Let's Go To Court! - 237: Brandi's Wedding & Standing Your Ground

Episode Date: November 30, 2022

This week, Brandi made entry into the sex dungeon with a WHOLE NEW NAME! She is officially Brandi POND! She tells us all about her big day, and Kristin tells us exactly how far her pubes extend down her thighs. (So stop asking about it!) Then Kristin continues her fun new habit of telling a terribly upsetting story that absolutely no one will enjoy.  Brittany Smith had some rough years. Following the death of her infant son, she became addicted to meth and lost custody of her children. Eventually, thanks to help from her family and a determination to regain custody of her kids, Brittany got her life back together. She stopped using drugs. She got a great job offer. She was on track to regain custody of her kids. Then one night, an old acquaintance named Todd Smith asked her for a favor. He told her he had nowhere to stay. He asked if she could help him out. Brittany told him he could stay on her couch. That night, Todd attacked her. Brittany fought back.  And now for a note about our process. For each episode, Kristin reads a bunch of articles, then spits them back out in her very limited vocabulary. Brandi copies and pastes from the best sources on the web. And sometimes Wikipedia. (No shade, Wikipedia. We love you.) We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the real experts who covered these cases. In this episode, Kristin pulled from: “How far can abused women go to protect themselves?” by Elizabeth Flock for The New Yorker “Brittany Smith loses her stand your ground hearing,” by Elizabeth Flock for The New Yorker “Alabama woman who killed alleged rapist back in jail for going to Trunk-or-Treat,” by William Thornton for Alabama.com “Alabama woman who killed man she said raped her released from jail after 18 months,” by William Thornton for Alabama.com “Brittany Smith talks from jail about pleading guilty to shooting the man she says raped her,” by Ashley Remkus for Alabama.com “Judge says she’s not biased against Alabama woman who killed alleged rapist,” by Ashley Remkus for Alabama.com “Two years after Alabama woman says she killed her rapist in self defense, new evidence emerges,” by Ashley Remkus for Alabama.com “Brittany Smith’s trial on hold as she appeals self-defense ruling,” by Ashley Remkus for Alabama.com “Judge will not dismiss case against Alabama woman who says she killed rapist in self-defense,” by Ashley Remkus for Alabama.com “Alabama woman who said she killed her rapist in self-defense awaits fight of her life,” by Ashley Remkus for Alabama.com “Alabama woman says she killed her rapist in self-defense. She could spend life in prison.” by Ashley Remkus for Alabama.com The documentary, “State of Alabama vs. Brittany Smith” YOU’RE STILL READING? My, my, my, you skeezy scunch! You must be hungry for more! We’d offer you some sausage brunch, but that gets messy. So how about you head over to our Patreon instead? (patreon.com/lgtcpodcast). At the $5 level, you’ll get 40+ full length bonus episodes, plus access to our 90’s style chat room!  

One semester of law school. One semester of criminal justice. Two experts. I'm Kristen Caruso. And I'm Brandi Pond. Ah! Let's go to court! On this episode, I'll be talking about a woman who stood her ground.

And I'll be talking about a wedding. Oh, a tragic wedding? No, the best fucking wedding ever. Well, that's how your stories often start. What a beautiful wedding. O-M-G. Everyone. What?

Do I look different? So different. You look respectable now. I know. Do I look like an honest woman? You look respectable now. I know. Do I look like an honest woman? Yeah. Last week you looked like a common whore. Everyone, Brandi got married.

I got fucking married. It was so beautiful. It was amazing. It was the best. Yeah. It was the best night ever. Okay. Are you going to post pictures? Yes.

Yes, I will post. Did I sound like Cher just then? You kind of did. All right. Do you believe you'll post some pictures? That was good. Thank you. It's just a coincidence that I'm in my black leather outfit.

The hips are cut so high, I'm so uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? I think you mean turned on. Do you notice that about the outfits that Cher wears? Like, the cutouts are real high. Well, yeah, how could you not? You see a lot of pelvis. She must have a thin vagina, huh? And she's obviously getting waxed.

Well, I mean, it goes without saying. Yeah. Although some of us, you know, we get the hairs going down our thighs. Really? You have inner thigh hairs, too? Yeah. Are you saying that you're... This is really opening a lot of...

I know. A wild world of body hair to me. Should I be paying my wax lady extra? Is your pubic hair contained to your vagina? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, it's pretty contained. Listen, I've made this about me and my pubic hair when it's really about you.

What if people don't want to hear about my wedding? Yeah, what if they're like, oh, God, I really wanted to know how far Kristen's pubes go down. Do you shave the upper part of your legs? Well, yeah, I shave the upper part of my, what? You mean like my thighs? Yeah. Do I shave my thighs? Yeah.

Yeah, now, I don't, the hair's not as thick. I gotta do that maybe like once every six months. Oh, my God. There's like no hair up there. Hey, how about you fuck yourself? Like once every six months I'll look down and be like, oh, there's like three long hairs there. And just, you know, I'll give it a, I'll just give it a, you know, a quick, a quick shave down. Okay, so you're telling me.

Okay, like, I'm going to stand real quick. Okay, you stand. So, like, when we're talking pubes. Yeah. I've got some, like, right in here. I mean, I've got them, like, in the panty line. Right, but, like, extends. No.

No. So, like, if you wear underwear, you're covered. Yes. My God. Yes. Okay. Yeah, I'm very happy for you. I'm so happy for you.

Let's talk about your wedding. I got married on Friday. Mm-hmm. Which was, what, like three days ago? Was it Monday? Yeah. Yeah. It was perfect. Kristen was there. which was what like three days ago what is it Monday yeah yeah it was perfect

Kristen was there it was it was amazing yeah it was so exciting to see you get married it was wonderful yeah

should I save like should I do like talk about it at the end well what do you want to do I don't know maybe people like don't want to hear about it so they just want to

they just tune in for a case and then if they don't want to hear about it, so they just tune in for a case. And then if they don't want to hear about it, they can just listen to the case, and then I can talk about it at the end so they can just move the fuck on with their lives. I don't want to force anybody to hear about my wedding. I've got news for you. Okay. This podcast can be turned off at any time. It's true. And I'm trying to stop that from happening, but so far I don't have the technology.

No, it's whatever you want, but so far I don't have the technology. No, it's whatever you want, but I think we could trick people. Trick them into hearing about my wedding? Oh, my gosh. Yeah, so, like, the crazy thing about your wedding was, like, everything was going great. Until. Until. That thing happened.

Yeah. Yeah. But I won't talk about that thing until the end. Is that what you're doing? Yeah. Are you talking about like a bait and switch situation here? Yeah. They're going to think like some dude croaked on the dance floor.

No, it didn't happen. Well, wow. Oh, maybe it happened. Yeah. God. Oh, yeah. Maybe Sheree Ray murdered DP right in the middle of the ceremony because he said ho phase. I mean, it could have happened.

Speaking of your wedding. Yeah. We've got a brand new bonus episode out. We sure do. Do you know who guest starred on it? I mean, you do because you were fucking there, but the people might not know, the gaming historian himself came back from the dead to give me a wedding gift of coming on the podcast and presenting a case so that I could have the week off for the wedding. He dug himself out of a shallow grave and made entry into the sex dungeon.

His case was really good. It was wonderful. I covered Mark Wahlberg. Or Mark Wahlberger. I did call him that at one point. It's fine. No one made fun of me at all. Hey, fun fact, did you know he's committed hate crimes?

No. I am convinced no one knows this about him. You knew, like, everything about him except for that. Except for that. You were like, are you going to talk about the time when he posed for Calvin Klein? I didn't know. I knew way more about Mark Wahlberg than even I knew I knew. Yeah, so that's out now.

And it's a fucking meaty one. Yeah, Norm kept apologizing. He's like, this is— This episode's so long. I'm so sorry. It's wonderful. It's over three hours, so if you want more of this, which who doesn't? If you want the

meat, if you want the Wahlburger. Hey, we're like Arby's. We've got the meats. Kristen had no idea what that meant. Anyway, you sign up at the $5 level or higher. You get immediate access to all the bonus episodes. Yeah.

And there's a big old backlog. This was like number 41. It wasn't like number 41? It was. Okay, I'm sorry. This was number 41. Get a ride or pay the price. Oh.

Salute your shorts. Salute your shorts. I loved that show. Me too. Who didn't? Camp Oniwata. We hold you in our hearts. And when we think about you.

It makes me want to fart. All right. So we've got to work on that a little. Yeah. In the meantime, let's do an ad for someone else. Okay. How about that? I wrote that.

I didn't. No, you didn't. You know what I wrote? I'd rather be anything but ordinary. Oh. Very deep lyric from Avril Lavigne. Yes. God, that album was good.

Yeah, obviously. He was a skater boy. She said, see you later, boy. All right. You ready for a terrible case? It's a terrible case. Is this like a castle doctrine situation? It's the worst case ever.

Not the worst. I've covered it a while, but it's just bad. Is this like a castle doctrine situation? So here's the thing. You've given me some feedback lately. That you need to stop talking about rapists? Yeah. Is that the feedback that I get?

Yeah, you were like. Or I begged you to please not do a rape? Yeah. So here's the thing. I listen. I do. And I found out there was this documentary on Netflix about a woman who used the stand your ground law. And I was like, well, that's kind of cool because I hear stand your ground.

Yeah. And as long as it's not like a white dude shooting a black teenager, I'm assuming it's like, okay, someone broke into your house. Yeah, a home invasion situation. Well, oops, I did it again. You're covering a lake. Great. Oops, I did it again. You're covering a lake.

Great. I'm in a little bit of a goofy mood. Okay. Oh, is it because we just had dinner with Roy Williams? It's true. It's true. We had fucking dinner with Roy Williams. I mean, I didn't care, but you were excited. Yes, Roy Williams, for those of you who don't know, is the former head coach of the Kansas Jayhawks basketball team.

And when he left there, he went on to be the head coach for the North Carolina Tar Heels. So Norm and I are sitting at dinner with Kristen, who could give two shits about anything sports related. And at the table behind Kristen is a gentleman that the owner of the restaurant we were at keeps coming over and talking to. And I, at one point, like glanced over there and I connected who it was. I was like, Norm, Norm! Norm! Norm! Roy Williams over there. And Norm goes, who? Because I'm like trying not to say his name too loud because he was not very

far from us. He's like one table over from us. And Norm goes, who? And Kristen was like, even I know who that is! And I'm a genius! No, I do know who that is. I don't care. I'm not trying to be too cool. No, you do know who that is. I don't care. No.

