Lex Fridman Podcast - #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un

Starting point is 00:00:00 The following is a conversation with Birdcrasher, a stand-up comedian, podcast or actor, and a man they call the machine. I've been a fan of his comedy and podcast for many years, and I highly recommend you watch him on Birdcast to Bears One Cave with Tom Segura. His cooking show called Something Is Burning, and finally, the new movie that tells the story of the man, the legend, the machine. And now a quick few seconds mention of each sponsor. Check them out in the description. It's the best way to support this podcast. We got 8 Sleep for an App, NetSuite for business management software and ExpressVPN for privacy and security on the internet. Choose wisely, my friends. Also, if you want to work with our amazing team, we're always hiring go to lectstreaming.com slash hiring.

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Starting point is 00:01:27 Greyhound buses, public transportation, I've taken so many buses in my life. So much of my life I spent being completely broke and public transportation was not just the only means of transportation. I could afford, but really I found join it the simplicity of it the waiting in the cold and in the heat the camaraderie they all in it together There's a way of being with strangers on a subway or on a bus that all the Diversity of humans are all right there. You get to kind of people watch Like subtly like this is what's possible in this world in this beautiful

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Starting point is 00:04:48 And now, dear friends, here's Bert Krasher. I read somewhere that you like Ernest Hemingway. Love him. There's a quote, there's nothing to writing. All you do sit down at a typewriter and bleed. Do you agree with that? I agree, I agree. Well, I agree with that with journaling. So I can't write, I can't write stand-up,

Starting point is 00:05:25 like, I can't write a bit, but if I journal, I'll find something that I go just write, I'm kind of writing where your, the pens move faster than your brain, and they're kind of like doing it together. The thing I liked about Ernest Hemingway, this is so stupid. I'm a little dyslexic, so I'm not a good reader. And so he wrote very simply. And it wasn't until after I read a bunch of Ernest Hemingway, I was working in parts of Noble. And this person said, don't you love his titles? And I was like, yeah, Sun also rises.

Starting point is 00:05:53 And they're like, yeah, but the Sun also rises. And I was like, yeah, Sun also rises. And I'm like, no, no, the Sun also rises. And I went, oh, oh, oh yeah, this fucking badass. Yeah, and then I'm like always late to the party with anything. And then that night we were all doing coke and it was like five in the morning

Starting point is 00:06:15 and we ended up on the roof of my apartment in Greenwich Village. Like I'm a Sunsack guy, I grew up in Florida, but Sun rises in New York are electric blue, like electric blue. And I was like, the Sun also rises. Yeah, he was so good with just the handful of words, the simplicity, the choice of words,

Starting point is 00:06:42 like basically his process is carving down. Right drunk at it, sober. Right drunk at it, sober. the choice of words like basically his process is carving down right drunk edit sober right drunk edit sober Yeah, but he was good at like at like a Small amount of words to get a point across. I'm the exact fucking opposite. Well, he's also said The first draft of anything's always shit Is that is that true for you? anything's always shit. Is that true for you? I think so.

Starting point is 00:07:05 It's the best one I have. You've got this downhill from there. So for you editing is destroying the original. The first time I tell it, the first time I tell it, it's perfect. It's perfect, it just, it works. And then I go great and then I take it and I try to fix it and make it better and jazier.

Starting point is 00:07:23 I just joke and razzle dazzle about my daughters and I driving past this deaf child's line and I just told it on stage it just happened and Louis was in the audience. He was like, I love that joke. I said, really? He was, yeah, and I just told it. Now it's done. Louis CK says he likes a joke. It's fucking, it's in the special. And I tried to fucking razzle dazzle that joke into like a 15 minute bit. It got to the point where it was so bad that I told him, I did a podcast with him, I said, what did you like about that joke?

Starting point is 00:07:57 Cause I can't get it to work anymore. Because it was just simple. It was simple that your daughter didn't know how they'd figure out where deaf kids lived. I don't know what that's it. He was like, yeah, I was like, nothing about gun control. And he was like, huh? I was like, oh, fuck, man.

Starting point is 00:08:10 I really fucked that joke up. And then I had to go back to the beginning of it. But that first time, that's when the joke comes out purist for me. And then it's always chasing back to get that first telling. Some jokes are different. Like the machine obviously is a much longer story. And like, a scaper room for this one. The longer stories take a little work but the simple ones like like the deaf child and pajamas and those first times are perfect.

Starting point is 00:08:34 What do you think is is that about the machine story that works? That was so captivating for people. for people. I think it's a I think I don't know I really wish I don't know I think it's a good story I think it's a good story I think everyone has something similar that happened in their life where they had a crazy night and that no one believed and they told their friends and they're and or they experienced that with a friend like that and and and I think I think that's gotta be it. I really don't know. I think there's a part of I think there's a part of the like our community of of comedy fans that were that early desk while that was fun to watch someone take something from the podcast and turn it into a bit on stage. Yeah. I think there's a lot of that, but I think people identify with a wild crazy night that got out of control that they've probably had too. I think I don't fucking know.

Starting point is 00:09:35 You think Putin knows who you are because of that story? I hope so. I fucking hope so. I hope so. But there's a part of me that you got to understand is like, I'm not, I say stuff like that. I'm sure there's someone here and they go,

Starting point is 00:09:49 who is this fucking narcissist? You're like, no, that's not it. I'm just telling you the truth. Like I understand what I'm supposed to say. Well, you know, I don't know. You know, I don't know, that's hard to say. But I don't fucking give a shit about that guy. I'm not that guy.

Starting point is 00:10:02 I'm telling you everything that comes out of my mouth, the second it comes out, I'm being a be 100% honest. I don't know any a shit about that guy. I'm not that guy. I'm telling you everything that comes out of my mouth, the second it comes out, I'm gonna be 100% honest. I don't know any other way to live. I kinda hope so. That would be fucking cool. And I know he's a bad dude. I don't follow politics, son. But it'd be cool if like one day someone's like,

Starting point is 00:10:18 he's on his computer and someone's gonna go, sto-e-ta. And he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, like, yeah, how much do you know? And he's like, duh, kunyesh duh, bydum. And he's like, and it shows it to him. And then he's like, what the fuck is this guy, huh? It's not out of the realm of possibility that Putin has watched it. And this podcast, this is kind of made me realize how like, small the world is.

Starting point is 00:10:38 I've gotten to meet some incredibly, like, especially the people. That's, I mean, that's the thing where I go, it's gotten really crazy. The internet's really insane and Netflix is really insane and the reach of people that this is really simple, but I'm a big fan of the show, Drink Champs. I didn't think in a million years,

Starting point is 00:11:01 nor would ever know who I was. And then he offered me to come to his podcast. And then when I got there, he told me he was a phantom. And I went, like, I remember moving to New York, listening to you and component, like, I'm sitting there going, wow. Like, and then, and the phone calls I've gotten since the movie came out. And since Razzle, Dazzle came out, have been really insane when you realize as much as I know about people,

Starting point is 00:11:28 and I like, there's people on fans of the don't know who I am, that are like, they're like some picture in fucking Florida that I follow the kids, I like, I just fun to watch them pitch. There was a softball player in Tempe that she's do catching drills, and I was really into softball with my daughter and we watched her catching girls. There's a girl deglazer who me and my daughters will watch her dance videos and then I hit her up.

Starting point is 00:11:52 She's like, you know who I am and you're like, oh yeah, that's the way the world works. What world leader would you drink with if you could? So you might as well put in. So Putin doesn't drink much. Yeah. Zelensky drinks more. Yeah, also not much. Of course, y'all said a little bit of good.

Starting point is 00:12:04 You would have been a little bit better. You would have been a fucking good one. I mean, I go, Hitler was a pussy. Like he drank wine with a spoonful of sugar in it. You don't drink. What? That's my whole end. That's my guy.

Starting point is 00:12:18 Yeah. You know that's my guy, right? No, I don't know. That's your guy. So he did champagne. Well, let me, well, do you know how to tell me the thing about Winston Churchill He I found out about his daily routine. Yeah, so his daily routine was a big breakfast cigar coffee Exoverly egg sunny side up toast bacon sausage tomato beans

Starting point is 00:12:40 Fruit orange juice soft scotch cigar and bed and he's sit there for three hours and he'd hold morning breakfast and that's what they'd come in and he'd run through his day and then he'd get in the bathtub for fucking an hour and drink champagne and then he'd go to lunch and have some goose or whatever the fuck day back then with more champagne and then and then and then I mean and then he'd take a nap and like I love that so every year I'll hit the day of Death, in January 24th, I celebrate Winston Churchill's life by living the way he did.

Starting point is 00:13:11 And so I have breakfast in bed with a soft scotch, and I just party all fucking day. That would be the guy to drink with. That would be the guy if you could pick anyone to drink with. He drank every day throughout the day. And it looked like 94. And was one of the most heroic figures in human history. Never, never surrender. I mean, what a fucking badass thing. You know, he taught, he taught the queen. The queen was like, like, like a,

Starting point is 00:13:36 like a window-looking idiot, right? Like she was, she had a third grade education. So like her dad dies and she's like 10 or 12 or whatever. The first thing they do is they pull her out of school and I keep on learning. You're just gonna be the queen. You gotta know this is what you need to learn. Don't make, let people make eye contact with you. Put your hand out like this. Don't let people touch you. So she like, she had like a really, I saw the, by the way, I didn't do this research. I just watched the crowd, okay. And Winston Churchill kind of taught her about world politics. And they like coming and she'd be like,

Starting point is 00:14:07 Winston, what did we do in Africa? He's like, this is gonna be a tough one. And so, yeah, so, but Winston Churchill's the bad ass. But if I had to drink with someone living, like drink. There's like, there's a two obvious one. Like, honestly, it's fucking Kim Jong-un, right? You kind of want to- He drinks.

Starting point is 00:14:24 No, he does. He thinks my IVs are good in the morning. You know, Kim Jong Un's IVs are next. You're like, I feel up and he's like, it's unfettered. I mean, he would be a bad-ass to drink with. I think he drinks hard liquor. I think it's Scotch, Johnny Walker Blue.

Starting point is 00:14:40 I so I've heard. I don't know where you heard this, but I like this. Okay, so I say things like that, but then I'm sure I, I, I, I, I don't know if you ever party with someone to just party's a little different than you and then you notice like, like sometimes celebrities and then like you're in a strip club and then they, they talk weird to a woman.

Starting point is 00:14:58 You're like, oh, that's not me. I'm so sorry. So that'd be the thing. The atrocities would be hard to get past with them. Not just the atrocities, but the way of being. I agree with you. Actually, I don't like drinking with rich and powerful people often. There's something weird about them.

Starting point is 00:15:13 Not all of them. And I don't like a drinking meeting. Like with some of those, let's just get beaty. Like, like, what was that? But people go like, hey, I'm taking you out tonight. We're drinking. And then I go, oh, that's not the way I like to do it. It gives just competing. Like, like, what was that? But people go like, hey, I'm taking you out tonight. We're drinking. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:26 And then I go, oh, that's not the way I like to do it. It gives me anxiety. Like, our lives are very different. You and I? Yeah. Were you in a fraternity? No. We could stop there.

Starting point is 00:15:38 No, I was not. Okay. That's the, and the difference is continue from there. I'm sure. So when you get your pleasure pin, they take you out and their whole thing is you're gonna, we're getting you fucked up. That energy is not my energy.

Starting point is 00:15:51 I don't like that. Like I just go, why don't we just get drunk and feel really good about ourselves? Like I never like took mushrooms to see Jesus. I just wanted to enjoy rain eggs on a windshield. Like so like that, that for me is like one of my things. So if Kim Jong-un flew me to North Korea to drink with them, I'd be like, I'd have to start really getting black out drunk on the plane

Starting point is 00:16:12 to enjoy drinking with them that day. What's your favorite, like, different occasions? What's your favorite drink? What's your favorite way of's, I've got, it's varies. So what are the different contexts here? It's like one on one. One on one? Like you sit down with, I don't know, Rogan invites you, like it's a godfather to sit down and finally have a talk about something. It's going to be whiskey. It's going to be like a nice whiskey. Neat? No, I like it on the rocks. I like lots of rocks. It won't be something expensive because Rogan is not,

Starting point is 00:16:47 he's not a fancy boy, you know? Like he's a real regular dude. He's a really regular dude. He's gotten less regular, the more millions of dollars he has. I think there's parts of him where you're like, like where you're like, oh wow, we can do this. Yeah. But he'd be like jack on the rocks or like,

Starting point is 00:17:05 pop, pop, flow trace or one of the, maybe a little whiskey he's buying. Rogan be whiskey rocks. And then like, that's a good one. I haven't hung out with Joe by ourselves. I take that back. I was with him the other night. But like, I would be cool.

Starting point is 00:17:17 My times with Joe's are always on podcasts. Yeah. And his, I missed the times where it was, we just have you and him at a, at a, at the store late night. Yeah, I, I missed the times where it was we just have you and him at a at the store late night Yeah, I'm okay with podcasts like I used to think this is like Performative or something like this, but it's not really no It's just a chance to really sit down. I enjoy it because of the people I could never sit down with Like David Cross. I wouldn't never sit down with David Cross

Starting point is 00:17:40 Because we don't run in the same circles and but it's nice. He has something to promote and Then he comes to my house and then we can sit down for an hour and talk. And then, I, and then we're Kevin Smith, like people I would never really hang out with. Tom, I enjoy being alone with Tom more off mic. Tom's a good. Yeah. We have a lot of history. There's a lot of things, secrets we know about each other. and there's a lot of secrets going on in our each other's lives That I would never share on podcasts that I that I can talk to him about and I really appreciate his

Starting point is 00:18:14 And I know this isn't on brand of us beating each other up But like I really appreciate this insight as a as a dad and as a dude and as a son But but he makes me giggle harder than anyone, so doing a podcast is fun. So there's something on a podcast that's performative for you with him and then there's a part in me and him because we're trying to make each other laugh. But I'll tell you if we're going back to drinks, I'll tell you like a great afternoon drink. It was a Compartee Spritz.

Starting point is 00:18:43 It's one of my favorite drinks in the world. I don't even know what that is. Oh, party spritz. Compartee is an interesting alcohol because I think it's a bitter or it's a lacour and it's got a weird, routine, earthy taste. It's red, so it looks like coolate. That's why I got into it.

Starting point is 00:18:58 I thought Compartee on ice would be also nice. It's an old commercial, but man, it's fucking like sucking the green giant's dick. It is earthy. What's earthy? It's like it's it's like roots. It's it's not it's not it's not it's oh there's a bitterness and like a or it's just not great. And then someone introduced me to a negroni which is compari and gin and a little soda water and then compari spritz. Compari spritz is compari, praseco and soda water, and like a wine glass,

Starting point is 00:19:29 and it is so enjoyable. It's got so many different profiles to it, where you get the bitterness, but the sweetness of the praseco, and then it flattens it out with the soda water, and it looks like gulade, so I love it. That's one of my favorite drinks, to share in what context.

