lemonparty - 041: Obama Where Art Thou?

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

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I like the show is the problem you You like the Smart List show with... Hold on. Do I have yours down? Oh, I have yours. My bad. I don't want to go on record as saying I like that show. I don't want the fans to tear me apart. We literally are recording right now.

I've seen a clip of it. There's nothing we can do. And they interviewed big celebrities. That's cool. Yeah, it was funny. They did have AOC on and everybody was pissed about that. Why were they pissed off about that?

Do they have a fan base that would hate AOC? If you're any big... They make like $80 million podcasting. I'm assuming it's people who are like, I watch Game Night with my family. I didn't come in to watch this podcast junk.

Sure. Why can't they just leave politics out of it? Yeah. Like how I leave politics out of everything. Yeah. Like I leave politics out of everything except that time I rammed my truck into my son's school because I thought the Berenstain Bears were two gay men. So I went Waco style on my kid's elementary.

Every time someone says, you know, oh, they make everything so, why does everybody have to make everything so political? That's literally what you did. You just made that skiffing. That's what you do. You want to get one inch from their eyeball.

You do that. They make everything political. You cunts. The president will give a speech and they'll be like he always makes it political right they'll be like the politics is politics i just and they're like at their mom's funeral like giving the eulogy no people are like probably bringing up like dylan mulvaney as they eulogize like their dead daughter i just know if the beer wasn't gay my crystal light would still be here she died a real woman unlike that fucking thing we see online dancing making a mockery of women if you ask me it wasn't for that edward miller looking tap thing.

Then Caitlyn spelled with nine Y's in the middle of it. Yeah. Well, Caitlyn's okay. Nobody gets on Caitlyn Jenner. I'm saying her daughter's name is spelled K-E-I-G-H-L-Y-N-N-E. Yeah. Because they're illiterate, the people that named her.

Yeah. They named her a noise. By the way, speaking of politics. Wait, Jace. By the way, before we move on from the smart list thing. Yeah, I was going to say something that wasn't funny because I didn't know we were recording. Oh, okay. Okay, that's fine. Okay.

I was going to say something heartfelt and meaningful to all of us relating it to us podcasting. No. No. No. No. No. We don't want that.

Just save that for later, but then forget it also. Yeah. I did a little research before the show. Who's Larry? I had to get on Rumble. I had to get on Rumble because this is from a documentary by that guy Dinesh D'Souza. Oh, yeah. It's called Trump Card from 2020.

Uh-huh. Have you seen this, Devin? He's that Indian, like, conservative guy, right? I've not seen this, Devin? He's that Indian conservative guy, right? I've not seen this, no. Yeah, this is Oshkosh's cousin, right? Meet Larry Sinclair. This guy

is the CEO of Flagrant 2. Yeah, he does their tax embezzlement. Yeah. He writes off the shoes. Their biggest money laundering on Flagrant 2 is the jackets. The jackets and those damn shoes. That is the holy trinity of Indian guys in the media. It's Akash, Arikanda Balu, and then Dinesh D'Souza.

Those are the three types of Indian guys you can be that are successful in media. Yeah, it's the rat pack. Yeah, but they cook and eat rats. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, it's like Frank Sinatra going rig-a-dig-dig and then wiping shit out of his ass with his own hand

and shaking it off in the street. Sorry. This one might be a Patreon. We don't know yet. This is great. I told myself I was going to have more fun with the podcast, so it's... We're having fun.

We're having fun. Yeah. Have you guys seen the Black on Black crime statistic? No. Okay. So this is from Trump card from 2020. This is the first I've heard a wind of this. The media, they don't want you to,

they don't want people talking about this stuff. Who's he interviewing? Some guy named Larry. Listen to him. A nonprofit in Cocoa building affordable housing. Now in 2008, when Obama announced his candidacy for president, you made some explosive allegations about him that dated back to some events that occurred in 1999. Is that the year that you met Barack Obama?

It is. Where did you meet him? Outside of a bar in Chicago. For anybody listening, he's interviewing a big, fat, gay guy who's white. He looks like a guy who invented plumbing. Yeah. What were you doing? I was on a night out.

I had to ask a limo driver if he knew anyone that would be interested in showing me around the town. And it was clear for the limo driver that I was looking for someone to enjoy the night with. The introduction was made through the limo driver. And what happened? We had a few drinks. I had made some comments about wanting Coke. So we got in the limo and left. And we started drinking.

I started snorting. He started smoking. I actually put my hand on his knee and started to rub up his thigh. And I performed oral sex. Yeah. He said he sucked up Obama. He sucked him up.

Oh, man. Yes. Yes. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Wow. Is that great? That's great. He sucked off the president of the United States.

He sucked off the first black president. He could be lying. And the first gay president. Probably lying. Why would he lie? Why would this guy lie, though? Jesse Plemons Smollett. Yeah.

Devin, this is on Rumble.com. It's a trustworthy. This is where you get the real news from. I like how the website's just been, it's called like shaky. Right. Rumble. Right. Unsure.com.

It's named after their research. Who knows? Dot org. Just go with it. Yeah. Heard it through the grapevine. Dot com. It's named after their research. Who knows? Dot org. Just go with it. Heard it through the grapevine. Dot com. Well, I like the fan fiction, though. Hell yeah. It's like 50,000 shades of

gray. It's great, right? Yeah. It's great. I mean, you could imagine. He's a great storyteller, too. You imagine yourself sucking off the President of the United States in the back of a limo while high on cocaine. It's also so funny because he has the body of like he's a he's a mascot for dads everywhere yeah and to be this like gay and flamboyant it's very like he has he has a form you only get from beating your wife in your first like born you can only get that forearm that's

true yeah that huge dad wrist that's just clogged full of like cheese yeah he looks like the type of guy that found out he was gay when he murdered a gay guy that kissed him yeah he's gonna killed him dragged his body to a creek buried him goes well i guess i am gay yeah he looks like the dad who disowned him yeah yeah because i can't just keep getting away with murders. I guess I should just live open. He kind of does look like a dad that disowned himself. Like, he sits himself down at the kitchen table

and there's just a mirror across from him. Yeah, yeah. I'm so disappointed in you. Yeah. I'm so disappointed in you, son. He is that guy. He threw himself

out of the house. God, imagine if that did happen, though. God, Obama's like, pull your titty out. I want to suck your tits. I'm going to cum. Michelle?

Michelle, can you put this strap on and fuck me in the ass? I'm going to cum. Now I wonder if Obama sucked and fucked all of his Social Security guys. Secret Service guys. Or what are they called? It's Social Security. He went to a retirement home and started sucking. social security guys secret service guys or what are they called yeah social security if you are if you are a gay rapist though that is really you know that's a fish in a barrel as a retirement who protects the president ben's like the aarp

oh god i'm a retard wow uh uh they uh he. Because I know his Secret Service guys got in trouble for fucking shit loads of prostitutes in Brazil. So you know it was getting weird and wild and crazy. They're doing it. They're getting on jet planes and just going nuts. He probably sucked and fucked all of them. Look, we don't know if this is credible or not. The president might love pussy. You can't tell, man. I don't know.

It's all funny, but there's so much I guess, for lack of a better term, racism behind Obama hatred that I mean, people call his wife Big Mike. They fully believe she's definitely a man. I mean, I have watched full documentaries where they're like, you see the penis bulge

as she gets out of the helicopter. It's people like looking at the wings of a moth. Like, if you see here, it says Michelle is a man. Those are my favorite, that Michelle was a man named Michael Obama. Yes. Yeah. Who got like a horrific sex change. So then it's like, who's Barack? Is Barack her brother?

I mean, I don't know. It's funny. I'll laugh. I think we should have... But it makes me uncomfortable. I think we should have Malik on the show and see what he thinks. Who's Malik? Malik Obama.

Malika, right? No, no, isn't that his cousin? Malia? It's like his uncle or something and he's like a weird crazy Uncle Remus type guy. Who hates him? I think he's like he wears like mega

hats, right? Yeah, I think Obama does have a family member like that. Yeah, I want to have Malik on and be like, you know, is Barack Hussein Obama a gay guy? We could get him on. That's another thing about Barack, is the little name. It was insane. It makes you think everything is a simulation and that he is a, it is all a psyop and he's

a fake person. Who knows? Where we go one, we go all. Who knows? Who knows? But back to this big fact. Anyway, we're running out of juice. Back to the gay guy.

In Gurney, Illinois. Oh, and Dinesh is eating it up. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Republican Indian guy. He's just jacking off. He's fanning himself. Oh, yeah.

He's got a cobra tied to his cock like a ring. Well, you know, as soon as they finished this interview, he's like, thank you so much. That was great. And then he pulled that guy and just blew his head off. He goes, don't touch me. You're fucking gay. Yeah.

He goes, we'll be right back. And then they just like sweep him off into like a furnace. Yeah. We'll be right back. And he spits in his face. Backhands him. You fucking disgust me. You disgust me.

