Let's Go To Court! - 287: Food Fight!

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

Well folks, there’s no easy way to say this, so we’ll get right to it. In this episode, we announce that the podcast is coming to an end. Thank you all for being part of this community. The past six years have been absolutely wild. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve… talked about buttholes. (Too often, perhaps??) Many of you have been part of this community for years. We appreciate your warmth, your support, and your willingness to cackle along with two very goofy grown women.  We’re blown away by how big this little indie podcast has become. We started with one microphone on a TV tray, and we’re ending on March 29 & 30th with two sold out live shows. What a way to go. We couldn’t have done it without you. As you can probably imagine, this decision wasn’t an easy one. We talk about it quite a bit on this episode. Arriving at this decision has been tough, but we know that it will free us up to do what we’re meant to do. For Brandi, that’ll mean spending more time with her family, having *just one* full-time job, and getting out of content creation. For Kristin… well, first she has to get her butthole back from Brandi. After that? Who knows! Thank you all again for being part of this community. You’re the skeeziest scunches in all the land, the best listeners this side of the mighty Mississip’, and the meanest Bob Mosses this town has ever seen. We appreciate you. …. And now that you’re good and bummed, please hang in there for a truly disgusting story. This week, Kristin tells us about Dr. Harvey Wiley, whose relentless hard work led to the creation of America’s first consumer protection laws. We guarantee you’ll never look at milk the same way again. And now for a note about our process. For this episode, Kristin read a bunch of articles, then spat them back out in her very limited vocabulary. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the real experts who covered these cases. In this episode, Kristin pulled from: The “Poison Squad” episode of American Experience The book “The Poison Squad: One Chemist's Single-Minded Crusade for Food Safety at the Turn of the Twentieth Century” by Deborah Blum YOU’RE STILL READING? My, my, my, you skeezy scunch! You must be hungry for more! We’d offer you some sausage brunch, but that gets messy. So how about you head over to our Patreon instead? (patreon.com/lgtcpodcast). At the $5 level, you’ll get 50+ full length bonus episodes, plus access to our 90’s style chat room!

One semester of law school. One semester of criminal justice. Two experts. I'm Kristen Caruso. I'm Brandi Pond. Let's go to court. On this episode, I'll be talking about a food fight. Ooh, a food fight.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. That's the sound of mashed potatoes being thrown at you. Oh, is it? A lot of people don't know that because they haven't had mashed potatoes thrown at them. I've never had mashed potatoes thrown at me. I've never had mashed potatoes thrown at me. I've never been involved in a food fight. But you did witness one and you did nothing. No.

Hashtag sixth grade. Hashtag. Oh. Oh, my gosh. You're totally right. I blocked it out. A day that will live in infamy forever. Everyone, Brandi was stripped of her safety patrol badge because she watched some kids get into a fight with an old bologna sandwich and she stood by and did nothing.

Yeah, it's true. That scandal rocked Mill Creek Elementary School. And to this day, Brandy does not have a safety badge. That's true. I am not on safety patrol to this day, Brandi does not have a safety badge. That's true. I am not on safety patrol to this very day. I did get reinstated the next semester, though. Oh. How quickly we forget.

That's right. Everybody, this is going to be quite the episode. It is an episode, folks. It is. Yeah, we've got a big announcement on this episode. Should we get to it? I think it'd be hilarious if we delayed it even further than we already have. Well, the date this episode comes out for Bob Mosses will be February 27th,

will be February 27th, which happens to be the six-year anniversary of when we released our very first episode on this podcast. And what a more poetic time to tell you all that we are ending Let's Go to Court. Yeah. Six years. It's been a great run. Yeah. It's been so fun. Yeah. And yeah, it's time. It's time to end it. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to talk about how we got here? Yeah, absolutely. So for the last, I would say, six to 12 months, I have been dealing with really severe anxiety kind of around the podcast, around content creation in general. And within the last couple of months, I've taken some time to really examine that anxiety and its source and really come to the conclusion that I have to adjust my priorities in my life. a wife and mother first, a hairstylist second, and a podcaster third. And there's not enough of me for all three of those. And that is a huge source of my anxiety. And so for my mental health, for my family, for what's best for me and for this beautiful family that I spent my whole life like dreaming of, it's time. It's time to be done with the

podcast. Yeah. It's gotten to the point where I have loved doing the podcast, but it is a ton of work. I think people don't realize how much work creating especially a research based podcast, any kind of content in general, but researchbased content is a lot on top of that. How much of a time commitment that is. And as this podcast has gotten bigger, it has become even, you know, the commitment gets larger and larger. And London is at the age now that she knows when I'm working. And there have been a lot of days where I've come home from work at the salon and I have to do podcast work. And my beautiful daughter runs up to me and says, Mommy, do you have to work tonight?

And I have to tell her yes. And that's been really hard on me. It's sad. It's really sad. And so, yeah, that has brought us here. Yeah. To where we're winding this up. And I know I'm sad about it. I'm sad

not to do this thing with you anymore, Kristen. I've had a lot of fun doing it. It's been a really fun thing. But it's really important for me to show my family that they are my priority. Absolutely. I'm really, really, really happy about the time that I will get to spend with my amazing husband and my beautiful children. Yeah. Yeah. And everybody, I know that when a politician says this, it's because they fucked the wrong person. I assure you that's not what.

That's not it at all. Brandy didn't go to Brazil. What was that one South Carolina governor? Oh, yeah. Anyway, Brandy's not him. I'm not. No, I haven't. I haven't banged anybody other than my husband.

No, I think, you know, you've been working essentially two full time jobs this entire time. Yeah. And I. Holy crap. It's too much. It's too much. It's too much. And for a long time, my self-worth was very tied to

my productivity. Yeah. And so. Holy shit. Yeah. Like really, really big. Yeah. And that has shifted. That has changed. That's a good thing. It is a good thing. And it's largely because of my amazing husband who has made me see myself differently. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's largely because of my amazing husband who has made me see myself differently. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's different when you want to be home. Exactly. Exactly.

And I think a lot of people, well, hopefully a lot of people know that feeling of your whole life changes when you actually want to be home with the people you choose. Yeah. Yeah. So I think, gosh, I don't know what to say. We can talk as long as we want. I think people will be sad about this. And I'm sad that the podcast is ending as well. But I'm so happy about what it means for my family.

I'm happy about the clarity. Yeah. That you have. Like, it's funny. So I'm going to try to pull back the clarity that you have. Like, it's funny. So I'm going to try to pull back the curtain just a bit just because I feel like we've been really genuine with people, you know, for six years. So why would we stop now? But like watching you work as hard as you have chosen to work over the years has been wild. And I remember at one point talking to my mom, this was like a couple of years ago even. And my mom was like, how is Brandy doing this? Because this was back when

we were still doing a case every week. And, you know, you were still working at the salon. And my mom's also named Brandy. And my mom was like, how is she doing this? And I said, Brandy is like that cartoon of the dog drinking coffee with flames all around him saying, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah. Except for you, it's more like, it's perfect. It's perfect. Yeah. And so the thing I want to own in this this because I look back on that and I'm like hmm that was kind of dumb of me because I always thought like yeah Brandy's the dog with the flames all around her saying it's fine it's fine but like if I'm your friend and I see that you're the dog sipping coffee with flames all around you that that means I'm in the room with you

and I'm not saying shit yeah I'm not leaving the room scampering off to save myself but I'm also not saying like hey should we put out these flames or hey do we want to leave this room entirely right and so you know I do want to like just own that like we've been talking about this for a while just because we've been trying to make it work as business partners. And that's one thing when it's like a side hustle. It's one thing when you're not making any money at it. But like, you know, trying to make it work as business partners and really not figuring out why it's not working. Yeah. and really not figuring out why it's not working.

But, like, I really have a lot of respect for the fact that you did the hard thing of you looked at your life, you looked at what your priorities were, and you made your life, well, you're making your life. I am making my life. The fact that you're here right now shows you fucked up already. I know. I know. I'm already feeling miserably. No. No, no, no. Yeah. No. You're doing the hard work.

Yeah. And, like, it's funny because, you know, obviously we've talked about this with Norm and stuff. And Norm's in content creation, too. And he's like, hey, I totally get wanting to get out of content creation. Yeah. Because there are aspects of it that suck. Yeah. I really love it. I know. You love content creation. I love it of it that suck yeah I really love it I

know you love content I love it and I love podcasting and I'm gonna figure something out for myself who knows what my friends but yeah this this podcast has been a wild ride and like six years is a long time for a little independent podcast. But we've done a lot and we've changed a lot. I was going to say, I am such a different person than I was when we started this podcast. I'm just so different in so many ways. I have a husband who is just, I adore, and who is obsessed with me and just like wants me to be around. Creepily. I know.

Not like in the best way possible. And I have these beautiful children and just honestly this life that I dreamt of for so long. But since I've had it, I've had no time to enjoy it. Yeah. And no time to enjoy it. Yeah. And no time to be present for my family. And so that is what I'm so excited about. Yeah. And just it has coming to this decision together to end this and know what that means for my life moving forward with my family.

I have so much peace with it. Yeah. I can't wait for that. Yeah. Yeah. So now's probably a good time to say our last hurrah will be our live show at the end of March. We're going out with a bang. We're closing it out with the two live shows, folks.

Speaking of which, we should probably tell our touring company. We might want to mention it to them. We maybe should mention it to them. Yeah. I mean, that was kind of a big thing that brought me to this point. Sure. Was us talking about going on tour and the idea of leaving my family to do that. Like, I had zero interest in that.

And so that was a big thing that brought us to this point too. Well, and, you know, it's funny, like, again, I'm going to pull back the curtain more. And if I'm pulling back the curtain too much, we'll have Patty bleep five minutes straight of this. But no, like, there are options when you go on tour to, you know, hop on a bus for two and a half weeks. And, you know, obviously we didn't want to do that or to go for like, you know, a weekend here and there. And like, you know, you and I and some of our business conversations that have been like, oh, we could level up in this way or even we could introduce more work life balance. But like the thing is, like if deep down, you know that what you want is to not be doing this. Yeah.

