Leah on the Line - Bonus 2: Answering your questions

Episode Date: March 4, 2022

Back at it again with the bonus episode!! I really loved chatting with you and opening up answering all your questions in this episode. Thank you so much to everyone that sent them in. I can't tell you how much you all mean to me! See you on Tuesday - I love you so much!! As always send in your thoughts/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you!! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 It's getting closer to midnight. I try to get closer to you. 🎵 Hello everyone! Happy Friday! It's Friday! Whatcha doing this weekend? Whatcha doing? I am working. Got a new job. Pissed off about it already. Oh my god, it's my first day tomorrow and I can't even cope. Yet again, I'm filming this really last minute. It's currently Thursday, 7pm. I've got so much to do tonight. I can't even cope. I start my new job tomorrow. I feel physically ill. I actually feel sick. I hate being new. Don't you just hate it? Like when someone's going to come over and be like, hi, what are your house wines? And I'll be like, not sure. I just hate not knowing things. I feel so stupid. I feel like an idiot. And I'm really nervous. I'm literally so petrified. I hate being new. I hope I enjoy it.

Like I hope, I'm probably not going to enjoy tomorrow and that's fine. But listen, you only have your first day once. Do you know what I mean? Hopefully tomorrow goes fine. I'm sure it will. I mean, what's the worst? I'm not going to die. Do you know what I mean? What's the worst that's going to happen? At the end of the day tomorrow, I'm going to end up in tomorrow goes fine I'm sure it will I mean what's the worst I'm not gonna die do you know what I mean what's the worst that's gonna happen at the end of the day tomorrow I'm gonna end up in my bed I'm talking really fast because I'm getting nervous talking about it oh my god right I'm not gonna talk about it anymore how are you guys happy Friday what you doing this weekend so yeah if you don't follow me on social media you didn't get my apology for the lack of a bonus episode last week oh wait yeah I think I mentioned it in the normal episode on Tuesday am I talking really quickly I I am, aren't I? Sorry, freaking out. Yeah, just wasn't

feeling it, had a really bad mental health week, just needed to take that time. But I'm here, I'm thriving, not really. But if it is a Friday and you see no bonus episode, please don't freak out on me. I'm going to try to make it every Friday but it's probably unlikely but I'll try and do as many as I can bonus means bonus right so if you get one just woohoo celebrate whereas rather than like if you don't get one don't be like this girl she can't do anything okay oh my god right so this bonus episode last week, we did the, my first time story, this bonus episode, I put out an Instagram story and asked for all of your questions. It's just a Q and a really chill. Let me take a deep breath because I'm talking really quickly. Oh, I'm so scared. All right. It's just going to be a a really casual q a everything you want to know

about me just some little chit chats you know i mean literally just like facetime well you can't see me so my phone call hence the lear on the line yeah um anything you wanted to ask i said send a morning girlies and boys so let's get straight with the questions no beating around the bush today first question is what is your three favorite personality traits about yourself? I really love this question because it kind of ties into what we were talking about last week. Do you remember when I was like, write down five of your favorite things? I hope you all did that, by the way. Did you do it? I bet you didn't. You better have. Right. So my top three, oh, it doesn't say top three. I don't know what top three would be,

but I'm just going to name three. My three favorite personality traits. I like that I continue to do things that scare me. That's what I like. So like this new job tomorrow, I'm trying every inch of my body not to just back out of it and be like, oh, do you know what? It's probably not a very good place for me to work like maybe I'll just go into retail or something it's really hard not to convince myself not to go same with auditions they fucking petrify me so scary so terrifying but I continuously continuously is that a word why does that not feel correct I continuously yeah I'm sure it's a word I continuously go and I get up and I go every time and I do things that scare me and frighten me and make me, you know, put me out of my comfort zone. And I like that

about myself. Go me. I also like that I am honest. I think I'm a very honest person. And I don't mean that in a way of like, well, I'm honest. And you know, when people are just like rude and nasty and they go, I'm just honest. No, you're just rude. What I mean is like, I am truthful. I will never be fake. Like I'll never portray a side of me that doesn't exist or like, or hide a certain part of my life or a part of something I'm going through. I'm very honest and open and transparent. What you see is what you get. No hidden agenda, no secret, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I'm an honest, genuine girl and I like that about myself. And third, I think I'm creative and I like that. Is that a personality trait? I don't know. I don't know. I'm creative and I like that about myself. I used to always feel like I'm very dumb. I'm so dumb. But now I'm like, you know what? No, I'm very creative. And when I

