lemonparty - 072: I know where everyone lives

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

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I I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees

and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees

and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees and I'm here, I hold that light, be you always in my face talking, listen in, girl, I had the buzz of bees and I'm here, I hold that light, Dune is inside my stomach. It's also, you know what you're developing? Late onset binge eating, which welcome to the club buddy. I'm glad it finally hit now. But that is a binge eating move where you go. I think I have like Marlon Brando disease

instead of like, this is how I process stress. Yeah, it is funny that you act. You already had the baby. You act pregnant. You're like eating like ice cream. You're like, I just need it. I just I'm feeding two people now. I think I have a what's it called when you think you have a disease?

Someone else has. Because they're not much. Chousins. Yeah, kind of you have munching Chousins. Because he's eating a lot. Very good. Very good. My wife, she has to produce milk out of her tits.

Right. Hell yeah. For the baby to suck the milk out of. Right, and you're trying to mix Nesquik with it. Yeah, I'm putting a little Nesquik chocolate packets in my wife's mouth, but I'm shaking her up and down. So she gets hungry a lot because she's actually, her body is like, it's a Isle of Lucy like chocolate factories

seen with milk. Like it's crazy how much of Lucy like chocolate factory scene, but with milk. Like it's crazy how much milk she has to make for this fat bastard. Your baby is like fucking like wheel and stitch, just like sucking down milks. Dude's crazy. I gave her a bottle for the first time and she like almost ripped it out of my hand.

Like jaws, like I swear to God, I was like, oh wait, I had to grab it again. It was everyone thinks our baby is about eight or nine months old. Yeah. You're so big. Your baby does look like the Malaysian kid that can't stop smoking cigarettes. Your baby looks like Kim Jong-un a little bit. She's so fucking cute. And now we put her we dress up in all the Bucky's outfits now.

I know. Kicks ass. It is pretty great. She looks like the average No, she's so she is so adorable though. Yeah, she really but she is even like just tall She's so fucking tall 97% top for height. She's huge. She's a big fucking kid I know I look at her just, I keep picturing, just playing center for LSU. That's going to roll. Yeah, I think she will be an athlete. Ben having to hang out with that girl, Angel Reese.

Yeah. Ben, like 50, being like, all right, you guys had swagger out there. You swagger jacked them. I didn't like how much you had taunted the other team, but, you know. A lot of showboating stuff, but I guess, you know, that's what your kids do. You just do the guy who went, uh, the dad who went viral because his daughter's

like this little blonde thing with tits and, uh, wait, what? Well, what? A girl. Yeah. His daughter's this little blonde thing with tits. She's like probably like 21 little blonde thing with this. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying it was a baby he gave in France and a wig to. No, no, no, I'm talking about his grown-up daughter. Okay, his grown-up daughter has huge tits and nice hair. No, no, no, she's just a white lady with tits.

Okay. You just see her. Okay, now I'm listening. It makes sense you have blonde hair tits. Okay, what's fine, it's like, yeah. Oh, like the tits are like they're whatever. They kind of suck. What a fucking bitch.

She just go blonde tits, like they're whatever they kind of It's funny how a rapper describes a snow bunny Give me a chick with the pussy she is a snow bunny. I'd be fucking these blonde chicks with tits They look at me like a zoo exhibit I'll be fucking these snow bunnies. She's dating this guy who's running a 40. He's an African guy, big black guy, and I think he's going in the NFL. I thought you meant 40 ounces, but continue. She's running the old English. And so they're all she's filming herself for this TikTok and her whole family's behind her. It's like dad, short, Joe Rogan guy, white family, you know, loser retard.

The dad looks like he wrote in on sea biscuit. Yeah. Loser retard brother wearing the hoodie, complete dipshit, 17 year old worthless. No, I hate it. Reeks just masturbating in the bathroom. Has shitty Achilles at 17. Yeah.

And the mom who drives drunk every night to 7-Eleven. A son who's jacking off so much It's like cut off the circulation to his like hamstrings. Yeah, and then the white boons farm wine wife The lady who drinks wine from the fucking gas. Yeah a lady who takes enough Xanax to kill little people. Yeah. Yeah drinks boxed wine Anyway, they're watching like the fake ESPN that isn't real And anyway, they're watching like the fake ESPN. That isn't real. The ESPN that shows all the sports that aren't football and like past sports.

It's the all white ESPN. Mm-hmm. Yeah. They're watching the ESPN that usually is play, showing like batgammon and shit. The highlights are four minutes long. Yes, exactly. It goes straight to a magic bullet commercial.

They're showing the black guy around the 40. And they're filming, They're showing the the black guy run the 40 and they're filming. They're showing the Him and they're showing the white family, right? And I didn't know the dad would be on board because this is her the daughter's boyfriend And he's like so into it. He's like Do fucks your daughter raw every night for 45 hours. He goes, that's my meal ticket brother!

Woo! Because that guy's going in the NFL, right? He's gonna make a shitload of money. Yes, so you fucking good. That's like a deleted scene from the blinds, though. Yeah. He's like, honey, there's a gold mine in his big black cock. You take that BBC and you make me a little nest egg.

Woohoo, he's running with that third leg. You guys know what the video's called so I can look it up? I don't know. He's like, run, you son of a bitch, it's like you're gonna run out of my daughter's life one day. That's why he cheers, he thinks he's leaving. Very, very quickly. Yeah, he's leaving very, very quickly.

Yeah. He's watching the combine through blinds. He put blinds over the TV and he's like, whoa, you see the guy ride the 40 and a security patrol car pulls up alongside him. What are you doing here? What's going on? This is a nice neighborhood. Dude, I don't even know what to type in on Twitter. Maybe 40 yard dash dad. I think it was a 40 yard dash. Well yeah, that's what they're doing. 40 yard dash, can you put like dad?

I think it's that guy. It's literally Xavier Worthy. It's that guy. But they're not showing the dad at home, like getting way too excited. Are they showing it if it continues? No, hold on, I'll find her to talk real quick. Fuck, there was some like racist,

like there was like a racist black guy account that I was like watching. Yeah, go to Kamiya's likes and we'll find it. It was like a black dude that hates black people that posted it. I'll type in Xavier Worthy girlfriend maybe. Yeah, Xavier Worthy girlfriend. Family.

Family. Yeah, his family's not popping up. Actually, I thought it was very wholesome. I enjoyed the footage and I thought it was like, it was like very nice. Devin, it's sick. It seemed like they actually are excited for him to me. And I thought it felt like a remember the Titans scene.

Modern remember the Titans. It felt like it could end racism to me. Yeah, it's the dad going to his daughter in the hospital because he fucked her so hard she's paralyzed. You're supposed to be super. You're not supposed to get fucked to death by DK Metcalf. Hold on. I might have DM'd it in one of my like racist group chats real quick. Yeah, yeah, just bleep out all these extremely racist me. You guys. Scrolling just past fat guy. Kid in black face.

Burke right here. Watch. They are. I suck at this. Is it? Isn't it? Yeah, I got it. Yeah, here we go. So we're going to go. Look at that. That's his that's his girlfriend. Look at that. Snow bunny. See, like I said, it's a blonde girl with it.

This literally looks like what black people think white people look like. That is a Anglican woman. That's a Star Trek white woman. Straight up B? All right. Shit. Let's talk to shit at the beginning

because we're superimposite. Okay, okay. Suck little white little dick. Doing it this year, so we going to go downstairs and watch. He's going to be running his 40 today. That's the bedroom he fucks her in. She's like, she's at the combine and she's knitting holes into a condom.

Oh, my gosh. She's beautiful. See, like worthless retard brother who sucks ass. Guy whose whole personality is he goes to the gym, sucks ass Yeah mom that gets I hope that dad beats the shit out of her in the garage It says it's all your fault You know they had to you know they had to retrain that dog when it started they started dating the daughter. That is the one! Let's fucking go!

I knew he was out of son! The dad's way too into it though. He's like crying. Yeah that's insane. The dad's like crying. That's kind of beautiful though. Get him, go! I don't know. Yeah in an an Eagles shirt is kind of insane.

I think you're right, it is a meal ticket. You could be watching tape of them, of her, his daughter getting like, no, like a brand of training. He might as well be looking at like Bitcoin right now. Yeah, there's a ticker tape, there's stock ticker tape coming out of his daughter's pussy. Yeah. And he's seeing it rise. He's like, I know I love Nasdaq.

Oh, I love that you get fucked by one of the X men. I think that's beautiful. Yeah, good for that family. You know, they deserve it. Yeah. But you you are you're touching on a point, Ben. You're not even like doing like a racial thing But there there is a moment if you're that girl's father Where she's like I'm bringing home my boyfriend I want you to meet him and then you meet him and you instinctively like man that guy's fucking the shit out of my daughter

Fuck that sucks and he has the physique of an orcai. Yes, or the rings Yes, literally like doing missionary, but like going up onto his hands and feet to get his huge dick in and out of your daughter. Here's the thing, all of these relationships eventually become ruined because the boyfriend is playing a game and he overhears the family go, that's right boy! They hear, he hears boy and he goes, what am I,

what am I doing? I mean, I had fun with your fucking blonde white whore daughter, but I don't want to be called boy while I play. They let one slip and they go, you played a con picking good game. And they go, oh, I'm sorry. I meant it was good. Don't worry, we got wood ranch coming to the house tonight

on Postmatch. It's okay. Please don't leave. Please don't leave. Please don't leave the family. If I have to work 10 more years, I'm gonna kill myself. Please, you're all I have. I haven't gotten this much merch sent to me

in my whole fucking life. Yeah, please just come and my daughter one last time. Just roll those dice, baby. I don't care you play for Jacksonville. I love the merch. It says NFL official apparel. I got to meet Cam Newton one time and he was dressed as a fun...

