Lifeline - 11. John Charisma

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

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Starting point is 00:00:19 Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. Lifeline is an advice show for entertainment purposes only. If you need real help or advice, please seek a therapist or a licensed professional. Hello. Hello.
Starting point is 00:00:57 Hello. Will you please. Hello. Hello. we're started welcome into lifeline welcome to lifeline episode you know i don't know what episode it is but i'll tell you this look what i got the mirror now oh they're coming back. They'll be on sale soon. Yeah. You know what is on sale that don't push me? Oh. ChrisLeah.com. Too many drinks. But also, what? That one's yours. Which one's mine? That one.
Starting point is 00:01:16 Yeah, it is? Yeah. Also, let's- This one's mine. We're starting the show, but let's just get this out of the way first. And this one's mine. I didn't know. Sometimes I forget.
Starting point is 00:01:24 But I'm going to be in Dallas, Grand Prairie, Texas. That's Chris D'Elia on tour. Go to chrisdelia.com for here. Grand Prairie, Texas, which is a Dallas play. Wichita, Kansas. Atlanta, Georgia. Washington, D.C. Stockton, September 23rd.
Starting point is 00:01:37 Oakland, September 24th. I'm going to be doing Illinois, October 7th and 8th. Raleigh, October 21st. Savannah, Georgia, October 22nd. Denver, Colorado, I'll be there November 5th at the Belco Theater. Cheyenne, Wyoming, November 6th. Boston, Massachusetts, two shows, early and late, at the Wang Theater, November 12th. Lakeland, Florida, that's a new one that just went on sale December 2nd, and Jacksonville,
Starting point is 00:02:07 Florida, December 3rd. And chrystalia.com for tickets. Go get them good seats. The Dallas one is coming up soon. All right, great. Thanks for listening. You do your hair. All right, great. You should do your whole thing like that, like you're an emo guy. Like what? Like how it was over your eyes, the whole show. I mean, don't actually do it but anyway okay i mean i'll do it i'll do anything do you have do you have uh gray in your hair yet or no my beard but not tons of your no no i don't think so i might have i think i might have found one i was reading a book the other day and i turned a page and i found a fucking piece of
Starting point is 00:02:41 gray hair i was like is this mine or is this the last person who read this book and there was a length of my hair though the good thing about that is now you can just use it as a bookmark i did um and uh so yeah i have now like four or five or six gray hairs in my head i don't think i've ever seen one i really got them in the head yeah you gotta you gotta be close you gotta be me really to notice you know yeah i have more in my beard i bet you well you than me yeah no yeah then you not not in my course of my hair dude i want it to be i wish that happened at the same time yeah i mean don't yours fucking cool dude gray hair is cool but also it's i don't feel like it's cool just on the face no it's not i mean hair yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh so i gotta get that going maybe i'll just dye it i'll throw some fucking you know what I mean just for man silver
Starting point is 00:03:25 yeah or just get like a streak like a skunk maybe get like a fucking well that could be cool because then it would look like it's really like a thing you have I went through something
Starting point is 00:03:33 bad right like the crash test dummies music video remember that shit oh did they say that well I know this song it's all different notes
Starting point is 00:03:41 not all the same but yeah wow fucking if somebody laughed like that in a movie it would be the best acting of all time he goes It's all different notes. Not all the same notes, but yeah. Wow. Fucking. If somebody laughed like that in a movie, it would be the best acting of all time. He goes. Wow, that's so bad.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Once there was this boy. So bad. Slowed down. Wouldn't go to change. Fuck, I fucked it up. I crossed it. No, he goes, once there was this kid who got into an accident and couldn't go to school. But when he finally came back, his hair had turned from black into bright white.
Starting point is 00:04:24 That's it. Dude, how did I remember that? I was transmitting it from my brain to white. That's it, yeah. Dude, how did I remember that? I was transmitting it from my brain to yours. That's amazing. You can't take credit for that. But see, now me saying it about the white hair triggered it for you, and it's because of me that you got it right.
Starting point is 00:04:39 Okay, well, I don't know. I do. Bright white, they said it once, I've been there, not I've only... That's know. I do. Bright white. They said it wasn't been there. That's a part I forget. Forgot it. That song kind of rocked. That was so 90s, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:54 So was their fucking hair. Right. Rash test dummies. There's nothing more 90s than really long, really completely dead straight. Straight as an arrow. Heavy hair. Dark hair. Heavy hair. long really completely dead straight straight as an arrow heavy hair dark hair heavy hair like a curtain like a fucking like a curtain like a blackout curtain you would see on a really long window yeah like heavy like to move your like literally move your hair you gotta go right yeah you could hurt your neck no no no no no fall like a heavy backpack yeah and then you go, no, no, no, no, no. And you fall. Like a heavy backpack, yeah. And then you go, you got in. And then you say, what happened?
Starting point is 00:05:25 They say, I got into an accident. Ha ha. Yes, dude. Also, we love callbacks. Oops. You know who else had that? What? Extreme.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Remember that band? Yep. What was their big song? It goes like this. We're so extreme. No, no, no. What's the name of that song the extreme song the famous extreme song yeah we don't know we don't know i don't know now i need to fucking figure it out so i
Starting point is 00:05:50 don't know but 90s were the shit huh were the 90s shit only because we were in the 90s probably yes but not only because so how do you feel about the 80s though whatever oh so you feel more about the 90s this oh it was more than words oh yeah dude and I'm good though I hated the fucking I loved it dude the video was so sick they had the long hair with the pony one guy had the pony
Starting point is 00:06:16 and the other guy they were brothers like me and you and they had really long sheet curtain fucking dark dark hair dude yeah they would fall over yeah more than what on the ground with his hair like i can't get up i can't get up it's too heavy wow um remember when
Starting point is 00:06:42 you pushed nick schupper's backpack yep because it looked like it was too heavy took so long for him to fall down he was trying so hard to stay up and i just go don't because his backpack was so big dude this kid's backpack it was so mean that you did that he needs to learn bro that was so mean the best part was he was trying to get up on a curb and that's what did it that's what yeah he was absolutely did it dude he was the leading tower of pizza and then he hit that curb and he just goes fuck it dude it was so funny i literally just go yeah that's how heavy it was and it was and i go dunk and he goes no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no and he got up on the curb and then fell bro we laughed for fucking
Starting point is 00:07:19 days i was looking at his face and you know like when you watch shark attacks there's no expression in their face there's no know, like when you watch shark attacks, there's no expression in their face. There's no change. The scariest thing about a shark attack is that it doesn't feel anything about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was Nick Schubert's face. Unbelievable, dude. That's what a great...
Starting point is 00:07:32 Fuck, I wish I thought of that. I'm going to steal that. Okay. Wow. Dude, just being a shark falling down. Yeah. Just being a fucking... This is what happens to me with a backpack this big.
