Lifeline - 143. Twisted People

Episode Date: January 5, 2025

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Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. I have, yeah, I think my eyes are all better. I still have my glasses on. There you go, man. I have... I wear my glasses all the time, man.

Did you know? I used to wear contacts every single day. But for how long? I almost never wear contacts ever anymore. What? You've said that before on the show, but when did you wear your contacts? For how long?

Like how many years? Contacts. Yes. Oh, at least a decade. More. Really? Yeah, probably like 15 years. I keep, sometimes I, honestly, sometimes I sit

and I think about how you don't wear contacts and I'm just like, how do you wear glasses the whole time? How do you wear glasses the whole time? I love wearing glasses. Why? I just like them, I like the way they feel on my face, I like the way they look on my face, I like not having things on my eyeballs.

I wish I felt like that, man. So you would if you stopped, if you did it for long enough, I think. I also love the way they look on my face. I feel good with them on. No, they look good. Yeah. Thanks. But so would you ever get lay sick?

No. I don't want to say no. Maybe when I'm like 50. You have no desire to get it though. No, no desire to get it. I kind of want to get it. Yeah, there'll probably come a time in my life where I'm like, what am I doing?

You're not supposed to get it when you're our age though. Why? Well, my age particularly, because in your early mid forties, your eyes change the most. Okay. And so if you get it, it's kind of like you're not getting it.

You're gonna have to either get it again or it's not yet. So we wait till we're 50. Yeah, yeah, I guess so. And I've noticed, I think I've noticed for the first time, finally my eyes are changing. Getting worse. Yeah. Yeah, they always, mine get worse every year.

Well, no, no, no. Well, they get worse over time, but I'm saying that thing where you're like, well, back it up. Like, you know what I mean? that thing where you're like, whoa, back it up. You know what I mean? That thing that old guys do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reading glasses shit, yeah.

You know what Kristen will do? She'll go like this. Here, say, get me that Perrier. Can you grab me that Perrier? Can you grab me that Perrier? Yeah. Kristen does what you're doing? Yeah.

Why would she put it there? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying, man. Put it, put it, put it, put it, hey, can I have the Perrier? Thanks. Dude, put it here. Can I have the Perrier?

Well, I mean, not that far, but like, here. Here you go. No, no, but like, here, she'll put it right here. So I'll be like, I'll have to be like, okay, why would you do that? Does she have vision problems? No, but I'm like, what are you? Is that something with someone with vision problems?

No, no, no, but I say, what are you doing? And she's like, what? And I'm like, I gotta like, come on, you know where I am. She's making you be bitch is really. Yeah, and like, can you put it where my hand will get it. Maybe she has vision. That's a sign, dude. No, she doesn't.

But then she'll be like, I'm getting you the peri-ay, asshole. It's like she sets me up to do that so she can be like, fuck you. She doesn't. She's setting you up. But it's like, in what world? In what world?

Like in the bed or in the car or on the couch and she's walking by. Here you go. I gotta be like. Interesting. Thanks. And I'm like, baby, when you hand me stuff, could you hand it to me? And she's like, oh, I can't, I'm fucking can't. I can't do anything, right?

I'm like, oh. Yeah, well. Oh. She divorced her. No. For that. No. Yeah, well. Oh. She divorced her. No. For that.

No. Yeah, that's a bridge too far. You think so? Yeah, that's it. That's the backbreaker right there. That's what we've been through. Yeah, you know, okay. Well, so that's what I bring to the table today

for discussion is hand people things the right way. Yes, dude Interesting, you know iron man in What's his name Robert I jr. You know iron man He has a thing where when somebody hands him something and I don't know if it was Robert It sounds like it's probably Robert Dine jr. Idea, but he says I can't remember what he says, but he's like, put it down, I'll pick it up. Like, don't hand me anything, just put it down and I'll pick it up.

I have that and I want that. I don't like being, like, just put it near me. I'll get it. It's kind of shitty to be like, hey, I understand it's not, okay, I get it. I'm not a crazy person. But when somebody hands you something it's like you know take this right now rather than boom take it at your leisure that's truly polite

so wait to me it's more polite to put something down in front of somebody that it is to give it to them I ask you for something yeah Yeah. You bring it to me. I go like this, this is what I do. Okay. Right? I don't go like this to people. I never do that. Why?

I never do that. But why? If you ever see me handing something to somebody, I'm telling you right now, that's a clone, okay? Or a hologram. Find out how can grab shit. But is a clone and that is not crystal. Leah, run.

And also, if you see him eating mashed potatoes, I don't eat that shit. So if you see. So if you see me. Saying. Want some mashed potatoes and the person's like, sure, and I and I hand them some mashed potatoes? And the person's like, sure. And I hand them the mashed potatoes, run, dude. That's not me.

That is a clone and you're in trouble, all right? Wiggle room if I put the mashed potatoes there for you. Wiggle room if I'm eating the mashed potatoes maybe I'll eat it with the turkey you know what I mean? Wiggle room but no wiggle room dude if if you see me giving mashed potatoes somebody like that you're in trouble run you're in trouble yeah dude hey they've created they figured out how to make clones if you see me give mashed potatoes to somebody hand-to-hand All right, I'm serious. I've never done potatoes fucking suck. Oh, wow I used to have one very few people think that very few they're terrible

They're very few people think that and I agree. I don't like them. I Said it first, you know, and then you said it. They need more butter always. Well, it's just like, dude, potatoes are... It's just like... It's weird to mash the potatoes. Just give them to me, dude. Well, I mean, no, you want them prepared. You don't want them raw, but I'm saying like just...

Raw potatoes will kill you. Really? Yeah. You guys know that? No, like, do they... If you don't boil potatoes before you eat them, they'll fucking kill you, dude. Yeah. You guys know that? No, like, do they? If you don't boil potatoes before you eat them, they'll fucking kill you. Like they'll shoot you? I know some sweet potatoes will, but. Yeah, they'll kill you. But they're too nice. So stupid. Wordplay. Um. No, yeah. Google that shit, dude. Raw potato kill you. Raw potato death. Well, I

know, I know that they'll rob you and mug you. Raw potato death't know. Raw potato death. Well, yeah, I've never seen someone eating a raw potato. You die. Is that because a tree will grow inside you? You just drop dead. So potatoes can be made all sorts of ways. That is true. You got fries, you've got potatoes, you've got potatoes all rotten.

