Leah on the Line - 34: My maid of honour won't come to my hen & was I asking for too much with my ex?!

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

Hi honeys! Today we debated when is the right time to ask someone the "what are we?" question. I love hearing your thoughts on everything! The dilemmas were super interesting too, from your boyfriend having obsessive parents to how to stop people pleasing! Thank you so much to everyone that supports LOTL, I can't thank you enough! As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leah on the line how are you happy tuesday i forgot where i was for a second. Happy Tuesday, everyone. How was your Monday? It hasn't been long since we last spoke, obviously, because I did a bonus episode on Sunday. If you missed that, there was a bonus episode on Sunday. We played Never Have I Ever. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Do you know what I've thought about since then? I should have put every question on my story with a poll of I have or I haven't and done a percentage of how many of you have and how many of you haven't and I cannot believe I missed that incredible opportunity I'm so stupid I'm such a stupid girl so that opportunity is gone but if we ever play another game of never have I ever I will be sure

to do that or any other game really I'm gonna make sure that I really include you guys in the podcast as much as I can because honestly one of my favorite parts is the voice notes and people singing the the intro by the way if anyone wants to sing on the intro send me a voice note because I absolutely fucking cry every time and I really really really enjoy it um but yeah this week we have some really really good dilemmas I am really excited to get into them today they're all a little bit different nothing too samey samey. But what's new in my life? Honestly, not that much. I'm kind of ill at the moment. There's like a little bit of a cold going around and I'm feeling a little bit run down, a little bit poorly. Just a reminder, I have a video,

I have video footage of the podcast now, a full episode available like I know there's so many of you that have asked me like when can we watch on YouTube and stuff and I will make that a thing like eventually I will make that a thing I will believe me but right now it's not I think once I've got a studio that's when I do full visuals but I don't have a studio yet if anybody's listening to this that wants wants to sponsor my podcast sponsor me I'd love to get it in a studio because I really want guests on again I have so many amazing guests lined up I just need the space to film it and realistically I could just find a studio in London but I don't really know

what the fuck I'm doing with that and it overwhelms me and makes me scared but I'm working with my management to make that happen so thank you so much for your patience honestly if you've been here since the beginning you know filming it or just winging it on my own in my old flat like no clue what what I'm doing and then I went through everything with you I went through job hunting and then I had to quit those jobs and then I ended a relationship and then I moved out of the city and moved back to Somerset and then I moved back in with my family moved back into my childhood bedroom and then I'm filming the podcast in my room now and it's like if you've been here since day one honestly I love

you so much the podcast is like the only thing that has survived from what I feel like it was my past life like it's so crazy um and I feel like that's why it's so special to me because it's the one thing that I've managed to just like really keep and continue to build like I'm so proud of this and I say this all the time but I absolutely love you all like I love the audience that we've created I feel like you're all so positive you're all such nice people like you're all lovers do you know what I mean you all just want to help each other and love each other and support each other um and I'm all for that but I won't lie my mood today is a little bit low like I feel like you you guys can always tell when you listen to me to my episodes you can always tell my on my vibe but I've just been getting a bit of stick

recently and it's kind of annoying me and it's getting me down a bit like people are just criticizing me a lot on TikTok at the moment especially people that I don't know so whenever I put clips on TikTok of the podcast obviously it reaches more than just you guys because it will end up on random people's for you page and you can't control where that where that clip's going to go um and obviously the aim is that it's going to land on people like like you guys who will watch it and be like oh my god that podcast looks like something i would enjoy i'm going to go and check it out that is the that is the aim but obviously it's going to end up on some for you pages that we don't necessarily want it to be on and you guys know I did an episode recently about sex right and it just got just

not load a stick but like just some stick on TikTok and it kind of bothers me because I like growing up for me luckily I was brought up in a house where you can talk about sex but apart from that outside of my house you can't talk about it like you don't find sex pleasurable like you don't try and enjoy it as a woman do you know what I mean so I really am passionate about making it a topic topic of conversation for younger women or older women or women my age that still struggle with it because they were brought up with it being a taboo topic and a difficult situation uh difficult conversation even so it's like i'm posting these tiktoks about um women enjoying sex and stuff and people are like oh my god this is someone's daughter i'm like what on earth do you think your daughters aren't sucking dick on the weekends because they are all right and when let me tell you when i have kids it's going to be a topic of conversation in

my house if that's something they want to talk about with their mother it's something that they can talk about you know like if you're not if your daughters aren't talking to you about sex that doesn't mean they're not having it it just means that they don't feel safe to talk to you about it and like is that something you're happy with do you know what i mean like i want my daughters and sons whatever whatever i end up with i want my children to feel like they can talk to me about sex i want them to ask me the questions that they have so that when it comes to having sex they feel that they are in control and they feel safe and they feel ready to give consent do you know what i mean so it's just been it's been a bit draining recently because people like oh my god have some dignity i'm like this this is self-respect if i'm saying i want to talk about sex women should women should own their sexual

experiences and talk about them so that it's pleasurable for us as well as men that is self-respect and that is self-love and if you have a problem with that i just think you need some fucking dick all right but anyway i will continue to talk about it um it's just a bit draining to be honest like i don't know i just it just shocks me that in this day and age, what happens to me there? In this day and age, people are still like, oh my God, look at this woman talking openly about sex and blowjobs and foreplay and orgasms. Disgusting. But when a man does it, no one bats an eyelid. It's like, oh yeah, but he's a man. Men have sex. So do women. And we should be enjoying it as well all right do you know what

