Lifeline - 28. What That Mouth Do?
Episode Date: October 16, 2022🔴 LIFELINE LIVE! OCTOBER 19th. Buy tickets at https://watchlifeline.com - a live digital event 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗... All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. Today we discuss fragile roommates, vaccine ultimatums, getting caught masturbating, making sure your needs are met when your partner has ED, Where to work when you're fully remote, and is it okay to put your feet out the window in a moving car? 👉 Thank you ORIGINAL GRAIN: Go to originalgrain.com/lifeline and use code LIFELINE for 30% off your order 👉 Thank you BETTERHELP. Visit betterhelp.com/LIFELINE today to get 10% off your first month. 👉 10% off Pure Spectrum CBD, use code LIFELINE at checkout purespectrumcbd.com 📆 Book 20 min or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. Today we discuss lineage, boycotting football, divorced parents acting petty, finding your passion when you have a lot going on, an update from the Body Code man, and being content with aging. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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If you need real help or advice, please seek a therapist or licensed professional.
Hello? Hello? Please seek a therapist or a licensed professional. Three, two, and welcome back to Lifeline, the show.
It's not welcome back.
I mean, I guess welcome back if you're an avid listener, but also we't start yet so we're starting now so you don't say welcome back so you just say
welcome and welcome back to lifeline the show so you like to be shitty no everyone watches okay
and you have then why don't we have seven billion views on youtube youtube is shadow banning us
well so that that means that they're not being seen no they're lying they're they're lying
that it counts okay so it's the number one show in the world the fix is in yeah got it okay
you have two purple hats now i do they're you you so what the deal is you have too much of whatever
you're doing remember the too many drinks thing and then we curbed that and now you have too many
purple ah okay but i've i've let it be known that i only wear purple except on weekends and holidays that's
fine and that has expanded into the worst purple stuff the worst cult leader i'm not a cult leader
but you don't just a man that's what cult leaders say yeah they do they do they do so look guys let
me just get into it the don't push me tour it's live january we are doing so many freaking dates it's unbelievable dude
february march we got chicago we got new york we got fucking san diego we just added a show
in san diego because the fucking the demand is there we're doing nervous springfield missouri
where the fuck is it but we're doing it and um we're doing a bunch of different places so what do you think about that midland texas what the fuck savannah georgia raleigh
north carolina what the fuck lakeland florida what the fuck constantly getting surprised okay
so but go to chrislea.com to get your tickets the good seats are filling up and let's do it my
babies you know what you know what show has all good seats the fucking lifeline live first ever lifeline live show that's
b-day show on my birthday tickets october 19th 6 p.m whoops whoops uh 6 p.m pacific time whoops
and you know that's how we're doing it so we're gonna get you the link is in the uh
comments below so go click on that link or go to WatchLifeline.com and let's do it up.
Then you get a ticket and we provide.
If you want secret one-on-one private advice, you go to MattDeLea.com.
You book a private session with your pimpin' pimpin' purple boy, Matt DeLea.
That's me.
20 or 40 minutes Thursday or Tuesday.
Whichever one you want.
You book it.
I'm there.
I tell you what to do.
You live a life that is very, very happy from then on.
Dude, a WWF 80s wrestler.
The Pimpin' Pimpin' Purple.
What is it?
Purple Boy?
Yeah.
The Pimpin' Pimpin' Purple Boy.
Fucking Pimpin' Pimpin' Purple Boy versus Hacksaw Jim Duggan tonight on raw oh yeah it's you yeah i would
be so good at that with two hats oh he's changing his hat oh that's my special move oh he's changing
his hat you know what that means you go like this yeah yeah all right so um so that's what's up when
we're having a good time here on lifeline
what the fuck dude yeah and it's getting breezy out right it's getting cold that's your new thing
yeah maybe say what the fuck yeah it's getting cold last night was real windy i went outside
and i was like oh no that's crazy no it's not oh it's crazy that it happened yeah okay so it is
it is finally uh cool out at long last that's why i got a beanie on and you know what's cool
is that now calvin's at the age where he kind I got a beanie on. And you know what's cool?
Is that now Calvin's at the age where he kind of knows what's going on.
And Halloween's coming.
And Christmas is coming.
And he knows what's up.
Like I say, you know Santa's coming.
Do you want to have presents?
And he goes like that.
Like he wants presents.
He's real wide-eyed about it.
Yeah.
And I said, what do you want to be for Halloween?
And he says, a purple people eater.
He wants to be a purple people eater, by the way.
You could probably give him some. Yeah, he loves that song. He should get a load of me. Yeah. He I said, what do you want to be for Halloween? And he says, a purple people eater. He wants to be a purple people eater, by the way. You could probably give him some.
Yeah, he loves that song.
He should get a load of me.
Yeah.
He does get a load of you.
He says, unga map.
Unga map.
Map, really?
Map, yeah.
Oh, that's cute.
Yeah.
Well, now he says mat a little bit clearer, but he used to say unga map. So he asked me, he was like, what is this?
And he held something up.
It was styrofoam.
And I said, oh, it's styrofoam.
And he said, styrofoam. And I'm like, that's cute. And I was like, it's like, whatever. And? And he held something up. It was styrofoam. And I said, oh, it's styrofoam. And he said, styrofoam.
And I'm like, that's cute.
And I was like, it's like, whatever.
And then I left it to him.
You know what?
I bet we know at least a dozen people that think it's styrofoam.
Wow, dude.
You know what I mean?
That's so dumb.
It's unique to people we know.
We know truly some of the dumbest motherfuckers on earth.
Dude, I love dumb people.
Yeah, because then you stand out because you don't seem as dumb.
Booyah.
But that's not true.
Booyah and booyah.
That's not true.
Do you know why?
Because, dude, when I'm hanging out, I just want to chill, dude.
I don't want to talk about fucking shit that matters.
I want to talk about cargo pants and just like, you know, what kind of fucking turkey do you eat?
And that's what makes you dumb.
No, I'm not dumb.
Booyah, booy'm not dumb booyah and
booyah from the rubs purple people boy purple purple boy purple purple purple boy having a
fucking stroke i think dude i think that it's not that and i'm not dumb and i'm actually smart and
i'm so smart that i don't need to talk about the smart stuff because i already realized it so let's
get into some cargo pants. From the top ropes.
Okay.
The thing about you, you're right.
This guy.
You are not dumb.
What's tragic about you is that you seem dumb because you don't apply yourself.
Booyah.
Booyah.
And booyah.
That's so fucking annoying.
But I'll tell you this much, dude.
None of that's true.
I fucking apply myself
and you know when i do stand up i i excel because i do it and i i'm very good i'm very good with my
words you're very and i perform very very good at that because it's instant gratification you
couldn't do anything possibly that required a little bit even medium term gratification it has
to be instant immediate gratification or else you won't apply yourself
because you don't see the longer-term
or even medium-term goals as viable.
The closest shot ever.
Dancing, practicing, rolling faces.
Running jaces, running places.
Not the words, not even words.
And it can be kind of funny?
Rankin Donuts sad.
Rankin Tiny sad.