Starting point is 00:19:46 Oh, you're in Italy and you've been walking around Venice and everyone went their own ways and the whole family comes back together and you meet at a statue and your wife's sweating and she's uncomfortable and your daughters are 16 and 18 and they're like, what are we doing with? What are we doing with rest of the day? And you go, hey guys, it's Europe. Does anyone want to compile Spritz?

Starting point is 00:20:09 And everyone goes, I don't know what that is. And you go, for compile Spritz. Now, it's a minor in alcohol, so it's not gonna like them up. But it gives them a little bit of a buzz where they're like, Dad, these are nice. Island didn't drink hers, so I drank hers. I, Georgia had hers, Leanne had hers,

Starting point is 00:20:22 and we ordered another round. I ordered, and we ordered another round. I ordered and they're fucking refreshing and the buzz is perfect. It's not too much because it's just a little bit of champagne and some compari. It the buzz is perfect and then a couple them and then they kind of disappear and then you just walk around again. That's a great fucking drink. You have a drink alone? and round again. That's a great fucking drink. You have a drink alone. So there's a two kinds of alone. One is alone like at a bar. There's other people, but there's strangers, right? You're kind of like out there. Keep going. Don't walk me through all the alone. And then I'll tell you the rest. There's'll kind of say there's all kinds of, there's a alone on a train,

Starting point is 00:21:06 with transport and stuff. I'm dragging a little lane, yeah. Train and plane. And then there's just a loan in an empty home. Or a hotel room. Hotel, and it's Sunday night. Sunday night. And you're packing your bag and you gotta fly it at 6am.

Starting point is 00:21:20 Yeah. But roadhouses on and you're like, shit. So you get out of the front desk and go, is the bar still open and they go, yeah, can I order something to take to my room? Sure. How about six Heineken's? Six Heineken's. Yeah, my wife wanted one too. She's not up there. You murdered her. And you just say to yourself, just get in six so that if I have four, I just know I have two extra ones and then you go through six and you're like, oh man, I'm not done yet. Dude, I've drank in every and then you go through six and you're like, oh, man, I'm not done yet

Starting point is 00:21:45 Dude, I've drank in every alone scenario you can possibly think of I've drank I've drank a loan in a helicopter with a dude who didn't know I was drinking He was like I'm drinking here and he's like absolutely not and then I poured it in a flask and opened it and drank it He's like dude, we're in a fucking helicopter. You don't think I spelled that? I've the best alone drinking you can ever do. In my opinion, now we're getting to the weeds on it, is alone behind someone's back. What do you mean? Like when they don't know your drinking, but you're drinking.

Starting point is 00:22:16 Like, like, Christmas shopping. And your wife says, all right, let's all split up and you go cool. And it's like, it's like 11 o'clock on a Sunday and they just open that bar by the elevator in the Beverly Center and you just sneak over and you go, hey, man, can I get a double jack on the Ross ox Ross and then like, sure, and you just have it and you just go, let's just and then you're off and then you're like, yeah, and then you just a little sneak one, sneak it, sneak it and then you buzzed and nobody knows and then you're like You've been drinking like to yeah, I'm drinking by myself in a fucking mall. Yeah on Christmas. How sad do you think I am?

Starting point is 00:22:53 And then you go yeah, I am What about mood? You ever drink in a dark place? So I broke I had a chick break up or a chick cheat on me When I was when I came back from Russia and she's something my best friend and I didn't know how to deal with the emotions I had and my buddy, my cosmo, and said, I can tell you of this, if you drink, they go away.

Starting point is 00:23:14 And I went, okay. And that was the first and kind of last time I ever did that because I did it, I've done it, I've done it a couple times, but I try to avoid, I try to avoid if there's a motion going to alcohol. Like meaning, I'd not want to anxiety, but like depression. I kind of sit in the depression, because or anxiety, I lean towards alcohol,

Starting point is 00:23:37 like anxiety, like about flying or, or just like getting worked up over something, but with depression, I try to avoid alcohol and just sit in it. Because I've gone there before, but anxiety's up, I land all the time. But depression, heartbreak, all that, you just sit in the feeling.

Starting point is 00:23:58 Yeah. Heartbreak's a weird one for me. So like the last time I got my heart broken, at Leanne dumped me. We were dating for like four months and she broke up with me. And my instinct was to have a drink. My friends went to this, this,

Starting point is 00:24:11 a Middle Eastern restaurant and I told them what was going on. But of course, like, let's get a cocktail and I was like, I don't want one. I got to figure this out. Cause I want this chick. And if I start drinking, I'll be like, I fuck it. So I got to figure it out.

Starting point is 00:24:23 Like I wonder, I'm gonna find out my dad dies one day. Oh my mom, but my dad will be the rough one. My mom will be equally as rough. My dad and I were really close. And I wonder if, I've thought about this a lot if I'll have a drink dealing with that. Like I think about that a lot. I keep saying everything I get with my dad is extra.

Starting point is 00:24:46 My dad had a 100% blockage in his Widowmaker twice. And both times they saved his life. And he got a stint, I think 12 or 13 years ago, and then he just got a stint this last year. But so everything I get to do, I feel like is extra. And so, he was just at the premiere of my movie and he got to see that and he had a very emotional response. And I got that from him.

Starting point is 00:25:10 And I was like, that's a little ice going to cake. I did, you know, the arena in Tampa was the first time he ever saw me do stand up. That was like a little extra. So all these things I'm getting with them are all extra. So I have, you know, at least 74. So, yeah, that know, I need 74. So Yeah, I that'll be a tough one. Well, at the premiere. He was what proud? Yeah, he came out he was sobbing crying

Starting point is 00:25:34 And he goes, I've underestimated your whole life And I was like, what? And he's like, and he just and he was shaking. He goes, I just underestimated you I didn't know I didn't know you I didn't know you were this, I didn't do whatever, it was really hard to understand them to be honest with you. I don't know, totally what he said. He might as well not like the movie. He's like, I think you were here and what you wanted to hear. What did you learn about life from your father?

Starting point is 00:26:02 It's not gonna make sense. I wanna feel like sometimes I'm like a professional fucking wrestler because all I care about you coming to see me do stand up. So whatever I got to do to get you there, but the number one thing, my one takeaway from that man's humility and I applied, I've applied it in different ways throughout my career. On my 26th birthday, he gave me a really aggressive speech. I was hung over and I thought he was going to say, Happy Birthday. So I picked up the phone and I was like, hey, and he was like, you are a tremendous piece

Starting point is 00:26:36 of shit. And then he broke me off. You have no humility, you have no this, you have no never succeeded anything. You're lying to yourself, you're lying to everyone around you, you're not doing what you're going after your dream. I broke you, I failed you as a father, this and that. I was like, I thought you're gonna wish me happy birthday. And so, in that speech, he told me, if I wanted something, I had to go at it,

Starting point is 00:26:58 and I had to go after it as hard as I could, and I had to do whatever I could, I could do to achieve that. In this case, it was working offering to do anything at the comedy club to get on stage. He told him, I told him that's not how it works. And he said, no, that's how it works for some poor kid from Harlem. Because that kid needs it. He goes, you've grown up with privilege or life, you don't need it. You think you're going to be fine. And so I went and I ended up getting a job at the door, but it was humbling.

Starting point is 00:27:28 It's really like it made me feel uncomfortable. And so that humility is, it's the first time I really understood humility. And I've applied that in many respects, in like getting to be a paid regular at the comedy store that happened late in life for me. Which I think most people would give up and be like, fuck that. I'm already a touring comic, I'm on TV, I don't need that. But it's something I wanted and I knew I wanted, so I just humbly went after it. And then I think I still apply it when it comes to selling tickets or selling a project to fans or even to doing podcasts, I try to be as honest as I can about whatever I'm going through or whatever I'm dealing

Starting point is 00:28:12 with. But when it comes to like selling things, I don't have a problem trying to make fun of myself or get in front of people so that they know that I have a show because the thing I'm good at, the one thing I know I'm good at stand up. And I say that humbly, but like I want them to come there. So like I've heard people make fun of me like before they're like yeah I'm not some clown in a speedo who's going to I'm a real comic and I go okay. But I want them to have my shows and you can be that guy and I'll be this guy. Yeah, the clown and the speedo. Yeah, it's like, what are you gonna do? Funny people make fun of me for taking my shirt off. Like I guess behind my back,

Starting point is 00:28:53 no one ever does it to me. Like no one would ever, comics aren't, comics aren't, comics aren't that manly. Yeah, yeah. But I always go like, I always to like, what do you care? What might, what do you, what do you care? And you love taking a shirt off more than anything. You know, when something becomes meme and becomes super popular, it, it, it becomes easy to not love the thing anymore to get tired of it. You still love it? Well, more than anything.

Starting point is 00:29:25 I like being shirtless, more than having a shirt. I'm very uncomfortable in a shirt. Yeah. Like right now, and I've tactile issues, like I have legit tactile issues. I'm most comfortable in stretchy jeans with a loose fitting belt,

Starting point is 00:29:42 and then these shirts exactly, but I like more like a v-neck. I can feel this on my neck right now and I can feel it on my arms. So I'll sit a certain way because it just rubs me wrong. But you have more comfortable shirtless. I can never wear what you're wearing. Yeah, well this is my shirtless. Each of us have to find our place in this world in terms of fashion. I would love to be able to wear what you wear. Yeah. Because it looks good.

Starting point is 00:30:11 It feels like an escape from convention. But you or me? Both of us. Yeah. Because this, nobody wears this. Unless you work security for somebody. Yeah, but it looks good on you. Doesn't, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:30:24 You know, I think people think we, I don't like they would say like, what, what if you lose weight, you can't take your shirt off anymore? No, I can't take my shirt off. Yeah, if I can add your mind, I'm going to take my shirt off all the time. You mentioned early on hard break after the Russia trip with a girl who slept with your friend. Let's go back to Hemingway quotes The best way to find out if you can trust somebody's to trust them. So to go all in with the trust

Starting point is 00:30:55 I love Hemingway so much Have you been betrayed in your life? Yeah, what do you think about trust? It's an interesting question. I've been betrayed in my professional life a couple times by really close friends. And I'm not someone who can't, like, I have a mantra that, I mean, I don't know if people have heard it or not. I hate sharing it, but it's true.

Starting point is 00:31:28 The mantra is, so you think I'm weak. Like, you think that's my thing, because I feel like people take advantage of me and I go, oh, so you think I'm weak. You forget everyone that, like, and I'm named the people that have betrayed me, I'm a larger man than all of them. And so that's what really fucks with me is I go,

Starting point is 00:31:48 so you think I'm weak? Like where I grew up, when you do stuff, there was physical consequences. I grew up in Florida, like I've been beaten up a bunch. I'm not saying I can fight, but like I'm not scared of getting beaten up. And the times that I've been betrayed, and even like by Ari,

Starting point is 00:32:06 whichever people see that drugging as a betrayal. And I did for a period, but it was only because it was Ari and he was one of my best friends. And me and him had to work through that because I couldn't not love him. Like I couldn't not have him in my life. He means a lot to me. He really does.

Starting point is 00:32:22 He's a great friend to have. But he's also, I don't know what was going on with him at that time, but he made a bad decision, and I had to forgive him for that, because I knew he knew my mantra. I think I'm harder to trust people now. I'm not as apt to trust people at all, but there was a moment,

Starting point is 00:32:41 I don't know if I've ever shared this and I don't know how this will sound, but there was a moment that information got leaked about a thing and all my managers and agents both Tom and my Tom and our managers and agents would like to Separate us or one of us one of them get both of us. It's just more lucrative for them Sure, so they have always kind of pitted us against each other a little bit and they do it suddenly. They'll do it to me and my team and then his team will do it to me and then my team will do it to him

Starting point is 00:33:15 and his team will do it to him. And there was a moment where information got leaked about this thing I was doing and my team was like, just so you know, your boy Tommy is the rat. And I had to, it was the one time, and Leanne said, do you think Tommy would do that? I said, I don't know how faith works. Like I'm not a super religious person, but I will tell you that I believe in Tom, and I don't think he did it.

Starting point is 00:33:43 And I will stand by that ignorantly and And I will and I will ride or die with him because I cannot live in a world where I don't trust him Yeah, if I don't trust him then I am so fucked and And it wasn't him. It wasn't him and it was it's a cool feeling to know that you could like That you could blindly trust someone blindly have faith in someone know that they could like, that you could blindly trust someone, blindly have faith in someone, know that they have your best interest in art. But yeah, it took me a while to get there.

Starting point is 00:34:10 Rogan helped me get there because I wasn't trusting him or Joey or Tommy or anyone. I wasn't trusting anyone. I'd gotten in a bad thing and I just wasn't trusting anybody. Rogan was like, yeah, man, we're trying to be your fucking friend. And I was like, yeah, I don't, I don't need friends. I was like, yeah, man, we're trying to be your fucking friend. And I was like, yeah, I don't need friends. I couldn't understand why Rogan was interested in me. And I said to like, someone I was like, ZGay, like, what's the fuck? And then he was just a nice guy.

Starting point is 00:34:34 He was just a nice guy. He. That'd be hilarious if Joe was sexually attracted to you. This whole time, this whole time, the reason he keeps inviting you back. I would be more excited. I would be more excited. I would be more excited if he tried to kiss me on the lips once, and a Scotty J way from Boogie Nice where he's like, well, do you like my car?

Starting point is 00:34:55 Yeah. You know, nobody would believe that story. No one. If I was Joe, I would kiss dudes all the time. And then when they didn't kiss back, oh, know what I'm never gonna, but no one ever believed you. Yeah, when you trust people like that and they fuck you over, that can really, really, really hurt.

Starting point is 00:35:12 You end up on a treadmill in a hotel room, fighting with them. You fight with them all the time. You fight with them all the time. You fight with them constantly. And I have this thing where I go, I'm a rooming eight on an idea, and I can't get it out of my head,

Starting point is 00:35:29 and I hear the words they say, and I end. So all in your head, on a treadmill, in your head, just fighting. Just fucking fighting, and then, yeah. And then one day you get past it. Like one day you just go, eh, fuck them. I'm not gonna leave you in real estate and then you just forget about them. And then they reach out and they'll try to be a dick

Starting point is 00:35:51 or a bully because they're bullies. They're bullies is what they are. Don't ever forget it. They're fucking bullies. And they got bullied. It's not their fault, they got bullied. And then they try to bully you and you don't have any connection anymore.

