Lifeline - 104. Don't Wanna

Episode Date: April 7, 2024

✨ LIFELINE LUXURY is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. May 14th! Come to our live show at Irvine Improv! TICKETS 🤳 Want to submit to Life...line? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 Today we talk about unsolicited parenting advice, a Snapchat love triangle, pestering pregnancy questions, and what advice would you give to the 25-your-old you? 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Make your nights unforgettable with American Express. Unmissable show coming up? Good news. We've got access to pre-sale tickets so you don't miss it. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance.
Starting point is 00:00:19 Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. Yeah. Oh, that was going to be the biggest disaster, dude. Keep this in. This is gonna be really funny.
Starting point is 00:00:49 He almost tripped over a cycle. A bicycle. A bicycle. I mean, this is like, what that's doing there would only be there in an episode of Mr. Bean. What would honestly only be there, he would put it there. Yeah, that's true. Would you ever put that there? You know what's funny?
Starting point is 00:01:04 What I thought is only he would trip on a bike knock over all the cameras and lights yeah but the truth is the reason he would do that is because he'd put a bike there in one of the huge reasons yeah yeah that's a crazy now now he's gonna mess it up he's gonna move it and knock everything over while he moves it yeah yeah he was the worst time to move he was so delicate though like just leave it doesn't matter it makes it worse i saw him he's moving a bicycle go move the bicycle already why are you pausing? He's taking a video. Oh, he's taking a video.
Starting point is 00:01:27 Oh, okay. Documenting it. All right, so he's moving it. Now he just moves and falls out the building. Now we're safe. Everything's safe. He almost knocked over the cameras and the lights because he put a bike leaning against his desk between the desk and all the cameras and lights.
Starting point is 00:01:41 Between two cameras. Literally. Yeah. There's one there, one there. And the light. Could have been bad. Are you guys quite done? No.
Starting point is 00:01:47 And you know what he said today? Wow, the submissions are going to suck. Yeah, he did. Just to keep it nice, because we said last time we drilled him into the ground because he wasn't here and he said the submissions were stacked.
Starting point is 00:01:58 And the second one was already the most forgettable one we've ever had in the world. For a second, I thought he was serious and it made me sad. But what I didn't realize right away was that he was doing reverse psychology. So now our expectations are low. I didn't like that you fell for that for a second. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:16 Well, that's too damn bad, isn't it? Yeah, because I would do something like that and I didn't. And I felt good that I didn't. And then you fell for it and I felt bad. Wait, what part did you feel good about? Oh, that you didn't fall for it. Yeah. You should feel good that I fell for it. So you're not the only kind of person that does. But I didn't. And then you fell for it. And I felt bad. Wait, what part did you feel good about? Oh, that you didn't fall for it. Yeah. You should feel good that I fell for it.
Starting point is 00:02:27 So you're not the only kind of person that does. But I didn't though. I know. But you said it's the kind of thing you would. Okay. But I didn't. Right. So I'm growing.
Starting point is 00:02:35 But my point is you should feel good that you're not alone. When I see someone do something I do frequently and I don't do it, I'm not like, oh, what an idiot. He did the thing i always do i'm like oh wow that makes me feel great and not alone me too like breaking the concrete with the tip of your penis because that's different that happens all the time to me who have you seen do that oh gosh no i've never seen it oh so then it's not like that but if someone were to do it i'd be like oh okay the plate i get the plate right right right um i'm going to be in Nanaimo, BC, Victoria, BC.
Starting point is 00:03:06 Keep it moving. Augusta, Georgia, North Charleston, St. Petersburg, Florida, Chattanooga, Tennessee, Charleston, West Virginia, Des Moines, Iowa, and Green Bay. And you know what? We have the Lifeline Live show. We do have the Lifeline Live show. In Irvine, May, is it 14th? Yes. May 14th, Irvine.
Starting point is 00:03:29 Lifeline live. Come and get your, and come see us live. Tickets at watchlifeline.com. Tuesday, May 14th. Irvine, Irvine. Spoiled Brats in Irvine. Do you think of that every time you hear Irvine? No, but I used to.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Dude, I mean, I go to Irvine all the time. I'm bragging. Well, no, but because I'm a comedian. I'm a touring comedian. Guess what? Everybody has to go sign up for our Patreon at patreon.com slash lifeline luxury. It's on and popping.
Starting point is 00:03:52 We're doing more per month now. Get over there. Get in there. It's pretty banging, I would tell you right now. It's probably the best Patreon there ever is. Yeah, ever has been, ever is, currently is, and ever will be. Thank you very much.
Starting point is 00:04:03 Go sign up. We appreciate you. We love you. Those who are already signed up, you're will be. Thank you very much. Go sign up. We appreciate you. We love you. Those who are already signed up, you're my best friends and you know it. Obviously, subscribe to my solo podcast, The Private Record. Got a banger of an episode out right now. Dude was slanging
Starting point is 00:04:16 heroin and meth for the cartel. Didn't even know it until the feds came to his door and said, hey, you know what? You're going to jail for 25 to life or you'll be undercover for us. An informant? Oh no. Dude, went undercover for three years.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Oh, just shitting his brains out. Every six months his sentencing was up, like he was gonna go to court. And so there was a fucking sword of Damocles over his head. And then they would be like, you know what? We'll put you to work for another six months, if you're willing. And he was like, well, obviously I'm willing.
Starting point is 00:04:43 He didn't have a choice. Oh my God. Craziest stories. Anyway, go over there, subscribe to The Private Record. Great episode this week. What's up? He's not, I was like, dude, do you want to be anonymous? He's like, nah. He wanted to be in, like keep a few things.
Starting point is 00:04:56 This is him now, in the lake. Anyway, he actually wanted me to tell you, and I didn't even tell you this. He specifically off air wanted me to tell you, and I didn't even tell you this. What? He specifically off-air wanted me to tell you. Well, we're on air. That you, no, off the show, that show. Yeah, I get it, I get it. No, I'm saying off-air, he told me this.
Starting point is 00:05:13 Oh, wow. You should put it in the show if it's a compliment, but yeah. He wanted me to tell you. I saved his life. Kinda. He said you got him through some really hard times. Like with your, I don't know, with what I wasn't listening. But he said you specifically. No, I hard times like with your i don't know with what i wasn't listening but he said you specifically uh no i think with your comedy obviously your comedy and podcast uh not your cooking heroics uh uh but yeah anyway head over
Starting point is 00:05:33 there subscribe it's always like this it's a bangerang of the show how interesting is it that i saved his life and you killed him so that's funny my podcast saves his life your pockets killed him so um That's right Uh yeah Well okay Cheering me on No I'm gonna drink the magic wine And I'll tell you what Wow dude
Starting point is 00:05:51 Why do I hate it when you do that I know why I think I know why too Why do you think I feel it But do you know why I hate it It's too small That's right dude
Starting point is 00:06:02 It's the size of the bottle I like that you do that though It's bitch I'll be real if I I'll be honest if I get it in the trash of the bottle i like that you do that though it's it's bitch i'll be real if i i'll be honest if i get it in the trash hold on marco i'll be oh yeah you'll be honest thank you man well i mean we're all here you know didn't make it it would have gone in it would have gone in thank you i don't know about that i don't think so yeah that's true so i it is too small but it is cool that it's small i like it you don't want like a but but when you do it the way it's hard it's hard to figure out how to do it, how to finesse it.
