lemonparty - 005: Bin Laden's Netflix

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

Osama Bin Laden's Netflix, the colorado shooter, wearing T shirts from Target, theremin, polaris slingshot more audio/video episodes on the private feed: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty sponsor: https://betterhelp.com/lemon for 10% off ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q lemonparty podcast, lemon party podcast, ben avery's podcast #lemonparty #lemonpartypodcast #benavery #jaceavery #devancosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I I like that. Don't you like Ben's hat? That corduroy? That looks really good. Also, it's very hard to find a hat with no logo on it. That's for the elite. Yeah.

That's kind of how I feel about this. I don't want to wear anything with a logo anymore. Anything with logos? Yeah. I'm getting out of that, too. I'm starting to buy adult clothes. Yeah. You just feel smarter. Yeah. I feel better about myself. My version of adult clothes you just feel I feel smarter my version of adult clothes is just going to Target

and being like what is the cheapest black sweater that you have I'm starting to wear more adult clothes like I love those sriracha shirts at Target and run DMC and I wear like a Bob the Builder backpack once a year I buy a Chewbacca Santa

Claus sweater yeah that says may may that may the force be with you this christmas i saw a guy uh uh walking his dog with a shirt that said yoda best dad hell yeah with baby yoda with baby yoda yeah really don't you want to just when you see that guy just take out a gun and shoot him in the head right there on the sidewalk adults like that wearing like the like young adult t-shirts they do make me sick to my stomach you know like a guy with like it's like a 45 year old man he's got a shirt where it's like a squirrel and it's like protect your nuts he's trying to bond with his school shooter son essentially you're just wearing a shirt that winds up on a homeless schizophrenic man at some point you know you see like a homeless guy he's wearing like an

NSYNC t-shirt and you're like there's no way you love NSYNC he's wearing like the Spice Girls it's super it's got sparkles on it Malibu Barbie and he's shooting heroin he's like the sparkles help with the warmth you might as well just steal the clothes they're gonna give to african children after the patriots lose the super bowl you're just wearing new england patriots 2007 super bowl champion shirts and yeah i love that every year there's a shirt that's either gonna be worn by rob gonkowski or a kid with a giant extended belly in senegal somewhere they're using it to purify water it's like the beginning of uncut gems they're all wearing patriots gear sorry emma was wearing her gmail collar a guy has a 2007 super bowl champ patriots tied around the nub of his hand they got caught off

by fucking african warlords and joseph coney's wearing like a cory dylan jersey yeah he's trying to shove a diamond up his ass to sneak out of them just cutting his ass open just all the uh child soldiers yeah wearing the sports team gear remember the coney guy oh yeah i'll get better at sports stuff oh the coney 2012 guy yeah remember they found him uh jacking off jacking off in san diego masturbating yeah yeah he was the he's like the dad of the colorado shooter of the non-binary man yeah it was it's yeah it is very funny i had a couple friends would be like i can't believe we live in a society that i'm like the guy who's fucking crazy the people sharing that clip of that guy Like he's a normal man With normal thoughts was amazing

They're like this is disgusting It's like he's a meth head in front of a trailer You're talking about the dad? Yeah the sling blade looking guy Sling blade porn actor And I'm glad we got into the shooting immediately Why not? Because I had some more stuff to say about the Target t-shirts

But let's move right into it We can circleshirts, but let's move right into the... Okay, we can circle back. No, no, no. We're going to move right into the shooting. People say we need a theme. So the theme, we could do Target t-shirts and every episode ends with a big cap. Yep. Yep.

Yeah, we'll run a segment every week called Fact or Cap, yo. And we just reviewed TikTok to see if they're in fact cap or not. Dude, Ben, Coke or Pepsi? You want to argue about stuff? Dude. Dude, let's get a big argument about food. Fucking hot eggplant parmesan? Are you fucking kidding me?

I love to feign interest in things like Pepsi. Me too. I love that. As a grown man. What's great is no one can tell that I'm pretending to be upset about things for entertainment purposes dude no because everyone has uh complete and total brain damage apparently it is insane but regardless we don't have to get into what we're talking about the uh the the they were kink they were basically shaming this man who was a sex worker. Yeah. Because they were like, he was crazy, he was in porn.

I'm like, wait, hold on. Why is that? Why is that a problem? Why is that not okay? Yeah, and then they give me shit when I say Mia Khalifa did 9-11. Get called a racist. Racist. Mia Khalifa's in a cave somewhere.

She's in Abbottabad. Yeah, it turns out she was in Abbottabad the whole time. I would love to see that whole sequence remade with just them killing Mia Khalifa. Them breaking in to run a train on her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The helicopter goes down. The guy's in the stairway going, Mia. Mia Khalifa.

Zero Dark Thirty. Yeah, she peeks her head around. He just jizzes or that was still team six or still team 10 six so team six what's interesting is they all apparently wrote books where they all have conflicting stories yeah that happened i haven't read i'm clearly not reading any navy seal books books. Right. That's an audio book only. Yeah, for sure. But they're all conflicting. And the other day I was going through Osama bin Laden's computer files. They're on the...

Yeah, you have the hard drive somehow. They uploaded the... Ben got in James Cameron's submarine to find Osama's body. It's like the Discover Titanic documentary. I'll prove it to you because people don't believe me. I'm going to type in... Watch me, boys. All right.

Watch me go. Osama bin Laden. Auto-filling, of course. What are you typing? Files CIA computer. Here we go. CIA.gov library, a Bada Bad compound.

November 2017 release of a Bada Bad compound material. And now, boys, I have, you want to do audio, documents, images, or video. I got 162 gigabytes of video that was on Osama Bin Laden's computer.

Now, what's interesting about this, if you go through a lot of the files, one of them is a BBC documentary about dolphins. He has full episodes of Tom and Jerry on there. Well, he liked to get high. He was high. They had tons of like. So he's like a Cheech and Chong.

He was just getting high after organizing 9-11 and then watching like, dude, the dolphins are so beautiful. He's like, put on Joe Rogan, post-termits episode. This should blow your mind, man. I swear to God, if I knew this in 2000, those towers still stand, bro. He's watching Homeland. He torrented Homeland. It would be great if he had a compilation of Brian Redman saying Olive Garden. He was on the Joe Rogan message boards back in the day.

So here's what's interesting i can get just there's a lot of files here i can control f just tell me what you want to type in you might find it boys crazy um i'll hear it i'll type in tom tom and jerry 70 and i'll click on it just to prove it to everybody here and i'm gonna open this now god we really do kick so much ass as a country like our biggest enemies are still watching our shit jeez i'm sorry jesus christ i'm sorry but that's i'm just i'm just proving to the boys that... Yeah, he really did. That's so funny to imagine him on Livewire in 2007 getting a shit ton of viruses. Yeah, he was sending emails of himself getting shot to his friends. He's like, look, I'm famous.

Look, he literally has episodes of Tom and Jerry. He was watching Tom and Jerry. He's like, that infidel mouse will be punished. Wow. What else is on there, Ben? I've only spent a few days on this website. But I mean, I have no idea what else could be on here. And I'm definitely on some sort of list for downloading so many things.

Oh, sure. From cia.gov slash library slash I bought a bad compound. Yeah. He's got ringtones and shit. Yeah. He's the kind of guy that wants to chew up on my bubble gum. Chew up on my bubble gum. Yeah, he's got the My Humps ringtone.