put my mind to something, I can make something really quite beautiful. You know, this podcast, creative and I'm doing it all by myself and I'm so proud of myself. I really wish it would blossom, you know, let's get it up there in the charts. We got right up to number six on the first week, which blew me away. And then obviously the charts work from like new subscribers. So obviously I was going to shoot up at the beginning because everyone was new and then they dropped off very slowly because, you know, everyone followed and listened and then that was it. I have my audience, but I think we've got a bit more of an audience now because I'm back in the charts and I'm getting new followers. Woo! Who's excited? Welcome to the team if you are new. Welcome. I don't know if maybe you're like catching up,

maybe you're like binging. I've had a few messages saying like, oh, I was binging your podcast yesterday. I love that. Imagine listening to me for like three hours straight though. Fuck that. That's actually what it's like living in my head, do you know that, does anyone else get this feeling, right, when I go shopping for the day, sorry, I'm acting like I'm on fucking crack today, but when you go shopping for the day, like, the voice in my head, it's like a constant headache, it's so annoying, I just think, shut up, I'm so sick of you, I'm so sick of hearing you speak, and hearing you think, I'm so sick of myself like if I go shopping because I love going shopping by myself because it's nothing worse than when you're trying to shop and you're looking at something you're like oh that's quite nice but you can't decide and you

need to hold it and stare at it for a minute and somebody's like on your shoulder like hurry up hurry up and it just puts you under pressure like I love going shopping alone but the thoughts in my head are just so exhausting like it's not nothing deep nothing heavy but it would just be like I'll be going oh god I wonder um how long my weight's gonna be when I change over at the train station I hope it's not too long and just like that constant thought in my head at the end of the day I'm like oh a fucking knuckle mate that was so shattering shattering no that sounds sad anyway oh my, what am I talking about, I'm really, I'm so scared about tomorrow, I fucking hate being new, I'm swearing so much

at the moment, it's the stress, I'm so stressed lately, and angst, and just depressed, I'm swearing loads, I need positive energy around me, I need positive vibes, I need, I need a positive life again, my life's become very negative, and've become negative and I hate being negative. I'm not a negative person. Well, I am at the moment, but I really don't want to be. Okay, sorry about the ramble. Next question. Did you enjoy the school years? So I actually hated school. I've spoken about it briefly on this podcast, but I hated school, not only because of my school life like my toxic friendship groups and being bullied and stuff not that I mean yeah it was that but not just that I just hated being that age I felt so stuck and like misunderstood and I suffered with a lot of um

negative feelings as a teenager like I really had so many horrible feelings. I went through some really horrible phases in my life and I never told anyone about it. Like I used to feel so insecure and so depressed and really just like down and sad all the time. And I never really spoke about it to anyone because I thought it was normal. I really just thought it was normal to just like dread every day. It's not, it's actually not normal, but I just hated being a, being a teenager. And it's not until I'm an adult now. And like we were saying last week where I'm, I'm confident in who I am. You know, I feel like a woman now. I don't feel like an idiot around other adults. I used to just feel so tiny and stupid all the time. And now because I'm like confident and I feel stronger and bigger and just older, I look back and I think, oh, I love being an adult. Like I just hated that feeling when you was a teenager. And I just felt so like lonely and

sad and misunderstood. And like, I was a very emotionally challenged teenager. Oh my God. Was anyone else like that? Like I swear everyone's like, oh my God, school days are best days of your life. I absolutely disagree. They were the worst days of my life. I mean, I've had worse days, but they were worse for me. Being a teenager was way worse. I love being an adult. I love, I can eat whatever I want. Like if you actually think about it, I can eat whatever I want, I can do whatever I want, I can, I can drink however much alcohol I want, and it's legal, like, I wasn't, we know this as well, I wasn't an underage drinker anyway, so I don't know why I'm acting like I was really, like,

desperate to get on the beers when I was 13, I wasn't, but if you actually think about it, I can do whatever I want, isn't that amazing, like, I know I'm 24, so I've been able to do whatever I want for a good few years now. But I hate, as a teenager, I don't know, I just really didn't like being a teenager. Anyone else? Just really didn't like it. Anyway, next question. What are your goals for 2022? So my main goal is I just want to be in love with life again.

