Leah on the Line - 45: Dealing with girl best friends & my bestie is dating a narcissist!!

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

Hey babes! Today we debated how you feel about girl best friends and talked through some seriously difficult dilemmas! I hope you love this episode as much as I do! Thank you to every single one of you for listening, I love you so so much!! As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leera on the line happy tuesday how are you hope you guys have had the best weekend i've missed you so much i can't believe it's been a whole seven days since we've spoken. I can only apologize for not uploading on Friday. If you guys don't follow me on socials, you probably have no idea where I went. But basically my laptop broke. The keyboard stopped working. So I could have recorded an episode, but I couldn't have edited one. So that was gorge. Spent hours and hours and hours trying to fix it. I literally had messaged you all because I was going to do the call in my listeners episode. I'd messaged you all being like, okay, babes, I'm calling you at

this time. Like, is that okay? Had your thumbs up confirmed. I'm ready to answer. I'm ready to chat on the phone. And then my laptop decided to fuck me over honestly my laptop has been testing my patience recently but it's okay touch wood she sees another day i don't have any word so can all of you guys just touch a bit of wood for me thanks so much lovey so um we will do that episode i promise i promise we will maybe this friday come in would you guys want to do that i feel like we should do it on this friday come in let me know know what other Friday episode you guys want to do because as I will say the worlds are always still on Fridays you know what I mean I think we should do another one of those the blank episode you know where it's all focused on a certain topic or specific point I

feel like that'd be really fun but other than that I'm doing vlogmas oh by the way guys if you can hear more of an echo today I can kind of hear way, guys, if you can hear more of an echo today, I can kind of hear it in my headphones. If you can hear more of an echo in the audio today, I'm in an empty room because we're getting all work done in our house. And basically, my room's empty. So I'm currently set on the floor in my room. So it might sound a bit echoey. But if you guys didn't know I'm doing vlogmas on TikTok I nearly said Twitter I don't even use Twitter I'm doing vlogmas on TikTok every day at 11am I upload a daily vlog so if you guys want to check that out feel free we can have a little

convo in the comments if you do come from the podcast leave a comment of a little Santa emoji and a telephone so I know you came from the pod but yeah I hope you guys had the best week it's almost Christmas if you celebrate it I'm so excited um I haven't finished my Christmas shopping I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna get my boyfriend anyone got any bloody ideas because I swear boys are the most painful things to buy for in the world like I don't want to buy you boxes. Like, yeah, I get it. It's a nice present, especially if they're like Calvin's because they ain't fucking cheap, mind, right? I get it. Like, it's nice because you don't want to buy them yourself and it's nice to get gifted them. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't want to buy you boxes. Boring. I want to get you something where you're like, oh my God, I can't

believe you got this. I can't believe you thought of this. This is genius. This is absolutely amazing. You must adore me. Do you know what I mean? And I'm struggling to be honest. I've got some really nice sentimental presents, but I want to, I want to get like a decent present. Do you know what I mean? So throw your ideas at me guys. Also any Christmas idea, Christmas episode ideas, throw them at me as well. I'm thinking we do like a new year's episode as well, like where we can reflect, you guys can send in yours as well and we can all get involved, but you can send in and I'll discuss my like 2020 new year's resolutions and goals and manifestations and we can discuss whether we achieved them, whether they've changed, what they are for 2023. I feel like that'd be a nice wholesome video. So yeah,

throw any ideas at me guys. I'm all ears. But without wasting any more of your time, let's get straight into the episode. Okay, really interesting weekly debate this week, guys. I mean, I say that every week, but I wouldn't choose it if I didn't find it interesting do you know what I mean so this week we are debating how do you feel about your boyfriend having girl best friends so obviously we're talking heterosexual relationships here only because it comes from a dilemma that we're going to be facing in this episode so let's have a look at your responses I have no clue what you guys are going to say on this one I feel like you're probably all going to be like yeah whatever like I'm chill like whatever I trust him and I feel like there's going to be loads of you that are like girls and guys can just be

friends you know but then I also feel like a lot of you are going to be like um I've had bad experiences with that one you can literally hear my dog barking in the background there sorry she's inside now sorry about that she gets a bit protective of the garden do you know what i mean but she's tiny she's like who are you gonna fight do you mean he wouldn't stand a chance on anyway let's get into your responses so one of you have said if you feel comfortable if it's super flirty between them no my boyfriend had a super close girl best friend and it never bothered me as there was never flirty vibes slash never crossed a line and he reassured me lots if i did question anything but my ex had a girl best friend and it felt off and made me uncomfortable okay so you're saying like you can kind of tell if it's platonic or not you can tell if you have

something to worry about okay i can see that somebody says no but i'm insecure lol um someone says it's fine as there's no as long as there's no history between them like slept together or dated etc no friends absolutely fine but you can only be so close to someone before emotions set in okay my boyfriend introduced me to his girl best friend turns out they slept together before so it's a no someone says no no no no no no no sorry hun no her or me baby oh this is a real you're putting him under what's it called giving him an ultimatum you're like yeah you choose who who means more to you but then if it's his girl best friend and you're new on the scene he's probably gonna pick her anyway oh god my mum and dad have been married 30 years my dad doesn't have says girl best friend and you're new on the scene, he's probably going to pick her. Anyway, oh God.