Mad world.
Mad world.
Worst shot of all fucking time.
Dude, shots of eyeballs are great, man.
Darren Aronofsky does it. Yeah, Darren man they're in aragon on our aronofsky
does it yeah aaron aaron aaron aaron aronofsky yeah darren aragon novsky um i saw a fucking
hellraiser the new one then saw you know how i do it if you're a fucking my brother what did i do
after i saw the fucking new hellraiser you saw the first one and then even all of the ones in
between which you probably didn't because that would have taken you 48 years because there's 30 000 hellraisers 11 hellraisers yeah this is the 11th
one or this is the 12th one this is the 11th one now were you saying the original is not good it
doesn't hold up it's just like yeah i mean okay well you're wrong i mean look i like the idea a
lot yeah it's a great idea is great the concept is awesome yeah it's just it's not something that
is really that good i i agree with that but the first one i mean i haven't seen all of them
granted but i think of the ones i've seen the first one is the best one just because
the premise is like new and they're exploring it for the first time and it's not anything like
they're not like forcing it yeah i mean well they're not forcing it that's for sure but also
that was when snm was like kind of a thing that was like what the
fuck is this right and then so they they made this whole like you know these people from a
different dimension that like pain is pleasure and shit and they can't tell the difference and
also those those demons are fucking fucked up and scared really well done yeah like bro horror i
mean they can do it really well um but the thing is is like after the first
one the second one it it gives you a little bit more insight into it so the second one was like
okay so i'm like this watching the second one i'm like the third one then in 1992 it's a fan favorite
but i go like this i just don't think so oh yeah i'm not i'm not into that one dude i mean it was
1992 and i was just like i don't know it. That was a good year, though, for movies in general.
Yeah, I know.
And the woman in that is so hot.
Unbelievable.
Okay, but why is it Ashton Sinkso?
Because it's so 90s and like camp, kind of.
I like 90s, though.
I know.
I like 90s, too, dude.
You're talking to a 90s boy.
I mean, you're talking to a sincere 90s boy.
I mean, I look at the 90s, and I go like this.
Okay, yeah.
Now we're talking.
Yeah. But you don't like that much shit from the 90s nah i do nah i do i do and frankly i tell it like it is
all right so speaking of hellraiser mama made a hellraiser that's speaking of hellraiser speaking
of the first part of that word hell yeah hollywood california you know you know what it is yeah
hollywood california has turned into hell i it is yeah hollywood california has turned
into hell i sound like i'm a fucking anchor on fox news but it's true you can't turn around on
any street and not run into either a fucking massive encampment with crazy people circling
around or a burnt down encampment where people are just sitting around like it's a fucking picnic
okay the other day i was fucking just i was driving through and this wasn't even deep in
hollywood this is pretty far east which is where i usually am if i'm in hollywood at all yeah and i stop at
a red light and i and i see a crazy person and how do you know she's crazy crazy crazy eyes
she got the crazy eyes that are like look they look like they're looking different ways even
though that's they're not a doctor but you're saying okay and she's walking jagged zigzaggy okay she could be
drunk okay and here's the real telltale this is how you know they walk exactly when they're not
supposed to and they don't like when they cross the street yeah they cross the street exactly
when it says not to right and they stay put exactly when it says to cross the street okay
now then now i buy that now here's another way i knew because i saw her come and i thought oh great she's probably gonna fuck with me because
that's the story of my life who does she fuck with me she stands right in front of my car now
it's a green light okay she's going like this i mean fucking uh all right harry potter and her
eyes are all going all different directions voldemort but here's the crazy part. Drunk Voldemort. She had no shirt on.
Like a bra?
No.
No shirt or bra.
Like...
Just the taters were out
tanning, having a day, dude.
And when she was doing this shit,
the boobs would go
and fluctuate with it.
I know how boobs bounce
when you move.
So she'd go...
And her tits would go...
And she'd go
was it hot at all uh was it hot to look at or was it no it was hot outside no but was it sexy
i mean her tits were don't be gross i'm not i'm the one that's gross she's in the middle of the
street with a fucking she's gross i'm saying of course it wasn't like sexy i know i don't think
it was but i'm wondering if you think it was she looked strangely not at all dirty too like usually she was a homeless person or just a
French person she thought she was at a nude beach yeah no she was crazy you could tell looking around
okay so she was going like this at me though and pointing at me you know and then when she finally
moved on she just she just did one of these like like it was like it was me who was the crazy one
she went like this and they just kept walking oh that's the true sign of crazy like i felt like
yeah like i failed to live up to my end of the bargain you know what i mean she's just like this
you were supposed to joke i wish i knew what i was supposed to do i would have thrown it back
but all i did was i swear to god all i did was this yeah yeah yeah well what can you do when they're shaking it i was trying to not like i wanted i
didn't know what she was doing but i wanted her to know i wasn't like disapproving or angry or
grossed out even though i kind of was all of those things what if she did that and you just go and
then you were like i don't know what i'm supposed to do so you just went like this what do you think
she would have done like fucking oh i fucking i knew it i don't think she would have even fucking noticed honestly to be perfect you know yeah okay well and that's how
i roll that's a shame i've seen naked homeless people before it's crazy dude i saw a guy in la
once and this was before the pandemic and everything went to shit but i saw a guy walking
down the street just dick out naked no clothes like he was shopping just like at target just walking
like kind of swinging his arms a little bit just fat and just walking down the street and i'm
driving i go oh my god dude so wait he wasn't uh like a crazy nudist he was he was a homeless he
had to be crazy but he did not look crazy right he was just walking with clothes on would not
have thought he was crazy so you saw his balls flapping? Oh, yeah. Okay, okay. I drove by and I was like, no.
Yeah.
And then you turned around and drove back.
Took pictures.
Took pictures.
And you what?
And you took pictures.
Yeah.
If I was a cop and that happened.
Yeah, you wouldn't.
You wouldn't.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
He didn't see it. No.
No freeze.
No.
I'm not.
Imagine freeze because he's naked.
Freeze.
Put your dick in the air.
Yeah. I mean, i used to live downtown and dude the shit i've seen oh my god one time just one more time before we get into this shit uh we like the banter when i used to smoke there was a fucking
crazy woman across the street there was a little grassy park across the street from my building
and and i walk out and i'm talking to a friend of mine out there and she fucking surprises me comes out of nowhere and she just goes and i was like oh my
fucking god yeah and then i i'm looking at her now because i didn't see her coming up it was
like she was a ninja yeah and but she's close as hell right oh wow yeah they're getting close yeah
and so and i say what she goes and i'm realize, okay, she's probably not smoking a cigarette.
And I say, you want a cigarette?
Okay.
And she goes, nah.
Sounds like no to me.
And I was like, okay, I don't know what you're doing, you know?
So I kept talking to my friend.
And then she starts like doing this, like kicking her feet up like a bull.
Like she's ready to come at me.
And I'm like, well, she's not going to fucking hurt me.
Right.
You know what I mean?
So like, whatever.