He had a sidekick. He was like, where you at? He has a rip of Paul Blart. Paul Blart mock-up. Wait, does he really? No, no, no. That'd be great. That'd be great. That'd be great.

I really can't believe this is real. Look, Art of Crochet by Teresa. It's a baby crochet sock edging video. Dude, he's so gay. Missile Launcher Exercises by the Muhajideen. You're the only guy I know that could do this, that knew about this. This is insane. Yeah, you can... Supposedly, this was his private files here

on his private computer. It's like Girls Season 5. Yeah, I mean, a lot of this is in... Would it be in... I'm sorry, boys. I'm kind of ignorant. Is it Arabic? Yeah, it looks like Arabic to me.

Yeah. Yeah. Whatever they have on thai food menus that's what it is it does look like thai actually maybe it might be thai i don't know that's it um i watched the he had his oh yeah anything that looks like it's on the lord of the rings ring yes exactly yeah uh animal dolphins thisolphinsRing.wmv But he really loved dolphins What a weirdo He was just trying to

Strap bombs to them He was trying to figure out How to train them We're gonna bomb the submarines Next bro It's gonna be crazy SeaWorld Very bad

They torture They torture Oh he just watched He watched What is it Blackfish I just watched Blackfish The cove

This I do this for the dolphin. A big fan of what we do in the shadows. Season five coming up baby. They hurt dolphin. Oh my god. Oh that's just a David Attenborough documentary.

Dude that's all. That rules. He was just sitting on a couch with his girl. Just getting on. Watching a dolphin documentary about to get some pussy. This is inspiring me. When I go home tonight, I'm going to watch dolphin shit. We should, for a year, commit to only watching stuff from... Maybe every Patreon for the next year, we watch some random video on Osama Bin Laden's

hard drive. I'm saying in my personal life. Oh, right. I'm hanging out with my girlfriend. She's like, what are you watching? I'm like, let me see. I'm just scrolling through the Osama Oh, right. Like, I'm hanging out with my girlfriend. She's like, what are you watching? I'm like, let me see. I'm just scrolling through the Osama bin Laden. She goes, what is that?

He goes, a friend of mine curated something. This is my criterion closet. I'm walking around. It's fucking me and Peter Bogdanovich and go, oh, have you ever seen the dolphin documentary? That's actually some of his best work. Dude, I want to have like a, I wish I had a best of for his. More dolphin. I keep seeing dolphins.

By the way, I haven't found any porn on there, but I don't know if they legally can have. I was going to say, I think I remember in case I made this up in my head, when he got caught, they released like all the porn that he had. They were like, he had backdoor butt seven and you're like that's why he did 9-11 yeah because of the evils of pornography because of asa akira he goes ava devine she's very old now gross he just googles where is alexis texas from yeah he yeah he googles is gia michaels okay gina michaels excuse me gianna gianna excuse me miss michaels my apology she'll come in here and kick my ass yeah she's huge

she'll kick my ass and suck my dick this is it's really this makes me feel more and more like it definitely was an inside job because he loves us oh this hold. This isn't a guy that did Night Owl. Hold on, boys. This says myedgy.com, E-G-Y, and it says Jackie Chan. Oh, shit. He was, like, watching the tuxedo. He has Rush Hour on there. This is great. I'm going to... Oh, it's the Jackie Chan TV show oh that rocks dude that rules

dude he had so much good pirated content this is insane it's like a Japanese uh uh translation or unless this was an anime that was like only in Chinese or something I think this was like an American TV show for a while Chinese or something. I think this was like an American TV show for a while. But it's translated to Arabic. Oh, yeah. He was a billionaire at one point, right? Osama? Yeah, his family was very rich. Saudi

billionaires, right? Yeah, yeah. He was also like, what was he? Like 6'6"? He was huge. He was huge, yeah. Yeah. He looked like Scottie Pippen, kind of. He kind of did look like Scottie Pippen. Yeah, I would love to see him in the paint with his back to the basket see what he could do oh for sure those robes flying around oh yeah i'd love to see him uh what he does in the bedroom with larsa this says uh oh yeah future's also fucking his wife yeah

it's a double team future and osama on larsa pippen oh Oh my god. It's an Arabic toy story. Oh my god. At the end, Buzz flies into the World Trade Center. Dude, he loved Toy Story. He was just a sweetheart. I mean, you do make a good point. At the end of the day, they hate us because

they ain't us, basically. They're still consuming all of our media he's not even this he's not watching like al jazeera or anything like none of this this is all american shit he seems very misinformed actually maybe that's why he did all the shit he did yeah yeah like he learned it from a tom and jerry cartoon he got radicalized he wanted them to bring uh the old classic car he's like, once Cartoon Network goes under, it's a useless country. I'm going to blow up the whole damn thing. He goes, I heard they canceled MDE.

They do not fund Adult Swim. They need more Space Ghost Coast to Coast. And the one with the big fry who is black. I do not remember the show. He seems like... Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Based on all the stuff he downloaded, he seems like he'd be like a Mighty Boosh guy. What?

You know what a Mighty... What's a Mighty Boosh again? It's like the sketch show from England in the 90s that like nerds, like comedy nerds, are like, oh, you never saw the Mighty Boosh? Okay. If you're really into like Edgar Wright's early stuff, like Spaced with Nick Frost and Simon Pegg, you're probably a Mighty Boosh guy. But Mighty Boosh is definitely like Monty...

It's in the world of Monty Python, kind of. It's all those things like comedy nerds, like you got to check out the Mighty Boosh. And their biggest sketch is a guy wearing a tiny hat going like, hello. When it comes to the goaded shit, when it comes to that whole universe is Darth Marenghi's Dark Place. Yeah, Darth Marenghi's Dark Place. That's the best of all that stuff. Yeah. I like that stuff.

But it's like, yeah, English comedy is that, Monty Python ripoffs, and then a guy just dressing up as an Indian man out of nowhere. Yeah. And there's also that one guy out there that, like, the Wuthering Heights guy. He's always... I feel like British comedy is the guy like he's, he does like our version of the Nutty Professor. Like he dresses up as a,

he plays every character. You guys know what I'm talking about? Like a Nutty Professor kind of stuff. Do you know what Wuthering Heights is? I might, yeah,

yeah. That one guy with the, he just looks like a Paul Rust kind of like. Let me open another tab. I don't want to get off the Osama Bin Laden website. The guy is in succession? Is that who you're talking about? Tom Brown scam? I don't think he's off the Osama Bin Laden website. The guy is in succession?

Is that who you're talking about? Tom Brown scam? No, I don't think he's in. No, no, he's not in succession. He's like Britain's comedian. He has a sketch show, and HBO used to push him all the time, and he played like a million characters and shit. Yeah, I think you're just pulling up the book.

It says Wuthering Heights is an 1847 novel by Emily Bront. Well, never mind. I don't know. Forget it. I tried. I hate British comedy. It truly does suck. That's why I don't know. Forget it. I try. I hate British comedy. It truly does suck. That's why I got it wrong.

Yeah, it is a TV show, though, Devin. Well, I mean, this is completely off base. This is so far from what I was thinking. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. That's Better H-E-L-P. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com slash lemon and get on your way to being your best self yeah guys you ever uh uh wish life came with a user manual all the time yeah that would be a lot easier if it did well you know it would be the next best thing. What would that, what could that possibly be?

