Lifeline - 75. The Pissed Meter Is Broken
Episode Date: September 17, 2023LIFELINE LUXURY is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe... on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. THE FUCKING SHIRTS CAME IN! Today we have some follow ups, some Jordan With The Slam submissions, distorted reality in movies, and how to deal with going to weddings. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hello? Hello? Hello? oh well he never just gets a shirt that's it that's a national park no i know but what is
that picture of it well it just has a shirt for no reason.
Is that off?
That's off.
Why is that off?
Why would that be off?
A shirt for no reason, dude.
I'm never a guy who wears a shirt for no reason.
And honestly, the shirts came in, dude.
Wait, this is important.
Shirts came in.
This is important.
It's not.
Are we recording?
Yeah.
Oh, well, what the fuck? Why is the fucking TV on?
Don't say swear words.
Oops.
In the beginning, right?
I didn't mean to.
Shirts came in.
Shirts came in shirts came in if you listen to two episodes ago call the okay blank
call the cops i'll have blank with them there we go floating in the worst cgi of all time
um yeah dude so that's so we have the um tweety bird uh i don't know the tweety bird tweety bird
tweety bird um and so that's what's that's what's going on now and it's episode 75 sunday september
17th uh and sundays are for lifeline you know that. You can go sign up at Lifeline Luxury. Sign up to get the Lifeline Luxury.
Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury.
That's been killing lately.
So a new episode is out.
Lifeline Luxury.
Go sign up for that.
And you can go catch me on tour.
I got a bunch of different dates coming up here.
We got, let's see,ittsburgh cleveland um and detroit
orlando florida fort myers florida richmond virginia baltimore maryland philadelphia and
redding pennsylvania um crystalia.com for tickets if you have a question click the link in the
description below or go to watch lifeline.com or leave us a message on the hotline down below.
Yeah, send us videos, dude.
We love the submissions.
You want one-on-one advice sessions with Matt?
Go to mattdalia.com, right?
Go there.
Go to mattdalia.com.
And if you want the greatest merch that there is, go to lifelinemerch.com.
The greatest merch that ever lived.
Get your pieces that go with all the other pieces
and wear them all at once when you leave the house
because you never know
if there's going to be a fire in your house
or someone's going to rob your house.
Make sure you wear every piece of merch
every time you leave the house.
Pretty weird, pretty weird, but I agree.
So something's going on.
We got these shirts on, and you know what?
Something else about shirts, but go ahead.
I got something else to say about shirts.
You got something else about shirts. Yeah, but finish what you got something else you got something else about shirts yeah but okay well uh mako
over there said yo it's so weird to see you in a regular t-shirt because i'm always wearing like
kind of either different older vintage or also uh fashion stuff nah you never wear vintage stuff but
yeah i do i do okay okay okay so okay yeah okay i'll believe you i have a one i have a ducks
unlimited shirt and then i also have a motor sport shirt all right keep going that is okay
um and so uh so that's so but now i have a regular shirt on and what i'm realizing is
nope i'm beefed out dude the shirt's too small no it's not oh and it's an extra large so i'm
beefed out yeah
so that's why i said we gotta get we gotta make sure we get xls because always when you get a
cheap shirt like this yeah they run tiny is this the other thing you want to say about shirts
is that we want to say the other thing i want to say about shirts is that anthony
wears t-shirts all the time and he every time someone asks him about his shirt yeah
not only does he not know the answer but he acts like it's
a ridiculous thing i don't know to even yeah to even like know what might be on one's shirt
it's absolutely insane to just be wearing a shirt and not know anything about it i think
i i and a lot of i'd say most people i agree unless you do that like it's even it's like not
even not knowing the brand. Yep. No.
Even that's weird.
If you have a big thing on the front of your shirt and it says a word and then there's
a picture of it and have no idea what the correlation between the word and the picture
is, what the word is, what the picture's of.
Right.
