Lifeline - 11. John Charisma
Episode Date: June 20, 2022🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Ma...tt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. Today we discuss entitled customers, how to get organized, step-parent drama, how to find passion in life, having friends of the opposite sex whilst in a heterosexual relationship, mean breakup scenarios, and the weirdest love triangle ever. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hello.
Hello.
Hello. Will you please. Hello. Hello. we're started welcome into lifeline welcome to lifeline episode you know i don't know what episode it is but i'll tell you this look what i got the mirror now oh they're coming back. They'll be on sale soon. Yeah. You know what is on sale that don't push me?
Oh.
ChrisLeah.com.
Too many drinks.
But also, what?
That one's yours.
Which one's mine?
That one.
Yeah, it is?
Yeah.
Also, let's-
This one's mine.
We're starting the show, but let's just get this out of the way first.
And this one's mine.
I didn't know.
Sometimes I forget.
But I'm going to be in Dallas, Grand Prairie, Texas.
That's Chris D'Elia on tour.
Go to chrisdelia.com for here.
Grand Prairie, Texas, which is a Dallas play.
Wichita, Kansas.
Atlanta, Georgia.
Washington, D.C.
Stockton, September 23rd.
Oakland, September 24th.
I'm going to be doing Illinois, October 7th and 8th.
Raleigh, October 21st.
Savannah, Georgia, October 22nd.
Denver, Colorado, I'll be there November 5th at the Belco Theater.
Cheyenne, Wyoming, November 6th.
Boston, Massachusetts, two shows, early and late, at the Wang Theater, November 12th.
Lakeland, Florida, that's a new one that just went on sale December 2nd, and Jacksonville,
Florida, December 3rd. And chrystalia.com for tickets. Go get them good
seats. The Dallas one is coming up soon. All right, great.
Thanks for listening. You do your hair. All right, great. You should do your whole thing like that, like you're
an emo guy. Like what? Like how it was over your eyes, the whole show.
I mean, don't actually do it but
anyway okay i mean i'll do it i'll do anything do you have do you have uh gray in your hair yet or
no my beard but not tons of your no no i don't think so i might have i think i might have found
one i was reading a book the other day and i turned a page and i found a fucking piece of
gray hair i was like is this mine or is this the last person who read this book and there was a length of my hair though the good thing about that is now you can just use it as a
bookmark i did um and uh so yeah i have now like four or five or six gray hairs in my head i don't
think i've ever seen one i really got them in the head yeah you gotta you gotta be close you gotta
be me really to notice you know yeah i have more in my beard i bet you well you than me yeah
no yeah then you not not in my course of my hair dude i want it to be i wish that happened at the
same time yeah i mean don't yours fucking cool dude gray hair is cool but also it's i don't feel
like it's cool just on the face no it's not i mean hair yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh so i gotta get
that going maybe i'll just dye it i'll throw some fucking you know what I mean just for man silver
yeah or just get like
a streak like a skunk
maybe get like a fucking
well that could be cool
because then it would look
like it's really like
a thing you have
I went through something
bad
right like the
crash test dummies
music video
remember that shit
oh did they say that
well I know this song
it's all different notes
not all the same
but yeah
wow
fucking
if somebody laughed like that in a movie it would be the best acting of all time he goes It's all different notes. Not all the same notes, but yeah. Wow. Fucking.
If somebody laughed like that in a movie, it would be the best acting of all time.
He goes.
Wow, that's so bad.
Once there was this boy.
So bad.
Slowed down.
Wouldn't go to change.
Fuck, I fucked it up.
I crossed it.
No, he goes, once there was this kid who got into an accident and couldn't go to school.
But when he finally came back, his hair had turned from black into bright white.
That's it.
Dude, how did I remember that? I was transmitting it from my brain to white. That's it, yeah. Dude, how did I remember that?
I was transmitting it from my brain to yours.
That's amazing.
You can't take credit for that.
But see, now me saying it about the white hair
triggered it for you,
and it's because of me that you got it right.
Okay, well, I don't know.
I do.
Bright white, they said it once, I've been there, not I've only... That's know. I do. Bright white. They said it wasn't been there.
That's a part I forget.
Forgot it.
That song kind of rocked.
That was so 90s, right?
Yeah.
So was their fucking hair.
Right.
Rash test dummies.
There's nothing more 90s than really long, really completely dead straight.
Straight as an arrow.
Heavy hair. Dark hair. Heavy hair. long really completely dead straight straight as an arrow heavy hair dark hair heavy hair like a curtain like a fucking like a curtain like a blackout curtain you would see on a really long
window yeah like heavy like to move your like literally move your hair you gotta go right yeah
you could hurt your neck no no no no no fall like a heavy backpack yeah and then you go, no, no, no, no, no. And you fall. Like a heavy backpack, yeah. And then you go, you got in. And then you say, what happened?
They say, I got into an accident.
Ha ha.
Yes, dude.
Also, we love callbacks.
Oops.
You know who else had that?
What?
Extreme.
Remember that band?
Yep.
What was their big song?
It goes like this.
We're so extreme.
No, no, no.
What's the name of that song the extreme song the famous extreme
song yeah we don't know we don't know i don't know now i need to fucking figure it out so i
don't know but 90s were the shit huh were the 90s shit only because we were in the 90s probably
yes but not only because so how do you feel about the 80s though whatever oh so you feel more about
the 90s this oh it was more than words oh yeah dude
and I'm good though
I hated the fucking
I loved it dude
the video was so sick they had the long hair with the pony
one guy had the pony
and the other guy they were brothers like me and you
and they had really long
sheet curtain
fucking dark dark hair
dude
yeah they would fall over yeah
more than what
on the ground with his hair like i can't get up i can't get up it's too heavy wow um remember when
you pushed nick schupper's backpack yep because it looked like it was too
heavy took so long for him to fall down he was trying so hard to stay up and i just go
don't because his backpack was so big dude this kid's backpack it was so mean that you did that
he needs to learn bro that was so mean the best part was he was trying to get up on a curb
and that's what did it that's what yeah he was absolutely did it dude he was the leading tower
of pizza and then he hit that curb and he just goes fuck it dude it was so funny i literally
just go yeah that's how heavy it was and it was and i go dunk and he goes no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no and he got up on the curb and then fell bro we laughed for fucking
days i was looking at his face and you know like when you watch shark attacks there's no
expression in their face there's no know, like when you watch shark attacks, there's no expression in their face.
There's no change.
The scariest thing about a shark attack is that it doesn't feel anything about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was Nick Schubert's face.
Unbelievable, dude.
That's what a great...
Fuck, I wish I thought of that.
I'm going to steal that.
Okay.
Wow.
Dude, just being a shark falling down.
Yeah.
Just being a fucking...
This is what happens to me with a backpack this big.
Boom.
Yeah.
That's what it was.
Yeah.
