jacobs missed the turn north. That's the thing.

He also was partying on the boat when he was sick. When Pelsar was sick they were all acting like he was going to die anyway. So they're all like partying and hanging out. They just blew right past him. We We know Jakobs loves getting hammered Yeah, no, he really does and he soon found himself arriving at the reefs of Houtman's Abrolos in the dead of night a little after 3 a.m On June 4th the ship's lookout saw white water and a massive spray surefire signs of a reef He called out his sightings to Captain

Yakups but Yakups brushed him off saying that the white spray was just moonbeams dancing on the way yeah you're full of shit buddy all right fuck you man I'm trying to watch great British bacon show my girlfriend doing this they only got 15 minutes left yeah I know. I know who had the best. When we find out how emotional they are after winning the best baker. Their heart attack sucks!

Scourge British. Within moments though, Captain Jacobs discovered just how wrong he was when the Batavia slammed into the reef at full speed. Immediately, the ship became impaled on an outcropping fifteen feet below the surface, which tore the rudder away. Seconds later, the ship's bow hit the body of the massive reef itself, which threw everyone on the deck against the railings of the ship, being the middle of the night, most people were in bed, and were jolted out of sleep when they were thrown forward by the force of the impact. Upon waking, the first thing they heard was the coral gouging its way into the ship's first hull, which cracked with the sound of a forest falling.

Upper Merchant Pelsart awoke with everyone else and found his ship in total chaos. It was a pitch black night, and passengers and crew alike were panicking on the deck. Immediately, Pelsart ran to Captain Jacobs and shouted, What have you done that through your reckless carelessness you have run this noose around our necks? Undeterred by Pelsart's reproach, Captain Jacobs shouted orders to pull down the Batavia's 8,900 square foot sails,

because the continued wind was penning the ship further into the reef like a man pulling a knife deeper into his own stomach. For the time being, however, there were no serious leaks, because ships like the Batavia were built with double hulls to keep something like a reef from being immediately fatal. So at this point, there's still a chance. Yeah, you're like, we can maybe do this, because remember, they already had landed on a bank once and got off of it So they're like this can happen. Maybe we could figure out but the the main issue is they have no idea where the fuck they are Yes, they have no idea where they are because hitting a reef meant they were reasonably close to a shore But the Batavia was not supposed to be close to any shore prior to reaching the island of Java

So they have no fucking clue where in the ocean they actually are they didn't hang that Lucy No, they didn't man And at that point like Australia wasn't even really on maps like it was just called like Strelitz like like no man's land of Astralis. Yeah, basically don't go past this point. There's nothing there I know when they do go there sometimes they get killed by the people that live there. Yes Yeah Now once the Sun came up a few hours later Yes. Now once the Sun came up a few hours later, upper merchant Pelsar called for a sounding lead to test the depths of the water around them and to see how badly they were fucked. If they'd crashed at low tide, the rising waters, once the tide came in, would lift the ship off the reef enough to make

repairs and limp to Java. If they'd crashed in high tide though, they were fucked. And sure enough, at 6 a.m. If they'd crashed in high tide though, they were fucked. And sure enough, at 6 a.m., the tide slowly began to fall. As the water around the ship lowered, the passengers and crew saw the jagged tips of the reef emerging from the waves. Before long, the Batavia was surrounded on three sides by coral,

and the ocean's waves violently bumped the ship against its tool of demise, making walking or standing on the deck all but impossible. It has to be so surreal to be stuck like that when there's thousands of miles of water around you in all places, when you're looking and then all of a sudden it all slides away, because there's like just kind of these little islands kind of around them, sort of. Well, they can't really, at this point, they can't see any of them. Yeah.

Now, it was clear when the tide fell that the ship wouldn't be able to support its 15 ton main mast once the water dropped to a certain level. Sure enough, when the water receded, the main mast began grinding itself through the bottom of the ship. So in a last ditch attempt at saving the Batavia, Captain Jacobs ordered his men to cut down the main mast, but he did not give them instructions on how to do it safely. Because you can save the main mast! You can actually take it! That's what they do! You can literally chop it off and then if you fall it off quick, I was... these things you learn that are crazy, they can save it and reattach it! Yeah, but they couldn't. No. When the main mast fell, it

crushed gear and railings before becoming completely entangled on the deck. It fell forward instead of falling the way it was supposed to fall. Not to mention all the coral that damaged. And that to me is one of the biggest, where's Nemo in this? And with that, the Batavia was dead in the water, and the only course the passengers and crew had was to flee on the ship's two lifeboats and hope there was land nearby. But before loading people onto the boats, Upper Merchant Pelsart got as high as he could, and he used his spyglass to spot some islands about six miles away. He sent a crew out through the dangerous Maze of Reefs, a maze that could sink a rowboat as easily as the ship.