I'm not trying to be too cool. No, you just, yeah. It's not your thing. I genuinely don't care. Yeah. No, I was very excited about it. Now, if Trixie Mattel was at the table across from us, that'd be big news for me. Absolutely.

Who is Trixie Mattel? A drag queen. You know? Yes. How do you know that? I know stuff. All right. Well, cool.

All right. All right. Let's get into it. All right. Tell us about another rape. I'm very sorry. Thanks. I, yeah, I had plans.

Big plans. I could have been someone. Could have been a star. Not talking about rape. lands. Big plan. I could have bitten someone. I could have been a star. Not talking about rape. But yeah, I got in too deep and you know, well, all right, here we go. I got in too deep and I'm trying to keep up above in my head instead of going under. Wow. I just kind of faded out.

How embarrassing for you. I'm not embarrassed at all. All right. Picture it. I'm very sorry. Stevenson, Alabama. Oh. You heard of it?

No. Of course you haven't. Stevenson is located in northeastern Alabama, and it's home to about 2,000 people. Oh, we're in a little town. Yep. And it has seen better days. It's a railroad town that at one time was thriving, but now people who live there often struggle to find work. In fact, roughly, so some sources said like a quarter of the people, some said more like a third of the people live below the poverty line.

Okay. So without much to do and without many opportunities, a lot of people in the area have turned to drugs. And for a while there, Brittany Smith was no exception. Brittany grew up in Stevenson. Her parents divorced when she was little. And her mom, Ramona, raised Brittany and her little brother, Chris, on her own. I love the name Ramona. Because of Ramona Quimby?

Yeah. Yeah. Obviously. Obviously. It's a wonderful name. Sorry. It was really hard. They had very little money. Ramona said she worked anywhere from 12 to 16 hours a day just to kind of get by. And, like, if there were opportunities to work more hours, she would take those opportunities. Even then, they lived in—she called it the projects, you know, government housing.

So they struggled financially, but other aspects of Brittany's life weren't such a struggle. First of all, she was beautiful. How beautiful was she? Cheekbones. That's all I'm going to say. Fucking cheekbones. All right. We are two women who greatly appreciate chiseled cheekbones.

Absolutely love a cheekbone. Because we both have chipmunk cheeks. So she was really beautiful and she was really smart. She was the type who could ace a test without even studying, which makes me want to hit a pillow. That's you, by the way. I know. Asshole. Yeah, I know.

Anyway. After high school, Brittany got married at the tender age of 19. The relationship was pretty rocky. They were together, then they weren't, they were back together. It got to the point that Brittany's mom, Ramona, stopped asking questions and was just kind of like, okay, just let me know how many plates to set out for dinner. Yeah. I like Ramona in case you couldn't tell.

Yes. Over the years, Brittany had four children, and they brought a lot of joy into her life. But then she gave birth to a little boy named William, and he only lived for 45 minutes. He had a rare genetic disorder called Potter's syndrome. What are the—do you know any more about it than that? I briefly looked into it. It's just sad. William's death.

I hope you don't want any more information than that. William's death devastated Brittany. That same year, her grandma died and she'd always been very close to her grandma. It was a horrible time for Brittany. Looking back, Ramona said that Brittany fell into a deep depression. She said, quote, when Brittany lost the child, she went out of left field and found peace somewhere else with addiction. Brittany started using meth. Wow.

She got super skinny. It took over her life and it ruined it. She got arrested for drug possession, spent two weeks in jail, and in 2013, Brittany lost custody of her children. That was devastating. She said it felt like her whole world was gone. But with the help of her family and a strong desire to regain custody of her children, she eventually got sober. She attended Narcotics Anonymous meetings. She did have a few relapses, which is obviously very common. But over the course of a few years, she got better and better.

She got increased visitation, and after years of working really low-paying jobs, she got a job offer at a flooring company. And she was thrilled. The pay was way better than what she'd ever been making before. With that job, she'd have enough money to afford the rent at her four-bedroom brick home, where she hoped to one day live with her kids. And that was about to happen. On January 10, 2018, she had a home evaluation to see if her kids might be able to come back and live with her. And she passed the inspection. Wow.

The woman from the agency told Brittany, I'm really proud of you. Yeah. There was a lot to be proud of. Brittany was getting her life back on track. She was living close to her mom and brother in, I mean, a really nice big brick home located at, you're shutting the whole table. Sorry. It's 211 Sharon Drive, Stevenson, Alabama.

It's 211 Sharon Drive, Stevenson, Alabama. Sharon Drive, Stevenson, Alabama. This is a beautiful home. Yeah. Look at those columns. Yeah. I mean, it's got really good curb appeal. Absolutely. Now, you go inside, it is pretty dated.

Dated, yeah. It's big. I know. Yeah, that's a dated kitchen. Oh, my, yes. I mean, it's dated all over the place. So you got your green shag carpets, and the bathrooms have those, like, how do you even describe those lights that are, like, on chains? They're very 70s.

Yeah. Yeah. They got swag lights. Swag lights? Is that what they're? That's what the chain is called when it. Are you making things up? No.

Okay. Don't you make things up on this podcast. I also like it because the guy who took the pictures. Is in the mirror? Yeah. And I wanted to see him. Yeah. Oh, he posted a blurry action shot.

Okay. You are someone who has seen, you've gone and seen a lot of houses for sale, right? It's true. How often is there one of these old giant metal desks just left in the basement? We, I feel like, bought a house when I was a kid that had one of these. Oh, yeah. Just, like, left in the basement. Yeah, there are certain things that are just so heavy.

Yes, you're just like, that just lives there now. On that note, I almost covered a case where, like, this guy, what? Well, there's a whole second set of pictures it's been updated yeah but they didn't delete the old pictures yeah bad move um anyway yeah they did they did update it swag light's gone there's like one little tiny vanity now all right it's like they didn't even care about the swag light care about the swag light okay sorry on that note what were you saying i was just looking into a case before I did this horrible one about this guy who bought this house. And, like, you know, inspection goes fine and everything.

But he was like, hey, he tells the current owner, you know, he crawled down in this crawl space and he saw this big barrel shoved way back in the very back of this crawl space. And he's like, hey, you know, make sure you get that out of here. Yeah. I'm not buying this place with the big barrel in it, which. So the owner was like, all right, fine, weirdo. So like he had to crawl under, get this barrel. Well, of course, it had a woman's body in it. She'd been in there for 30 fucking years.

She'd been mummified. I feel like I've heard this. I'm sure you have. This sounds very familiar. And I have nothing to add to that. All right. Well, this has been a good chat. Back to that. All right. Well, this has been a good chat.

Back to Brittany. She wanted things to be perfect for the kids. She thought it would be really fun for them to have a puppy, which that seems like too much. Yeah, it's too much.

But she reached out to this guy, Todd Smith. They're not related. They just have the most common last name in all of America. I wasn't going to ask if they were related. Fine. Okay. Todd and Brittany had known each other forever because they were cousins.

No. If they were related, you wouldn't have said she reached out to this guy. You said she reached out to her cousin, Todd Smith. All right. Fine. You said, she reached out to her cousin, Todd Smith. All right, fine. You cracked the code. Is this what the Da Vinci Code is like? I never read that book.

Yeah, this is exactly right. Just with more Tom Hanks. Have you heard that he's secretly a butthole? No, say it ain't so. I've heard it. Are you sure you didn't hear that he has a butthole? That can't be correct.

No, I've heard he's secretly a butthole. Oh, man. Doesn't it kind of make sense? Because, like, he has that son, Chet. He does have that son, Chet. And you don't just have a son like Chet. Right? Also, he loves... Tom H, right? Also, he loves...

Tom Hanks does? Yeah, he collects... He does? I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. If you are, we'll bleep it. People will be like, what's he collect? What's he collect? Oh, my gosh.

Doll houses. What? Yeah, I don't care for that. Do you feel like you're getting all the hot gas I do are you okay is this because you're into those celebrity blinds now is that where you're getting the situation shut up I'm a Hollywood

insider now I started listening to this podcast called beyond the blinds and I really enjoy it and yeah I feel like a Hollywood insider and I feel smarter than all of you.

I've learned so much. That makes so much sense. Right? Yeah. It makes all the sense in the world. Anyway Patty we're obviously going to have to bleep that. I'm very sorry.

Todd and Brittany had known each other forever. By this point, they were in their 30s, but they'd met when they were teenagers. Todd was about six years older than Brittany, and he lived across the state line in Jasper, Tennessee. And he bred pit bulls for a living. Because they are the only foal. What? Pit bull. Sorry.

Were you doing like a Mr. Worldwide thing right there? Obviously I was, Brandi, and if it didn't land, that's because you weren't ready for it. I don't even think you said words. This is going to sound like... It sounded like... The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Timber. Oh, that's what you said? Yes. I did not get discernible words at all. Are you impressed or amazed? Where are you falling? You lean in one way or another, I'll yell timber either way. So he bred pit bulls for me.

Pit bulls, not pit bull. Yeah. Although there might be money in that. We don't know. Brittany reached out to Todd and they met up and she picked out an adorable Pit Bull puppy, named her Athena. A couple days later, on January 15th, Brittany and her brother Chris went to McDonald's together. While they were there, they talked about their lives and Brittany told Chris that she was happier than she'd been in a long time. Everything was coming together.

She'd gotten a new job. She was getting her kids back. She had her own place. She had this new puppy. And as they were talking, Brittany got a text from Todd Smith. Todd said he needed her help. He was at a city park, and he was alone. He said his friends had just abandoned him there. Todd said he needed her help. He was at a city park and he was alone.

He said his friends had just abandoned him there. Okay. How close is she with Todd Smith? I mean, acquaintances. Okay. He didn't have a place to stay. He had no one else he could call for help. Brittany wasn't thrilled, to say the least, and neither was Chris. Chris was like, don't pick that guy up. Yeah. But it was snowing out.