You piece of shit. Barack Obama standing in front of it he had actually come back for seconds i performed okay so so i'll rewind it real quick for the folks at home so he goes back to his hotel room in gurney illinois and then he gets a knock in the morning and i performed oral sex on barack obama the following day i actually get a knock on my hotel room door in Gurney, Illinois, only to find Barack Obama standing in front of it. He had actually come back for seconds.

I performed oral sex on him in the hotel room. He was at my door, and he said, what that pussy do? He goes, hey, boy. This is my real voice. Barack Gay Hussein Obama. Oh, man.

I just love, what's the guy's name? The Indian guy again? Dinesh D'Souza. I love Dinesh having to make like Edward R. Murrow face like while he's interviewing him. Like this is the Frost Nixon interview. I know. He's like leaning back, like checking his notes,

like writing stuff down. And how big was his cock? And was he cut or... Interesting. And in your experience, would you say black guys' dicks are bigger than white guys? Because I've heard that Indian guys are actually in between. I've heard that they're in between... They're in between white guys and black guys.

Because they're kind of black but weirder. So they're in between white guys and black guys. And I've heard Indian guys get a bad rap, but they're much bigger than the Chinese's penises. Indian people, we all know, their dicks are short, but they're thick, which women actually like more. You care to comment?

Yeah. I will say, so far, the story seems credible because he said President Obama was smoking a cigarette. I buy that. It's a good addition. Yeah, I mean... He also doesn't... He doesn't seem like a liar that knows he's lying.

He seems like a mentally handicapped guy that was maybe told to lie, and now he actually believes it. So probably what happened was he just sucked off a black guy in a suit in Chicago. Yeah. That's what happened. Right.

I'll tell you exactly what happened. He's at a gay bar. Black guy in a suit in Chicago. Yeah. That's what happened. Right. It was, I'll tell you exactly what happened. He's at a gay bar, black guy in a suit comes up, he's like, hey, and he's like, Barack Obama,

and the black guy's like, oh, I'm gonna get my, the chrome sucked off my dick right now. No, he sucked off Sammy Sosa, and he's been telling people it was Barack. Yeah.

He sucked the melatonin out of Sammy Sosa. That's why Sammy Sosa's white now. He sucked the cum back into Sammy, and it turned him white. He does have a cummy skin, doesn't he? Yeah, he looks horrific. Sammy Sosa looks like if you leave him out in a dry environment, he crusts.

Yeah. If I looked in an old gym sock, I picked it up, and Sammy Sosa would be inside of it. Yeah. All dry and shriveled up. He's got athlete's foot on his whole body. Man.

He looks like when E.T. fell in that river and they found him like the next day. Are you talking about Sammy Sosa? Have you seen Sammy Sosa now? I have to look him up

real quick. Sammy Sosa's the best dude. When he got caught for steroids he pretended he couldn't speak a lick of English. It was great. He's at the Supreme Court

like I don't hit the bar. I don't know I hit the bar. No, he's literally, there's interviews like him in 1997. Oh, Jesus. With Mark McCoy. He's like, my guy is a great man.

I love him. I respect him so much. And then he's in front of Congress. He goes, I'm not speaking. He's in Congress and he starts trying to sweep and like, yeah.

Starts trying to build a house in front of Congress. So what is this, Jace? Is this bleaching of the skin or is this like Michael Jackson shit? I think that's what, well, Michael Jackson had the alopecia, right? Not alopecia, the vitiligo. Vitiligo. Well, also Michael Jackson was burned horribly in like a Pepsi commercial he was shooting. Yeah, but that was just the hair.

Oh, it was? I think. Or the nose. His nose and hair. Oh, okay. I thought he became horribly disfigured after that and then had facial reconstruction surgery. When he went under, he was like, make me wet. As the doctors put it. Oh, right before that. They didn't talk about it.

Make me wet. They didn't talk about it. Make me wet. They didn't talk about it for a second before. It was while he's on the anesthesia. The anesthesia right about to pass out. He's like, make me wet. Yeah. They're like, well, he said it. He said it.

Sammy Sosa's definitely done. I mean, you look at the... Because if you have vitiligo, it comes in patches. Right. It doesn't... Yeah, it's not all complete. Yeah. I have slight vitiligo, actually.

Really? Yeah. I've never been able to tell. You look black to me. I was born black. Our mom fucked a lot of black guys. No, I have it only on my dick. It starts on your dick.

Oh, fuck. That'll I go. So my penis looks like Neapolitan ice cream. It's very unfortunate. Wow, that's kind of cool, though. Neapolitan's my favorite flavor. The Dominican-born athlete explained that he applied the bleaching cream regularly

before going to bed, which gradually lightened his skin. It's a tragic thing that a lot of Hispanic people and black people that are trying to, I guess, assimilate, they just got racist undertones in their family, will do. I knew a Hispanic girl that she said her family used to bleach her when she was a kid, so she'd be whiter. Just like in a wash bin?

I don't know. They had one of those dryer racks Southern people use? They'd throw her in the washer. I don't really know how know I like one of those dryer racks other people you throw her in the washer I don't really know how they did it but she said that that it happened and I was like man yeah I wonder if there's I'm and I said I said I go that explains why you're so fucking hot

I think we are heading rapidly towards a Patreon. Can we go back to Larry Sinclair, please? Please. I'm trying to get to the facts. Oh, yeah. Larry Sinclair. Put in in suites in Gurney, Illinois. Were there drugs involved on the second night as well?

There was. Who produced those? He actually brought those with him. Now, Obama at that time was a state senator. Did Barack Obama take poppers to open up his asshole so you could fuck him? Well, he used to fly drones into my ass. Is it true that if you snort VHS cleaner, it makes your ass loose and you can fuck Barack Obama better? Is that true?

You think he made him call him Hussein while he fucked him? Yeah. Parents told him to call him Bin Laden. Mm While he fucked him Yeah I bet he did Bet he did that fucking traitor Yeah he's like we actually We fucked on an American flag And we got We got shitting I said Barack

I go that's disrespectful And he said I don't give a shit I'm Bin Laden Obama That day we added stars. So the American flag, it was covered with shit and cum and piss.

And I said to Barack, I said, what do we do then? He goes, burn it, motherfucker. I'm Barack Obama. Oh, shit. I still love it the whole time. I like to believe that this all happened but it was totally just like a random

black guy who like worked security at a club and then he just walked up to him and he goes you're Barack Obama right that's what I'm saying that's definitely what happens that's absolutely what happens no idea who he was and then when did you find out that it was Barack Obama

he probably fucked Lori Lightfoot. Wait, how did he not know it was Barack? Hold on. And then when did you find out that it was Barack Obama? Watching the 2004 DNC convention. Thank you very much, everybody. God bless you. Oh, so he fucked him before he was president i was just kind of he fucked him

when he was a senator yeah or no no no he was like i think he said like early in the thing like in the 90s he so he was just like going to occidental college and shit yeah he was like a city like comp troller yeah and he fucked him in chicago and did coke and nice good afternoon my name is montgomery blair Sibley. I'm the attorney for Larry Sinclair. Now you have this press conference. That's Larry Sinclair. I performed fellatio on Senator Obama in the limousine during the time Senator Obama was smoking crack cocaine.

After the press conference, you are arrested by the D.C. Police Department upon the orders of Beau Biden, Attorney General for Delaware. So this is Joe Biden's son, Beau Biden. It is. Apparently he had a grand jury indictment from two weeks after I went public on Obama. We're discovering fucking Michael Lewinsky right now. It's crazy.

Finally, there's a... See, we do it better. It's progressive. We do it better. It's progressive. Yeah, we're attacking Obama from the left by calling him gay and black. Exactly. Obama can't come out and be like, I would never. Boy, that's disgusting. That's a Phil Bamba's official.

He goes, well, back in 2007, Obama could literally get a press conference. He goes, listen, I think it's disgusting and they should burn in hell. Yep. But now they have to pretend to care. Yeah. This is also how easily I'm tricked. Because when he said, I was arrested by Beau Biden, for like 30 seconds, I was like,

okay, this is undisputed. This has to be true. I'm looking it up. You know the real stories. He's probably like smoking crack with a 12-year-old he was going to rape. Yeah. And then the police arrested him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A guy that looked like Beau Bridges arrested him. Took place. Shortly before you made these public allegations about Obama, you were contacted, you say, by a man named Donald Young. Donald Young was the choir director in Jeremiah Wright's church in Chicago. This is the church Obama attended? Oh, yeah, Reverend Wright.

Exactly. And what did Donald Young tell you? That he, too, had intimate relations with Barack Obama and had for years. And that I needed to protect myself. that they were going to come after me. He was shot point blank in his apartment in Chicago. The murder was never solved? No, it wasn't. Donald Young's mother. Nobody ever gets shot in Chicago, famously.

Devin, can you give the folks at home context for who Ronald Wright is? Or Jeremiah Wright. Jeremiah Wright. He was Obama's pastor, I believe, that had a history of, I don't know. What was it again? I think he was a real honky hater, if I remember. Yeah, he hated white people, I think. And then they were trying to tank Obama's campaign in 2008 with his relation to that guy.