The next best thing would be betterhelp.com. That's better H-E-L-P.com. Because life doesn't come with a user manual. So when it's not working for you, it's normal to feel stuck, which I think we can all relate to. Oh yeah. Yeah, of course. Feeling stuck. Yeah. Navigating any of life's challenges can make you feel unsure whether it's a career change a new relationship or becoming a parent that's uh none of us are

parents but all those things have happened to us recently right guys i've had i've had a career change recently and i've been extremely chaotic yeah and i have a bastard job devon has a child out of wedlock he doesn't talk yeah better helps help me a lot that's right uh better help has connected over three million people with licensed therapists it's convenient and accessible anywhere and 100 online oh it says here therapists are trained to help you figure out the cause of challenging emotions and learn productive coping skills which makes therapy the closest thing to a guided tour of the complex engine called you yeah i've been telling you to go therapy i've gone to therapy i've never gotten therapy but i'm going to start using better help yeah well there's a lot of benefits self-empowerment dealing with trauma etc if you've benefited from

therapy feel free to speak about that i think people should have gone to therapy should speak about that, honestly. As the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online. Plus, it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. If things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime. Couldn't be simpler. If things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime. Couldn't be simpler.

No waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash lemon. That's betterhelp.com slash lemon. That's betterhelp.com slash lemon. But regardless, back to the shooting yes they a theme they they were slut shaming this uh sex worker they were they were like he was in latina slut like that and i'm like it's bad now it's bad what's wrong with that now it's bad to be in porn yeah it changes every day every day every day it changes can't get it right electric cars are bad now.

It's bad too. By the way, how do you guys feel doing a podcast with a classical lib? Yeah, you're a classical lib now. I'm a big stinking libtard apparently. I can't believe people took all of our tweets that day seriously. I tweeted the word Elmo Musk and I lost 800 followers. Yeah. You really lost 800 followers? I think i was like at 49 point

something and i'm at 48 point something i think i lost like close to 500 800 followers because you guys just went on a we're gonna tweet dumb lib shit day and i wanted to join in so i just copy pasted that jeff teedrick ideally the the president of crazy town people started messaging me and they're like hey don't want to confront your brother about this and embarrass him but he's been stealing jokes from jeff teedrick and i put hashtag drunk and like people even comment they go i don't understand the woke mob will tear you to pieces i'm so confused what kind of audience are you guys going for if the woke mob finds your show they're gonna rip it to bits like we're doing a podcast where we say just retard and gay slurs and then we get online and we're that it's like astounding the dissociation people like we're trying to get two very specific types of pussy at one time yeah we're just greedy

or on this podcast like gay retard racism and then we get online and we're like we stand with the lgbtq come here elmo musk drum yeah dm'ing a librarian who weighs 85 pounds well that's what's so fucking what that was so funny is like all we're doing is baiting the culture war and everyone plays into it oh it's it's it's there's so many fish in the sea you just got to put your line in and you're like they're actually you're like i they're actually, you're like, I didn't put anything on the hook. No, it's like going to those places where all the fish are starving and you can catch like 800 in an hour.

That's what it's like now. You just tweet anything. Just go, well, yeah, this will get a lot of attention. And I don't mean it. Just you tweet Cheeto Drumpf. And they're like, wow, never thought I'd see the day. Sad. That he turned, the woke mind virus got him yeah what was that one guy who was like he was like tweeted some some absolutely disgusting stuff about elon oh yeah really embarrassed some liberal propaganda i think i just tweeted like i tweeted like drum

elmo musk cheeto like you can just tweet the they don't really read the tweet no no they I think I just tweeted like, I tweeted like, Drumpf, Elmo, Musk, Cheeto. Like, you can just tweet the, they don't really read the tweet. No, no, they just see the buzzwords. And then people will tweet at you like,

they're angry at a restaurant. They're like, well, you just lost a customer. And it's like, oh no, I lost the jujitsu coach with 30 followers in Topeka. No, not the guy I didn't know existed until I read this comment.

Oh no, not another guy in his car on the way to some vague crime he's probably committing. Every picture's like the side of the guy's head and he's like holding a steering wheel and you're like, where is he driving? Not another man with a white goatee and matching

white Oakleys. Yeah, not a man whose face is bright red from all the ED pills he's been taking for decades. Just a guy who's a domestic abuser because he's not smart enough to understand what people are saying to him. So he just starts swinging wildly. He has no idea what's going on. And so his wife just gets haymaker after haymaker. He's like, I told you i don't understand what people are saying yeah he's in the street like i can't read

everybody all those people in my head are like chris farley and billy madison right isn't that the we use the big the bus driver yeah just barely hanging on yeah just like snapping at a moment's notice Like you'll be having Because I do know some people like that in my real life It'll be a family get together They'll be having a nice day If you let the puppy in the living room it'll shit everywhere And all of a sudden people are just screaming at each other

You're like what the god damn it The types of families that they talk to the dogs They go god damn it Harley What are you doing to an animal To an animal They talk to the dogs. They go, God damn it, Harley. What are you doing to an animal? To an animal. They literally go, walk up to the dog. They go, why would you shit in the living room?

I'm so disappointed in you right now. The dog is, this is Chinese. Yeah. People calling their dog a liberal cuck. I barely looked into the shooting saw the some people said he is a non-binary guy or something his head is fully flat on the back oh really i don't know if you saw it he's like a pencil top yeah he has a big fat head but his the back of his head is is like a 90 degree angle is that how he gets around the house? He just lays on his back and kicks?

Yeah, like a slug. Well, I looked into it. The hypothesis online is that he was left at his crib for like his whole life. And his head just kind of melted? It's like a diagnosis. There's a name for it. It's called like polyforn, some bullshit. And it's when a kid is just left alone and never left let out of his fucking

his head deformed into a flat shape your head their head is like when you put a watermelon in a cinder block so it grows into a square but that's for like a person yeah it would be weird if like he was left in the crib so long it's like how a tree grows through a house yeah like you just grow into the crib. Yeah, he's walking around He's shaped like the word, Mississippi Yeah, he probably was left in the crib cuz his dad was just on meth back like shooting porn scene Yeah, like in the next round. He was the gay club Those people were in his like belly

Sorry were in his like belly i'm sorry that's all right it's an american tragedy but you know you know i'm sure one half oh right now another one happened yeah it is every it is that's the funny thing about shooting and it's very funny one of the funniest things the funniest thing because it's all every there's very there's many funny things about everything that happens in the shooting is funny but what's the funniest thing because it's all every there's very there's many funny things about everything that happens at a shooting is funny but what's the funniest thing the funniest thing is that people like there's so many shootings in america you can just like it's almost like a game of like like um fucking um oh that game where you're in the pool and you have to swim across and not get

caught like sharks and minnows yeah yeah like everybody just waits until it's their people who get shot up and then they get to have the week where they're like well there's a clearly targeting my group of people it's like well just wait a week and then it's gonna be yeah fucking chinese guys shot a bunch of mexican guys in sombreros yeah right it's all used politically and nobody you know no one act no none of the tragedies are actually thought about right and longer than a week yeah like two years ago there was the asian jerk-off place shooting and everybody was up in arms and then like a day later that black guy drove over like 20 white children in kenosha and it's just funny to see people like taking turns on either side you're

supposed to politicize the shooting if it works for your political thing. And then if it doesn't, you just stay silent, you go sad. You go, can't believe someone would politicize this. Yeah, you go, can't believe someone would.

