lemonparty - 114: Diaper in the Break Room

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

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I I'm on that light beam always in my face Talking, listening Girl, I had the best of me But it's not me I'm the rag queen What's all the noise I'm the rag queen What's all the noise

I'm the rag queen What's all the noise I'm the rag queen What's all the noise I'm the rag queen What's all the noise I'm the rag queen What's all the noise

I'm the rag queen What's all the noise I'm the rag queen What's all the noise I'm the rag queen What's all the noise I'm the rag queen What's all the noise I'm the rag queen What's all the noise Some of those guys do that though. You mailed it in. They don't really have steam to have like, to feign enthusiasm from Funko Bob. Yeah.

Yeah, you did a real Mr. Beast fake smile. Where you can kind of see the deadness in his brain. If you keep up that type of soy face, you're gonna get replaced by an Indian. Yeah, we got an H1 Ben we're getting. H1 Ben. Which I definitely knew what that was. I knew what it was and I was really pissed about it.

I've been upset about that for years. I go, get these fucking hajibs, or whatever we call them, pajits? I think they say pajit and then I think that's like the N word in Canada or something, so I'm not really sure. All right, well. We say, I don't know, somebody said it the other day

and then somebody else said, hey, that's bad. Well, they're presidents doing blackface and behind closed doors. Exactly. I barely read tweets, so I thought everyone was arguing about HIV for like 25 minutes. I actually thought it was a virus. You're like, I knew fucking variant.

We gotta mask up again. The real variant. Yeah, you actually need an N95 so you don't smell an HB1 while you're working in tech. That's right. I mean, Elon Musk is on Twitter, he's tweeting like Paul Schrader now. He's like, no one on this respects me.

I enter into a website unwashed and disrespected. Yeah, and then VVIC's posting like, technically I'm really cool. I'm actually the cool guy, and I fucked all the cheerleaders. And people like me. He goes, hey, no more cool people just fuckin' like, you know,

autistic retard at parties that like, suck ass. Yeah, just Indian guys wearing big Texas flag jackets and cowboy hats. He's like, we're gonna rape Topanga from Boy Meets World. We wanna replace Riz with rape. Yeah, young kids these days, they don't even rape anymore. They don't even.

When I was coming up, I spent 80, 90 hours a week raping. Yep. And that was outside of my job. We have too many cool Americans. Way too many cool Americans. Yeah, and then you figured out he made his money just lying about an Alzheimer's drug.

He did, yeah, he took it over and it wasn wasn't even he literally hired his mom to be a scientist and make fake studies That said like this Alzheimer's drug they bought yeah, no, it's all simers Well, I know what the problem is I think is because guys like like the nerds now like all they want They're like the read like the shitheads that like like literally like used to turtle up and you say like hey, what's up, dude? And they're like oh, I don't know. Those guys now have power and they kind of are getting a taste, nerds didn't used to want to be in the spotlight, these guys want the spotlight now but they don't realize they suck ass

and we will never let you in the spotlight. You stay in your fucking cubicle you nothing, you nerd nothing, but now we got Elon Musk likes doing SNL, he likes, he thinks he's funny. Vivek wants to rap to lose yourself. These guys are, nerds are now, they're faggots too. We can be fags. Exactly, but no, that's for dumb Americans

that we have nothing but charisma. And they also have the same thing where they're like, fuck you, you got all the chicks in high school and you fucking, you called me a fag. And it's like, all those guys are like, none of us did that. We all got into very good schools, we're nice people, we happen to be white

and tall and good at sports. And you're a stinky little Indian man who nobody likes. Sorry. But first of all, if you do hire a bunch of Indian, Indian guys do kind of kick ass at companies. Cause they take their bathroom breaks in the lunch room and they take their lunch breaks in the bathroom. You know what I mean?

They actually work for the peanuts and shit. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The fact that they work. No, I mean, that's the reason. The old switcheroo. That's why they bring them in. It's because they literally, it's like hiring termites.

They're like, you need to just cut everything, replace them with four other guys in the big rag hats, and they'll come over, work for peanuts. He was almost making it sound like he wants, they're gonna replace our fun, cool media too, which is like what this country's built on. You're not gonna replace Brad Pitt with a pile of shit. Fuck you.

This is a new start, Brad shit. Brad shit everyone. It's a big shit with Brad Pitt's big goatee and long hair he wears sometimes. Well the thing is, there's- I'm sorry, Karen, did you eat my diaper? I had a diaper in the refrigerator in the common room and I can't find it now.

It's like barbershops. I was saving it for later. She's like, who ate my motherfucking diaper? Who the fuck came in here and ate my motherfucking diaper? I wrote my name on that shit and then I drew two people fucking He wrote his name on the diaper? On the diaper, he goes yeah And rolled it up

He goes I wrote his jobs shit on the diaper There's a woman wiping shit off of her lips Yeah she's like I don't know, I don't know He goes you fucking, I'm not even fucking rape you no more You fucking steal my diaper bro, I eat that. Yeah, we got, I mean, Cash Patel as well, that little cross-eyed hedgehog is. Cross-eyed maniac. Who you guys talking about?

We talked about him a couple weeks ago. What people know who you're talking about? No one knows anymore. Cash Patel, the new head of the FBI. Oh, is that real? I thought that was like a joke or something. That was a real man. Yeah, that's a real.

That was AI. He looks like he's Indian Wolfman, but yeah thought that was like a joke. That was a real man. No, yeah, that's a real AI He looks like he's Indian wolf man, but yeah, he's like running something Yeah, really is he wanting to be do they want to appoint him or is he the guy we get an Indian FBI guy? Yeah, yeah Indian FBI. Yeah Man that sucks. Yeah They're doing it they're actually gonna start investigating women's underpants why didn't know it was a real thing I thought it was like he wanted to appoint him. No, he's being a boy I think he's still got to be like like approved. He's got a Congress, but yeah, no, they've appointed him and I'll be Lon and Vivek

Are deported. Yeah, they should get shot into India Yeah into the worst part of India. Fuck them. Remember that meme that guy sent us of the Indian guy shitting, but it's like in, was it Hancock, when you can jump as tall as buildings? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's Indian guy shitting so much he can jump over the bar. Yeah, those rockets made out of fucking hydrogen peroxide and baking soda. Yeah. It's weird though, because there's a lot of, I know like, people go to school with like cool Indian kids. You know, it's like Vivek is just actually just a nerd.

He's just nerd Indian. But like, you got your Harold and Kumars and you got, like I'm not, truly. And the problem is Vivek. You're fuckin' Adnan Syed, like cool Indian, cool kid that kills an Asian girl, you know? These guys are American. Yeah. It's the problem is everyk. You're fuckin' addin' on science, like cool Indian, cool kid that kills an Asian girl. These guys are American. Yeah.

It's the problem is every young Indian man, they're faced with a choice. They go, do I try to be white or do I try to be black? And the ones that try to be white, they think they belong and then one, you know. I mean, Vivek's been campaigning for Trump for four years with literally people calling him like a curry monkey, like on the road.

Yeah. Just screaming at him. Yeah, my bad. And then one day you just crack and you go,, my bad. That's my bad, guys. And then one day you just crack and you go, okay, I tried to be white for 20 years, they're not gonna accept me. Meanwhile, Oshkosh, you know,

they're just letting them say, you know. Oh, Akash, yeah. Akash, yeah. Yeah. No, they just revealed their globalist intentions before Trump's even fucking been inaugurated, which goes against MAGA. Oh, I guess it's the definition of globalism, right?

Elon and, if I was Trump, I'd be like furious, but I don't know what his response to this is, but it feels completely polar opposite to what they were running, like building up to with their MAGA. Turns out the New World Order is extra spicy with a side of naan. Is that true?

And you know what? Us normal Americans, we're going to be having the diarrhea after this four years. Let me tell you, folks. You think you had it bad with the Chinese with the pee pee in your coke. With the pee pee, at least the pee pee in your coke didn't give you sepsis. All right. At least there were minerals in it.

Yeah. No, I mean, it is very funny to run on an anti-immigration campaign and then just be like no we're kicking Mexicans who rule Yeah out and then we're bringing Indians who suck into the country. Yeah, you know Yeah, a lot of Indian guys look Mexican to me so I couldn't be in charge of that. Yeah I would just kind of deport everybody I think right I would be deporting like light-skinned black women I would be deporting like light-skinned black women You're Mexican or Indian I don't know man, but you gotta go we give you a caliper so you can measure the nails We give you a couple tools so you want to fail it yeah No, I mean that is true because black women are wearing Indian hair, so it is a little confusing

What's that mean weaves are made out of Indian hair from India? What's that mean weaves are made out of Indian hair from India? Yeah, I watched good hair the Chris Rock documentary. I know about what type of hair would live from what ass from their ass No, it's it's literally like there's big temples where they have pilgrimage pilgrimage is in India and all the women go there they have to shave their heads off as like part of this holy thing and then somebody's sweeping it into a bag and then they Just ship that to Atlanta and then people are putting it making it into weeds long black hair for black Way birds pick apart yeah wigs and yes. Yeah, no literally there's a guy with a big broom Like it's Germany after the money collapsed and he's brushing hair into a big bag and they're just mailing it to Atlanta

He's having to shoot people On his way back into the storage room. Yeah, and we talked about Indian so much the past two months I feel like we kind of summon this I don't know what's going on We had that whole I am legend but Indian remix thing on the Patreon where they rape all the mannequins. It's very unique to talk about Indian people on podcasts now. No, it is weird though. I can't get them out of my way.

And I don't see any of them here, but they're everywhere in my mind. This country's been taken over. I do have to say, you should, yeah. I was flying all day, and it's just, everybody's trans now. I don't know what's going on. When? Seeing a trans person, it should be as ordinary

as the common midget. Which, by the way, there should be a noise we play where we go, next victim, we move on from Indians. The Mortal Kombat voice. Next victor. Finish those minorities. Moving on. What else is in the news?

Just spinning a big wheel. But you saw a bunch of transgender people while you were flying. Well yeah, seeing one, now a lot of it's bullshit. Do you fly southwest? Well yeah, but I'm at the airport when I see them. And they also do fly southwest. Southwest there's something extremely gay about the flight attendants on Southwest. There's the logo for Southwest that's like... Their gay flight attendants are more gay about the flight attendants on Southwest. Like there's the logo for Southwest, it's like.

They're gay flight attendants are more gay than the normal gay flight attendants. I think it's the little vest they wear. Yeah, it's always a little too tight. Yeah, this is something with Southwest. Southwest, they have a carefree attitude. It's a real carefree, yeah. Like you can see them being like,

if you're a bottom, you can fuck in the toilet. If you're a stewardess, like it's fine. We're Southwest, our CEO, smoke cigarettes like we're cool. You can hate crime. The gay stewardess is if you want. Y'all, this is my last shift at Southwest. And I just want to say I hated working with these gay people. I hated it. So damn, so damn much.

So in honor of all these facts, you guys are going to get a free drink on me. Free drink on me, sweetheart. Hey guys, we're back with Me Undies this week. You're in a week that's between Christmas and New Year's, a weird liminal space where you don't really wear pants. So get a fresh pair of loungers from Me Undies. Me Undies has what you need for staying in

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It's great. Yes. It's fantastic. Devin has never smelled like balls one time. Nope. When I've been around them. It smells great down there. Devin you smell really good. Devin always smells very nice. Never like balls one time when I've been around them. It smells great down there. Devon, you smell really good. Thank you, guys.

Devon always smells very nice. Never like balls. Thank you. Because of his Me Undies. Because of Me Undies. Me Undies' problem-free philosophy is simple. If you're not happy with your first pair of Me Undies, you'll get them for free. So knock out all of your holiday gifting needs today with Me Undies.

