Lifeline - 105. The OF Whisperer (w/ Ryan Pownall)

Episode Date: April 14, 2024

✨ LIFELINE LUXURY is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. May 14th! Come to our live show at Irvine Improv! TICKETS 🤳 Want to submit to Life...line? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 Today we talk about unsolicited parenting advice, a Snapchat love triangle, pestering pregnancy questions, and what advice would you give to the 25-your-old you? 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Ryan's links: youtube.com/@pillowtalkwithryan instagram.com/itsryanpownall instagram.com/pillowtalkwithryan tiktok.com/@pillowtalkwithryan twitter.com/pillowtalkwryan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:40 I didn't even prepare a speech. I'd like to thank my family for always needing stuff. Also, Sam, my delivery guy, for bringing all my awesome deals so fast. You're the man, Sam! Shop deals on electronics, home, and more this Prime Day, July 16th and 17th. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Will you please? we started okay cool guys we have okay look all right you know we use sunglasses for this well it's just because our future is bright you can you can i certainly do sometimes the most distinct shades when you put your shades on who me yeah oh i think of it's almost like because i see your stories and stuff ryan pono ladies and gentlemen yeah he's got a great uh podcast called pillow
Starting point is 00:01:38 talk uh that i've done actually and uh great episode it's it's it's fun that was really fun um it's a great podcast it's a podcast that's wild it's wet and wild and um emphasis on the wet a lot of ladies on there and but the uh but your glasses are actually when i see you in those glasses like when you came in i was like oh yeah that's right he has those glasses just so you know you are that's kind of like you could make a silhouette and make it a sticker dude my watch figure would have dude that's good yeah oh wow and you know what that's a poor thing though it means that i don't have more stuff don't have more stuff yeah you know it's funny though there is actually you bring up the that's a poor thing there are guys on the
Starting point is 00:02:23 planet that now have like podcasts that are huge. You have a huge podcast and it's great. And you do stuff like you have brands that you work with and all that. And I have no idea how much money a guy like you has. I'm not asking what you make. I can tell you. But there is like, you could be a $200000-aire or you could have $15 million. Absolutely, dude.
Starting point is 00:02:49 I have no idea. And that's kind of cool. Maybe you don't want to tell. Don't tell. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. Some months, I'm a 50 billionaire. Some months, I'm like, fuck.
Starting point is 00:02:58 McDonald's again. Not even Uber Eats because it's three bucks more. Walk down the street for it. Some months, it's that. Some months, should we buy Apple? Should we just buy it? At least a majority share. Should we buy Bing?
Starting point is 00:03:11 That probably makes the most sense, honestly. That it's so up and down. I'll have a cool episode. Every brand will be like, let's fucking, let's subscribe. And then you maybe dip a little because you get shadow banned. Fuck you, Zucky. Dude, I bet that happens a lot. That must happen a lot to my miserable life. and then you maybe dip a little right because you get shadow banned fuck you zucky dude you i bet you that happens a lot that must happen a lot to my miserable life what i don't understand is your
Starting point is 00:03:29 podcast is because you you you do crazy stuff on your podcast what i don't understand is because i get shadow banned i get age restricted and all that stuff you know what how are you how are they not shadow banning you more? Why haven't they killed me? Yeah, exactly. Why don't you have literally 500 views on each podcast? What is the reason? I don't understand that.
Starting point is 00:03:52 So one day I actually read the community guidelines. Okay. I took an Adderall and I read it. What a great reading. You needed that. Yeah, it's like 42 pages. Oh my God. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:01 No touching an ass. Oh. No touching a tit. Even your own, an ass. Oh, they get specific. No touching a tit, even your own, the girls. Oh really? Yeah, don't swear or say a sexual word unless it's bleeped out. Wow, that's a lot of- Still, if you're suggesting sexuality with the bleeps,
Starting point is 00:04:17 still could get fucked. And that's where they get me. So then why is it still on? How are you still on? I don't understand. Yeah, well we try, we bleep, we bleep. You do bleep a lot. Yeah, but you can well we try we bleep we believe you do bleep a lot you can't we're bleepers but the whole thing would be like a flat line like a phone off just a blurry blurry
Starting point is 00:04:34 just the worst podcast but more views than you would have yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah do it marco turn the air off what turn the air you did it again so that it is crazy because they can just get you for whatever they own it it's it's like too vague look i'm i got the orange checks right now i'm miserable i i woke up this morning must have yeah that's what ruins my day you know it's not girls or money it's do i have green or orange checks yeah and right now they're orange the anxiety right oh fuck because then it's it's either i get you know two million views on a reel on the pillow talk yeah right or like one view yeah it's so weird right i don't like that i don't like that dude that's so depressing oh fuck fuck you people are gonna watch it anyway dude stop doing that who does it benefit like what
Starting point is 00:05:21 is why do they do that yeah yeah brands they want to make the money with the with the brands they want the brand it's like a nightclub bouncer i find you know it's so arbitrary you're not getting in tonight pal it's arbitrary but just make it youtube dark or whatever you want to call it that would be cool everybody would like i have a buddy uh for him on war and he that's so special out and it once he put it out it dinged him because he said something that he shouldn't have said. And then he was like, okay, well, then I'll just upload the real version that I like and then the bleeped version. And he's splitting views. But, like, why wouldn't somebody – What a mess.
Starting point is 00:05:57 Why wouldn't somebody just – like, if I see special and then under that I see, oh, wait, there's the one that's extended. I'm just going to click on that one. Of course. So that's why I don't get why it isn't beneficial for youtube i mean i guess like with brands and all that they want hey who clicks the clean one well that's what i'm saying who who no there's nobody right like oh wow he's such a nice guy he made the clean one for us but also it's the same thing just with bleeps that's not even clean it's just like you don't have to my virgin ears don't need to hear. It's like the parents are over. It's like clean one tonight.
Starting point is 00:06:27 Mom and dad are here. But it's still awkward. It's weird. So wait. So all right. So then that's annoying. And I don't know if it's ever going to change. And there should be.
Starting point is 00:06:34 There are platforms like Rumble and stuff where they just like. It doesn't matter what you say. But who goes on that? I don't want to be a Rumble guy, dude. Or OFTV. Nothing against Rumble. Right, right, right. Are you an OFTV guy?
Starting point is 00:06:44 I think OnlyFans is. Do I look like an OFTV guy? I think OnlyFans is. You don't. I look at you. I say right are you an of tv guy i think only do i look like an of tv guy i think only fans you don't i look at you i say he's not an of tv thank you look kind of like an of tv guy a little i could be but i'm not i think i think honestly only fans is going to be i think it's got such a chance to make it because right now it's synonymous with porn but if it's not if it's got a chance to get to the next like the patreon steal that shit yeah it could it could totally be that i told chris i said you want to make an extra million dollars that's what he said yeah do what he said i should do an only fans yeah and just don't show your dick yeah just do the dick print and the gray sweats do the odd pics you know kind of do
Starting point is 00:07:25 anything oops you know bending over picking up the but is it for my gum is it for gays yeah that's what i guess what is it for i know chicks well i don't know sometimes kind of question that though because sometimes chicks are like no don't know chicks they don't they don't i don't think there's one female on there who would but i had a roommate nathan webb he was on too hot to handle netflix yeah okay yeah and then he's like well i'll try this only fan things oh shit 120 grand a month come no seriously what did he do he all the dirty well then he got addicted he jerked off in the kitchen yeah yeah you know as the reality tv cult started dying i've thought about it money oh now he's fucking himself in the ass he was doing that oh so basically what it did only fans only fans did for him was it made him a lot of
Starting point is 00:08:03 money but really it helped him figure out who he was. So that's the main thing. This is a real question, like an economic, my interest is, it's an actual question. If I was like, okay,
Starting point is 00:08:17 I'm just going to go on there. I'm not going to put anything in my ass, but I'm going to show everybody whatever they want to see. And like I'll- Feet, dicks, balls. Give them the goods. You know, I can gauge how much someone's going to make on OnlyFans. Yeah, so what do we think?