Starting point is 00:07:41 Boom. Yeah. That's what it was. Yeah. Well, so what about the 90s? And then what about the 80s and then what about the 80s because i was born in 1980 you were born in 1984 three three i know that and uh 1983 and then so you probably remember the 90s more i remember both the 80s and the 90s i remember just obviously the end of the 80s uh but the 90s were like the thing for me that's like it's weird that like when i think about my life most of my memories are
Starting point is 00:08:06 condensed into a very brief window from like 12 around 12 to like 15 like so much of my memory is is is concentrated around that period of my life and i guess because i was so formed right around then yeah and that would have been the mid 90s yeah dude i was watching childhood videos the other day i can't watch them i hate shit like that but why why can't you i i don't know it's like i was fucking locked in a room and fucking i i just i i can't watch them it makes me feel sad dude that's what i've always said and you've always been like why that's how i feel i feel that way always i've always felt what i don't know what it is but like i just it makes i maybe it's i see myself being young and youthful and happy and then i
Starting point is 00:08:56 and now it's like there's so much other things in the world i think it just makes us whether we realize it or not think about dying maybe maybe especially because you see so many people on the video you're like oh they're dead they're right yeah because you killed them yeah yeah no it's just it's just weird and it's like you gotta there's always the old person with their fucking like glasses fucking pocket thing in the pocket thing anymore yeah and it just makes you realize that time moves everything changes and it's just like yeah it's too much we can't process that feeling and emotions i can't i can't feel all that man yeah yeah it hurts yeah i always say i don't even like pictures but i don't like pictures of me young around my house i don't know who's me young was she chinese or yes yeah i don't like pictures of me young
Starting point is 00:09:39 i don't know no but really i don't like even looking at me at a younger age. Wow. Yeah. It's deeper. No, definitely, yeah. No, but that's fine, but it's deeper. But I had such a good childhood. It doesn't make sense in that sense, but it's true.
Starting point is 00:09:54 Don't like it. Don't want to do it. You can't make me. I wonder if we were repressing anything that fucking- If Russians came in and just was like- But fucked us? Threw us around. Russians? Went real far. Russians? I like, they just threw us around. Russians.
Starting point is 00:10:05 Went real far. Russians. I was going to say threw us around, but. No, Russians came in when we were that age, around eight, threw us around and butt fucked us. Okay, well, and so far. No, I remember their names were Vladimir.
Starting point is 00:10:21 Of course, I would kind of bet you were going to say that. And the other one was Vladimir with an O, I would kind of bet you were going to say that. And the other one was Vladimir with an O. Is that an actual Russian name? Yeah, Vladimir and Vladimir. Is that actual? Those are two Russian names?
Starting point is 00:10:33 I think so, right? That's so confusing. Vladimir and they butt fucked us. I want to say that's so confusing, but there is John and Jen. Yeah, John and John, just no H.
Starting point is 00:10:42 Anyway, they butt fucked us. Worst high five yeah toyota for all of us listening we high-fived the back end but dude by russian guys i love what you do for me remember when the guy would fucking jump up and do like this so bitch dude i wanted to sell after that plummeting dude he goes like this a toyota yes boom freeze-frame it goes i love what you do for me toyota dude the most bitch ass shit bro was that that was 90s was that dude you know what i love doing i for hours on end i can sit there and watch and this is what youtube's great for youtube's yeah fuck oh dude all of you if anybody
Starting point is 00:11:18 has anything negative to say about youtube youtube is the greatest thing that ever happened. The internet in general, obviously, has its good sides and bad sides. But YouTube and also Wikipedia. Not only can you fucking learn anything that ever existed that you want to know about, but you can also watch anything that has ever been fucking recorded on video or fucking film.
Starting point is 00:11:43 Lawyer out of work. It's the best fucking thing anyway i watched 90s commercials yeah i know it's good on a loop on a loop they're so bad they're like hey guys talking to m&ms and shit and the m&ms are like you know what are you doing just eating cereal right what i like the new yeah right so angry about it you know but damn dude i'll shoot them all but Okay, well. What I like about- Get Dimitri and Dimitri down there. Vladimir and Vladimir.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Oh, sorry. But what is weird is that I like thinking about how times have changed when I'm outside of thinking about like, when I watch commercials, I like thinking about, wow, times have changed so much. Yeah. But when I'm in the mix, get me out of here. Yeah. I wonder what happened to us when we were younger.
Starting point is 00:12:27 Deeper. So let's get into the show. Let's see what we're going on with the advices. Yeah. Hi, Chris. Hi, Matt. My name's Melanie. I live in Portland, Oregon.
Starting point is 00:12:40 And the question I have for you guys is, in 2018, I started my own business, which is a daycare center. Cool. And 2020 was projected to be my best year. Obviously COVID hit. Yeah. I'm super proud now that it's 2022. We've made it on the other side and I'm doing really well. There's so many things I should be proud of, but I'm finding that the sense of entitlement that people have across all industries and any sort of social exchanges I've observed is one where people are just rude, blatantly rude and, and have the sense of entitlement of how they, how they should be able to interact with each other. I feel like we forgot how to socialize, how to talk like normal individuals. Uh, it's really affecting my view on going to work i don't love what i do
Starting point is 00:13:26 anymore and uh it is my own business and free conch so i like free couch do literal and verbal spin moves on the rug um and i can't retire at 32 so like any advice on how to survive post pandy entitlement thanks well i think think first of all, just as this pandemic came, it's going to go. And eventually, people will regain or retain their ability to be in social situations and not be total fucking
Starting point is 00:13:58 either weirdos or assholes. Everyone went through a period where they were so fucking uptight and confused. That is not a good mix. And we're still all kind of coming out of that. And everybody's fucking edgy and everybody's weird and scared
Starting point is 00:14:12 kind of. And I think the solution here is, or my advice here is that it's going to pass. So just fucking wait it out. And find the people that you can make fun of and talk to your friends about them. I guess that's a good... I guess that though, is it going to get better in past?
Starting point is 00:14:30 Do you think? Because like, I know you say the world keeps getting better and better. I don't say that. Well, you say, well, I mean, yeah, you do, no? No, in a really, really, really broad sense, I say that. Like in a Steven Pinker way. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:43 Okay. Well, who's that? But yeah. So, but like, if there's like a, in a steven pinker way yeah yeah okay well who's that but yeah so but like if there's like uh in a dave flallypoo way yeah but it's like wow in a in a fucking john charisma fucking well i'll be the sickest name ever john charisma dude imagine being named john charisma wow hello everything's going to get better yes um with one of those fucking what are those fucking what's the collars that go up and down oh wow those white ones i paid the one more and so you don't talk about i do yeah charisma
Starting point is 00:15:13 johnny charisma wow no you know what that is like a fucking porn star that like thinks he's better than all the other porn stars just doesn't want to do like john rod or something yeah yeah yeah like fucking yeah yeah johnny comes a lot huh fuck that dude i'm john charisma johnny comes a lot you know so uh anyway what we talked about named john what we say about how things get better you don't think they are the matri comes a lot um yeah no it just seems like things are going into the shitter and i know every generation has always said that they've always said that yes like they've every generation has always been like it's getting worse it's getting worse i mean like fucking you know they were probably saying it back in fucking roman times and shit definitely everyone has always said that yeah like they're
Starting point is 00:15:58 not even feeding people to the lions anymore where's this country headed? Right, right, right. And so, wow, thought of the worst joke, didn't say it. And so, so yeah, so. But you're right about now is a unique.
Starting point is 00:16:13 It is very unique. It's like a blip in the everything's getting better all the time thing because things have stagnated. Crime rates have gone up. Right. Violent crime rates have gone up.