Starting point is 00:06:25 Sedante, it's not good. It doesn't look right. What I need is, honestly, a mechanism where I put it in, I hit a button, and it goes, and just drink. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:06:37 I could just drink it like that. That's what I was thinking. That's exactly what I was thinking. All right. So look, I have a bad memory. If you want to be on the show, go to Watch Life Online and submit yourself and your question. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:06:53 I have a bad memory. Okay. And here's the deal. I have a bad memory. I forgot to say that. I was, like, going to tell you a story about Kristen. Then I go, ah, I'll save it for the podcast. Yeah, before we started.
Starting point is 00:07:06 Yeah. You were about to tell me. Five minutes before. Yeah, not even. He goes, okay. We're about to start the podcast. I forget what it's about. I go, fuck,
Starting point is 00:07:17 I wanted to tell you something and I forget what it is about Kristen. And he says, well, it just happened five minutes ago. You remembered it. And I said, I know now I can remember what it's about. He said, oh my God. Right before we started recording, right before I remember what it just happened five minutes ago you remembered it and i said i know now i don't remember what it's about he said oh my god right before we started recording right before i
Starting point is 00:07:27 remember what it's about this story's about me forgetting something unbelievable hey i'm peacing out you know what i mean what's going on with that i don't know man you don't even have a good reason for that you weren't like i didn't do hella drugs no i. I drink hella coffee. That's not why. Is it? I don't know. I mean, I work out hella hard. I'm hella tan. I do hella comedy. If you want to talk about hella stuff, dude, I'm all about hella stuff.
Starting point is 00:07:53 I'm hella tan. Are you tan right now? Yeah, I've been outside a lot lately. Why? Doing work at the house. Honestly. It doesn't sound like me, but it is. Why were you?
Starting point is 00:08:01 Why was I? Yeah. Because I wanted to make it look nice. Have it be better also i had all this junk i got rid of a bunch of stuff you don't seem that much and maybe a little i'm pretty tan yeah yeah hella tan so like look how different look at look at that that's a big what is it called the mic's in the way obviously no it's not the mic's in the way obviously for me to see it oh well i'm not showing you. I'm showing the audience. I want to see it. Look. Oh, yeah. So look. Oh, yeah, yeah, cool.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Cool, you know. So Kristen says last night, look, that baby I follow is doing well. Shows me her computer. Pre-social media is such a creepy thing to say. Shows me. Turns the computer around. I see a baby.
Starting point is 00:08:41 I mean, I'm talking about like weeks old okay just a chilling baby baby like this regular baby being a baby yeah a regular baby yeah i go like this oh cute i don't baby i fall i don't know what she baby i follow like i but i know to just be like, oh, that's great. Of course. Because if I say what? Yeah. I got to listen for, you know what I mean? 25 minutes about something that I don't know about, which means it's not interesting to me. Right.
Starting point is 00:09:17 The update would be about something you don't even remember in the first place. Exactly. So there's no point in getting an update. So I say, oh, cool. so there's no point in getting an update uh so i say oh cool and she says we sent him something uh like a little plushie the family and i say oh that that's awesome now in my head i'm like do we know this baby or not well no but i'm not i'm not getting the curiosity i'm not letting curiosity get me okay Okay? Yeah. I go like this.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Cool. And she goes, huh. Puts her back like this. She goes like this. Isn't that sweet? I'm like, so sweet. Yeah. She's just going.
Starting point is 00:09:56 Now you're off the cliff. You're flailing. But I'm trying to watch the new show that's on. Right? I put on a new show that i wanted to start what was continental on on peacock there's your mistake but go on i put on the continental on peacock she's talking about a baby like i know the baby i don't know the baby i'm trying to watch colin woodle on don't know any don't know any of the things you're saying i'm trying to watch colin woodle on on peacock made it up i did a movie with him colin woodle not a name and um so she goes like this on the computer i'm trying to watch continental just kicking ass you
Starting point is 00:10:33 know what i mean like learn to choreographed fucking dance shooting guns and shit you know what it is it's about this is spinoff on john wick oh i do know what that is yeah okay so anyway this male model's doing spin kicks up its fucking staircase and so i'm like i'm a male model um so i'm like okay cool she goes like this remember uh-oh knew that was coming and i go all right prepare to be fucked right okay so she she i say remember about the baby and she says the baby remember the baby was doing like really bad like it was all like hooked up to like tubes and stuff and uh this family was trying to revive it and then we we ended up donating and sending uh the plushie as a family and i say oh she says yeah remember and i go no and she says on valentine's day remember for valentine's day we had that discussion where me you and cal and cal and i said because some kids
Starting point is 00:11:44 you know they're they're not they're not healthy so we want to help and we can do this we had a conversation with cal and i go uh-uh and she says you really don't remember this and i and i really don't do yeah and i said babe the amount of things that you show me that are of either people dying or sick or hurt or, you know what I mean, war. I don't want to know those things ever. She's into war? What? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:16 I know she's into past wars. Yeah, but she'll be like, well, China and Russia did the thing. And you're like, oh, okay. I don't want to know that. I'm trying to watch a fucking continental yeah you'd rather watch the continent i'd rather watch a continental than know maybe the world's gonna end in six months i why do i want to know that for if it's gonna end it's gonna end what am i gonna do well that's true sure right so but she's always like putin and i'm like
Starting point is 00:12:38 i don't want to you know so now she's telling me a baby's dying dude i i know what i did i know what i did what do you mean what you did when when she told me the first baby's dying. Dude, I know what I did. I know what I did. What do you mean what you did? When? When she told me the thing at Valentine's Day. Okay, yeah. I know what I did. I go like this. And block it out.
Starting point is 00:12:54 Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you think even if she asked in five minutes, do you remember what I said? You'd be like, no? So it's not that it gets in your mind, goes away after a little while. It's that it never enters in the first place. That't that did not enter right okay so so but that's alarming
Starting point is 00:13:09 because she said we had a whole conversation about it and i just that which means i just looked at her and went like this yeah yeah yeah exactly what i'm thinking of what that probably means yeah is that you are relatively good at seeming like you're engaging enough while not at all engaging and that's exactly where we're at and that's and that's that's honestly one of the nicest things everyone anyone ever said yeah it's a skill you've accumulated over time how to how to sort of generally do that with people it's so cool okay well i wouldn't say it's so cool but that's really really really cool no i'm gonna go with wouldn't say it's so cool, but. That's really, really, really cool. No.