Starting point is 00:08:28 You're like 3,800 a month. So you're like a OnlyFans whisperer? Yeah, that's what you are. Yes, I am. OF Whisperer. That's all I can do. I can project to girls OnlyFans and I can guess their cup size. And do you tell these girls, I think you can make this and you're pretty right a lot?
Starting point is 00:08:45 All the time. Wow. Yeah. I have like a 97% success rate for that. What do you think mine would be? Well, you're a fucking famous guy. Okay. Launch month.
Starting point is 00:08:53 Launch month will be bigger. Yeah. $72,000. Okay. Whoa. Okay. Wow. Followed by 42.
Starting point is 00:09:00 Right. And then it goes down. Followed by 38. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the big dip after the three months. Okay, okay. The buzz has slowed down. Now you get into the gay shit. Oh. Right. And then it goes down. Followed by 38. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the big dip after the three months. Okay, okay. The buzz has slowed down. Now you get into the gay shit.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Oh. See, that's where you don't want to be. Now you're making like 16. You're like, fuck, I missed that 72. Yeah. You know what's up. It's like crack. Why can't I get that high?
Starting point is 00:09:16 You're describing drug addiction. Right. You're describing it directly. Pretty much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Okay, that's interesting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:23 Sobering and I'm sure very, very accurate. I don't want to discredit the 3,800. That's a good month. That's a lot of money. Yeah, but also yeah, yeah. Wow. Okay, that's interesting. Sobering and I'm sure very, very accurate. I don't want to discredit the 3,800. That's a good month. That's a lot of money. Yeah, but also I have a fan base already. Plus, there's the curiosity. Why is he doing that? Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:09:33 People who even hate you would sign up for one month just to see what's going on. I think it's more those people than the fans. Yeah. Also, I mean, I don't know this. This is a dumb question. There are a lot of guys on OnlyFans, right? I never see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:47 It's a ton of guys. We signed up for a guy because- What do you mean? Kristen and I were like, dude, this guy's crazy, right? And he was a reality guy. And we were like, we got to, what do they do? So we signed up just to watch a video. And dude, the guy straight up was working off in the kitchen.
Starting point is 00:10:06 That's why I said in the kitchen, just and like troublesome. That we were just like, oh, oh. And like, dude, he just naked, so, so stiff. And we were like, oh, dude. And that's the only gay porn I've ever seen. Get the fuck out of here. No, it really is.
Starting point is 00:10:23 Even by mistake, I've never seen gay porn. Get out porn get out get out dude i'm gonna be honest i'm a 44 year old adult now come on yeah so my gay assistant he was a gay porn star for seven years no way riley okay yeah he's cool good for him yeah yeah good for a good guy but now you know i follow him on twitter yeah and he'll post like someone will tag him in like a throwback scene and i'll see my little cute muffin assistant just getting fucked in the ass yeah twitter's just i'm like oh no you gotta be careful i stopped twitter entirely yeah years ago i was like this is dangerous place also it'll be like hey you know uh uh spacex just launched a rocket and then under it there's a chick just
Starting point is 00:10:58 fully holding her ankles like shitting into a bedpan and you're like oh different kind of i don't want to know that like like dude like dad's on twitter like who like who i mean not anymore no i know i know it's siblings day oh yeah yeah then like a mastercard ad and then you see my friend nathan just fucking himself it's just so yeah it's so weird but it's like and i get elon musk being like well we want everybody to be able to say anything. But it's like, they're saying a lot. Do you really want that? I don't know. Maybe you do.
Starting point is 00:11:28 Maybe you don't. But whatever. I guess. We could do, you know, the format of the show. We could do a thing where we look at a video. I would love to. We could do that. How do we look?
Starting point is 00:11:38 We do do that. Yours will be there. You can look at the little one there. You can look at the big one there. When I'm there, I look there and there. And frankly, it's annoying when he looks there. Oh, you don you don't you i mix it up frankly it's annoying when it looks there because you don't like when i look where there oh you never even said that before we're learning stuff no i have said it before because you you because when think about when you cut it
Starting point is 00:11:56 together the video is in the middle you should be looking that way and i should be looking this oh that makes sense if we're both looking that way right where you're looking this way yeah let me talk to you for a second no no don't do that in public no i have to do that because i need to i have told you that i never ever do you guys remember anthony see thank you anthony sleeps half the fucking episodes no he's in the bathroom half the episodes he's in the bathroom at the episode what's he doing in the bathroom doing there for a while we could be looking at all his only fan videos all right all right let's do it all right who we got guys hello um this is gabby
Starting point is 00:12:34 i'm from montreal i'm big fun love you both there you go yeah oh god sprinkle sprinkle oh okay wow um all right a lot of salutations here yeah um i have a pretty interesting question um i mean we'll let us we'll see about that how would you guys go about so canadian yeah uh telling your partner that they need to get in better shape wow toughest oh yeah i want to have fun with him i want to you know that's you know that's yeah however he's been gaining a bit of weight and me i'm very like a gym very structured person is this person drunk could be i've been trying to like kind of tiptoe around it and she's also holding the camera so far away because i don't want to hurt his feelings and i don't want to reject him well good luck you don't have to explain why you feel rejected by the person you love it could change the dynamic
Starting point is 00:13:39 right oh yeah so forever you gotta be careful um I'm just trying to get maybe a different like bird's eye view of what else I could do that accent is crazy as a man what is it is she French
Starting point is 00:13:53 a little bit she's French that's what that accent is wow see how you would like like to be approached about the situation or that topic
Starting point is 00:14:02 okay that's a good question thank you so much guys big. Big fun. Bye. You gotta be... You gotta be careful, man. Because that shit can last forever. You put that seed in their mind. It's just so insecure. But it is different for the guy than it is for the girl.
Starting point is 00:14:18 To the girl, you just go... If your girl gains weight, you can't be like... You're just like, oh, okay, charge it to the game. This is how it's gonna be. Charge it to the game. I can't. What am I gonna do?, oh, okay, charge it to the game. This is how it's going to be. Charge it to the game. I can't. What am I going to do? Bring it up and then my life sucks, period?
Starting point is 00:14:31 Forever? Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Until you break up. What about the girl to the guy then? How is it? What? So I got it done to me.
Starting point is 00:14:38 Oh, no. What? Yeah, a girl. And you know what she did? So this is what she did. She pulled up her phone and said, hey, babe, look at how we used to look and then she would swipe between a and b that's a really good idea weren't we better there we she said we that's the she looks fantastic i said you look the same angel right right she's like she goes oh oh and looks at you yeah right and that oh that's the thing and you can yes
Starting point is 00:14:58 pretend your partner led you to the realization oh i, I do look the same. It's you that looks different. Right. She did that. That's genius. It was Ariane. Huh. That's true. I do look the same.
Starting point is 00:15:10 Yeah. Huh. Huh. And then just walks away. It's you that's fat. So you don't have to say it at that point. But so, yeah, I can answer for me what I would. Like I had one time.
Starting point is 00:15:22 You guys don't get fat, eh? My girlfriend. No. Not me, whatever. You could. See, look, look, boys. for me what i would like i had one time you guys don't get fat hey my girlfriend no i mean whatever here's the thing though you could see look look boys i went on a two-week bendy yeah yeah i used to have abs oh they're gone just two weeks what sucks is i get that that's not fat it's not fat see what i'm saying also don't know how old you are how old you're 31 this is fat you're just i had abs two weeks ago that that is crazy that's the thing that's you guys don't get it right here's the thing though you know here's the thing though i uh i can be either regular or actually look big i there's no like like and it's it's so i feel so
Starting point is 00:16:00 much better when i feel better and look better right right? What do you mean big? I'm either a regular guy who's dad, a dad guy, or I'm, oh, he's fit, right? Oh, okay. I don't get fat, but I want to be fit. And so I wasn't working out for a while once, and my girlfriend at the time said, you get a little bit of a belly on you, you know, like I was never fat. Yeah. And I was like- You broke up with her right then really she was like yeah she was like i think yeah i guess you know and i was like oh and i started working out oh yeah yeah and i've been working for sure did you get upset no that's the difference between a guy and a girl so then tell her then what what she should say that i think i don't think that's the best thing to do
Starting point is 00:16:44 because i felt like really bad that night that's what i'm saying you did feel bad okay yeah but then i got over it and just started working out sure i think i think a good way to do it would be like yo you could be you're you know you're so hot but like and i love you and all that stuff but like you actually like have the foundation to be fucking jacked you'd look awesome you should try that suggestion yeah yeah rather than so much try not being a fat fuck like if someone said it to me like that if somebody said it to me like that i'd be like really oh it's possible i i think for me that would be the best thing why did you do it in a week later kristin does it to me and i'm like did you watch the episode but yeah what are you talking about yeah yeah but i it's funny because i have i don't like
Starting point is 00:17:26 kristen is just naturally what i my type like what i like and like her she's thin and like she just uh doesn't work out and i i don't have to do that i don't have to say you should work out and that's like so would you though even if you. You have? With women, yeah. Dude, I've never ever. I'm not just saying this, I swear to God. I sound like a fucking white knight. I've never even had the thought about anybody I've ever been with. I have with one person. I haven't.