And two hours later, they returned with news that all passengers and crew could reach the island safely. Now, upper merchant Pelsart's first duty as a VOC representative was to his company and the property onboard the Batavia, especially the 500 pound chest full of treasure. Imagine them glowing and beating like giant evil hearts. Like that's all he can think about is that the bottom of this whole ship has his whole life in it.

But in a rare moment of humanity for a VOC company man, This is where he had a heart. Yeah, Pelsart put the people ahead of the loot in order that they be taken to land first. This is of course a temporary change. Yeah. But while this is admirable, Pelsar probably should have assigned a few of his men to rescue supplies at the same time, because at 10am the hull burst, the cargo holds were flooded, and the majority of the supplies they could have used

to survive were lost. Well definitely the first layer, which I was in his journals are really interesting because he really he started writing the journals right after the shipwreck because what he had to do was create a chain of events and a timeline for his bosses back home for every single thing that happened because that's the only way he was gonna get out of it and the way he was talking about it is interesting because even in the that's kind of why I got to like him almost as I'm reading his journals and it's a way he's talking about the fact that like he rushed to get the people off Pelsar Yes

He rushed to get all the people off and he knew he did know that there were the supplies were gonna be fucked Yeah, but he chose human life, but then it's like but what's really the point if you're gonna starve to death anyway Yeah, and then the whole thing where he like loaded the whole boat full of rats before the The bursting of the hull made the evacuation of the ship a little more urgent But the Batavia's crew did not subscribe to the women and children first principle. Good! Once it got real, the sailors and soldiers pushed their way past the more vulnerable passengers and made the women and children wait for the second shuttle to the islands.

Now, incredibly, no one had died when the ship crashed or in the chaos that followed, but when the hull burst, in the chaos that followed. But when the hull burst, about a dozen men panicked and jumped into the sea where they quickly drowned. I'm an anonymous man. No one will remember me. No one. Bumps at sea and then jumped up.

It happens sometimes. Just in a moment of panic, you just have everything that you've done in your life up until that point means jack shit because you, because you just panic and make the wrong decision. Well, these dozen men were the first of well over a hundred people set to die on the islands of Haltman's Abrolos. And you might even say that considering the fresh held, the Erronomus Cornelius was about to create the men who drowned with the lucky ones. Now the nearest landmass was a mushroom shaped Island. That was only 525 feet across from one end to the other.

By that afternoon, 180 survivors were dumped there on land that was hard, flat and sterile with no food or water and nothing to use a shelter. And I truly do mean it's just Flat yeah, it is a piece of dirt just sticking out of the ocean. Yeah, hard flat sterile like Marjorie She actually has a fairly large bosom does she I never looked at it because I hate her so much Yeah, I always check them out. Yeah Even on men you have you thinking of Lauren Bobert Lauren Bobert though. She has my heart. No does she she's the real firecracker? Yeah, she just needs somebody to treat her right because she got is it because she got finger blasted and beetle juice yeah the musical approachable

politician children around with the juice and beetle juice now for reference as I wish I could be knuckle deep in a house of representatives now for reference as to how small this island was and how many people were on it. Take a football field where a mid sized marching band is in the middle of a routine. Then suddenly for whatever reason, transport that field with the band still on it to the middle of the ocean. Add a couple of end zones, remove all the grass, shape the field into a mushroom.

