Let's Go To Court! - 231: The Cardiff Giant

Episode Date: October 12, 2022

T’was 1869 (nice) and a farmer named William “Stub” Newell hired two men to dig a well on his property. He told the men where to dig and left them to do their thing. The men dug and dug. They were only about three feet deep when they hit something. It felt like a stone. They dug around it. They cleared dirt off of it. They soon realized that they hadn’t hit a stone; they’d hit a gigantic foot. They kept digging. When they cleared all the dirt away, they realized that they were looking at the petrified body of a giant. T’was a sight to behold! He was a full blown meaty boi! *Kristin first told this story during our live episode taping at Obsessed Fest, where she was so nervous that she couldn’t talk about the Cardiff Giant’s massive dong. Brandi, however, had no such misgivings. We’ll put the recording from the live show on Patreon at the $10 level as soon as we get it. In the meantime, please enjoy this recording straight from the sex dungeon. And now for a note about our process. For each episode, Kristin reads a bunch of articles, then spits them back out in her very limited vocabulary. Brandi copies and pastes from the best sources on the web. And sometimes Wikipedia. (No shade, Wikipedia. We love you.) We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the real experts who covered these cases. In this episode, Kristin pulled from: “The giant in the earth,” by Stephen Sears for American Heritage “When giants roamed the earth,” by Mark rose for Archaeology  “The Cardiff giant hoax,” by James Taylor Dunn for New York History “The Cardiff giant was just a big hoax,” by Kat Eschner for Smithsonian Magazine “Fake of a fake of a fake: A giant tale of local lore,” by Gerald Smith for Press Connects YOU’RE STILL READING? My, my, my, you skeezy scunch! You must be hungry for more! We’d offer you some sausage brunch, but that gets messy. So how about you head over to our Patreon instead? (patreon.com/lgtcpodcast). At the $5 level, you’ll get 35+ full length bonus episodes, plus access to our 90’s style chat room!  

One semester of law school. One semester of criminal justice. Two experts! I'm Kristen Caruso. I'm Brandi Egan. Let's go to court! On this episode, I'll be talking about an amazing discovery. And I'll be listening!

Oh, will you? I will! Oh. My. Lord. Holy. Shit. We are back from Obsessed Fest. And our heads were so big we don't fit in this sex dungeon together anymore. Okay. Holy shit.

It was amazing. It was unbelievable. Yeah. It was all the things. Yeah. So just for anyone who's unfamiliar, like we were invited to go to Obsessed Fest, which was a big like podcast, true crime convention thing in Columbus, Ohio put on by the Obsessed Network. It was – I mean we were scared shitless. We were. We were terrified to go. But it was amazing. It was so much fun. We were terrified to go. But it was amazing.

It was so much fun. We had the best time. We'll tell you all about it. So quit asking right now. That's right. Right now we have to do an ad. Oh, shit, we sure do. Oh, my Lord.

So we went and we did the thing. We did our first fucking live show. It was amazing. It was terrifying and amazing. So full disclosure, we have a recording of that show. Yes. But you and I are both weird about live episodes. When a podcast drops a live episode, you and I are both like, skip. I like

attending a live show. I'm not big on listening back. So we know that some of you are. And so we're putting that stuff on Patreon as soon as we get it from the festival. But we decided that for this week, we would just retell the story that I told on stage. I think we could talk about the whole experience a little bit. Yeah. I mean, we were on stage with some pretty big names, folks. You ever heard of Rabia Chaudhry? Maybe she said she loves our show.

Maybe she was very close to me. Maybe I met Damian Echols and played it very cool. You can decide which part of that statement is true. All right, shall we? Are you ready to hear this story again? I am. I loved this story. Are you going to pretend like you're hearing it for the first time?

Or are you just going to be you? Be real? I'm going to be real. All right, J.Lo. Yeah. All right. Me and Ja Rule. Wait, is that who that song's with?

Yeah. Okay. And J.Lo wore that sweatsuit. Yeah. Was it pink? I feel like it was definitely velour. I'm pretty sure it was pink. Like baby pink, right?

Or was that the song that she did with fucking what's his name? LL Cool J. Didn't she do a song with LL Cool J too? I don't know. Okay, it doesn't matter. Okay. Okay. Hugest of shout outs to this old timey article by Stephen Sears for American Heritage titled The Giant in the Earth.

Old timey disclaimer. Picture it. for American Heritage, titled The Giant in the Earth. Mmm. Old-timey disclaimer. Picture it! Cardiff, New York, October 16, 1869. A farmer... Nice! All right. A farmer named William Stubb Newell hired Gideon Emmons and Henry Nichols to come dig a well on his property. Stubb told the men where to dig.

He picked what? No word on the origin of the Stubb's nickname? How do you expect me to know how a man— Was he missing three fingers? I don't know. I feel like the old-timey articles would have mentioned that. But like, good luck finding out how somebody got a nickname when they're long dead. We all know how you got the nickname No Butthole Kristen.

That's enough. Which means that we all know how you got the nickname Two Butthole Brandy. Yeah, that came back around, didn't it? I bet if you gave people a choice of no butthole or two buttholes, they'd probably go with two buttholes. What do you mean probably? Of course you would. Probably be convenient, honestly.

It is. I can tell you. I've had two buttholes for for a week now it's working out great well i'm very happy for you also everyone i'm very suspicious of brandy like we were together all the time at obsessed fest and i'm a nervous peer so like i was running to the bathroom constantly especially before we had like a show or before we had something you didn't use the bathroom the whole weekend. I used it in my hotel room.

That's where I use the bathroom. How do you hold it that long? Okay, but I hold it all day at work. I can't just be peeing willy-nilly when I'm knee deep in a highlight. Why are your knees so involved? I guess elbows deep probably would have been the proper term. So Stubb, no idea how he got the nickname, told the men where to dig. He picked a spot about 20 feet behind his barn.

Then he left them alone to do their thing. The men dug and dug, and they were only about three feet deep when they hit something. At first they thought it was a stone, so they dug around it and they cleared some dirt off of it, but as they brushed more and more of the dirt away, they realized that they'd hit a stone. Oh, sorry. I was like, wait, didn't we already know it was a stone? Everybody thought it was a stone. You know what's funny? I did a better job in this story in front of an audience.

No, they realized they hadn't hit a stone. Was it a stone at all? It was a giant fucking foot. Yep. They'd hit a stone. Was it a stone at all? It was a giant fucking foot! Yep. They'd hit a human foot. A very hard set of 21-inch long feet. The men

were stunned. They kept digging. They were confused and amazed and sure enough, the feet were attached to these gigantic legs and the legs were attached to this massive torso and on it went. All the way down to its massive dick. Do you want to talk about that, Brittany?

I do want to talk about it because Kristen could not make a dick joke in front of the audience. I couldn't. She just clammed up like a vagina. Like a lady. Combed up like a vagina. Just like a lady. No, everyone, you're going to need to Google Cardiff Giant. Cardiff Giant because it has a sizable dong.

It's very memorable. Okay, it's very shocking. It's thick. I mean, lots of detail involved. Really? Not a lot of detail in the rest of the statue. In the rest of the statue, there is, like, no detail. But the dick is, like... Okay, they can't see you giving the thumbs up sign.

You can see the mushroom tip. Pulled it out, went drip, drip, drip. All right, that's new. No, she had that G.I. Joe kung fu grip. Oh, my God. What song are you that G.I. Joe Kung Fu grip. Oh, my God. What song are you singing? Sublime. Caress me down.