It was super cold. And Brittany felt bad for Todd. So she told him, okay, you can stay on my couch tonight, but that's it. You have to leave tomorrow morning. And Todd agreed. What Todd didn't tell her was that he'd actually just been arrested that night because he got violent with his dad. Great. He also didn't mention that he was super duper high on meth. Also great. Also, he'd taken some Xanax, some amphetamines, topped it off with a little alcohol because variety is the spice of life. Don't, don't, okay, this is me not knowing that much about drugs.

But you've come to the right place. What do you need to know? Don't Xanax and meth do the opposite things? I don't know. I don't know how clear headed this fellow was, Brandon. Okay. I feel like we might just be counteracting each other. But I don't know.

I don't know much about the drugs. Yeah, I'm more of a one drug at a time type of gal. Dance with the one that brung you is what I say. I alternate my Advil and my Tylenol every four hours. So Chris and Brittany drove to the park. They picked

Todd up and Chris dropped them off at Brittany's place. It was all pretty normal. That evening, Brittany and Todd gave the new puppy a bath and kind of sat around talking in the living room. And they talked a lot about meth, about how it had fucked up their lives. Todd admitted that he still struggled with meth and Brittany was sympathetic. But she told him, hey, you know, you can turn your life around. I've been there. You just have to get your priorities together.

She said, you know, I quit that stuff and now I've got this great job offer. I'm going to get my kids back. And as she was saying this, she noticed this change in Todd. She later said that something snapped inside of him. He was so angry. And he said, do you think you're better than me? Oh, shit. And she's like, oh, whoa, not what I was saying at all.

And he called her a bitch and he attacked her. He headbutted her. Brittany got up, ran as fast as she could down the hallway and to her bedroom. She closed the door, locked it, and before she knew it, Todd broke through the door. Oh, my gosh. He wrestled her onto the bed and choked her. She said that as he was choking her, she saw black and thought, this is what it's like to die.

God, please don't let me die. Oh, my gosh. For a while, she lost consciousness. And when she woke up, she was in a pool of her own urine. She was naked and Todd was raping her. He had his hands around her throat, choking her. She could barely speak, but she tried. She said, we're friends.

And he mocked her. He goes, we're friends. He said, don't say a fucking word or I'll kill you. Oh, my gosh. Brittany fought him. She scratched him, hoping to get his DNA under her fingernails. She fought so hard that some of her fingernails ripped off. Oh.

This was, yeah. This was a very violent attack. At one point, Brittany thought he was going to snap her neck. Oh, my gosh. She blacked out again. The next time she regained consciousness, she came to, he was still raping her and she decided not to fight back. Eventually his face changed again and he stopped attacking her, but he warned Brittany that if she told anyone what he'd done, he would kill her and everyone she loved.

If she told the police, he would kill her. Brittany was terrified. And Todd wasn't leaving. She figured the only way to survive would be to get help. She told him, hey, let's go smoke a cigarette. And he said, well, okay. Brittany knew she didn't have any cigarettes, so she'd have to call someone for a ride to the store. So she grabbed her phone to call her mom, and Todd did allow her to make that call,

but he insisted on holding the phone himself, and he put it on speakerphone. So by this point, it's like 1240 at night. And Ramona picked up the phone, and Brittany was like, hey, would you take me to the store to get some cigarettes? Actually, 1240 is AM. Oh, my God. Hey, I've got a great idea. Blow it out your ass.

It's actually considered the wee hours of the morning. I'm going to call you tonight at 1 a.m. Be like, what? And say good morning? You're not awake yet? It's the morning time. So she calls her mom. She says, will you take me to the store to get some cigarettes?

Right. But Ramona was exhausted. So she cleaned houses for a living. She was tired from working all day. It was dark. It was late at night. It was snowing out. She just washed her hair so it was still wet.

And she's like, so she just turned to her son, Chris, and she's like, hey, please go pick up your sister and take her to get some cigarettes. I mean, Chris was kind of annoyed, as you would be. But, you know, little bro's got to be the little bro. Yeah. I just realized now, I don't actually know that he's the little brother, but he's got a baby face. I mean, he's got to be.

He looks, he looked like he was pretty young. Yeah. Okay. So he drove over to Brittany's place and he was kind of surprised when Brittany and Todd both came out of the house. He figured he'd just be taking Brittany, but whatever. He drove to the nearby Mapco gas station. You ever heard of Mapco? Mapco gas station. You ever heard of Mapco? I'm not familiar with Mapco. When they got to the gas station, Brittany went inside and Chris and Todd stayed in the car.

And you know, it's like any gas station. You park and you can see right into the place. And there was actually a police officer in the gas station when Brittany walked in. Oh my gosh. But Brittany was terrified of what Todd would do if he saw her approach the officer. She was very worried about her brother's safety. Because, again, I mean, Chris had no fucking clue.

Yeah. So she went up to the counter to buy the cigarettes, and a woman named Paige Painter was behind the counter. It's a small town, so Paige and Brittany kind of knew each other. And Paige took one look at Brittany and was like, what happened to you? And Brittany was like, shh, because she didn't want to draw any attention to herself. But, you know, under the fluorescent lighting at that gas station. Yeah, you could probably look like she had the shit beat out of her. Absolutely.

So her neck was red from where she'd been choked. She had blood on her chin. Her hair was a mess. Some nails had been ripped off. So Brittany whispered, give me a piece of paper. And Paige got it for her. And Brittany wrote down the name Todd Smith, Jasper, Tennessee. She told Paige that he'd raped her, he'd beaten her up, and was holding her hostage.

She said, if I wind up dead, he did it. And Paige was like, well, don't leave. Don't leave. Stay here. And Brittany said, I can't. My brother's in the car. If I don't go back out there, he's going to hurt my brother. And he said, I can't.

My brother's in the car. If I don't go back out there, he's going to hurt my brother. Brittany wrote down her mom's name and number and asked Paige to call her and tell her what was going on. She specifically asked Paige not to call the cops. Todd had already threatened her about involving the cops. And Brittany didn't really trust the cops anyway. Yeah. She felt like the cops in Jackson. In Jackson. I'm going to Jackson. And Brittany didn't really trust the cops anyway. Yeah. She felt like the cops in Jackson... In...

Jackson. I'm going to Jackson. Gonna mess around. Very sorry. It's actually called Jackson County, if you can believe it. Oh, is it? Yeah. It's not anything like Jackson County.

It's all gyms there and smoothie shops. Tanning salons. What else would be there? Obviously, jock strap stores. It's so rare to see a store that sells jock straps exclusively. That's not all they sell. They've also got jock itch medicine. Hmm.

Yeah. Is jock itch like athlete's foot but for your balls? Oh. Boy, that sounds unpleasant. It's almost as bad as having poison ivy on your anus. I wouldn't know, but I've been afraid before. I've been afraid before. I've been afraid before.

I've been afraid before. Anyone who's seen the poison ivy slowly traveling up their legs knows the fear. Anyway, so she didn't feel like she could trust the cops in Jackson County. So she felt like the cops in Jackson County would take the man's side in a dispute. She didn't think they could actually help her. Yeah. But she had faith that her mom could. Yeah. And honestly, that made sense to Paige. She'd had her own experience with the police and domestic violence. And she said that when her mom and ex-husband would fight, domestic violence. And she said that when her mom and ex-husband would fight, they'd both go to jail. Wow.

Yeah. So that was that was another thing. Oh, my gosh. I didn't cite sources. What a what a tool bag. What a bitch. I blame you. Well, I almost asked you, but then I thought we were doing that thing where you're like

keeping it a secret. Secret. No, I'm not trying to keep any secrets. No, I feel like such an asshole. Okay, so jumping back to sources. Shout out to the documentary State of Alabama versus Brittany Smith. So that's where I first found out about this terrible case. But this is mostly coming from reporting by Elizabeth Flock for The New Yorker.

She did two really thorough, great articles. And also a bunch of reporting by Ashley Remkus for Alabama.com. And that's not a minute too late, if you ask me. No. We like to bury it in the middle of the case. Yeah, I like to interrupt myself after I've talked about jock it. It's all about priorities. Yeah, that like to interrupt myself after I've talked about jockish. It's all about priorities. Yeah, that's right.

So, you know, a lot of these articles in the documentary go into how a lot of women have had this experience where if they fight back and they call the police, then the police say, okay, well, you're both going to jail because you both. Oh, God. Terrible. So Paige told her that she'd take care of it. And with that, Brittany left the gas station, got into the car and Chris drove her back to her place. As soon as they got there, Todd got out of the car and Brittany lingered behind for just a second. I mean, she didn't have much time, but she said to her brother, go back to the gas station and talk to Paige. She has something to tell you. So Chris had no idea what was going on, but he did as he was told. He went back to the gas station and Paige told him everything.

And Chris didn't waste time. He hightailed it back to Brittany's house. And, you know, he's an Alabama guy. So he had a gun in his car. Yeah. Car gun. And he got into Brittany's house through the back door. By that point, Todd was standing in the kitchen and Chris walked in with his gun and told Todd, you need to get your shit and leave.

Todd, you need to get your shit and leave. And I guess at some point in this kind of altercation, Chris accidentally fired the gun. What? Yep. I mean, no one was hurt, but it happened. And Todd refused to leave. As soon as Brittany heard the gunshot, she came running in from the living room. Chris put the gun down on the kitchen countertop and tried to shove Todd out of the house.

But Todd wouldn't budge. The two men started wrestling. Todd got Chris in a chokehold. Brittany grabbed the gun off the countertop. She was sobbing. She told Todd to let go of Chris. But he wouldn't. Interesting that you say so specifically which portion of the counter it's on. I don't think there's any risk of it being on the side of the counter, Kristen.

Has anyone ever told you that you're the worst woman alive? I've never heard you say countertop before. And you said it twice. You've never heard me say countertop? You always say counter. It's on the counter. Yeah. All right.

Well, fine. Boy. Now I'm feeling very insecure. I'm sorry. Messed up. Put the sources in halfway through the story. Said countertop, which evidently no one says. That's not exactly what I said.

Only recently learned about jock itch. I'm 37. You know, I think it's fine that I don't know about jock itch. You don't have a jock, so. Well, I just think that, you know, a lot of straight men don't know about what's going on in these bits. Yeah, that's right. They probably don't know anything about a yeast infection. Yeah.