Starting point is 00:36:02 And you're like, oh, you can go fuck yourself. You can actually go fuck yourself. You're not my boss. You're not my wife. You don't fuck me. Don't pay me. Get the fuck out of my life. But this kind of mantra of that, you're not weak.

Starting point is 00:36:13 You still want to be able to be fragile to the world and appear weak almost. Why am I am? I mean, that's the problem is I think I am pretty fucking weak. I'm not the strongest dude out there. I have really thin skin. I get my feelings strongest dude out there. I have really thin skin. I get my feelings hurt all the time. Yeah. And so, but like, but it sucks when you watch like your friend see something in you that you go, where can I go?

Starting point is 00:36:37 I have fucking, he's not paying attention. Fuck him. Let's just fucking, let's take his money. You know what? Fuck him. He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Look at me. He's a drunk alcoholic and you go oh no bitch I pay attention like I'm wide awake. I'm here. I'm working my ass off. You're not gonna fucking Well, that's the tough thing about like you and Tom Segura. You're at the top of your game on top of the world some most famous comics in the world and You could see money start to creep in like business decisions. Yeah. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:37:09 It's a tough place. It's really tough. It's really tough. You know, especially as we're growing and I'll tell you what, I don't know how much I'm allowed to say, but I can tell you this. We had a business deal where feelings were getting involved and money was involved and the money was causing the feelings. And one of us said to the other person,

Starting point is 00:37:40 our feelings are more important than the money. So let's just split the money. And it was, and it was, and it was, and it was, it was really like a solid moment where both of us were like, that is how we should run this. Yeah. That's the interesting things with bands.

Starting point is 00:37:58 You have like popular bands that split and even. Yeah. Even though it's clear that the contribution is not even. It's like, there's a frontman and all that kind of stuff. But it's ultimately the right thing to do to say, fuck you to the money for the most part and prioritize the feelings. Yeah, especially because like, I couldn't do it without him. He couldn't do it without me.

Starting point is 00:38:22 We do it separately. We'll have guest bears on. Some will blow up, some won't. You can never figure it out, he couldn't do it without me. We do it separately, we'll have guest bears on. Some will blow up, some won't. You can never figure it out, but when we're together, it does well. And so we need each other for it to work. And we've, you know, like I said, we're on a handshake deal with two bears

Starting point is 00:38:36 and no one likes that. But we're like, hey, I mean, we, I don't like, to the point where I, like, he'll call me and go, yo, we have a deal to do this for X amount are you in and I go yeah I'll check the books. I don't need to I don't I know him. I just know him. Yeah What do you love most about Tom? The we saw a gay couple one time. Mm-hmm. It's a good start and there was one guy was in khakis And one guy was in gene shorts with a python around his neck.

Starting point is 00:39:07 Yeah. And Tom goes, if we were gay, which one would you be? I said, I'm fucking python. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I'm khaki. And I go, really? And he goes, yeah, that's why we work. And he goes, all relations to pythons and khakis.

Starting point is 00:39:18 And I went, really? And he goes, look at you in the end. Who do you think you are going, I'm python? And he goes, she's khaki. And he goes, me and push. I go, oh, she's python. And he goes, and I'm khaki? And he goes, she's khaki. And he goes me and push, I go, oh, she's Python. He goes, and I'm khaki. And he goes, oh, it'll always be khaki. And sometimes I'll have a relationship around the Python,

Starting point is 00:39:31 but it's, I'm usually a khaki. And I was like, yeah, I am a little bit of a lunatic. I'll tell you the, one of the moment that explains me and him that the world will never see. It was just a great moment we got stem cells with Rogan one weekend Yeah, and one day and I'd had surgery my arm and I didn't want to do it I was terrified and Tom just said just come out meet up with this Tom knew he was gonna make me get them and so I got them and he

Starting point is 00:40:00 You know Joe's there and so we're just all talking yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, and Tom can see that I'm spinning out a little bit and I get in the car and you know, Tom's got a poor soul like right next to each other. And I just want to feel if it's swollen and it is a little swollen because I just got an injection. And then in Tom's driving and he's got his hand on the thing,

Starting point is 00:40:21 he just puts his hand on my arm and he goes, you're okay. He's just, he's watching, he knows me so well that he knows that I'm spinning out of control. And he's like, you're okay. And then I was like, and I felt okay. I was like, you're right, I'm okay. What the fuck am I doing? My brain's that brain.

Starting point is 00:40:38 Man, that guy got so much love in him. Dude, he does. He has, you know, he had a fantastic relationship with his dad. And, and, and I think whatever that did, that dude did to create that dude, he hit it out of the fucking park because he has so much love that he doesn't need reciprocated like at all like he can just love and Then he feels good for him to give and to like take care of someone and like you know He started the whole birthday gift thing because and he didn't need to he just was like hey, man I had this bike. I thought you'd like it and then of course I've turned it into a fucking bit

Starting point is 00:41:21 And now we're upside down. I'm 120 upside down on a fucking race car that we can't make our money back on. I love it. What do you love most about Joe Rogan? Oh, that dude. I could go on and on about Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan is the most selfless individual I've ever met. He doesn't care if he has you on the podcast.

Starting point is 00:41:44 He wants you to be the funniest person in the room He wants you to be the smartest person in the room. Let me tell you something Joe Rogan is ten times smarter and funnier than me He wants you to shine. He wants he wants to put you over to his fans He that shit did not exist before he started doing his podcast people didn't share you with their fans No one was like hey man. come on on the road with me. They brought you on the road because they wanted you to suck. And they put you in bad scenarios.

Starting point is 00:42:09 Joe Rogan wanted you to shine. He gave, he gave so many people, beautiful career, gave them careers, gave them. Joe could have looked at his podcast as his thing. This is my thing. I bring on these guys, I'm gonna be the funniest kind of fucking room I know some guys that have done that Might be me might be talking my talk over people not listening really well Joe did the opposite now

Starting point is 00:42:33 I've tried to learn from Joe on my podcast and do the same that guy when you think about it You name ten of his friends. I bet eight of them are doing arenas right now. Mm-hmm They're all doing theaters all his friends theaters, all his friends do theaters, all his friends do theaters. He is just, you know, and he won't accept this compliment. I tried paying it to him in Austin when I was in Austin last night. Well, he's not going to accept in compliments.

Starting point is 00:43:01 I gave him a gift too, and I said, hey, I need to show you. I can't just tell you this because it's going to fall in debt fears. I need to give accept in compliments. I gave him a gift too and I said, hey, I need to show you. I can't just tell you this because it's gonna fall in deaf ears. I need to give you a minute so you have something so you know that I think about you and I'm grateful for having you in my life a lot. For many reasons. I have more friends in my life because of you.

Starting point is 00:43:18 He taught me how to trust people again. I have a career because of you. I have a major motion picture because of you. I do arenas because of you without you in my life. A lot of these things maybe never would have happened. I never would have told the machine on stage. I wouldn't have gotten. I would have never started a podcast. I wouldn't have three podcasts. Like I mean, all these things are things he not just he didn't just take me to the water one time and give me a drink. He gave me a machete and he said, this is how I get to the water.

Starting point is 00:43:46 You got to cut your own path, but just give me your heads up. You can also use my path whenever you want. I mean, he is the most selfless individual. He will go down in history as one of the 10 most important people in the stand-up comedy without a doubt. He changed the game. It didn't exist like this before him and uh and he won't accept that compliment was gift you i can't tell you is that a dildo and there's a dildo the double side of dildo i go

Starting point is 00:44:12 and when you get free time can we says or fuck each other uh you're happily married off for 19 years so i think you're good man to ask how do you ask, how do you find love? How do you find, how do you date in order to find a love of your life, of a lifetime? This is gonna sound off. But don't, don't tie yourself down, meaning like don't spend time fucking with those little mini shrimp and peel them every night when you know you're looking for a lobster. Yeah. Like, and so I think what happens a lot of guys they just, they're so busy and like just getting pussy and going from here to here to here.

Starting point is 00:44:54 I was never that guy. I always wanted, I always wanted to find someone who understood me. I always wanted that. And so, you know, granted I haven't had sex with a lot of chicks, but that's, and it's not by choice. I'm saying like, maybe there was times I would have done it, but I, but I know that I was always looking for someone to figure out, to get me. And then, and then I will say this, when you know, you know, when you know, you know, when you think there's, I can't imagine a life without this person. That happened to me. And I can only say my experience is, I had Leanne. I loved her and I didn't even realize it. And the second she dumped me, I went, oh no, no, no, no. Oh, I don't get to live a great life without her.

Starting point is 00:45:38 She's the thing that's gonna give me a great life. I knew it, undisputed. I went for a run and she dumped me. I went to my shower, I cried. I went to Barnes and Noble. I bought men from Venus, women from Mars. I bought fight club in my closet. I didn't drink.

Starting point is 00:45:52 I did drink a lot of nightquil to sleep. And then I went for a hike in Run You Can. I was running back down outpost by Benaflex House. And the sun was setting. And I just said, God got it if you're listening. Just give me this check back. I'll never fuck it up. This is the one.

Starting point is 00:46:11 I won't fuck it up. I won't cheat. I'm not gonna be a bad dude. I wanna have kids with her. I'll be there. I'll be a great fucking dude. I'll take her out on dates. Like I'll love this chick.

Starting point is 00:46:23 And I got home and she was in my room in a sundress. And I was like, oh, fuck you, I didn't know he was real. I was like, shit man, give me like one more night. Let me get some strange tail real quick before I commit forever. But I think when you know, you know, this is so silly, but I follow that in business. Like when you know, you know,

Starting point is 00:46:42 and like my assistance with us, and someone goes, how do you find a good assistant? Like when you know you know and like my assistance with us and someone goes, how do you how do you find a good assistant? Like when you know you know, like people will show you who they are. I can tell you when I fell in love with my assistant. We were doing a TV show and and and we worked past dinner and all the dinner places were closed and he just said, Hey, I got like four meals. I didn't know which one you want. So I got four different meals for you. I ordered them there up in your room and just let me know whichever you want. I'll take care of the rest of them. And I was like, that dude thinks about other people before himself.

Starting point is 00:47:11 He didn't even get himself in her. He just got me four dinners. And I was like, fuck, I did the same thing with my social media manager. The way she was operating was I was like, I feel like she's thinking about me. And we connected on so many levels, on so many levels, I could talk to her about things and ideas I had. And then I was like, okay, I want her, I want him. I want, I think it's gotta be that thing when you know you know. And it can be so simple as like, like a personal trainer or like a Jiu-Jitsu class

Starting point is 00:47:40 or like, just where you go, oh, I'm connecting right now. But you have to allow yourself to notice that person. You, I think you do. I mean, I think you have to put yourself out there and you have to be available for it. You know, that's the hardest part is just being available for it. Because so many people just want to be busy just dating.

Starting point is 00:48:00 I just want to have someone in my life, I don't want to be bored. I don't want to, what if I die alone? I don't want to, I like, just be available to. What if I die alone? I don't want to I like just be available for it. What does he said peeling the baby shrimp? Yeah, when you could be having a lobster Lobster's still a lot of work. I have to say. Yeah, but what they have but it's lobster This is a fucking baby shrimp or like you ever get to you ever get the ones in Brazil We just go fucking all eat the shell. I don't care anymore

Starting point is 00:48:24 We have so fucking hungry. You just handful of lobster like a popcorn or maybe you remember your popcorn I've done that in Vietnam. I've done that. I just go. It's too much work So when you're in it, what's the secret to a successful marriage? What do we women want? We're a crusher. Oh fuck that's I'm the wrong guy to answer that I think how to make love to a woman by Good question. How do you make love to woman? I'll say how I do it. Yeah I go down on her first Make sure she has an orgasm. Yeah, and then I get my turn and that's over pretty quick

Starting point is 00:49:00 It's like a it's like at your ears pierced. It'll feel a little prick and it's over. Yeah I It's like it's like it your ears pierced. It'll feel a little prick and it's over. I don't know if I've done a great job keeping her happy. I think I keep her interested. Like I think I keep her occupied. Like I'm like a little bit of a rodeo clown. Like I don't know, I mean like I know we're happy right now. I know we're really happy. But I don't know if I ever did as good a job as she did. Like she's always been like, she's always been a gangster.

Starting point is 00:49:39 Like did everything, just does everything. She does it all, she does everything. Like fucking everything and she loves it, she just does it it and then she shows love for you by taking care of you And so like I have a lot of time just been this like almost like stepping repeat husband Where it's like I come in to take a picture like hey money Tuesday. All right. I'm on the road Wednesday Take care guys or like traveling. I'd look for two weeks at a time. I left for the movie for three months so like I don't know that I've ever done take care guys, or like, traveling, I'd loop for two weeks at a time. I left for the movie for three months. So like, I don't know that I've ever done, like, bang up job.

Starting point is 00:50:15 I buy it. Like, I go, I'm in one time as just like, I don't cheat on her. I don't hit her. I don't yell at her. I'm a pretty good fighter. I'm a really good fighter. Like, like, I'm good at like, going like, Hey, we're on the same team. Oh, you mean de-escalation? I'm really good at like, I'm very self, I'm good at like going like, hey, we're on the same team. Oh, you mean de-escalation? I'm really good at like, I'm very self- accountable. I'm very self-correcting. Like if we're in a fight and she points something out and I go, oh, you're right. I go, fuck, you're right about that. You're right. You're totally right.

Starting point is 00:50:36 Oh, in the moment. In the moment I'm really good at that. And my wife's not. She's not a good apologizer. Like, she needs to sleep on an apology. And then she can do it, I can apologize in the moment if I realize I'm wrong, and I'm really quick to find my fault.

Starting point is 00:50:51 I look for my fault, because I go, tell me what I did. It virtually is apparent I have pulled my daughters aside and been like, yo, that wasn't you, that was mom. I'm giving you a heads up. Cause I don't want, cause I got really confused as a kid because my dad always made sure I knew I was wrong.

Starting point is 00:51:11 And sometimes I wasn't. And then as a kid, you kind of fucked up me. Like, well, how do I know if I'm wrong? And I think that raises, so I was really going with my girls going like, go. And then, and then parenting Georgia taught me a lot about self correcting. Self correcting was that?

