Lifeline - 116. Soldier For The Truth
Episode Date: June 30, 2024Come see the full taping of our first LIVE show over on ✨ LIFELINE LUXURY: available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline...? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 Today, someone sends in a new jingle for the show (it's bad!), what happens with evolving friend values, we talk about chain pizza, someone actually sends in a video asking how they can get on Beat Shazam, and responding to a constant "wait what?". 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Now, did you want to talk about how annoying it is that you need ice?
Or no? I want no i want give the thing
your nose i did not anymore you just took it out took it out took it out and stuff
when you say that nice nice nice i don't know man shirt got stuck in the dryer
it's because uh it's yours oh and you're pun Yes! Got out of that one. I don't have my
Lifeline shirt here. What do you mean it's mine?
What size is it? I don't know.
It's not mine.
What size is it?
That is a large? Wow. It's yours.
I don't have one of those shirts. What do you mean it's mine?
The reason
why you don't have one is because this is it.
Because it was here.
There's a whole bunch of merch here that isn't mine.
I don't own all 12 of those shirts in a fucking pile.
You wear them every day.
Everyone every day.
This is the Lifeline merch.
If you want to get it, lifelinemerch.com.
Also, if you want to come see me, chrislee.com.
I'm in a bunch of different cities coming up.
Dallas and so many places.
Where else?
Montgomery, Alabama.
Mobile.
Alabama?
No. Yeah. Thunder Bay, Alabama. Mobile. Alabama? No.
Yeah.
Thunder Bay, Ontario.
Duluth, Minnesota.
Beaumont, Texas.
McAllen.
Oxnard, California.
Wichita, Kansas.
Dallas.
Memphis.
Memphis.
St. Louis.
Yeah.
And then a bunch of Australian dates.
And Auckland, New Zealand.
Chrisley.com.
Wow.
Wow, wow, wowzer.
Isn't that right?
It's episode 116, and guess what today is?
And they said we couldn't do it.
Today is Sunday, June 30th, okay?
No.
Happy International Asteroid Day.
It is.
I put the S in asteroid, you know what I'm saying?
I put the roids in asteroids.
Hell yeah.
Nice, dude.
Steroids are bad for you.
Steroids are bad for you.
Yeah.
They make your nuts go into little shriveled little peanuts.
Well, I don't do steroids.
Good, good, good.
Obviously-
And you can tell by my nuts.
Obviously-
They're huge.
Okay.
Obviously, if you're not already, make sure you are signed up for our
patreon patreon.com slash life on luxury stop what you're doing right now yeah and do it sign up for
it thank you oh great the air's on oh so i'm pissed now the air is like he doesn't like he
doesn't like he does it dude what the way he does it always does it is it a real vintage hat we
talked about this already we talked about this already so we won't talk about it again what is
your question though is it a real vintage no it's a it's an apparition no because that might be they
might have made that recently no no this is old dude i don't i don't i don't do that don't insult
me dude yeah wait why is that insulting because i don't buy stuff at like urban outfitters that
like looks like it's old okay okay and so that's a really- Dude, yeah, look at the back of it.
How weird is that?
Like that weird-
It's weird how clean it is, though.
It's crazy, right?
There's a little dirt in the back.
I never washed it.
I got it like this.
You never washed it?
No.
I got it very recently, too.
Yeah, wow.
It's even made out of weird old stuff.
Like pants.
Yeah.
Fabric.
It is like that, yeah.
I bet that would look so bad on me.
But anyway.
Okay, well- We got ice, dude. Here comes your ice. Because we couldn It is like that. Yeah. Well, I bet that would look so bad on me.
But anyway.
Okay.
Well.
We got ice, dude.
Here comes your ice.
He got me ice because we couldn't even know why.
While he hooks you up with ice, everyone else subscribe to The Private Record, my solo podcast.
The channel for that is at The Private Record.
Oh, you got the cafeteria cups.
Dropping bangers every Wednesday.
What's with the cafeteria cup, dude?
Got the cafeteria cups.
Dude, I like that.
I like the cafeteria.
Yeah, I'm going to do that. It's like diner cups. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But let me tell you something about this.
Oh, that's so much better.
I asked him.
So we got-
I hate looking at the iced coffee
in the dinky little plastic cup.
Yeah.
We asked-
Wait, are we done?
Is there more?
I mean, you know,
if you have a thing,
go click on the thing.
If you want to be on the show,
go to watchlightline.com.
The link is in the description below.
Thanks.
Thank you.
I want that.
I want that such a brat.
Such a brat. Such a brat.
That's mine.
Give me.
And so, no, but he, so this is not Coca-Cola.
People are going to think it's Coca-Cola.
They're going to think I drink Coca-Cola.
Who cares, dude?
I just want to be a real man.
Nobody cares.
So, so I, we, he got food to the studio before we started recording because he wanted to.
Could you be saying this worse? He got food to the studio before we started recording because he wanted to uh could you be saying this worse he ordered food to the studio he ordered food to the studio he had food delivered to the studio
for us to eat when we got here yes he did that yes i mean i think they understood when i said
it but whatever doesn't matter he thought we were going to be here an hour before we were going to
be here so he got the food an hour early we were
originally scheduled to be there until i that's why he lowered his microphone he was about to say
that and i didn't want to give that to him oh well too bad i wanted him to chime in and say that so
we could obliterate him a warrior for the truth i am a soldier for the truth i seek it and when i
procure it i announce it and i wear it on my sleeve, okay? Okay. And the truth is, he fucked up, but he had an okay reason to have done so.
Guess what?
Want to know something even cooler?
What's that?
So anyway, there was no ice in it because it melted, and so he went to get ice.
Which is his fault.
So do you want to know something that was really cool that I did?
Sure.
In my own head, and nobody even knows about it.
Sure.
And it happened in the last hour.
Okay, sure.
No, sorry, two hours.
On the way here, when I found out he got the food too early, I knew because of where he got it, it wasn't going to be that cold because it's always so piping hot when he first gets it at that place.
And you know what I'm talking about because they wrap it in the tinfoil oh the food i thought you're still talking about the coffee so i knew that
the food was going to be fine and it was so i didn't wasn't disappointed driving over
i did that all in my own head
absolutely nothing about that was interesting or worth saying you don't think i anywhere you
don't think i could say because of that i did that all in my own i did that all in my own head
no because nothing was done so you can't say i did that all in my head when nothing was done
all you did was think about something but if i and kind of accomplished something which is what
the relaxation oh well that counts sure but that's not hell you got an accomplishment but sure okay But I kind of accomplished something. Which is what? The relaxation.
Oh, well, that counts.
Sure.
But that's not really an accomplishment.
But sure.
Okay.
Got it on that one.
Do you really like that, huh?
It's just so stupid.