Then there's not going to be any like half step or. Yeah. I why am I not coming up with words? There's just not going to be a solution that sounds good if the truth is like, well, no, I don't want to do any of that. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to do any of that. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. It took a lot of introspection, a lot of reflection, a lot of really hard looking at what my life is. Well, if you're the dog sipping coffee with flames around you, you don't just all of a sudden realize there are flames. No, exactly. The squirrel tells you, hey, something's really wrong here. And then, you know, we have hard conversations. How far can this metaphor stretch? And shouldn't the squirrel be having some coffee as well?

Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm thinking about the way I've changed since the podcast started. It's a lot, right? No, I just am down one fallopian tube that's the only one no I think it's funny because when we started I was so nervous about trying yeah and you know we've had so much success with this, like so much more. You know, I want to say more than we imagined, but really, like, it's funny.

I always had big dreams. Yeah, of course. And I think that's partly why this is painful for me. But also there's no better reason to quit than wanting to spend time with your family and just genuinely looking at your life and realizing content creation isn't for me. Yeah. When I think about like what the podcast has done for me, it's like it's the reason I got into therapy in the first place, which has been so, so impactful and meaningful. I remember like early on when we would get negative comments. Well, when we got positive ones, I could take those and be like, oh, well, that's isn't that nice. The negative ones. It was the truth.

Yeah. And it didn't matter what it was. Yeah. Somebody could have said that I was a lizard person and I would have been like, well, that's me. They figured me out. But like therapy has helped me so much to deal with that and like become more courageous as a creator. And like, yeah, I'm just grateful for this community. I'm grateful for the person who said, hey, by the way, I think you have ADHD. She was right. And boy, has she impacted my life. No, I am so thankful for the community that has come together because of this podcast. And I am so thankful for all of the people who supported us along this six-year journey. It's truly been amazing. And, yeah, I know we did have big dreams for this, but this was more successful than I think I imagined it would be.

Yeah. And what a fun, amazing ride that has been. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but for sure, content creation, not for me. What is it, Brandy? Is it the constant feedback? Is that rough? It is. Yeah, I think it is not for the tenderhearted. I'll tell you that. It is not. Content creation is not for the tenderhearted. And it has,

yeah, it's really, it has really taken a toll on me over the years. I can jump in because I mean, I obviously just talked about like, my own journey and dealing with like negative stuff. And, you know, I feel like I've gotten gosh, knock on wood, I feel like I've gotten to a better place with that. Yeah. But it is hard. So okay, for anyone who knows, I'm on Instagram in the way that your grandmother is on Instagram I have one photo up it's from a gas station yeah and it's a hilarious photo so you should definitely follow me for all my hot pics on there but like I'm never on there yeah but then we did some recent um like collabs with Joeyey and ellen from i think not yeah i love their podcast and i don't really mean to call somebody out so don't like go looking for this but somebody made a

shitty comment specifically about joey yeah so you know there were a few people who were like uh i don't like collabs which i'm i'm totally fine that's fine that's totally fine absolutely I think that's a perfectly valid criticism you know sometimes podcasters I've listened to they do a collab and I'm like I don't like this now do I comment it no but hey whatever you know we're entitled to our pains but someone was like I don't like collabs and she said something like, and I can't stand Joey. Yeah. And boy, oh boy, me with my brand new to Instagram heart, I just, I had to Midwest mom it up. And so I was like, you know, hey, it's fine if you don't like collabs, but you don't have to be rude about it. And the funniest thing about that whole interaction to me

was that the person kind of responded, and I can't remember what exactly it was, but the general idea was like, how was I rude? The funny thing about that to me is I genuinely believe that person. I genuinely believe that a lot of people will say about a content creator, I can't stand them. a content creator, I can't stand them. Yep. And think of that as critique and not in terms of like that is a real human person who is going to see that comment and maybe go, oh. Yeah.

And, you know, I sincerely doubt that Joey's really. No, I don't think Joey gives a shit. No. And good for him. Good for Joey. But, you know, that is an aspect to this. It is. I think you'll be happy to leave behind.

I will be very happy to leave behind. I will be extremely happy to leave behind. Yes. And I will continue to Midwest mom it up every couple years in a comment section on Instagram. Absolutely. Yeah, this is wild. It is. It is.

But I think, I don't know, what a way for us to go out, renouncing it on the six-year anniversary. You know how I love my dates, very poetic. You do, yeah. And then, I don't know, what a way to end it with our with our sold out live shows good grief yeah yeah it'll be fun it'll be fun or not what if it's really sad and terrible sad and terrible because we're gonna have a good time and they're like oh they phoned it in because it's the last thing and we're like yeah we did've already got the case. I'm not phoning it in.

Don't worry. It's going to be great. And we'll all get to, I mean, we can do like a big group hug. Boy, boy, you're really, you're really making some commitments here. I meant like an air hug from the stage. I could tell, but you know, they're listening and they're like, I'm going to put some hands on people. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Are we missing anything? I don't know. Are we? I don't know. Listeners, you tell us. Are we missing anything? Yeah, we're going to continue to put out episodes.

Yeah, we'll put out episodes between now and the live show. Our last episode will come out the last week of March. Our two live shows are the last weekend of March. And then that's it. And then we walk off into the sunset. Into the sunset. That's right. Will we be on a beach? No, because we live in Kansas City. That's right. There's no beach. Maybe like a... There's a beach at Shawnee Mission Park. Oh, no. Stop it. Stop it. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Saddest thing I've ever heard. I will walk next to you along the Missouri River.

I know it is, but at least it's not manmade. It's a genuine riverbank. That's true. But seriously, thank you to everybody who has supported us on this six-year journey. It has been incredible. It has been incredible. And I love the community that has come together around our show. Yeah. Yeah. It's really, it has been really cool to watch that happen.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really proud of the community we have. Yeah, same. The people are really cool. I feel like they need very little babysitting, which I feel like cannot be said about a lot of true crime communities out there. I completely agree, yeah. Yeah.

Very few Karens in our group. And we are proud of that. Hang on. I need to put on Chapstick. Okay. Do you ever make noises when you put on chapstick not usually me neither it'd be really uncool but you know now that we've potentially bummed some people out i'm gonna pick them back up with a rock a food fight a raucous historical drama oh Oh, really? This, honestly, you're going to hate this story. Oh, great. You're not going to hate it as much as the bonus episode. Oh, good.

Everyone, I don't know if you've heard of Nathan Fielder, but let me just say for the bonus episode, I covered a case. I told Brandy straight to her face, yeah, he graduated from one of Canada's top business schools with really good grades. And she didn't bat an eye. And I realized, yeah, I realized. Is that from his show? I don't get it. Yeah, exactly. That's what made the episode wonderful in my view and horrible in your view.

Okay. Here we go. All right. Shout outs to the Poison Squad episode of American Experience. Okay. Which is based on the book, The Poison Squad, colon, one chemist's single-minded crusade for food safety at the turn of the 20th century by Deborah Bloom. Okay. Did you like the colon?

I know how much you love a colon and how much you love it announced. I love when you say colon. Some people pause. Yeah. Not me. And it's because Brandy has asked me not to. Also, shout out to Sheree Ray. Ooh, Sheree Ray recommend this case?

Four years ago, she recommended this case. And honestly, I was like, you know what? This podcast, like there are only so many episodes left. Yeah. If I don't cover this, I will never hear the end of it. Oh, that's right. So here we go. Also, little disclaimer, this isn't so much a story about one court case as it is about

a man who lobbied for a ton of laws that are still in effect today. Very good. So put on a pot of coffee, Marge. This one will take a while. Also, this story is really gross. Excellent. And I'm going to make it grosser. Oh, boy.

Because I'm in that kind of mood. Excellent. All right. Picture it. The mid-1800s in Kent, Indiana. A young Harvey Washington Wiley was born in a log cabin where he grew up on his family farm. Oh, my gosh. I actually don't technically know that he was born in the log cabin, but that's just how you say it, right? Yeah, I think so. All right. They churned their own butter. They milked their own cows. They choked their own chickens. No.

Classic farm stuff. What? You don't say choked their own chickens. Well, who do you think choked the chickens? Stop it. The Wileys were a progressive family. Harvey's dad, Preston, was a preacher, and he believed strongly in treating people well

and in doing the right thing. And on a definitely related note, Harvey's parents were conductors on the Underground Railroad. So Harvey grew up in this family that valued social justice and also really valued education. You're still thinking about those chickens, aren't you? No. When he got old enough, he served in the Union Army. And then Harvey went off to Indiana Medical College, where he got his medical degree. And afterward, guess where he went? I don't know.

Well, they call it the Simmons University of Cambridge. Oh, he went to Harvard? Yeah, he went to Harvard. Wait, he already got his medical degree and he's going to Harvard? For what? What, like it's hard? Yeah, he wanted a degree in chemistry. Isn't he done?

No, he's not done. He's really cool and smart. And also he like got his bachelor's from Harvard in like a couple months because it's the 1800s and everything's ridiculous. I don't know. Please don't ask any follow up questions. In 1874, after he graduated from Harvard, Purdue University came a knocking and they asked Harvey to be their very first chemistry. Chemistry professor. Which is how they pronounced it.

Today, we, of course, call it a chemistry professor. Yes. And he was like, absolutely, I will. Harvey spent a few years teaching chemistry, working in the lab, and the whole time he was really passionate about using chemistry to address what he thought of as a growing problem with America's food. Around this time, you had the Industrial Revolution, which meant more and more people were moving to cities, and they were no longer getting their food from their backyard or from the farm next door. So there was this big demand for manufactured food. And companies like Pillsbury and Nabisco and Heinz all popped up to help.