Is that where you were going with that, the whole thing? No, no, no, but let's do it a bit where I'm like, potatoes all rotten and you say like, what? And I'm like, what? And then you said all rotten, I'm like, what? Okay, go ahead. Okay, so you think we could act that? Yeah. Okay.

You can eat potatoes, regular, like hand-cut potatoes. You can eat fries, mashed potatoes, potatoes all rotten. You can eat- What was the last one? You can eat mashed potatoes, you can eat fries. Yeah, the other one. Hand-cut and then potatoes all rotten, you can eat. What is the thing you're saying? The last one.

What is it? The fourth one? What did you- The last one you said. Potatoes or rotten? Potatoes or rotten. Yeah. But that didn't sound like what you were saying.

Right, it makes more sense. No, I was doing a joke. No. I was doing such good acting right there, you guys. But okay, dude. That was killing it. Hollywood needs me. You understand? Okay, what?

No, that's not where I was going with that. I understand what you're saying, but I was so good. People were watching this now. Everyone was thinking, does Matt know it's a bit what I know Chris said? Because Chris said to pretend Matt's living it. That's true. Matt's living the potato talk life.

I was living in it too. Matt's living the potato talk life. Matt's living the potato talk life. Okay, anyway. Once without you talking over, okay, now we can start. Do you ever such, brother? You know what I mean? Yeah, I do.

Gonna kick my ass. So yeah, I do. I'm gonna kick my ass. So yeah, I do. Let me talk to you for a second. Siblings like our show because of that, because we have our fucking thing. Yeah, you say that a lot. I do? Yeah, oh yeah.

Any other, buddy, wanna pipe in or no? Or are you just fucking making shit up in your head? Nope. You don't say that a lot here. Maybe you say it outside of here. No, he says a lot on the show. Dude. And Anthony don't ever-

But I don't know because Anthony just said it. Although he's never paying attention. Ever go against what I say live. He's never paying attention truly. Okay, now we're gonna start. Okay. Oh, hello. I mean.

Hey Chris and Matt, Sam from Upstate New York. Hey Sam. Chris, been a huge fan since Vine, Undateable. Sam. Of crisp and huge fans. I'm on my way. Since Vine, Undateable, of all of those days. You're one of my favorite comedians. Matt, love you too. Kind of a throwaway, but all good. This is kind of a long story,

so I'm gonna try to keep it short. Basically, I'm one of those many people that had their lives turned upside down from Ancestry.com. Oh no. Found out my dad that I grew up with isn't my dad and my biological dad actually lived in the town right over. Chris and Matt, you guys might know, Vernon, New Jersey.

Oh my God, yeah dude. He actually lives in Florida now though, so I was able to get in touch with him and he was all about needing me, coming up, Whoa. You know, DNA tests, all that stuff. Months go by, I don't hear from him. So I finally reach out and he basically says,

you know, I have a lot going on. It's better if we just kind of move on, shut this door and go on with our lives. Which is fine, you know, whatever, his loss kind of suck, but what are you gonna do? What my question though is, do I pursue his family? Like they has a whole family that I don't know

that's my family, cousins, aunts, uncles, like even for health purposes, I have three kids. I would love to know health backgrounds and just, you know, I don't need anything, I'm good. I just would love to know that side of my family. So what would you do? Do you respect his wishes or do you? Well, that's not his wish.

Well, maybe it is. Continue to reach out and see if I could, you know, have a relationship with them. I've been going back and forth about it for a long time, but I'd love to know what your suggestion is, what you would do. Um, yeah, so that's basically it. Love you guys. All right. Fucking that's so crazy to be like, oh my God, I have a daughter who's, I don't know.

Well, but he might know, he might've known. Okay. Either way, I have a daughter who now knows who I am and wants to meet me. I'm gonna first say yes, and then I'm gonna slowly not get back to her. And then when she finally calls me out, I'm gonna say, actually I have a lot going on in my life right now.

Imagine just like, huh? You could just be like, you don't have that much, you don't have kids. Dude, I- Just fucking meet your goddamn daughter. Yeah, that's weird. That's, be a little selfless. I-

Or be selfish and meet your daughter. Don't you want to know your fucking daughter? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so weird to me. Yeah, well, who knows what the mind state of this guy is. But the question was about other family members. Fucking have at it, dude. Yeah, fuck.

You don't owe this dude anything. Yeah, at all. Even a little bit fucking. Also, you weren't clear. Was he specifically saying, don't contact any of my side of the family? Because if he didn't say that, you don't have to assume his wishes are to not reach out

to other people in your family. That is true, but even if he did say that, it doesn't matter. Yeah, no, exactly. You have every right, whether he says so or not, to do whatever the fuck you want. It's your family, you do what you want. Free country, baby.

Man, it's free country. Dude, that's so, oh. If you had a kid that you didn't know about, or even if you did, and they wanted to meet you, and you just said, no, I'm trying to put myself in that, that would just make, that would make me feel like utter dog shit. Dude, if I had a kid now and they reached out to me

and I was like, what dude, what, where are you? Like what the fuck, like why don't I know about this? What are you talking about? Yeah. Like that is a good thing. Also she's like doing well, she's got her own kids. What, do you wanna meet your fucking grandkids? You fucking maniac.

No, dude, sometimes guys just, that really is really weird to me because that's so far from something I feel, but like some guys just, but there's no responsibility. This is a grown woman with her own children. Like, no, I know, I get it. You're not hit up for anything. It's like the greatest thing you could be given. You just get three fucking family who wants to know you.

Like what the fuck? True. With no part of the deal. Oh, you know what? Honestly, his loss. And go, go, go, yeah, for sure, go try and find out the rest of your family. I would.

If you're curious, then definitely do it. I would, I would, fuck yeah, dude. Okay, oh, you don't want me to meet you? Won't. Give me everybody else's name, I'm gonna go see them. Give me what? Everybody else's name, I'm gonna go see them. Yeah, but she doesn't even need to have them.

She doesn't even need to go to ancestry.com. Dude, that's crazy, yeah. Ancestry.com. Just a wrecking ball for people's lives, dude. It is wild. But also, how about that one guy, the doctor, that OBGYN, or is that what he was? In that town where like all those people

realized they were related because he was helping women get pregnant. Because he was doing it? Yes. He was just using his semen? Yep. There's a documentary, but it's crazy, dude. You saw a doc? No, I didn't see, I saw a documentary about documentary, but it's crazy, dude. You saw a doc?