It speaks to the kind of person you are, you know?
So. And how much.
Absolutely sideways dick.
So how like neurotic you are and how much you think people are i did it all in my own head
trying to corner you or something like that trying to get you to admit something or something like
that yeah even when they're not you know i would never yeah we know so why are you drinking coke
yes now that's a good one thank you now that i have to hand it to you dude and because you know why why because it got me and it irked me and and and uh gonna kick my ass and it's fine but i'd
like to talk to you afterwards dude oh it just got me what's that one what is that dude we should
probably play it yeah what is that i don't know what that is i talk about it all the time on
congratulations oh okay well maybe i do know what that is. Obviously, Marco knows. Anthony, you know about it?
I know, but I need a refresher on what's a good one.
Bro?
Has no idea.
Has no idea the way he said it.
I mean, I know.
I just need a refresher.
Also had tears running down his face when he was saying it.
Pull up the katana fail.
Oh, of course.
Yeah, yeah.
This is like your favorite thing ever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of them.
One of them.
Let's watch it.
Top 10.
Do it.
Just got me, Odell.
One, 18, 16 is the item number on this one.
And the nice thing about these practice katanas.
Oh!
Oh, that hurt.
Oh, that hurt big time.
A piece of that just, the tip just got me, Odell.
Right here.
Oh, that got me good.
You all right?
A piece of that tip just got me
oh right now this guy could there be a better guy
may need emergency surgery so drunk in the studio taking it so far king of the hill
we may need emergency surgery uh in the studio dude what a cheap thing to just have a sword break when you're barely
tapping it against something dude oh it just got me odell when he says big time it sounds like he's
calling someone big tom yeah oh a piece of that just got me a piece of it you know the whole sword
stabbed him talking about talking. Not the handle part.
You know, talking to a guy named Big Tom.
I just got me Big Tom.
A piece of that.
The dangerous piece of that.
All of the dangerous piece of that just got me.
The handle would have been fine if it hit me.
You can't really see like what happened.
Like, where did it get him?
Where did it just get him?
It fucking got him here, dude.
In the chest?
Almost in the heart.
Stab my heart, Odellell but did it stick in him
no no oh no no yeah it stuck in him but it didn't stay in there but yeah but it fell out
it just goes i mean obviously he's bleeding there's no way he's not bleeding it's katana
but why is it so cheap why did it break it's qvc you know but it makes me think it's not that sharp
if it broke damn that is a deep what a terrible item you know
what are those like what a terrible item it's so funny to call a katana an item it was uh like
like it's in your sack for ninja guy dan yeah dude or gayden um remember um the the toy swords
remember those like how plastic i have a feeling of how they were not the physical how i feel them
but i the feeling of having one as a child interesting just fucking straight up have you
ever actually gone like thunder thunder thundercats have you ever done it absolutely not absolutely
not i've never even thought about doing that or seen anyone do that.
Is that in Thundercats?
Is that in Thundercats?
You've seen Lion-O.
Oh, dude, what gave it away?
I'm just saying, is that like a specific thing?
Nah, it's in Leave it to Beaver.
Okay.
It's in Thundercats and Lion-O when it's time.
So not creative, Lion-O.
Just adding an O at the end of the name of the animal.
Elephant-O.
You want to know the other one's name?
Panthro.
Panthro? Panthro.
Dude, they're so uncreative, dude.
Chitara.
Chitara?
Chitara was the female.
It's like a Latina pop star.
Chitara.
Oh, maybe when I go mad, oh, maybe when I go mad.
Everyone else is fighting and she's just.
What about Tara? You were gonna say something about thundercats and there's another
little one what was the little one's name um so when i had a sword porcupino porcupino rato
mousy mousy head dude just they're so drunk doing the names um so yeah i i i had a sword
uh thundercat sword and i i fucking did that for real once and i did
it and i belted it out and i didn't become stronger that was before my time i don't i
don't think i had those i i actually distinctly remember seeing thundercat stuff yeah when i was
like three or four and thinking like what is this dorky shit well Well, that's a fucking weird. It was all your stuff. I was like, this is for nerds, dude.
Probably into some Silverhawks or some shit.
No, I was into-
Fucking my little pony.
G.I. Joe's.
Yeah, fucking-
We're killing it.
And what were those-
My buddy, huh?
What were those orange balls?
Yeah, fucking oranges.
Loved oranges.
The Pogos?
What are those called?
Popples.
Popples.
I was popping off on the popples those ruled
uh thundercats are on the loose thundercat wait no thundercats are on the move thundercats are
loose a lounge act dude wow wow wow an snl sketch know? Thundercats are on the move.
Thundercats are loose.
Baleno, there you are.
Baleno, nano.
Hey, darling.
Baleno, you know?
Let's do, let's start.
Dude, I should do, honestly, pause it.
When I'm on stage, before I go on stage, I should take the microphone and go,
Chris, Chris, Chris D'Elia, ho oh and then go out on stage i'd probably kill it
i do kill it but i'd probably even next level kill it you think it would like add to the what
the hilarious energy oh okay i was gonna say maybe it would maybe it would like help your energy but
i don't think people would be like killing over laughing you know because people are like what is chris doing but the microphone will be off i'd be backstage uh-huh
then i go turn it on and then i'd be on the loose crystalia's on the move crystalia's loose
checking off
crystalia's on the move so close to your face that dude this thing is so stupid wow
this doesn't feel good you know for anybody
crystalia's on the move
playing rock paper scissors crystal leah's on the loose
that's a cock ring yeah i got you okay all right let's do it
i'm a huge fan of both of you i've been a big fan of congratulations
started over hey chris and matt um oh i'm a i'm a huge fan of both of you i've been a big fan of Go back, go back. Start it over. Hey, Chris and Matt.
I'm a huge fan of both of you.
I've been a big fan of Congratulations from Years, Lifeline from Day One.
Cool.
And I can't think of a better place to come to for advices, especially this question about the gym.
Now, I go to the gym early in the morning before work every day. And there's a guy in there who grunts and screams every time he doesn't exercise.
Oh, God.
From squats to bicep curls, he is so fucking loud the whole gym can hear him.
Now, I can hear him over my earbuds even.
Like, he's so loud.
Dude, that's crazy.
And I don't feel like I can tell him to just, like, shut the fuck up.
So, I'm wondering if you have any advice about how to deal with this.
Or if I'm just being
a bitch by even complaining in the first place and I should just let him work out
um so yeah any advice you can give would be super helpful thanks I would say it's something not
to be annoyed by that but no but I would say it definitely depends on how loud it is
he said it's loud enough that he can hear with his earbuds in okay earbuds that's fine but then
because there's like there's guys who when you're when you're lifting and then you there's guys who
might go like that's not that big of a deal because it's very loud but it's very quick
my sense is that's not right right right right right this sounds like the guy i mean the guy
that sounds like what he's talking about like the guy that that Chris was telling us at the gym that he saw
taking up three machines at once and yelling.