My mum and dad have been married 30 years. My dad doesn't have a girl best friend. Okay, perfect. I'm standing to know what you mean. I'm going to respond with my experience. It's a positive one. Okay, we will get back to that one. I have a boy best friend.

He has a girlfriend. We are genuinely just best friends. Nothing has ever happened. Okay, so this is a perspective from the best friend here, which is interesting. Um, this girl says, does your dad have a girl best friend? Exactly. My dad did have a girl best friend and then he married her. He wasn't with my mom at the time, Jesus, but they were just friends, just friends, best friends, best friends. And then they, now they're married. So, um, call me me toxic but cannot be me sorry i am his girl bestie i don't think girls can be close friends with sorry i don't think guys can be close friends

with girls without having any sort of feelings towards them so you guys if you haven't listened to my very first episode i have said strongly i don't believe that a guy and a girl can be best friends. I believe in a guy, a guy, oh my God, a guy and a girl being friends, 1 million percent, not a doubt in my mind. I'm friends with guys. If anything, I find guys sometimes easier to be friends with, do you know what I mean? They're less likely to suck you off, hun. But best friends, that to me, if you're best friends with someone, you hang out all the time you go to the cinema together you go out for drinks you go out for dinner you go around each other's houses for me I have never in my life seen that happen and it been purely platonic from both sides or

experienced it ever in my life that's the truth truth. But as I always say, that's my opinion, guys. Just my opinion and my experience. Okay. Back to you. As long as I can meet them and they can respect our boundaries, I don't care. It's okay. Although if I know they've got some history, I'm not as understanding. Oh my God. I would not be understanding at all if if my boyfriend was best friends with a girl he'd even kissed I've got a major problem with it call me toxic call me unreasonable that's that's me and I'm not willing to budge on that it's not something I can actually get past personally if you you have history, geez. If she was around before our relationship started, then no problem, but not the other way.

If they already have a girl best friend, it's totally fine. But if it's something new, then no. So yeah, very similar. Know if they're pretty. Oh my God. Okay. No, thank you. As a a girlfriend you are the best friend this really bothered me when my husband and i first got together eight years ago but now i couldn't care less i used to be so jealous but once you meet them and get on it's fine someone says ew

no no get a laugh no no no no no weird behavior unnecessary thank you bye um somebody says absolutely not sorry but girls really have rarely have pre-intentions with boys i don't know what that means stupid um nope friends but besties slash always together slash phone calls never feelings always happen see this is my thing i just feel like you can't spend that much time with someone if you're straight and you're spending that much time with someone of the opposite sex surely you're gonna catch feelings for them inevitably in the end like what is the actual difference between like dating someone and being best friends with them apart from obviously you don't have sex yeah yeah do you know what mean? Anyway, if he wants to be single,

then yeah, why not? Yeah, you crack on, darling. If you don't want a girlfriend, you crack on. No, absolutely not. My anxiety cannot deal with this. Best friend, unsure, but longtime friends, it's fine. But as the girls bathroom say, does your dad have a girl best friend? Unsure, but longtime friends, it's fine. But as the girls bathroom say, does your dad have a girl best friend? No, that is great. I love that point. No, I'm his girl best friend. Doesn't need another. Okay. Let's think about my opinion on that one. I'd rather not. That's my personal opinion. Life is easier if it's not the case for me because I would I would feel a bit in competition with them in terms of like you know you may you might know him a lot better than me especially at the beginning and are you gonna have an issue of me coming on the scene taking him away from you

like is there gonna be jealousy towards me do you know what I mean am I going to feel jealous towards you probably you have all these beautiful memories together why didn't you just fall in love do you know what I mean so I'm over the moon that my boyfriend doesn't have a girl best friend um so yeah that's where I stand on that one guys I'm going to wrap it up on that because I don't fucking get it why it bothers me I don't get it like i said i don't get it but then i also love that there's so many of you that don't have an issue with it let's check some of my dms actually because you some of you have sent me some stories and some of your experience which i find really interesting um let's see my boyfriend has plenty of female friends but i wouldn't say he has a best girlfriend who he hangs out with he has girls he knows through his job but nothing i would ever be

concerned about oh yeah i feel like that's totally fine it doesn't bother me because i've met all his good girlfriends and i have loads of close guy friends and i know nothing would ever happen with them so i know he can have friends and nothing would ever happen however none of his close girlfriends are really in his everyday life no one lives in another country oh one lives in another country and the rest are either mutual friends or from uni and he only sees them every once in a while so it's not like he's hanging out with them one-on-one all the time yeah I get that I don't think that sounds concerning at all um so I have a guy bestie too actually never anything sexual literally my brothers so i get