Well, so what about the 90s? And then what about the 80s and then what about the 80s because i was born in 1980 you were born in 1984 three
three i know that and uh 1983 and then so you probably remember the 90s more i remember both
the 80s and the 90s i remember just obviously the end of the 80s uh but the 90s were like
the thing for me that's like it's weird that like when i think about my life most of my memories are
condensed into a very brief window from like 12 around 12 to like 15 like so much of my memory
is is is concentrated around that period of my life and i guess because i was so formed right
around then yeah and that would have been the mid 90s yeah dude i was watching
childhood videos the other day i can't watch them i hate shit like that but why why can't you
i i don't know it's like i was fucking locked in a room and fucking i i just i i can't watch them
it makes me feel sad dude that's what i've always said and you've always been like why
that's how i feel i feel that way always i've always felt what i don't know what it is but
like i just it makes i maybe it's i see myself being young and youthful and happy and then i
and now it's like there's so much other things in the world i think it just makes us whether
we realize it or not think about dying maybe maybe especially because you see so many people on the video you're like oh they're dead they're right yeah
because you killed them yeah yeah no it's just it's just weird and it's like you gotta there's
always the old person with their fucking like glasses fucking pocket thing in the pocket
thing anymore yeah and it just makes you realize that time moves everything changes and it's just
like yeah it's too much we can't process that feeling and emotions i can't i can't feel all that man yeah yeah it hurts yeah
i always say i don't even like pictures but i don't like pictures of me young around my house
i don't know who's me young was she chinese or yes yeah i don't like pictures of me young
i don't know no but really i don't like even looking at me at a younger age.
Wow.
Yeah.
It's deeper.
No, definitely, yeah.
No, but that's fine, but it's deeper.
But I had such a good childhood.
It doesn't make sense in that sense, but it's true.
Don't like it.
Don't want to do it.
You can't make me.
I wonder if we were repressing anything that fucking-
If Russians came in and just was like-
But fucked us?
Threw us around.
Russians? Went real far. Russians? I like, they just threw us around. Russians.
Went real far.
Russians.
I was going to say threw us around, but.
No, Russians came in when we were that age,
around eight,
threw us around and butt fucked us.
Okay, well, and so far.
No, I remember their names were Vladimir.
Of course, I would kind of bet you were going to say that.
And the other one was Vladimir with an O, I would kind of bet you were going to say that. And the other one was Vladimir
with an O.
Is that an actual Russian name?
Yeah, Vladimir
and Vladimir.
Is that actual?
Those are two Russian names?
I think so, right?
That's so confusing.
Vladimir
and they butt fucked us.
I want to say that's so confusing,
but there is John and Jen.
Yeah, John and John,
just no H.
Anyway, they butt fucked us.
Worst high five yeah
toyota for all of us listening we high-fived the back end but dude by russian guys i love what you
do for me remember when the guy would fucking jump up and do like this so bitch dude i wanted
to sell after that plummeting dude he goes like this a toyota yes boom freeze-frame it goes i
love what you do for me toyota dude the most bitch ass shit bro was
that that was 90s was that dude you know what i love doing i for hours on end i can sit there and
watch and this is what youtube's great for youtube's yeah fuck oh dude all of you if anybody
has anything negative to say about youtube youtube is the greatest thing that ever happened. The internet in general, obviously,
has its good sides and bad sides.
But YouTube and also Wikipedia.
Not only can you fucking learn anything
that ever existed that you want to know about,
but you can also watch anything
that has ever been fucking recorded
on video or fucking film.
Lawyer out of work.
It's the best fucking thing anyway i
watched 90s commercials yeah i know it's good on a loop on a loop they're so bad they're like
hey guys talking to m&ms and shit and the m&ms are like you know what are you doing just eating
cereal right what i like the new yeah right so angry about it you know but damn dude i'll shoot
them all but Okay, well.
What I like about- Get Dimitri and Dimitri down there.
Vladimir and Vladimir.
Oh, sorry.
But what is weird is that I like thinking about how times have changed when I'm outside
of thinking about like, when I watch commercials, I like thinking about, wow, times have changed
so much.
Yeah.
But when I'm in the mix, get me out of here.
Yeah.
I wonder what happened to us when we were younger.
Deeper.
So let's get into the show.
Let's see what we're going on with the advices.
Yeah.
Hi, Chris.
Hi, Matt.
My name's Melanie.
I live in Portland, Oregon.
And the question I have for you guys is, in 2018, I started my own business, which is a
daycare center. Cool. And 2020 was projected to be my best year. Obviously COVID hit. Yeah. I'm
super proud now that it's 2022. We've made it on the other side and I'm doing really well.
There's so many things I should be proud of, but I'm finding that the sense of entitlement that
people have across all industries and any sort of social exchanges I've observed is one where people are just rude,
blatantly rude and, and have the sense of entitlement of how they, how they should be
able to interact with each other. I feel like we forgot how to socialize, how to talk like normal
individuals. Uh, it's really affecting my view on going to work i don't love what i do
anymore and uh it is my own business and free conch so i like free couch do literal and verbal
spin moves on the rug um and i can't retire at 32 so like any advice on how to survive
post pandy entitlement thanks well i think think first of all, just as this pandemic came,
it's going to go.
And eventually,
people will regain or retain
their ability to be in social situations
and not be total fucking
either weirdos or assholes.
Everyone went through a period
where they were so fucking uptight
and confused.
That is not a good mix.
And we're still all kind of coming out of that.
And everybody's fucking edgy
and everybody's weird and scared
kind of. And I think
the solution here
is, or my
advice here is that it's going to pass.
So just fucking wait it out.
And find the people that you can make fun of
and talk to your friends about them.
I guess that's a good... I guess that though, is it going to get better in past?
Do you think?
Because like, I know you say the world keeps getting better and better.
I don't say that.
Well, you say, well, I mean, yeah, you do, no?
No, in a really, really, really broad sense, I say that.
Like in a Steven Pinker way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, who's that?
But yeah.
So, but like, if there's like a, in a steven pinker way yeah yeah okay well who's that but yeah so but like if there's like uh in a dave flallypoo way yeah but it's like wow
in a in a fucking john charisma fucking well i'll be the sickest name ever john charisma dude
imagine being named john charisma wow hello everything's going to get better yes um
with one of those fucking what are those fucking what's the collars that go up and
down oh wow those white ones i paid the one more and so you don't talk about i do yeah charisma
johnny charisma wow no you know what that is like a fucking porn star that like thinks he's better
than all the other porn stars just doesn't want to do like john rod or something yeah yeah yeah like fucking yeah yeah johnny comes a lot huh
fuck that dude i'm john charisma johnny comes a lot you know so uh anyway what we talked about
named john what we say about how things get better you don't think they are the matri comes a lot um
yeah no it just seems like things are going into the shitter and i know every generation has always
said that they've always said that yes like they've every generation has always been like
it's getting worse it's getting worse i mean like fucking you know they were probably saying
it back in fucking roman times and shit definitely everyone has always said that yeah like they're
not even feeding people to the lions anymore where's this country headed? Right, right, right. And so,
wow,
thought of the worst joke,
didn't say it.
And so,
so yeah, so.
But you're right about
now is a unique.
It is very unique.
It's like a blip in the
everything's getting better
all the time thing
because things have stagnated.
