Lifeline - 12. The Coldest Tasting Beer

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

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Starting point is 00:00:19 Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. Lifeline is an advice show for entertainment purposes only. If you need real help or advice, please seek a therapist or a licensed professional. Hello. Hello.
Starting point is 00:01:01 Hello. Will you please. Hello. Hello. with my bicep oh shit check this out tall medium short a children's show that's not impressive well for you to do order though i didn't i did too but i didn't mean to that's how good i am on medium when there's two you can only get in the right order though because any way you look at it since there's only two the order is right a children's show so when you have two the only thing you can do is get it in the right order but when you have three it's really takes skill. When you have three, it takes skill. That's so bad. Do you have skill?
Starting point is 00:01:31 I have skill. Children's show. I have skill. Okay, well, that's good, man. I'm glad you have skill. I have real skill. Throwing up. Welcome to the show Lifeline.
Starting point is 00:01:44 And we are already rip-roaring, aren't we? Yeah. I've got my Join Our Cult and Share Ideas merch on for over at Congratulations. And welcome to Lifeline, brought to you by Super Cult Studios. The coldest tasting beer. Wow. Do you remember when they did that in Coors Light? No.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Okay. Well, they did it. The coldest tasting beer. Oh, when they were doing the Silverors Light? No. Okay, well, they did it. The coldest tasting beer. Oh, when they were doing the Silver Bullet shit? Doesn't matter. Yeah. I don't know. Rocky Mountain High Colorado. Why did they do it like it was a commercial for Colorado?
Starting point is 00:02:17 Well, is that a real song already? I don't know. Yeah, I guess it must be. It maybe is, but I remember my friend Tim, when I remember my friend Tim, when I was in high school, that commercial came out for Coors Light and it would be like, Rocky Mountain High, Colorado.
Starting point is 00:02:31 And he would say, we were friends with a guy named Brandon and he would say, Rocky Mountain High, Chris and Brandon. And I don't know why and it pissed me off and I think about it sometimes. Who's Tim? Tim Chung?
Starting point is 00:02:42 Tim Chung, yeah. I talk about him in the past few episodes of Congratulations and also now lifeline so that's great tim chung yep i haven't thought about tim chung once since the last time i saw his face which was probably when i was a fucking freshman in high school so dick about tim chung no i'm just saying that's crazy i've seen emory lane i've seen him okay, yeah, you can get the merch over here at crystalleaf.com, but also Super Occult Lifelines brought to you by Super Occult Studios, the coldest tasting beer. Why do you do that? Because I remember it, and I want to do it.
Starting point is 00:03:19 Oh, that's not a good reason to do something. And so I'm going to be, why don't I do dates? I'm going to be in, your boy's going on tour, you know that. I'm going to be in Grand Prairie, throw up, almost throw up. Throw up. Grand Prairie, Texas, and that's near Dallas, in case you don't know, but you probably know if you're in Texas. So I'm going to be in Grand Prairie, Texas, August 26th.
Starting point is 00:03:37 Wichita, Kansas, August 27th. Did you know Wichita is where the BTK killer's from? Did you know, yes, I did. Did you know Wichita makes me think about Shut Your Mouth? I don't know what that is. And then I think about WWF, Slam Down, Shut Your Mouth?
Starting point is 00:03:48 Smackdown. Smackdown, Shut Your Mouth? I don't know what... I mean, Slam Down, you know, so far. What is a wrestling show Slam Down? What is Shut Your Mouth?
Starting point is 00:03:57 WWE, Smackdown, Shut Your Mouth. Okay, but not explaining it. That was an event by Vince McMahon who recently got in fucking trouble. Yeah, Smackdown, Shut Your Mouth is the dopest fucking thing to call an event. Wow, what? Not explaining it. That was an event by Vince McMahon who recently got in fucking trouble. Yeah, Smackdown Shut Your Mouth is the dopest fucking thing to call an event.
Starting point is 00:04:08 Well, it really is, dude. Smackdown Shut Your Mouth would be a rapper. You know that, right? Yeah, okay. Yo, what up? So uninviting, you know? Yo, what up? It's Smackdown Shut Your Mouth.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Yeah, that's good. That would be a good rapper name. Get your head out your ass, playboy. So insecure. Well, rappers are insecure, dude. Oh, okay. So- WWE Smackdown Shut Your Mouth. Why did WWE- It's a video game. get your head out your ass playboy so insecure well rappers are insecure dude oh okay so uh WWE Smackdown
Starting point is 00:04:28 shut your mouth why did WWE F have to change it to WWE do you know why I know why because they needed to legally say that it was entertainment and when it was an F
Starting point is 00:04:36 standing for federation it wasn't clear that it was not real that it was fucking fake so they changed it to an E to make sure that we all knew it was entertainment
Starting point is 00:04:44 none of that's true but um yeah I might have made that up that's not true that's not true at all yeah okay well I think it's cool though they changed it to an E to make sure that we all knew it was entertainment. None of that's true, but... Yeah, I might have made that up. That's not true. That's not true at all, yeah. Okay, well, I think it's cool, though. They changed the company because of how they... There was something else called the same thing. I listened to a whole podcast of it. Okay, but what I said is good, though. It's fine, but it's fiction. But it's good.
Starting point is 00:04:57 It's good like Harry Potter's good. Yeah. Is it good? No. Harry Potter, I saw it too. We'll get into that later. So I'm going to be in Atlanta, Georgia, Wichita, Kansas. Hotbed of Crime, going to saw too. Well, we'll get into that later. So I'm going to be in Atlanta, Georgia, Wichita, Kansas. Hotbed of Crime, going to be there. Atlanta, Georgia, Washington, D.C., Hotbed of Political Crime, September 10th. Stockton, California, and then Oakland, California, September 23rd, September 24th, Hotbed of Crime. Yep.
Starting point is 00:05:17 Get your wig split back. Peoria, Illinois, near Chicago, Hotbed of Crime. Rockford, Illinois, near Chicago, Hotbed of Crime. That's October 7th, October 8th. Raleigh, North Carolina, that's where the guy from the staircase threw his fucking wife down the stairs, Hotbed of Crime. That's October 7th, October 8th. Raleigh, North Carolina. That's where the guy from the staircase threw his fucking wife down the stairs. Hotbed of Crime, Savannah, Georgia. Pretty nice, but probably a Hotbed of Crime for horses and cows.
Starting point is 00:05:34 Hotbed of like upscale crime. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, dude. White collar crime. Yep. Then Denver, Colorado, November 5th. Cheyenne, Wyoming, November 6th, Beautiful Mountains. Boston, Massachusetts, November 12th Two shows Hotbed Irish Crime
Starting point is 00:05:46 Hotbed of Stealing Potatoes in Guinness And then December 2nd and 3rd I'm going to be in Lakeland, Florida And Jacksonville, Florida Hotbed of Incestual Crime So anyway, dude I'll be there Go to ChrisAlea.com
Starting point is 00:06:02 And get your tickets They're flying And ChrisAlea.com and get your tickets. They're flying. And chrisalia.com brought to you by the coldest tasting beer. We're going to stop doing that. No, we don't. I think we are. We keep doing the same thing over and over again. And now that I have a kid, I do the same thing over and over again.
Starting point is 00:06:18 And I have an audience that appreciates it. Thank God. Yeah. Yep. He loves it. He doesn't even have to say do it again, daddy. You finally have someone who likes it. Yep.
