Leah on the Line - 122: (PART 2) Answering your dilemmas with my boyfriend!

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, hello, hello. Hi everyone. Welcome back. Welcome back. This is part two of my episode of Jamie Say Hello. Hello. This part is going to include dilemmas and dilemmas only. We love getting the male perspective over here. And of course mine, because that's what this is. This is my show, bitch. It's my show.

I respect that. I respect that. Anyway, if you sent in a dilemma, hopefully yours has been the one that's been picked. Maybe you'll be able to relate to some of them. I'll tell you what, some dilemmas are very similar. So if I don't pick yours, it's highly likely that there's gonna be a similar one, to be honest. But yeah, I'm not gonna waste any time in this intro because we've waffled on for the last 45 minutes in the last part, so let's get into the episode! Welcome to Leer on the Line! Join me every Tuesday as I dial your number for the ultimate unfiltered bestie catch up. Whatever it is, we will laugh together and guide each other along the way. Head to learontheline.com and follow learontheline on instagram to get involved. Love you!

Okay we are gonna kick it off with this one. You ready? Is your brain working? It is working. I've had to have an energy drink before this. So hi Leah. Hope you're okay. This is my first time sending in a dilemma fuming as I'd rather just be the listener. I feel that and I love you and I'm sorry that you're on this side of the, of the, not side of the fence, that's not what it means. Side of the track. Yeah. I don't know, just shut up. God knows.

Okay. A few years ago, I came out of a five-year relationship. It was a mutual decision. However, I came out of a five year relationship. It was a mutual decision. However, I felt insecure or doubted the relationship. Oh, sorry. I never felt insecure or doubted the relationship. Right. I trusted him fully and never had to think twice about him going behind my back. The reason we broke up was because of the distance and we wouldn't have been able to make it work due to getting jobs and living so far apart. Fast forward to now. I'm in a new relationship. I've been with him for a year now. I do really love him and for the most part he makes me really happy. We're living together and I am able to see a future with him unlike my first relationship. However, I noticed from the very beginning that

he would take his phone everywhere he went. I noticed this straight away because in my previous relationship it was never a thing. He'd put his phone on airplane mode before bed and I knew straight away there would be something on his phone. I'm actually very good at being sneaky but the fact it took me about eight months to even be able to check his phone proves how much he was never without it. So it took her eight months to get a second with that phone. He is changed to that. That's a life support machine. Yeah, seriously. I finally managed to get hold of the phone and of course I found stuff I didn't want to find. He'd reply to girls stories, calling them a 10. No. He'd ask some to pick him up after a night

out etc. And basically there was just a whole load of messages where he'd been a tit. Being a tit is a major understatement for me. Sometimes these were sent whilst he was with me. What a prick. What, right next door? Next door, yeah. Oh my god. Straight away I call him out on it. He ended up deleting his Snapchat and Instagram.

Oh, shot. I was fucking deleted then. I was deleting the whole fucking app then. Because of you? Yeah. That makes you happy. I fucking delete it. And hasn't done this since, to my knowledge.

These were girls he had either slept with or had some sort of involvement with in the past. No, that's so much worse. That's so much worse. Since then, of course, I've wanted to check his phone again. I've recently checked it to find a load of old videos on his phone. They were before we were together, but they were of different women giving him blowjobs. I would, I would absolutely lose my shit. Rightly so as well. Oh my God, I'd literally, I think I'd pass away. Yeah, but so would I.

I don't think I could actually recover from that feeling. That would be horrible. I already can't wait to answer this. Okay, you're excited, aren't you? Yeah, I am. Not just one woman, but there were around five different videos and a different girl on each one. Ooh, does he have some sort of blowjob kink,

having videos of them all on his phone? He's such a kink. It's immature. It is given immature. It's old. It's almost like he said it as a challenge, get a little collection. I know guys, and I know what they're like.

But anyway, we'll get to that. It honestly knocked me sick. Yeah, I don't get me wrong. Get a little collection. I know guys and I know what they're like, but anyway, we'll get to that. It honestly knocked me sick. Yeah, I don't blame you, babe. Again, he's deleted these and has reassured me that he has no intention of keeping these videos. Oh, he had no intention of keeping the videos to still be looking at them. But obviously, that's now playing on my mind. Yeah, I'm not surprised. I know I shouldn't be looking through the phone and it is something

I wouldn't normally do. But obviously, you've got to trust the girl and I knew there'd be something there Listen, I do not blame you for going through that at all. I don't actually know what my dilemma is here I think I just need to vent and have your opinion on it Will I ever learn to trust him again or will there's always be in the back of my mind? Thank you Trust that yeah, go for it. So we'll break it down. Shall we? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so the first bit for me that I had something to say on... Was the bits where he's being a tit.