There's always, not always, but every once in a while,
there's a guy at the place where everybody knows the unspoken rules
that breaks those rules and actually ruins it for everybody.
That sounds like what this guy's doing.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't know what, could you even appeal to management?
Is that even something that they don't allow allow it no no no yeah obviously grunting at it well i mean it also
depends on the gym i mean if it's fucking curves like if it's if it's gold's gym they're not going
to give a fuck if it's if it's you know that place outside on venice beach they're not going to give
a shit but if it's if it's you know orange theory people be like hey they're like orange series like a fitness place with like treadmills
and like classes okay curves is a it was a joke it's a gym for females oh okay mostly i mean men
can join it too but nice know what i'm saying that is nice one for curves please yeah dude exactly
uh trying to be young trying to trying to fit in with the young crowd what is that called
no doubt no that was doing air traffic control
what dabbing now what is he saying just muttering to himself
why doesn't he have the microphone on him?
It's always up.
Well, because I don't want to...
Because he mutters to himself.
Oh, that's probably why.
I was just Googling if men can join Curves.
Can they?
I don't know, actually.
We're about to find out.
Men are allowed to join,
but they are designed specifically for
and focused on women.
And also, men can join only in some states.
Wow.
Interesting.
I wonder if that's a legal issue because you can't ban a certain gender.
Yes.
It's got to be that.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
It has to be.
Cool.
Interesting.
What do you think about that?
Let's all sign up.
All four of us.
What do you think about if you identify as the opposite sex of what you have your that's a whole other thing yeah
i don't know the states are probably the ones states are deciding that as well i'm sure yeah
so how does that work with curves then no one knows no one knows no one knows yet but they
need to figure out that law uh yeah they should probably get ahead of that um what was this guy's
question again about the guy dude just look here's the thing if it bothers you that much you got to say something yeah you don't need
to be like hey shut the fuck up man yeah yeah that's don't do that hey like what like can we
figure something out like this is a public space everybody hears you everybody's sort of like
surprised every single time they hear you yelling like let's figure this
probably won't go over that well to be honest but yeah that's what i'm saying if it bothers you that
much though but i don't i don't know why that would bother you that much dude like i mean dude
you're doing 10 reps every time and if it's longer and louder and you're just is there a
fucking seal in here yeah and and you're you to listen to, you know, he's trying to listen to Nelly or whatever.
I know.
What the heck gonna be?
Uh-oh.
He's doing like a strenuous physical activity.
Sometimes people grunt when they do that.
Sometimes.
And sometimes they don't.
But sometimes it's part of their thing.
It's like a kiai, you know?
So we don't know if he's doing it on purpose or not, you're saying, right?
I mean's it probably
helps him he if you think it helps you it helps you it doesn't matter if it actually helps you
right yeah you know what i mean so it's definitely a gray area you know if if the guy's going at a
loud i'm not going to do it loud but if a guy's going ah that's so annoying you gotta be like yo bro come on man yeah right right right but uh if it's if
it's you know not that less if it's less than you know then i think it's probably uh turn your music
louder or get one of those noise canceling headphones or go at different times than the
times that guy goes he's not there 24 hours Like how often do you run into this guy?
Right?
Yeah.
They probably go at the same time.
Yeah.
So change it up.
I actually,
I started out thinking something different than I think now.
I think he kind of has a bit of a right,
unless it's what Chris is saying.
It's just,
it's just crazy loud,
absurd.
Yeah.
He kind of has a right to be making noise.
He does.
Yeah.
He does.
Working out.
Yeah.
So go at a different time,
deal with it,
or talk to him about it don't
don't no go to man no no then you're about that then you're a bit that's the only you asked about
being so that's the only thing that is in this whole the only more is if you were to like
tweet it you know with a video at to the gym right yeah yeah yeah yeah with a video yeah
uh all right next one got his eyes lowered hey man chris this is my sunglasses if you can see the jersey
this is about the guy that called in about the cum bush so you know my wife takes walks every
morning and a couple months ago she comes home and says did you come i went down the street and
it smelled like cum wow like the whole street so So weird. God, that's kind of weird.
Didn't think anything of it.
Yeah.
And then I'm listening to that episode where he says there was a bush.
You guys looked it up.
I guess it's a Bradford pear.
Oh.
And sure enough, go down, take the walk with her.
Really?
One day and walk down Jizz Street, USA.
So Jersey.
It's true.
So anyway, just wanted to thank you guys for solving a mystery for us.
You guys are like Sherlock Holmes and Watson.
I told you I was like Sherlock.
Anyway, big fans.
Have a good one.
So new fucking Jersey, dude.
What's interesting about that guy is that he doesn't look so jersey i know well that's the
most jersey kind of guy though is that you think of a guy that's like italian or like uh you know
a fat kind of but then you see a guy like that and he's just like jizz town usa wow not what he
sounded like at all you know i'm from jersey and it's just like you sounded like more like forrest
gump but
that's all good yeah whatever um all right well you're welcome everybody see we this is what i'm
talking about we solve things for you we open your eyes we help you and then other people hear you
and help you too this is a great show we're doing a public service we should get paid by the
government uh uh yeah because we figured out what a kumbush is um
i got 65 cents from the government here oh from the kumbush episode um i think that
i i don't i i still don't think that it smells like anything i forget if that's what i've see i've conceded to the fact that i just don't understand what
anyone's talking about but i give it everyone seems to agree so i can't be the only one that's
like it doesn't smell like anything obviously it does to so many people i've never heard of it up
until the other week i haven't heard of maybe me too i maybe me too. I think maybe me too. I got you falling, got you back on your heels, you know?
Dude, so yeah, I don't think it smells to me, but I will say this.
I couldn't smell skunks.
I think I could smell skunks now, but people would be like, oh, skunk.
And I'm just like, I don't smell.
I didn't smell it.
Just straight up couldn't smell it.
Dude, remember when there was a dead rat in mom and dad's house and you couldn't smell it?
You got a bad sense of smell.
I got a crazy good one and I still don't know what jism smells like.
I don't think I have a good sense of smell.
You don't, but we're agreeing.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Or I'm agreeing with you.
You got a good sense of humor though.
So you're making up for it in the humor department?
Yeah, I make up for it in the humor department.
That's for sure.
Congrats, man.
I got a good sixth sense too.
Cool.
All right.
Going to have a great day.
Next.
Hey, Matt.
Hey, Chris.
So pleasant.
Sarah here.
So pleasant.
Was good.
So I was about to listen to Life Flying the other day,
and I thought of this jingle,
and it cracked me the fuck up
because the way I sang it.
Okay, pause it.