Starting point is 00:13:46 I'm going to go with no on that, but that's cool that you like it. You know what happened? The opposite happened the other day. Yesterday, I was at a Zoom therapy with a group, a bunch of men in my men's group. And one of the, no, and the doctor said, hey, Chris, where are you right now? What are you doing? Because I was just listening. And I said, oh, I'm just listening. She's like, oh, you haven't said anything in a bit. And I was like, oh, no because I was just listening and I said oh I'm just listening
Starting point is 00:14:05 she's like oh you haven't said anything in a bit and I was like oh no I was just listening and I was listening so on the opposite there's that so oh you mean you're capable of listening congrats dude when I'm listening it seems like I'm not and when I'm not it seems like I am
Starting point is 00:14:22 which is what I'm saying which is crazy do you know what I'm saying yeah Chris had thought I was listening I wasn't It seems like I'm not, and when I'm not, it seems like I am, which is what I'm saying, which is crazy. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Chris had thought I was listening. I wasn't. My doctor thought I wasn't listening, and I was. Right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:14:35 So I'm like, Johnny doesn't know his face. You're Johnny doesn't know his face, yeah. I'm definitely Johnny doesn't know his face either. Everyone's always like, why are you so mad at me? Yeah, that's a D'Elia thing. And I'm like, what? I'm just sitting. You're Hasid. And I'm like, what? Yeah. I'm just sitting. You're Hasidic?
Starting point is 00:14:49 I'm just a Hasidic Jew. I'm just a Hasidic Jew. Yeah. All right, getting demonetized for that. So, all right, let's go. Let's do a- No, Hasidic is just a- Yeah. I know.
Starting point is 00:14:55 You can say that. What? You can say Hasidic Jew. Well, you could also say Jew. Yeah, but a Hasidic Jew is a specific kind of Jew. I know. Okay. I'm joking.
Starting point is 00:15:01 We're good? I'm just saying. Pound it out. We'll talk about something that's- You want to pound it out? Nice. We'll talk about- I didn't want to pound it out. I know you did, but you did. I knew you didn't want to, and then you did anyway. Pe I know. Okay. I'm joking. We're good? I'm just saying. Pound it out. I didn't want to pound it out.
Starting point is 00:15:05 I know you did, but you did. I knew you didn't want to and then you did anyway. Peer pressure. Yeah. Hey guys. Tattoo Girl, episode 100. I wanted to pop in here and tell you that I just loved getting advice from Dr. Drew and all you guys.
Starting point is 00:15:21 It was hilarious trying to watch you figure out what my tattoo said. And to my point, that is why I wanted to like get it removed or do something about it. So quick backstory, the tattoo, I'm just still laughing at it. The tattoo says, which translates to find your strength or strength will find you in latin um i got the tattoo actually because i was working out like crazy and i was working on my deadlifts got to 205 was super excited about it wanted to do something crazy and i went and got a tattoo so that's the story it's good uh lurking on a solution for it i'll i'll let you know what happens
Starting point is 00:16:04 hi guys here's the problem sorry that's actually a solution for it. I'll let you know what happens. Bye, guys. Here's the problem with that. Sorry, that's actually a decent quote. Usually quotes people put on their bodies are fucking god awful. Yeah, but it's in Latin. I don't like that. But just saying. The thing about that is if you get a tattoo because of something you do working out,
Starting point is 00:16:21 what if you become a fat piece of shit later? Memories. Just be like like i was buff once oh that's just a reminder of oh i'm not what i was sure yeah so i don't you know i don't i don't think that i wouldn't do that but that's cool that she did that also she wants to get it covered up or not right let's talk about this why hijacking it she says she's figuring out what she wants to do with it yeah yeah okay why if you like if your language is english and you like something someone said who is yeah who knows what yeah language they speak or wrote in in their time. Why don't you get it in English? I know why. Is it so people ask?
Starting point is 00:17:09 Well, no. I don't think it's enough for me. I didn't do it, but if I were to do it. Because have you ever read a book that was translated and then somebody's like, yeah, it's too bad you didn't read the German version because it's hard to translate. And I hate that.
Starting point is 00:17:21 And I hate that. I hate when people say that. It's true, but it's like, I don't, hey, I don't speak or read German. So I can't read the original Nietzsche passage. You know what I mean? Right. How would you even ask me? Hey, learn German.
Starting point is 00:17:36 They say it like that. That's how they do. I want to, you get like, what is that? Live, laugh, laugh. You know? Yeah. Mishima wrote that, right? Yeah. Who?
Starting point is 00:17:48 Oh my God, it's stuttering so hard. Mishima? Maru Zyaho? Mishima. The guy that, the famous Japanese writer who committed Harakiri.
Starting point is 00:17:59 He committed. That's pretty good. He committed Harry Caray, the sports. Exactly, yeah. The sports. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. committed that's pretty good he committed harry carry the the sports exactly yeah the sports uh yeah yeah yeah um that's crazy there's a guy named harry carry and harry carry is what you do if you harakiri yeah harik harakrishna harakiri and we're being racist so um no you're being racist
Starting point is 00:18:21 no screw that up you said it was Harry Carey. All right. So, yeah. Don't get the... I agree with you. If you're going to get something... If you like a beautiful phrase, quote... So foreign! What did I say?
Starting point is 00:18:33 If you like a beautiful phrase, you get a beautiful phrase in the language you have. Get it in the language you know and the one that most people around you are familiar with. Otherwise, everyone's going to be like, what does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:18:45 How fucking annoying is that? Maybe that's what they want though. I don't know. But people say they're about tattoos anyway. What? What does that mean? Sure, yes, that's true. I have grow or die on me.
Starting point is 00:18:54 People are like, what is that? They know because it's my special and I'm famous. But it's like- Got it. No, they say, where'd you get that? Where'd you get the snake? Where'd you get this? Where'd you get that?
Starting point is 00:19:02 Oh, what's that mean? And I go like this. Yeah, I guess you're right. You know, whatever. Just chill. Let me let me just be me okay my body's a journal okay my body's a temple my body's a journal land uh all right next one my body is a journal land the worst song of all time oh my god oh my story time story time oh chris matt you're here this This is great. How are you? His dog.
Starting point is 00:19:26 Since I've got you here, I'm looking for some advice. My wife and I are about to have our first child. Cute. And I have to say, the only thing I am not looking forward to is the unsolicited parenting advice. I just, I'm not looking forward to it. I'm sure it's already started. I really need some help. I need to know how to respond because I don't want to be rude, but I really want them to
Starting point is 00:19:51 know that I just don't care. I don't want to know what you have to say. I don't want to know about vaccines or red 40, you know, if it's coming from my parents or my sisters or my in-laws, that's different. But if it's like, you know, a sisters or my in-laws that's different yeah sure yeah but if it's like you know a friend from high school i don't want to hear about it right thank you very much for uh stopping by you know and uh remember oh taking a sweet old time that's good though but stop the video yeah that's what he does that's pretty all right actually i'll be honest um all right um so i think you know like anything else it's probably one of those things
Starting point is 00:20:33 you just you're never gonna not get it you're never gonna not have it come at you all you can do is make sure it's expedited as much as possible as often as possible get them to the end of their advice as quickly as possible you're never going to get them to stop period just say i've already done that when they say oh you know what you should do and then they say oh i've already done that yeah i'm well way ahead of you yeah before they even say no matter what it is no no have them say say i've already done that even if the kid is two weeks and be like to get them to sleep better i've already done that but this, though? You should save for his college. This is the one that everybody does, right? Get ready for, you know, I hope you don't need a lot of sleep.
