Leah on the Line - Bonus 57: feeling lonely, competition between girls & my best friend BLOCKED ME!

Episode Date: September 21, 2023

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Picture this. You're at a picnic with pals and bam, you suddenly feel unwell. But going to the clinic? Not the ideal weekend plan. Well, those days are over. Maple's Virtual Care has got your back. With 24-7 access to licensed doctors and nurse practitioners within minutes. Need a diagnosis or prescription? Sorted right from your phone, right in time for your next picnic. Download the Maple app today and have more summer this summer.

Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. Happy Friday. Happy Friday, everybody. How you feeling? I'm really excited. I'm going to Centre Parcs this weekend. I'm excited. I'm excited. I've been to Centre Parcs before. I just haven't been to the long late one. So I'm really looking forward to it. But listen to this, right? My period's late. Don't worry, I'm not preggies. Preggies? Yeah, preggies, preggers.

But I have polycystic ovaries. So my periods can be a little bit hit or miss with the, what's the word? What's the word? What's the word? What's the word? What is the word when they're on time, with the, whatever, you know what I mean, so I'm not concerned about the fact that it's late, I'm used to that, but to be fair, they've been really on time recently, apart from last month, I was like four days late, right, And I am now about a week late.

I remember when I was at uni, I used to have like, my periods would just be missed all the time. I mean, it kind of makes sense now. I know I have polycystic ovaries, but like when I was at uni, I guess because your stress levels are higher, like it makes your periods worse and stuff.

But I would go like three months being like, where is she, miss girl? Where is the period? Anyway, so now I'm like a week late and she's due any day any day the cramps have started a little bit so what happens with me right I talk about my freaking pussy way too much on this not really my purse but you know the period anyway I'm sure you'd love to know yeah usually the cramps start about three days before and then I'll get a little bit of spot in and then the next day it's like period and it's the agony the vomiting the fainting the shaking the labor level pains I've never been in labor so like you know I don't know how accurate it is but

when my mom saw me she was like Jesus Christ it's like you're in labor I was like I know on anyway so yeah that's how it happens pretty much every time bit of spot in and then i know tomorrow is the day i haven't even had the spot in yet and i'm like fuck what if i come on when i'm away and it will just fucking happen to me you guys remember i came on when i was in portugal and i was due on on the 15th this month and i'm due to fly to Tenerife on the 15th of next month. So great. I'm going to be having this problem when I'm going away. But kind of on the bright side of me being late now means I won't be due until hopefully I come on after the 22nd, which is today, actually. So, yeah. And I doubt I'll come on today I mean

oh god I'll let you know on Tuesday what happens but at this rate I'm not going to be on in Tenerife unless I'm early which has never been the case so yeah um that's the update with my ovaries hope all of your ovaries if you have them are. I don't know why I feel the need to really like express my stress and concerns around my periods. I guess because I know so many of you can actually relate. Periods are a really stressful, scary thing and a very fucking painful thing. Oh, on that note, I bought a TENS machine. So if you guys don't know what it is, I cannot remember what the TENS stands for. But it's basically, I I'm gonna get this wrong you stick it to your stomach or wherever it is that you get

pain you can use it like anywhere well actually you can't use it on your head because it's dangerous near your brain kind of scary right anyway you put it on your body and it sends like electric something it's not electric shocks but it feels like electric shocks but it doesn't feel like electric shocks all right anyway it's doing that and it does it to like your muscles and like it it tricks your nervous system into like relaxing so you you find you're in less pain or something people use it in labor anyway i've heard great things that girls with endometriosis use this obviously i've never been tested for endometriosis but it's given endometriosis to be honest the periods i get but whatever

um so yeah i got one and it arrived the other day it's fucking scary mate i put it on my belly i was like whoa get it off get off get off i couldn't bear it I was like get off get off get off it was so scary like actually was scary it was like I was being kicked by a baby like my stomach something was like popping out of my belly like obviously it was like a muscle or spasm whatever because it says it can cause like muscle spasms and like it can cause like you to twitch basically so my stomach was like twitching and it was like i was being kicked by a baby and i had absolute zero control over it and it was really weird and i wouldn't feel it coming it would just be like my stomach it was so scary and it kept making me feel like i was gonna fart and i was like is this gas like it was really scary anyway so i'll let