Because every president picks a fake church that they pretend to go to. You know what I mean? Exactly. And so, yeah, the news got, like, Jeremiah Wright was like, cameras, if I say incredibly incendiary things, this is great. And then they would just have him on news and they'd be like, so do you think all white people should be killed? He goes, yes, I do you think all white people should be killed?

He goes, yes, I do. It was one of those. It was back in the day when shit like that could actually tank your campaign, but then Trump ended all that for everybody. And now we have Dr. Umar. No, I'm just saying now almost nothing can tank your campaign. You could be Hillary pouring hot sauce on the breakfast club you could be biden saying like if you don't vote for me you ain't black you could be trump making fun of a retard going nothing

matters i now i even trying to find this video it was so hard to find uh i found all these things where cbs news was we're doing these like you know softball pieces where they were pretending they were being somewhat hard on the Obama administration because they were like, Obama has been public about not kicking his nicotine habit yet. It's 2009. His doctor said his

bad cholesterol levels have gone up over the past year. He advises him to quit smoking. Then literally cut to two years after that, Rob Ford is smoking crack at like a disco in Canada. It's become easier and easier to be a politician. I mean, you could get away with anything now. It's, I don't, what, at this point,

the only thing that tanks your campaign is just being like lame. Like DeSantis is like tanking his campaign by just like being like, I don't have time for to have a personality. Right. And we're like, fuck you. Do a set.

People are like, do a set, bitch. Do a tight five. People are trying to spin it by saying they're like, can we can we finally be open about this? Ron DeSantis is on the spectrum and it's and we're here for it. So now they're acting like if you own DeSantis for being literally like a complete sociopath who's like practicing smiling in the mirror, then you're making fun of like an intellectually and developmentally disabled person. Right. But it's all about the standard you hold yourself to.

If you're a Trump, you don't hold yourself to any standard. You can get away with anything forever. Yeah. Yeah. Well, versus like 2004, away with anything forever. Yeah. Yeah. Well, versus like 2004, Howard Dean literally lost. Yeah. He was going to be the next president. For making a weird noise.

And he just went, yeah. Yeah, he went, yeah. And people were like, kind of gay. You don't get to be the president anymore. Everyone was like, that sucked ass, and you're out. But now you could be on stage. You could have a million moments. Yeah, you could.

You could be like, lynch him. You could be like, tell a guy in the crowd, like, throw his ass out, lynch him. Yeah, you could be like Trump when they're like, you know, the pee tape came out. He's like, yeah, maybe I did piss on him with my big fat dick.

You hate that bitch? Sincerely, nobody cares. If you own shit, the Patrice joke came true about Charlie Sheen. How Charlie Sheen never actually got in trouble because he owned everything. You can't cancel a guy. He's like a terrorist. It's like you can't beat people that don't care to die. So it's the same thing now.

If you just show yourself from day one, you're uncancellable. Yeah, yeah. Because DeSantis, like we said, every day there'll be a new, like, oh, DeSantis was at a campaign rally and his pants fell down and his dick was inside of him. And then he tried to pull it up. He fell off the stage and hit an old woman. Exactly. On the way down.

And they're like, but he hates trans kids. DeSantis just had something, like, i think today where he was like at a campaign rally and a 14 year old stood up and there i don't think there was a transcript of it but the 14 was just like i can um i'm 14 so i can't vote for you but i suffer from major uh depression that's basically ruined my life and desantis because he's so autistic realized he could make a joke about the 14 year old i can't vote for any and he butted in and he goes well i can uh i i think the democrats would still let you uh vote for them at that age and it was just it was just like a cricket blew its brains out in the belly just complete silence and he goes so anyway your

brain's gay and sucks like go on talk about that what's your question yeah every day it's it's a it's a it really is like to become president you have to go through like just an embarrassment trial over and over again yeah yeah yeah i'm waiting for someone to come up behind ron desantis and literally pants him. And he has the smallest dick anyone's ever seen. Like, on record. Dude, his dick is inside of him, and one of his balls got sucked in. And so it's just one ball hanging out to the side.

And then his campaign has to explain. They're like, well, what Ron does is he sticks one of his balls up back through his dick to make it look slightly bigger. It's actually a very normal thing for some guys to do who are born with micropenises. No, you see... They're going to act like it's cool.

There's Twitters for these politicians where they'll be in a scandal, and then the next day they'll tweet, like, make no mistake, he shoots ropes. Like, that's politics now. Yeah. It's all... Yeah, they're hiring like 10,000 Malaysian children to comment, respond. Yeah. He shoots ropes like that's politics now yeah it's all yeah they're hiring like 10 000 malaysian

children to like comment respond yeah he shoots he shoots ropes it's a sideshow if you're being diplomatic and trying to be a politician you're a fucking idiot if you're trying to be sophisticated or like have any standard trump trump ended all that shit yeah well i mean it was like my fate when i really was liking trump was when he did. They did that 20 person Republican candidate debate. And it was like Chris Christie, like, like doing a concise breakdown of like his political policies, what he's going to do with the economy. And then they go, Mr. Trump, your response. He goes, Chris Christie's a fat thang. And the crowd just like, whoo.

The crowd turned into like the Apollo. People were like doing the worm down the aisle and shit. That's all people want. That's all we want. Enough. He literally, like Ted Cruz kept trying. Because Ted Cruz was like, I'm a man. I'll show him.

Even though I've gone to four Ivy League schools. I'm just like, I am the elite. Ted Cruz was like, you're a bully. And then he's like, Ted Cruz's wife's an ugly bitch. And his dad's the fucking Golden State Killer fuck you

yep and then three months later Ted Cruz is making phone calls for Trump for Trump yeah yeah it's great oh can we

can we finish yeah let's finish this can we finish this I want cause I again I'm all about the truth yeah no sure

Dinesh is about to come yeah in Chicago the murder was never solved. No, it wasn't. Donald Young's mother subsequently made a public comment, I believe reported in one of the tabloids. What did she say? She wanted to know why her son had to die

to protect his friend, the president, which was referring to Barack Obama. Okay, so... Well, that guy was killed. I believe it because, you know, Obama probably has some connections in Chicago being a black guy. He probably sent his

cousins over, too. Okay. Let me do another reference instead. I bet his white side is more villainous. You're probably right, actually. His white side killed fucking Yemeni children. The white side got into the parties.

Yeah, yeah. He was doing drive-bys with robots. What are you talking about? Exactly. Yeah. Now, Barack might have sent the guys who murdered Michael Jordan's dad to take the guy out. Yeah, I'm sure maybe Barack sent keith somewhere at some point but good i just also love obama being like i'm a hot young black guy big city comptroller whatever he was city planner in chicago he's like give me the ugliest jew that ever existed

that's who i'm gonna suck off yeah it doesn't make sense that he sucks that guy off yeah that's the only problem is that that guy sucks ass and he's ugly yeah gross yeah did we tell you we met Rick Perry one time by the way no this is reminding me do you remember meeting Rick Perry yeah like the gayest governor of all time I met him twice but he hates gay people right he I mean you know his political his political thing like they hate gay people but he I lived in Austin for half a year, and every single person knows some sex worker, 21-year-old twink who's like, yeah, Rick Perry ate my ass for an hour.

Everybody has somebody that fucked Rick Perry. And I'd always heard these rumors, and we went to meet him, because it was our dad had won the state basketball tournament for girls. It's not that impressive. I don't want people thinking. Just in case he's listening and he felt really proud of you. Just in case he's listening, I still had to shit on it because I have some weird stuff I can never resolve for some reason.

Here's a therapy. But we go to meet Rickry and i'd heard all these gay rumors and then rick perry like we're taking a they're taking a big team picture and then rick perry comes out at the texas capital which is literally like the hallway from like parks and rec like they're just indians getting scalped and gorged by buffalo yeah and then rick perry literally like he's he's like sashays out like his hips move and he i swear he got his hands like this he goes hi rick perry it's nice to me and he like the limpest like i thought he was gonna curtsy when he like shook our hands it was insane oh man yeah that's i i love when they

they can't hide it just internally you know it sucks too because if you're a gay guy like him politicians you're right not gay people you're right but guy like him. Politicians are gay, not gay people. But it's also funny when all the gays can't do it either. Guys like him, he's into the Texas machismo. So he wants John Wayne to fuck him in the ass. Yes. Here's the problem. There's not one guy who walks and talks like John Wayne who is gay.

Yeah. So literally you're going to have to have a guy like that fuck you at gunpoint. Yeah. You're going to have to bend over and spread your asshole and then point a gun back over your head at him and be like, put it in there, big guy. Stop eating your cowboy meals of beans and bacon and black coffee and you stick it in my ass, you fucker. Just bending over like this.

With a huge handgun over your head. Old-fashioned vicaros. Like old-fashioned cowboys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, uh... He's like, oh, looks like we're in Comanche territory.