Love NFL official apparel. It's over. You can throw around like Ray Ross, I don't care. But no. Bounce your head off an elevator, keep head. Yeah, that dad man, I'll say this, couldn't be me. Yeah. It is funny.

Couldn't be me. You'd be in the back boo me. Yeah, it is funny be me all these up you in the back booing It is funny every NFL relationship for a lot of these guys like it's like it's Dasha with Ed Reed Mm-hmm. It's it's it's it looks like one of the girls for Red Scare with a strong safety Every time every time they do I think they Every time. They do. I think they like it. They like the Sailor Moon body. I don't know what is.

Yeah. You really are just keeping it. You have a worm. Thank you. You're dying. Thank you. I think you're dying. Thank you very much.

I think I look good. I think this is the worst I've ever seen you. You have a big worm and you're controlling your brain. I think you've been off all day since I watched you walk into the house. You've been a weird amalgamation of memories of yourself. Whatever man, couldn't be me. I don't know what you're up to tonight.

Couldn't be me. No daughter, mines, marrying a running back for the Texas Long Ours. I'll tell you that. Running backs don't even matter anymore. Yeah daughter of mine's marrying a running back for the Texas long words. I'll tell you. Running backs don't even matter. Second. Yeah, you don't want to run. No one cares about running back. Yeah. Running backs are like white now. Yeah. Running backs earn like $25 now. Running backs don't give nobody cares about running backs. Running backs have to postmates in the off season with their CTE.

Yeah. It is actually a shame. Where's the money at being like a white wide receiver, being, Jason Shippley, you're you're goddamn quarterback. Goddamn quarterback. A star wide receiver. Wide receivers are always hot in the streets. I remember we we beat state in 92. I remember when he fucked my daddy. He was like, Good daddy. I remember when he fucked my daddy. And I listened to the Thread Walls of my home.

I remember my daddy was gang raped by Emily Christian. Best of the whole team. The whole team had a training. The whole team had a train on Kelsey Lynn, Megan, Andy Van. The best night of my life. They would stay there, right, you mad daddy? She came home and I tell you, I grabbed the come out of her pussy and I put it in a cryo chamber.

Cause I knew that was some time and she come. You see that state champion she bring to that white gym. See, I got him with the coming in. I got this for my daughter get raped by Midland Christian. He's watching. He's watching the rape championship. he's watching his daughter get fucked. He goes Her shit. They're real. Raping ladies. They're real. Thank you.

Detective Raper. Yeah, Nick. Say Nick Saban's in the bedroom going, God damn it, Tarone. Either pussy, damn it. Throw in his headset. It's it's really not a race thing for me, by the way. It's just like no daughter of mine is bearing a seven foot one, a huge guy with a cock the size of a Buick.

I can't allow that to happen under my roof. Because they do age quicker the longer the dick. There is something about it where it like fucks wrinkles into them. It's bad for life expectancy. It turns them into an old leather couch. Now you're right, Devon, I'm worried about her health. You care about her health?

I tell you, boy, I can't... My dad is Mary Lou Lynn Jasmine Kelsie. It's not taking the chronic stress of a giant bag. Cack! She's gonna marry a lineman, a nice white lineman whose balls are bigger than his dick. I tell you, my daughter was with Indomicon's shoe. He stepped on her neck every now.

He created a pussy to shit. He couldn't get right out that big black son of a bitch. I go, your horse, your horse calling the ass, huh, you son of cinnamon bitch. I go, yo, yo, horse. Your horse callin' the ass up, you cinnamon bitch. How you gonna do a horse callin' when you got a horse talk? He blew out my daddy's pussy, blew out her ACL in her pussy. It's a damn shame. That's the thing, you fuck on turf.

You fuck on turf, to get those injuries. That boy back there shepherded her pussy. He was right there on Bob's way. He dragged her pussy from the back of his truck all the way to West Texas. Where they play that. Mids and Decks is living Decks' football. Mids and Decks is living Decks' football. Mids and Decks is living Decks' football. Mids and Decks is living Decks' football. Mids and Decks is living Decks' football.

Mids and Decks is living Decks' football. Mids and Decks is living Decks' football. Hey Pussy's got CT. Hey Dave Critch shot himself in the head. That pussy can't remember one fuck from the other. I tell you. That pussy is torn to shit. It's torn to shit, boy. I tell you it.

That pussy shot itself in the labia to preserve its clit. So it could be studied by science, because her clits all fucked up in the head. I ain't shh, because her clips are fucked up in the head. That big guy from the Hall of Fame comes in, that six nine guy, goes, I'd like to welcome your pussy to the Hall of Fame today. This white woman's pussy was fucked by more black cock.

Her pussy was buried with Junior Seow. Yeah, Joe Buck to the climax. The climax. She came. She came again. There really doesn't need to be a hall of fame for like white women that got fucked by like really famous black guys. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, for sure. Like Nicole Brown Simpson. I mean, obviously, what if what if he was what if what if he didn't even kill her? He just fucked her. He fucked her so hard it cut her whole neck open. He fucked her so hard it like broke the sound barrier and it chopped her head off and Ron Goldman So hard to stick went through her neck into Ron Goldman's stomach Do you go wrong?

Do you go wrong Goldman because he's just Jewish like what was the whole he killed him because he thought he was gay Yeah, your OJ was real pro-Palestine. Yeah, and OJ was real pro-Palestine. Yeah. And the whole thing with him being in the Ford Bronco never made any damn bit of sense to me. What are you talking about? What? How did that make sense to you?

What, do you think you should be in a damn escalator or something? What's wrong with you? He's not black, he's OJ. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Black people kick so much ass, they're so funny. They knew he did it. Yes. Every single black person knew he did it. They were just like, go fuck yourself, white people. And this is how retarded white people are. Is that a black Ibea? He innocent as hell.

And they go, no, he is not. How dare you say that to me? That was the funniest thing that ever happened. I'm sorry, they had to for like a big moment to happen, but like, dude, that footage of that dude in Times Square going like, you a bad motherfucker, Johnny! You a bad motherfucker, Johnny! I don't think I've seen that.

Dude, when he gets off, there's the footage of all over America of people watching the verdict coming. And there's a black dude in Times Square, and everyone, there's white women crying, and black people going crazy, and there's this black dude in Times Square and everyone, there's white women crying and black people going crazy. And there's this black dude that's like, kind of just like neutral, but he's just like, you a bad motherfucker, Johnny.

You a bad motherfucker. Like it's so funny. Yeah. I mean, everything about the case is funny. It's just great. The fact that OJ got off and then he tried to go to a country club, they wouldn't have him. Yeah.

So he tried to get embraced by the black community. He went to a Roscoe's chicken and waffles and freaked out because they were was too black. He left. He literally walked in. He's like, get those ends out of my fucking car. God damn it. When he drove home and everyone was cheering him on,

he goes, what are all these N words doing here? Yeah. He said, who had all these N words in Brentwood? Yep. Yeah. Oh, it's crazy. It's really beautiful. Yeah, I Watch I literally watch footage of the verdict coming in like like a couple times a year. It's like it like keeps me going It's the funniest fucking thing of all time. Dude. I need a rewatch OJ made in America. I watch it twice I need a third. I delivered food to the director of that thing really

Yeah, and I because I noticed it on the app and I was like, that's the fucking, because I was like, I've watched this like three times last night. When I showed up, I literally stopped to met his door and I was like, listen, man, I know who you are. You directed that OG documentary. He's like, yes, yes, I did.

And I was like, I just want to tell you, like that documentary is so fucking good. It made me happy that bitch died. He like laughed and I handed him a case of the year. I left like a faggot. You're like why those guys is salute soldiers at Walmart? I just want to thank you so much for your service. For your service. Sorry.

You done. You done. Sorry. Me and my family from Al Qaeda topic. I saw her tardy thinks EminM was in like the Iraq war He went over there he killed Kim Thank you Eminem Prophet lieutenant Eminem Hey guys want to eat amazing food, but don't want to spend forever preparing it trifecta

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Ben ate his in a couple days, just wolfed them down. They're incredible. I've had them, they're amazing. They're the best fucking frozen, or not, they're not frozen. They're the best food on the guy I've ever had in my life. So guys, pause or reschedule your deliveries anytime. Factor works with you and for you. So I need you guys to head to factormeals.com slash lemon 50 and use code lemon 50 to get 50% off. That's code lemon 50 at factormeals.com slash lemon 50 to get 50% off. Thank you factor for sponsoring the show now back to the podcast. Thank you. We're all out of fucking wars now. We got nowhere else to go. All we do is have proxy wars.

We just get to watch another war. Yeah, but I'm sick of it. Can we invade Africa and go to war with them or some shit? Can we get the country behind that? Can we get Atlanta? Fuck you. Yeah. Also, why would we invade Africa?

We're low on rocks and sticks. Yeah, what do we need? What are we going to get there that's valuable? What do we need? I'm for drone striking Africa. I mean, what are would we invade Africa? We're low on rocks and sticks. Yeah, what do we need? What are we gonna get there? That's valuable. I'm for drone striking Africa. I mean, what are we gonna hit? I mean just You need more food You know what it's it's literally as he eats more he gets more racist It's so funny to have a full mouth and shit on Africa. Apparently there's like a part. That is true.

It's like two on the nose for Calvin Candy. There's like all these gay little, I saw this little British faggot. You see that British faggot do that Ted Talk where he says Africa is gonna be the next world superpower. Oh, that's hilarious. Well, who is this? He's just some, I'll pull it up.

That makes no sense. How are they the next superpower? Well, they're saying like the GDP of Africa is growing like crazy and on an exponential. Yeah, it doubled from two to four. What are you talking about? Do they mean South Africa? Yeah.