Starting point is 00:21:11 Did you say this recently to me? I think so, yeah. Yeah, you hate that. I hope you don't get a lot of sleep. I hope you're used to not getting a lot of sleep. And what's the other one I hear? I hope you don't get a lot of sleep is what you said, which is so rude. I hope you don't get a lot of sleep.
Starting point is 00:21:24 See ya. It's just, yeah. Why don't people know the things that are annoying like people before they do it why aren't other parents like oh wait i was gonna give advice but hey i know how annoying that is hold on a second i'm about to be a jackass yes yeah why why don't people do that more um because they're not self-aware or is it i actually am asking do they do they think yeah that's annoying but not when i do it or do they not even yeah they yeah they're being delusional they think that they're not doing it but they do they they i think well it could be a lot of different things but one of the things is they're not self-aware i mean you know there's so
Starting point is 00:22:04 many people that say working hard or hardly working and they think they just they're not self-aware i mean you know there's so many people that say working hard or hardly working and they think they just they're not thinking about it they just think that oh it's funny to do that thing and they're not being self-aware but then there's also the people that think they're doing it but they're doing it in a different way they're doing it that's that that's maybe more annoying when i do it it's funny or whatever exactly when i do it it's i don't mean it like that you know the latter version the thing you just said but what bothers me more yeah because people were like i i know everyone's like this but i'm not right like whoa well i i did i do it my own way i put my own spin on it right right right you know and it's like you put your own spin on it you don't
Starting point is 00:22:37 you don't do that yeah i'm gonna put my own spin on this hey you know what you should do with your kid you this is that that you didn't put your own spit on it you give parenting advice and that's annoying as shit right do you trim your mustache wow dude the transition do you trim it it's so perfectly straight which do you trim your mustache oh like yeah so it's not over my lips yeah yes that's great you do a great job thanks man it's not it's not it's not perfect looking like too much oh it's great and that's what you thought of me i what were you insecure when i said it was perfect no okay so i didn't know i took it as a nice thing it is a nice thing yeah yeah i hate the way it feels on my lip yeah i get that too and i also don't like the way it looks it's like it's kind of disgusting it's it's it's not
Starting point is 00:23:20 disgusting it's the one true like mountain man thing with a beard that I'm like, you can't have that if you're just a guy in LA. You can have a long beard. You can't have it over your mouth. That's like, what are you doing? You have access to things that are sharp to trim that, do that. Robot. What is your malfunction? You have access to things that are sharp.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, you said you were going to cut your hair. You didn't do it. No, I didn't. And I keep thinking about it. Well, at least you're not there.
Starting point is 00:23:52 At least you're not thinking about it. How about how much it sucks? I think this is universal. You think about a thing you need to do. Just doing it would make you stop thinking about it and thus stop dreading it yeah and yet so many of us myself absolutely included put it off instead and then therefore they're dreading it more way more than they have to be why don't i just do the thing and i'm aware of this and i'm still not doing the thing i'm thinking of at least three things like this right now about myself
Starting point is 00:24:29 i have some but do you know do you know you're not taking into account how strong don't wanna is don't wanna is so strong talking about yeah i know that i'm not taking into account but i'm aware of yeah but it's just that don't wanna is so strong. It's so strong. And we are all babies when we think it. Don't wanna. I don't wanna. Dude, there's fucking a bag on my island that should be taken out.
Starting point is 00:24:59 I left the house four times. I didn't take it. Know why? Don't wanna. And I don't even care, but I know my wife does. So I'm like,'m like i gotta do that and that makes you care though that makes me care but that that that provide and then there we have the dread there we have that now we're done if you just didn't care it wouldn't matter no no but i do but right i do but i wouldn't if i didn't have my wife so don't wanna it's really don't want it is so strong. Honestly, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:25:25 But don't wanna, is it? I guess it is stronger even than the dread. The thing about it is, here's the thing. The dread lasts so long. The don't wanna, you can experience the don't wanna for a very short period of time. What's something everyone's dreading gonna take? How long is it gonna take you?
Starting point is 00:25:44 Three hours maximum? that's nothing not even dread you're feeling it for days and days and days sometimes yeah get rid of taxes taxes is the most that this dallas texas dallas taxes um dollars dollars taxes like what was that it was uh groucho mark said it dollars taxes all right uh all most Groucho thing. Hey, Matt. Hey, Chris. Oh, my God. I knew his voice was going to be so deep.
Starting point is 00:26:11 I have a question for you guys about movies. In Ottawa, we have a small movie theater that plays indie movies. And my wife loves to go see the terrible movies like The Room or Tommy Wiseau's newest one, Big Shark or Army of Darkness. Only his.
Starting point is 00:26:27 More. So I need your help. How do I appreciate these movies? I go with her and I just can't stand them. I know how. What perspective do I need to appreciate these movies? If you guys are ever in Ottawa and want to catch one, I'll buy the ticket and the popcorn.
Starting point is 00:26:43 We'll leave it at that. Yeah, help me appreciate these movies. Thanks, guys. that's that's a great god that is a good question okay so here's a thing too about that is i can't wrap my head around how there are genuinely people who just don't like bad shit i know and i and i don't i don't i don't get it kristin doesn't a lot of people don't i think i actually think And I don't get it. Kristen doesn't. A lot of people don't. I actually think women typically don't.
Starting point is 00:27:11 Their couple is a bit atypical. Usually it's the guy who likes it. Yeah, women are like, what are you watching? Are you kidding me? Waste of time, yeah. But it's so arguably, I mean, it's not as good as watching something really great. But it's- Depending upon your mood, it certainly can be. Yes, depending on your mood, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:26 But it's right under it. Yeah. I mean, you know, I watch Zone of Interest. I don't know if you saw Zone of Interest. Oh, we've talked about it on the podcast for way too long already. It was fantastic. I liked the experience much more than if I just watched some Eric Roberts movie from 1994. Except for if I'm in a silly mood, I to watch the eric roberts thing in 1990
Starting point is 00:27:45 where he's trying to get a briefcase right so many eric robert roberts movies are about him trying to get a briefcase just in 1994 you could fill the end of that sentence with almost any phrase so so my point is it's foreign to me when somebody can't i guess it i guess you'd say for lack of a better term it's a guilty pleasure right i hate that i do too but because people use it wrong because that's what a guilty pleasure is not friends no well yeah you know i mean i mean it certainly could be anything could be but a guilty pleasure could be i see a certain kind of ice cream or food right right but anyway go ahead uh well yeah like i said it's a truly great question. And I think, sometimes I think, why do I like this so much? Because I automatically love it.