Anyway, as I was saying, I was too much of a lady to mention that in front of the good people at Obsessed Fest. But didn't you ask directly about the dong? I think you did. That doesn't sound like me at all. I think it does. All right. So they cleared all the dirt away and they were looking at the petrified body of a giant.

Twas a sight to behold. He was a full-blown meaty boy. He was 10 feet, 4 1⁄2 inches tall. His shoulders were 3 feet across, and he weighed 3,000 pounds. That's big. Also, he has a lot of ribs. Are you looking at a picture of him right now? Okay.

I mean, there's just not a ton. Like, he's not super detailed, but like, you can see all the ribs. You can see everything about his dick plus his ribs. That's right. His body language told quite a story. He had perished, laying on his side, his left leg bent a little, his right hand clutching his tum-tum. His body screamed pain, but his face whispered serenity. It was incredible. The men went and got Farmer Stubb and showed him what they dug up, and old Stubb was shocked. Shocked, I tell you.

He was like, oh my, maybe we should cover this thing back up and just not tell anyone about it. But this was too exciting. No one could keep it a secret. No, we need tents. We need the keep it a secret. No. We need tents. We need the fucking Ferris wheel out here. We need someone selling cotton candy. No. Brandy? We need someone cutting up slabs

of crab apple trees for souvenirs. I'm sorry. I was thinking you were going in a food direction. I was like, doesn't she know crab apples should not be consumed? Yeah. All right.

No, that was a reference to another case. Yeah, I'm familiar. You did. Fun fact, I am your co-host, so I know. Damn it. Soon, everyone in Cardiff wanted to come see the gigantic, petrified man. A writer from the Syracuse Journal reported on the discovery, and then even more people wanted to see it. Farmer Stubb had been reluctant at first, but then he decided to let people have a look.

The first day, oh shit, he scrolled too fast in his notes. The first day, he let people. He scrolled too fast in his notes. The first day. He let people come and see the giant for free. Big mistake, buddy. That's not a mistake. Yeah. No, you're so wrong. Oh, okay.

All right. I get what you're saying because it's like a preview. Yeah, you've got to let. And they're going to spread the word. Yes. And then he's going to start charging more. More than the nothing. What, a quarter?

Yes. What year is it? I got it 1869. Nice. Oh, nice. As you recall. I got to say, I can't believe you really had to be walked through that business plan. I really thought he was making a mistake not charging.

No. Let's see how it works now. Yeah. Wow. You know, on the second telling of this story, you really catch on. Yeah, wow. You know, on the second telling of this story, you really catch on. On the second day, he put up a tent, and he charged people 25 cents to come see the giant.

People were so happy to pay 25 cents that a couple days later, Stubbs started charging people 50 cents to see the giant. That's right. He's got the dong, and they want to see it. Okay. I mean, the dung's attached to a giant man, but we all know what they're coming for. He's not putting, he didn't put like

a little modesty panel over the giant. Well, no. No, let him see. Were women and children allowed to come see? It didn't say they weren't and I'm sure he was,

you know, this was a money-making venture at this point, right? I mean, you're not going to turn people away just because of a dong. You think maybe he, like, threw a little burlap sack over it? Maybe. Hmm.

Wouldn't be a little burlap sack. All right. Visitors treated the Cardiff Giant with great reverence. When they gathered round the giant, they didn't laugh. They barely spoke. I was obviously not there because there's no way I'm seeing this fucking thing and not laughing. I disagree. You think you could see this and not laugh?

I think you could see it and not laugh. You do? Yes. I think it's all about the atmosphere. So it's like very somber. You know, everyone's, you know, talking in hushed voices. OK, if you and I were there together. Yeah. OK. Well, yeah, we would lose it. We would lose it over this. But if we were separate.

Why? You don't want to go with me? I'm very busy. OK, you never know what I've got going on. No, you're right. I mean, yeah, and even as I say this, I'm backing down from my point because the second either one of us got a look at that dong, I think we'd be laughing. We wouldn't have to even say words. We'd just make eye contact and then we'd be laughing. You'd try to make eye contact with me, but I'd be so busy. Is he staring at that dick.

A giant petrified dick. I think it's so funny already how much raunchier this episode is than the live episode. Than it was at the live show, yes. I just couldn't go balls out. You couldn't do it. You couldn't. Your balls were tucked all the way in. Do it.

You couldn't. Your balls were tucked all the way in. I don't know how you did it because, like, seeing all those faces looking back at me. See, here, it's just like you and me in my freaking house. And, like, I know people will listen, but, you know, will they really? People were transfixed by the mysterious creature. And his dick. Where did he come from? Where did he go?

Where did he come from, Cotton Eye Joe? A pamphlet, which was sold on site, read, Speak out, O giant, stiff and stark and grim. Open thy lips of stone, thy story tell. That's just stupid because it can't speak. Exactly, but they want it to speak so they can learn more about him. Do you not understand poetry? Sorry. Yeah.

Sometimes it's not super literal. You dumb hoe. Go back to staring at the dick. I will, thank you. As the visitors stared at the wondrous Cardiff giant, a tour guide stood underneath the tent and told the crowd everything that was known about the giant. He told the story of the giant's discovery. He gave them the giant's measurements. He didn't mention the giant. He told the story of the giant's discovery. He gave them the giant's measurements.

He didn't mention the dick. But he did mention that the giant had a 37-inch neck. Really? Yeah. That's thick with two C's. Well, yeah, it's like, you know, if you're planning on getting him a shirt. You need to know.

I mean, I would probably worry about some underpants before. You don't think this guy should be Winnie the Pooh in it? No, that thing is slinging around. All right. But what people were really interested in was the giant's origin story. And that was a subject of great debate. Some said that the Cardiff giant had been written about in the Bible. People pointed out that there's a line in the book of Genesis which reads,

There were giants in the earth in those days. And then they burped. It's in the Bible. You have to do it. And Jesus said unto the people, So obviously the Cardiff Giant was one of

those giants. In fact, the Cardiff Giant, Brandy, was proof that the Bible should be interpreted literally. Boy. Yep. Then there was the theory the Bible should be interpreted literally. Buh. Yep. No.

Then there was the theory that the Cardiff Giant was a gigantic Native American. Okay. Where's that theory coming from? Dumb white people. Yeah. So Native Americans, specifically the Onondaga people, had lived in Cardiff until the U.S. government committed genocide against them. So a lot of these white people who came to see the Cardiff Giant were like, aha, the giant is an ancestor to the Onondaga people. Okay.

And then there was this other theory, the theory that the Cardiff Giant was just a stupid hoax. No! Say it ain't so! It shocked me as much as it shocked you. Some people, haters I call them, were like, this is clearly a statue. You can see tool marks in it. Also, does flesh petrify... I'm not just saying tool. All right. You can see tool marks in it. Also, does flesh petrify? I can see a tool.

Also, does flesh petrify? We're pretty sure flesh doesn't petrify. The president of Cornell. Depends on how scared it is. the best part of that was watching you stifle your laughter at your own joke the president of cornell came to see the cardiff giant and he was like this is bullshit he said this farmer claims that he hired these guys to dig a well, but it doesn't make sense to dig a well in this spot. Also, there's a stream like right over there. This farmer doesn't need a well.