the dynamic it has to be respect you have to introduce the two and never be secretive include your partner in the friendship and make them feel secure yeah i feel like if i had a guy best friend straight guy best friend and my boyfriend comes into my life i'm gonna make sure they're in each other's lives do you know what mean? Because I just don't want any of those feelings. Do you know what I mean? But I don't have a guy best friend. So yeah, that's that. Okay, guys, really hard. I don't know where I stand with that one. But love all of your opinions. Thank you so much for getting them sent in, getting involved. And let's move on to some dilemmas. Dilemmas. Okay, dilemmas time. But before we get into some new dilemmas, I have updates. I have updates, guys. So we've got two. The first one I'm going to read out. Update, update,

update. Boyfriend takes phone everywhere and friends send OnlyFans in the group chat. You guys remember that dilemma a couple of weeks ago. It says, hello, I'm back after bringing up my previous dilemma with my boyfriend. I didn't go as ham as I originally thought I would as I had time to process my feelings more. Love that. We didn't act on emotion. We processed. We thought things through. Love that. If anyone else hasn't heard my last dilemma, my boyfriend basically takes his phone everywhere. And the other week, I saw his mates send OnlyFans in the group chat. He didn't interact interact but likely because I was right behind him. Anyways after listening to your advice I decided to mention it on more of a relaxed level just so I could finally get it off my mind. I mentioned all the key points and how my head goes to all of the bad places and how it's a bit

shit to see etc. I didn't blame anything on him as i know it's mainly his friends but i still wanted to see what he had to say about it his reply was that single lads are going to do single lad things and they're sending it because they think it's what all the other lads want to see slash they want us to see he then hit me with the facts that 14 of his friends are single how many fucking friends does this guy have i swear guys have so many fucking friends and girls we have like two do you know what i mean anyway um no need to get technical lol and that it does happen often ouch rip me he then said he doesn't interact he will of course open it but then just swipe off i have to hope that that's the truth because there's no way i'd know i do want to believe him i suppose it's just how lads are and I just have to deal with the harsh truth which hurts I know I can't and he can't

control what his friends do but I just still feel like you are heavily influenced by those around you and I just think it's really weird to be sending a bunch of that stuff in especially because if it was me it would be a total different story I hate hate little lads. Oh, I hate horny little lads. Fuck my life. But they won't change. I probably need to work on my own insecurities, but I just think that no girl wants to see that happening. There's not much of a dilemma here as I can't do much now. I just want to see your final opinion on this perspective, on his perspective. Solz for blabbering. you love you so much thank you for the update we love the updates okay i mean it's fair enough to be fair he's like well what can i

do do you know what i mean it's not me sending them they are single and they're single lads doing single ladship my issue with that is like okay but then you're seeing naked women and i don't want you to be seeing naked women so and then but at the same time on his side it's like well what can i do about it i look at it and swipe off but then in my head i'll be thinking do you look at her do you zoom in on the tits do you look at everything like do you look at it do you think do you have feelings and thoughts when you look at these things you're not initiating the conversation and you're not technically part of it is what you're saying but what do you feel about it do you enjoy it are you like oh you're nice on me like are you like

yeah tits titties pussy like that's what i'm thinking but like you said it's like all I can really do is just believe him that it's like well I don't interact I don't say anything I don't look like I'm not interested it's just single as in single things I'm not part of it and like what can you do what can if that's who his friends are sound like little rats if you ask me but again like your boyfriend said and like you said what can you do that's who his friends are what can you do um yeah to be honest I suppose I'm with you on just the all I can really do is accept it I can't change who his friends are don't like it but it is what it is do you know what you mean so yeah I love you thank you for the update appreciate you and love you more than ever okay next update it says hey babes update here i sent a dilemma a couple of weeks ago

about seeing a guy since september and he's not yet asked me to make it official and i was concerned he had commitment issues you guys remember that and i was like well why and i think i said to you give it a bit longer and then bite the bullet and have the fucking conversation. Do you know what I mean? Who cares what he thinks? If he thinks you're crazy, just fucking ask him. Anyway, well, we're on holiday and he's taking me off and he's asked to make it official and we're having the best holiday. P.S. You're the first bestie I've told. Love you. Bye. Oh my God. This was sent in live on the holiday. That is amazing. I'm so happy for you. Congratulations. Amazing news. Gorgeous. Stunning. He doesn't have commitment issues. Perfect. You're a girlfriend now. Soon to be a wife. And I'm over the moon for you.

Love you so much. Thank you for the update. Okay. let's get into some new dilemmas. All right. Hey Leah, I'm writing in for some sisterly advice on my current situation as it seems like it's on my mind constantly at the minute. I think this is going to be a long one. Okay, I'm ready. Strap in everybody. I guess it's not a personal dilemma, but my problem is that my best friend is dating a narcissist and I don't know how to handle it. For some background, my best friend and I are 21 years old. We've been in each other, oh sorry, we've both been in very healthy relationships with two boys from the same friendship group for the past five years. Gorge. It was so lovely having double dates etc as we were all friends and my boyfriend would look out for her when she needed it and vice versa.

