Leah on the Line - 102: Endometriosis: my symptoms, story and surgery

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hey guys hi everyone how are you happy tuesday thank you so much for tuning in leah on the line episode two of the relaunch baby how's it feel it feels incredible personally for me so good to be back So good to be back reunited with my best friends, all of you guys. It feels so good to have our girly catch-ups back on schedule every Tuesday, you know. It feels so, so good. I've missed it so much. I was so excited for that episode to go live on Tuesday because obviously I'm pre-recording a week ahead, as I said last week. So yeah, I was like anxious for a whole week after recording it and then I started overthinking the whole episode and I was like oh my god like

did I say something that came across any type of way like did I was it a little bit too try hard and then I thought you know what Leah just upload the pissing episode and you know what, Leah, just upload the pissing episode. And you know what? The response was amazing. You guys are incredible. I'm so pleased that so many of you have stuck around and are still here. Besties with me on the line every Tuesday. And I'm so excited. So anyway, how are you guys? What's been going on this week? For me, I've had, okay, mercury in retrograde it's finished now but oh my god did it kick my ass i have suffered oh my god guys i've been fucking depressed like this past week i was like what's the fucking point like i wake up in the morning i think nah it's not for me like it's honestly it's been depressing af i've had no motivation I've been

overthinking everything um actually that's not true I've had so much motivation I've been to the gym every day this week I've just been feeling low I think it's just been like an overall mood and I've been just panicking about my life like like where I am, where I want to be. Also, guys, I think I'm going to go ahead and do my driving license, driving lessons soon. Like, basically, I've put the money for the, you know, like the crash course. I've put the money for that into like its own pot so that I have no reason now that I can't because it's been sat there I'm just I'm just not doing it I'm just not booking anything and I'm petrified honestly seriously I'm so I just feel like it's not for me like Like driving is not for me. I'm 27 years old.

I've never driven. Like I've gone 27 years of my life. People my age have been driving 10 years. The most I've done is pull away in a car, in a car park and then emergency brake. So I'm not sure. I just, I don't know. Like I think it's one of those things where it's so foreign to me and also I've realized I'm really not like a risk taker I know driving isn't a fucking risk I mean

technically I guess it is but so is walking across the street but I mean like I don't step out of my comfort zone and I don't really think I've realized how bad I was at that in my life and I think I'm getting worse at it because when I was younger like I my life and I think I'm getting worse at it because when I was younger like I just fucked off to uni lived on my own at 18 moved in with my auntie in London did some shows like went to auditions like that part of my life it was kind of like fuck it like I was in such a fuck it phase of my life and I was 18 to 23 okay packed up my shit moved to London moved back to Somerset moved to London like just didn't really care what the consequences were of like decision making I was just like fuck it I'll figure it out I'll figure it out I'll figure it out I've just winged it

through my whole life uh it hasn't really been the smartest thing to do but as I've gotten older I've realized like I don't do things that I haven't done before so driving is one of those things where it's like okay I've never driven a car before so that's not something Leah does do you know what I mean and I've just accepted like I don't do that like I'm the passenger and I want to change that so anybody that is in my position and you want to learn how to drive as well, perhaps we should do it together. Maybe. I don't know. What do you guys think? Do you guys recommend doing the crash course over like a long period of lessons? Because I just, I don't think I can do these once a week lessons. I just don't. I can't bear it.

I'd rather go through like a week of hell, like absolute hell, like crying tears, like hell, hell, hell, hell. And it's over in a week and you get your license, hopefully, then it go on for months and months and months. And you're like, I fucking hate driving. I'm shit at driving. And then you get the fear and then you want to cancel your next lesson whereas if you do a crash course you've you're gonna show up the next day and you're gonna just get over it you know what I mean so yeah I think I am that type of person I think I would benefit more of it just being really intense and really short so yeah I think I'm gonna do that you guys listen it will probably be like August and I'll be going

haven't booked it but I should maybe I'll look at that on on Google tonight I'll have a look at least that's what that's a step you know um what else is new oh Coachella what did you guys think of Coachella the outfits whose outfits were your faves I actually loved Rachel Leary's day one outfit I think she looked stunning like that is something I would wear if I was going to Coachella I'm wearing that outfit she looked absolutely unbelievable the accessories the white the mesh it was stunning um Sophia and Cinzia just fucking eat it up every year don't they like they they own Coachella for the UK girlies that's what I feel like um who else I don't really know to be honest I wasn't

like massively looking into outfits this year but I was looking into people's performances Justin came out they don't need no other body oh Justin you don't need no other body he was so fucking god this is cool he's so cool looking a bit crazy at the moment but he's just a cool guy i love him sabrina carpenter has stolen my fucking heart in these last couple months guys i just she's just incredible i'm working late because i'm a singer she's like this short how short is she because i feel like she's like my height how tall everyone take your guesses i'm sure a lot of you probably already know how how tall is sabrina carpenter she's tiny she's 4 11 oh somebody says she's exactly five foot tall but then here it says she's four foot nine but then she revealed that she's five foot

apparently she's okay her height is different everywhere she's four eleven and three quarters she's she's five foot she's 1.52 meters she's four foot nine either way she's a little pocket rocket and i'm just obsessed with her like she's this cute tiny little gorgeous beautiful pocket rocket and then she's like this filthy slut and I love it do you know what I mean like she's just a slut she loves it though doesn't she and she's like um all about the bosom cinderella only use my mouth on my capella honestly she's filthy i love her i just fucking love her so yeah when she tours the uk i will be there is she touring i haven't even looked into that we should all go so so far you guys we are all going to the ariana eternal sunshine tour if it ever fucking happens um we're going to the jonas

brothers tour if that ever fucking happens let's not get into that again and we're going to sabrina carpenter okay oh she has uk tour dates oh oh it's probably so fucking sold out oh no it's just radio one's big weekend okay well we wait for a tour you guys anyway this episode everyone is gonna be about my experience of endometriosis i know this may be so boring and i really have this feeling that people are like shut the fuck up we fucking get it right we get it you've got endometriosis stop making it your fucking personality it's it's not i swear like the only reason i want to do this is because i feel like my story with it is kind of funny like the being put to sleep and the operation situation oh okay sabrina with the outro um and also because it would have been really helpful for me if i'd

heard this beforehand so that is the reason i want to do it i also just feel like it's really good to raise awareness talk about it um and why not if you have a fucking platform why not babe you know what i mean so yeah i hope you guys find this useful entertaining insightful you might know somebody that has endo you might suspect that you have endo yourself you you may have it yourself you may have an operation coming up either way i hope this is an episode that you can all enjoy and i'm so grateful that you can all enjoy. And I'm so grateful that you've all tuned in today. I love you so, so much. Let's just get into the episode, everyone. Welcome to Leah on the Line. Join me every Tuesday as I dial your number for

the ultimate unfiltered bestie catch up. Whatever it is, we will laugh together and guide each other along the way. Head to leahontheline.com and follow Leah on the Line on Instagram to get involved. along the way head to leahontheline.com and follow leah on the line on instagram to get involved love you all right all right oh my god guys little side note i watched this fucking film last night called unhinged perfect title for it if you guys have seen it you know it's on amazon right on amazon prime video and she like beeps her horn at him i I won't give any spoilers, by the way, this is all in the trailer. She beeps her horn at this guy. And it's just the definition of you do not know who you're fucking with. She beeps her horn at this guy. And I don't want to give spoilers. So basically, watch the fucking trailer. My sister gave it 7 out of 10 because it's so tense like you're enjoying it the whole way in in a suspenseful way I couldn't enjoy it it was so tense for me I was I'll give it 2 out of 10 like it was like it's hell it was just

hell and horror it was a horror film I thought it's a thriller I was looking for a psychological thriller I love a psychological thriller so so so much best films ever fucking thriller i was so scared i went out to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and you know when all your windows are black where it's dark outside and you have the lights on you feel like someone's watching you i was like someone's gonna shoot me like i was like i literally just feel like i'm gonna get shot like it was so scary i don't know why anyway fucking hell i can sidetrack like no tomorrow can't i okay i have written in my notes the structure of this episode because you guys know me and I will one million percent fuck this up if I don't so I think it makes sense