Starting point is 00:28:30 So it's like- Yeah, I don't just like it, I love it. Yeah, I don't, it's like unexamined, automatic. I don't have to think about why I love it, I just do. But when I do think about why I love it- Oh, I think I know why. I think one of the reasons is the people making it. Or here, think of it this way.
Starting point is 00:28:45 If you sense a filmmaker or team it, or here, think of it this way. If you sense a filmmaker or team of filmmakers or whoever, just even just an actor is trying to be bad, it is instantly uninteresting. When it is bad, the only reason it's enjoyable is because the people making it were trying to make it well. Great point. And therein lies my enjoyment of
Starting point is 00:29:07 it right but i will also say it's not like a mockery thing for me i'm not like these fucking idiots we're trying and it sucks it is not i agree i appreciate there's like an art in trying to make something truly trying to make something great or poetic or meaningful whatever and happening to fail but kind of achieving a similar thing unintentionally in a different way yeah and that is the when we're talking about the best of the best bad stuff that's why i love it the most it's this it's the same thing really as a guy being like i'm gonna go hit on this chick and he's so bad at it similar and you're like oh my god yeah he thought it was going to be one way and it wasn't right and that's so funny yeah because like you know similar yeah
Starting point is 00:29:59 it's that's different because you you like to see a cocky asshole fail no but i don't even mean a cocky asshole okay if it wasn't a cocky asshole we'd still like to see a cocky asshole fail. No, but I don't even mean a cocky asshole. Okay. If it wasn't a cocky asshole, we'd still like to see it. And it wouldn't be like, fuck that guy. It would just be like, oh, you know what I'm saying? I get what you're saying. It's not.
Starting point is 00:30:15 Yeah. So it is the same thing. I mean, that a cocky asshole failing is a different thing. That's not what I'm talking about. Right, right, right. Just it's the same thing as seeing somebody trip and fall. Really? It's like they didn't mean to they didn't want to and they go and you think oh fuck i've been there you know but um yeah i don't know i i mean i watch movies all last night i would turn something on and kristen's like what are you watching i mean i i couldn't i couldn't
Starting point is 00:30:40 honestly so so much of my total happiness when I think about the amount of things that bring me joy, shit like this in this realm, not necessarily all just bad movies, but all different kinds of it, it adds up to so much of what brings me joy throughout the course of my life. Yeah, true, same.
Starting point is 00:31:03 At night, I almost always want to watch something. But here's the other thing too is sometimes we like it because we're funny and we watch it like Mystery Science Theater. And we're like, we can see the funniness in it.
Starting point is 00:31:18 Even if nobody's with us, we think of the jokes that we'd make. You know what I mean? So it's entertaining for us. If you're not a funny person, I could imagine that that's not fun to do by your i'll watch by myself these i do too you to do right yeah for sure yeah but like to watch this shit by yourself and not have that i want to make fun of this bone yeah is i could i could understand that but but that coupled with the wow they're trying to do this thing and it's not good.
Starting point is 00:31:45 You know, it's great. Sometimes, and it's rare, it is rare, but it does happen where there's something that is so a certain kind of bad in a certain kind of way. Yeah. Sometimes it's like a time capsule. Sometimes within the context of the period it came out. That it swings so far. Yes. That it comes back around and it is
Starting point is 00:32:05 its own kind of actual masterpiece kind of thing agree where it's like these people didn't mean to do this but they like stepped in shit you know i mean it just came out perfect yeah i find that um there's really a fine line between i mean look if you think of like david lynch's stuff you know or somebody really specific you could almost watch it two different ways. You could watch it. I mean, look, David Lynch is my favorite. So you could watch it and be like, this is an unbelievable artist, masterpiece guy doing his shit. Or you can be like, what the fuck is this guy doing?
Starting point is 00:32:38 The camera's been on this person for fucking three minutes, you know? And it's like, it's both depending on how you watch it. Right? There's some david lynn shit let's talk about that during luxury because there's some specific shit i want to talk about with that but we'll get too far in the weeds that's generally the answer to your question though that's a great question i love that question i love ottawa now because you're from there ottawa's great dude oh really no i've never been there yeah ottawa's great i had the most like like smooth comforting deep voice that guy yeah yeah yeah it's great voice yeah otto was good because uh the market's
Starting point is 00:33:10 really good people a lot of people come out to comedy it just ate a nice burger next one just got a shower this is a lot so i'm trying to compact this as much as i can um but basically me and my girlfriend have been together for about three months now um her ex uh after not texting her for months randomly dm'd her on instagram randomly added her on snapchat like three weeks ago okay um he wanted to talk to her about some situation that happened between her that happened between her friend and her ex um and he wanted to talk to her about it so she told me she's like i will just see what he wants and then i'm at him because that made me kind of uncomfortable um she was on facetime with me last night she called me on her ipad so she still had
Starting point is 00:33:53 her phone in her hand and she goes i'm just gonna text my friend right now her friend's a girl that she told me she's like i'm texting my friend uh we got into some big fight at school we're talking about it i see her on her phone in the corner of her phone and I saw the name. She was texting her ex on Snapchat. So I confronted her. I'm like, you know, you said you were going to unad him and you said you were texting your friend about a fight. What was that all about? She goes, yeah, I know. I added him back four or five days ago. And I'm like, she did that behind my back. And she's like, I know. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I just didn't want you to freak out that I was texting him. And so I thought about it and I said to her, I was like, you know what? I don't feel comfortable. I'm the guy. I'm the number one guy was texting him. And so I thought about it. And I said to her, I was like, you know
Starting point is 00:34:25 what, I don't feel comfortable. I'm the guy. I'm the number one guy in your life. And if I don't feel comfortable, I feel like you should, you know, do something about that. I want you to unad him or we're not going to be together. And it stressed her out. And she started freaking out. She just basically started freaking out. And yeah, she didn't want to do it at first. But then eventually ended up getting her to do it after saying it a few more times she unadded him and she gave me her snapchat account but then she told me she was like i was talking to my friend about it and for the past few days i just i don't know what i want like i still have him in the back of my mind oh even though we're dating
Starting point is 00:35:00 i still have him in the back of my mind and he just it's uncontrollable i can't get him out of my head i love you with all my heart but it's just in my head he's just ever so slightly there and she's like i'm gonna try and get over him just for you and i'll and you know i'm not gonna talk to him or anything i've gotten over him before but i'm gonna try and get over him just for you and it's like i don't know do you guys think that i should give her you know some time to try and get over this guy and see if i can even see if even i can get over this situation because i'm somebody that overthinks a lot should i give her some time to try and get over her ex um even though she's in a relationship with me or should i just break up with her you guys are young well put yeah
Starting point is 00:35:40 you actually handled that all that potentially very confusing information pretty well yeah the way you explain that uh i'm not confused you guys are young so i don't know man it sounds like she's speaking of overthinking it sounds like she might be overthinking just because her ex it's pretty recent that they broke up just because she's like sometimes thinking about him doesn't mean that she's not ready for a different relationship this stuff gets messy very very messy and sometimes you have an ex in your mind because of not even just because you miss them because the way they treated you because the way you treated them or there's some trauma there in your mind about what didn't go the way
Starting point is 00:36:20 it should have gone and you have regrets like it doesn't mean that she misses that guy necessarily it could but if she's not saying that's the case honestly it's not like she's being crazy honest with you about it and i would for one appreciate at least just that obviously she lied about the snapchat thing and i get that too i'm not trying to defend her like fully but but there's something to be said for what she's saying coming back and being like look i don't know what's going on i love you but he's in the back of my mind a little bit and i want to get over him like if she's saying all of that and it seems genuine i don't know i wouldn't advise just being like no get her out of your life like this like i said these things get messy and sometimes we as adults which you are either now or going to be soon, you got to deal with that shit. Yeah, I think that it's just,
Starting point is 00:37:09 it's kind of out of your hands. You said, I don't want you to be talking to him, and she did, and then you found out they were, and then she admitted it, and then she admitted more, which was honest of her. Yeah. That's cool for her to tell you that stuff. Definitely. You know, I think that you seem like you want an answer right now, and I don't think it's going to be revealed to you yet.