And he's replying to people's stories, saying they're 10 out of 10. It's the phone, clinging to his phone, right? Yeah, right. We'll break that down. So clinging to his phone. Don't get me wrong, some people might not know they're doing it. Right? Yeah. So like it's more of a- Yeah, sometimes it's habit.

I'm not gonna like go into him too much cause there's much more to go into him about, but that is- But now we know what's on there. Yeah, now we know what's on there, we know why, right? So it kind of paints a picture. Yeah, and it says a lot about his character because not only is he doing these things, he is consciously aware of the repercussions

of these things to be hiding it. There is reason, whereas there could be people who just have it on them, as we all are with our phones nowadays, it's just normal, but there might be nothing on there. However, you've obviously found things. So that for me, it doesn't sit well. Replying to Girl's Story, saying that you're a 10 mate, go and fucking be with her then that to me is already massively wrong you are playing single yeah when you're in a relationship making making you the person like a fool really as well like they will probably be fully aware he's in a relationship and he's doing that it's not. So that there is already massively wrong.

And then he deletes Instagram and Snapchat. You don't need to delete things to prove that you're committed to me. No. You don't need to delete your Instagram, just be loyal and have Instagram. Is that not something you're capable of? Exactly.

You don't trust yourself. It's one of them where everything collectively, looking it together, there's a reason behind, his actions and his movements and what he's doing. And they're all girls that he's got history with, so. Which is even worse, because it's like. It's fucking muggy as fuck. There's like a connection there.

It's cruel. Yeah, and like, yeah, we'll go to the next bits, but so far it's not good. And then the blow jobs. Yeah, right, that there, immature behavior. And I guess it's one of them things where he's broken your trust and now you have this thing where you want to see his phone again and you're gonna find something you don't want to find even if it's from before you were together and it's not about cheating. Seeing that is the worst thing you could see.

Seeing it is horrendous but technically he hasn't done anything unfaithful no but it says a lot about his character I think yeah it does have to be somebody that gets blowjobs from girls and wants to film them and have this collection of blowjobs from girls yeah and it's that's what I mean it's immature behaviour it's like when I was younger, guys would do that and collect it and like it's almost like a trophy. What you, yeah? No. You took way too long to answer that.

Like I'm surprised you would think that of me. Come on. No, it's not something that I am interested in doing, no. But like I know lads who have been like that, it's the odd lad as well by the way, it's not like every guy. No. There are guys have been like that. It's the odd lad as well, by the way. It's not like every guy. No. There are guys that are like that. So now it's difficult because like I said,

it's nothing unfaithful, but it's hurtful and it says a lot about him and his character. But also to still have them on there. He's been unfaithful, yeah. He's a big problem. He's in a relationship. You said something about eight months. You've been together a year.

Eight months or a year. And you still got them on. Eight months in is when she found out. Like I know we don't all check our camera roll that far back and stuff but come on. You've had a year to clean that out. I'm pretty sure he'll know they're there. Especially if it's been his little mission. Yeah he'll know they're there.

I don't know if he's being unfaithful now, maybe it was just at the beginning but for me it says a lot about who he is and I think that's what you need to ask yourself. It's like do you actually, because I think a lot of the time when you're in these situations, you're constantly like, the questions you're asking are, is he cheating on me? Does he fancy other girls? Does he fancy her when she walks past? Is he cheating on me in a night out? The questions we actually need to be asking ourselves is, do you actually like him?

Do you actually respect him as a person? Do you actually feel safe with him and loved by him? Do you actually respect him as a person? Do you actually feel safe with him and loved by him? That's it. It's a safe space and he's the one who you're meant to trust and this isn't giving any kind of trust vibes, is it? It's not really, it's not really, I wouldn't want to like look at my partner and be proud when that sort of thing's happening, but it doesn't mean they can't like rectify it. Yeah. I, I, you guys know, I always say I don't believe in once a cheat or always a cheat, or I do believe people can make mistakes and be better.

But I do think you just need to ask yourself if you actually want to be with this person because of the traits you've seen. It's hard because like you say, these are little bits that you've collectively found at different times. And if he's acted on it and moves forward, that can be seen as good, but however, it shouldn't be there in the first place and he shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Yeah. And don't just walk away from people because they've cheated on you. Walk away. Like, don't be scared to walk away from people because you have seen who they are and don't

like it. Yeah, because even if it doesn't affect you, even if it wasn't unfaithful, you can still decide that it's a trait or a side to a person that you don't actually want to choose as a partner. You've got to put it like this, right? If you had all this knowledge in the first place, when you first met him, would you still choose him? Would you still wanna like be getting serious

with this person? And how does being in the relationship make you feel? How does it affect your mental health? Is it good for you to be with him or not? Because your judgment at that point fresh and like knowing that, oh yeah, I mean no one's that honest in the beginning and say, oh yeah, by the way, I've got blowjob videos on my phone and stuff like that. But you don't need to, I don't want to know that. I just, I want them to be gone. Yeah, it shouldn't be there.