Starting point is 00:16:21 I got you. It's like education is way fucked up right now. There's fucking inflation. The economy's fucked up. But it's all because of COVID. But in a Jimmy Pinkerton way, it's a lot better, right? Steve Pinker.
Starting point is 00:16:32 Okay. Okay. So the thing is- John Charisma. I think that- I don't- Look, I struggle with this, honestly. Stand-up comedy was my favorite thing in the world.
Starting point is 00:16:47 And the pandemic happened. Uh, I, I, I was just gonna break also cause I was fucking canceled and shit, but like I stopped doing standup. And then when I went back, I didn't like it the same. And it took a while for me to get back to where I liked it again. And what about now? And now it's, it's, I, you know, I liked it a lot, but there are some nights that I'm just, I'm not feeling it, you know, and that never used to happen.
Starting point is 00:17:11 And I don't even want to admit that to myself. And here's why I'm able to admit that to myself and be honest about that is because I had my son and my son is more important than anything, my family, you know, my family, the three of us, more important than anything. my family you know my family the three of us more important than anything and so so having that and i can i can be honest and be like it's okay to have nights where i don't want to go do my job um and sometimes i find it on stage and i'm like fuck this is amazing and sometimes i don't like the other night i was like fucking i had two shows at the improv and i just fucking with the crowds were i was like i didn't do so well and then i left and then i saw another i saw ian edwards
Starting point is 00:17:48 you know yeah the next thing he was like man i wanted to quick stand up after that show i was like oh fuck you had a rough set too fuck yeah it wasn't me you know yeah so um but yeah i don't know man look this is just part of the times it's not always it's not always gonna be like this people about her thing though specifically i'm saying it's not always gonna be like that i know but i know but on the heels of that people are really uptight about all things around kids and watching kids anything school related also people forgot how to socialize in every fucking area of life people are like had they forgotten how to be around each other yeah and i do think that that is something that absolutely people are going to rebound from and people fucking suck
Starting point is 00:18:32 before too don't get me wrong but they're going to go back to the normal way of sucking this new way of sucking is going to slowly dissipate and go away there is a uh yeah the masks also are it's just everything is just crazy i saw somebody somebody fucking the other day at a place with a mask on inside drinking something with a straw and she would go like this. While she was eating? Yeah. It was crazy. So she would chew with the mask on?
Starting point is 00:18:57 Yeah. What was inside? Inside. Where? A cafe. Making it up. No, a cafe. That's fucking legitimately weird.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Yeah, weird. Okay. Well, that's the point though. In two years, she won't be doing that shit. I know. I will. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Yeah. Okay. Next one. So what about though right now? Like she wants to know what she can do before things get better, right? Right. But cherry pick the stories about the real big assholes, find humor in it, and go talk shit about those people to your friends and make them laugh about it.
Starting point is 00:19:28 Make it a hobby of you. Shit talking is a hobby? Because the business you started is fucking sick. You love it. It's what you want to do. Find the little things that are so bad, it almost reaches a level of absurdity. Also, there's more that matters right now than your business. You understand?
Starting point is 00:19:43 And to you. there's more that matters right now than your business you understand and to you and and i think that that's what we're you're figuring out is that oh my business is uh i loved it why don't i love it as much anymore and it's because of all of the other shit going on yeah so dude once that shit changes you'll get back on track and in the meantime dude you know do some fucking you know get on TikTok. Oh, wow. Do a cooking video. Wow.
Starting point is 00:20:07 No, but for real though, people, there's that chick that started jumping rope on Instagram and she started in the beginning of the pandemic and now she's like a professional jump roper. She has millions of followers and she's just like jumping, throwing the shit back and forth. That's your advice to her? Get on TikTok? Yeah, start jumping rope. Start jumping rope and get on TikTok. Get real healthy, dude.
Starting point is 00:20:22 Okay. Anyway. I think find the real absurdity in it absurdity in it find it funny and then go talk fucking mad shit about those people
Starting point is 00:20:31 behind their back I don't know if that's good but maybe in a comedic way it's okay okay yeah no it's good oh boy you want to read it
Starting point is 00:20:41 yeah I'll read it because you read it because it's hot as shit and I don't want to be reading it because it's hot as shit and I don't want to be reading it because it's hot as shit so go ahead hey Matt
Starting point is 00:20:47 hey Chris hope everything's going great with you guys thanks for everything that you do huge fan of your work especially Matt oh cool
Starting point is 00:20:54 I'm a 37 years old man that's bad foreign bad grammar been married for 9 years and my wife and I are expecting our first child now
Starting point is 00:21:04 my wife has a couple of male friends that she talks to on the phone almost on a daily basis. Quote, in parentheses, male heterosexual friends. Okay. End parentheses. And to be honest, I'm okay with that. I get that it's healthy for her to have friends to talk to, and I trust her completely. So this really isn't an issue. I, on the other hand, another parenthetical,
Starting point is 00:21:26 and here comes the advice part and parenthetical, do not have any female friends. All of my friends are male. So I wonder sometimes if I should reach out to old female friends I used to have, see how they're doing, or is this bullshit because in the end I'll just end up wanting to fuck them? That guy puts asterisks like we don't say fuck and shit all the time. So just wondering what you think of this situation.
Starting point is 00:21:48 But also in general, when it comes to married man having female friends versus married woman having male friends. Thanks again. And I apologize for any spelling and or grammar errors I might have. Period. So far. So far. He wrote so far. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:04 I don't think it's a big deal if he's saying his wife has a couple of male friends that she talks to on the phone almost daily, a daily basis. Do you, he says, oh, he's okay with that. I get it's healthy for her to have friends to talk to, and I trust completely that this really isn't an issue. So why, so the want to keep in touch with other he doesn't have female friends he just wants to he just wants to fuck other people i think honestly really and be around them yeah i'm just like if you're really okay with it then like that's the end there's no advice
Starting point is 00:22:35 yeah you don't seek out non-friends to become friends with them that's not how like they're if they're your friend already then great yeah become friends with them then great but you don't like is this like retaliatory like what the fuck is it seems like it's retaliatory but the thing about it is bad but the thing of course it's bad but the thing about it is making new friends of the opposite sex is definitely a little bit more dicey than mate than an old but like are these the dude friends that he has that she has yeah if she's had them before him yeah then fuck it you know what i mean of course yeah like i mean who cares yeah i i this is just crazy you're you this is just so much i don't know if you want to fuck people, other people, but like,
Starting point is 00:23:25 on the other hand, here comes the advice part. Do not have any female friends. All of my friends are male. So I wonder sometimes if I should reach out to old female friends I used to have
Starting point is 00:23:33 and see how they're doing. Here's the thing. That's so weird. If you're really okay with it, you wouldn't have that next thought. I think he's not okay with it. He's not okay with it. Okay, we figured that out.
Starting point is 00:23:41 Yes, he knows he should be okay with it and he's right about that, but he's not. Just acknowledge that you're not okay with it. Okay, we figured that out. Yes, he knows he should be okay with it and he's right about that, but he's not. Just acknowledge that you're not okay with it and then ask yourself why because you really should be. I'm not okay with it. It doesn't fucking matter.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Dude, it doesn't matter. You say yourself you fucking trust her. It's fine. Go to her right now and be like, baby, you've got a lot of male friends. I'm insecure about it. That's what my advice is. Is everything cool?