To get exclusive holiday deals and savings all month long, go to meundies.com slash lemonparty and enter promo code lemonparty, that's L-E-M-O-N-P-A-R-T-Y. That's meundies.com slash lemonparty code lemonparty. Meundies, comfortable from the outside in. Thank you Meundies, happy new year to Meundies, and now back to the show. I do love Southwiz, I have flown it before, like a trip from like fuckin' here to Texas

is three hours and they just hand it out. I've had women be like, take a couple. Take a couple trains. You can take as many as you want, there's no line to get in, people just go, you're just in it, you have a letter and just sit anywhere you want. Yeah, no, it's like if an airline was run by Harvey Milk.

It's good. Well there's a lot of trans that feel safe on Southwest flights, I guess. And so what are we talking about now? Just a lot. I thought trans people went away. That's what I thought too, but that's the thing, it should be as, a trans person should be as ordinary as your common midget, really.

You shouldn't really see him that often. Yeah, you know what's funny is I do remember the last time I saw a little person. Where were you? It was 2010. Take me back. And you were watching InBruge. Yeah, I was watching InBruge and I go,

wow, they really do exist. No, I saw- Dude, I never see midgets. I saw the last time- I never looking down there, to be fair. I went to a honky tonk, I saw a black midget with an afro and I almost stepped on him by accident. It was actually, and then I was watching people,

he was honky tonk dancing, and he was just getting knocked around by cowboy boots and knees and shit. They're kicking him like a football. Dude, I don't know why he was out there. People are like two-stepping into his Afro. It was like a real problem. It was a dark, it was guitars and Cadillacs and Abilene.

It's a very dark honky tonk bar, and cowboys are spinning women around and just like you fucking kicking this guy in his Fucking little face. That's what he calls being a rodeo clown. Yeah You just gonna see a fat white. Yeah, he should have been in one of those barrels Just standing in the middle of the of the floor But that's that's probably the last time I've seen a little person. I can tell you the last time I saw a midge Yeah, it's been a minute. Mm-hmm. I can't I'm trying to think I gotta have seen him in LA I might have not seen a little person in LA now that I think about it

Hmm. Yeah, and like, you know, and you know, you don't know one has hate for midgets Yeah, no one's ever like fuck them. Yeah, they're not like annoying I immediately they might I there I immediately They might hate this I immediately pity them That's the right I don't know they would hate that cuz I can everyone with like a problem always goes Right I will for you, but when I'm gone, I'm just I'm just my head is in my hands thinking about you. You're a great guy. And how I kill myself while I'm seeing you. Even if you're the Game of Thrones midget guy,

the serious actor. Dinklage I'd like, but still. Peter Dinklage. I would rather be me than Peter Dinklage, if I'm being honest. You gotta bring a stepladder to like bang people if you wanna bang anybody that's not looking like you. Yeah, that's right. I'm. Yeah, I guess you're right.

I'm not kidding, if you had to trade being Peter Dinklage with $20 million bang a supermoto, I don't know if I would take that trade. Would you be Indian or be midget? Man, can I kill myself? You have the same size penis. I'd be Indian, I'd be Indian. What the fuck, are you serious?

Because I'd be me, but Indian. And then I could also be like, I'm black. You pretend to be black. Are you serious because I'd be me but Indian and then I could also like kind of be like I'm black kind of Indians at least fucking gets a rape Midgets are too small to rape. So that is true. You can't be a Size than just I'll deal with the Indians. I'd probably be funnier because I'd have to be I'd my whole Life would be like sword fighting since I was like nine like in school Yeah, those big curve people off with right from race jokes. Mm-hmm You'd be like the funny if they're yeah

Yeah, meanwhile if you're a little person you grew up like Simon Birch where everybody's like don't make fun of him It's too it's too mean to make fun of him Funny though Don't make fun of him, it's too mean to make fun of him. But he's a little guy. I'm a little... Indians ain't funny though. You think they would be, but they're not funny. Russell Peters is not bad. He had some good bits. You know what's funny?

Yeah, I've seen him do stand up, he kills, but he's just like, he's like, black people are stinky and everyone starts clapping. I mean, that's what we do on this show. Yeah. I mean, we literally just hit 15 minutes of that. It's true. Yeah.

Russell Peters is comedy for like Saudi princes, you know, but like, um. He destroys or whatever. I feel like there's funny Indian guys out there. They just don't do comedy. They're just like jaded and depressed and they like hate their like strict parents and they like smoke.

I literally have, I've like met like Kumar's in my life. You don't really have empathy for them though, it sounds like. For Indian people? For Indians, yeah.hmm, you don't really have empathy for them, though it sounds like. For Indian people? For Indians, yeah. What are you talking about? Cause you respect them so much. Empathy?

Yeah, do you have empathy for Indians? How would, if I- Devin, show me your empathy for Indians on this show. If I respect them, how would I not have empathy? Oh, you do have respect for them. You just said. Yeah, so he would have empathy. You know what I mean, you are literally,

these trans people got you all in a tizzy. Well yeah, I mean, I have to share bathrooms with them now. Can we get back to that? What happened at the airport? They're all, they're taking- Did you cheat on your wife? And you're really angry about who you did it with? So you have to make up this like,

no, they're devious! They tricked me! Yeah, it's like a lantern fish, they just trawl you in. Ben poured acid on a trans person in the bathroom with LAX Yeah, Ben port is his pure red dye 40 that he's carries with him onto a trans person's face Were you were you in LA flying to Texas or vice versa? Obviously, okay, but both times I was just a wall to wall, I couldn't get away from trans.

Really? Did you have a moment? I don't know, and by the way, why do they all wear, they all shop at Hot Topic, these trans people? They all have a Goonies t-shirt or something like that. I don't know where they're getting these wacky tees. Yeah. But they all suck ass.

It is Hot Topic, yeah. I think it is Hot Topic. I think trans people get a discount on hot topic Yeah, yeah No, that's I just went to hot topic as a bit because we were at the mall the other day and it was mostly trans Teenage trans they have in beta M shirts Yeah trans teens love her references trans teens and alcoholic dads who want to buy the mug that shaped like a dick Because they have a weird sex thing the red fox titty mug. Yeah, exactly. They were selling the red fox titty mug. Nice

Yeah, so you saw all selling the red fox titty mug. Nice. Yeah. So you saw all these trans. You're not elaborating. I have to share a bathroom with them now. And it's very upsetting. Oh, you're talking about like- Oh, you mean because of the family room?

Well, so- Yeah, you're talking about like changing a diaper and there's like a trans person getting their diaper changed too, like next to your baby. Yeah. Ripping the little fucking koala thing off the wall. One of the fat ones to like a 300 pound trans just like.

What do we need? Because there's a bathroom at the airport and it's there's a it's a family one where it walks. Right. And you can only go in there if you need to change your child's diaper and you don't want. Or you have a kid who needs to like, you have to watch him piss because he's that young and retarded. That he could die pissing. Or you gotta peel the skin off your nude dick.

Right. As it's healing. I mean, but try to send your little son into the airport bathroom by himself. Yeah, no. He would get assaulted. Oh yeah, you'd never see him again. He would turn into Demi Moore in The Substance'd run in a pink goo. That's like crawling out

You'd run in after an hour. You'd be like, where'd he go? There's only one exit. Where'd he go skibbity toilet now? He's skibbity. He's in an event. Yeah getting horrible things done to his body Yeah, there's a fucking child unless it looks like a. Just grab him and pull him into a vent and then. Yeah. He just crawled backwards. Just spitting him away. Yeah. Spitting him in a big web.

Yeah, so there's the family restroom where you can actually change a diaper. Yeah. Now on the outside of the placard, it says four families and there's also a symbol that says disabled people as well. So here's what trans people have decided that they do at the airport now.

They also get that bathroom, apparently. Is this for families and disabled people? Well that's, I mean, it's kind of funny. They're either disabled. It's like, it's family or disabled, and they're like, that's me. Yeah, I was gonna say. That's for me.

I was gonna say, do they see the woman and man and little baby sign they go I'm like two of those so like that's fine. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah, they They all are like waiting to pretend hat change their tampon and their non pussy and like take big trans shits that smell awful. It's taking them. These trans shits are insane. I want more specifics like this. A trans woman in a big goony shirt, she looked like Grimace, she waddled out of there

and I couldn't believe the smell. I was like, fuck you, fuck you. I was so mad. It's a hormone shit. It's like when you eat beef and the cow was terrified when it died. They put too much antibiotics in it. The anabiotics, the shit full of antibiotics.

Yeah, and it paralyzed your stomach so you just shit half of your intestine out. Yeah. Oh fuck. And health gurus go like, you want to eat meat that wasn't stressed out. You want to find a place where they'd surprise, they shoot it from behind without it knowing, yeah.

Dude, there's people, it's like, on the way back, one of the times, it was me and my baby who pooped, is shit in its diaper, my baby's cool, whatever, I'm just chilling. Sure. Guy in front of me disabled, wheelchair, doing his whole thing, whatever he does in there. What do they do in there? Dude, I don't know.

Yeah. I don't know what he does, but his picture's on the thing. We're waiting like seven minutes, and then a fucking like cholo, 60-year-old like dyke with like a trans weirdo with just lettering on her knuckles and shit like burst out like like that it just reeks of shit waiting making us making us wait when they have a bathroom they can go they're in the family bathroom yes they're in the family bathroom which is the only place me and the disabled guy can go are you sure was a trans person or just a dike? No, they were trans. Because I rode back with them on my Southwest flight

and they were beside me and I had an eye on them the whole time. Okay. Because at this point I wasn't having it with these people. Because it was happening so much, I was like, are they air marshals? Like are they now recruiting trans people to fly in every, there has to be four of them

to just scare people in Al-Qaeda. It was like a woman that got like ice cube surgery. It turned me into ice cube. She looked like she was in N****s with Attitude, the rap girl. What? What? What? That's what she looked like.

No, Ben is really trying to, Ben's in a mood today. I like it. I don't know what's going on. Honestly, keep it. I'm tired. Don't even tell Jason. That's in a mood today. I like it. I don't know what's going on. Honestly, keep it. I'm tired. Don't even tell Jason. That's what it's called. He's fine.

I'm just gonna. What's Ben gonna lose from that? Oh, I'm supposed to say NWA and then you guys think the N word is that worse or better. You're going to let him produce with it? Yeah, you're doing a word? These words. You mother muggles.

Ah. Look at him trying to save it. It's not a, you guys shouldn't have even. No, you quoted the group. It's the group. I'm gonna try to save it. It's not a you guys should any of you know you quoted the group. It's the group mm-hmm I'm just I got away with it. You didn't say it pretty quick. Yeah You also Devon said the group you go. Oh, yeah the music group. That's who I met She did she was an NWA she had this whole thing going on just a worthless 61 year old now I'm deciding to be trained, like Cholo lady. With the spiky hair and all the bullshit.

All that shit going on. But she was just shitting up a storm in there. Being trans and just shitting her brains out. Because they put so much tea in their body, their shits must be insane. It must look like a seventh grade science experiment in there with like baking soda and God knows what else. They have the shit of a man and a woman at once.

It's like two people shitting in one ass. It's a two gendered shit. Exactly. Oh yeah, I'm sure there's like fucking oyster mushrooms growing out of their shits. Sure there's chicken, chicken of the forest. Yeah, it looks like a tor, popping out of their shit. It looks like a torpedo on the way out.

Nicholas Cage from Pig is like, has a little pocket knife. He's getting like truffles off of their shit. Looks like a torpedo on the way out. Nicholas Cage from Pig has a little pocket knife. He's getting truffles off of their shits in the sewers. You are in a mood, it's great. What mood am I in? I'm exhausted and I'm pissed off at my family. I just got back from Texas mood. Yeah, yeah. You're saying it, you've been gay, trans people.

You've been, they're pissing me off. Sounds like you just shook hands with Governor Greg Abbott. Yeah. It is because Ben just visited the Chernobyl site where we were created. I'm sorry, but if you're trans, you don't get a special bathroom. You got to pick one or the other.