And the thing is, is he hasn't done enough in my opinion. He should, from, from the beginning where you found out that he's been unfaithful on this phone, he needs to have then said. Shits himself basically. Yeah, I'm not deleting Instagram. Yeah, delete Snapchat. I fucking need Snapchat to get rid of that. But don't delete your Instagram.

People have Instagram. It's very normal to have Instagram. I'm not, I don't find that strange that you have a fucking Instagram account. But prove me go out of your way go above and beyond to say look. I'll leave my phone more I'll make sure it's an it's not on airplane mode when I go to bed and I'll put it on charge and leave it on charge and you can know my password You can ask me any time of the day if you want to have a little go for it I understand some people might find that toxic. I actually think sometimes you need to be given and doing too much to earn someone's trust back. Even if it does feel toxic, it

is now toxic. The relationship is in a toxic space because you've cheated on me. I'm going to need more. I'm going to need you. I don't want to ask you for your phone password. I don't want to ask to go through it. I want you to say to me, look you're right I've broken your trust, I'll unfollow these girls on Instagram, I'll give you my phone password, you can go through it whenever you want, I'll leave it around, it's not gonna be a secret thing that you can't see, go through it, it's yours as much as it is mine and there'd be transparency there because he has something to prove. He's not treating you like he has anything to prove right now. He's just deleting Instagram and no one feels better. No, he's what he's doing there is like, right, we'll brush under the

carpet. Forget about it. I've deleted it now. Just shut up. Yeah. Kind of thing. It's a, it's a cop out. It needs to be a case of like, okay, I'll keep my Instagram. I'll do this, this and this. So I'll delete these girls. I'll post you more, reassure you, give you the reassurance that you need that you're the only person that matters to me. I really am apologetic and see that apology through his actions. But it's, a lot of his actions so far kind of give him immature as well.

Just like, oh, fuck it, I'll just delete Instagram then. It's a typical, like everyone's got Instagram. Maybe not everyone, but a lot of people got Instagram and you can have these things healthily. It doesn't need to have to be such like extreme measures. And I think like that open and honesty with your phone and just acknowledging where you think is like a bad habit and what makes you feel comfortable. Like me and Leah, if there's ever a case where that would ever happen,

it would be a very quick conversation of, babe, you keeping your phone a little bit. Yeah. All right, babe, I'll just take that on and you can go on it whenever, do whatever. I think today's day and age, everything's on social media. You can contact people on so many different platforms. So it's not just Instagram, Snapchat and all the rest of it. It needs to be solved.

Okay. We love you. Keep us updated with that one. However, just a bright note on that one. I think it can be fixed. He just needs to come from him. Just remember what you deserve and what you're worth. Okay. Next dilemma. Let's go. Hi, Leah. I love you and the podcast so so much. I love you so much. I'm in desperate need of some big sister advice. About three months ago, I started dating this boy,

let's call him Mike, and there was an instant connection from the beginning. We would message, literally 24 seven, fell asleep on FaceTime, et cetera. We met up a few days into talking and again it was great. Pretty soon after this and a couple of meetups later he asked to be my boyfriend and I said yes, which was very soon but it felt right. I have never had a relationship prior to this and I am 18th context. He lives a couple of hours away so it can be difficult

but we both made it work, meeting half way staying at each others houses etc. He has recently been making less of an effort. We never really call unless I bring it up, we message a lot but it doesn't feel enough. We hadn't met up in around a month due to his busy work schedule and him falling ill. I suffer from anxiety and I definitely have an anxious attachment style. However, I do think that this would be hard for anyone. At first he was given super emotionally mature vibes and super available. However, now his priorities seem to be elsewhere. A few days ago I was up front with him and asked if he has time and capacity for me in his life right now.

And he has as he has a full on job and very busy with studies alongside that pretty much working seven days a week at the moment. His response wasn't what I was hoping for. Oh my god, okay. What's it gonna be? He didn't really answer the question and instead said that he is very busy but wants to be with me and asking me what I think. That's giving like, have an opinion.