You delete all your tweets from a week ago. People just tweet, people just type into Google, is the shooter today gay? And if it just Google comes up with no, and you're a Republican, then you don't politicize it yeah if it comes back yes and you're a republican then you politicize it yeah and vice versa if you're a democrat there's always like the first two hours of a shooting where everybody's kind of like

all right like they're all like waiting by the side for the the picture to get released and then just like five people like dive on top of it it's like musical chairs for shooting it is it's so sick yeah it's been this way i mean it'll be like it'll be a black guy but they're like but he was in the kkk and everybody's like i don't there's nothing we can do with this can't do anything with that hide it hide the news that's that's not news today well i guess the bright side is eventually we'll all be killed that was what was amazing about the thousand oaks shooter who got like 14 people in that bar yeah what i didn't even know about this this was this was maybe three years ago three years ago it was a ex-army guy weirdly enough a guy who was in the armed forces i thought he was trying to protect and serve but he opened fire in this bar weirdly anyway i guess i guess it was just a freak thing

that and uh one time his career and his service has nothing to do with uh him shooting up this bar obviously but the people at the bar were meeting together they were survivors of the vegas shooting a year prior oh that's right they were literally having like a reunion get together like hey how's everybody and then they just got shot at the end they're like well we can all be thankful that the odds of us being in another shooting

ever again for the rest of our lives will probably statistically never happen that type of shit makes me think everything's fake just because what are the like if there is a god how does god greet those people like listen I don't I'm fucking dude I don't know man

it would be great if you got to having gods like yeah I did that shit what are you gonna fucking do about it dude he's just laughing like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber when the guy's joking they get up to heaven and he's just like this is a demon I mean god is a demon and dumber when the guy's joking. They head up to heaven and he's just like, ha ha ha ha ha! This is a demon.

I mean, God is a demon, right, if he does exist? But no, like, you literally, you're like, what are you gonna do, go to hell? Suck my fucking dick. You're lucky to be here, bitch! God's, like, taking his shit. He's smoking weed. He's like, fuck you. You're a part of history, fag. He's wiping from the front.

God's smoking weed out of a Coke can. He's getting fucking aluminum poisoning. And he goes, fucking suck my dick, dude. No, if you want to get into heaven right now, I swear to God, suck my fucking dick. Suck my dick. Because of my Christian upbringing, by the way, I'm like, oh, is he going to kill me now? I feel like if I mock him in any way he's gonna do something he's gonna now and now i have cancer behind it's behind my eye right and it's gonna start going to my brain now yeah i said that i always think like if i ever have kids they're gonna be like retarded

for sure why because i've just said the word i said the word retarded oh right he's gonna curse you and yeah yeah yeah i don't Or gift me. Or gift you. With these beautiful... Be a bundle of slobber. Gift me with these children who statistically cost $2 million more to raise. You have a retarded kid. You just take him home in a box like it's a puppy. That's such a brutal way to put it.

Because of all the medical care? Congratulations. It's a $2 million bill. So anyway, the helmets are like $500 and they're going to grow out put it. Because of all the medical care? Congratulations, it's a $2 million bill. So anyway, the helmets are like $500 and they're going to grow out of it every six weeks. You got to find this type of shoes for them because their head is on their feet.

Your car is going to have to be like a Transformers type of car, unfortunately, now. That's going to cost $80,000 to rig up. You have to be like a Transformers type of car, unfortunately, now. That's going to cost $80,000 to rig up. You have to tie him. Like, you have to nail him to a cross inside your SUV just to go anywhere. You have to put him on the thing from Mad Max

with the guitar player. He's like, yeah. But he can riff like shit, dude. It's fucking cool. God bless anyone that has to. Oh, it's very. I have friends who's like shit, dude. It's fucking cool. God bless anyone that has to. Oh, it's very. I have friends who's like. Me too.

One of my best friends, his brother's severely mentally disabled. His family will honestly be like, it's been a horrific burden. But, you know, we do love him. Sure. God, you know. No, I mean, it's a tragedy. It is. I'm not even kidding.

I just can't. I never sound sincere anymore because we've ruined our lives with with talking and jokes so yeah it was funny i was going i was like at a barbecue this week everybody's like hey love the retarded racist podcast you guys do it's great everybody's telling me how they have to turn it down anytime respectable people come near them we have gotten that a few times too. Yeah. My friend Kevin was listening to it and his baby was in the room and he had to like, he had to like put earphones

in just because he's like, it might have an effect on the baby. It's like four months old. Like playing music for a plant. Like Mozart. Yeah, we just left this guy in a crib and we played O&A for a couple years and now he thinks he's from Boston. He shot up a gay club.

But, you know, you gotta laugh. You gotta laugh. We do so much good. I love the comics who spend it like this. No, this is good. It's not good. It's just fun. So the shooter was non-binary and had an Easter Island head?

Did he just say he was non-binary to fuck with the cops again, kind of like Ezra Miller did? Yeah, maybe. Oh, maybe, yeah. Or maybe he's not smart enough to do that. Maybe he genuinely is non-binary. Dude, all of them look like Brendan Dassey to me. I have no idea.

I don't know if I'm seeing the same guy. I don't know if the same guy just keeps getting out and doing this shooting I think so well remember I think we one of our first episodes we I said I feel like I see the same retarded guy like everywhere I go I feel like he's a CIA operative or at the very been following you at the very least they all have the same barber mm-hmm mm-hmm which is themselves dude you know what's funny I've been cutting my own hair for like a year yeah look i could never tell that is the first step i guess in being a one of those guys yeah cut your own hair because it is it is like removing yourself one more step from society

than you need to it really is that i'm not allowing other members of society to groom me in any way and i set my own standards for grooming. Yeah. The next step of that is being like, no more llamas for me. I'm a scythe guy. I got a big metal sword. It is the first step in breaking away from society while remaining in society. That's your version of End of the Wild.

You're like, I'm going to cut my own hair. Maybe I'll grow some tomatoes. I'm going to save $40 a month. Which does feel great, actually. But you're just walking in with big chunks out of your head. You're bleeding on your ear. And you're like, I just saved $25. But in your mind, you're walking around like, I'm like sitting bull.

You're playing shitty Eddie Vedder music. You're cutting your own hair. Yeah, cutting your hair and going, fuck you, mom. Fuck you, dad. I'm going to eat some berries and die. Like an asshole. I hate that guy. I'm going to take pictures of me when I'm really skinny, but I'm going to be happy about it.

That scene when he burns the money in that movie is so infuriating. Yeah, it's the money and all his IDs and everything. Alexander Supertrampkin. I'm glad he's dead. Me too. Fucking retard. He also didn't even bother walking up the river a little bit to see if maybe there was a part he could cross.

Yeah, just have a map, idiot. Moron. I don't know what you guys are talking about because I have a YouTube premium subscription. So my life, I'm just never going to watch anything ever again. I think YouTube premium is the only thing worth buying. Yeah. It's worth, I'll say, I think it's worth like $30 a month. Yeah.

It's that good. It's amazing. It changed my whole life. Because for me, yeah, it's like, do I want to watch 900 ads a day or give YouTube $10? Yeah. I think it's worth $10. Yeah. Yeah.