to start with uh my main symptoms fucking hell sorry I was reading a text then rude my main symptoms okay because I put up a little thing on my story saying like what what questions do you have what in particular do you want to hear me talk about and one of the most popular responses was what were my symptoms so I do want to point out that I have been also diagnosed with polycystic ovaries so some of these symptoms could be that um But these ones are known to be symptoms of endo. So these are the ones that I am picking to explain. So the obvious number one was my agonizing periods. I can't remember if we've done an episode talking in detail about my experience of periods. I feel like we did. I can kind of hear myself telling the story. but to put it short and sweet um to

any new listeners I didn't get my period until I was 15 which was I think I was the last one out of all my school friends um and then it was in college in my second year of college my so I'd only had periods for a year or two at this point um actually a year yeah because I was 16 so yeah I'd only had periods for a year or two at this point um actually a year yeah because I was 16 so yeah I'd only had periods for a year um and they were painful but obviously like I'd only just started getting periods so I didn't know you know you hear people talk about period pains all the time hot water bottles like it's a normal thing painkillers blah blah so I wasn't like in any sort of agony at this point when I was 16 I was at college collapsed basically in pain um almost went to hospital but luckily the pain just stopped very abruptly and suddenly which it does for me um but the pain was so scary to the point where I was sweating vomiting like shaking uh passing out and yeah collapsed basically and I was seen by

first aid who thought I was um either having ectopic pregnancy or um miscarrying and that went on for two months I had two back-to-back months of that, um, and that's when I sort of realized, okay, that's probably not what's going on here, um, and because the pain stopped so abruptly, it was like, oh, well, like, whatever just happened is finished now, so I'm not going to go to a hospital, like, I'm, I'm such a, I don't go to hospitals, like, my mum, especially, like, if somebody's not well like she won't take you to the doctor until it's been a certain amount of days and it hasn't gone which I think is a good thing to be honest because a lot of the times you don't actually need a doctor it will just go

um so I I was raised like I don't go to a doctor unless it's like urgent or really severe um and yeah so I I was never really going to the doctor about it this point um and then I got to a point where I was getting quite scared because I was like to be honest at that point where I was a teenager um and I you know you're not thinking about having kids and stuff at that point I was like you know as soon as that second hit me of the pain stopped it didn't matter anymore I was like oh well like whatever just happened happened like move on that was scary that was really painful but it's finished now you know and then obviously it kept happening month after month so I was like fuck okay there's something going on here I was on the combination pill at this point just to add I then went to a doctor who said to me that I just have

really painful periods and maybe because I'm small like my body can't deal with the pain as much the blood loss bearing in mind I did try to tell her that i'm very very light my periods are extremely light which i know is a contradicting symptom to endometriosis but i have now been told that that is a symptom of polycystic ovaries i don't even know because then other people tell me that you get heavy periods so whatever it's all very confusing but again this is my experience so yeah um she just told me that my body just goes into shock when it's in pain um and that's what causes the fainting and stuff and I was like the fainting and vomiting isn't what's concerning me it's the level of pain I'm in like I get it I know I'm fainting and vomiting because of the pain I know that but I'm explaining that the pain is so fucking bad I can't explain it to you and she

asked me to explain it and I was like okay imagine there are hot knives in your stomach that are stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and twisting and twisting and pulling and pulling and there's knots of burning rope being pulled and pulled um and then somebody clicks their fingers and it stops after 30 minutes or 40 minutes sometimes an hour and it just goes bang just gone like that bang no slow down it just fucking goes like that bang um and that's what was concerning to me the most because it it didn't it it made it more feel like something is happening, like something is happening and now it's finished happening because the pain just goes and that confused the shit out of me. And it would come in waves and my

mum would see me and she was like, it's like you're in labour. Like the pain I'm in, I am white as a ghost. I'm being sick, I had a seizure and my mum was like, it's literally like you're in labour, like you're having a fucking baby and I'm like, I know, like I don't even know what's going on and this went on for years and then every time I'd go to the doctor, they would put me on a different pill and I was really confused because I always thought that there's two types of pill the mini pill and the combination pill the progesterone only pill and the other one I don't know what the other one is progesterone and estrogen I don't even know but either way I was always on the progesterone only pill after this point I was on the combination pill until

this point and then she said to me you need to come off the combination pill and go on to the mini pill because that will stop your periods, which it did. Okay. And my period stopped and I was in so much less pain because obviously I'm not getting periods. So I wasn't in pain. Makes sense, right? However, I didn't want to be on the pill I had so much anxiety about obviously my health anxiety started to develop when I was 18 19 um and reading into being on the pill for a long period of time you know it's it is dangerous and it's not they do say that they don't recommend it and it is it is a risk to be on the pill for a long period of time so I was like I'm only on this fucking pill because nobody's listening to me.

The only reason I'm on this fucking pill is because nobody wants to take the pain I'm in seriously. And they're just fobbing me off. Next patient. So I'd be like, do you know what? That's it. I'm coming off this fucking pill. I'm coming off this pill. And I'm going to see if my periods are painful still.

And all through uni, I'd come off the pill and I'm gonna see if my periods are painful still and all three uni had to come off the pill and to no surprise my periods would be agonizing again I'm fainting vomiting throwing up and it's it's so frustrating because I say to my managers at work like oh I can't come in today I'm on my period and they'll be like so is so is Sharon do you know what I mean but Sharon's in and it's like listen Joe all right actually to be fair I did have a manager called Joe and he was the sweetest about it he was always like take the day off it's totally fine anyway so yeah it was so frustrating and I felt so lost and so scared obviously with health anxiety that's the last thing I want to be dealing with um I was still

so young so my fertility wasn't something I was ready to face at this point or felt like I needed to. So yeah, I was just in a lot of pain on and off for years. The only thing that was helping me was the pill. And then I got to 24 and I was like, do you know what? I'm not getting any younger, right? I need to find out what is going on with me. Came off the pill again, agony again. I'm living in London at this point. I go to a doctor in London who instantly refers me for a cervical scan, which is the first anything anyone has done about any of this. No one's done anything apart from give me a fucking pill. I haven't even had a blood test. I haven't even had my blood pressure, my weight, my, nothing's been checked. People would just sit, sit me down and give me the pissing pill and tell me to piss off.

And I just leave feeling so upset and so frustrated, right? And this lovely woman says, let's get you in for a scan. I thought, what the bloody hell's going on here someone's actually listening to me I go for a scan and that was actually two years ago today which is so weird because my memory on TikTok came up saying like oh I've got my scan today and I'm pretty sure I've got endometriosis but no one's listening to me how weird is that I came up today on my memories so yeah two years ago today I had my first ever scan um and it came back I moved to London oh sorry I moved back to Somerset after my scan they then call me and it's a guy and he was like hi Leah um we've just got your scan results I was like oh my god why are you calling me like surely I always expect to hear nothing like no news is good news no I was like fuck what the fuck have they fucking found um and he was like yep so you have polycystic ovaries

okay um and I was like whoa whoa whoa whoa what's that what does that mean like I didn't know much about polycystic ovaries because I didn't honestly I've done so much research over the years. I was convinced at this point, it's just endometriosis. I was just convinced. And I didn't have many symptoms of polycystic ovaries. Like I didn't have the facial hair or I can't even remember what the symptoms are. But like all these symptoms of polycystic ovaries, I didn't really resonate with. So I was really shocked. Really, really, really shocked. He didn't really resonate with so i was really shocked really really really

shocked um he didn't really tell me much about it he was like yeah have a look on the nhs website i thought cheers love ain't that what you get paid to do but never mind um and then that was it he hung up the phone and i was just diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and left to my own devices google um so i was looking into it and i was like what does this mean like obviously google is so scary it was like yay like you probably ain't gonna have kids like good luck i was like what the fuck i was really scared um but then i was like right okay that must be that must be what's causing it then whatever carried on with my life stayed off of the pill um and then the pain got unbearable like so fucking bad so I went back on the pill I went back on the pill um to get rid of the pain and

that was about a year and a year and eight months ago it wasn't too long after I got these scan results right so then I am on the pill I'm not getting these pains and then I started to think about it again I always put it to the back of my mind because I'm so fucking used to it just going nowhere I'm so used to getting nothing from it right put it to the back of my mind and then I it comes to the forefront of my mind again and I'm thinking about my painful periods and what it means and my fertility and all the questions I've got and something in me was just like ever since I got that polycystic ovary diagnosis I haven't felt peace of mind it didn't make sense I haven't felt like finally I've got my diagnosis I've always felt like it's not that, it's not that. Like I'm not saying I don't, I do have polycystic ovaries, but I just, I just felt like I knew I had endo.