Starting point is 00:17:57 And you said something. I did, yeah. And you know what she said? What? I said, here's the thing. What did you say? She still looked great. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:12 And I was like, you gained a lot of weight. Oh, you said that? Yeah. Oh my God. We had that kind of. Just straightforward. Yeah, because we had that kind of. Dickness to each other? Relationship.
Starting point is 00:18:19 It wasn't dickness. I'm just kidding. And I was like, you should you how come you're not working out and she was like you're right i'm gonna start in three weeks she looked amazing oh and she actually said hey thanks for saying that oh yeah but i knew her and i knew that that's how to do it i would not do that to everybody you have to tailor yeah oh you know what i did so my last she gained weight. And I said, this was my line.
Starting point is 00:18:47 I said, wow, what happened? Your ass and tits just got so much bigger all of a sudden. There you go. Right? Good. You don't mention these guys. Positive. I love this.
Starting point is 00:18:55 They're huge. Do you even fit in your old bra? Right. Dude, wow. Everybody's smart. But does that make them want to lose weight? Oh, it's because I gained weight. I just noticed the boobs, yeah yeah yeah i don't know that you don't have to you don't have to do that she went on ozempic and lost like 32 pounds when she didn't do it you
Starting point is 00:19:14 don't need people got scared people got scared okay well see now that gets into dark territory and now we're in a bad place so it's a slippery slope yeah you gotta be careful i forget her name but you gotta be careful they. They have Ozempic. You can get it at Costco now. Just like off the shelf. You know, I tried it. You did? I did it.
Starting point is 00:19:30 That makes, come on, that makes so much sense that he would try Ozempic. Well, you saw this. You don't need to, but you're just with those glasses and you're a crazy guy. Yeah, you're a crazy guy.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Well, it was with the X. It was like a team. Let's do it together. That makes more sense. Like it's Coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, come on. We got to try Ozempic. Come on, baby. Like it's the it's the south beach let me tell you i lost 452 pounds in three days
Starting point is 00:19:49 yeah dude i believe it it looked great injection yeah it was in my stomach okay really i couldn't do it i had to ask her to do it and it works oh my god really you know when you're on out you guys try adderall and you just you just can't eat i've never i've tried you just don't get the time uh interesting yeah you're disgusted by food. You're like, fuck, I should really have one piece of bread, a crumb. But you don't want it. I should to survive. Adderall makes you not want to eat?
Starting point is 00:20:10 Yeah. Yeah, I knew that. Yeah. I don't know. So it just makes you not eat. How do you get nutrition? So they drink like, you know, way fit shit. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:20:19 The boosts. Got it. Wow. It was insane. Exhausted though. I was exhausted. Oh, that's so good that makes so much healthy though is it you got to eat you probably should you know what the history would
Starting point is 00:20:30 tell us one needs to eat osepic is the kind of thing that in fucking 20 years they're going to be like yep uh but has you know someone who died from osepic yes you know yeah totally you're owed three million dollars just dial you know yeah 100 100 just be dead so i think that's already so yeah just not en masse tailor it to the person you have to take the account take account of take into account how they are but that's what worked for me that's it and done next one next this guy i mean with the ticket with the dick this is a porn my name's Sam I'm from Brisbane, Australia I've loved you guys
Starting point is 00:21:09 for a while now and I listen to Lifeline in the car whenever I'm driving this couldn't look more honestly no this couldn't look more honestly
Starting point is 00:21:18 like a video you see in a Netflix documentary about a guy who either killed someone or got killed. I knew you were gonna say that. And you're right.
Starting point is 00:21:29 100%. And you're right. Also, the door behind him is the narrowest door I've ever seen in my life. Have to walk sideways through it. What the fuck is that? This is how you get through that door. This guy's shit is a mess.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Also, where is pillows up against like a door? This makes no sense. He lives in the back of a Winnebago. This makes zero sense. He's in a Winnebago. That's what's going on. All right. So anyway, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:21:49 Took it with his dick too. I was just asking a question today. Not his hand. I am speaking to this girl recently, but she is so far out of my league. Don't say that. What is your advice on when but you know when you're on it when you're on a date i'm sorry take it again take the video again far out of your league
Starting point is 00:22:12 how do you be you know confident and come across as the person that you know um is supposed to be with that person if that makes sense it does make sense but i don't want to be more confident so if you guys can help me that'd be great i love you guys he's a short king she's there because she wants to be you are already doing the thing you need to be doing just be the thing that you already are and stop thinking she's out of your league there is no league you're in the league if you're there with her on the date you're already in the league get in the game grab a bat step up the plate dude take a coach take a fucking hack you i yeah uh first of all i'm a coach dude it's nice that you tony robbins 2.0 okay it's nice that you
Starting point is 00:23:01 ask us that because maybe he thinks that we're cool you know what i'm saying interesting that's where you took it but yeah yeah thank you for making it about you it's good i'm insecure it's a good thing to do uh i don't i don't know if you yeah this is one of those things where it's just like stop yep it's it that's it's not a good road to go that's not yeah she's gonna like you less yep exactly here's the thing though i think honestly you already did the thing that you needed to do which was this video because if you just don't act like if you act just chill yeah later on if she's ever like what the fuck i'm insecure you just show her this and then be like then what i do this what i send a video into laugh line so what are you saying wait why would he show it i thought
Starting point is 00:23:53 you're in a more light right but why are you all right um why is he showing her the video though because if i'm saying if you don't if you don't have the actual like if she you can err on the side of acting too i'm the shit yeah right yeah yeah yeah if he does that and she feels a certain type of way about it he always can result in the failsafe by showing her this video right but just yes figure out how to say it don't don't overcome just don't but i'm saying if you're gonna yeah okay okay err on that side right because you don't don't overcome just don't but i'm saying if you're gonna yeah okay okay air on that side right because you don't want to air inside of a bitch shit uh so anyway uh do i look okay you know because then you show this video she'd be like hey you're a fucking pussy
Starting point is 00:24:34 well you know i can actually relate to this guy can you yeah with sex whenever i have a really hot girl i get stage fright okay i don't perform well i fuck the shit out of sixes yeah i go crazy like johnny sins with fours so drunk so drunk right but with tens i'm like oh my god i get that get away from that dick honey you're too pretty i get that what am i doing is she what is she gonna tell the group chat tomorrow you know so my new trick that i started doing is i tell myself think of i think of men this girl's ugly as shit she's a six i mean and then i treat them like a six i think he should go to this girl be like i'm on a date with a fucking six that's if that that whatever gets you there and i find things i don't like i'm like ew her fucking ankles are taking it too far he says it out loud you're fucking disgusting yeah i saw
Starting point is 00:25:18 punching her yeah what are you an elf shaking oh yeah yeah i find that doesn't work with me i find things to make them ugly i wouldn't be able to do that because they're just, they still look how they look. They do. Oh, you're so hot. What I would say, she's ugly.