Uh, Africa next. They type in Africa little faggot. Like, however you explain him. Here's the little faggot right here. Can I tell you, Ben, can you go to his body real quick? When you said little faggot, I tried to picture a little faggot and this guy's more of a little faggot.

Yeah, this is worse. We'll become a superpower in wealth. It's a superpower. And you gotta take it. Oh, fuck you. Literally, if guys in Africa saw this guy, they'd capture him because they thought he was like a magic like creation They think he's a gallum created by a witch doctor. I went to the Ted talk Ron Weasley spoke About Africa and the GDP he spoke about Africa. Then he got walk. He walked that song guys head chopped off by a zombie knife

I'm convinced this guy, this is starving Marvin in the Dave Chippewa white guy makeup. It is, this is white starving Marvin. They put a tourniquet on his belly to push down his like bloated stomach. This is England. This is the African government trying to get us to invest in Africa.

So they sent one guy in white face makeup to be like, it is actually good. I am a little gay boy and it's good. Yeah, he's gonna do this whole thing. He's like, actually the mud pie currency is gonna go up in value. And actually in the future,

everybody will want to eat flaws. Right. Actually, we've done studies that AIDS is good. There we go. Daven people, eating out and living in the nuts, in great poverty and deprivation. God, bomb fucking England. Jesus Christ. This is like the Greta Thurnberg of like Africa.

Do you think of European outpours? In short, do you think Africa faces serious social and economic difficulties and will always be struggling behind the rest of the world? That vision of Africa has some ground in reality. What was that voice? I want to throw a boomerang at this kid. Jesus. Antarctica. Africa is a vast continent, but its countries and people are very poor. 35 worlds, 54 countries are in Africa. What a good little schoolboy. Go up there and sing

your song and dance. What a good little boy. Now back to Buckingham Palace to get raped by the Queen. So what the Queen sits on my face forcefully every night South Africa has 7.1 million people living of HIV AIDS HIV AIDS Around 360 million Africans suffering from malaria every year HIV AIDS from malaria every year. I chubby aides. The least he had to have is a bowler. Which broke out uncontrollably.

He literally looks like he's in Hogwarts. I know. He should be in a role, doll short story called The Little Boy Who Sucked Ass. Another thing about an after quality problem is the dark history of imperialism. Of course it's a dark history. I wonder who did that bitch. Okay get to the

why is it will they be good though I know they're like they have AIDS. No you want me to stay there? You skip to the end and he's like and that's why we need to eradicate them. We can make it a holy white land. The sun should never set on the English Empire what's more? Money and resources, also people, 12 million Africans were taken to slavery and shipped across the Atlantic. Even today, of course African countries are the ones that have the most slaves. Who's to say if that's bad? What is? Hear me out.

Which we do not face here in the West. And these contribute Africa's ongoing poverty. I'm not saying that, but I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. Don't need athletic specimens anymore. All right, Africa. Africa also has huge wealth in oil. Is what he says.

Nigeria produces more than 2.5% of the oil. He thinks black people are oil. That cup is so black. Because these people, they use it up the oil. They're covered in it. Nigeria's oil is worth a lot. Africa or Russia? What have we done? What have we wrought?

What have we wrought on this world? Intentions in African countries. More and more African children are going back into school. I'd be excited with anything. Yeah, so he's saying like, you know, in 20 years Africans will be like really smart and like, you know. This is the weirdest school of rock character I've ever seen.

School of cock. By the way, this might be a 63 year old man. British people are like that. The strongest man in England. They do be like that though. The English motherfuckers do be like that. The English motherfuckers do be like that though. English motherfuckers be like hee hee hee.

Shit, when you hit puberty, missentences shit. See, this is what people say, like that though. English motherfuckers be like, he he he. Yeah, when you hit puberty, missentences. See, this is what people say they go, Ethiopia was the fastest growing economy on earth in the 2010s. It's like, yeah, but they're starting. What is that?

No, that's what I'm literally saying, like one to two is double. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha like, oh, oh, we opened up, we opened up a Coca-Cola vending machine. So the economy's doubled. Like what are you talking about? They're great people, a great country, but I mean, you know, no, they're still, they're still so behind.

I mean, what are we talking about? God clearly hates them. He said nothing but pain and, you know, I mean, if you call a roofer in Africa, doesn't he just show up with a big, like, like, vat of mud? He shows up and he points at the sky. And he gives a thumbs up.

He goes, my job is done. He goes, this guy told me it will not rain on you tonight. There's white losers that go to Africa and they just get so much pussy. Yeah, but they have to take prep. You showed us that one time. You showed us one of those white losers in Africa. White guys go to Africa and they just get so much pussy. But they have to take prep. You showed us that one time, you showed us one of those white losers in Africa. White guys go to Africa and they just fuck

like African ladies the whole time? Yeah, there's guys on YouTube that have vlogs where they're like, here's my life in Africa. And they have like 14 beautiful African, like why are you huge undulating, swinging dark, beautiful breasts. Why do they all have breasts like that, by the way? Why do they get those long-hanging breasts?

I think it's because they're like the cows of the nation. I thought it was like they didn't have bras or something. They provide the milk and the beef. To me, isn't it like... They make tallow. It's why dogs' tits look like that, right? Because they just don't have bras. I know, but when a dog's done feeding puppies,

it doesn't have sagging hanging titskin, you know? Oh, they don't? No. I think it might be because they have so many, maybe they're breastfeeding a lot of children and they just become very saggy over time I don't know. They get very big and the mosquitoes suck all the juice out of them. They get very saggy I will say when I was a kid. I actually thought their tits were like that because of the heat

You know like you thought it's like one of Dolly's clocks Well, it's about to say yeah, like it's so hot there Their bodies are melting and their tits are sagging to their ankles just because they don't have air conditioning. You know what's very funny is we're not changing the subject here but I rewatched Knocked Up the other day. Feel free to change it from Africa. I love the change of subjects.

I'm definitely not doing it consciously. I was watching Knocked Up the other day, right? I haven't seen that movie in a long time. Classic comedy, it is great. I'm sure Judd thinks it sucks now. Of course, I'm watching it and there's so many scenes that I'm enjoying but I'm real, I kept thinking like, but he must hate this and Seth Rogan must hate this. I can guarantee you Judd watches that

and whips himself like a bell. Yes, 100%. Like with the Da Vinci code. So there's a scene when Katherine Heigl is talking about her tits being too big I guarantee you Judd watches that and whips himself like a bell. 100%. Like with the Da Vinci code. So there's a scene when Catherine Heigl is talking about her tits being too big and she doesn't wanna be on top of Seth Rogen while they have pregnant sex and she goes,

I just hate it from every, I'm all, it's all national geographic. And just a little simple joke like that. I was like, oh my God, you must want this movie removed from streaming services for a joke like that. Because why are you saying that? Because they're long and saggy?

Yes. Like we're making a joke about in which the lemon party podcast will get shit for. But we also keep acting like we'll get shit. No one respect, no one that is in any level, you know, if anything cares about us. But I'm just saying, it was very interesting to me. I'm like, we don't exist. No one respect, no one that is in any level of anything cares about us. But I'm just saying, it was very interesting to me.

I'm like, we don't exist. We don't exist to anybody. Cause you keep throwing popcorn in your mouth while you're recording. Cause you keep eating like a fucking asshole. God damn it. When you're not throwing it, you're feeding yourself from above like you're a pigeon.

And you're swirling a tumbler of Coca-Cola, of Diet Coca-Cola. Then goes to the bars and he goes, my good man, can I have a Coca-Cola Zero? Ah, yes. But truly, I was watching that whole movie and that scene the most, I was like, oh, interesting. But there's a million jokes about domestic violence and all sorts of shit. You know he calls Warner Brothers

and he's like what if every bad joke we replace it with my daughter's smiling giving the thumbs up. Yeah. And in the back Paul Rudd's fucking my wife what if we did that. Yeah I think these guys need a little wake-up call and I think it's about time. I think it's about time. Time. I think it's about time. You turn into you turn into Baron Harcone again. Dude, in a year, people are going to turn on the podcast. You're in a big black pit of goo.

Being lowered in. You're the funniest man I've ever met. being lowered in. You're the funniest man I've ever met. You're so absurd. You're the most ridiculous person I've ever met. It's like my brother's Kramer. Oh God. You, I mean, last week with the shorts, listen. You did go kind of insane.

Somebody sent me a screenshot of you last week. We had to have a talk. I thought you were naked. I go, did Ben do the whole episode naked? Did my dick come out? No. It was showing. You had such a camel toe.

It looked like you had a pussy. That's awesome. I look fucking trans. Yeah. Yeah, you look like you have like, you look like an elephant tied as trans person. That's great. I'm going to get cast in some piece of shit

Sean Baker filmed then. That kicks ass. I've armpit hair too. He doesn't film then that kicks ass I've armpit hair too he doesn't make a lot of hair in a pussy he makes good movies no he does make good movies he makes great films actually some of my only favorites no he's actually great except that's of that tangerine I had a real problem with that I didn't like that don't know what's up with those people. Hold on though, hold on, let's get back to this is what Seth Rogen needs a little wakey, wakey up.

I think it's he smokes weed and that's fucking wacky. This dude, when I found out Seth Rogen smokes weed, I was like, no does. Like he's so like, fuck you'd have to be fucking high to come up with super bad right you'd have to be You'd have to be on the fudgy wacky to backie to come up with those insane riferinos Is that I feel like we could work our whole lives and never make a movie as good as Superbib. Oh, it's a perfect movie.