It'd be a shame if they were to come and do whatever they wanted with us. my shit fucking crashed hold on you think it's because it's too hot uh it is very hot in here that could have been part of it i'm not really sure but we still got it on this baby right yep still going over here okay well i can hear myself again right we can all hear ourselves yeah i can hear myself so yeah so anyway we were all hear ourselves? Yeah, I can hear myself. So anyway, we were talking about Rick Perry having gay sex at the Capitol. At the Capitol.

I met him too when I won UIL for Current Events, which is a thing. It's a competition for people in Texas that there's one for bath, and there's one for being homophobic. there's one for like you know

being homophobic there's one for fishing sure there's all these different Texas Awards yeah there's an award for tying a guy up to his truck and like dragging him for like miles and miles there's the Matthew Shepard Award you can earn all sorts

of accolades gotcha the UIL in the state of Texas. So I got to go. I was practically alone with Rick Perry in his office. Oh, geez. Guy like you, too. Young twink. Oh, man.

I look like a little baby squirrel. Yeah, it's like a mouse meeting a cat, basically. You look like a Rick Perry prodigy. I kind of do, actually. Yeah. So I was like alone. It was my teacher and then

some other two kids on my team. And Larry Sinclair. He popped that from behind the radiator. Just wiggling his handcuffs. He goes, you're not in it. You're in the cheeks, man. In the cheeks. You need to get in that shit

he's been fucking barack so much he starts to talk black oh oh fuck that's so funny he's like you need to lay to the base motherfucker to the base of the penis listen you ain't you ain't fucking good to your balls slap in the belly button on the other side is that a thing people say no no definitely not I'm being very

racist for comedy look at him look at him go yeah I mean that is a thing that happens your balls swing and you know

hit the lady boy or animal you're fucking yeah that was the beginning of hip hop you're and you know hit yeah they hit the lady boy or animal you're fucking yeah yeah that was the beginning of hip-hop you're not you're not yeah give me a beat just yeah meat slapping noises yeah that's so funny hold your balls and then fuck so they don't like go all over the place rappers delight was about gay sex all right it was about sucking off the first black president yeah that's what that's what that's yeah now penis is my favorite thing i love to suck it play the game and i'm coming to the beat

all right get us out of this man uh oh so i was in the oval i was in his i was in the oval office which there it's it's more like it's Oblong. It's Texas, so it's like the Oblong office. It's like a knockoff. It's shaped like a longhorn. So I'm in there, and there's all these things on the wall. There's just the first Texas senator ever holding up a Native American's head and a bloody knife. There's all the photos of those guys.

And I remember going over to the corner, because I'm not paying attention at all. I don't get, I literally, I never had respect for, like I didn't, I wasn't smart enough to have respect for these. So I didn't, it didn't make, it wasn't cool to me that I was meeting the governor. It meant literally nothing to me.

Right, yeah, same, same as me. Because I was like, yeah, he's not Jesus, so I mean what do i care and so i'm just like i'm kind of like like a space cadet just sort of like you know wandering around and looking and i almost fucking knock over this huge uh vase and then my teacher like grabbed me she's like what are you doing because because i rick perry like turning he was like oh jesus like that i literally almost knocked over this like really expensive like i was like look like an urn or something parents he's like my whole family's in there you know that sam houston got that vase when he murdered an entire indian family how dare you he's like that's my that's my cum vase jack that's where i keep all the kids i come

i come in that vase jack have you seen by the have you seen, just to get out of political stuff. Sure. Have you seen people's cum jars or their cum? Someone on Reddit will be like, I came in this beach towel for 37 straight years. And then they take a picture of it and it looks like, I mean, it looks like the exorcist. It looks like your skin. Have you ever seen something like that? It's the Shroud of Turin.

Yeah. Exorcist. It looks like your skin. Have you ever seen something like that? It's the Shroud of Turin. People will come on things for years and then it ends up looking like that. It looks like something only the Hubble Space Telescope has seen. It's crazy. It's like a stalactite. It's like a little

city growing inside of it. It's like Horton Here's a Who. It's like a little city like growing inside of it yeah it's like people yeah it's horn here's a who like an advanced civilization they're like flying little spaceships around and shit yeah uh but uh i don't know how to talk about anything else now except for brock obama being gay but obviously he'll never come out of the closet because then it would it would have killed the black vote for him and his legacy, probably. So I'm sure Hillary and people like that would want it to come out, but it just never will. But he definitely sucked that guy off in the back of a limo doing high on coke.

That definitely 100% happened. The back of a Hummer limo. Devin! Hey-o! Hey, you started this horrific nowhere to go really yeah you will start sometimes we start a podcast it feels like you drop me in the middle of a hedge maze i just have to find my way out of you guys a bomb and light it i'm like all right i'm to get rid of it. You have five seconds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys actually believe it, that he sucked off the president?

Well, you know. 30%. Yeah, all the best reporters interview their subject in khakis from Walmart, so yes. The guy was literally wearing, like, fucking Kohl's khakis. Yeah. Yeah. The least believable part of it was how unattractive he was. I feel like Barack would want to fuck a, you know, I don't know, a handsome man.

Well, it could be a black thing where, you know, they're into like fat white ladies. It could be. Gay black guys could be into big fat white guys. You know, Ben, you're bringing me back. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. You always see. You always see.

Yeah. How many times? You always see. You always see. Yeah. How many times... You always see. How many times have you been at the mall seeing a very fat white man paying for something with his black boyfriend behind him, hugging him from behind? Yeah, it's definitely not opposite. Black dudes will fuck the ugliest, fattest white woman of all time. That is definitely a thing.

Yeah. I don't think that's racist. That's just... You've been... You guys are... No, I've been you. You guys are. Now I've seen it. Dallas, the state flag of Dallas should be like Ezekiel Elliott with like Gilbert Graves mom.

It's the whole city. It's insane. If you go to the south side of Dallas, every car is driving at like a 45 degree angle. It's just like slanted. It's just black dudes telling you their hydraulics died because of their new girlfriend. Yeah, they get the subwoofer system to push her out of the car. The bass boosted. Their Farrah Fawcett is like Honey Boo Boo.

That's their ideal. Yeah, I think their dicks are so big they have to fuck a big woman like that, right? That might be it. So they push in for the cushion type of thing. Oh, because their cocks are so big. Yeah, try if they like tried to fuck ariana grande she would like die she'd rip in half but it's still it's still bizarre because there's a lot of incredibly attractive black women with you know huge asses and giant thighs and giant titties and giant tits that you'd think they would but i think there's like a i think they they feel like they're

checking off something when they're with a white chick i don't really know any black uh male listeners feel free all three of you write in yeah report report to us in the comments if we're right but from my studies just being in line at the mall in dallas a lot of black men that are like they could be getting any girl they want to be with i know they're very good looking very good looking physical condition with the ugliest fattest white whore i've ever seen dude it's like it's like jimmy butler and slimer from the ghostbusters it's even more in the south for some reason than out here i've noticed that south is it too i think there's like a i think there's like a like a inception style

racism going on within like with those with the black guys i think there's like man black women are just so annoying these white bitches like want to be with me because they want to like piss off their dad or something or they just like want to be like with a black dude so they give me less shit i get away with more and they're probably fucking a bunch of other women too at the same time so to me it was almost i thought it was like they're transcending their like social class like it's a what does peterson say about the lobster about how it when it climbs within its hierarchy like it releases more serotonin in his brain or something like that yeah i mean oh go ahead yeah sorry i think yeah i think like a real answer is a lot of people are programmed to find white people attractive because of the media and stuff oh yeah maybe it's that yeah so you you feel like you've you've elevated yourself

by just being with a white person in general they might also just be attracted to them i don't know i think it's more of a i i think it's more of a like getting back thing i think it's more this is your inception of racism thing where they're going i i think it's more of a like because i i've seen things you know online and i've you know black friends and stuff there is a thing where it's there's something more special to black dudes about fucking a white woman and if they even if they're fat as shit it's like a thing i i don't know but it's just a thing i i don't you know listen yeah i don't get it but but then then why are white guys because white guys do that with asian people it seems too yeah well because that's it's white guys are just like the biggest losers on earth and asian women are like almost retarded sometimes

like when they're like all my dad's friends that could never be with a woman they all wound up with like asian women that don't speak a lick of english it is for white guys which is essentially the same as being retarded yeah for the white guys it is like the drew league of dating like you couldn't cut it yeah fucking normal woman so you had to get a tamagotchi to have sex with yeah yeah yeah also i have to hear i just relate all dick size. I think because their dicks are smaller,

they want to fuck like an Asian woman. And it's all tight. Smaller, tinier pussy. And the Asian woman feels like, oh, it's still great. Like, you're round. Anything's in me.

You know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows? It's very fascinating. It's, you know, it's not racist to talk about.