And you get some idea of the situation. It was that too far to go. No, no, no. No, I'm there. Yeah, you get some idea of the situation in which the survivors of the Batavia found themselves immediately after the shipwreck. Yeah, but we're in Australia though,

so it could be a footy field. Yeah, thank you. That's right. It can be a circle, so it kind of works. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, well, I don't really know the dimensions of that, but that's cool. Yeah, now I'm fucked. Now I'm fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I know the dimensions of that but that's Now you may be into an idiot, thank you I just went when we went to Australia I went to a footy I know you're trying to work or gross culture

Well, the only supplies they've been able to save were 150 pints of drinking water and a dozen barrels of hardtack But that had been against the orders of upper merchant Pelsart, who quickly seemed to be settling back into his role as a VOC companyman. He had insisted that his men save a chest of valuable trading goods, that silver that was worth 7.8 million dollars. Pelsart made sure they got that off the ship. I mean, that's his fucking job! Yeah. Oh yeah. And he had ordered Captain Jacobs to immediately start shuttling 12 chests to the ship. That's his fucking job. Yeah. Oh yeah. And he had ordered captain Jacobs to

immediately start shuttling 12 chess to the islands. Jacobs, however, took the food and water instead with a plan to Institute rationing immediately. But also he had a little plan in the back of his head. Yeah. But in the captain's supposed to be the last one on the ship. Not this time. Not in a VOC ship. I believe if it's going down, but his job is to get that stuff. Yeah. And I guess it wasn't necessarily going down yet. It was like perched like Noah's ark. Yeah, exactly. Now at this point there were still 120 men on the Batavia and some of the sailors had decided to break into storage for the alcohol. Oh yeah. See,

most of the semen hadn't had a proper drink for the entire ship and on empty stomachs they became very drunk very quickly Fueled with alcohol the men on the Batavia began looting for all the good it would do them on the open sea Dude, it's crazy, right? Humans are weird humans are crazy. We covered the USS in Neapolis Yeah, it's that thing of like because what good would it do like you're gonna sit in an island filled with jewels and all this shit Like it doesn't matter. Yeah. One group smashed open the VOC chest, which caused thousands of guilders to burst onto the deck. So many guilders that the men began playfully throwing handfuls of the treasure at one another. I mean, that is fun. It's really fun. No, it's a fun, you know, it's a very fun image. It's a fun nihilistic afternoon. Yeah. One man,

however, went for the knives and built a small arsenal hidden about his person, perhaps knowing that if things went south on the islands as they were likely to do, weapons would be far more valuable than gold. The Danny Trejo of the group. Oh, he's correct! Yeah. Now by the next evening, day two, a priority had become the movement of the majority of the survivors to a bigger island, but not for the good of the survivors at large.

See, the crew had discovered a womb-shaped island about a thousand feet across just a mile from the Batavia. What's a womb shape? A vagina? No, no, no, no. A womb. Like a pussy hole or? No, like a womb. Like a womb is shaped. Like a woman's womb is shaped. Womb? I thought a womb was just like a circle. You talking about a uterus? It's like an like a circle. You talking about a uterus? It's like an oval-ish. You talking about a uterus? I'm talking about a womb. All these

guys there on this womb shaped island, there's going to be too many wombates. That's what I'm saying, there's going to be no womb for them to hang out. It's pear shaped. Why didn't you say pear shaped? Because that was the descriptor that the people on the Batavia used. They didn't know what a fucking pear was! Yeah, they never saw a pear, but they have torn the womb out of a woman. That is true. They do have that. The master of three white men.

My last three wives' wombs fell out of their butts. I'll never forget it. It's my favorite days. Well, this womb-shaped island was a barren strip of- Other butts. Yarrrr, I'll never forget it. Except my favorite days. Well this womb shaped island was a barren strip of- Pear shaped for those of you who don't know what that is. Yeah, womb with a few. It was a barren strip of coral rubble with no shelter or fresh water.

Soon the survivors would come to know this island as Batavia's Graveyard. Cool. But to save himself and those of his class, Pelsart sent 180 survivors to Batavia's Graveyard by boat, while he and 40 of the better seamen and favored passengers stayed on the mushroom-shaped island with most of the food and water. The Batavia, meanwhile, still hadn't gone under, and 70 men remained hanging out on the top deck, still drinking and tacitly following Pelsart's orders to salvage as much company

property as possible. Now Pelsart ordered the men on the shipwreck to construct rafts and save themselves the day after the shipwrecked, but perhaps because the Batavia promised the only shelter around as long as it stayed together, refused to leave which makes total sense Yeah, because it's actually way more coverage than the island We got all our shit in here and there's beds and stuff and whatever and zero coverage in the island and they're drunk We got lazy when you're drunk. That's true. It's easier to sleep on a boat when you're drunk Yeah, yeah amongst the men who stayed behind in the Batavia

Perhaps directing the rescue of company property was Perhaps directing the rescue of company property was Uronimus Cornelis Who was no doubt trying to figure out how he could turn this disaster to his advantage his day However would not come just yet. Although it would very soon. Yeah, Uronimus hid on the boat essentially Yeah, it's like he hid back cuz he was like because at first it's I do feel like it was like he was in a cocoon Of evil where he's sitting there being like I I don't know, cause he's very weak. Yeah. You know, like this isn't some rugged guy. No, he's a pharmacist.