Oh, Superbib. It's actually a perfect film. Yeah, it's great. It's amazing. But I'm just being a guy. But I didn't mean to run into this. He should kill himself. No, that's how bad he, and by the way,

Judd Apatow also made one of my favorite, wrote one of my favorite comedies ever, Heavy Weights, and still, I'm still like, just kill him. Love that you said that. Heavy Weights. It's Heavy Weights, what's the movie? Heavy Weights is his best written movie. It's a perfect movie.

I would love for you to do the letter box top four on a red carpet somewhere. And you're like, Heavy Weights, Freddy got fingered. Yeah, so far you're right. There's a YouTube video of a black guy talking Chinese Frigate figures on the criterion collection. I know which is amazing it officially got added But can you guess my top five because you got to okay? It's literally Fred got figured it's heavyweights. Ooh Heavyweights is really like one of your favorite movies of all time. Yeah, I had a big impact on me fascinating

I mean, I'm obsessed with fatties. I loved that movie too, but I didn't, yeah. Okay. Jayce, keep going. Top four. God, what's the fucking other two? Are they, can you give me, is it a trauma? I don't know how, why have to you? No country for old men.

You sure I'll put that one up there. What's a movie about a big retard again, Slingblade? I mean, obviously you gotta choose the whale. The whale. I don't know how you're not getting the whale. Yeah, obviously. I'm sorry. I'm being a bit of a fucking retard. The Slingblade? I mean, obviously you gotta choose the whale. The whale. The whale. I don't know how you're not getting the whale. Yeah, obviously. I'm sorry.

I'm being a bit of a fucking retard. The house the jack built. Sure, I'll put that one in there. There you go. I actually don't have a top five. I was just seeing what you said. You have no top five. I know, I believe in nothing.

No, cause you're, yeah, you're a nihilistic man. Yeah. You don't care about anything. That's why you have a green fire going on behind you. Here, here, here's a perfect, here's a perfect, let's go to the movie theater, don't play anything. Let me eat 4,000 calories worth of peanut M&Ms in the quiet dark, and it's really cold,

and then I go home. How about that? I'll play a movie in my fucking head, Jack. Save the electricity. You're going to the movies, you're just going to empty movie theaters where the credits are rolling for other movies.

You go, all right, I got about 17 minutes before they kick my ass out. I call it reading. I love to read the names as they fly by. You are something else. You fascinating. I'm a public library retard. Except I don't have a car,

so I don't go to the library, stay at home. You really, you're so amazing to me. You dress like a blood when you're at home. So here's what we need to do, because Seth Rogen and Jed Abatao need to start making some pictures. They were amazing, and I know we say a lot of evil things about them, but what was bothering me was I was watching, knocked up,

and I was like, this kicked ass, this like inspired me so much when I was a kid. Super bad, is amazing to this day. Pineapple Express is amazing. You just, all these things they were associated with and I'm like, and I rewatch them occasionally and I'm like, but you would literally like say this is, you can't do this now.

Yeah. Now they like, AOA to Beery walks in a room and they start like, they start shaking like Chihuahuas. They start freaking out. Yeah, I mean, to this day, I'll still like I'll make perfect latte art in the morning. I'll make like a perfect like swan and I'll look at it and I'll go swan. Oh, you made me a swastika earlier. That's how I got into MIA paper planes because that trailer I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the backlight. You made me a swastika earlier. That's how I got into MIA paper planes

because that trailer, I was like, this fucking is so cool. Yeah. You know, you goddamn you. I'm like, fuck, this is so awesome. I fly like, Pippa Gett, highlight planes. If you can't remember the trailer. Oh, I'm close to remembering it. It was great.

And he coughed a shotgun and I was like 16 and I was like, holy fuck. Holy fucking shit. Holy goddamn fucking shit. But I really hate that that became gay because it really did kick ass. No, the movie kicks ass. No, the movie kicks ass.

The trailer kicks ass. The song kicks ass. The trailer kicks ass too. I love Seth Rogen, but we need to wake him up at his house tonight at three in the morning. He needs to wake up. We need to bludgeon him to death with his own weed equipment that he sells.

And even if we did bludgeon him to death and he came back to life, he'd tweet about how great it was and how no one shook a plan about getting bludgeoned to death. One of my favorite parts of LA is getting raped by black people when I walked down alleys. I think it fucking rules. What a fucking retard.

Yes. Did he tweet about how you should expect to get stabbed in a big city one time? He goes, yeah, somebody complained online about... Who's Casey Neistat? Casey Neistat. Who, by the way, I've hung out with that guy before. He fucking kicked so much ass. He's so cool. Yeah. I don't know. He's so awesome.

Yeah, I don't know. And the fact that Seth Rogan was attacking this guy, I'm like, this dude was the coolest dude ever who's not a retard. He wasn't even being crazy. He was just like, this sucks. My car got broken into and everything got stolen and this is kind of annoying. I live in a nice neighborhood and why is this happening?

And then Seth Rogan was like, sometimes my car got broken into and it's not that big a deal. It's called living in a big city. And sometimes they leave a little treat. They left a knife covered in Mexican kids blood. And that was awesome to me. Despite that, if a black guy did come near my house, I would flamethrower him like once upon a time

in Hollywood, man. Yeah, I was team Casey onower him like once upon a time in Hollywood, man. Yeah, I was team Casey on that one. So the Rogan must have sucked my ass. No, he sucks. I mean, they've become such jokes. I mean, Judd Apatow, after the Will Smith thing, is one of the most embarrassing things. He said he should have been charged with murder.

He said Will Smith should have been charged. He could have killed him, as we said. He could have killed him. He could have killed him. He could have killed him. Judd Apatow tweeted, there's a line that he crossed. He's dealt with jokes before. He knows what jokes are.

He could have, he should have been charged. He could have killed him. He could have killed him. Dude, how funny is it that Judd is getting upset about black on black crime? It's like, Judd, you're just like all the people that you hate. Like what you doing right now.

Oh, you know the tweet he had to delete? He goes, because he's a dirty, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, I love him. Back to X, back to X, back to X. I'm friends with Gary Shanley, he's my best friend. He's my best friend. I'm gonna ruin documentaries about comedians who are better than me.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, back to X, back to X, back to X. What if I steal somebody's set at the store and bomb even though I'm famous? No, tonight I'm going to Seth's place and I'm gonna give him a little talking to yeah I hope Judd is slapped to death by Will Smith. I hope he gets killed that way I'm gonna go I'm gonna live in Judd Apatow hot tub in the Hollywood Hills And when he comes out with his wife who's getting fucked into the hot tub Leslie man

They're gonna take off the hot tub lid and I'm gonna pop out and my eyes are scalding red hot. I'm almost dead. I'm almost dead. Not in the whole time. You're like, oh fuck. Now I've been in there for weeks.

But you're so dead. You go in the summer. It's August, the dog days. And I'm too weak to even kill him You gay son of a bitch And you lift up the gun, but all the meat slides off your arm Yep And Leslie goes, ah, Judd, another podcaster tried to murder you.

He was like, ah, damn. You know that Craig Robinson has them all on silent? Oh, yeah. On his phone, he's like, oh, yeah, they're always asking me to touch up their texts. Touch up their tweets. Yeah, you know, Craig Robinson wakes up every summer to a happy Juneteenth text

Judd text and happy Juneteenth my soul brother happy Juneteenth We're just watching hot tub time machine, too And just we and waiter. We're gonna read the speeches of modern Luther King dr. Junior Reverend official Man a reverend official. Oh, man. Yeah, they fucking suck. I mean, I think Seth is slowly, he started out so funny that he wrote super bad when he was 10. Yeah.

And then he's progressively been getting gayer. But on his deathbed, he's gonna be getting fucked in the ass by like the, the queer eye guys. Jonathan Van Ness is gonna be coming in his asshole as he dies. He's gonna put on that alien mech suit and fuck Seth Rogen in his ass. Yeah, and we're gonna be like, this is great. He wore a dress.

No, every day I put on, on this screen behind you, behind me, sorry, I put on a, I go to Google Images and I type in Seth Rogen and I put in newest. And I have a baseball bat and I do this. And it's because I love comedy so much. And I just want it to come back. I just want it to come back. Can we laugh in anything anymore? I like Santa Inc. What's your problem?

Santa Inc. Would the biggest be stopped. I think what? Yeah, so Santa Incorporated Santa Inc. was amazing. Yeah, there was like L's teachings about racism and shit. It's you know, it's so funny too, by the way, is one time I ran into, like, I don't like no celebrities, but one time I talked to Sarah Silverman for like two hours outside the improv. She was just high and she bumped cigarettes for me.

And I just talked with me and my friend, I talked to her and this was right after the Louie thing. She was like, Louie will be back. He's fine. He didn't do anything. And then behind closed doors, they're all like, they're all like killing these people. It's all like a fake put on to keep getting job. It's even worse than you think.

They actually don't believe it. They're all complete fucking frauds. I mean, Sarah fucking chastised us for years about being white pieces of shit. And then like immediately like started defending Israel the second like the bomb started flying. Yeah. They're all complete pieces of shit. I think Sarah tweeted that they should turn off

their water and power. Yes, she did. She's like turn off the water and power until the hostage is returned. And then she just said she was high. She like gave like the Seth Rogen defense. I was high. Fucking sorry, I planted a bomb at a whole long guys.

I said, no, when you smoke Indica, it makes you hate black people. We all know that. I tried to watch 10 minutes of that Santa Incorporated show on HBO. It's the worst show ever made. It might be up there. I think it's one of the top five worst things

I've ever seen in my life. I'm trying to remember the plot now. I know they were like. There's no plot. The whole thing was like Judaism is good and Christianity is bad. Don't even entertain it with a plot. There's no plot.