I don't give a shit what it is. Get out of the disabled bathroom. You're not as important as someone with cerebral palsy or a mother of three. Get the fuck out of there. bathroom. You're not as important as someone with cerebral palsy or a mother of three. Get the fuck out of there. Take your shits elsewhere, you. You.

Stop it. Get out. These lines, it was like eight or nine, eight or nine trans people. People, there was like grandmothers with like fucking the fucking RJ midi crutches There's people in like wheelchairs and stuff There's like veterans with like their legs blown on and they're like well

I just mothers with crying babies, and we're all waiting on a Bathrooms yeah It is with the other I do have you're the only dad who isn't like well the f***ing bathrooms. Yeah. It is, yeah they- I do have, you're the only dad who isn't like, well they're gonna molest my daughter and they're like, they're just shitting too much in there. That's your complaint. You're not worried about like the safety issue, you're just, yeah.

Yeah. I will say at the airport- I get it, everyone else did get, they got like up in a war. Or they have a family, run over by a car, and then there's a person that did it to themselves. Yeah, they did it to themselves. Well, why, yeah, it is, they should just have to go in the bathroom, do whatever they want. Actually, you know what, now they don't even get bathrooms.

I'm done with it, they don't get the piss or shit. They have to take the bucket. When you go get post-op surgery, your holes all have to get sewn up. How about that? No more shitting, no more pissing. There actually should be a guy at the door that goes, you look like a woman.

You can get in there. Like a bouncer? Like there should be a guy that gauges, like once again, my visual, if I was a judge, I go, you look like a creep. Like there should be just a guy that stands out front that goes like, yeah, you're doing a good job on the man thing.

Get on in the men's bathroom. And if it's iffy, he goes, let me see. And then he has to hold the flashlight up to your pussy or dick and just give it an eye over. Yeah, no, I mean, that is crazy at the airport taking the single occupancy. I understand taking the crippled stall in the regular bathroom.

I do that all the time, because I got to spread out. Well, sure, do that all the time. Cause I gotta spread out. Well sure, cause that thing's fake. That thing's fake. That thing's fake. You never see people coming out of there. And plus I can see the wheels coming up. I can pinch it off and then just crawl underneath

into the stall next to me at any time if I want. But to take the single occupancy at a busy LAX is insane. Yeah. Ben, you're a little upset. Yeah. Is it cause... I're a little upset. Yeah. Is it because? I shot a bunch of guns and I gained like 25 pounds in Texas. I came back.

And then you found out you might have had COVID. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like racist grumpy cat. I'm fat and I'm frowning. I'm just thinking. Yeah, you're like if Garfield hated something more than Mondays

Just Garfield just going inwards inward inwards I hate it Racist Garfield, yeah Mm-hmm Yeah, yeah Christmas Christmas was pretty bad. It was it was bad. Yeah, Christmas was pretty bad. It was, it was bad? Yeah, it wasn't good. You want to elaborate? Well, I wonder, Jason, how much do you think we should get into it in terms of everything? It's your call, bud.

I'm going in two weeks, so I'm sure that'll be a nightmare. I almost want to use your experience of almost getting COVID to just cancel and say our family didn't trust the science. Yeah, same. I want to go full cuck to get out of the say, our family didn't trust the science. I wanna go full cuck to get out of the trip and say they didn't trust the science, they didn't get their Fauci ouchies, so I'm not coming. There's like a bird flu going around,

you could say you got that. Yeah. I guess you could. Or something, I don't know what that is, but. I think you can get into it a little bit if you want. All up to you, I mean we already said it during this episode, so. Yeah, I mean, like, as I've always said,

like, obviously, like, it goes without saying, dad rocks. Sure. And dad kicks ass. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's why you were sexing me. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, my mom pretty much knew she had COVID

and didn't tell anybody and then got everybody sick. It was acting really weird the whole time. But like, so that was cool. Holding babies and hugging old people. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The only people who died from COVID. But it seemed like she was in a mood the whole time. She just had COVID-19.

You were like, what's wrong? You seem down. She's like, oh, nothing, it's fine. It was literally that. And she's kicking a positive COVID test under the couch. Well, COVID was the perfect excuse to make everybody feel bad for you, right? Because you already get to be like in this weird bad mood. And then everyone feels sorry for you.

You give the 84 year old man COVID you give the seven month old baby of my sister COVID. You have three other people COVID. Yeah. And then you go, Oh, my actually my test I took before I came. I just looked at it again. And actually, it was positive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, everybody takes the COVID test, they put it down, they don't look at it for six days. They don't look at it for six days. Everybody does that.

But whatever, I'm over it. The great thing about Dad, though, was Dad came up to me and we're like outside pushing on our sisters she has a swing set out on a there's like all this land they have and Her husband he shows me all of his new guns. He bought and fires them Yeah, just like crazily into the air and you say yes, somebody says you have a crazy But dad comes up me good man He comes up your man he's like this right here all this

All this used to be dirt Mmm Yeah He goes, but then brought Brock, he got some seed and he planted him some grass. I was like, are you okay? He goes, no, why I'm not. I thought he was gonna keep going.

Yeah, yeah. He's like, and then the rain came down after he planted the seed and then the grass grew. Like it's, I'm having conversations with him now like you would like a three year old. He's like retarded Langston Hughes. All of this used to be dirt. He's pointing at grass.

Pointing at grass, all this used to be dirt. He's like almost like a Robert Frost. Yeah, yeah. A William Carlos Williams. The wheelbarrow was red. Then the rain came. The rain came. He goes, all this used to be dirt. I'm going to take one of those gunge.

And when I'm done, I want you to put me under that dirt. Dude, so across the, like we were all eating at the dinner table and then some people were eating at the bar because we didn't have chairs or whatever On Christmas Day Well, you guys were out to eat for Christmas? No, no, no, we're just in the Bar the kitchen bar in the mobile home thing, right? Sure in the double wide whatever the fuck it is, right? And so dad's all the way across and so he he doesn't care that people are having conversations He shouts from across the room to start having a conversation go BAM

Like that and he like looks up from his pork chop or whatever the fuck. And he goes, they're just eating with his hands. Dad does this thing now where he takes like eight second pauses in the middle of sentences. Yeah. He goes, why are there? And this is apropos of nothing. Why? Nothing. I don't know why he said this. Why am I still alive? He goes, he goes, why are there so many,

he just paused like that? He was like looking for the word and I go, black people? And then Cole, our little brother goes, Mexican people? He goes, no, Chinese people. And then and then Cole our little brother goes Mexican people he goes no Chinese He goes he goes no no he's like stop he's like if They're only allowed to have two kids or one kid per household then why? Why there's so many Chinese? That's like racist jeopardy He's like speaking in riddles. I don't know.

He goes, and imagine over there, what do they do with the girls? Ben. I was like, do you want me to spell it out for you and ruin Christmas? Ben, what crawls in the morning, walks at noon, and then crawls at night? Ben.

walks at noon and then crawls at night. Ben. Ben, if you have none of me, you're rich, but if you have a lot of me, you're poor. What am I? Oh man, that is kind of a brilliant question though. So what did you? I didn't have an answer for it. I was like, I don't know, man. What if you just go, you just go you go cuz they're Chinese he goes. Oh, right, right, right

Yeah, what was the question again? Why are there so many Chinese people if they're only allowed to have one child per household? Then why are there so many of them? Oh, you'd that might be like a genius actually Well, I also said I was like, but are you so you're kind of implying like there's so many of them? Oh, your dad might be like a genius actually. Well, I also said, I was like, but are you, so you're kind of implying like there's too many of them. Cause you're saying there's, if you're saying there's a lot of them, you're kind of saying like there's too many in a way.

Well, they have an insane population. So maybe your dad read something recently. But they're big population. I saw, he probably saw something on CBS Sunday morning with Charles Osgood. About how there's too many Chinese people. don't know. I told them I was like I don't think we really even know what's going on in that country because everything is censored and they don't have a It's a communist right right because they don't have Jesus right right right right right

The dirt line keeps killing me yeah, yeah just every time I see grass now just this right here. This was all He was all you and then the rain come Everything's like a biblical retarded thing It's all you know the large hentra strain and that little weed right there popped out of the damn soil What's really I think the problem is he's a creative genius who's just been trapped in hell for 60 years, so his brain does work in a very interesting. He's like Aesop.

Yeah, he is like Aesop, yeah, but his fables are there was a turtle and a hare, and their lives were terrible, and then they died. Then he goes to the morgue, doesn't matter how fast or slow, you go, it's just all bad. And then you pass away. And you get a break, finally, from all that is hell.

I love them, but they walked in the door and I felt nothing. Whoa! I truly love them, but like I saw them and I was just like, they both were like hey, and I was like hey. Yeah, yeah. And then our little brother walked in and he said hey,

I said hey, like no one, it's everybody's a stranger at an out of company Christmas party. Like we all do love each other, but we just, we don't allow ourselves to feel anything or have any communication. No, it's like you guys are like baseball players talking to fans. Yeah.

Hey. You ever sign your balls? What's that? You're like baseball players talking to fans. Hey, hey. You ever sign your balls? You're like, oh, you were here last year, right? Yeah, no, I remember you. That's great, I have no respect for you, I don't care. Make $750 million. No. No.

No. It's like if you had a deep love for somebody who rides the elevator in your office every day. Yeah. And that's all you choose. You have a deep love and forever attachment to somebody that you just go like, man the rain on the way in.

It's like, tell me about it. It's such a hard thing to explain to people because it sounds like I'm being a bad guy. But like I will cry like so hard when either of them pass away. Oh yeah, I love them dearly. But when I'm around them I feel, I feel like I'm on fire in my brain a little bit. At best, I'm feeling nothing around them actually. I would love that.

I'd love to get to that level. You have too much anxiety still. I have too much anxiety. I show up and we hang out for a couple hours and then I walk into the bathroom and I see how many pills they have left. How many old pain pills from knee surgeries they have in the bathroom and then I just gobble

a couple of them up. I think Xanax could maybe fix all your familial problems. Yeah, maybe I'll take some when I go down in this. Maybe I'll take some of this delicious tequila with me. It's even different now because I have a family now that I love of communication and love and fun. And so now I'm like, well, I don't really, I don't need to necessarily, there's nothing to repair.

It's just kind of, there are some relationships you have where we're just coasting now until the end. I think some people have that with their wife, some people have that with their dads, at best case. I mean, I'm not a guy that thinks you should cut out like family members really, I think you should always probably try to. Yeah, unless they're very, very like bad.

Abusers or, yeah, yeah. No, but I'm not the person that's like, they owe you money. Fuck them out of your life, but there is a certain period where you're like, yeah, okay, like I'm up about 45 to 10. There's about seven minutes left. Yeah.

Do we really need to run an option at this point? Yeah, it does feel like we're kneeling and the clock is just kind of, there's 17 seconds left and it's going down. No, no, no, we watch a movie and then that ends and that's like immediate time out and I'm like, shit, alright, clock stops. Damn it.

No, I do, what I do is I, what I actually do is I go over and I immediately start recording every single fucking movie on TMC and ACM AMC and I'm just like that's how we that's how we make it through this. We're just gonna watch Every single John Wayne movie in existence. Thankfully I snuck out. I saw those frauds who on Christmas night. Yeah I'm sure that cheered you up Which we loved. We thought it was fantastic. I know, yeah.

You guys were talking about how you guys feel like you're in hell with your family and your parents that you grew up with and you love Nosferatu. It stinks. Devon, we gotta do a big exchange. Luley sucked my ass. Devon hated it, we loved it.

And I knew you guys would like it, because it's about visions. It's about, he's your dad. I related a lot to Lily Rose Depp's character, but it was just about masturbating when you're 12. Yeah, right. And then you're like, I've invited this monster in that's going to destroy me.

Sure, sure. You really love the rain on the've invited this monster in that's going to destroy me. Sure. Yeah, sure. You really lived the reign on the parade, huh? Lily Rose Depp was great. I heard she studied under Simple Jack for that performance. Those 40 seizures were really fun to watch. You know what you are, you just, you hate that the movie's anti-science.