i mean fuck my so rude honestly if i get one more comment from a fucking old man or an old lady saying talk about sex oh fuck off and get a vibrator you miserable bitch do you know what i mean have an orgasm or something it's uptight all right okay i I'm going to move on. I'm going to move on from that, but I hope you guys are okay. I love you all so much. Thank you for all the love and positivity. It's just, I feel like I've been drowning in negative comments and it makes it hard to, to feel like people actually like you, like you're like, does anyone even fucking like me anymore? But we're going to get into that because I have a dilemma very similar so we will get into that but without further ado let's get into today's episode okay so the weekly debate this week everybody is when is the right time

to have the so what are we chat you know the so we exclusive like are you seeing other people blah blah blah are you looking for a relationship you know like are you looking to settle down all these horrible questions that we have in our head so let's see what you guys are saying about this one um i expected most of you to be like, you shouldn't have to ask. If you have to ask, then it's not the one. That's kind of what I expect from most of you. So let's have a look what you're saying. Somebody said, after the first date. I mean, yeah, okay, we'll get into both sides in a second. Somebody said, girl, I had this chat with my situationship a few days ago because it's been two months. What what did they say what did they say um in my opinion props after you've

spent a few full days together where it feels like it's more than just friends of benefits okay so like when it gets past the just sex point you know like if you're not just sleeping together you're hanging out together spending time together talking a lot that's when you're like what is this okay fair enough that makes sense someone says never they'd make it clear if they wanted to be with you and make it official 100% I do get that I do because in my experience when a guy hasn't just told me where he stands his intentions haven't been good and that's just my opinion like if I've ever had to ask a guy like what what is this like what are your intentions with me they might beat around the bush and be like oh you know I'm just going with the flow like I'm just I'm not really

thinking that far ahead right now and then it turns out they were seeing several people and just not being honest about it or they never wanted a relationship blah blah blah or they have commitment issues you know what I mean whereas the guys I've ended up with have very very very quickly to be honest been like just so you know I'm not seeing other people not like are you seeing other people they've always just said to me like just so you know I'm not dating anyone else and I'm I'm taking this seriously with you they've just told me so yeah I get that one. I get that point as well. Someone says, as soon as your feelings are involved,

otherwise someone always gets hurt. I think this is a fucking brilliant way to think about it because I have a friend of mine who has been really fucking terribly treated. Does that make sense? By men. Really poorly treated. And she is, well, not anymore anymore but she was talking to this guy who um was you know coming around her house and they were sleeping together and

they were dating and they were talking all the time um and she was like oh shit like i'm getting feelings but i can't ask him like what's going on between us are we seeing each other blah blah because it hasn't been very long like it's only been like a month but at the same time like my feelings are involved now like i actually have feelings for this guy i actually like him and if he doesn't want a relationship i kind of want to know now so that i don't fall any deeper and hurt myself and she was like but i can't i can't ask him that i've only known him a month he'll think i'm a fucking lunatic and i literally said to her if he thinks you're a lunatic for asking him what his intentions are then he can fuck off anyway like he should be able to say to

you well i'll be honest i'm not looking for a relationship right now or i'll be honest i'm talking to several women at the moment or yeah I would really like to see where this relationship uh where this goes you know maybe maybe it will turn into a relationship who knows but I'm really enjoying where it's going if he thinks you're crazy for asking him what his intentions are then he is not somebody that I would want to be involved with myself do you know what I mean like if you're if you're seeing a guy for a month you're sleeping together going on dates hanging out talking every day and then he turns around he's like I just wanted to know like where is this going for you like I'm not asking do you want to be with me but like if you definitely if that's something you definitely don't want I'd rather know now before my feelings get involved um if a guy came to you with that

you wouldn't be like oh my fucking god crazy what a crazy guy you'd be like that's fair enough you deserve to know where my head's at because i think it's really important that you clarify if it's something you definitely aren't looking for do you know what i mean like i'm not saying you need to be like well yeah i've only known you a month but i definitely want to end up in a relationship with you and get married like fucking hell no but if if you know you don't want a relationship, I'm okay with you telling me that at this point before it's been four months. We're sleeping together, going on all these dates, talking daily. And then you go, well, I'm not really looking for a relationship.

Then I'm fucked. I've definitely fallen in love after four months. Fuck me. I fall hard. Do you know what I mean so I definitely agree with that perspective and I would I would probably back that more than anything else like I'm with you on that one someone says it's a waste of time you should just know what you are um if a guy liked you you'd know no need for it for the chat

yeah a lot of you are saying that a lot of you are saying that. A lot of you are saying that. Wow. Someone says two to three months of dating. Okay, I get that. But the thing is, two to three months, it depends on the speed of the of the dates and how often you're seeing each other, how often you're communicating and stuff. Because two to three months for me, I can catch real serious feelings for someone and if I am too scared to ask them what their intentions are and then two to three months down the line they're like oh no sorry I'm not really ready for a relationship I'm I'm pissed off that I haven't asked sooner do you know what I mean because I'm like fuck sake why didn't I just ask and then I