Starting point is 00:24:03 And also, do you think maybe you could back off with that or are you going to be like no those are my friends and then i got to deal with it because maybe she'll be like huh yeah i guess i do talk to them quite a bit maybe i should open up to you more yes dude maybe dr phil eat your heart out but she shouldn't even like regardless of him she shouldn't become less good of friends with these friends of hers just because he's insecure yes what they should work on is trying to make him less insecure yes and that mostly comes from him yes exactly not trying to get new chicks to that is just what the fuck or or old exes old fligs hey what's up my girlfriend's on the phone
Starting point is 00:24:41 with one of her guy friends what What you doing? Wanna hang? Yeah. LOL. Work's been good. I don't want to fuck you. I swear I don't want to fuck you because I'm doing the same thing that my wife's doing
Starting point is 00:24:56 and she doesn't want to fuck them. So anyway, LOL. All good, LOL. You still work it. Fucking... I know it's been three years. Yeah, dude. Come on. Yeah, go, bro. Get together. Face it. Here's You still work it. Fucking. I know it's been three years. Yeah, dude. Come on.
Starting point is 00:25:07 Yeah, go, bro. Get together. Face it. Here's the red flag here. My wife has a couple of male friends that she talks to on the phone almost on a daily basis. Male heterosexual. And to be honest, I'm okay with that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:19 That's why I said. I know. And secure. That is the most. Deeper. Yeah, dude. I read that. And in my mind, I was just. So I had to stop. I know. And secure. That is the most... Yeah, dude. I read that and in my mind I was just... So I had to stop reading it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:25:29 I mean, getting fucked. I mean, everyone would read that and go... All right, cool. Next one. Hey, Chris and Matt. Unbelievable. Love the show. Love what you guys are doing.
Starting point is 00:25:42 Seeking a little bit of help in a situation that I'm in. Worst advert chair. So I was dating this girl and I broke up with her you guys are doing uh seeking a little bit of help in the situation that i'm in worst ad for a chair so i was dating this girl and i broke up with her because she basically started dating this other dude that's a good reason okay well actually she and uh about two months after i broke up with her her new boyfriend posted a tiktok oh and tagged me in it and basically was saying thanks for screwing things up. Oh, what? I don't know. It was just really mean.
Starting point is 00:26:13 Yeah. And I'm wondering how you think I should respond. I haven't really done anything about it. So, yeah. Keep on rocking in the free world i mean the fucking that's so funny unbelievable dude you know that's um that's tom hardy always doing an accent always the best thing in a situation like this um i i fully believe this always is to pretend like you never saw it yeah yeah i agree always i agree because it's in the past it doesn't even matter this guy's a fucking loser that's so bitch that that guy did that dude dude
Starting point is 00:26:50 do not do anything it happened already and now by the way that chick is dating that dude good because they can be with each other bro that is so whack yes do nothing it was so dope when chris rock did nothing after will smith correct yes he still did nothing yes dude that is so whack yes do nothing it was so dope when chris rock did nothing after will smith correct yes he still did nothing yes dude that's so ill it's still his shit you want to be ill as shit yeah be ill as shit dude i mean he had the fucking lighting set up in that video yeah and then the fucking like obviously as a photographer you know yeah he knows and just chilling with the black socks on he was cool and the laugh mic he was cool he was good uh do nothing act like you never saw it if it ever comes up in your life act like you never saw it play dumb play fucking yes play totally ignorant of anything it never happened never
Starting point is 00:27:34 bothered you and if somebody tells you about it it still wouldn't bother you because who the fuck gives a fuck okay well we're therapists but honestly i would be such the fucking way he was swiveling in the chair was sin see and that's okay but dude that is unbelievable that guy did that but hey congrats you know what that's great because you know why now you know that you have another enemy so put that in your pocket right put that under your towel yeah figure it out it's good that you haven't done anything yet and you waited to ask us because emphatically i feel this way do not do anything in fact until the day you fucking die pretend it never happened just honestly don't do anything and uh do you you should try to block
Starting point is 00:28:15 that guy out of your mind even right like dude i don't even know that that guy that guy oh what's his name again okay cool we won't be able to do it but try try every day i don't wake up every day i don't know about that that's great but do it don't try just do it yeah just he doesn't exist oh hey dude he's gone worst hypnotist oh hey dude he's gone most chilling ass hypnotist most chilling ass hypnotist hey oh hey dude it's gone so when I snap my fingers, he will forever be gone. You listening, dude? Okay. Hey, when I snap my fingers, you're going to be so much the chillinest ass dude.
Starting point is 00:28:54 Yeah. And? That's good, man. That's a good question. And I feel very strongly about this. Yeah, me too. It never happened. It didn't happen. It never happened. And? We it never happened and we're sitting at this okay cool let's do it all right going on matt and chris love the show lifeline it's really cool that you're helping out the
Starting point is 00:29:15 common folk out here wow uh my question for you guys is how do you keep up with your organization and productivity i'm feeling like i'm having CUDA tendencies and I don't know how to really deal with those. I, I, it's hard to stay focused with me, you know, for myself getting focused. Um, I recorded this video like six times. Uh, but anyway, any advice would be great advice. I work overnights at a warehouse 6 PM p.m. to 6 a.m. Maybe that affects things. Maybe I have ADHD or something else. With the mask.
Starting point is 00:29:51 I don't know. Thanks for being cool and awesome. Oh, yeah. Wow, he's cute. That guy's cute. He is cute. Also, where did you get that mask? Also, why do you have that mask?
Starting point is 00:30:02 Why are you wearing it now? Well, I have five guitars. You know what? Well, he's wearing it now to discuss who he is first of all your your job the six to six thing p.m to a.m is definitely affecting oh dude all of it it's a hundred percent you need to fucking experience sunlight you can't be sleeping during the day and then not yeah that fucks you up yeah it does basically become whatever mask you're putting on yeah exactly but also dude you obviously shred yeah he obviously shred he's got five guitars at least and that's all we saw so he could have had more is he is that slipknot that was slipknot i mean basically slipknot his fucking mask and also this guitars but um yeah uh how
Starting point is 00:30:41 he's asking how to get more organized or how to be focused. Don't spend any time being hard on yourself for not being focused and, and organized. Yeah. Organized. I got to get organized. Don't spend any time like beating yourself up about that. Either be, be in one of two States at all times,
Starting point is 00:31:00 either doing something about it or not doing anything about it. When you're not doing anything about it, just be chilling and enjoying yourself. Like what John Lennon said. Oh my God. But the thing about how like wasted time is not, any time you enjoy wasting
Starting point is 00:31:12 is not wasted time. Got it. Okay, we're done with that. Yeah, we got it. Okay. But when you are, advice on how to get organized is hard because I don't know what you do
Starting point is 00:31:22 or what you want to do, but- He's organized with his guitars. Yeah, exactly. I don't know what you do or what you want to do but he's organized with his guitars yeah i don't know if i believe this guy completely i think that what he what it is is he has a lack of doing the things he doesn't want to do he has a lack of desire to doing things he doesn't want to do and that's where the organization fucking thing comes into play yes figured it out and i think i can relate to that right i know a hundred percent i want to do like four things how many do you want to do yeah less okay there we go so i mean it's not a competition but two things right i want to do one thing but like i want to do like four things. How many did you want to do? Yeah, less. Okay, there we go. So, I mean, it's not a competition.