Pause it. lot of this jingle and it cracked me the fuck up because the way i sang it and uh pause it
god bless this lady i'm gonna hate this what do you mean you're gonna hate it if she's gonna make a jingle about the show oh is that what she's doing i didn't understand i don't know oh but
if that's what she's gonna do i'm gonna have a real hard time with it so what i want to know is
do you want me to be honest about this or do you want me to be like,
Oh,
good job.
Well,
I'm going to love it.
So who cares what you do?
Okay.
Go ahead.
I just thought I'd share it with you guys.
So here we go.
The cut.
Oh,
it's lifeline time in the city.
This is amazing.
This is lifeline time in the city. This is amazing. This is lifeline time in every city.
So dramatic, this jingle.
To all super good studios, then it's lifeline time.
Oh, what is that?
Yes, it's lifeline time.
Yes, it's lifeline time.
This is so crazy.
In your city. yes it's like this is so crazy it's it's okay it's okay yeah so yeah that's that let me know what you guys think it was okay it wasn't as bad it wasn't i didn't think i thought it was gonna be really bad. It wasn't bad. What constitutionally bad? I mean, it was bad, but it's like in the way of it being bad,
I kind of like it, to be honest.
Interestingly, we've switched positions.
I mean, that was tremendously terrible.
Yeah.
You know?
What did you think it was going to be?
But I loved it.
Does that make sense?
That's what I said.
What?
I said it's bad in the way that I like it i said it was tremendously terrible though which is different well dude if she was on american idol she would have got fucking sent home man
i mean the jingle itself not about her singing got it like the jingle i thought the jingle was
going to be like peppy and very alive lifeline in your city is so and that is it was like a dramatic take that so
doesn't fit our show it's terrible but what she did is amazing and i couldn't like it more if that
makes sense you know so i'm like i'm in both extreme directions one it was so fucking unbelievably
terrible as a thing but what she did was so so so great so it's a wash ultimately i just i don't i
would i i would i the reason why
i say it's okay is like definitely like the lyrics like lifeline is in your city like what do you
mean like it's i don't know it's just on the internet you know exactly so like i thought
about that you don't have to be like lifelines in your city and then at the end of it to be like
because lifelines in your city is like that bring you're not bringing it home dude but also that is
too i don't remember what it's from but that is she was that is to the tune of a of an existing song which is another thing i was maybe thinking
of that i was like kind of i'm like is this something already it is and if it is then that's
it is theft that is theft because she didn't even address it i wonder if she might not even know
might not know yeah she might just think she's like musically gifted whenever in real life all
she does is listen to fucking like you know show tunes it sounded like a show tune for sure yeah it sounded like a yeah so let's agree it's bad yeah no it's terrible
it's fucking god awful but i genuinely like appreciate that she went all out and did this
for us yeah i think what she did was great and i think she is great i think the thing she created
is utter dog shit from my butt okay dog shit doesn't come from your butt but i will say
i will say that the people i'll tell you i'll tell you right now our listeners most of them
fucking hated it i'm gonna tell you that right now how do you know come on man i got my i got
our listeners i got i got you guys all
right well don't now they're gonna think just because you said it they're gonna be like they're
actually right now they're like man and it wasn't even advice okay well let's get to a new one all
right i'm just saying well good you played it what's up guys i have these bags the most nice okay and people at work and stuff throughout
the years have been like hey look yeah totally destroyed thanks wow i'm just wondering do you
have a funny comeback to comments like this also where's Bill on the podcast?
Froze, froze.
Fuck it.
Bill's been doing his thing.
Living life, loving life, loving life.
It is weird people say like, where's Bill?
When we never said we were gonna have him on.
You know what is interesting?
We've never said we're gonna have him on
and he's not one of the hosts of this podcast. it's so crazy you're asking about a thing it's
like asking why isn't casper the ghost on the show yeah why don't people say like they don't
say why isn't mom on the show i mean they have done that but not nearly as much and it's maybe
because dad's on my podcast probably i don't know but anyway uh that's just how you look you look
destroyed and um that by the way there's something getting lost in translation there.
I hope not.
They're not saying you look destroyed, are they?
Hey, you look destroyed.
No, I'm going to use that now.
More than one person said that.
So dick.
They must mean hungover.
Friends with so many marvel villains.
Or upset or got no sleep.
They can't say destroyed.
You look destroyed.
Anyway, if they're saying you look destroyed,
I have no advice for you
because I don't even know what that fucking means.
It means you're not existing or something.
But if they say you look hungover,
you didn't get any sleep,
then you're giving us something to work with.
But you look destroyed?
I actually kind of like the bags under the eyes look.
I know I'm in a minority,
but I kind of have them sometimes.
And I just think that's kind of cool
looking for a dude, especially.
Right, but you can't say that as a response to the inquiry imagine if you did
actually i think it's cool you look like you got crazy you had a crazy night you got bags in your
eyes what's going on just say like that's funny because honestly i went to the doctor and the
doctor didn't find him he didn't see the bags and we did a test and it turns out that only
fucking poor losers can see them
that's good i like that doctor was rich and then walk away i like that a lot that's a good one
um what else you could just honestly shoot yourself in the head you could shoot when
that happens and then they'll feel so bad about it. I should have never said that. Now he is destroyed.
God, that... What would you mean if you said, God, you look destroyed?
What would you...
I'm going to say that to somebody today.
What would they look like though?
I mean, with tattered clothing, blood.
Right.
You know, ash.
Tear streaks down their face, right?
Maybe.
I don't think that matters, honestly.
Really? Yeah, because their emotional state doesn't matter. I don't think that matters, honestly. Really?
Yeah, because their emotional state doesn't matter.
Oh, you could be destroyed emotionally.
Exactly.
That's what I was thinking they meant with him.
Okay, okay, okay.
Which still doesn't fit
because that's still too extreme.
Bags under your eyes, destroyed?
Yeah.
What?
Whatever.
Tim Allen.
All right.
Oh?
All right, next one.
We got a kid coming in.
Hey, Chris.
Hey, Matt.
Jacob from Winston-Salem, North Carolina with my boy, Washington Bluey.
Loving it.
That kid's cute.
Here's my question.
So I have a friend who's recently divorced.
He's 52, and he is just going buck wild with his lifestyle now, just partying and sleeping around and sleeping with
prostitutes whoa and he is telling me about it a lot and look i'm not a prude or whatever but
i'm 32 i've been married for 13 years do the math wow i got two kids my lifestyle is like so
different than his and some of it kind of makes me feel uncomfortable.
How do I tell him that without hurting his feelings or still allowing him to be a friend?
Thank you guys for all you do, all the things you do, and all the consent that you create.
Thank you.
The kid was just like, what's a prostitute? I was just going to say right after we finished recording the kid.