Starting point is 00:25:29 He's like, Hey, sub. Oh, she's so hot. But whatever gets you there, dude, the point,
Starting point is 00:25:34 honestly, my point is it doesn't matter how you get there. You just need to get there in how you appear to her. It doesn't matter what the fuck's going on inside. It matters. The result that you're presenting to her. And the result can't be, oh my God, oh my God,
Starting point is 00:25:48 she's out of my league. I need to do the right thing. I need to be like this. I need to be like that. She's fucking gone and she's deciding, you know what? Yes, I am out of this guy's league
Starting point is 00:25:55 because that's what he's showing me. If you don't act like she's out of your league, she won't think it because she's already fucking not. The only thing that's going to put you out of her league is if you fucking act like it.
Starting point is 00:26:04 Also, every kind of every girl is out of every guy's league honestly generally speaking yes yeah yeah no we're lucky they're so pretty and we're always lucky yeah honestly generally yes so hairy you know but you know the girls that you take on all these cute dates and you chase and you chase and you want it i never end up fucking those girls the girls the ones i'm like ah you know you meet our party finally all right let's go yeah now weird you have sex with those girls yeah and the girl that you're chasing on those beautiful catch steak all these dates she's going home with a random guy that night who treats her like it's interesting treat them poorly treat them to find there's the advice to find love treat them poorly that's right you put on a bumper
Starting point is 00:26:45 sticker it's perfect yeah that's right yeah but women will still say like no well i think the truth is they don't know yeah that is true with a lot of women to a point in their life to a point and then it is the opposite and it's like it's like musical chairs you don't want to get stuck not sitting down you know what i'm saying because then at a certain point you're like you know you're 40 and you're like well i'm a cool guy i don't treat women right and then you're like uh wait a second where are any women they're all with guys that treat them nice right but yeah obviously that must be what christian doesn't like when i do that kind of stuff anymore yeah she grew up dude and you're the odd man out what's up yeah there's just a guy in the room
Starting point is 00:27:24 what's up chris He's just standing right there. All right. Also, that beginning of that video, I want to watch that shit. Let's get on to it. That looked amazing. Paul Thomas Anderson. Let's do it. Yeah, for real.
Starting point is 00:27:34 All right. Art film. Let's go. What's up, Chris? What's up, Matt? I have a quick question for you. I know you guys are really particular about hair. A little back story, too.
Starting point is 00:27:44 I only got my hair cut by one lady my entire life. Wow. But now my wife and I are living in Australia for the year. And I don't know what to do. Do I let it grow out? Do I go somewhat near? Oh, wow. Look at him.
Starting point is 00:27:57 It's on the longer side now. Thank you for all of these pictures. This is great. Chris, come out to Australia to play a show. How about this? Listen to that, dude. My Australian tour is announced. Chris, come out to Australia to play a show. How about this? Listen to that, dude. My Australian tour is announced. If you don't have tickets yet, get them.
Starting point is 00:28:09 It's in July, but get them. They'll sell out. So go to chrislea.com. I will be in Australia. Thanks for reminding me, bro. Yeah. Very good tie-in, this guy. Didn't realize he was doing.
Starting point is 00:28:20 Let me just say something besides the fact of the question. That is great. Like a lot of times we're like, yeah. For instance, the guy before him, this girl's really out of my league. Obviously, if it's okay with the girl, have a picture of the girl. So we could be like this. Yeah, some people can't edit, but I get obviously poor take. Of course, but you could also just send it to him and he could do it very true giving him more work to do but anyway so yeah but
Starting point is 00:28:48 um but that was great because we get to see the hair he's looking sharp yeah he used a lot of pictures where he was in the talks for like on his wedding day and shit which kind of is unfair but still there was one at the grand canyon wherever he was right sitting in a hot tub i think yeah so so thanks for the visual yeah here's what i'm gonna say doesn't matter whoa i'm surprised to hear you say that hey hey disagree you got disagree you would i do i disagree what is your wait explain make it got regular head dude he had a great hair now why would he fucking cut it exactly it's gonna be great he's got great hair it's fine. Oh, you're saying-
Starting point is 00:29:26 It doesn't matter. You're saying it's so good, it doesn't matter. You're not being like a nihilist about hair. You're saying his hair is great no matter what. But that is true also. Okay. See, that I disagree with. You guys have beautiful locks of hair.
Starting point is 00:29:36 I do mean that. Perfect hairline. You guys have no idea. I have to hide my recent hairline. Well, now- It's getting back there. It's getting back there. I might go to Turkey.
Starting point is 00:29:43 I'm a Turkey guy. No. Get him in. I'm a Turkey guy he's a turkey guy july turkey guy july turkey you're gonna go in july you think yeah i'm a july turkey guy because it keeps getting worse and worse it's going so i just got butchered i have to tell them hide here so i can pull i don't know and then recently she butchered me i've been growing up for a month now i've been a hat guy for six weeks i feel that guy you guys don't get it but wait i
Starting point is 00:30:04 honestly i don't know i'm not just saying this because you're in front of me it doesn't i feel that guy you guys don't get it but wait i honestly i don't know not just saying this because you're in front of me it doesn't i i believe you i just don't see what you're saying confidence is shot i felt like the guy from okay so okay yeah i'm like i'm like hey chris and matt how do i take a goat out here's another thing too you would and this is something that is not something that would be good with me, but you would have a good shaved head. No, no, no, no. He says no. No chance. Why do you say no?
Starting point is 00:30:29 Oh, no, no, I'd be disgusting. But I appreciate it. But why do you know that? I believe you. Oh, because when it's, if I don't have the hair, then I'm the guy from last video. I can't talk to him.
Starting point is 00:30:42 Oh, I see. You needed to, yeah, okay. It's part of the, hair matters. You guys have the best hair. talk to him. Oh, I see. It's part of the... That makes sense. Hair matters. You guys have the best hair. It does matter. It's ever hair.
Starting point is 00:30:49 It does matter. Hair definitely matters to the person whose head it's on. You just have to have it, honestly. If it's going, then uh-oh. It's really the only thing you have to deal with. As a guy, it's the only thing that really counts. Don't get fat.
Starting point is 00:31:02 Have a decent haircut. Yeah, exactly. But if it's going... Not if it's going like you're describing. I'm talking about if it's like going, going, gone. Not that. Going, going, going, gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:31:12 Or don't. Come near me. No, no, no. Like don't do the U-shape, the U-boat on top of your head. But you know what? You get the plugs, right? And then it affects your penis. What?
Starting point is 00:31:22 Yeah. No, I didn't notice. More and more people are complaining that the shit is affecting erections how so so guys are saying hey i spent 30 grand on my hair to get laid yeah but now i can't even get my dick really it affects your ability to get it up yeah oh dude what i heard it hurts so much that i have oh i didn't know it hurt yeah that might be why they can't get blown up because they're in so much pain. They're just like, ah! I'm a horny bloke! So, okay, yeah. Do you already have the appointment set in July?
Starting point is 00:31:52 No, not yet. But you want to go in July, okay. Yeah, I have to see if I get evicted first, what's going on with that. Yeah. I'm going to get married, you know. One step at a time. True, true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Your life's crazy well. This guy's got, yeah, your life is out of control. It's terrible. Well, it's not terrible. Miser terrible. Well, it's not terrible. Miserable. No, it's not terrible. It's this and this. It's both.
Starting point is 00:32:08 High and low, right? Some months, you're buying Apple. Some months, you're buying McDonald's. Yeah, right. Some months, I have hair transplants. Some months, I'm in Canada. Getting kicked out of America into Canada. Look, you just got to find the fucking place to go to in Australia.
Starting point is 00:32:22 In Australia, they're real good with their hands, though, man. A lot of people do tattoo stuff. A lot of people do hairdressing stuff that's great i'm gonna say something that i don't know if this guy wants to hear it or not your hair looks better now than it did in any of the pictures maybe you don't need a fucking haircut could have been the videos though you know maybe you just got good video hair that's not really something that's just good hair but some people look better in real life than they do in the i know but the hair is generally hair no you're yeah but when you see the hair blowing and moving it's nice okay and i'm right okay okay man okay all right all right we're gonna do another um i i yeah or no just find a good person i guess you know yeah
Starting point is 00:32:53 but that's the point how does he know how you don't know trial and error trial and error is the only way to find a good hairstylist yeah yeah so i guess exactly go to turkey all right next hey matt and chris my name's hannah i'm from sudbury ontario in canada another canada i have a question about my boyfriend he has an issue with me um pointing out things in public to him and taking pictures of objects or sites in public this guy's fucked up because he thinks that let's hear him out people that are in the general area may perceive me as pointing at them or taking pictures of them well let's hear it um so do i just not point things out to him and try to avoid taking pictures where people are standing? Or is he wrong? What do you think?