Crime rates have gone up.
Right.
Violent crime rates have gone up.
I got you.
It's like education
is way fucked up right now.
There's fucking inflation.
The economy's fucked up.
But it's all because of COVID.
But in a Jimmy Pinkerton way, it's a lot better, right?
Steve Pinker.
Okay.
Okay.
So the thing is-
John Charisma.
I think that-
I don't-
Look, I struggle with this, honestly.
Stand-up comedy was my favorite thing in the world.
And the pandemic happened.
Uh, I, I, I was just gonna break also cause I was fucking canceled and shit, but like
I stopped doing standup.
And then when I went back, I didn't like it the same.
And it took a while for me to get back to where I liked it again.
And what about now?
And now it's, it's, I, you know, I liked it a lot, but there are some nights that I'm just, I'm not
feeling it, you know, and that never used to happen.
And I don't even want to admit that to myself.
And here's why I'm able to admit that to myself and be honest about that is because I had
my son and my son is more important than anything, my family, you know, my family, the three
of us, more important than anything.
my family you know my family the three of us more important than anything and so so having that and i can i can be honest and be like it's okay to have nights where i don't want to go do my job
um and sometimes i find it on stage and i'm like fuck this is amazing and sometimes i don't like
the other night i was like fucking i had two shows at the improv and i just fucking with the crowds
were i was like i didn't do so well and then i left and then i saw another i saw ian edwards
you know yeah the next thing he was like man i wanted to quick stand up after that show i was
like oh fuck you had a rough set too fuck yeah it wasn't me you know yeah so um but yeah i don't
know man look this is just part of the times it's not always it's not always gonna be like this
people about her thing though specifically i'm saying it's not always gonna be like that i know but i know but on the heels of that people
are really uptight about all things around kids and watching kids anything school related
also people forgot how to socialize in every fucking area of life people are like had they
forgotten how to be around each other yeah and i do think
that that is something that absolutely people are going to rebound from and people fucking suck
before too don't get me wrong but they're going to go back to the normal way of sucking this new
way of sucking is going to slowly dissipate and go away there is a uh yeah the masks also are
it's just everything is just crazy i saw somebody somebody fucking the other day at a place with a mask on inside
drinking something with a straw and she would go like this.
While she was eating?
Yeah.
It was crazy.
So she would chew with the mask on?
Yeah.
What was inside?
Inside.
Where?
A cafe.
Making it up.
No, a cafe.
That's fucking legitimately weird.
Yeah, weird.
Okay.
Well, that's the point though.
In two years, she won't be doing that shit.
I know.
I will.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Okay.
Next one.
So what about though right now?
Like she wants to know what she can do before things get better, right?
Right.
But cherry pick the stories about the real big assholes, find humor in it, and go talk
shit about those people to your friends and make them laugh about it.
Make it a hobby of you.
Shit talking is a hobby?
Because the business you started is fucking sick.
You love it.
It's what you want to do.
Find the little things that are so bad, it almost reaches a level of absurdity.
Also, there's more that matters right now than your business.
You understand?
And to you.
there's more that matters right now than your business you understand and to you and and i think that that's what we're you're figuring out is that oh my business is uh i loved it why don't
i love it as much anymore and it's because of all of the other shit going on yeah so dude once that
shit changes you'll get back on track and in the meantime dude you know do some fucking you know
get on TikTok.
Oh, wow.
Do a cooking video.
Wow.
No, but for real though, people, there's that chick that started jumping rope on Instagram
and she started in the beginning of the pandemic and now she's like a professional jump roper.
She has millions of followers and she's just like jumping, throwing the shit back and forth.
That's your advice to her?
Get on TikTok?
Yeah, start jumping rope.
Start jumping rope and get on TikTok.
Get real healthy, dude.
Okay.
Anyway.
I think find the real absurdity in it
absurdity in it
find it funny
and then go talk
fucking mad shit
about those people
behind their back
I don't know if that's good
but maybe in a comedic way
it's okay okay
yeah
no it's good
oh boy
you want to read it
yeah I'll read it
because you read it
because it's hot as shit
and I don't want to be reading it because it's hot as shit and I don't want to be
reading it
because it's hot as shit
so go ahead
hey Matt
hey Chris
hope everything's going
great with you guys
thanks for everything
that you do
huge fan of your work
especially Matt
oh cool
I'm a 37 years old man
that's bad
foreign
bad grammar
been married for 9 years
and my wife and I
are expecting our first child
now
my wife has a couple of male friends that she talks to on the phone almost on a daily basis.
Quote, in parentheses, male heterosexual friends.
Okay.
End parentheses.
And to be honest, I'm okay with that.
I get that it's healthy for her to have friends to talk to, and I trust her completely.
So this really isn't an issue.
I, on the other hand, another parenthetical,
and here comes the advice part and parenthetical,
do not have any female friends.
All of my friends are male.
So I wonder sometimes if I should reach out to old female friends I used to have,
see how they're doing,
or is this bullshit because in the end I'll just end up wanting to fuck them?
That guy puts asterisks like we don't say fuck and shit all the time.
So just wondering what you think of this situation.
But also in general, when it comes to married man having female friends versus married woman having male friends.
Thanks again.
And I apologize for any spelling and or grammar errors I might have.
Period.
So far.
So far.
He wrote so far.
Yeah.
I don't think it's a big deal if he's saying his wife has a couple of male friends
that she talks to on the phone almost daily, a daily basis.
Do you, he says, oh, he's okay with that.
I get it's healthy for her to have friends to talk to, and I trust completely that this
really isn't an issue.
So why, so the want to keep in touch with other he doesn't have female friends
he just wants to he just wants to fuck other people i think honestly really and be around
them yeah i'm just like if you're really okay with it then like that's the end there's no advice
yeah you don't seek out non-friends to become friends with them that's not how like they're
if they're your friend already then great yeah become friends with them then great but you don't like is this like retaliatory like what the fuck
is it seems like it's retaliatory but the thing about it is bad but the thing of course it's bad
but the thing about it is making new friends of the opposite sex is definitely a little bit more
dicey than mate than an old but like are these the dude friends that he has
that she has yeah if she's had them before him yeah then fuck it you know what i mean of course
yeah like i mean who cares yeah i i this is just crazy you're you this is just so much
i don't know if you want to fuck people, other people, but like,
on the other hand,
here comes the advice part.
Do not have any female friends.
All of my friends are male.
So I wonder sometimes
if I should reach out
to old female friends
I used to have
and see how they're doing.
Here's the thing.
That's so weird.
If you're really okay with it,
you wouldn't have that next thought.
I think he's not okay with it.
He's not okay with it.
Okay, we figured that out.
Yes, he knows
he should be okay with it
and he's right about that, but he's not. Just acknowledge that you're not okay with it. Okay, we figured that out. Yes, he knows he should be okay with it and he's right about that, but he's not.
Just acknowledge that you're not okay with it
and then ask yourself why
because you really should be.
I'm not okay with it.
It doesn't fucking matter.
Dude, it doesn't matter.
You say yourself you fucking trust her.