I want to love my life. Oh my God, it literally makes me want to cry thinking about it. I want to love life like I just want to wake up and be like oh my god I'm alive and I love it like it's not like I wake up now and I think oh my god I'm alive I hate it but like sorry I had to hiccup but I wake up and I'm just like oh do you know what I mean just like oh what the fuck give me a break like I was just talking about this on my TikTok live. I just feel like nothing's working out yet. Like, I'm working so hard. Like, I'm making this podcast all by myself,

producing it, recording it, editing it, promoting it, pushing it. Like, it's all me. It's all me. And then I'm also going to auditions I'm practicing I'm I'm trying to get a fucking break on the western sorry about all my swearing today it's really really bad I mean it's normally bad but it's worse today I feel like um and I'm trying to build a social media um profile because I really just want that to be my financial income because

I absolutely love and adore it I love my audience on TikTok I think you guys say it as well if you're part of that audience it's such a lovely positive friendly welcoming warming safe place for all of us and I'm just like I'm so jealous I cannot tell you how jealous I am of people that they wake up and that's their job like obviously you've got about 15 times following as me which it's not about numbers for me it's more about oh you're actually making this your job and that's so amazing and I'm buzzing for them absolutely buzzing it's amazing I'm so happy I hope everyone that has that platform deserves it there are a few people that don't but it doesn't have my business but I'm so jealous and I'm so happy, I hope everyone that has that platform deserves it, there are a few people that don't, but it doesn't have my business, but I'm so jealous, and I think I would love that to be my

financial income, so I could do that, do the podcast, and pursue my performing arts career, and I genuinely think I'd be so much happier, but instead, I've got to go to these horrible jobs, and work these long hours, go on fucking payroll, and all this shit, anyway I mean I hope I love it I really hope I do because you know it actually is really important to get out the house so I do think yeah it might be well and good making TikTok my career TikTok but you know like social media content creating my career like it would be lovely it'd be fucking amazing but also I'd be very lonely and I wouldn't leave the house as much and I wouldn't socialize as much and I wouldn't get as much exercise or as many steps in in the day so there's pros and cons but I'm very jealous of people that get to say that that's their job

because I cannot tell you how much I love it like I said it's just such an amazing community that I've built we've all built together like such an amazing safe space full of lovely girls and boys and I'm just like I just I just love it and I'm like I would love for this to be my life that and musical theatre imagine if that was just my life it'd be amazing like me and you girls weekly on this podcast I can and I'm just pursuing my musical career oh it would be amazing it would be amazing. It would be amazing. But, you know, maybe one day that's definitely a goal for this year. I definitely want to build it up so I can work in less hours at least. Um, but mainly my 2022 goal is I have to be on stage again. I'm telling you now I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it again. I can't do another

year of not performing. I can't do it. I'm falling out of love with the idea of it now because it's been so long and I can't, it's scaring me. I can't let that dream slip away. I've fought for it my entire life. I've never, ever doubted it. I've never doubted I wouldn't make it until now. And it can't happen. I've got to be there. I've got to make it, girls, please help me, please manifest it, um, yeah, my 2022 goals, it's fall in love with life, be happy, be healthy, feel safe and content in my, in my space, um, I get on a fucking stage, oh my god, I'm so desperate to perform, I'm so desperate, I cannot believe it. It's been so long. But yeah, that's my 2022 goals. What are yours? Email me. Well, or just DM me. Email me. Sounds so funny, doesn't it? Just DM me your 2022 goals and I'll manifest them for you as well.