Starting point is 00:33:51 Love questions like this. Yeah, you do love shit like this. That's amazing. I'll let you handle it. Go ahead. I just don't, I understand the guy. Of course you do, dude.
Starting point is 00:33:58 I do. I do. Because I think about this sometimes. No, here's why you understand it. You know she's, what she's saying, she's completely right, here's why you understand it. You know she's completely, what she's saying, she's completely right and he's completely dead fucking wrong
Starting point is 00:34:08 and you're used to being the completely fucking dead wrong guy and so you have sympathy for him. That's the only reason you understand where he's coming from. That is a bullshit thing to say. Dude, what are you talking about? He's paranoid on behalf of other people?
Starting point is 00:34:21 Yeah, I understand. They're all going to think you're taking a picture of them. Like, who gets paranoid on behalf of others? You're right that that's what I'm doing, I understand. They're all going to think you're taking a picture of them. Like, who gets paranoid on behalf of others? You're right that that's what I'm doing. I know. I do know. But when you take a picture of a fountain, not that you ever do that, but if you want
Starting point is 00:34:39 to. Yeah, I have too. Actually, I did yesterday. I was at the Grove yesterday. That's crazy. All right, so if you want to see. There were a lot of people in front of the fountain. We took a Actually, I did yesterday. I was at the Grove yesterday. That's crazy. All right, so do you want to see? There were a lot of people in front of the fountain. We took a picture of a fountain yesterday.
Starting point is 00:34:49 Tell me when you took the picture, tell me you didn't think about the people in the picture and think like, oh, I hope they're okay with this. Right. You did. Did you? I didn't. Didn't even cross his mind.
Starting point is 00:35:01 Not giving a fuck is different than not thinking about it. He's at the Grove. You got to take a picture of the fountain at the Grove. He's saying he didn't even. He's skirting around it though is different than not thinking about it. He's on the Grove. You got to take pictures on the Grove. He's skirting around it though. I'm trying to ask him a specific question. He's saying it didn't even enter his mind. That's not what he said. Anybody that might have been.
Starting point is 00:35:11 I know, but that's his trend. He said he didn't give a fuck. You see how fucking annoying he is? Isn't he crazy? What's annoying is I'm not getting the answer I asked. What's annoying is I'm not getting the answer I asked. Isn't that crazy? He's not giving it to me and you're giving it to his defense when I just have one question.
Starting point is 00:35:23 But what's annoying is that you're even remotely annoyed you look so much like dad now it's i have one question all right and and it's it's yes or no really did you think about the people in the picture while you were taking the the fountain and, I wonder if they, I hope they're okay with this or what? No. Okay. So that's the answer. Okay. I knew that was the answer, but okay.
Starting point is 00:35:50 If I take that picture, that's all I think about. What? Oh yeah? What do you mean? Like if someone goes like this in the video? Like what do you mean? No, you mean anyway. No, I mean, I don't want them to feel a certain type of way
Starting point is 00:36:05 that now they're going to be in a picture I took. Because it sucks for them if they don't want to. Then get the fuck away from the fountain everybody wants a picture of. You're right. Don't go to the fountain. Yeah. Yes, you're right. But still, that's not the way life works in a way.
Starting point is 00:36:21 Your brain works. Because if I'm at, if I'm on i'm okay okay so so so how about this you're at the fountain looking at the fountain you turn around and you see someone going like this bitch what do you think bitch there you go yeah so this is a fucking hypocrite oh yeah i'm a hypocrite okay yeah one time fair enough one time get your fucking phone away from me exactly yeah so one time i was eating my wetzel pretzelzel right okay yeah now here's the thing i feel also like oh i don't want to be in their picture because i am not a hypocrite now here's the deal what i think is oh i shouldn't be by the fountain why because if i don't want to be in a fucking picture take go away from the place so you go
Starting point is 00:36:59 so you go like this oh that's the game i have anxiety you know you know seinfeld george when he's eating the the ice cream oh yeah i have anxiety about that like you know i'm yeah yeah yeah yeah sucking a dick yeah yeah yeah it's not gonna dick holding balls yeah yeah but i'll do it i'm a hypocrite yeah i will still take a picture if people are in front because that's they're in front of the counter right and it's And if I happen to get caught in a picture, when someone's there, I go, charge to the game. Yeah, charge to the game. But I do, if I see it, try to get out of the picture.
Starting point is 00:37:33 Oh, yeah, me too. Here's why. Here's why for me. In the back of my head, I'm like, are they secretly taking a picture of this fountain because they want to have a picture of me? Of course you think that, yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:37:43 Well, it'd be weird if I wasn't a comedian, i'm people who know who i am okay yeah okay all right so so chill right i didn't don't make it an ego thing the way it came out of my mouth actually isn't exactly how i meant it okay i didn't mean because you have an ego okay i meant just because like you have or you and have your brain it's not like oh it's also dick though yeah no it is okay i just want to make sure you know the kind of dick it is. In any case, it's dick. Yeah. Different kinds though. But also, here's the thing that I really don't want. I don't want them to not know that I'm there, take the picture, look at it later, and be like, ah, Crystal Lee is in this fucking thing?
Starting point is 00:38:21 Yeah. Because what if they don't like me? Oh, my God. Hey, hey my god hey there's the real thing yeah cincy yeah okay now also here's the worst version of it there's more there's another layer worst this is wild dude okay this is all my thoughts while i'm standing right such an adventure okay sees me doesn't know who i am all good that's fine don't care about that that's preferable sure okay sends it to a friend i know what it's like it's fountain yeah they go crystal is in that fucking pic they go who the comedian that is the worst i don't want that happening you don't
Starting point is 00:39:00 want that at all yeah no you gotta go back to the fountain fucking chris alias in our picture yeah yeah yeah we gotta go back to the fountain how crazy that's i'm crazy huh well yeah you just with a brain like that you shouldn't leave the house right why would you leave the house if that's how your brain works don't stay away from found stay away from some sort of notoriety though you ever think that like oh fuck i wonder if they know who i am if they're taking a picture of that and a little sometimes but i'm not chris alia yeah no you're also not worried about it's not where it's not worried it's not you know you know what i get anxiety about so people some some people think i'm like oh he's a misogynist you know i get that rep so like really sweet canadian girls don't actually fuck with me that's like kind of my sure my current group
Starting point is 00:39:38 and when i'm at nightclubs sometimes and i see girls come in the booth and then they're like when they walk out i'm like they fucking left because of me they fucking left because of me that's what i do yeah what the fuck did i do that's so i big up the girls girls i don't want to have a conversation and here's the other thing they might not even know who you are right and they think they do and and you think they do and then yeah yeah exactly everybody cut up ascribes what other people are doing to their own behavior I know and the fact is it has nothing to do
Starting point is 00:40:08 with them we are the centers of our own universe and that is a flaw Tony fucking Robbins it's actually is
Starting point is 00:40:15 it's only the way it is in our minds which is Tyson it's beneficial to us to think of the universe as bending to around us I know
Starting point is 00:40:23 you don't restory someone and they don't restory it. Yeah. You're like, ah, that's hilarious. Wow. That's fucking funny.
Starting point is 00:40:29 Yeah. You don't want to be associated with me. So I go out of my way. I story you. Yeah. And you can't even share. Yeah. You guys are fucked up.
Starting point is 00:40:37 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I get that. I get that though. Wow. You don't have to think about all that stuff.
Starting point is 00:40:43 And we do. And I do. Yeah. It would be so much more chill and awesome if I didn't. Yeah. I get that though. I do. You don't have to think about all that stuff and I do. Yeah. It would be so much more chill and awesome if I didn't. Yeah. You could choose not. You could start not.