Stunning. However, my best friend will call her lucy and her boyfriend were just different people in so many ways and she broke up with him late last year i think she had known for the entire relationship that they were not compatible but she just kept putting off breaking up with him because there was no huge reasons such as cheating or disrespect i get that i get that. Once Lucy became single, she started talking to a guy that we knew from school days. He asked her out for friendly drinks, which over time ended in them sleeping together and finally becoming a couple in the summer. Now, this boy doesn't have the best reputation. He is known for selling illegal substances and starting fights. So

attractive, right? But this didn't stop her falling for him as she said that he is not like that anymore of course forwarding on to now a few months into the relationship his true colors are showing and he is capital letters awful awful sorry if that deafened any of you he starts an argument with her every time she goes out oh fuck off ruining my fucking night every time resulting in her being picked up by him wow and leaving early oh my god let her live let the fucking girl live he goes on her phone and blocks anyone she's ever laid eyes on he brings her down when she puts on a new outfit or does something different with her hair most recently he accused our whole friendship group

of flirting with boys on our nights out etc now this pissed me off as i'm loyal as i am as loyal as they come and in the happiest and purest of relationships so why is he doubting my loyalty yeah do you know what you mean fuck off you're coming for me for dick oh my god i'm swearing a lot again jesus i was getting better at it wasn't i he was texting her all night and when she didn't answer for five minutes whilst we was on the tube he texted me to tell her to get on her way home i'm sorry is she 12 years old and are you her dad sorry is she 12 years old and are you her dad you fucking tell her you tell lucy get on get on her way home now oh my god it's almost like that you know when you're out with your parents and you're a kid and you're playing up and they go wait till you get home it's not funny it's

actually not funny anyway um it took all of the strength inside me not to message him back telling him everything i think of him i just didn't reply strength strength he is constantly vile towards her and i only know a fraction of what goes on this is the thing like this is the shit that he's willing to show you so god knows what he does without anybody knowing do you know i mean how he talks to her um we've always said to each other how we would never be with someone who treats you in this way and when i brought this up to her she said there's just something about him of course there is he also left me at a train station an hour from my house at midnight without even offering me a lift home what kind of man does that oh my god this bothers me deeply because i know this is not the kind of relationship

she wants to be in nor is it one she deserves okay so you clearly love and care about this girl this must be awful for you to just stand by and witness she always says how lucky i am to have a boyfriend like mine because he treats me like an absolute queen honestly i couldn't ask for anything more from him he is my best friend but i know she would easily find her person if she gave herself the time to be single and explore it would also help if she didn't ignore all the red flags in the beginning yeah but we do it do you know what i mean i know she's gonna hold on to the good days until there are no good days left and then i fear she's just gonna be a completely broken woman i just wish she would cut him off before he completely breaks her down because he doesn't deserve to have any control over any girl something also very important to know is that she's lost a

lot of weight since being in this relationship and she's already a very tiny girl she says it from she says it's from the stress of him I've never seen her lose weight like this in our 18 years of friendship so she is clearly really not fucking well in this relationship do you know what i mean like he is damaging her massively poor girl okay i guess my question is how would you deal with this situation as i find it so difficult to keep my mouth shut when this is affecting her mental and physical health so much but i don't want to make her feel worse than i know she already does deep down p.s her whole family hates him too thank you in advance this is so difficult this is so so so difficult so one thing I will say is you guys know when somebody tells you this guy's no good for you

you deserve so much better you know I'm like I know I know this you need to leave I know I just can't that it sounds like she's in that trauma bond you know like he makes her feel like absolute shit and then he goes oh my god you're amazing I love you so so so much and then that takes away that pain do you know what I mean so basically it's it's like, you know when you make, he makes her feel really shit, right? It makes her feel really shit, it makes her feel really ugly, it makes her feel like she's a fucking awful person. She's on the floor at this point, her self-esteem's on the floor, her happiness is on the floor, she's on the floor. And then he comes running with, I didn't mean it, I love you, you're amazing, it's just because I love you, I'm just this

protective because I love you so much and I'm so scared i love you i'm just this protective because i love you so much and i'm so scared to lose you and hearing that takes away the pain that they initially caused by insulting you and belittling you and intimidating you and disrespecting you it takes away that pain so you stay because you feel they've taken it away from you. You feel better and repeat and repeat and repeat. So one thing I will say is like, unfortunately, you can tell someone a million times you deserve better. You need to leave. You need to walk away. Imagine the relationship you could have with somebody else. They are not going to do it until they are ready to do it. She knows she deserves better. She knows she needs to leave him deep down it she knows she deserves better she knows she needs

to leave him deep down she knows she cries in bed at night thinking i can't i can't believe this is my life she knows but until she's ready one day when she just wakes up and she goes enough is enough fuck you until then there is actually nothing we can do to make someone do that so it's so awful to be a part of and just watch do you guys know what i mean um to be honest if i was in your position and that was my best friend one million percent i'm talking to him i know it's not going to do nothing this is the thing oh would i though then because this is the thing what i'd want to do like if that was my best friend and she was in your in lucy's position i would get the next opportunity i can to sit him down and say do you know what you've done