you know when when the pains come which do you what? I'm just praying that it's just not going to be a difficult month because, right, obviously I've mentioned that I come off the pill now. So my periods are au naturel, which is when they're the most painful. And when I was off my pill before, like when I was at uni and I was off my pill, I didn't get this agony every month. Like every single month I didn't get this agony every month like every single month I didn't get it where to the point where I was like fainting and shaking and acting like I was in labor like it wasn't like that every single month but since coming off my pill it has been apart from the first one when I was in Portugal that was bad but it wasn't as bad as the next one and the one after that and now we're here so I'm like surely it's got settled at some point like surely I'm like surely it's got to settle at some point like surely I'm gonna have at least one

month where it's not fucking hell mate like surely and hopefully it can be this month and next month like that would just be ideal to be honest it'd be really ideal but yeah I'll let you guys all know because I'm sure you're dying to find out but anyway this episode is a friday so we i thought we could do dilemmas about anything besides relationships because obviously the tuesdays have kind of naturally turned into that which i don't mind at all kind of love talking about dating and relationships um and i was like let's do an episode where we still do dilemmas because somebody i did put up a story saying like what do you guys want on friday and somebody said like i just want more dilemmas like i love the dilemmas and somebody else messaged me saying friendship dilemmas and

I was like oh why don't we do a podcast episode where it's just all dilemmas that aren't relationship focused friendships career personal life whatever you know so that's what we're going to do today guys thank you so much for tuning in if you're here listening I love you so much thank you for being in my company today thank you so much for having me in yours whatever it is that you're getting up to so happy to be here together best friends for life also these new Instagram broadcast things kind of annoying kind of annoying like what is the point it's basically just promotion right you just get to promote your shit but I heard that you can choose who you want to like talk in it right so I was gonna make a on the line one on my leo on the line instagram page and then anyone that joins I'll just say

that I'll make it I don't know how to figure out but I'm sure I will so that you can all write in it and you can all message in it and then because we've always said that we need a group chat we need a massive group chat right so I was like oh I'll just make a broadcast thing and I'll make it so that I'll personally like go on people's profiles and select that they they want to type and then we can all chat to each other you know however it won't let me make one and I don't know why because I have a creator channel a profile I don't know if you need like a certain amount of followers I don't even if you need like a certain amount of followers I don't even know I need to look into it but I feel like that would be fun so let me know but yeah all right guys let's not chat too much rubbish in the beginning because I tend to do that don't I

although I don't mind that I kind of love a little casual catch-up at the beginning it sort of sets the vibe you know love it just catching up my best friends but yeah let's get into some dilemmas thank you so much for listening to Leah on the Line. Head to learontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates. Enjoy the episode. Love you. Okay, everybody, let's dive straight in. So I had a little scroll through, looking for dilemmas that weren't relationship based, and I found some good ones. So I'm really looking forward to this episode. Let's all get comfy, or if you're like cleaning or at the gym right now, let's get productive, babe, you know. All right, if you're driving, drive safe. I feel

like a lot of people probably listen when they're driving or at the gym. Personally, I love a podcast when I'm getting ready. That is my podcast time. When I'm sat at my dressing table, the mirror is lit up, podcast is on, or when I'm cooking. That's when I listen to podcasts, to be fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. all right let's just start with this dilemma guys hi gorgeous girl hi babe hope you're good thank you for your pod i've listened to every app since the beginning and i love it oh my god thank you i'm so happy to be honest i've just been having such a hard time recently and i feel so alone the last last year has just been full of stress, like it's been non-stop. So much has happened, like horrible family dramas, my partner became really ill and I had to quit my job so I could look after him. My dad also got ill and a few other things that were just a cherry on

top. Oh my god, you've had a difficult year. I've lost my place okay sorry I really don't want to sound like I want everyone to feel sorry for me oh my god stop stop that right now anyway as everyone else has got better and gone back to normal life and work etc I feel like everything has just hit me and I'm really struggling I felt really let down by friends and family who knew what was going on. I felt like no one was there to make sure I was okay and be there for me. I've lost all my confidence. I feel like I don't really have any friends and I just feel so low. I need to go back to work as I've just graduated and need money as I live with my boyfriend but I just feel like I can't even get out of bed