Starting point is 00:06:29 So. Fucking two-year-old. Yeah. So I saw potter you saw harry potter saw the first two ones and i'm on the third one you were just the other day saying and that triggered the other day chris was saying i don't know fucking anything about harry potter i know all of a sudden you're saying you've seen the first three let me tell you this i saw two harry potters and a half two and a half harry potters far in two harry potters and a half. Two and a half Harry Potters. Far in. Two Harry Potters and a half Harry Potters. Was the third one wasn't cutting it or what? No, I fell asleep because it was late. So it wasn't cutting it.
Starting point is 00:06:52 But it was late. Oh, okay. I don't know what it's about. There, said it. And you don't either. Yes, dude. And everyone says it's so good. And I don't know what it's about.
Starting point is 00:07:02 And here's even furthermore, I don't know how to describe what it's about. here's even furthermore i don't know how to describe what it's about yes dude it's impossible to scott bon scott you're a fucking idiot dude you've seen there's eight of the movies watch it and you've seen two and a half of them you don't know what it's about it's about kids in a school that know magic and then they learn magic and then also there's evil there i guess and a guy is like trying to come back to life and he keeps trying to come back to life and the kids like don't like them but some of the kids do that's exactly how jk rowling pitched it dude i don't know what it's about well then you're stupid fantastic beasts i watched fucking some of it it's by jk rowling
Starting point is 00:07:41 it's by just kidding rowlings do you know what do you know what that's about? Yes. It's about a guy who fucking tries to collect all the beasts because the beasts get out in the city and the beasts can't be known because the beasts are in the underworld. And he's like this liaison between the beast world and the regular world. And he can't figure out how to get them. And he has to get them all back. Here's what I don't like. Before everyone realizes that the beasts are around. Here's what I don't like.
Starting point is 00:08:03 I've never even seen it. Any of the shit based on jk rowling's books just kidding rowling's makes books that are about crazy fucking dude they just keep on making up rules i'm watching it with kristen i'm like so wait that yeah i'm like so wait why does why why is he now over here and she's like because this is the land where everything's okay and yeah he just has to ask for help and then he gets it there's always a land where that thing's okay and i'm like what everything else is not okay everywhere else this is a bullshit movie this
Starting point is 00:08:34 is why a lot of the sci-fi shit is bullshit because you don't need to actually write good shit because you can just like it's like if a fucking movie was a um um a regular movie not with fucking sci-fi and then all of a sudden in this movie they were like oh well but here's the fucking actual mechanism that if you press a button everyone forgets everything and then they can move on with their lives that's just but they're making it do you know what i'm saying or no what you're saying the right way to say what you're saying is if you don't set up the world clearly at the beginning, it sucks.
Starting point is 00:09:11 Sci-fi is a slippery slope because you can just keep making shit up, keep making shit up in the middle and then the end and be like, well, this thing needs to happen. Fuck, I wrote myself into a corner. Ah, what if I make up this part where that in that land, you can do that one thing.
Starting point is 00:09:23 Yeah, it's all mechanisms and tricks. Like even Men in Black, it's like, oh, we can do that one thing. Yeah, it's all mechanisms and tricks. Like even Men in Black, it's like, oh, we can wipe your memory. Boom. And it's also like, here come the men in black.
Starting point is 00:09:31 Tone deaf. Galaxy defenders. Is that what they say? The galaxy defenders? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Here come the men in black.
Starting point is 00:09:42 Wow. All right. So you want to get into the fucking shits? I want to get into the fucking shits i want to get directly into the shit brought to you by super cult studios click and like the chris hey matt thor long time listener chris evans caller this guy's the shit i've been watching since day one big fan day one was two weeks ago my question is about fucking a roommate. Do you fuck your roommate or not? Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:10:07 Thought of it right then. Chris Evans and Thor had a baby. That can get complicated. So sexy. So sexy. Turning us on. Hypothetically, let's say I've been sleeping with my roommate and she's become emotionally involved
Starting point is 00:10:22 despite being forward about intentions and what have you and and yeah thanks guys being so casual forward about intentions dude being so casual my question is it had to be quiet because his roommate's in the other room no dude she's sucking him while he's doing it. He didn't want to... He didn't want her to know that he's doing the video. Question is... About fucking your roommate. So what's the deal with that?
Starting point is 00:10:53 So I'm talking about this. How much was that guy? I'm getting sucked by her right now. Dude, that's Bill Clinton. That guy was basically Bill Clinton. You know what? He is... Honestly, the question should have been which Marvel Avenger am I?
Starting point is 00:11:03 Because he was in between Thor and also Captain America. He actually really was. You're usually wrong, but that was right. No, I'm not usually wrong. So here's the thing about what this guy's asking about. Here's the thing about what this guy's saying. He fucked up so bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:17 And everyone in the entire fucking universe knows that. In the Marvel universe. Apparently except him. What do you mean? Because that was obviously a bad idea to do it. So he did it already? He did it already. Okay. Did he say he did it already? He said, what do you mean? that was obviously a bad idea to do it so he did it already he did it already okay and he said what do you mean oh because she got mostly involved yes and it was like you know people get mostly involved before they even fucking but that was obviously going to happen with one of them one of them was obviously going
Starting point is 00:11:35 to get more emotionally involved the other one right because of obvious life living because of obvious life living this was obviously going to happen all you had to do was look at obvious life livings of everyone that's ever lived a life wow and you would know that some this is gonna be a bad fucking idea i don't even want to give him advice he fucking did the dumb thing but guys are stupid though dude i'll say if you're a roommate and then she's gonna be walking around obviously in not many clothes because they're roommates and she's got to get ready. And he's going to catch a glimpse of her fucking, you know what I mean, walking by with the door open. And he's just going to go like, huh.
Starting point is 00:12:12 And then he's going to one day just be so stupid and drunk. What a fucking. I'm sorry. You're handsome. Boner. And you're cool, but you're a fucking. That is so dumb. No, but here's the thing, though.
Starting point is 00:12:22 It happens all the time and somebody's probably gonna wind up dead but the main thing is you just basically have to not ever fuck your roommate ever it's oh unless you're prepared to move because you gotta move now yeah and guess what you gotta move no matter what you gotta either move if you work out or don't work out if you don't work out one of you has to move yep right obviously if you do work out you still got to move because she's never going to be happy with the fucking place that you have because it's probably too small and it was for roommates exactly not for loving living yes yes it's a deeper and it's all good but that's the truth so that is the truth yeah so you fucked up honestly shave and go into the Witness Protectors Program. Dude, don't fucking ever leave.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Just leave. Leave. Leave the country. Leave the country and come to America because you're obviously in Canada. A boot. Dude, that guy has the thickest Canadian accent. Also, the beard, just so Canadian. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:17 But also wore Carhartt, which is fucking super popular in Canada, up super north. He's so Canadian, he carries around an axe in case he needs to chop wood. Yeah. And he never has a shirt on even when it's snowing. But he has that hat on. He's like the guy from The Simpsons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:13:34 So, yeah, dude, you fucked up. But if the advice is what do you do now, you have two options. One, move, but that's the obvious option. You're going to move. Two, just be real about it. Be like, but that's the obvious option. You're going to move to that one. Two, just be real about it. Be like, I think we made a mistake. Is there any way we could go back to the way it was before?