This is clearly a statue. It was created recently and it isn't very good. It's really not that good. It's really not that close. For a while, people were super offended by the idea that the Cardiff giant was a statue. They were like, first of all, statues are always standing up. Duh. They always have a base.

Duh. Also, the giant is contorted in agony. Who makes a statue of a dude contorted in agony? No one. It's not a statue. Case closed. Whoever made this did it. No.

Yeah. No, he's a real guy. Okay. He's been petrified. But then some very smart, well-educated people came to examine the Cardiff Giant. Brandi, are you staring at the guys? I'm looking at different pictures. This one, he's got a birthday hat on.

What? They celebrated his 150th birthday. And they put a birthday hat? Yes. Turn your computer around. I want to see it. Oh, that is so rude. It's his party.

Did they like partially blow up little balloons? Partially. Those are blown up balloons. Okay. Well, they look a little dinky compared to the giant. He is 10 feet, four and a half inches tall. And 3,000 pounds. That is so rude that they put a little hat on. A little hat on.

He's got a little tassel on the end. So these well-educated people came to examine the giant, and a lot of them agreed that it was a statue. But they strongly disagreed that it was a statue but they strongly disagreed that it was poorly done and they definitely disagreed that it had been done recently when did they think it'd be done it what language i'm not sure when did they think it had been done? I'm about to tell you. Oh, okay, great.

I'll keep my pants on. My favorite part was when the whole audience yelled at you to keep your pants on. I've never felt more validated. Also, remember when we came out and they were like, oh, my God, Kristen's so hot. You remember when they all shouted that? I didn't hear that. No. I'm sure the recording captured it.

And if it didn't, then they used some audio technology to take it out. Is that what that noise is? That's audio technology? Patty knows what I'm talking about. No. Dr. John

F. Boynton examined the statue and declared it magnificent. It was a 10 out of 10. Dr. Boynton said that the Cardiff Giant had likely been carved 250 years earlier. What, did he taste it? He just gave it a little lick and said it tasted about 250 years old. I don't think he should have sucked this stick. But he did. And that's how he determined that it had been made 250 years earlier.

By a French Jesuit priest. Okay. I'm sorry. It's a very scientific method. Dr. Boynton wrote, the chin is magnificent and generous. The eyebrow or superciliary ridge is well arched. The mouth is pleasant. The brow and forehead are noble.

is pleasant, the brow and forehead are noble. I think it's interesting that he specifically mentions the eyebrow when there's not a lot of eyebrow definition on this puppy. Wow. You don't, you wouldn't call it well arched? I wouldn't. And also, the chin doesn't look that generous to me. Hasn't given me anything yet. Well, he's quite an old boy at this point.

You think maybe the chin wore down? What's the thing? Is it your nose and ears that grow? Yeah, your whole life. Oh, my God. Can you imagine how huge my ears are going to be in the nursing home? Your ears are normal size. Between my ears and Kyla's nose, we're going to be quite a pair.

Rude. Speaking of things that might seem rude to say, but are actual victories for us all, I want you all to know that Brandy has a pimple right now. Oh, I do. I have the fucking biggest pimple I've

ever had in my whole life right here on my chin. The stress of the weekend has caught up to me. I've never been happier. So rude. Here's the thing. Every other time you've been like, oh, I've got a pimple, you point to a non-existent pimple. This one is.

This one. I'm so rude. I'm like, do you have a pimple? Yeah one is... This one, I'm so rude. I'm like, do you have a pimple? Yeah. Oh my God. It's huge. Meanwhile,

you should know I'm covered in pimples, but like, that's not new information. That's just normal life. This, oh, this is great. I'm glad you could have

this gift today. This giant zit on my chin. Thank you, Brandy. Oh, you know what? I grew it just for you. You know what would be like really sweet? What? Like what if it really was like a fake pimple that you put on just to like make me feel better?

It's not. It's very real. Well, see, and here's – sorry, we're off track big time. But here's the thing. Before Obsessed Fest, I had a huge breakout. So I was broken out at Obsessed Fest. Your face waited until afterward. It did.

So I'm, you know. Popped up Monday in the safety of my own home. Yeah, that must have been nice. Dr. Boynton also noted that the statue bore a strong resemblance to George Washington. I disagree. What do you think it bears a strong resemblance? Barely a human. Would you say the mouth is pleasant?

It's fine. What about the brow and forehead? Are they noble? No, I don't think they're noble. The smile does have slight upturned corners on the mouth. Kind of a Mona Lisa situation? I do. I do think it's pleasant.

I mean, you'd have a pleasant look on your face, too, if you had a dong like that. I mean, like, how mad can the guy be? Take that thing straight to the bank. I think they'd ask you to leave. Sir, what do you think this is, a credit union? Other very important dudes agreed with Dr. Boynton. Was that your stomach? No. What was that? I don't know. I think I rattled the Dr. Boynton. Was that your stomach? No.

What was that? I don't know. I think I rattled the table. Oh, okay. My stomach is just fine. Was it your pimple talking to me? That's rude. Reverend S.R. Calthrop examined the Cardiff Giant and announced that it was definitely a statue,

definitely carved 250 years ago, and definitely the work of a French dude. Why French? Because. There's a little beret it has on. Yeah, the Cardiff Giant. I forgot to mention he's wearing a beret. He's holding a baguette.

He's got a little glass of wine in one hand. Those little pencil mustaches. He's got a tattoo of the Eiffel Tower. A tramp stamp of the Eiffel Tower. What more do you want? Wasn't the Eiffel Tower put up like way past when did that thing go up? I don't fucking know.

Why don't you know these things? You're so good at trivia. It seems like you should know. I had no idea when the Eiffel Tower was erected. Pause, please, as we do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. It was constructed from 1887 to 1889 as the center group. They got the idea from this guy's tattoo. Wow. Talk about culturally significant.

Reverend Calthrop also declared that the statue had been created to celebrate a heroic man who'd been shot in the back by the poisoned arrow of a Native American. I mean, it looks like they're just saying whatever the fuck they want about this thing. Yeah, and like it's 75% racist. Right. The number of theories that are like, I think the Native Americans had something to do with this. They've caused him great pain. Yeah. Hmm.

Can you imagine the balls of like being part of. There aren't any balls on this. It's just the dick. Excuse me, ma'am. I'm talking about the balls of like, yeah, we're all doing this genocide together. Yeah. But you know who the bad ones are. Yeah, exactly.

Professor James Hall, who was a geologist and authority on paleontology, agreed. This was a statue. It had been sculpted long ago, and it was, quote, the most remarkable object yet brought to light in this country. Meh. Here's a fun fact. The more people talked and argued about the Cardiff Giant,

the better it was for business. Well, obviously. Oh. Oh, wow. That's for business. Well, obviously. Oh! Oh, wow! That's how advertising works. Brand new. Oh! Oh, Little Miss, I think it's a big mistake the first day to let people see this thing for free.

Now all of a sudden you've got your MBA from the Cardiff School of Business. I just spat everywhere. I'm very sorry. We're the Cardiff Dunks. It's our mascot. What's your slogan? You got to work the word hard in there. I know.

Cardiff Dongs. We're hard at work. That's terrible. Oh, wow. Wow. You're going to be fired from your job at the business school. I can tell you right now. Let me pour a little more iced coffee for myself.

Need a little pep in my step. All this talk of dongs is making me sleepy. What? That didn't make sense. Now, you know, everyone, I'm very sorry. This episode's getting real weird. This happens sometimes when we're super tired and we do an episode. Yeah, it happens, in fact, every time we do an episode.