Starting point is 00:51:24 My oldest. I had only, I parented like my dad parented, And then parenting Georgia taught me a lot about self correcting self correcting was that my oldest And only my parent did like my dad parented like just like raise your voice get up to here That's it. No, that doesn't fuck this. Yeah, how come the dogs don't have goddamn leashes or the colors on their necks? And so with Georgia I had to learn through therapy that if the if the if the consequences here that if the consequence is here and the highest it goes is here, then why the fuck wouldn't they lie and do everything? Because they go, well, I know what it's like to hear, but if you can vary your consequence with a child and find some conversation in it, then all of a sudden they're like, well,

Starting point is 00:51:59 fuck. Well, I don't want to lie because this does suck. I like this. I like where we talking. He says, right, a thousand words on why driving around your kids in a car, kids in a car is bad. So throughout an extreme violence, everyone's analogous. Yeah, let them know the dog can fucking bite. Yeah. The dog can park the dog can bite. But if you're pedamon, it's belly, a wag its tail. Yeah. Uh, do you worry about being a way too much? I mean, you're one of the most

Starting point is 00:52:27 creative content pushers and creators out there. You're just constantly innovating constantly putting stuff out there. But do you worry that pulls you away from like the mundane experience of life? Yeah. They can bring contentment and happiness? Yeah. I feel like sometimes it cannibalizes your real life where you start going, you start thinking in promo videos, or you start looking at a vacation as a bit. We should go zip lining. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:52:54 What, why don't you do, I was shoes you wearing, like, it can definitely cannibalize your life. My wife's really good at going like, no, like no phones. The girls are really good. The girls when I started Instagramming stuff, they started saying stuff like, dad hits mom, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, guys, they're like, no, pick your phone away. Dad, dad less boys, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Yeah. What's, what are some secrets? Where's the wisdom you can say for how to be successful online and all the everything you've learned?

Starting point is 00:53:28 You're kind of like the Mr. Beast of comedy, just innovating constantly in terms of how to promote stuff, in terms of how to present stuff across the different social media, across YouTube, podcasts, all that stuff. I think the number one thing is don't be afraid to suck. No one sees the shit you all this stuff. I think the number one thing is, don't be afraid to suck. No one sees the shit, the sucks. Doesn't give yous. You just guess for God. Yeah, guess for God. The good stuff they remember and then that's all they bring up.

Starting point is 00:53:56 The stuff that sucks just goes away and they're like, oh yeah, did you do that? I don't even think I saw that. Fuck it, who cares? Yeah. It's like, I watched one of my favorite stories about this is a guy named Sean Patton. I was explaining Instagram stories to him and Ari and Mark Norman. I was explaining that you can set now sell tickets on Instagram

Starting point is 00:54:16 stories. It was a, back when they swiped up instead of tap the button, swipe up and they didn't understand it. And I said, let me show you. And I put up tickets for sale. And I said, you know, hey, guys, wipe up. And then I just showed them in 10 minutes. Look, this is not many people swipes up. It's 145 people. It's a lot of people to buy tickets for a fucking comedy club. And they were like, whoa.

Starting point is 00:54:34 And then I go, what do you do? Stories about it. I go, fuck it, anything. Who gives a shit? Just anything. And some things work. Some things don't. And I watch Sean Patton, shout out to Sean Patton,

Starting point is 00:54:44 try for about 15 minutes to do an Instagram story about his cup of tea. He was making cup of tea and he was making any cup of tea. And he was making and he kept going, okay, I want to hold on. I was filming him from the couch. I was filming all these at the whole thing. I filmed every single one of my like 15 different stories

Starting point is 00:55:01 of him trying to do that. I had 145,000 views on each story. He never posted it. He never posted it. And I was like, I was like, man, if he had just posted that one, he never posted anything in his stories. That one 145,000 people would have gone to his story

Starting point is 00:55:16 to see that cup of tea being made and see which one he finally went with. And so sometimes, I think the biggest mistake you can make is just not doing it. Just do it, just post it. Turn the camera on, the idea will show up. And that's the number one thing. Just turn the camera on, and it'll come up.

Starting point is 00:55:30 You'll figure it out. You do multiple takes or no? Maybe I do three. Like, and I'm talking even like in the dance video I did, where I did the hip hop dance, I did two takes on that. When I had the marching band kind of my house, I did two takes on that. Once you start doing more takes, you lose the fun of it, I think. And then the fun ones, I mean, my favorite one I've ever done,

Starting point is 00:55:54 without a doubt, my favorite promo I've ever done, is I needed, they added a second show in some city. And they added a second show like Friday city and uh, and and they added a second show like Friday and Saturday and our third show. And I said, they just told me I was like, fuck, I'm leaving like tomorrow. I need to tell tickets. So I said, real quick girls, meet me outside and lands like girls are doing homework. I go to take five seconds.

Starting point is 00:56:18 I put on a speed. Oh, I got the American flag. I gave I love the hose. I gave land the leaf blow and I give Georgia the drone. I gave Ila the hose. I gave Leanne the leaf blower and I gave Georgia the drone and I just had Georgia drone it back to reveal the leaf blower and the the mist you were seeing was coming from Ila and Leanne. Yeah, I'm in a speed of with American flag I have Bob Seager plan Rambling, Grammling man. Yeah and And That night Larry the cable guy texted me and he goes this is fucking genius.

Starting point is 00:56:45 And I was like it was just and it was just like yo just let's just shoot something who gives a fuck. Like just shoot something just just just say something and and and and put a little just do a little movement into it and and those are my back and that was I used to be I watched a bunch of my promo clips back from back in the day. I used to be really good now it's of my promo clips back from back in the day. I used to be really good. Now it's like, I'm promoting so fucking many things. I'm just like, I'm almost like, I'm exhausted about my promotions. Yeah, because the, you know, the, the world can dry out in terms of ideas. Yeah, and it's like how many times am I going to show a picture of my ass? My ass sells really good.

Starting point is 00:57:18 That's whatever my ass is on Instagram. Fucking million views guaranteed. A million views. You're ass. And, and, and, and, and, and it's a million views. You're ass. And it's an active post. Like people are like, I did the best one I did the other day, was where I superimposed my ass on my front and it just looked beautiful.

Starting point is 00:57:35 No views. I'll say you got reported. Oh, I see. It looked like a front vagina. Oh, is that what it was? Yeah, I think so. But like, put your ass. I'm in a place right now where I am promoting. I'll be promoting this movie. I'll be promoting this movie until it goes to a streamer. I'll be

Starting point is 00:57:55 promoting it shamelessly. I am proud of it. I had a great time shooting it. It's in theaters. It'll be on video on demand. It'll be on a streamer. I'm sure. I don't know, but I'm sure I'm promoting fully loaded my summer festival with 19 different comics. I'm promoting the top soft world tour that starts again this fall. I'm promoting my crews, the fully loaded crews. I'm promoting red rocks. I'm promoting so many things that today was the very first time in my career where I said in January,, I'm gonna take a break. I'm gonna take a break and go like, hey man, let's get your resting heart rate down.

Starting point is 00:58:32 Let's get some sleep. Let's maybe take off like three months from drinking. Like let's just really slow it down. And also not think, when you're thinking in promo all the time, it can be a little exhaust. I mean, you think it's exhausting to look at my feed? It's exhausting to be my feed. I'm my feed. That's less is more. One of the things I know one of the things that inspires me about And this bias made about Rogan, for example, is He almost never does this kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, and the house suddenly does his podcast because you're right less is more How would you do it like once a month? Yeah, no, he does it three times a fucking week. Yeah, let's make more

Starting point is 00:59:15 But more is more is perfect, but for example when he does like a story or something like this. Yeah, he does one take It's kind of shitty this. He does one take. It's kind of shitty. It's the same day. It's the same. It's elk with a bunch of jalapenos, a knife that he had sent to him by a fucking knife maker and him going, look at this, look at this, a trigger smoker. I reverse seared this. This is what's great. Look at this. I'm about to put it in the butter. And like this is grass fed butter. This is an elk really raising my testosterone. Rogan is, it's, you're right. With guys like Rogan Lee does do a story, it's their little precious. Yeah. And as, I don't think he's ever done a second take. I need those stories. No. You have to really admire that. Like,

Starting point is 00:59:59 if the shot is framed poorly, if the audio sucks, doesn't matter. Do you remember when he, If the shot is framed poorly, if the audio sucks, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Do you remember when he, this is like, like I can get in the weeds on Rogan, but and especially when it's Instagram, do you remember when he got his polar plunge and he couldn't sit in a minute?

Starting point is 01:00:13 And then the next day, and then he must have gotten it on the internet bad. Yeah. He must have gotten it bad. The next day, he sat in for 20 minutes and he lowered his core temperature by like two degrees. And it took him like a month to get that back. That is that fucking man.

Starting point is 01:00:29 What an interesting, you know, I told you at the beginning, we were just talking. I like, I really enjoy, I draw inspiration for men. I'm not like you, David Goggins, Cam Haynes, Andrew Heberman or Tom? Heberman, I love fucking, I mean, there's so many guys like that Rogan, you know, Tim Kennedy, like there are a lot of guys that are like, just very different men than me, and I love Jocke Willnik.

Starting point is 01:00:59 Like I love reading their stuff, or listening to their audiobooks or watching their podcast because I'm so not like that. But that for me when I add a little bit of that in my life, I remember you went, I don't know what you were doing, but you were walking us through your day. And it was so fascinating. It was like, I ran eight miles today. I listened to an audiobook, I was running eight

Starting point is 01:01:27 miles and then I came and I worked for about three hours straight on AI stuff and I'm like, and I was like, you sat at a desk? You sat at a desk and I actually, I wouldn't even know what to do. I was start doing crafts. I was like, is your computer like? Have you set for like four hours focused on a single task? Me? No. Oh, I'm sleeping for four hours. I don't have that.

Starting point is 01:02:01 I don't have a brain that like, I really admired it when I listened to you do it because then you were like, you were fasting at the time, you're doing your fast and then you talk about what you ate. And I was jealous, I wanted to be able to be like that. And I think at that time we started, I think you're doing maybe bone broth or something. And we started doing bone broth pretty religiously

Starting point is 01:02:22 and adding that into a fast because I was like, it does for someone like me, it does feel cool to add a little bit of control into life. So integrating a little bit of a way of being from another person that you're not like. Yeah, like so, so David Goggins is consistently pushing himself.

Starting point is 01:02:41 I love, I did it over the pandemic more, but I love to go in today. I'm running a marathon. I'm going to get on the treadmill and it's not going to be all at once. But I'm going to get through a marathon today. So let's get up, give us six months from coffee. Let's see if we can be like five miles and then know that we started there. And that was really fun. Two, two, two, two, like, um, Cam Haines does that too, where he goes like, he almost just sets the limit and then achieves that. His son Truitt is really fascinating, because his son Truitt's right now is trying to get the,

Starting point is 01:03:14 and like I bet people would never think that this is why I watch, but I get real inspiration from those people because I showed Jaco, I should have clipped to Jaco to Eilah, because Eilah's like me, like a person of her fluids, impulse, I walked in on her one time, she was in the pantry, in a bathrobe,

Starting point is 01:03:36 in the dark, drinking the root beer. Yeah. And I opened the door and she went, I said what? She goes, I thought your mom shut the door and I shut the door to let her finish the root beer. It says a hard time waking up. So I look him in here. I want you to see this clip from Jocco. She goes, who's Jocco? I say he's a Navy seal. She goes, he works at the zoo. I went, no. He said, maybe fucking seal. I go, it's a badass job. She goes, it's a silly name. And I went, no, it's not, it is

Starting point is 01:04:03 an a silly name. These guys are the toughest dudes in the job. She goes, it's a silly name. And I went, no, it's not, it is an a silly name. These guys are the toughest dudes in the world. She goes, she's kind of right though about the silly name. I never even realized that. Well, yeah, he talked to a child. Yeah. And so I go, watch this, what he says about waking up. So it hits the thing and the doctor goes, first thing you do when you hear that alarm clock, you could roll over,

Starting point is 01:04:20 you could go back to bed, you could hit snooze, but you get out of bed. And that's your first victory. And I let his pause. And she goes, how great is that nap right after you hit snooze though? It is pretty funny. You're missing the point. You're missing this whole speech. He's with Casey Neistat when he's telling this speech. He's with Casey Neistat. So I hit it and then he goes, and then you've got a victory under your belt. Then you go to the gym and you work out and I go, you listen to this Ila and she goes, yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:44 And he goes, then when you go to the work, then you've got two victory under your belt, then you go to the gym and you work out and I go, you listen to this island, she goes, yeah. And he goes, then when you go to the work, then you've got two victories, you've worked out and you've woken up on time, you didn't hit that snooze button. So when you go into that break room and you see Donas and she hits the ball and she goes, if he's about to say no to Donas, I'm done listening. I go, he's definitely gonna say no to Donas. Do you think he's gonna have a donut and she goes,

Starting point is 01:05:01 you like this guy, I go, I fucking love him. And she goes, do you think he's like you? And I go, what do you mean? She goes, dad, you hit snooze, you skip working out and you love donuts. And I'm like,

Starting point is 01:05:11 yeah, you're making a good fucking point. I go, but I do love that, like I love to watch that brain work and go like, like I don't, I don't hit snooze. Like I don't hit snooze now, I go fuck it,

Starting point is 01:05:26 cause I'm up. But I, and then, and then I go to the gym every single morning, I go to the gym every single morning and today is National Dona day. I didn't have a donut. And so like I, I like try, I like try to apply these a little bit cause I, I mean, the other side of me is like,

Starting point is 01:05:39 tonight after we do this, I'll do another podcast and then I'm gonna call the end and go yo, we're in Beverly Hills, meet me out here. Let's go have drinks, let's go have fucking couple, come party spritz. I was over friends housing overnight, let's get some edibles and let's fucking have a night about it, get some sushi, go have sex in the hot tub

Starting point is 01:05:57 and I gotta work out at fucking time in the morning. I gotta tell you that nap, let me press snooze. It's the sweetest. That's my victory, first victory is pressing snooze and getting the nap out of the belt. Have you ever had, I had, so this morning, I didn't work out.

Starting point is 01:06:15 I'd press like five in the morning until about six. You're going hard right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm moving. And then I had a hot, I saw you flew to Austin. I was like, what? Huh, what? Just run around theaters and I you're back. Yeah, run around theaters to do to promote the movie and then look, you only get one shot at these movies. So you might as well do you and look, it's really hard to get people to go to a movie theater right now. And so I woke up at like six did five or six to seven did press

Starting point is 01:06:47 And then I went and I said and I'm really into a podcast history podcast right now And I was listening this one about the conquistadors and I was and I was like When I woke up. I was like I wouldn't mind going back to that. I said I'll tell you what I'm gonna take a little nap and Go now I slept good last night, I slept like seven hours last night. Boy, that 30 minute nap, it felt like five hours, and I woke up going, I gotta read you just my sleep score,

Starting point is 01:07:17 that has to be in the 97, that's the best fucking nap. Those little snooze naps are monsters. You know, I don't care. That's probably for me. One of the peak experiences of life is those naps. I don't know what that is. Have you ever slept in a tour bus? A tour bus versus a regular bus. Like a tour bus, like meaning like, it was in a bunk. No. I think in a lot of buses in my life though. Like just like a great. Those are very different.