Yeah. Now after four days on the islands trying to find fresh water and coming up empty, upper merchant Pelsart decided that it would probably be best if he left on one of the boats to go get help in Java. Listen, I'll be right back. I promise. Yeah, I was gonna go to Indonesia real quick. Someone's gotta go. On one of the boats to go get help in Java Right here, and I'm gonna be right there. I'm gonna get some smokes. Yeah But perhaps going off the principle of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer

Pelsar ordered Captain Jacobs to come with him because he was certain he was in charge of the mutiny. Yeah. Like that's what Pelsart thought it was Jacobs. Not Euronymous. Yeah. It was both of them. But he did not. Pelsart assumed that it was Captain Jacobs who was doing it.

So he was like, you're coming with me, super friendly-like. But then in the journal, he's watching his every move and writing writing all the stuff basically building evidence against Jacobs while they're traveling around. Yeah, now most likely Jacobs knew at this point that he was utterly fucked because Pelsart had of course pegged him as a mutineer, but with Jacobs compatriots scattered across islands, shipwrecks and what have you, he had no choice but to go along. So on June 8th, Pelsart, Captain Jacobs, and 46 other survivors from the Batavia's crew and passenger list loaded up on one of their two boats for an extended ocean voyage to Java. It was their longboat. They had a big one and a small one. They took the big one.

Just keep the graveyard warm for me. As for the survivors, they were told that if all went well and the rescue party didn't die on the open sea, upper merchant Pelsart would return within a month or two with the full support of the VOC behind them. Don't worry, companies coming to save you. But there is like a, apparently there is like a, there's a, what's it called? There's a precedent for this. They've had, this happened, this has happened before. Not here, but there have been shipwrecks and the VOC and survivors have gotten to where

they're supposed to go. And the VOC has come and gotten it because the thing is they got all their stuff. So the VIC, the VOC will come and get their property. Yeah. Yeah. And it is in their best interest to not kill passengers either. Yeah, the passengers they care about they don't care about the sailors Yeah, you all play it cool. I'll be back in a month and if I'm not back by then Well at all Palsart was leaving behind 270 survivors including his supposed sweetheart, Krasia Yahn's doctor He did take two women and some children, but he still left several of both behind to an almost certain death by starvation or dehydration

because the freshwater salvage from the Batavia was nearly gone. By the time he left, no one had any idea when it was going to rain again. Yeah. That water wasn't great to begin with. No, no. G and fucking this point. I think it said that the water was full of worms. Yeah. Yeah. But you could eat the worms. That's actually just see Pelsart with the little boy that he might've met somewhere on the, on the thing. Just like getting me. He's like, all right, all right. There's the Steve and I, you just stay right here and you just have fun. Can you do that for me? Can you do that for me?

Can you do that for me? Sandcastles, right? I'm gonna be right back. Alright? Alright, see ya. Bye bye, have fun. Hold on, one more kiss. We'll stay for like five more minutes.

How have I never kissed a boy before today? How have I let such unknown pleasures go unknown? Truly the rare of fragrances. These conditions, however, would not be how the majority of the people on Batavia's graveyard met their doom. Rather, many would die at the hands of, quote, several dozen of the worst cutthroats and drunkards who had sailed for Amsterdam. That was how author Mike Dash put Amsterdam, and one man would set

it all into motion. See most of the senior VOC officers had lit out on the longboat with Pelsart and Jakobs, but someone from the VOC had to be left in charge while they were all gone. At this point Pelsart didn't know every person who was involved in planning the mutiny, because in a grave mistake, he chose Euronymous Cornelis as leader in his stead, effectively given the amoral Undermurchant permission to turn the islands into his own dictatorial, syphilitic nightmare. And that's where we'll pick back up for part three of the Batavia where the murders and mayhem will officially begin disguised as murderous mayhem often is as law and order.