No, just sometimes. Sometimes. Usually you're really unprofessional, but I keep it together. Oh, okay. You've noticed that, right? Yeah. You've noticed it. You can confirm it.

I can confirm I'm the unprofessional one. What other compliments do you have for me today? You don't have any zits. Well, that's obviously not true. All the zit power from you. Oh, my God. And my one giant chin zit. Kind of a Samson and Delilah situation.

It is. Go take some pictures of your ass because it's as cleared up as it's going to be. No, I'm sure it's not. My poor ass. I'm serious. I bet your ass is just fine. No, no. I mean, I'm tempted to take my your ass is just fine. No, no. It's, I mean, I'm tempted to take my pants off right now.

No. That was involuntary. That just came out of me. What is it that would make you so uncomfortable about seeing my butt? Just picture like a normal butt but like if someone sat in a pepperoni pizza and stood up. That's what my butt looks like. Why would you not want to see it? I doubt that very much. I mean you shouldn't doubt it very much.

Would you die? I would never show you my butt against your will. You have shown me your butt against my will. I have. Are you serious? Oh, no. No, you sent me a picture of your butt one day. Oh.

Oh, that's right. Remember when you fell down the stairs? When I fell down the stairs. You had a giant bruise over your whole ass. Yes. And I did that without giving you. Without consent. I love how I so confidently was like, well, I'm a good person, so I'd never just show you my butt, you know, without your permission.

Wow. No, but I enjoyed seeing your bruise. What about the butt that was attached to the bruise? I don't remember the butt at all. Well, that's hurtful. I do remember the bruise. It was very purple. Mm-hmm.

It was a perfect line right across my butt. It sure was. Well, belated apologies for showing you my butt. One time. What? What? Is there another time that I showed you my butt? No, but there's a time you made me show you my butt. What? What? Is there another time that I showed you my butt? No, but there's a time you made me show you my butt.

What? What are you talking about? I don't remember this. No! What are you talking about? I made you. Uh-huh. Yes. Am I a predator? Clearly. Chris Hansen's busting in this room at any minute.

Picture it. We were approximately 15 years old. Okay. You and Kyla and Laura liked to tease me that I didn't have a butt crack because my pants could fall down pretty far and you still couldn't see my butt crack. Really? I have no recollection of this. And so low-cut jeans were very popular at the time. And somehow, no matter how low my jeans went, you never saw crack.

Because that's what's nice about my butt. So you guys would tease me relentlessly that I didn't have a butt crack. And I assured you I did in fact have a butt crack. You made me prove it. Hold on. How did I make you prove it? Okay, you didn't force me to do anything that I didn't want to do. But you were...

I was bullied. I was peer pressured. I am very sorry. You don't remember this at all? No! We were in Laura's basement. We went into her bathroom. And you showed us your butt crack?

That's right. Well. And you showed us your butt crack? That's right. Well, people will rightfully demand that I be canceled. I have a lot to apologize for. But, okay, in fairness, do you remember that time that you forced me to show you my tits? No. Oh, well, it happened. So the Cardiff Giant was national news. I'm sorry.

I cannot get over that. You showed us your butt crack. You don't remember it at all? No. No. Is this, this like etched into your memory? Yeah. Well, clearly. I mean, yeah. It's the reason I'm a never knew. It's the reason

you're a never knew. I'm a never knew. For real? No. Okay. Oh my god. I was traumatized by it in no way. It was hilarious. Okay, good. You had me worried.

No. Jesus. The Cardiff Giant was national news, much like Brandy's butt crack. Thousands of people traveled to Cardiff to see it, much like Brandy's butt crack. That's right. During the week, hundreds of people came out. On weekends, visitors numbered in the thousands. It was official.

Farmer Stubb was rolling in dough. Did he have all five fingers on each hand? Why did I say all five fingers? I love, I love. Yep, he had all five of them. So why people call them stub, we just don't know. I meant to say ten fingers. Locals opened restaurants like the Giant Saloon and the Goliath House.

Hotels filled up. A group of five local businessmen saw an opportunity. They went to Stubb Newell and offered him 30 grand for a three-quarter interest in the Cardiff Giant. Did he say no? No, he accepted their offer. Ma'am, I told you this story like two days ago. I guess you weren't paying close enough attention. Apparently not. That doesn't seem like enough money. What's that adjusted for inflation? Oh, I see.

So you're setting me up. No. I see. You're forcing me to tell the good listeners that what are you looking up? I'm trying to find an inflation calculator. The inflation calculator doesn't go back that far. It's 1869. Don't you worry about it.

Don't you think I looked this up already? Maybe. You should go to smartass.com. I thought you were making up a website just so you could call me a smartass. All right, fine. Stubb accepted their offer, Brandy. I don't think that's enough money. Why not?

30 grand? He only owns 25% of it now. I mean, but the 25% he does own has the dong attached. I'm taking the hip reach. Hip reach. About a month later, Stubb and his new business partner shipped the giant to Syracuse, New York, where even more people would be able to see it. It was fabulous. The Cardiff giant was a hit.

But with more eyeballs came more scrutiny. And more dong touching. Could they touch the dong? No. Do you think it was one of those situations where it became really smooth and shiny because so many people touched it? Absolutely not. Brandi, I told you these people were like talking in hushed voices around it. Oh, nobody was like kissing the dong. Like, hey, take my picture and like sticking their tongue out, make it look like they're licking it.

Only for scientific purposes. That's how they found out how old it was. It was fabulous. The Cardiff Giant was a hit. Did I already read that? Yeah. Some asshole reporter wrote a column in the local newspaper. The headline read,

wrote a column in the local newspaper. The headline read, Scientific Official Report of the Recent Scientific Examination of the Stone Giant. And the article read, That is some old-timey shade is what that is. That's amazing shade. Yes. That headline with a blank column underneath it. Another paleontologist examined the giant, which as we all know means that he performed fellatio on the giant, and declared it a humbug.

Or as he said, a, bro. Which is an old timey word for hoax. In retrospect, he should have taken it out of his mouth first. He was just so excited to share his findings, obviously. But none of this mattered to a man named P.T. Barnum. I'm sorry. But none of this mattered to a man named P.T. Barnum. All that mattered to P.T. Barnum was that there was an attraction that people were paying to see and he wanted part of the action. Yeah. He was like, sounds like a real circus over there. And everyone laughed because they all got it.

Yeah. So he went to Farmer Stubb and his business pals and was like, hello, I'd like to pay you $50,000 for your Cardiff Giant. I don't care if it's real. I don't care if it's fake. I just want it. And they said, nope. No, keep your fucking $50,000. nope no keep your fucking 50 000 we're gonna keep making all kinds of money off this thing by that point they had choreography yeah and it was kind of cool there were hats

and like a little hat on the giant's dong well it wasn't that little. I just snotted. P.T. Barnum was pissed off. He was going to make money off the Cardiff Giant if it was the last thing he did. So he sent an undercover agent to go view the Cardiff Giant. The undercover agent showed up with a lump of wax in his pocket. And when he got up to the giant, he studied it. And studied it. And he surreptitiously molded the lump of wax into a miniature replica of the Cardiff giant. That blows my mind, like legitimately.

Why? A little replica right there? Yeah. Pretty sneaky. Do you admire it? Well, no, because I'm a rule follower. Yeah. Pretty sneaky. Do you admire it? Well, no, because I'm a rule follower. So no, I don't like it one bit.