Yes, like how fast? Like he's like, I want to be with you but what do you think? What do you think? That's not the energy I want. No, it's how fast. I want, babe I'm so sorry, I love you. Honestly, I couldn't think of anything, but what do you think? What do you think? That's not the energy I want. No, that's how it was. I want, babe, I'm so sorry. I love you. Honestly, I couldn't think of anything worse than to lose you. What can I do to make it work? Okay. Anyway, I told him that I need more from him and it got pretty awkward. Good for you,

by the way. I asked to call, but had to basically force him, asking him three times. We called for two hours and everything seemed to be okay. A few days later things hadn't improved. Despite him apologizing a few days ago, his behaviour still hasn't improved and if anything he's become more distant. He left me on read for two hours after a minor upset and left me freaking out. I told him that of course it's good to have space but I need to know because we were in the middle of a conversation. His responses started to take 30 minutes for a simple answer and in his free time he was talking to his friends and gaming. The other night I messaged him about my concerns again. I told him that our relationship seems to be harder work than it was and basically repeated what I've told

you in a nicer and lesser-cusing way. He was upset but again dodged my question, saying that I'm wife material and he doesn't want to lose me. When I told him that I needed more than just an online relationship, he replied with, this would just be so much easier if you could come and live with me. I was extra pissed off as I really wasn't demanding much and I said I just wanted regular FaceTime or calls or anything and he didn't tell me that he would do it. He told me he was sorry and he'd understand if I broke up with him so I just responded with right okay. What a weird response I get it if you don't want to be with me. He doesn't care. I would not say that. Okay I don't know if you wanted me to fight with him at that point.

Okay yeah fair he might be like I get it if you don't want to be with me and be waiting for you to be like, no, I do. Yeah. Um, as he replied in an upset way, basically we eventually got to the resolution of him asking for one more chance and we'll meet up in a few days. I replied half heartedly and he said that he's used to being anti-social as, as an explanation. He called me yesterday and we talked, however it felt awkward after our conversation. I hate confrontation and find putting myself first hard. See this is the thing, it's like now, when he's calling you and you're having these chats, like it doesn't feel the same

because it feels like he's doing it because you've asked him to, not because he wants to. It's not natural. I've also not had a relationship before him, but this doesn't feel like a relationship in any way. When it had been good, it was so good, but recently it's been really affecting my mood. My plan was to see how things go in terms of him making more of an effort however I'm still not sure if a I'm overreacting but b if he's worth it anymore. The thought of losing him makes my heart hurt but I already feel

like I've lost him. I worry that I won't be good enough for anyone, but I'm also trying to know my worth. Any advice would be so, so, so helpful. Sorry for the long message. Thank you. Ooh! Well, lots of breakdown, but to be honest, I mean, long distance relationships are hard anywhere. They're hard, but you have to remember

that he wasn't given this energy in the beginning. Yeah, he's given it full on, and then all of a sudden. It's given love bomb, I'm not gonna lie. Like, you know when they they give you everything to get you and then as soon as they've got you it's just zero. Yeah, I mean that is a love bomb. It is sad because like, I don't know, it doesn't feel like much relationship to you because you're not getting the relationship benefits that you should have. And let me tell you, right, I know for a fact that if it wasn't because things had changed, it wouldn't be causing you so much anxiety. Like if it was like this from the beginning and it felt like a healthy balance, you know, like you didn't talk 24-7 because I do think

sometimes when you start off talking, start off talking talking 24 7, it almost sets you up for failure because you're not going to maintain that for years and years. Like we don't really talk that much throughout the day. Do you know what I mean? And I feel I never ever for a second think why isn't he replied to me? Where is he? Blah, blah, blah. But I have felt that and that is because of the insecurities surrounding the relationship because it's not just about the messaging, it's about the fact that the energy's changed. You know, like what he's given you is gone from a hundred to zero. Yeah, especially when you know they're doing other things because obviously you've mentioned

he's just messaging his mates. And that's the thing is if it hadn't started so intense, him doing other things wouldn't matter. It wouldn't be a problem. Like you can go and play your game and not message me, I don't care. But it's because you've been, you've gone from hot to cold, it matters.

Yeah, it makes it sound like, oh my God, he's hanging out with his friends. That's normal. And now I feel rejected and now I have anxiety. Exactly. So like, I get it massively, like you don't know what they're doing at all, right? So he used to message you all the time.

And now that he's not you're there overthinking and obviously like worrying about what he's doing, why he's just dropped a conversation halfway through it and not told you. It's difficult. I think you've been very emotionally mature by saying to him like, look, this is how I feel. This is what I need from you. Can you give it to me? Yes or no. And he's not saying, yes, I can. He's just like, well, I want to or no?" And he's not saying, yes I can. He's just like, well, I wanna be with you. He's not saying, yes I wanna be with you, yes I'm willing to do everything you need.