There's no plot. You trying to summarize it would add more effort than they had writing it. Yeah, don't you dare summarize it. Yeah. They ask chat GBT, they go make the gayest thing of all time and it's spit out those scripts. You remember that old SNL thing from like 2003,

like it's Christmas time for the Jews. Yeah. We got down to for the naked. Saturday TV fun house. We got, that was amazing. Like you can make, you can make the thing that like, where it's like a Jewish version of like a claymation Christmas thing and that's proof that it can be funny and original. Who is that? Robert Smigel?

That is Robert Smigel. Who's a genius. It's people have to admit to themselves that unfortunately racism and sexism and homophobia is the funniest thing that you can... unfortunately it is true it is the funniest thing you could do. It's to do all those things. Yeah. But ironically so. But yeah of course we're being ironic. Except when we talk about women. It's a it's a weird time right now because I do agree with that. But also, Hitler's speeches are going viral right now on Twitter. Are they because people are putting it

through like a like a AI filter. So you can listen to Hitler's speeches. And there's like, like Nazi inspo trap beats behind it. Like chopped and screwed Hitler. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You can go to your home gym now in your garage and you could just smoke blunts and like do squats and listen to Hitler speeches. And they're really good. Yeah, yeah. The Hitler AI speeches, you're like, damn, this guy was good spit.

Yeah, this motherfucker. Like, hold you're like damn this guy was good spit. Yeah, there's motherfucker like hold up Let him I got seven Mac 11 about eight forty eight nine ten back ten shit's never in it's like biggie in a fucking like basement just like Actually goes so hard. I'm like, holy Like I put I was like, all right. I'll put on this stupid Nazi like AI. Yeah, I love you I can play a little bit of it for you We don't need to be I can play a little bit of it for you guys. Just be okay. No, no, we don't need to be.

We don't need to hear that. You're on the news. It's, he's just spitting and he's going hard and it's all, he's just screaming and it's all about how he's a prophet of like, of God and destruction and stuff. And like there's like millions of people doing this as he's just fucking spitting fire.

This N word's spitting but it's not saying. Ha ha ha ha. If he's doing that shit too where it's clipping. You know when Biggie's like he's he's fucking freestyling so hard like the mic is even picking it up properly because you're like fuck the flow is so good that it's like breaking like the the the the pros is like breaking the fucking microphone. So good. Yeah. The shit Hitler was on. Yeah.

It was crazy. Yeah. But's the shit Hitler was on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was crazy. Yeah. But anyway, they're doing that and making it a Chinese. Oh, we do it with party and bullshit and party and bootches and kill the Jewish. Yeah. Yeah.

Ready to die. But yeah, those are going viral now. So it's an unfortunate thing because it's like everybody knows that Biden's gay and is bad and that racism and stuff like that's funny. But unfortunately also the baggage that comes with that, it seems to be people are doing squats and listening to Hitler's speeches.

I told you guys, I saw like a literally like a fuck ends tweet that got like 80,000 likes on Twitter. And I was like, I don't want to be gay, but this seems insane. Yeah, Twitter's getting a little wild. Or X. Yeah. Yeah.

It's that or it'll be somebody tweeting like that, like the mountains are like big animals that are gonna come alive in 20 years and I see that gets 90,000 likes. Well, the big thing now is like a guy will be like, he'll take a picture of the moon during the day, of the day moon. He's like, does anybody else remember a time when this wasn't happening? Yeah anybody else paying attention

And everyone's like dude I noticed the other day that you could see the moon during the day and when I was a kid you never could Yeah, which is kind of horrifying you don't think about You don't think about being a traitor Joe's and like ten of the people in the traitor Joe's Legitimately are like no there's like Jews in space that shoot guns at white people. That's really stupid, bitch. Naomi Wolf, the writer, she wrote that book called Like My Pussy or My Hunt or My Vagina.

I don't know her. No, I don't know her. She went viral, she was a big deal. She wrote My Vagina. She wrote a book called Like Vagina. Okay. Hold on, Naomi Wolf, you guys know what I'm talking about, right, she wrote a pussy book. She wrote that, yeah, the year of times bestseller,

Cunt Buzzy. The brave stories of a white woman who went to Columbia. Cunt Buzzy. You guys remember this woman that sucks ass? No, I don't look into women. She was a feminist icon, She wrote The Beauty Myth. Oh, I've heard of The Beauty Myth before, yeah. She's like 61 now, her pussy's all dried up.

Gorya Steinem loves her work. What did she make? Hold on, I'll look up her book. She wrote a book about her pussy or something. Book. The Beauty... oh, Vagina, right there. Vagina, yeah, yeah, yeah. She wrote a book called Vagina.

Yeah, or something like that. Anyway, she's like insane on Twitter. What does she say on Twitter? Oh, vagina, right there. Vagina, yeah, yeah, yeah. She wrote a book called Vagina. Yeah, or something like that. Anyway, she's like insane on Twitter. What does she say on Twitter? Oh, shit. She does look like a husky. She's just like, is tweets like with like flatterthers and stuff now, it kind of kicks ass. Good for her.

She tweeted the other day that she goes, has anybody else noticed that you don't see very pregnant women anymore? And everyone's like, this, what is going on? And people are like, yep, honestly, the skies aren't blue anymore, they're not clear. Women aren't pregnant, they're putting something in the water that's population control.

And this was like getting, I just scrolled past millions and like millions and millions of comments. Women aren't pregnant anyway? Yeah. Here, I'll find it. So I can just see exactly what this retard is saying. Millions and like millions and millions of women aren't pregnant anyway She's also saying that the skies aren't as blue anymore Yeah, which just means she's probably like developing cataracts or something I think she even said very pregnant, which is very funny. Dude, I...

Remember deafening sounds of crickets? Remember how on summer nights there were bugs on windshields? Remember huge flocks of birds on telephone poles? Remember the murmur of frogs? Remember how you looked into a patch of grass as a child if you were born in the 60s or earlier, it was teeming with all manner of life. So this is the new thing now.

So do you guys know, this is an interesting thing. Do you guys know about windshield phenomena? Yeah, I've heard about it. I thought that was actually true though. Oh, is it? The windshield thing, yeah. Oh, what is that? What is windshield?

Well, that's true, then we're fucked. What is windshield phenomena? I think unfortunately you picked the one that is right. It's the fact like when you drive cross country as a kid, the windshield would be covered with bugs. And now if you drive cross country, there's like no bugs. It's cause we just like, we destroyed like so much natural agriculture,

like with lawns and stuff that like bugs are just like dying. Like it's not as many, I think it is true. I gotta say, they'd go on a road trip recently, not many bugs. That's what I'm saying. It used to be a thing when I think it is true. I gotta say, they're going to roadtrip recently, not many bugs. That's what I'm saying. It used to be a thing when I was a kid too, I remember. Interesting. Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, see windshield phenomena, it's the observation that fewer dead insects accumulate on the windshields or front bumpers of people's cars since the early 2000s has been attributed to a global decline in insect population caused by human activity and use of pesticides. Is that a bad thing? How bad is that? I don't know.

I kind of like that there's no bugs anymore. I kind of feel like Naomi Wolfe might be talking about, you know, a race of people and I won't say who. Right. She's like, because I don't even know who I'm just being edgy. Who knows who I mean. It's mad whips for racism. Fill in your own group.

Know what I mean is Vietnamese mad libs for racism. Yeah, I'm doing your own group. No what I mean is Vietnamese people Those dirty it's like you're you're like a woke guy you're like I love all groups of people I think racism is disgusting and fuck the Cantonese Fuck them in there don't I hate the humong The Houthis and their rockets. She's such a bad writer fucking. She's talking about Jordanians N-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-Nan-N What are you talking about? Remember when my skin was tight and I didn't hear a buzzing noise? Remember when I had a lot of energy in the morning? Remember at noon when everything didn't smell like toast? Yeah, you're getting old and dying.

What are you talking about? You're dying, Naomi Wolf. You stupid bitch. Yeah, she's just dying and she's like, why aren't there pregnant women anymore? I'll give her the bug thing. Cause I did go on a road trip and I was kind of, we pulled off and I was like, I thing, because I did go on a road trip and I was kind of, we'd be pulled off

and I was like, I remember back as a kid going on a road trip. Hundreds of bugs. Millions of bugs all over the front of the car. Yeah. They always say something like, oh, if there's no more spiders, we'll all die. But who gives a shit?

But one of those things where when I saw that there weren't that many bugs, I was like, this kicks ass. Yeah, rules. Good. I actually, I do think it's good. I hate bugs. I say we double down on pesticides. I want all do think it's good. I hate bugs. I say we double down on pesticides

I want all my frogs to be trans. Yep. Mm-hmm. If there were still bugs. I would drive around looking for bugs. Yeah I would go as fast as I could for suburban neighborhoods driving through like clouds of bugs Yeah, did we ever did we ever think about the fact that we killed them all on road trips? How about that? we ever think about the fact that we killed them all on road trips? How about that? How about that? Retards. I'm a genius.

Fuck everybody. I agree. And Ami Wolfe is awesome. She's a cool doctor. I like what she says about vaccines. What did she say about vaccines? Oh, obviously she. Well Debra, I think you know what she says about vaccines.

Look, no, no, no. Obviously she's against them. She's like, she's saying that pregnant women are being forced to be vaccinated and it's killing their baby. She looks like she hunted Liam Neeson in the gray. And they did that. And not only that. She takes pills for her thick coat. She really does look like an actual wolf.

Anyway, Ben, you're showing your gut. Ben, you're being bad. Ben, come on. Time to eat more. Last week you showed your pussy and now it's your gut. Oop, oop, oop, Scotty, Scotty, Scotty. Here it goes, down for me. Here we go.