I just knew it. I have every single symptom, which I again, we'll get into properly all of those in a second. And then, yeah, so I went back to coming off the pill. came off the pill again I didn't want the hormones the anxiety the mood swings the it affects my sex drive like I just didn't want all of this fucking shit in my body I didn't want to put my body at risk I wanted to feel natural I wanted to know that I get periods especially because with polycystic ovaries your periods are so irregular and in uni my periods were so irregular I had like one period every six months when I came off the pill for a year during uni and it was really scary like I didn't know where my periods went what happened to it I was gymming quite hard so I sort of put

it down to that but then now I realize that that was my you know polycystic ovaries causing really irregular periods and yeah I wanted to come off the pill and understand my body learn my body what do my periods feel like what do they look like you know so that's what I did and which is the beginning of this whole journey so I'll leave that there and we'll get back to that so that was my story with painful periods okay kind of long but that was me trying to sum up 10 years into 10 minutes all right okay the other symptoms that I had was I would feel pain all through the month so I think it's quite normal to just feel period pain maybe a couple of days before your period during your period full stop I think that's like I don't like to use the word normal especially when it comes to periods because

everybody is so different there's so many different um conditions that cause different symptoms and stuff like that but typically I think that is how it goes right I was getting and to be honest still kind of getting dull aching pains in my whole pelvis stomach sometimes burning pains for an entire month like it was constant I would be most days I would have pain in my stomach it wasn't bad like it was bad on my period really really really bad on my period and three days before I'd always know it's coming because that pain just gets to that next level of ouch this fucking hurts but the whole month I'd always like every couple of days it was like oh my stomach was fucking burning almost felt like it was really hot in my belly like it was like a hot temperature burn and aching in my pelvis pelvis why did I say pelvis yeah pelvis so yeah that was like a constant thing and I was just

always in pain I always felt pain um I always struggled with going to the toilet whether that be I can't go or it's really painful I don't like to talk about poo on the podcast anymore but diarrhea or constipated like no in between to be honest it was one or the other right and it was just constant I was just always like oh like my stomach was just always burning like it was just never smooth sailing right um so yeah going to a toilet was always a nightmare I was always tired always always always tired like I just felt so exhausted so run down I could do nothing for a month for a week for a whole year and I'd feel like I've run a marathon like I would just constantly be like so drained to that point where like I can't actually speak like I'm like so fucked like I'm exhausted like

please don't talk to me I couldn't bear it I couldn't do it um so yeah so tired all the time I couldn't bear it. I couldn't do it. So yeah, so tired all the time. And the pain during sex, oh my God, like, and after sex, to be honest, sometimes just after orgasm, like sometimes it wouldn't even be sex. It could be like foreplay, anything like just after an orgasm, there could have been zero penetration. And I'm getting so much pain in my stomach, I guess from like your muscles contracting which can just be triggering for whatever the hell was already going on in my belly and the pain during sex it wasn't a sore pain from like friction or you know like be having a tight puss like it wasn't that type of pain it was deep deep aching pain burning deep in my stomach pain

um and it would start during the sex and then after it would escalate to sometimes 10 out of 10 pain to the point where I'm fainting being sick like it was really really awful so they were my main symptoms I think I can't really think of anything else that I'm missing out so yeah that was my main symptoms so the next part we are going to discuss how I got my diagnosis so the story that I was telling with my painful periods I got up to coming off the pill and being in agony again and what triggered me so this was and being in agony again. And what triggered me, so this was midway through last year, maybe towards the second half, right? What triggered me to go back was, because I came off the pill last April. So it's actually been a year this month that I came off the pill.

And I was just sort of suffering for about six months. I was having really painful periods. Don't get me wrong. Like some periods was absolutely fine um I came off in April I got my first period in June or July I can't remember basically I was in Portugal you guys remember I was in Portugal got my first period since coming off the pill and it wasn't too bad like it was really painful compared to what I was experiencing on the pill, however, they definitely got worse from that Portugal period, so yeah, had my first period in Portugal, really, really painful, but not too bad, no, no, no fainting, no vomiting, and then get my next period just over a month later, I started to log my periods in the health app i'm now using the flow app i don't really i've only just started using the flow app i don't really get what's so great about it i hear

people talk about a lot it just keeps asking me for money which i'm not willing to do because i'm not interested in reading these articles about like learn to orgasm like i don't know i thought it was a period app turns out it was all about women's health it's really cool to be honest but yeah stop trying to ask me for money so anyway I'm getting periods I'm getting periods they're very painful then they're not so painful then they're very painful what triggered me to go back to the doctor and say please fucking help me one of you who gotta help me here was we me and my bf had sex one night and the pain was so bad and i was in pain for four days straight i couldn't sit down where i was getting like shooting pain in my bum this is so tmi but you know when you get shooty ass right where it's like you're just walking and then all of a sudden

something like stabs you in the bum hole you know when you get like you're like ah i had that for like four days every time i sat down it's like oh but it was going all the way up into my stomach and it was just pure hell mate it was absolute agony and it was really scaring me and i thought i've burst a cyst maybe because obviously like i know my ovaries were polycystic maybe i've burst a cyst i'm not too sure and i was really really scared to go to the maybe because obviously like I know my ovaries are polycystic maybe I've burst of cyst I'm not too sure and I was really really scared to go to the doctor because obviously I have health anxiety so I was really scared and then I spoke to Jess who was like careful you don't get sepsis I was like fucking hell brilliant and that scared me 10 times more so I didn't want to go to the

doctor even more which makes no sense because if there is something serious that's probably where you should be but you know health anxiety so anyway I finally back up the courage to go to the doctor once the pain had passed and I felt more relaxed like okay well I'm probably not dying so I can go to the doctor about it now go to a doctor who is like let's do some scans I said I've had my scans I've had a cervical examination babe i've got polycystic ovaries you're not going to find endometriosis on a scan please can i have keyhole they were just like no um you need a scan and the thing is is i've done so much research into endo that i knew you can't get well you can you can get a diagnosis through the scan and there are people that do and have had that. It's usually if you have endometriomas, I think they're called, which is basically like cysts from endometriosis.