It's just a thing. No, it's just something I've observed. I've observed it. It's a racist to talk about. It's just a thing. No, it's just something I've observed. I've observed it. It's a pattern I've observed. Anytime I've been in a southern city, I'm like, what the hell is going on here? I know, because you don't want to be racist, and then you'll see something,

and you're like, oh my Jesus Christ. I'm like, no, that's just some bullshit. And then I look around, I go, what the fuck is going on at this Wetzel's Pretzels? That would make me fucking spit. You're at the mall and you see David Robinson with white Lizzo. You know what I'm talking about.

I was at the Texas State Fair on the last week. So it was packed. It was everybody. Black guy was dating the prize pair. And it's also the people going at the last minute. They're often late. Sure. So.

But there was a lot of black dudes there with fat as shit white women, but they're still with like their family of like black women or black women friends. And everyone's kind of just like understanding but that white woman has to act black yeah she has to become black she kind of becomes black yeah and to be in accepted to be coming over and shit to be like okay janet yeah you can come in the house like yeah all right you're jamal's girlfriend like it's a thing. I'm not wrong here.

It's a fucking thing. I got a cramp in my leg from that. I literally had a Charlie horse. I spit-taked and then Charlie horsed. You're turning me into the fucking Three Stooges over here. I'm hurting myself. I'm going to get tied up in my headphone cord and asphyxiate. Dallas was where I saw it the most, though.

Dallas, Dallas, it really rules. What's that giant mall in Dallas where like people go to look at the art? At Grapevine or whatever? No, it's in... It's the one that got shot up. Is it? No, no, no.

The big outlet mall? No, no, no. I'm talking about... It's a massive indoor mall where there's art hanging. There's crazy art everywhere. It's like a... It's one of the biggest place... It places, biggest mall I've ever been to in my life.

You guys know what I'm talking about? I'll look it up. I don't remember. I don't know. Fairfield Mall. I don't know. Just type in biggest mall in Dallas. All right, it took me there.

It's so big, the black men try to fuck it. Great Vine Mills? Yeah, Great Vine Mills. That's what I thought you were thinking of. Yeah, North Park Center. North Park Center. That's it. That what I thought you were thinking of. Yeah, North Park Center. North Park Center. That's it. That's it, I think.

I think it's North Park Center. There's like crazy art all throughout it. It's two million square feet. It's so fucking big. And when I was there, man, oh my God. I was just like, wow, this is interesting. This is very interesting. What are you typing in?

I'm going to look up Google Images. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're going to Google Image black guys at North Park Mall. Why can't I look up images? What the hell? I don't know. Maybe this isn't it. It's the fifth one right there.

North Park Mall. Yeah, yeah. Look at all that art. That was it. That red shit. That red thing. Yeah, this is all throughout the mall. And people in Dallas, there's nothing to look at.

So they go to the mall and they go like, wow, look at that stupid red thing. Well, they need these at malls now just so you can have some cover. Yeah, these are like the structures at Normandy, the little big metal axes that stop people from climbing the beach. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, this is very strange, actually. So this is also so the shooters will, like, you know... Yeah, these are dummies. It's like a video game.

Yeah, those are to trick the shooter. They're decoys. Decoys, yeah. They're mass shooter decoys, which I think we probably need more of. Yeah, I'm not seeing any fat people. Are there even fat people in Dallas? There's no fat people. Zoom in right there.

See, that's a fat black woman with a fat white guy. Oh, it is! Look at that! You're right! But it's still not my point. By God, you've done it. But it's opposite. There are interracial couples in Dallas, Texas. They're all over, dude. They're all over.

And it's a problem. It's a problem. And I'm not going to gosh darn it. I'm not going to stand it. I love that I bring out the worst in you, too. Mm-hmm. Truly. Truly.

I truly bring out the worst in you, too. From Larry Sinclair to this. Mm-hmm. Oh, you know how long it took me to find that video by the way it's so buried I finally found it like deep deep in the bowels of rumble yeah it's probably trying to look into like pizza gate shit

yeah well anybody that I'm sure the comments on the video are like you know where we go one we go all it's it's shit like that mm-hmm by the way this badass Chick-fil-a interesting I haven't seen that font yeah while very interesting I like't seen that font in a while. Very interesting. I like that. Now that is interesting.

Well, how about that? The old Chick-fil-A stuff. When's the last time you saw that, honey? Ben, why don't you Google pictures of Chick-fil-A? We can riff on that for a little bit. I'm sure there'll be a lot of black people jokes for that one. Just Google North Park Mall black people.

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Now back to the goddamn show. Back to the show. Thank you, Sheath Underwear. Thank you, Sheath. Rock on. Rock on, brother. Can I say something on the podcast I don't think I've said before? Of course.

Sure. I like minorities. That's what you were going to say. That'd be a first. Yeah. I respect other people's cultures uh did i talk about chick-fil-a breakfast yet on here no we've not discussed the chick-fil-a breakfast it's it's the greatest thing i've ever had in my life no no overstatement have you guys

had chick-fil-a breakfast i'm never you said it ends at like 10 30 and also where i live the east side doesn't have chick-fil-A's, so the Chick-fil-A, I have to go into Hollywood to go get one. Ah, that sucks. You live like... I live right next to a Chick-fil-A. You live more in a suburb, so there's Chick-fil-A's. I live in a couple Chick-fil-A's.

Chick-fil-A's are in suburbs. Yeah, that's right. Chick-fil-A's exist for QB1s. They exist for the starting quarterback of a high school football team and his family to take him there after a trip. You have to like... There's a certain percentage of like sexual assaults that have to happen in an area for there to be like a chick-fil-a yeah all right the last time i went to this chick-fil-a to have we wake up early to get breakfast at chick-fil-a once a week it's like

our cheat day and uh there was like this twin peaks midget in there it was like uh some fucking david lynch yahoo he's like this 14 year old kid couldn't have been taller than like three feet with carrot top hair i hate that and he kept he was with his uh two fat sisters and his fat dad and he wasn't fat but he was wearing like a big football jersey and it was like a dress on him it was fucking insane and then i order i go up and i get the sauce and everything because they won't give you the sauce if you dine in you got to go back up and ask for like of course i want fucking sauce retard chick-fil-a dipshit christian dipshit right give me the fucking sauce and you will do this thing when you go up and you're like you're like i'll pay extra give me three sauces and they give

you two so you got to go back up there and show them what's what i will say chick-fil-a is the one place that doesn't charge for sauce, which is really McDonald's does now. Yeah. Yeah. McDonald's is bullshit. Yeah. Chick-fil-A. They know Chick-fil-A is the best.

Sometimes I go to I'll drive. I'll go to a Chick-fil-A drive through just to like beat my depression. It really is the fast food of like dapper dance come out and sing to you. Unbelievable. Yeah. It's amazing how nice they are. The Chick-fil-A's employees are so nice that I lose respect for them the minute they start talking because they like run up to your car.

They're like, can I get? And I'm like, what the fuck, dude? I'm like, first off, I love this because I feel like you're my slave right now. And that's great for me because my life sucks. But like, kill yourself, dude. I know. Yeah. So, Ben, the breakfast, it's not egg oriented.

It's really just chicken. They do have egg. They have egg. Because I knew you'd bring this up. I'm an egg guy in the morning. I knew you'd bring this up, and I've been having this argument in my head in the shower, because I knew you'd bring it up. I'm not. I'm prepared for this. You've been stewing. No, I've been stewing on this like a lunatic,

because I knew Devin would bring up the egg dilemma. Chick-fil-A has already taken care of it, my friend. Alright. They have egg burritos, and they haveA has already taken care of it, my friend. All right. They have egg burritos, and they have egg McMuffin things, which are really good. The sausage biscuit egg thing is really good, but go on. What were you going to say? Well, you were telling me that you- Go on, be a fool.

For breakfast, you white piece of shit, that you order a fried chicken biscuit sandwich. Yeah, it's awesome. Which sounds great, but what's breakfast-y about that besides the biscuit? Who eats fried chicken in the morning? Oh, Devin makes a good point. I'm just eating a bunch of chicken. That is what a hobo would steal for breakfast, like off a farm. It's like an odd... I don't know. I'm not

from the South, like you. There was a homeless lady in there with a broken neck, and she was eating just a bunch of chicken nuggets. Her neck was literally like... I don't think it worked. It hung down between her tits. They were making her into breakfast later. That lady, they were feeding her.

That was a pin outside of Chick-fil-A. She's a faux gras. If I'm getting breakfast, I like the hash browns. I like the eggs. And then maybe there's a southern spin. Maybe the biscuit on those, like a great Chick-fil-A biscuit. The McDonald's biscuits are not good. They're not good.

They're not good. They're too soft. They're soft. And they don't have texture. No texture. Very strange. It's like eating a hockey puck. I'm on to them. Yeah.

What you got to do, ultimate fat guy move, you go to Chick-fil-A, get their biscuit, drive to McDonald's, get their sausage and egg. Then combine them. Switch it out. Yeah. Combine it. Drive to your house. Hang yourself in your garage. That's the final bit.