It's fine.
Go to her right now and be like,
baby, you've got a lot of male friends.
I'm insecure about it.
That's what my advice is.
Is everything cool?
And also, do you think maybe you could back
off with that or are you going to be like no those are my friends and then i got to deal with it
because maybe she'll be like huh yeah i guess i do talk to them quite a bit maybe i should open up
to you more yes dude maybe dr phil eat your heart out but she shouldn't even like regardless of him
she shouldn't become less good of friends with these
friends of hers just because he's insecure yes what they should work on is trying to make him
less insecure yes and that mostly comes from him yes exactly not trying to get new chicks to
that is just what the fuck or or old exes old fligs hey what's up my girlfriend's on the phone
with one of her guy friends what What you doing? Wanna hang?
Yeah.
LOL.
Work's been good.
I don't want to fuck you.
I swear I don't want to fuck you
because I'm doing the same thing
that my wife's doing
and she doesn't want to fuck them.
So anyway, LOL.
All good, LOL.
You still work it.
Fucking...
I know it's been three years. Yeah, dude. Come on. Yeah, go, bro. Get together. Face it. Here's You still work it. Fucking. I know it's been three years.
Yeah, dude.
Come on.
Yeah, go, bro.
Get together.
Face it.
Here's the red flag here.
My wife has a couple of male friends that she talks to on the phone almost on a daily basis.
Male heterosexual.
And to be honest, I'm okay with that.
Yeah.
That's why I said.
I know.
And secure.
That is the most.
Deeper.
Yeah, dude. I read that. And in my mind, I was just. So I had to stop. I know. And secure. That is the most... Yeah, dude.
I read that and in my mind I was just... So I had to stop reading it.
Okay.
I mean, getting fucked.
I mean, everyone would read that and go...
All right, cool.
Next one.
Hey, Chris and Matt.
Unbelievable.
Love the show.
Love what you guys are doing.
Seeking a little bit of help in a situation that I'm in.
Worst advert chair. So I was dating this girl and I broke up with her you guys are doing uh seeking a little bit of help in the situation that i'm in worst ad for a chair
so i was dating this girl and i broke up with her because she basically started dating this other
dude that's a good reason okay well actually she and uh about two months after i broke up with her
her new boyfriend posted a tiktok oh and tagged me in it and basically was saying thanks for screwing things up.
Oh, what?
I don't know.
It was just really mean.
Yeah.
And I'm wondering how you think I should respond.
I haven't really done anything about it.
So, yeah.
Keep on rocking in the free world i mean the fucking that's so funny
unbelievable dude you know that's um that's tom hardy always doing an accent always the best thing
in a situation like this um i i fully believe this always is to pretend like you never saw it yeah
yeah i agree always i agree because it's in the past it doesn't even matter this guy's a fucking loser that's so bitch that that guy did that dude dude
do not do anything it happened already and now by the way that chick is dating that dude good
because they can be with each other bro that is so whack yes do nothing it was so dope when chris
rock did nothing after will smith correct yes he still did nothing yes dude that is so whack yes do nothing it was so dope when chris rock did nothing after will smith
correct yes he still did nothing yes dude that's so ill it's still his shit you want to be ill as
shit yeah be ill as shit dude i mean he had the fucking lighting set up in that video yeah and
then the fucking like obviously as a photographer you know yeah he knows and just chilling with the
black socks on he was cool and the laugh mic he was cool he was good uh do nothing act like you never saw it if it ever comes up in your life act like you never
saw it play dumb play fucking yes play totally ignorant of anything it never happened never
bothered you and if somebody tells you about it it still wouldn't bother you because who the
fuck gives a fuck okay well we're therapists but honestly i would be such the fucking way he was swiveling
in the chair was sin see and that's okay but dude that is unbelievable that guy did that but hey
congrats you know what that's great because you know why now you know that you have another enemy
so put that in your pocket right put that under your towel yeah figure it out it's good that you
haven't done anything yet and you waited to ask us because emphatically i feel this way do not
do anything in fact until the day you fucking die
pretend it never happened just honestly don't do anything and uh do you you should try to block
that guy out of your mind even right like dude i don't even know that that guy that guy oh what's
his name again okay cool we won't be able to do it but try try every day i don't wake up every day
i don't know about that that's great but do it don't try just do it yeah just he doesn't exist
oh hey dude he's gone worst hypnotist oh hey dude he's gone most chilling ass hypnotist
most chilling ass hypnotist hey oh hey dude it's gone so when I snap my fingers, he will forever be gone.
You listening, dude?
Okay.
Hey, when I snap my fingers, you're going to be so much the chillinest ass dude.
Yeah.
And?
That's good, man.
That's a good question.
And I feel very strongly about this.
Yeah, me too.
It never happened. It didn't happen. It never happened. And? We it never happened and we're sitting at this okay cool let's do it all right
going on matt and chris love the show lifeline it's really cool that you're helping out the
common folk out here wow uh my question for you guys is how do you keep up with your organization
and productivity i'm feeling like i'm having CUDA tendencies and I don't know how
to really deal with those. I, I, it's hard to stay focused with me, you know, for myself getting
focused. Um, I recorded this video like six times. Uh, but anyway, any advice would be great advice.
I work overnights at a warehouse 6 PM p.m. to 6 a.m.
Maybe that affects things.
Maybe I have ADHD or something else.
With the mask.
I don't know.
Thanks for being cool and awesome.
Oh, yeah.
Wow, he's cute.
That guy's cute.
He is cute.
Also, where did you get that mask?
Also, why do you have that mask?
Why are you wearing it now?
Well, I have five guitars.
You know what? Well, he's wearing it now to discuss who he is first of all your your
job the six to six thing p.m to a.m is definitely affecting oh dude all of it it's a hundred percent
you need to fucking experience sunlight you can't be sleeping during the day and then not yeah that
fucks you up yeah it does basically become whatever mask you're putting on yeah exactly but also dude you obviously shred yeah he obviously shred he's got five
guitars at least and that's all we saw so he could have had more is he is that slipknot that was
slipknot i mean basically slipknot his fucking mask and also this guitars but um yeah uh how
he's asking how to get more organized or how to be focused. Don't spend any time being hard on yourself for not being focused and,
and organized.
Yeah.
Organized.
I got to get organized.
Don't spend any time like beating yourself up about that.
Either be,
be in one of two States at all times,
either doing something about it or not doing anything about it.
When you're not doing anything about it,
just be chilling and enjoying yourself.
Like what John Lennon said.
Oh my God.
But the thing about how like
wasted time is not,
any time you enjoy wasting
is not wasted time.
Got it.
Okay, we're done with that.
Yeah, we got it.
Okay.
But when you are,
advice on how to get organized is hard
because I don't know what you do
or what you want to do,
but- He's organized with his guitars. Yeah, exactly. I don't know what you do or what you want to do but he's
organized with his guitars yeah i don't know if i believe this guy completely i think that what he
what it is is he has a lack of doing the things he doesn't want to do he has a lack of desire to
doing things he doesn't want to do and that's where the organization fucking thing comes into
play yes figured it out and i think i can relate to that right i know a hundred percent i want to
do like four things how many do you want to do yeah less okay there we go so i mean it's not a
competition but two things right i want to do one thing but like i want to do like four things. How many did you want to do? Yeah, less. Okay, there we go. So, I mean, it's not a competition.