Starting point is 00:13:52 Obviously, the answer is going to be no, but there's a slim chance it's yes. But those are your only two fucking options. You did a bad, bad, bad mistake. Chris Isaac. Baby did a bad, bad thing. Isn't that that Chris Isaac song? Baby did a bad, bad thing. I was singing it.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Baby did a bad, bad thing. I think that he also, it's too bad that we're not in a sci-fi movie because he could wipe her memory and then just fucking walk around and be like we didn't fuck here come the men in black every song you sing is the exact the note is exactly the same no matter what galaxy defenders okay bad um so yeah dude you fucked up get out of it unless you love her. Obviously, if you are into her, then just continue the relationship. Right. Yeah, but you made a really bad mistake. Little bad, bad thing. That's good when I do that.
Starting point is 00:14:39 That is one of the good things. That song, Chris Isaac had two good songs, and that's it, dude. Wicked Game and that? Oh, the wicked thing, dude. The sound. of the good things that song Chris Isaac had two good songs and that's it dude wicked game in that the sound Bill Clinton wow so Bill Clinton on your dress the oval office no I cheated on Hillary.
Starting point is 00:15:08 So sad. Such sad lyrics. Back in the 90s. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Did a bad, bad thing. Every song is medley. Dude. Oh, shit, dude. Wow. dude oh shit dude
Starting point is 00:15:27 wow wow but I am Alabama did you say Alabama Arkansas same it's exactly the same
Starting point is 00:15:39 Arkansas and Alabama it's exactly the same so rude what you did Alabama what's the end of So rude what you did. Alabama. What's the end of the part? The end of the song where he just starts talking? Alabama and Arkansas.
Starting point is 00:15:52 He doesn't do that. You're completely making that up. Chris Isaac doesn't? No, he doesn't. At the end of the song, he just starts, at the end, he just kind of trails off
Starting point is 00:15:59 and it's the end of the song and the girl's running at the beach. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude. Helena Christensen's running at the beach, or whatever her name is. That video left a real impression on me. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:16:09 Oh, you know? You too, or you know I left it on you? No, I know it did to people, but it didn't to me. Why not? I was already knowing what sex was at that point. So what? You don't have to not know what sex is
Starting point is 00:16:22 to have an impression left on you. It's the definition of an impression. Yeah, but it was good. I just, that lady is not really my type. You know, she was absolutely beautiful. Helena Christensen? Beautiful, beautiful. She's the most beautiful woman that ever lived.
Starting point is 00:16:38 And not my type, so sue me. I'm going to take you to court. I'm in an awful office. I'm in an awful office. Got jizz on your dress as evidence. Fuck Linda Tripp. No, I... You didn't fuck Linda Tripp.
Starting point is 00:16:52 No, I know I said fuck Linda Tripp. Oh, fuck Linda Tripp. Because she exposed me. Everyone thought Monica was a slut. Now, 20 years later, they all think it's my fault. No, I... The same thing happened, but opinions are different. Nothing changed except people's minds.
Starting point is 00:17:14 That's so weird. Worst lyrics ever. There's no news about it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. People were mad at her, now they're mad at me. Well, okay, we're going to go with Chris Isaacs, but that's what's coming in. Start playing the sax. All right, let's do the next one. Hi, Chris and Matt.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Big fan of the podcast. I just wanted to ask you guys for some advice. So I moved in with my boyfriend this past December. We've been together for three years now. And the only issue that I've had since we've moved in together is that I am really the only person that cleans or buys anything for this house. He does give me money for stuff and like we split the bill, but I want help. Like I don't want to be the one that always has to go to the grocery store or the one that always has to clean everything. And I don't want to be naggy.
Starting point is 00:18:10 I don't want to have to ask him to do everything. I don't want to be his mom. But at the same time, I don't feel like I should be doing everything by myself. And I just want him to be more like self-aware of the things in this home. So do you guys have any advice so that way I'm not the naggy girlfriend but also to not doing everything myself? Thanks, guys. I've got a great – it's interesting because here's the thing I have to say.
Starting point is 00:18:37 Your boyfriend is me. Yeah, that's what I was going to say too. Yeah, so maybe he should stay out of this one. Yeah, that's what I was going to say too. Yeah. So maybe he should stay out of this one. And literally, that's almost, that's so age old, that fucking, that age old fucking thing about how it's like, the dude is the dude and he doesn't do what I say. Well, no, he doesn't clean.
Starting point is 00:18:55 Yeah, exactly. Which is she wants help. Dude, your boyfriend's me, dude. Yeah, which is, that's a fucking red flag if there ever was one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your boyfriend's him. No, I don't want to clean. Okay.
Starting point is 00:19:10 Okay. Okay. So I think- Here's some cash. Don't worry about being the nagging girlfriend. That is an unfair box. Like, if you're worried about being that, you're not going to be that. Like, this is kind of like a box that women get put in.
Starting point is 00:19:23 They get called the nagging girlfriend when they want a guy to pick up dirty socks and the guy's like i don't want to put the boy nagging me and it's like because your socks are fucking disgusting they're not though probably no they're always disgusting any sock that's been on the foot for an hour or more is disgusting you're not eating it it's just there on the yeah it's disgusting to be there on the ground it's fine no anyway uh just tell him be like yo pick up fucking at yourself and go get some shit sometimes no what do you mean no eat it that's it eat the sock nope just eat it eat the eat eat the whole deal just shut the fuck up just right dude does what what does he do that's good right he probably does lots of things that are good
Starting point is 00:20:05 that's why she's with them there you go so why we complain dude you moved in together there's what did he do before before they moved in together well he probably kept his place dirty as fuck because that's what he wanted and then he kept his what cupboards completely bare i i don't know no i bet he went fucking grocery shopping how about how about this though kristen said why don't you just because i leave my shit places yes our place is not a mess no i leave my shit place but why is it not a mess kristin no i i do do some tidying up but i will say this she said why don't you just do the dishes always do the dishes and that can be your thing and i'll do everything else and i say but the dishes are the grossest part and she says exactly so i say okay so i do the dishes and that can be your thing and i'll do everything else and i say but the dishes are the grossest part and she says exactly so i say okay so i do the dishes mostly all the
Starting point is 00:20:49 time right um i should do them probably all the time but i have been making a conscious effort for why don't you delegate shit right that's a good idea delegate shit like i'll pick up the shit and you do the fucking grocery shopping come up with things that he that you do that he wouldn't mind doing or will think of doing yeah and then he can do that all because like if he's never going to get groceries if he's never going to clean up after himself right you got to figure out other things that he can do a hundred percent of the time like i want to i don't want kristin to hear this but like if she asked me to do laundry some of the time i would do it because i actually like doing whispering isn't going to make a difference.
Starting point is 00:21:27 You're on a show that goes out to the entire world. I like doing the laundry kind of a little bit, right? But like I would do it if she asked me. I would do it more, but I don't want her to ask me to do it more because sometimes I mostly want to do other shit. Kristen, ask Chris to do laundry. He will do it. What a wicked thing to do if you ask me to do laundry. I go on the road and make money.