What's a prostitute? I was just going to say right after we finished recording the kid went, what's a prostitute, daddy?
I...
It's interesting, huh?
Wow, he's married
since he was 19, huh?
I've done that.
I've done exactly this.
See how quick I did math
with that?
He says he's 32.
He got married 13 years ago.
Uh-huh.
19.
Yeah, I did the math immediately.
Didn't have to say it out loud
to prove it.
But so did I.
And I didn't say it out loud to prove it, but I'm just saying,
oh, it's crazy you got married at 19. And I did the math effortlessly.
Effortlessly? Okay. What do you think? Should I go first?
Yeah, go ahead, I guess.
I think that, dude, it's easy. I mean, it kind of sucks to have to do. So I get being like,
how do I say this? Don't get me wrong. But ultimately, there really is sucks to have to do so i get i get being like how do i say this don't get
me wrong but ultimately there really is only one way to do it just be like hey man like i'm
absolutely no judgment i could not care less what you do in fact if you're happy i'm stoked for you
but like i'm not the one that like you should be telling this stuff to like i not only do i not
really know what to say i'm just so far removed from that kind of lifestyle that like,
I'm not,
I don't know.
I don't think I'm like the right,
the right guy for that.
Um,
and that's it.
And if he gets his,
if he gets butt hurt,
then like that's on him,
dude,
you are being,
you're bending over backwards to make sure he doesn't get the wrong
impression.
So you've done your job as long as you do that.
I wonder how,
what version of uncomfortable he feels.
Like,
I wonder if he's like,
if he feels the actual anxiety in his chest or if he's just like more like,
this is annoying.
You know what I'm saying?
Not that it matters.
I just wonder,
like,
I wonder what he was.
I wonder if he really does judge him.
Yeah.
I mean,
that may be,
he could, you know, um, not judge, but like I, may be that he could you know um not judge but like i
the times that i've done that if i was being you know i never i never was like you know no judgment
i was just like dude that's not that's not shit that i want to be hearing about you know but
people understand like when you tell them that you talk about specifically sex stuff or just anything anything i guess yeah i'm trying to think of like times i've been like where somebody's been talking
about sex and i'm just like i just think it's so funny if somebody if it's uncomfortable then i'm
even like if the dude's like oh my god the guy's so weird like you know like if that guy was talking
to me 52 divorces like so i started having sex with prostitutes i'd be like oh god you know like if that guy was talking to me 52 divorces he's like so i started having sex with prostitutes i'd be like oh god you know especially if he was weird about it i'd be like oh
no yeah yeah yeah but uh i get it though he was this kid i mean he was married at 19 dude i don't
know if he did the math but yeah 32 now and then 13 years ago so 19 yeah stop proving that you can
do that math because it's not impressive so we get it we get it which is which is wild that uh yeah i would just be like bro i i i would say bro i
don't care and you keep telling me yeah right i'm married with two kids yeah since night i barely
know what a prostitute is right you know what know what I mean? Right, yeah. I wonder why he is even telling you.
It is weird.
That's so weird.
Some people, they don't understand.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, your married friend of 13 years
would not be the one that you'd,
I mean, maybe their best friends.
But maybe,
maybe he thinks,
I mean, this is totally speculation,
psychoanalysis of a person I don't know,
but maybe he's like,
oh, this guy's still married. he doesn't know what he's missing i'm gonna tell him and get up in his ear but that's
terrible obviously yeah but it's terrible and and stupid but like that's the only that's a lot to
assume though yeah exactly yeah call me out so hard yeah i wouldn't do that if i were you i think
matt's wrong i i just think that uh
yeah i think that you should just be like yeah what i said what are you doing what are you telling
me that i don't care yeah that's that is that is because there's no way it's better it's better
it's better it is better to be shortened to the point if you can be and if your guy friends for
a lump here at a time you don't need to like pat it you can be direct about it so he's probably right honestly
always yawning always young all right yeah
hey what's up guys big fan from maine here uh chris been a day one baby hell yeah
matt big fan of private record haven't missed an episode of that either. Nice, dude. Hoping to get an explanation because something's been marinating in my brain since it happened.
Okay.
It was like a couple months ago.
Okay.
If you guys recall, someone brought up Santa and how he says, ho, ho, ho.
Chris argued that this is Santa laughing.
Yes.
Which I personally agree with
i remember that matt you wouldn't even entertain yeah the idea that this could be santa laughing
i have no idea what you think right uh ho ho ho is yeah but it was like an out of character moment
for you where you didn't even you're like one of the more uh open-minded people i've ever heard in
my life really so it was crazy to hear you just like one of the more open-minded people I've ever heard in my life. Really?
So it was crazy to hear you just like completely shoot this down.
Yeah.
And I don't think you gave any explanation or any, you know, belief as to what this ho-ho-ho was.
It's been on his mind.
So I would love to hear you guys revisit this.
Okay.
And maybe, I don't know, Matt, give us some insight into what was going on with you that day.
My therapist. Because I wasn't really like you, man. uh love you guys keep doing what you're doing i mean it's
definitely like you to have a strong opinion about yeah it is but i know what he means though
so to be as open-minded about it as possible it's it is obviously phonetically similar
to ha ha ha which makes sense why someone would think it's him laughing that's not even why
i think that but okay then why why do you think that because he does that when he thinks something
is amusing and funny no he doesn't doesn't doesn't he do it when he's like bringing good cheer
i thought it was like yeah because he's so. But I thought it was like him ringing a bell
or him announcing he's there or like-
Interesting.
Injecting the Christmas spirit into the goings on.
Yeah, look, I don't think what you're saying is crazy.
Let's just look it up.
Let's just look it up.
We already did.
And I was wrong, right?
Yes.
Yeah, I remember it being that he-
Yeah.
I mean, look at that.
Look at that.
That's an amazing santa claus
has a deep voice he chuckles as he holds his round belly and the sound comes out as a low-pitched ho
ho ho when he does this he is expecting his expect expressing his immense happiness with
boisterous laughter santa claus laughs so much because he is an incredibly happy man
learning english so what is that it's like he's like um honestly high and just like laughing
right right you know it's a laugh yeah yeah yeah i mean that's i'm that's just one of those
instances where i'm dead wrong that's all that is but i do know why but to answer his question
the reason why i i just out of hand dismissed that is because I never even considered it.
And it seems so ludicrous to me in that moment because all my life I had been so far down my Santa feelings the way that they were that I never even considered it.
You basically thought it was him saying, here I am.
Basically.
I'm on my way with presents. Christmas is here. That's what I thought he considered it. You basically thought it was him saying, here I am. Basically. I'm on my way with presents.
Christmas is here.
That's what I thought he was saying.
Right.
And I'm bringing Christmas spirit and cheer.
Right.