Starting point is 00:31:45 I want to do two things. Right. I want to do one thing. But like- I want to do half of a thing. But so, I've never done anything. But that's what this guy is. Because this guy, I see.
Starting point is 00:31:53 And I'm like, I'm looking at this and I'm like, am I Sherlock Holmes? Do you know what I mean? Because I see it and I know the answer. But why do I know the answer, right? Because I'm doing all this stuff subconsciously, like focusing on the lint on his thing. Oh, he took it to the dry cleaners. Oh, the fucking, you know what I mean oh i know what you mean bunched up but what you mean is upsetting me real quick and i get it okay and i don't even know why but now i get it because i did a sherlock holmes thing where i'm like dude you're not organized really yeah that's
Starting point is 00:32:18 very interesting well then why do you have six guitars placed in a fucking neat fashion they're all equidistant same height exactly i don't buy it either and also you have that mask on it was ready wasn't it you thought about this so it's not about organization it's about you don't want to do the things that you don't want to do yeah yes i identify with that and i'm like sherlock holmes is you know stop saying that part though you know what i mean i'm like that that was like Sherlock Holmes. That wasn't anything like Sherlock Holmes. There's nobody dead. Nothing stolen. Is Sherlock Holmes real?
Starting point is 00:32:50 No. So nobody's like Sherlock Holmes. Yeah, including you. Yes! No, but I think that guy needs to... I would suggest, and here me... Dude, fucking... You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:33:04 Okay, not yet. Fourth down, and I'm fucking know what I mean okay fourth down and I'm fucking and I see the guy and I'm like this is what we got to go for we're down because I'm just going to go for the Hail Mary okay I think you need a whole fucking life change what do they call it the circadian rhythm like you're not getting it yeah
Starting point is 00:33:20 you're not getting it dude you got to you got to wake up in the day do the day sleep at night. So you want him to quit his job? Maybe there's another shift he can do? I mean, you know he asked for it already. Yeah, maybe. Maybe, maybe not.
Starting point is 00:33:35 Okay, yeah. If there's another possible shift, ask for that. Do Uber Eats. If you're asking what the reason is that you're disorganized, I keep doing it because I made this stupid fucking joke.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Disorganized and sort of all over the place,'t get your shit together so to speak i think uh your job has so much to do with it um so just know that and be a little easier on yourself about it but uh i think as chris said even though i don't like how he said he's sherlock holmes he's probably right in that you're talking about the things in life that none of us actually want to do. So just fucking do them because you're a fucking adult. Yeah. Also, yeah. No, that's right. I do agree with that.
Starting point is 00:34:14 I agree with myself. Okay. So let's do it. Let's see the next one, my baby. Hi, guys. Here's the dilemma. Make this quick. Started talking to this girl when I lived in California from back in Washington.
Starting point is 00:34:26 We FaceTimed every night, got close. One day she stops talking to me. A little bit of time goes by, I find out she's having an affair with one of my friend's dads. And I was like, whoa, it got messy, right? It got sloppy. I get back home, she got a fat ass. So she hit me up one day and I was like, I still want to hit it. She comes over, I hit it. Then she starts talking about one day and I was like, I still want to hit it. She comes over.
Starting point is 00:34:45 I hit it. Then she starts talking about dating. And I was like, nah. And then she freaks out on me. Tells me I'm a fuck boy. Tells me she regrets having sex. She says, I gave you my body. Bitch, I gave you my dick.
Starting point is 00:35:00 It's not like this is a game and I won. Right? We both wanted to have sex here. I don't see what the fuck happened i don't see what you thought you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying boys in what you guys did bitches hey oh no okay that that end part kind of yeah yeah yeah a little off track yeah but um fucking yeah he's at the end he's just like fucking big ups to my Ku Klux Klan. Yeah. Also, dude, there's one thing you just got to reply with. She's like, hey, I gave you my body. And you just say, you gave my friend's dad your body too.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sayonara. And you're out, dude. There's no fucking way. I mean, there's no way. How are you doing to my friend's dad way this is going to my friend's dad she had sex with your friend's dad while they were was it while they were dating who cares oh no that's a big fucking difference not even a little bit you fucked his friend's dad
Starting point is 00:35:57 i guess that's insane dude that's pretty crazy somebody and then she fucks mr marquand insane dude yeah no that's insane in fucking sane small town shit dude you wearing a bolo tie i'm sherlock holmes so i get you're in a small town because i'm picking up all the fucking different things oh boy man i fucked your ex-girlfriend man oh boy okay that's mr marquand talking yeah but um uh no but yeah what is the advice the advice he just wanted to tell us the story but the advice is ow you gotta get rid of that girl she's she's trouble he shouldn't have she's hit it again no i love what it was like she got a fat ass like in the middle just this guy you know i didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing you meant it as a good thing right yeah yeah okay yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:36:47 um okay yeah but so you i want i need to get one in your words hit it again and she i mean that's not that weird as i hit it you know i'm just making sure that everyone knows i deserve not my words okay yeah i'm not saying it's out of control as you said he hit it the bitch that's not my word but no but he uh what the fuck is he even seeking here he wants us to be like well he he was at the end he was like right bitches oh yeah bro bitches but we're you know i get it dude you both did your thing it's fine it's all good and she said i gave you my body and you say you fucked my dad's friend but he didn't say that he said that he should say that i know i know i know you say, you fucked my dad's friend. But he didn't say that he said that. He should say that. I know, I know.
Starting point is 00:37:25 I know you say, you fucked my friend's dad. Gotta go. Sayonara. And jump in the fucking pool. What was she... She was mad at him for what reason again?
Starting point is 00:37:32 That she didn't want... Because he didn't want to date her. Oh, okay. You fucked my friend's dad, dude. Just say, did he want to date you? Like, did my friend's dad... Well, I don't...
Starting point is 00:37:41 Yeah. I don't want to... The thing is, I know that you're dating around and I know that you also... You're dating around and maybe seeing my friend's dad so that might not be the greatest thing because i have to see my friend's dad a lot yeah he's 60 yeah but i mean i don't think you should have sex with this person or anything no no you gotta you gotta let yeah this
Starting point is 00:37:58 is that's it for her yeah yeah i also anyone that says like i gave you my body is like okay but it's sex like why are you putting it that way that's a that's a red flag like that's a i understand what sex is it sounds like maybe she just wants him back even from the she's acting out yeah maybe she wanted him back even when she fucked his friend's dad his friend's dad yeah because the friend wasn't going to do it you know the friend wasn't going to do it you know the friend wasn't going to do it the friend's too good of a friend but the friend's dad is just like oh this is a woman yeah that's where i come in the friend's like can i fuck your friend no what about hey hey can i have your dad's number and dad's like i'm way ahead of you maybe i have a huge boner maybe he didn't even know
Starting point is 00:38:39 i'm way ahead of you i'm completely erect and you have a fat ass how shitty is this guy's dad yo the worst what's up with the dad the dad is just the the dad needs to get call in here and ask how to be a better fucking dude imagine cal grows up and fucking uh no i don't i don't want to imagine that i'm just saying dude and it's not good but i know no no shit it's not good and i'm just like that's where i come in with a fucking raging boner yeah no cal's 25 and shit yeah and he's he's like dad and i go son it would be his friend too that's so weird did you see that ass though son son it's fat now how fat was the ass damn that's weird bitches am i right you're putting it that way makes it sound even weirder it's so fucking weird everyone's weird in this situation yeah am I right? You putting it that way makes it sound even weirder. It's so fucking weird.