wouldn't have been seeing you for three months do you know what i mean because i am looking for a relationship so yeah um somebody says never i did this once and then realize you know your place and what's what without having to ask they'll they'll ask you to be with them officially if that's what they want yeah i can i can totally see that um if it hasn't been confirmed within three or four months yeah but the thing is like i said three or four months if you haven't been confirmed within three or four months yeah but the thing is like i said three or four months if you haven't confirmed it in three or four months i think it's very clear but at that point i am hurt like i'm already hurt if i've been seeing someone three or four months there is no point having this conversation with you because you clearly don't want anything from me because i know about it but three or four months is way too long for me to have not caught feelings like i definitely have at that point um someone says i think after speaking consistently for around three weeks

like every day all day yeah i can i can back that you shouldn't need to have that convo if they aren't sharing you deserve better girls um when you're ready for the answer, ready for things to change either way, that is, that is a great point. Like, yeah, like if you're ready to hear, I'm not looking for a relationship. But then I think the sooner you hear that, the less it hurts. Do you know what I mean? And, and I don't know, if I'm not looking for a relationship and I'm talking to a guy a lot, oh, but this is the difficult thing, right? Imagine, right, imagine me. I'm not looking a guy a lot oh but this is the difficult thing right imagine right imagine me I'm not looking for a relationship I definitely just want to be single right now but I'm I'm seeing this guy we're sleeping together and and talking most days right and then it's been like three weeks and I go just so you know I'm not looking for a relationship he might be like okay

fucking hell I've only known you three weeks do Do you know what I mean? Neither am I. And you're like, oh, okay, I was just letting you know. But then I think that is a mutual respect thing. You don't have to assume that that person wants that from you. It's just like, I just want to make sure we're on the same page. Do you know what I mean? I'm not trying to be responsible for any negative feelings here. I think it's a mutual respect thing, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

But yeah, I do agree that if you have to ask, then it's probably not respect thing and I don't think there's anything wrong with it but yeah I do agree that if you have to ask then it's probably not a good sign because in my experience anytime I've had to ask it's not been good it's just they haven't we haven't ended up together if I've ever had to ask because you know what I mean like I remember in my last relationship it was on our second date he was like just so you know I'm not seeing someone else and i was just like brilliant i really appreciate that without even me having to question it or ask i know where we stand here and i'm i'm really happy with that level of communication from you thank you so much i didn't even need to ask you know so yeah interesting weekly debate i love that from you guys um protect yourselves and remember do not be afraid to ask someone because you're scared of what they might think of you. Okay? If they think you're a fucking lunatic for asking someone where you stand, then they can fuck off.

Do you know what I mean? I love you guys so much. Everything is fine. You're gorgeous, stunning, amazing, talented. And yeah, without further ado. Why do I keep saying that at the moment? Without further ado. It's like the old YouTube days. Do you know what I you mean the old saffy b swipe of the screen anyway let's get into some

dilemmas okay this is a really interesting one it says hi leah my best friend of over 10 years can't come on my hen do, even though we have no set date or location yet, because she didn't save any holiday days for at work. She also did not have, sorry, she also did not save any holidays to come wedding dress shopping with me and has none left to go bridesmaid dress shopping. She lives a few hours away from me and she has a very demanding job, which means she does work some weekends so I understand logistics can be difficult coordinating time off for sure it was her wedding earlier this year my wedding is next year so a new year of annual leave for her I purposely put aside multiple days of my annual leave so that I would not miss out on these things love that from

you because who wouldn't want to see their best friend find their dress and go on their hen do yeah of course i also helped her with most of her wedding as she works so much and i didn't want her to be stressed planning oh that's really sweet she just doesn't seem to care at all for my wedding and seems like she doesn't want to be involved in any of the important parts i feel really hurt over it and have been upset that she hasn't prioritized me like i did for her I feel really hurt over it and have been upset that she hasn't prioritized me like I did for her. Am I being selfish? She is made of honor. Oh shit, she's made of honor. She is your maid of honor. But it seems like she just wants to turn up to the actual day and that's it, which for a best friend of over 10 years is pretty heartbreaking. Holy shit, so she's your maid of honor and she's not even showing up for you. Like she's not even taking the time of work where how much holiday does she get at work and where's where's she

taking it then because you're only asking for a few days you know dress shopping and the hen where's all your holiday gone what do you get most people get a few weeks holiday don't they i'm not sure i don't really know how that stuff works to be honest but i know my mom does she gets quite a few weeks how have you booked all this holiday for a year of your best friend's wedding and you're meant to be the main maid of honda darling i mean yeah it's very shady considering you showed up for her like Like you, you did everything you could to be a friend at a wedding. Do you know what I mean? You did what a friend would do for their best friend's wedding. So that's really shit considering you sort of set the example. And she's like, yeah, I'm not fucking doing that for

you, babe. So I'd honestly say something. It's really hurting you. And just on those grounds alone, you have every right to approach that situation I would just say I would literally lay it out on the table and be like look I don't mean to start a row with you but I showed up for your wedding I did everything I could I really not not just to take the weight off your shoulders I wanted to because I because I care and I'm invested and I'm happy for you. And I was excited to watch my best mate get married. And for some reason, babe, you're not even coming to any, you're literally just coming to the wedding day. You're not part of the process and you're my maid of honor. I asked you to be my maid of honor. Do you understand how big of a deal that is? You need to get one, right? You need only get one maid of honor, right? Do I keep saying main of honor? I meant