He's saying, yeah, I wanna be with you, but that's it, that's all he's saying. And personally, I think the whole, if you live with me, things will be better, is bullshit. I think it's an excuse. It's a lazy answer, that. It's lazy, it's like, oh, this wouldn't be like this if we lived together. Yeah, because we can't live together, so I'll never know. Yeah, it's like a... that it's lazy it's like oh this wouldn't be like this because we can't live together so I'll never know yeah it's like uh so it's easy for you to say that

it's such an easy get out of like oh well it won't be like this because you've got an excuse it's like no I'm not feeling like this because I'm not seeing you I'm feeling like this because you've gone from chatting to me 24 7 ringing me till we fall asleep to I've got to beg you to to get a reply I think what you need to do in this, this is my suggestion, you might disagree. What do you think he feels first? Sorry I got hiccup. What do you think is going on with him? I think he has love-bombed her. He's obviously attracted to you, he obviously wants you for what you are so that's a good thing but I don't think he's taking

it seriously and I think he's, like you have hit the nail on the head his priorities are elsewhere Otherwise he would be messaging you instead of doing other things First so it would notify you as to what he's doing and you know letting you know what he's doing is his priority Yeah, because it would be normal to say babe. I'm gonna play a game whatever the game is with So-and-so James for the next two hours. I'll chat to in a bit, I'm going to play a game, whatever the game is, with James for the next two hours. I'll chat to you in a bit. I love you. Yeah, that's normal. And that's normal. Okay, babe, have a nice time.

And then you know not to hear from him for maybe two hours. Yeah. And you're not stressed. You feel respected. You feel loved. You don't feel empty. You don't feel insecure. You don't feel like that anxious attachment is going to come up. And that's so easy to do. It's not a big ass. So what you're saying... But he's got to want to do it, that's the issue. And you can't change, this problem can't be changed by you asking him to do it, because even if he starts doing it, you're not going to feel better because you asked him to. Yeah, exactly. So what I was going to say is like the way I would deal with it, and it's... Because I know you're getting upset by this so it's difficult but have an

open conversation, I know you've had a couple of conversations about it anyway but you need to try and set up something to make you feel comfortable. Yeah and I think that would be when you tell him we don't talk as much as we used to, blah blah, everything you've said to him, Say it again, and if his response is just, what I wanna be of you, you need to come back to that with, well, how are you gonna make things better? What are you gonna do? Tell me what you're gonna do.

To change the way it is, because if it stays like this, I don't want to be of you. And you're gonna have to stick to that, because it's like, it might be a case of, you just stop talking to him, and he will then make an effort and try and change right that's sometimes we don't want to be playing games no you don't want to play in games but what i will say is have an open conversation as to what he can give you no because again don't

ask for it because like you've said you're not asking for much no you're telling him what's changed and what and how it's making you feel it's up to to him to say, okay, I want to do this more. I want to make more of an effort. I want her to feel more secure. And these are the things I'm gonna do to make her feel like that. You don't wanna say, do you wanna be with me, yes or no? And he's like, yeah, I wanna be with you.

And then you go, okay, well, I need you to call me every night. Because then every night, you're still gonna feel rejected because you still feel like he's doing it because you've asked him to. It's, yeah, it's difficult. You need to navigate in a certain way And if you need to say what are you gonna do? Yeah, what you're gonna change how this feels for me? Yeah, how do you think this is gonna like be sustainable like long term because we are long distance Yeah, we need to work requires more work. Yeah, and if he just says I want to be of you

What are you gonna do because right now I'm not enjoying this relationship. Doesn't seem like you want to be with me, especially with the answers you're giving me. And I need answers. I need to see what you're going to do. I'm not going to ask you. Yeah. And don't feel like you've been over the top of you. You're not at all. Because it is difficult navigating long distance. And I also think the distance is an excuse.

I think this this this sort of behaviour can happen when they live down the road. It's not the lack of communication that's the problem. It's not the slow texting that's the problem. It's the love bomb and now giving me nothing is the problem. Yeah, I mean, me and Leah were long distance at the beginning and we prioritised each other. Yeah, we did. We spoke a hell of a lot more then. Cause like I said, long distance relationships, they do require more work.

It's more effort. But it should be easy. It shouldn't be this hard. No, and it's simple stuff. And you deserve so much more than this. And yeah, it's your first relationship, but I think, like you said, it doesn't feel like a relationship.