Starting point is 01:07:49 And people put the pocket. Listen, Dave. It's just part of our life and a Greyhound. I was on a Greyhound one time. It's on the Greyhound one time. Right. When notorious B.I.G.s album came out in college. And I was going from Tallahassee down to Tampa.

Starting point is 01:08:05 And the dude got on the bus next to me, black dude, and he sat down, he said, where you headed? And I said, Tampa. He said, you grew up in Tampa. I said, yeah, I said, you know, yeah. I said, you go to school of fam, and it goes with fam you and for say, the two schools went to black ones white. And he goes, no, he's got a prison.

Starting point is 01:08:23 I said, you got a prison. And he goes, yeah, yeah, man, I got a prison. I stabbed the dude and I've been prison. I just got out today because what you listening to, I said, notorious, bi g and he goes, oh, shit, that's out. And I went, yeah, and he goes, I want to hear it. Can I hear it? And I was like, yeah. And he used my headsets to the whole bus ride to Tampa.

Starting point is 01:08:45 I didn't have the bus, like he stabbed a man. There he is now in the cast and then I just sat next to him and I was like, is he enjoying it? He's like, this is good. No, tour bus naps. Yeah. When you're in a bunk, it's ice cold. Bus isn't moving, five o'clock.

Starting point is 01:09:00 You got, like we work out from like up until like five o'clock, five thirty show starts at seven, but that five o'clock five thirty show starts at seven But that five o'clock to six six thirty nap It's pitch black. It's like a coffin and it is ice cold and you got all your pillows and blankets in there And you put a little history podcast on in the corner and just listen to like Kurt Mimbashi or like oh my god. So you're talking about like 5 6 p.m. for a 7 p.m. show The best nap you'll ever have you wake up So refreshed. Yeah, like I've woken up from naps like where I'm like

Starting point is 01:09:36 Fuck yeah, like there are those those tour bus naps are the best naps. I think having a full productive day Mm-hmm and then like 5 6 p.m. you do a nap, and then you do something really stressful after that, like really hyper, like a show, but I really like doing podcasts late at night after a nap. I think I fucked up my podcast rhythm, because we're doing them in the day. And so sometimes I'm just like,

Starting point is 01:10:04 like if I work out the morning I'm gonna go to a podcast, but if I don't work out I suck on a podcast. I'm just like, uh-huh Yeah, yeah, that's cool. No, I I'm My favorite is I used to do this a lot. I haven't done it in a while is Full busy day nap at home while is a full busy day nap at home, box a wine on the treadmill, and do that until midnight watching TV, box a wine. Box a wine on a treadmill.

Starting point is 01:10:34 It's the best. How are you sipping it, Jake? You have a glass, but you have a box, the box fits on the corner on the treadmill, so you've got a little spik it, and you sit there and just put on guys' grocery games or like just something, just like a walk. You walk in or are you running?

Starting point is 01:10:47 I walk. I walk in like a three, five. So what will happen is if you started a three, started a three, casual walk, 20 minutes of getting a mile in and then you're gonna feel loose. Get up to a three, five. You can do seven miles on these things and just enjoy your night. Especially like my wife back in the day

Starting point is 01:11:04 when we lived in our old house, my wife would come into the man cave and she'd sit on the couch and we watched TV together. And like watch Game of Thrones, and you just like for an hour and you just get on the treadmill and do it. Oh man, I loved having done that as much lately, that was the fucking thing.

Starting point is 01:11:18 You're gonna lose yourself, you're gonna forget yourself. You forget you're on a treadmill, and you just are like walking and you're sweating, and you're having wine, and then at certain points, you're on a treadmill and you just are like walking and you're sweating and you're having wine and then certain points you like Like you like you start jogging especially like are we watching Not all quiet on the restaurant front. What's the one where they've got a they've got to get the message to the front line I would run like I was in World War II. Yeah, I have a run when they would run, and it was fucking awesome. And I would be like, because they were doing drinks.

Starting point is 01:11:47 I'd be like, take a drink, you got to run up there, and be like, okay, yeah, I'm really into history podcasts right now. Like I've been in them for a while. 20th century or everything. Everything, everything. I listened to, was it Marcus Relius and Cleopatra today? Mill of podcasts are like, you know, just you know, Cleopatra was in his hot as everyone says.

Starting point is 01:12:11 I was like, why are you saying that? You have to tell me she's a sick, she looks like snooki. Like why let me, let me dream that she looks like Kim Kardashian. Yeah. And then I listened to that one today. I listened to World War II a lot. Oh, a lot of books on World War II a lot. Oh. A lot of books on World War II, a lot of podcasts about it.

Starting point is 01:12:28 What's your favorite theater, the Pacific or European? No, European. Pacific, well, because my family's so much of it has died in that theater. So, it's so much of it. I hate to sound cliche, like a Martin Schwarz-Stig in an 80s movie, but it's personal. We don't have fun funny about that. Yeah. Is Lenin. It was Lenin, right? Uh, John Lenin. No,

Starting point is 01:12:52 no, no, was it Lenin was World War II, right? Or was it Stalin? Stalin. Stalin. Stalin. Yeah. Stalin thought him and Hitler would be friends. Yeah. I think that's so cute that he was like, we're gonna be buddies. Yeah. Like we're boys. Yeah. And then he was like, we're going to be buddies. Yeah. Like we're boys. Yeah. And then Hitler was like, Oh, fuck you. I'm Hitler, bro. This is what I do. Well, first he was like, fuck yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll be friends. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Hey, then call me. Call me. Better yet, I'll show up in winter. How's that sound? Yeah. That uh, that uh, I find that I find all of that so fascinating. When I was a kid, I had a hard time understanding how,

Starting point is 01:13:27 because we were always at war with Russia, when I was a kid, and I had a hard time understanding how we could be on the same team as Russia in World War II. And I was like, wait, how did that turn South? And then you hit the Senate podcast. Yeah, all of that, all of that, like, all of the World War II, I got really into the Pacific shit for a while, but I'm really deep in the whole, we went to Normandy

Starting point is 01:13:56 from the cliffs of Dover and to think, so that's the fucking beach, that's the fucking beach. Oh shit, this is cold as fuck. These dudes jumped in ice cold water. And this isn't like a cool beach like this is and it's just so insane to and then to see like the that it's pretty intense. I don't know why I got into history late in life. I wasn't I was kind of into into it But I'm really into it now and I love just learning a little something about You know today was I listened to like the Noise or has a great history stuff. It's like history for dummies. I think like I get to I can't listen to the really smart stuff Starts losing me too many names. I'm gone. Yeah. Well Dan Collins always the best

Starting point is 01:14:44 Your podcast with Dan Carlin? Yeah. Was so fucking good. He is, I mean, I only know about Martin Luther because of Dan Carlin. I only know, like I would have, I made a joke about some Lutheran the other day. And everyone laughed and I was like,

Starting point is 01:15:01 did you guys listen to the same podcast I did? Because I just am quoting Dan Carlin I that put his podcast. I mean we all quoted the same shit about Genghis Khan About how he could shoot a dove off a horseback But we knew that all four hoofs had to be off the ground at the same time they shot They would sometimes take their meat and stick it under their saddles. And that, I mean, Dan Carlin is, he is the mother fucker. Yeah. God, those were

Starting point is 01:15:33 man discovering podcasts was the coolest time of my life. And the interesting thing about him is is audio and so it's the voice. So for me, I mean, everybody has a story with a prostitute in a motel. Dan Carlin was my prostitute in the motel. I invited him to a motel. I don't even remember in the middle of nowhere. He shows up with that voice and the rest of the rest is history. So good. Things they'll never know what happened to you. Oh boy, did he like, no, I'm really running with the, yeah. Yes, we did. We got along.

Starting point is 01:16:08 I mean, he's an incredibly kind and thoughtful person, constantly self-critical thinking he's not good enough. He just works on those episodes forever, forever. And he just thinks that there's these, just like with Goggins, there's these other historians that I think like way on him. Like they're going to judge him or something like this in his mind. I talked about, I talked to them, but then you're Italian. And I guess his thing is, I guess his, his hang up is carlens is, he's not,

Starting point is 01:16:40 he's not like this. Like he doesn't feel like he's a real historian, but he is. I mean, it's the way he shares the story. Look, we had a history teacher in 7th grade who was a con artist. And he came into our 7th grade and it was told con artist. All he taught us about was barnstorming. Barnstorming and the JFK assassination. I walked away having such an appreciation for barnstorming,

Starting point is 01:17:03 a very small blip on Americana. I know a lot about barnstorming because of this guy and he was passionate about barnstorming. It was a fun to say. It's something great history, class, I'll overtake my entire life. You mentioned tour bus. What's the best road trip you've been on? Have you driven across the country just you? No. We had one road trip in college where a bar had burned down and we found out that the alcohol

Starting point is 01:17:33 was still in the bar. Yeah. So we took my jettah over to the bar and we emptied out the bar of all the burnt up liquor. We didn't know what anything was. We threw it into the trunk with no clothes, like no clothes. When we said, let's just start driving. And we drove from Tallahassee and ended up in West Virginia and just drove. Just drove. It was like five dudes. We drank

Starting point is 01:17:59 one person drove. I wasn't a big drinker in college until I went to Russia. And so I drove the majority of the way and then we'd get somewhere and we'd get a hotel room. And it was one of the most epic fucking weekends of just debauchery in chaos. And I think we took mushrooms and we went down a river in tubes. So it's mostly about the bond between the five people

Starting point is 01:18:27 versus throwing yourself into meeting strangers in this kind of stuff. Yeah, it was when I was trying to be a poet at that time. And so we were actual poetry. Yeah, it was a really bad part of my life. Well, you were like, is music is there too somewhere? Yeah, I tried to be a band too. That didn't work out the way I wanted it to.

Starting point is 01:18:46 I just was never, I was never the, I'm not a good serious person. Like I'm a good, funny person. I'm good to be the fool, but I'm not good when I try to be serious, it looks foolish. And so even like, you know, someone said, showed me throwing out the first pitch the other day as something and all I could see is my gut flying everywhere and I was like that's why it went viral. I was like fuck I thought it was my throwing style. That was a pretty epic one. The best road trips I ever took was during the pandemic. During the pandemic when we were when we would we're doing that driving movie theater tour.

Starting point is 01:19:20 I created a driving movie theater tour when no one was working and the very first one we all know and had left our houses we all went to my house we got my tour bus. We just wrapped the day the tour bus showed up we just wrapped the cabin just wrapped doing the cabin on Netflix and we got covid tested we got in the tour bus and we said let's create our bubble and stay safe. And that night we drove, I think just outside, uh, gallop and we stayed in a, and we know and have been outside and we stayed at a, at a, at a, a, a K-O-A camp on arrival and we watched thunderstorms come in on a lake and we were all smoking cigars and drinking IPAs and and it was fucking Matt and that whole road trip we road trip across the country to start the tours and then we just and we were outside for the first time when we were and it was that period of my life I'm so grateful I didn't make a ton of

Starting point is 01:20:19 money because we had a big crew and I've made sure I was trying to make sure everyone because no one had paid bills in a while. But that fucking tour was the funnest. We took up pickle ball. We took up disc golf. Everything was wide open in the middle of the country. You could do things, but we were still in our bubble and we lived in that tour bus. And at night, we just get back in the tour bus by ourselves and get fucking wasted. And, and I mean, that fucking run, it'll nothing will ever be like that. Yeah, because you like rediscovered the humanity, the camaraderie, because the pandemic kind of killed that.

Starting point is 01:20:56 At least suffocated us from like the basic connection. Yeah, and there was this, you always had an anxiety attack halfway through that you got COVID. And this one, you know, COVID was killing people. And you were like, I know I've got COVID. And then, and then we'd come in to Sedona. And this was also why I didn't make a ton of money. We'd come in to Sedona and we'd get a house in Sedona for five days at Airbnb.

Starting point is 01:21:19 And we'd all isolate there before we went home to our families. Yeah. I remember, I remember the first time we did it, we didn't isolate, we just pulled back into LA and all our families were freaked out. So I had to stay, I live on the tour bus in a different house. And it was 4th of July and I came in

Starting point is 01:21:37 and they were doing an egg toss. And they're like, well, you can do an egg toss. Didn't know this stuff had my anxiety gets. You can do an egg toss with a daughter, Ila. So Ila and I did an egg toss and we fucking got it to like legit like 40 fucking feet where I was throwing overhand

Starting point is 01:21:51 lobbing them to her and The egg cracked in her hands and it broke over her face and I got in bed that night high-on weed Fucking drunk and I went what if I gave my daughter COVID from an egg toss I go that would be the most horrific way to kill a child. And she got from an egg toss and broken her face or dad did COVID. Yeah. I mean, that's the scariest thing about COVID. I think is not you dying, but because of you, somebody else dies.

Starting point is 01:22:20 Oh, I got it. That's the fear I think that really like took hold on people. That's why they're they were Wait more cautious than perhaps they needed to be just like I don't want to be the guy that's responsible for killing somebody I love or somebody that somebody else loves But Leanne gave everyone in our family COVID She came up to me and she gave me a hug. Yeah, after Christmas She came up to me and she gave me a hug. Yeah. After Christmas.

Starting point is 01:22:46 And it gives me a hug. So what's the matter? She goes, I think I have COVID. I go bitch, 60. Fuck you doing. Back it up Fauci, like fucking. And then she, we went, we went to, oh, and then she had it and it went away.

Starting point is 01:22:59 And we're all fine. And we're like, okay, we're still going to Park City. So we all go to Park City, then George gets COVID. And then George starts crying. And she okay, we're still gonna park city. So we all gonna park city, then Georgia gets COVID. And then Georgia starts crying and she goes, I think I gave you COVID, and I was like, I'm fine, she goes, you're in high risk. And I'm like, when she's like, you're a fat alcohol, like I'm like, whoa, easy, where the fuck,

Starting point is 01:23:14 what about feelings? And then Georgia got COVID. Me and I live were still in park city. Leanne and Hadid, my tour bus came up, picked Georgia up. Georgia and Leanne took him back to LA, and I went, I went out of there, and I tested, and then we get on the up, pick George up, George the land took him back to LA and I was island I were there and I tested and then we get on the plane and I cough and I was got a mask on I just looks at me, you know, the best. The one thing we missed are the eyes over masks, the the the yeah and then we get home and I had COVID and I was like, if you gave me fucking COVID

Starting point is 01:23:41 and then she never got COVID, she never got COVID. fucking COVID. And then she never got COVID, she never got COVID. You mentioned IPAs, what's the lay of the land of great beers in this expansive world of ours? I like Pilsners, I'm a Pilsner guy, I'm an ice cold beer guy. I called Pilsner, I like a ice cold beer, I like an ice cold one of the best beer buses I ever had is we had bought a new house but we weren't building it and over COVID I didn't drink for like three months, four months until we decided

Starting point is 01:24:13 to go back out on tour and we figured that out and I was in the backyard and Leanne came back with like two tall boy German pilsners and cracked them, she goes to some beer and I was like, fuck yeah. and crack them, she goes to have a beer and I was like, fuck yeah. And man, that second, that beer buzz is different than anything. So second it touches you, you feel the sparkle and you're just like, yeah baby, I'm back. And then she's like, you want another one? I'm like, fuck yeah.