to say maid. Anyway, I'm pretty sure you only get one, right? So yeah, you know, you're my maid of honor. That's how highly I think of you. And you won't even come with me to pick a dress, let alone my hen do. My hen. You know what I mean? That's my hen do. hen you know what I mean that's my hen do some people are coming to my hen do that I'm bridesmaids and you're not even coming and you're my maid of honor like what's that all about so I would honestly just say it and literally be like it's upsetting me and I would say to her if you don't want to be my maid of honor and if if it really isn't a priority to you this year just let me know and you can just show up on the wedding day that's what I would do because I wouldn't I want I would want the best out of my wedding day because you're only going to have one

hopefully do I mean if all goes well so I would say I want to make sure that whoever's my maid of honor is really really pulling through for me I'm that whoever's my maid of honour is really, really pulling through for me. I'm really doing what a maid of honour is supposed to do. You know, and I most certainly want her there on my fucking hen do. Aren't they meant to plan it? Aren't they meant to plan the fucking hen? Bitch. Pull your weight.

Pull your weight. You know? So I would say, look, i want a maid of honor that's really going to fucking show up for me and if you're not willing to do that just let me know and i'll just choose someone else and you can just show up on the wedding day and we'll have a beautiful day together but you know i would appreciate some honesty here and if there is an issue maybe there's a bit jealousy maybe it's like oh her wedding's done now and she's all miserable you know maybe it's like oh yeah it's all about you isn't it all about you you're not about me anymore maybe there's a bit of jealousy there maybe it's a bit of underlying jealousy but yeah

i would definitely approach it like that's it's just not very nice and it's it's odd that you're my maid of honor it's weird so weird okay next one oh by the way i love you so much and everything's gonna be fine congratulations you're getting married that's exciting when are you getting married what date what month have you got a wedding dress picked can you send me a picky when you do pick it obviously haven't been dress shopping yet but have you got one in mind can you send me a photograph of it when you when you get married oh love it all right guys i love you so much next dilemma hey leah absolutely obsessed with the podcast and love you so much i love you so much i have a real dilemma and would love to know your thoughts and opinions about what i should do okay so i've been with my boyfriend

for four years now everything is great i'm 25 and he's 27. We live together and we've recently bought a dog. However, his parents can be a massive issue at times, especially if we want to go anywhere together. And I mean anywhere. dinner or cinema for example they would always get funny about it like they wanted to be invited too what the fuck off fuck off mary and david weird behavior and of course at times we do go out all together sometimes we invite them out with us but they decline and sometimes i let my boyfriend just spend time with them alone as i understand they probably miss him not being at home love that of course but at times obviously I would like to just go out just the two of us and spend some time with my boyfriend but it can sometimes feel like a four-way relationship with his parents oh my god that is so bizarre to me I also feel at times if we plan a few days away together like London or whatever

then his dad always makes comments like why are you going there for or why do you need a whole week off work for that which really does upset me as my boyfriend recently went to Zante with his family I was at work and could not get the time off and not once did his dad make a comment about being off work for too long and in fact wanted him to stay out for a few extra days it's like those weird obsessed mums but you've got it in mum and dad form both his parents are always on facebook and whenever me and my boyfriend parents love facebook don't they my mum couldn't give a shit about facebook but i know like that generation facebook belongs to them really doesn't it um blah blah blah blah whenever me or my boyfriend uploaded pictures

together they never like them but always like everyone else's posts i know it's not about likes but it would be nice to know that they're happy that we're out doing fun things together honestly that's weird it's like there's some weird jealousy thing for you so strange like you're taking their precious son away it just feels like to me that they can never be happy with anything we want to do together and when i mention anything to my boyfriend he just says i'm overthinking the situation or he just ignores me which then leads to an argument and makes me more upset about the situation yeah of course like have my fucking back please there has been times where he does see where i'm coming from but he just brushes it under the carpet because he doesn't want to upset his parents. I'll get a fucking backbone babe. Jesus. Which then just leaves me

feeling sad. To be honest every time we do go out on days together it's normally me who will suggest something as he can never be bothered. Ugh. Fucking hell. Am I being ridiculous and overthinking the situation? Does his parents not like me for some reason? My family can see exactly where I'm coming from and find it really strange apart from my boyfriend. Is there someone out there for me that would enjoy going out and doing fun things with me and also who has nice parents? It's nice to throw, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's hard to throw my relationship all away just because of this, but it does have a massive effect on my mental health. And most days I'm left feeling really sad about it, especially when I see other girlfriends getting on so well with their in-laws any suggestions would be a massive help thank you so so much and I'm so sorry it's a long one love you

bye okay that's a bit shady from the boyfriend there from Billy because Billy should be having your back do you know what I mean especially because he's like oh I don't want to say anything because I don't want to upset them but it's like okay but I'm upset so you're okay with me being upset but you don't want to upset them so there's an issue there because no one should be upset you know there is a solution here we could work around this together so that no one's upset and everyone's happy but you're not willing to do that because you haven't got a fucking backbone Billy all right but there's another issue there that you've brought up that he doesn't he doesn't do enough with you and he doesn't make plans with you so realistically Billy is not pulling through

and it's not fucking good enough right so I mean if you're asking yourself like is there someone better suited for me out there that doesn't have fucking weird parents and is actually gonna pull through for me yeah there is let's be honest and start with that point there is someone out there that that doesn't have weird parents and will offer to make plans with you because that is the bare minimum we expect from our boyfriends um but it really just depends if you think your relationship with billy is worth rebuilding and fighting for because there's an issue here you said it's really affecting your mental health and you feel sad every day and it really is as simple as it's not good enough like if you're in a relationship where all the circumstances even if it's his parents are making you sad you deserve better