Or if the endotissue is covering your cervix and stuff like that. If you have it in other organs like your bowel, your bladder, where I had it, which we'll get into. You can't see that in the scan most of the time so it's so unusual that you will get a diagnosis of endometriosis in a scan right the main way it will be diagnosed is keyhole surgery so i was like please let's not waste anyone's time with these scans i've had a scan you're going to tell me i've got polycystic ovaries which we all know it's in my record can we please escalate this they were like no we need to do a scan i said whatever you bitch no i didn't really i was like okay thank you like really appreciate your time i really appreciate you giving me this

anyway have my scan i had a smear as well um obviously you guys know i spoke you through my smear had my cervical scan i had internal and external she said my cervix is high that there was fluid in my something um but everything was measuring fine and everything looked fine basically um and she was like yeah like both of your ovaries are really polycystic I was like I know that darling so yeah after that I was a bit deflated because I was a bit like, well, I was really relieved that everything was looking fine and everything was measuring fine and stuff like that. But I was really scared because I was like, what the fuck is going on? Like what is causing this? And then I had a letter come through to say I need to have an

in-person appointment to discuss my results and I was like strange okay and I was really scared I basically got to this appointment I took my sister with me I got to this appointment and he was like um so you have polycystic ovaries and I was like yeah I know and then he was like oh you already know that I was like yeah and then he was like oh so what's this point appointment for I was like you fucking tell me babe we was both so confused he was like uh I don't really know what this is all about I don't know what to do like looking at these results everything's normal you just have policies to co-freeze I was like oh I honestly don't know and then he said um well

yeah that's it then and I was like really like are you serious and then he went well what would you like me to do and I said can we escalate it like well I don't know what are the next step I don't know how this fucking system works and he said I can refer you to a gynecologist and I was like yes please yes please please please please please that would be so incredible please please please and he's like okay sure um I've done it I've just you know like types and things on his computer and he was like yeah I've referred you and there's that and I was like okay brilliant and I felt excited I left like oh yay like I'm finally I'm gonna see a gynecologist like a gyno like I got myself a gyno like I'm really excited um two months later I get a letter through the post we are reaching December time now

December last year I get a letter through the post to say you need to go on this website and ask for a gynecology appointment I was like okay went on the website I literally had to go I want an appointment then it was like okay cool got it didn't hear anything back I honestly started to think oh nothing's gonna come from it and I wasn't gonna chase it guys it's me like I was just like oh if it ain't meant to be a meant to be I'm not going to chase it right um had my gynecologist appointment sorry sorry no asked for a gynecologist appointment and then it was in January I want to say I had a letter come through to say that I have an appointment and I can't even remember when it was. Okay, I've literally just quickly

checked my calendar. My gynecologist appointment at the hospital was on the 29th of February. I had an exam from a man, guys. I actually need a minute to talk you through this. You know what? Everyone go make yourself a cup of tea right we're gonna go to a little break because I actually need to mentally prepare to talk you through this I love you guys so much I'll see you in two seconds okay guys so it was honestly probably one of the worst parts of this whole process I'm not gonna lie so I sit I go in the room my on my letter it said a woman's name I was like thank the lords above we have a female gynecologist I'm very happy about that very pleased I get in there it's a fucking man right it's like my dad's age I thought brill okay I sit down I sit down. I'm thinking, you're not the one

that's gonna be looking up in my puss, are you? And then he's asked me all these questions like pain during sex, la la la. I'm very open about these things. I don't feel uncomfortable talking about these things. So I was like, yeah, like it really hurts when I'm like, oh God, I'm like. And he's writing everything down.

And then he's like, okay, we're gonna examine you. I was like, of course you are like of course you are um I lay on the bed actually let's not skip ahead I go behind the curtain undress the nurse comes in to like watch I don't know what it's called like what's called like supervise I don't know watch i don't know what it's called like what's called like supervise i don't know so yeah a female nurse comes in to supervise and he is like gloving up like gloving up lubing up i was like i can't cope like i literally feel so uncomfortable right now and i feel like if they'd said to me are you okay with it being a male? Would you rather be a female? I would have said, yes, please. Like I would rather a woman.

But I totally understand like the staff situation. Like it just was what it was that day. But I just kind of wish that I had that option because I felt too embarrassed. And I'm too sensitive to other people's feelings. I didn't want him to feel like a fucking dirty bloke like if I was like uh I don't want you up in my pussy like so I was like oh fuck I don't I can't say anything so he hasn't done anything wrong it's his job do you know what I mean he knows what he's doing he's a profesh but yeah I was just really uncomfortable with it anyway so I'm undressing taking my my

thong off because that's all I bloody wear right lay on the bed and I look up because I'm just trying to look up I don't want to look I don't make eye contact with the bloke do you know what I mean and I'm just looking up into the ceiling the nurse goes oh you're lovely and sparkly guys i tried this new fucking tan serum it was the san maritz like gradual tan and it was like this shimmer one i put it all over my legs and where they have like a light that they shine up in your vagina holy fucking shit like if that doesn't make you insecure i don't know what will it was like i was glistening under that fucking light guys i was mortified it's like i've proper made an effort for my gynecologist like what i've put my sparkly tan on ready for him i was so embarrassed i was like why would you say that to me i was like oh thanks it's this new tan it's san maria it's like yeah

really good oh my god i was mortified um and then i look up obviously avoiding eye contact and i realize the ceiling is like gloss finish basically it's fucking mirrored i all i could see was me laying there with my legs spread eagle with a man head like head down in my vagina really getting a good look i was like i was like oh my god no this is a sight i'd never ever want to see again and so he does the thing with the um he he takes swabs right and then he also did i can't remember what else he put in but you know they use like this this i never know what it's called it's like a speculum or something that spreads you open basically it was fucking freezing he put that in but he lubed it up right in front of me it was really awkward like he was

lubing oh i was like no okay you could have turned your back to me and done that honestly and he's shoved that in and he's swabbing and he's probing and whatever and it was painful it was really painful i was literally verbally saying ow then he took it out I thought oh my god that was hell thank god that's over no then he said I'm gonna examine you now I thought isn't that isn't that what we just did no I wish that was what we just did that's not what we just did at all right he he puts gloves on again a fresh pair of gloves um and then he lubes up his hand the whole hand might i add i thought whoa easy how much of that's going in here because no no no anyway lubes up the whole hand again like talking to me facing me shoving lube up his hand i was i literally my sister was on the other side of the

curtain I thought I know she's pissing right now I know she's pissing and I was like no there's no way you're doing that like there's no way his hands going inside because I haven't had that to this point I've had cervical examinations I've had smears nobody's fingers nobody's hands have been inside my vagina alone right so I was so uncomfortable with that honestly I wanted to cry like I was I was like no I can't I can't do this I wanted to cry and then he was like right okay if you do this and tell me what position to get in like oh lift your hips up a little bit I was like oh i hate it i hate it here and he presses his hand on my belly and he's like deep in my vagina like fishing for gold

like fucking digging mate i was literally like they were the noise i was making and lovely nurse who loved my shimmery legs was going um i know i know i was thinking do you know what and she was also saying to me have you got any like holidays planned the shit they always do that do you know what you can't convince me this isn't happening what i actually need is somebody saying to me you're doing really well sweetheart like don't worry it's nearly done I know it's not nice I know it's uncomfortable you're doing really well that's all I need to hear I don't want to pretend this is happening and talk about holidays and talk about the town on my legs all right so anyway bless her I'm not

I'm not um digging her out by the way I'm just saying I'm getting paranoid get paranoid um but I know obviously they get trained i don't know they may be told to do that because that's what they're i don't know advised to do but this is just my personal experience that's what i'd prefer anyway and then yeah so that went on for what felt like and that was done okay I then get a call I think yeah that same week um saying that we need to book in oh sorry I missed a step he told me then and there we're gonna do a laparoscopy because I have hiccup all the symptoms for endo I was like oh my god then he whips up the paperwork that was like um we could damage your bladder we could damage your bowel you could die um just sign here please and then I start going my periods ain't that bad are they and then I literally started talking

myself out there but I signed it because I thought I could always back out then I get a call who is like we need to bring you in for your pre-assessment so I needed like swabs and stuff like that I was so confused I had to get I went in um I think it was the following week I had my groin swabbed actually she told me to do it myself she handed me a swab and was like to swab your groin I was like sat there in jeans I was like what do you mean swab my groin I was like am I being stupid or like what the fuck so I was like okay I guess I'd take my jeans off like and I started undoing my jeans and even that I was like am I supposed to be undoing my jeans like I don't know is this wrong I've done my jeans and then um like I don't know is this wrong I've done my jeans and then um did my swab so I and I was like what do I just like rub it there she was like yeah oh my god I'm so confused swapped my fucking groin

turns out that's that's the test for like infection and stuff like that before they operate um had like my blood pressure weight and height and everything taken and yeah just to check that I was fit for surgery basically then she said to me oh wait no actually when I phoned up to make this appointment I know when they called me to make this appointment I booked in my pre-assessment and on the same phone call I booked in my surgery which was the 26th a month just over a month ago 26th of March um and I had my pre-assessment I had my phone call on the 11th and my pre-assessment that week so I had my swabs that week and my um surgery was on the 26th I was like what the fuck it all happened so quickly like it went from 10 years of trying to get this taken seriously to somebody's a doctor saying to me what do you want