They created cheap food and sent it out all over this great nation. But food is perishable, Brandy, and these were the days before refrigeration. But don't worry about it, because these companies figured out that if they added just a sprinkling of borax or a drop of formaldehyde, the food would last a lot longer. These were the initial food preservatives? What? Just fucking poison? You got a problem with it?

Yeah. Here's the great news. They didn't have to tell anyone what they'd added to the food because, as we all know, ingredient lists are for liberal cucks. Around this time, meatpacking industries flourished. It made perfect sense. You could grow livestock in the Midwest, have it processed in Chicago. Bing, bang, boom. Put that meat on a train headed to New York City in no time.

And you want to hear the best part? Yeah. There weren't any stupid health inspectors or nosy Nancys getting their panties in a bunch about dumb shit like sanitary conditions or minimum standards. Okay. Makes me real nervous. minimum standards. Okay. Makes me real nervous.

Tell me you're a liberal cuck without telling me you're a liberal cuck. This new manufactured food industry was all very efficient and very profitable for the men who ran those companies. And when you really think

about it, that's all that matters. Don't you agree? Yes, you do. She nodded. She nodded. She agrees. But Dr. Harvey Wiley knew that these companies were up to something. He knew that they had to be adding chemicals to their food. He just wasn't sure what exactly they were adding and how harmful it might be. So in 1878, he took a sabbatical to Europe because European countries were like light years ahead of the U.S. on this issue. And by light years, I mean like 20 years. But, you know, light years sounds way more dramatic. Well, I mean, at that 20 years is a long time in terms of technological developments. That's right. Their scientists had been ringing alarm bells about chemicals in food for years, and their governments had, get this, listened.

For example, in the mid-1800s, like 20 people in a town in Great Britain died because some stupid candy company added arsenic to their food coloring, and they put it in the candy. Oh my gosh. So, yeah, in 1860, Britain passed a law that was like, hey. No poison in the food, please. We get that it makes it look nice, but come on. Yeah, we hate to be pains in the asses, but come on. Twenty years later, France banned salicylic acid in its wine because some of the scientists were like, oh, this is toxic. Around that same time, Germany had been like, yeah, and banned it from its beer.

They were saying yeah to the French scientists. Sure. And nine to the salicylic acid in the beer. Do you get it? I do. Okay. It's science, so I know it might be tough to keep up with this fast-paced tale I'm telling. So Harvey found himself in this environment where scientists were studying the safety of food and being taken seriously for their work.

And he loved it. So when his sabbatical was over, Harvey came back to the U.S. to find out what exactly was being put in America's food. He began conducting experiments, and pretty soon the Indiana State Board of Health asked him to conduct a study on the honey and maple syrup that was being sold all over Indiana. So he did. And you know what he found out? It was dirty. Dirty how? I don't know. My goodness. I don't know. Oh, dirty in what way? Contaminated.

Okay. He popped open the top and that Christina Aguilera song played. Yeah. He's like, well, this, wait, what? He discovered that like 90% of the bottles were just fakes. The honey and maple syrup on store shelves was really just corn syrup that had been dyed to look like... Wow.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. He was outraged, as I'm sure you would be as well. I would be. These food manufacturers were lying to the public. It wasn't right.

They shouldn't be able to get away with it. So he published his findings and all hell broke loose. The food manufacturers were mad as hell because he was coming after their money and they started a smear campaign against him, which was kind of funny because it's about honey. Even the beekeepers were mad at him because they blamed him for bringing bad publicity to the honey industry. Well, they were like, it puts us in a sticky situation, man.

I did like that. No, it's not his fucking fault. Exactly. But people do this shit all the time. Okay. You know, like I would think that the bee people would be happy about this because now people are going to be like, I want to make sure I'm getting pure honey and not this colored corn syrup business. You would think that. But I mean, big honey, which is apparently just big corn syrup.

Yeah. They're doing their smear campaign. All right. And yeah, they feel like, oh, this is bad for all of us. Okay. So in conclusion, even though he was just trying to do the right thing, everyone hated him, including his bosses at Purdue. He applied for a job as the president of the university and they were like, man, you're just too much for us. You're like too young and too jovial and you're single, which is super weird. Also, you're not quite uptight enough.

And, you know, how about you hit the road, Jack? And don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more. And then they did a mashup with that Christina Aguilera song. Okay. Which, again, I'm wondering when those songs were written is my thing. Harvey did hit the road. But he hit the road indignantly because he knew that he had been super right and everyone else had been super wrong.

He landed on his feet pretty quickly. He got a job at the kind of newish Department of Agriculture, where he would lead their division of chemistry. It was just a shitty office, and he didn't have much of a staff, but Harvey was pumped. He was like, we are going to study American food. I'm sorry, I feel like I'm really kicking it old school. I feel like with the podcast ending, I don't have to hold back. You don't. Don't hold back now.

Get it here. I can make this a sticky situation if I want. One of the first things he wanted to study was the dairy industry, specifically milk. Because at that time, everyone drank milk because everyone was gross. Lots of people still drink milk, Kristen. Adults who sit down with a glass of milk should be locked up. My family is full of milk drinkers. Lock them up.

Round them up, boys. Do you sit down with a glass of milk? No, I am not a milk drinker. Name names. My dad is. Fun fact, he drinks a glass of milk? No, I am not a milk drinker. Name names. My dad is. Fun fact, he drinks a glass of milk every night before he goes to bed. Like a warm glass? No, a cold glass.

He would never drink a warm glass. Oh, heavens. Absolutely not. Casey does the same thing, I think. She loves some milk. Big milk drinkers. You know, what I feel in my heart toward adult milk drinkers, and I'm not talking about milk

and cereal. I'm talking about a glass of milk. A glass of milk, yeah. It's the same energy I have toward Disney adults. And I bet you if we did a Venn diagram, it would just be one circle. Well, I can tell you my dad's not

a Disney adult. Have you gone through his closet? Because I can tell you my dad's not a Disney adult. Have you gone through his closet? Because I feel like you might find some Mickey shorts. Anyway, at this time, and apparently in modern times, everybody's drinking milk. Tons of it, especially children. And with more people moving to cities, these dairy companies were getting creative about extending the shelf life of oh yeah what's wrong you don't like creativity what are they putting in it what do you think they were putting um turpentine oh don't be weird it's just my guess uh their tactics were disgusting so hold on to your hat here we go in order to make this milk and milk is in quotation

marks because this is absolutely not milk in my book they'd mix a pint of warm water with a quart of milk okay not so bad right but then that'd be kind of blue looking so you got to whiten that up so what do you do you add chalk or plaster of Paris, whatever you got lying around. Okay, great. But here's the thing. Some people like that layer of cream at the top of the milk, right? But how are you going to do that? I've got the solution. You put in a dollop of pureed calf brains. Oh my God, that's so much worse than what I was imagining. Oh, but wait, there's more! These manufacturers discovered that if they added a little formaldehyde, just a touch of formaldehyde, it made the milk stay fresher longer, and it tasted kind of sweet.

So, you know, people would drink sour milk without realizing that it had gone sour. Oh my gosh! I told you this was gross. I am sorry. Were people dying? Yes. Yes! Yes, people were absolutely dying. Children were dying.

Yes! Yeah. People bought this stuff having no idea that they were feeding their children liquid calf brains with chalk and formaldehyde mixed in. But the problem wasn't just with packaged milk. By that point, especially in New York City, there were a lot of breweries and, you know, maybe to make a little extra money, the breweries would sometimes buy a cow. And for the entirety of that cow's life, it would be chained outside the brewery eating whatever swill that was left

over from the brewery. These cows would get so sick from malnutrition that they would often die as they were being milked. Wow. And that unsanitary, not at all nutritious milk would be sold in the street, unrefrigerated, in buckets. Oh my gosh. I know. That is horrifying.

You know what I'm realizing? I'm realizing at the start of this episode, we probably bummed a lot of people out. And now we're going to make them throw up. Nobody be eating right now. Oh yeah, no. Boy, you're going to want to not. Listen to this on your lunch break.

Listen to this on the turlet. This milk killed thousands of children every year. And no one was ever held accountable for their deaths because what the dairy industry was doing was not illegal. Don't you love it? Big business. Buyer beware. So Harvey conducted these studies, which revealed that this milk was absolutely disgusting. In one sample, it had live worms in the bottom of it.

And also, as a side note, because, you know, he's not just studying milk. He was like, oh, my gosh, would you look at this? Everything that's being sold as butter is actually margarine. A lot of it is anyway. There's no actual dairy in it. It's just oil. Yeah. I mean, a lot of these were just margarine.

Quick question for you. What's worse, the margarine or the milk? The milk is way worse. Well, that's one opinion. Let's see how this shakes out. Okay. So once his studies were concluded, he published the results. And in that publication, he's like, hey, I think this is all a pretty good argument for the federal regulation of the dairy industry. Am I right? And, oh boy, did that piss off the dairy industry. And it pissed off other food

manufacturers as well, because they were like, OK, if you're coming after them, you're probably going to come after us next. And we do not like that. Frankly, Harvey's research also pissed off a lot of politicians, because they were being bought off by the food industry. They didn't actually want to take a stand on these issues. They didn't actually want to take a stand on these issues. But Harvey's study kind of forced them to address the problem with the dairy industry.

So they did. Sort of. Congress held a few hearings, but they skipped all the milk stuff, because we can all agree that's not anything we need to worry about. And instead, they were like, man, oh man, can you believe that companies are saying that margarine is butter? I can't believe it. I can't believe it's not butter. We will not stand for that. It is wrong. What?

Yeah, that was the outrageous part. They're upset about the margarine and the butter, not the poisoned milk? I mean, that's what they're pretending. They're pretending like, oh, we're going to do something. And we're going to do something about this much smaller issue that's not a real thing. Anyway, they passed the Butter Act of 1886, which you don't even seem grateful for. What's that say? It didn't do shit.