What did you just literally roll on a bunch of clothes and one thing ended up on you and
you're like, oh, it's all good.
I'll wear this.
Dude, I was talking to Harland Williams the other day.
Bragging.
I mean, you know.
Bragging.
It's not bragging if you're more famous than the person, right?
Well, Harland Williams is pretty legendary. He's been around for a while.
And he is legendary.
You're right.
So that is true.
And I'm not legendary.
Not yet.
You dropped his name and you were like.
I'm not legendary yet.
You basically said, I know Harland Williams.
But go ahead.
It's Harland, right?
With a D?
Yes.
It's also very obvious that I would know him
because he's a comedian who works here all the time.
So it's not really bragging.
So he had on a shirt with the ghost from Mario Brothers.
Like, you know what that white ghost?
Oh, there's like a ton of different ghosts
and you can boop, boop, boop, boop.
Oh, in Mario Kart kart the ghost yeah that
one whatever that is yes i do know it yeah and um i said oh you said it all wrong but it's what the
hell the hell would i say the character in mario kart that is a ghost why are you saying mario kart
it has to do with mario brothers nobody says mario kart dude it's also on mario drive him
and you drive in the in the in the uh uh ghost automobile you drive in the ghost.
You drive in the ghost?
You are the ghost.
But that's not what the thing is from.
The thing is from Mario Brothers.
That's what people know it's from.
It's in Mario 1.
Nobody knows it.
People don't know it from the Mario Kart video.
It's from Mario 1?
Yes, dude.
What did it look like then?
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah, dude. So get out of here with your Mario Kart. It's all good, but it says three. Yeah, dude.
So get out of here with your Mario Kart.
It's all good, but it says three.
Okay.
Okay, so Mario Kart 3, which is a decade before Mario Kart.
Probably even longer.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Okay.
For sure.
Yeah, I do remember.
Yeah, that thing scared me.
Anyway, well, that is.
I must have blocked it out of my mind.
Ah, you're a wuss, so.
Wuss, you know.
I would have said P word, but it's still early on.
I know that.
I don't want to get demonetized, so.
I know that.
So you're a wussy boy.
I know that I know that
I know that
So you're a wussy boy
So
He was wearing
A picture
A shirt with just that on it
Like this
Cool
Big
Okay
Right
And I was like
Oh you got a Mario shirt on
Because Eric Griffin
Also had a Mario Brothers shirt on
Oh okay
Now Eric Griffin
We know why he's wearing
A Mario Brothers shirt
Dork
He likes
We don't know why
Alan Williams is wearing
A Mario Brothers shirt
Yeah okay yeah
Especially just the ghost
So I said what are you doing We that yeah you got mario brothers you
guys both were mario brothers oh is this mario i have no idea you know how he does and i was like
you really don't and he was like yeah i don't know i was like well then why are you why do you have
it he said i don't know i just went on and i got it online and i said like how and he said i just typed in silly shirts and bought a
bunch oh my god yeah and i silly dude and i said you literally googled silly shirts and he said
yeah i said why yeah and he said because i got a podcast i like to wear different shirts on the
podcast i mean that is pretty smart honestly if you're like i don't know what to wear i'm a
comedian i like to be silly i'm just gonna
google silly shirts and buy the first 10 so what's more important to you then when you're wearing a
shirt what is on the shirt or how the shirt fits because i would never buy something that i don't
know how it looks on me unless unless it's a brand that i know or it's a brand that is similar to another
brand that i know but like just willy-nilly buying a shirt like this i would never do it
yeah of course we bought it for jokes on the podcast i i you mean without are you basically
saying you would never buy something without trying it on first no oh okay well i mean i
guess kind of except for the fact that i'm saying, there are brands I know that I know how they fit, so it doesn't matter.
Yeah, no, I would definitely do that.
I care more about how they feel on me.
Not even so much how they fit.
Interesting.
It's how they feel on me.