You know what's funny? And you're such a dim at heart. Is that we left the movie? You're anti, you can't believe in something that's- Anti-science. You're anti-science, oh, COVID-Costa. That's what I call it now. What is science about that movie?

COVID-Costa, well, I mean, of course, they have to consult the mystic guy, who's like, this isn't a disease, this is something bigger, something that can't be measured, the Willem Dafoe character. Sure, who should have, I would much rather watch a movie about just him the whole time. But he's waging a spiritual war.

Something that your small science brain couldn't understand because you lean upon your own understanding. You're actually giving me too much credit. I don't care about science either. No, because you trust the science so much. You would be one of the dead in the street of bystanders. You kept trying to do this in the group text and it didn't work then and it's not working now.

It's COVID, pasta. This whole like, live science thing. I don't even know what that means. You kept trying to do this in the group text and it didn't work then and it's not working now. It's all COVID-Costa. This whole like lib science thing. I don't even know what that means. You're in a lib bubble. No, no. It's COVID-Costa at it again. I left the movie and I go, I know Ben is gonna say this was awesome and he loved it. I knew you would fucking like that movie

because it's what you want. I knew you'd hate it because you know, I bet you hate it as much as Dr. Fauci doesn't like that movie. Because it's what you want. I knew you'd hate it because, you know, I bet you hate it as much as Dr. Fauci doesn't like the movie. This doesn't even make sense. Because the sentiment of the film is anti-science at its core. The movie, I think, you know, Dr. Eggers can't say this because he works in Dr. Eggers.

That's what I call him. Because he has a doctrine in kicking ass in cinema. This actually, I will say this is a testament to how bad your family sucks. That Nosferatu inspired you and you got really excited leaving it. It is like being with your family is like watching a movie in a plane

where you're like, Dreamgirls is the greatest movie of all time. Dude, welcome to Marwin. Really took me out of my funk. Dude, Zemeckis still got his fastball. Unfortunately, this is a political thing. I wish you could see it, buddy, but unfortunately you've drank the blue Kool-Aid

a little too hard. No, I know, you guys are Twitter cinephiles, I get it. Lily Rose depth tore it up, she's slayed. By the way, he refuses to call it X, he calls it Twitter, because that's how much he bleeds blue. He's a blue sky cuck. Blue sky hated Nosferatu. He hates Lily Rose Depp because he calls her dad

an assaulter. Come to Cossack. He's got an amber, he's watching Nosferatu with an amber herd shirt on. No, that's actually the opposite. People like Lily Rose Depp in the movie because they think Johnny Depp is a bad guy. But he's her, she's his seed though.

Yeah, but they're like, fuck her dad. Lily Rose Depp's so much more talented than Johnny Depp. Well, that's retarded. That's what you said. I saw you tweet that the other day. And you, you tweeted. Look, and he's wearing a blue hoodie. You are wearing a blue hoodie. You are wearing a blue hoodie.

He's blue. Yeah. You're the one hanging out with trans people at the airport, Vag. With your daughter. Jesus Christ. God knows what you're up to. What was that fucking drag queen story

hour you had at the terminal? Huh? I know what you're up to. Yeah. How dare you? You reported a CPS. How dare you try to throw the lip thing on me after you lost us thousands a few weeks ago with your Trump bullshit?

Well, now I should have waited a couple weeks because now a lot of the groypers have turned on Trump. You should have waited. And timing is something you and Robert Eggers could learn. By the way, two weeks ago, Devin begged me, begged me on his hands and knees, you gotta see The Northman. You gotta see The Northman.

That's also not true, I just said put The Northman on it, this time shut the fuck up, you mouthy bozo. Every movie watch, he just talks your ass off. And that's why he loves The Northman because he loves The North. This after Northman. He hates the South. And The Northman's not amazing, it's just a good movie.

That's a good movie. The credits rolled after Northman, we're sitting in my living room and Devin does this. And I said like, I thought that was he was like shhh. Give me a moment. This is my 12th time seeing it but it still it hits every time. Oh you liars sack of shit. Covid casted.

He's calling me a liar. This is what they throw at the riot though. They always say we're a bunch of liars. Oh, it's such a last minute pivot. Because they claim they have the science on them. They say we don't like art. When we love art, they hate it. They get mad. By the way, I bet Devon really would have loved Nosferatu

if instead of blood he was drinking, it was marinara sauce. And it was like a mafia movie. What if it was directed by David Chase? Oh, are you trying to now steal a nose rot to a mullion? What John says? Oh, John said that? No, but John says, that's always John's go-to joke.

What? About me in movies. Oh, there was an Italian guy in it? Oh, I thought I always made that joke. Well, fuck you, but I fucking step on it. I bat that down right away. I bat that down. I did like, it was fun, he was step on it. I bat that down right away. I bat that down. I did like, it was fun, he was Romanian in it.

I did like that they made Dracula Romanian. And there was a really great scene with those Romanian gypsies for like 20 seconds. Yeah, which led to other great scenes and his big creepy cast. It led to a lot of repetitive scenes and nothing was scary and it was extremely boring. Devin's mad that the ocean is black in the movie. No, I know you saw the black ocean and you go, this is a masterpiece, it was extremely boring. And it was dark. Is it just that the ocean is black in the movie?

No, I know you saw the black ocean. You go, this is a masterpiece. It has to be, the ocean's black. Well, I'm in bad company, you know? I mean, Sean Baker loved it. It's the best movie of the year. I guess we're both retards, huh? Sean Baker's a low self-esteem,

fucking like little fag right now. And he needs to stand up for himself and stop saying other movies the same year his movie came out are better than his. Well can you cut me a break because I'm fat, and I'm wimpy, and I have low self-esteem, so how about you cut me a break pal. I like movies about vampires.

I can enjoy a movie about a vampire, I don't give a vampire movie a middle finger. No I get, they's the- Because I'm not a damn dim. Nicholas Holt and Lily Rose Depp tour. Red wave bitch. They slayed in that film. You know what this is about?

This is about that you just can't stand the fact that Donald Trump won the presidency again. That's what this is all about, isn't it? You hate seeing the red on screen, I bet even. It triggers him. Even the color. The color, imagine. It's so obvious that you know you feel cornered

and you're wrong, that you're pulling. Maybe this is a political thing. I'm really not. I think a lot of identity is in politics now and unfortunately you're triggered. I'm surprised you weren't triggered. I'm surprised you weren't triggered by the black ocean. I'm surprised you didn't scream the N-word at the fucking movie. You were triggered by the black ocean

It's a scary movie You're watching the castle scenes you like there could be so many black people on screen right now. I wouldn't even know Well, did you guys end up Well, I know you guys both probably saw one of them the movie that came out this week about them one of the most famous Democrats of all time Bob Dylan. Dylan care about Has never done like one Before I accuse him of that did you guys like the movie I did I like the movie I did I like them or that I thought I would the liberal You've ruined this

Your kids Bob Dylan take the vaccine in the movie You'll notice when Ben gets ready, when Ben gets ready, he starts presenting his dick more and more. This is, oh. What's it called? A complete unknown.

Yeah. Yeah. Did you guys see it? Yeah, I did. It's, it was. It's very good. It's fine. Yeah, it's good.

Yeah. It's good. And it could have been like a complete embarrassment. Yeah. It's a lot more entertaining than Nosferatu. He's Jewish, right? Bob Dylan? There is a scene where they, where they're-

Jew from Minnesota? There's a big party. There's a big party and his girlfriend's sister looks at his like male and is like Zimmerman and his girlfriend's like, don't even lookman and his girlfriend's like don't even look And it is very much like he's covering his nose. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's just like usually it's fine for somebody else There's another apartment No, it was good

They got mad at him for being for not being a damn Democrat in the movie damn damn Yeah, you never fucking be he never, There you go. He never like, you know, voiced. He never gave people the easy, like he never did that lame shit. He just, he hid in the shadows, much like, much like Count Orlok. But it seems, Count Orlok's living

rent-free in COVID Costa's mind. I know you love rape. I know you're a big fan of movies about Victorian rape. Rats, rape, disgusting people. I get it. Triggered by the rats, interesting. Which is, cause that is the true perspective of it. It is epic.

As they see everybody as rats. Do you think this rat too is a metaphor for Indian people in America? Bringing rats and disease and plague. It's a metaphor for globalism. Why did he have to go on a boat if he can just put his hand out and travel across? Well, Devin, that's a metaphorical representation

of his hold. He has powers. He doesn't actually get a big hand and then that stretches over the city. They never showed him walking anywhere. He just shows up places. That's because he's cool like that. He has powers, but he needs to take a boat.

He also has to like get, he needs like a coyote like caravan to like take him into the country and bring a disease. It fucking sucked my cock. I'm sure, and I knew you two would like it. Cause it's about demonic visions. Yes, demons are cool. You're imagining, you're like, this is just like Abilene.

Look at this liberal rants he's going on. Oh my God, I feel like I'm sitting across from Dennis Miller. God, the balloons. Yeah, I haven't seen that many rants since I was in Calcutta, babe. I'm Dennis Miller, I hate Indians, babe. Okay?

Okay, babe? Hey, that's a big noce on the Ferretu, okay? Babe? No, I thought it was great. I love that they made the female character, I love that they made her responsible for her sexual desire in those Ferretu. And I thought it was a great metaphor on

On our spiritual callings versus our sexual deep sexual reptilian urges And I know Eggers is a big young guy and at the end she almost has to she has to Once again you guys are getting reasons why they like that Carl Jung. Yeah, Carl Jung. I know you we've read him you haven't Nazi sympathizer Nazi some Nazi sympathizer. Yeah That's actually why I got into him because he loved him And in the movie, you know, she has to reconcile herself She has to make love to the dark side of herself in order to be brought into the light She has to be a full person by making the movie

You knew a lot about all the characters. Yeah, well, you cared a lot about everybody. The main guy, he likes to wear the hat, but only when he's on a horse. Yeah. And I was like, fuck that guy. That character would wear a hat. It was great. There was so much fun in it. I do like that Nicholas Holt got gay raped in the movie as well.

That was pretty fun. Yeah. He got gay raped in front of the fire. I see. I didn't know who all these people were. Like, I didn't know that Johnny Depp had a daughter. I didn't know what was pretty fun. Yeah. He got gay raped in front of the fire. I see, I didn't know who all these people were. Like I didn't know that Johnny Depp had a daughter. I didn't know what was going on. I just was totally immersed in the whole, I got in the AMC and I had to sit in the very front and my seat was laid back all the way

and it was just, it was crazy intense and loud and shit. I was doing the one where you have, It fucked me up bad. You had to look across the screen to like read the whole sub title Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was really good. No, I thought it was great. I'm fires kick ass She studied his alcohol seizures for the movie who way who's that? Oh Johnny does yeah And then in the movie does look like amber heard shit in a bed. So

But I thought it was it's a very simple movie, but there was so much Subtextual stuff that I was really into. Okay, what if the protagonist, what if he was smoking a cigar and he was taking the New Jersey Turnpike all the way to Transylvania to see Count Orlok? Right, woke up this morning.

What if there was like a plot? And then- What if anything interesting happens? No, but here's the thing, but David Chase can still have his way because David, Dave Eggert, Robert Eggers loves the screen very black. David Chase famously cut to black

in your favorite TV show ever. What if, what if all of a sudden you, I thought you hate, but you hate the black scenes. What if I expected better from you then? Bunch of real low blows. They don't even fucking match or light up with this. Welcome this morning to Vizicato Live. That was fun, it was really fun.

It was really fun. It was really fun. I was like this the whole time, what's gonna happen to these poor people? I couldn't look away from the screen. You didn't know that the vampire would do things to them? Well, I didn't know how he'd do it. Who they barely show by the way.