to my best friend look at her yeah i would do this in private lucy wouldn't be there and i'd just be like what the fuck are you doing to this girl yeah you're controlling you're fucking rude you're nasty you're abusive like that's who you are as a person just so you know you're an abusive nasty controlling piece of work yeah like that's what i'd want to say to him and i'd say this girl has a life she has a mom she has siblings she has friends she has a job she her life is not you you have you are not the center of her fucking world it she might feel like he is right but this is a girl this is a real person a real human being and you're destroying her because of whatever is fucking wrong with you right this is what i'd want to say to him

but the thing is he's not going to do nothing he's not going to go oh okay well i'll just be a nice boyfriend now like he's probably going to punish lucy for it even more it's probably going to be like you you tell your fucking friends yeah and you probably control her so she can't go out of you anymore and stuff so i think the best thing you can do when you're watching somebody in that situation is do everything you can in your power to reverse the damage he's doing so bigger up more you know tell her how amazing she looks tell her how incredible she is so that if he's damaging her self-esteem you're building it back up again do you know what I mean you can't pull her away from him unfortunately because she has to do that on her own I know it's hard you

just want to do it for her but you can't she's gonna have to do it on her own when when the time is right for her when she's ready to do it hopefully it's not too long hopefully it's not years and years of her life but as her best friend what I would do is just try and repair the damage alongside so if she's been at his and she's put on a new dress to go out on a girl's night and you know she's left that the house from him and he said that she looks shit or she looks this or that or she he's not complimented her and made her feel really shit when she shows up at your house for pre-drinks oh my god you look absolutely stunning you look i don't think i've ever seen you look that good let me take a picture of you you look absolutely gorgeous oh my god you're the prettiest girl i've seen like i genuinely think what we can do as friends is just to keep her self-esteem up because this is the thing when you're with somebody like that it just damages your self-esteem it

damages you as a woman um and it's people like you like your best the best friends people like you are what drags them fucking through it, like, you're gonna drag this girl through it by her hair, if you have to, like, you are gonna be there every step of the way, and just do what you can on the sidelines of, you know, you can't say to her, if he calls her, and he's like, come home now, you can't say to her, no, don't, because she's gonna do it, because she's got anxiety now, now she stressed and she's scared and she knows he's angry so she's going to go home but um it's it's what you do have the power to do is what we should be doing you know like bigging her up spend as much time with her as you can um and you know maybe that is what's going to keep her self-esteem high enough to walk away from someone like that

because sometimes most of the time what happens is they damage your self-esteem to a point where that's the reason you can't walk away because you you don't feel good enough anymore you're like no one's gonna want me because because i'm this and i'm that like he says whereas if you can keep keep her from getting to that point then hopefully then she'll get to that fuck fuck this guy, I'm ready to walk away, even sooner, do you know what I mean, it's so hard, but I'm gonna manifest that she wakes up one day, and she's like, fuck you, I deserve so much better, but unfortunately, you know, this happens all the time, we end up in relationships with people that are just so cruel and not good for us and nasty people um and she's 21 so it's an awful age because this is the age where we're supposed to be

you know loving ourselves learning who we are and what we want out of life and he's just taken that away from her so fuck him from all of us here at loo on the line fuck you um and yeah you're obviously an amazing friend and i'm proud of you for for even writing in because that shows how much you love and care about her and want her to be okay so just imagine if she didn't have you do you know what i mean so just keep being there for her you're an amazing friend an amazing person and so is she and as long as she can you can do what you can to make sure she never ever forgets that or lets go of that then I think she'll get to a point where she's ready to leave and when she

is it's going to be difficult and you're going to be there to pick up the pieces and drag her through it because you sound like an amazing friend so yeah I love you what what an awful position to be in but please keep us all updated um I love you so much and I love Lucy okay next dilemma major help needed hey Leah I absolutely love your podcast and I've been listening since Feb oh my god I love that I have a dilemma which I really need your help with I have a really bad relation I have really bad relationship anxiety and I've struggled with this for months my boyfriend and I have been together for anxiety and I've struggled with this for months my boyfriend and I have been together for one and a half years we met about six years ago and went

on a few dates but due to his army commitments it never worked out for reference he is 28 and I'm 25 we always kept in touch and now we are so happy together and I 100% know he is my person we have recently moved in together which has helped my relationship anxiety a lot there is however there is one thing i still really struggle with and feel it may ruin my relationship and push him away my boyfriend has always had female friends and has two close girlfriends in particular both of these girls are in relationships and one of them has a baby both friendships have always been completely platonic. There has been no date in history or any kissing etc just purely friends and he has never oh sorry

and he has always been very open. How did I read never? He has always been very open about this. Oh here we go. It never used to bother me until my relationship anxiety peaked. It never used to bother me until my relationship anxiety peaked. I now worry myself sick about one of the girlfriends in particular. We will call her Sarah. Oh, Sarah's the girl's bathroom name though. I don't want to get copyrighted. Imagine they copyright that name.