Right.
Like this shirt, for example, feels like absolute dog shit.
You know what I'm saying?
And I might have been a little early for that, but it's okay.
No, it's not.
Okay. I don't think it feels that bad, honestly. Really? Yeah, I don? And I might have been a little early for that, but it's okay. No, it's not. Okay.
I don't think it feels that bad, honestly.
Really?
Yeah, I don't.
It feels just like a little stupid.
I mean, I'm sure if we would have washed it once, it would be fine.
Yeah, you wash it.
You know, you let it rumble and tumble.
Rumble and tumble and trust in God.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Wow.
When the earth goes, it takes a rumble and trust in God.
Tumble and trust in God.
What percent of the listeners do you think know what you're doing right now?
I don't know.
We definitely talked about it in one episode pretty hard.
And I've also talked about it a lot on my podcast.
Jiden Gregory News Network coming to you from Jacksonville, Florida.
Well, when earth takes a tumble, trust in worst news update ever you know uh just singing a terrible song the newscaster made up he was the first alex jones to be honest
um but yeah i hope he's doing well over he's over in florida somewhere uh he's dead dude that's what
i think and every time i google him he's still got videos pumping out and i'll be in florida
hopefully i'll see him in fort myers or orlando chrisley.com starbucks he's just at a starbucks in fort myers and live yeah yeah
just uh what a guy dude you know what's interesting you when you do the impression it sounds like
you're making fun of an entire group of people but what the reality is is that that's exactly
how he sounds why do i sound like i'm making fun of a pilot? Because it sounds like just a typical thing
that when people are making fun of people with disabilities,
do a voiceover.
Oh, oh, oh.
And now, what I'm pissed about is that I obviously meant that.
Well, because when I say things that mean the obvious thing,
why do you ask what?
Because I didn't get it, because he doesn't have a,
like a, I think what you're getting at is
there's some sort of uh like down syndrome thing
i'm making fun of no no no no no because he doesn't have that that's why i was confused
he has great so we're done we got it that's not the only way to have a mental disability
down syndrome is not okay so what's the disability that you think i'm making fun of what i'm saying
is the sound the voice that you did yes makes it it sounds like the voice people do the common for a catch-all way i don't
think it does well it does and i'm listening to it and you're saying it so it sounds different
i don't think it does no what i'm doing is a legit impression of the guy and it sounds
90 percent like i would have said you actually didn't even know that, I'm so mad. Wow, wow, wow, dude. The whole thing I was saying was it sounds like that,
but that is actually what you're doing
is an actual exactly right impression of that guy.
But you did say that.
I didn't cut you off.
You did say that.
Okay, see, the piss meter is broken.
Yeah, the top of the thing broke off.
It exploded from this?
And it spouted out.
Yeah, you did it.
It's your fault.
Okay.
I feel like your piss meter probably broke a lot anyway because you get pissed at a lot of stuff.
Maybe.
But, dude, anyway, I look freaking beefy in this shirt.
Let's get to some submissions, huh?
Subdrawn.
Subdrawn.
But I do look beefy in this shirt, right?
It's pretty crazy.
You look pretty beefy.
I mean, so weird.
Beautiful.
Not beautiful.
No.
Not beautiful at all.
Lenny Kravitz walking down the street.
A homeless guy.
So you guys wanted some clarification on the drive-thru incident.
The drive-thru incident?
So I'm going to try to recreate it for you here as best I can.
Yeah, this guy called in before.
So what is it?
Yeah, he did.
But what was it?
What was the drive-thru thing?
He told a girl that she was pretty in a drive-thru.
Right.
Oh, and we wanted clarification.
Thank you so much, dude.
Wow, what a good guy.
Okay.
Why is he dressed like Jon Snow?