Starting point is 00:21:49 I'm the hunter, you're the gatherer. So dumb. So find out shit that he can do, that he can think of on his own, that he doesn't need to be reminded of or nagged about. And then you have the things that you do. He has the things that he does. And hopefully it ends up close to 50%. Dude, if I i was him and she said will you fucking shop more or fucking clean up more i go like this i bring home the bacon and do a spin move what if he doesn't bring home the
Starting point is 00:22:13 bacon well then he's yeah that's bad dude but also that's just like she probably brings home some bacon too though that's so old-fashioned yeah i don't know i know but i'm old-fashioned i know you are but i'm trying to save for fucking her okay she's in new age this isn't just a show for you to talk about you these people call in and have advice they seek advices yeah true okay okay all right so yeah delegation that's what it's all about and i thought of that one okay next yep yep hey guys so following situation what was your michael Michael Bublé? I'm a piano teacher. I give one-on-one lessons. Is he Michael Bublé?
Starting point is 00:22:48 What the fuck is he? And I have one student since the beginning of the year. Pause it. Bro, what is he holding? A microphone. That's a microphone? Doesn't need it. Well, maybe he fucking does.
Starting point is 00:23:01 I mean, he's so obviously Russian. Turn it up. Okay. Okay. Okay, Turn it up. Okay. Okay. Okay. Turn it up. Okay. That's not the right one.
Starting point is 00:23:09 Start it over, though. Yeah, we're going to start it over, baby. Go ahead. Here we go. Hey, guys. So, following situation. I'm a piano teacher. I give one-on-one lessons.
Starting point is 00:23:27 And I have one student since the beginning of the year which I really like I flirt with her she flirts with me and she's seductive with her eyes there's really
Starting point is 00:23:43 something going on there and I want to make the next move but she's uh wearing a lot of rings especially on on this fella how many fucking rings can she wear polygamist yeah she's a pirate but she's flirting so much that it seems like she wants more so i don't want to ruin any marriage but i want to find out if she's really married married or not maybe she's a widow i don't know how i mean this guy so i want to find out in a conversation um maybe you have some um suggestions some tricks some moves I could make, how to find out in a subtle way. My best move so far is not very subtle.
Starting point is 00:24:31 It's very confrontational asking her, by the way, is this engagement ring? And if she might say, yes, why? Then I could say, I only wanted to find out how much flirting is appropriate. That's not... That's my best move so far. Maybe you have some ideas for me. Robot! It would be very great.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Yeah, much, much love from Germany. Hell yeah. Thanks for doing this. Yeah, goodbye. Doing... I mean, dude. All right. Well, that... The whole thing... just uh there's a lot of ways we
Starting point is 00:25:09 could start this one i don't know what it's like in germany but in america and if you're the teacher yeah you can't yeah you know this is your job first things first you don't clean this guy dude i don't fuck her yeah i have had i Hello. I have one student since the beginning of the year. I would like to fuck her. That was a language barrier thing. Ruin my business. Yeah. In Germany,
Starting point is 00:25:34 it is tradition to ruin your whole business. He meant one of his students. Okay. As a language barrier thing. So, so is the word confrontational. The thing I do is very confrontational. I say, do you have a husband or are you a fiddle dude supposing the husband died is so german dude
Starting point is 00:25:52 i mean is how is she fucking 65 dude i mean like did your husband die dude okay this i mean there is so much to fucking unpack i think first of all what I'm curious about is if she has a lot of rings on that finger. It's Johnny Depp. Just ask, what's up with that one finger? You have so many rings on it. Dude, her hands are just so heavy when she comes in. One hand's leaning down because it's the one finger. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:15 It's the wedding finger he's talking about. So he said she has many rings. Yeah. So maybe she's a fucking carny and she just has rings all over. But you should say, take off your rings. Take off your rings to play the piano. It's easier. Take off your engagement ring.
Starting point is 00:26:29 And if she says, oh, it's not an engagement ring. Ha ha ha. And he goes, ha ha. And then go in for a kiss. That's a little tricky. All over the piano and shit. That's a little tricky, though, because you don't want to be like a sleaze roundabout. Just ask, but in a plain way, in a non-confrontational way just
Starting point is 00:26:46 be like i noticed you have a lot of rings on that one finger what what's that rank the rank the rings in order from one to nine no but okay here's what i say don't fuck her okay obviously okay if you're if you want to explore a love thing let's go from this okay all you got to do is say i mean add it to the fucking uh lesson like if you're playing like picture your husband you love him very much right like this your husband what's his name she says either greg then you know you got a husband okay greg you love greg and you're playing for Greg? If she says, oh, I don't have one, then go like this. I, oh, really?
Starting point is 00:27:30 So that's very nice. And then play, and then you know, dude. But how much flirting is appropriate? Like your fucking flirt bot 2000? Kind of none, though. Hello, how are you? How much flirt? Before we commence the lesson, I have noticed you have nine nine rings i don't know which one is an engagement ring however which how much flirting is appropriate
Starting point is 00:27:54 with the microphone still doesn't need it didn't even use it that's the only way dude he has a microphone and this was the only one that you said, turn it up. Yeah, true. Doesn't need it, dude. Or needed it more and held it too far. Everything on that guy is beige, dude. His skin, his lips, his nose, his hair, his eyes, everything's beige. His shirt was beige. He was a robot. He is a robot.
Starting point is 00:28:18 Beige, dude. Maybe it's different in Germany, as you pointed out. But just don't ever fuck your student. Yeah. Okay? I fuck your student. Yeah. Okay. I have one student. I'm trying to ruin my business. I'd like to slide in and out of her.
Starting point is 00:28:29 But I say, yeah. Dude. Dude. The one. I don't know what move I should do, but the move I have is very confrontational. I pull a gun on her and I say do are you fucking married or not i say hands up student are you married or not yeah she says yes i shoot her what did he say did he say he did that his move already or he's thinking about he's thinking about doing the move
Starting point is 00:28:58 but there's no move don't yeah don't there is exactly there is no move but do it nicely dude germans are very you know what I mean, direct. And this is what I want. But like, dude, just fucking play around like you're little, like you're, you know, like you're, you could add it in the lesson. Do you love your husband very much? But that's a separate thing then. Good.
Starting point is 00:29:14 Okay, then. If there's no move to be made because he shouldn't do it, then are you saying he still wants to find out if she's married or not? Because that could be two separate things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I thought he wanted to find out if she's married or not? Because that could be two separate things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I thought he wanted to find out if she's married or not because if it's a fake engagement or if she's not married or if it's just a ring among many rings and it's not an engagement ring,
Starting point is 00:29:34 then he would feel okay to make the move. But if she is getting engaged, it sounds like he still wants to also see if it's that serious because he could do that shit. Stop thinking about doing that shit stop thinking about doing that shit yeah yeah well at some point the lessons will probably end and at that point when things are not on a professional basis maybe you can explore but if you want to know about the details before that might happen i guess that's fair but don't fucking do shit or teach songs
Starting point is 00:30:02 that are obvious about what if she is engaged obvious what you want to do do you know what i mean you could be like we're going to learn this today wicked game bad bad sing just two notes so so it's like so obvious you're not even learning for the wicked game we play when you're absolutely married but do some shady things with your piano teacher. Just per se. Play that. Ding, ding. Said it about bad things. She fucked a piano teacher.
Starting point is 00:30:37 She has so many rings. Why? Are they real or are they fake? Oh, fuck. Are they real or are they fake? Oh, fuck. Answer this question even though I'm singing. Are you engaged?
Starting point is 00:30:55 It's not part of the song. Oh, fuck. Dude, holy shit, dude. Goddamn. Oh, my God. Is it a real engagement so if the answer is yes how serious is it would you explore cramming so many words in between pianos would you explore doing the horizontal mambo with your piano teacher wow okay what a wicked game we play you come over to learn piano and i get a boner no i hi all right i'm so fucking beige so don't make a move don't make it is the solution here yeah don't make a move okay okay next i apparently drive my soon-to-be fiancecé insane with the way I microwave my food.