let alone apply for jobs I just don't feel good enough and so insecure I've just really lost myself and I don't know how to get back on track because I have no energy so sorry it's so long and sorry I sound like such a drama queen no you don't you do not sound like a drama queen love you love you too okay first of all I'm so sorry you've had such a difficult year, it's really interesting actually, not to make this about me, but what I'm going to say is, I put up an Instagram story recently talking about how, you know, I've mentioned on the last episode, a member of my family had an accident, and that's just one thing that's happened to me in this last month that's been really difficult right and it hit me after so you know how you said like everyone's gotten better and gone back to normal life and everything's just hit you and now you're struggling and you

just feel really let down you've lost confidence and when I put that story up somebody replied to it saying I can totally relate you know I went through something really difficult and at the time you're just in survival mode and it's not until things even even not not even that it's finished and it's all over and everything's fine but even when things calm down a little bit it can hit you like a train because you leave that fight or flight response where you're fighting fighting fighting and then you don't need to be in your fight or flight response where you're fighting, fighting, fighting, and then you don't need to be in your fight or flight response anymore. So it just hits you emotionally. And it's like a punch in the fucking face of like, fucking hell that this is really hard what I'm going through. So the fact that it's hit you now, I'm not making this about me. I just want you to

know, like, I can really relate to that feeling. And I was confused by it as well. And then until somebody messaged me saying like, you know, I went through something really difficult, it hit me after I thought about it. And I tried to understand why that might be. And I guess I kind of made sense of the idea that, you know, is the fight or flight thing wearing off. And then all of a sudden, you don't have to fight or flight, you just have to feel it. And then all of a sudden, you just want to collapse. flight you just have to feel it and then all of a sudden you just want to collapse like you're like holy fucking shit like how have i just gotten through that or how am i doing this right now like you know you've had lots of family dramas the people close to you have fallen ill you're looking after people you're in your like survival mode protecting mode taking care of people that when they might not need you as much or when

things seem to get a bit lighter that's when it comes so apparent how much you've neglected yourself in that process and what you were going through and it's really hard it's really hard to sort of get yourself out of the aftermath of something traumatic so one thing I would say to you is the way you're feeling is really normal and I can completely sympathize and understand um I also can sympathize and relate to feeling like you don't have any friends and stuff I've been through so many phases in my life where I've been so alone and so lonely and the thing is it's a really isolating feeling like feeling alone feels so lonely and I know that sounds really obvious but it's an emotion I can't explain and it everything feels very heavy and I feel like you look in the mirror and you look at

yourself and and you see something different like you you just like, oh my God, like I'm so alone. And it's a horrible feeling. But what I want to say to you is things do get better. And I know when someone says that to you, when you're in the midst of it all, it's like, shut up. Like literally not helpful. You're literally not helping me. Brilliant. Thanks. Do you know what I mean brilliant that'll get me through it I know it's not helpful but sometimes it is just good to hear it it does because it will what I would say to you is I don't know how you feel about um counseling maybe talking to a counselor to sort of process everything that you've been through because it sounds like you've been through a lot and it's important to feel those things emotionally one day at a time and I would also maybe consider maybe starting a plan of like right operation get myself back operation find myself and write a plan so what does what does your best self do

imagine your best self what does she wake up and what does she do every day like does she get up at seven and go downstairs to her favorite coffee machine and make her coffee and then go go upstairs and and sit at her dressing room and do a face mask before you know get up an extra hour early just to have that hour of peace and peace of mind put on the um what's it called incense oil natural oils thingy you know what does it look like what does she look like what does she do every day your best self and write a plan of like okay what part of this am I going to do tomorrow and which part of this am I going to implement into my everyday routine so I'll give an example one thing that is very important to me and it sounds really minor and it's a good thing that

it's minor because it makes it easy to do one thing that is very important to me is my iced coffees in the morning right if I didn't have an iced coffee in the morning it would throw off my whole day okay and I sit there and I make sure I enjoy it and I relax while I'm drinking it and this can be anything to you whether it be you haven't done it in a while but you used to love your Saturday night baths Sunday night baths with your bubble bath and your face masks and going out to lush or bath and body works the body shop getting your favorite bits in and going, right, I'm going to make this part of my weekly routine. Every Sunday, I'm going to prioritize