Starting point is 01:24:40 And then we have another one. And then that beer buzz is especially afternoon beer buzz. It's just so pretty It's different than a night beer buzz a night beer buzz is like, I guess we'll have a beer and then a couple I gotta Work tomorrow. All right, but that afternoon irresponsible beer buzz. Yeah Pills there. Pills there. There's I don't mind an IPA, but it's gotta be added. It's got it I got to be at somewhere. I got to be at somewhere. I got to have an IP like I like a local IPA but it's gotta be at somewhere. I gotta be at somewhere. They gotta have a local IPA. It's gotta be food involved. And then I'm enjoying an IPA.

Starting point is 01:25:11 I threw up an IPA in a bathtub in Salt Lake City one time. What do you mean? Oh, you threw up in the bathtub, okay. No, no, no, I was drinking in the bathtub. Like, bathtub with some water in there. No, no, no, no, no. You're sitting in the bathtub? Like, bathtub was some water in there. No, no, no, no. You're sitting in a bathtub? No, I'm getting ready to take a shower.

Starting point is 01:25:28 And I had a grower of IPA. It's about six in the morning. I have to fly that day to Vegas to jump off the stratosphere. Yeah. All I need is a little bit of a buzz to get myself on this fucking plane. I have anxiety going through my fucking head because I'm jumping under the first person

Starting point is 01:25:43 to jump off the stratosphere. And so I'm drinking an IPA out of a growler and a bathtub at six in the morning. And it just didn't sit right. And I threw it up. And I was off IPA's for like 10 fucking years. I didn't have another IPA until I was like 46 because I was like all I could think about was throwing up that IPA in a bathtub in a shower and being like, I mean, I'm gonna throw up thinking about it. But I didn't fuck with IPAs for a while and then during the pandemic, I got it. I got back in IPAs. I was that way with Jack and Coke, Jack Daniels and Coke.

Starting point is 01:26:17 Really? That's so drunk many, many years ago that just couldn't look at it. I can't touch. I can't touch what's Janice Chaplin's drink, Southern comfort. I can't touch Southern comfort. She just drinks it straight. Well, Southern comfort is that 40%.

Starting point is 01:26:34 That's hard. No, it's almost like a decor. Honestly, it's really sweet. Jack, I double jack on the rocks, lots of rocks. I had a quote that I got a video that was viral about I'll never quit drinking. Yeah. And I have not gotten on a plane since that

Starting point is 01:26:50 without having a flight attendant, not even asked what I want. Walk up with a double jack on the rocks lots of rocks. I mean, it happens. So on times I don't want to drink. Yeah. And I flew to Austin the other day, I was like, I'm not drinking on the plane.

Starting point is 01:27:02 What could I felt sick? Yeah. And man, he walked up and he goes, double jack on the rocks lots of rocks. I was like, I'm gonna drink in on the plane. What could I felt sick? Yeah. And man, he walked up and he goes, double jack on the rocks, rocks, rocks. I was like, fuck, you know it. Yeah. But yeah, that's my drink. Uh, uh, wait, what's your drink?

Starting point is 01:27:14 I thought you'd be a vodka guy. Well, uh, vodka I associate with a lot of moments in my life of happiness because vodka is associated with shots and camaraderie. And there's the Eastern Europe in general. A bunch of guys get together and you celebrate life intensely. People fight, people just feel. People experience life in a deep way. You just get too drunk for like for a reason. But I don't see that as like

Starting point is 01:27:48 drinking drinking. That's like a journey towards a destination. It's like to me drinking is like whiskey neat or beer. Like you said, ice cold beer. There's that afternoon beer like for a person like me who's extremely regimented and disciplined. Sometimes you get the situation. I just remember, I mean, just I remember there's a bar at MIT where I just remember in the afternoon there was like a business meeting and I said, don't, we just started with a beer and they're like really crisply cold, some kind of logger. And then just one beer and two beers and all of a sudden you say,

Starting point is 01:28:25 fuck it. Bless you. Just the rest of the day, this is what this is and you said, bright, like you just like and just nature is beautiful out there and you just said, fuck it to all the meetings, fuck it to everything else. Just the camaraderie that is just talking about life, being silly, being all of that. See that, see, you're describing something I'll never get, because I'm not regimented.

Starting point is 01:28:51 I would love, I would love, I would love, I only for the moment that you get to have, you get the most precious little angel's breath that anyone's gonna get, because you live this life that's dialed in and it's scheduled. And so when you say fuck it, it's like, that's like me doing coke. Like it's like, oh fuck it. And you can just do that with beer. That is fucking amazing. I would love to live a regimented life just to get the chance to go, hey guys, I'm not performing surgery today.

Starting point is 01:29:25 Fuck it. Hey guys, this bus full of kids, kids got to drive itself home, fuck it. I couldn't even, I couldn't even tell you, you know, it's so interesting about me and yours, like, you know I'm a fan of yours? I couldn't even, I don't really know what AI is. Like, other than like, Dildo's a AI, right?

Starting point is 01:29:45 Like, if I had some electronics in it. Yeah, I was having electronics. No, I don't think Dildo classifies this a robot. Because I thought that's how they were gonna take over fucking mankind. Just, well they start with the fucking womanizer that knows how to eat a pussy and then they're like, we don't need men anymore.

Starting point is 01:30:02 But like, it's so interesting that I couldn't even, like I can barely tell you what my dad does for living. He's a lawyer, I could kind of, like he's called me and say, hey man, you guys stop talking about what I do because you're not doing it right. I go, what do you mean? It's like, what are you saying I do?

Starting point is 01:30:15 I don't do. And so, but like I couldn't even begin to explain your job to my daughter. Well, I think there's the way you do the job, which is the way you experience life, the regimented, just even just a 95 job, right? You're up for your work, 9 to 5? No, but I work much more than that.

Starting point is 01:30:36 But there's no, every kind of lifestyle has its complexities. I think 9 to 5 means you have to wake up at a certain time every day. Do people tell you to pull it back and then I can't you're working too hard? Yeah, a lot of people. What I want in my life, what I love in my life, especially people close to me are the ones that say work harder because everybody... How do you get them? How do you get them? I don't have anyone there my life that does. Everybody's always worried about me. Everyone's worried about me. Everyone's always worried about me. The only thing worried about me. Everyone's always worried about me.

Starting point is 01:31:06 The only thing I've known ever says, if I showed you my DMs right now, my text, all this is like, hey, I'm not worried about you. Like Joe, I love Joe the death. Not once has he always, I don't know if you've seen the caring Joe eyes where I'm worried about you. Where it's like,

Starting point is 01:31:26 you're like, man, don't do that. He's like, I'm worried about you. Where it's like, you're like, man, don't do that. He's like, I'm worried about you. And you're like, don't fucking worry about me. I'm working. I'm just working. I love working. I love what I do. I love what I do.

Starting point is 01:31:36 I can only imagine that you love what you do as much as I love what I do. Because that's all I ever wanna think about. It's all I ever wanna talk about. It's all I ever wanna be like, I, when my wife wants me to take August and whatever the, August, whatever the fuck I'm having fun with.

Starting point is 01:31:52 That's, that's all I've done. No, but like July and August off after we do fully loaded. And I was like, no, I was like, what do you mean? Like, we're still like, what I'll just, what am I like, sit no chair and stuff? Signal, you can do, like, take up a hobby. I go writing jokes. Can I get on stage?

Starting point is 01:32:09 Can I do sets in the city? Because I'm not gonna fucking, do you want me to like, like, I don't understand what, I don't understand people who don't, I don't understand people who don't have the drive to work all the time. I don't understand that. I envy it.

Starting point is 01:32:20 I envy it because I go, I would love to just be like, I'm gonna play video games. I can't play a video game. If I did on Twitch trying to make money, like I love, how do you find someone who goes, you need to work harder? Yeah, especially when they see, like I don't know what you look like,

Starting point is 01:32:36 but I look tormented when I'm working very hard. Like it means, like it's easy to worry for my well-being. It's not like I'm happy, go lucky, but I'm happy underneath it. My working too hard is like on a plane every other day or every day, getting up at six working out and then going into like two in the morning, or one in the morning and then going to sleep and then getting up at six working out, getting on a plane, going to another place. Like that's what my working is just a lot of travel in mine.

Starting point is 01:33:08 If I didn't drink on planes, I don't think anyone would probably worry about me at all. They'd be like, no, you're doing great. The working out is there. So I got to ask you, because you and I seem to have a similar relationship with the running. I like this idea of slow treadmill. I like running slow. Yeah. You know, like a 10 minute mile or something like this. So

Starting point is 01:33:27 I'll just run forever. Just listen to an audiobook, listen to Brown Noise, think. I love it. What's Brown Noise? It's actually Brownian Noise, but short, Brown Noise. It's kind of like white noise, but deeper. So it's just noise like that. Oh, wow. it kind of sounds like a waterfall. I'll just listen to it and something happens to me I think there's it you can ask a human about this I don't but apparently there's some science it kind of focuses the mind and so on It's funny because I think sometimes with people don't get about running is they go They get on and they put it on like a six right away, on like a treadmill, and they go, I can't do this for fucking 30 minutes,

Starting point is 01:34:07 but you can, if you build yourself up to your six, and you play games, I play games with myself a lot. Like I'll play games where I go, and I can do this, I can do this, I can do this almost, not all day long, but I can do this a lot longer, like I did it for two hours the other day, before my workout, or no hour and a half before my workout,

Starting point is 01:34:26 where I started a 3.5 walking. And then I get my jog up to like a five and then I'm like 5.5. Then I go six and then I go and once I'm in a six, my body's really loose. And so then I go, all right, bring it down to a 3.5. And then I go punch it to a 7.5 for a quarter of a mile. And then let's walk at a four, let's jog to a 3.5 and then I go punch it to a 7.5 for a quarter of a mile and then let's walk at a four Let's jog at a five. I can do that. I love the called Fartlets I think and I love those like where they it's like it's

Starting point is 01:34:56 Regiment and running and sprinting at certain levels. I love that and I love also when I work out to listen to music But put on foreign language cooking shows on Netflix. Can you explain that? They just put it on mute. You don't need to hear it. For some reason, they're sexier, the way they're shot, they're sexier. Yeah. And it's like street food Asia. And they're just watching them make street food in Asia. There's one called broth. It's called broth, the nation of broth. And they're just making broths. And you're like, fuck, what's some broth. So this is South America's Asia, South America Asia. They do one on pizzas. I've watched this one on pizzas that I've watched it.

Starting point is 01:35:33 There's like four episodes. I've watched every episode so many times that my trainer goes, God, that's that fucking I watch that again. Yeah. I love watching foreign language cooking shows on mute when I work out while blasting music. I'll blast it. See Darren. All right. Why use your run outside? But I do. Oh, I can't think. I don't mind hiking. And I like I do like you know what my fun thing the fun thing I would do. And this is a

Starting point is 01:36:00 This is ripped off totally from campaigns. Is I like to go But this is ripped off totally from camhains. Is I like to go, there's a great hike called Framing Canyon out in the valley where I live. And I'd be like, all right, I'm going to run to Framing Canyon. I'm going to jog to Framing Canyon. I'm going to hike Framing Canyon and then I'm going to jog back. And they were wondering how long that is. And they were going to think about it. Just know that that's your thing.

Starting point is 01:36:23 Just know that that's your thing. And then I'll suddenly, you're like, shit, that was eight miles. You're Just know that that's your thing. Just know that that's your thing. And then I'll suddenly like shit That was eight miles. You're like that's a fucking beast. The hike doesn't even feel like anything The hike once you do the jogs the hard part there the jog home is a fucking cakewalk. I had the best jog when I was in Serbia I had the best jog. I think it was in the hide park. I think the name of the park's hide park It was get this it was 80% hide park, I think the name of the park's hide park. It was, get this, it was 80% downhill. Wow. So this jog, you started the park and it was like, and I'll do it like this for you.

Starting point is 01:36:52 You went like downhill like this, downhill like this, downhill like this. And then it was like a little steep incline to get to the beginning of it. So it was like a little like nice like lower back pain, you're like, okay, okay, and then the jog was perfect. And you did it four times, it was four miles. I loved it. My very first day I did it. A butterfly got in front of me.

Starting point is 01:37:15 It's like six in the morning, so yeah, six in the morning. The butterfly got in front of me. And it ran the whole first mile in front of me. And I was just, it was like so surreal. It would disappear and then it would show back up in front of me. You sure was just, it was like so surreal. It would disappear and then it would show back up in front of me. You sure was real?

Starting point is 01:37:27 Yeah, definitely real. And then the next day, and so I go, I'm on the right path. I'm on the right path. The next day I go for a jog, six in the morning, and it rained. And I was like, I'm doing this deep uphill incline. A tree collapsed in front of me.

Starting point is 01:37:39 Just went, and I went, whoa, a tree fell in the woods and I was here to see it. Shot the fuck up. I was like, that's crazy. And it didn't hit me. I got on the right path. And then I started getting overthinking it, like the next ass saw condom.

Starting point is 01:37:52 And I was like, this is a good place to go. I was like, people fucked here last night. But yeah, that was one of the best jogs I've ever had. I could do that. I could run that park every single day and no one jogged that park in Serbia. I actually recently had condom on my doorstep and I wanted to ask whoever is up there above what that means, what the story behind that is.

Starting point is 01:38:16 Yeah. Just a pissed off UPS guy. Was it compromised? What do you mean compromised? Like was there stuff inside it? Oh, I didn't look I mean very few people put on the economy. Oh, it's not for me. I'm gonna take it off Yeah, it's a little tight. I could be to send a message like a horse's head kind of thing. Oh, yeah I don't know. I don't know what the message is exactly do you use condoms if you had a one-night sandwich use condom? I don't know what a condom is I didn't ever heard call. I'm learning good I'm learning I've call. I'm learning. I've learned about sex with you today. If my wife dies, there's no condoms in my future. I'll get it. I don't

Starting point is 01:38:50 care how babies I don't give a shit. You're a man of principle. I like it. Mark Marren wrote something about your book many, many, many ages ago, Life of the Party. I think there's an interesting question in there. So, first of all, wrote eloquently about you. Burk Rysher is one of the great American wild men. A Gownsville warrior driven not by cynicism or desire to reveal dark truths, but instead by a deep, almost essential need to have a good time, no matter what. Histories track the trials and tribulations of a big hearted dude trying to fit in, help out and party and find himself. After all is said and done, we arrive with him at the true humility of joy. So, when was this desire for pure joy born in you? It seems like you are driven towards this joy.