It's the only thing I pay for where I'm like, this is worth it. Pretty soon we'll all be like in a bread line, but we'll all have YouTube premium. pretty soon we'll all be like in a bread line but we'll all have youtube premium it's also like you you get you're free of the the insult of having ads tailored to you in your google searches we're just like i cannot for the life of me get rid of the fat guy t-shirt ads and it hurts my feelings every time what's the fat guy t-shirt it's literally you see you would never know it's it's literally like an ad it's a guy who looks like i'm looking in a mirror but it's on my phone and it's a guy going like are you tired of your t-shirts showing your titties to people buy fat guy t-shirts

so you too can get pussy at this freak you freak fuck you buy the t-shirt, faggot. Sorry. I've seen those. The big dog t-shirts and shit, too. Yeah. Yeah. I should start doing big dog t-shirts. You should just be a big dog guy. Get really into barbecuing. Mm-hmm. I'm always wearing the black gloves everywhere.

With the knuckles, the fingerless. No, I mean, the guys who get really into barbecue, they put black surgical gloves on. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. That's a new thing. People eat wings and shit with. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. It's a new thing. People eat wings and shit with those now, too, I've seen. Really? Really.

You ever gone to a wing place and they give you gloves? People are putting on tactical gear to eat. It just makes the guy that makes them... He makes them feel like Walter White with wings or something. It's completely retarded. Yeah, yeah. I hate that so much. It sucks ass.

I hate it. He's got teriyaki sauce in a Bunsen burner. Dude, he's going to Big Five Sporting Goods so he can go sucks ass. I hate it. He's got teriyaki sauce in a Bunsen burner. Dude, he's going to like Big Five Sporting Goods so he can go to Buffalo Wild Wings after. He's getting all the gear. Yeah, he's wearing a catcher's vest and a visor. I've only seen it with like these like... I hate that so much.

It's those Armenian guys that do it in Glendale. Like those Armenian pop-ups for for hot chicken and wings and stuff. Yeah, people are going in with mouth guards. Yeah. I don't know. Armenian guys are obsessed with southern fried chicken and selling it. It's very alpha, I think, as well. Nashville chicken.

I think it's super alpha. Yeah, it's like the alpha because cooking is kind of gay naturally. So you have to like no i make fucking none of my shit tastes good it hurts your mouth when you eat it because it's fuck i'm fucking alpha dude everything they eat has to have a flame sticker on it yeah it's called like beat your mama like like retard sauce those places where they stamp the bun on your burger with the logo. Have you been to one of those? No, I haven't seen that. Yeah, I've seen one.

Like it's a cow, they brand it? Yeah, they brand your burger with the logo of like, it's a smash burger. Yeah, it just says not gay on it. Totally straight. Totally straight. Dude, you come into our restaurant, we're playing Saving Private Ryan on every screen. But yeah, the Colorado shooter was taken down. Yeah.

Yeah, good. By an ex-Marine. So that goes against what you said, but the ex-Marine stopped him this time. This guy wasn't let into the Marines? Is that what you said? I think the guy that killed or stopped the Colorado shooter. So he didn't shoot himself. He was shot by an ex-Marine. I think the guy that killed the Colorado shooter. Or stopped the Colorado shooter. So he didn't shoot himself. He was shot by an ex-Marine.

I think the guy's alive, the shooter. Oh, really? He just took him down? I think he just took him down and started beating him. Yeah, they beat the shit out of him. Hell yeah. He beat the shit out of him in his boots. That honestly rules.

He has a mugshot where his head is... They're like, oh, is his head misshapen now? Because they're like, no, he's just boring. That was him. They just bore him like that. Yeah. He just looked like this. They beat him so hard his head went flat in the back because someone beat him with a pistol whipped him really put him on the ground they kept hitting him with the butt

of the gun until he so his face is totally black and green that honestly rules yeah i don't know if they just gave him a wedgie and then all pissed on him yeah gave him monkey pox yeah they just i think it was there a gay gentleman here and I have sex with him real quick his dad was in intervention to the show oh really he has a whole episode his dad yeah where he's doing math and jacking off for 12 hours I did see that yeah I saw that I went huh mm-hmm I just kept scrolling kept moving I went totally normal well when I saw it I go that guy's the father of a shooter

i saw the whole interview too where he said uh he's like thank god my boy's not gay basically yeah and everybody who was like well this honorable man is just tarnished they're like this is legacy typical maga qualities you know what if i have a school shooter i hope he's gay if I have a school shooter, I hope he's gay. Yeah, not focusing on the right thing whatsoever. And it just rules that these guys control all national discourse. Just guys who came out of the high fructose corn syrup factory just in fucking

Cincinnati somewhere. They dictate the direction of our country. Yeah, guys who've been living off Doritos and Four Loko for decades. it would be funny to raise your son you're like i'm gonna raise my son to like because school shooter is like kind of the default now sure so you have to just raise your son it's like you can become an emt a soldier or a school shooter yeah it's like when you take the test in high school it says yeah it's a garbage truck driver, school shooter. Pretty soon the government will fund your college

if you shoot at the school. You get a scholarship to shoot up your own college. Well, they're going to start taking those guys and just sending them to school in, like, United Arab Emirates. Sure. Like, son, do us proud. Do us proud.

You just have to raise your child to shoot up the thing you don't like. Yeah, exactly. Because you're like, proud you just have to raise your child to shoot up the thing you don't like yeah exactly he's just gonna it's an unstoppable we're never gonna stop it

so you just gotta like harness that energy to something positive that's the whole thing in Blood Meridian is that from a young age within the boys the need

to shoot up a school the want to kill basically the hunger for war and murder. Sure. It's in his blood. It's in his blood, essentially. So you just have to train, like, are they going to shoot up an NRA convention?

And then, you know, Ethan and Hila Klein are, like, you know, twerking. Sure. Like, woo! That would throw a big wrench in things. It would throw a huge wrench. If a pacifist shot up an NRA convention. But, like, Jesus had to well ethan said on his show that would tucker carlson's head would just explode what would

happen him and rachel maddow would start fucking we break the simulation we're all like we're free like these beams of light hit everybody and we all send it's like congr congrats, you're in Tokyo in the year 3589. And we're like, ah, shit, we're Chinese? Fuck. Send me back. Oh, fuck. What were you saying? Ethan Klein and Hila? Oh, well, they got a strike on YouTube because they told their fans to bomb an NRA convention

in Houston. Whoa. And they got taken down. Yeah. I think Ethan was like, that was my bad. Yeah, it is technically a call for mass violence, which is not great. But, I mean, those two suck a lot of ass. And I know you might have met them, but I hate both of them.

Every time I see them on YouTube. Anyway. Don't get it. Whatsoever. Liked the Vapepe nation video that was 14 years ago make something else funny yeah you're talking about him like he's a director who died two decades ago yeah exactly like he's fucking yeah francis ford coppola i'm like yeah the vineyards are great but like let's make another masterpiece but i i do love even like we would only be so lucky to retire from comedy one day and then finally become comedians yeah yeah i don't even respect what we do here

because we don't because we don't do stand we're not stand-ups i'd rather be one of those stand-ups that like has a podcast and doesn't do any jokes. And then people would be like, well, they're respect. I respect the shit out of them. Yeah. We just talk about the art of doing stand-ups. We got to start making a lot of money, though, so we can afford the wardrobe. Right? The shoes.