Ip-pup-pup. Ip-pup-pup-pup-pup. Scotty, Scotty, oop. No, but seriously, Seth Rogen, if you're listening to this, you're not safe anymore. I want you to know that. Seth Rogen, if you're listening to this, you're not safe anymore. I want you to know that. Seth Rogen, I want you to know. I want you to know. You're going down.

Everybody clip this and mail it and rip it on a VHS and mail it to Seth Rogen's PO Box for his weed company. That would actually be great for our show. I'm sure he would tweet about it and be super gay. Hey, Seth Rogen, why don't you start fucking crafting a fucking urn? Him doing a promo video with his shitty fake I'm gay nails, which is the thing that pisses me off the most

is not even the fact that he has nails, I don't give a shit if you have clip on nails as a guy, the fact that he's like, look at my fucking nails I put on for this video. Like, A, just try hard piece of shit. Yeah, I know. He gets dominated every day on Twitter for not having kids or something. Yeah, I saw that recently

because he did some interviews like, it's great, I can watch cartoons and smoke weed. Naked on Saturday mornings with my wife. I'm like, that's cool. I don't even know. No one cares about regressive culture anymore. But why do you keep talking about not having kids? Like who gives a shit?

Yeah, why do you have to make it like this weird. He's insecure. Higher than, like holier than now type of thing, you know. I'm a kicker ass. It is funny, because I, you know, in 10 years I'll be hitting them up. Like you wanna hang, you fucking childless fag. I'm a childless fag too.

Hey buddy, I'm sorry I talked shit about you. I can't wait till in 30 years, I text De Devon. I go yep. It's so lonely over here And he goes I know brother So so lonely when you and I are both in a separate group chat calling dibs on who gets to hang out with Ben's child Yeah, putting way too much pressure on his daughter to like be our substitute. Uncle Debra, Uncle Jase and whoever she picks, we lose our fucking mind. We put we put her in a field that we stand like 100 feet apart. She starts walking to you and I go, God damn it.

Hey, hey, Seth Rogen, I got a new I got a new strain for Seth Rogen It's a new strain. I bred myself. It's called these nuts. Fuck you bitch How about you smoke these nuts bitch? Have you smoked this pole bitch? Oh, we suck so much ass! I mean, have we smoked this pole, bitch? We suck so much ass! Yeah, bitch. It's a new strain I've been crossbreeding.

It's half my dick, half my balls, bitch. How about you take some indica in these nuts? Bitch. You know what my favorite thing? I used to get fucked up and go to parties and I would be like hey hey hey you like you like CDs or like are you tapes are you like a tapes guy I'm more of a tapes guy oh so you want to tape this dick to your forehead so you can see these nuts that's very good I remember

that's very good he's literally good. I remember. That's very good. He's literally not kidding. I remember doing this at parties, but it was more like, he'd like walk up, he'd be like, huh, huh. He'd be like, what? Are you okay? And he'd be like, do you need the name?

And he'd do the same, he's a date, and then he'd go, oh. God damn it. Dude, the best was smoking weed in the garage with four of my closest friends. And we would try to get each other on this where we'd be like, hey man, I was a fucking, I was watching a movie and there was a thing in it.

It's like a, fuck, I don't know why I can't think of the word. It's like a big lizard and someone goes, oh, a dragon? You go, yeah, a dragon that's dick across your forehead so you can see these nuts, bitch. Yeah, you're fucking gay. And then you just turn around and someone goes, Oh, a dragon. You go, yeah, a dragon this dick across your forehead. So you can see these nuts, bitch. Yeah, you're fucking gay. And then you just turn around and you're like, I fucking got you asshole, dumbass. Fuck you.

And if you could trick someone into that, it was like, you were the coolest guy. And you were the coolest guy. And you got your dick sucked because of that. We were all going through a lot. That is cool. The losing the religion stuff. Because I remember I used to get drunk at parties and I was like a nervous guy.

But then I get hammered. I walk up to a guy and be like, Hey, Ross, I go, your T-shirt looks stupid. Fuck you. I was seriously did that to a guy. Fuck you that loud. I literally there was what I was playing beer pocket against this guy named Ross. And I literally like I made a joke about him and then people would have to go, ha ha ha, fuck you!

And he was like, he was like actually fucked up. He was like five seven, I'm towering over him. Dude, I missed the days. It was the summer of 2014. I didn't have a girlfriend. I, all my friends were kind of gone for the summer and I was just living in this really shitty house for like 50 bucks a month for rent

and I lived by the train tracks. I remember, yeah. And my daily routine is I would get, my car had hail damage so it got totaled so I didn't have a car. So I literally became the Huffy Bike guy in like a bad small town. I literally was like the guy on the little, like my roommate had a Huffy bike.

Yeah, you looked like a guy that would tell other people, the catalytic converter's intact, let's take it. Literally like a guy you see where you go, I don't know where he's going, but I know there's nitrous there. The pair of pants I always wore were bright red salmon pants. Yeah, I remember that. I remember those.

And I had like a Kobe jersey, the rape jersey, the pre-rape. Don't say that. Yeah, come on, Ben remember that. I remember those. And I had like a Kobe jersey, the rape jersey, the pre-rape. Don't say that. Yeah, come on, Ben. Sorry. Piece of shit. Sorry. What was?

The number eight. Fucking Seth. Seth Rogan over here. Well, he was accused of rape with it. I know, I know, I know. But then he changed the number. It's the pre. He didn't do it because of the false accusation.

And it is 100% a false accusation. Don't get me started. I know. I can do a whole episode of this. I don't think he did it. I don't think he accusation. Don't get me started. I Would ride across the been Ben's babies in the other bedroom getting psychic damage right now. No, I did it do I Would ride my bike across the train tracks you would paddle it like that too like all shitty like jigsaw Because it's too small for you the way you a guy rides a bike in a like a really bad dream you're happy. Yeah Dreamfully riding in slow motion. Yeah, and I would go across the train tracks. It's like 105 degrees in Texas I'm hung over a shit. It's 130. I woke up at like 1245 and I'm going to get my I

Had my guy there. He was a really fat smelly guy who sucked ass, but he was my dude at that 7-eleven They had a deal to but he was my dude at that 7-eleven. They had a deal, two packs, non-Menthal Newport. I got the gold pack. Oh boy. Because I knew Menthal was worse for you. Yeah, you just reminded me I had a Menthal phase as well. No, I was doing the Newport non-Menthal.

Oh, okay. The gold pack. Right. Oh, that's crazy. I just spoke Newport Menthal's, but. It's insane I did Newport non-Menthal. Wow. Then I would get three.

You were so racist you refused the menthol Newports. But I still got them. I would dipping my toe in the water. Then I would order fried chicken and then rip the skin off before you ate it. Yeah, you would dip the Newports in Listerine. I would do grilled chicken and waffles. Yeah.

Yeah. You'd play. I'm like I'm civilized. Thank you. You played dice, but with those dungeon and dragons cubes, those little octagon things. You went to Ronald's chicken and waffles. Dude, I remember like being like, I didn't, I thought I was like, I'm like,

I'm just probably gonna kill myself this summer. Sure. And I would, I would get, I would mix it up. The only, the only thing that was different during my day was whether I was gonna get Mickey's, OE, Colt 45, King Cobra, or Steel Reserve. That was like the big five for me where I was like, what am I thinking?

What am I feeling today? Boys, line them up and knock them down. Suck them if you got them. Line them up real pretty. And I put them in the Ziploc bags and put them, I learned eventually to get four. Or just two, because you have to put them in the Ziploc bags and you have to balance them on either side of the bike.

Yeah. Because then you have to do it all the way back and then I'd wait. The way was timed, I'd have to wait for the train to go by, so I'd be sitting on my Huffy bike in the road. It's like 105 degrees, I'm wearing sandals, Kobe Jersey red pants and I'm just waiting for a fucking train to go by my car.

You're like alcoholic ET. Yeah. I was living like a scratcher's guy. Yeah. Is this gonna be my life forever? This is, that was all I did. Well you were a child. I was like 22. Train gonna be my life forever? That was all I did. Well, you were a child. I was like 22.

Train helpers were ripping rocks in you. That is so funny that I met you two years later. Yeah. And you had just been doing that. Yeah. Like you had been, yeah, you had been. It was, I would, I drink the forties in bed typically. I would go back and lay down in my,

I lived on a little shitty twin mattress on the floor I still prefer mattress on the floor. It's the one thing I've had to give my wife very Japanese I think it's a better way to sleep. That's cold as it Morphish I agree. I just had to get my mattress off the floor. I kind of hate it. I prefer the floor. It's much better Yeah, yeah, it's a really fucked up thing about me and Jace. I don't fuck sheets, by the way. Fuck sheets, they suck. I want a comforter and I want to wrap myself up in it. No sheets on the floor. I don't like sheets either, I don't do that.

It's not a self esteem thing. I just want to sleep on the floor like a dog on top of a bed with no lining at all. I don't do sheets and I actually get pissed off when Ida wants to go get the fucking, the down comforter cleaned. I go, I like the dirt. Can I say something else?

Can I tell you? I don't believe in dressers. I think clothes should go in, there should be two piles. It, I like the dirt. Can I say something else? Can I tell you? I don't believe in dressers. I think clothes should go in if there should be two piles. It should be in the dirty. I like pyramids, bitch. Sorry I'm a fan of history, whore. Fuck you. This is how the Native Americans did it.

You white bitch. Why does your female brain need things to be this way? Why does it need it? You need order! You're sick! You're sick, you need cute little things around this apartment, you sick bitch! You're sick! You're sick, you need cute little things around this apartment, you're a sick bitch! You're ruining my life!