Yeah. It's an Ace Hardware's McDonald's Chick-fil-A. Bang, bang, bang. It's a McSuicide. Yeah. But there was this little freak in there. And then his sisters were saying something to me. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? it was the craziest looking kid i've ever seen some high

school kid and uh yeah i hate that when you get like a look at them and they kind of give you the like the like the what and you're like you know you know what dude you know what i'm doing and like this is my special time you shouldn't be here come on let's be honest you redheaded freak you little freak you're a little person and you're red headed and you grew an afro you know what you're doing and your family's fat dude he his sisters ate his height

yeah his sisters ate his legs he stared at me and I made eye contact with him when I was going to get the sauce and then I sat back down and I kept eating my Chick-fil-A and I just like take a bite

and I look back up and he's looking fucking right at me from way across the restaurant way across and this dude for the next 20 minutes every time i happen to look over past my wife's shoulder he was just staring at me like this he's you know i think people like that they try and play into their weirdness i think he was fucking he was fucking with me, and I don't know why. I don't know why he was fucking with me, because we made eye contact, and I don't know if he knew who I was. I don't know what the... I think I recognized that same Chick-fil-A a few months earlier,

so maybe there's something about that Chick-fil-A. Maybe the midget recognized you? Maybe. I don't know he so he finally went to the bathroom and i was very uh cautious of this whole event and uh this whole i had like out of the corner of my eye i'm like you know i'm like the way uh like marines and shit are trained where they can like see behind them they claim and stuff like i was doing that and he comes out of the bathroom he faces me and katie and then he just does this with his finger oh my god like the shining yes like this like he was

shooting windex on my on like he just went up to my face like this how far away was he maybe a few feet and i just i go okay because i didn't know what to say and i just started laughing and like the fine and then what'd he do he just kept doing it and i started to say and I just started laughing and like to find. And then what'd he do? He just kept doing it and I stared at Katie and Katie stared at me and I was like, all right. And then he just,

he went, he went back to his great big fat sisters and sat between them and just kept staring at me. And then finally, they left. And he didn't,

he didn't look like retarded or anything. No, he, well, I mean, he looked, he was just a freak. He was menacing. He didn't look like

he had Down syndrome or something. He was fucking with you. Yeah, yeah. He was fucking with you. didn't look like he had Down syndrome or something. He was fucking with you. Yeah, yeah. He was fucking with you. I think he knew he was getting in my head. I think he might be. You know what he is?

He's probably a lawsuit guy. So he sees he's trying to goad you into like kicking his ass and then he can go to trial. It looks terrible, you know? You're on the witness stand. He's sitting on eight phone books. Yeah, six foot four man punches a tiny person. Yeah, he's looking for tall people with their wives like you know like you're gonna be the guy who's like what do you do it for my wife

motherfucker yeah yeah yeah maybe you're right interesting oh speaking of which uh uh i guess i need to tell people katie's pregnant oh are you announcing that here we go yeah but here's the thing the problem with it is nobody is gonna believe believe me. So I literally had to get this picture to prove that she's pregnant. Wow, look at that. Look at that. Your daughter's black. Look at that. The ultimate revenge.

There. There. Congratulations again, Ben. Congratulations. Even though we've known for months. Yeah, we've known for months. The amount of times I've almost said it on the podcast I know

I figured we were going to have to say it eventually congratulations buddy couldn't think of anybody less fit to raise a child thank you I love you both it's going to be a girl I want people to know that due date is December 24th and we finally settled on a name

oh shit really what's the name? George Floyd. That's a beautiful name for a girl. Man. Wow. So you're not expecting a long life. Is the placenta kneeling on her neck? Is it wrapped around her?

Oh, shit. Yeah, the doctor pulls doctor pulls around and goes she can't breathe fuck man yep it's cool to finally let it out yeah it feels good um so i guess i guess we can kind of end talking about it because uh i don't know how funny it'll be or whatever but uh sure uh i didn't know when we decided to do this show I mean if it wasn't going to be because I didn't know what I was going to do for like weeks we all started this like because we needed to you needed to get

stuff going and you know you were like my god what am I going to do I didn't know what I was going to do for a moment I was thinking about like moving to like upstate New York and like teaching golf or something I literally thought I was cause my girlfriend's in Vermont I literally thought like oh we're gonna move to like

upstate New York together for a second I didn't really know and if like this didn't work I mean I'd be completely fucked but because people like the show and support it and because of the Patreon me and Katie decided to, because this wasn't an accident.

We deliberately got pregnant back in March. You called up the guy. You're like, you can come fuck Katie again. Bust insider. I got a brand new cuck chair that I'm going to be sitting in. In a way. It's very comfortable. I'm sitting in a pregnancy chair.

It's my cuck chair. I watch a guy fuck my wife. What were you going to say, Devin? In a way, it very comfortable I'm sitting in a pregnancy chair it's my cuck chair I watch a guy fuck my wife what were you gonna say Devin in a way it's everyone's child all the lemon heads out there

that's true honestly they did help it help this happen well yeah thank you all so much if the show didn't work out no one gave a shit

I mean I I don't I wouldn't be having I wanted it to work so I could have a kid I didn't know what was gonna I didn't know what was gonna

I didn't know what I was gonna do it is very funny that the existence of this child is simply because of our racism it's actually astounding it is also hilarious to announce that at the end of this episode we were complete maniacs the entire episode

can we put this out on a regular that's what I'm wondering you might need to announce it the next episode too okay yeah we'll do a whole fake we're like oh god we're I can't believe it oh man really no man I know you had that planned and you didn't announce it

at the top and said you're like Barack Obama gets his dick sucked well I mean we have to do a comedy show because that's because Ben Ben puts comedy first that's true comedy never takes a holiday do you guys actually have a name or some names we have yeah yeah we have uh we have a name yeah i'm not not sure about it loquacia yeah after loquacia after the hit it's not a joke it's based in the patreon if this is public it's based in the patreon episode there's a movie was it a patreon i can't remember. Yeah, Little Paddock Avery.

I don't know. Maybe it was public. I don't even remember anymore. Coming the day before Christmas, too. Yeah, yeah. Apparently, doctors will force you to not have the kid Christmas Eve, though, because they don't want to work on that day. So they'll make your wife either wait or push it out early or whatever, or schedule a C-section

or whatever. Do you guys fall for not getting a jewish doctor honestly yeah uh all these doctors are a little jewish because they keep pushing the fucking vaccine on my wife and i'm gonna i'm gonna put them in the anton shigeru chokehold that fucking brazilian jiu-jitsu and i'm gonna if that bitch tells my pregnant wife one more time yeah to get a bivalent booster i swear to god i'm gonna burn her entire practice she's trying to be like get the ninth booster yes not that katie hasn't got like didn't get the one we all got because we were cocks and wanted to yeah like go to the movie theaters yeah you know they're trying to get her

to keep getting them yeah it's crazy it's insane it's insane it's disgusting right i asked her i said uh don't you think do you think uh when she she kind of mentioned it but as she was getting into it i go oh is that uh uh and she goes i'm sorry what was that because i i like i i like whimpered slightly because when she said that she needed to get the vaccine i didn't know if they were gonna force her to get it because we're in california i'm surprised we're not allowed to not abort our child. So I'm going in, fully expecting that I have to put a shotgun off my wife's pussy and pull the

trigger. Right. So we go in. You go in on Christmas Eve, they're like, so you're getting it aborted, right? Yeah. What are you, nine months in a day? Yeah, Natalie Judd just walks in, or Ashley Judd walks in and just shoots Katie's pussy. They're like, we got the special to say the jigsaw just wheels out

in a doctor's outfit. On the little tricycle? Yeah, your baby has to find a key inside your wife's pussy. Sorry, it's California. Yeah, it's California. It's California. California policy that they have to break out of some weird sex dungeon killing device thing.

Yeah. But I brought up the... And I go, is it the vaccine? Is that... Is that safe for the... And she goes, I'm sorry? I was like, is it safe for the baby?

They can't answer that. It's safe? She goes, oh, yes. No, no, it's... Oh, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes. I mean, you should absolutely... That's very safe. I urge everybody to get the the bivalent just ask bronnie james wait who's ronnie james

poor guy it's definitely yeah they're like it's very safe we've done weeks and weeks of research on babies uh the thing is they don't know what happens to pregnant women. There's no way of knowing. They don't know. I can't believe they would tell you to do that. What about thalidomide babies and stuff? We don't know. Just get the normal 90s vaccines that we all got

for the kid that y'all are supposed to do. For the real diseases. Kids weren't even at risk of covid so fuck that stupid bitch doctor of yours yeah it's sick it's sick now you told me that they're all shills and they're all getting paid by these companies to put well because why don't don't but why are you said a bunch of jews control everything you literally like three minutes ago we're like the jews something about they control weather i don't know about that but they can't these doctors can't even tell you to take like

supplements they're not allowed to tell you like you know oh you have cancer and the chemo's not working maybe try this maybe try that they can't go against anything that's not western medicine not saying doctors are all you know uh awful right you're not one of those guys who's like yeah you're not one of those guys who's like don't get the tuberculosis vaccine or something like that they they have interests you know and uh covid's not a thing yeah it's not a thing anymore yeah well i saw someone was like yeah someone was like yeah there's 1900 cases of covid right now but keep in mind we don't have the infrastructure to do testing like we should be doing, so the actual numbers are probably much higher. So everybody just keep that in mind.