It was just like, hello, we did some things. Here's proof. Yeah. Harvey was very annoyed. Yeah. But he kept going. He studied all kinds of foods. He found that most of the coffee being sold was actually just sawdust and ash mixed together.

Great. ash mixed together. Mmm. Great. He discovered that what was being sold as pepper was really just a lot of charcoal and coconut shells ground up and mixed together. Wow. I know.

Canned beans were just full of copper sulfate. Mmm, chemically. Harvey did his studies and he published his reports, but his reports were really only being read by government officials and industry insiders. And that was a problem. By this point, Harvey knew that it wasn't enough to get his studies out to a small group of very well-informed people. He wanted everyone to know what was really going on with the food that they were actually consuming. So he hired this science writer who could take his boring scientific studies and write about them in a way that was accessible to the masses. And the writer did a great job. Maybe too good a job. What do you mean? Well, you know, Harvey's bosses at the Department of

Agriculture were like, hey, you've gone too hard. People are getting a little fired up here. We do not like you. Also, we are firing that writer. Oh, shit. They cut his budget. They were big dick holes. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. That's a terrible visual. I know. I wrote it last night and I thought I'm going to change that because that's a weird thing to say in a script that's already pretty weird because we've got the calf brains pureed. Yeah. But here we sit. And the fact is they were big dick holes. OK.

So don't question it. OK. His career was going nowhere. Everyone was getting slowly poisoned, but they didn't know it and there was nothing harvey could do about it and then his parents died well shit and he did they leave him some money and so now he can take on his life's crusade of making food safer i know i don't i mean i maybe they left him some money but he was you but he was a big group of kids. There was no mention of money, but there was mention of depression.

Oh, yeah. Say it with me, Brandy. Depression. Depression. Depression. If you're feeling depressed, it's probably just the way you're pronouncing the word. If it worked for me, it can work for you. Okay, so he's got this depression.

But then, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, he met a super hot librarian at the USDA library, the sexiest place on earth. And he was like, Anna Kelton, I love you. You're so hot. I'm pretty sure I dreamt you up in a poem I wrote 25 years ago. Would you like to hear it? Also, please marry me. What? And Anna, I think he was a little cooler than that, but not much cooler because Anna was like, dude, you're like 30 years older than me. Please go away. Also, also no i will not accept your proposal oh gosh did she die of tuberculosis he poisoned her with formaldehyde it feels a little little no no no no he's a much better guy than that dude you covered stop that i i know what

road you're going down and i will stop you in your tracks. Anyway, the important thing is that with that, he suffered another touch of depression. But then in 1898, American troops were sent to Cuba for the Spanish-American War. And of course, some of the big food manufacturers that Harvey absolutely hated got massive government contracts to feed the troops. And pretty soon newspapers started printing reports about soldiers opening up their rations and getting rancid meat. Gross. I liked how your initial reaction sounded like it could be a little bit of a mmm. No! Mmm, rancid meat. Stop it. I haven't had lunch yet.

Soldiers were getting sick. They complained that their food smelled like chemicals. One Army medic said that his rations smelled like a dead body that had been preserved in formaldehyde. And he's like, and I would know because I'm a medic. And everyone's like, ew. The American public was outraged. They were like, are you kidding me? We're poisoning our own troops. Is this what it takes to get people to care about what's in the food? Gee, I don't know. Well, tell us more! I can't. I actually stopped halfway through.

So the U.S. Army was like, oh shit, people are really mad about this. This is bad. But they were like, don't worry everyone, we are going to investigate the shit out of this. And they did a 12 second investigation. And afterward, they were like, hey, turns out everything's fine. Yeah. Yeah. The meat is fine. Keep eating, boys.

But no one was that stupid. The public was already pissed off that the troops had been fed nasty, unsafe rations. And now they were double pissed off about this very obvious cover-up. It got so bad that Congress held hearings about the scandal. And the star witness of those hearings was New York Governor Teddy Roosevelt. He'd been in Cuba at the time of the scandal, and he told a story about how he saw one of his men throw away his rations. And Teddy was like, whoa, hey, one of his men throw away his rations. And Teddy was like, whoa, hey, aren't you going to eat that?

And the man was like, I can't. It's nasty. And so Teddy was like, well, you know, give it to me. I'll eat it. Picked it up and realized that the canned meat was coated in green slime. Oh, gosh. He told Congress, I would have rather eaten my hat than eaten those military rations. So Congress had no choice but to take this seriously.

And they asked Harvey Wiley to investigate the issue. And you know what? I think it's time for an ad. For an ad. Doodaloo. And we're back from the ad. Doodaloo. Okay.

When we left off. Yes, green slime in the rations. Yeah, and now Harvey's got to investigate. Okay. So Harvey and his team gathered up all the cans of rations and, of course, discovered that they were disgusting. Yeah. The meat was decomposed, but surprisingly there was no formaldehyde present. It was just really disgusting meat that was not fit for consumption. Consumption, yeah.

At the end of the investigation, Harvey determined that the troops who got sick from the rations were probably suffering from bacterial infections from the meat because they'd eaten rancid beef in a very hot climate. Oh, my gosh. Sorry, I just kicked my chair. Wow, great job. And yeah, when Harvey announced these conclusions, he was like, hey, hot take. This meat that we're talking about being so bad, this meat that we're all scandalized

by, it's the same shit that's in grocery stores all over America right now. So maybe we should do something about that. And Congress was like, oh, no, thank you. And he's like, it's creepy. And they kept going. Harvey was pissed off. By that point, he kind of accepted that politicians weren't going to do anything about this issue. They were clearly in the pockets of the food industry.

The only way to make a change was to get the public's attention. If the public got fired up about this issue, then surely the government would have to regulate the food industry. Harvey figured that the best way to do that was to study the effects of these chemicals on actual humans. Okay, so this is where we pause because, to be clear, for most of his career, he believed that the chemicals that were being added to foods probably were not super harmful. He just felt that, you know, if a company is going to add a chemical to food, they should disclose it to customers so the customer could decide for themselves. Yeah. But, you know, if a company is going to add a chemical to food, they should disclose it to customers so the customer can decide for themselves. Yeah.

But, you know, now he's going to study whether those chemicals actually did any harm. He just had to find a group of people who were willing to be poisoned for science. Great. So with funding from Congress, he put ads in government newsletters seeking volunteers. His goal was simple. He wanted very healthy 20-something-year-old men who were willing to eat anything. As compensation for participating in the study, he offered the men three meals per day for free. You know, a little poisoned.

Yeah. And $5 per month, which adjusted for inflation is only like $200. Not much money. Okay. What do you think the results were? I bet a ton of people signed up for it. Yes. Yeah.

Yes. To Harvey's surprise, a ton of dudes were like, yes, I want to be part of this experiment. Okay. So they talked about this. I mean, obviously, I'm just ret part of this experiment. Okay, so they talked about this. I mean, obviously, I'm just retelling you the episode of American Experience, basically. But one of the talking heads kind of summed it up this way. It's like, you're talking about 20-something-year-old men getting all their meals paid for.

They know they're engaging in something kind of dangerous. But the guy said something kind of funny. He was kind of like, it's basically you're going up to 20-year-old guys and be like, do you want to do something kind of dangerous and stupid but also cool and important? And it turns out like most 20-year-old guys are like, actually, yes, I do. Yes, I do. So he whittled the group down to 12 volunteers, and he made them pinky promise to eat only the food that he served them and to definitely not sue the federal government if this thing went sideways. The 12 men agreed to be part of this study, and they sacrificed a lot. First of all, they couldn't eat any more snacks, which I don't know how common snacking was in these days. I bet it was. I bet people were eating snacks.

I feel like snacking is more modern. It definitely is because there weren't as many snack options. Well, yeah. It was all formaldehyde apparently. Also, they couldn't go out drinking. Oh, shit. Yeah. And they had to agree to like constant monitoring of their health.

Like they'd be weighed all the time, blood tested, urine tested, stool tested. I was waiting for that one, the stool testing. You pretty excited about that? No. Yeah. Just put that in your Ziploc and take it down to the lab. Well, how do you think they do it? Yeah.

Suddenly you're clamming up. Well, I don't think Ziplocs are used, but like jars. Well, it wasn't bare hands. I don't know. They would eat all their meals in a restaurant that had been built in Harvey's laboratory at the Department of Agriculture. On the door outside the restaurant, it read, none but the brave can eat the fair. Ooh.

Yeah. I think that'd be a cool sign for your kitchen. That's a very cool sign. Yeah, it is. And in November of 1902, the experiments began. Harvey's plan was to add one chemical additive to each meal,

upping it a bit as he went to see what effect it had on the volunteers. The first thing he tested was borax. Okay. I had no idea. Borax? The cleaning agent? Yeah.

Good grief. Yeah. Yeah, it turns out borax was being added to a ton of food at this time. And food, what? Isn't the active ingredient in borax boric acid? Yeah, don't worry about it. It's totally fine. What's your problem? Yeah, I don't worry about it. It's totally fine. What's your problem? You look like you got a problem, like someone came up to you with a Ziploc bag full of

poo. Well. Yeah, so food manufacturers did that because when you add borax to food, it firms it up. So suddenly veggies that are wilted aren't wilted anymore. Oh, my gosh. And, you know, meat that's maybe just like falling off the bone in a bad way all of a sudden firms up a bit. Gross. Now, granted, this study wasn't perfect, obviously, but it was way ahead of its time. And frankly, everybody thought it was kind of cool. Pretty soon, reporters started sniffing around trying to figure out what Harvey was up to. Where those stool samples were. That's why they started sniffing. And then they found out and they're like, is that a Ziploc bag? Has that been invented yet? Also, dirty.