I think dudes can get yeast infections, though. Yeah, sure. Yeah. They're like bulldogs, you know. Anybody can get them. My bulldog did suffer from a lot of yeast infections in his ears. He also would sometimes get it in the creases in his face. Of his vagina.

His paws. He didn't have a vagina. All right. Excuse me. Anyway, are we done? Yes. We've been talking about my dead bull top. I'm very sorry.

Yes. Okay. I just like to make you fit back down. Wow. Would you like to tell people what you said to London at the wedding? Oh, my gosh. This woman. Okay.

So, you know, we're all getting our hair and makeup done. Looking so good. And it's you know we're kind of getting a little late in the day. London let everyone know she did not need a nap. Yes. Contrary to popular opinion. Did not need a nap. And she was getting just a little fussy. A little fussy. A little fussy. A little fussy.

And so like we'd taken everything out of my purse. Yep. Put it all back in three times. Yep. Casey, like, London started handling her money, and Casey was like, that's enough. That's enough of that. And so then you had gotten me that lovely stole.

Yes. To wear around my shoulders. And I was like, hey, London, you know, let's feel this. Look at this. And she's kind of like mildly entertained, which I'm like, all right, I've bought myself 15 seconds. And I said, it feels kind of like a dog. And Brandy goes, thanks a lot, Kristen. Her dog just died.

Kristen, her dog just died. This is what they talk about when they say bridezilla. That's right. That's a real bridezilla. If you can't make jokes about your dog dying, what can you make jokes about? Excellent question. Some say it's too soon. Not me. I'm a fan of edgy comedy. That's right.

Anyway. Let me lubricate. Yeah. Get it lubed up there. I really need to brush my teeth. Like right this second? No, not right this second. Oh, okay. But do you ever just feel your teeth?

I do. I do sometimes. It's because we have those sugary cocktails. Even before I went to dinner, I was like, I need a brush-a, brush-a, brush-a. Brush-a, brush-a, brush-a. Mm-hmm. I am very sorry to anyone who hates tangents. We are stalling.

We are. We are clearly stalling. Okay. So, Brittany grabbed the gun off the countertop. Great, that's what everybody says. Totally normal. I'm not afraid to say it. Okay.

Other people don't have my backbone most people don't have the nuts to say countertop most people don't have the nuts to say it because they're so covered in jock itch they're distracted not me i don't even know what it is so she told todd to let go of Chris, but he wouldn't. Todd said he'd kill them both. And Brittany believed him. So she shot him. And nothing happened. He didn't fall.

He didn't let go of Chris. He didn't nothing. He didn't react at all. Yeah, he did not react. So she shot him again. Yeah. him again. Yeah. And again. Was he under the influence of meth at this particular time? Yeah, he was super, super high on meth.

Yeah. I mean, that would explain the no reaction to being shot. Yeah. Finally, on that third shot, Todd collapsed to the ground. He was still alive, but barely. Brittany called 911. And I don't have the complete transcript of that call, but I have bits and pieces. I'm going to read it to you now.

Dispatcher. Jackson County 911. Brittany. Hi, I need an ambulance. Someone just got shot at 211 Sharon Drive. He tried to kill me and... Dispatcher. Where's the person that shot him? Brittany. He's right here with me. He's my brother. He's not going to jail. He's like he was trying to protect me. A while later, Brittany said, I don't know what to do. I've been like I've been choked, almost dead, like raped almost in my bed twice.

Dispatcher. So he did rape you? Brittany. No, he did not rape me. He was trying to and he choked me out and I was like seeing black and my brother came in and they got into an argument. Just have an ambulance come, please, because I don't want this man to die. What the fuck do I do? Please help me.

The dispatcher told her how to do CPR and Brittany did mouth to mouth and Chris did chest compressions on Todd. After about half an hour, the police showed up. By that point, Todd had died. Oh, my gosh. There's body cam footage of when police showed up to the house. Brittany came out of the house looking panicked, and this was her interaction with the police. Officer, where? Who's the shooter? Who's the the shooter britney it's my brother officer come out come out of the house britney look please don't shoot he shot him because he choked me he raped me okay am i confused here i thought she She did, yes, but she's not saying that because she thinks that the police will believe her brother over believing her. Mm-hmm.

Is that kind of the deal? Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's it. Okay. That night, Chris told police that he was the one who'd shot and killed Todd. Mm-hmm. He later said, in Jackson County, women don't get treated fairly in general,

so I thought if I don't take the blame, she'll never get her kids back. Yeah. That night, Brittany was taken in for a rape kit. The nurse documented 33 injuries to her body. Yeah. She had bite marks, bruises, scratches, contusions on her neck.

Her neck looked terrible. Brittany hadn't wanted to kill anybody, but she was certain that if she hadn't killed Todd, he would have killed her and killed her brother. Exactly. Gosh, yeah, I'm not pro-shooting anybody, but I don't know that she really had a choice. Right. Pro-shooting anybody, but I don't know that she really had a choice. Right. Yeah, I think in this situation, you've got to do what you've got to do.

Yeah. That next morning, she got up early and decided that she couldn't let her brother take responsibility for shooting Todd. So she went to the police and told them the truth. She'd lied. Her brother hadn't shot Todd. She had, as he'd held Chris in a chokehold. And so, Brittany was arrested and charged with murder. Wow.

Yeah. What she did wasn't murder. What do you think it was? Self-defense. Yeah. And I think it's pretty easy to tell that with like a basic investigation. Well, that sounds like it might take some work. Yeah.

Ramona was horrified. Her daughter had acted in self-defense. But the DA's office and the police didn't see it that way. Ramona couldn't afford to bail Brittany out, so she had to stay in jail. And it was horrible. She had a prescription for Xanax to help manage her anxiety, but the jail refused to give her her medication. And so she suffered from withdrawals. And withdrawals from Xanax can include panic attacks and hallucinations.

After all, she'd already been through. So while she was in jail, she had a nervous breakdown. Also, here's a terrible story. She said that two of the people who worked in the jail, like, mocked her while she was having this breakdown and said that if she pushed this invisible button, it would bring up an elevator that would take her to her kids. Awesome. Yeah. Meanwhile, rumors circulated about how Todd had died. The New Yorker article said that initially Alabama media outlets only reported that Brittany had shot Todd, but nothing about the rape. And later, when word got out about the rape allegation, a lot of people didn't believe it. Oh, oh, now she's saying he raped her.

Well, in the 911 call, she said he didn't. Yeah. I think a lot of things, you say a lot of things when you're going through the most traumatic experience probably of your life. Yeah. I mean, hopefully that's the most. And you jumble up details. And yes. And also, she was blacking out.

So who knows what he was actually like. Right. Doing to her. Right. And her body tells the story. Absolutely. Well, and. What?

What is the definition of rape? Did he actually have to penetrate her to meet the definition? I think what he did to her sounds a hell of a lot like rape, even if he didn't. Yeah. Yeah. A rumor went around that Brittany had been watching porn with Todd before the rape. So. So she was asking for it.

Right. As if you can't rape someone after that. Right. Watching porn with someone, if they did that, like that's not consent to then do whatever the fuck you want to me right todd's cousin jeff poe who lived with todd wrote on facebook that two nights before the shooting he'd seen britney naked with todd he wrote i got up to piss and it looked like national geographic in the house i seen it with my own damn eyes what the whore did. Wow. Again, I mean, this feels so stupid to even have to say,

but you can be naked with someone consensually two nights before, and you can— And they can still rape you two days later. Right. Yeah. One-time consent does not equal forever consent. But even having said that, there's no evidence to back up. That that actually happened. Yeah.

One of Brittany's friends has said that she was actually at her place playing cards that night. Cousin Jeff eventually changed his tune, but wow, it took him a while. Jeff eventually changed his tune, but wow, it took him a while. So I find it annoying, but it's more than I can say for a lot of other people. I mean, he at least paid attention to the evidence and has now said, I'm really sorry for what I said. Here's kind of the interesting thing for all the Todd defenders. Todd Smith had a lengthy criminal record. Over the course of his 38 years, he'd been arrested approximately 80 times, several times for domestic violence against multiple women. His ex-wife, Paige Parker, came forward after Brittany's arrest to say that Todd had attacked her multiple times in a

very similar way. She said, I was beaten and raped and sodomized for years by this man. I know what Brittany went through that night because I went through it for years. She said that he had held her captive and beaten her many times. Over the course of their marriage, Todd was charged with domestic violence five times. Wow. Paige eventually filed for divorce, and she said that he duct taped her to a chair and threatened to throw her in the Tennessee River. Wow. She said, The last story I had that reminded me so much of Brittany was I was duct taped and tied to a chair.

I had been held captive by him for days, beaten, raped, sodomized, everything Brittany had went through and more. Paige eventually got an order of protection against him. He was arrested for domestic violence a couple of other times, but the charges were always dismissed. A lot of people have stories about him. Wow. A woman who used to work as a dispatcher for the local police department said that he got flirty with her one time and she just wasn't interested.

And when she didn't express interest, he backed her into a desk and tried to rip off her shirt. Great. So Todd had a history of sexual assault and violent behavior. And Brittany had sustained multiple injuries that night, and she'd shot and killed him, fearing that her life and her brother's life were in danger. And she felt that if she could just tell people her story, they would understand.

She'd be able to win her case. Yeah, it seems like that should be really easy. Yeah. But it's not going to be, is it? Well, I wouldn't be telling you the story. By this point, Brittany had a... I mean, it really seems like this shouldn't have moved to a place of charges. Exactly.

This is ridiculous. I mean, in kind of any other scenario, it'd be over and done with very quickly. Yeah. By this point, Brittany had a court-appointed attorney named James Mick. James is a former police officer, and murder trials are really not in his wheelhouse. I've got to say, I'm not real impressed with him, and neither was Brittany or Ramona.

Okay, great. At one point, he got mad at the reporter for The New Yorker because he didn't like the questions she was asking him, and he told her to leave. And the documentary didn't even mention him as being part of the defense team, even though he definitely was. But I do think he should be mentioned because the DA kept coming to him with these plea deal offers, and one of the offers was to plead guilty to manslaughter, which meant that Brittany would get between two and 20 years in prison. Brittany says that James advised her to take the deal. But she was adamant. She'd acted in self-defense. She was offered a few plea deals and she turned them down every time.