Starting point is 00:37:39 But you can just really see where she's at you know you have your stuff where it's like look i don't want you to be in contact with him if that's going to make you feel a certain type of way or want to get in contact with him or that you're not over him then then you have a decision to make because it's like you know i can't if you don't want to be with somebody who's talking to their ex then then you don't want to be with somebody who's talking to their ex then then you don't want to be with that person i sorry no go ahead i was gonna say i think she agreed to stop talking yeah she did she did but but there's one you know there there's okay i'll stop talking to him or all right if you want me to i'll stop talking to him right and then that's not right because
Starting point is 00:38:23 she's not doing it because she thinks it's the better idea she's doing it because she thinks she has to it sounds though like that she actually really does want to get over this guy well that's that's what i appreciate about what she's saying yeah and here's the other thing too is like why did they break up and when did they break up right if it was two years ago it's much different than if it was four months ago totally and did he break up with her did she break up with him did is it a thing did they move away did they you know um i think i think this is the main thing you're three months into the relationship who knows what's gonna happen yeah take it easy Take the foot off the gas a little bit. Yeah. It'll be figured out. And the right thing will happen.
Starting point is 00:39:09 Well, the right decision will reveal itself to you. But the right thing will happen. I mean, it's like... Yeah, sure. You know, it's like you're not going to make a catastrophic mistake. You know, say you do something that pushes her away. You didn't lose the one. Like it's, you know, it may feel that way,
Starting point is 00:39:28 but it's just, this is just the way it's supposed to happen. And it'll be okay. I would say she gave you, she mentioned he gave, she gave him her Snapchat. I don't have Snapchat, never did. But I think that that is a bad idea. We don't want our partners log in information on their social media.
Starting point is 00:39:45 What we want is to trust our partners. Yeah. So three months in, if you already don't trust her so much, you need her Snapchat info. Yeah, that's true. That above all else, I would say, is a sign that maybe, you know.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Get rid of that. And then also, also. Mark that down and then maybe ending the relationship is best. You can give her the option of messing up or not you can say hey okay i didn't like i don't like you talking i don't want you to talk to him don't talk to him and then if you are confronted with the information that they are talking again then you have a decision to make or dude it's okay if she's not over her ex and she's with you
Starting point is 00:40:27 yes that'll all even out you you don't have to worry about oh she needs to be over her i need to be the only man exactly three months in yeah in two years if you're still together it's a whole different story and you in two years if you're still together you will be the only one i mean three months and two years the gap but like you got to give people a grace period yeah you know i've often uh gotten with somebody and that helped me get over my final hump of getting over something right that actually that's a great point yeah sometimes the only reason your ex is still in your mind is because it's been a minute since you've been with anyone else and that intimacy still lingers in your mind because it's the most recent person you're intimate with uh anytime i've not been able to get over an ex and wondering what's wrong with
Starting point is 00:41:11 me why can't i get this person on my head then someone else comes along boot scoots that ex out of my mind and now all there is is the new person doesn't always happen like that but it can and sometimes it takes a little longer in this case her, it might be taking a little longer. I don't know. Boot scoots. Yeah. I never heard that. Is that a thing?
Starting point is 00:41:30 Boot scoot. It's boot scooting. I don't know. It's some like country thing. Yeah. Which I am. I'm very country. We are.
Starting point is 00:41:37 Thanks for the submission. That was a good one. All right. Cool. Got some good ones today, huh? I heard they were going to be horrible. Hi, guys. My name's Taylor from Palm Beach.
Starting point is 00:41:44 My husband, Travis, has been on the show a couple of times we're big fans um my question is in regards to your wives i am almost 37 weeks pregnant with my second and i keep getting comments mostly from men or from women that have not had kids yet about how like large my belly is and when's the due date and oh my gosh are they coming today and um it actually makes in a situation where you're already a little bit on edge and not sleeping great worse and so i guess i'm wondering i'm sure you were all super supportive of your wives but did you know not to say anything would you know now like don't say anything to a pregnant woman um yeah what are your thoughts she put this same video in golden hour and we no wonder she said wives okay yeah i know am i married yeah oh
Starting point is 00:42:38 my god i'm married yeah um thanks um no but she did say matt and chris in the beginning i think oh she did too running them down saying whatever but anyway uh you speak to this but all i want to say out of the way is i think a rule is never say shit yeah about a pregnant woman's body unless that pregnant woman asks and then be fucking careful hello do you think i'm pregnant like what the fuck are these people doing just being like it's like that sometimes it's very obvious someone's pregnant i don't mean pretend she's not pregnant i mean don't comment on her body like don't pregnant women are in here that's for sure like especially if if it's not something you know extremely well like shut the fuck up but you don't think she's aware constantly of her fucking body right now she's
Starting point is 00:43:25 pregnant 37 weeks yeah good point don't bring it up she's already thinking about it there is a what about if a woman is like really pregnant there's somebody like i saw like all of a sudden somebody at my gym is like super pregnant and i I'm like, Oh, they're definitely pregnant. What if I see them and we start talking? Because I, I know, I know her. I, I,
Starting point is 00:43:49 you have to reference it, right? Oh yeah. No, I don't. You want to tell me about her body? You don't comment specifically on her body. You can be like,
Starting point is 00:43:57 if you're, if you know someone and you notice they're pregnant and you haven't talked about it at all, you don't want to be like, Oh yeah. So what? Give us an example. What should want to be like, oh, it's good to see you. Give us an example. What should you do?