You know what you want't feel like a relationship. You know what you want to feel from your boyfriend, you know how you want to be treated and good for you. I hope you never lose that in yourself because that's such an amazing trait to have. And you said like, you said something at the end sorry, about, oh wait I've clicked on a different dilemma there, about feeling not good enough or something. I already feel, oh I worry that I won't be good enough for anyone but I'm also trying to know my worth and I think you're doing a really good job at that because it's very easy to just feel rejected and beg and be sad and just be like what is it, why don't

you want to talk to me, why don't you wanna call me? And I think keep that headstrong mentality that you're fighting to keep because that is an amazing trait to have. Yeah, 100%. I think also another one to touch on is like, you're 18. I would like to know how old he is. Maybe he doesn't know what it requires, like what's required in a relationship.

Well, then he does because he fucking give it at the beginning. Yeah, he gave it at the beginning. But then again, I say that, but again like this 24-7 thing is unnecessary as well. It is unnecessary it doesn't need to be. We don't need to talk 24-7. It's really hard for me to explain but like I actually think talking 24-7 can sometimes, sometimes people just they've been together seven years and they still talk 24- and that works for them. But I do think sometimes talking 24 seven is a red flag. It is. I mean, you don't need it's unrealistic. It's very hard to keep up. And when things stray out of that, that's when other overthinking

happens. Yeah. And you'll, you'll learn so much from this. You will. And like it sounds like you've got your head screwed on and you won't stand for it. So don't, yeah, just stand your ground and make sure you get what you want and you won't stand for it. So yeah, just stand your ground and make sure you get him what you want. And don't ask for specific things because they're not gonna feel good when he does them. Yeah, that's true. And that's why you're feeling the way you are now

when it comes to a two hour call. Don't feel the same. I love you. Keep us updated with that one. Please send in an update. Okay, let's do another dilemma. Do you wanna read this one? It's nice and short.

Yeah. He hates reading them. Go for it. Go for it. Oh, it's lovely and short. Yeah? I'll probably mess it up. You'll be fine.

Okay, so, I've been seeing this body for three months now and it's going so well. Like I had no concerns whatsoever until I brought up the conversation of feelings and where we stood with each other. Since then, he said we should have the conversation in person but has been so distant, not replying for hours, even up to days, making no plans to see me. But when asked again, keep saying about having the conversation in person. Do you think he is scared or that he just doesn't

like me? I'm not going to lie. I think that is your answer. Oh my God. To ask like, what are you feeling? Like, what are we? Very avoidant. To ask those things and the response to be like, he's run away. He's avoiding the conversation. I don't think he has the answer you want. Why can't we have this conversation? But this is the classic thing that us girls do. Okay. She said like, you know, what are we? Let's discuss feelings, blah, blah. He's run off. He's been so distant. He's not even replying. He's leaving it a few days. And we go, do you think he's just so in love with me that he's scared? That's what we do.

That's what we do. She says, do you think he's scared? Let's play like this. Listen, I'm not laughing at you. We all do it. Okay. There's TikToks girls do it. It's like he literally texts me like, fuck off.

Stop messaging me. He's so obsessed with me. Like we do it. We do it. If I ask you, what are we and all the rest of it and you didn't reply to me for days. That would be my message. I won't be like, we do it. If I ask you... He's so scared of how much he loves me. What are we? And all the rest of it, and you didn't reply to me for days, that would be my message. I wouldn't be like, she's obsessed. Well no, I reply, I say, we'll talk about it in person, and then I go really flaky and weird.

Yeah, I wouldn't be like, she's obsessed, scared. I'd be like... I'd be like, right, she doesn't like me. No, I'm not even joking, I'm so deluded, like, we all are, I'd be like, he's so scared, like, he's running away from his feelings, like, I'm not. I'm not even joking. I'm so deleted. Like we all are. I'd be like, he's so scared. Like he's running away from his feelings. Like I can change him. He can't handle me. I can change him. He's never felt this way about anyone before and it's freaking him out. I'm not going to lie. A little bit more context would help. Like, as in like, I don't know if we need more context. I think she's, she's give us some quite like important information. They've been seeing each other for

three months. It was going really well. She she had no concerns then she brings up the feelings maybe he's like yeah we'll talk about it in person we'll talk about it in person yeah it's an avoidant that is an avoidant he doesn't want to hurt you i think yeah it's like maybe he didn't yeah maybe didn't maybe don't feel the same so what should she do well i don I don't know, take the message loud and clear. Like if he's not willing to like meet up with you and have this so-called conversation. They always say no answer is an answer. And I do think maybe we back up a bit.

Yeah, back up a bit. Because he might turn around, like you could back up a bit and then he might turn around and be like, whoa, where you gone? Yeah, he might reach out to you. Let's meet up, I wanna be with you. You never know.

But either way, don't hurt yourself in this situation. You've, you've done a very like normal thing. I always say like, never be scared to ask where this is going, blah, blah, blah, because you're scared that it's going to push them away. I always say this. If it's going to push them away there, I'm glad I asked. Yeah, no, I agree with that. I've got my answer either way. You're not wasting your time then.