Why does it matter where we put the ottoman? Why is it so important? Kill me, kill me! Kill me, I don't want to go pick up that couch from Facebook Marketplace! Oh, you got a dresser on Facebook marketplace. Fuck you No, no, honey, it's great. You got that dresser I don't drive down to San Diego and pick it up on a Saturday. I'd love to go to Ladera hides at 5 p.m. That sounds great. Now we should run a you-haul for

$900. That's great, that's great. Let's go pick up that Ottoman and the Hollywood Hills. I'll kill Seth Rogen on the way. I'll burn his house down. No, it's great, I'm sure to make you happy for a day and a half till you have to find a new thing to consume, it's great. When my wife tries to make me do stuff like that,

I threaten, I go, I'll kill a celebrity, I'll get on the news. I know where everyone lives. I'll kill someone the news. Yeah, I know where everyone lives Yeah, I'll kill someone very I did postmates bitch. I'll kill Evan Rachel Wood tonight. I have a roll of decks right here I know where Zach Delaroco lives and he's finished Hey, I'll show you all rage against the machine. I saw you promote Pepsi. Well, you think I won't kill Wayne Cointain tonight Yeah, I know the long John Silverz goes to take ass. I know that you love LaMille coffee shop.

How poison your fucking pancakes, bitch. I'll kill Sharon Osborn. A brutal murder. Oh, do you like Square One? I know John Kale's studio is downtown, 800 Flower Street. I'm going to poison your jam. I'll make Charles Manson look like Mr. Rogers, bitch. You motherfucker.

You motherfucker? I'll kill someone you like. How about that? How about that? I'll kill my wife's a fan of Pamela Adlon. I'll kill Pamela Adlon. How about that? Ha ha ha ha ha.

No more shitty TV shows on FX for you, you dumb bitch. Ha ha ha ha ha. If you make me talk, if you make me talk about the drapes one more goddamn time That's somebody you just threatened to kill you threatened. Yeah, you threatened to assassinate Do you love Carol G? Well, hey, it's a it's a wonder her plane lit on fire last week You're just spinning a gun on the kitchen day Sure would be a shame if something happened

to Tyra Banks this week. Sure would be a shame if somebody's skinned or alive and wore it. Oh man. Yeah, but women need things to be happy and it ruins their boyfriend's life. They do, they love big. I just want to sleep on the floor

and ride my bike to get forward. They love big wooden pieces. Just a big piece of wood. And your job as a boyfriend is to, like, there's the new dresser goes in and you have to go like, oh my god. I mean, it's completely different than the last dresser. It's crazy.

It's tying everything together. And there's so much more room now. Right. And then she'll be like, do you really like and you go Course I like it A shoe rack. I used to have you can put your shoes in the wreck. I go. I'm not gonna But I'm never gonna that takes I have to take the shoes and put them in the thing I'm not gonna do that. You know what it is boys. We fucked ourselves for a life of complacency

I used to get head nods from guys with DUIs on their bikes that were also getting for you. I used to have fucking respect places I went. Now people look at me, they look at me like I'm a fucking dog. They look at me like I fucking live underground and sewer like a little cock. I used to get- Like I eat all the shit from everybody in the city.

Everybody pees in their toilets and it shits in them and flushes it down the toilet and I'm down there in the sewer eating it in the city. Everybody pees in their toilets and it shits in them and flushes it down the toilet and I'm down there in the sewer eating it and drinking it. You used to be a pit bull, now you're an old golden retriever. You're goddamn right, Kevin. You're an old little fucking fag.

That's what you are. You're a little bitch. All of us are nothing but old little fags. I'm a little piss drinking fag. I used to get home at, I used to get home at Friday. On a Friday at 5 p.m. I would get home and I would masturbate till Monday at 8 a.m. And not a single soul would call me, check on me, see if I'm okay. It was glorious.

It was beautiful. My little dick head would be raw by the time it was glorious it was beautiful my little dickhead would be raw by the time it was back in unbelievable am I you got any junk are you driving shut up dude I hate it really sucks it's like just let me fuck kill myself leave your car there well that's I don't want to wake up tomorrow go get my car rather almost died tonight let me die tonight let me let me truck drive you bitch let me die please go to sleep early so I can get Taco Bell and Master oh my god you don't think these fucking 7-eleven tachycos are gonna do the job for Christ's sake I bought a water Drink like such a sober Literally just rust coal and true detective, but I have a six pack of coke zero

You're making little guys out of the Coke Zero cans and they're all sucking each other off. And they're really fat. They look like the whale. Oh man, this has been a wild one. Yeah, this has been. Yeah, both the episodes we really can't show to our girlfriends at all, if you think about it.

I got nothing left to prove, boys. I got nothing left to prove, I got nothing to lose. I created a beautiful thing I created a beautiful baby girl and no one know not even got his podcast No, not even God can take that away from me Actually, well, that's the one person. Yeah, he is actually the one person that can immediately strike down upon me Not even the cruel. Yeah, the. That comes for us all.

Just like stroke. And your brain is a tumor. And now you speak to your daughter in grunts. And you trapped in your body and you trapped in your body. And Alas, boom, and your brain. And everyone you love is going to watch you melt. And your brand's a quesadilla. Just God and heaven be like, dude, check this out.

I just fucking gave this guy Parkinson's. The fucking rules. Yeah, thank God I'm at my wife, though. I mean, if I was still dreaming, I mean, I would just be turning my hand into like a fucking oh, yeah a case of the You'd be married married to a crushed coin on a right on a fucking train track Kidding me. Yeah, I'd be sticking my dick in one of those crusher penny I met her in tombstone

I met her in Tombstone. It's a flat penny. I'm wearing this flat penny. I get a phone call from the sheriff that you just cut your hand off at the public library. Couldn't be me, man. No daughter of mine is marrying a Texas longhorn, I'll tell you that. She's not marrying anybody who catches the ball, let's just say that. Maybe somebody who throws it, maybe. My daughter's marrying a bull. I just hope she turns up, turns,

this is like a big, gay, like ladygolf. Of course. The date, that reads. You wanna lesbian? You wanna lesbian? The day your daughter like, you know, hates our podcast is the day you know you made it. Oh, she's gonna hate it for sure. Boy, we can only hope. For sure. What if she loves it?

And you're fucked. Then you failed. Imagine every day I gotta go do this for my baby girl, but it's not like for money, it's cause like she loves it. She's like, daddy, do what I love. Literally like the day your daughter says, I listen to the podcast, I love it, I go, Ben, you failed. You're a bad father.

Yeah, you're just up here smashing skulls with a hammer for her. What are you looking for? Dude, Gracie took the bag of popcorn, that fat ass. Oh, no, I put it over here. We hid it from you. I assumed you were done. I must have been wrong.

In closing, I have a predicament. What's that? What eats all of them? It's no secret to you guys, but when I walk around the house by myself, I say crazy shit. Sure. Sure.

For getting out of this podcast. And literally nothing is out of bounds. My daughter is gonna say that. Like I gotta figure out how to have a filter. I'm gonna have to be around someone I can't talk like that. I don't know what to do about it. It is so funny, we literally like earlier today

I was holding your daughter in my arms and I was talking to Devon, I go, and he's a fucking retard, he should fucking kill himself. We're gonna have to stop doing that in like a month. I know, and I look at Katie and she's like, it's fine. Yeah. And I'm like, really? Cause she doesn't take anything in yet.

I've seen you hold my daughter and like you're making Deaths no literally yeah, I like that's going into her skull. I'm holding I'm going And I will fucking school rape Seth Simons until cum comes out of his mom's cunt Fuck you. Kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuk It already sounds like a whale, which made me cry today. I know Katie said you cried today. That footage was really beautiful. Yeah. Her first sounding like a whale. She's so sweet, dude. It's so beautiful.

She's so awesome. It's so beautiful. Your wife said it made you cry and that started making me cry while I was in the living room. Dude, I wept like a... I do, when we went to the airport to go to do the Austin show and the Houston show and when we were to the airport to go to do the Austin show and the Houston show and when we were flying to Texas.

I got in the Uber, my Uber driver was a black woman and I started crying in the Uber. Talking to her? Talking to her about. Because she was in the car with you. Yeah. Talking to her about, I was like, yeah, it's something like I have a daughter and I was like

I fucking like This is the first time I've ever been away from her and like just holding her before I was like Really? It was like this? I literally said this is like the gayest thing I've ever said I'm like I know it sounds like It's like you're holding her and it's like this is someone's whole life Like in your hand and I'm like crying and I'm saying like the most hallmark bullshit. I'm babbling like a fool. And she's like, it's okay, just be gay baby.

Yeah. Get it out baby, get that gay out. She's like baby, I gotta tell you baby, at least you're in its life. Yeah. Mmm, you just be gay as hell honey child. Yeah, she, then she kept going, I have a daughter too and she loves me. I wish my baby daddy was gay as you. She, then she kept going, I have a daughter too, and she loves me.

I wish my baby daddy was gay as you. She kept hinting that she doesn't have a dad. Like there's no dad in the picture. But she's trying to be a good mom. What? And I didn't like, I didn't bring it up because I was like asking her, I'm like, as a father, like what should I?

You like giving advice? Well, she was looking at you like, like you ain't judging me, like your wife's about to walk out on you, you fag. It's okay baby, you can be a faggot in my Uber all you want, but I'm gonna call your woman and tell her that you ain't got that dick. I got a man who can pop her down real good.

He can run a real good 40. Xavier. Xavier. Xavier. From the beginning, that's what we call the decalpec. Dude, by the way, it could have just been Tyler Perry in the fat suit. I don't have an eye for these things.