me to do me saying yeah I would like a gynecology appointment. And then within a month, basically, I was on the operating bed. It just went so quick. And I feel so lucky because some of you guys that I've spoken to, they got told like, we'll add you to the waiting list for a lap. It's two, three years, four years long. And I'm so confused. Like, how come mine was so fast trackedtracked like how come people are waiting because everyone was like oh like did you go private I was like no like I I honestly felt like I might have to because as this was all happening and nothing was coming from it nothing was coming from it and it was just you know being put down to policies and co-virus I started to think I'm gonna have to go private if I want this operation and then it just fucking happened so quick I was like

wow I feel so lucky right now like I don't know the NHS to be honest apart from my experience getting that exam from the man I cannot express how incredible the NHS have been to me especially especially on op day which we will get into now so I obviously had my surgery date and I started to really freak out because I was thinking do I need it do I have endo is it all in my head is it just polycystic ovaries is the pain that bad am I just a massive pussy with pain like is it as bad as like you know and then I started to I was like they gaslit me like all these doctors for 10 years like how they gas like you into thinking that you know your body just can't cope I was like maybe they're right maybe maybe it isn't endo and like I've said to doctors before like do you think it could be endo

this one woman she laughed in my face she went no I'd love to see her now yeah but yeah so I started to really like question myself and doubt myself and I was like oh my god like is is it even endo like have I made a major mistake here um what's gonna happen to me I've never been in a hospital before as a patient like I've never ever since I've been born been to hospital touch wood as a patient and oh my god how lucky am I to say that do you know what I mean like I'm so grateful for my health as you guys know it's like the most important thing in the world um so yeah I was just petrified because I've never I've never been to a hospital as a patient.

So I was just really, really scared of what that might look like, what that might feel like. And as I was saying at the beginning of this episode, like, you know how I'm like, oh, I don't drive. So I can't picture myself driving. I was the same with this. I don't go to hospital. So I can't picture myself in hospital. It was really scary however I just knew I knew it in my gut I can't express it I just knew it all these years every time I have my period when I'm on my period all that's going through my head is this is fucking endo and I know it and it's not until the pain goes that I'm like well maybe it's not endo and I can't I can't remember what it feels like and then you start to gaslight yourself and you're confused but I knew it in my gut and I was like just um just go just go through with it you you got this you are strong

enough you got this and think how proud of myself I'm gonna be I started to look on TikTok and Instagram and all social media for people's experience because I wanted to feel reassured I just want to say I don't recommend doing that because all I fucking found and all that was coming into my dms was hysterectomies um finding out you know oh I'm gonna have to have this removed that removed they damaged my bladder upon entry um you know like I'm infertile and I've I had so many people coming to me with like the worst stories that they go through and it was breaking my heart for all of these women I was like oh my god like I can't like I'm devastated for all these women and then I started to think that's going to be me you know they're going to tell me I need a hysterectomy because of how bad the pain is it's going to be everywhere because I get pain during sex it's going to be in them whatever organs that

like your cervix because I get pain when I go to the toilet it's going to be in my bowels like I was just catastrophizing like you would never imagine and I was just like they're either my mind said they're either gonna tell me I don't have it and and then I'm gonna wake up and they're gonna say we couldn't find any and I'm gonna feel so fucking confused and so alone or they're gonna say yeah you've got endometriosis and it's, it's really quite severe. Um, and you know, your chances of conceiving aren't looking great. Like this is all the shit that was going through my head and I can hear, I can hear them saying it. And I was so, so scared. I was also scared of being put to sleep. Obviously you guys know I have a fear of

death, so that's a little bit too close to comfort for me I was like I'm not gonna wake up like and I recently heard a really awful story about a girl who um she was I think she broke a bone on a trampoline and she was like a teenage girl it's honestly so heartbreaking she um had an operation to fix a bone and she had an underlying condition that they weren't aware of. So basically they lost her during the surgery and it should have been like a pretty straightforward surgery. But because of this underlying condition that they didn't know she had, she passed away. So I was like, oh my God, like, how do I know if I'm fit for surgery? Like, how do I know that I don't have any underlying health conditions how do I know that this is just gonna and I could not for the life of me see it going well I couldn't see it going straightforward you know in and out day case wake up and I'd

spoken to a couple of people a friend of mine Saskia she had it not long before me and she was like you know like it's absolutely fine best thing I've ever done like you'll be so fine and I couldn't relate to her I was like no like that's you babes like I'm not going to be as lucky as you I'm going to be like all the unlucky ones where it's the worst fucking case scenario and yeah so I was in a really bad headspace mentally for that whole build-up for three weeks gets the surgery day and to to be honest, because of the fucking torment that I put myself through for weeks, I was just glad it was there at this point because I thought, I just want this out of the way now. I just want it to be done. And it is what it is. It is what it is. That's what I kept telling myself. It just is what it is. And not having the

surgery isn't going to make it not that. Having the surgery is the only thing I can do right now. So I was just trying to be a big brave girl, put my big girl pants on. Mum comes with me, which I'm so grateful for. She managed to get the day off work and come into the surgery with me. The woman I got, I won't say her name, but she was absolutely like the nurse that was looking after me all day. She was absolutely amazing. Like she made me feel so safe and so relaxed. Well, I wouldn't say relaxed, but like so much more calm than I was originally. I had like my own room. I thought I would just be out on the ward, but I had like my own room there. Mum was just sat in the chair all

day. I was obviously on the bed and I had my nurse coming in in and out talking me through everything and she was like this person's gonna come in and see you this person's gonna come in and she was like helping me with my anxiety and talking me through it um and then I had a blood test guys let me just tell you okay that blood test was the worst part of the whole thing so I told you that I'm I'm very cringed out by all of this I'm not a fainter when it comes to blood okay I'm a fainter when it comes to the pain but I don't faint from queasiness I just can't fucking bear it I've had a lot of blood tests they don't really bother me that much um but I don't like them okay and I'm I cringe I'm like oh my god I can't I can't cope I can't bear I can't bear I can. But I don't like them. Okay. And I'm, I cringe. I'm like, oh my God,

I can't, I can't cope. I can't bear it. I can't bear it. I can't bear it. I can't bear it. And then it's over. And I'm like, it takes me like a good 10 minutes to get over the cringe of it. I'm like, oh my God, something just went into my fucking vein. I can't actually deal with that. And then I'm fine. And we move on. It's fine. But I'm not faint. All right. But anyway, because I was like so anxious, I think she probably just assumed that I was a fainter, so she asked me to lay down for my blood test, and I've never laid down for a blood test before, I've always just sat up, and she couldn't get a vein, and I guess because I was flat, I think it would make more sense that it's easier if you're sat up, because you can hang your arm down, and then all the blood would, I can't do, all the blood would flow down,

and therefore it's easier to get a vein, right? Or at least get some blood. So I'm laying flat and I've never had a blood test like that before. And I didn't like it like that at all. And she couldn't get a vein. She did go in and then she was like, nope, I'm not getting any blood. I was like, oh, I I can't actually go I've never had a blood test and then not been able to get blood because I'm very hydrated like I'm a water drinking girly like I've got my big Stanley dupe my Miyoki tiktok shop and yeah I drink a lot of water so I I've never had an issue getting blood so I wasn't prepared for that I was like oh my god why can't she get any blood from me like this is just fucking stressing me out now and then she was doing

then she tried my other vein next to it and she was like right if we can't get this one I'm gonna have to get somebody else in and we'll try on the other arm I was like babe nah I actually can't deal with all this trauma like this is such a big deal like a blood test should just be a blood test you know what i mean anyway she manages to get the blood and for some reason it was so fucking painful guys that blood test i was in so much pain it was so it hurt so bad i felt it so much more than normal and i don't know if that's because i was laying down but it just i keep hitting my microphone i'm so sorry yeah i don't know if it's because i was laying down, but it just, I keep hitting my microphone, I'm so sorry, yeah, I don't know if it's because I was laying down, but it just felt so much more painful than normal, I was literally, like, in so much fucking pain in that blood test, and my mum, she was thinking, fucking hell, you are screwed, mate, like, if you can't even do a blood test,