Starting point is 00:44:12 Hey, so I have two kids. Congratulations. That's it. Oh, okay. That's all you got to say. Oh, okay. If it's that, congratulations. How far along are you? Oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:44:19 Congratulations. How far along are you? So exciting. Yeah. I mean, copying me wholesale. Copying me wholesale. Copying me wholesale. Okay. See, I are you? So exciting. Yeah. I mean, copying me wholesale. Copying me wholesale. Copying me wholesale. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:28 See, I see. I get it. Oh, dude. I just thought of something else for Lifeline Luxury. Yes, dude. Okay. Wholesale. Anthony, write that down.
Starting point is 00:44:35 Write down that word wholesale. I'll remember. He just writes H-O-L-E-S-A-I-L. That's the kind of dummy he is, dude. Damn. How about that? That was a really funny joke dude good job yeah nice and not sa not sa not sa le though nice job on the w
Starting point is 00:44:53 you know what i'm saying you do the joke you know yeah you do it in your head i did it in my head um do another one okay okay yo now that's a fucking beer uh my name is ollie and i'll try and keep this real brief because i've just gone to the gym and realized i need to do a poo so oh i need to get this done and finished and head back home to the toilet uh first of all actually i live on an island uh kangaroo island out of south australia and we've got about 5 000 people here wow and my wife said that the other day uh this couple walked into the kiosk that she works at and the chick was wearing a life rip hoodie so that's pretty freaking awesome that's such a remote reach and uh small uh low population of an area um so well done man thank you it's uh yeah you're changing the world
Starting point is 00:45:46 in some some awesome ways wow and you're goddamn right yes my question for both of you what advice would each of you give to your 25 year old selves i'm 25 myself i would love to hear what you would have to say to yourself at my age and also when are you coming back to australia adelaide anywhere in australia we really really want you back thank you so much guys huge love it's 25 year old self oh man dude uh well i mean i would have i would have very specific yeah yours would be different than mine would be very specific tailored for me yeah but i think generally yeah well because you know it is weird because if you're if you're asking that question i guess you are asking for something somewhat general because yeah well you have to you know because well you know for me it would be like hey make sure that
Starting point is 00:46:35 you don't snowball out of control with your whole sex addiction yeah that would be but that you can't say the right advice for you right but you can say that for everyone no you can't i don't think it would apply to him either right uh but uh i for yeah mine would be pretty vague honestly so this might apply to him so i don't know he's he's on an island with only 5 000 people it's a very different life you're leading than i was when i was 25 but i think best, I would have enjoyed the last many years of my life if I, instead of being so like, it's not that specifically I'm hard on myself. It's that, uh, I've, I've always been in a, in a hurry to do things. And when I'm not at the place I want to be, I, I won't let myself be happy. It's not that I'm thinking I got to punish myself
Starting point is 00:47:29 for not being where I want to be in life, but I'm thinking I'm not where I want to be in life. And I can't forget that because if I forget that, then I'll get lazy and not get to where I want to be in life. That has been the source of diminished enjoyment of my life as I've experienced it more than anything else. And if I could go back to myself when I'm 25, I would tell myself, hey, chill out. You're going to work hard anyway. You don't have to also be hard on yourself based on the results that you're either getting or not getting enjoy your fucking life because you only get to be whatever age you are for one year then it's
Starting point is 00:48:10 on to the next year and then the next and the next and next next you fucking know you're way fucking older and you've been spending way too much time being hard on yourself stop doing that is what i would tell myself at the age of 25 if I could go back in time. But I can't. I can't do that yet. I can't yet go back in time. I've almost perfected it. Spinning out of control. It was so good until you're spinning out of control.
Starting point is 00:48:33 There was something that you said to me once when I was 24. And it stuck with me. And I think about it all the time. And it has genuinely helped my life you forget we'll leave it at that um and uh you said i was i was i wanted to make a name for myself i wanted to make you know i couldn't get a job acting i was trying to you know starting stand up and i was like what the fuck and you said you want this so bad you're going to look back on this time
Starting point is 00:49:15 as the good times and i remember thinking you might be right about that what if you are right about that yeah you know what that's true so i'm gonna live like it's the good times now and i i kept that in mind and i i'm 44 now and i still think about it you know and and i sure enough back then when i asked you that question remember that fondly yeah dude and you know i try to keep that in mind as a reassurance of how that works because you know my kid my kids are four and one and i think oh i want them to get in a good school i want them to this i want them i want i want them to have enough money to do this i want to be able to take a trip should we all do this but this is the time that it is and this is the time that is the time in 10 years i'm gonna look back on and
Starting point is 00:50:07 be like wow that was amazing so why not just let it be amazing 100 which is kind of along the lines of what you're saying absolutely right um and um and it's just it's so true and it's so important and i'm really glad that you told me that because if you didn't tell me that dude i don't think i would know that i think i would know that but i don't think i would like have it formed you know it's like every now and then people say something that you carry with you and that was one of those things oh that's cool i interestingly i think about that kind of thing not i i don't remember saying that but it makes sense that i did because i think about that more now than ever because you know you start to hit middle age and these things are in your mind way more than they are when you're young when you're young you're
Starting point is 00:50:52 just like I want to get to life I want to be successful I want to do this and do that and do that and do that you're not like really in reflection mode yet yeah but I think about how much time we waste reflection mode as an eight-year-old how much time we waste like thinking about what's coming what's coming what it's going to be like how worrying stressing instead of just enjoying what's right in front of you right then yeah and you're it's not that you're going to regret it later it's that you're missing the space and time to enjoy what's in front of you right now and that really applies when you're 25
Starting point is 00:51:31 dude that is the time to enjoy your life I remember I was I took Calvin to T-Ball yesterday and like you know there's people there with dads that are like you know their son's swinging the bat
Starting point is 00:51:46 and they're like, all right, well, you know, we're kind of a little more. It's like they're trying to get them to be a good hitter. And it's almost like when my son's a good hitter, then we'll be happy. And it's like, this is so much fun. It's about this process. It's about me and my son connecting and trying and swinging.
Starting point is 00:52:09 You know? Yeah, totally. And I think that if you lose sight of that, you miss a lot of the fun and enjoyment in life. Yeah. No, it's a good point. And that's as serious as I'm ever going to be. All right. Well, then let's do one more before we get too serious here.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Hey, guys. My name is Delaney. I'm a super big fan of both of you both you guys Chris been able to see you a few times would love to see y'all do a lifeline on the road if y'all ever feel like coming down to the south um today I need advice on how to pivot out of the uncomfortable conversation where people think that just because you're small um it's okay to comment on your weight. For context, a few years ago, I got pretty sick, lost a substantial amount of weight. And since then, it's just been a common theme of people thinking it's okay to say things like, oh my God, eat a burger. Do you ever eat anything?