Everybody keep that in mind this COVID season. Whoa. Shit. I guess I'm going to do the exact same thing I've done every day. With no consequences. With no consequences. What are we supposed to do? I don't know.

What is anyone supposed to do? I still't know. What is anyone supposed to do? I still see people talking about it. I don't know what. No. I'm not even a guy who talks about the vaccine or gives a shit about any of this anyway. But when people start talking about it, I'm like, I stare at them like I'm a ghost. I stare at them like I'm dead. Oh, if anyone brings up the vaccine to me at this point, I have no clue.

I'm like, dude, I'm moving to the woods. I know. Are you kidding me? It's like seeing somebody with like a mask around you today you're like what is did you chop your dick off and like feed it to homeless people dude i did i just a quick tangent i did when i flew to new hampshire i didn't want to get sick because i was gonna go see my girlfriend and i i wore a mask because i always get sick on airplanes but i was so i get to the airport nobody's in a mask i

almost like wanted to write like the chinese invented this on the mask so people just didn't think i was a cop the whole time you want to confuse everybody by having like a yeah like a q anon i was literally googling like how quickly i could get a maga mask so people didn't think i was like one of those guys when i'm on the plane. I felt so embarrassed the whole time. Yeah. I could never do that. I only older people like older people and fat people when I see them with masks. I'm like, yeah, I get it. I guess, you know, whatever.

Even the flu could knock them out, you know? Yeah. And I'm not comparing the two, even though they felt very similar. She wanted Katie to get the flu vaccine, too, on top of the biovalent. Yeah, get it. Get it all. Pump your veins full of stuff at CVS. Yeah, they're like, actually, so what we're going to do is we're going to,

if we give it just straight to your wife, the baby's only going to get a little bit of it. So we're going to shove a big long needle through her belly into the baby's only going to get a little bit of it. So we're going to shove a big long needle through her belly into the baby's little arm. And just to make sure your baby comes out trans, I mean safe. Safe and healthy. Also, there is a California law.

If you don't vaccinate your fetus when it's born, we have to feed it to Gavin Newsom. So. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's very silly. It feels extremely... Man, that's like, it's very silly. It feels extremely... Man, that's like... It makes you nervous

about having to go through the healthcare system to have your child. I know, because me and Katie are so excited. I'm not stressed. I'm having dreams where I'm playing with my daughter. We're so happy and excited and reading books, and we're really looking forward... And then...

Showing your daughter the Warren 9-11 commission report. All the good stuff. No dispute there. No, literally. Ben has baby blocks. He's just spelling out R-E-T-A By the way, we should buy some baby Mega Gear.

That would be pretty great, yeah. Because if I put my daughter in Mega Gear and bring her out in public, if you get mad at a baby, that is pretty funny to walk around and everybody's like, fuck you, you stupid bitch. Oh, they will. Fuck you, you racist piece of shit. There will be some liberal will kill it and be like, it's a 13th month abortion. Fuck you, you stupid bitch. Oh, they will. Fuck you, you racist piece of shit. Just to my baby. Some liberal will kill it and be like,

it's a 13th month abortion. Yeah. You guys love Trump so much, you push the due date to January 6th. Katie's water breaks on December 27th, and you're like, I need you to hold. Hold the line. Hold the line.

Unlike those election machine voters did she's gonna be born on january 6th and back and damn it her name is ashley babbitt avery she is the reincarnation of that beautiful soul this is beautiful mitch mcconnell avery my beautiful daughter mitch mcconnell this is sarah huckabee Sanders Avery. The only thing that scares me now is when I go to the doctor, and every time, because we go to all these different pussy doctors, and they have all these crazy wands, and they're like, oh, we're going to measure your wife's uterus now.

And I'm like, right, right. I pull out my phone, and I go, what is a uterus? I'm like, could you spell uterus? What is a... But they do all these crazy tests on her and at the end they're like... And then they look down at their little pad and they go, and how far

along are you in terms of the amount of boosters you've been taking? They go, what round are you on? And then they click their pen. And what round of boosters are you on? Yeah, you go, oh, we're actually, she only got the one like two years ago and she's good and she's like okay i see click and then she's just writing racist

couple on your permanent chart any doctor you go to now it says that literally as she was sticking all this shit up my wife's pussy uh which i don't even know if they need to be doing that no they definitely nobody does that no but that's not a thing. Yeah, they're like... That's more liberal horse shit. You molested my baby. You lip cat. They can't even wait for them to pop out. They're fucking the kids in the womb.

Yeah, they pull out a wand that has veins on it. Has balls and veins. that doesn't seem right yeah put it like putting a sticking a gimp a baby gimp outfit up my wife's pussy and putting the putting the baby and like a look with a fucking ball muzzle in its mouth and shit there's she's the baby's crowding at the doctor's just holding a gimp outfit to just put her in the hospital doctor's holding a bikini to put her in because they want to fuck babies. The hospital has recommended some names. The first one, Mr. Slave.

But they, I forget what I was going to say, but they're always doing crazy stuff to her. And then I can't remember what else. I was going to say something because they do create oh yeah she was like sticking shit up my wife's pussy she turns to me and she goes so uh what do you think about this whole thing with elon changing it to x and then just like shoving on my wife they're talking about elon and stuff well they always want to talk to me about my podcast oh they know you're a podcaster i always try to get around it by saying i'm in i'm gonna have to start making up some fake because i i always just try saying oh i'm

just working like broadcasting and they go what do you mean and i go oh i'm like an audio engineer and they go oh but like for what i'm like it's just for podcasting and then they keep i eventually have to i do that on uber rights. I made the mistake where I was podcasting. I was like, oh, I have me and two friends. We have a podcast where we try to do the worst entertainment of all time. You should come on. So now I just say advertiser. That's a good one. Yeah.

I'll say like broadcasting. And then and then if they follow up, I'll just be like, what are you doing? Next time I go to the gynecologist, I'm just going to walk in like this. Where she's like, and we recommend the ninth round for your baby. And I go to the gynecologist, I'm just going to walk in like this. Where she's like, and we recommend the ninth round as booster for your baby. And I go, right. Right.

Yeah, right. I go, uh-huh. Yeah. How about this booster? You go, no heart attack with this one. Hey, bitch, I got a shot for you right here. Nine millimeter. Yeah.

Moderna. Try that one, sugar. Few side effects, bitch. Yeah, well, actually, a gun is healthier than taking the ninth booster. Getting shot once in the chest. Yeah. Randomly. Because you could live through a gunshot wound.

Also, the idea of a guy who, the only way he can understand going to the hospital, living in it, he's only seen John Q. So he thinks if you go to the hospital, you have to bring a gun. He thinks you literally have to bring a gun. He thinks that's protocol. I just put a gun to the OBGYN's head like this. And I go, all right. And I go,

go. Let me hear its heartbeat. Go. Go, you cuck tuck. Yeah, you're at a routine fob. You're like, give him my heart. Holding the gun to your head give him my heart and they're like her heartbeat's fine it's all perfect

you're like do it and they're like if she's this big if we put your heart in her she'll explode this is by the way this is

people talk about how expensive healthcare is get yourself one of these things every doctor's visit it's it's completely free just you got to hold them at gunpoint and you can't leave oh so you'll be shot by a sniper hearing you them tell you to

you know but i ask about the boosters this is unbelievable and if she's listening because she wrote down the name of the show if she's listening i i'm. How long have we done so far? An hour and 15. She turned it off an hour and 13 minutes ago. Okay. Yeah, I think you're fine. And she transferred you to a new doctor. She put your baby in jail. She knows, the doctor knows that it's a comedy show.

She knows I'm joking. Obviously, Katie's completely boosted and vaxxed to the gills. Obviously. For any government officials listening, obviously, Katie's completely vaxxed. We're all boosted. We didn't think the first two were enough. That makes sense. Say that to

yourself. No, no, you. You, the smart medical professional. Say that to yourself. Say that to yourself. Two aren't enough. Against a disease so deadly, you have to take a test to yourself. Two aren't enough. Against a disease so deadly, you have to take a test to find out if you have it. About a disease you don't know you have.

A disease most people don't know they have until they're told and then they can't be in a movie or something. A disease where people go, oh, it turns out I had that life debilitating disease yesterday. I didn't even realize it. Maybe having a daughter just turns you into a Republican.

You know? Yeah, I think for sure. I think all of this turns you into a Republican. Podcasting? I think making any money on any level, making more than $60,000 a year

will probably turn you into a Republican. I know. It was funny. You paid taxes for the first time. I can't believe it. I'm like, oh my, I just worked for them. You were like, can you believe the government's taking 30%? I was like, yeah, that's... We explained. I'm like, dude.