Starting point is 01:39:46 Yeah. I think I arrived at it in college. I wasn't always the guy, I was really a serious dude, like when I got to college. Like dark, brooding serious? Yeah, I wanted to be like, I wanted to be like, Eddie Vetter, I wanted to be like a poet and a fucking lead singer. And I wanted to be taken seriously and I wanted to be like, I wanted to be like Eddie Vetter, I wanted to be like a poet and a fucking lead singer and I wanted to be taken seriously

Starting point is 01:40:06 and I wanted to be attractive and I wanted to be, you know, like, I wanted to be wanted by chicks and respected by dudes and, you know, and slowly but surely, I think the bird I really am chipped away at that and was like, Hey man, like I would say funny, I would say funny things that would surprise me, they were so funny, meaning like in my fraternity,

Starting point is 01:40:30 I'd say things that were the funniest thing that I go, how did I think of that? And then slowly I was like, and I remember, as I chipped away at that and as I got older, I would lean towards that. We would go on a bus trip to like Clemson and I would get on the, the, the, the walkie-talkie on the bus and I would do stand up for like an hour. I just make jokes for an hour and I, and I loved the impulse of like, you know, you get on the bus and everyone's like, we're gonna drink and you get that one group of girls that was gonna drink and then to break them.

Starting point is 01:41:07 And like a fuck it fine. Let's drink. And then that to watch that happen. And I think then once I, and then when I went to Russia, this is so cliche for me to say, but interacting with those young banditi, they were, they were pretty serious dudes. They didn't have like, they were pretty stoic dudes. And when you could make them laugh, it was like a real joy. The silliest things. I remember, we were told there was a club,

Starting point is 01:41:39 it was called Cafe Europa or maybe Cafe Americana. Those were everyone really hung out, like all the real dudes, the real dudes. In St. Petersburg. And they had told us that like, they told us in our class that Russian women didn't have tampons. So they were like bring tampons to give to the babushka,

Starting point is 01:42:01 the Davuchka that ran the floor. After all this time, the fact that your Russian sucks is awesome. Yeah, it's just keep mispronouncing words horribly. I horribly, I'm so fucking bad. I am so bad. You know, that's how I got to name the machine, right? Yeah, I was trying to say I'm a machine, yeah. And I said I'm a car.

Starting point is 01:42:20 And they just were like, huh? And so I came into the room one night with a top pocket full of tampons. And they were like, what are those for? I said, girls, how are we going to pick up girls? And the look on their face was so, it was so pure joy. I remember the first night I pulled out lemons. And this is, it sounds, it sounds make believe now to say it because it's been in the movie. I brought out lemons. We were in lemon drops I vodka and lemons a sugar and a pocket knife and a fanny pack and I put out lemons and and this guy eager goes Oh the machine runs on lemons like it was just so foreign that you would need lemon for them

Starting point is 01:42:58 And so I think and I made friends with those guys like I'm like friends or whatever you can But like definitely me and I got Igor for legit friends, legit friends, like. But from a place of joy, like we, yeah, it was like, it was like real, seeing them laid up. And then I remember backpacking through Europe after that, and realizing I could bring a spark of fun

Starting point is 01:43:20 to like a campfire, and I had little tricks, like I learned all the currencies around the world. And so I challenged people to a currency game. I go, let's go head to head. You say, you name a country in the currency and I'll name a country in the currency. And I would, I would slow roll them. I just do all the dollars, right? The Chinese dollar, the American dollar, the Australian dollar.

Starting point is 01:43:40 I'd run through all the dollars and they'd be like, you only know the dollars. And then I, and then I get start getting really deep. I could make An event out of a night in in Europe. I could make an event. I remember we were in Straussburg and The bar was supposed to close but I had friends coming to the bar. They hit the train. I hadn't gotten in in yet and I said I Said don't close the bar. I'll stand on the bar, and I'll entertain everyone in this room, I'll dance, I'll do whatever,

Starting point is 01:44:09 if you just keep the bar open. And the guy goes, if you can keep me laughing, I'll keep the bar open. And I danced and made this guy laugh on a bar for legit. I'm not even saying, I'll legit 30 minutes until my friends walked in and they're like what the fuck's going on I had this ability to To without humility I didn't mind looking like a fool and like doing and they were really stupid jokes at the time

Starting point is 01:44:37 just very like based American Frappoy jokes But I didn't spark him when I came back. I feel I feel like I learned how to like To do that and do funny things that were fun. We go to a football game and I brought a camera around with me a lot. I like to take pictures. And I remember one of the jokes I'd go, I was like, hey, everybody, I told my parents I have a lot of friends.

Starting point is 01:44:59 Can you guys gather around and we'll take a picture? And so, you know, 50 people would lean around like, hey! And just the dumbest, silliest things. And I wasn't a big self promoter. So these would happen. And I was just doing them for me and my friends. I'd bring a guitar out and I just make up songs. And so I think in watching this serious part

Starting point is 01:45:29 get chipped away at until my like six and a half year of college where it was just this silly guy and then rolling stones written about me. And I'm like, and then I'm like, well, and I remember a couple serious dads going, you know, you got a chance to turn this into something. You need to go to you need to follow your dream. And I tried to stand up the first night and I was like, maybe not wasn't the funniest guy, but man, they laughed and we had a good time for 30 minutes

Starting point is 01:45:51 and it worked and it was stream of consciousness. And I was like, yeah, and then of course, you know, that same little path you take gets convoluted in New York because you wanna be a serious comic and you wanna be taken seriously and you wanna be edgy and you wanna say the, and then slowly but surely that you, the real bird chips away at it and he's like,

Starting point is 01:46:06 yeah man, just fucking take your shirt off, kill it beer. Like fucking tell the machine story. Tell a story about your stupid kids. Like just, you don't need to be the fucking edgy that's doing the room, leave that to the good ones. Let Bill and fucking Joe and Tom, those are the legit fucking gangster comics. They're, I mean those are the fucking,

Starting point is 01:46:27 you're never gonna out fucking, shepel, those guys are fucking gangsters. Do what you do, have fun, make life fun, and seize the day and fucking, try to bring a spark to people and let them forget about their fucking day. And the interesting thing about alcohol, that I don't really like drinking, in terms of the actual physical, like how it makes me feel,

Starting point is 01:46:46 but there's the that the camaraderie that happens. What I wish there's another way to get there, but I don't think there is that joy you get of just everybody getting together and taking shots or drinking, not the polite kind of drinking, but just everybody just the the fuck it kind of drinking. Yeah, and when someone goes, all right, I'm in like that. Oh, yeah, that's the funnest and then especially when you have a big group. Yeah, and there's like a big group and like we were at the premiere the other night and and I was working. I was legit working. I know I'm trying to sell the movie to outlets media outlets and bust them with the boat bust them with the boys. My wife flew them in to surprise me.

Starting point is 01:47:25 And they're over on the red carpet, and they're like, yo, let's, let's scull a beer, let's kill a beer. And I was like, oh, and then I'm like, oh, fucking, I don't care what this is what life's about. And that moment, they're like, yeah, that's the funnest fucking, especially when I can get Leanne to do it,

Starting point is 01:47:39 when I get Leanne to get a drink, and she'll, and she's like, like I was supposed to drink last night, she was like, you want to just, we should have a glass wine in the front yard and you're like, Oh, my heart skips a beat. I go, glass wine in the front yard, we're gonna talk wild. We're gonna say crazy. Should we do it? Like, fuck yeah, the front yard, front yard, you're doing the front yard let the dogs play. Oh, big trees in the front yard, like sitting on

Starting point is 01:48:02 the way we sitting sitting in the in the atterondacks on the front porch, letting the dogs play, letting the dogs rest in the front yard. Why are you sitting on the way? Where are you sitting sitting in the in the atarondax on the front porch? Letting the dogs play letting the dogs rest in the front yard. Maybe go over pick some cherries Look at the fucking trees here the wind going through the front yard and then you go to the backyard That's where the cigar comes out a little more privacy, but you have red wine red wine mall back Keep our soul fights low Yeah, wine isn't a whole nother one too. I feel sophisticated.

Starting point is 01:48:27 Oh yeah. I've, I've went, I traveled before Ukraine, I went to Paris for the first time and drank wine there and I felt like I was a sophisticated man, you know. Dude. I mean, let's speak with French, but. You don't need to. You don't need to you don't need to just start smoking too. Just have a fucking cigarette. I was gonna start writing poetry dude. I'm having way. There's like a glass of wine in Italy and like like just out like we went we went We went, ah, the most beautiful fucking day of my life.

Starting point is 01:49:10 Just outside Florence, they have all the vineyards and stuff and we took a vestibitor. Nice. And it was fucking an eyeless to young to ride. So she's on the back. And now everyone can drink there, you know, you're not supposed to drink and drive vestibos, but they don't, they go, a glass of wine is nothing. And you're like, okay, I guess I'll have a couple then.

Starting point is 01:49:29 If you think one's nothing, then I think do's nothing also. So this is drunk, but on a Vespas. Drunk, not even drunk, but just lightly, lightly feathered, where, and it's beautiful. My wife hasn't been drinking. Georgia has, Georgia's too young. Ila is too young, but I had dinner with her at a couple and we're going through these hills and it starts raining.

Starting point is 01:49:51 And it starts raining. And I go, Ila, what are we missing? And she goes, music big boy. And I go, what do you want to hear? And then she just starts going, Uga, Shaka, Uga, Uga, Uga, Uga, Shaka, Uga, Uga, Uga. I can't stop this feeling. She's screaming it behind and then I hear Georgia screaming it and then Leanne singing it and then Sandy and her two daughters are singing it. We're all these Vespas and we're all singing it and I swear to God if I hadn't been lightly feathered, I don't know if I would have been like, what are we missing? Because you know, alcohol will give you that thing like, what's next? What's bigger?

Starting point is 01:50:30 How do we take this to the next level? And then I got this little girl who's still my little girl at that moment when she's singing, sing it all the good times. He made up so long. He made up girl. And then we stop at the light and all of us are looking and it's pouring rain. Oh, oh, the feeling. It is, I mean, I remember sobbing crying, sobbing crying, sobbing crying.

Starting point is 01:50:57 And then I was like, let's get these fucking vests up and get to a vineyard. And then we went to a vineyard and all the girls trying a little wine no one got buzzed or anything but you're just sitting there with your family going like fuck dude it and I'm not certain you get that without a little bit of a little bit but then a lot is also interesting I had a lot of whiskey with Rogan once I think I saw that yeah I think I saw that with Whitney too you would push up concert contest you with David God is the only time I met David God, it's a person one of the great embarrassment in my life is trashed out of my mind. I'm trying to say how much of a fan I am. And I could tell by the

Starting point is 01:51:36 look in his eye that what it's actually coming out of my mouth is not good. It's not good. And his wife is embarrassed standing right there also. Just everybody's embarrassed for me. Man, I'm trying not good. And his wife is embarrassed standing right there also just everybody's embarrassed for me. Man, I'm trying my best. And then somehow I find myself a minute later doing push-ups with him as a challenge. I didn't it wasn't counting. All I knew I'm not stopping. And he was polite enough to stop. I think probably like 50. I don't know. There's a gift someone gives you when they get drunk and they allow you, they get drunk and they lower their guard

Starting point is 01:52:08 and they allow you to see them that way. It's a gift. It's a real gift. It's just as cool as like pulling someone's side and going, yo, I'm into anime. Like you cool with that and then they're going, yeah, I'm, oh yeah. Can I show you some cool anime?

Starting point is 01:52:21 And then you're like, that's not my thing, but it's like cool thing. It's like sharing cool music with someone or like tell them something about your childhood when you get drunk, like real drunk around someone, you're giving them a gift. And that gift is, I want you to see me for everything I am. You're not gonna get any lies,

Starting point is 01:52:37 you're not gonna get any bullshit. This is me at my absolute worst. I have a rule, I will never, never get mad at someone for getting too fucked up. Because they're giving you a gift. They're saying like, yo, I did this on accident, but I trust you enough to let you know that this is who I am. And this is what you're getting. I love it. I love it. Especially when it comes to someone you don't expect. Like you shot the fuck up. David Goggins should have hugged you and said, thanks for showing me this. Yeah, I guess that really haven't you're right. I haven't thought of it that

Starting point is 01:53:10 was there's an intimacy to that is that is a gift of like fragility like this is me. I mean, I'm a very loving drunk, but I'm blame. I had dumb drunk. I bet you haven't seen dumb drunk. Well, dumb in terms of the eloquence of the words that are coming out of my mouth. So like you're just not stitching words together correctly to make sentences. No. I turn into Hemingway loss and translation. Like I'll start saying random words, but like translated the Japanese and back to English. It's not making any sense, but there's love.

Starting point is 01:53:46 Like I think what you feel is this kind of desire to connect that I think I always feel towards other people, but when I'm drunk, I'm just say, fuck it. I don't need to be polite. I'll just be loving fully. Yeah, it's cool when people let you see that in them. Cause some people are really like measured. There's no one drink and then I'm done.

Starting point is 01:54:06 I don't want it, no, no, no, no. And you're like, show me a little more. And then it's cool. And I never get like, I love my favorite moments in the next morning when they're like, do I make an asset of myself? And you get to say, not it all. Not it all.

Starting point is 01:54:20 That's the coolest thing. Because some people, bad people will leverage that over. Yeah, you can see it's a bully tactic They'll leverage it the bad interactions I've had with in this business that we were talking about earlier There were people that that When you got fucked up they used it against you. Yeah, they held it over your head and they said listen man I don't know what the fuck but but if you want, and you're like, hold on. And then they made you, they gaslight you into thinking, you were the only one that was fucked up.

Starting point is 01:54:51 And you're like, okay, I guess I know who you are now. And I was like, didn't you get fucked up a little bit too? Like, I know we smoked weed and I thought we ate Xanax, but like, what about the, I know I had a couple beers, but like, I wasn't that fucked up. Well, Whitney is really good at that, because she's the person I woke up next morning and she said, yeah, you're wonderful, you're eloquent, you're great.

Starting point is 01:55:12 I'm sure she was making that up completely. It was funny, I got blackout drunk at Whitney's roast of me, blackout drunk. Don't remember any of it. And don't remember any of it. Don't remember speaking on the microphone. I don't remember talking on the microphone. And I did diss at apparently yeah, and I said to Whitney like in a real moment of vulnerability Whitney's like a sister to me like a legit sister My daughter's color aunt Whitney Leanne. So I could sister to Leanne

Starting point is 01:55:39 If she comes over to do a podcast Whitney, she'll open hour early and sit with me and out in the end's Rose Garden and just talk. And Whitney, I said the next day I called Whitney and I was getting on a plane and I was new. I was hungover. I said, how bad was I last night? She was, you were fucking fantastic and just didn't let me sit with it. And then I watched the video and I was like, oh, I was fucking out of control. I was way out of control. Thank you for lying to me. Yeah. So while being a wild out there comic, she's also this like carrying and loving human beings. She's so interesting. She has the most nurturing sensibility.