Like that.
Rapping.
Yeah.
No, it's like he's jolly.
It's literally like he's a fat, jolly guy laughing.
Then why, I want to know, isn't he just saying ha ha ha?
Right?
Because that's what you do when you laugh.
Yeah, that's a great point.
That's a great point.
If you're just laughing, why isn't it ha ha ha?
Because he's got his own way of doing it, dude.
He's got style.
He does, dude.
He's going, oh my.
He was about to be, oh my God.
But he doesn't take the words.
Holy shit balls.
What if that's where it's from?
Kris Kringle.
Like the earliest like holy shit like the brother's grim version of it right i mean you know he originally
chris kringle they would actually comes from that annoying guy at a party oh yeah the guy
actually uh it comes from holy shit balls he was saying it and then he would kill a bunch of kids
Uh, it comes from holy shit balls.
He was saying it.
And then he would kill a bunch of kids.
Kill, you know?
Yeah.
That's a mustache.
Hey Matt, Icarus, Josh here.
I've seen him before.
Uh, first of all, I appreciate what you guys do.
It's gotten me through some stuff for sure.
Maybe not.
Uh, it hopefully gets me through this.
So two, three months ago, uh, my wife cheated on me.
Yes.
Um, right before I left for some training.
Uh, so I found out the day before I left.
So it really processed it because I was gone and I was busy for about a month.
I didn't have time to even figure out what was going on really.
Oh, my God. Now I'm deploying soon in a few months or so.
And we're going to get divorced mutually.
And we're going to get divorced mutually.
But what I need advice on is should I slash we try to get that done before I leave or after I leave?
Because while after I come back, because while I'm gone, I'm not going to be able to really pay attention to this kind of stuff. So do I just postpone that and get it when I get back?
The divorce?
We're dead set on that. That's what we're going to do.
I just don't know about this timeline because it's so condensed.
I'm a little bit worried about trying to push that through while I'm getting ready to leave
because this will be my first deployment.
It's not necessarily in a nice part of the world.
So, yeah.
What do you guys think?
Thank you.
First of all, you're the man for being in the service.
Thank you for that. Thanks, bud guys think? Thank you. First of all, you're the man for being in the service. Thank you for that.
Thanks, bud.
Means a lot.
I know a lot of people say that just sort of automatic, but I definitely mean it.
Thanks, dude.
Second of all, that fucking sucks.
The timing of that, it's like a bad cosmic joke, dude.
That is crazy.
You found out the day before you left.
It's like a bad movie or something.
But if you're both dead set on it and you know that's what you want to do she knows that's what she
wants to do if it's at all possible yeah try to get it done i would i would say that because you
want to come back to the life that awaits you you don't want to come back take care of the loose end
that's been on stuck in your craw the entire time you're away and then yeah i agree get into your new life you want to be away doing your deployment knowing
and potentially even hopefully ideally i think you should be excited about the new life you're
coming back to yeah fresh start literally like whatever you want it to be is what it's going to be when you get back.
Like, that, instead of thinking about it as some potentially, like, you know, destabilizing thing.
Like, you're destabilized before you go.
You're deployed.
You do all that.
You come back, and then you get stable.
Like, I think it's the mindset-wise, it's better to do it that way.
Yeah. I don't know why you wouldn't's better to do it that way. Yeah.
I don't know why you wouldn't.
Let's put it that way too.
To add to all that, I don't know why you would put it off.
I get that it sucks to cram, but ultimately you're going to have to do it anyway.
It's better to get it out of the way.
Yeah.
The only, yeah.
The only.
And last thing, it'll also be properly in your rear view by the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. rear view by the time yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that would be to have to go deal with something
so potentially awful there at war you know i don't know what you're doing but and then come
back and have to deal with something even worse is not fun and you it's just the whole prospect of
you want to always have something to look forward to. No matter what you're looking forward to, it will always be clouded by the, you know,
the first, first you got to finalize the divorce.
Then you can, you don't want that.
Get it out of the way.
Take all the time you're deployed to build up this hope
and I, you know, excitement for what's to come
when you finally get back home, start your new life.
Not your new life, but you know,
in this one part of your life.
That's what I think.
Okay, thanks.
Also, you got a great, great, great mustache.
You're going to be fine.
It's fine, yeah, it's good.
Oh, so jealous, dude.
I mean, I could get one if I wanted.
All right.
Hi, Chris.
So excited.
I really have a question for you.
I don't know how to do this.
I really want to get on the show, beat Shazam.
Maybe it's about you.
Because I think I could do it.
How do I get on it?
How do I get on the show? You're on the show. Thanks, I love you because i think i could do it how do i get on it how do i get on
the show you're on the show thanks i love you bye you did it first of all not telling a secret
i shouldn't be interrupting but we met you in sacramento and you were all this drama too
we met you in sacramento and you were so awesome. I love you. That's it, huh?
Okay.
Just a fan video.
All right.
I have fans too.
That was a, did she have a question?
No.
She said how to get on the show Beat Shazam.
She wants to go on another show.
Oh.
And called in here asking how to go on Beat Shazam.
What is Beat Shazam?
Isn't that the show with Jamie Foxx?
Mm-hmm.
That is a show that I don't even understand how it's a
show and fox has a show where have i been well it's it's i don't even know if it is it still on
it's a game show i guess it's still on jamie fox hosts a game show yeah beat shazam it's whoever
can if you can beat shazam and knowing what the song is that's not possible no it is because
sometimes shazam takes like 10 seconds oh okay but it's a really odd that
that's a a game that i i i've never seen i haven't seen it so maybe it's cool but other like levels
to it there's got to be there has to be over and over again a song starts and you have to be there
has to be i mean there has to be but she wants to get on it how does she do it i don't the fuck do
i look like that's such a why is it just a question for me seriously dude they're so drunk i'm so drunk
i'm insulted i couldn't stop doing this yeah what was why were you insulted because she didn't even
fucking say matt yeah at least like pretend i don't care pretend interesting anyway fuck out
fuck both of them dude i hope they were really hung over the next day and that's that you know
fucking fucking both dude
no dude come on i met them dude well whatever you can have your own opinion i fucking don't
like either one of them yeah i curse them with the worst possible fucking hangover dude come on
man that's what they deserve oh jesus it's not that bad i don't know it's disrespectful dude
there's two hosts of this fucking show i know i know she's just like hi only chris
how do i get on beat shazam which is dumb anyway it's actually this fucking show i know i know she's just like hi only chris how do i get
on beat shazam which is dumb anyway it's actually this fucking guy gets in he's like this and she's
on the side where he's telling the secret what is this that was bad all around fail fail fail fail
fail hangover somebody was on the other side of his hand he's also disrespectful to our show how
do i get on a different show yeah dude wow just wow so disrespectful Wow. So disrespectful. The disrespect is un-fucking-real.