The ripped jeans. The hats. The hats. Yeah, it would be fun if we started doing the podcast. We're all wearing the Lumineers hats. The Clint Eastwood. I know what you're talking about. The Clint Eastwood hats. Yeah, the Soro hats. Yeah, it would be funny if we started doing the podcast, we're all wearing the Lumineers hats. The Clint Eastwood. I know what you're talking about. The Clint Eastwood hats.

Yeah, the Soro hats. Yeah, we're all just turned. Huge feathers coming out of them. We slowly all start dressing like old cowboys. I have spurs and a six-shooter on me. We all look like Civil War reenactors. You look like trans Sam Elliott, essentially. Yeah, and I'm like, oh, don't mind me.

I'm about to go to fucking get some sushi in Beverly Hills. But I'm dressed like I'm about to shoot up an old Mexican town. I'm dressed like P.T. Barnum. Yeah, we dress like we're in The Dirty Dozen. Yeah. Ben, we got to start making more money so we could build a studio that makes people think we have a product.

Yeah. Let's make a studio that when people see it, they go, wow, I'm suddenly nauseous. When women see the studio, they have to go take a pregnancy test to see if they have morning sickness. My favorite podcasts are filmed inside a QVC. go take a pregnancy test to see if they have morning sickness my favorite yeah my favorite podcasts are filmed inside a qvc um anyway anyway yeah i was gonna say even like the guy like these

merely challenged people control our national discourse there was that guy i don't think we talked about that woodshop teacher in canada the tits with the huge fake silicon tits yeah and then you know like carlson and maddo are arguing about him for fucking weeks and it turns out he was just a troll it was a prank yeah he's a prank it was johnny knoxville yeah yeah it's like if rachel maddow was like should baba bluey eat howard stern's asshole. Yeah, Tucker just being like, we should be able to get on the Sibian.

Why can't Carmen Electra sit on the Sibian and get her pussy ate by a little robot? Oh, God. Yeah, dude, I'm dude the fucking... Dude, I was real into the Sibian. Once we hit a rich, I'm just buying Sibians for my entire apartment. We do have to have a Sibian in here at some point. Yeah.

Yeah. It would be great if you have this nice Katie decorated place and your one contribution is a Sibian just in the dining room. Now, what's that again? It's the big... It's like a big half cylinder thing with a little vibrating... Yeah, women just... just sit on them and come. Right.

It's a fuck machine. I was being very fancy about it. I confuse that with a theremin which is a totally other thing. But to me anybody that. I would love to see those combined though. A theremin and a sibian combined. What's a theremin? It's the one where you wave your hand and it's like

You put like a magnet over a little magical box that the devil made, and it just makes crazy noises because of magnetic stuff. Got you. Got you. Okay. And assholes play it. Right. You have to be a real cunt to play a theremin.

Okay. Gotcha. Yeah. If you have one of those, you drive a polaris slingshot yeah it's a good you have the daft punk helmet and you're driving a polaris link you know what a polaris slingshot is no it's those three-wheeled motorcycles that suck ass oh i hate that two wheels in the front and the one that those retards pull up to the pull up to the comedy store and sometimes and shit dude i really want a polaris slingshot because it might be the

worst thing you and i saw they're only like twenty thousand dollars i'm like maybe i should like maybe i should just lease one they're either for guys who are too fat to ride their motorcycle anymore or like guys who want to like be in tron basically yeah they like want a light bike yeah yeah yeah i i see them a lot in like beverly hills and shit yeah they really suck ass they're horrible it's one of the worst things you could ever own and guys that own them own like nine different colors it's just a fuck boy's version of a penny farthing bicycle that like a hipster would be driving and like silverlight it is yeah it's the same thing any guy that would have a twisty evil villain mustache on the other end of the spectrum

is a guy with a vape and joggers and he's in his whatever this thing's called yeah if you made an m night shamalan movie where on one side was the hipster cuck guy and then where it's like unbreakable where it's like on one side is the guy with the what is it penny farthing that's the giant wheel yeah the giant wheel on the front you have giant wheel. You have to get lifted up onto it. You have to have a buddy with you. No, you have to climb on top of your top hat and then put yourself on the... And then get on the bike. And then hope your IPAs don't break.

You have to sit on a man's cock to get on top of the bicycle. That's how gay it is. Dude, imagine if we all had matching polaris slingshots and we drove them to the shooting range together oh that'd be great wild hogs like one last ride yeah one last ride boys and then the polaris yeah we rev it up and she's like people it's funny that people like these are the best people that love them are like in a club and they're the player slingshot is the best motorcycle it's like if it's the best motorcycle why does no one else make anything like it right they're the only polaris is like i think there's a void in the

market here for people who are absolutely retarded and completely worthless like we need to start pumping these out yeah yeah they look they look it's a it's a tricycle but people buy them when you get out of jail for raping they just that just pulls up it's for happen it's for a six-year-old rapist a six-year-old with a goatee it's something so retarded it's not even like in mario kart right it's it's way too fucking stupid if you pull that up to rainbow road they would gay bash you in mario kart donkey kong would curb stomp you right next to your polaris slingshot wario cause you gay yeah you're gay if we had those things we would have to like customize them with like like they make like

cut like our horns make make custom early internet noises. So mine goes like... Oh, the crazy frog ring tone? And then Ben's goes like, Welcome to Burger King. Can I take your order? Ding, fries are done. Ding, fries are done.

Ding, fries are done. Jason just makes the Peter Griffin laugh. Yeah, I read mine it goes freaking sweet at like but like 40 decibels a freaking sweet so loud it like it deafens a baby yeah i cut someone off and just go victory is mine yeah you would be driving around throwing banana peels out the back of it. Resistance is futile. Dude, what is stopping us from getting a Polaris Slingshot now? They're only $20,000.

I mean, that is a lot of money. I won't be buying one. I asked Katie if I could buy one a couple months ago, and she said no. What do they get gas-wise? Oh, let's see if they are realistic. It would be funny if they're like, Yeah, like 12 miles to the gallon. There's no benefit. Yeah yeah it probably is 12 it really is like talking your wife into letting you buy one of these is like convincing her to put all your savings in

bitcoin it's the same conversation you ask k can i buy a polaris slingshot she's like can you just cheat on me it's the dumb and dumber dog car for Instagram influencers. Look at that stupid piece of shit. It's so bad. Get a motorcycle like a real man, you fucking idiots. Get your head cut off in a vicious traffic accident, you moron. I'm like, babe, it's safer. It's safe.

Babe, it's safe. There's no top or sides. It has all the dangers of a motorcycle, but none of the having sex with women. Yeah, you're completely out in the open if you drive this thing. I'm trying to find the MPG on this bad boy. God, it doesn't... Why can I never find it? It probably doesn't even run on gas. You have to use your feet like the Flintstones.

It does have pedals. It has pedals. 28 miles per my car my car gets more than that 23 to 33 and it has a capacity of 9 gallons

well at least if it starts raining you know you have a nice drive home dude imagine you can only get to like Riverside and back with it

imagine you're gonna like like you're talking to a guy at the bar and he's you're like alright he's kind of like you're talking to a guy at the bar and you're like, all right, he's kind of like, you know, he doesn't have the quite the things I'm looking for in a man. But what the hell?