But here, this will make you feel better. There were no rules that you couldn't take a little lump and make your own replica right in front of the guy. I still don't care for it because I feel like everyone knows while it's not maybe written rule, that it was not the right thing to do. He took the replica back to P.T. Barnum, and P.T. Barnum hired this guy, Wesley Jukes, to create a second Cardiff Giant. Everyone, Brandi is smiling right now because she remembers the joke she made at the live show. I love his boxes.

And Kristen didn't get it. It was humiliating. Luckily, I'm so hot it doesn't matter. And once that was complete, P.T. Barnum took the knockoff Cardiff Giant to Woods Museum in New York and they put it on display and tons of people came out to see it. Farmer Stubb and his business buddies were outraged. So they packed up their real Cardiff Giant and displayed it in another museum just a couple blocks away from the fake giant. That is some shady bullshit. Yeah. And you want to hear a sad true story? Obviously.

The fake Cardiff Giant drew bigger crowds than the real Cardiff Giant. Well, yeah, because it's got the P.T. Barnum name on it. Like, literally on it. What do you mean on it? They put it on the dick. No, that's rude. They didn't do that. They did it right under the Eiffel Tower tram stop.

Uh, where was I? Oh, Farmer Stubb and his business pals were so angry. P.T. Barnum had no right to rip off their giant. They wrote a letter to the New York Times saying that P.T. Barnum's giant was a great big phony. But people still paid to go see it. It seemed there was nothing they could do to keep P.T. Barnum from profiting off of a replica of their real giant. So Stubbs and the other businessmen looked themselves in the mirror and they said, let's go to court. They sought an injunction against P.T. Barnum because they needed swift action. P.T. Barnum needed to stop displaying his fake Cardiff giant

because every second that he displayed it meant that Farmer Stubbs and his business pals were losing money. Yeah, I mean, I think that's fair. Sure. It shouldn't have been tough, right? I mean, I think that's fair. Sure. It shouldn't have been tough, right? P.T. Barnum's Cardiff Giant wasn't the real thing. Well, except... What?

Nothing. But when this thing got to court, the judge was a real dick about it. Because he turned that question about authenticity onto Farmer Stubbs and his business pals. The judge said, quote, bring your giant here, and if he swears to his own genuineness as a bona fide petrification, you shall have the injunction you ask for. Oh, my. Sassy judge.

We got the sassy judge. That was a very rude way of saying prove that your giant is real. Yeah. And Farmer Stubbs couldn't do that because his giant wasn't real. Obviously. See, Brandy's acting like she knows it now, but in the live show, she was completely convinced this was a real petrified giant. That's not true. She was like, yeah, oh my gosh, that French Jesuit priest.

I think it's a giant French Jesuit priest. As it turned out, this whole thing started because of a very petty man named George Hull. out this whole thing started because of a very petty man named George Hull. George was a cigar maker, and he was obsessed with the idea of getting rich quick. Over the course of his life, he'd tried a ton of get-rich-quick schemes, and none of them had worked out. Then one day in 1866, he traveled to Ickley, Iowa, because his brother-in-law was having an issue with a shipment of cigars. And while George was there, he went to a tavern and he started talking to this traveling revivalist preacher, Reverend Turk. George Hull was an atheist, an enthusiastic atheist, and he thought guys like Reverend Turk were dumbasses. So the two of them started arguing.

That is really surprising for the time. What do you mean? That there was an enthusiastic atheist in 1869. Oh, no. Come on. Don't you think there have always been, like, atheists and people who would— Yeah, I mean, probably. Yeah, people who would, like, go to a bar and argue with somebody?

Sure. All right. I mean, look at you when you get, like to a bar and argue with somebody. Sure. All right. I mean, look at you when you get like a couple shots of fireball on you. You're willing to fight anybody. No. I saw you at Slammers. So, fun fact. We did take a shot at Slammers.

You're about to make fun of me. With a couple of our lovely listeners, Cum Kardashian and Richard M. Balls, a real present. And we took the shot. It was a pineapple upside down shot. And then as soon as we took it, Kristen said, that tastes kind of like pineapple upside down cake.

To be perfectly clear, I was not aware what was in the shot that I was taking. So another way to look at that is I'm a genius who can just, you know. Yeah, you got a real sophisticated palate. Yes. Anyway, we went to Slammers in Columbus and it was very cool. We encourage you all to go there.

Yeah, it was lovely. We loved that place. And try the pineapple upside down cake shots. They taste like pineapple upside down cake. I think it. And try the pineapple upside down cake shots. They taste like pineapple upside down cake. I think it's just called the pineapple upside down shot. All right. You know what? If you go there, the bartender is going to know what you're talking about.

She's going to be like, I'm sorry. Did you want me to give you a cake? We don't serve cake here. Yeah. And then you leave broken hearted. What if they listen to this and they're like, this is not the kind of shout out we want from the establishment. So these two guys started arguing. And Reverend Turk maintained that the Bible was the literal truth.

Everything in it had literally happened. And George Hall was like, that's stupid. You can't possibly believe that. And Reverend Turk was like, well, I do believe that. Everything in the Bible really happened. For example, there's part of the book of Genesis that says giants roamed the earth, and that really happened. George was like, there's no way that giants roamed the earth. But George was outnumbered.

Reverend Turk argued against him, and Reverend Turk's supporters were all there on his side. And so George Hull lost the argument. But he would not lose the war. Oh, right, you are. He was humiliated, though. Days passed, then months, then years. George couldn't get over the fact that he'd lost that argument. And so, since he was petty as fuck, he decided to get even in a spectacular fashion.

Two years later, in the summer of 1868, George went back to Iowa, this time to Fort Dodge, Iowa. This story is ridiculous. He went to a gypsum quarry. He purchased a gigantic block of gypsum. It was 12 feet by 4 feet by 2 feet. And George told the guy at the quarry that he wanted the gypsum because he was going to make a patriotic statue. Afterward, he thanked the man and had the stone put in the back of his wagon. But this was 1868, and the nearest railroad was 40 miles away.

Yeah, and that's too big a chunk of gypsum. Should have gotten a smaller chunk. The stone was so heavy that George's wagon broke down. No shit, George. So did several bridges. After a while, George realized. Poor oxen. You think he had oxen?

I mean, you would probably have to, right? I mean, little show ponies aren't going to get the job done. I promise you that. Yeah. All right. I'm just saying when I set out on the Oregon Trail, I always bought two yolk oxen. What else did you bring with you? Oh, shit.

I almost spilled my coffee. Because you thought you were going for your water? Don't worry about how it happened. Okay, great. I don't know. What else did you buy? Didn't you almost fall at Obsessed Fest? When? Didn't you have some kind of humiliating moment?

I don't know. I'm trying to embarrass you somehow, but I can't remember. I don't think so. I think Casey almost fell. Oh, yeah, she did. There was that lip in the flooring. Alright, well that worked out well. Yeah, Casey's

real embarrassed right now. After a while, George realized that he'd gotten too big a piece of gypsum so he had to hack off a big chunk of it. But he eventually got it on a train and took it to Chicago. He took it to a stonecutter named Edward Burgart and swore him to secrecy. He asked Edward to carve a petrified man. Edward had two assistants, and George was worried about them spilling the beans.