No, I didn't see, I saw a documentary about that, but it wasn't that one. It wasn't about the doctor. It was about a guy that was going all around the world trying to do it to everyone. Oh. You didn't see that one? How do you, no, what was it? He would go to different sperm banks, donate,

also impregnate women, not use condoms. And it's like the stats are like in some towns, Also impregnate women, not use condoms. And it's like the stats are like in some towns, it's like they're related or like 10% related or something. Because of one guy. Not that high, but you know what I mean. Just cock out all the time, sticking it in. I guess so.

With no hat on. No Dami. So. So yeah, I don't know, man. But it's just on. Was it good? Was it good sex for him? Is he good at sex? Yeah. I don't know, man, but it was a good, was it a good sex or for him? Is he good at sex?

Yeah, I don't know. Did they like it or? They probably were really upset when they found out, you know, that they were one of- So he was going on trying to inseminate as many people as possible. Yes. Whoa.

And it was- Talk about twisted dude. Why? Yeah, well, a lot of people were like, that's the male DNA. He wanted to spread his seed. Just really fucking weird. Was that his reason in his head? Well, they didn't interview him

because the documentary was about him and everyone was like, fuck this guy. And he's not alive? No, he's alive. Where's he at? Don't know, but he can't, they passed, they literally passed, I think in Europe, they passed a law because of him. Like you can't like they passed a they literally passed I think in like Europe they passed a law because of him

like you can't Irresponsibly because you're fucking up you're making people with issues. I've heard of cases with that where people This is the darkest thing in the world, but people have HIV and they try to Spread it to For whatever the fuck horrible It's just like attempted murder, I think is the charge that he got. Twisted people.

That's crazy, man. Anyway, let's move on from that. Great, great thing to start the show on. Anyway, you're great. Fuck that guy. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Also the guy that raised you is probably the shit. So he's your real dad.

But that, you know what sucks is, well, weird though, they should have told her, right? Like how do you think that is when you keep that from someone who's been here or what? Honestly, it is possible that everyone involved. Didn't know. Didn't know. Well, the mom.

It's possible she didn't know. How? She could have had sex with both of them. Right, right, right, right. You really don't know, you don't know what the people were up to. Maybe no one was lying. I actually don't know what is even typical in that situation.

That is true, huh? It's pretty crazy. Damn, nobody could know. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I want to do, Sam, follow up. Or fucking, yeah, somehow follow up. I want the details.

Thank you. Sam, follow up? That was her name, right? Oh, I thought you meant, I thought you were talking to them like, Hey, Sam. Morning guys. And she's here today. All right.

Yeah, that's so interesting. Next one, that is interesting. I want the deets. What's in this McDonald's bag? The McValue meal. For $5.79 plus tax, you can get your choice of junior chicken, Mcdouble or chicken snack wrap,

plus small fries and a small fountain drink So pick up a McValue meal today and participating McDonald's restaurants in Canada prices exclude delivery Hey brothers Big-time fan like me and my whole family my mom my dad everybody big fans We actually feel very connected to you. We're also from New Jersey like feel very connected to you. We're also from New Jersey. Like not too far from where you guys are from. Then I personally lived in La Crescenta for a couple of years.

So just feel very connected and a lot of love for you guys. There are two things. The first thing is there was a guy who submitted about like mixing up his sayings and feeling a little embarrassed. Just wanted to share a story where my sister was driving a car, trying to like get in front of somebody and she was gonna say, oh, I'm gonna cut this guy off

or I'm gonna beat this guy. She ended up saying, I'm gonna beat this guy off. That's pretty good. Which is hilarious. And we still say it randomly to this day. So it's something like that. I feel like you should continue to say it and don't feel bad about mixing it up.

Anyway, I'm calling for some advice. I seem to come off the opposite of what I'm kind of hearing you guys say of like, people think you come off as unapproachable. I seem to come off as very approachable to where I'm having to entertain conversations in TJ Maxx for like five or 10 minutes with somebody's grandmother.

And I don't know how to get out of it. I like to consider myself as friendly, but now it's like crossing the line of too friendly. So just some advice on how to not be rude, but also not have to stand around in a store. Thanks guys. Love ya. Sometimes your face is just your face, you know? That's always the case. And you can't get out of it. No, that's not always the case, dude. You can make your face do different things. You think that

that woman right there that we're looking at on this screen, the very, very sweet woman, you think that she could make her face look to where, oh no, we shouldn't approach her. There's no way. No, I just meant for everyone, it's true that your face is just your face. That's it. But so like, like for me, I think I look, I mean, unless I'm really actively like, I look, oh my God, dude, imagine if you went around like that. Well then yeah, so, but it's like, then you're a crazy person. It'd be so weird. But I'm saying, like, I look not approachable.

I think. Do you get that a lot? Yeah, I do. You know, and I don't know how I feel about that, but yeah, so, you know, it's just, I think that what you do is walk faster. I could teach you exactly what you do. Don't dilly dally.

Yeah, yeah. Cause that, that, when people, go ahead. That sucks, no, go ahead. When people try to talk to me and I don't want to, which is often, I just do something like this I just do something like this where you just, even if what they're saying, this wouldn't apply to what they're saying, you still do it.

Because conversations are weird. All the time people say shit that doesn't apply. Just be like, say something like, yeah, no, I know. I know, no, I know. And just keep moving. You're agreeable, you're not rude, you just have to go somewhere. You're actually being friendly. And even if what you're, even if yeah, I know, doesn't apply to what the person's saying,

it always kind of does. And it always sounds like you're affirming what they're saying, because you're saying yes, I know. When somebody stops you and says, hey, do you have a minute? What do you do? Yeah, I know. No, no, no, I'm saying like.

Really? Do I have a minute? What do you do? Yeah, I know. No, no, no. I'm saying like, Really? Do I have a minute? Does that happen? Well, no, I'm saying like, Can I ask you a question like that?

Yeah. Or like, well, let's even go further. Like the people on the thing with the notebook pads when they're like, you registered to vote or whatever. Oh yeah. What do you say to those people? I said, no, no, thanks. Not today. That's what I say. Always, always. I always make it seem like they're like you registered to vote or whatever. Oh yeah. What do you say to those people? I said, no, no, thanks. Not today.

That's what I say. Always, always. I always make it seem like they're offering me something because they kind of are. So it's no thanks. Oh, no, thanks. You're not like, oh, I don't want to be bothered. It's like, oh, no, thanks.