And I back up enough to notice
her pants are around her ankles and her fucking all of her business is just out oh my god i'm
proud right and then i'm like oh and i kind of step back like just in shock yeah and then she
gets like offended that i step back in shock and she starts coming like oh my god oh my god
but she couldn't take big steps because her feet
were on the edge and i was like coming back i was like stop yeah yeah like laughing yeah and it was
just real depressing i gave her a cigarette though was it sexy it was real hot we dated for a few
years dude also you didn't really try to get away if she couldn't take big steps you could have just
fucking ran i was just slowly backpedaling laughing i wanted it you kind of wanted some
i was enjoying it you wanted to. I was thinking about telling you
and telling people that it happened to you.
Oh no!
Just in place?
You take your pants off too. I can't go either!
Maybe was it a Cenobite?
Could have been. That woman though was
filthy.
Like layers of layers of layers of dirt
on her.
Like the woman, the thing behind the dumpster in Mulan Drive.
Oh, wow, dude.
Okay.
All right.
Well, let's get into it.
That was a lot of banter, but we hope you liked it.
We don't really care, but we had a good time.
So let's go to some lifeline in the news, guys.
Here we go.
Matt, why don't you read it?
A man claiming to be a Russian astronaut in space
allegedly scammed a Japanese woman into paying for his
return trip to Earth, vowing to marry her once he landed. This is from Vice. Believing this man
would be her future fiance, the woman paid him about 4.4 million yen, about $30,000 in five
installments. From August 19th to September 5th, the Japanese newspaper Yomiuri Shimbun reported,
but when his demands continued, the woman grew suspicious of his intent and reported him to the police who are investigating the case as a romance
scam local media reported a romance scam intergalactic romance scam dude dumb intergalactic
romance scam romance scam intergalactic i i this is the thing dude scams are are shitty you can prey on people and make them
scams like i watched this hbo max fucking documentary on scammers and these guys really
go out of their way to make people feel like you know comfortable and good at giving money and shit
like that those people uh you know those people deserve to pay some sort of penalty or whatever this guy yeah figured it out she should pay some penalty
for being so fucking dim hello i am in space i need to get home i need you know rubles or whatever
the fuck the rubles whatever the fucking russian money is yen for 4.4 million yen oh it's japanese
she was in japan oh my god dude yeah like imagine this guy just like
if i only had certain thousand dollars and also how did he find this woman like yeah here's the
thing about the scammers whatever obviously they're fucking villains fucking service up there
but the people who get scammed was it on zoom yeah like don't get scammed dude oh dude it
was dumb ass fuck dude it was the zoom with the space background that you're right right right
he's just like this he's just like this doing it like just like like having the wallet float
so you can't see his hand yeah he's really just some in moscow somewhere you know what i mean
oh my god they saw alien i need five grand i need five grand alien allergic to yen please need rubles need anything
you need yeah i mean the advice here is a flat bottom line anybody who emails you that you don't
know yeah no you do not give them anything information or money further further than that
the advice is never trust somebody on the internet period yeah even someone you do know because it might not be them yeah yeah yeah yeah and if they want money no this is crazy do it how
are the cops going to get him though in outer space it's taking it's taking so long because the space is slow
that's the bullet all right next one
from the guardian new york university oh i fucking read about this new york university Next one. From The Guardian. We'll do one more. New York University.
Oh, I fucking read about this.
New York University professor fired after students say his class was too hard.
That's great.
Maitland Jones Jr., a professor of organic chemistry, was fired by NYU after more than
80 students from his 350 student course signed a petition complaining about grades, teaching,
and help received during the COVID pandemic.
Dude. complaining about grades, teaching, and help received during the COVID pandemic. Dude, the complaining about school by students,
especially when it's about class being too hard,
is the fucking most annoying thing,
on top of which the fucking administration fired his ass.
That's crazy.
Also, it's NYU.
I know.
It's supposed to be hard. I know. It's crazy also it's nyu i know it's a it's a fucking supposed to
be hard i know it's college it's nyu and dude it's like imagine if this was like a doctor like
a doctor class for fucking med school it'd be like it's too hard and then people would just
fucking yeah exactly these people probably pre-med some of them i know the thing about
this shit is like this is i've said this for a while dude the customer is always right mentality
yeah is driving our society into the fucking for a while dude the customer is always right mentality yeah is driving
our society into the fucking ground yeah it's good customer is fucking rarely right yeah dude
the customer's never right yeah customer's never right so uh i think it's crazy i think the vice
is stay in school and don't complain about it or fucking don't try to get up these petitions are
fucking annoying as shit so oh 80 people signed something yeah i had a 350 that's not even close
to half 80 people signed something about the had a 350 that's not even close to half 80 people
signed something about the school being too imagine me this fucking poor guy also if you
don't want a thing to be hard don't study organic chemistry study like take clowning
101 or some shit dude imagine this clowning class is too hard i'm going around here
i swear to god i i really really really knew i was inside a fucking box. And the guy said I wasn't inside a box and gave me a D.
And I think it's amazing.
I mean, check this out, dude.
Yeah, well, nobody would fail someone that does that.
Check this out.
Sign it.
Did you do clowning?
Yeah.
That's what's obvious.
That's what's so hard.
I didn't complain.
And now look, dude.
Yeah, now look at you.
Yeah.
This is where not complaining gets you, folks.
Yeah, dude.
Look at you. Yeah. This is where not complaining gets you, folks. Yeah, dude. Look at this.
What is...
Oh, you got a vending machine.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Great.
Great job.
All right.
All right.
What do we got?
New people now?
Let's do videos now.
Yeah.
We'll do videos.
People.
It's already 20 minutes in the show.
We got people.
Here we go, my babies.
Hey, Chris and Matt.
Huge fan of the pod.
Chris, please come to minneapolis i will
so my question revolves around college roommates i live with two other girls one who's very laid
back and little head like myself and the other who's very sensitive and emotional um our sensitive
roommate is the type of person to be offended and think everyone hates her if she's not invited to
one little thing um and so last week i went to a hayride with my boyfriend and his friends and
invited my laid-back roommate because she's talking to one of his friends and our sensitive roommate had plans
and now she is flying off the handle at me for not inviting her slamming doors in our apartment
stomping around sending me nasty text messages obviously so deeper for her yeah um and i don't
really know how to handle it because it's just an extremely hostile place to live right now
um should i try and sit down and talk with her she's kind of the type of person where you're And I don't really know how to handle it because it's just an extremely hostile place to live right now.
Should I try and sit down and talk with her?
She's kind of the type of person where you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't.
And so I'm just kind of like at a loss right now.
I don't really know what I should do or say or if anything.
But thanks, guys.
I really appreciate anything.
I know what to do.
Victim mentality, dude.
I know what to do.
What?
She's invisible and nothing she does can even make a sound anymore so you just act like she's not even
fucking there like it's she's ready to talk to you about it slamming doors and making a fucking
scene yeah the others just she's a ghost dude so hard that's so hard to do though don't give it
don't give an inch you know you did nothing wrong don't bend
over for this fucking person that is clearly i don't know if she's spoiled deeper yeah she's got
issues but who knows dude like she's still young hopefully she'll figure it out a lot of people do
at that age they're like such fucking babies and all they want is attention but uh you're not going to do her any favors by giving like uh uh giving like credit yeah yeah
yeah the whole idea of i i can't stand this the whole idea of you have to invite every friend to
everything you ever do that's or you're a dick is unreal sometimes Sometimes I don't want to invite David Sullivan.