myself just in the evening. And it's okay if you miss a Sunday because you've got some plans or whatever. But whatever it is that makes you feel like you, make time for it and write it down and embrace embrace the journey of okay I'm lost right now I don't know where the fuck I am but also understand and give yourself some credit that you've really been through a hard time and it's okay that that you feel lost and and you're now on a journey of finding yourself again and embrace it and just say right it starts it starts on Monday or it starts now it starts right now starts tomorrow I'm gonna get my journal and I'm gonna write a list or I'm gonna get my journal I'm gonna start journaling I'm gonna go out I going to buy some new crystals. It's just things that make you feel

like you're starting a journey. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, I'm so sorry. But do you know what? I'm sure there's so many people listening that can relate to feeling lost and feeling lonely, especially if you're a similar age to me in our 20s, because they are lonely, weird, me in our 20s because they are a lonely weird really hard to navigate time and believe me you're not alone when when I tell you that you feel like you don't have friends and stuff like that and also one thing I want to say is download Bumble BFF it's always worth a try or go to the page on Instagram where I said um let's make friends leave a comment in there or have a scroll through see if there's anyone in those comment section if you don't know what I'm talking about there is a post on Leah on the line Instagram page where it says let's make friends and in the comments loads of

you lot have commented your name where you're from your interests what kind of you know activities you like to do and people are just messaging each other and making friends from it so have a little scroll through and send someone a message and be like oh my god i've just seen you you said you love this i love that do you know what i mean and yeah operation get back on track baby girl you got this and I'm so proud of you you're doing amazing love you okay next dilemma hi gorgeous everyone's calling me gorgeous say I'm just loving life I love you so much oh my god I love you so much and I'm in desperate need for some honest advice advice about a situation which has been going back and forth in my head for the last few

months. Please don't judge. Never, never ever. To put it simply, I keep comparing myself to my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend and I have no idea why. For reference, she is slightly older than me and has been with her boyfriend, wait, my boyfriend's brother a couple years fewer than I've been with my boyfriend we don't really know each other well but message here and there and we'll say hi and join in on conversation with the family and always back each other up in banter conversations okay stunning so it's like team girlfriends you know so like nothing weird we just get on we just don't know each other very well i guess we are quite different different interests personalities etc i feel i'm quite extroverted

chatty and quirky whereas from what i see she is very lovely a little quiet and maybe more mature and isn't as open as me which i think is why i feel we may be struggling to gel i'm unaware that she has made comments about oh sorry i'm unaware that she has made comments about, oh, sorry, I am aware that she has made comments about my relationship to her boyfriend before, commenting on how my boyfriend and I go for nights away regularly, how often he buys me flowers

and how we are more public with our romance, et cetera. I know this because my boyfriend's brother has told me in a very lighthearted but venting-ish situation. So she's giving her boyfriend a hard time because she's looking at your relationship with your boyfriend and being like well they're always going on dates and he's always buying her flowers. Is that what we're getting at here? Okay I quickly said like oh everyone's different like don't look into it just talk about what you both need in the future and all as well. From this, I feel there is a barrier stopping us from bonding. Being

totally honest, I sense a feeling of one upping and comparison and I hate it. Okay. You know what? Sometimes naturally, you know, unfortunately, sometimes. I've been in the family, if you will, four years and I'm extremely close with the parents my boyfriend's mum has helped me through very hard times oh I love that recently oh why did I say that so weird recently due to finishing my masters and going into work I don't feel I see them as much as I'm doing my own thing and on weekends we are never in and equally split weekends between my house and his family's house whereas she only goes to the boy's house on weekends naturally i feel like she is the

new fave and i feel like i'm getting almost forgotten about or not as liked as she is and it's making me feel quite down and uncomfortable as i don't like this narrative i've created yeah so you're looking at this situation like okay why have I made this a competition like so what if they're a bit closer to her at the moment do you know what I mean it's becoming all consuming now and I've noticed there is now a photo of her and her boyfriend on one of the walls but none of me and mine even though we've been together a lot longer and I felt like I was also close to the family I know this is silly but I know the photo was left on the side for a while by my boyfriend's brother. So I'm wondering if their mom moved it to avoid it being damaged. LMAO. Okay. Picture this. You're at a picnic with pals and bam,

you suddenly feel unwell. But going to the clinic, not the ideal weekend plan. Well, those days are over. Maple's virtual care has got your back with 24-7 access to licensed doctors and nurse practitioners within minutes. Need a diagnosis or prescription? Sorted right from your phone, right in time for your next picnic. Download the Maple app today and have more summer this summer. I feel like I'm constantly comparing myself and feel like I'm not as like, I'm just not liked as much anymore. It's ridiculous, but it makes me so sad. I'm wondering, am I just jealous? I'm no longer the only girlfriend anymore. She is absolutely lovely.