Next question, would you like to get married? Yeah, I would love to get married. I've got a dream of like this beautiful stunning sleek elegant simple white wedding dress um but my issue is that who who's coming to my wedding do you know what I mean like who's gonna be my bridesmaids do you know what I mean it's scary so I need to wait until I've got a bit more going on in my personal life before I start trying to get married also I need a man to want to marry me and you know no one's asked me yet is all I'm saying that is another thing about getting married I would love to know that a man you know preferably Jake wants to spend his whole entire life with me like I think that is the amazing thought about being proposed to it's like

you you want to spend your whole life with me like you just think she is everything she's more than enough she's all I want in life I want to spend my whole life with this girl I absolutely love fucking shit out of her like that is what I love about marriage like the thought of a man wanting to marry me god that doesn't sound very good does it for my self-esteem but it's not that it's not it's not a self-esteem thing it's more of a really special like I don't know the thought of someone getting down on one knee and being like you are it for me like you are it you are oh my god it's actually making me tear up a bit oh what's actually the matter with me I'm embarrassed I'm actually

so embarrassed I think I'm during my period oh I'm bothered but just the thought of someone looking at you being like you're just it for me like you are everything please marry me me being like get the fuck up now have you seen that tiktok get the fuck up now when you when your boyfriend proposes at a Harry Styles concert get the fuck up now when your boyfriend proposes at a Harry Styles concert. Get the fuck up now. That would never be me. I'd be like, yes. Yes, I will. Yes. Yes, I will. God, Jake would be dreading the day he has to propose to me because I'll make such a scene. He'll be like, will you marry me? I'll be like, yes. He'll be like, shh. Okay, next question. okay next question um death row meal this question i know i'm probably being a bit too literal about it but i don't get it like what do you mean like my death row meal like really

you actually think i'm hungry you think i've got an appetite um yeah i'll go for some garlic prawns for starter please like no i'm not hungry like do you know what if it's my death row meal just i'll leave it thanks do you know what i mean anyone else i'm probably being a bit too literal about it i know the question basically means like if you could have one meal and it was your last one what would it be but i don't like the if you're on death row what would your last meal be because i'm like um probably nothing probably my own vomit because i'd be petrified but um yeah sorry to make the question so negative basically my favorite food i don't know i'm not really a foodie person i used to say chinese through and through like i was such a curry sauce girl i was like curry

sauce and chips curry sauce and prawn toast curry sauce and rice I just loved it and now I've really gone off here like I just think Chinese is so shit like it all tastes shit now everything is just shit I am in such a negative mindset everything is just shit I need to actually sort my life out um but my favorite meal I don't know I passed the question because I don't have one so boring all right next question oh somebody's asked about my experience on a cruise ship did you get free time what did you do slash were you treated well etc so for anyone that doesn't know and I'm really sorry to anyone that's heard me talk about this enough um so when I first met Jake two months into our relationship I well when when we first met on our first date I said I just

auditioned for Royal Caribbean they told me that they want me on their ship but I haven't been given a ship or a contract or anything yet that's all going to come through eventually that was in December oh yeah it was a month in yeah, I met him in December. And then in January I got a call from Royal Caribbean. Well, it's actually an email, but we'll say a call because it sounds more exciting. Say, um, you know, this is our offer for you. We want you to be lead vocalist on brilliance of the seas, which is one of their ships. Um, you leave next month and you'll return in nine months time and I told Jake and he was absolutely devastated um like really struggled to be happy for me which I totally understand because can you

hear that motorbike in the background sorry if you can because if it if it was the other way around I'd be like oh fantastic that's brilliant that's brilliant news well done um but yeah he was obviously really like buzzing for me he was like you're gonna have the most amazing time and he was like I'll be here when you get back don't worry um but that's that's not what this is about anyway so yeah and then I left in Feb went out to Miami because you live in Miami for six weeks, rehearse, you live in the apartments that they own, which is actually on the doorstep to their rehearsal studios. Their apartment's called Bay Vista, I think I can remember. And yeah, and you go over to the rehearsals every day, you rehearse, go home, you get a $600 allowance every week. Well, not allowance,

it's basically a paycheck. You get paid $600 a week um which is bloody lovely and you live off that basically and you your rent is free everything's free um and then you go on a cruise ship for however long your contract is mine was over I think it's seven and a half months um and you get paid it depends on your role but my contract was for the lead vocalist it was four thousand dollars a month which is obviously bloody lovely do you know what I mean by the way I'm only talking about this in case people are interested because I had no clue how that how the industry worked before I was involved so I thought it was really interesting that somebody asked I thought actually this is a really cool topic because I actually have experience and