Okay, we're just going to have to stick with Sarah though because I'm going to forget halfway down if I change it. Okay, sorry. Sorry, Sophia and Jenzie. Sarah is in a relationship of six years and has a four-year-old child. My partner has not seen Sarah since we've been together. However, they do text most days. Hold on a minute. They haven't seen each other in a year and a half, but text most days that's a bit bizarre I don't text anyone most days apart from my boyfriend interesting okay as far as I'm aware the conversations are just asking about how each other is asking about the child and generally

checking in I know the messages are innocent but it really doesn't sit right with me that they message pretty much daily I've never met her and I'm not actually sure how much she knows about me. Hmm my feelings towards Sarah are putting a huge strain on my relationship and causes me so much anxiety as I constantly get upset when he's on his phone thinking he's messaging her all the time. He has reassured me time and time again about this saying they are purely friends he knew her way before he knew me all right sorry and if they saw each other in that way then they would have been together i don't know that sounds a little bit defensive to me i can't lie well if i like i feel like like that then i would have gone for it wouldn't i hmm anyway nothing has ever happened between them both and saying they are both in

happy relationships i have spoke to my boyfriend's sister about this oh i love that and she has told me i have absolutely nothing to worry about they've always been good friends and helped each other through some tough times okay god i don't want to feel this way towards his female friends as i will only push him away but i just don't know how to stop feeling this way any advice would be much appreciated p.s i don't want him to stop talking to her as it only causes resentment later down the line yep and I don't want to stop him from doing what he wants to do I just want to feel more secure in my relationship okay this is difficult this is tough I don't really know how to tackle this one so I love that you spoke to his sister I feel like that is a really good shout

um and if anyone knows him, it's her. Do you know what I mean? And she probably knows Sarah as well, which is good. Because then she's, hopefully, you have a close enough relationship where she'd be honest with you. And be like, yeah, I get what you mean. Do you know what I mean? But if she's like, oh my God, no. Like, honestly, trust me, they're just really close.

I'll be like, all right, yeah, cool. Yeah, that's weird for me because I'm like why you know like in the debate at the start of the episode so many of you said I'm okay with it as long as I'm involved as well like we're you know we're all friends because the thing is like in any normal relationship it's like well I end up close with my boyfriend's best friends and vice versa do you know what I mean so I get you haven't seen her in a year and a half but then also it's like does she not like want to chat to me or like know me like my boyfriend has a girlfriend but he she's his friend's girlfriend right but still like she makes an effort with me and talks to me so i don't get why sarah hasn't done that with you like if that was my best friend like surely

i'd want to know her, do you know what I mean, if you're my best friend, right, interesting, yeah, I guess there's not much you can really do, because like you said, you don't want to, you don't want to say to him like, don't talk to sir anymore, because like you said, you're spot on, there'll be resentment, you don't want to say to him like don't talk to sir anymore because like you said you're spot on there'll be resentment he'll be like what the fuck what are you talking about um and also like that sort of leaves you with no options so i think i would talk to him and be like does sir know what me like does she ask about me do you guys talk about me like I think that would be my question like did she you know am I a topic of conversation at any point and if I'm not then I'd be like well

what the fuck like if I wasn't I think that's when I'd have some serious alarm bells ringing I'm not joking so yeah I'm talking to the boy and I'm saying does sarah know about me does sarah talk about me does she ask about me you know like i would find it a bit weird like what do you talk about every single day like what are you actually talking about um i mean you've said that you've seen the messages and they're literally fine but yeah i'd want to know if i'm spoken about or not because otherwise i'd be like why like if you're checking in on her fucking kid and you're not she's not even checking in on me like surely she should be does her boyfriend have any feelings towards this because I feel like if I was messaging

a guy daily my boyfriend would be like who is this I've never even fucking met this guy. And you talk to him every bloody day. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, I would say that and let us know what he says. And then we'll go from there. Cause I feel like that will tell us a lot. I love you so much. Next dilemma. Hi Leah. Firstly, I just want to say I love the podcast. Oh, I love you so much. I've been here since the beginning and listening always brings me so much comfort, especially in stressful times. Ah, I love you so much. I'm just looking for a bit of advice because I'm almost 22 and I've never had a proper boyfriend aside from one in school, which definitely does not count. I know there are lots of people in the same position, but I've never even properly kissed anyone other than when some random guy planted one on me in a club when I was not expecting it. Oh, what a creep. That's so not okay. What a fucking idiot. Oh my God, my swearing's so bad today. I'm so sorry, guys. Throughout school in sixth form, I was quite shy and quiet. I didn't

go to uni and now I have a job with lots of older colleagues where I mostly work from home. I'm not big into clubbing or drinking really often so I don't go out much. Some people say I need to more but I don't know if that would be the most ideal place to meet somebody anyway. Even the thought of having to introduce someone to my family one day makes me feel so anxious. I've tried online dating apps but for some reason as soon as someone even suggests me in it completely puts me off and makes me want to never go on the app again. I did almost meet one guy a while back but he ended up cancelling and I realised it wasn't really going to work as our schedules were so different. I work full time nine to five and he was at uni going out a lot of nights. Okay