And I really like who I am. So I know I'm not jealous of her. And I feel the need to say I'm 100% satisfied in my relationship and see no missing parts from mine and theirs other than that um sorry other than how they get most of the weekend together unlike my boyfriend and I as we live as we work live further away okay I don't feel like I can tell my boyfriend as he seems to quite like her as I do and is so close to his brother and is extremely chill so he would he would find it ridiculous oh my god I can't speak ridiculous and childish that I worry do you have any advice on how to stop comparing myself doubting myself and dropping any weird feelings towards this girl who could potentially be my

future sister-in-law I'm so sorry for the long dilemma love you girl love you oh that's a difficult one because I hate when you unintentionally naturally create this competition comparison situation and I always feel like when that is just sprung into your mind and you don't, you know, you're not bitter about their relationship. You're not bitter about her. You want her to be around. You like her. It's a bit like, fuck, why do I feel this? And I always feel like when it's that kind of situation, they probably feel it as well. Do you know what I mean? Like when it's not an obvious situation where it's like, oh, she's really jealous of me and her relationship's really toxic and mine's really healthy so like i can get what she's jealous when it just doesn't really

make sense and you don't really know why there's this vibe and you just feel it i always feel like she probably feels it as well do you know what i mean but okay it's difficult because yeah like you said you can't talk to your boyfriend about it because he'll be like what the fuck you on about mate and you definitely can't talk to her about it because like that's just really awkward and there's nothing she can say like it just makes things worse if you confronted this situation and obviously i know you're not considering that by the sounds of your message what i would say is we need to work on realizing that even if she is closer with the family at the moment and seeing them more than you it doesn't matter like it really doesn't like it's the same with kids right so

my mum could be really really close to my sister for ages and they're spending loads and loads of one-on-one time together but But that doesn't mean our relationship changes. Or like the love and the like we have in each other's company changes, you know. Same as like friends. Like if I was hanging out loads with one friend and I hadn't seen another friend in a while. It doesn't mean that I don't still love and value the other friend equally oh my god the other friend equally as much so i would say like when it comes to family and stuff it is just situational like they're obviously naturally going to be a bit close at the moment because they're spending more time together

but that doesn't mean that she might like you like you a bit better but not that it matters because it's not a competition so i would work on your thinking process and when you find yourself thinking in a certain way where you're like oh it's really pissing me off that like she's spending all their time with them like i love being the favorite like i want to be the we say it doesn't matter let her have her moment she's a lovely girl i love that she is part of this family as am I it's good to have a sister-in-law that is unproblematic you know she's a really kind lovely person yeah we might be polar opposites but that's okay you're not going to be really really similar to everyone you meet doesn't mean we can't get on like a house on fire you know and maybe just just teach your brain to stop thinking about things in

a certain way next time you have that oh this really pisses me off like oh just shut up what it doesn't matter it literally doesn't matter you know they love me and I love them and even if even if put it this way even if they absolutely loved and adored her twice as much as they love and adore you which isn't the case it wouldn't even matter it wouldn't matter because they still love you and they still adore you and you are still part of this family and it doesn't matter who's loved the most or who spends the most time with them everyone is is accepted everyone is liked everyone gets on there's a great dynamic you spend a really good amount of time with them by the sounds of it and that's all that matters

you know everyone's happy and healthy and everyone gets on and it's not a competition if if they spend all their time with them at the moment that's okay i'm happy for them enjoy it you know maybe we just work on the on how we're talking in our brain if that makes sense. All right, babes. Love y'all. Good luck with that one, darling. All right, next dilemma. Okay. Hello. I feel like I need to put a disclaimer that I'm not as much of a saddo as this makes me sound. But basically, I'm in my mid-20s and I've always been very independent. I'm not someone who ever needed others to do things, holidays, cinema, workouts, etc. Even when I've been in a serious relationship, I still was very much able to do things holidays cinema workouts etc even when I've been in a serious relationship I still was very much able to do things on my own but I've been single for over a year now I just can't find my person I live alone my close friends are all in friendship