It's a lonely Friday night. He's good looking enough. He's told a few good anecdotes. You know, like, I mean, then he asked, yeah, you know, hey, you want to come back, you know, watch a movie or whatever. Maybe we have another drink at my place. Nothing pushy like all right you're like i've had too much to drink can i go home with you he's like sure you you walk out you see him grab a motorcycle helmet you're like hmm not really uh yeah you're like oh a bad boy bad boy oh my god

oh my god what who is this the fonz and then you kind of as a woman you start getting kind of into it you're like oh i'm gonna maybe it'll be like the danger i shouldn't be riding he's really cool like at one of those movies where you're like in as in paris as a woman you're riding on the back of a model's motorcycle to the cities of paris yeah it's amazing all these fantasies start going and you walk outside it's that fucking retarded yeah piece of shit he hands you a helmet with a propeller on the top of it he goes you know where these goggles they're for my dog but they should fit your face and you go home with them anyway because the last drink he gave you made you really tired oh god i was in new york once and i saw a bunch of these guys riding them together as if they were in a gang they were

revving their engine that was meek mill that's an east coast thing but i didn't think they would go for these stupid things well i know black guys in new york ride like fucking motocross yeah yeah like like in uh philly and baltimore and Baltimore and shit. And that's cool. It's very cool. Because you're like, oh, is that Blade? I don't know. Exactly. It's like, is that a black vampire? Because that's black people are so intrinsically cool they can be like

emo and you're like, that rules. That kicks ass. They can do anything. Like Kid Cudi's like, I want to kill emo and you're like, that rules. That kicks ass. They can do anything. Like Kid Cudi's like, I want to kill myself. You're like, fuck yeah. Your white friend Darren's like, I want to kill myself. You're like, get it together, fag. Listen to Kid Cudi. He knows what he's talking about.

Day and night. The Lord is done. There's no free and mighty night. I'm going to fucking kill myself. I'm not going to learn this day. What? I'm going fucking kill myself I'm like a loner I'm a loner too I'm like KKD I have no arms

You're just a torso I love A torso that's like I love smoking cash Have you guys heard Ted Teddy? It's like, I love smoking cash. Have you had a tit-tatty? And the bottom of your torso has this hollowed out area that Katie just inserts you on the chair like a beach umbrella.

Oh, to hold me in place, essentially? So you just shook a huge rod. You have a rod up your back all the time. I asked you to free my mind, didn't I? I'm going to keep moving on. Oh, God. R.I.P. Juice WRLD.

There is. That reminds me of my favorite. There two guys on tiktok i love and they're both they're both like inspirational guys but one guy has no lower body he has one of those where his what what was that i think just your chair moving shit around i thought okay sorry i didn't hear anything i thought someone was scratching at the door yeah Yeah. I thought it was... It's that shooter's dad coming to kill us. He bursts in and fucks all of us and then shoots us. Just this messed out monster. After he zips his pants up, he goes, I ain't no queer, and he blows our heads off.

No, my favorite is this guy is being like, you can do anything you want, kids. Like, here's how I go through my day. But the thing is, he has no lower body, but it's so high up. Like, it's like, I swear to God, it's like right here. Oh, my God. Like, just below his heart and lungs. He looks like a head with, he looks like Mike Wachowski from Monsters, Inc. Without the feet. Monsters Inc.

Without the feet. And this is the meanest podcast of all time. We're aware. I haven't thought about Mike Wachowski in like a decade. So he walks around and he posts, he's like, here's how I do the dishes. And he's like hopping up how i uh do the dishes and he's like

hopping up on the counter but every single comment is like dude where is your dick and balls and every every month or so he'll post a long video like i've explained that i have a penis and testicles and he goes it's like any normal person person. But what he doesn't get is people are like, but it should be here. Like, how is it up here? But he won't explain that at all. He'll just be like, I just wear a diaper so I can just crawl around on my hands. But there's just one big question they all want him to answer. Yeah, they literally just want him to go like, dude, your body stops here.

Like, how is there a dick here? Like, where does he pee? Do you have a dick in your chest? Like, just show it to us. Like, one time and we'll stop asking. do you think he shits out of his chest he maybe shits out of his mouth like cartman i don't know he seems like a very nice guy also gay which is kind of funny but it doesn't matter um oh is he the tiktok guy he's a tiktok guy yeah he always goes viral oh he's gay too there's an there's another one i think this is the one ben's thinking of where it's a guy who's just a pillowcase he has

no just a torso and a head but he's a very flamboyant no arms but he can somehow get around and no legs huh and he just sort of like you can just sort of whip himself into the it's kind of wild it's kind of wild he'll just be laying in bed he's like i gotta get up and it'll just like whip him he'll whip his whip his whole torso across against the wall and fall down. Like he's telekinetic. He can just move matter. Like he's a veggie tail. Yeah, yeah.

Like he can just kind of hop around and shit. He walks like a South Park character. Okay. Oh, my God. Sorry. Sorry. It's amazing that he can do all these. But he doesn't really need to tie his shoes.

He doesn't have any feet. Yeah. Yeah, at least there's a few things that are easier for him. But he loves to dance, and he's always posting about how he loves dance. But it's just him, like, spinning around on one of his corners. Like, if he took a DVD cased case and spun it he can only spin it's like chandelier by sia is playing and he's like just like kind of wiggling around so he tries to do all the viral tiktok dances yeah we know there's a viral tiktok dance and everybody does a dance where he's doing it and you're watching him do it and you're're like, okay, I can imagine what your arms and legs should be doing,

but they're not there. So technically I guess you, yeah, you did, you did the dance, I guess, even though you kind of just did this. Right.

Yeah. No, no hate on him. The funny thing to me is that every like, you know, cause you'll post a video on Tik TOK and then like, it just random shot where the algorithm takes you. So half of his

videos will take him to like gay tiktok everybody's like hero queen slay go off and then half of his videos i've seen will just go to like fucking southern christian tiktok they're like what the hell did being gay do this to you is this the monkey pox that Is that Gollum? Because he looks like a mascot's head. Right, like just the head. Just the mascot's head. Yeah. And he gets around off. It sounds like pure will is how he walks.

Yeah, it's sheer tyranny of will. It's just will gets him interested. And I mean, honestly, credit to both these people, because I would kill myself first day if you just dropped me into that body. And I mean, honestly, credit to both these people because I would kill myself like first day if you just dropped me into that body. I would just, yeah. It is amazing. Yeah.

I would just like jump in like the garbage disposal or something. Just like take me out. The will to live is incredible with these torsos you guys are mentioning. Also, I would like first day try to put on my shoes or something or i guess they don't have shoes i try to brush my teeth and i knock my head like into the light switch and start an electrical fire i would just burn alive in my home immediately i get crushed by a tv do you remember that old bet we were doing you get crushed by the tv what a? I'm trying to turn it on.

Trying to turn it on with your forehead? Yeah, a tube. Just bashing your head into the TV. Your grandma's TV with tubes in it and shit. Oh, God. A dog just picks me up and carries me out the carries me out the front door i go i go hiking and an eagle takes me i'm just i'm screaming for my friends goodbye forever it's funny to look like a minion though it is it's like he's in he's the shape of a minion yeah it is very do you think

that's where these animators came up with these things? Like minions and... Mike Wachowski? They were just... Yeah, they were like looking at freaks. Not freaks.

I don't know. What do we call them? Deformed people. Differently abled. Different abled? Individuals. Handicapped. Handicapped.