I want to do two things.
Right.
I want to do one thing.
But like-
I want to do half of a thing.
But so, I've never done anything.
But that's what this guy is.
Because this guy, I see.
And I'm like, I'm looking at this and I'm like, am I Sherlock Holmes?
Do you know what I mean?
Because I see it and I know the answer.
But why do I know the answer, right?
Because I'm doing all this stuff subconsciously, like focusing on the lint on his thing.
Oh, he took it to the dry cleaners.
Oh, the fucking, you know what I mean oh i know what you mean bunched up but what you mean is upsetting me real quick and i get it okay and i don't even know why but now i get it
because i did a sherlock holmes thing where i'm like dude you're not organized really yeah that's
very interesting well then why do you have six guitars placed in a fucking neat fashion they're
all equidistant same height exactly i don't buy it either and also you have that mask on it was ready wasn't it you thought about this
so it's not about organization it's about you don't want to do the things that you don't want
to do yeah yes i identify with that and i'm like sherlock holmes is you know stop saying that part
though you know what i mean i'm like that that was like Sherlock Holmes. That wasn't anything like Sherlock Holmes.
There's nobody dead.
Nothing stolen.
Is Sherlock Holmes real?
No.
So nobody's like Sherlock Holmes.
Yeah, including you.
Yes!
No, but I think that guy needs to...
I would suggest, and here me...
Dude, fucking...
You know what I mean?
Okay, not yet. Fourth down, and I'm fucking know what I mean okay fourth down and I'm
fucking and I see the guy
and I'm like this is what we got to go for we're down
because I'm just going to go for the
Hail Mary okay I think you need a whole
fucking life
change what do they call it the circadian
rhythm like you're not getting it yeah
you're not getting it dude you got to you got to wake up
in the day do the
day sleep at night.
So you want him to quit his job?
Maybe there's another shift he can do?
I mean, you know he asked for it already.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe, maybe not.
Okay, yeah.
If there's another possible shift,
ask for that.
Do Uber Eats.
If you're asking what the reason is
that you're disorganized,
I keep doing it
because I made this stupid fucking joke.
Disorganized and sort of all over the place,'t get your shit together so to speak i think uh your job has so much to do with it um so just know that and be a little
easier on yourself about it but uh i think as chris said even though i don't like how he said
he's sherlock holmes he's probably right in that you're talking about the things in life that none of us actually want to do.
So just fucking do them because you're a fucking adult.
Yeah.
Also, yeah.
No, that's right.
I do agree with that.
I agree with myself.
Okay.
So let's do it.
Let's see the next one, my baby.
Hi, guys.
Here's the dilemma.
Make this quick.
Started talking to this girl when I lived in California from back in Washington.
We FaceTimed every night, got close.
One day she stops talking to me.
A little bit of time goes by, I find out she's having an affair with one of my friend's dads.
And I was like, whoa, it got messy, right?
It got sloppy.
I get back home, she got a fat ass.
So she hit me up one day and I was like, I still want to hit it.
She comes over, I hit it. Then she starts talking about one day and I was like, I still want to hit it. She comes over.
I hit it.
Then she starts talking about dating.
And I was like, nah.
And then she freaks out on me.
Tells me I'm a fuck boy.
Tells me she regrets having sex.
She says, I gave you my body.
Bitch, I gave you my dick.
It's not like this is a game and I won.
Right?
We both wanted to have sex here.
I don't see what the fuck happened i don't see what you thought you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying boys in what you guys did
bitches hey oh no okay that that end part kind of yeah yeah yeah a little off track yeah but um
fucking yeah he's at the end he's just like fucking big ups to my Ku Klux Klan. Yeah. Also, dude, there's one thing you just got to reply with.
She's like, hey, I gave you my body.
And you just say, you gave my friend's dad your body too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sayonara.
And you're out, dude.
There's no fucking way.
I mean, there's no way.
How are you doing to my friend's dad way this is going to my friend's dad
she had sex with your friend's dad while they were was it while they were dating
who cares oh no that's a big fucking difference not even a little bit you fucked his friend's dad
i guess that's insane dude that's pretty crazy somebody and then she fucks mr marquand insane dude yeah no that's insane in fucking
sane small town shit dude you wearing a bolo tie i'm sherlock holmes so i get you're in a small
town because i'm picking up all the fucking different things oh boy man i fucked your
ex-girlfriend man oh boy okay that's mr marquand talking yeah but um uh no but yeah what is the
advice the advice he just wanted to tell us the story but the advice is ow you gotta get rid of
that girl she's she's trouble he shouldn't have she's hit it again no i love what it was like
she got a fat ass like in the middle just this guy you know i didn't know if that was a good
thing or a bad thing you meant it as a good thing right yeah yeah okay yeah yeah
um okay yeah but so you i want i need to get one in your words hit it again and she i mean that's
not that weird as i hit it you know i'm just making sure that everyone knows i deserve not
my words okay yeah i'm not saying it's out of control as you said he hit it the bitch that's
not my word but no but he uh
what the fuck is he even seeking here he wants us to be like well he he was at the end he was like
right bitches oh yeah bro bitches but we're you know i get it dude you both did your thing it's
fine it's all good and she said i gave you my body and you say you fucked my dad's friend
but he didn't say that he said that he should say that i know i know i know you say, you fucked my dad's friend. But he didn't say that he said that. He should say that. I know, I know.
I know you say,
you fucked my friend's dad.
Gotta go.
Sayonara.
And jump in the fucking pool.
What was she...
She was mad at him
for what reason again?
That she didn't want...
Because he didn't want to date her.
Oh, okay.
You fucked my friend's dad, dude.
Just say,
did he want to date you?
Like, did my friend's dad...
Well, I don't...
Yeah.
I don't want to...
The thing is,
I know that you're dating around
and I know that you also...
You're dating around and maybe seeing my friend's dad so that might not be the
greatest thing because i have to see my friend's dad a lot yeah he's 60 yeah but i mean i don't
think you should have sex with this person or anything no no you gotta you gotta let yeah this
is that's it for her yeah yeah i also anyone that says like i gave you my body is like okay but it's sex like why are you
putting it that way that's a that's a red flag like that's a i understand what sex is it sounds
like maybe she just wants him back even from the she's acting out yeah maybe she wanted him back
even when she fucked his friend's dad his friend's dad yeah because the friend wasn't going to do it
you know the friend wasn't going to do it you know the friend wasn't going to do it
the friend's too good of a friend but the friend's dad is just like oh this is a woman yeah that's
where i come in the friend's like can i fuck your friend no what about hey hey can i have your dad's
number and dad's like i'm way ahead of you maybe i have a huge boner maybe he didn't even know
i'm way ahead of you i'm completely erect and you have a fat ass how shitty is this guy's dad
yo the worst what's up with the dad the dad is just the the dad needs to get call in here and
ask how to be a better fucking dude imagine cal grows up and fucking uh no i don't i don't want
to imagine that i'm just saying dude and it's not good but i know no no shit it's not good and i'm
just like that's where i come in with a fucking raging boner yeah no cal's 25 and shit yeah and he's he's like dad and i go son it would be his friend
too that's so weird did you see that ass though son son it's fat now how fat was the ass damn
that's weird bitches am i right you're putting it that way makes it sound even weirder it's so
fucking weird everyone's weird in this situation yeah am I right? You putting it that way makes it sound even weirder. It's so fucking weird.