than that so I think you need to have another conversation with Billy and say listen Bill I'm being dead fucking serious when I tell you this is bothering me and when it's making me upset what have I ever done to your parents um and also if you've got the balls just ask his parents that's a scary one but it depends how old you are to be honest because I feel like it wasn't until about this age now where I actually felt like an adult but I feel like if it was me I'd be like guys I just want to know like is there something I've ever done to offend you or upset you or make you feel a certain way? Because I just, I feel a little bit pushed out here. And I don't, I don't want that relationship with you. You know, you're Billy's parents. Billy's really important to all

of us here. And I would love to have a great relationship with you. If there's anything I can do to help that, or if there's anything I've done, please do let me know. You're like, maybe there's anything I can do to help that or if there's anything I've done, please do let me know. You're like, maybe there's just a little conversation that needs to be had and then everything will be all right. It depends if you think the relationship is worth that or if it's something you just want to be like, do you know what? Fuck this. I'm not having these fucking conversations. I'm not doing this bullshit. Like I will literally just fuck off and find someone else. It is. I think it is actually just down to what you want to do about it but there's your options babe and you know

what always remember no matter what you decide to do everything is gonna be fine like you have got this and everything will be fine and I love you so much okay next dilemma hey Leah I've recently started your podcast and I'm in love oh my god thanks so much i love it so many people were messaging me recently saying i just found the podcast and honestly welcome if you're new here welcome i love you so much i love you equally if you just joined today if this is your first time listening or if you've listened since day one i love you all equally you're all amazing and beautiful and incredible gorgeous stunning people and i love you all right continuing on I have a very

strange situation and I need your help okay let's do it so me and my boyfriend of one and a half years have recently broke up because I really didn't feel like I was getting bare minimum effort brilliant good for you well done for walking away I work as an air hostess oh my god that's amazing that was actually so sick so obviously I get home at stupid times I honestly when I whenever I'm on a flight a flight my speech whenever I'm on a flight I look at the air hostess is and I think or air hosts fucking out cabin crew and I look at them and I think what is your shift pattern like I literally think I'm going to Spain right what do you are you coming back you staying there for the night and and then if you do say

you're getting paid like if you have to stay there do you stay in like hotel like will you get paid because you're technically still on shift I don't know it's something I'd like to know if anybody would like to fill me in on that information i'd really appreciate it it's just something i've never really understood like people that do like flights from like london to new york like do you live in new york or london and do you do both ways in a day you know crazy okay continuing continuing so she's she's an air hostess and she gets home at stupid times she says by the way we didn't live together so whenever i'd finish work all my mates would get

messages off their boyfriends telling them to get home safe or that they hope they had a good day sweet you know stuff like that i never got that and i ignored it for ages i mentioned in an argument once and still nothing changed right Right. So you're coming home. Bearing in mind, I find people like you very brave, very brave people because I go on holiday and I feel like I'm risking my life for a week in the sun. Right. You're risking your life on a day to day basis. And that's fucking terrifying to me. me I can't lie so I don't think I could be in a relationship with somebody who was on a plane most days because I'd just be terrified I'd be like can you just get a job on the ground like you just can you just get a job that doesn't try and defy gravity do you know what I mean so that's scary so it's sweet all the boyfriends are texting

their girlfriends I hope your flight was okay babe hope you landed safe I love you so much have a safe flight my darling I love you have a safe, babe. Hope you landed safe. I love you so much. Have a safe flight, my darling. I love you. Have a safe flight, baby. Yeah? And you're not getting any of that shit. Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot, Billy. Fucking rude. Okay, moving on. So it was bank holiday weekend. I see my boyfriend on the Friday. We went for some nice food and drinks because I thought I would treat him as we hadn't been out for a proper meal for his birthday. You sound like a lovely girlfriend and very laid back I will say that then the Saturday I was in work I finished and there was no message fucking rude woke up with Sunday no message what so you haven't spoken to him since Friday when you took him out okay so I thought

okay I'll ring him and make the first move yeah put out the olive branch swallow your pride fair fair enough i asked him how he was etc he said he was going for a pint with the lads but he won't be staying out long because he's skin so i said no go out it's sunny i'll send you some money so sweet you sound like a really lovely girlfriend so i sent him the money he went out i went to work i landed on the monday no message again i woke up on monday after my flight and again no message oh my fucking god i would be out of there that is so pathetic where are you where are you okay i just got so fed up so i rang him and just asked him how come he hasn't spoke to me all weekend his reply was that he was busy right okay i hope this boy works in

underground in the mines where there is no 4g and no fucking signal because there is no excuse under the sun for that. Honestly, there is no excuse. I just got really frustrated because I'm working all weekend. In between that, I managed to ring him twice and sent him money and I can't even get a simple message to say, did you get home safe? Yeah, fuck off. Do you even think about me? Do I even cross your mind? Rude. He got angry at me and said i was giving him shit so he ended the call oh classic classic i'm not listening to this i'm not listening to this all you do is fucking criticize me and complain shut up so he ended the call i thought to myself i'm not going to message him especially after i told him how it made me feel yeah you he knows