But like severely handicapped. It's like really bad. I think it's just disabled. I think it's just disabled. I love anybody who's like having to go through this. I watched this documentary on like a basketball coach who's a little person. He just talks about how he gets through his... He's like a finance guy. So he puts on a little Gordon Gekko suit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And makes like 200 grand and then go coaches like a New Jersey basketball team. But it's just funny because he's, you know... Yeah. He's tiny. Yeah. There's it's just funny because he's, you know. Yeah. He's tiny. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. He's a little guy.

It's like, yeah, there's all those shows. I think on TLC. TLC just has shows like, it's the torsos. There is a video of this guy. And it's a whole family of torsos. Of just thumbs. Thumbs. It's the thumb family.

Dude, there's a viral video of the guy we're talking about where he gets married and he's in the wedding gown, though. And he's walking down the- Yeah, the pillowcase guy. The pillowcase guy, he's in a wedding gown. Yeah. It's insane because I would literally, I've stubbed my toe and wanted to kill myself before because of the pain.

Like, little bits of pain make me want to be like, I don't want to ever feel that again. I can't imagine- If I get out of my car and I drop my phone and the case breaks, I'm like, if I had a gun, I'd blow my brains out right now. I can only imagine the day you can't get the grilled cheese cooked because you have no arms. My biggest nightmare, if I lost my wallet, I might just get out on the 405 and walk in front of a truck.

Yeah, the last time I lost my wallet, I only lost my wallet once, but I literally laid in my bed and I go, why has God done this to me? Of all people, what have I done? And then I just laid there for two hours before I went about fixing anything. I didn't even shut my card off.

I'm like, take it. I don't care. Take all my money. I'll fucking kill myself. Take it. Yeah, can you imagine? If I lost one arm, let alone every single appendage. i mean i uh i've told

you guys about my friend neil um who's a paraplegic and it's and he's a he was a depressed like already like a dark like screenwriter um he wrote he wrote like hit movies he wrote river's edge yeah famous classic uh with keanu reeves and dennis hopper and shit sure and then like right the year before that got made he um paralyzed himself so his whole waist down yeah so his whole um you know career was clouded with he was like a six four dude that was about to take make you know make it and take off and and then i just saw him go into a massive depression where he just sits in a hospital bed all day and watches TV. But even him already being depressed,

he's still cares enough to watch The Soprano. If one thing happened to me, I don't know if I'd be able to keep caring. I'm already so depressed sometimes. We talked about this. I would be a huge asshole about it.

Like you guys would like try to get me to hang out. I'd be like, yeah, no, let's go to the park. I mean, I can't walk because I don't have legs. Asshole. Even give a shit about me. I'd become a massive diva. Yeah. I think if I became horribly disabled, I'd be, you kind of have to be a narcissist.

Yeah. Because you can't think about others. I'd be at the super the super we talked about this i'd be at the supermarket just cutting people off at like the checkout line no come on say something i dare you i dare you i dare you my face is hanging off from a grizzly attack i dare you to say something go ahead call me a pillow tired go ahead no i'm filming i'm filming go ahead you guys just always have a body cam on me no no go ahead yell at me real quick now i body cam on me. No, no, go ahead. Yell at me real quick. Now I'm recording. Trying to fuck a guy's wife.

Go ahead. Yell at me. Try to kick my ass. You have to be really good at living in your own mind for sure. Yep. Oh, God. I did have a funny, just the fucking the guy's wife thing reminded me. I was at the USC Notre Dame game this weekend with my girlfriend.

And we were just in line for hot dogs. She's like, I'm going to go get a lemonade down the thing. And this guy behind us just kind of looked like me, like my same size and everything. Just goes, you going to go get a lemonade? He goes, I'm going to go with her. And looks at me. What?

And then just walks my girlfriend to the lemonade stand like 40 feet away and she's like looking at back at me the whole time and i was like did that guy just like fucking like day game me right now like i was just so confused i was like did i just get like fucking cucked over like lemonade i've never heard anything like that what did she say how did it go did he start talking to her on the way over to the yeah she said she started walking and she because we talked about i go was i go was that guy like trying to like cuck me like in front of you like not that i like i'm not like oh my girlfriend's gonna go fuck that guy right right in like the car or something but i was just like is he was he trying to cuck me she goes i think he was just so drunk that he thought that was like totally right okay he was just like everyone's

one big family in row j he turned into dom toretto yeah that is funny but like he was doing me so he's like dude don't worry i got i got her dude all right hey thanks guy i've never met oh god but it was funny going he just follows her the rest of the game she's like i'm gonna go to All right. Hey, thanks, guy. I've never met. Oh, God. But it was funny going to the- He just follows her the rest of the game. She's like, I'm going to go to the bathroom. He's like, yeah, I'm just going to follow her. He's like, I got some tampons.

Yeah, we're taking the train back home. He's like, man, I'm so glad we got to do this together. Just follow you. He's like up to my- I'm like, I'm walking the door. He's like, we we gotta do this more often yeah he high fives me and walks in my apartment

alright you have a good one man he closes you out he closes me out yeah locks the door I have so little self confidence

I'm just like alright I guess I'll go stay at Ben's you're like at least the socks won yeah not even a game it was a Red Sox game right

no no USC different sport and professional level so far off base it's impressive you know what's funny if i turn to look at what time we are recording i come back and i'm like fuck i stopped listening completely yeah i get that no i shouldn't i should be able to just like pay it i should be able to pay attention to two things what are we we at? Like an hour. We're past an hour. Okay. Do you want to do the Patreon then?

Because we got to make dinner with our aunt. We're not making dinner. We're going to a dinner. We're going to dinner. Yeah. Where you guys going? Cafe Roma. Italian?

Yeah. She likes Cafe Roma a lot. Nice. Cafe Roma's good. It's Italian. They have like an $8 eggplant thing. Italian? She likes Cafe Roma a lot. Nice. Cafe Roma's good. It's Italian. They have like an $8 eggplant thing. Really? Mm-hmm.

I love eggplant. Katie loves it. Yeah. Just bring your cooked eggplant on a plate. Nice. You should chow that down. Not to piss you off, but I just want to let you know, full disclosure, I went to Apple Pan again today.

Okay, yeah. Which I know you're like, oh, you think I hate hate it well you made a kind of a jab at me last week you're like maybe you should start eating a little bit healthier i also did a no-no i had two cups of coffee today good caffeine i'm glad i stopped it too we're close to the drinking it's you're slowly unwinding us i'm the only. I have to go to an AA without coffee. I go to the highest. It's like the highest security in prison. I don't blame you for the way we're eating now.

You're eating like shit now? I'm eating like shit. It's the holidays, baby. It's Thanksgiving week. It's impossible to not. I smoked a cigarette this week. Hell yeah. That's crazy.

I think you made a covenant with God. I was crazy. Hell yeah. That's crazy. I think you made like a covenant with God. Yeah, but I broke it. So if he's such a big man, why doesn't he kill me? My eyes explode and blood shoots out. Like the Ark of the Covenant. Oh, Mr. Big Man. My whole face melts. You guys still have to post the episode.

Okay, so that is the episode then. Sorry to all the severely handicapped and school shooter people. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party and like and subscribe.

I guess this could be a Patreon too. Or this may be a Patreon. Who knows? We won't know. We have no idea We don't know Alright bye everybody Bye I'm sorry. Thank you.