Harvey hated that people were kind of sniffing around his experiment because he had sworn all of his volunteers to secrecy. And also, this was not cool. It was science. Okay. Which is something I've shouted many a time. Yeah. But a reporter for the Washington Post wouldn't give up. He started writing about the study, and those articles got picked up in newspapers all over the country.

Readers were so intrigued by these mysterious young men who were eating poison for the good of the country. How fun and quirky! They dubbed them the Poison Squad. That's a cool name. It is a cool name. A cool ass name. Yeah, the Po name. It's a cool-ass name. Yeah, the Poison Squad. Did they get jackets?

They should have. Yeah. Harvey initially hated that people were talking about his studies as kind of like sensational and tabloidy. But then he realized, well, this is actually what I've always wanted. You know, the general public is talking about the stuff that companies are adding to the food supply. So he started embracing, I almost said embracing interviews. No, he embraced the publicity and did the interviews. Okay. So, you know, just why don't you calm down? Soon he was able to release his study on the effects of borax on the human body. And it turns out it's great.

We should all be consuming tons of it. I don't think so. No, it was horrifying. Obviously, the control group was perfectly fine. Those lucky bastards, they were just eating pork chops, living their lives. But the group who'd been served food with borax had gotten sick. They'd lost muscle mass. They had these weird headaches.

They were nauseous. muscle mass. They had these weird headaches. They were nauseous. Harvey had been thinking early on that there were probably safe amounts of these chemicals to consume. But now he's like, wait a minute, this is cumulative. This adds up. And in all likelihood, we just shouldn't be consuming this at all because you really can't put a label on a product that's like, hey, if you eat this every day for six weeks, you're probably going to have loose stools and blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, that's. Yeah.

That's what I'm assuming he was thinking. Right. Because I've got such a good connection to him. Harvey's Borax study got people talking. That year, the new food safety bill went up for debate, and Harvey had high hopes for it. He testified in front of Congress, and he was like, here are the facts. But the food manufacturers were not happy with the facts, so they tried to ruin his reputation. They were like, he's a great big phony. Also, he's still

single. Kind of weird, right? Ugh. Worst of all, he's anti-business. No, he's not anti-business. He's anti-business because he's coming after my business. Anti-business. No.

You want America to fail. No. Yep, you do. No. You want America to fail. No. Yep, you do. No. He just wants companies to have to tell people what they're putting in the food. But if we tell them, they won't buy our shit. So therefore, anti-business. Okay. Once again, Harvey found himself disappointed.

The food bill of 1902 didn't even go to a vote. And this new president, Teddy Roosevelt, had seemed all progressive, but in reality he was turning out to be a bit of a weenie about food safety. But Harvey didn't lose hope. He was like, okay, I've made a bit of a splash with the poison squad, but I need more people to care about this issue. And he knew just who to turn to. Who? The ladies! Picture it. Twas 1904. The women's rights movement was picking up steam. Women couldn't vote yet, but they did have influence and they were getting better organized by the day. Plus, at the time, women were mostly in the home and they were the ones who, you know, generally speaking, were responsible for keeping their families nourished and safe.

Yeah. So Harvey figured, OK, if anyone is going to give a flying fuck about food safety, it's going to be women. So he began speaking to women's groups and they listened. I mean, they were passionate about this. They didn't want to kill their kids with this nasty milk. He teamed up with suffragettes. Did they sing the song for Mary Poppins? No, they sang Dirty by Christina Aguilera. No! I am coming back to this.

I do love that song. Me too! The biggest cookbook author. I meant the suffragette song for Mary Poppins, not the Christina Aguilera song. You love them both. Don't you love them both? Yeah, I like the Christina Aguilera song, but in that particular moment, I was referring to the suffragette song from Mary Poppins. You know, I can hold two truths at once.

Those are both amazing songs. Both amazing songs. The biggest cookbook author in the country, a woman named Fanny Farmer, began writing about the dangers of chemicals in food. They did a letter writing campaign. They put pressure on the government. And soon, food safety was part of the progressive agenda. So suck on that, everyone. Okay.

It doesn't seem like this like, like it doesn't seem like this should be such a crazy idea. It was a wild idea. That is nuts. He was fighting against, like, the biggest forces

of his day. Wow. I mean, this was like a real buyer beware society. Yeah. And, yeah,

if you bought something that killed you, i guess it was just too damn bad right in 1905 harvey published the results of another poison squad study this time he was like hey everyone adding salicylic acid to wine and beer can make your gastrointestinal tract bleed so maybe we should stop doing that. It is good for the acne, though. It was funny to be like, wait a second. I like that. Oh, wait, I don't consume it.

OK, we're good. I was about to be one of the haters. I was like, Harvey, how are you still single? So the public hears this and they're like, holy shit. And the government is like, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. I'm sorry. I like how creeped out you look when I do it. I'm pretty creeped out by it. So now Harvey is super duper pissed. Are we keeping track of the scale?

Yeah. Okay. He's like, I hate Congress. They don't care about this issue. I am going to talk to the president directly. But there was one problem with that. Teddy Roosevelt thought that Harvey Wiley was a pain in the ass. someone but this is this was the crux of the problem all right teddy roosevelt really liked this new artificial sweetener that was on the market and harvey was like that's bad for you you should stop using it and teddy was like how can it be bad for me my doctor says i should use it and i like it so they got into this big fight and yada yada yada harvey in the pure food movement was screw diddly ood because Teddy Roosevelt loved Splenda or whatever this. I mean, it wasn't Splenda, but we get the idea. Don't besmirch the good name of Splenda.

Oh, my gosh. Fucking love Splenda. You are Teddy Roosevelt and I am Harvey Wiley. But then on February 10th, 1906, something incredible happened. Are you ready? Yeah. Gird your loins. What do you think it was?

Gird my loins? Yeah, you probably don't actually have to do that, but I thought it would be a fun thing to say. What do you think happened that day? I don't know. Somebody died. Huh? Somebody died. Well, probably somebody died.

No, Upton Sinclair published his novel, The Jungle. Oh, yeah. If I'm being super accurate, it was an installment, so it was probably like the first. Right. Hey, we get the idea. We get it, yeah. Anyway, it took America by storm. As research for the novel, Upton Sinclair had worked undercover in the meatpacking industry.

So his book contained all kinds of nasty stories about the meat industry. He wrote about rat infestations and human fingers, oopsies, getting chopped off and mixed into the meat products. You know, I said fingers, but... Just any body parts, really, right? They said appendages in the American Experience episode. So to me, we might be dealing with more than just a fanger. Mm-hmm. He talked about diseased cow carcasses.

What kind of appendage are you imagining, Kristen? What? Hmm? Hmm? Excuse me, ma'am? What appendage are you imagining? Ma'am, how old are you? Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness. You think anybody ever got their dick ripped off in a meat processing machine? Those things were unregulated. It was the wild, wild west, okay? It was a mess out there. I would not be shocked if some dude lost his ding-a-ling and it got mixed into someone's sausage and they ate that up for Sunday brunch. Okay. I'm not ruling it out. I don't think you should either. Anyway, fun fact, he actually wrote that book to make a point about workers'

rights. Yeah. And I'm sure people did notice the workers' rights being besmirched, you know. But what it really did was horrify people about these disgusting conditions at these meat processing plants. Apparently people were like, holy shit, am I a cannibal and I don't even know it? Right, yeah. Because everyone thought they'd had a dick in their mouth. Brandy, you keep doing that thing where you throw your voice and you do an impression of me. Yeah, okay. And it paints me in a light that I don't appreciate.

People were horrified by this book. They were absolutely disgusted. But Harvey was thrilled because this book did what he had been trying to do for decades. It had captured the public's attention. In fact, the book was so disturbing that Teddy Roosevelt was like, hang on a second. I need to figure out if this novelist is just exaggerating or if this is really happening. So he sent in some people to investigate the meatpacking industry. And they came back and they were like, Mr. President, it's all true.

Okay. were like, Mr. President, it's all true. Okay. One guy was like, I saw a dead cow get dropped into a full latrine and nobody washed it off. And they just chopped it up and sent it on its way. And they threw a whole bunch of dicks in there with it. Packaged in dicks. They didn't have packing peanuts. They just used severed penises.

And Teddy Roosevelt was like, look, that's disgusting. But how's the Splenda? Do not touch my Splenda. My doctor said it's a good substitute. I don't want to hear anything different. No, so Teddy Roosevelt was grossed out. And he's like, look, Congress, if you don't get me a bill, I will release the report that my team just gave to me. And Congress was like, oh, no. And they real quick passed a Meat Inspection Act.

And Harvey and everyone else was like, hey, while you're at it, how about you pass the Food and Drug Act? And they did because they had no choice because no one wanted to talk about the cow that got dropped in the latrine and was covered in dicks. And that's just what they said on American Experience. We didn't make this up. No, we would never. So in June of 1906, Teddy Roosevelt signed those acts into law, creating the first consumer protection laws in American history. Harvey was thrilled, but he had a lot more work to do. Yeah. Now he needed to come up with food safety standards and he needed to make sure that the industry complied with the standards. to make sure that the industry complied with the standards.

And that's how his power kind of began to wane because Harvey went after these big companies and the big companies didn't like that. Teddy Roosevelt didn't really like that. Government officials began questioning his qualifications. And then, you know, oopsies, maybe some people encouraged Harvey to bring a lawsuit against a little company called Coca-Cola. Harvey hated soda. He hated the idea of caffeine being marketed to kids.

And so maybe some of his adversaries were like, hey, Harvey, it'd be so smart and good for you to sue the shit out of Coca-Cola. I bet you'd win. I bet you'd win. I bet you would win so hard. Wow. And Harvey was like, yeah, I think I will. Because you know what? I think caffeine is addictive. And I think people need to be protected from it.