Oh, I don't ever want to invite David Sullivan.
Right, because he's a fucking guy who is just, you know.
His skull is physically literally too big.
He's got a big head.
He's a friend of ours.
He looks like Thomas Jefferson.
Yeah, he looks like the guy.
What was it?
The head?
Head?
The guy from MTV?
Yeah, MTV.
Stick.
Audities.
Thomas Jefferson was the least handsome.
Stick. And so. It was Andrew Jackson. Oh, Andrew Jackson on the 20th. yeah yeah oddities um thomas jefferson was the least handsome stick and so
he's andrew jackson not andrew jackson on the 20th and 20th he had gray hair so it's not an
insult right so yeah dude i don't it's like yo you just got to be like i didn't i i invited the
chill laid-back friend because i wanted to invite her you were busy anyway and also i didn't want
to invite you also i wanted to have a chill lady back time not an uptight yeah fucking brat time yeah i i think honestly if if you you can have a conversation
one time with her and if this continues it's just going to be one of those situations where you got
to she's out it sounds like she probably has tried but to no avail and if that's the case
no more yeah she's invisible that's my advice to you. She is now invisible.
Okay.
Yeah.
I mean, you can do that.
Pretend like she's the others.
Yeah.
I am your adult.
That's David Sullivan.
I don't even barely remember that.
You don't remember that?
I kind of remember.
That was the shit, dude.
I love the oddities.
Good call, though.
Thank you.
Good digging.
Looks just like David Sullivan.
Yeah.
So, yeah, but you don't have to invite all your fucking friends to the...
Imagine you have to invite all your friends all the way to...
I got four tickets to the dodger game i gotta fucking i
gotta do a mass text to 35 people the first four people it's like the micromachines guys
but like i just i dude it's so annoying because like you just you invite who you want to invite
and that's okay remember when you guys okay it's always okay to invite whoever you want to invite
a year and a half we were in the text chain and a year and a a half, one of you guys was like, when are you coming over?
And I was like, oh, what are you guys doing?
And I was like, game night.
I was like, oh, really?
And you said, yeah, we do game night every week.
I didn't even know.
For a year and a half, you've been doing game night.
I didn't even know.
Thank you for knowing me that well.
Nobody would ever invite you to a game night.
Yeah, because it sucks, dude.
No, because you suck.
No, because you suck.
No.
And you don't play games.
I know the truth of games.
Oh, I don't play games.
Where am I?
I don't mean, where am I, you know? No. And you don't play games. I know the truth of games. Oh, I don't play games. Where am I? I don't mean...
Where am I, you know?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Somewhere where there's a rope.
So anyway, dude.
Yeah, I just...
You gotta...
She's gotta get to stepping, dude.
You move or she moves.
You gotta get to stepping.
Get a fucking two-bedroom with a chill friend.
I mean, that's a bit much.
Just ignore her. I know, but... Okay but well okay until i mean she could make your
life a living hell i guess but she's not she's just she's throwing a tantrum okay and she keeps
swinging tantrums i'm just saying okay i remember if it doesn't say my coffee she says not the real
thing let's go to the next one you want to read it hi matt and chris i love you and i love calvin
too okay i am extremely embarrassed i'm a woman
in my early 30s and i still live at home with my parents and younger brother the other night i was
in bed watching some dot dot dot dot dot dot naughty videos i had my airpods connected of
course what i was completely unaware of was that my phone was also connected to the bluetooth speaker
in my all caps parents bathroom i didn't know your phone could be connected to the Bluetooth speaker in my, all caps, parent's bathroom.
I didn't know your phone could be connected to two devices at once, but apparently it can.
Crying clown face.
No, regular face.
Oh, regular crying face.
My mom confronted me the next day to ask if my phone was hooked up to the speaker, and I checked and, still unaware of the major atrocity said oh yeah oops it didn't
hit me until she said i noticed it last night dun dun dun shocked face oh god i want to die i want
to fly to outer space and never return i want to change my identity and only wear wigs from now on
what do i do do i leave it at that do i confront her about what exactly she heard please help
shoot me love you now just honestly this the advice I have is you didn't do anything wrong.
No, you didn't.
You made a mistake by having your parents hear that shit, but you didn't mean to.
But the whole shame of it is you don't need to feel that.
That's a very human emotion.
But you don't need to feel that because, honestly, it's just sex.
It's not even sex.
I mean, it's sex, but it's like naughty videos.
And you're a fucking grown up, you know?
Yeah, she says she's 30, right?
Yeah.
In her 30s.
In your 30s, you're a full ass adult.
You can do whatever the fuck you want.
Look at your mom directly in her eyes and say, my bean needed attention.
My what?
You look at your mom right in the eyes and you like say it like
mr mr anderson in the fucking matrix say my bean needed attention what were you saying bean my bean
needed attention yeah what's that what looks like a bean on your body in between your legs
like a coffee bean okay no no well it looks like yeah it looks like a coffee bean yeah but i'm
saying there's it looks like a lentil bean up. But I'm saying it looks like a lentil bean up top.
I don't think it looks like a lentil bean.
I think it looks like a coffee bean.
The actual thing looks like a coffee bean,
but I'm saying the lentil bean up top.
Lentil bean.
Oh, okay.
There's a lentil bean on top of a coffee bean,
if you know what I'm getting at.
There's a big coffee bean.
It's like a Russian doll of beans. There's a big coffee bean, but I'm saying actual size lentil bean on top of a coffee bean, if you know what I'm getting at. There's a big coffee bean. It's like a Russian doll of beans.
There's a big coffee bean, but I'm saying actual size lentil bean above the big coffee bean.
So that's the bean that needed attention, really.
Got it.
Most pleasure.
LL Bean.
Okay.
So what you need to do is realize that your mom also needed to attend to her bean at some point.
That everyone in the world
attends to their beans that's why in all the old ass fucking religious texts it says
nobody's allowed god said nobody's allowed to play with their beans yeah okay it should have been
everyone love you know it's okay to attend to your beans. Attend to your beans. Wow, that's good.
The 11th commandment.
And it's okay to attend to your beans.
You shall always attend to your neighbor's beans.
All the commandments have to do with a neighbor, you know?
Yeah, yeah, I know.
That's so weird.
Just make sure you are not hooked up to your neighbor's Bluetooth as well.
Yeah.