Nosferatu? He's like barely in it. There's like 30 different scenes of people shaking in bed and then, oh there he is! And then they wake up. Like a student film. Do you guys like student films? It's a big budget student film. And we love our-

Oh, it's Evan and the Dream! Well, look, everyone's wearing stupid Victorian outfits and everything sucks. Look, there's rats. It's dark and cloudy all the time. Isn't this amazing? Isn't this brilliant? Sucks is Devon had the receipts for every person

that we think sucks ass loves the movie. Oh yeah. You guys are hanging out with the cast of The Bear after this, you guys are gonna talk about how Lily Rose Depp tore it up, right? No, I get it, you guys know. No, I spent four. You're on Letterboxd talking about it.

You guys are the people on Twitter that go like, Nasirazi is horny. You guys are those people on Twitter that go like, Nasirazi is horny. Oh! You guys are those people that sexualize everything in a gay way, like it's Luigi Mangione, the movie. And I've been dreading recording this. I'm sorry to keep bringing you in, because you get to have your opinions. Fuck him. No, it's fine, it's fine.

I don't want to get in the way of you two tearing each other to pieces. I just wanted to say why I like this. No, I've been dreading this episode for four days now, and I've had to come in with a game plan and I'm sticking to it that you're a COVID cuck. You're a big damn, you're a big lib. It's finally gearing up near the end.

You go, they're going to Count Orlok's house and they're on the boat with the fire. Yeah, yeah. And they go on and then they go, oh, he's not there, it's the other retard. Let's light it on fire. And then they go, well, there's gotta be a big ending with Count Orlok.

Oh, well, this little bit of sunlight killed him. That's it and the movie That's that the big bad evil guy. He got killed by a little bite bite bite by by dawn dawn killed him Well, I mean you saw it with Connor who God bless him his favorite movie is Indiana Jones of his Indiana Jones and the King of the Crystal Skull. Don't bring Connor into this. Don't bring Connor into this. No, no, don't bring Connor. You need some dynamite. Connor just watches Fast and the Furious on DVD every night

in his race car bed. No. You're in bed with that? Don't bring Connor into this, okay? It's a deflect. And you're both dibs. You're both dibs. You're both dibs.

You're both libs. Why not? Libs. It's libs. Triggered libs. Libs. Hated the movie. Oh my God.

I think we finally got to the core of this. It's true! It's true, I would love to see, you have a copy of your voters registration, let me see it. I come inside a Trump supporter. What the hell are you talking about? Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe He's closer to Trump than any of us, man.

I have to, I have to, I have to, I have to, I have to fucking. All right. I have to I have to I have to fucking come. I have to just to grab Donald Trump, Jr.'s come out of her pussy and replace it with mine. You guys play William F. Buckley, a audio tape while you fuck. Yeah, you're talking about. Think you think you're fucking cool because you said the N word today. You think you're better than me because you say it?

You tried to get in front of the Nosferatu talk by saying the N-word. That's not the N-word. It's not even the N-word even kinda. What? Soft A is not the N-word. It isn't, really. Yeah, thank you.

There you go. And I said the name of the group and the guys in the group are black, so it's. I wish I had more for this The movie the movie of white guys name felt like such nothingness to me that I didn't even really have much to say it sucked I just I just I think you're dumb You not not you you can like You in particular I think I think he's fat phobic too

The fat guys in those frat dude? You just hate that I got really fat on my trip. I'm 226 pounds now. I was 205 in the fall. I got down to 205 and I'm 226. You're wearing swim trunks now because you grew out of all your fucking pants. And all you do is talk shit about fat people. You're a fucking fraud.

This is the revenge of double vodka don by the way. Double vodka don from Barstool Sports. He must be some sort of gypsy. Yeah. Because as soon as I... He's putting his alcohol swollen hand over the city right now and coming to you. Just looks like a big circle.

Yeah. And he's gonna... Yeah. Yeah. Somewhere there's a crystal ball with Cheeto dust all over it. He's gonna suck the code red out of your heart. He's Count Chocula.

I want you to sign a content agreement. Dude, since I did a viral slam dunk on Double Vodka Don, I started gaining weight where I'm waking up, it's like thinner by Steven Spielberg, where I'm like, what the, I keep waking up like, what the hell? But an opposite where I get fat. It's more like a shall how,

where for every one of your evil actions, you gain another pound. Yeah. I think I might have to make a pilgrimage to double Vakadon and like, you know, I don't know, do some sort of blood sacrifice, like sacrifice a goat on his porch. You have to kill him, you have to cut his head off.

Cut his head off. It's like- What if I develop an acute psychosis, and I start taking animals and I get schizophrenia? Yeah, you go, double Vak a dog's making me frack. And then he's just. I get on a boat for some reason. He's just sleeping in his Chicago apartment

with five CPAP machines on. A CPAP machine on each arm. He looks like Doc Ock. Yeah, exactly. He looks like he's in a cryo tube. Like he's floating. And then he just wakes up, because he wakes up every 45 seconds,

and then he just wakes up and he sees you standing over him with a big sword. And you go, you'll never make me fat again. And you just stick it through his heart. Yeah, like Count Chocula. Yeah, like the- Stab it through. Like the vampire, you stick it through his heart. Yeah. And then he dissolves into a bunch of M&Ms. The castle is pretty cool. You got to get up for the castle

Okay, you're throwing some weird. So you did you said it looked like shit. It's an amazing looking movie You have to at least say like castles are cool. Like you see a castle in a movie. That's badass You go, that's a badass cat. It looked great. It's it's yeah, it was cool And vampires kick ass if I thought if I thought cemeteries shot in black and white were really cool I'd love they are they are really cool that's great it's a man that's a good thing yeah Bergman's the seventh seal seventh seal yeah black every black Sabbath album it's cool really cool it's immediately good because of that you're're saying demons are lame. Demons are cool. If the movie sucks, I don't care about cinematography.

Somebody feed Phil has great cinematography. There's a bunch of stoop. Everything has great shots. Literally everything made now has great shots. The movie needs to be good to me. I'm not gonna go like, wow. Now what does cinematography Twitter's deal, by the way, because they always like post a

They'll post like a screenshot from like a Marvel Avengers movie and everybody fawns over how good it looks What and then people go LMAO don't even understand what cinematography is What the fuck is cinematography? Why are retards obsessed with shots? What's going on on the retards? Cinematography it's it's a word you use if you have a letterbox account and you wanna try and get pussy from it. It's a fancy word for movie look pretty, is cinematography. It's for people that wanna feel like they love museums but they don't go to museums. So they go like, what a shot. They go, I was on my couch the other day

and I watched Days of Heaven, wow. And then there's a pause and then they go, man, Roger Dinkins, wow. And then somebody's like, what movies did they make? They go, fuck you, wow. And then there's a pause and then they go, man, Roger Deakins, wow. And then somebody's like, what movies did they make? They go, I don't know, fuck you, man. People putting on a wrist brace to just use their remote. Yeah, they're like, I watched a GQ interview with Roger Deakins the other day on YouTube.

It was pretty cool. Is cinematography the way the camera actually moves? From what I understand, it's like the look of the shot, like the lighting, the way the camera actually moves. For what I understand, it's like the look of the shot, like the lighting, the way the cameras plays. Cinematography would be like, you know, you guys like the shot of them walking down the dark, snowy road to the castle. That's cinematography.

That's that shot, the cinematographer worked hard on that. And that looks great, but then I don't give a shit once the scene starts. But that's why I thought it's called, but then like film Twitter says, LMAO, you don't give a shit once the scene starts. But that's why I thought it's called, but then like film Twitter says LMAO, you don't even know what Cinematography, so I don't even know what anything means anymore. Well you should start learning,

because you'll be on it soon apparently. Oh you think I'll be in the, I knew it. Yeah, you're gonna start posting like scenes from like Spider-Man 3 being like, what an epic entrance, one of my favorite entrances ever, and it's like Tony Stark sitting on the couch with like Aunt Rey or whatever the fuck. Aunt Ray?

Aunt Ray. What's her name? That's Black Spider-Man, Aunt Ray. Aunt May. Aunt May. It's me, Spider-Man. Your Aunt Ray. But yeah, like cinematography is fucking the, you know,

the shots of the countryside in No Country for Old Man or whatever. Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought it was. But they always say on- The tree. The tree in the middle of nowhere. Sure, but on X or whatever, Film Twitter always says that's not cinematography. So I'm like, I guess I just don't know what that is.

I don't know what they're thinking. Film Twitter exists to have a bad opinion. Film Twitter would be like, Film Twitter exists to have a bad opinion to be like film Twitter literally be like Peewees a big to Peewee the big Peewee Herman circus movie is the greatest movie of all time and also adventure though, they'll be like Goodfellas sucks and Hundreds of beavers is the best film of all time hundreds of beavers a movie that just completely sucks You don't even get a little bit. Is that what it's about? I wish there were people that say things like Lily Rose Depp was acting acting mm-hmm

That's unfortunate well yeah, that's all I'm saying it's people who go is feeling a little bit like that Yeah, it's people who want to go they want to go just cuz you had a really shitty meal with your racist father That's it you should have made it fun actually Dad made Christmas fun. But yeah, it sucked ass. Everything else sucked ass. You should've. It sucked ass.

As a bit. It was really bad and a massive waste of money and time. As a bit, you should've. And we had to de-plane and we were in the airport for like seven hours and there were trans people literally, I just just everywhere. You opened to put your bag up top and a trans person fell out.

They go, this is my apartment. I'm making it go funny to move into a different compartment. I know you're having a brutal time. Why'd you have to do a plane? I'm gonna Google which airline has the least amount of trans people. I'm gonna Google which airline has the least amount of trans people. I'm gonna Google which airline least safe for transgender people,

and that's what I'm finding for now on. They go, Spirit Airlines. They go, customers also searched most black airlines. Frontier and Spirit are the answer. There is an NWA Airlines. There is, yeah, Northwestern Air. Yeah. That's awesome.

I think they shut it down. I think Reagan shut it down in the 80s. Pilots run crack. Yeah, Reagan was like, these welfare planes, shut them down. That's awesome. Yeah, you've scared me off of Frontier. You said Frontier is like taking the bus.

Yeah. Yeah. I never bought it. No, last time I flew Frontier, there was a dude in steel-toed boots behind me who he kind of looked like a, he looked like a human pez dispenser. Like if you pulled his head back like this,

candy would pop out of his neck. And he was, he had a COVID cough the entire time. And I was just like, god damn, I'm gonna get COVID. And within six hours, I had like bad COVID. He turns, he goes, sorry, I just got COVID. You look over and he's sticking the swab up his nose. He goes, hot damn, I got it. I have the golden ticket. I have the golden ticket.

I have the golden ticket. So you might have COVID right now. Did you take a test before you came over? No, but I mean, I don't feel bad. Did you guys want me to take a test? No, I don't care. COVID cost is that okay with you that I didn't get tested and wearing a mask? No, I don't mind. I can't get it again.

I think I've had it for four years, so I can't get it again. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think I can get it either cuz It is a fact cuz I have natural immunity unlike Devin who just took so many vaccines Dad did say he took the back the booster last year. I was shocked at that Who dad yeah, he told her people were tricked into getting the booster. They got fear-mongered enough. I think he's like I just took the new booster I was like, oh my god, you lost your fastball. What's going on? That is crazy. I'm not even getting boosters Jesus Yeah, I didn't expect that. That's crazy

But yeah, what are you gonna do? Why'd you have to be planes? Why'd you have to be playing? They found a murder trans person in the bathroom trans person in the bathroom Yeah, an unsolved homicide on a woman in a Goonies t-shirt Yeah, they go they somebody just turned a trans person into a fucking work shack drawing on the wall of the bathroom It looks like a Rothko actually yeah, no yeah Anyway, yeah, they're dead mm-hmm. They're dead because there's no more of them Somebody turned them into soup. Someone written house, the trans person in the bathroom.