She said, I'm innocent and I will go to jail an innocent woman before I plead out to anything I did not do. Meanwhile, Ramona was doing everything in her power to help her daughter. She started researching self-defense laws. She found out about Alabama's Stand Your Ground law and was like, oh, my gosh, this is perfect. This is the law that's going to get her out of this. the law that's going to get her out of this. According to Alabama's stand your ground law, you can use lethal force to defend yourself against threats or perceived threats.

You have no duty to retreat. Yeah. This case certainly seemed to fit that scenario. Absolutely. And if it did fit that scenario, then Brittany would be able to walk, just like what you were saying, like this should be done. Yes. So Brittany told her attorney that that was the route she wanted to pursue. And initially they did. But then in October of 2018, he switched to not guilty by reason of insanity. What? Yeah, Brittany says he never ran that by her.

It was an interesting tactic. Brittany had been seeing a psychiatrist through a nonprofit for sexual assault survivors, and the head of that organization said, Brittany has no mental health issues other than PTSD. PTSD from the rape and the judicial system. Yeah. But a state psychologist disagreed. Brittany met with the guy and he made a note that he had some mini Snickers bars out at the reception desk and she'd eaten an unusual amount of them.

That sounds like none of your fucking business, sir. Are they out there for everybody? Does it say there's a limit? What does that even mean? Well, and I mean, Brittany later found out that that was part of his report, and she was

like, well, okay. She explained to. And she was like, well, OK. She explained it to herself. She was like, yeah, I did eat a lot of them. I ate like 10 of them. I hadn't eaten that day. Yeah. I mean, they didn't have money. Right.

No one wanted to employ. Yeah. God. After their meeting, the psychologist said that Brittany was paranoid, based mostly on her assertion that Todd's family was after her. The psychiatrist evidently thought that that wasn't the case. But when the New Yorker reporter talked to Todd's cousin, Jeff Poe, Jeff just straight out told her that he had called someone about putting out a hit on Brittany. She's not paranoid. Yeah.

So he decided against it because he didn't want blood on his hands, he said. But, I mean, dude picked up the phone. Yeah. God. So following the report from that psychologist, they had a pretrial hearing, and the DA, Jason Pierce, argued that Brittany needed to be put in Bryce Hospital, which is a hospital for people with serious mental illnesses. Worth noting, Brittany had passed a drug test the day before, but the D.A. told the judge that she could have faked it. So, yeah, she's a real loose cannon.

Well, I mean, where is that accusation coming from? Right? I mean, she has this documented history. She has been arrested for drug possession in the past. So we just don't want to believe anything she's saying. So even though she passed this drug test, maybe we ignore it. Okay, great. So Brittany got sent to Bryce Hospital, a place that has a rich history of being terrible.

I shouldn't really say that. When it opened in the 1800s, it was like super progressive and wonderful. And it just never moved on from there. So I didn't look into it too deeply, but it seems like there was such a need for it that too many patients. And, yeah, they never really evolved. They didn't have the staff to keep up. And bottom line, in 1971, a bunch of patients filed a class action lawsuit against Bryce Hospital. Fun fact, the local newspapers said that the patients in the hospital were living in conditions that resembled, quote, a concentration camp.

Holy shit. The class action lawsuit lasted 33 years. What? 33 years. What? And as a result of that lawsuit, there is now a federal minimum standard of care for mentally ill people, which I mean, I guess that's good. But I mean, you don't want to go to the place that had to. No kidding. And bring that about. That didn't exist already. Right. A minimum standard of care. Yeah. Holy hell. So Brittany was stuck in that facility for six months. The New Yorker details a few of her experiences there, but I'm just going to cover one.

And it's bad. A male nurse told Brittany to pick up someone else's feces. And she was like, no. And the nurse pushed her against a wall and twisted her arm behind her back. to pick up someone else's feces. And she was like, no. No. And the nurse pushed her against a wall and twisted her arm behind her back. So the reporter confirmed that this happened with another patient who witnessed it. And later, that nurse asked Brittany to flash him.

The reporter was obviously super alarmed by this, so she called the patient advocate for Bryce Hospital. But the patient advocate never returned her call. Okay, here's how the reporter ends that paragraph. Quote, I later learned that he had been arrested for possession of child pornography. He has pleaded not guilty. Wow. Yeah. So I don't know if the patient advocate or the nurse was charged with the child porn. Either way, it's a pretty bad indication. Yeah. Eventually, Brittany was transferred out of Bryce and into jail. And that time her mom pawned her mother's wedding ring and put up her car title as collateral for Brittany's bond. Meanwhile, Britney kept getting

plea deal offers from the DA, but she still wasn't interested. She hadn't done anything wrong. She didn't want to plead guilty to murder. And there was some forward movement on her case. Her lawyer filed a motion for additional legal assistance, and that's how Brittany got a guy named Ron Smith added to her legal team. Ron got the distinction of being interviewed for the documentary. Ron Smith? Yeah. Are they related? No.

Shut up. How dare you? How dare you? It was Uncle Ron. They got a stand your ground hearing. It was scheduled for January of 2020. By this point, Brittany had lost some confidence in this legal strategy. Common sense said that this law applied to her situation. But by this point, she'd done enough reading to learn that the people who tend to have successful stand-your-ground hearings are white men. Yep.

John Roman is a researcher for the University of Chicago, and he did some research for the New Yorker article. And I'd like to read to you a little bit from that article now. Yeah. In Alabama, Roman found, no women received justifiable homicide rulings between 2006, when the state's Stand Your Ground law was implemented, and 2010, after which the state stopped reporting its data. Since then, a handful of women in Alabama have won Stand Your Ground immunity. But some women with persuasive self-defense claims continue to lose. In 2017, Devon Gray fatally shot her boyfriend, Barry Walsh, in Calera, south of Birmingham, during an alleged domestic dispute. Her lawyer wrote in a court filing...

He gets pronounced cholera. He gets pronounced cholera. Her lawyer wrote in a court filing that Walsh had been abusive throughout the relationship and that on the day of the killing had, quote, caused her substantial physical injuries, including hitting her, pistol whipping her, and breaking bones in her face. When the police arrived, she was bleeding from the head. Walsh, with whom she had a child, had fired multiple shots in the home, her lawyer said. Yet Gray's stand-your-ground claim was rejected because the judge questioned whether the threat to her life had been immediate. Wow. Yeah. Yep.

So the documentary kind of summed it up this way. They said, the most extensive study of stand-your-ground cases found that women were twice as likely to be convicted as men when claiming self-defense in their homes. Yeah. Wow. There was some study. I didn't write this part down, but someone titled their study. I thought this was like the best title ever. Real men.

What was it? It was something like real men shoot, real women retreat. Uh-huh. And that's the expectation. I mean, when a man is defending his property, his whatever, that's great. When a woman does it, not okay. Yeah. Because she couldn't have been in that much danger if she had the— Well, isn't that the weirdest thing?

If she had the confidence to fight back. My God. That's ridiculous. Yeah. In mid-January of 2020, Brittany had her Stand Your Ground hearing. The stakes couldn't have been higher.

If she won, she'd get immunity from prosecution. If not, she would be screwed. Yeah. The hearing took place in front of Judge Jennifer Holt. And Brittany's legal team had a pretty compelling argument. But the DA argued that Brittany had lied multiple times. She was unreliable and consistent. The hearing started with testimony from Janine Sewerman, who was the sexual assault nurse examiner who had examined

Brittany on the night of the attack. And Janine testified that Brittany's injuries were consistent with being strangled with two hands and having been assaulted with, quote, a lot of force. Yeah. Everyone saw pictures of the injuries. She had bite marks on her neck, bruises on her feet, injuries. She had bite marks on her neck, bruises on her feet, legs, breasts, and chest, contusions on the back of her neck. It was horrible. Janine said that the injuries indicated that, quote, she was probably hit multiple times and held down. But she could not say definitively that a sexual assault had occurred because the rape kit didn't recover semen. Semen. She added that that is common in sexual assault cases. Does that matter?

Well, to the DA it did. District Attorney Jason Pierce didn't buy it. There was no semen plus in that 911 call. Brittany said that she hadn't been raped. person down with force, with violent force, and removes some article of their clothing, even attempts to remove their clothing. That is a sexual assault. Look, you're kind of speaking as a never nude right now. No, but the thing I find interesting is when you look at the law, I mean, my interpretation is even just that last part where Todd is choking Chris out.

He has him in a chokehold. Yeah. That's enough to me. Yeah. Yeah, that's assault. Yeah. It looks like he could die from that. Brittany testified about that night, and the DA questioned why she'd been in fear for her life.

He pointed out that Todd didn't have a gun. He didn't have a knife. And Brittany said, but he had his hands. He had two hands around my neck, and I was blacking out. She said he had his hands. He had two hands around my neck and I was blacking out. She said he had his hands, his penis, his mouth. You saw the 33 wounds on my body. She talked about shooting him three times. She said she kept shooting multiple times because the bullets didn't seem to do anything. And an expert witness testified that given the amount of meth in his system, that made sense.

When you get that high on meth, you, I guess, evidently become Superman. Paige Painter, the gas station employee, testified about Brittany coming into the gas station that night saying she'd been raped and beaten. She talked about how red Brittany's neck looked, how there was blood on her chin. They showed that note where Brittany wrote down his name and asked Paige to call her mom. Brittany's legal team tried to show that Todd had a history of violence. He'd been arrested 80 times.

He'd been arrested multiple times for domestic violence against multiple women. The woman who'd been the dispatcher for the police department testified about Todd shoving her and trying to tear off her shirt. A guy who'd grown up with Todd testified that he'd seen bruises on women that he believed Todd had hit. And in the middle of his testimony, the DA goes, And in the middle of his testimony, the DA goes, what's your necklace? And the guy goes, I'm into witchcraft. I don't see how that's relevant, my religion. And the DA goes, no further questions.

Oh, my gosh. Mm-hmm. Oh, my gosh. That guy's testimony and the woman's testimony were thrown out because the D.A. successfully argued that bad character evidence should not be admissible. Wow. Absolutely should be in this case where there's debate about whether he was attacking her and attacking Chris. Yeah, 100 percent. The D.A. argued that it didn't make sense that Brittany hadn't tried to get help from the police. At one point, he asked her, can you explain that, please? Somehow you believed your mother would be in a better position to handle violent, angry Todd than a police officer.