Only be hooked up to your own Bluetooth when it attend when being attentive to your bean
or just attending to your beans right i think i got the language right yeah i mean it doesn't
really matter because it's not real but yeah okay anyway just own it dude you're fucking
attended to your bean and you got caught i needed to lightly move my bean around also what's with
the mom yeah i noticed like what a dick dude she's just she got all pent up she needs to fucking hang with her bean a little bit dude send her the video uh
airdrop the video to her and say yeah bean attendance is required yeah yeah yeah yeah
that's true bean attendance required comma mom yeah re-bean attendance in the email and she seizes it to other people and gets she's just so bad with technology oh no
all right yeah for sure all right i'm gonna take a pure spectrum gummies dude
keeps me level-headed baby oh you know it's always been one of my least favorite things
that you do when you put something in your mouth you go keep me level-headed, babies. Shit!
Pure Specs from CBD.
The link is in the show notes.
Go down, click it, hit Lifeline for 10% off of all your CBD needs, my babies.
And also, dude, let me tell you this.
Okay.
Put it in the show description because Chris didn't fucking last week.
Yes, dude!
All right, let's do it.
Next one. Hey, Chris and dude. All right, let's do it. Next one.
Hey, Chris and Matt. Just beautiful.
Lauren from New Hampshire.
Big fan of the podcast.
Thank you.
Thank you.
My question is, what are your thoughts on people putting their feet at out car windows as passengers?
I think it's completely okay.
I love doing it on back roads, just kind of vibing.
My brother-in-law and I are in a debate.
He thinks it's unacceptable.
And I think his only valid argument is that it's a safety concern.
Of course.
But I think you run the risk of getting into an accident every single time you get into a car anyways.
So why not just live your best life and then just not be fearful you're going to get into a car accident every single time?
I think he has an aversion to feet he's not admitting to.
In society, I feel like feet, it's very divisive.
You either fetishize them or you have like a strong aversion to them
and i think this question is kind of right down the middle um i think it's fine putting your feet
out the window chris am i not allowed in the log cabin if i like putting my feet out the window
what do you guys think you gotta be your true self but let me tell you something there's a few
things wrong with i have something to say okay go ahead okay uh normally i'd say do whatever the
fuck you want because that's what I say to everything.
But honestly, the safety concern is real.
I was driving in my friend's car.
I was in the passenger seat of my friend's car.
This is in high school.
This is Nick Marquand's car.
Oh, boy, Nick.
Nick Fartqueef, remember?
And my arm was out the window just like doing whatever the fuck.
And I was telling him a story. And as i was telling him a story and as i'm
telling the story i i'm articulating with my hands and i bring my hand in and just do something like
that and right when i bring my hand in a car on foothill boulevard a car was backing out of a
parking spot and just ripped off his rearview window and it was like a split second after i
brought my arm in.
I remember this. So like, of course, do whatever you want, but when your foot gets knocked off by a pickup
truck backing out on Foothill Boulevard-
I honestly love that country song.
It's only your fault.
When your foot gets knocked off on Foothill Boulevard while someone's reversing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Keep your hands inside.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Keep your hands inside. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
Keep your legs inside.
Ding-a-dong.
So shitty.
People either have a virgin's two feet or they fetishize them.
Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
By the way, people who fetishize feet are just niched.
Niched.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I get it.
What I do is I put both out.
I go in the center.
Farting.
I go in the center. Farting.
I go in the center bitch seat, as I call it. So uncomfortable.
And I go both out.
But here's the thing, dude.
I think it is a safety concern.
And I don't really like John May in high school used to be like,
I don't wear a seatbelt.
I'm driving.
If I die, I die.
You know what I mean?
And it's like, that's not.
No, dude.
So, you know, it is a safety concern.
You got to be on the lookout.
If you have the foot out, you got to be fucking wary.
You know, pull it in if a car is going to hit it.
But also, this is the annoying thing.
Doing it when you're driving.
Okay, I understand if you're flexible.
And you know me, dude.
I'm a flexible string beam, right?
So I drive and I keep it out and I rest it on the fucking side mirror.
But I will tell you this.
If you're the backseat, it's annoying as fuck.
Because, dude, you're fucking driving and then you got the fucking foot right there.
So that's why if he has an aversion to feet, he looks at the foot.
It's right there.
That's fucking kind of annoying.
It also, you can think it's a little gross.
It's great.
Exactly.
Well, if you have no, I mean, she probably, you know, chicks, they don't wear, they wear like flip-flops sometimes and shit.
I mean, so do guys.
Yeah, but no, but chicks love to do that kind of shit on like the back road.
You know what I mean?
The back road.
Imagine a girl wearing a closed toed shoe on a back road
with a foot out there's no way it never happened in the world no they do because they don't get
snake bit no i said yes they have boots but they put them on out i'm telling you dude the most
casual women love the casual shit dude i said yes okay okay uh and that's that okay i just think maybe do it you know not so so much maybe get it out the way in a
parked car if he has an aversion to feed he thinks they're gross you should listen to him because
that's disrespectful if he's right that's not his yeah if that's not his reason then fuck him
keep your feet out the window wow you laid the hammer down huh yeah it's either or it's like
the foot aversion or fetish all All right. Okay, I get it.
Extreme one-way.
It is cool.
Stop it.
It is cool that I can do that though, huh?
Yes.
I mean, it's like fine.
It's kind of okay.
It's on the cool side.
It's on the cool side, yeah.
Okay, next.
Hey, Matt and Chris.
My name's Evan from the Sacramento area.
Nice, guys.
And my question is about hobbies.
Why?
Hey, Matt and Chris. My name is Evan from the Sacramento area.
Nice, guys. And my question is about hobbies.
So basically, I'm of the mindset that if I'm not immediately good at something, I'm not going to continue pursuing it.
And so that means that I don't have a lot of things that I'm interested in.
Yeah.
do you guys think that I should keep pursuing something
even though it's difficult and I don't like it
immediately but I might find
out that I like it down the line once I get good at it
or
should I just cast
a huge net
and try a bunch of
things out and figure out what I'm immediately good
at and just pursue those things
let me know what you guys think. That's interesting I didn't think that's what he things out and figure out what I'm immediately good at. Pursue those things.
Let me know what you guys think.
That's interesting.
I didn't think that's what he was going to say as a second option.
It's a good question.
I would say because you're a person, you have tastes, you probably have a better sense than we do about what you might like.
Yeah.
So if you're bad or good at something, you take to it right away or not, do you like
the thing?
Does it seem like a lot of fun
if you were to master it if that's the case then stick with it even if you suck it's not like to
me it's not either or it's like the opposite of the previous question there's so much fluctuation
and possibility here if you are good at it or not if the thing seems really really fun to you and
what your brain likes and doesn't like but he's so apathetic about shit he's saying you know he doesn't like that many things because he feels
he's not good at things or well here's the other thing but you get good at things the more you do
them is my point i know but you also have to look at this are you a perfectionist because like
you know i'm good at stand-up and like i i was good in the beginning but if i go back and look
at videos of me it's terrible right interesting it's so like so like was i good i mean technically no i remember you being good but now when i watch
videos of you in the beginning i think you suck no so now that would be rude right but no no i'm
just i know you're joking but like i wanted them to know okay that's sweet of you but let's you
know it's okay i I'm so upset.
But yeah, no, I watched video of me doing stand-up in the first six months,
like years after I started stand-up. Straight up open mic?
No, it was a show.
It was like one of the shows.