Starting point is 00:31:47 I push the 30-second button over and over. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Because it's fucking expedient. And I stand by the microwave and I check to make sure it's not too hot or not too cold. And if it needs to stay in there longer, it fucking stays in there longer. It's not that big of a deal. But she draws issue with the fact that she has to get up and push the cancel button so that it displays the time again and i'm just don't don't do that
Starting point is 00:32:11 how about learn to live with it i don't know what do you think so this guy what is it this i do that too he's saying instead of putting in its own uh a single time you just repeatedly hit the 30 second button and pay attention as it's heating up. Okay. And then you only go by that. So if you want to heat it for like a minute and a half
Starting point is 00:32:32 and you know that and then you want to keep an eye on it. Yeah. And then you watch. And then if you decide you want it for two minutes. Right. Two and a half minutes.
Starting point is 00:32:40 And it bothers her because of what? She's making too much noise? I think she wants the single time, the confidence of the single move. Well, that's not her heating up the food. And I think it bothers her that he lurks around the microwave. No, that's not what he said.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Okay, then what is it? She wants to have the time on the display, not like 23 seconds left. Why though? Yeah, that's- He's right. I mean, she's- Yeah, that doesn't matter. That's a weird complaint of hers.
Starting point is 00:33:02 That doesn't matter. That's weird for her. If she's going to be- This guy was so hot. Yeah, he came in hot right there he came in he was like she was okay so yeah just arguing about it yep and she was like don't do the video and then she went into target and he did the video um yeah that's uh if that's the issue well that first of all that's not the issue it's got to be i mean that's that's really that's not an issue how about that yay we found one that's absolutely not an issue finally yay no the issue is hers why does she
Starting point is 00:33:30 have a problem with it yeah that's he's right that's a weird fucking complaint yeah that is a weird complaint i mean of all the things to complain about your partner like yeah imagine like all the things you kind of sat on and never told your various ex-girlfriends. How many fucking things are better than that? Oh, man. It's such a non-thing. Those, I eat those all day. Right.
Starting point is 00:33:51 You got to eat those all day. Little snacks. All day, I'm just like, okay, well, I don't want to. It's not worth it. Exactly. Okay, well, I don't. And then that's how it becomes cancer eventually. That's why everyone dies from cancer.
Starting point is 00:34:01 And she had the gall to say that one? Yeah, that's crazy. Are there other things that are wrong? There's got to be so many things that are wrong. That's a everyone dies from cancer. And she had the girl to say that one? Yeah, that's crazy. Are there other things that are wrong? There's got to be so many things that are wrong. That's a hilarious one. What if there's so few that this is the only one she can really come up with? Then this is the perfect couple of all time. That's the advice.
Starting point is 00:34:16 You have the greatest relationship of all time. You have the greatest relationship of all time and have a kid, and that kid grows up and becomes Jesus Christ, basically. The most well-adjusted, beautiful child there could amazing dude that's great dude congratulations this guy's got the greatest relationship of all time and your your upcoming wedding good job and show the show this video to your girlfriend and about how this hey don't do that to him let him do you know what let him do it let him do it or how about this you heat up the food it's his about this? You heat up the food. It's his food.
Starting point is 00:34:47 He wants to heat up the food for him, though. But he wants to do it his way. Yeah. What the fuck, dude? You can't control the temperature of his food, man. Wow. Okay. You got you. You're getting hot.
Starting point is 00:34:55 But you can't, though. You know what's getting hot? His food. Exactly the way he wants it. Yeah. Because he gets to fucking ride the time. And I don't ride the time. I always put in.
Starting point is 00:35:03 I do a minute and a half. Oh, I ride the time, dude. I just I coast on the time. That's stupid. about come on right at the time whoo and riding whoo whoo so bad okay yeah no it's not your fault bro it's not your fault it's like that scene in uh goodwill hunting it's not your fault and he starts crying yeah at the microwave it's not it's not your fault no no i don't know it's not i just like to ride the time it's not your fault no no i know i know that's not i just like to write the time it's not your fault no no i know i know that's like i just like to write the time that's not your fault the lasagna they're hugging
Starting point is 00:35:34 god damn it greg in the back why is everybody greg today you pick one and you roll with it okay okay next one Why is everybody Greg today? You pick one and you roll with it, dude. Okay. Okay. Next one. Hey, Matt. I was hoping I could get your advice on something with my best friend.
Starting point is 00:35:50 And Chris, I guess you could throw your opinion in there too. He and I are both pretty antisocial people. And it's hard for us to find a time where we both want to spend time with one another. Soon I'm going to be going away to college and that's going to take me many hours away. So I was hoping you guys could give me some advice on how i could find a way to spend time with him you talk about his boyfriend who's he talking about best friend oh can you uh i kind of was unclear about that from the beginning you play that one again actually yeah hey matt i was hoping i could get your advice on something with my best friend. And Chris, I guess you could throw your opinion in there, too.
Starting point is 00:36:27 He and I are both pretty antisocial people, and it's hard for us to find a time where we both want to spend time with one another. Soon I'm going to be going away to college and that's going to take me many hours away. So I was hoping you guys could give me some advice on how I could find a way to spend time with him. You guys got to fuck. That's tough because you, I mean, when I think of antisocial behavior, I think of like,
Starting point is 00:36:49 you don't want to like go to fucking parties and be with big groups. But as is sometimes a very often antisocial person myself, I, I will often be not consider that like one-on-one shit one-on-one shit is kind of better and if if the issue is you're antisocial and he's antisocial so you don't want to hang out with each other and it's hard to find times to just want to be around a living human body that's a little bit trickier i don't know but like i would say that just make sure it's a thing that the both of you want to do and that it's just you guys and that there's no like next thing that you guys are going to go to like a fucking party or whatever, like no other people being invited. Make sure it's like a fucking chill, relaxed environment that like isn't going to be interfered with by others.
Starting point is 00:37:42 No, he needs the metaverse. What's that mean? be interfered with by others no he needs the metaverse what's that mean he needs to just plug into the metaverse and find some fucking what do they call the you know they go to build a place in the metaverse have the guy people meet this is what antisocial people do they get hooked into the metaverse and they just chill out what is what are you saying it's like the matrix man you just fucking put on some vr goggles and you go into the metaverse and you chill out and you fucking so they share a space in the metaverse yeah they could even though they're alone that's something well you're alone yeah no i get nobody is ever actually really in the
Starting point is 00:38:12 metaverse i know so you're alone and you go into the metaverse and you do whatever you want and you meet up with that dude and maybe you have a house with that guy in the metaverse but how do you you could fuck each other it's not even gay how do you have how do you meet up with someone in the metaverse what does that mean your avatar meets another person's avatar can you plan to meet somewhere yeah you can yeah or like text them in the metaverse i guess i don't really know how it goes i'm not antisocial but you can go do that and they could fuck each other even if you're both guys it's not gay what i would suggest first and foremost though is don't force it and because you feel like you have a clock on it like this idea of like oh no i'm leaving for college so i'm not going to be able to see him a lot i want to hang out with him i want to hang out with him i want to hang out with him you might
Starting point is 00:38:54 just end up making it weird not just for him but also for yourself right also weird pressure on yourself and him yeah but you're going to end up hanging out with him again you'll be home from college sometimes yeah you'll fucking meet up you know it's up to you guys but also the don't think of college as the end of something right it's not plus also the metaverse is no matter where you are no matter where you are you can hook into your avatar and meet up with whoever the fuck you want and be antisocial in the metaverse but with someone else and technically you're still antisocial you get a party and still be antisocial because you're at the metaverse you're not actually doing it that's why if you both of you him and his friend, go back home and fuck each other, it's not even gay.