Yeah, when you don't trust the police. Right. Yeah, I think that makes a ton of sense. Ultimately, the judge sided against Brittany. She wrote a 19-page ruling, basically saying that Brittany Smith was not credible. She wrote, quote, the defendant had many opportunities to seek protection from Todd if she was afraid he was going to kill or harm her. She could have alerted the deputy that was in MAPCO. She could have called the police.

She could have called the police. She could have called 911. It's, yeah, easy for you to say because you weren't in the situation. I get the most terrible thoughts when people are like this. Like you want them to go through it? Yeah, I know. I know that's terrible. See what you would do. I know that's terrible, and I don't really mean that. But, like, when people get like this, like, you should have done this, you should have done it.

It's like, fine, let's put you in the scenario. Right. You better perform perfectly. Yeah. You better open up to the 911 dispatcher immediately. You better throw out every negative experience that you've had or heard about with the police. Yeah. Later, Ramona said, we all know that the stand your ground law wasn't created for women.

We're disappointed, but not defeated. Just have to keep fighting another day. Hmm. Disappointed, but not defeated. Just have to keep fighting another day. Brittany appealed, but she lost. This was bad. Now she was going to go to trial for murder,

and it would take place in the courtroom of the judge who'd just written a 19-page opinion against her. Great. And that judge would be the one sentencing her. Great. Her legal team tried to get the judge to recuse herself from Brittany's upcoming trial. She should have. Well, the judge didn't. Yeah. Why not recuse yourself? You should recuse yourself. Brittany was in a tough spot. She had never wanted to plead guilty. She was certain that if she hadn't killed Todd that day, she and her brother would be dead. But right before her murder trial was supposed to begin, the DA offered her another plea deal. If she pled guilty to murder, she'd get credit for time served, which meant that she'd get about six months in jail for murder.

After that, she'd get 18 months of house arrest. What? But also then she's a convicted murderer and is going to have a hell of a time finding a job and getting custody of her kids. Yeah, you're basically reading the rest of this script right here. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't an easy decision. No. She asked her lawyers what they would do in her shoes, and they said they would take the deal. Of course they told her that. Honestly, I would too.

I mean, knowing that you're having to face the same judge who just wrote that 19 page opinion on you. It's such a gamble. It's a huge gamble. Yes. I think I would take the deal too. But fuck, that would be terrible. It's not justice.

No, it's not at all. So she took the deal. She later said, It makes no sense to me that the plea deals that were offered to me were six months for murder and a lot more time for manslaughter. I do not understand how a murder charge is less than manslaughter. It doesn't make sense to me. The court system here wanted me to take that murder charge just to say that I took the charge. I was so dead set.

I was so adamant on not pleading guilty to that murder charge. And I feel like I let a lot of people down. I did let myself down, too. But it's something that I fight with every day. Yeah. I feel terrible for her. Absolutely. She was in a situation she couldn't win.

I think this is such an interesting thing. Like the number of people who take plea deals. I mean, I feel like it's just kind of like this area of the justice system that we don't really think about where people take these plea deals because it's the lesser of two evils, but not because they're actually guilty of the crime. Yep. Because this is the safe bet. Yeah.

Well, and I think she had as much going for her as she could. I mean, she had some big time media outlets reporting on her case. Oh, gosh. So. She figured this would be the best way to just let get this behind her, let her family move on. And like you pointed out, I mean, she knows she's got a tough road ahead of her. She's got a felony murder conviction. It's going to be really hard to do all the things she wanted to do.

But she served her six months. She got out of jail. do. But she served her six months. She got out of jail. And in late October of 2021, she asked her probation officer if she could go to her kids' trunk-or-treat event. She wanted to hand out candy. And her probation officer said, no, but you can see your kids before the event. And Brittany went anyway, and afterwards she texted her probation officer to say that she sat in her car during the event and took videos to prove that she never got out of the vehicle. And the probation officer was like, well, you violated parole. So Brittany went back to jail. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. So the story just gets worse and worse and worse. I mean, I read that. I was likeney no no no britney yeah and that's the story of a woman who tried to stand her ground oh my gosh that fucking sucked yeah the only good victim is a dead victim right i mean that's the bottom line yeah that's the only way she can be a victim. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really sorry. That absolutely sucked.

That is infuriating. Yeah. Uh-oh. What you going to say, Brandy? It is. It would be interesting to see how her brother would have fared taking the blame. I know, right? Mm-hmm.

I bet it would not have gone the same way. I mean, isn't that so sad to think about, like – Yeah. So sad to think about, like. Yeah. I don't know, but it would be so hard to just let your sibling. Absolutely. And I don't know if you even call it taking the fall when it would just be dismissed.

Right. But, yeah, you're feeling like, well, no, I mean, he was he attacked me. He was attacking my brother. I did the right thing. I just need to just say it. And wow. She really paid for it. Yeah.

No shit. That is infuriating. Yeah. Boy. I'm sorry for inflicting that upon you. Fuck. I was having like a really good week. Yeah, well, you know, hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving. Jesus.

Let me ruin everything. Oh my gosh. Holy shit. Should we do an ad? I believe we should. What are you doing with your forehead there? Oh my gosh. Holy shit. Should we do an ad? I believe we should. What are you doing with your forehead there? Oh, my gosh. I have had an eyelash, like, in my eyeball.

Oh, it's like. Yeah, for like, I swear, like, half of that story, that eyelash was tickling my eyeball. Did I complain? No. You are professional. Did I blink too hard? No. No. I'm a pro, baby. That's right. Should I talk about the wedding? You should. Oh my gosh. Where to start? The very beginning. A very good place to start. Okay, so David and I got married on Friday,

November 18th. We got married in downtown Kansas City, Missouri at a beautiful hotel. It was a holiday inn. Amazing. It was the best day ever. Yeah. DP performed our ceremony. Uh-huh. It was wonderful.

He did not use the term ho-face. Ho-face fail is what he wanted to use. Is what he wanted to say. Instead he said that I intended to play the field but then met David and did not. So he cleaned it up. I believe he was forced to by Sheree Ray.

She had a gun. She would not stand for him saying ho phase in a wedding ceremony. We got married in this beautiful ballroom. Yeah. In front of this marble fireplace. And then, oh my gosh, this ballroom that we got married in, the building that the hotel is in was built like in the 1920s and it's been completely restored. Has all the original like woodwork and light fixtures. And so it was this gorgeous wood

paneling, this marble fireplace. And we had like all these candles inside the fireplace. Oh, it was so beautiful. Daryl wrote this wonderful ceremony for us. And then David and I exchanged our vows that we had written. They were beautiful vows. It was beautiful. It was so beautiful. And London just ran around us and played with a little tiny Matchbox car while we were doing it. It was just, it was absolutely perfect. It was the perfect size with like 50 people there with us.

It was wonderful. My best friend in the world, Kristen, was standing by my side during the whole thing. I was able to surprise David with my song that I walked down the aisle to. I walked down the aisle to Twin Flames by Machine Gun Kelly, which is like the least wedding song. But it's like David's favorite song. He loves Machine Gun Kelly. And the very first time he heard that song, he sent it to me. And he's like, this is us.

This is the story of us. And so he asked for it at the wedding and I told him, no, we would not be playing Machine Gun Kelly at our wedding. And he was like, I understand. Like, I get it. And then he was so surprised when I went, well, London and I walked down the aisle together to it. It was perfect. It was everything we wanted to be. And then we had the most amazing reception. We had delicious food. Oh, it was so good. Oh, my gosh.

We had steak and pork loin and mashed potatoes and butternut squash. It was delicious. And then we had pie for dessert. Oh my gosh. It was delicious. And then we had pie for dessert. And we had an amazing DJ who played like, I don't know, David and I danced the whole fucking night. Kristen, Kyla, and I danced to Spice Girls.

Yeah. At the end of the night. It was the best time ever. Oh my God. It was so much fun. Oh, we loved it. I mean, it just, it went so perfectly. It was a beautiful night. I wore the most beautiful, amazing dress.

Yeah, you've got to post all the pictures. I will. You looked so beautiful. I have, like, no pictures so far, but I will be getting pictures soon. Well, I realized I didn't take any pictures. I took no pictures. I took, literally, David and I took a selfie at the table while we were waiting for dinner and that is the only

picture I took like the whole day. Yeah. Yeah. I mean you were just enjoying yourself. I was. I love that though that I was so like in the day. Like I loved. We had like a suite to get ready in and we had like a hair and makeup person come and do our hair and makeup.

We looked beautiful. We drank mimosas. Oh, yeah. It was just the best time. Yeah. Our flowers turned out amazing. We didn't actually do any flowers. It was all ferns, all greenery.

It was gorgeous. And I wouldn't have changed a single thing. Yeah. And I wouldn't have changed a single thing. And now I am married to David. The love of my life. Finally. What a fucking journey.

What a fucking journey is right. Yeah. It has been a wild ride. And, you know, David and I both went through a lot of shit to get to each other. And I would do it all again to wind up with him. No, that's don't even talk about that. Bottom line, you two deserve each other. Like you've you've earned each other.

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. And then David and I had the most amazing weekend after we stayed downtown with the kids. And Casey and James, my sister and her husband, they came down and stayed too. So, like, they kept the kids. And then we did, like, a fun family day on Saturday. We took the kids to this, like, indoor mini golf place that they have downtown.

And then we went out to dinner. And then, like, they went back to the hotel with Casey and James. And I put on my lingerie without my clothes on underneath it. Holy shit, what? That's not the way you're supposed to wear it. And I lost my virginity. So happy for you. And Norm asked us on the wedding night, he was like, are you nervous?

Are you nervous for the wedding night? And they were. They were sweating bullets. Because they're just good Christian kids. That's right. We both lost our virginity. No, it legitimately was the best night. It was so beautiful. It was fucking freezing though. It was so cold. It was fucking freezing, though.

It was so cold that night. The wedding was inside, but we wanted to take these pictures outside because there was these beautiful city views. And we did it, but it was really cold. You know what I discovered? Alcohol? Yeah. Makes you forget about the cold?

You hit the open bar hard enough. That's right. That's right. I mean, we did it up big time. We had an open bar. It was a good time. At 10 p.m., they brought out fucking chili dogs and fried macaroni

and cheese bites to soak up everybody's alcohol. Let me tell you something. It was darn good. It was so good. It was amazing. It was amazing. It was amazing. Yeah. Yeah.