Oh, okay.
And I was like, oh my.
Really?
I turned it off.
I couldn't watch it.
So maybe don't be so hard on yourself is my advice.
Yes, that's good advice, dude.
That's always the best advice.
But don't be so hard on yourself, man, and try and try some things but don't this whole cast in a wide net
like people who are like you know i want to try and experience different things to find out who i
am those people are fucking weird as shit i agree i agree like dude you kind of should know what you
like already if you got hair on your face you should know a few things that you like you know
what i'm saying so it's like dude i don't know man i don't be one
of those dudes that's like yeah i gotta fucking walk barefoot all the way to you know what i mean
what's the deal with people not wanting to do things unless they're good at them like that's
that to me is on the same it's not the same thing but it's on the same wavelength it's trying to get
a teacher fired because the class is too hard it's like the thing is the thing you want to be good at
it work yeah to being good at it.
If it interests you, keep working at it, you motherfucker.
What are you just like only want to do things that you're good at?
That's so boring.
That creates a boring person.
There's something to be said about like your life leading you to something that you like.
I have a buddy who would like do a lot of animation and it never really like got successful off it but he loved you
know him but he does like a lot of animation oh yeah yeah and not not your friend no i know so
and um and he never really got he was very good at it never made a career out of it and now he like
he's always liked movies and shit and now he likes to like he makes these like prints of
like themed old newspaper like i could
say like 90s horror movies and he's got a bunch of newspaper articles like for scream fucking
friday the 13th or whatever and he makes them and you could get them framed and like he makes prints
of them and sells them dude and he loves doing it and he's like it took me a while to find out my
passion but this is awesome people pay me to do this shit i love doing it and i'm happy and if this guy was out here trying fucking racquetball and rock climbing it would
have taken even longer to him to get to this fucking thing it's so time consuming too yeah
you gotta hold on things you might like right not just all things right right yeah anyway yeah so
that's what's up i think yeah don't be so hard on yourself yeah next one yeah what's up, I think. Don't be so hard on yourself. Yeah. Next one. Yeah.
What's happening, Delia Brothers?
My question is about friendship.
Basically, long story short, I had to make a decision to get the vaccine in order to make a move in my place of work to try and increase my money because I just got engaged a year ago.
Nice.
Congratulations.
And I also have two uh daughters nice so cute you know times getting they were getting a little rough for me um new york has been rough with the whole pandemic
stuff yeah especially in the service industry is where i work so yeah anyways um so a friend of
mine basically implied and believed that getting the vaccine was like getting an std like hiv and vials and
you know all kinds of crazy shit and you know he basically took me off everything and
basically ghosted me and him and his bro were supposed to be in my wedding and i just
i've tried to try i've wanted to take the high road but i just don't know what to do
you know so would love to know how one would handle this.
Because he got the vaccine, his friend won't talk to him anymore?
Is that what he said?
That's what he said. That's crazy, bro.
Here's the thing about the vaccine and the pandemic in general.
We know this firsthand, and I know many, if not almost all people
probably have some degree of this in their life firsthand.
The pandemic drove so many people off the deep end and it was a real like
glimpse into how many people just in general on any given day any given moment in time how many
people are right there on the cusp of losing their fucking minds and all they need is a little push
and that pandemic was that little push and some people just fucking lose their minds and they're
gone forever little push that's why they don fucking lose their minds and they're gone forever.
Little push.
That's why they don't push me.
We have one of their fucking,
to try to tie in your own shit.
But we have one of our greatest friends in the world that this happened to.
I know so many people with their own stories like this.
And dude,
that's what happened to your fucking friend.
Yeah.
It's like they lose their minds.
That sucks.
And they're just,
now they're fucking different people.
Yeah.
It sucks.
It's crazy man the amount
of time the amount of time that i like spent trying to like be friends and make sure that
these kinds of people were okay it's just like round here it's always on my mind that's what
you know what i mean i know what i know what you round here okay because you looked at the guy in counting crows adam duritz or whatever the fuck his name
is dude adam duritz always on my mind when i was in college adam duritz tried to fuck my
girlfriend so many times so many different ways oh my god i bet that was a long december
one more night in hollywood yeah that's crazy dude yeah i'd love to fuck you even though you have a boyfriend around here
yeah yeah yeah stop okay yeah yeah but i could be in the crown and crows yeah yeah i guess i mean
they don't want one time he he fucking actually i'm completely making that up well it sounded good
sounded good um no but i i yeah it's not that sucks bro the advice if
there is any is that try to get definitely take no responsibility for this yourself this is all
on those other people and try to get used to the fact that the pandemic this has happened to one
in one way or another to everyone all the same people have been touched one way or another by the crazy people
in ways like this and you're not alone you strong everyone who you're not alone
you so many people have been through this okay you should honestly if you're looking at it in
the life rips way i always say life rips go fucking thank the pandemic
go thank the pandemic for cutting these people out of your life in a quicker fashion than it
would have if they if if this virus didn't exist dude yeah so it would have been something if it
wasn't this yeah it would have been something and it would have taken longer it would have caused
you more stress i get that the stress is palpable now but go outside and say thank you covid wow
if you have a friend that has i'm telling you do it too film it send it in go outside and say
covid thank you get on your knees like brendan fucking frazier in school ties wait till it rains
thank you covid wow wow that's a good movie do that shit man
because it's like fucking it yo the you cut hey kovat did you make any did you did you fuck my
friends up or did you fucking expose my enemies thank you kovat how much would you have fucking
how much would it have sucked if this guy was in your wedding and then afterwards
some other shit happened and then you would have had these pictures and you would look at them all
lonely just like one more night in hollywood right so get out there and go thank you for exposing my
enemies covid well such a crazy person like if you saw someone do that thank you for exposing my enemies covid
lifeline listener huh any anybody that says exposing my enemies in general is a fucking
absolute nutcase completely disagree dude that's why me and tupac are on the same team and you're
on a fucking different side okay okay okay now let's move on we got a face blur minecraft hi chris and matt a huge fan of the podcast thank you um
i wanted to seek your advice because i recently started seeing a new guy a couple months ago
i'm 33 and uh things have been going great except for the fact that the last few times we've had
sex he has lost his erection like mid-sex um obviously initially
i thought oh gosh he's not attracted to me he swears up and down that's not it um that just
biologically this happens sometimes to men which i totally understand however i you know my needs
aren't being met so i would was wondering how do i bring this up to him to maybe get this resolved um i
don't want to emasculate him i want to support him and um i really care about him so i don't
want to hurt his feelings so how would you suggest i bring this up to him it's a new relationship
should i be concerned thanks guys it's a little alarming that's happening that that it's a new relationship. Should I be concerned? Thanks, guys.
It's a little alarming that that's happening.
It's a little alarming.
What's that mouth do?
That that's happening so early in a relationship.
Yeah.
But get fucking Viagra.
Yeah, but also what that mouth do.
And what exactly does this mean?