Starting point is 00:39:28 So two things. Why do you keep on bringing up the metaverse? He didn't do that. And why do you keep mentioning fucking him in the metaverse? I'm suggesting be in the metaverse because you can get out all of the fucking things that you want to both ways,-socially and also socially because you're still being anti-social when you're in the metaverse because it doesn't really count in real life which is why i'm saying if they fuck each other it doesn't count as being gay it seems like you're adding the last part about fucking for absolutely no reason but that's okay i guess these guys need to yeah it's uh if
Starting point is 00:40:01 also dude you know what is he going to college so here's the other thing yes um you're not gonna be probably friends with this guy anyway in five years so it's fine that might be true but it doesn't see you can't say that though because him now is friends with him like you can't be like don't worry about it it's like you can't tell the kid like right that's true problem that you are crying over that's true when you're fucking 20 isn't gonna matter worth shit you know you can't really say that that's true dude but i am gonna say that as a father i mean you would be right but yeah it's gonna fuck up the kid i think that honestly uh it'll be uh yeah i don't i i mean the other guy are they worried about the relationship
Starting point is 00:40:38 what's this guy worried about is the other guy worried he wants to hang get the mac that's what i was saying before about there being a clock on it yeah he wants to make sure he maximizes their potential time together before he moves hours away it's it's a weird dichotomy though because he wants to hang out with the guy but he also saying i'm anti-social but if he's anti-social and he's okay with it then why does he want to be fucking social yeah maybe maybe you just need to be maybe you're you are not that anti-social yeah you might not be maybe he is maybe the other guy is yeah in which case try to fucking get him into the metaverse just tell him dude like i'm leaving soon like let's hang as much as much as you can and as much as you're down like let's hang because
Starting point is 00:41:19 i'm around and i really want to hang with you before i go as much as we can. Yeah. Bada boom. That's good. That's good advice. Yeah. Okay, cool. Next. Hey, what's up, guys? My name's Mitch. I love the show.
Starting point is 00:41:36 Every episode's been great, dude. Hell yeah. I'm a huge fan of both you guys. Keep doing what you're doing and get your dad on the show. Please. Anyways, body odor. That's the question body odor when someone has it someone you work with every single day someone that's right next to you all day long do you tell them do you not tell them oh dude do you just plug the snozz and keep on trucking or what do i do dude because my partner at work has a stench oh and it is terrible yeah i don't know what to do please help guys thanks huge fan love you guys see you thanks bro you
Starting point is 00:42:17 know you know what uh it's tough because you got to be careful with that shit because you can get like sued in the workplace for shit like that but for yeah be like yo you stink you gotta fucking put on deodorant you get sued for that he's not gonna say that that's the why he's calling that's what i'm saying so we talk about the things you do do and the things that you don't do so don't do that okay right especially if he's fucking his boss which he says he's his partner so maybe not maybe you know what they are maybe they're detectives right um maybe they're in like a pod together he can't get away yeah yeah which is awful um shit man walk in with a fucking one of those things like a fucking clothespin and the guy be like what are you doing and be like well what do you mean yeah yeah well you have a nose right
Starting point is 00:42:54 so you smell yourself what the fuck what were you asking do everything short of telling him that yeah yeah that's uh terrible i mean like. Body odor doesn't bother me. I'm French. Dude, really? Yeah. Are you crazy? I don't care. Why?
Starting point is 00:43:11 Doesn't bother me. Body odor. Smell how you smell. Can you tell? Yep. There was one time that I would hang out with somebody and they had horrible body odor and I could not take it, but only one time. I've smelled body odor.
Starting point is 00:43:22 Sometimes it just smells like a sandwich. You know what I mean? They smell like a sandwich or like onions. I'm fine with it. Disgusting, dude. I don't care, man. time. I've smelled body odor. Sometimes it just smells like a sandwich. You know what I mean? They smell like a sandwich or like onions. I'm fine with it. Disgusting. I don't care, man. I don't care about body odor. Smelling like a sandwich with onions on it?
Starting point is 00:43:31 Yep. I don't care, man. I don't give a fuck. Bad breath? I'm on the fucking highway. I'm out of here, dude. Bad breath is awful. They're the same thing, kind of.
Starting point is 00:43:39 I know, but one is on the outside and it feels superficial, and one is on the inside. If you have bad body odor, that's fine. You can wash it. If you have bad breath, that's inside you. That's who you are. That's who your soul is. Your soul stinks like shit. Body odor is who you are.
Starting point is 00:43:56 But I'm French about that, man. Okay. Well, you're not French about fucking breath. No, because that's who you are. No, you made that up entirely. French people have body odor they don't have bad breath dude you want bad breath you go to like fucking i mean i don't want to say it but you know you know i don't know halitosis is not regional buddy i know that
Starting point is 00:44:13 but like sometimes when you some korean guys oh okay wow but you're not there's a fucking there's a there's a weird thing too where your your of smell for someone, the way your nose interacts with someone else, can actually change over time. Yep. And I wouldn't bank on that. I wouldn't bank on your nose just suddenly being okay with this fucking coworker, especially now that it's lodged in your head. But I used to be around someone, someone I dated, who smelled great in the beginning of my relationship. And then as it souredred as the relationship got worse I swear at the end
Starting point is 00:44:47 she smelled like cat piss. But do you know why that happened though honestly? Actual cat piss. I know, I know. It's because I didn't like her and then after you guys started dating a little bit
Starting point is 00:44:56 I would take cat piss I'd put it under your nose. Oh. Then you ruined it. You ruined it all. Wow. Didn't like her cat piss dude? Cat piss.
Starting point is 00:45:04 Cat piss. Has it been the other way cat piss has it been the other way sometimes has it been the other way i used to hang out with a guy who had bad smells and then i realized oh it's not so bad and i don't know if i changed or he changed or what i'm not not not i mean just a friend probably got used to it yeah maybe i don't know well i would say oh shit man you're fucked yeah get a new job get get get like Shave, go in the witness protection program. During the Black Plague, you know they had those long masks? Oh, yeah. They put flowers and citrus juice in the big nose thing.
Starting point is 00:45:33 Really? So they wouldn't smell the dead bodies all the time. Oh, dude. That's what that long dick nose thing was? Yeah, dude. Then why did they do that for sex parties? It got crossed. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:45:42 Wow, dude. In fucking Eyes Wide Shut? Yeah, exactly. they they got crossed you know wow dude in fucking eyes wide shut yeah that's yeah exactly that's my favorite movie score of all time okay one thing is that german teacher speaking worse best song to get stuck in your head, but worst song to get stuck in your head. Speaking of Eyes Wide Shut. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing is... Oh, yeah, dude. It all comes full circle, dude. Imagine having that song stuck in your head, walking on their feet. Just ding, ding, ding. Just Tourette syndrome at the bank. Ding, ding.