So he brought the men buckets of beer because he didn't want them going to saloons and talking about what they were working on. I thought he was going to bring them lids. What? For their beans. Oh, my God. Anyway, that seemed to work the men all kept quiet because they got those lids for their beans that's right the stone cutters did their best to make the giant look authentic they hammered needles into the sculpture to mimic the look of pores

they used sulfuric acid to make it look older. When they finished, George Hull took the giant to his brother-in-law, Stubb Newell, in Cardiff, New York. But getting it all the way to Cardiff was tough. They'd packed this... That's fucking huge! They packed it in a 12-foot-long box. And it stops along the trip. People asked about what was in the box.

What's in the box? Sometimes George said it was a monument. Have you ever seen the movie Seven? Yes, I have, multiple times. Thank you very much. Excuse me, you don't like scary things. Right, and yet I've seen it, so don't ask me anything. Sometimes he said it was a tobacco press. Sometimes he said

it was a list from all the conquests in Brandy's hoe phase. Bye. You want to talk about your hoe phase? I mean, it was so wild. Like, we've got

your bachelorette party. I'm still in it. You're still in it? Yeah, just with the same dude. That's not a ho-face, ma'am. That's just a serious, committed, loving relationship. Ew. When they finally made it to Stubbs Farm.

Somebody recognized David's ass at ObsessFest. It was me. That's how good his ass is. I recognized it. No! A lovely listener. A lovely listener did say that as she was going up the escalator, she recognized

David from behind, which we have taken to mean that she saw that dunk. She saw that dunk. Saw that ass. It's a good ass. Anyway, keep telling us about your giant. Oh, weird. No, no.

You have the floor to tell us all about your fiance's memorable ass. It's wonderful. Bulbous, yet firm. That's enough. Doesbous, yet firm. That's enough. Does he have butt pimples all over it? He does not. That's too bad.

Maybe he could work on that. David's like never had a pimple in his life. Fuck you both. Does he just have – He's got lovely skin. Even like – did he have some awkward years there? I think he had some awkward haircuts. Oh. But he was always very handsome.

Well, very happy for you both. Okay, anyway. When they finally made it to Stubbs Farm, they buried it on the property. And they waited. They needed time for the soil to settle. And about a year later, George gave Stubb the green light to discover the giant on his property. This is a long fucking con. Yeah.

I mean, not bad, right? No. Pretty impressive. Yes. The dude loses an argument in a bar. Yeah. I mean, he put money into this. Yes.

So, this had all been George Hull's big scheme to get rich quick and make people who take the Bible literally look stupid. And it had worked. George had gotten rich. Farmer Stubb had given him a nice share of the profits. And the fact that the Cardiff Giant was a hoax made a lot of people look stupid. By the way, everybody did this thing that I hate, where like once it comes out that it's a hoax, they're all like, We knew it wasn't real the whole time.

I knew. I knew. I totally knew. You didn't know. I totally knew. I licked the dick. As a joke. it wasn't for science no you remember when when fucking donald trump won the election and everyone's like

well other people didn't see it coming but i saw it coming blow it out your ass blow it out your ass anyway that's a hot take from several years back. But when P.T. Barnum made a knockoff of the Cardiff Giant and Farmer Stubb went to court to stop him and the judge challenged him to prove that his giant was real, the jig was up. Farmer Stubb and his band of businessmen had no choice but to withdraw their lawsuit. It was difficult to get the Cardiff Giant to do a jig. To giant Marianne Netting wires. Oh my God, Brittany. They learned the hard way that you can't sue over a fake of a fake. Oh, okay.

And that if you're going to do a marionette situation, don't do it with like a big stone. Yeah. You know? That may have been the Cardiff Giants' first legal battle, but it wouldn't be his last. On December 10th, the truth officially came out. George Hull confessed it had all been a magnificent hoax. Over the years, interest in the Cardiff Giant waned. What?

Did, uh, dole stubs give George any money? Dole Stubbs. Give George any money? Any of it. Brandy, you have heard this story twice now. And twice I have told you that, yes, he did get a nice share of the profits. I'm sorry. My God!

What the hell's happening? Just sitting over there thinking about David's butt? No, I was thinking about giant stone dongs. All right. Which is David's nickname. Oh, my God. In 1913, someone paid 10 grand to bring the giant back to Fort Dodge, Iowa. Adjusted for inflation.

Oh, all right. Here we go. 300K. Yeah, that's a lot of money. The Cardiff giant spent years working the state fair circuit. Later, when one of the carnivals went bankrupt, some dude bought the giant and put him in his rumpus room. Which I learned is a rec room. Not just a place for asses.

He thought he'd make a great conversation piece. I mean, yeah, it's going to take up a shit ton of room. Well, sure, but you've got room in the rumpus room. But that dude had a son, and one day the boy thought it would be hilarious to knock the giant's junk off with a hammer. And it was hilarious, but his dad wasn't pleased. In 1948, the New York Historical Association purchased the giant. And the following year, they put it on display at the Farmers Museum in Cooperstown. They glued the dick back on at some point? Absolutely.

Okay. I'm not going to go see it if there's no dick. What if the dick stayed in Iowa and the rest of the giant was in New York? Would you go visit the dick? Yeah. All right. I mean, I feel like I could just get a big – well, no, it would be hard to find something – I mean, they really took time shaping that thing. They did.

They thought it was a fun, historically significant item. But in no time, this guy named Michael Fitzmaurice sued them for $100,000. What's his claim? He said, you either give me 100K or you give me the giant. My grandfather, Wesley Jukes, inventor of the jukebox, created that giant, and he loaned it to P.T. Barnum, and P.T. Barnum took it on tour and never gave it back. So that is my grandfather's stolen property, and I am my grandfather's heir. Ipso facto, give me my statue. No!

Bitch, give me my statue. Hey! Today! Baby, I got your statue, don't you worry. Say hey! Okay, but that's a whole different statue. That's not this one. Oh, yeah?

Yeah! Well, you should know that Michael's argument really intrigued the judge. The judge was like, wait, your grandfather did this? In the 1800s? That's so weird. Let me. Was that the dick in his mouth? It tastes like it was done like 300 years ago.

Oh, my God. French Jesuit priest. Believe it or not, folks, Kristen did not do that on stage. Believe it or not, folks, Kristen did not do that on stage. And Michael was like, I know, right? You know, let me try. But the New York Historical Association was having none of it. They were like, Judge, he's talking about a fake version of our fake statue. but here is the provenance of our fake statue, which is the real fake statue.

What's a provenance? You know, that's like, first it went here, then it went here. Like a chain of custody situation. That's exactly right. Okay. Stop me if this sounds familiar, but the judge seemed to think that that was all pretty stupid. He dismissed the lawsuit because this Michael Fitzmaurice guy had no right to sue over the real statue when it was clearly not the one that had been sculpted by his grandfather. The fuck out of here, Fitzmaurice.

Wow, he's just a guy trying to get a statue. Wouldn't you like to get your hands on that statue? Yeah. I don't think they'd go all the way around. Okay. And so the Cardiff Giant remains on display in the Farmers Museum in New York to this very day. And that is the story of the Cardiff Giant. My goodness, that was so much filthier than when we did it on stage.

That's because you had a giant stick up your non-existent butthole. I couldn't. I couldn't look somebody in the eye and make a dick joke. Well, I mean, if it's you, obviously I can. Yeah. But that's just me. Yeah. I mean, you once showed me your butt crack to prove it existed.