fair enough. My question is if I get so anxious anytime someone suggests meeting does that mean I'm just not ready? But if so what kind of panics me because oh but if so that kind of panics me because I feel so weird for being so inexperienced at the age of 21 nearly 22 to be fair it's been a bit of a tough year so for a while I thought maybe I needed to work on my mental health first but it still feels like nothing is changing any advice would be greatly appreciated thank you oh babe I love you right okay I'm going to tackle this bit at a time because there was a few things I read and some things came to mind so let me rewind so um absolutely nothing wrong with being almost 22 and never having a boyfriend that's very normal like totally fine um let's see so yeah you don't

like going out clubbing um some people say I need two more, but this is the thing, right? I had this conversation with my mum not too long ago. I love the thought of getting ready, dressing up, getting a little bit tipsy like with the girls. And then as soon as I go out, I'm like, I hate it here. I hate it here. I never feel relaxed. I never feel comfortable. Like I'm just on edge the whole time. I've always had a better time when I was pre drinking at home doing my makeup. So I remember talking to my mom and I was like, what the fuck's the matter with me? Like I'm 25 years old. I should be living it up. I'm in the middle of my 20s, bang on in the middle. And I don't enjoy it. And she was like, well, then maybe you just don't enjoy it.

And I was like, yeah, I guess so. I thought something was wrong with me. I was like, well, everyone loves it. You know, this is what you're supposed to do in your 20s. We club, we drink, we dance. And I'm like, I hate your I hate it here get off me why are you looking at me why why are you so drunk why is there vomit on my shoe like I'm just like I hate it and she was just like okay well what's the difference between not liking going out and not liking to go and watch the football she didn't say that but she basically said like you can have an opinion on like what you

enjoy and what you don't enjoy do you know what i mean like just because people were telling you you're supposed to love this you're supposed to love it no you're not like you're actually not like there's no pressure to enjoy anything else do you know what i mean but for some reason when it comes to going out partying it's like you're in your 20s 20s I don't enjoy it I don't enjoy it so when she said that to me when she was like maybe that's just not your scene you know I was just like yeah you know what it's not and ever since that conversation I was like yeah I agree like it's just not do you know what I mean so I wouldn't feel bad about it because I'm with you on that one um I don't love it sometimes I go for a little phase I'm like I feel fucking crazy I'm going out and I'm going I'm just fucking going off the rails tonight yeah and sometimes I do

have an amazing night but they're so rare and that's okay most of the time I don't enjoy it and neither do you and that is absolutely fine I bet there's so many people listening that don't enjoy it either um and then you said that the thought of having to introduce someone to your family one day makes you feel so anxious the thing is of course it is because you've never done it do you know what I mean I don't know if you did it in your teenage relationship that you mentioned but like like you said you don't count it so you know if it's something you've never done then it's naturally going to make you anxious because you don't know how it's going to go you don't know what you're supposed to do like you don't know how you're supposed to feel um you don't have somebody to even picture that happening with because you're

not with anyone so it's like of course it's going to make you anxious it's completely unknown to you right now um and that's normal and natural as well so i wouldn't worry about that in the slightest um so you said you've tried dating apps because as i'm reading this i'm thinking get online girl like just let's just get texting let's just get messaging you know um but you said as soon as someone suggests meeting it puts you off so what i would say is try facetime it is such a good way to get to know someone a little bit before meeting them it like breaks the ice you know like you get an idea of what they're like what their voice sounds like what they look like in person um so that when you meet you feel

like you've already met and the great thing is about facetime is if it feels awkward you just fucking hang up and say oh my god sorry my signal i lost my signal do you mean so i would definitely say if you are in a position where you want to meet someone go on a dating app keep chatting away to boys that you fancy and then facetime them so what i also want to say is if you are thinking you need to date someone like if you're thinking oh shit i'm nearly 22 like i've never had a boyfriend i've never even properly kissed someone like if you don't want to have a boyfriend that's also really normal as well um and don't go out looking for one because society or people around you make you feel like you should. Take empowerment in being single all this time, because this is something that a lot of people don't have the luxury of saying that they've experienced. So for me, I've been in

relationships since I was like 16. The most I've been single was like two years um and one of my biggest things is I don't regret anything in my life you know do you know what I mean I believe that everything I always say this the universe is always in control but when I meet someone who was like I've never had a boyfriend I think wow all your life all you've had is you and that's amazing and when I meet someone that's been single all their life and they're happy and content and they're confident, I think, wow, you know, you haven't had people tearing you fucking down and like you haven't even experienced a heartbreak yet. But I'm like, when I meet someone like that, I think, good for you. Like that is amazing. Good for you. Like that is what our 20s are also about. So if you don't, if you're not