Starting point is 00:52:58 Ask me if I'm anorexic. Had a lady come into my job, look at me and say, oh my God, you're skin and bones. Like, what do you do to stay so skinny? And I just looked at me and say, oh my God, you're skin and bones. Like, what do you do to stay so skinny? Wow, she's hateful. And I just looked at her and I was like, you know, it's a medical thing, but I appreciate it, I guess. Right, yeah. And she said, well, whatever medical thing you have, sign me up because I want to look
Starting point is 00:53:17 like that. People say that all the time to me too. And I have to look at her and be like, lady, I don't think you want a brain tumor, but noted. Oh my God, you want a brain tumor? And I get the whole ask uncomfortable questions, get uncomfortable answers. But that makes me just as uncomfortable as I'm trying to make them. Because I don't feel like I should have to explain my medical history to somebody to make them understand that that's not a question you fucking ask.
Starting point is 00:53:41 So any advice on how to pivot out of that conversation without doing that would be super helpful so thanks guys we've talked about this but we've never talked about we've talked about how fucked up and shitty it is but we've never talked about what to do well yeah because it's so annoying when people say we've talked about this before it's like you can't say to a fat person like yo put down the fork right but you know i i was real thin when i was growing up hard to believe because of fucking i still am real thin you're pretty thin but but my shoulders is the main focus here and when my shoulders are just fucking they're crazy dude you gotta put your sunglasses on
Starting point is 00:54:20 my shoulder i got shoulders for days put a week on it dude i got shoulders for days put a month on it does that even apply i mean it's just like it's like this that expression uh if you started more blind right now the way if you started a trip bear grills would have a tough time getting from here to here is what i'm saying i can't be bear grills is bear grills name but that's besides that is crazy his name is bear It's crazy his name is Bear Grylls. That'd be like if my name was Funny Comic. Laugh Jokerson. Hey, welcome to the stage, Laugh Jokerson.
Starting point is 00:54:56 All right, all right. Bear Grylls. What are you? Yeah, it's crazy. It's fucking nuts, dude. Bear Grylls. All right, so. What do you do? What should you do you what you know i never thought
Starting point is 00:55:07 about it what she was saying i never thought about it in the way as it makes you uncomfortable too right because i don't feel that way when somebody does something to me i go like okay you made your bed here we go i don't i twist it in my head you're saying it doesn't make you feel no no really yeah i go like this all right fatty you know what i mean oh well that's shitty why because you why so you can beat them fat saddlebags like fucking ace ventura dude well i'm going off on my own here huh dude speaking of movies that there's a sequence i recently watched mr mom i was telling you yeah yeah dude there's a part mr mom where michael it's the best part of the movie where michael keaton and his wife terry gar arguing she's at work all day he's stuck with the kids he's getting he's getting overweight he's Dude, there's a part in Mr. Mom where Michael, it's the best part of the movie, where Michael Keaton and his wife, Terry Garr, are arguing.
Starting point is 00:55:45 She's at work all day. He's stuck with the kids. He's getting overweight. He's letting himself go. And she's getting mad at him, like the typical husband does. Like, you're really letting yourself go, honey. And they're having this big fight in the bedroom
Starting point is 00:55:54 and he's getting his stuff, going to storm out the door. And she's like, where are you going? Yeah. And he goes, I'm going to go sleep on the fat couch. Oh, that's hilarious. Dude, it's so funny. It's so funny. Like, it's what people say when they're mad, but don't make sense. Yeah, dude, it's so funny. Hilarious.
Starting point is 00:56:05 So funny. Like it's what people say when they're mad, but don't make sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm surprised they left that in. Honestly,
Starting point is 00:56:09 I know. So good. That's funny. That's so something that a producer would be like, I don't know if it makes sense, but they're thinking, Oh, Michael Eaton's the best.
Starting point is 00:56:15 All right. So yeah, those movies of his in the eighties were so good. Yeah, I know he had it. Yeah. Gung Ho, Mr. Mom.
Starting point is 00:56:20 Yeah. So that's not for this. I, you know, I don't, I don't. I think that it's just one of those things that people are just going to be fucking. They don't know they're being rude.
Starting point is 00:56:36 If you want to be. What do you do, though? The greatest kind of person. If you have the, like the, I don't know what you say the substance and patience the wherewithal to do this i i suggest you do it look them in the eye and say why exactly do you think it's okay to talk like this about my weight yeah but that'll make her crazy uncomfortable i know but maybe you maybe the thing for her to get through the the only way to get over the discomfort is to go through the discomfort for her right it's like you know if you're going through hell keep going yeah it's like if you're gonna squirm and squirm and squirm
Starting point is 00:57:14 until it's over maybe the only way is through it and just look at look at them in the face and say why do you think it's okay i want to know why do you think it's okay i mean you know i want to know fucking a few good men yeah make a whole meal out of the monologue make a big dramatic thing but seriously though i also if you do that next time it happens submit again and tell me how it went because i sometimes i'd be curious you know what i'm gonna do it too we'll both report back next time somebody's gonna be on the lookout for it you know just you think i'm skinny what you what you think i'm saying something to me what nobody said anything uh just in churches you don't even religious what what across the pew um yeah i i uh i think it's crazy uh but mostly people do that because they're not happy with themselves i would think like whoa whoa skinny
Starting point is 00:58:02 mini over here yeah yeah put that in the fucking the worst though you're right is when they get when people are like they think they're beating you to the like yeah i'm saying it because i'm bitter thing the thing she actually mentioned it oh if that's the kind of sickness tell me what kind of sickness that is i want to get that too because i'm like and it's like that doesn't absolve you it's like they think that absolves them by being like well i can say it right because i am overweight and it's like it's like no no i wouldn't do it to you though nor should i do it the reason i'm not and it's also i'm not not doing it to you because like i have manners or something i'm not doing it because i'm not fucking rude and don't want to genetics and i'm not a piggy fat fuck. What if you leaned in like that?
Starting point is 00:58:45 Yeah. Genetics and, oh, genetic. You know what it is? Genetics. One more thing. Columbo. I'm also not a piggy fat fuck. Columbo with the one more thing. Yeah. Detective. Yeah. You know, it's funny. Well, I might as well say you're also a piggy fat fuck.
Starting point is 00:59:04 Wow. So loud too do that i mean could you imagine then the problem with that i mean no you're kidding is that then you become you become the asshole and there's no way around that yeah oh shit i'm oh shit i'm oinking oh oh oh that would be hilarious dude hey why don't you eat a burger you're so skinny oh oh are we two piggies now i mean the thing about the burger is why don't you eat a burger the easy response is why don't you not eat a burger oh why don't you eat less why don't you eat a fucking salad you ate them all
Starting point is 00:59:44 that's that's the right that's great that's the right response we figured it out yeah good job thank you for lifeline yeah thank you for lifeline you know all right cool i'll be in nanaimo i'll be in victoria bc i'll be in uh chattanooga i'll be in des moines i'll be in savannah i'll be in north charleston i'll be in uh green bay yay yay green bay and st petersburg florida but we have our lifeline live at may 14th so make sure you get tickets may 14th lifeline live come we'll be taking uh questions from the crowd and that's what's up and you get r and r lifeline luxury we're gonna go do that, record that now. Go to Lifeline Luxury, patreon.com slash lifeline luxury.
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