he knows how you feel about this not messaging shit now so how he decides to react and how he decides to behave from that point on says a lot because he knows what you have an issue with and if he continues you've made it very clear that that doesn't make you very fucking happy oh brilliant here we go he didn't speak to me for a week what that's her boyfriend everybody her boyfriend she said why didn't you even just text me saying did you get home safe he's like oh my god go away all you do is fucking moan at me hangs up the phone doesn't talk to her for a week there's something going on there i think it got to the following sunday and i said i think we need

a chat and can we meet he replied and said I'll message you after work tomorrow. So it comes to the next day and he says he was free. I said, I'll come pick you up. By the way, he doesn't drive. He said for me to come to him because he has to clean and cook tea. I said to him that I'd rather him come to the car and speak there. Good for you. Good for for you he told me he hasn't got time so i said if you haven't got time to speak to me should i just go and just pick up my stuff and he replied okay oh my fucking god you're a pathetic boyfriend the most pathetic boyfriend i've ever fucking heard of so i went to his i walked in and said can i go and grab my stuff i went upstairs was packing and then came down and said i think I've got everything just want to make it clear that we're over right he just said

yeah that's fine oh not really the response we were hoping for is it no no please don't leave me yeah that's fine yeah all right that's fine oh okay so I said have you not got anything else to say and he said no wow when I say this was the most emotionless breakup in my life I mean it how blunt I've typed this out is how blunt and normal he replied anyway as I left I made it a bit of I made a bit of a snide comment because I was just so annoyed of how he was being with me um sorry after being together for a year and a half and how he was just so could not be bothered the comment was good luck to your next victim i know what you mean though like you just want a reaction don't you it's like you're giving me nothing give me something fucking else so you just you give them a little dig don't you because you think it's going to get a reaction to

show that they care but but they don't. After it, he texts me saying there was no need for the snide comment. I ignored it because I was just so upset. I think that message was just an excuse to reach out. Do you know what I mean? If you genuinely just thought, oh, no need for that comment, and he genuinely didn't care and didn't want to be with you, he would watch you walk out that door and go, no need for that comment, but thank God she's gone. But instead, he's thinking, oh,

fuck's sake, I need to talk to her. Why didn't I say anything? Or whatever, for whatever reason, he wants communication with you. So he's used that snide comment as an excuse to communicate, in my opinion. I ignored it because I was just so upset. A few days later, he texted me and said to not worry about his bank card, and he will order a new one. Again, another excuse. I'm not worried about your bank card, babe. Just fuck off. Oh, don't worry about my bank card, by the way. I'm going to order a new one. I had his bank card because mine is in the lakes and his mum's so I couldn't withdraw any cash. Okay. Anyway, I just replied and said, okay, can you send me that money? The money I sent him for that night out. Yes. Be petty. I love it. I love it. Can you send me that money? Thanks. That I put

that night out I paid for for you? Yeah, I'll have that back. Thanks. He said he couldn't send it until Friday because he had to withdraw all of his cash so he could have money to buy whatever he needed, but said I could drop his bank card off and pick up the cash instead. Oh, classic, but said I could drop his bank card off and pick up the cash instead. Oh, classic, classic. Want to see me now, do you? I said that I'll just wait till Friday. Love that from you. He then replied, just post it and I'll leave the cash somewhere and there's no need to be like that, making out like I was horrible to you all the time. We broke up and that's that. No need to be nasty once it's done. Oh, it's not easy, is it? It's not easy, is it? So I replied, I'll wait till Friday. I'm not nasty. Your behavior at the end was nasty. And

that's that. Think you should think about your actions before you try and educate someone else. Oh, yes. Yes, girl. That's correct. And then, of course, the typical thing that always happened. He turned everything around on me. this was his response yeah you keep telling yourself and your mates but oh sorry let me read that again yeah you keep telling yourself and your mates that but at the end of the day you belled me up giving me shit then didn't speak to me for a week and then fucked it off when you left when you left made a horrible comment so tell yourself whatever you want to make yourself happy and I just replied okay Billy I've had to change the name there we haven't spoken since I blocked him on snapchat because I didn't want to get upset seeing all of his stories good for you you're very strong you're

very strong woman I can tell I gave him sorry I have him on everything else though and text now that we've broke up I look back and see how many things i just ignored and brushed under the carpet and how the way he was just didn't work for me yeah i'm not expecting back and forth texting all day because i simply don't have the time however a simple good morning have a nice day would be nice absolutely that's bottom of the barrel darling do you know what i mean i used to text him that all the time when he would go to work and then he told me he doesn't like that because he's told me before he can't go on his phone what and I get that but when you finish work it's still nice in my opinion yeah who doesn't like that can you stop texting me saying have a good day because I can't fucking read my phone fucking hell just little things I think back it was our anniversary in August and we said no presents but