I don't know anymore. It could just be Martin Lawrence like in the big album. It was a black woman. Yeah. We're gonna. It was a black woman. It was Terry Crews. Hmm. No're gonna cut it down. It was a black woman. It was Terry Cruz.

No, but it is it is a truly beautiful thing. I feel like I have more love in my life than I've ever thought possible. And it makes me weep sometimes. No, people have no clue how much we're actually involved in this. Yeah, I know. Based on the podcast because we we know we do jokes here. We do jokes, but truly it's a beautiful thing.

Before we do this, it's like a very wholesome. Yeah, I live with the love of my life. I have a beautiful niece, a beautiful nephew, and another niece on the way. And I just feel, I never knew you could feel this much love in existence. And it truly makes me so happy I didn't blow my fucking brains out two years ago.

Dude, it turns me into a babbling fool. I cry in front of like a black woman in the Uber.ber I'm not getting I felt like crying now for a second it's a it's a really beautiful thing yeah yeah I just fucking wept in front of her bassinet this morning yeah she's just squeaky that's great she squeaks I call her the squeak of potomists I know I come over she loves to smile and squeak I come over I just stare at her for fucking 30 minutes like an idiot, you know She kind of looks like me. She does look like you. She looks like you and Katie a lot like mixed perfectly I love getting sent a picture of her in between you like manically sending

Like screenshots of comics you want to be killed It's a beautiful thing If you scroll through our group chat photos, like one at a time, it's like beautiful pictures of your daughter followed by a guy I haven't talked to since 2014. And you and Ben being like, I mean, literally just kill yourself. And then he posts a picture of his daughter. He's like squeak.

And I'm like, well, that's an interesting balance. The cottage to the economy. It's like you have to be soot, it's a dichotomy. It's like you have to be so vicious so you can be gay for your daughter. Yeah, exactly, exactly. I'm like a coin. You know, I only got two sides, you know what I mean? Very good, yeah.

Very good, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did that Uber driver tell you that? Yeah. Baby, you like a coin. Baby, you can weep like a fag in my Uber, that's fine. I ain't gonna tell no. Baby, that's fine.

You can be a fag all you want, just don't slam that door. Mm-hmm. I ain't... Do not slam that door. Do not slam the door! Uber drivers are obsessed with their doors being slammed. Don't slam the door, baby. Don't slam the door. You can be a homo all you want. Don't you slam the door, baby Don't slam the door you can be a you could be a homo all you want

Don't you slam that door you little I give every customer a bad review of my dice shake They made me drop the microphone. Yeah, I saw you wearing those shorts on the last lemon party episode, baby, we need a top. Baby, here's the thing, baby, adults, we playing chess. These babies playing checkers, baby. And I ain't talking about the Chinese Beautiful You get super like I'm like catwood is my favorite comment. I'm like pimpin pimpin believe it or special.

She's like honey I know you didn't watch that that's okay. That's okay honey. I love Biggie and Blackie. That's okay honey no you do not you like Louis CK honey it's okay. I love Richard Pryor's life in Long Beach. No honey, you like when Louis says the N word in that bit. No, I like when Richard Pryor gets on the ground like the dog when the home being invaded. I like when Richard Pryor talks, we're having a heart attack.

All right, honey, well, he fucked Marlon Brando in the ass, so we don't talk about him. But I just watched Mike Apps on Club Chasie. Honey, you just watched that bill where he does the retarded guy in the club. You do not like Mike Apps. But I love Cory Hogan. Cory Hogan, I got you so funny.

Honey, you like him because he's racist and hates women, honey. That's why you like his ass. I get it, the Billions room in the abortion place, a great joke. But I feel so mad for Wendy Williams. She's losing her mind. Honey, she's dead.

She's dead. She's dead. She's dead. She's dead. She's dead. Did Wendy Williams die? No, no, no. She's about to die.

All right. Well, she's dead to me. She just has that thing now where her eyes blink like lizards, where they don't blink in a court. So she's getting exactly what she deserves Yeah, you find Wendy Williams in your front yard now Animal control oh my god You see what he leaves it you see William Williams on on your screen door just going like Cam. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Best part of chicken. Best part of chicken. Best part of chicken. Part of chicken. That's the best part of chicken. We're going to have we're're gonna have Xavier Moses run the 40 Xavier's actually day one of the folks in my neck because of the bad part of champion. I think that that wasn't they've Xavier. What I don't know Xavier. He married the fold in my name. He married the big pushy in the back of my head.

I got from him that chimp can bet part of champion to push. There he is. Yeah, it's him. It's him facing backwards at a altar. Oh, fuck. You wanted to marry my son, but you're right. You're right. You want to get some real food, Benjamin?

Yeah, I'm pretty hungry, actually. I'm pretty hungry and I'm like, fuck. I'm pretty. I'm like, you had a shape to the podcast. I got to like figure some shit out real quick. Yeah, I'm honestly really worried about you, man. Bit by a gym. Bit by a gym. Get right. Devon goes, okay, if you're really overeating,

what have you ate today? And I told him everything and Devon goes, okay, so far today, you haven't had dinner. You've had 3,900 counts. Can I tell you? And you literally said that, like actually, not in jet. It was so funny. I was in the bathroom, I walked in on you guys,

already mid conversation and I just, I walk in Ben's like, so breakfast, three eggs, some french toast and an orange juice. And Demin's like, okay. Okay. You go lunch, hamburger. He goes, and I just started laughing so hard. He said he had, and then he goes,

I had enchiladas on top of tortilla chips. Yeah, I made enchilada nachos. Enchilada, enchilada nachos, which is like nachos on top of nachos. And then I watched Katie make you two peanut butter jelly sandwiches. On sourdough bread. On sourdough bread, and then you ate a bowl of cereal.

And then you had a pack of carrots. I had an old bag of carrots, it felt cool. Yeah. I just love chomping on it. That's some real binge eating when you just need something to stretch your stomach out so you can feel it. He really eats like a horse. Like an actual horse.

I know. Welcome to the party pal. And he's been, I think he ate this whole, this whole bag of popcorn. No, this is the popcorn that's healthy for you. It's called lesser evil. No, popcorn is not. No, popcorn is really bad.

No, no, lesser evil. You ate a whole food, it's $9. No, I know, yeah, the font is made out of bamboo shoots. It's great. Bad barred chip, bad barred chip. And you've had seven Coke zeros. You've had so many Coke zeros, that it's like drinking three regular Cokes.

I mean, you look like Nipsey Hussle if he rode for Coke Zero. RIP Nipsey. Yeah, RIP RIP C. RIP Nip Ripsy. Damn, RIP Ripsy. That's all fucked up. Damn, rip Nip. All right. Well, I think that's about it.

I think we've done some good work here. Yeah, I think that could be the main. I got seven Big Mac 11s. Very good. About eight. 38 inch waistbands. There we go. I got seven.

Seven. 99 chalupas with the red dot. It's weird. Biggie Small. I mean, I only had two CDs. It's weird. He didn't have one I mean, I only had two CDs. It's weird. He didn't have one song about how much he loved to eat.

He was big as fuck. Yeah. Well, yeah, like that probably doesn't want to think about that that much. Yeah. When he thinks about that, he just eats more because he feels bad. Yeah. He ate rappers. Yeah. I mean, he also had two wonky eyes. He was a crack baby. He was like, all fucked up. Really? Have you seen that picture of him in the studio?

Yeah. His eyes were looking at a bag of Doritos and a ditty at the same time. He looks like he lives in an aquarium in a Chinese restaurant. He looks like a chameleon eyeing a fly. Ready to fry. Ready to fry. Very good.

Very good, Benjamin. Very good, Benjamin. Hey, we could keep this going all night, pal. What about notorious B.I.G., folks? Huh? night, pal. What about notorious B. I. G. folks? I'm going going back back to California pizza kitchen. I'm going back to get. I like it when you make me big popcorns.

Give me the fruit roll up. Give me the fruit. Give me the fruit. Give me the fruit roll up. Give me the fruit. Give me the fruit. Yeah. What's that suicidal one? Suicidal thoughts. Yeah, that one is badass. I love remixes of that on YouTube that like shit heads make. Yeah, I played that for my friend on New Year's Eve one time and he was like, dude, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Stop. I think that for my friend on New Year's Eve one time and he was like dude. I'm gonna fucking kill myself Stop I think that song so good. I think it's amazing. I love sad music. All right We got to get out of here so I can go I can go to the Lubies and get the blue plate special What You not know what Lubies is what is Loubis? It's a buffet There's a little bit around it. Oh, it's not here

Yeah, I want to go to the one in Santa Fe because Cormac would eat at it every day because he was a cheap fuck and then people go up to him and be like Can you sign my copy of blood and ready and he'd be like get the fuck away? He'd sign it best part of the chicken And he's like, no, I will sign no, I will sign it. Can I fuck your wife? I'm into some weird shit I will sign it. Can I fuck your wife? I'm into some weird shit Yeah, blood meridian bitch does the blood thing with his hand Man, all they all they pretty horses. I fucked them.

I'm calling it motherfucking. Yeah, child. Yeah, the outer door door door door door door. Very good. Yeah. Very good. All right. Very good. We get it. Look we're getting in the pockets now. Patreon.com slash lemon party. I'm so hot right now. I'm so hot and we still have to read copy. I feel like I've thrashed around in like a popcorn machine too. You have. You ate a bunch of popcorn. You are a popcorn machine.

Patreon.com slash lemon party for more content. Devonite, Hey, watch Paw, Jace, that's Sad Drawings by Jace. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye. God bless Out in the West Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican poet Night time would find me in Roses Cantina Music would play and Folida would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Folida Wicked and evil while casting a spell I love was deep for this Mexican way I was in love but in vain I could tell One night or while young cowboy came