bubbles sorry relationship bubbles oh my god I'm making up words today it's really annoying me I live alone my close friends are all in relationship bubbles I don't have any siblings and whilst the people I work with are lovely they are all married or engaged and I'm just not high on anyone's priority list in life to spend time with my parents live a few hours away and I see them a couple times a year especially on holidays like Christmas okay that's sad you only see your parents a couple couple times a year especially on holidays like Christmas. Okay that's sad you only see your parents a couple of times a year I would hate that. I decided recently I need to get some sort of pet. Okay amazing sometimes it would just be nice to have a happy little presence around especially on days when I work from home and can easily go the whole day without speaking

or really seeing anyone. I can't get a dog due to the hours i work so i've been looking into rehoming a cat and this is where my dilemma is after speaking to my mom the other day about it she essentially told me if i get a cat i can't come home wow and this would leave me completely on my own on christmas birthdays etc oh no that is so sad i'm so upset for you that's actually really not not nice we'll forget cat you ain't coming home thanks what the fuck she said it would upset our family dog if i was to bring a strange cat around so i simply can't oh didn't realize you ruled my life at 25 years of age mum um she doesn't see why I can't just wait until I can get a dog with a partner

oh my god I feel like this sounds kind of pathetic and dramatic no it doesn't it really doesn't like we were just saying in the first element the feeling of loneliness is actually really painful and really awful um essentially i now feel like my choice is feel alone on a daily basis but be able to spend holidays with my mom and stepdad who as you can tell aren't particularly supportive or have get or get a cat and maybe feel a little less lonely on a daily basis but have to spend Christmas on my own it all feels really ridiculous now I've written it out it's not ridiculous believe me but if you have any advice on the situation I'd really appreciate it as I'm a little tired of feeling this way I know I bet lots of love thank you for always keeping me entertained with the pod

love you okay so that's really upsetting that your mum's reacted like that but you know I don't know her each their own what I would say to you is there are places that you can not put your cat but like there's like daycare like pet sitting places and it's like a big happy place where you can put your cat for like three four days three four nights while you go home for Christmas even a week like people do it if they go on holiday and then they put their dog or cat somewhere and they're looked after or you can hire a pet sitter to come and pop around your flat or your house but then to be fair that would be kind of lonely because your cat would spend nights alone that's not good no no don't do that you could send your cat into one of those lovely places where it's like a big play

center for cats you know and then you get the best of both worlds you spend every day with this beautiful cat that gives you lots of strokes around the legs you know they come and rub up on your legs or I mean and I was like why have I said all and then you get to go home at Christmas and just find somewhere local to you that takes good care of cats read the reviews and yeah you might meet some cat mum friends I don't know the cat industry I'm'm not a cat girl, I'm a dog girl through and through, but this sounds like a great idea for you to just get a bit of furry company, you know, also I would say, don't, I think it's really easy just to get used to like, well I just don't have any friends, do you know what I mean, and it's really easy just to be like, yeah I just don't

really know anyone where I live, or like yeah I just don't really have any friends I just don't really know anyone and it's really easy to get used to that so I would say go put yourself out there and make friends and that it makes life so much more enjoyable when there are people that you can just pop and see, even if it's once a month, once a fortnight, once a week, if you really love each other, like, and just, you know, make a friend through social media, through, I don't know if you go to the gym, you could meet a friend at the gym, at your local coffee shop, walk around a shopping center. This would be kind of weird, but definitely would work. Walk around a shopping center. Oh my kind of weird but definitely would work walk around a shopping center oh my god i love those jeans where did you get those jeans to be fair they're probably just

gonna be like zara and then you'll be like okay thanks and never see them again but i'm just trying to think of scenarios or you could go to like a girly pilates class or like a pottery painting class or I don't know I'm sure there are so many things online that's about making friends going to like a girly thing you know the nail shop sitting there I listen to me right when I'm when I'm getting my nails done don't speak to me so I'm actually really awkward when I get my nails done I don't know what it is I feel so awkward when I'm getting my nails done it's the level of awkwardness I've never felt in my life and it happens every time I've been going to the same nail shop for so long it's not it's nothing to do with the people that even do my nails they're nice and I can tell they're on the same vibe as me it it's like, I'm not here to make friends, you know, let's not make the small