knowledge to an extent so this is where things took a turn I was rehearsing I'd been out there four and a half weeks or so and then COVID hit and I let me tell you a bit about living out there so yeah I was on 600 pound a week I lived with other girls. You can live up to with up to three other people in your apartment. They're two bedroom apartments. Unless you're a featured vocalist, you get your own apartment, which is really fucking unfair because we literally sung this exact same. She was just called a featured and I was just called a lead and we did the exact same stuff. Really unfair. school to lead and we did the exact same stuff really unfair but and they also get their own room on on board on the ship and singers lead lead vocalists have to share with the dancers like what the fuck mate we literally have the exact same amount of stuff to do in the show but

um i was just happy to be there to be honest well i thought i was and then um, so you're living out there, you're rehearsing. The dancers are working hard. Like they are in from like 9 a.m. until whatever time they finish that day. And they are consistently dancing, rehearsing, sweating out. They have like three shows to learn. My ship had like three shows. And then vocalists, it was a lot of you'd come in the um music director would play like your lines for you you'd record them on your phone and then you'd go away and practice at home and then you'd come back and be like oh I know my stuff and he'd be like okay

great next song so it was a lot of solo practice for the singers which was interesting so I wasn't really in as much like I was I was probably in for like two hours a day so I used to spend a lot of solo practice for the singers which was interesting so I wasn't really in as much like I was I was probably in for like two hours a day so I used to spend a lot of the time sunbathing in the sun just listening to my my uh like stuff in my headphones practicing in my head really um and you work Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturdays and you have Sundays off Sundays are usually a beach day or like a shopping day um you spend all your time with your cast pretty much like constantly with everyone that you're on the on the boat with yeah and then you go out on the ship but so what happened for me was we were rehearsing and stuff and then obviously the news people the covid started on cruise ships if you guys remember it was I think it was in China or something like that, on like a Chinese

cruise ship, something, or is it a Japanese cruise ship, I can't remember, but anyway, it was one of their cruise ships, and it was like, oh shit, like there's, there's a virus on a cruise ship, and we were all going, is this going to be a problem for us, and everyone's like, nah, it'll be totally fine, it'll blow over, don't worry about it. But I really struggled being out there. I felt really lonely. I felt really scared. I'm not a, I'm not a traveling girl. Like I'm such a home girl. I never used to like sleeping at my friend's house. I was very clingy to my parents. Well, Pacific, oh my God oh my god hello specifically I should nearly have to stroke them specifically to my mum um so being away from home was terrifying to me

and being in America which I'd only ever been once and it was a week before I went to Miami Jake took me to New York and until then I'd never been to America it was totally alien to me obviously it's nice because we speak the same language it's not like I'm in a country where I don't fucking speak their language but there was one other person from the UK I know two other people from the UK on my boat everybody else was from America there was people from Brazil Zane who was my bestie was from Australia um but a lot of them were just from other states in America. So I felt really alone and really out of place. I really didn't fit in. I really didn't enjoy the show I was doing,

which I think was 90% of my problem. I didn't enjoy the show. It was very old school and old fashioned and not really my thing. I love a pop rock musical and it was very like, Broadway, Broadway, everybody's happy and gay. Where the night is brighter than day. Up along Broadway, sweethearts and boys. Sorry, I got carried away. Carried away then. So yeah, it was not my vibe.

So I was really unhappy, but really buzzing to have money coming near my account and really buzzing to be in the sun and surrounded by lovely amazing talented people but apart from that I would cry myself to sleep every night and then COVID hit and everyone's like oh my god like I hope we don't get sent home and I was like oh my god yeah like I really hope we don't um and then there was always so many rumors between other ships because all the other ships were rehearsing in the exact same place but obviously they're rehearsing separately to us obviously um and there was like oh my god like oh um i can't even think of a fucking example of a ship right now um symphony of the seas like oh symphony are um they're all being sent home