Marcus, when do I get my own dictatorial syphilis nightmare? Here's a secret. You can have one anytime. Oh, the secrets in me. You got to get syphilis first. Oh, okay. I will do the longboat, I want to ask a question about the longboat before we, it's just like a giant, like there's no like shelter as far as I years of you're out in the elements. I actually don't know, but I do believe it might just be a really big rowboat. Yeah. That's what I, that's what I'm picturing. Yeah.

Like a Viking longboat. Yes. I'm pretty certain. And the rest of the, there's definitely no like cabins or anything like that Yeah, I mean as you read the journal it does kind of talk about that I'm pretty certain it is just a giant rowboat and they just knew it gets real boring real fast Yeah, I could only imagine frightening know what else I find to be very cool about this whole story Is that the Batavia itself crashes into the coral and then you know inevitably will sink into the coral and then become coral

itself. Actually, they did save a lot of it and actually the Batavia is currently in a museum. Oh really? I think it's in Australia. I think it's in a maritime museum. We missed it. I watched a YouTube video of it. So I basically is it the maritime museum in Sydney? No, no, I almost went and I didn't. I saw why I watch a YouTube video of it So I basically this is the Maritime Museum in Sydney. No, no

It's a I almost went and I didn't I would have been mad Yeah, I think it's somewhere like really obscure and weird. Yeah, I saw it though, but I look but they there's a YouTube video You walk through the whole ship. It's cool. I'm looking at the map the whole time Marcus is thank you for the map, Rob I'm looking at the map the whole time You're telling the story and so like it looks like the reef is like around Perth, right? Like close. Yes, it is on the Western side of Australia. Yeah. On the Western side. It's not the great barrier reef because that's on the other side. No, it's not. No shit. Fuck barrier. Yes. Yeah. It's on the barren side of Australia. Yeah. There was nothing there, but Perth.

Well guys and Perthlings and Perthlings are enough. Yeah. Also, I want to give a quick congratulations to Henry and I for not making one semen joke Not one tarred rope not I've actually been kind of wondering but when you guys were gonna jump on that too easy Yeah, you know what it was is that I know I didn't set you really really set you up for anything There weren't like, you know any obvious ends You just you know what it is You were too proud of your use of the word semen.

Because I knew what you were doing. I mean, it's- And I knew you were trying to goad me. I wasn't trying to do anything. But I knew what you were trying to do. It's the word that is used for men at sea. I do believe that semen, in this case, is more appropriate than sailors. Yeah.

Because I just feel that the semen, well, they're bunching up. Yeah, and if they would have studied harder, they would have been bee-men. Yeah, it's the cream of the blood. It's the cream of the goddamn blood. Check out our Patreon.com slash last podcast on the left, and you will see the cream of our blood, which is our podcast. Dallas, baby! We're coming to Dallas February 22nd. That's going to be amazing at the CU Theater.

I can't wait. It's to see Grand Prairie, Texas But yeah, we're gonna do that and then we got a whole other bunch of shows coming down the pipe We're gonna be Nashville Toronto. We're doing Detroit. Come there. We're gonna be some other announcements coming soon We're about to release a bunch of other shows We cannot wait go to last podcast on the left of come to buy those tickets for us. We are good at it Come see yes, and if you watch us on Patreon, you can see the wonderful map that's behind Marcus when you watch the show that you're listening to.

And you can also follow us on all the socials at TikTok and Instagram. TikTok's still around, right? Yeah! Yeah! At LP on the left, and don't forget to go watch all of our wonderful streams over at twitch.tv slash lpntv and everything VOD on our YouTube channel afterwards. Thank y'all so much. Thank you. Have said dad on hell game. God, all these

guys suck. Oh, hail the reef. You know what the reef hail Joel and Shaw for fucking working overtime on this motherfucker. Our researchers are really killing it and really helping overtime on this motherfucker. They're killing it. Our researchers are really killing it and really helping out on this one. Yeah, so this is unbelievable. So hail them. Hail them. Hail them.

And make sure, turn left. Don't miss that left. Turn left. Now. Now. Now, now. Now. Now.

Nah, it's just moonlight.