Yeah, yeah, but it turns out they were a pedophile, so it was fine. So we're not gonna press charges. They determine if a detective shows up on the scene, he determines if they were trans by flipping a coin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, it's actually right most of the time. He flips the coin, he's like, tails, and he goes, and then he just flips it to heads. He goes, it's actually right most of the time. And he flips the cord, he's like, tails,

and he goes, and then he just flips it to heads. He goes, yep, they were a pedophile. Open and shut case. Do you plan, they came on and said, I'm sorry to do this to you folks, but. We hate you. We hate you. Sorry to do this, folks.

We saw there was a lot of babies on the flight, so we just wanna make you sit in an airport bar for nine hours, because fuck you, go to hell. No, it was for weather, right? We were cruising at an altitude of 1488 feet, hell, where... If you look at your right, you'll see the birthplace of David Duke. To your left, there is a cloud in the shape of a swastika. We did that.

We flew through the cloud in such a of a swastika. We did that we did that Through the cloud in such a way we were skyriders skyriders and now for your For your listening pleasure whatever channel you click on it's gonna play the milk boys podcast On your headphones you you're welcome. Yeah, anyway. You got, it was weather though, that you got the plane, right?

Bad weather. No, no, they just, they came on and they said, they go, sorry to do this to you folks, but a thing came on on the dashboard here that's saying, might be something wrong with our fuel lines, and we just gotta, we're gonna have to take it back, and we don't know how long it's gonna be.

I do love, two flights crashed in the last week, which is, we're gonna have to take it back and we don't know how long it's gonna be. But I do love. Two flights crashed in the last week, which is. Yeah, but they're not here. They're all wacky flights though. Yeah, there was one in South Korea. South Korea and Kazakhstan. I see the news and I see South Korea and I go, that's not real.

Yeah. I don't have to worry about that shit. Twice this week people were around me and they were like, oh my God, a flight crash. I was like, oh my God, where? And they were like, Kazakhstan. I was like, gives a shit. And they were like, South Korea.

I'm like, it's not, once again. When they like one crash in Azerbaijan. It might as well be toon world Yeah, we're like you have to go through a golf hole. Mm-hmm like like Michael Jordan in Space Jam Carpet just fell out of the sky The one in Azerbaijan they say may have been shot down shot down, I think. That's what my brother-in-law said. Yeah. The one in South Korea landed, but then it just kept going into a wall. And South Koreans are so retarded,

they just built a big wall at the end of their runway. They go, don't worry, we put a big wall that'll just turn everybody into gasoline. Why wouldn't they put a ramp so then they jump? Right, and then just take right back off. Oh yeah, or go back up in the air. yeah yeah but they're you know they're fucking and like in a Mario Kart put a little booster thing there so when the plane hits it it speeds up right and goes fast a bunch of mushroom three arrows yeah

ground and then it goes and they go they go wow but no it just it just kept going South Korea was that is scary it's a land you get through your whole flight you land and then it like doesn't I know you go what happened okay I'm But no, it just kept going. South Korea, when was that, is scary. It's a land, you get through your whole flight, you land and then it doesn't, what happened? You go like, okay, I'm fine, and then it just keeps going. It just keeps going on the runway. Cause I always think the minute we land on the runway, I'm like, fuck it, we're a car now,

give us a shit, baby. Yeah, we're a car. I think my seatbelt within seconds of landing. I do the same thing, I take it off and I go, God's not real, fuck you, God! But I guess they would, they turned the jets the other way or something. Yeah, I think the thing,

because it's supposed to like drag and stop it, I think they just forgot to turn that on or it didn't turn on and then it just kept going. That was really scary. Hit a huge, that's the thing, just a huge wall they have built into the airport. I read that they landed way too, like on the track, they landed way too late.

So that wall is, it's not there just to kill everybody. That's what I assumed. I was like, well, South Korea. They landed way too late or something, so then when they were trying to slow down, they were like, oh fuck, fucking wall. There's apparently a thing I read about because there's a lot of crashes in Asian countries

and a hypothesis was the reason that in Asian countries it's so impolite to disagree with somebody. Nobody speaks up. They will literally be calling the tower and they'll be like, tower, we are completely at a fool and we need to land and And the tower would be like, yeah, just wait a second there. And then they just won't.

They'll just be waiting and then they'll just run out of fuel and crash into a mountain. They don't speak up. Because they're so terrified of being like, hey, we need to fucking land right now. And then they're just playing. And then nobody cares because it's a savior. Yeah, no one really.

Yeah. Expendable. Yeah. Well, I hate that some of these people on these looney tunes airlines won't be joining us in the new year But alas, it is God's master plan to have taken them from us Yeah, I hope that we learned a very valuable lesson this past I learned a lot this past year I hope that we learned a very valuable lesson this past, I learned a lot this past year. I learned that much like the moon, I will wax, my weight will wax and wane.

I will become whole and then. And the ocean changes very, yeah, yeah, yeah. That I am powerless to being a big fat weirdo. I try to go to these places, I try to. What'd you eat every meal? I try to go to the salad place to get a big fat weirdo. I try to go to these places, I try to... What'd you eat every meal? I try to go to the salad place to get a salad, I try to go to the gym to work out, you know what happens? I'm just fat at those places.

I'm fat at the salad bar, I'm fat at the gym. What is the salad place? Is it ranch soup? Chipotle. I call it the salad place. Let me get a bowl of queso. For here. On my salad. With a salad.

And a tortilla. They start putting the salad on top. You go, not that much, no, much less than that. What did you eat most of the time? It's so funny to join the gym and I'm like, I'm just fat at the gym. Well, just you went back to Texas. You just gotta wait for the first.

You gotta wait for the new year. I mean, I'd wake up at my in-laws place and they'd be like Ben we we went out and we just got some cripsy creams we got some creepy cream their blood sugar so fucked up when they wake up by the way they can't even say crispy they call it cripsy they go we got you creepy creams now I remember what I say very nice people but they like me they're like hey here's your eggs and bacon and toast I go, oh, thank you. And then when I was over that they go and here's your creepy And I think what the hell I did 8,000 calories one night. I had a banana split that was 2350 calories for good. That's about you're eating like the things fat people ate in the 1920s like banana

It doesn't matter. It's the fight. It's the holdover. It's Brahms, which you call the leftover Yeah, I mean but the problem is is I can really I went like I had a full like I did a full like a Big breakfast and then I was like, alright, it's the 26 like I've been pretty bad I'm gonna go to the 24-hour fitness here in Arlington, Texas So I go to the 24- fitness, I do my fake workout, which is I do the stair master for 20 minutes. I go up like 1,250 steps, nothing crazy. Yeah, you do 1,488 steps every day.

Yeah, every day. And then I did the dry sauna for 20 minutes. So I've sweated a ton and I'm like, all right, that's something. But it doesn't take away from the breakfast of Krispy Kremes and eggs and jalapeno bacon with jelly and crazy shit. Yeah. Then on the way back, I pick up Chicken Express, the great chicken express. Sure. Chicken. Chicken.

You get fried livers, kidneys there. Pretty good. Yeah. That a Texas place? Yeah, yeah. Fried gizzards. Texas rappers really love chicken-y. Like black dudes that have grills and shit from Houston, they love Chicken Express. Love it. And I go there, I get the gizzards,

and I get everything else, you know, all the fixings and everything. Sure, the okra. And then I met up with a friend, and we went to a bar, he went to go to a barbecue place, so I had tons of barbecue, and we're sitting there long enough that they're like do you want to go to Brahms and then so an Hour and a half later. I'm at Brahms which you know what Brahms is it's like it's a screen place

This buddy had but it glows pink. Yeah, because of the radioactive material inside It's like it's it feels like you're entering a star Brahms is insane it they make everything in house there. Mm-hmm There's a man with a hand that looks like a corkscrew he's just making. Yeah, they replaced his hand with a scoop. Like a pirate. I got the banana split and it said it was between 1800 calories and like 2300. So it's 2300. I love when they put it on a banana split that's like 1900 calories. You're like, oh, let me track that in my fitness app real quick. My 1900 calorie banana split.

Yeah. So after having also ate my wife's chicken express, cause she barely had any of hers, then the barbecue, then I go to Brom's and had the banana split. Then I also want to try the cheeseburgers there. So I have a couple of cheeseburgers and I'm like, damn, I think I'm at around. At Brom's or where?

At Brom's, yeah. I didn't know they had cheeseburgers. After I had barbecue and then I went home'm at around at Brahms or where at Brahms. Yeah, I Barbecue and then I went home and I had a bunch of bluebell ice cream because my in-laws keep bluebell in there and shit And they had Krispy Kremes and I polished off some Krispy Kremes damn what you have for Christmas. What was the Christmas dinner? I ate a horse You're like You were the end of a Christmas Carol when you go you see that is that fat goose in the window bring that to my house My father-in-law came into the front door on a big horse and he handed me a blade Yes, Ben, would you like to kill and eat the horse for Christmas?

Ben you're the man of the house now, so it's your turn to eat the horse for Texas Christmas. Texas Christmas. Texas Christmas. I shoot it through the head with a bow and arrow. Nothing happens. And they go, remember if you're Mexican, Santa's gonna bring you coal for Christmas.

So remember to be white. Remember to be white on Christmas, everybody. Which is the, that is the message of Christmas. That's the message. The true meaning of Christmas is to be white. That's right. Everybody remember. Like the snow.

Like, why else would it snow? The pure driven snow. We, everybody knows Krampus is an ISA agent. And if you're a Mexican, Krampus will come and take you back to Guadalajara. Where you'll get killed by the criminals who run the country. Do you guys want to this is going to come out before the new year? I think you guys say, oh, really?

I think New Year's Day comes out. Yeah. You guys want to say anything? Oh, sorry. Sorry. Do you see starting the new year? God bless you. Have try to be good and thank you for listening. And I really appreciate them. Wow. It's feeling a true dim.

And that should be in black and white and imagined by John Lennon is playing as COVID Costa is bringing us into the new year. COVID Costa. Look at you. Because you're obsessed with how you live in Hollywood. You want to be in Hollywood so bad. You're just you're just such a damn dim. You're such a damn limp And it actually it makes me sad Does it brings tears as you wear your fucking directors hat?

Go on you like one of those scum bags that just wears like Mercedes caps my mother got me this at it Well, she has bad bitch. Well, she has Fitch. You only get clothes at Fitch. At Fitch? Fitch. Abercrombie and Fitch. Oh yeah a lot of it but right now nothing. You love Abercrombie and Fitch because the guy who went away for child sex trafficking is what you told me. He said hell yeah he's a member of the tribe and he fucks kids go Dems. He used to hate fat people like you and then he let you in to our club. And so then he had to start fucking. And so then he had to fuck kids. Because he couldn't live with the guilt. Yeah.

No, I thought this hat kind of hid my swollen fucking face. Looks like an aunt's ass. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I look like I'm on to style, like I'm on hormone therapy of some kind. Yeah. Like I'm injecting the shit in my stomach. You look like you're on tea for T-bones.

I'm about to go in to the doctor. I'm about to go into the doctor and get post-op surgery where they're like, so you want to cut your tits off? Yeah. That's right. Are you on MSG? Are you taking MSG? I got to figure out a way to lose about 40 pounds

without cutting my dick off. Hey folks, let me tell you, it's not easy. What a humble Brad. It's not easy. Yeah. So you cut your dick off and you have 47 pounds left. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Damn. I think you should just, and this is my real thing, I think you are naturally a Chinese man at heart, and you've said that many times yourself. I think you need to start living like a Chinese person. I think when you go to the gym, you need to go in the sauna and you just need to do toe touches for 40 minutes. But then when you're binging, you're just eating a bunch of soups, soups and s sushis and Then that way you can't put on a tremendous amount of weight

Oh, yeah, you mean just like like eat something to fill me up like like ramen and sushi I think you should live your life like a like a Chinese. I kind of do that already. Oh Well, so I don't I don't know if that will help I put my rice cooker away because that was a bad idea I thought rice was the answer for a second I gained like 30 pounds in a week because you thought just be like eating tons of white rice Yeah, I read that it's everybody in Japan They eat white rice all the time and they said it fills them up So they don't eat other things you keep the brown rice in a different cupboard

It has a separate water fountain Use different water for it. Yeah, that's tap. We use the filtered on the white. Nothing but Fiji for white. So the white, that was a horrible idea because I kept eating the same amount of food but I just added white rice to my meal. Which is very, very high in calories.