Everyone's weird in this situation.
Yeah.
And you're the least weird.
Well, no, the friend.
And you're fucking weird, dude.
Yeah, he's weird.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's weird.
But, you know.
Looking like a fucking Mormon sect with that bolo tie he had on.
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
Another one.
That was a good one.
Was it?
Hey, Chris and Matt.
Big boy.
Big boy.
My question today is about my family.
My mom and my stepdad have been together for 15 years or so.
I love them both, but I've noticed something between them lately.
My mom is the kind of person who she gets really defensive about you calling her out.
She can't accept that she's wrong about anything.
And lately I've noticed her being kind of mean and irritable and snappy
towards my stepdad, and he just kind of takes it.
He's the kind of person, he's been struggling with anxiety a little bit,
a little bit of depression, and I feel bad because I can just see her being mean to him
sometimes when I'm over there.
He doesn't say anything about it.
So I wonder if you think I should confront my mom about it or not.
Maybe your advice would be helpful.
Thanks.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Bring it up.
He seems like a nice guy.
First of all, he's got the wrong voice for who he is.
Yeah, but I think I actually think
that maybe he should bring it up with the stepdad.
Do you want me to?
Oh, I thought he was insinuating that the stepdad does have a problem with it oh it's not i mean
it sounds to me like maybe he's oblivious to it but you might be right i'm just saying but no
even if he is aware of it say you know i noticed that my mom is like kind of saying he's cutting
things to you i just want to before i say anything to her i just want to like see you how you feel
about that if it's like you guys talk about it sometimes or like i don't want to before i say anything to her i just want to like see you how you feel about that
if it's like you guys talk about it sometimes or like i don't want to butt in but like i've started
to notice it and and i feel like saying something sometimes i just want to know where you're at with
this you know what i'm saying or you could just approach it be like so you're a beta huh and you
like and you like that huh and you're cool with it okay because my mom she's walking all over you
because he said the deal he specifically said she's, because my mom, she's walking all over you. Because he said- What's the deal? He specifically said my mom gets defensive.
And she's getting defensive, right?
Every time you bring something up, she's like, what the heck, so you made a-
So what are we going to do about that?
Are you going to say something or I'm going to say something, right?
You can do that.
Because somebody's got to say something because we can't let this bitch get out of control, okay?
If he's saying this about his own mom-
And then we'll walk out.
Okay.
If he's saying this about his own mom.
And then we'll walk out.
Then that means something to me because that's blood.
And his stepdad is ostensibly someone he met later in life.
This is his real actual mom.
So like there must be some fucking shitty stuff that she's saying.
Yep.
But I would recommend not really getting involved with the more volatile one. That's why I say maybe to i know but that's his blood though that's the thing it's like saying it to hit the the dad the
stepdad saying i mean it's been 15 years though so that is a long time okay i missed that part
so so maybe you say like yo i've noticed mom being defensive what do you feel about that
it's not just defensive though in the in lieu of or after
the defensive shit yeah she gets increasingly over the course of days and weeks yeah gets
more cutting and shitty yeah so so then say i've noticed she's been doing this have you
i you don't want to go behind your mom's back but you have known him for 15 years has been in your
life yeah so it'd be like well how do you feel about that and if he's just like i don't know
it's okay they'd be like oh so you're do you feel about that? And if he's just like, I don't know, it's okay. They'd be like, oh, so you're a beta, are you?
Interesting, okay.
Well, that's what I'm saying. And then you talk to the mom
and you'd be like,
ma, yo, it makes me uncomfortable
when you're fucking cutting down
my fucking stepdad.
Well, if you're going to say something
to your mom-
And I'm already pissed off with you
because you gave me the wrong voice
for my body.
That's the thing you say to your mom.
Right.
Make it about you,
not like you're sticking up for the guy.
Yeah.
You make it about you,
like that makes me uncomfortable
when you say mean shit
to Tom or John Charisma, whatever the fuck i was gonna say that great good job uh
dave flally poot and if if you talk to john charisma that way when i'm around it makes me
uncomfortable steve windheimer if you talk to steve windheimer yeah steven pinker okay whatever
it is you know who is it uh he's a making it i don't know if he's a psychologist or a sociologist but he's
he's famous for okay well go ahead he wrote he wrote books uh better angels what is that what
is the name of that book marco uh he writes about how the world is in fact not being becoming a
worse place it's becoming a better safer cleaner, more healthy place than it actually has ever been.
Consistently, year after year, decade after decade,
century by century.
Making it up.
Better and better and better place.
He's like a fucking professor at Harvard.
He's like a famous fucking thinker.
So, all right, cool.
Better angels of our nature.
Better angels of our nature.
There we go.
That's the worst fucking title I've ever heard.
It's not good.
It's not a good title.
That's why I couldn't remember it.
You know what's even worse? That's worse than the fucking, go. That's the worst fucking title I've ever heard. It's not good. It's not a good title. That's why I couldn't remember it. You know what's even worse?
That's worse than the fucking The Commish.
Remember that fucking title?
Oh, yeah.
The Commish, dude.
The Commish.
Michael Chiklis.
Michael Chiklis, a great actor, but was in a show called The Commish.
Michael Chiklis has been between the ages of 40 and 45 for 35 years.
Dude, The Commish.
It's no good, dude. From the makers of the Luten and Sarge comes the commish.
The Luten, dude.
Oh, shit.
From a secret branch in the arm and the nave.
shit from a secret branch in the arm and the nave just just finish the goddamn word fucking abc or whatever the fuck it was the commission
and we're gonna call it the commish why And we're going to call it the commish. Why not the commissioner? Because it's cool.
You know what I mean?
Because it's cooler.
Dude, remember when dad made us laugh about that?
Yeah, dude.
I thought we were kids.
I peed my pants.
That's why we thought the title was so funny,
because my dad was fucking laughing so hard
that the show's called The Commish, dude.
And then do you know what the joke was that made us die?
No.
You know when you're laughing really hard,
and then somebody says the one thing that sets you over the edge yeah and then you can't breathe yeah i remember a time
with that for us but go ahead so he said uh you might as well call it the vomit oh yeah and and
we fucking died i mean i was like five so you'reit. Wow, that's right.
The Vomit killed me, dude.
Imagine if they called it The Vomit.
Dude, that would be a horror movie in the 80s.
The Vomit.
I mean, I'd be much more likely to watch The Vomit.
Oh, yeah, 100%. No question.