And I will make an example out of those assholes at Coca-Cola. By the way, Coke at this point had removed the cocaine. Okay. Very good to know because I was wondering about that. Yeah, it would be kind of a margarine and milk situation, wouldn't it? It's like, leave the cocaine, that's fine. Cocaine's fine, get rid of that caffeine. I want my children all coked up, but don't interfere with their sleep. Right. In March of 1911, the trial began. Government scientists testified about the effects of caffeine on the body, and people testified about being addicted to Coca-Cola.

What's with your face? Well, I mean, Coke still exists and it still has caffeine in it, so I don't think Harvey's going to, I i don't know come out on top of this one well you'd be pretty dense not to put that together lawyers for coke presented a study that they'd paid for that argued that caffeine was not hazardous it actually enhanced cognitive performance the coke co-founder got on the stand and was like, I drink six glasses of this shit every day and I'm super healthy. So obviously it's fine.

A few weeks into the trial, the lawyers for Coke got so confident that they were like, you know what, judge? We don't even think the government has the right to sue us over this shit. And the judge was like, you know what? I agree. Oh my gosh. Trial adjourned. Wow.

Harvey Wiley, you have egg on your face. Better than on a shirt like Clarence Darrow. That's right. But Clarence Darrow won his trial. So let's evaluate that. And then, as legend has it it the naysayers gloated and they double-fisted big gulps of coca-cola oh gosh and as they sipped and slurped and burped they said to a heartbroken harvey i think we've all learned a big lesson about the limits of regulations. Oh, my gosh.

Maybe you should leave really popular products alone. Also, thanks for telling us to stop consuming formaldehyde. But don't you dare fuck with our caffeine. I apologize. In a recent bonus episode, I covered a case where a man consumed nearly a whole goddamn pizza as Chris Hansen talked about his inappropriate chat logs with a 13-year-old. And the reviews are in. People didn't really enjoy hearing me do that. But gosh.

You love doing it. But gosh, you love doing it. So that sucked for Harvey because he was like, you're doing that into a microphone. That's disgusting. But then remember that hot librarian, Anna Kelton, 30 years younger than him. Yeah, she's still 30 years younger. But that's been like 10 years since he proposed. And now she was like, actually, I kind of like the cut of your jib, Grandpa. Let's get married. So they did. They did? Yeah. Apparently it was a very happy marriage. I am grossed out,

though. And no one asked me, but they should have asked me. Yeah, they had kids. Okay. Anna's cool because she was a big-time suffragist. Uh-huh. Maybe back in the day, if it's kind of one of those situations where as a woman you have to get married, maybe you marry a guy who's 30 years older than you, and then you're guaranteed, you know, some great years on the back end. Yeah. I didn't think that's what you were going to say. What do you mean? What did you think I was going to say? Something about Viagra not being invented yet. Oh! Yeah, that's what you were going to say. What do you mean? What did you think I was going to say?

Something about Viagra not being invented yet. Oh, yeah, that's true. And he's not going to consume any of that because he's a pure, natural boy. That's right. So Harvey's personal life was going great, but a storm continued to brew in his professional life because a bunch of powerful officials wanted Harvey out of power. So they cooked up some bullshit about how he'd paid too much for an expert witness at the Coca-Cola trial, even though they'd approved every dollar he spent so they can shut the fuck up. But anyway,

they went to President Taft and they were like, Harvey is bad. He spent all this money. He should be fired. And Taft, who was stuck in a bathtub at the time, was like, OK, yes, he should be fired. But here's the thing. Harvey knew what these guys were up to. He knew he was about to be fired. So he went to The New York Times and he told them exactly what was really happening. And they printed the story and the story got picked up nationwide. And everybody was like, hey, President Taft, if you fire this guy we're not gonna buy you that big four-person jacuzzi tub you've had your eye on and you know president taft had no choice but to back down okay sure that was like the one fun fact i remember being taught in school i remember

it so clearly yes well and you look back at him i. He's not. That guy can fit in a bathtub. Yeah. Well, he's a big guy, but he can fit in a bathtub. Yes. Maybe not an old timey bathtub. An old timey bathtub. Must have been very small. He had to get a special order one.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. To fit four working men. That's right. Four working men. None of those. Yeah. Layabouts.

So Harvey didn't get fired, but, you know, he saw the writing on the wall. So on March 15th, 1912, Harvey resigned from the USDA. He was celebrated for all of his decades of relentless hard work and pushing for what needed to be done and not burping on a podcast, which he never did. His whole life, he never burped on a podcast. It's amazing. And after his retirement, he took a job at Good Housekeeping Magazine. It was a pretty kick-ass job. He worked there for 18 years. He tested products. He wrote a column. He had the power to veto any advertisers whose products weren't up to his standards. And this is how we have the good housekeeping seal of approval. Yeah, that's awesome.

So he continued to have a lot of influence. And Dr. Harvey Wiley died in June of 1930 on the 24th anniversary of the signing of the Pure Food and Drug Law. His headstone reads, Father of the Pure Food Law. Eight years after Harvey Wiley's death, FDR signed the Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act. And in all likelihood, none of that would have happened without the tireless work of Dr. Harvey Wiley, who had a passion for consumer safety. Yeah. And I think he's very cool.

I wonder what his kids think about that engraving on his headstone. Oh, I didn't even think of that. I didn't even think of that. See, the thing I didn't like was, you know, obviously he, I mean, he did so much for America, so much for everybody. America so much for everybody. But his wife, you know, she also was a big time suffragist. You know, not as big in that movement as he was in this one. But, you know, the headstone just reads, and his wife, and I.

And it's like, oh, cool. That's great. Yeah. So there you go, mom. That was great. I loved that. Okay, I'm glad you liked it. I love the historic stuff.

I know sometimes you're not interested. Okay, all right. Was it the cow brains that got you? Don't talk about those anymore. I just blocked that part out. I've got some milk for you. You want some? It's milk.

Gross. And the best part is you don't have to refrigerate it. No. Yeah. Thank you Harvey. Yeah no kidding. Thank goodness for Harvey. No that was very interesting. I liked that a lot. You know what I like

a lot? Doing ads? Yeah. Now it's time for an ad. Doodaloo. And now we're back from the ad. Doodaloo. Doodaloo. Should we take some questions from the Discord? Absolutely. To get into our Discord, all you have to do is sign up at our Patreon at the $5 level or higher. Sign up at our Patreon, on our Patreon, inside our Patreon, so deep inside it brandy step away from the penguin wants to know how soon is too soon to move in with your significant other i got my hours cut at work and it would save us both a bunch of money okay oh go ahead oh i i mean that's why

david and i moved in together is he was spending so much time at my place it seemed ridiculous to be spending money on his rent so we I mean we moved in together fast like two days no it was three months right it wasn't that long four months it was four months was it four months yeah okay Norman and I waited a year I remember feeling like it needed to be a year but I only felt that way because I'd moved in with a guy before Norman and I was like, big mistake. Yeah, I need to know somebody better. But like, I don't know, in this economy, I feel like you got to do what you got to do. Totally agree. True Crime Degree asks, I know this has been asked before, but I'm planning a

weekend trip to KCK and I have to know where the best KC barbecue restaurant is. So my favorite is Jack Stack. There are multiple locations around Kansas City. Mine is Joe's KC. But I like Jack Stack too. Yeah. You really kind of can't go wrong. And like they're kind of two different types of barbecue. Kind of.

Yes. One is in a gas station. The one I like is in a gas station. And Jack Stack's kind of a fancier eatery. Which I feel is not befitting barbecue, but also it is good. It's really good barbecue. CJ asks, have you seen T-Swift out and about in KC? I am not a Swifty.

I would die if I saw Taylor Swift just out and about. Yeah. I would lose my mind and I would not consider myself a Swifty. So the answer is no. I wouldn't freak out at all. I'd be super cool. Would you? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes, it's me. Calm down says, did you all know that you got a shout out from Rebecca Lavoie on today's episode of Other People's Problems? She said LGTC is one of the few podcasts

she listens to. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That's amazing. Rebecca Lavoie, Crime Writer's on. She's a very big deal. She is.

In other words, we hold her in very high esteem. The fact that she listens to us means we're really cool. Okay. The Harvard of Boston asks, how do you guys get out of a depressive anxiety funk?

I've been so miserable lately. We quit our podcast. Taking it out on everyone else. I need some new suggestions. Yeah, we end our podcast. That's how we do it. No, that's obviously not the right answer. I mean, in this situation, it's the right answer.

But I think evaluating your life is a huge thing and really honing in on the source of anxiety. That's what I did. Yeah. And that is how I, I don't know, that's what worked for me. I'm not saying that works for everybody. Do you feel comfortable saying therapy? Yeah, absolutely. Yes, I got into therapy as well.

And that helped me take a look at my priorities in life and lay things out and find my source of anxiety as well. I think therapy is huge. Yeah. So a big thing that always helps me is like, okay, my anxiety is not my fault. It is my responsibility. So like if I need to do therapy, if I need to try a medication. But honestly, if it's just like stuff like, okay, today I'm having a really bad day.

I know this sounds weird, but like a shower can be a magical thing. I was about to say. Isn't this sounds weird, but like a shower can be a magical thing. I was about to say. Isn't it so weird what a difference it makes? And it can feel so daunting. Yes. The idea of just taking a fucking shower. Yes. Which it's like, what is this, a 10, 15 minute commitment?

But man. It can change so much. Yeah. I think a shower, fresh clothing, washing your bedding. Yeah. Yeah. Going for a walk. Yeah.

For me, going for a walk is like magic. Yeah. And I've gone for a lot of walks lately. Yeah, absolutely. So hopefully that helps. Yeah. Oh, In the Trunk of a Truck wants to know, what's a backhanded compliment you've received. Oh, geez. Oh, my gosh. I wish that was a question that we had asked everyone in the discord. It's one of those things. I bet you people have all kinds of great answers to that. Yeah. Oh, gosh. What have I been told? Gosh, what have I been told?