They have no idea they made that video.
They're going to be watching it.
Dude, that is so true.
They have no memory of it.
Well, they deserve this big.
They deserve this big.
They said it was nice.
Fuck both of you.
In Sacramento, that makes me happy.
Hope you had a hangover.
Okay.
Next one.
All right, Chris.
Whoa.
Sitting there at your show on Green Bay wisconsin another one wanted to buy a
3xl shirt you don't have 3xl shirts you get 2xl your boys shoulders they go on for days
so i need the 3x for the length um because the 2x it's a little boy shirt so uh you should fix
that also um question for you boys there we go
oh there every time i say something to my girlfriend she replies with wait what
she doesn't put any mental any mental capacity into listening to my words and then responding
that she says wait what wow that sounds like i always have to repeat myself
like it's really old yeah how do i fix that thanks guys yeah that's you you had a girlfriend that did
that a lot me yeah she went wait what a lot and i i would I would always think, wait, what?
So it's funny he's saying that.
Hint who it is without saying who it is.
How could I do that?
Because I've had...
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I guess I could do that.
I could do that because of the inside family that we know.
The family of us.
So, okay.
All right, how would I do it?
Can't do it okay great i think i know who it was anyway though was it the same one as i told on the
last episode about the dog story yeah okay yeah that's what i thought okay great did it figured
it out and the way i knew that was because that one was particularly fucking stupid okay so fucking dick no but like it's just like it's something about weight what is so dumb i
agree just say what are you saying what because the weight implies implies you went too fast
and i didn't yeah you're too fast for my brain right exactly huh slow it down so my dumb ass
can understand it yeah uh so just say to the to your girl i'm trying to think of like if someone
says wait what that would fucking bother me that's so annoying i think i think what you need to do
is say do i talk too fast no i think you should say like do you not listen to me or something like i'm trying to understand
why you i have no start maybe start with something like i have no problem repeating myself it's that's
not the issue but like i'm curious as to why you increasingly ask me what when i say stuff. I'm not smarter than you. What's going on? Am I not describing things well?
It is a smart thing to start by offering a possibility
that it's on you, yourself,
so that they feel comfortable saying,
actually, it might be on them.
But don't make up some bullshit, though.
Don't lie about the thing it could be about you.
That's why what he's suggesting is
good yeah like it's not that i'm smarter than you i'm not even saying that i don't think that well
so what is going on you know yeah how much could you possibly say it like is it for like him
describing a documentary he saw which is understandable or is it like what do you want
for dinner that i mean you know i'm saying some people are just like do you want chicken or beef
wait what uh i think what's going on the way he said it made it sound
like she's just not listening yeah which is don't repeat yourself dude rude yeah man dude but i
kristen talks when i go to the bathroom and i'm peeing and i can't hear her uh-huh do you tell her hey i can't hear you
i mean i've done that so much what does she say well she waits till i'm done and then says it oh
yeah well that's what she's and then it happens again how often you're going to the fucking
piss every two minutes i mean she's just talking the entire time in between a lot of the time it
happens at least every other day every three days wow that's a lot yeah and i just sometimes i'm like is she talking and i go i'm not
gonna say what because i don't know if she's not also you wouldn't be able to hear it anyway if
you said what right no absolutely yeah so so i'm just like
yesterday i was going to the bathroom fierce stream you know what i mean and she is i think she's talking but then i'm like wait maybe she isn't maybe it's the tv i keep hearing it i'm like
i think maybe it's a tv then i hear finally as I'm finishing, babe?
And I'm like, yeah?
And she's like, oh.
I said, sorry, I can't hear you at all.
You know that I can't hear you when I go to the bathroom.
Did she not know you were in the bathroom?
No, she heard I was in the bathroom and she was in the room next to it.
And she heard me peeing, no doubt.
Okay.
Interesting.
And I don't know why
why do they do that they you know why do women why will they talk to you when you're peeing
no if you here's the deal if i'm peeing and you're in the other room and you go yo and you
start talking i could probably hear you because of your voice because of your man you have a man
voice or i'll go like this nah hold on yeah that was gonna say yeah yeah just
like that yeah you won't give a shit about me saying it like that and i'll come out and be
like what's up but i gotta be oh hold on i can't hear you when i already have said this lots of
times yeah it's like a respect thing right like they don't want you to talk to
she doesn't want you to talk to her like you talk to your guy friends who you just yeah yeah yeah
yeah that makes sense though right yeah i guess they want to feel separated and and who wouldn't
want to be separated from like david sullivan you know sure yeah everyone in the world everyone in
the world wants to be separated from david sullivan uh but no i know it's frustrating
because you just want to be like i'm pissing wait you know totally kind of just can't do that can
you do you say hey when i go to the bathroom maybe don't talk to me oh yeah and what does
she say to that okay oh okay so it's not about she doesn't want to do it she just forgets or what
interesting interesting well no one else is interesting yeah i did three loads of uh
dishwashers the other day wow why are you using so many plates in silverware what's with that
did you have 300 people over no we had we
cooked she cooked and then it was from the day and then she cooked uh-huh and that was that was it
but it's like that's two times i know but but when she cooks it's like a big pans pot you can't fit
them all so you got to do so you're not the kind of guy who likes to clean the big pots you well
i like two things in in their pots no no no no, no, no, no, no, no.
I mean, I'll start cleaning the pots
and then if I'll be like,
I should put it in the thing.
No, I don't ever put just like two things in it.
The big pots, you clean,
you put on the rack,
you leave them there,
you don't put them in the dishwasher.
I mean, I don't really, yeah.
Save more space.
Yeah, okay.
I'll do that, I guess.
Okay.
Sound good?
But the big cooking is so annoying, dude.
It's so good when she does it.
And then it's like, why does it take so many pots and pans to make fucking chicken and
rice, you know?
And like, you got to get the different utensils out.
And then you get the
ones that you can't clean you know you're like oh there's a crevice in there yeah how do you do this
one you put it in the in the uh dishwasher doesn't work there's still like a flap of chicken in it
when you open it up flap of chicken you know disgusting uh yeah cooking is but you don't
want to order all the time from post places but just spend thousands of dollars and then also uh um it's bad for you yeah don't you find it interesting that
cooking something at home is very often actually better than something you might get in a restaurant
that's so weird yeah way better like i'm paying you it is to make restaurant. That's so weird. Yeah, way better. It is very weird.
Like I'm paying you to make me food that's shittier than something I could make at home?
Me?
It's really weird.
It's super weird.
And I would say it's 95% of the time better.
It's kind of shocking.
Yeah, it's shocking.
Even just getting a fucking burger on the grill
from your own backyard.
I know.