Starting point is 00:40:50 I know. Maybe a habit will develop. I've been working on that kind of stuff. Yeah. With certain things. The film thing doesn't, it's not too high on my list, but yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:55 No, yeah. You'll get to it one day. Okay. All right. Let's do another one. All right. Next one. How's it going guys?
Starting point is 00:41:01 Speaking of hair. Speaking of hair. Thank you, Steve, for having me on in the episode where she featured. It was dope. You gave me some great advice. On that note because chris said i look like a caveman in that episode when it comes to a beard how long is too long you know i feel like unless it's a very specific case like a zz top where they can rock the really long beard um there's a general length for most guys when they can grow it out and i noticed that you guys you
Starting point is 00:41:22 keep it at a pretty medium low length that know matt sometimes you mess around with the mustache yeah but like chris yours feel i feel like it just never grows it's always that length exactly so how long is too long like when do you guys start manscaping and also why don't you ever go to just like a full shave a closer shave why don't you ever try to grow it out at all um i feel like with me i want to try to grow it out sometimes but then when i start growing it out that i get that mustache that hangs over the lips. So I'm not going to shave the mustache down short. And keep the long beard because that's the bitch. So, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:53 How long is too long for you guys when it comes to the beard? I know. Thank you. Go ahead. I don't know. I don't know if I have a ready-made answer. Yeah. Do you?
Starting point is 00:42:00 I know the answer. Okay, what? Do you look like a terrorist? That's a good. That's fucking good. Yeah. Is there more to it than that, honestly? What's the answer. Okay, what? Do you look like a terrorist? That's a good, that's fucking good, yeah. Is there more to it than that, honestly? What's your answer? Yes, I think I have a better answer.
Starting point is 00:42:11 What is it? Let's see. I'll be the judge. Beards are fine. Beards are great. Stubble's great. Yeah. No beard's great.
Starting point is 00:42:18 Yeah, right. The second your beard hair, well, there's two rules. Okay. If your beard hair is longer than your beard hair. Well, there's two rules. Okay. If your beard hair is longer than your hair hair. Yeah, you hate that. Absolutely fix that. Yeah. You have upside down head.
Starting point is 00:42:33 Right. Okay. Right, yeah. That's terrible. That's important, yeah. Yeah, because hairists actually have long hair. Who's that? He has it.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Yeah, he's got no hair. If you have a beard and you're bald that's kind of okay that's actually okay yeah okay i know you'd have to have no beard making a joke it's okay right me okay he's making a joke so um here's the the real thing though if your beard if you're just talking about beard length and you don't want to the other way, or if it's cracked, you know what I'm saying? I think so. You're almost there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:19 Yeah, but I've been there. You're not there, though. But I've been there. And that's bad. And I kind of look like a terrorist when I- And that's too long. So I'm kind of checking both your boxes. Here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:43:29 When it gets like that, I look at myself and I think, that looks fucking bad. And then I realize, I don't give a fuck. Right, right, right. That's okay. But that's when your beard is too long. But the reason why it's okay, the only reason why it's okay,
Starting point is 00:43:44 is because I think i don't give a fuck not because i think that looks that looks good that would be bad and then it would i yeah i understand that's better but if someone's just like ah fucking whatever i'll shave it i will shave it that's what happens in my mind i'm like i'm gonna shave it i don't need to do it right now i'm living in the future you know that's the kind of guy i am my yeah i have a thing that i use that's i use it at one uh one clip blade yeah you're number one guy and i do it yeah i was the number two guy for a long time i'm a number two guy so so how does that work i don't know if i know the number i was the number two guy for a long time but here's the thing i thought why don't
Starting point is 00:44:21 i just do it less and i'm a one guy for a few days, it'll be too short. Who cares? Right, right, right. Oh, interesting. But now you have to game plan. When do I want to look handsome? I do, which I do do that. Maximum handsome.
Starting point is 00:44:31 I mostly only do that if I'm filming a special. Oh, okay. And let me tell you something. My last special, I fucking... You can say what you want about this special. I nailed the beard length. Nailed it, dude. Yeah, you looked good.
Starting point is 00:44:44 Nailed it. Got my haircut kind of at the right time how long before uh a month and then i got my and my cut my beard uh 11 days before that's the golden that's fucking that's the golden 11 days is the golden if with the one one 11 days later dude 11 days that's so many days that's a lot yeah that's a lot it's almost two weeks zone it's better than trimming it at a two six days before because you need to give it time to like find find its habitat yeah exactly dude okay 11 days i think about all fucking such important when it's new they're still trying to figure out their new home and they're all the same length yeah it's like who are you fucking you know uh dj khaled yeah you know what i'm saying yeah yeah i do yeah you know it's like you you want some to be more you want it to be layered
Starting point is 00:45:34 a bit you know it's like a strap-on thing almost yeah exactly pull it off exactly boy did i nail the beard length yeah so go to chrisley.com get get Grow or Die. Yeah. And check the beard length, dude. Speaking of grow. Crazy beard length that I had. So anyway, all right. Okay, so we can do another one. You fuck with the mustache sometimes? What? Just mustache? Yeah, I do, yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:54 You? It's becoming a thing where it's for gays. It was that. It was that 100%. Right? No, but that's back. It's coming back. I don't know if it's all the way because bi is becoming a thing and mustache with a girlfriend means you can come to dude i would have to say having porn guests on your podcast having a mustache is is is a bit like
Starting point is 00:46:21 all right i'm in yes right yeah? So I get not having that. If you're a cop, fireman. Fireman, yeah. It's okay to have it and you're not gay. I mean the most. Or you're really gay. Yeah, that's the three. That is it.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, cop, fireman. I like mustache with stubble. Longer here though. Yeah, you look good with that. But stubble. You look good with that. So not clean, big bush mustache. Johnny Depp does it, yeah. You look good with that stubble you look good so not clean yeah big bush johnny
Starting point is 00:46:45 depp does it yeah you look good with that okay well i guess johnny johnny depp guy johnny depp guy a little bit guy yeah okay i mean oh jealous so jealous i'm handsome too but you know it's like uh i think blow you're a blow guy yeah blow johnny depp blow those guys you're right clearly yeah no but i i always kind of just have had this huh yeah you know now it's gray i want it to get to the point where it's gray on my hair we'll do when i get hey when i get gray on my hair yeah you will look really good you know i feel like you've looked the same since you were born oh dude on it no joke that is true you look at pictures of him he's always looks like this but seven months old looked exactly like that i bet him in seven months. He's always looked like this. But seven months old, looked exactly like that. I bet.
Starting point is 00:47:25 Yeah, it's really weird actually. You've always looked the same. Okay, good. It's true. That's good for comedians actually. I'll see you do a little TBT. I'm like, that's not Johnny Depp. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:47:33 That's a different guy. That's Al Pacino. It's young Al Pacino. He does look like the young Al Pacino. Exactly. That's exactly right. Yeah, he knows his shit. When he was younger, he'd be like,
Starting point is 00:47:40 oh, where's my bottle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's my milk? Give me my milk. Give me my milk give me my titting all right uh all right let's do another one hey matt and chris my name is megan i'm from salt lake city that's my weird dog yeah um anyway i'm just looking for some advice over a falling out i've had with my best friend the guy that i'm dating and um it's been a pretty wild experience um basically i've had a rough go with
Starting point is 00:48:09 dating the last few years and she's seen me go through it and wants nothing but the best for me okay and believes i'm settling and yeah basically it's just caused her to not become my friend which has been really hard to deal with i thought she liked it yeah me too and maybe she does yeah i don't know how to handle it i'm really struggling with it i go to therapy once a week cry to my therapist about it all the time um but my birthday is next week and i would like to invite my friend but she's kind of blown me off we haven't seen each other in a few months that is intense whole thing happened and i'm afraid she's going to blow me off again that's definitely feeling this pretty bad so um i don't really know how to handle this situation let me know if you have any advice thank you i have advice i'm sorry she's so incredible to look at she's perfect like
Starting point is 00:48:57 i was gonna say beautiful but it's beyond that it's like she's the the eyes the hair the skin guys i'm a married man i I don't... I got one... Yeah, I look at my wife and she's beautiful. Okay, man. Anyway, well, I recognize beauty when it's in front of me and that's a beautiful person.