Starting point is 00:46:22 Chris? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up? You don't have to sing the song that's stuck in your head that loud it'd be so insane the two best songs in the world are in that movie not bad bad thing they go ding ding ding the score and also the fucking when they're fucking dude oh the gregorian chance yeah dude gregorian chance yeah yeah i love it
Starting point is 00:46:50 dude i do like gregorian chance an alien having sex the sexiest fucking with a fucking a ouija dobo adobo jidobo what the fucking that the guys what are they called what are they sounds did you redo did you redo dude you guys are making up sucking dick but also a didgeridoo wow ding hurting your legs hurting your legs hurting your legs so bad dude that where they're just fucking yeah? Yeah, I know what it is. You know what I'm saying, that part? Fucking what was it?
Starting point is 00:47:32 Oh, the smell. Imagine the smell at that sex party. Try lighting fucking candles, lighting incense. Bring those, Sam, what are those things called? Those little pieces of wood? Palo Santo. Palo Santo, yes. You didn't get it.
Starting point is 00:47:45 Light them. No, I'm happy I know what the name is now, motherfucker. Okay. Light them in the office around the motherfucker. I mean, the sex party. And then when the guy asks, say, because it smells like shit in here. You don't smell that? You can be really forceful about it smelling like
Starting point is 00:48:05 shit and then maybe he'll get the idea like oh is it me because then the guy will be like he can seem like oh i don't smell it what does it smell like he goes i don't know it smells like fucking bodies or something like like gross sandwiches with onions on yeah something like gross body odor or but you don't have to say it's you yeah you know you know what you could do go in with the candles and that fucking big dick nose with the flowers in it yeah he'll be like what the fuck is this eyes wide shut and then be like nah dude you know what man you don't smell that and he'll be like nah and then take your dick nose off and be like there's this weird smell in here and it's been in here for a while and then go around the room and just be like yeah and i go lift up the stapler wow like like go on to him go and then go to his armpit and go like this and then go like this and fucking faint fake faint and then be like and then wake up and
Starting point is 00:49:01 be like what the fuck just happened he'll be too embarrassed. He'll be like, I don't know. And then he'll get the hint that it's his fucking onion turkey sandwich fucking armpit. God damn it. I don't even like when you say it. Ding, ding, ding. Hurting your fucking thighs so bad, dude. Those are the final thrusts though um all right well
Starting point is 00:49:27 i guess we got this guy covered yeah dude all right next one hey matt and chris this is uh richard i'm a long time fan of you guys i've been a fan of congratulations since like episode 100 hell yeah i think it's great i love what you guys do. You're so funny. My question is pretty easy. I'm like 22 years old. I graduated college recently. I've moved into a house. I'm starting a job soon. I think I've got a handle on myself and my adult life. But my family actually gets on me really hard about my hair.
Starting point is 00:49:59 I've taken pride in my hair, growing my beard out and my hair. And my family just says it looks unprofessional. Everyone, they're telling me to cut it always. And I think you guys can agree that that's like, it's my hair. It's my job to like take care of it and take good care of it. And it's not like a thing to be ashamed of or whatever. But how do you think I could get them to see reason? Because you guys, I think would agree that that's just like kind of an annoying question to always have to be answering.
Starting point is 00:50:24 Like, when are you getting engaged or when are you gonna have kids yeah it's just like it's my body and my hair and i want to do what i want to do with it so thank you guys bye first of all i already got a fucking job so who cares he has a job his life's going fine what do you mean professional professional what also that's fucking old school i was just gonna say how old are these are they only your parents probably because that is so old school to think that way. You could fucking have any hair and get any job. Dude, you could be a doctor if you wanted. I mean, 100%, yeah. Yeah, I mean.
Starting point is 00:50:52 A certain kind of doctor. You could be operating with that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although, if you tied it up, fuck it, yeah. No, he's just like fucking forceps. Moving his fucking beard away. First of all, yeah, I mean, I don't know, man. That's just annoying, man.
Starting point is 00:51:04 Your family, that's so annoying here's what i think they say it's not professional but what they just what they mean all they mean is they want you to fucking cut it they don't like it yeah they don't like it but yeah but again fuck them like it's your fucking head dude never cut your hair because someone else says you should never Never do that. Do the opposite. Hey, you should get your hair cut. Now it's going longer. Anytime you say it, it's going longer. Oh, you add an inch?
Starting point is 00:51:30 You want to add another inch? Hey, dad, do you hear mom? Mom just added an inch. That's two inches for you guys because you both agreed. And the beard's going longer. Great, great. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:51:39 Yeah, dude, that's annoying as shit. It's your hair. It's your hair. Or shave it completely and honestly say, and be like, I hope you're happy and and say like and then say you did it because fucking of the aryan nation and you and do it put a swastika on oh no no i'm just saying these are all fucking great advice no that's a terrible bit of advice okay because then no one wins you know well except the aryan
Starting point is 00:52:01 nation and that's not good master race that's not good. The master race. That's not good. Okay. You agree, actually. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I agree. The German guy, the piano teacher probably agrees. No, not every German is a Nazi.
Starting point is 00:52:15 I know. Do you? No. Hey, Chris. Hey, Matt. My name's Jacob. I'm a cop. I'm going to be short and sweet for you guys. My name's Jacob.
Starting point is 00:52:23 I'll keep it short and sweet for you guys. I just want to know, how does one speak highly of themselves without sounding arrogant? Thanks for keeping it real and making me laugh. Oh. Well, I mean, just talk about yourself and then when somebody says like, oh, you sound arrogant, be like,
Starting point is 00:52:40 oh, no, that's what the fucking New York Times says. Oh. No, I don't know that's interesting hmm oh you know what you got to do you got to balance it out with yeah dumb shit about you yeah right bad shit like um honest bad shit yeah yeah like you know me like yeah i've got this mustache and it's terrible but also i'm great at hockey right but also it needs to be in context like you don't say great shit about yourself out of the blue and if you're if you sometimes it helps to preface like when you say something good about yourself like i look i know how this is
Starting point is 00:53:16 gonna sound like you fucking make fun of me if you want but it's true and then you say the thing you can't just be like i'm the shit you know what i know how this is gonna sound and i get it but i am great at hockey yeah that would be not as good it mostly seems listening to what i'm saying it mostly seems pretty arrogant but honestly dude sometimes it's like look the fact that you're even really thinking about this probably means it's okay and you're not full of yourself yeah exactly um but also it like, why do you want to say good stuff about yourself? It's got to be in some kind of context that we're not aware of, that we're not getting, that for him comes up from time to time. I think maybe what he's asking is how do you advocate for yourself without coming off as cocky? But I don't know. Maybe I'm putting words in his mouth sounds like it's his chick what like you just you know you're always like and he's just like
Starting point is 00:54:12 this is why you like me though i'm good at hockey and deeper deeper issues wow i don't know man i think that there's a line you know you just fucking you pepper in a few look how about this man treat it as if someone else is talking about you yeah they say the they see the good and the bad right you're talking about someone else yeah what treat it as if you're talking about something exactly right right right right um yeah i'll be like you know yeah well you know i'm good at hockey you know you know that guy yeah but also his legs are short you don't actually put it in the third person though you go like that guy but me that guy just end up pointing at yourself i i think uh i don't i don't know this is something i don't worry about maybe it means i'm conceited i do I do say things that are about me that are good, but I also say things about me that are terrible a lot of the time.