Well, you know, if he's getting soft in the middle of doing the horizontal mambo you turn to him and you say what that mouth do and then what does that mean let's
see how it works oh like go down on me yeah and and yeah that's definitely true yeah yeah okay
say what the mouth do what that mouth yeah so but so but also i let me say this dude if i'm really
into a woman right like this has happened my whole life if i'm really into her
it's more of a thing and it's uh uh more stress or pressure for me to perform well and then i get
inside my head yeah and that could happen to me for sure deeper now i have intimacy issues
nice to meet you intimacy let's have issues together but you know i you know that that does happen so i would trust him and give him the benefit of that it is not you right i can
even tell with your pixely face it's not you right but um but yeah maybe kind of like right like just
it's it's a tough thing to bring up but maybe kind of just gently turn over to him after you
have sex one time and just be like sweetie what what that mouth do you know or say like how's your tongue game or whatever the
fuck you know what i mean anyway i think what you should do is you're not gonna see you want to lap
it up you're not gonna emasculate him if you came at him the way you just described it in the video
i'll tell you that i'm talking about oops all right how's the tongue game though like this with
the covers just like this can you lap it up so gross though lap it up like a fucking dog yeah i've got a dog bowl in between
my legs stupid what's up doberman i got a fucking vanilla bean between my legs or whatever i have a
lentil bean on top of my large coffee oh yeah um no i think first of all that's a good idea if he
loses his erection he can still go down on you. He still has a mouth.
He has other ways of bringing you, delivering pleasure to you.
Robot.
But I also think that you're not going to necessarily emasculate him.
He knows what's happening.
He knows you know what's happening.
All you got to do is mention it.
It's like the more you don't mention it, the weirder it gets.
Yeah.
But bring it up.
Maybe it happens to him. Maybe it's something that has happened to him in the past. It's a recurring thing. don't mention it, the weirder it gets. Yeah. But bring it up. Maybe it happens to him.
Maybe it's something that has happened to him in the past.
It's a recurring thing.
Not talking about it at all is a surefire way to get it all fucked up.
Yeah, you'll get it all fucked up.
Then it won't even get hard in the beginning.
It'll just be like soft.
Try to shoehorn it in.
Viagra is an option for sure.
There are other more natural ways of trying to keep an erection.
But definitely have him start going down
on you because if he's losing his fucking heart on what else you gotta go down you gotta go down
south wow make her still happy like one of my favorite things is to see what a guy's mouth
game is like so maybe we can get into that and maybe don't mention the fucking soft shit you
know one of my you know one of my favorite things is two of my favorite things honestly badminton
and seeing
what the guy's mouth game is did you want to try any of those i have rackets but also what kind of
guy loses his heart on and isn't like let me attempt at doing the mouth game i mean probably
many guys he's probably insecure about trying a mouth game maybe maybe his mouth game maybe he
didn't do it yet we don't know how new it is right if it's if it's like it right? If it's like two or three times or it's just a new relationship.
So maybe if they're exclusive, it's been a bit.
And also maybe it's the condom.
Maybe some guys can't do it with the condom.
That's true.
Although you're probably doing it wrong.
He would have said that.
She would have said that if that was the case.
I'm probably doing it wrong.
Everybody's got a little dirt bag in them.
All right.
Okay.
But yeah, dude, tell him to go down on you.
Fucking full stop. End of story. End of sentence. End of paragraph. End of fucking short story. little dirt bag in them all right okay but uh yeah dude tell him to go down on you yeah fucking
full stop end of story end of sentence end of paragraph end of fucking short story end of
collection of short stories end of book and a book binding that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard
dude all right okay next one matthew modine so i was in band of brothers what do i do if
what's up man chris So I got a little situation
here. It's going to be so bad. I'm currently
talking to this girl that I
work with. Matthew O'Dean. I know.
Bad idea.
But
the problem is
I'm 23 and
she's 31.
Outside of that,
we get along really well and everything's going pretty smoothly.
We've only been talking like three or four months, but recently she's been talking about wanting to have a kid.
Oh, my God.
Now, I probably don't want to have a kid until, you know, a good 10 years probably.
But I don't think she's willing to wait 10 years.
I mean, who the fuck is, you know?
I don't know.
With that being said,
should I cut things off?
Sweetie.
Should I keep just going with the flow
and see where things head?
I don't know.
We work together,
so that could stir up some stuff in the office.
It already did, bro.
I mean, I doubt it.
She's a sweetheart.
Could be.
Yeah, just let me know what you guys think.
Also, they haven't even had sex yet, and she's already talking about me know what you guys think also they haven't even
had sex yet and she's already talking about having kids oh they haven't had sex yet no they have it's
been a few months run oh yeah they've had sex i thought he said they were texting for a few months
oh no no it's been happening for a few months okay wow then they're already you already made
the mistake so fucking whatever at this point but um i mean you have a lot of money because you
were in cutthroat island but uh yeah i don't know i think it's great in full metal jacket i think that that was the one i was trying to think of so
uh i think that i mean you know you can't be like how's 41 sound as a mother you know
she would literally her head would explode yeah can you just wait 10 years props to her yeah
props to her for being up front though yeah for sure yeah that's
absolutely true so she was up front to you so you should be up front to her i think you know you owe
her that yeah exactly so just say like yo i'm not gonna want kids for another 10 years you want to
ride this out or not i totally get it but also uh it's probably best if you guys just don't
keep it a casual if you keep it a casual but let me tell you something for real this guy thinks
i don't want kids for another 10 years. You don't know.
You don't know.
Yeah, you don't know.
In two years, you could change your mind.
In 10 years, you could still not want kids.
There's no right way to approximate
when you think you will want children,
when you think you'll be ready.
There's no way to know.
In fact, you might not ever be ready.
And then you might have a kid
and the day it comes,
you think, oh my God, I'm so ready.
I can't fucking wait for this.
These things are not knowable. So get that part out of your fucking mind
if you really are into this woman and she's really into you and you guys agreed to not let it fuck
up the workplace you already started doing it you might as well see it through the end to cut it now
and be like no no we work together you already dipped a toe in you're fucked that's true good
point what a good fucking point man man. So just keep going.
Be a good guy.
Be upfront with her like she has been with you. And be fucking honest.
And see where it goes.
Yeah, I agree.
Good job, dude.
Good, good, good, good, good, good, what do you call it?
It's called advice.
Okay.
Hey, what's up, guys?
It's Alex from Boston.
I just hit record and I took a turn and now i'm staring
directly at the sun i can't see anything but um my question is basically uh i have a new job and
it's work from home forever remote and my lease is going to end in june and i basically have the
opportunity to work from anywhere and i can't decide where to go so i figured i'd ask you guys
chris you travel a lot um matt i'm sure you've done some traveling so i'm just curious within the u.s or maybe even
europe if you could work from a home office anywhere where would you do it oh wow wow
damn dude three years ago i would have said la um uh anywhere if you if you could here's the thing
if you could be anywhere and have a job that you like, that's tough, dude.
There's so many cool places.
What would you do?
Shanghai?
No, come on.
Europe, he said, not China.
What?
He said Europe.
Well.
The United States or Europe.
Okay, fine.
Dude, I would maybe go to pimping, pimping ass Montreal.