I would have thought he would have got me flowers at the least or just posted a little story like I did just anything yeah for sure am I wrong for feeling the way I do am I asking for too much why can't I seem to get my head around what I can't seem to get my head around is how I thought our relationship was good and for it to end like that and him having no emotion is just horrible please help I need your opinion love you lots and I hope you're all okay wow that was really long first of all I'm really proud of you for how you handled that situation I think you did that with so much dignity you should be very proud of yourself I will say I think his behavior is fishy and bizarre I feel like there's like a third party situation here not to be like he's cheating on you but I don't know like his head is just a bit scrambled

by the seams of it and I think you deserve someone so much better because you have so much more to offer someone you're you're very intelligent and you're very emotionally stable and emotionally balanced and I think you would make an amazing partner to someone so Billy was not the fucking guy that deserved it you know like I believe you're an amazing partner and to text your boyfriend good morning have a good day you're like the opposite of clingy you just want a little just a little nod to you know i'm thinking of you babe you know you don't i'm not worried about presents maybe just a little insta story you are very laid back and you are not asking for too much you are absolutely not i think you are a lot of guys dream let me tell you that so i think walk away from this relationship with your head held high you handled this gracefully

like yeah you gave a little diggy comment on your way out but it wasn't that deep you know i mean you just said good luck to your next victim you know it's not it's not that snide it's just like a little dig nothing nothing too harsh you know and you deserve it you deserve to get a little dig at him you know after all the shit he did to you and i just think now like you said you're able to look back at that relationship and see it for what it really was just keep reminding yourself of those things and you are never asking for too much if you just want someone to text you saying i hope hope your flight landed safely you're not asking for too much you are asking for below the bare minimum the bare minimum is good morning babe

hope you have a good day what shift are you doing today maybe a little conversation before you start work let alone just one text you know what I mean so honestly I think you're amazing and I'm very proud of you and I love you so much okay let's do one more dilemma hey Leah I absolutely love the pod and I've been listening since your first ep oh I love you I love that I was just wondering if you would talk about people pleasing and confidence in your next episode I'm a Leo like you so I find that I'm a real social butterfly and a bit of a people pleaser. I usually get on with everybody however I really struggle when people don't like me. I know that's just life and it shouldn't bother me. I feel like this is something that a lot of people struggle with and so I thought it could be something you

could talk about. Lots of love. I love this topic. I really actually enjoy it and it's gave me an idea for a weekly debate like does it bother you when someone doesn't like you because I'd be intrigued to know how many of you have this but I am like you maybe it's a Leo thing maybe it's a I'm fucking deep down insecure thing but if people don't like me it bothers me it really does you guys know that and I think that's why like we've gotten these negative comments recently it knocks my confidence and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough to do it and it makes me feel like I shouldn't be doing it and it makes me feel like oh'm not good enough to do it. And it makes me feel like I shouldn't be doing it. And it makes me feel like, oh my God, nobody actually wants to listen to these podcasts. I'm fucking embarrassing myself.

Like, I just need to delete every episode I've ever uploaded, delete all my social media. Like, for some reason, I just cannot, I can't get my head around when people can just be wrong about you. But that's why I always remind myself, like, I don't like everyone I meet. I just don't and also there are so many people that I've met and been wrong about and people will not like me and people will be wrong about me and people will have negative opinions on me but at the same time their opinions do you know what I mean I wouldn't say I'm a people pleaser because I'm very unapologetically myself and I'm proud of who I am and I think I'm a good person with a good heart. But that means that when someone doesn't

like me, I'm like, why can't you see me for who I am? You know, I'm like, why can't you see that I have a pure heart and I love people and I just want everyone to be happy and I just want to love. I'm a lover, you know, but I'm definitely getting better with it. As I get older, I just want to love I'm a lover you know but I'm definitely getting better with it as I get older I just think do you know what what someone thinks of me is nothing to do with me like someone's opinion on me is none of my business what what is to do with me and what is my business is how I treat people how I how I behave how I think how I love how I feel how I treat people, how I behave, how I think, how I love, how I feel, how I am as a human being, my intentions. That is my business and that's what's important. And if I know deep down, I'm a lover, I treat people with kindness, I treat people with respect, I love people,

I listen to people, I forgive people. You know, like if I truly believe that about myself, what anybody says about me is irrelevant, you know? So yeah, I'm definitely working on it and it's definitely something I'm practicing, but that is honestly the advice I would give anybody who can't cope with someone not liking them because I know I know it's very common I know there's a lot of people out there like I couldn't give a fuck what people think about me and I think that can be dangerous to an extent but because this is my other thing I think we all have things we need to work on and there are some people that will not recognize that they will not recognize that there are certain traits that

we might have developed that could be toxic or damaging or hurtful. And if you're not willing to work on at least, at the very least, your toxic traits, I think that can be a dangerous person, you know? And I'm always willing, like when I'm in a relationship and somebody says to me like, the way you responded in that argument was really hurtful. That's when I can be like, okay, let me think about how I can behave differently. Do you know what I mean? Let me think about how that might affect somebody else. You know what I'm saying? Or let me think about why I might have reacted to it in that way. Or let me think about what baggage I might be bringing, where that might be bringing where that might be coming from what trauma you know what I mean so I think there's a there's a line between

being okay with people having negative opinions on you um and not giving a fuck do you know what I mean I'm it's not that I don't give a fuck and I don't want to get to the point where I don't give a fuck but it's that I my main priority is is believing genuinely genuinely believing that I'm a good person that is worthy of good things so if anybody else tells me oh blah blah blah she's this she's that if I can deep down look at myself and say that's not actually true you know then I'm okay like there's been situations with me where people are like oh she's using this person or like she wants this out of this and like when I see those comments or whatever I look at myself and I think that is just not true and that makes it so much easier to take that and move on from it because I know I know no one knows me like I know me and that's a fact no one knows you the way that you know you because you only you

can hear what happens in your head only you can hear your conscious mind you know and therefore when somebody will tell me something about myself all I have to do is ask myself if I think that could be true and if if I genuinely hand on heart say no that's not true that's not true actually that person's wrong about me I can move on from that and accept that person's opinion is incorrect and I like who I am but if it's oh I don't know she's vulgar and she swears too much I can go that is true that is true I do do that and that person doesn't like it do I have an issue with it that would be my next question do I have an issue with that and I'm like well I wouldn't really want people to think that I'm vulgar and I wouldn't want people to think that