Starting point is 01:56:15 She is, she sends my daughter's gifts out of nowhere. Just out of nowhere, there's send Georgia gifts up at college. And just a gift box box like she is just she takes care of people. That's her love language and she's also the person that taught me what what the hell love language even means apparently there's a book and there's like five of them. Oh you know Whitney I would love to sit in the fucking room and watch YouTube talk. Yeah she has a robot. She looks like her and that's the future that robot. I told you she should have that robot to porn. Let someone

Starting point is 01:56:48 fuck that robot. And then she and she had deep fake the face if she wants, but I go promoted it's promoted special that way. Like a full on, not like showtime, soft core point, like full on porn. Full on like to do like, like, hi, welcome inside. You look tired, you need a drink. Oops, I'm stuck in the dryer. What's the promotion you're most proud of that you've done?

Starting point is 01:57:17 Without a doubt, it's gotta be when I took dance lessons. Yeah, that was epic. Because I tried to get Joe and Tom and Ari to do it for so rocktober I was reading for you and they said no Joe's like absolutely not a book. You Joe was gonna say no but Joe said legit dancer like he can legit dance He took like dance lessons for a movie and is apparently an amazing dancer and so You're right. You could have said yes

Starting point is 01:57:40 You could have said yes, because I remember listening to that podcast where you really made the pitch Yeah, and I said we all take hip-hop dance lessons. It's your cardio through the roof. Yeah. And you do an hour dance lesson, and then we all do a hip-hop dance, and then we all put our hip-top dances against each other, and we see who has the best hip-hop dance. It's different than the typical stuff we do. It's fun, and we can also work out, we can do everything, but let's do hip-hop dance.

Starting point is 01:58:02 And Joe Adamley was like, it's a do everything, but let's do hip-hop dance. And Joe, Adam Lee, it was like, it's a horrible idea, I will not do that. And then Tom and Ari, just whatever, they were like, yeah, I saw it with Joe, we'll do something else. And then I was like, I knew I liked hip-hop dance. And so I was like, I'm gonna take hip-hop dance lessons anyway. I'm gonna just do it over so October,

Starting point is 01:58:20 and I'm just gonna, I'm gonna if I can do it. And then maybe I'll do a hip-hop dance video and then show it to them and let them rate me. And then we did it and it was $1,200 and I for hip-hop dance lessons for like a month or whatever for like a couple of weeks. And then when we did it, I thought, you know what, I bet we could put torteids next to this.

Starting point is 01:58:42 Cause it's, it turned out being like kind of good but kind of funny. I bet we could put tour dates next to this. Because it's, it turned out being like kind of good, but kind of funny. I bet we could put tour dates next to this. And it was the beginning of me figuring out the whole like, my promos were short and quick and they were always like something silly. What's up guys, it's your boy, Bert Kreischer. And then that one blew up and immediately, I was announcing the tour and immediately every tour date sold out. And then every, we added shows that day, we added shows

Starting point is 01:59:07 and every one of those sold out. And I was like, whoa, and then Tom was like, the fuck was that? And I was like, I think I just sold out my whole fucking tour. And then Tom, and then when Tom did his one like that and put his tour dates on it went over the top. He sold out his tours and he was like whoa he's a dress holdout every fucking show we've added shows i'm doing like an arena here and this is before we were doing a rena's i was like shut the fuck up and that changed my game where i was like alright so everything's gotta be. And then i was like i don't mind spending a little. And then the next one I did was the marching band. And I was just like, and but it was, you know, it's real

Starting point is 01:59:48 crazy. I just said, can you guys get me a marching band? And they were like, yes, like it's like 24 hundred bucks. I go, cool. And they're like, what do you want them to do? And I go, I don't know, we'll figure it out. And they came over and they had outfits. And they were like, so where did what do you want us to play? I go, what song do you guys know? And then they didn't even know each other. They were all hired people. And they were like, rubber band man. And I were like, so what did he want us to play? I go, what song do you guys know? And then they didn't even know each other. They were all hired people. And they were like, rubber band man. And I was like, oh, sure, yeah.

Starting point is 02:00:11 And then we just scripted it out. I was like, all right, I'll pretend it's a regular thing. We'll just go, wait, I'll walk out and then I'll blow a whistle. And then you come out with the, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then, and then we got like two videos out of that and that sold out dates and then I was like two videos out of that and that sort of dates and I was like fuck And then and then and then and then and then the real baller one the fucking real one the real one was

Starting point is 02:00:36 I tore all the muscles in my arm going into and do shooting the movie and I ripped all the tricep muscles off and they were retracted so I had to go in for surgery. And the anesthesiologist said to me the night before he's like, what music do you want going in going under? And I was like, what? And he goes, you can pick your music going under. I said, wait, hold on. What is it like? I go, is it like casual? And he was like, yeah. I said, I'm doing a promo read going under. He goes, what do you mean? I said, I'll explain to you tomorrow. But I'm going to, I'm doing a promo read going under. He goes, what do you mean? And I said, I'll explain to you tomorrow,

Starting point is 02:01:05 but I'm not gonna count backwards. I'm just gonna do a promo read until I pass out. And my phone's gonna fall on the ground. All I need you to do is hit stop record. And so they rolled me into surgery. I had red rocks. I had only sold like 75% of red rocks, which is big.

Starting point is 02:01:22 It's 10,000, the biggest venue I'd ever played in. And I rolled in with my thing, with CCR playing in the background. And I just was like, I was like, I was like, I lay here on this mat, or on this steel pile, terrified as I go in a surgery, I want you to know one thing. I'm playing Red Rock September 10th,

Starting point is 02:01:40 and I started doing my promo read. And he was like, yeah, I go, Jimmy Buffett's there the night before, and the night after, he's like, for real? I go, yeah you want to come? He's like hell yeah, he's like all right He's like you're going under and he hits it I go all through and I drop the phone Woke up out of surgery and the first hand said his words my phone and he goes you got it and Leanne's like I've already watched it It's good and I went for real and so like that was a

Starting point is 02:02:02 That was a that was a that was a big one. That was a big one too. Yeah, that was genius, but that was sort of opportunity kind of jumping in an idea. Have you ever met Mr. Beast? Jimmy? No. So he, he's, I got to hang out with him for a day, listening to brainstorm with the team ideas. Yeah. He kind of sounds like you, but on steroids in terms of like, first of all, willing to spend any amount of money on an idea, like anything, anything is allowed, anything is allowed. I love that energy. The only thing is no like rated R stuff.

Starting point is 02:02:36 So he's really trying to go like, for the broader audience, for kids and so on. So that's the limitation. So you can't do like most of the ideas that pop into my head when anything is allowed is kind of Dark. Yeah, but the point is to really aggressively brainstorm every single day at the whiteboard like what and he does that for YouTube shorts to for one minute videos really and just like really like what is the coolest thing we could possibly do? I love that. I love that energy. And that energy, most people don't do that and they should. Basically, YouTubers do that because they're obsessed

Starting point is 02:03:11 about this particular YouTube algorithm and so on and Jimmy is the best at that. But like that can benefit you if you're a scientist, if you're a comedian, if you're whatever. Just go all out. It's, there's something really authentically fun about just coming up with a really stupid idea and just going, let's see what happens, who gives a fuck?

Starting point is 02:03:31 We've had those like, I thought I could catch an arrow one time and then my wife's like, absolutely fucking not. And I go, I really think I can. I go, let's just get really close, shoot it, and then I'll see if I can catch it. And she's like, no, that's not what you're doing. And then my cousin's like, hey, we could cheat it to make you look like a caught in arrow. And I went, what? He was, yeah, just, okay, let's do it like this. And so we did it. And I got sold a ton of tickets. It looked like I really caught it. Everyone knows that in catch a narrow.

Starting point is 02:03:59 I mean, for the movie, we did a promo, legendary, it was like, you do all the promos. And we did a promo, and I thought I like you do all the promos. And we did a promo and I thought I could slide out of my car like Tom Cruise did in a helicopter. And with roller skates and get behind the car and then skate behind the car. And we just ran over my foot. And it was real and it was scary, but we just kept car all and in doing it,

Starting point is 02:04:23 my cousin's like, give me the read. And I'm like, do I have my movie comes out? Memorial day weekend. I think we have to go to the hospital and then we went to the hospital and I'm in the speedo with a helmet on, one broken roller skate. And then, and then that did really well.

Starting point is 02:04:36 And so like, I said, the whole thing is just turning the camera on. You never know, it's gonna fucking happen. And don't be afraid to look stupid and all that kind of stuff. Just go all out. Fucking ego is the death of comedy. Like when you really give, like, it's hard to be the coolest guy in the room

Starting point is 02:04:54 and still wanna be a comedian. It's just let yourself be whoever you are and you'll see the great ones, they're like that. They don't, they're just regular fucking dudes and you get some real slick ones. Like Dave's probably might be the coolest guy in the fucking room. He might really might be.

Starting point is 02:05:09 But I think that's just who the fuck he is. Who are the outside of your close friend group? Who are the greats to your top five? Out of, outside of my friend group? So, like for me, probably a normal Donald, Mitch Haydberg, George Colin, Tal's the Goren of one. Oh yeah?

Starting point is 02:05:29 No. Oh, I wanted to say that. It's an interesting pairing. No, Mitch Haydberg, David Tell. David Tell. David Tell. Everybody deeply respects David. More than even his comedy, I love this show

Starting point is 02:05:42 where he was in Somniac. In Somniac insomniac he's so good at just the the natural comedy of human interaction he's a brilliant comic he's just a brilliant fucking mind um nor McDonald's fucking genius and absolute genius I mean look you know shepell and bill burr are are the two best in our generation, in my opinion. And that's understanding that I'm still friends with some of the best in our generation, but just the way their brains work is really on the next level.

Starting point is 02:06:15 Those are guys, stand-hope is the same way, just fucking genius. I rogue in, so grow those are my friend group, that's my really close friend group. But those other guys, I'm friends with, but they're not like that's like yeah Louis CK oh Louis CK fuck he's amazing it's hard to do because you start like forgetting the like people and then it's almost like people go oh so you didn't like that person you're like no I fucking love that person yeah I mean there's a for me like Robin Williams was the whole another thing oh Oh, yeah, she's like silverman fucking I love Janine I'm a fucking big Janine fan. I love her brain. Maran's fucking hilarious, you know

Starting point is 02:06:56 Patens brilliant David cross. I mean, there's like it's you know, it's it's really to ignore those guys and those guys were like the whole forefront of the alternative comedy front. They're fucking amazing. Yeah. And the people that have like Marin or Joe that have podcasts is interesting. It's an interesting parent because you get to know like everything about them, but then they're also comedians. And I've gotten, I've gone to Joe's club a lot. I listen to Joe and just that whole group of comics do comedy and go to the same set over and over and over

Starting point is 02:07:25 and to see how it changes. It's really cool. It's the coolest thing when I first started to watch someone like a tell was really brilliant at it because you'd watch him tinker with a set. Yeah. And he'd have an idea like hitting someone over the head with a hammer from behind and then he'd work it in nine different ways. You know, and you'd be like, whoa, so the hitting hammer in the head is the thing that he's working on. I hope Eddie Murphy comes back. He's one of the greats. Chris Rock, Chris Rock is a fucking,

Starting point is 02:07:54 bring the pain is like the reason I got in comedy. Yeah. Do you have advice for young folks? You seem like a stellar example of a successful human being, or more seriously, a very kind of non-linear life. Do you have advice for young people in high school and college? I don't have a good life they can be proud of.

Starting point is 02:08:17 Don't worry too much about what you do when you get older. But when you do start worrying, find the thing you love and it'll never feel like work. The to fucking, I can't imagine what it must feel like to be a lawyer and have to read papers or whatever they do all day and know that that's my day. I mean, it must feel like what I was school felt like for me. If you find that thing you love to do, you will work endlessly, effortlessly,

Starting point is 02:08:51 and hard as fucking shit every day, and you'll love every day of your life. Fine would you love and let it kill you, Bukowski said that. For the next the fucking thing, because that's what I'm doing. I'm letting it fucking take, I'm fucking. I'm on that fucking bullet train to fucking nowhere on this fucking comedy journey.

Starting point is 02:09:10 I love it, I love it. So it's like the Hunter S. Thompson thing. What is it? How are we put it? Basically, you're not supposed to be end up in a well-preserved box. You slide it in sideways, smoke, just beat up. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:09:25 Just a giant mess. I love those guys that can really live that life that are like, yeah man, I'm breaking it. I'm breaking it down like a guy like Tony Hawk or Matt Hoffman, who like, yeah, if I don't fucking break the fuck out of this thing before I, I'm not doing it right. Then again, there's also Churchill who tried to break the thing and he couldn't live didn't do his 90s, a two's 90s a bad motherfucker. Just a bad motherfucker.

Starting point is 02:09:48 So I guess the only hope we can have for Bore Christchurch is that you're going to be the Winston Churchill of comedy. My life is lived perfectly if I'm 95 years old and all my friends are dead. Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, they're like, can you believe that wolf got Rogan? Yeah. Can you believe? So, uh, 600 pounds and they had to carry them out in a crane out of that house. Can you believe that it's just birth, Christy and Joey Diaz

Starting point is 02:10:20 laughing? Just standing there in October, September, October, just the two of you left. Just laughing. I'm 95 at the Mark Twain award. And I'm like, Bert, Christ, you're still fucking here. Who saw that coming? I hope so. Bert, I'm a huge fan of yours. It meant so much to me when you said that you knew who I was, like we were talking about.

Starting point is 02:10:42 It's so cool. It's so cool. Thank you for putting so much joy and when you said that you knew who I was like we were talking about it just it's so cool It's so cool. Thank you for putting so much joy and love out there in the world I'm a huge fan and thank you for the love you go to me. Thank you, man I am a huge fan of yours. You keep doing you I'll keep doing me and then let's see if we can meet in the middle Sometimes I have a cold beer in the afternoon love you brother. Love you Thanks for listening to this conversation with Birdcrasher. To support this podcast please check out our sponsors in the description.

Starting point is 02:11:08 And now let me leave you some words from Hunter S. Thompson. Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and weppers of body, but rather to skin in broadside and a cloud of smoke thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, wow, what a ride. Thank you for listening. I hope to see you next time. you.

Lex Fridman Podcast - #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un

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