talk, I'm just gonna do your nails, and I love that, I'm on that same vibe, same as when I get my hair cut, I don't really want to be sat here trying to make conversation for hours, because I come out, my social battery is on the floor, if I'm getting my hair dyed or something that takes hours, you know, I can't, I can't brace myself for that shit I can't do it I've run out of battery but what am I talking about the nails yeah there's something about it like I feel so awkward and people around me and they're so chatty and talkative and I'm so jealous of them I'm like god I could never be you I wish it could be you in another situation i can be the loudest person in the room right in the nail shop i am my bum cheeks are clenched so tight the whole time i'm so uncomfortable and so nervous if anyone ever sees me if you ever walk past a nail shop and you see me in there

just know i feel really awkward but anyway yeah i think let's get the fucking cat and we'll cross that bridge when we get to it at Christmas. We won't bring the cat home. All right, mum, fucking bitch. I'm not calling your mum a bitch. But we find a friend or even someone in your family back home so you can drop the cat there. You know, a cousin, an auntie, like anyone. Can I drop the cat around yours for a cousin an auntie like anyone can i drop the cat around yours for the week while i go to see my mom at christmas you know and it's only up the road from your mom's or somewhere where you live now the cat home places where they have like a

big cat center and it's all fun and they just all play and make cat friends or maybe your new friend that you meet in the nail shop loves cats and she'll go I'll take the cat for Christmas don't you worry about it you know we cross a bridge when we get to it or we could we could do it in January we could get the cat in January because let's be honest Christmas is creeping up real quick we could get the cat in January as a new year's present to you you're going to say this year is about the year of fixing how I feel lonely and doing something about it. First step, get a cat. Because two months isn't very long to find someone to look after your cat. Whereas if we start in

January, we've got a long time to figure that out. So get some sort of routine in place, darling. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's my idea. That's what I'd do. But yeah, but yeah let me know love you i never feel too lonely because you can always pop on an episode of lear on the line and i'm always here for you honey love ya okay next one hey so a bit of background my ex best friend and i were friends for 11 years from the age of 8 to 19 wow she blocked me on everything two years ago when she got into a relationship. Ouch. What the fuck? This happens a lot, doesn't it? Okay. Fast forward a couple weeks ago, I saw she'd unblocked me on everything and I got a message of her asking if I wanted to catch up catch up I'm gonna catch up like it's only been a month it's been two years honey since you just blocked me hey how's things fancy a cough

fancy an iced cough um sorry who is this I was curious and wanted answers so i agreed yeah i probably would as well it was so awkward she wouldn't acknowledge what she did despite me asking her straight up why she did what she did how did she dodge that she said she'd broken up with her girlfriend and i know she doesn't really have anyone in our hometown anymore because she cut everyone off when she moved to uni okay so this girl was just going snip snip snip with these scissors okay she was shocked when she saw how how well I was doing for myself and how many people I was still friends with whoa why shocked about that whoa why shocked obviously I'm doing well obviously I've got those friends. Why shocked? I think she thought I would have cut everyone off too just because she did but I don't know. What? Why would I do that?

Anyway she asked if we could catch up again and I don't know what to say. We were really close friends and it broke me when she cut me off i built my i build my friendships on trust and to be completely honest i don't know if i can trust her again even if i built a new friendship with her i'd always think in the back of my mind what if she does it again a lot of my friends have told me i'm stupid for meeting up with her and that i should have some self-respect and quit whilst i'm ahead i'm not joking guys fucking hell tell me how you really feel i don't know i guess i'm just torn after all she was really close oh after all she was a really close friend for such a long period of my life so i guess what i really want to know is what would you do in this situation love you oh i don't think anyone's ever said to me like in these dilemmas

what would you do in the situation normally it's like what do you think what's your advice what would i do in the situation hmm let me think let me think i would i would probably say look i don't know if i want to meet up this would be over messages i'd say i'm gonna need to understand why you cut me out of your life two years ago. And I'm going to need you to understand how much that hurt me. And if I can, you know, if she's expecting to just give me the block for two fucking years, mate, and then she breaks up with her girlfriend, for two fucking years mate and then she breaks up with her girlfriend sends me a message hiya i want to catch up um what did you did you run out of texts you had to top up your phone you're not on no credit for the last two years like i would i'll be like no we're not gonna