Remember ours, the time that we laughed so hard was,
and you peed.
You actually peed a little bit.
Because you were laughing so hard.
You told me this.
We were on the way back from Utah driving,
and we were listening to that song and we were making fun
of the song
about how the guy
was killing it in the music
we were laughing so hard
and at the end
the fucking
after the crescendo
of the song
it was fading out
and the guy was killing it
and he just goes
oh that's fucking right
or whatever dude
no the song
the song he kept saying
every day
every day
every day
and at the very end he goes every, every day, every day, every day. And at the very end, he goes, every motherfucking day.
Oh, that's right.
How do you remember that?
Because I laughed so hard.
Dude, you laughed so hard, so did I, but you piss came out.
I peed.
Yeah.
Bro, we were dying, dude.
The only time as an adult I've peed my pants, yeah.
Yeah, I have diapers that I wear sometimes in the bed, and I try to piss.
That's because you're lazy, though.
Yep. It's not because somebody's making you laugh hard. I know, no, I know. No, I don't laugh and I try to piss. That's because you're lazy though. Yep.
It's not because somebody's making you laugh hard.
I know.
No, I know.
No, I don't laugh in my sleep like really hard.
That would be amazing.
That would be great.
I wish.
That would be so good.
And then so I piss in my diaper and then you can't do it.
Depends is bullshit, honestly.
What do you mean?
Depends.
I know what they are, but what do you mean they're bullshit?
They're not for heavy P's.
And I got the heavy P ones.
That's fucking false advertising that bro i
did a heavy p what i got up dude the whole bed was so i mean we almost had to get a new mattress man
oh christopher's like oh fuck and i was like i thought they work but why did you 40 why didn't
you just get up and pee is what i want to know because i i i when i get anxious when i go have
a lot of anxiety i have to get up to pee i realize it's an anxiety thing i have to get up to pee in
the middle of night too much and i was like fuck this body i win i got
the pens i put them on i'm like i'm just gonna piss in you and i did and i fucking it was awful
man it was a travesty i tried it three times turns out you lose i lose yeah but i gave it a good
fucking college try you know yeah i don't like that good elder elder the good gen good good
geriatric try are there more videos one Yeah, let's do one more.
Only has one more. Let's do only one more.
Only has one more. This is Jake from
Fort Wayne, Indiana. What's up?
I just had a question about passion.
I can't find anything that I'm really passionate
about. I'm 30 years old.
I have some hobbies. I like playing
guitar. I like playing piano.
I taught myself how to tattoo.
I like reading books walking my
dog all that stuff but like bragging i'm not actually passionate about anything oh wow i just
i enjoy doing them but i'm not like enthralled with anything do you think that it's okay to go
through life without having a passion and is it or is it just the fact that i'm not looking hard
enough for it?
Thanks so much for doing the podcast.
Life rips.
Hell yeah.
Life does rip even if you don't have a passion yet.
He's young.
He's 30.
He's still young.
He's young.
Did he say he's 30?
Yeah, he's 30.
He's still young in the modern sense because as Steven Picker would point out,
the lifespan of the average adult human is getting longer and longer.
So whereas 30 used to be towards the end of your life 100 years ago,
now it's still even more and more and more at the beginning of your life.
As Steven Pinker would point out.
Steven Pinker.
Things are getting better and better.
Thanks to John Charisma.
I think that it's okay to not have a passion yet.
What I would start to be concerned about,
he said, is it okay to live a life without passion? I don't think that that is possible to be fulfilled.
If you have no passion about anything for an entire, let's say, a fully lived life to like 78 and then you die,
to be passionate about nothing would be pretty extraordinary and I think not good.
You think it'll happen?
That's what I'm saying though.
Yeah.
Ultimately, I think you will run into your body.
So it's okay, don't worry about it.
But keep being curious
and it sounds like he is.
He's reading,
he's doing shit,
he's exploring himself.
30 doesn't sound like super young,
but you're still being curious
and being an exploratory mind.
So just keep fucking exploring
and seeing what's out there
and maybe see what you run into.
I bet you'll be passionate about something. Fucking guys, you know be not just curious but could be bi-curious if you
are into fucking guys yeah but you don't know until you try it right you probably not with
that really really good idea not with that so um no you have a really good idea if you'll like that
before you that's what i'm saying not with that oh yeah um uh i okay so i mean this is why people
have kids yeah yeah i mean this is why people have kids
I don't know how serious you are
with your girlfriend but
that changes everything
but wouldn't you say
that's the wrong reason to have kids
yeah I would say
it's not necessarily
the right reason to have kids
but kids can save you like that
I mean like kids can save
your life like that
like your passion
yeah they can
danger though
danger to assume
oh yeah yeah
well
danger to assume
ah I have no passion
I'm bored
I'm free I guess I should have I'm bored. I'm free.
I guess I should have kids.
I guess what I'm saying is
there's a lot of stuff
to look forward to.
You're still young.
Yes.
If you want to have a family,
there's that.
There's also other things.
Like, dude,
nine of the things you listed,
fucking seven of the nine
of the things you listed
were about music.
Maybe you just don't like
fucking playing musical instruments,
you know?
Yeah, but I.
Try other things.
Do a hacky sack.
I think find the passion
before you have a family. Yeah, you could, but i try other things i do a hacky stack find the passion before you
have a family yeah you could but what if you don't people's passions are their family well
he's still young i would say give yourself another fucking 10 years get look into mormonism honestly
look into mormonism read the fucking things of joseph smith the things read the things of joseph
smith and this was not a mormon well whatever no, she definitely wasn't because she wasn't brown.
You think of John Smith.
Yep, gotta be white.
What'd I say?
Joseph Smith?
Joseph Smith is the Mormon guy.
John Smith is the guy
who met Pocahontas
and discovered the new world.
Are they with their brothers?
No!
Well, what the fuck
were their last names?
Smith.
Everyone's last name is Smith.
Is Emmett Smith related to them?
Oh, is Emmett Smith
related to Joseph Smith?
Maybe.
I don't know if he's Mormon or not.
No.
You sure could avoid the fucking other team though.
They're all evaded?
Evaded?
Smith, yeah.
Okay.
No, I don't know.
Everyone is, right?
Adam and Eve Smith.
Certainly.
Technically, everyone is related.
There we go.
And that's what Steven Pinkerton says.
John Charisma?
I think that, yeah, passion is coming.
Don't even worry about it.
Passion is coming.
That sounds like a cult leader, right?
Sounds like, yeah, Game of Thrones.
Don't worry about it.
Passion is coming.
You're still young-ish.
You're 30.
But pick up some fucking stuff.
Why don't you do like a montage in your life?
Why don't you live your life like a montage for the next month, dude?
Just pick up
certain things that you're gonna start doing hacky sack you know what i mean get a new job
for a little bit or just part-time go to the park sunbathe use one of those fucking things
where that bounces the fucking rays up into your face or in your butthole yeah yes go out into your
backyard uh let the sun receive let the anus let your anus receive your son yeah receive
the sun just fucking yeah right mailing shit he's a mailman now it could be a different kind of
montage could be what i want right you could be it could be that, you know, fucking, who knows? Fucking a sailor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What I want.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
We only know those words,
you know?