you're about to get a cannula in your hand and be put to sleep, like, you're screwed, babe, and I was, like, just looking at my mum, and I just kept going, like that, where you're cringing so bad, and you can't cope, does anyone know that feeling, where I was, like, and, like, even when she took it out, and the blood test was finished, I would just lay there, and then my nurse was going to be just take some deep breaths and I was going oh and then I'd calm down and I'll go oh my god oh because I'd think about what just happened again it's like I couldn't cope with the cringe of it cringe cringe cringe I hate the blood I hate the veins I hate it all I can't bear it so that was really like brilliant this is gonna be a fun day do you know what i mean then i had like the anesthesia team come in and talk to me who obviously this is the part i was

dreading the most the anesthesia team okay being put to sleep you are the people my life's in your hands okay but this guy came in he was absolutely like my angel sent from above and he said to me look my only job in there is to keep you asleep and wake you up when you're ready to wake up make sure that you've got enough in blah blah blah basically to monitor your consciousness that is my only job whatever they're doing with the surgery none of my business i'm not interested in it i'm interested in your level of consciousness okay i was like oh okay i like that I like knowing that that was just one person was just focusing on that because I was really scared that I was going to die but also really scared that I was going to wake up during surgery so it made me feel so much better knowing

that it was just his job to keep me asleep um and give me the right amount of anesthesia that I needed and he you know he was like do you have any questions and I said yeah um basically what are my chances that I might die and he was like listen we have to tell you that there are risks to every surgery we we have to tell you that but respectfully this is a really easy surgery and you know like this is nothing you're gonna be fine and I was like oh thank you so much next guy came in I can't remember oh he was one of the gynecologists so he was he told me that he was going to be looking at the screens asking the surgeons to show around certain organs you know like he'd be the one that's like okay now can I have a look at the bladder and then he'd

be able to say yep there's a bit of endo can we get that off blah blah blah um and he said to me that this is again really easy surgery nothing to worry about and he he again said like look we obviously have to say like you know you're at risk blah blah blah sign here but he was like just i'm saying this to you because you're obviously clearly quite scared we do this surgery like this is our easy surgery like we do some bigger surgeries than this you're you're nothing to us basically and it was in a nice way and I was like oh okay I feel so much better now they made me feel so much better every single person I spoke to I was like emotional I was like oh I could just hug you like you've made you've the way you've made me feel is really special like I'll never forget you like that that was my mentality and it was just a game then of waiting around um and then somebody came in

and was like are you ready and I was like oh so we're actually doing this okay I was like um yeah I I guess my mom was on her bloody phone I was like bye mom she was like oh you're going oh fuck then she gave me a hug she's like good luck you know they need it um and they said by the way they'd already spoke me and my mom through the fact that it will go on for if they find if they go in and find nothing I'll be cut open stitched up well not cut open because it's keyhole but incisioned and then stitched up within 15-20 minutes if they do find something it'll be about an hour to an hour and a half okay um so yeah I'm walking down to my operation room theater room which was weird um and then I have, obviously, my gown, I got into my gown before this, and I'm naked underneath, but I put, um, I put a dressing gown

over to walk down, I think, to cover my ass, oh, no, I had knickers on, I had knickers on, no, I didn't, I took my knickers off just before I went down, yeah, so I took my knickers off, I'm butt naked under this gown, walking down, I can't remember how I covered my bum I think I just put a robe over the top and maybe they brought that back up for me I can't remember um also they gave me paracetamol to take beforehand just to help with the pain which was nice um and I had sliders as well because so many people said take some sliders some slippers or sliders and a dressing gown and obviously comfortable clothes to put on after your operation um so yeah I'm walking down and then we walk into the room and there's loads of doctors in there obviously I don't know what I was expecting like just one person like all right

yeah loads of them and they were like hi Leah just pop yourself down I was like oh my god I'm literally walking into my theater bed I don't know I didn't expect that I thought maybe they would put me to sleep somewhere else and then they would wheel me into the operating room but yeah no I'm I'm conscious as anything walking into that laying myself on the bed actually first she undid my gown from the back and then I laid down and that's when the anxiety started when I laid down sorry started it it heightened I laid down put my head back looked up at the ceiling and then all these faces came over me sort of like you know in a film when they wake up in a hospital and there's all these faces

on top of them like hi do you know where you are it was like that so I'm laying down looking up and all these faces are around me they're every single person in that room I don't actually think I'll ever forget them they were so amazing and so incredible I feel so lucky that my local hospital is genuinely such an amazing hospital they're so incredible there all the staff are so amazing um and so the lady on my right was I think like the head of the surgery I'm not sure she just gave that vibe she was giving bad bitch she was giving this is my she was giving this is my theater right and then there was this gorgeous girl on my left who was just probably the she was the most impactful person in that room on my anxiety um she said to me

are you okay she was like she came straight over looked straight into my eyes and was like are you okay and I was like I'm I'm really scared I'm really scared and she was like don't worry I'm not gonna let anything happen to you okay you're in such safe hands you are gonna be fine and the way she looked into my eyes I could genuinely cry talking about it now the way she looked into my eyes I truly trusted her and I believed every word she said she made me feel so safe um and like she cared about me like I know we're strangers but when you I can actually cry about it now when you have health anxiety it is the most terrifying place to be the hospital I never thought I'd be brave enough to to put myself there I did I never thought I was capable of that and it was also overwhelming I

think for that reason it was overwhelming because it was so like oh my god like I'm being really brave and then for her to like look me in the eyes and have that impact on me and say like I promise I'm not gonna let anything happen to you I was like I said I was like okay thank you so much and I just said okay I was like okay she's like a believer. And then the guy who I spoke to in the other room while I was waiting, the anesthesia team, he was obviously there. And the lovely girl on my left, who I was just talking about, she was the one who's going to put my cannula in, which is the other thing that I was petrified of was this fucking cannula, right, she put the cannula in, she took my arm lower than me, so I'm laying flat on the bed, and she took my

arm off the bed and underneath, so it was like down, and she kneeled down on the floor and did my cannula out of sight, which I think was so sweet of her to do, really really nice of her to think like that um so I didn't see it and that was to be honest there was so much going on that I barely felt it to be honest it was so it just felt like sore like ah that's sharp but I was so over simulated that the cannula I was losing sleep over this fucking cannula right because? Because I don't like needles. I'm so cringy with veins and blood. Like I said, when Jamie was in hospital recently, I couldn't even look at his cannula. And I lost sleep over the thought of me having a cannula in my hand. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like I was saying, something I've never done before. Can't

picture it. Can't imagine it. I was so scared of it it was honestly the least of my fucking worries I barely noticed it happening it was so much more straightforward and simple than I ever fucking catastrophize it to be in my mind then they start sticking something to my forehead now Jamie used to work selling medical equipment for a medical company and during his training he studied a biz monitor right which I I would obviously sit and help him and test him and stuff so I sort of knew a little bit about this medical equipment so as they're putting it on my head I was like thinking to myself I know what this is this is a biz monitor this is gonna monitor my consciousness and they're pressing it into my forehead and it's like needles or something.