Loved every minute of it. What? The next day, I woke up. And at some point in the morning I like touched my ear and it felt really slick. I was like, well that's weird. So I smelled my finger and it smelled like a

chili dog. You had chili on your ear? I'm not totally sure if it was chili grease. We have no way of knowing what happened. Literally like the only thing that went wrong, and it wasn't even that bad, is that the earrings that I ordered for both of us didn't come. They came while we were gone this weekend. Oh, good.

Yes, they were on our front porch when we got home. No, so they didn't come. So on Thursday night, I ran out to Kohl's and I got us the finest earrings Kohl's had to offer. Which they were beautiful! You joke, but I'm going to wear them again. Please do! Okay. I hope you do! Yes, I will wear them with pride.

Good, good. Got me the little matching necklace. Oh yes, matching necklace, yeah. Got me the little matching necklace. Matching necklace? Yeah. My only regret about the day was you presented it to me, and it was in one of those box things. Oh, yeah. You should have.

Did you want to do the Julia Roberts? What do you mean, did I want to? I reached out to do the moment, and you were just like. I know. I was. Not Richard Gere. You were nothing like Richard Gere. I was nothing like Richard Gere.

You're absolutely right. You were Jason Alexander. I didn't call you a hooker. I think you have in the past. So that is my one regret. And that box was fancy. That box lit up when I opened it. It did light up.

Yeah, I know. Some fancy shit. The fanciest earrings Kohl's had. I legitimately was in Kohl's and I was sending pictures of like every earring to my mom and sister. It was like, I don't know. What do you think about this? Wait, is this one ugly or is it cute? I looked at too

many at this point. It turns out my ears weren't even visible. Oh, is that a crack about my ears? No, it's not a crack about your ears. I wore a glorious headpiece. That was awesome. Okay, so I wore a glorious headpiece. That was awesome. Okay, so I wore like this.

Basically, picture the Statue of Liberty's crown. That's basically what I wore. I ordered it off of Etsy from a woman in Ukraine who hand makes them. It was made out of zip ties. It's the coolest thing. Yeah, I'll post, we'll post pictures. Yes. We'll post pictures.

It's the coolest thing. Yeah. I'll post. We'll post pictures. Yes. We'll post pictures. It's wonderful. I like am so thrilled to like have it have finally been here. Yeah. Finally be married. It feels like something we've been looking forward to. For forever. Well, like, you know, freaking COVID really delayed things.

Yes. Oh, my gosh. It was so... It was so exciting. Yeah. And so fun. Yeah. We had the best time.

Mm-hmm. Ugh. Thanks for being there, Whitney. As if I would be... We did joke, okay, that same night was a Reba McEntire concert. Yeah, so we joked that Kristen would be we did joke okay that same night was a Reba McEntire

concert so we joked that Kristen would be like Mrs. Doubt firing it up for the Reba concert just running back

and forth it was several blocks so you would have been really out of breath I would have been winded it's true

and inevitably I would have come back to your wedding in cowboy boots and I would have been back to your wedding in cowboy boots. And I'd be like, that's not what you were wearing. And I'd be like, ooh. Just like your dress is like caught in the top of the cowboy boot. Exactly.

Yeah. And I'm like, what is that, fringe? Is that fringe under there? And you're like, what? No, no. Nothing. But then I'm humming the night the lights went out in Georgia. And so you know something's amiss.

And then the next time you come back in a red dress because it was just Fancy and you had to dress for it. Oh, my God. Fancy was my name. Here's your one chance, Fancy, don't let me down. Oh, God. That's what we should have done. Gotten our chili dogs to go. Oh, to go to the Reba concert.

I got it. It was wonderful. It was so exciting. It was wonderful. It was the best weekend ever. The best time. And now I'm married to David Pond.

Every girl's dream. Every girl's dream is right. Oh, David wore the most amazing tux. He had this like blue. He was looking fly as hell. Oh my gosh. He had this like blue satiny jacket that had like a pattern on it and then black

satin lapels.els was fucking cool. Mm-hmm. All right, calm down. You've got some drool on you. I'm sorry. And I got him. Oh, my gosh. Okay, this was my favorite part.

Okay, so obviously for the ceremony, he wore like the tux shoes that they give you with your tux rental. you with your tux rental. And then as a wedding gift for the reception, I got him limited edition retro air Jordans in navy blue and black, which are our wedding colors. And so he changed into those for the reception. Those were awesome. Loved them. Those were so awesome. They were so cool. There's like, I think it's a Taco Bell commercial that's out right now that Devontae Adams is in. He's a football player, Kristen. Thank you. Okay. And he is wearing the Air Jordans in the commercial.

David saw it and paused it and he goes, those are my shoes. He has so much in common with that guy. He's exactly like Devontae Adams. In every way. That's right. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you.

It was wonderful. Best day ever. Yeah. Yeah. And now I'm a pond. We were going, I think we were sitting waiting for dinner on Saturday. And I was like, Jackson, do you know what happened last night? And he was like, so Jackson is David's nine-year-old son.

And he said, yeah, we had the wedding. And I was like, yeah, but you know what else happened? He said, what? And he said, or I said, I became a pond. And he said, you did said, I became a pond. And he said, you did? I said, yep. He said, we're all ponds now. That's so sweet.

Yeah. Yeah. It was wonderful. I'm so happy for you. Thank you. I am the happiest I've ever been in my life. Truly. It's amazing.

It's an amazing feeling. What a journey it was to get here. Yeah. I'd hate for something terrible to happen. Don't fucking say that. Jesus, suck that back in from the universe. Sorry. It just takes me to these stories we always tell of like, things were perfect.

Until they weren't. It just takes me to these stories we always tell of like, things are perfect. Until they weren't. Until David scuffed his Air Jordans. That's right. So I did tell him, I was like, okay, the wags, you can wear those anytime you want now. And he's like, anytime I want? It's like, yeah, they're your shoes. Like, just wear them.

Yeah. That's what they're for. Just enjoy them. Yes. These shoes are made for walking. That's what they say. As they say. Mm-hmm. Mm wear them. Yeah. Just enjoy them. These shoes are made for walking. That's what they say. Should we take some questions from our Discord? We should. Wah, wah, wah, wah.

To get in the Discord all you have to do is join our Patreon at the $5 level or higher. And then when we are recording, we will ask for questions. And then we answer some of, we will ask for questions. And then we answer some of them. Thank you for explaining that. People were so confused.

They were. I could feel it coming in the air tonight. Oh, say it and we'll cut it. Says, have either of you finally conceded that Aquaphor is better than Carmex and Blistex combined? Oh, I will not stand for this blasphemy. Are people putting Aquaphor on their lips? Yeah, so they make an Aquaphor chapstick. David uses it like. It's probably pretty good.

It is. It actually is good. I still don't like it as much as Blistex. But also, I need to clear up this misconception that I'm using Blistex in that green tube. That's not what I use. I use the white squishy tube Blistex, and it is heaven on my lips. All right. It's got like a nice tingle to it.

Yeah, that's what I don't like about it is the tingle. Okay, well, don't use it then. Use your fucking Carmex. Use your anal lube. Fine, I will. Okay, great. And I'll be happy to it. Yeah, that's what I don't like about it is the tingle. Okay, well, don't use it then. Use your fucking Carmex. Use your anal lube. Fine, I will. Okay, great. And I'll be happy about it. I'm so happy for you.

I will say, David regularly uses the Aquaphor chapstick, and he really likes it. Well, thank you for that. You're welcome. I was so curious. This is such an interesting question. I don't know that I have an answer for it. Okay. Classy Penis Cake asks, who's the grossest fictional character you'd have sex with?

I'd do Tony Soprano. Huh. Grossest fictional character you'd have sex with. I mean, I'd probably do Tony Soprano. I never watched The Sopranos. Like a real, you know, powerful energy about him. Yeah, yeah, I gotcha. Yeah.

Well, I always had that crush on Gaston. You did? That is, that's totally who it would be. No one bangs like Gaston. Oh my gosh, I bet not. Yeah, see, I took it to a whole new weird level. Yeah, that's wonderful. That's the best answer.

See, I took it to a whole new weird level. Yeah, that's wonderful. That's the best answer. Brawless Brandy asks, Kristen, how did you end up in Elizabeth City? Oh, okay. So after I graduated from college, it was 2008, which was a great time to have a journalism degree and want to get into newspapers. So, yeah, I just applied to jobs kind of all up and down the East Coast. I was dating a guy in North Carolina at the time, so I kind of wanted to be in North Carolina. Yeah.

And, boy, I did not get a lot of offers. But I got a job offer in Elizabeth City, and I moved there, took the job, dumped the guy, found Normie. Meant to be. That's right. That's right. Aw. Ooh. I See Fat Legs wants to know, Brandi, how do you feel about nanny cams?

Would you ever do a nanny cam? a nanny cam? No, I mean, maybe I guess if I had London with somebody that... That you didn't trust or you didn't know. I didn't know that well.

Like, if I had her with just, like, a random babysitter or, like, you know... So far, the only people I've watched London are people who are

related to her. So I have no worries. It's been, like, my mom and my sister and David's sister and my dad and the stepmom. We have a wide berth of people who are just banging down our door. God, sounds like you do need a nanny cam. Asking to watch London.

So no, I think if I was like hiring like the neighborhood teenager or something, like maybe I'd maybe I'd consider a nanny cam. If like you hired the babysitter's club and you got Claudia you'd probably get. Wait which one's Claudia? I don't really remember. I think she was the artsy one. I kind of liked Claudia.

Yeah I liked Claudia. Wait is she the one that was she was a what's her butt? What? In the movie. You're going to have to say more words. Hold on. What's her butt played her in the movie? There was a Babysitter's Club movie?

Ah, fuck yes there was. You never saw the Babysitter's Club movie? No, I read the books. What happened to my voice there? I don't know. Oh, no, this isn't who I was thinking of. Okay, I was thinking of Mary Ann, who's played by Rachel Leigh Cook in the movie. Anyway, that was worth it.

Tiffany's asked, hopefully this isn't too personal, but how did you involve London in the wedding? So London actually walked me down the aisle. It was so sweet. It was the sweetest thing ever. And I wondered if she would be reluctant to do it just because there was like a, you know, a fairly big group of people there. But she did awesome. Yeah.