even in a position where you're even thinking, oh yeah, I would really like to be with someone and I would really like to have a little snog. If you don't even think that, stay single and continue loving life, honey. Do you know what I mean? Because your life is about you and you're so young. You have so much time to meet someone you know um so yeah i would say if you do want to date have a little face time it breaks the ice and then you can meet up do something that you would feel comfortable doing if you drink then i oh wait no you don't like drinking or you don't like clubbing okay well if you do like like the odd drink or two i always think the best first date is like a little nice nice vibe bar so you can have one or two or three just to take the edge off do you know what I mean and you're more relaxed

the atmosphere is nice you feel comfortable you can be yourself because you've had a little drink you know take the edge off but if you don't then do something that you are comfortable doing and you really enjoy like even if it's just like let's just meet up and have grab a coffee and go for a little walk do you know what I mean because you FaceTime so you already have things to talk about because you already know some stuff about him that you can you know prod and poke about and you know what I mean so yeah but then on the other side if you really don't want to date there is nothing a shame what nothing to be ashamed of in that you should be empowered by that and I think that's a really incredible nothing to be ashamed of in that you should be empowered by that and I think that's a really incredible position to be in so I'm proud of you um and

I love you so much okay guys amazing dilemmas today let's move on to the confession diaries Confession Diaries. Okay, we have some good confessions this week. You guys have really been up to no good recently because last week they were fucking amazing as well. Okay, first one. I've been seeing a boy at uni but came back home for a week and slept with my summer fling. Oh girl. Love that. Next one. My ex was cheating on me for one year so I fucked the guy he hated. That is ultimate revenge. I hope he found out. I hope he found out i hope you found out do you know what the shit people do we do when we know like we've been fucked over like the things we do for revenge okay next one i gave a blow job to a co-worker at work and spit his cum out into the bin that everyone uses.

No, this is one thing I don't understand, right? Spitting out cum. Like surely it's just in your mouth for longer do you know what i mean like if you swallow it's like do you know what i mean though whereas if you spit you've got like hold it in your mouth like run okay hold it in your mouth like run like to the bin and it's sitting in your mouth do you know what i mean though guys or did you give him a blowjob next to the bin because anyway next one i've caught my boyfriend cheating countless times and now I've done it back. Oops. This sounds like a fucking mess, babe. This sounds like an absolute mess. If you've caught your boyfriend countless times,

why is he your boyfriend? Can I ask? Okay. I slept with my best friend's ex friends with benefits. Oh, shit. So your best friend was friends with benefits with somebody. They're not anymore. And then you went and had sex with him. Ouch. Ouch, babe. I'm glad. I'm glad you don't know who might i was gonna say i i don't have an ex-friend i literally don't although if i did i wouldn't you can sleep with him it's okay to be fair maybe she wouldn't give a fuck because like i personally couldn't care less if any of my friends slept with someone i slept with unless it was my boyfriend or like ex-boyfriend i'm like whoa is there no one else okay let's do one more first night and i can never say this albufera oh i'm so stupid honestly i hate myself you guys probably know what i'm trying to read and had a threesome with my friend from work

and a random boy we love the threesomes over here on the other line there's always so a threesome with my friend from work and a random boy we love the threesomes over here only on the line there's always so many threesome um confessions but i felt like that one was really exciting because it was with your friend and it was on the first night on holiday so gorge love that for you amazing confessions guys keep making these decisions keep doing these things because it's content and I love you you're just reckless I just live my craziness through you because I am not a crazy gal okay let's wrap up the episode okay everyone thank you so so so much for listening I hope you guys enjoyed this episode I loved it I love all of them I love all of you you're amazing it's nearly Christmas I'm so excited oh my god I feel really exhausted after that episode I don't even know why like it felt like

a draining one even though it wasn't like I feel like I got really deep but I definitely didn't I think it was the narcissist boyfriend best friend situation like Lucy we're all thinking of you we love you um but yeah thank you guys thank you for everything I love you so much thank you for always listening and supporting and messaging me and you know I just you all mean so much to me and I'll never get over how lucky I feel to have all of you here on the podcast with me um remember I'm doing vlogmas on TikTok so check that out every day at 11am at Leah Louvain it's a lot of you apparently a lot of you guys don't know how to say my name it's Levain just if you were curious well it's louvain but i don't say that it's levain leah levain anyway i just thought i'd say that because apparently a lot of you guys

don't know how to say it because a few people i've met when they when they talk about me on like tiktok or anything they're like leah levain is it but i feel like it's a really easy name but anyway i just wanted to put that out there just in case anyway I love you guys so much I hope you have the best week I think I want to do the calling my listeners on Friday so let me know if that's what you want to do and make sure you're looking out for stories on my at leah on the line Instagram account because that's where I put the box up to put your number in so you can get involved might be worth turning on story notifications um and yeah have the best week do some christmas shopping have a productive week have a lazy week make some memories make good decisions make mad decisions mad bad decisions or mad just mad anyway i love you guys so much and i will speak to you on friday for a brand new episode i love you guys so much and I will speak to you on Friday for a brand new episode. I love you. Bye.