I don't even know. I didn't realize, but kind of hurt. I was like, oh, nobody told me this would happen. And then they're putting like all the sticky pads all over my arms, on my boobs, chest, on my tits. And they start like buzzing. I didn't realize. I was like, why are they buzzing? Why are they buzzing? And I was so oversimulated. I'm getting buzzed on my arms, stuck on my chest, I'm having things stabbed into my forehead, I've got cannula going into my hand, and a woman talking me through what is going on, they're like, okay, Leah, what's your date of birth, in your own words, like, what procedure's happening today, and it just got a bit much and I said I was like oh I'm really overwhelmed I'm really overwhelmed and then like all the tears are falling out my fucking eyes and

I'm crying and again that woman was there and she's like don't worry I'm here with you everything's gonna be fine and then the guy the anesthesia guy who I spoke to before the surgery was like okay are you feeling quite anxious I was like yeah like I'm really panicking like it's all a bit much it's all a bit much I'm so scared I was thinking to myself like oh my god what if this is my last moments what if I never wake up again and I was so scared and he went let me give you something for the anxiety all right I thought oh brilliant yes please you know what I mean drug me up and I was like yes please yes please he's obviously hooking up my cannula with some ink right I knew that I thought okay he's connecting all the wires blah

blah anyway let me put something in also my boyfriend obviously was in hospital recently on the drip and he told me and my sisters warned me about this about the flush you get through your cannula oh my god I'll actually be sick she cringed my sister cringed me out so much when she warned me about it but i'm so i'm honestly so glad she did because it would freak me out so much if i wasn't expecting it but you feel like cold water rush through your veins oh it's the worst but it sounded so much worse than it felt it honestly wasn't that bad i noticed it straight away i was like oh god something just ran through my fucking veins and it was cold but because my sister spoke to me about it it didn't freak me out it's like okay I know what this is I know what this is I know what this is

so then he's like let me give you something for the anxiety I felt that cold water and then I said oh god I do feel better now actually guys I can't explain the feeling it was instant okay I was panicking crying so scared trembling trembling catastrophizing my brain was going 100 miles an hour and all of a sudden I was like oh god I don't feel anxious at all anymore I said I said to him I do feel better now actually and he went you feel better now do you I said yeah I do and then I woke up guys is that not fucking genius the guy tricked me pranked I thought he was giving me like liquid propanolol like gonna give me some anti-anxiety meds it was just the anesthesia but he did it in such a clever way that i didn't know it was coming but i did know

it would make me feel calmer and it did it was instant i was like oh god thank you whatever that was can i have some of that because fucking oh I need that on a daily basis that's fucking beautiful I was like oh bloody hell and then I woke up and oh my god that feeling of waking up I felt so good I was like wow I did it I didn't feel a little bit scared a little bit stressed a little bit worried when I woke up I felt I guess because I'm still a little bit out of it I I imagined I kept thinking to myself and I asked so many people so many of you guys I spoke to a lot of you are nurses and doctors and stuff and I asked you guys so many questions like what are the chances that I'm gonna wake up in a panic like I thought I might wake up like where am I where am I I thought I would be really

scared and confused like like I'd been knocked out clean I would be like where am I where am I who the fuck are you but no I woke up I knew exactly what had happened I knew exactly where I was like like it like no time had passed um and the guy who spoke the anesthesia guy who spoke to me beforehand did say to me like it's just gonna be like somebody's flicking a switch for you um and that is honestly what it felt like it felt like somebody flicked a switch um and I woke up and there was two ladies with me and I the first thing I said was is it endometriosis and she said she giggled a bit because I think she probably thought I might say like hello or like hi I'm awake I was like is it endometriosis and she went yeah it is they did

find it um and they removed it all successfully and I was like whoa like I was so happy like I was like what oh my god I fucking knew it like I told y'all I fucking told y'all and I felt so happy and so grateful um and then she asked me how bad's the pain like are you in much pain and I said oh my shoulders hurt a little bit like yeah I mean I've got a little bit of pain in my shoulders but I can't feel anything in my stomach I didn't know but they gave me local anesthetic into my stomach as well so yeah I couldn't feel a bloody thing there um but yeah the shoulder tip pain I thought oh yeah that that hurts a little bit and to anyone that's confused by that they put carbon dioxide gas into

your stomach so that obviously they can see you blow up like a fucking balloon I watched it on YouTube after my op I'm glad I watched it after by the way it's hideous what they do anyway so I was warned beforehand because of the gas you might have a lot of um trapped wind pain basically in your shoulder tips and I was like that's strange but whatever like how bad can a bit of trapped wind be you know it's trapped wind how bad can it be so then I said um I said to her I've got to go because my nephew's being born right he wasn't being born he was due any minute my brother's girlfriend was like being induced at the same time so I was like anyway anyway I better go I said can I go to see my mum please and she was like yeah and then she literally just wheeled me straight up as soon

as I asked to see my mum she just wheeled me up um and yeah then I went back to my mum and I was like hi mum and mum's like she said that she got a bit stressed because apparently I was gone three hours which is longer than they obviously said or thought I'm not I don't really know why I don't know if I was just asleep in the room for ages oh no actually I said one more thing before I went to back up to the room I said where is the girl that put me to sleep um the one that was telling me like you're gonna be fine I'm not gonna let anything happen to you and she was like really confused and I was like where is she and she was like oh she's in another surgery I thought wow she never rests my queen she never rests I said oh can you just tell her that I said I'm really grateful I'm really thankful I can't remember what I said but can you just tell her

thank you so much and she made it so much easier and they were like yeah we'll tell her so yeah then I'm going back up to the room um and my lovely nurse comes in she's like here she is I was like oh hey hon am I happy to see you um and then she came in with the scan results um bit of toast cup of tea said have a wee when I'm ready I want to say it was lovely. And then all of a sudden, my shoulder tip pain got real bad, real fucking quick. Guys, I thought, how bad can a bit of shoulder tip pain be? Do you know what I mean? How bad can it be? Fuck me, mate. Oh, it was so bad. I stood up to try and have a wee, nearly fainted, I went totally white, went completely dizzy, my ears started ringing, I had to lay down, I was in so much pain, I couldn't breathe, they gave me morphine, because I was in so much fucking pain, right, from trapped wind, it was next level, how painful that was, it was 10 out of 10 painful,

next level how painful that was it was 10 out of 10 painful no joke that track win no joke anyway she came in and spoke me through my results so the place I had endometriosis was two places my ovarian oh fuck I can't remember something ligament and something to do my cervix something something it wasn't on my bladder or my bowel or all the places I thought it wasn't I didn't need a fucking hysterectomy it was in some some ligament somewhere on, some ligament somewhere. They removed it and it was fucking, and that was it. And I, in my head, I was thinking, this has been an amazing experience for me to realize next time I'm catastrophizing and I can't picture a best case scenario. It's just two bad scenarios,

I need to remind myself that sometimes things just go fucking well. And sometimes it's not the worst case scenario. And I feel like I'm really grateful to have this experience because now when I'm catastrophizing, I have this to say like, yeah, but Leo, you thought that you was going to have all this fucking like yeah but Leo you thought that you was gonna have all this fucking endo and all these organs and you never so you know she spoke me through where it was told me about how they what the procedure was and how they removed it what they found basically and was like yeah um you've got dissolvable stitches they should dissolve on their own um take your dressings off after a day

um don't wash it with soapy water at first you know just let it let the water run off it run down your body um yeah and off you pop if you can wee she said i like you to have the three t's tea toast and a tiddle i thought oh that's so cute tea towels and a tiddle that's a piss by the way so yeah my mum was like go and have a wee Leah let's fucking get out of it I was like all right mum went for a wee nice and easy had a nice big wee which I was really grateful for because I know a lot of people can struggle to wee after and then you have to stay in I was really scared of that smashed my toast down fuck me and um smashed in my cup of tea. They also told me that I would have a tube down my throat when I was asleep, which I didn't know. And they said that like, you might wake up

with it in your throat. I don't remember that. I don't know if I was like half conscious when I started to wake up and they pull it out straight away as soon as your eyes start flickering maybe. So I don't remember it. But either way, I don't remember waking up with a tube in my throat and I had a sore throat the next day not the day that it happened because I thought I might wake up and not be able to eat toast but no my throat was it was dry like I could tell that something had happened to my throat but it wasn't painful and the next day it was like a little bit sore but it was totally fine the trapped wind pain I couldn't walk back to the car because my mum um she couldn't get us parking space and and apart from the sick floor which was really nice we was on the sick floor of the parking garage and we had to walk back to the car honestly looking back I don't know why she didn't get the car and swing around and pick me up I