This isn't really, I don't know that this fits. But I remember one time when I was in college, I had been at a bar with my friends and I'd been sitting on a bar stool the whole night because it was St. Patrick's Day. And like, you know, if you've got a bar stool in Boston on St. Patrick's Day, you do not give it up. Yeah. And I'd been talking to this guy this whole time. And at the end of the night, I stood up and it was very clear I was much taller than him. Now, I was not rude. I probably showed on my face, but I was like, and he just goes, so you're really tall. And it didn't seem like a full compliment.

I don't know if this really fits, but it's the thing that's coming to mind. When I was first really sick with my thyroid stuff. Oh. Do you know what I'm going to say? I absolutely know what you're going to say. One of my symptoms was that I lost a ton of weight really fast. Like 50 pounds in six weeks fast. That's terrifying. But at the time, I was a district manager, had multiple salons that I oversaw.

And one of those salons was inside of a Walmart. And so I was visiting that salon one day and the greeter was always like stationed right outside my salon, the Walmart greeter. So I walk in, it's this old man that I've talked to a thousand times before. And I walk in and I've been so fucking sick. Like, and at that point, that point, they didn't even know what was wrong with me yet. And you didn't know what was wrong, so it was really scary. It was super scary. I walk in and he looks at me and he goes, oh my gosh, you look amazing. You've lost so much weight. And then he said, I bet your husband sure is happy.

wait and then he said i bet your husband sure is happy yeah he's thrilled that i'm really sick with a mysterious illness thank you so much sir nothing to worry about here 50 pounds in six weeks that's totally normal yeah all my doctors are thrilled yeah okay so that and if we need to cut this, we'll cut this. But obviously, the past couple months, as we've been trying to figure out what to do. We have been an anxious mess, both of us. Yes. So we have both lost weight. Yes. So it is so, but it's so funny to me.

Like, I feel like as a society, we're getting better. We are getting better. Better than we had been like even four or five years ago about this stuff so the vast majority of people have not said anything to me about the weight that I've lost but there's this older gentleman in my neighborhood who I love yeah and he just well you're losing weight You look great. And I was like, thank you. It's because my business is imploding. I did have another person, though, who was like, you doing okay? Oh, that's nice. Well, he's been through cancer. So I think if you've been through stuff and you know that sometimes when people lose weight, it's not just because they're like on some new plan.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I'm so glad somebody put this in the discord because I've been meaning to bring this up to you for so long and I keep forgetting. What? Did you know? What? First of all, thank you.

Will you call me Chip for mentioning this? Did you know that you are credited on IMDb as being on Let's Go to Court? Okay. But also for appearing in an episode of Gilmore Girls. What? And Little Cory Gory, a 1993 film. What's Little Cory Gory? I don't know.

Really? Yes. I did not know that. Let's see. Let's pull you up. I have an IMDb page. We both do. Mine only says let's go to court.

Yours says. You don't have the prolific body of work We both do. Mine only says let's go to court. Yours says... You don't have the prolific body of work that I do. Yours says that you were in an episode of Gilmore Girls in 2002. Yep. I remember it well. I was 16. You played Jackson Family Number Three. Wait,

Jackson? Jackson Family Number Three. I played the whole family? I assume you played a family member of the character Jackson on the show. No. I'm so versatile. I played the whole family? I assume you played a family member of the character Jackson on the show. No. I'm so versatile. I played the whole damn family just in a different dress. And then you also played the male lady in the 1993

feature film, Little Cory Gory. I would love to read you the synopsis of that film now. Please do. To jog your memory of when you starred in it. Well, you know, it was a long time ago. I was a child actor playing a male woman, apparently. Abused by his older brother and stepmother, a high school student takes drastic steps to regain his independence.

Oh, and it's gory. I assume he kills his whole family. That would be my guess. he kills his whole family. That would be my guess. So what was it like starring in that film as the mail lady in 1993 when you were eight years old?

Well, you know, the best thing I can say is thank you for that Coogan account. Brandy, what episode number is that? Oh, I don't know I'm the daughter of a lion Wow

Yeah I had no idea Yeah But I really like the idea of someone perhaps googling me and thinking that I've done cool stuff when in reality I have not

You've done lots of cool stuff Uh Yeah No relation to Mrs. Potts and Chip You've done lots of cool stuff. Uh, yes. No Relation to Mrs. Potts and Chip asks, tell us about your first speeding ticket. How old were you? What about your worst speeding ticket? So I have only received one speeding ticket in my life.

It was directly in front of my house. Oh, that's right. Yeah. And the hilarious part of it is that I was eating a donut when I got pulled over. Did you offer the officer part of your donut? I didn't. Well, that's why you got the ticket. That's why I got the ticket. Lesson learned.

So I had literally, I had left my house, gone to pick up something from my dad's business that I needed for work, taken a loop to the Hen House grocery store to buy myself a single glazed donut. Okay. You didn't go to a donut store? You went to the Hen House? No, I went to the Hen House. There was no donut store close. Okay. Right there to the Hen House.

This was a donut emergency. They had good donuts. All right. My favorite is a raised glazed donut. I know. So yeah, they had them. Great. Okay.

And so then I'm in my car chomping on my donut. Please don't do disgusting chewing noises. Okay. Chomping on my donut when all of a sudden I see lights behind me. I pulled over directly in front of my house. And it was at that moment that I realized that I didn't even have my purse with me. I just put like in front of my house. And it was at that moment that I realized that I didn't even have my purse with me. I just put like my debit card in my pocket.

Yeah, because it was a donut emergency. Yeah. And so the police officer happened to be the same officer who had come to my house when I called the police because the guy had come in my garage. Yep. And so he remembered me. Broke into your garage is another way of putting that. Broke into my garage. Yep. And so he remembered me.

Broke into your garage is another way of putting that. Broke into my garage, correct. And so he remembered me. He let me go in my house and get my driver's license and my proof of insurance so that he didn't ticket me for those things. And you walked into your house and you locked the door and said, ha ha, sucker. I came right back out because I'm a fucking rule follower and I got my speeding ticket. Well, yeah, that would have been pretty dumb.

My one and only speeding ticket I've ever gotten. I have gotten three in my lifetime. The first I was 16. And I was so dumb about this. First of all, I was going 17 over in a super residential area. And the guy, you know, put on his lights. Yeah. And for whatever reason, I was like, well, I can't just pull to the side of this road.

I should pull into this neighborhood. So we're off the busy road. Turns out cops don't like to call an audible like that. So he wasn't, you too impressed yeah yeah and then the other ones are just like boring stories like i was going somewhere and i was speeding and i got caught but you know what happened both those other times i did not pull into a neighborhood i was like i remember i remember they want you to pull over right there. Do we want to do one more?

Yeah, sure. All right. Southpaw Noobs wants to know, what is the worst rumor you've ever heard? The worst rumor? Yeah, is that Tom Hanks... Patty, bleep it! Well, who told you a rumor like that? What kind of nut would say that so confidently? The alarming thing about that is I was so confident that even when I listened to the edit, I was like, yeah, that's fine.

And it wasn't until like days later. Remember when I was like, I should probably just Google that fact that I definitely know. Yeah. Yeah. Worst rumor that I've ever heard. Worst rumor that I've ever heard. Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Gosh, I'm having trouble coming up with anything. Would you like to just start a rumor about someone? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I would. Thank you like to just start a rumor about someone? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I would.

Thank you for this opportunity. You're welcome. I appreciate it very much. Who would I like to take down? No, but like I feel like the people I, you know, I have ill feelings toward, like, there are bad stuff out there. Yeah. So, you know. Yeah. I don't know. What am I going to be like? Hey, there are bad stuffs out there. Yeah.

So, you know. Yeah. I don't know. What am I going to be like, hey, Tucker Carlson's a dick. People are going to be like, yeah, we know. I heard that he got his appendage ripped off in one of those meat processing machines. My goodness. Yeah. And rumor has it, it tasted weird in the sausage.

And rumor has it, it tasted weird in the sausage. By the way, I'm realizing because we said we weren't going to take any more questions and we're not. Yeah. But I did notice some questions about the KC Live show. Yeah. So now that, first of all, now that our secret is out, baby. So we've got things to say. First of all, I've not seen anyone complain about how long the Supreme Court inductions have been lately. Oh, yeah.

But they're going to be real long, folks. And they've been long because for those people who signed up on Patreon at the $7 level or higher, they paid for a Supreme Court induction. And damn it, we're going to give you a Supreme Court induction. But, okay, this episode comes out the 27th. Yeah. To Bob Moss's? To Bob Moss's. 28th to everyone else. 28th to everyone else.

So if you sign up at that level on Patreon after the 28th, I'm so sorry. We will not be able to induct you. Yeah. I hope you understand. Yes. Please accept you understand. Yes. Please accept this kiss. Yes. We will still do the bonus episode in March, the Zoom call in March.

Yes. Also, this is a personal message to, I believe her name is Dieta. Okay. On Patreon. Oh, yes. Okay. A couple weeks ago, Dieta reached out and she's like, hey, I've got some extra tickets to the live show. You know, could I give them back to you for free?

You could do a giveaway, do whatever. And you and I talked and we both felt the same way, which was like, oh, gosh, we would hate to take these tickets. Yeah. Knowing that Deanna, with the show ending, hopefully you can just go sell those. Yeah, sell those to someone. Absolutely. To the highest bidder. Yeah. Knowing that with the show ending, hopefully you can just go sell those. Yeah, sell those to someone. Absolutely. For the highest bidder. Yeah.

So, yeah, that's why I sent you that weird message back that was like, could you hang on to those until about the end of February, please? We just got to get some stuff figured out. Anyway, I was lying. There you go. What else do we have to – oh, this will feel so good to get out in the open. Yeah. Did I tell you – so Kyla's best friends from college, Ashton and Caitlin, they've been with us at Obsessed Best both years, you know, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So Kyla was like the other day, Kristen, just so you know, I had my phone call with Ashton and Caitlin and I I did not tell them.