What I want.
Be in the fucking nave.
Be the commish.
Lieutenant.
Be the lieutenant.
Be in the nave.
Be the commish.
Be a naysay.
You know what I mean?
Maybe so.
I,
I think that you're going to be okay.
Also, congratulations. You're the most regular looking, regular looking man I've ever seen in my life. You've done it. I think that you're going to be okay also
congratulations
you're the most
regular looking
regular looking man
I've ever seen
you've done it
you've really done it
you are maximum
regular
average
kind of good looking
yeah
regular ass dude
got good
really solid brown eyes
though
did you notice that
no he's good looking
he's just the most
regular ass
good looking dude
yeah
congratulations
maybe you don't have passion because of the way god made you you're just regular looking
right god did fuck up your nose a little bit oh yeah maybe get a tattoo he thought himself had a
tattoo bro if you put your get a neck tattoo get some trauma in your life start with like
not so visible and pronounced but get fucked up like break your nose uh get a mohawk do fucking like
hell yeah dude uh break some bones you know yeah yeah well that's pretty much all the same thing
all right let's talk about the housing market. Wow. Where you started. 30.
My wife and I are trying to buy our first house.
Nice.
And the market's just terrible.
We moved into the in-law suite of my parents' house about two years ago.
Saved money for a house and wedding.
Well, we're married now.
We got a bunch of money saved up.
We're pre-approved for way more than we should ever spend.
But everything on the market is listed for double what it last sold for.
And we really don't want to do that.
We looked at a fixer upper last night that it was $215,000.
Um,
and the realtors probably said we should offer two 40 if we want to have a
fighting.
So like two 40 for a fixer upper is ridiculous.
I want to let you want to see what you guys think.
Um,
and this is my work van.
All right.
I'm sure Chris has already mentioned it.
What the fuck's this guy in a coffin?
So anyways, cool.
That's what a work van looks like, Chris.
Thanks, guys.
Yeah, I wouldn't know.
Yeah, dude, the fucking housing market is insane.
Yeah, it's really, really stupid.
It's insane.
It can't be like this for too much longer.
No, it's slowing down right now already.
It is slowing down.
The very, very top of the market is really slowing down really, really, really fast and drastically.
But that's the very top of the market?
Yeah, not where anyone that we –
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then it'll trickle down, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
Trickle down.
I know that from Ronald Reagan.
Okay.
Trickle down economics.
He taught you that? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Trickle down. I know that from Ronald Reagan. Okay. Trickle down economics. He taught you that?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Something back then.
But he,
yeah, dude,
you got to wait, bro.
You're in a nice spot.
I know you don't want to be
with the fucking in-laws.
Is it the in-laws
or your parents?
In-laws, sweet.
But the in-laws, sweet.
His parents.
Oh, got it.
Okay.
So too many fucking relationships.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think you got to wait.
You're in a position now
where you can wait. I think you should wait. It's just too much, I think you got to wait. You're in a position now where you can wait.
I think you should wait.
It's just too much.
I know you want, because here's the other thing too.
Don't get a fixer-upper.
And this is why you don't get a fixer-upper because you're, what did he say?
He's 30?
30.
Dude, this may not be your dream house and that's okay.
This may not be your dream house and that may be okay because you can get that.
You have plenty of time to do that.
So right now what you don't want to do is blow a bunch of cash that you don't have to
when you could wait another year and then fucking blow less cash and then have more
cash for either fixing shit up or also your dream house later.
I wish you said where he was though.
Yeah, me too.
That makes a big difference.
Because sometimes, depending upon the area, area place like sometimes some markets just actually don't go down they stagnate
and go up slower than other times like in the last two three years the la housing market has
been just like straight up going like my like my fucking boner like my boner just straight up
nope uh whatever but now when the la market starts to go like this yeah dude like your boner like my boner just straight up nope whatever but now when the la market starts to go like this
yeah dude like it'll be it'll be like still up but not as much so shut the fuck up um i hope you
do understand so la market like this is like right now like for me i'm not gonna say it for the word
worst housing expert worst housing expert but depending upon where you are what's gonna happen
is we're gonna get down to Matt's level.
Some markets just
actually might go down
at some point
and you don't want to spend
too much money
at a place that
is never going to ever
reach that level again.
So like if he's in a market
that is constantly
going to be going up,
it wouldn't matter.
But if you're in a market
that like who the fuck
would generally
in normal times
want to buy a house there
and you're spending over asking, that's a fucking bad idea.
Oh, so West Palm Beach is not what you're saying.
Yeah.
He's always fucking boner like so.
But if he's in West Palm Beach, then you might want to spend over because you're never going to lose money.
Yes, right.
Because the boner is only going to get stronger.
You're going to make less money.
Right, right, right.
You're not going to lose money.
Shut up.
About boners?
Where's John Charisma when you fucking need him, dude?
So, yeah. But he's not...
Let's assume he's not in one of those places.
Those places are not the majority. John Charisma?
No, no, no. Oh, this guy.
Fucking New York,
LA, West Palm
Beach, Vancouver,
Boner City. Probably Atlanta, too.
Places that are always growing. My Boner
City. Other places, Matt's
Boner City. San Francisco. Those places are always growing. My boner city. Other places, Matt's boner city.
San Francisco.
Those places are always on the up.
Me.
Other, like, you know.
Okay.
Omaha.
Okay.
Okay.
Absolutely so bad at breaking it down for people
so they understand it.
Akron, Ohio, you're a boner.
Okay.
Akron, Ohio.
This is your boner on Akron, Ohio.
Okay. Look. So what, Ohio. This is your boner on Akron, Ohio. Okay.
Look.
So what's your advice for the guy?
Go to a place where that's more like your boner,
where the fucking market is going to be a little bit more like my boner
a little bit later.
No, go to a place that is going up, up, up always so that if you –
here's the deal.
If you really want to get the fuck out of there, then go to a place where the market is never really going to be depressed
or crash. Right. But also-
If you're in a place that isn't like that and you're unwilling to look at a place that is like
that, then absolutely wait and wait till your money can go further, can go longer, can really
stretch. But you don't want to get a fixer upper. You don't want to max out and get a fixer upper
because where the fuck are you going to get the money to fix
it up? Right, right, right. If you're going to
go over and max the fuck out, you have
to be getting your dream house
already. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, yeah, you're right. You're right, dude. But wait
it out a little bit for the most part because
it's crazy right now. Everything is on fire. Yeah, unless you can get
your dream house for the 240 or whatever the fuck
you can max out at, then don't do it. Yeah, good point.
Good point. All right, cool.
All right, well, you know, that's good. Look, we got Congratulations Podcast also out there on the Super Cult Studios. And we got the new page going. So subscribe,
and we're going to have more shows coming out. So we love you. Thanks for watching.
And I'm going to be in Grand Prairie, Texas, which is the Dallas market, and Atlanta, and
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The link is in the description below, or go to watchlifeline.com. Thank you.