She really like, she like led the way almost. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she seemed pretty excited and happy the whole time. Yeah, she seemed pretty excited and happy the whole time. Yeah, she did. And I mean, even though I could see being intimidated by the size of the crowd, she kind of knew everybody. She did know everybody, yeah. Ooh, Erin at the Mudbutt wants to know, Brandy, were there any wedding bloopers? Were there any wedding bloopers?

I don't think so. I mean, everything went really good. Yeah, I can't really think of anything either. There was that banana peel on the dance floor. That, you know, we should, in hindsight, we should have cleared that. People just kept wiping out left and

right. But I won that as a prize. And so, it was that or throw a turtle shell on it. I thought, well, this isn't the time. We had a Mario Kart-themed wedding, folks. No, we didn't really. You wish you did. You did have the gaming historian present.

I did. I did. But, you know, he was there in his capacity as audio engineer of The Bride. That's right. He wasn't there in gaming historian capacity. People tried to talk to him about gaming historian stuff, and he was like, I'm not here for that. I'm not here for that. I am here as audio engineer of The Bride. I am a person.

Thank you. Okay, I already answered a question from Tiffany's but this is a good one so I'm answering another one Tiffany's asked what is London getting for Christmas is she old enough to tell you what she wants okay so London don't listen

don't pay attention actually when we went over to Daryl and Sherry's house to have our little pre-wedding sit down with DP, London came and she played in this little play kitchen that they have for Henry. And she loved it. She had the time of her life. So she's getting a play kitchen for Christmas. She was so funny with that play kitchen.

I mean, she was obsessed. Yes. Like pretending to wash her hands in the sink, cooking up all kinds of stuff. It all tasted like shit. She's gonna love that play kitchen. Oh my gosh, I can't wait to give it to her. Oh, this is a question for you,

Kristen. For me? From Sir, I want to buy these shoes Stop it For my mom, please It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just too sad You know what, it's not your wedding day anymore So you're not allowed to do whatever you want Daddy says there's not much time

You'll be locked up. She's been sick for quite a while and I know these shoes will make her smile and I want her to look beautiful when Mama meets Jesus tonight. Everyone, I tried to throw something at Brandy, but I'm not good at throwing.

It didn't even come close. I didn't even flinch. Oh, yeah. You're such a tough guy. All right, Tony Soprano, what's my question? Okay. Kristen, what was your favorite part of Brandy's big day? Oh, my gosh.

And there's a second part after you answer that. Okay. So my favorite part was definitely yours and David's vows. It was so meaningful and I got the twitchy upper lip. Yeah. Crying. I mean, that was, it was just beautiful. Yeah.

Okay. I'm going to name a couple moments. Okay. Okay. Um, I loved that the kids were all having so much fun. So the DJ brought these little foam things that lit up and were colorful and they were just running around having such a good time. It was one of those rare events where like everyone's having fun.

Yeah. I feel like sometimes when you get together a group with like diverse ages and everything and everything, it's like, eh, it's kind of hit or miss. But everyone had a good time. And then, like, just a super fun memory was you, me, and Kyla at the very end of the wedding dancing to Spice Girls. That, you know, it's like we have so many surreal moments lately i think um and yeah that was one of them like definitely one of them at my wedding the three of us yes dancing to a song that we danced to when we were 10 years old yes yeah it's it's just wild and it's yeah it's so meaningful. Yeah.

And it was fun to, like, be at a table with my whole family. Like, we're all so excited for you guys. It was wonderful. It was wonderful. Okay, you ready for part two? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Hold on.

I've lost the question. Oh, great job. Part two. How do you feel now that David co-owns your butthole? I just hope he treats her good. That's what I say for you and for my butthole. That is an interesting question. Will you treat it as your own still?

Or if David's in a tough spot, are you just going to toss it his way? Oh, yeah. What's mine is his. Oh, wow. So, yeah, if he needs it, yeah, your butthole is his. Do you want to talk about what Norm wrote in your wedding card? Yes, tell the people what instructions you gave Norm. You want to talk about what Norm wrote in your wedding card? Yes. Tell the people what instructions you gave Norm.

Okay. So, you know, the day of the wedding, like, we'd already gone out and gotten a card. Yeah. And Norm dropped me off at the hotel to get hair and makeup done. And I was like, okay, you know, and we talked about, like, all right, we'll, you know, do whatever. I was like, write something sweet in the card. And he's like, yeah, no problem. I'm like, all right, we'll, you know, do whatever. I was like, write something sweet in the card. And he's like, yeah, no problem. I'm like, okay, cool.

So I'm like thinking the card is in good hands. So some backstory. One of the first times that the four of us all hung out together, we had movie night at my house. And David came, like we had been having movie nights. And so David was joining our movie night. Right. And we watched This is the End and we ordered nacho cheese pizza. Norm's decision. Norm picked this pizza from a local pizza place and Norm ate a ton of this nacho pizza

and then proceeded to spend the rest of the night shitting his brains out in the bathroom. Like horribly upset stomach. And Brandy's house was all one level. Yeah, and so the bathroom was like not that far

from where we're watching TV. Hardly, like it's barely a different room. And so Norm wrote in the card, it seems like yesterday we were just meeting David and I was spending the whole night in the bathroom after eating nacho pizza. Oh, how time flies. Yeah, so... Oh, how time flies. Yeah.

So on the ride home, I asked him what he wrote, and he told me that, and I was like, well, okay. Okay. Sure, they'll put that in a scrapbook. That's right. Oh, no. Oh, goodness. Okay. This is a tough one.

Calling in Horny wants to know, Would you rather grocery shop in just your underpants or eat a bowl full of popcorn salad? Oh, my. I guess I... I would just eat the popcorn salad, I think. I would have to. I would have to. I could not. I physically could not shop in just my underpants.

Well, yeah, I don't want to get arrested. And I just... I mean, I would just be vomiting the whole time, right? Yeah. No, it'd be terrible. I mean, I took one bite and vomited twice the last time, so... It might be one of those things where we get the

popcorn salad and then decide, you know what? Going to the grocery store in my underwear doesn't seem so bad. Doesn't seem so bad now. I've smelled this thing. I've got some full coverage undies. I don't scare the kids. Oh, boy. My sun fresh has probably seen worse.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Should we move on to Supreme Court Inductions? We absolutely should. Right now, we are reading your names and your first celebrity crushes. Woo!

And I know exactly what episode this is, so I'm clearly in just the right place. Okay. Sarah Hairston. Lance Bass, Five Eva. I'm queer now. Carmen W. Freddie Prinze Jr. Oh, my. Oh, my.

Oh, my. Okay. I had many a picture of Freddie Prinze Jr. on my binder. Yeah. Many. You were all horned up for him. Absolutely. Emma Knight.

Robbie Williams. Take that over NSYNC any day. Sorry, Brady. Who's Robbie Williams? We've literally had this exact conversation Two episodes ago Kristen Robbie Williams is a British pop star He was in Take That Very sorry

Amber Radka Jesse McCartney Oh yeah Wait you see the Beautiful soul guy We had this discussion last week. No, we did not. Yes, he is. Kelsey Stalen. Zac Efron in High School Musical. Oh, Brandi again. Mary S. Michael J. Fox. Ugo Ayala. Chris Evans, especially when he has the beard.

I don't know that I've seen Chris Evans with a beard. Sounds like if you did, it'd be game over. All right, that's it. Sneezing my jeans, as Norm says. Robin. Zac Efron. Specifically when he was Link Larkin in Hairspray. Yes. That's when I first noticed him as well.

Jamila. Usher, 8701 era. Yeah, Usher had the dance moves. He could do that thing. Okay, I know where he moves his feet, it looks like he's just floating above. I was never an usher gal. All right.

We all have flaws, Kristen. Jen Howard. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. I was getting worried we weren't going to get a JTT. Whitney Stolt. Jonathan Brandes. Do I need to remind you that he's from Ladybugs? I mean, I didn't remember him.

But now I've been shamed. Megan Izumi. Erin Carter. Jackie Terry. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And what the...

I Know What You Did Last Summer. I loved her hair in that. Oh, my gosh. Well, she always had the best hair. The best hair. And better boobs. That's right. On a cost.

Fred Durst. Oh. You had it all for the nookie. He wore that backwards baseball hat. Yes, he did. It was the birth of my love of baseball hats. God, no. And you know what? I just married a man who always wears a baseball hat.

You've finally made your dreams come true. Congratulations. Sydney. Justin Timberlake when he had ramen hair. Nina. Tommy from Power Rangers. Dominique. What?

John Stossel from Dateline. Dominique. What? John Stossel from Dateline? Dominique! No! Christian does not approve! No way! He seems so smug! Oh, no! Wait, I gotta look him up.

I don't know which one he is. He's the one who's like, people think this, but I know this. That's his energy. I just summed him up, I don't know which one he is. He's the one who's like, people think this, but I know this. That's his energy. I just summed him up beautifully. This dude with the giant mustache? Yeah, it's a weird choice. Okay. Dominique. Dominique! Dominique, I don't know

about this. Alright. Alright. You know, that's what you're into. That's great. I'm very happy for you. Welcome to the Supreme Court. Thank you, everyone, for all of your support. We appreciate it so much.

If you're looking for other ways to support us, please find us on social media. We're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon. Please remember to subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen. Then head on over to Apple Podcasts and leave us a five-star rating and review. And then be sure to join us next week. When we'll be experts on two whole new topics. Podcast adjourned! And now for a note about our process.

I read a bunch of stuff, then regurgitate it all back up in my very limited vocabulary. And I copy and paste from the best sources on the web and sometimes Wikipedia. So we owe a huge thank you to the real experts. I got my info from the article, How Far Can Abused Women Go to Protect Themselves? by Elizabeth Flock for The New Yorker. Also the article, Brittany Smith Loses Her Stand Your Ground Hearing by Elizabeth Flock for The New Yorker, plus tons of reporting by Ashley Remkus for Alabama.com and the documentary State of Alabama vs. Brittany Smith.

And I got my info from my wedding. For a full list of our sources, visit lgtcpodcast.com. Any errors are, of course, ours, but please don't take our word for it. Go read their stuff.