Yeah, exactly. I always say ask. And a lot of people are like, oh, don't you should never have to ask. Sometimes just fucking ask. No, you do. You do. Why can't I ask where this is going? Why am I going to risk getting myself hurt because I'm scared you're going to run away and be like, oh, my God, she wants she wants to be with me. It's so intense. I think that's a normal conversation to have.

Yeah. And the way they act after that is and three months is a fucking long enough time to be like, where is this going? It's a good amount of time. It's a good amount of time. So I do think that's your answer. I would just back up a bit and almost be like message received. I wouldn't send, I always say never send these long paragraphs because they don't care. No, if they didn't reply to this, they will not care about a big message. Yeah, because we've all done it like, hey, I don't expect you to reply, but I just want to let you know that I think the way you handled this is really disrespectful. Like, they don't care. They don't read that with their head in their hands and think, I've really hurt, I've really

pissed off this girl. They would pick up the phone and be like, they think, oh my God, she's so obsessed with me. Like, yeah, they would probably start thinking that. And they'd probably be like, bullet dodged. Yeah, that's what they do. They're like, fucking hell, she's crazy. She's crazy, mate.

Thank god, mate. She's fucking mental, that girl. That's what they do, innit? Yeah, to think I was ever considering her. Jesus Christ. Yeah, fucking hell, I was only seeing her for three months. She's mental, mate. She's mental.

Yeah, they do Boys are actually dangerous. Yeah, so just don't give them any ammunition. I'm talking to you like you're not a boy Well, yeah, no But that what I will say is if you if you don't give him anything from now on He might think to himself a little weird online. Oh god. She's the one that got away Yeah, you know and we never want to ask someone to want to be with us. We don't want to ask someone, show me you want to be with me. I've asked you where we are with our feelings. You've backed the fuck up, message received, loud and clear.

I've got way too much self respect to be asking you again and again. That's it. If he wants that conversation, he'll come get it. Yeah. If you want, when you're ready, come and get it. Na na na na. Oh, Selena posted a video.

She was at the Sabrina Carpenter concert and she posted a video dancing to Juno. Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber, no! Imagine if she was there. No, that would be crazy. Someone should edit that. No, it was,

wanna try out my fuzzy pink handcuffs. Why's that? Um, wanna try out my, my fuzzy pink handcuffs. Why's that? Ooh, baby, come on up. I wanna. But why is there a dancing to that? Cause it's about like, I wanna fuck, I might even let you make me pregnant. That's what that song is.

Anyway, she posts that proper dancing to it, like flipping her hair, hanging upside down, like she's hanging off the bed, taking penis in em out. Whoa. Yeah. That was so unnecessary for me to use that. But anyway, and then the caption is just at Benny Blanco.

Is it really? Yeah. And you know what he commented? Can't keep my hands to myself. Oh. I'm in a club but why would I want to? Who sings that? Not clear. Selena babe! Of course. Selena! Of course. Anyway so off topic but I love you and I just think you deserve so much better sorry for that tan judge went on. Listen to somebody Selena. Do you

know what in these situations you really do sometimes you just need a bit of a baddie playlist. You do you need to get up and go. Start focusing back on yourself. You want to listen to Slim Pickens. Yeah, you do. Slim Pickens, if I can have the one I choose. low. And the bit she goes, A boy who's nice that breathes, I swear he's nowhere to be seen. Do you like that lyric? Don't pretend that was good. I wasn't actually singing it good. She wasn't even trying.

Guys, I wasn't even trying then. She fully was belting there. I wasn't even trying. I had my finger in my ear like, Mariah Carey. Yeah, she was as well. She fully was belting then. I wasn't even trying. I just had my finger in my ear like, Mariah Carey. Yeah, she was as well. Like she was listening to it. Anyway, that lyric hits. A boy that's nice, that breathes.

I swear. The title is what matters, Slim Pickings. There's not a lot out there that's decent. Yeah. So just make sure you look after yourself. Serving up some moaning and a major jam. Honestly, I hear every morning that I'm here, Alexa, play Sabrina Carpenter volume 10.

And it blasts out and then she'll go, Alexa, volume 4. No, yeah, and then I go, Alexa play Slim Pickens by Sabrina Carpenter and she goes, I can't find Slim Pickens every time and it's my favorite fucking one Yeah, it's what she likes to start doing. I can't find Slim Pickens by Sabrina Carpenter Here's Sabrina Carpenter and similar artists. Which actually comes to think of it. It's a bit condescending because like She's with me and she's condescending is not the word darling. Alright, I was trying to be smart. But anyway She was with me and she's talking about slim pickings. Oh, I guess I'll just have to...