Starting point is 00:49:12 But I will say... I will say... I have actual advice. Okay, well, that's good because we're 105 episodes in. It's about time you had some. Right. So it took... It took how long it took? Yeah. 106 you got there yeah but it is 100 yeah but so
Starting point is 00:49:30 give yourself one more shot on hey come to my party if she blows you off then that's it and allow yourself to feel bad allow yourself to feel bad give Allow yourself to feel bad. Give yourself the one last shot. Should I, I don't want to be hurt. Prepare. This is what she is owed as your friend. Now she's being, sounds like she's being shitty. It sounds like she's being so fucked up. Right, from what she's saying.
Starting point is 00:49:59 I can really relate to this because I invited a close friend to my party on Friday. I think I know where this is going and he no showed and i thought if he comes i will host him he will be my guest of honor and we're gonna have a great time and i had all these little things planned i got us matching shirts everything like that and then he didn't show up and then i thought he also didn't even answer the fucking message really okay so see yeah so here's the thing so before we even get into who that might be right uh you asked me to go to your party i did what i say right away two minute text time sucks yeah i'm gonna be out of town i'm touring yeah love you bro hope it's amazing
Starting point is 00:50:32 checked in after party looked great how'd it go yeah real friends how many of them i didn't even realize i was that good of a dude right after cool so so who's the guy you're talking about so it was actually matt fucking delete oh wow wow i didn't even get a double top like really here's what happened ryan invited me to his party i thought for two seconds about how fucking unbelievably great that party would be and then i thought is it safe for me to be there yeah what is that see now you're being the people that leave the booth no that's not what i meant i can't associate with ryan that's not what that's not what he meant that's not what he meant that's not what i like that you made the connection like that but that's not what he meant that's not what i
Starting point is 00:51:20 meant yeah yeah talking about the presence of so many beautiful women. He's saying. It's a dangerous thing. He's going to get AIDS. Because you can't handle. Well, that's not what I'm saying. You'll have a kid. I'll have a kid. And I won't have wanted that kid.
Starting point is 00:51:33 And then I have a kid. Okay. I don't want a kid. I'm thinking ahead. With all due respect, Matt. You're a handsome chap. You're a good guy. You think you walk into this party, they're all trying to have your kid?
Starting point is 00:51:43 Not all, but there's so many of them that it could work out easy. It could be. I go like this. When you invited me to the party, I go like this. Thank God I'm out of town. Okay. Because I'm like, you know.
Starting point is 00:51:53 See, I wasn't out of town. I couldn't even respond because I was like, I can't. I'm scared. You chickened out. I chickened out. You slunked out. I slunked out.
Starting point is 00:52:02 That's bitch shit, actually. I chickened out. That's kind of bitch shit. I don't know what to say. And I thought i'm scared scared guy hey what'd you do that night by the way dude sat and watched 2b dude oh you watched 2b 2b is my favorite 2b is the best oh you're great it's not better than that fucking party because i saw the pictures afterwards oh my god it looked like a fake party like you type into an ai thing show me the best party that there ever was wow and that's what the pictures look actually what they look like you
Starting point is 00:52:30 know i um i yeah when i was 28 or 30 whatever that would have been the party man yeah well exactly yeah yeah a little too old for that now. So I'm thinking about your advice. What? You said you had really good advice and I feel like we might have that. That was it. Oh, okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:51 I think that, yeah, allow yourself. Because it's friendship ending if they don't come. Yeah. Right. And it's okay. Just put a button on it. It's one of those things like, you know, you're allowed to feel bad,
Starting point is 00:53:01 but don't feel bad that you feel bad. You're allowed to feel bad because this sucks and just give it one more shot. And this is your party and it'll be very telling if she doesn't come. Also, if she's not coming or if she's not being your friend because she thinks that you're with the wrong guy. That is so weird. That's my thing. so weird that's the my thing it's like what is your friend is willing to lose you as a friend because she thinks you've lowered your standards like that is something else has to be going on
Starting point is 00:53:34 yeah well there is something else going on whether it's she the other girl feels insecure that she's the ugly one or she secretly likes the guy or it could be a bunch of things or it's an out maybe she doesn't like the ginger ginger is too cute it could be a bunch of things. Or it's an out. Maybe. She doesn't like the ginger. Ginger's too cute. It could be. That's right.
Starting point is 00:53:49 But that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely something else that she's not being up front about though. That makes no sense. If I had a best friend and that best friend dated some woman
Starting point is 00:53:58 that I thought was like way beneath him, I wouldn't be like, hey man, it was nice knowing you. Like what the fuck is, that that's like talk about like that you're a bad person if you do that right yes like you stick around for your friends when they need you most that's when you like are more present if they have a girl if they have like a woman that is not good for them you try you try to hit on them and then you sleep with them so they have to stop no no no no no that's not so they don't have to say oh she cheated on you right you're only doing them a favor yeah yeah no that's just that's
Starting point is 00:54:31 something else going on in the background none of your business though like it's unfortunate you should be sad you have every right to be sad but that is not yeah that's yeah you don't want any part of that that's wacky yeah that's wacky yeah yeah and i hope you're happy in a relationship because yeah oh yeah that's a weird one that's very weird i'll do another one i don't like that okay oh wow this guy's tough we know him we know him we've talked to him oh we've talked to this guy he's tough dude hey chris oh yeah um just want to give you guys a little update i'm the dude whose girlfriend was talking to her ex behind my back yeah um after she said she was texting her friend and saying she still had her ex on her mind.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Oh, update us. Also just want to say thank you guys for the response. I'm a huge fan of you guys. Cool. I've been watching Lifeline since it came out. I've been watching Congratulations for the last three years, and I've been watching literally both of them every single day. There hasn't been one day in the last three years
Starting point is 00:55:20 I haven't watched you guys, so thank you. So you know what's happened? So he has a girl that's talking to her. Is that standard shit? It's terrible. last three years i haven't watched you guys so thank you so you know what's happened so his he has a girl that's talking to her is that you know some standard it's terrible enough said no it's the word i feel sick totally so go ahead and keep playing no um so a little updates answer some of your guys questions uh so my girlfriend broke up with her ex around two years ago um because he cheated on her oh she didn't talk until you know obviously he added her back on snapchat around three weeks ago that was the last time they talked
Starting point is 00:55:48 circling back so i sent you guys that video on a wednesday went to school um and then i just thought the whole day you know i i i'm a big overthinker i'm not going to be able to be in a relationship with her yeah if you know i found out she did this once it's so easy for her to do it again a second time so i ended it um he told her friend her friend called told me to call her when i get home so i called her friend because her friend i guess was just trying to comfort me because she knew i was really upset and her friend goes you know that two days ago um she her ex brought her home from the gym right and i'm like what are you talking about and she goes she told me she told you her ex worked out with her and from the gym and i go she like what are you talking about and she goes she told me she told you her ex worked out with her and came from the gym and i go she literally did not tell you
Starting point is 00:56:28 that and her friend goes she posted on her story keep in mind two days before this i noticed that she took me off her story and asked her why she said it was an accident so that's why she took me off her story because she was working out with her ex and she also posted him and didn't want me to see oh my god so basically told her and she got really mad at her friend saying her friend was the reason we're breaking up i guess um which her friend's a nice person for telling me that because she wanted to just without ever telling me that she hung out with her ex a few days ago and then the day after that uh her little brother told me that getting so dizzy a day after they went to the gym together they went to the mall together which i remember the day they went to the mall she told me she was there with one of her friends
Starting point is 00:57:08 who's a girl the smallest time so she didn't tell me that either so that's two times that i found out more um that's plenty of them behind my back without telling me um and keep in mind we're already broken up i already said that we're done so she just wanted to break up without ever telling me this and i had to find out from her little brother and her friend that she hung out with her boyfriend not only just texted him not only has her has him in her mind but they literally just walked me out without telling me um but yeah that's just a little update um i kind of just told her you know like screw you that's pretty messed up that you did that i don't want anything to do with you and you know now she's posting a bunch of sad videos
Starting point is 00:57:39 and stuff like that oh good good you know you messed up that's you know i don't get why all this sad stuff when you did this to yourself you know um but that's just a little update um i'm still trying to kind of get over it a little bit but yeah thank you guys what if he was like and here's the chick and he it's amy adams it's a picture of amy adams we're like oh my god you're dating amy adams he's like 17 she's being a shitty so um so yeah well you did the right thing and And you could sniff that kind of from a mile away. I was wrong, I'll say. I remember being like, well, she's young. Like, maybe she just like.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Well, but no, but you're not. But that's not wrong, though. That's the attitude you kind of have to take. Because you should give the person the benefit of the doubt. Right, right, right. At the beginning, when it first starts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then people will.