Starting point is 00:55:08 Which is why people will listen to you, yeah. If you say too much, say too many good things, people will be like, fuck that guy. Rightfully so. Right. Because what's the fucking point of listening to somebody who's just talking about how great they are? Yeah. But yeah, also I would say just the advice that i'm i gave is i think is the right advice but i think just to be have a little bit of caution about there's a certain kind of
Starting point is 00:55:34 thing that you just shouldn't bring up about yourself regardless of how you preface it or anything like what i don't know like well certainly how much fucking money you have is never a good thing. What if that's what he was talking about? Just in bad taste. I got crazy money. How do I talk about how much money I have? Because I have a lot of it without sounding arrogant. You guys know money, right?
Starting point is 00:55:56 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so how much do you guys have? Oh, you have that much? Oh, okay. Oh, never mind then. Just do that. But like, why? No, because I was just wondering what was, like, normal. Because I have way more than that, but it's fine. It's fine. My shit is like... Actually, you know what's funny is
Starting point is 00:56:12 how they keep bank accounts. You can access your bank account on your app at your phone. My phone's... It's heavier because of how much money is in my app on my phone. But anyway, dude. Anyway, what were we talking about yeah what else what else can you not talk about i think this is like uh this is like a uh you either know how to do it or you don't kind of thing you know because there's such a fucking it's not that fine of a line between boasting and just talking yeah so like if you have a if you
Starting point is 00:56:44 perceive that as to be a very thin line and like i don't know what to fucking tell you maybe you shouldn't say it um yeah i like the money i like the money conversation i like that well i got i brought there's another way you can do it here's another way you could do it and it would be okay to talk about how much money you have okay who's your favorite cartoon character who do you like that's a cartoon character i like uh pepe le pew oh that's funny mine is fucking scrooge mcduck i love how he fucking has so much money do you know what's weird i'm like him and they'd be like why because you never wear pants and be like no no no no because all the
Starting point is 00:57:16 money he has also got tails oh my favorite is actually michigan j frog not pepe le pew yep i was in a character i was playing someone who was not me. I know me too. Okay. He goes, hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. Hello, my ragtime gal. And he does the top hat.
Starting point is 00:57:32 Yep. And he's a frog. I know that. Oh, okay. That's why his name is Michigan J. Frog. He's from Michigan too. You could have the last name Frog and not be a frog, obviously. Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:41 Okay. Okay. Well, is that it? I guess we're done. Do you guys want to be done? You want to do another one? Sure. Okay, let. Okay. Well, is that it? I guess we're done. Do you guys want to be done? You want to do another one? Sure. Okay, let's do another one.
Starting point is 00:57:49 Gentlemen, how are we? Wolverine. I'm Britt. I'm in Cairns, Australia. Huge fan of the podcast. Chris, I've been a fan since day one. Love you both. Keep doing what you're doing.
Starting point is 00:58:00 I've got some advice that I need from you guys. Medication as an adult. I was diagnosed with ADHD at about 9-10 years old I was on medication for about 5 or 6 years my mum said it improved my grades and my behaviour I don't remember it doing so well I'm 28 now and I'm looking to get back into study and I feel like medication would improve certain things in my life
Starting point is 00:58:24 to do with anxiety, stress, all of those kind of things. I'd love to hear your opinion on it. Medication as an adult. Please let me know what you reckon. Love the podcast. Keep doing what you're doing. What is people's aversion to taking medication?
Starting point is 00:58:42 Old school shit, man. Still, there's that old way of thinking that's like, don't take medication, you know? But also Australia is like a little bit behind on the times. They got COVID later. Maybe they have a different view of it, but dude, take it. Yeah, dude, just try it at least. I mean, talk to a doctor about it. Don't like buy it on the fucking street.
Starting point is 00:58:56 Nah, go to fucking downtown and get it. But like- Snort it. If a doctor prescribed it for you in the past and it's an actual clinical problem that you have ostensibly still, then fucking, and you're having potential trouble on the horizon or experiencing something that you could be that you could benefit from being on the same medicine again what the fuck do it take it i had yeah yeah i had really bad i have really bad ocd as you guys know probably if you're fucking if you listen to me ever but like i have really bad ocd and i didn't
Starting point is 00:59:24 want to take medication for the longest time and then finally i was like if it ever gets in this was back when i was like 26 something 25 i was like if it ever gets in the way of my work i'll start taking medication if my ocd ever starts getting in the way of my work and then one night it did get in the way of my work and i thought that's it i mean i gave myself an ultimatum and i started taking medication the next day because i already had it i already had it i just never took it i started taking medication the next day dude I already had it. I already had it. I just never took it. I started taking medication the next day. Dude, it fucking really takes the edge off shit, man.
Starting point is 00:59:50 Like my OCD isn't as bad. I mean, I still struggle with it and I'm still me. You know what I mean? Sometimes people aversion to taking medication is I'll lose myself. But you don't, dude. You become a better version of yourself. I mean, it's 2022. The medication's around for a reason.
Starting point is 01:00:05 It's not like everyone's fucking hoodwinked into taking this shit. Yeah. You know? So, yeah. I mean, I think that it's a good thing to do. Why didn't you? Why did you have an aversion to taking it? Because I thought I was going to lose myself. Here's the thing, though.
Starting point is 01:00:17 And don't take offense to this. You're a fucking piece of shit. You're not going to fucking, you're not that great in the first place. I was great. And you know Scrooge mcduck the thing the thing that everyone is so like nervous i hear that a lot yeah you're not that great like you're not that great just take the shit you'll be better for yourself and everybody else you're not that fucking great take the medicine i was great but yeah and i am great but yeah
Starting point is 01:00:37 wow yeah okay so you're the exception but yeah nah there's a few exceptions it's like me fucking tiger woods and jesus but it's like you know you don't want to take the shit too much shit and uh but yeah i get it dude i get it but yeah if it worked for you when you were 10 and if shit's getting in the way now if you're mental shit then you know um try it and try it for three months try it for four months sometimes it takes a long time for it to kick in anyway you probably won't even realize it and if you got 80 it depends on what you take yeah yeah he sucks get on some shit talk to a doctor let him fucking make you feel better I know people with ADHD and dude they don't even know where they are sometimes what well I mean not you know I mean not actually not know where they are but I'm just
Starting point is 01:01:15 saying it's like they do shit and you're just like what the fuck's going on and they're like sorry I don't and then you get frustrated it fucks people's lives up okay well there you go there you go i can do it so that's it subscribe to the clips channel dude we put out the clips and fucking share the clips and share um share uh subscribe to super cult studios uh this is where this podcast is and if you have a question if you a question, click on the link in the description below or go to WatchLifeline.com and you know, Crystalia.com for tickets. I am on tour.
Starting point is 01:01:52 Go to Crystalia.com. Oh, I didn't announce Albany. I'm going to be in Albany too. But go there and you can get this merch here. Crystalia.com. But anyway, WatchLifeline.com for submissions. We really enjoyed doing this show.
Starting point is 01:02:08 It's been a lot of fun. Yeah. And thanks, you guys. Thank you. You guys have merch coming out soon, right? Oh, yeah. We have merch coming out soon, too. So stick around for that.
Starting point is 01:02:16 We'll be announcing it soon. And if all of you don't buy some of it and put it on and take pictures and send in your video submissions with it on, I'm going to fucking rage and cry every single day of my life. Okay, you need to get on medication then. But yeah, guys, thanks for listening and leave comments.
Starting point is 01:02:30 Appreciate you.

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