Starting point is 00:39:25 Everyone's weird in this situation. Yeah. And you're the least weird. Well, no, the friend. And you're fucking weird, dude. Yeah, he's weird. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:32 Yeah, he's weird. But, you know. Looking like a fucking Mormon sect with that bolo tie he had on. Yeah. All right. All right. Another one. That was a good one.
Starting point is 00:39:41 Was it? Hey, Chris and Matt. Big boy. Big boy. My question today is about my family. My mom and my stepdad have been together for 15 years or so. I love them both, but I've noticed something between them lately. My mom is the kind of person who she gets really defensive about you calling her out.
Starting point is 00:40:05 She can't accept that she's wrong about anything. And lately I've noticed her being kind of mean and irritable and snappy towards my stepdad, and he just kind of takes it. He's the kind of person, he's been struggling with anxiety a little bit, a little bit of depression, and I feel bad because I can just see her being mean to him sometimes when I'm over there. He doesn't say anything about it. So I wonder if you think I should confront my mom about it or not.
Starting point is 00:40:32 Maybe your advice would be helpful. Thanks. Fuck yeah, dude. Bring it up. He seems like a nice guy. First of all, he's got the wrong voice for who he is. Yeah, but I think I actually think that maybe he should bring it up with the stepdad.
Starting point is 00:40:43 Do you want me to? Oh, I thought he was insinuating that the stepdad does have a problem with it oh it's not i mean it sounds to me like maybe he's oblivious to it but you might be right i'm just saying but no even if he is aware of it say you know i noticed that my mom is like kind of saying he's cutting things to you i just want to before i say anything to her i just want to like see you how you feel about that if it's like you guys talk about it sometimes or like i don't want to before i say anything to her i just want to like see you how you feel about that if it's like you guys talk about it sometimes or like i don't want to butt in but like i've started to notice it and and i feel like saying something sometimes i just want to know where you're at with
Starting point is 00:41:14 this you know what i'm saying or you could just approach it be like so you're a beta huh and you like and you like that huh and you're cool with it okay because my mom she's walking all over you because he said the deal he specifically said she's, because my mom, she's walking all over you. Because he said- What's the deal? He specifically said my mom gets defensive. And she's getting defensive, right? Every time you bring something up, she's like, what the heck, so you made a- So what are we going to do about that? Are you going to say something or I'm going to say something, right? You can do that.
Starting point is 00:41:36 Because somebody's got to say something because we can't let this bitch get out of control, okay? If he's saying this about his own mom- And then we'll walk out. Okay. If he's saying this about his own mom. And then we'll walk out. Then that means something to me because that's blood. And his stepdad is ostensibly someone he met later in life.
Starting point is 00:41:54 This is his real actual mom. So like there must be some fucking shitty stuff that she's saying. Yep. But I would recommend not really getting involved with the more volatile one. That's why I say maybe to i know but that's his blood though that's the thing it's like saying it to hit the the dad the stepdad saying i mean it's been 15 years though so that is a long time okay i missed that part so so maybe you say like yo i've noticed mom being defensive what do you feel about that it's not just defensive though in the in lieu of or after the defensive shit yeah she gets increasingly over the course of days and weeks yeah gets
Starting point is 00:42:31 more cutting and shitty yeah so so then say i've noticed she's been doing this have you i you don't want to go behind your mom's back but you have known him for 15 years has been in your life yeah so it'd be like well how do you feel about that and if he's just like i don't know it's okay they'd be like oh so you're do you feel about that? And if he's just like, I don't know, it's okay. They'd be like, oh, so you're a beta, are you? Interesting, okay. Well, that's what I'm saying. And then you talk to the mom and you'd be like, ma, yo, it makes me uncomfortable
Starting point is 00:42:49 when you're fucking cutting down my fucking stepdad. Well, if you're going to say something to your mom- And I'm already pissed off with you because you gave me the wrong voice for my body. That's the thing you say to your mom.
Starting point is 00:42:58 Right. Make it about you, not like you're sticking up for the guy. Yeah. You make it about you, like that makes me uncomfortable when you say mean shit to Tom or John Charisma, whatever the fuck i was gonna say that great good job uh
Starting point is 00:43:09 dave flally poot and if if you talk to john charisma that way when i'm around it makes me uncomfortable steve windheimer if you talk to steve windheimer yeah steven pinker okay whatever it is you know who is it uh he's a making it i don't know if he's a psychologist or a sociologist but he's he's famous for okay well go ahead he wrote he wrote books uh better angels what is that what is the name of that book marco uh he writes about how the world is in fact not being becoming a worse place it's becoming a better safer cleaner, more healthy place than it actually has ever been. Consistently, year after year, decade after decade, century by century.
Starting point is 00:43:49 Making it up. Better and better and better place. He's like a fucking professor at Harvard. He's like a famous fucking thinker. So, all right, cool. Better angels of our nature. Better angels of our nature. There we go.
Starting point is 00:44:01 That's the worst fucking title I've ever heard. It's not good. It's not a good title. That's why I couldn't remember it. You know what's even worse? That's worse than the fucking, go. That's the worst fucking title I've ever heard. It's not good. It's not a good title. That's why I couldn't remember it. You know what's even worse? That's worse than the fucking The Commish. Remember that fucking title? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:10 The Commish, dude. The Commish. Michael Chiklis. Michael Chiklis, a great actor, but was in a show called The Commish. Michael Chiklis has been between the ages of 40 and 45 for 35 years. Dude, The Commish. It's no good, dude. From the makers of the Luten and Sarge comes the commish. The Luten, dude.
Starting point is 00:44:39 Oh, shit. From a secret branch in the arm and the nave. shit from a secret branch in the arm and the nave just just finish the goddamn word fucking abc or whatever the fuck it was the commission and we're gonna call it the commish why And we're going to call it the commish. Why not the commissioner? Because it's cool. You know what I mean? Because it's cooler. Dude, remember when dad made us laugh about that? Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:45:10 I thought we were kids. I peed my pants. That's why we thought the title was so funny, because my dad was fucking laughing so hard that the show's called The Commish, dude. And then do you know what the joke was that made us die? No. You know when you're laughing really hard,
Starting point is 00:45:23 and then somebody says the one thing that sets you over the edge yeah and then you can't breathe yeah i remember a time with that for us but go ahead so he said uh you might as well call it the vomit oh yeah and and we fucking died i mean i was like five so you'reit. Wow, that's right. The Vomit killed me, dude. Imagine if they called it The Vomit. Dude, that would be a horror movie in the 80s. The Vomit. I mean, I'd be much more likely to watch The Vomit.