brush this under the carpet sweetheart i'm gonna need an explanation at the very least let alone an apology like what the fuck so yeah I would be over messages really nice about it because it's been a long time um I would just say look I really miss you as a friend and you know I am relieved to hear that you're okay and be in contact again but I'm not sure if I can move forward in a friendship feeling like I don't understand why you dropped me I don't feel like you were sorry for it I don't feel like you understood that that was hurtful I feel like you took our friendship for granted if you could do that because I could never have done that to you um and depending on her response I would go or I wouldn't go if she's responding like oh you know I was just going for a shit time it weren't really that deep I'd probably be like to be fair I'm doing all right I've got

loads of friends I'll keep it civil if we have a message but I'm not going to go out my way to hang out you know you've dropped me you've sort of shown me who you are and what sort of friend you friends, I'll keep it civil if we have a message but I'm not going to go out my way to hang out, you know, you've dropped me, you've sort of shown me who you are and what sort of friend you are after all these years but if she was like, look, I am sorry for it, it was cold, it wasn't very nice, this is my genuine reason, I hope we can move forward and build a friendship because you were a really special friend to me, then I would definitely be like let's do it i love you i missed you i'm glad we're talking again but if she doesn't say that she's sorry and say that it was selfish and give me an explanation for it whether or not the explanation is is good enough because i don't think there's really going to be many explanations that would make you think oh fair enough do you know what i mean they're all they're all going to be like

what but why the fuck would you do it like what does that mean about our friendship as long as she can say to you like look i really miss having you as a friend and i really just want to sort our friendship out and sort of build back what we had before because i feel like it's irreplaceable then yeah let's just move forward and you know when someone hurts you like that you do sort of hold them at an arm's length and feel slightly more guarded in the friendship but then hopefully over time that'll just go down and you can rebuild a friendship but that's what i would do let me know let me know how you get on with that one babe love you all right guys oh i really enjoyed those dilemmas i should we do the friendships episode more often because i feel like friendships can

be fucking exhausting and actually really difficult so send in your friendship dilemmas guys i will do another friendship episode send them in right now learontheline.com thank you so much if you sent them in for this episode obviously they weren't all about friendships but anyone that sent any dilemma in ever not just today just in the history of lear on the line do you know what i was thinking what is the first dilemma i ever read on lear on the line somebody messaged me the other day saying um i'm i'm starting your podcast from the beginning and there is an episode i think it's episode, where I was talking about my first ever, like, not really my boyfriend. I mean, he was my boyfriend, but we was like 16. So I don't really

consider it a relationship. But anyway, we were together six months, five months wasn't deep, right? That's why I'm saying that. Anyway, I was telling the story about how he like slept with one of my best friends. And I called called him Jamie for the sake of the story and somebody messaged it to me and somebody else actually mentioned it to me a couple of months ago and I was like no way that is crazy and I went back and listened to the episode and I did and yeah I was like that's so funny because someone messaged me it was one of you guys saying like manifestation at its finest I was like hopefully not because the story the line was oh have you heard that Jamie slept with I can't remember the girl's name I used

and I was like fuck hopefully that is not why I'm manifesting but yeah crazy right what a crazy time yeah I would love to know what why am I saying I'd love to know like I couldn't just go back and listen what I'm saying is I wonder what the first ever dilemma was and who it was that sent it sent it in and if they're still listening oh let me know send me a message if you can remember that I I answered your dilemma in my first ever episode and you're still here now send me a message so I know you haven't like fallen out with me all right love you guys let's wrap up the episode okay everybody thank you so much if you made it all the way to the end of this episode I love you so much if you did go and comment heart hands emoji on my latest tiktok and I'll know what it means all right guys I love you remember to send in any dilemmas confessions dilemma updates weekly debate ideas leah on the line.com all the buttons you need are there

I love you I hope you all have the most amazing week and wait weekend it's Friday oh my god result unless you're what unless you work weekends in that case love you hope your shifts are okay you got this you can get through this I don't know how long it is till your next day off I mean to be fair that's not a nice way to think is it oh just wait for the next day off hopefully you have a great shift you work with your favorite people to be on shifts with and i love you thank you for listening if you are listening to be on your way to work right now hope you have an amazing day hope you have an amazing nice easy shift if it's you're finishing early on a friday get in babe get in enjoy your weekend if you're getting drunk don't text your ex text me instead and i'll speak to you you on Tuesday for a brand new episode.

All right. I love you. Bye.