I appreciate the offer. Hmm. Because then you again, you're trying to rob you. No, I'm good. Thank you. Yeah, please. Ha ha ha ha Thank you. Yeah, please But yeah, yeah, I know and just keep moving yeah, that's what I do

Yeah, but you I don't know if she's the kind of person that could pull that off. She could well No, she's definitely capable of it, but She's got to really hunker down and do it. Yeah, I don't know. She just looks so pleasant. You can just reply in a vaguely affirmative way and just slowly keep moving. Just be like this, I'm so sorry, but I just violently fell down the stairs.

Say that. I mean, if you said something that sort of off base. In the middle of a park. Right, yeah, exactly. If you, yeah, well, there's always the option to sound crazy. People will stop talking to you for sure if they think you're crazy.

Maybe, not dudes. You don't need to start yelling, yeah, right. Well, if she, she said old lady, she didn't make a sound. Yeah, she wasn't talking about being hit on. I'm sure that's something too, but. Yeah, sure, yeah. But that's a whole different nut to crack. That's tough.

All right, next one. Hey, Matt and Chris. Hello. This is Nisa. I was on a while ago with my son, Olly, who had the long hair. Oh yeah. But Chris said, looked like a horse. I don't remember that.

Olly says, what's up? I don't remember. What's up, Olly? This time I need advice for myself. I got a call yesterday from one of my best friends. We've been friends since we were early teens. Now we are mid-40s. He's basically like a brother to me.

Wow. Cool. He called yesterday saying that his wife wants a divorce. She wants an out of the house ASAP. He basically doesn't have the financial means to do that, but he needs to get out. I'm in a place where I could offer him a place to stay. I have an extra room. I'm just concerned that that might ruin a

friendship of like 30 years. So like, I can't figure out if that's a good idea or a bad idea. And like, do I put a boundary on it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like get your ducks in a row by six months, by a year? Do I let him stay till he's good to get on his feet again? Is this a good way to lose a best friend?

What do you think? I think if there's no boundaries, for sure. Booyah, booyah and barter. So I think that you don't even wanna do the six months thing. I think you wanna say stay, stay here until you, until you get it, find a different place. I don't know, man.

You got to let your best friend into your home if they don't have a place to go. But six months is more than enough time for her. That's what I'm saying. She suggested six months. I said that's too much. Oh, you're saying it's too much? Yeah.

Oh, okay, okay. Okay, got it, got it. Like, don't even think about six months. But I think you should be more clear than what you're saying it's too much? Yeah. Oh okay okay okay got it got it. Like don't even think about it. But I think you should be more clear than what you're saying. I'm gonna give you three months. I want to help you. I really do. You're my best friend. I know you for 30 years. I want to give you three months. You could stay at my place but I don't want to ruin a friendship and who knows what the hell could happen. So I'm gonna give you three months and I'm you got to be out by three months.

If my friend said that to me, I'd be like, oh, fucking thank you so much. And then have parties every Friday night. You would? It sounds like a deadline situation with a friend is tough, dude. I don't know. You're saving yourself in the long run though.

I know, but then why bother at all though? Bro, giving someone three months is such a blessing. Yeah, but it's so long. I think it should be less than that too. Whatever it is, now three months isn't that long. What if that has to get a job and then save money? And you know, it's... Yeah.

God, that's wild though. He doesn't have enough money and she's saying, get out now? Like what? Be a little bit more... Well, or, well, she's saying, get out now, be a little bit more. Well, or, well, she's the one who's at six months or a year, but like, I'm like, why does he at all need to stay with you?

Like if, cause he's got no money and nowhere to go, it's what she's saying. But she did say that. His wife is kicking him out, yeah. Yeah, I know, but that doesn't, if his wife's kicking him out, that doesn't mean that he has no money. She said he doesn't have the financial means.

Specifically, those were her words that you weren't listening to, you know? And that's kind of what happens. So he doesn't have a job then or something? I don't, I guess I don't know. We don't know. Yeah, we don't know. He doesn't have enough money.

Right, no, I know that that's the, I know that, but I'm just saying, I'm trying to go beyond the, beyond the video, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I try to go beyond the video sometimes. Beyond the submission. With the live shows, it's very easy because you can go beyond, you're talking to somebody,

you're having a conversation with them. I know, live shows are even better, dude. On Patreon, patreon.com slash, but you can't, you can't go beyond the video. I try to go beyond the video sometimes and you make things up and you are able to pontificate, but in actuality, you know, going beyond the video is really moot

if the person's not here anyway. Yeah, you end up making shit up. I say give them three months. I give you three months. Or you can give them six if you're, you know. Six sounds like crazy, but yeah. Yeah, I mean, how long have you had people stay with you? I've had people stay with me for a fucking long time.

Where? Like which? The house in Beachwood Canyon. Yeah, I see, but that's different than an extra room. Yeah, it's a big house. Big house, tons of privacy. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

That's true, yeah. That is true. It's tough. Yeah, that is way different, yeah. Whatever you do, don't put yourself in a situation where you might be forced to kick him out. That's brutal. Or, you know what the laws are too, because in LA, in California,

if you let somebody stay with you for longer than a month, you're fucked. No, the tenant laws in your state for sure. Good call. Anthony just exhaled like he's got someone staying with him. Oh fuck, is that true? All right. OK, next one.

Boys, my blood is boiling. And I don't need so much advice, but I would like your opinion on something. So I just met up with a friend. We both ordered hot drinks. Hot drinks arrived. She picks up their drink, and she's like, cheers. I said, what are you doing?

She said, I'm cheesing you. I said, you don't? Cheers with hot drinks. Because you can cheers with like, cheers. I said, what are you doing? She said, I'm cheesing you. I said, you don't choose with hot drinks because you can choose with whatever you like. I said, right. I said, so when you've got a cold drink, a cold drink, you can really get into the cheers, which for me is the point of a cheers. Like clink your glasses together,

you'll wish your friend whatever all the best and you have a drink. I said, we can't do that. Cause if we clink with vigor, the hot drink is gonna go everywhere. So now you actually can't cheers with whatever you want. Anyway, we're just talking about it. And I thought, you know what?

I said, I think I've seen people cheers with food. So like they will clunk sandwiches together. Which disgusting. Or plates full of they will clunk sandwiches together. My four year old does. Which disgusting. That's fucking. Or plates full of food and clink the plate together. The plate? Again, blood boiling.

So anyway, I just wanted to know if it's ever happened to you or what you think about it. Anyway, I know you love the hard hitting stuff on this pod. So anyway, I love you both. You both are best. You both are awesome in different ways, which is what makes you so entertaining.