I'm just like this fucking fact fact fact fact fact so I'm like okay you know what let me work on that let me take that criticism and try and change that about myself because I've recognized it's actually not something I like and it's not something I'm proud of listen I'm not we all know I'm born in fucking East London my parents have cocked me out the red and I will always be that girl. I'll never change. But are there situations where I swerve really aggressively and unnecessarily? Yeah. Is that something I want to change? Yeah. And that's, you know, that's what I'll take from that. Okay, guys. Now there is one last section before we end this episode. A little fun segment we all love we will get to hear all your filthy dirty secrets let's get into the confession diaries

okay first confession we have Hylia love your podcast so much i love you i have a confession i shagged a guy i hate the word shagged for some reason i shagged a guy in a club last sunday i instigated it in a club like you had sex in a club is that do people do that that's that thing i actually that's just unlocked a memory i was in a club in camden once it was like that big one in Camden what's it called I can't remember now I think it begins with c anyway and they have like photo booths and I opened a photo booth and these two people were fully having sex she was like bent up against the the booth and he was just fully but like she was bending over facing me so i opened this curtain and she's looking me in the eyes i was like oh

my god and he's looking at me and he just starts laughing and he's still shagging her shagging and i was like whoa and i just shut the curtain immediately. How terrifying is that? Anyway, back to you. Was it you I found having sex? No, it was last Sunday. I experienced this a few years ago on Halloween. Oh, was everyone going on Halloween this year? Help me. Okay, back to your confession. Okay, then I went back to his, literally shagged to death all night. Okay. Okay, then I went back to his, literally shagged to death all night. Okay, then on the Tuesday after, so this was Sunday, you were in clubbing on Sunday, love that. Okay, then Tuesday, you, okay, it's been two days almost. It says, on Tuesday after my vajayjay had recovered, I got on Tinder and went round to a a 40 year olds and shagged him too funny part

was after we had done it I went on tinder in his bed and he caught me lol thanks for reading love you so you are just on to the next one immediately even before you've left the bed that you've just had sex in you're already looking for your next one I mean look i will say this as long as you're having safe sex if you're wrapping it up and it's mutually consensual it's okay with me all right you know i hope your puss is all right though frost all right next confession i once dunked my boyfriend's parents toothbrushes in the toilet because they told him he was too good for me and tried to make him leave me. You dunked your boyfriend's parents' toothbrush. I mean, imagine they ever found out. You'd be gone. It would be over for you.

Like, how would you ever recover from that? That is crazy. Do you know what I think when I read things like that? I wonder if anyone's ever dunked my toothbrush or like if anyone's ever done anything like that to me and I don't know about it. Imagine that. Like at uni or whatever. Imagine that ever happened and like we don't know about it. fucking hope not christ okay next confession i love my boyfriend so much but still think about my ex oh my god fuck imagine being with someone and they still think about their ex like imagine imagine i was with a boy and he was still thinking about his ex. No, that's so shit. That is so shit.

I don't even know what to say about that one, babe. Why? What are these thoughts? Let me know. Last one. I went home with a boy because I didn't want to pay £40 for a cab home. Luckily it was great sex and free lift. I mean, smart. Smart, really really and like you said worth it absolute win

win there babe you know what I'm saying you just did not lose in any department there congratulations love that for you all right guys let's wrap up the episode okay thank you guys so much for listening I feel like these episodes are getting really long and I don't even know where the time's going am I rambling more than ever right now I don't even know all these negative comments have got right into my head and I feel like you all hate me again and this is back to my being a leo and wanting everyone to fucking like me I'm like no one likes me it's really sad I get like three negative comments i'm like everyone hates me everyone wants me to delete my account i can't cope with it but to be fair it's because i did a tiktok live the

other night and there were some not so nice comments on there and i was just like everyone fucking hates me why is it all getting to me at the moment it's all getting to me but anyway that's why I love these episodes because you guys are talking to you guys makes me feel like I'm I've got my friend going don't worry we love you do you know what I mean I don't want to get to you babe we love you we are on the line we love you so yeah honestly could not get through any of this about you guys are the fucking best and I'm so grateful and appreciative of every single one of you that listen to these episodes. I have so much fun filming them with you all.

You are so funny. Like you guys crack me up in my DMs with your voice notes, with your just random messages, with your responses to the weekly debates, dilemmas, confessions. Like you guys are just funny. And you're also just lovely, kind people. And I really love you all so much. To anyone going through a hard time at the moment, I love you. I're okay everything will be fine whatever you're feeling is temporary you're never alone put on an episode of Lear in the line I've got you babe but you know what I mean and anyone going through a great time right now amazing I'm so happy for you you deserve this

you deserve to feel like this you're an incredible person and just thrive baby i love you all right guys i will speak to you on friday for a brand new episode i'm gonna either do the self-love episode or the dating episode so one of you guys sent me an email and i thought it was an amazing idea and it was like talk about rejection date insights like worst date stories blah blah blah and i thought that was such a fun one so let me know which one you want to hear first and we'll do that on friday all right guys have the best week you're so amazing and I will speak to you on Friday I love you bye