honestly don't know why we didn't think of that oh because it was a one-way it was a one-way street okay yeah anyway so she we walk back to the car we have to keep stopping because I'm in absolute agony I'm literally walking in a dressing gown outside through the streets I'm stopping in the middle of the road I'm going ah it really hurts I'm like really dramatic this man is like are you all right love like shouts over the street I was like thumb up like never better it was honestly so painful that trapped wind the trapped wind lasted I went home obviously had my peppermint tea um some like trapped wind tablets all of that Jamie got me like the most amazing care package which

was so sweet um yeah and had all the things that I needed ready waiting for me a blanket hot water bottle like all of this lovely stuff um and so I was sort of just dealing with trap winds that was like the worst bit honestly the trap wind was so fucking painful I cried my eyes out for for a day two days of trap wind pain I'd say three days maybe at a push um slept first night not too comfortable because of the trap wind I could barely get comfortable it's really really painful and then um obviously I'm taking like paracetamol and stuff and then the next day I had a lot better pain with the trap wind I could sleep a lot more comfortable the next night and then on the third night I slept on my side and then on the fourth night I slept on my stomach like my recovery was sweet I feel so lucky like I don't want to jinx it but yeah like my stitches have all come out they all

came out this week so it took about a month for my stitches to fall out which I didn't know if that was normal or not because google said a week or two but like you know the little bits of thread that's like hanging out they were stuck on me for ages but yeah they've come off my stitches are healing really nicely I'm using bio oil I've got really neat incisions like they were just incredible I just can't believe how lucky I was I feel so lucky so grateful that it went smoothly I never it never even crossed my mind that it would go smoothly so yeah it's been a great learning um experience for me but I also want people to realize as well if anyone has health anxiety or you just catastrophize like me sometimes things aren't the worst case scenario sometimes things do just go really well so I

thought it was important to tell a story where it wasn't so terrifying um but obviously I'm well aware that it is likely to come back and it does come back and I don't even know if it was successful yet because I've had one period it was quite painful but nothing too bad um I didn't even know my period was coming. Like my symptoms was very different. Like I came on when I was due on, which was actually like a week or two after the surgery. It was pretty soon. I was really scared. Yeah, and everyone warned me that the period

would be extremely painful like that first one, but it really was okay. And I was so scared and it was fine. So I don't know how the next one's gonna be or the next one but I'm hoping that it was successful and maybe I'll get a year or two of pain-free periods or at least pain that I can medicate so yeah I feel like that is basically everything that I needed to say to be honest I feel like if I'm going to give anyone advice anyone that's going for a lap the things I recommend make sure you've got a care package

ready to come home to if you don't have a partner or a family member that can sort that out for you do it yourself so get yourself some peppermint tea buy yourself a nice new hot water bottle maybe in a nice new even a nice new dressing gown like something to make you feel special for it because you need that self-love and self-care um and what else yeah hot water bottle peppermint tea tablets for trapped wind mints like um hard peppermint actual mints in your mouth they always help especially if you do get nauseous as well because some people do get nauseous after um lots of bottles of nice cold water or your favorite drink i probably wouldn't drink anything fizzy i guess that would make the gas worse i'm

not sure yeah bottles of water and tea and stuff like that make sure you lay out your place on the sofa or on the bed ready to come home to. So I got a V pillow. Well, I already had a V pillow, but I used my V pillow. I had it ready on the sofa. My dad bought me a brand new blanket, which was actually really, really nice. And I love that blanket. I've been using it a lot ever since. It's like a weighted, really soft comfort blanket. So I recommend buying yourself a new blanket as well it makes it you it makes you feel a little bit more like special um yeah get your pillow ready for you your spot on the sofa or on the bed ready put your hot water bottle next to the kettle i know you're not supposed to use kettle water but i fucking do next to the kettle or hot water tap i guess whatever um put a peppermint tea bag in a

mug on the side ready for you, fill the kettle up, fall to the brim and then you can come home and all you'll have to do is pop that kettle button down, pour your water into the tea, into the cup, mug, fill up your hot water bottle and get cozy, you know, I'm sure, I'm sure there'll be someone that will be looking after you but if not, you know, that's, it's so nice just to come home to all of that. So I would highly recommend that. Take with you slippers and sliders, a dressing gown,

a huge, big, baggy t-shirt, big, baggy joggers, like something that is so loose on your stomach. If it's warm, I'd wear a dress, to be honest, like a big, baggy t-shirt dress would be heaven or a jumper dress or somethingshirt dress would be heaven or a jumper dress or something like that would be heaven. You're going to have your surgery socks on until you leave. So bring on some, bring some nice fluffy pajama socks or just normal socks,

whatever you want. Your just favorite socks, bring your biggest, ugliest granny pants you've got, bring sanitary towels because you will bleed. They do give you one, but buy sanitary towels because you will bleed or probably will bleed. What else? I think that's pretty much it, to be honest. But yeah, it's unlikely that you'll stay overnight most of the time. Most of the time these ops are day cases, but obviously that will be dependent on you. And you'll get a letter from your hospital anyway to talk you through like the process and what you need um but yeah if it is a day case they they do recommend that you bring an overnight bag just in case you can't wee or something and then they want to keep

you in just to make sure you can have a nice big wee um yeah take your mints to the hospital that helps as well because the trap wind is pretty instant i'm not gonna lie some paracetamol in your bag just in case there's not a doctor around where you can quickly grab a paracetamol off them if they're busy or something bottle water in your bag just in case you know the water they've give you isn't quite enough so yeah that is honestly what I'd recommend and also some words of advice are you have 100% got this. Like if I can do it, anyone on this fucking planet can do it. And yeah, it feels so good. It feels so good to have that diagnosis. And people were shitting on me on my socials.

I don't know why you're so happy about it because it's probably going to come back. And like, yeah, I remember my first lap thinking that like it was all going to be plain sailing and it was just a straight road from there I was like guys I'm just really happy to have a diagnosis I've spent the last 10 years thinking I'm crazy so whatever happens happens I'm just really grateful to have a diagnosis um one of you guys well a lot of you guys but when i put my instagram story one of your responses was how like how does it affect my fertility am i really afraid of my chances of um conceiving and yeah i am and i'm aware that it may not be an easy road for me um and i'm aware that my polycystic ovaries makes it hard let alone the endo on top of it but because of how um i guess mild my endo was in

terms of what organs it was on um and the fact that i'm touch wood because i'm so scared of losing my periods i'm getting periods that they're they're not the cycle isn't the usual cycle length but i think it's 28 days which is the usual mine is about 38 days my cycle length currently so although they're a bit longer my cycle's a bit longer they are kind of regular in my own way so yeah I feel hopeful that I'll be able to conceive um and I'm also just like I'm willing to just cross that bridge when I get to it so yeah all right I think we can probably wrap up this episode here guys okay you guys thank you so much for listening to this if it was so boring I can only apologize but I do I do just feel really passionate about like women

and coming together and supporting each other and having voices because nobody listened to me with my endo no one until I was 26 and I was on the pill for 10 fucking years on and off so yeah this is your sign if you have it in your gut that you think it could be endo or even PCOS or whatever book that doctor's appointment and ask for a gynecologist referral at the hospital just ask it's honestly all you can do um and yeah if anyone can relate I love you I promise I won't talk about endo anymore I don't need to make it my personality trait until there is an update um but I will definitely keep you guys updated with the pain of my periods and endosymptoms I will say that a lot of them have subsided like going to the toilet pain and sex like a lot of these symptoms have eased slash gone so fingers crossed I'll keep you guys all updated but yeah

I won't chat too long because this hour this hour this episode is an hour and a half long which I can only apologize for but I love you you guys so, so much. Thank you for listening to this episode, especially if you made it all the way to the end. This may have taken you like three different occasions of coming back to this episode. But I love you so much. I appreciate you so much. Send in any dilemmas. We're back in with a weekly debate next week. I'm so excited. Weekly debate and dilemmas on Tuesday. Send in any dilemmas. We're back in with a weekly debate next week. I'm so excited. Weekly debate and dilemmas on Tuesday. Send in any dilemmas, learontheline.com. And I'll speak to you guys on Tuesday for a brand new episode.

All right. I love you. Bye.