tomorrow and we rehearsed in the same place as another company called Celebrity Cruises. And they all got told, you're being sent on the first flight home tomorrow. And they got no paycheck. They were just sent home. And I was low-key like, please be me. Like, this is not for me. I just want to go home. And I text Jake and I'd be like, babe, I'm not joking not for me i just want to go home um and i text jake and i'll be like babe i'm not joking i'm not joking i think i'm gonna come home like i'm actually not joking

he'll be like don't let you wind me up he was probably so excited and then um what happened was royal caribbean no america the american government changed the guidelines to you're not allowed to be in a room of more than 10 people. And our cost was bigger than that. So we got called into the room by Royal. And Royal were like, so we're not legally supposed to be in this room right now. We're going to send you all to your rooms tonight. You have to quarantine in your room until further notice.

Don't make some groups larger than 10 and we'll get back in touch. We're not going to terminate your contract. We're not going to send you home. I was like, oh, fuck's sake. I was like, oh, what a relief. So then we all got sent back to our rooms. We didn't all quarantine. I literally went straight to the sunbed and faced on my mom and I was like, mom, I'm coming home, hon. I just knew, I just knew I was coming home I was but I was low-key like so scared because some people were like oh my god like they're gonna put us on a ship in the middle of the sea so we can do our rehearsals there and we can all quarantine together in the middle of the ocean I was like no no no please don't do that so I was very scared what they were gonna do um and then

the next day we got called into another meeting and they were like um so we have been instructed that we're not allowed to continue with rehearsals so you will all be getting the next flight home tomorrow and i was like yes no i could do it get me out of this shithole i wasn't really royal carib are lovely. They are amazing. They treated you so well. They pay you amazingly. They treat you amazingly. It's so amazing and an incredible experience. And I recommend it to anybody that doesn't mind being away from home. For me, not for me. I did not like being away from home, maybe one day that might be something I'm ready to do, but at that point in my life, it was not working for me, and I was over the moon,

everyone was crying their eyes out, I had happy tears, I couldn't wait to get back to my room and FaceTime Jake, I was like, I'm coming home baby, he was like, woo, I was like, woo, I was so excited, and everyone had like, because of the COVID just went into absolute breakdown, right, everyone had like because of the covid just went into absolute breakdown right everyone had these flights that were like oh i've got to sit in in japan for 10 hours overnight and like oh i've got to go to brazil and wait there and i had a fucking direct flight from miami to gatwick i was like this is too good that was too good let's get the bill no seriously it was too good i was like, my plane is definitely going to crash. Like this is all working out way too well. And I was

convinced, I convinced myself, I was like, my plane's obviously going to crash. Like it fully is. Like it's 100% going to crash. Like I'm going to die on this plane. And I didn't. Oh, touch wood, nothing like that would ever happen to me or any of us or anyone ever. But oh my God, it was amazing. It was so good to get home really sad like i do feel really sad because i was so grateful i cannot even explain so grateful for that opportunity because i needed that break i was desperate for my big break and i really thought rural caribbean is gonna be my big break and you know what it just wasn't and that's absolutely fine but I had the most amazing time um apart from the struggling with being away from home apart from that I absolutely had the

most incredible time I used to love going to Target doing my supermarket like you can in Target there's Starbucks inside you walk in you grab a Starbucks and you grab your your cart because they didn't say Charlie your shopping cart and you walk around target with your starbucks yeah babe i was at independent women yeah baby like i used to love it but yeah i could definitely live in america if i was with someone like a partner or someone that was just felt a bit more like home um but yeah that was a really long story but i just really wanted to um give a bit of inside information to anyone that is really intrigued and how it works out there sorry I went on for so long okay next question star sign and jake's are you compatible so I'm a leo and jake is a pisces

um and I'm a so pisces is a water sign right and? And I'm a fire sign, which obviously fire and water, not compatible, you know? Me and Jake's, mine and Jake's compatibility is like 1%. Like it's really not great. So there's that for you. And what is your love language? So my love language is, I can't decide. Well, that's not actually up to me.