Yeah, it was horrible. So I think I'm gonna figure it out though. I wanna go Oppenheimer mode in the new year because if I'm gonna have an eating disorder, I might as well not be fat. That's kind of the way I'm looking at it now. That's actually very good logic. If it is an eating disorder, I don't think it is.

I think I just have OCD and I like doing something over and over, but I don't know. I'm just gonna go Oppenheimer mode. I'm gonna convert to Judaism. I'm gonna get really into making bombs and I'm gonna weigh know, I'm just gonna go Oppenheimer mode. I'm gonna convert to Judaism. I'm gonna get really into making bombs and I'm gonna weigh like 150 pounds. Like Robert Oppenheimer.

Oppenheimer was Jewish, right? I think he was a J, he was a member of the tribe. So I'm gonna do everything Oppenheimer did except convert to Judaism. His name was Jewish Robert Oppenheimer. He was a Jew. That's what the J's stood for. I think in that shitty fucking movie, wasn't he Jewish?

I don't know. I don't know, actually. Not sure. The scenes in that movie where he's black and white, that's when he's Jewish. And then the ones in color, he's not Jewish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You actually watch Schindler's List.

You're confused. You go, when does he make the bomb? Just a bunch of camp shit. And no Hitler. Yeah, I did have a funny moment. I watched The Brutalists, which I really liked, but there was a funny moment about an hour in where it starts getting really Jewish,

and I'm like, all right, here we go. Getting into the Holocaust stuff. Yeah, it's the guy with the noses in it, right? Adrian Brody, he's great in it. But he already did The Pianist, right? He already did the Jew movie. He just loves being Jewish and getting the shit beat out of him. But it was really good. I would recommend seeing that as well.

Yeah, pass. I didn't mean the shit on your mom by the way. She just knows you have bad taste so she got you a tasteless hat. You're still on the hat thing. I get nervous because I know your family does listen to this which is insane. And meanwhile, you know, COVID Kosta over here, the damn Lib himself, he would never shit on me if I was wearing a yarmulke, probably. He would love it because he's obsessed with Libs and Hollywood and liberal stuff. Yeah.

Actually. You got it. He bleeds blue. Yeah, you're gonna go into half time and go, okay, the COVID cost of stuff didn't work. Like, what do we go through now? We're down to 30. Yeah, you gotta call John Gruden.

Hold on. Look at you, like, trying to like pivot from this. Oh, the light. I think I need to work on the lights now That sucks And by the way, look how good blue looks on it. It does look pretty good on you. Yeah, yeah And by the way interracial relationship me. I'm with a white lady that probably triggers them, too. Mm-hmm Think about that. Don't get you and your fucking neon hoodie so you don't get hit on the side of the highway

See don't pop like a balloon You fat fuck you're wearing that for safety purposes, aren't you? You're wearing shorts because you grew out of all your pants. I walked in your front door and you go, why are you so cold? Why are you wearing shorts? I go, my pants don't fit anymore. This is all I can find. And they're like a bathing suit, right? I'm throwing my clothes out the window like the Grinch, like Jerry duty, Jerry duty, black hat, black hat.

My size 34 is just flying out the window. I got nothing. It's the holidays. My mom got me elastic pants though, but they smell really bad because I went to the sauna with them. I have elastics in the pants. You wore pants into the sauna?

So I'd sweat more. Okay. And I put them on before I came here and I was like, man, I stink. Were they like sweatpants or were they just like jeans that you wore into the sauna. So I'd sweat more. Okay. And I put them on before I came here and I was like, man, I stink. Were they like sweatpants or were they just like jeans that you wore into the sauna? No, I mean, well, they're like, you know, they're like, no, they're jeans.

Okay, so that's what I'm saying. You're a Chinese man. You wore jeans into the sauna at your gym. Yeah. That's the most Chinese thing you could ever do. Yeah. You're on the Stairmaster in jeans these two fucking Romanian Jews pissed me off in the sauna last night Mm-hmm. Did you try to talk to them about no Sforat too? No, they were just fucking they have their it's the classic like AirPods in

They look good as fuck. They have the broccoli air. Mm-hmm. And then every fourth word is bro, bro Bro, bro, do you fucking read bro, bro? Bro, I try to stay locked in on that shit bro, for real bro, like I read, the guy goes, bro, bro, I read, obviously I read textbooks from school. Bro, no, not like that bro, that doesn't count. He goes, no, no, bro, bro, I read 25 pages of fucking, the art of not caring about shit.

Yeah, bro, bro, I read, the other day I read, bruh, I just read this book called The Fucking Art of Fucking Not Giving a Fucking Fuck. They finally, after a minute, they finally got the fucking name. The Art of Not Giving a Fuck, that's it, bro, bro. I've been reading mad books and shit like that. They're walking back and forth like,

bro, I locked in though, bro, like calories in, calories out, bro. I just got into drop shipping, bro Bro drop shipping like you got a bro. You got to stay locked in. That's what I'm talking about What about you? But you and me go to the bench press and we just stay there for four hours, bro What if we just camped out on the bench press before fucking now then they one started showing him the merch He was he was designing a clothing brand that he was like, bro, this shit is,

it's bro, yes, you gotta lock in, bro. Like do that shit, yes, bro. My shit's different because it's got like logos and shit on it. He was showing you, he goes, the rhinestones are so small, bro, that like, that it only like shines if like there's like lights on it and shit, bro.

Yeah, bro. Bro, I love that, bro. And then they started talking and he goes, one of them, both of their parents are like from Israel, they're both, they both like found out they're both Jewish and one's Romanian Jewish and one's like Morocco Jewish or something, I don't know. It's just rich Jews in LA just being annoying

as fucking shit in the sauna. It really sucks. It really sucks here sometimes by the way, when you go out in public it people really fucking suck ass here Yeah, when you go out you need headphones when you go out I think I'm gonna start putting those noise cancelling headphones on people use at gun ranges And everyone's really worried So you don't hear your own blasts?

Yeah. Somebody's watching. Somebody's watching you getting sucked into the stair master. They're trying to scream at you. You just I can't hear, bro. I can't hear shit. Bro, the kids nowadays, they say, bro, out here. Yeah, at least they say, bro. Have you seen this?

Bro, yes, bro. Bro, locked in, bro. Yeah, bro. They were talking about how they're on no fap and they're staying locked in And they're developing their own clothing line and they got to get into drop shipping and how to fake create fake viral videos for drop shipping They're talking about Sam Sulek the art of not getting a fuck. This is all on like ten minutes. Yeah, it was the most annoying Sation right here's how you get successful. You do exactly what everyone else we know is doing That's the key brah, but the thing is that the gym they're like I walked in I saw them

I was like fuck I'll never look like them. They look amazing They're 19 years old, you know, that's the only time you naturally look like that maybe they're pumped full of testosterone I know black dudes come in and they're jacked to black You should never compare yourself to a single black person because that's I know that's a losing battle Maybe you were just disgusted because their hair looked like broccoli You try to pour cheese on them that damn vegetable cut cut Anyway, well happy new year

Party sign up in the new year and there's some good stuff on there. Go watch the episodes when Devon was red They reveal their true nature and it's what it is. Sad to see what you've become in the New Year, Devin. Oh, I've been saying that for 363 days. About you. Fuck. The curse of double vodka don is upon us in the New Year. Getting off to a real bad start in the New Year.

I think I saw that guy speak the other day. Walking into the New Year fat as shit. I didn't even know what he looked like. He's just a guy. Double vodka don from Marshall's sports. He's not like super fat like we think. He's, I mean he's just like. Was he just an insane camera angle?

Where he was, he looked, he was shaped like a bass guitar in that video. He's like stocky I guess, but he's not like a traditional, like he didn't look like a fat fat guy. He's like a VeggieTales character, it's insane. I don't know, I just thought I saw him talking to somebody on Burstle Racial and YouTube. He hops around with like no legs, like he's like a VeggieTale guy. It's insane. I don't know. I just thought I saw him talking to somebody on Burstle Rizzling. He hops around with, like, no legs.

Like, he's like a VeggieTales guy. No, I don't think so. I think he lives underground. Yeah, you were thinking... The state of New York ruled that he must be... He has to live in a cave. Yeah, you were thinking of... You saw his co-host, Triple Vodka Desmond.

Yeah. He's the Hindenburg. Yeah, I only see his face, but his face insane he looked like a he looked like a gourd I think he looks bloated from all the Beers and double vodka the double vodka. Yeah, he loved all the attention. I gave him Yeah, just kept we as more people came to his page to tell him to kill himself He just like he just kept tweeting his merch link. I'm sure he yes made Dave Portnoy a lot of money. Mm-hmm Yeah, that's their job. I mean Dave Portnoy uses them

He's like go out there and get you know blow up a mine or something walk across his minefield and get blown in half And then I'll keep making millions So I can rape teenagers in all seriousness, I am kind of excited for the new year We got a lot of good things going on. 2025? John Knopf's coming on the live stream on Monday to talk about aliens and stuff. Nice. We're gonna take calls from listeners. That'll be great. Yeah BenAvery.live for that. The great John we're making up a lot of people I'm not cuz I couldn't do a stream on Christmas and I'm still doing a makeup stream. How about that?

Mm. Yeah, good for you, look at that. See? Yeah. I'm working overtime. Yeah. Working overtime. Good.

Look at you. Merch is also still available. Live for the merch. For the merch. Lots of also still available. Live for the merch. Lots of hats still available. Soon to be lemonparty.dev. As you look down at your gut that you're turning into a table. Dude, I look so bad. I look so fucking bad.

You are looking like when Tony Soprano would just like keep the ice cream like on his belly Like it was the chiseled tray when you when you officially give up. Yeah, you're like fuck I've been eating a ton of hog and us because at Ralph's they have a two for five Mmm, you guys know about that or is by one. I know I'm sorry buy one get one free No, yeah a two for five is insane and I've been saying to my wife from like across the house I'm like, you know hog and I was actually pretty healthy because it's like it's german. It's like really good quality I got five ingredients. It's like and I read it out loud. I go I go cream skin milk sugar

Yeah, i'm like see it's not that it's way better for you than the other one. She's like, okay I gotta turn the vacuum on again She's vacuuming all day and day Again, she's vacuuming all damn day Fuck yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna miss it man Cuz I'm actually gonna do it this time you should go you should go to the new year and be like I've done bad No time to it's the holidays. It's what happens. You should know what to do it. You should go full anorexic this year You should go full anorexic this year. You should go full cup of coffee, one apple and a pack of cigarettes a day.

Go full Christian Bale with it. You should just do the thing where you just drink coffee until like five and then have a big meal and then that's it. I know that you do that, right? Most, a lot of the time, yeah. I've given, the last like month and a half, I've been just doing whatever I want,

but I'm like fat as shit though. Yeah, but you stay fit. Yeah, you guys are both really fat, yeah. I haven't been to the gym in like three weeks. Yeah, no, I'm really disgusted with you guys. What's crazy, I've been to the gym on my app, it says I've been 11 times in like 14 days. So like I go, but I'm not doing anything.

Yeah, you're one of those guys that like tweets on the bench. But like being at the gym, I feel healthier, and I am. But you go to the gym to tweet about fat people that somehow aren't you. Yeah, to take pictures. To take pictures of fat people. I saw a guy that eats a dozen crumble cookies a day, but then he runs 24 miles to work them all off.