So anyway, okay, bye. One time I was having a threesome and I cheers cocked. I cheersed cocks. Hey dude, oh dude, awesome. Get closer, get closer. Clink. Clink, you know? What was that last part? The lady.

Was moaning because she saw two cocks. Not me, that's the lady moaning. She saw two cocks. Dude, awesome dude, thanks. Hey dude, hey dude, let's get it dude. Cheers. Clink. Ah.

Why do you say clink? Because it's a cheers, you're cheersing the cocks. But there's no glass. Because you do it with your mouth maybe. Okay, fine. So you say clink. Yo, let's get it. Here we go.

There you go, yeah. That's more accurate. Oh yeah. See ya, man. Just fucking see ya. Cheers, bro. You don't cheers with anything except Cold drinks. Fucking alcohol, period.

You don't cheers with fucking hot drinks. Yeah. You don't cheers with water. You can Yeah, you don't cheer you can do water You can if somebody has alcohol and you're not drinking alcohol. Yes. Yes, but you just gotcha I'm technicality don't fucking be a loser the key to all of all of this is don't be a fucking Loser, I mean, you know lunatic like piece of shit worse life coach. All right I mean, you know, lunatic piece of shit. Worst life coach. All right.

Cheering with food. You fucking lunatic. This is why it kind of, this is why I feel for women sometimes, because women can't just be like, you're being, are you a fucking lunatic? Put your cup down. Guys do that.

If a woman did that to another woman, they would be like, and die. Like you can't, women can't be shitty to each other. Shitty, it's not shitty, but it's like, you know, if I'm like, yo, dude, I'm not gonna hot fucking, get a third degree burn. If I did that to my wife, she'd be like, chill out, dude.

That's a man doing it to a woman though. What about a woman doing it to a woman? If a woman did that to a woman, it would be somewhat of the same thing. What do you know? You've never been- I've worn undercover as a woman. You've never been around women, just around women,

because if you were around, that wasn't already automatically- Yeah, but sometimes- You're like this? They don't know I'm there and I'm just like this. And they're like, you know, hot drinks and they're like, no, what the fuck? And I'm just like, yeah.

Do you ever think about this though? As a man, I will never, ever, ever know what women are like when it's just women around women. The best I could do is put a camera somewhere where I know there's gonna be only women. And then if I do that, not only am I a criminal, I'm a fucking pervert. So there's no way to know.

And even if you're like, okay, one of them knows that you're gonna be watching and it's situated in a way that you don't get caught, that one still knows. And then it all gets fucked up. Right, so you're either a criminal or you're poisoning the well. Yeah. Or a pervert, yeah.

Well, criminal, yeah. You're either a pervert criminal or you're poisoning the well, yeah. That's right. So no man will ever truly know what it's like, what women are like around women. And the same is true of women. Well, unless you're super left leaning

and you think that men can be women. But, wait, what? You know what I'm saying. I don't think I do, because even in that case. I know, but you know what I'm saying. But yes, I understand do because even in that case. I know, but you know what I'm saying. But yes, I understand what you're about to say. A fucking psychic having a conversation and nobody listening knows because he keeps cutting it off

and doesn't let us say anything. I know what you're gonna say. I know what you're gonna say. And I know you know what I'm gonna say. And so we're all good. Worst podcast ever. The psychic podcast. All right, welcome to the psychic podcast and everyone have a good day. That's it, that's all psychic podcast. Hi, welcome to the psychic podcast

and everyone have a good day. That's it, that's all it is. Oh, welcome to the psychic podcast. I'm interviewing and actually I don't even say the name because I already know it and so does everybody else. Thanks everybody for tuning in. All right, next one. The killer.

Hey guys, True Baby here. So I'll jump right to it. So basically my girlfriend has this way of asking me to do stuff. It drives me. This is going to go somewhere great. She would say, oh, babe, do you want to do the laundry before we go out or something? Or like, oh, babe, do you want to mow the lawn?

And I'm like, maybe it's because I translated it in my original language. It wouldn't make any sense that somebody would ask someone else to do stuff that way. No, it doesn't make sense. Even people do that all the time. So I talked about it with her a bunch of times. And she kind of doesn't do it anymore. Like, she's normal now.

But sometimes it sleeps still. Last time, I kind of snapped her, jokingly of course. She asked me to do the thing. I was like, of course not. Nice. Nobody would want to. Yeah, there you go. Good job. But I'll do it because I love you.

That's what I said. Like she didn't take it badly. She laughed. But I was wondering if there's something better, more funny that I could say when it's gonna slip again. Also, I want you to guess my accent. The reason I ask is because my girlfriend thinks it's very audible. I don't, and the only reason is because other Canadian people

told me that I don't have an audible accent I'm curious about what you guys think Love you guys obvious. He's French Canadian. Does he mean obvious or he's saying audible audible Can you hear it? You hear it? Like can you tell he's like I don't think you can tell you have a heavy accent If that's what he's asking you have a heavy accent, right? Yeah heavy Yeah, he's Bulgarian. No, no, he's. You think he's French?

I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes honestly, I can't tell the difference between French and Spanish. I'm an idiot. This happened on two episodes ago. You thought that woman was fucking French and she wasn't at all.

And you're fucking an idiot. Okay, well, you know, I mean, that's very shitty, but I... Do you wanna do, that's fucking hilarious actually that people do that as a common thing. Kristen does it. Yeah, yeah. I go like this, I know. Do you wanna do fill in the blank,

and it's something that of course the person being asked doesn't wanna do, and the person asking wants the other person to do. It's so weird that that's something. Oh, you mean a wife? Oh, you mean a wife? Oh, you mean a wife does it. Dude, do you have a scissors? It's like, it's like, do you have scissors?

Can I have it? Oh, you think I'm taking inventory? And so, okay, if I just said, what do you think I'm taking inventory to Kristen? Crying. Come on. Not actually crying, but you know what I mean? How, what would it, no, be for real, what do you think I'm taking inventory to Kristen? Crying. Come on. Not actually crying, but you know what I mean. What would it be for real?

What would it be like? Jesus. Should go like that. Really? Yeah. And I go, you know what, Matt, I'm gonna make a joke and like, I know, but sometimes you don't know how you sound. And I'm like, oh man, that's so interesting.

Thank you. I'm interesting. Thank you very much, dude. Thank you very much. What's happening here? You know, the tag thing. Really? You can put that together?