You do do the test, but I can't remember which was first. They were very close, but it was between physical touch and quality time. I think quality time was my number one and physical touch was a close second. And then it was words of affirmation and then acts of service and then gifts. That is my love languages. And last question, do you ever feel stuck on what you should be doing in your 20s? Because I do all the time. One million percent, because unfortunately, I'm just not where I thought I would be at 24 years old. I really thought I would have, I would be like at my peak in my West End career right now. And you know, maybe if COVID didn't happen I would have been

who knows maybe I would have um yeah it's such a thing we'll never know where we would have been if Covid didn't happen it definitely set me back a good three to five years career wise um but yeah I 100% feel that I just feel like it's more I didn't I'm not where I thought I would be but I'm really trying to come to terms with it and not accept it because I still want to you know hustle and bustle and get to where I want to be but I'm trying to really not let it push me back and be like oh what's the fucking point you know what I mean I'm still hustling but I've definitely lost motivation I've definitely lost hope for but I've definitely lost motivation. I've definitely lost hope for sure. I've definitely lost a bit of confidence in myself. Like I'm really not where I

thought I was going to be, but I'm just telling myself that I, but I'm exactly where I need to be right now. That is a quote that I genuinely believe you're exactly where you need to be right now. And we may not really get why, but one day we'll look back and go, oh my God, so true like that. And thank God that happened. Thank God I was there at that time. Or thank God it didn't put me where I thought I was gonna be or thought I wanted to be.

So yeah, but my advice to you is just that. You're exactly where you need to be right now. And there's nothing you should be doing. Don't listen to anyone else. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. What's that? There's that really good phrase and i can't even think of what it is but it's basically about like i'm not even gonna try and remember because i couldn't even have a clue but basically you know your journey is completely different somebody else's for example in my performing industry my performing industry what I'm talking about is my performing uh circumstance there's someone who is 21 she's just finished drama school she's fresh out

fresh out of graduation boom straight into the west end right and then there's someone who's actually he's he just played Romeo and Juliet and it took him four years post-graduation I think it was four maybe even five to get a break so you know don't worry you could be straight out of uni and go bang straight into your dream job or you could be waiting five six years but you are exactly where you need to be and you will get to where you need to be when you need to be there so don't put pressure on yourself love Love your life. Enjoy your life. Let's make it everyone's goal this year. We just want to fall in love with life again this year. We just want to love life. Okay. Oh my God. I don't even think I need to cut any of this podcast because I didn't even normally, I'll like have a little pause, scroll through my phone

to find the next dilemma. And I'll have to cut that gap out because no one wants to listen to silence for like 45 seconds. But I barely took a breath in this episode. So I might just whack it straight up. Oh, we did it. We did a bonus episode. Oh my God. How are you? How was your week? Oh my God. The weekend. Congrats if you, if you work Monday to Friday, because now you've got two days to enjoy yourself. But if you work weekends like me now, we got this, we got this and we're going to're gonna be so fine we're gonna get back in our beds at the end of every night and we're gonna go what an amazing day of making money yeah I'm amazing person and I treat people well I'm beautiful inside now okay see you guys on Tuesday

make sure you message me on Instagram give Give me some dilemmas. I've actually got a lot of good dilemmas coming this week. I've already saved them all into a folder ready to read out, but I've still got some more to get. So don't worry. Keep sending them. Keep sending them. Next debate is going to be, which one should we do? Should we do, how do you feel about your partner being previously engaged? Or should we do... What was the other option? Ah, do you believe in right person, wrong time? Let me know which one you want to do and we'll do it. I'll probably pop that up on Monday.

No. Nobody's beat up by Monday. Shit, where the hell am I going to record and upload a podcast? I'm working Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Oh dear. Oh dear. Okay, well I'll pop it up sometime over the weekend. Actually, do you know what?'s gonna be up tomorrow so when you're listening to this the poll is up

wait what am i talking about okay just shut up everyone forget everything i just said right go to my instagram if you're listening to this on the friday when it comes out head over to my instagram because my story is gonna have the weekly debate on it. So get involved. All right. Jesus. I'm going to give everyone a bloody migraine. All right, guys, I love you so much. And I will see you on Tuesday for a new episode. Wish me luck for my new job. Good luck to anyone that needs it for whatever you are doing. If anyone else is starting a new job or anything scary or you're doing something scary. I don't i'm literally gonna fall asleep in a minute i'm losing it all right love you so much see you next week for a new episode i can't even speak i love

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