Starting point is 00:45:55 Oh, yeah, 100%. No question. Remember ours, the time that we laughed so hard was, and you peed. You actually peed a little bit. Because you were laughing so hard. You told me this. We were on the way back from Utah driving, and we were listening to that song and we were making fun
Starting point is 00:46:07 of the song about how the guy was killing it in the music we were laughing so hard and at the end the fucking after the crescendo of the song
Starting point is 00:46:14 it was fading out and the guy was killing it and he just goes oh that's fucking right or whatever dude no the song the song he kept saying every day
Starting point is 00:46:22 every day every day and at the very end he goes every, every day, every day, every day. And at the very end, he goes, every motherfucking day. Oh, that's right. How do you remember that? Because I laughed so hard. Dude, you laughed so hard, so did I, but you piss came out. I peed.
Starting point is 00:46:34 Yeah. Bro, we were dying, dude. The only time as an adult I've peed my pants, yeah. Yeah, I have diapers that I wear sometimes in the bed, and I try to piss. That's because you're lazy, though. Yep. It's not because somebody's making you laugh hard. I know, no, I know. No, I don't laugh and I try to piss. That's because you're lazy though. Yep. It's not because somebody's making you laugh hard. I know.
Starting point is 00:46:47 No, I know. No, I don't laugh in my sleep like really hard. That would be amazing. That would be great. I wish. That would be so good. And then so I piss in my diaper and then you can't do it. Depends is bullshit, honestly.
Starting point is 00:46:56 What do you mean? Depends. I know what they are, but what do you mean they're bullshit? They're not for heavy P's. And I got the heavy P ones. That's fucking false advertising that bro i did a heavy p what i got up dude the whole bed was so i mean we almost had to get a new mattress man oh christopher's like oh fuck and i was like i thought they work but why did you 40 why didn't
Starting point is 00:47:16 you just get up and pee is what i want to know because i i i when i get anxious when i go have a lot of anxiety i have to get up to pee i realize it's an anxiety thing i have to get up to pee in the middle of night too much and i was like fuck this body i win i got the pens i put them on i'm like i'm just gonna piss in you and i did and i fucking it was awful man it was a travesty i tried it three times turns out you lose i lose yeah but i gave it a good fucking college try you know yeah i don't like that good elder elder the good gen good good geriatric try are there more videos one Yeah, let's do one more. Only has one more. Let's do only one more.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Only has one more. This is Jake from Fort Wayne, Indiana. What's up? I just had a question about passion. I can't find anything that I'm really passionate about. I'm 30 years old. I have some hobbies. I like playing guitar. I like playing piano. I taught myself how to tattoo.
Starting point is 00:48:03 I like reading books walking my dog all that stuff but like bragging i'm not actually passionate about anything oh wow i just i enjoy doing them but i'm not like enthralled with anything do you think that it's okay to go through life without having a passion and is it or is it just the fact that i'm not looking hard enough for it? Thanks so much for doing the podcast. Life rips. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:30 Life does rip even if you don't have a passion yet. He's young. He's 30. He's still young. He's young. Did he say he's 30? Yeah, he's 30. He's still young in the modern sense because as Steven Picker would point out,
Starting point is 00:48:41 the lifespan of the average adult human is getting longer and longer. So whereas 30 used to be towards the end of your life 100 years ago, now it's still even more and more and more at the beginning of your life. As Steven Pinker would point out. Steven Pinker. Things are getting better and better. Thanks to John Charisma. I think that it's okay to not have a passion yet.
Starting point is 00:49:02 What I would start to be concerned about, he said, is it okay to live a life without passion? I don't think that that is possible to be fulfilled. If you have no passion about anything for an entire, let's say, a fully lived life to like 78 and then you die, to be passionate about nothing would be pretty extraordinary and I think not good. You think it'll happen? That's what I'm saying though. Yeah. Ultimately, I think you will run into your body.
Starting point is 00:49:25 So it's okay, don't worry about it. But keep being curious and it sounds like he is. He's reading, he's doing shit, he's exploring himself. 30 doesn't sound like super young, but you're still being curious
Starting point is 00:49:36 and being an exploratory mind. So just keep fucking exploring and seeing what's out there and maybe see what you run into. I bet you'll be passionate about something. Fucking guys, you know be not just curious but could be bi-curious if you are into fucking guys yeah but you don't know until you try it right you probably not with that really really good idea not with that so um no you have a really good idea if you'll like that before you that's what i'm saying not with that oh yeah um uh i okay so i mean this is why people
Starting point is 00:50:02 have kids yeah yeah i mean this is why people have kids I don't know how serious you are with your girlfriend but that changes everything but wouldn't you say that's the wrong reason to have kids yeah I would say it's not necessarily
Starting point is 00:50:12 the right reason to have kids but kids can save you like that I mean like kids can save your life like that like your passion yeah they can danger though danger to assume
Starting point is 00:50:20 oh yeah yeah well danger to assume ah I have no passion I'm bored I'm free I guess I should have I'm bored. I'm free. I guess I should have kids. I guess what I'm saying is
Starting point is 00:50:27 there's a lot of stuff to look forward to. You're still young. Yes. If you want to have a family, there's that. There's also other things. Like, dude,
Starting point is 00:50:34 nine of the things you listed, fucking seven of the nine of the things you listed were about music. Maybe you just don't like fucking playing musical instruments, you know? Yeah, but I.
Starting point is 00:50:41 Try other things. Do a hacky sack. I think find the passion before you have a family. Yeah, you could, but i try other things i do a hacky stack find the passion before you have a family yeah you could but what if you don't people's passions are their family well he's still young i would say give yourself another fucking 10 years get look into mormonism honestly look into mormonism read the fucking things of joseph smith the things read the things of joseph smith and this was not a mormon well whatever no, she definitely wasn't because she wasn't brown.
Starting point is 00:51:05 You think of John Smith. Yep, gotta be white. What'd I say? Joseph Smith? Joseph Smith is the Mormon guy. John Smith is the guy who met Pocahontas and discovered the new world.
Starting point is 00:51:15 Are they with their brothers? No! Well, what the fuck were their last names? Smith. Everyone's last name is Smith. Is Emmett Smith related to them? Oh, is Emmett Smith
Starting point is 00:51:22 related to Joseph Smith? Maybe. I don't know if he's Mormon or not. No. You sure could avoid the fucking other team though. They're all evaded? Evaded? Smith, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Okay. No, I don't know. Everyone is, right? Adam and Eve Smith. Certainly. Technically, everyone is related. There we go. And that's what Steven Pinkerton says.
Starting point is 00:51:40 John Charisma? I think that, yeah, passion is coming. Don't even worry about it. Passion is coming. That sounds like a cult leader, right? Sounds like, yeah, Game of Thrones. Don't worry about it. Passion is coming.
Starting point is 00:51:53 You're still young-ish. You're 30. But pick up some fucking stuff. Why don't you do like a montage in your life? Why don't you live your life like a montage for the next month, dude? Just pick up certain things that you're gonna start doing hacky sack you know what i mean get a new job for a little bit or just part-time go to the park sunbathe use one of those fucking things
Starting point is 00:52:15 where that bounces the fucking rays up into your face or in your butthole yeah yes go out into your backyard uh let the sun receive let the anus let your anus receive your son yeah receive the sun just fucking yeah right mailing shit he's a mailman now it could be a different kind of montage could be what i want right you could be it could be that, you know, fucking, who knows? Fucking a sailor. Yeah. Yeah. What I want. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:48 Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. We only know those words, you know? What I want. Be in the fucking nave.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Be the commish. Lieutenant. Be the lieutenant. Be in the nave. Be the commish. Be a naysay. You know what I mean? Maybe so.