Montreal's great.
Montreal's a fucking amazing, beautiful city. Yeah, Montreal's great. Yeah, true. It gets vertical montreal's great montreal's a fucking amazing beautiful city yeah
montreal's great uh yeah true well no vancouver is a little the thing about canada is you don't
know where it's gonna be in five years what do you mean they're fucking changing faster than we
are bro they're so woke they're crazy i mean what all right but that's not a reason to not go to
fucking montreal if you want to live there i guess not um um yeah i don't know man i mean there's a lot of really
great places nashville's great boise is i mean there's places you wouldn't even think of you
know boise um well you'd know a lot of different cities where would you go if you were just a
single guy starting brand new guy um and and location didn't matter like being in la yeah
being a comic that wasn't the thing. It was just total clean slate.
Austin's cool.
I mean, it's growing rapidly, though.
You always got to be careful about that.
I would maybe want to be someplace that's as close to city and country being as close as possible to one another,
which actually, in many ways, is LA.
But LA right now is not the time for LA. Yeah, I know. It's not. It probably will be again in the near but LA's right now is not the time for LA.
Yeah, I know it's not.
It probably will be again in the near future,
but right now is not.
I'm trying to think of places.
Florida is awesome because of the weather.
What about any place in Georgia that's dope?
What about Raleigh?
There's a lot.
Raleigh is really nice.
You know what's really nice is Raleigh. Yeah, Raleigh is nice. Raleigh, North Carolina? Raleigh is really nice. You know what's really nice is Raleigh.
Raleigh is nice.
Raleigh, North Carolina?
Raleigh is really nice.
Yeah.
I would say fucking Montreal would be mine though, for real.
Really?
I really love Montreal.
Jesus.
I love Montreal.
Toronto is fucking awesome.
And whenever I take a flight away from Montreal,
I have a crazy Zanny Island trip.
Right, right, right.
Toronto is awesome.
I've never been to toronto
really yeah isn't that weird yeah that is weird um where else have i been and where am i going
i mean so introspective hmm i could go anywhere colorado places it's okay yeah it's not my thing
but i like denver yeah but it's not my thing. But I like Denver, yeah. But it's not my thing, though. Colorado's really pretty.
Yeah, really, really pretty.
And the weather's bad, but not like...
It has seasons, you know.
Where else?
Chicago's like fucking crazy right now.
Icebergs.
It gets too cold there for me.
I'll be in Chicago February 25th.
Plugging south.
New York's cool, but it's expensive.
It's a little too much.
I wouldn't go to New York.
I mean, I lived there for a few years already.
But if you haven't lived in New York,
actually, I would say maybe go and try New York
because it's a place some people
would just truly fall in love with.
I loved it while I was there.
Fort Lauderdale's cool.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
It cut me off, yeah.
Fort Lauderdale, really?
Mm-hmm.
So you like Florida. I'm not a Floridaida different places uh i'm not mr florida
you like like arizona and shit though oh yeah oh phoenix and tempe is fucking awesome i love it
phoenix i'm looking at places what a loser uh phoenix and tempe is awesome um what about like
uh well that kind of costs a bit of money.
Did he say he's pimping rich?
No, he didn't.
Okay.
I mean, you know.
Everybody does say Nashville.
I think Nashville might be the move for everybody.
The problem with places like Nashville and Austin
is they're really growing really fast
and you don't know what the fuck it's going to become.
That's true, yeah.
But yeah.
What did I say?
Fort Lauderdale is fucking awesome.
All right.
All the places in the fucking United States are Europe. I'm just saying for me, man, for a single dude, Fort Lauderdale is fucking awesome. All right. All the places in the fucking United States are Europe.
I'm just saying for a single dude, Fort Lauderdale is awesome.
Oh, and Europe?
Shanghai.
Singing.
Madrid.
Okay.
You know.
All right.
Next one.
Wow.
Guys.
So serious.
It gets in so many fights.
What's up, man?
Chris.
Coming at you poolside from Dubai.
Wow.
I had a question mainly for Chris.
If I recall correctly, on the congratulations pod,
you used to always complain about lower back problems.
Say things along the lines of,
does my back really hurt?
Yes.
Can I barely move?
Yes.
Does life still rip?
Yes.
Worst impression ever.
And I wanted to just understand how you got rid of that because
i've been trying everything still has still have pretty consistent lower back issues and wanted to
know how you resolve that because you don't really complain about it anymore and as a final note we
moving up look at that bro god that's where tom cruise ran down i don't know yeah it is right yeah yeah
that's a famous that's like the tallest building in the world right now wow that's crazy yeah
um so just took the video to do that you know i mean it doesn't have back pain at all it doesn't
yeah um i um i don't yeah i you know what you know what the unfortunate thing is you gotta wait
that's back that That's back shit.
You just got to wait.
Like I waited.
I thought about having surgery.
I had one.
It was that bad?
I had a procedure done where they injected something.
And if I just waited it out, it would have been fine.
And it's fine now.
But, you know, I still do.
I guess I still feel it.
I completely forgot about it.
I had severe middle back pain,
like just right off my spine,
behind my shoulder blade.
It fucking went away.
Yeah.
But I had that shit for years.
Yeah, I know me too.
Stretching helps for sure.
I don't know what you mean.
Massages helped the fuck out of me.
Like consistent,
weekly,
like deep tissue,
Thai,
like crazy miniature Thai women
who are the strongest people on earth. Yeah. Just like elbows, thai like crazy miniature thai woman who are the strongest people on earth yeah
just like elbows just fucking like like purple people eat or whatever the fuck you say yeah
uh yeah but that's what's up yeah i don't know i think that it's like um you gotta uh just stretch
and wait i don't know what's wrong with you if you actually have something wrong if it's not just a
muscle thing yeah yeah then get it looked at and an x-ray and shit like if you crunched your discs and shit i mean if it's a bone thing good luck it's never a bone thing
though but if it's the spine you're fucked forever dude but the guy i think he's fucked forever
uh yeah no he's just get deep massages by fucking miniature really strong time all right well you
know that's what that's what helped me dude i'm telling you but i don't
know if the race matters
but no it does because
that's where they practice
it and get good at it i
know yeah right yeah um
so anyway that's what you
got to do and also wait
time is your friend wait
it out uh speaking of
time in one week uh no
in four days i guess
wednesday uh october
19th matt's birthday show yeah watch lifeline.com the
link is under here in the comments you can do our join our live show and get tickets 6 p.m pacific
october 19th watch lifeline.com we're gonna be taking your calls live we're gonna be talking
with you we're gonna get in-depth and fucking you can get advices that way and have back and forth with you and us and special guests and sign merch and surprise other things yes booyah booyah
and booyah yep there we go so that's what's up go get your lifeline merch at watch lifeline.com
and support the show we love it you guys have been great go to chrislea.com for um
tickets for my tour and peace out and go to match with it. You guys have been great. Go to chrislea.com for tickets for my tour.
And peace out.
And go to mattchlea.com for your private session with me.
I don't like you doing that.
I know.
I don't like it.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.