I can't believe you don't remember that. Yeah, I don't. It's one of my top five memories. In a good way or a bad way? In a non-existent way. Here's the thing. I think people are going to listen to this and be, like, horrified. No, don't. Nobody be horrified. I think people are going to listen to this and be, like, horrified. No.

Don't. Nobody be horrified. I think they're going to be. Nobody held me down and looked at my butt crack. Yeah. We held her down and looked at her vagina. Oh, we've probably got an ad. We do.

You know, we really haven't talked much about our Patreon. Yeah. Let's talk about it. What do we got going on over there? Okay. Bonus episodes out the yin-yang. 38 bonus episodes? It's so many.

And they're all so meaty. I mean, if you're going on a road trip, sign up for the Patreon. Also, you get Zoom calls. We're going to do a Mad Libs thing this month. Let's see. What else do you get? You get into the Discord to chitty chat the day away. You get our autographs and a sticker.

Ooh. And if you sign up at the top tier level, you get a discount on merch. And you get ad-free episodes. And you get them a day early. My goodness. Woo! And, you know, when we get, you know, whatever recordings we have from Obsessed Fest, we'll throw them on.

We'll throw those up there. At the $10 level. That's right. We're going to take some questions from the Discord. To get in the Discord, all you have to do is join that Patreon that we just talked about at the $5 level or higher. Spooky Lazy Lesbian asks, how was Obsessed Fest? Okay, first of all, shout out to Spooky Lazy Lesbian. Because they are who organized the Patreon meetup at Slammers.

And it's so funny. That was so fun. But I was so stressed out leading up to that event i would have never thought to like try to organize something for the discord so i was so grateful and it was just so fun like we had a great time i don't know if you heard this but the pineapple upside down shots like pineapple upside down cake. No, should we go through? Yeah. Okay, literally

we were so worried that there would be no one there who cared about us and we could not even get in the building to drop off our merch without somebody coming up to us. So we were just like Thank you, Jonathan. We had carried in these big tubs of merch and we're like standing there trying to figure out where to go.

And this guy who is Jonathan comes up and he said, Brandy Egan. And I was like, yeah, that's me. And so, yeah, we were like, oh, could not have had a better introduction to. Yeah. Yeah. So we people. You and I, I mean, we're true Midwestern ladies. We drove. Yeah. We drove 10 Meeting people. You and I – I mean we're true Midwestern ladies. We drove.

Yeah. We drove 10 hours up there. Yes. And then, you know, so we got situated and everything. The next day like, okay, I didn't sleep a wink. Yeah. The next morning we like went to the green room and holy shit, if you want to be intimidated, go to a green room like that.

I mean like all your favorite podcasters are there. So we're just kind of sitting there like. And by the way, like, so my sister was there. Her BFF Ashton was there. Your sister Casey was there. David was there. Norman was dead. No, Norman had to give boo eye drops.

It was a sad situation. She's doing much better now. But anyway, so we had our support system there. Yeah. But, like, we really didn't feel like – I mean, I don't know. We didn't feel like we were big enough to be there. Yes, absolutely. We for sure felt like it was a mistake, that it was an accident.

They were too polite to rescind the invitation. They were too polite to rescind the invitation. So like Patrick Hines from True Crime Obsessed and the Obsessed Network, obviously, he introduced everybody. And like there was a nice big cheer for us, which was so amazing. And OK, the other thing was when we got out there in the front row, there were like five people in juvenile Bigfoot hoodies. And that was like, oh, holy shit. There really are people here who love us and want to see us. It was seriously such an amazing weekend. Yeah, it really was. We were on a panel with like Bob Ruff, Rabia Chaudhry, Payne Lindsey, like all these huge names in podcasting. And someone waited in the question line for 30 minutes to ask, did you know when Lincoln was president you could walk right up to the White House and shake his hand?

And that was just – that was exactly what we needed in that moment. I think it was. Because we felt like, who the fuck are we up here next to these people? Yeah. So thank you to the person who did that. Big, big thank you. Huge thank you. No, it was just, it was amazing to meet everyone.

People were so sweet. I think the thing I loved most was so many people came up to us and told us, like, this podcast has gotten me through this has gotten me through that and like that made me feel so good just because I feel like the past couple years have been really tough and I know the podcast has gotten me through so much stuff so to hear that other people it's gotten them through stuff too it's just amazing amazing. Oh man. There, I, it's hard to put into words how, how fulfilling it was to meet so many people. Um, and for people to feel like they know us, like, yeah, I loved that so much. Well, it's funny to me because people would be like, I feel like I know you. I know that's, you know, I know I don't, but it's like, well, no,

People would be like, I feel like I know you. I know that's, you know, I know I don't. But it's like, well, no. I mean, if you've listened to us for like three hours a week, we don't really hold anything back. So, no, you probably do know us. Brandy shares more than she should, obviously. But, you know, what can one do? But, no, it was such an amazing introduction into like that kind of thing. Yeah.

Because to do a live show with an audience like that, with such a good staff too. Yeah. Yeah, the people who ran this convention were amazing. I mean they knew their shit. Yes. So it just – it felt so good to do and honestly, I know I had been so nervous to do any kind of public speaking. Yeah. But it really – it was fun.

We loved it. It was fun. It was so much fun. Yeah. I don't know what happened. Like we got out there and it's like, well, there's Brandy. And I mean I think it really helped that the audience was so sweet. And probably it helped that your butthole was in my pocket

the whole time is that where it was so seriously thank you to everyone who came to the event everyone who took the time to come say hi to us and get pictures with us and who came to our very fucking first live show

that was wild. It was so wild. It was amazing. Thank you. Did I tell you that when, okay, first of all, everyone, we had handlers. Yeah. Can you believe that? Yeah.

We had handlers. One of our handlers, did you know she's, do you know this story? What? Oh, okay. You don't, I haven't told you anything. You haven't told me, so I don this story? What? Oh, okay. You don't... I haven't told you anything. You haven't told me, so I don't know. Mary Kate, the handler.

She lives in Kansas City. Oh, my gosh. She lives in fucking the city. She lives in... Don't say where she lives. I'm just saying she lives right by here. Yes. Okay.

Turns out Mary Kate and I shop at the same fucking Costco. Anyway, I don't know why you needed to know that. I was so excited. Yes. It was very exciting. Also, someone came wearing a shirt that said, who the fuck is Kristen Pitts, which was amazing. I was thrilled. Yeah.

I spotted that woman in the bathroom. I was so excited. Another favorite moment was, you know, again, we had handlers. Yes. Holy shit. So we had, you know, a woman walking us to our panel and Kyla and Ashton came up behind us and they were like, hey, do you guys want us to hold your purses while you do the panel? And the handler didn't know that it was like my sister and friend. She almost tackled them.

Oh, that would have been so good. Tackled Kyla and the pregnant lady. Yes. Please, please get these two bitches away from us. No, it really was very affirming. It was. It really was very affirming. It was.

To me, the most unbelievable moment was when we were being led by a handler to our meet and greet. Yeah. And we're walking past this giant line of people. Yeah. And you and I looked at each other and I was like, what are all these people in line for? Yeah. And then a couple of them turned around and started like yelling our names. And I was like, are you in line to see us? It was, it was wild. And they were. It was wild. Unbelievable. It's so funny because like those first couple of days, it was just like, you know, I was so nervous

and just, you know, wanting to make sure nobody was disappointed, you know i was so nervous and just you know wanting to make sure nobody was disappointed you know wanting to do everything right and you know but then like in the days since then it i've had more time to decompress and be like holy shit that really happened yeah that was so surreal this thing that we started, what, in like 2017? Yeah, we had the idea in 2017, released our first episode in 2018. And like for two years it did absolutely nothing. Yeah. That was amazing.