It's just, how is that better
than a burger
i could get for 14 you do this for a living i know and and you and it costs a lot of money
yeah and kristin is just like i'm gonna start cooking it's not like she like
learned or tried to go to school she's and she's all she's great at it yeah so it's like
what the fuck dude it's a it's a racket dude restaurants now are crazy dude a racket it's
so insane when she makes chicken and rice i'm like this is better than anything we could have
ordered it's weird right and it's just chicken and rice hey restaurants make it this way make
it better yeah make it better but what are you they gotta make a lot though i guess it's a cost
there's a fucking few restaurants that i'll never be able to make food as good as.
Well, yeah.
All the rest of them.
What are you guys doing?
I would argue, though, that you would have to go there and eat it for it to be the best.
Postmates, when they bring it to you, it doesn't taste as good.
Because there's the whole...
Sometimes, yeah.
Sometimes, yeah.
Some shit travels better than others, for sure.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Like pizza doesn't matter, but...
Pizza's so good, dude.
Yeah. Don't... Pizza's one so good dude yeah don't pizza is one
of the things fucking pizza is one of the things that probably would taste better if you ordered it
dude made a pizza the other day uh-huh couldn't believe how good it was oh wow really i was i
didn't even understand i was like what the fuck what do you mean you made it made it in the oven
but the dough bought the dough really put the sauce on it and the cheese yeah what yeah dude
and i couldn't believe it tasted good i was like what this is a bit bullshit where'd you get the
dough uh trader joe's okay the dough was from trader joe's the sauce was it was all different
stuff the sauce and the cheese was all different shit what if he said i got dominoes and ran out
and we never saw him again in our lives uh it's better than dominoes that's for damn sure i fucking love
dominoes really i don't see i like round table and that's it for the chains yeah but that you
can't that's like round table isn't i mean it is a chain but it's like there's dominoes there's
pizza hut there's papa john's then i like pizza round table is not an end of the pizza hut is
absolutely dog shit no dude no dominoes is dog shit. Pizza's better, right?
Well, okay.
The king of fast pizza, the way to see it.
Well.
I think Domino's is greasier than Pizza Hut.
Yes, it is.
Really?
I'm kind of only getting thin crusts from either one.
From Pizza Hut.
From Pizza Hut.
I will say.
The thin crust of pizza is amazing. Okay. I will say it's been as from either one. From Pizza Hut. From Pizza Hut. I will say- The thin crust of pizza is amazing.
Okay.
I will say it's been a very long time since I got Pizza Hut, and I only remember Pizza
Hut being thick.
Yeah.
No.
So-
Okay.
That's the way it normally is, but they do make a thin crust that is so bangarang.
I'll try it.
I'll try it.
But I'll tell you what, man.
If you're going to eat pizza, you don't want bad pizza.
No, you can't get bad pizza.
You want good pizza.
Now, it's tough to make bad pizza, but chains can do it.
Oh, yeah.
So like Papa John's.
Little Caesars is like eating cardboard with cheese on it.
Make no mistake.
I'll eat a whole pie from those places.
Right, right, right.
You don't want to fuck this up From the bad places you're saying
Oh yeah
Right right right
Oh yeah
Yeah
My wife leaves the room
Come back
Where'd all the pizza go
You know what
Papa John's
Or fucking
Little Caesars
Don't care
I eat it
How about Pizza Man
Ever had that
I never had Pizza Man
It's a delivery place
It's like a chain
Well they're all delivery places
You know
It's a pizza
No I'm saying
It's a chain delivery
Pizza delivery place Like Domino's Like Domino's Like more like Little Caesars They're all delivered places you know it's a pizza no I'm saying it's a chain delivery pizza delivery place
like Domino's
like Domino's
more like Little Caesars
they're not as prevalent
as Domino's
well I know it's
obviously not as prevalent
as Domino's
I don't even know
what Pizza Man is
you don't
they have all
you know you guys
know what Pizza Man is
right
pizza pizza
get the fuck out of here
dude
pizza pizza
of course I remember
pull up Pizza Man
it's got
it's got a silhouette
of the guy's face
it's by Marvel
Marvel Pizza
look at all the Pizza Mans
look at all the different Pizza Mans well that's fine you'd call it you say pizza man
go to uh see it's the guy's it's the guy's oh yes of course of course pizza man los angeles
and it's good i don't know that's what i'm asking oh it looks kind of shit good does it
it looks good yeah why do pizza places always have wings what dude that's a good question i
said matt mcmurray because i said it looks like shit you said it looks good i Yeah, no. Why do pizza places always have wings? What? Dude, that's a good question. I said Matt McMurray because I said it looks like shit
and you said it looks good.
I said, oh, really?
Yeah, it is.
The Pete, the, what did you just,
what?
What did you just ask me?
You just said something.
That's a good point.
What's a good point?
About wings.
Yeah, because it's fast and easy.
My God, look,
there's a movie called Pizza Man.
There you go.
Click on it.
Frankie Muniz.
I'm watching it.
There's no way I'm not watching it.
Oh my God, Stan Lee is in it. Corbin not watching corbin bernson lee is in it
corbin bernson's in it shelly long he's taking a slice out of crime adam west is in it
diamond dallas page whoever that is in it wait when was this 2011 all i love shelly long bro
imagine you get you're a star malcolm in the middle. You know what I mean? You get up, your agent floats you a script
and it says Pizza Man on it.
Hey, hello.
Everyone's fired.
He did it.
Look at him.
Look at Frankie.
Do we have time to watch the trailer of Pizza Man
or is that not allowed?
He's a cool dude.
We could do it for Lifeline Luxury,
next Lifeline Luxury. Dude. Yeah, we only can't do it for a lifeline luxury next lifeline luxury dude um
yeah we only can't do it because we'll get demonetized look at that that that that outfit
is a whole thing soldier boy would wear let's look up the synopsis what does it say uh he's
taking a slice out of crime i know that's the tagline though okay all right a pizza delivery
boy received superhuman strength upon ingesting
a genetically altered tomato.
Oh, God.
He must battle a corporation
that is trying to steal his powers
in order to save both the world
and the girl of his dreams.
Whoa.
Set movie.
That is bad.
That's just not good.
No, it looks like he was a little older.
No, no, no.
2011? He was probably 20. Yeah, because I guess he was really young in that show yeah yeah he's such a nice guy for real i met him once or
twice wow he's so so a guy that just seems like he'd be the biggest really yeah dude i don't know
him know him he just yeah i don't either no it seems like i'm basing that on nice he's super nice is he really yeah good for him yeah corbin bernson's in it there he is
corbin wow oh this looks good i want to watch this look how good this movie probably is
we gotta watch it so went back on it all right there's no way i'm not watching this look at this
yeah all right all right thanks everybody i'll watch it after shin gonzalo um all right you guys uh have a good time thank you
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