What the fuck else would I be doing over here? Cutting off a mole? Nobody knows. Nobody knew until now. Nah, dude. That's not true. It's just crazy to want to cut off a tag so bad when the show's almost over. It's piss crazy to want to cut off a tag so bad when there's just like the show's almost over. Yeah, it's pissing me off though. So bad. So people do that all the time.

And I always say, do you want to do that? I say, no, I don't want to. Do you want me to? That's always, that is the correct answer. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I don't want to lie and say, oh yeah. Cause I don't.

Hey, I'm me. Nice to meet you. It's so weird that, yeah, well, I don't. Hey, I'm me, nice to meet you. It's so weird that, yeah, well, I don't want to go down that hole. Yeah, it's fucking annoying and weird. People are weird. Wait, say that again? What do you say?

I say, no, I don't want to, but if you want me to, I will. Do you want to take the trash out? No, but I will if you want me to. I say- I might not even do it even if you do want me to. I say no, but you obviously want me to, so of course I will. That's what I say. And I even do it even if you do want me I say no but you obviously want me to so of course I will that's what I say and I'm the man for that and you're less of the man for what you say um I say isn't this all just semantics

like it's you could say will you take out the trash or you want to take out the trash guys never seen the show before. So you're saying, are you taking the position that to say, do you want to take out the trash, for instance? Just is someone asking, would you mind taking out the trash? Yes. Interesting. That is what he's saying.

I had never thought of that, and I'm interested. Maybe my life would be better if I took that on. You haven't thought of that? No, because what's literally happening is somebody's asking me if I want to do something and the answer is no. Yeah, but you're not autistic. You know, generally, if you live with a woman

and she says, you want to call the garbage disposal guy? You know she's asking you to do it. No, of course I know that. I'm saying, it's a, of course I know that. I'm saying in their mind, it's a difference of what's in their mind. In their mind, are they trying to like pull one over on me by saying, do you want to do it?

Well, is it a woman or not? Are they tiptoeing around me? Or is it just their colloquial way of saying, hey, take out the child? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's the latter, then that's way better in my mind. Yes, it is. But also there is a person that does both

of those things sometimes. I mean, I've done it. I've been like, yo, do you want to? No, actually, maybe I wouldn't. I don't know if I've done that. I've done a version of it, but not that. No, I don't do that. You want to have sex with this lady?

Clink. Oh yeah. Lady, you know? I'm gonna take a nap. Oh man. Oh, awesome bro. What is that again? I got my arm around him and we're both it.

Both doing it. With like your dicks both inside at the same time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean. Oh dude. Bro, you're a fucking loser. Oh dude, hell yeah. Cheers. Awesome, man.

Oh yeah. Riding a horse. I mean. Riding a horse. why is the guy so far away? What do you mean? He's broad shoulders. Why is the guy's dick so big, dude? The guy's so far away, she's here, he's over there. Yeah, the guy's way over there. You got a big dick.

You're mashed up against each other. You're like, this side on me is this side on him, and he's like this, and I'm like this, and I'm going like this. I see. What the fuck do him and he's like this and I'm like this I see I see what the fuck do you think he's doing no but your arms all the way out here yeah that's why he thought that he's like you're like this yeah because I'm like gingerly I'm not gay dude I'm not like oh yeah I'm I'm gingerly like being polite dude yeah like I'm like I got you polite dude. To him? Yeah, like I'm like, I got you if you fall.

I know it's precarious. Dude, fucking threesome suck dude. I don't give a fuck what anybody says. And she is loving it. Threesome suck. Loving it. Threesome suck no matter what dude. They're not good.

They're not ideal. They're really not. The only people, the only people who want threesomes, two kinds of people, people that have never had threesomes or straight-up perv dogs, dude. They're the only two people who want that shit. Put us on the screen. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, put us on the screen. It's not, hold on. Ideal. About to blow up, about to blow up, you know. Anthony, you your thing. It's not- Hold on. About to blow up, about to blow up, you know.

Anthony, you're dumb. And that's just a full sign. Dude, just have it be so we see the thing. The way Anthony said oh is the dumbest thing. Oh, oh. Oh. I didn't change it. I'm not the one who changed it.

Oh! Gonna get fucking fired, dude. I didn't know what you were talking about. It wasn't me. No, I think threesomes are not, yeah, I gotta be honest, man. They're not, what's up? No, I know. I'd rather, yeah, I'd rather be with one woman.

Would you rather be with one woman, just you and a woman, or one woman and a guy? Wait, what? Would you rather be with just one woman? And a woman and a guy that you're like type? You're not saying this right, dude. Come on. No, I'm saying that I'm trying to trick me. Trying to trick me and then be like, you're gay. I'm making a joke.

Oh, okay, okay. So, okay, yeah. No, I still don't really, I don't want to harp on it anymore because we talked about it a lot. I still don't understand why you're so far back like this, bro Do you get it Chris without why the guy's so close far away like that? Now I guess you're satisfied but he explained I don't I don't feel satisfied, okay

I will tell you I what now I have something that I will tell you about that You will understand completely what I mean. Okay, great. Okay, imagine you're opening the door for an old lady. Okay, that's easy. You're not fucking, come on. So you were doing this for camera then. Your arms are here for camera basically. No, dude. Because it- For fuck's sake.

If you're doing that, it's like this. Not like this, which is what you were doing. Wasn't his arm back here, Chris? I wasn't doing it for camera. I was doing it. Okay, look, he was like this. Sweet bro. It's, it's well, you know what?

You know what? I wanted to look at myself, but cause fucking Anthony didn't have the thing on. I couldn't see it. See what I'm saying? You seem far back. The right arm is far back with the guys back there with the big dick.

No, no it's not. Because if, if I think about the other guys right here, he would be like this, cause I'm here dude. Yes, got another one. Yeah. And she's having a great time. Mom and dad watch this, you know? It's just, I don't, I don't know.

Dude, mom and dad watch this, okay? I don't think it's comfortable. It's not comfortable. It's not comfortable. Dude, your dick's mashed up with his dick in her pussy. The guy's so far away. But she is having a great time. It looks like the guy's dick is really a lot bigger

than yours is what it looks like. Because you don't have the imagination to fill in the guy. I am doing space work and I have him and I have her and I'm making her have a great time. Now you're talking. And we are making her have a good time and I'm doing the space work. You don't have the imagination to fill in the guy.