I guess it's you I'll have to be kissing. Yeah. If I can't have the one I love. I guess it's you that I'll be kissing. Just to get my feelings out. So anyway, back to your dilemma. Just give him the same energy. Sleigh out.

Yeah, just just hair flip. Have the conversation with yourself and just like leave. There's definitely a Sabrina Carpenter song about that. There's got to be. She's definitely wrote a song about like, bye. Like, if you can't give me what I need, then bye. Bye bye. Oh, bye.

Oh yeah, Ariana's got one or ten. 100. That's actually what you need to do, put on a baddie playlist. Get a baddie playlist, look after yourself, get out with your mates. And he might have a conversation, but at that point you might not give a shit. You're so dumb and poetic. You don't have to lie to girls. If they like you they'll just lie to themselves. Guys that song is so smart.

I know it. I heard a breakdown of it the other day in the car. And I love the lyric in the other song. You're so empathetic, you'd make a great wife. Oh, she's just a genius. I love Sabrina. I know you do. Sabrina the teenage witch.

Remember that? Yeah, and a black cat. Never watched that show. I think I did. I didn't. I think I was a bit too young. My mum used to watch that. It was a bit before my time babe. My mum used to watch that. Yeah but your mum's like a year older than you. Yeah, she's got my sister. Jamie has such a young mum that I find it just insane. Yeah, it's maddening. Like his nan is closer in age to my mum. You've got a young family baby. Yeah my mum's 42. Yeah.

How old was I when my mum was 42? 11. That's yeah I'm 28. That's crazy. That's crazy. I really want a new episode of the Kardashians but there just doesn't seem to be one on the horizon and I thought there was. Yeah I thought thought there was an advertised. So I've been working on my impression of Chloe. OK. And I think I'm better at Chloe now. Go for it. Oh, not that I can't think of anything she says. What? That's Rachel, friends.

What? Ross? No. No, I was doing Chloe. I was doing it earlier to myself making my coffee because everyone does Courtney, but I feel like no one does Chloe. Chloe's quite out of that. No, because she talks like this. Like everything's like that. Like, her mouth don't move. Yeah. So funny. She's like so much Botox. And she goes, oh, not the, I can't think of anything she says. What's with this not the? That's what she says, not the buttocks.

I get it. I feel it. I feel like it's Chloe in the room. Yeah. I said, I feel like I've got quite a good impression now. Oh, tell us again. Why do you keep cracking my toes? I don't know. What's your favorite part of my body? Can't say that on there. Whoa that should not be your favorite part of my body can I just say? On air. Your face. Your face. No my bod. Your bod. Yeah. Your bum. My little pancake. Not a pancake is it?

Alright guys, should we leave it there I think? I think they've listened to us for long enough. If you actually listen to part one and part two. Bless you. I love you. Honestly, thank you so much for being here with us. We're so grateful. Let's wrap up the episode, stay for the outro. Okay guys, thank you so so so much for listening to this episode and the previous episode. It's been amazing having you here babe. Well it's been amazing being on. Do you enjoy it? No, I honestly do enjoy it. It might not sound like it.

This is just the monitor in Yorkshire accent, but I really do. Guys, he's actually really excited. I am excited. I'm actually buzzing. My legs are... I am excited. I am honestly, there's something wrong with me. I'm ecstatic. There am excited. Like I'm actually buzzing, my legs are. I am excited. I am honestly, there's something wrong with me. I'm ecstatic. There's something wrong with me.

I'm that kid on the like, just like, he's excited and he doesn't do anything. What? What kid? I don't know. What kid is that? I don't know. You're so strange.

I know. I'm just that kid that's so excited and just like doesn't do anything. I'm not a kid. What? I don't know what I'm saying, but I'm excited. I'm excited. I am.

I've had a brilliant time. I have to convince people that I'm excited. Yeah, and then when you're sad, I feel quite sad. It is honestly a difficult life, but I am excited. Thank you very much for having me on. Thank you for coming on. I love having you on the pod. Thank you for everyone that's listening.

That's it, honestly. It's been a pleasure. Right, we love you. We love you so much. I hope you all have an amazing week. Whatever it is that you're getting up to. Remember, please send us in some Halloween inspo ideas. Loads of you are so just creative

and I know there will be some of you that can just come up with something that you haven't even seen anyone do but you're just like creative. I can't do that. I can't come up with like things in my head. I have to just copy such a sheep. We're going to have to, we're going to have to have some suggestions. Yeah. All right, guys, we love you. Have an amazing week and I'll speak to you on Tuesday for a brand new episode.

Are you ready? All right. I love you. Bye. Bye!