It's unbelievable. And the other thing I have to say is like a huge thank you to the listeners because we know why we were invited to ObsessFest. Oh, absolutely. And it's because people requested us. Yes. So thank you all for requesting us. I mean we had such a great time. Yes. Thank you, all of you.

Yeah. You made that happen for us. Yeah. How many times did we cry? So many. So many times. Ooh. There were balloons everywhere once.

No. Kristen, how are you adjusting to life without a butthole? That is a disgusting question. Oh, Snacking Queen wants to know, what are your favorite road trip snacks? I feel like this is obviously perfect timing because we just went on this big road trip. So my go-to road trip snack is Twizzlers. I like original Twizzlers and I like the Pull & Peels. I have to have both.

You have to have both? Yeah. That's really funny. Yeah. Is that a charrette thing? It is, right? Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

For sure. Yeah, I'm big on you've got to do a salty and a sweet. Yeah. You ate combos instead of dinner on Thursday. I didn't expect to be shamed for that. So you and David and Casey were all in one car together. Yes. I was in a car with the merch

to keep me company. You three are, you were total weirdos. You were like. Just for the record, I tried to force Kristen to ride with us and she would not, so.

Because of your farts. That's rude. No, so you guys were like, we're not stopping for shit. Yeah, we're like on the road. Well, I stopped to pee because I want a snacky because I want a drink. So you're one person, so you can get in and get out as fast as you want. We got three people moseying around. Okay.

I didn't realize you three were just moseyers. Yeah, we're big moseyers. All right. All right. Bluey Podcast patron wants to know, since we've been sharing all of our awkward slash most embarrassing moments from Obsessed Fest, what was yours? Well, I met Damien Echols. And while I maybe didn't embarrass myself, I could have played it much cooler than I did. So this is what happened.

Kristen and I were sitting in the green room like the very first morning, like before we'd done anything. And I look over and Damien Echols is standing in the doorway of the green room. You should have seen her face. And so I looked at Kristen and I was like, Damien's right over there. He's right over there. He's right over there. And then he came in the room and sat at the table across from us. And so then I just kept like looking at Kristen. And she's like, just go over and say hi.

Just go over. And I was like, no. And so then I'm like texting David and Casey because they're like sitting out. Like they got seats at our first event. And so I'm like, I'm sitting in the same room as Damian Echols. We're in the same room right now. He's sitting at the table right across from me. And Casey's like, go say hi to him.

Go say hi. And I was like, no, I'm not going to do it. And she's like, do it. And she sent me like 12 do-its. So then somebody else broke the ice and asked for a picture with him in the green room. And so then I was like, oh, hi. You know, while we're doing that, can I also get a picture with you? So I felt like I played that pretty cool, right?

Okay, so then we take a picture. And then I told him that I had told David that I would make Damien my best friend by the end of the weekend. Yeah, so how'd that work out? Well, we're not best friends yet. It's not great. I'm so sorry that you're stuck with me. No one I'd rather have as my best friend. What about Damien Echols?

I've got an embarrassing moment for you. What? I don't think you were even tracking this moment as it happened. Okay. This was in the meet and greet line. We had these two beautiful young women come and get their picture with us. They were very nice. Blah, blah, blah.

And I was just like, oh my gosh, you two are so cute. And, you know, we'd done the picture and everything. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm just at that age where when I see people in their 20s, I'm like, you two should be supermodels. Oh, my gosh. You're so cute. And these two. Did you listen to this?

I do. I do know what they said. They said, we're in our 30s. And you said, fuck you. I said, fuck you both. And they walked away. And as that happened, I thought, that was not the way to play it although i do stand by it because you know some people look too good for their age and it is

offensive yeah to me yeah they were beautiful young women except not that much younger than us so it's offensive. They were offensively beautiful. No, but that was like a moment where, as they were walking away, I was like, oh my god. They stood in line, and I said, fuck you both. So I'm sorry, but also... Not that sorry. How dare you look that good. Ooh, NatLikesCats wants to know, Kristen, do your dog's names reflect their personalities? Is Dottie practically perfect and athletic and Kit is a punchy firecracker?

Kit is definitely a punchy firecracker. Kit is Kit for sure. Her name fits her perfectly. Dottie is more her own dog. She's a little more scared. She is a rule follower. She is, yes. Yeah.

They're very sweet. Okay. This is not a question, but, well, I mean, technically it's a question. Yes, it's me. Calm down. Ask how long before we can pretend that I didn't throw myself at y'all the minute you arrived at ObsessFest. This is coming from Jonathan. Jonathan, we've already talked about you

and we loved every second of it. Absolutely. How about we do some Supreme Court inductions now? That would be great. I am just now opening the document. Okay, great. I'm not in the right place either, so... Lordy Lou. Lordy Lou?

Yeah. Okay, Lou? Yeah. Okay, you weirdo. Don't even worry about it. We're going to have petty connection. Ava Saddock. Classic Oreos. Kayla. Circus animal cookies, specifically the pink ones. Jen Rosette. Homemade gluten-free

snickerdoodles. Amy loves dogs. Most stuffed Oreos. Monica Stevens. Tagves Dogs. Most Stuffed Oreos. Monica Stevens. Tagalongs. Leanne Searcy. Butter Toffee Chocolate Chip Crunch Cookies. Okay, excuse me.

Wes Beardall. Ghirardelli 60% Cocoa Chocolate Chip Cookies. Leslie Britton. Crumble Cookies. Jessica Tarrant. Tate's Toffee Cookies. Bee Method. Any Cookie, produced by Otis Spunkmeyer.

Lavelle. Mint Chocolate Chip. Turner Viana. Oh, my God. Casadino de Chiobada. Yeah, that's exactly what that says. It says it's a Brazilian cookie that my husband introduced me to. It's basically tiny shortbread sandwiched together with guava in the middle.

Oh, okay. That does sound good. Amber Miller. Oatmeal chocolate chip. Fat Mama Kay. Chocolate chip cookie. Katie Wilder. Just about anything from Crumble Cookie.

Jenny. All the cookies. Anderia Farley. Snickerdoodle with cardamom. Jen Brown. Fried Oreos. Lauren Johnson. Warm and gooey chocolate chip cookies.

Allie Zagrodski. Dark chocolate chip pecan cookies. Welcome to the Supreme Court! I have to pee so bad. Okay, I'll do this fast. Thank you, everyone, for all of your support. We appreciate it so much. If you're looking

for other ways to support us, please find us on social media. We're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon. Please remember to subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and then head on over to Apple Podcasts and leave us a five-star rating and review. Then be sure to join us next week when we'll be experts on two whole new topics. Podcast adjourned!

And now for a note about our process. I read a bunch of stuff, then regurgitate it all back up in my very limited vocabulary. And I copy and paste from the best sources on the web and sometimes Wikipedia. So we owe a huge thank you to the real experts. I got my info from the article

The Giant in the Earth by Stephen Sears for American Heritage, as well as info from the article The Giant in the Earth by Stephen Sears for American Heritage, as well as information from the Smithsonian Magazine. For a full list of our sources, visit lgtcpodcast.com. Any errors are of course ours, but please don't take our word for it. Go read their stuff.