Yeah, well, that guy is going to be dead in a year. But isn't it calories in and out? And if he's burning that many calories from running isn't that still healthy? Yeah, I mean you're still like fucking your body up with like all the sugar and chemicals and shit But yeah, it's more eating than it is working out Because it's so hard to like, you know, like an hour of working out is is like half a crumble We could all like not work out if we just like starved ourselves. We'd lose weight Yeah, you lose a lot. So I did I did the out if we just like starved ourselves we'd lose weight. Yeah, you'd lose a lot of-

That's how I did. I did the, back in September I did the fast and I got down to 205. Yeah. Man, you get, wow damn, you're like 225 now? You're gaining 20 pounds? It sounds 226.8 or some shit last night. Jesus.

It sucks man. It fucking sucks. It's not that bad. I got no energy. I'm like 30 pounds overweight. Well you just traveled.. It's the holiday. It's like cold and depressing and It's dark at 4. It's Texas man, and you were in a fad of shit and come back saying the n-word You were in Arlington. Yeah, yeah, it's like being in a giant prison You swallow up the second you step off the plane

Yeah, I gotta say man. The Metroplex is depressing as shit It sucks. It's it's just fucking you're constantly getting in and off Yeah interstates and it just sucks my ass. Well Dallas I could never live Dallas is the one So you know what it is about the Metroplex, but it's just concrete as far as the eye can see Yeah, Dallas is the one city that's getting taken over by Indian guys. I'm like good should it's getting taken over by Indians Yeah, yeah ton of like full Indian cities and they're in for a rude awakening the DFW area now But no Dallas sucks at Dallas is a piece of shit city. I used to defend it now I'm like I just feel a tremendous sadness when I'm there. Mm-hmm, yeah. I mean, it makes sense that JFK's head exploded in Dallas.

It makes complete sense. Yeah, it is. Yeah. It's like fine, but like. I did hear it starting to lose a little bit of it's just like, at least it's nice. I heard it's like, you know, there's a lot of people coming in there too,

and I kinda heard it's like getting a little more like regular city-ish. Yeah, and I kind of heard it's like getting a little more like regular city ish Yeah, it sucks like it's not just It was like always boring, but at least you never felt like oh, this is crazy There's like growth. There's like crazy people around but now it seems like there's like some crazy people Yeah, now it's starting to get the regular city. It's getting the shitty city thing But it never had a good city thing right either. So now it's just shitty that just sucks it's like if a city just slowly became Detroit, but was never like

golden years Automobile Detroit just became current-day Detroit motherfuckers around I Went to the mall. I went to the Arlington Parks mall or whatever motherfuckers are big as fuck This month this big fat double vodkavac-a-don looking motherfucker It's always funny to call people that aren't that fat like to keep using them as the as a fat Okay, I'll look him up if he's not that I just saw a picture of me was and maybe it wasn't him but I thought it was him and he just looked like a slightly

American person. Yeah, like double Hate his name. Yeah, what's his what's his Christian name? Oh that is him, okay You already saw any other Barstool employee. I saw another guy. Oh, I'm talking about Danny Beers. That's the guy you went over. No, no, no, no. We're talking about Double Vodka. Oh, I apologize.

We would not go after Danny Beers. Jesus. This is the most embarrassed. Yeah, that guy. Look how he's talking. But I thought you went over with Danny Beers. Who's Danny Beers? What? Danny Beers was tweeting in defense of double vodka this place. I know I got how can you not keep it straight?

I can't keep up. This is him. I'm my apologies. I do what a huge error. I'm I part go back go back Look, he literally he lost an eye Yeah, he was going too fast at a Panda Express fork went in his eye. He caught some shrapnel. Yeah, fuck yeah, he's the best. He got Bell's palsy is what happened. Poor guy. Half of his face just refused to keep eating anymore.

He's Christian just for the communion. Yeah. He's Christian just for the communion. Fuck yeah. Yeah Fuck yeah, he actually is that for fancy cheeses at parties balls palsy god bless him Yeah, Bell's palsy on the guy damn. Yeah, no he that that guy is fat as shit. I Was totally wrong yeah, that's why I was like. I could've swore he was another guy we were talking about the last time. But it was also, I mean the funniest thing was in the original video him being like,

him being like Carson Wynne should be fucking ashamed of himself. Talking about athletes. Yeah, talking about like the most like gods that walk amongst us. He has Taco Bell's palsy. Yeah, very good. He's like half my face turned into a Doritos Locos taco.

Yeah, the doctor basically explained that half of my nervous system is a featured item that went away for a little while. It's gonna come back later. So they actually replaced my heart with a McRib. The bones of the aorta. Yeah, the bones of the aorta. There was enough femoral artery in McRibs that they were able to save me.

They're gonna flame broil his heart to bring him back to life. Yeah, so the doctor did surgery on my heart. He did it like when you go to the FOGA, the chow and they slice the meat off this little spin. On the airplane. He's so fucking fat. Yeah, he's very fat. He's a very big guy.

Way fatter than me, dude. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go pounds overweight kiss my ass. Yeah. Yeah, he actually he broke the barstool in the logo It's got a leg snapped on it now It's got a leg snapped on it now. Dude, I would kill myself if I went viral just for posting an ordinary video and it was like, look at this fat piece of shit. From your head.

From your head only. It's your head only. It's not like a few of you from the side where you're wearing something that's a little too flowy. It's just your face from the neck above. And people are like, why? And people are going, why is it shaped like that? People are conducting an investigation.

People are like, why is it shaped like the body of a guitar? Why does your head have great acoustics? Yeah, Sissy, you're doing great. No, you're doing great. Yeah You're doing him me. Oh me. Yeah. Yeah, you just you got you got the holiday funk You're gonna come through to a new better man. No, i'm feeling good If it went on that quickly, it also will go off that quickly too. Yeah, it's probably mostly water Water shit. I just gotta do it. I'm just afraid that one day I'm just not going to take that u-turn and I'm just gonna go I'm gonna dive into like and

Then because I know once I get past a certain way it's gone for me I'm the I'm the motherfuckers that just it just gets off the wide and completely out of control, right? Yeah, you're flirting with disaster right now. That's what I mean. Yeah, I'm like, I'm flying too close to the sun, you know? Mm-hmm. And I gotta, I gotta. You're flying too close to the sunny day. Yep. Yeah.

So, anyway, happy new year to everybody. Happy new year. Happy new year. Our hearts obviously go out to everybody that was killed in the planes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, it does. All the planes. in the planes. Yeah Yes, yeah, all the planes all the play Thailand, Azerbaijan

South Korea to South Korea Azerbaijan was right though. That's why John was correct. Yeah. No, I think I saw a Thailand one today was there Yeah, there was a Thailand what I think it was Thailand Airlines Yeah Thailand T air I think I. I don't know about that one. Yeah Thailand T air I Think I mean I don't want to Thailand and just we lost like 300 ladyboys crash Korea Jeju air flight 2216 South Korea you just don't respect Asians mm-hmm hmm Those Thailand I

Could have sworn I saw something as a Thailand What the fuck no you're probably you're probably thinking of Malaysian Airlines from 2012 or whatever okay? Yeah Yeah, I'm like, but now it's a South Korea. Oh look all these Korean people are sad. Yeah He's uh He's sad. Yup. Yup. And he's happy. Why does he look like Chinese Bill Clinton?

I did not have sex with the women there. She's fine. She's plotting her escape. By the way, wood. Wood. Wood, especially if her husband is gone. Double Wood. That pussy got that gorilla glue grip.

OK. Right there. This guy is, this guy has Alzheimer's. He doesn't even know where he is. Hm. Hm. Yep. This guy thinks 9-11 happened just then.

This guy is playing games on his phone. Yeah, he's playing a weird porn game on his phone. He's trying to see how long. He's playing a weird octopus porn game on his Verizon device. So it says here there's a plane crash in South Korea. At Muwon International Airport killed 179, the worst aviation accident. Arriving from Bangkok, Thailand.

I'm not a retired. Oh, so it was a bunch of people having weird sex with underage ladyboy prostitutes. So, you know. Turning their insides inside out. Exactly, so you know, maybe this is God's revenge in a way. Dude, a survivor woke up. That's crazy Well, I want to see the video I was a flight attendant he told doctors he had already been rescued when he woke up

Fully able to communicate no indication of memory loss. That's crazy. Wow, that's insane Yeah, the black box is gonna take really long to decode because they have to teach themselves Korean That's unfortunate, hmm Yeah, okay, yeah people are sad it says but breaking news the people are saddened and shocked Hmm says they're saddened and shocked Hmm and that's an article from Thania porn butthong I Swear to God that's the day Thania porn but thong. Yeah, but thong. Yeah

Wow Thania porn but thong Mom of two John love tongue main Wow, Thonuporn Buttthong. Mum of two, Jongluck Dongmane. Dongmane. Jongluck Dongmane. Yeah, they're sad. Jongluck. Jongluck Dongmane. And the person that took the picture,

whose name was Pornpichaya Chalersman. That's the name of a Pokemon. Oh my God. whose name was Pornpichaya Chowdhersman. That's the name of a Pokemon. Oh my God. Dude, Pornpichaya Chowdhersman is a Pokemon character. Good Lord. Can you imagine we got press passes and we sent Ben to the memorial where they go, we will now read out the names of everyone.

Pornapipoopabod. One of the victims, what the hell, was Udon the noodle? Udon Thonny. Yeah, spicy. Man, that's very sad. No, he was from a place called Udon Thonny. You know what's bullshit about this, by the way, is like, everybody makes jokes about 9-11 all the time now, but then they like morally

It's supposedly okay cuz like times passed but since we're doing this now supposedly Yeah, yeah, I get it. You got times even a real thing You gotta wait you gotta wait till people stop pretending to be really sad. Yeah, you're at the memorial saying that Like time is even a real thing. What's your name fucking porn star? Fucking rib who gives a shit you people are fucking ants you people like this and porn ants you're nothing more than ants I'm being escorted

it's a memorial there's 187 caskets you're being thrown out there's like 200 caskets to find me you go no no you misunderstand how time works There's like 200 caskets behind me. You go, no, no, you misunderstand how time works. It doesn't matter, we make jokes about 9-11,

time is meaningless, here's the interstellar, you fucking bug people. You should also not make a joke about that. What is wrong with you? You go, fuck you. Talk it all weird. Part of me thinks Korean people only exist in the ads on the side of the pornography videos. Yeah, that is true.

The only place that I go, oh they do exist. No, they're made in a lab to make pornography videos that you watch. They're caterpillars. That's a new, you've unlocked a fifth dimension of racism. When they exist. You even walked a fifth dimension of racism When they exist, mm-hmm. All right, we gotta get out of here boys Happy new year New year to everybody. God bless everyone patreon.com

slash lemon party Expect bigger and better content in the future upward and onwards as always and better content in the future, upward and onwards, as always, much love. God bless America, God bless this country, God bless Devin Costa. By the way, we're kidding, we're doing a bit for the comments, some people sometimes think, I think we need to do this claim right at the end. Oh, right, and people think we're angry.

Yeah, we think we're actually fighting. I love you, Benjamin. I think we have to do this claim, I love you too, Devin. Happy New Year. Love you, Jace. Love you, buddy. Jace Avery, everybody. Love you, buddy. Give it up for Jace. Love you, Jace do a disclaimer, love you too, Dad. Happy New Year. Love you Jace. Love you buddy. Jace Avery, everybody. Love you buddy. Give it up for Jace. Love you Jace.

Give it up for Devon, Kosta. Love you all, folks. Give it up for Robert Eggers, give it up for him. I do enjoy him enough. God bless you all. Goodbye, everybody. Happy holidays. This is so funny to wave the hat.

Happy holidays, everybody. Bon hat. Happy holidays everybody. Bon voyage. Happy New Year. Bye. Bye. Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina Music would play and Polina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Polina Wicked and evil while casting a spell I love was deep for this Mexican mate I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a while young Calmore came in Wild as the West Texas way