No, your arm was in the wrong space. Now it's in the right space. Well, the other thing is we didn't know exactly what position you're doing. Yeah, it took some explaining. Cause you gotta take liberties in your, without explaining verbally, you have to take liberties in the act outs.

I took liberties in the act outs. I really dressed it in my head. I gotta be honest. Uh-huh, I'm sure you did. That liberties in the act outs. I took liberties in the act outs. I really dressed it in my head. I gotta be honest. Uh-huh, I'm sure you did. That's why it was good. Okay, exactly on that, what you're saying, in this- She was holding her ankles. In the, no, the woman could be-

Lady. Going way over that way. And so the guy is way over there because he's getting oral from her. It could have been a number of things. Yeah. She also could be doing a DP. She could be laid.

She could be doggy. Yeah. She could be laid on her back and it doesn't really matter what position she's in. Who were you imagining? Who were you imagining the guy was that you were having sex with, with her? Michelle Moroney, the guy from the service. And Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's nuts how she looks huh? 59. When Hugh Grant sees her now he's just like, oh fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I really fucked that up, didn't I? Whoopsie. And he just jizzes. She just like, just reeks of cigarette smoke, even after a really long shower, you know? She does? Yeah, I mean, I'm kidding, you know? She does.

She actually does. Fuck, frontal lobe is gone. She does? Yeah, I mean, I'm kidding, you know? She does? She actually does? This front lobe is gone. She does? No, no, I was asking, I wanted clarification on her or Hugh Grant. Go to images again. Go to the one of her and that guy on the top. Is that her son? Oh yeah.

It's her son, right? I don't know. Yeah, her son looks so much like her. That's crazy. Isn't that her son? Oh yeah. It's her son, right? I don't know. Yeah, her son looks so much like her. Look at that. That's crazy. Isn't that fucking nuts? Whoa. That's crazy.

He's like a such- Who is the dad? A mannequin? He's such a hot woman. Yeah. Her son is such a hot woman. Guys got it going on in the woman department. He's such a beautiful woman. I would take him home to mom and dad and be like,

mom, dad, I want you to meet my new wife, this man. Ben, you said? This man. I would like you to meet my new wife, this man. So look at him. Yeah. Speaking of Hugh Grant, I saw that movie, Heretic.

Heretic? Heretic, yeah. Heretic yesterday. Anthony loved it. It's bad. Anthony loved it. It's not bad. He did. Yeah Anthony loved it, it's not bad. He did.

Yeah, I know. It's not bad, it's a fun watch. It looked cool, I mean, I really like Hugh Grant. Yeah, he's great in it. And so are the girls in it, they're great too. For some reason, Topher Grace is in it for like two scenes. He's had the weirdest career. Weirdest career.

Okay, well, anyway, we could... Look how hot Elizabeth Hurley has always been. I know. What the fuck? It's a real privacy, really. Some people really just got it going on. Thank you. Alright, let's do a couple more before the show ends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, what's up, Chris? What's up, Matt? Chris, I saw you and Casey a while back and and onion peels and oil all over our kitchen every single day. I've told him, like, hey, can you clean up a little bit? And he will. But he keeps doing this every single day. I don't want to be rude since I don't know him very well, and I don't want to ruin our relationship since we live together.

But how do I go about telling him to like stop being disgusting in our kitchen without being an asshole and in a way that he will actually keep trying to be clean? Thank you. You gotta, unfortunately, there are people in this world that won't do things unless they are treated, well, no, let me rephrase that. Stalin. They won't do things unless you are an asshole to them to get them to do those things.

Mussolini. And it's suck. It's one of the- Hitler. It's literally one of my least favorite things about living in the world. When you realize you really, people are assholes with good reasons some of the time.

It's so fucking sad. People just don't respond sometimes unless you're a fucking dick. You didn't mean. But, and I don't mean like, hey, fuck you asshole, clean this shit up or else, but it's like, hey. I'll wipe out your race. I've asked you a few different times

and you clearly don't like care. I live here. So here's a taser. I live here though, man. You gotta clean up after yourself or this is not gonna fucking work. And then at the end you go, bye bye. And then that's it.

Wouldn't work. Yeah. You would never be an asshole to that person. What? You would never be an asshole to that person. What's that person? The only person he doesn't know, because I don't care. Sure, whatever.

But if I had something I had to talk to the guy about, be like, yo, clean up. No, that's not true, dude. No, it's not. It depends on what it is. If it's a little up. No, that's not true, dude. No, it's not. It depends on what it is. If it's a little bit of rice, I don't give a shit. Rice, onion, oil, he said it's a mess and he says it's disgusting.

Yeah, if it's that, then I'd be like, yo bro, come on, this is disgusting, dude. It smells like fucking shit and I gotta be out here. Yeah, I live here too, dude. I'm trying to watch Dateline. Underscore how disrespectful it is to you who also lives there. If you lived alone, who gives a shit

what he does with this place? You don't care. I'm going to put it in your fucking room from now on. How about that? That's where it goes. It goes in your bedroom. Whatever you leave here, I'm shucking it into your bedroom. Think about that though.

Think about how disrespectful people are. Oh, it's crazy. Yeah, they're lazy, dude, and they don't give a fuck. And they're like, you know, some people think like, I have the right to do this. Who cares? I mean, you know, it's just. Yeah, some people do, I guess. But I think most people I like to think

if you can get it through their head how disrespectful something actually is, then they'll change. Not like change at their core who they are, but they change their behavior on account of what the other person's asking them to do, you know? Also, maybe your name is on the lease, perhaps, and you can actually have leverage over him.

That would be nice. Actually threaten his, you know, where he lives literally. Could work out. I know where you live, and I'm gonna show up and fuck you up. I mean, that would work, because then he'd be like so freaked out. Like, what is he talking about?

Right, yeah. All right, one more. What's up, Matt and Chris? Longtime listener, longtime baby. I'll make this quick, because I'm at work right now. Nice. I have a dilemma. I have trigger words.

And what I mean by that is whenever I hear certain words, I'm compelled to respond to certain words. For instance, for example, whenever I hear someone say this is, I'm compelled to respond with, a story of a girl. Oh, got it, got example, whenever I hear someone say, this is, I'm compelled to respond with a story of a girl. Oh, got it, got it, got it. I guess my question is, how do I spin move out of that? How do I train my brain from thinking this way?

Anytime someone says, this is, I'm compelled to say, a story of a girl. All right, advice guys. Yeah. You don't say it out loud. You don't do it. You don't say it out loud. You're never gonna stop thinking it though.