I did not tell them. And I was like, OK, you know, you can tell. You can tell them. You could have told them. Absolutely. She's like, no, no. You know, I just wanted to hear from you if it was OK. nope, nope, you know, I just wanted to hear from you if it was okay, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, Kyla. Because it was a Saturday, I think. And I had already had a massage scheduled for that day. And so, you know, I went in for this massage. And this guy's not a total stranger.

I've gone to him a couple times before. But at the same time, like, we don't talk. Talk, yeah. So at the beginning, he's like, hey, you know, anything you want to work on? I was like, I've just got, you know, my back is messed up. Please, you know, just a lot of stress. Could you help me out with that? And he's like, absolutely.

So he starts working on my back. And he's like, wow, yeah, this is pretty bad. I swear to God, I almost blurted out, well, things have been really stressful. I just told him the whole thing. I was like, yeah, yeah, Kyla, I don't know that I'm even keeping this secret very well guarded. Frankly, I barely kept it together with this man I barely know. How about you? You keeping it under wraps? Yeah, only my family knows.

Well, good for you. Only your family? Yeah. Boy, if there's ever a leak, we're going to know exactly who's responsible. I have told so many people. Yeah, what do You have? Yeah. Yeah.

What do you mean? Yeah. Of course. You're not just my family. Oh. Jeez. You haven't been tempted to tell anybody else? I mean, yeah.

I've had some listeners come in this lawn and ask about the podcast. I'm not going to tell them. Yeah. But, you know, a random masseuse, sure. Your group chat with other friends, yeah, that's what I did. No, it feels good to like, and I hope the message is well received.

Yeah, I hope so too. It's tough because it's one of those things, we have no control over how it's received, but this is the right decision it's absolutely the right decision a happy like it i should i'm sad about it yeah but this is for a happy reason like if things need to end they need to end yeah so um gosh should i say anything about ask an old white guy yeah do, do it. Okay. Absolutely. Soft launch it, Kristen.

Well. Fully erect launch it. I don't care. Fully erect. Dare I say, I think we've mentioned penises too many times in this episode. And now we're transitioning to a conversation about my dad. About my dad. Thanks a lot. No, people are going to be so excited about that.

Well, okay. a lot. No, people are going to be so excited about that. Well, okay. So everyone, those who know the podcast well know that my father, DP, loves the spotlight. Yes, he does. And he has wanted his own podcast for a long time called Ask an Old White Guy. So in like, I think October, I recorded one, count it, one episode with him. And it was fun. But at the time I was like, well, dad, you know, I have a successful podcast. And also my dad like leaves on his RV trips with my mom. You know, he has no work ethic, whatever. work ethic, whatever. So anyhow, when I told him, when I told my parents that the podcast was ending,

my dad, I mean, picture Tanya Harding when she finds out that, oh no, Nancy Kerrigan, her leg's not so good anymore. He was literally like, oh, oh my gosh. so I guess asking old white guys happening yeah and I was like yeah I mean we I think I should have something you know going yeah and he goes well I mean I've kind of forgotten a lot of my good bits I guess I could come up with some more it was literally like I don't know where I put my tap shoes. Oh, here they are. I've been wearing them the whole time. So who knows how that podcast will go, if it will go. We will launch it. Yeah, launch that puppy.

Yeah. More to come on that. Okay, so my dad and I had a long conversation about it. And I was like, yeah, so, you know, okay, I think we should give it a go, Dad. I think, you know, if nothing else, it'll be fun. If it flops, it flops, whatever. And I was like, you know, the main thing is please do not dox yourself again. Yeah.

Because fans of the show know that my dad has doxed himself twice. And he was like, i absolutely i'm not gonna doxx myself yeah that that was a bad thing i did that okay we moved on we changed he didn't know what that meant we circled back he goes what is doxxing so who knows what will become of that podcast? Will my dad dox himself a third time? Probably. When I started to explain what it was, he was like, oh, like swatting.

And I was like, well, kind of. Oh, boy. Should we move on to Supreme Court? Yes. Everybody. Everybody strap in. Strap in and strap on. Supreme Court inductions.

And everyone. Either you just don't listen to the Supreme Court inductions or what. Hit that 30 second button if you want to. God bless Patty. On the first time we did the long ass Supreme Court inductions when we knew like, OK, we've got a ton to get through. She just sent a note. And Patty, we appreciate you. It was just just just so you know, the Supreme Court inductions are running four minutes and nine seconds.

She didn't come out and say, that's insane. Please stop. Yeah. Noted Patty. And now you know why. Now you know why. All right, we are continuing to read your names and your first celebrity crushes. Ashley. Lance Bass.

Natalie. Leonardo and Claire. Karen, who isn't looking for a manager, just a good time. David Beckham. Whitney S. Nick Carter. Hannah? David Beckham. Whitney S. Nick Carter. Hannah M. Harrison Ford.

Phoebe. Keanu Reeves. Natalie F. Arnold from Hey Arnold for some reason? Move it, football head. I just spat. I'm so sorry. Alexandria.

Colin Firth. Michelle Meyer. Devin Sawa. Megan Kiefsky River Phoenix Eva Wynonna Ryder Maritza

Scott Stapp Cindy Ray Oh, Ruvia from Hook. Yeah, that guy was hot. That's gross to say. It was a kid. Ew. When you were a kid, too.

Yeah, okay. All right. It's fine. Julie Harrison Ford. Roberta Blab. Chris O'Donnell. Ralph Castaneda.

Drew Barrymore. Aaron Jay. The Disney Fox from Robin Hood. Yeah, that was a hot cartoon. Yep. Okay. Absolutely. Ash to the Ur.

Donny Osmond. Shevin. Ricky Martin. Ryan and Winston. Ryan Reynolds. Michelle. Shevin. Ricky Martin. Ryan and Winston. Ryan Reynolds. Michelle. Brendan Frazier. Brenda.

Leonardo DiCaprio. Karen. Sean Cassidy. Tyree Finnegan. JC Chazet. Nikita Sartori. Eminem. Megan.

Joel Madden. Marissa Matthews. Lance Bass. Winter. David Duchovny. Michelle. Darcy Carden. Melissa. Lance Bass. Winter. David Duchovny. Michelle. Darcy Carden. Melissa.

Michael J. Fox. Holly. Leonardo DiCaprio. Christy F. Alyssa Milano. Jojo Lemus. John Cena. Lisa Aude Elferink.

Ruby Rose. Queef on a cracker. Young man Simba. You know, when his voice drops as he's crossing that log, singing Hakuna Matata. I know I'm unfamiliar. Daffy Duck tramp stamp. Leonardo DiCaprio. Hedder P.

Donnie Wahlberg. Mary Payton Marble. Holy shit, again, the Fox version of Robin Hood from the 1973 classic. Absolutely. My God. Jasmine Laura. Zayn Malik. Christina Handorf. Ryder Strong.

Diana Helgeson. David Duchovny. Katie Sperger. LeVar Burton. Melissa Tillichite. Jordan Knight. Sarah Minna. Keith Lockhart.

Ryan Winston Irvin Edmiston. Ryan Reynolds. Sarah. Jodie Keith Lockhart. Ryan Winston Irvin Edmiston. Ryan Reynolds. Sarah. Jodi Foster. Carrie. Chris O'Donnell. Jillian. Carrie Underwood.

Dumb Looking Rock. Steve from Blue's Clues. Erica. Justin Timberlake. Michelle. Han Solo. Carrie. Kirk Cameron.

Kristen Mesa. Benny the Jet Rodriguez. Catherine Clark. JTT. Sus Mesa. Benny the Jet Rodriguez. Catherine Clark. JTT. Susie Chamberlain Dawes. Steven Tyler. Bowen Gray's mama. Devin Sawa.

Brittany Grimm. Not JTT. Oh, Brittany liked the older one. Okay, Zachary Ty Bryan. I believe he was just arrested for a DUI. Been in the news. Oh, wow. Well.

Nikki. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Linda. Sean Cassidy. Becca. Uncle Jesse. Jayma. Kiefer Sutherland.

Hello, Carrie Kitty. Lou Diamond Phillips. Andy Cote. It was some boy on a commercial that I can't remember what it was about, but it was on during cartoons. Excellent. Slightly less specific than the person who had a crush on the 12 Seconds in the Lion King. Yes. All right, we'll allow it.

Emily. Morton Harkett. Shelby Siren. Devin Sawa. Maggie. Rio from Jim and the Holograms. Amber W. River Phoenix.

Danielle Smirthwaite. Leonardo DiCaprio. Helena. Dave Franco. Lonnie Lee. Andy Biersack. Marie New. Jordan Knight.

Ruth. Joshua Jackson. Sasha Purcell. Harrison Ford. Caitlin. Nick Carter. Sex and Candy. Harrison Ford. Caitlin. Nick Carter. Sex and Candy. Usher.

Melissa Duchesne. Jonathan Brandes. Welcome to the Supreme Court! Thank you everyone for all of your support. We appreciate it so much. Oh gosh, do I still say this stuff at the end of the episode? Why not? Yeah! If you're looking for other ways to support us, please find us on social

media. We're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon. I will yell at you if you're rude. Please remember to subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen. Head on over to Apple Podcasts and leave us a five-star rating and review. Then be sure to join us next week when Brandi will be an expert on a whole new topic. Podcast

adjourned! And now for a note about our process. For this episode, I read a bunch of stuff, then regurgitated it all back up in my very limited vocabulary. So I owe a huge thank you to the real experts. I got my info from the Poison Squad episode of American Experience, which was based on the book The Poison Squad by Deborah Bloom. Any errors are, of course, ours.

Please don't take our word for it. Go read their stuff.