Starting point is 00:58:21 But that's. Well, yeah, her posting is nuts. That's above and beyond. She's like, give a fuck. She's a rock star. Wow.'s. Well, yeah, her posting is nuts. That's above and beyond. She's like, give a fuck. She's a rock star. Wow. Dude. She's cheating and posting it.
Starting point is 00:58:31 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then deleting him from the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saying it was an accident. Yeah, an accident. That's crazy. She's basically the next guest. I've never seen that one.
Starting point is 00:58:38 I've never even heard of that. The next guest on his podcast. Yes. She's incredible. Yeah, yeah. He wants her on the show. Poor guy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:43 But fuck, this girl's kind of a rock she got balls of steel yeah to delete him and then post i hate that shit posting cheating i've never seen anyone post cheating me neither dude that's hilarious that's above and beyond anything me too i never ever even heard someone mention that yeah because it's such an obvious you know who would post cheating uh of a little bit of a chubby uh 50 something year old black guy yeah nah dude yes no dude hell yeah the barbecue guy hell yeah he's been around too much to know better dude yeah but he go you're missing a point yeah i don't care man right. He doesn't care, yeah. I do not care. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:59:26 I post when I post. I don't think about it, you know? And I shouldn't have, but I did. So- I mean, maybe you're right, yeah. My wife's gonna be mad at something. Wife. My wife's gonna be mad at something no matter what, so I post, I do my life, right?
Starting point is 00:59:42 Come on, bro. That guy is so that guy. There's at least one of those little chubby, a little bit chubby black guys in his 50s in each state doing that right now. So there's at least 50. 50. Man. Even in Alaska, he's like,
Starting point is 00:59:55 I am, it is cold up here, but I'm still posting. I am. I didn't even have Wi-Fi today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was hard to post, but I did it. I took my wife off the thing she gonna find out yeah her friend gonna tell her and i do not care yeah yeah i do not care yeah that's fucking my takeaway from this is that he's the nice guy
Starting point is 01:00:18 oh yeah treating her like an angel yeah and then she went back to the guy who cheated on her yeah you're right right you know 100 100 there is something that is sad he has he is oh an overthinker this guy yeah but it served him here yeah but he needs to let go but you need to let go of that because that's only gonna fuck you all that matters is what happened and how that makes you feel you don't need to keep dissecting it it happened it's over you do have to move on you're not expected to right away but that's the direction you're going to go and you don't want to sit there and just mull over it you'll feel like shit extra you don't want to do that to yourself and you have to cut communication when you break up oh mandatory well she already did by blocking him from her story but no but then she had him again it's like i tried to reply to her story
Starting point is 01:01:00 today yeah dude get her out she's out. She's gone, dude. That's too much. And it takes about three months and 11 days to get over it. Right, right, right. Yeah, no, that's fair. You know? The amount of time it takes for his beard to grow. No, no, no. It's been about three months and 11 days since I got cheated on.
Starting point is 01:01:15 And I feel good today. Finally. Right. Finally. There you go. Finally, finally. Did that happen to you? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:20 What? Yeah. Oh, recently? I got cheated on. I knew you broke up. Yeah, that girl. Oh, I didn't know it was that girl. I knew you guys broke up. I didn't know that happened. Yeah, yeah. I got cheated on. I knew you broke up. Yeah, that girl. Oh, I didn't know it was that girl. I knew you guys broke up.
Starting point is 01:01:25 I didn't know that happened. Yeah, yeah. Fuck that, dude. Okay, so sorry that happened. You're so the guy that happens to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:34 Yeah. You know? Yeah. Because I was nice to this one. And you're also, you're like this guy that's, you're the blade of the porn world. He walk, he's not in completely yeah yeah yeah but he's like the guy yeah who it's cool it's safe to be with cool to be with he doesn't actually do this stuff right right right but he's still the vampire do you
Starting point is 01:01:58 know what i'm talking about right yeah so you're like the blade of the right so yeah so you're blade i'm blade so you're blade dude i'm blade yeah you're blade you're you're you the blade of the, right? So, yeah. You're blade. I'm blade. So you're blade, dude. I'm blade. Yeah. You're blade. You're, you're, you know, so it's like, so, so you're the guy that that happens to, unfortunately. Yeah. But live and learn.
Starting point is 01:02:13 It happened and now it won't happen again and you're better for it. Yeah. And. So is this guy. Yeah. Yeah. We're blade. You guys are blade.
Starting point is 01:02:23 So that's cool. So you're, um, all right well good good good uh it's a good job you got to be a single guy and you're and this was three months ago roughly yeah and 11 days how do you feel now you know what three months 11 days is the right and it took has it actually been three months 11 days i think so oh okay it was christmas got it yeah it took about two months uh-huh you Christmas, huh? You know you're just having sex to like say you did it. Yep. But you're thinking about it the whole time.
Starting point is 01:02:48 And then... Only in the last six weeks does sex feel like, oh cool, a vagina. That is honestly... Hey, hey, hey. Oh cool, a vagina. Haven't we all been there? Dude, hey, hey.
Starting point is 01:02:58 Who hasn't been there? Oh cool, a vagina. Say it out loud next time. What? Wait a minute. Yeah, dude. Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:11 There is that threshold where like you're doing it to almost prove to yourself something. And then you pass that and then you realize you passed that and you're like, oh, thank fuck. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. That's a good place to be. Right. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:23 Good for you. Pillow Talk. Check out his podcast it's great i've done it if you want to get wet uh you know wet your appetite with this podcast go look at my episode on there first and then yeah it was fun oh it's great uh and uh show's amazing yes and uh you got to get on there yeah at some point yeah i would love to get on there he's gonna know he's gonna know show he's not even going to like the message. Yeah. You ask me on that show, I'll be there early.
Starting point is 01:03:48 And I'll tell you something. I haven't been anywhere early in 20 years. One thing's for sure, too. Have a bag with extra clothes. Because he always does that. He brings bags with extra clothes. Extra clothes. Because you never know what's going to happen. So, yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:58 So, you. So, all right. So, then. That's great. Check that podcast out. It really is great. Yes. And it's
Starting point is 01:04:05 fun and just a great guy wow uh yeah you are dude i really like you got good energy let me say something too because i want the world to hear it because i dissed you so hard about the party those there are like i feel like your show could exist and do well in the world just because of what it is you and i've said this to him before you have are so good at it at what you're doing people are nice yeah but you are that that it makes it like so much its own thing and it's unique and it is the thing it needs to be as well but you're just like it's like you're it's you're such is the thing it needs to be as well. But you're just like, it's like you're such a natural. It could never exist without you. It could still be popular
Starting point is 01:04:49 without you, but it wouldn't be an actual good show. Thank you, boys. And it wouldn't be nearly as popular. Like you are a special person that has a special thing going on. Now they gotta stop you know, orange flagging you. Orange chicken. I know. Dude. Zucky boy. Zucky.
Starting point is 01:05:05 At least we said Zucky three times this episode appreciate you oh and Irvine Lifeline Live we will be there get your tickets May 14th
Starting point is 01:05:15 yeah that's right he knows alright there you go thank you very much thanks everybody Hello? Hello? Hello? Will you please say hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?

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