Starting point is 00:53:00 I, I think that you're going to be okay. Also, congratulations. You're the most regular looking, regular looking man I've ever seen in my life. You've done it. I think that you're going to be okay also congratulations you're the most regular looking regular looking man I've ever seen
Starting point is 00:53:08 you've done it you've really done it you are maximum regular average kind of good looking yeah regular ass dude
Starting point is 00:53:17 got good really solid brown eyes though did you notice that no he's good looking he's just the most regular ass good looking dude
Starting point is 00:53:23 yeah congratulations maybe you don't have passion because of the way god made you you're just regular looking right god did fuck up your nose a little bit oh yeah maybe get a tattoo he thought himself had a tattoo bro if you put your get a neck tattoo get some trauma in your life start with like not so visible and pronounced but get fucked up like break your nose uh get a mohawk do fucking like hell yeah dude uh break some bones you know yeah yeah well that's pretty much all the same thing all right let's talk about the housing market. Wow. Where you started. 30.
Starting point is 00:54:07 My wife and I are trying to buy our first house. Nice. And the market's just terrible. We moved into the in-law suite of my parents' house about two years ago. Saved money for a house and wedding. Well, we're married now. We got a bunch of money saved up. We're pre-approved for way more than we should ever spend.
Starting point is 00:54:24 But everything on the market is listed for double what it last sold for. And we really don't want to do that. We looked at a fixer upper last night that it was $215,000. Um, and the realtors probably said we should offer two 40 if we want to have a fighting. So like two 40 for a fixer upper is ridiculous. I want to let you want to see what you guys think.
Starting point is 00:54:42 Um, and this is my work van. All right. I'm sure Chris has already mentioned it. What the fuck's this guy in a coffin? So anyways, cool. That's what a work van looks like, Chris. Thanks, guys.
Starting point is 00:54:52 Yeah, I wouldn't know. Yeah, dude, the fucking housing market is insane. Yeah, it's really, really stupid. It's insane. It can't be like this for too much longer. No, it's slowing down right now already. It is slowing down. The very, very top of the market is really slowing down really, really, really fast and drastically.
Starting point is 00:55:13 But that's the very top of the market? Yeah, not where anyone that we – Yeah. Yeah. And then it'll trickle down, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Trickle down.
Starting point is 00:55:22 I know that from Ronald Reagan. Okay. Trickle down economics. He taught you that? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Trickle down. I know that from Ronald Reagan. Okay. Trickle down economics. He taught you that? Yeah. I don't know. Something back then. But he,
Starting point is 00:55:30 yeah, dude, you got to wait, bro. You're in a nice spot. I know you don't want to be with the fucking in-laws. Is it the in-laws or your parents? In-laws, sweet.
Starting point is 00:55:36 But the in-laws, sweet. His parents. Oh, got it. Okay. So too many fucking relationships. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah, I think you got to wait.
Starting point is 00:55:43 You're in a position now where you can wait. I think you should wait. It's just too much, I think you got to wait. You're in a position now where you can wait. I think you should wait. It's just too much. I know you want, because here's the other thing too. Don't get a fixer-upper. And this is why you don't get a fixer-upper because you're, what did he say? He's 30?
Starting point is 00:55:54 30. Dude, this may not be your dream house and that's okay. This may not be your dream house and that may be okay because you can get that. You have plenty of time to do that. So right now what you don't want to do is blow a bunch of cash that you don't have to when you could wait another year and then fucking blow less cash and then have more cash for either fixing shit up or also your dream house later. I wish you said where he was though.
Starting point is 00:56:21 Yeah, me too. That makes a big difference. Because sometimes, depending upon the area, area place like sometimes some markets just actually don't go down they stagnate and go up slower than other times like in the last two three years the la housing market has been just like straight up going like my like my fucking boner like my boner just straight up nope uh whatever but now when the la market starts to go like this yeah dude like your boner like my boner just straight up nope whatever but now when the la market starts to go like this yeah dude like it'll be it'll be like still up but not as much so shut the fuck up um i hope you do understand so la market like this is like right now like for me i'm not gonna say it for the word
Starting point is 00:56:59 worst housing expert worst housing expert but depending upon where you are what's gonna happen is we're gonna get down to Matt's level. Some markets just actually might go down at some point and you don't want to spend too much money at a place that
Starting point is 00:57:13 is never going to ever reach that level again. So like if he's in a market that is constantly going to be going up, it wouldn't matter. But if you're in a market that like who the fuck
Starting point is 00:57:22 would generally in normal times want to buy a house there and you're spending over asking, that's a fucking bad idea. Oh, so West Palm Beach is not what you're saying. Yeah. He's always fucking boner like so. But if he's in West Palm Beach, then you might want to spend over because you're never going to lose money.
Starting point is 00:57:36 Yes, right. Because the boner is only going to get stronger. You're going to make less money. Right, right, right. You're not going to lose money. Shut up. About boners? Where's John Charisma when you fucking need him, dude?
Starting point is 00:57:44 So, yeah. But he's not... Let's assume he's not in one of those places. Those places are not the majority. John Charisma? No, no, no. Oh, this guy. Fucking New York, LA, West Palm Beach, Vancouver, Boner City. Probably Atlanta, too.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Places that are always growing. My Boner City. Other places, Matt's Boner City. San Francisco. Those places are always growing. My boner city. Other places, Matt's boner city. San Francisco. Those places are always on the up. Me. Other, like, you know. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:13 Omaha. Okay. Okay. Absolutely so bad at breaking it down for people so they understand it. Akron, Ohio, you're a boner. Okay. Akron, Ohio.
Starting point is 00:58:23 This is your boner on Akron, Ohio. Okay. Look. So what, Ohio. This is your boner on Akron, Ohio. Okay. Look. So what's your advice for the guy? Go to a place where that's more like your boner, where the fucking market is going to be a little bit more like my boner a little bit later. No, go to a place that is going up, up, up always so that if you –
Starting point is 00:58:43 here's the deal. If you really want to get the fuck out of there, then go to a place where the market is never really going to be depressed or crash. Right. But also- If you're in a place that isn't like that and you're unwilling to look at a place that is like that, then absolutely wait and wait till your money can go further, can go longer, can really stretch. But you don't want to get a fixer upper. You don't want to max out and get a fixer upper because where the fuck are you going to get the money to fix it up? Right, right, right. If you're going to
Starting point is 00:59:08 go over and max the fuck out, you have to be getting your dream house already. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, yeah, you're right. You're right, dude. But wait it out a little bit for the most part because it's crazy right now. Everything is on fire. Yeah, unless you can get your dream house for the 240 or whatever the fuck you can max out at, then don't do it. Yeah, good point.
Starting point is 00:59:23 Good point. All right, cool. All right, well, you know, that's good. Look, we got Congratulations Podcast also out there on the Super Cult Studios. And we got the new page going. So subscribe, and we're going to have more shows coming out. So we love you. Thanks for watching. And I'm going to be in Grand Prairie, Texas, which is the Dallas market, and Atlanta, and Florida, and Denver, and all those places. So go to chrysalia.com to get tickets. And if you have a question, send in a video. The link is in the description below, or go to watchlifeline.com. Thank you.

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