I've been doing that for 15 years. I'm a simple postman's driver. I'm a simple hardworking man. What is this hot shot shit? Yeah, you were so poor for so long, you had like a negative tax rate they gave you money. Yeah, I did. I used to get money back.

It's unbelievable. Now all I do is fucking get the booster. The government legitimately thought you were homeless. They did. Until like four months ago. They did. Yeah, the government gave you a free plane ticket to get out of LA.

And it was pretty good. On your 1099, you just wrote cowpoke. Oh, me? I'm just a wrangler. Address, under the stars. Address, where the wind blows, brother. Devin filed his taxes on a leaf. You know what's you you are gonna you're gonna become republican until you you're uh get that first bill after the doctor because you know what they do you're covered under

insurance your wife's covered insurance they say your baby was not covered because it wasn't alive so they charge your baby 13 grand when it's born oh man i already know i've literally seen i've seen the breakdown from people where they're like here's a if your daughter's named george floyd avery they're like here's a bill to george floyd avery for 13 000 because she wasn't covered under your health insurance dude we're we're literally saving preparing because just when the baby's born we expect on our on average you expect to pay like 8 500,500 just to have a baby. It's like we're putting away money every month. With good health insurance, $8,500. Yeah, and we pay a shitload of money for health insurance.

So, but anyway. In all honesty. Just go walk in with this. It's going to be free. That's it. You just bring a gun in. It's work for others. In all honesty, though.

By the way, I pull out a gun and then the abortion doctor goes please puts his back and he's yeah you've all been fitted with chips that'll explode in your neck that's what the vaccine was motherfucker in california the abortion doctor just roams up the halls like on on a horseback just in a saddle like the man in black yeah they saw the vaccine here, boss. Get the vaccine there. They probably suck the amniotic fluid

from your wife and then they send it to Gavin Newsom's house so he could like water his lawn. Yeah, yeah. It's Fiji water. Yeah.

Yeah. What were you going to say to him? In all honesty, it's very cool. We've known for months we know for very i've already told you how proud i am how cool it is but it's really fucking awesome yeah i've had dreams about you guys having a baby it's been very good

no no no there's a darkness coming there's a real dark no they've all been very good and it's i've i've had dreams about your daughter being born i've literally woken up crying because it's just it's very beautiful yeah that's so that's you guys told me i mean i've talked about i'm a big crier you guys told me you gave me k was like i have a gift and it was like a onesie that says like to the number one uncle and i i opened it i was like what's this and i i literally like those cheesy shitty youtube videos. I literally, like, I go, is it true? The kid's like, yeah, I go, is it true? She's like,

yeah. I go, oh, fuck. I love you so much. Dude, I started, like, ugly crying. What was the way

you guys told me? Because I, like, totally botched the moment. So I, no, this is my fault. I ruined the whole thing. I loved getting surprised so much that was like oh we should because you were coming later to record the pod i was like we should surprise devon so i'm like give him the same onesie and then i put it back in the bag and katie went to give it to you yeah you guys see

they gave me a onesie that said like you know proud uncle right or whatever and i just knowing you i was like what is this like a pedophile joke so i was like hey ha ha and i handed it back hi come come in my diaper you guys were all looking at me like what come on they were like snapping what's going on devon congratulate us isn't this crazy and i was like and then i asked like a minute later like wait a minute kitty are you pregnant it was I really fucked up the moment but it was it was it's uh man holy shit dude it's awesome yeah very happy for you it's awesome couldn't think of somebody that

shouldn't have a kid more I know truly you'll be a you're gonna be a great dad in every way but raising the child truly the kids gonna walk into this room and have absolutely insane nightmares. You go, why is my dad a weird, what is this? By the way, Sam Talent, the Hiroshima dentist,

one of the funniest things I've ever heard. The eraser head poster, heaven is for real. Never let that kid in this room. Oh, Katie's going to rent you an office to go to work every day to get away from the baby. You go to work with a briefcase full of like cheese sandwiches. Just open it in a blank room.

Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. I guess in the future she could be watching this. Yeah, probably. Yeah, and she'll write from her prison. You'll be writing a lot of letters to get her back in your life. She'll be radical a lot of letters to get her back in your life. Cause she'll be radicalized at a local LA school.

Oh yeah. That's going to be the thing. When she turns into a teenager and she's on whatever the tick tock is. And I know when she's 14 and like 14 years when people are like becoming trans and turning into like robots and cyborgs and shit. Yeah. She pulls up her dad's old. I mean, this will be like the Mark Fur cyborgs and shit. Yeah. And she pulls up her dance. I mean, this will be like the Mark Furman tape in 15 years.

Yeah. No, you might as well have done what Louis did. Just audio-wise. Yeah. Just over the airwaves. Over the airwaves. Yeah. We've done the podcast version of getting a face tattoo.

We've ruined the rest of our lives. We really have. It's going to be a great five years, but after that, we all done the podcast version of getting a face tattoo. We've ruined the rest of our lives. We really have. It's going to be a great five years, but after that, we all have to kill ourselves. Well, patreon.com slash lemon party. Please support us so we don't have to commit. Because after this, I mean, we're fucked. It would be so funny if we air this and it just plummeted to zero. I know.

Life's ruined. I mean, I'm working on a book, but I, but other than that, I mean, God help us. Yeah. No, but honestly, it's been very nice, and thanks to all the people who watch the show and pay, been literally like life is created because you guys love the show so much. Yep. Yeah. Yep.

Mm-hmm. So. And I think I'll be a good dad. Of course you will. You're a good person. I'll joke this aside. You're a good person. We come into this room, we turn into cartoon characters. By the way, I found out you can't give babies glasses of water.

It'll kill them. Is that a thing? They can only drink Mommy's Milky for the first six months. Water will kill them? Water kills babies? Yeah, if you give a baby a glass of water, it dies. All right, just throw it out. Get rid of this. What the fuck?

What? Enough. What a cunt how does it die like in the oregon trail and shit when a woman would give birth wouldn't they initially think like well we gotta you know yeah she can suck my titty but like we should give it water too would they would they just kill it's like a dog where you just give it like a cup of water and just let it and it out. And it needs the formula and shit. Yeah. I mean, it was like a baby's body literally was like, oh shit, this isn't milk.

It should go into our lungs and kill us. Like, send it to our lungs instead. It's probably like babies are so hydrated that if you give them water, they die. What about Kool-Aid jammers? Is that okay? I'm putting Kool-Aid jammers in my baby's milk bottle. Your baby's first meal is fruit gushers. Yeah, you're feeding it a sour airhead.

Little crystal light Avery. Oh, and we took thousands of tests to find out if it would come out all fucked up and retarded like an alien. And we passed all of them. Which is proof that there's no God all fucked up and retarded like an alien. And we passed all of them. But she's just getting results back. It's crazy. Proof that there's no God,

that you're not having a retarded child. Yeah, I know. And then, by the way, hopefully it's still cooking in there, but hopefully everything, God forbid, I think it'll be all right. goes haywire.

I think it'll be all right. So pray to God that everything is fine and dandy. Fingers crossed. Hopefully it comes out just ducky doing comes out all right or in in five months we're like yeah we lost the baby we didn't give it to an orphanage leave it on a fire firehouse step yeah yeah uh but uh patreon.com slash lemon party yeah man. Thank you all so much for listening. And I think Katie's going to make a baby registry thing, so I wonder if I could even post that so people can buy stuff for the baby. You know, Xbox, PS5.

Yep. Yeah. Yep. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. VR headset. VR headset. Yeah, all stuff for the baby.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Old typewriters. Yeah. Buy the baby a Dodge Challenger. A Civil War sniper's rifle. Mm-hmm like a fucking cannon a cannon from 1842 i mean what's also going to be funny is we're going to be doing these same bits and there's going to be like a precious little life

that is what i've been thinking about the most is that like we're going to be doing this and somewhere there's going to be a beautiful little child in a room. Like just a child going, whoo, coo, coo. And then just hears George Floyd. George Floyd was a minion. It's like. It doesn't know what words are yet, but it can feel the tone of racism. It's going to be the equivalent of being born

in the jungle in Vietnam. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Of like napalm going overhead in helicopters and guys listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival. Oh, it'll be a deep trauma that she'll never be able to explain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're going to give birth to a very interesting child. First words. Judge Holden. Judge Holden. Black Mary. First words. Judge Holden. Judge Holden. Black, black man. Black man. Black man.

Kermit. Kermit. My cousin. My cousin. I got books for the baby already. It's just the, it's just,

you know, it's. Which ones? C-Spot Ron. Mind Comp. Yep. Yeah. Baby, yeah, baby's first Nazi. which ones C-Spot run Mein Kampf yeah yeah baby

yeah baby's first Nazi baby's first Nazi outfit live streams every Wednesday 4 p.m. Pacific Standard Time Devin Hatewatch pod Jace Sad Drawings by Jace that's been the episode folks we'll see you next week

thank you thank you bye Субтитры создавал DimaTorzok Thank you.