The key is, You might. Maybe if you stop saying it out loud, you might actually stop thinking about it because maybe it's part of the whole thing. But if you can't sit on it, if you can't sit on it, if you can't not say it out loud, then you might have Tourette's syndrome.

In all honesty, there are mild forms of Tourette's that- But I don't think he saying he says it, is he? I thought he was. I thought he was saying he wants to say it. He's triggered to say it. Right. This is the story of a girl who wrote a song in the whole world, and it looks so good in photographs.

I was in love with her when she's mine. Okay, why are you doing that? I just, I couldn't believe I knew that song for that long I kept going. Yeah, I think everyone does once they get going. Even if they never heard that song. Who is it? Is that a Third Eye Blind? Yeah.

It is? I think so. Yeah. Third Eye Blind is, guys, Third Eye Blind is so big. Isn't that weird? Yeah. Is it Third Eye Blind? Oh no, Third Eye Blind is so big. Isn't that weird? Yeah. Is it Third Eye Blind? Oh no.

Nine days? Oh my God. Nine days. Nine days. The one hit wonder band, I guess? I guess so. Was it? I don't know who they are.

It has to be. The song's called Absolutely. They deserve to never be successful again. You know what? Let me tell you something. If I could pin down a song that made me feel the most nostalgic, it might be that one.

It might be that one. Yeah. It might be. Really? Of all the songs. Or something from, Yeah, definitely from a certain era. It might be. Really? Of all the songs? Or something from, Yeah, definitely from a certain era. It's always from, I would say the most nostalgic you'd be would probably be from your teens,

because that's where you're really coming up. 13 to 15, yeah. Right. And that's when that was. And if I heard that, I'm gonna listen to that shit in the fucking, I'm gonna be in my bloody guts. And I am gonna listen to that.

And that's gonna make me feel crazy, dude. I'm trying to think of my song. I mean, there's a bunch of them, but that one is up there, bro. This is a story of a girl who wrote a different love. Man, fucking what is Emily doing? Who cried a river and drowned the whole world. And when she looks so sad in photographs, while she looks so sad in photographs,

I absolutely love her when she smiles. Wow. God, that song's so bad. But what is Emily Dalback doing? Why do you think about Emily Dalback? She was like one of my main friends back then when that song. Oh, oh, oh.

She's probably a realtor. Yeah. You know, lives in like a really nice house. Yeah. With her three kids. Exactly, bro. You know? Yeah.

Yeah. Yes, probably. It's crazy how many women are like, I'll just be a realtor. In LA? Is that a good idea? Should we all just be realtors? What just be a realtor. In LA? Is that a good idea? Should we all just be realtors? What I don't get is.

Get rich? Well, a realtor's like a thing. Look, a realtor's a really good job, okay? Yeah, if you're good at it, if you're good at it. Yeah, find your niche, yeah. But so many people are, it's like, honestly, sometimes I stand up, like they're like, well, I failed at everything else,

I'm gonna sell houses. Yes. It's nuts, bro. Or like everybody's a writer, you know, everybody's a screenwriter. Do a lot of them do stand up really? No, not that many people, but it's in the way it's like, I was always funny, nothing else was working.

Oh, I see what you're saying. It's like, dude, it's no, you don't get it. It's not about the quantity, it's about the steps. Yeah, like it's not easy to get there. Right, yeah. It's easier than it's ever been, I guess, but it's not. I could do stand up. Like fucking, yeah.

Anyone could do it if they did it. What's the deal with fucking, you know. Hold on a second, this is hilarious. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Guys, write this down, or we're recording it, good, thank God. What's the deal with fucking? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The story of a girl, I don't even like this. I gotta listen to this song. Oh, imagine somebody doing that. Oh dude. You'd kill them. You know what you are, you're the guy that goes,

ah-ha, when something happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You suck, bro. Don't do that. No, well, if you don't do it, you don't suck. You do it, you suck. You're not shitty for what you think, you're shitty for what you do.

There's nothing more true, that's the smartest thing my brother's ever said. There's not that many smart things he said, to that day, much, but I've known him a long time, so it's pretty significant, you know? Yeah, that's... Whistle. What did you say again? What? About what?

That I said was really good? You're not shitty for what you think, you're shitty for what you do. That's so fucking, that is so... You never thought of that? Oh no, I've thought, I think that all the time. That's why I was so ready to say it's brilliant. But the way to say it that simply is very effective.

I mean, dude, you ever think of shit and you're like, oh man, what am I doing? Yeah, everyone does. It's like. No, I know everyone does. Think about it this way too. If everybody walked around just announcing the things that were in their brains. Slice your neck.

Everyone. At a fucking pizza place. Everyone would qualify to be committed to a psychiatric ward because that is just abject, insane behavior. To just be walking around talking about violence, sexual impulses, absolutely non-sequitur nonsense, just like right after, on top of each other, nonstop.

Everybody's internal dialogue, monologue, whatever the fuck you want to say, is absolutely bat shit crazy. It doesn't matter if you're the smartest person in the world, the dumbest person in the world, the inner workings of your mind at any given moment, if they were announced by you, you'd seem fucking crazy. Even Steve Jobs was up on stage.

Oh, 100%. An Apple presentation thinking, like that's like weird shit. Like my dick is so far away from that guy's mouth right now. Oh dude, a hundred percent. Yeah, or what if I just shit in my pants and it got all fucking soppy and was in my socks? A hundred percent. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to the iPhone and he's thinking,

I can't believe if I shit my pants, what if it shit was so liquid and then it went into my socks and it was so soppy, would I have to continue or would I stop? would I do be so embarrassing and over here? We have Safari. You don't be so interesting though if We really could get a glimpse. Let's say Steve Jobs or someone someone that yeah powerful and successful and We could get it if people could all see that that's how even his mind works The world would be such a better place. You think so? Yes, I think there'll be such a greater understanding

of what it is to be human. If everybody understood that the way that they are is actually not that fucked up. Coming. Hell yeah. And that's a good note to end on, I think. All right, cool. Thanks very much.

Nice, bro. Riding a horse. Don't forget the last minute holiday gift. Yeah. Patreon.com slash lifeline luxury slash gift. Yeah. That's it, baby. Thanks, guys.

Good gift. If you don't know how to get someone, it's a good gift. Pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, puh. All right. Happy fricking fricking. ["Hello"] Hello. Hello.

Hello. Will you please. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.