Because you guys said that he looked like Lordura the rings oh that's hilarious yeah he does dude you did say that wow he's really
coming through we like this guy a lot he's really the fucking the drug the gloves you know they're
so hot he's great he's great don't mind my dog in the background if she's screaming no it's cool
well it's not cool if she's screaming so yes so i. So, she hands me my food. I say, thanks.
By the way, you're incredibly pretty.
And then she goes, oh, okay.
And, like, you know, wants to leave, obviously.
And I'm like, I'm sorry.
I'm not trying to be weird.
Yeah.
And she's like, okay, well, enjoy your food oh i was like thanks see ya and then i
just drove off yeah very simple nothing crazy happened genuinely i believe that's all the
detail there is really yeah right um i was also really intoxicated baffled in the in the moment
that like i really you were a little shook too yeah you know it just happens and they just don't
really capture the whole memory um but it wasn't even really a big deal at the end of the
day it was just kind of like it was just a jarring response and i thought maybe i was missing
something entirely but yeah at the end of the day it's not that big a deal yeah oh this guy's great
but i wanted to ask you guys a new question okay and my question is should you say bless you or should someone say bless you
when you sneeze personally i don't really like when people say it because then i have to kind
of respond and say like hey thanks you know or like be like oh like thanks like i don't i don't
need to be blessed i just sneezed it's fine um sometimes i actually try to really avoid sneezing
especially in the workplace so that nobody has to say bless you to me
That's great
Maybe that's strange but
It's a bit old word
So how do you guys feel about that?
Once again, love the podcast
And I'll see you guys later
You're a really good guest
When someone sneezes I just go like this
Great!
No, when someone sneezes I say bless you but I say bless you, but I do it under my breath so
they don't have to say thank you, but I did it for the world.
Why would you do it, though?
It's just a non-thing.
No, I say bless you all the time to somebody.
I don't think, I don't know.
I always appreciate when someone says bless you to me.
No, you know what?
I don't do it.
I don't do it.
It's pretty stupid to do it, honestly.
It doesn't bother me when people do it to me, though.
Yeah, no, not me.
It's always been weird, though, because it's a religious bless you.
Yeah, it's transcended that, though that though obviously it's not a it's not a religious thing
yeah just so you know everyone does that they're not like super religious the literal words are
weird to go along with this well i don't was it because people thought like that was the devil
in you like bless you no it's because when you sneeze your heart stops and you die a little bit
they think no yeah really your heart stops your heart skips a beat
and they go oh you were close to heaven or hell so bless you but i don't say god bless you i say
bless you because i'm the one blessing you is it even god bless you is that god bless you yeah oh
wow wow it's so dumb yeah no it doesn't bother me though yeah but uh that's weird that it bothers
you and that is something that the kind of thing that would also bother me, but that doesn't bother me.
I go like this.
What you could do is-
I bless you.
As you're like, you could be like, guys, I'm about to sneeze.
Don't say bless you.
Yeah, true.
And then sneeze, yeah.
But here's the number one thing, is if someone says Gesundheit, you get to choke them out.
Yeah, but that is obvious.
Gesundheit, what?
Oh, God.
What did I say with chisholm type?
Yeah.
Also, that heart stop when you sneeze thing sounds like bullshit.
Why do we say God bless you?
But somebody said that to me.
Hopes that prayer would protect them from an otherwise certain...
One of the symptoms of the plague was coughing and sneezing,
and it is believed that the Pope Gregory, Gregory the Great,
suggested saying God bless you after a person sneezes in hopes that the prayer would protect
them from an otherwise certain death well okay all right so it's some superstition yeah it's
oh yeah yeah yeah it's idiotic yeah so great i spread misinformation wow that's okay the pope
it's the pope i'm alex jones pope gregory dude one thing we can always rest assured whoever the
pope is is pretty pretty superstitious
yeah yeah yeah i mean have you seen the way he's dressed big ass hat you know the other hat well
no cardinals have big ass hats cardinals have the best outfits of them all i should dress like a
card hope is dressed cool but cardinals pull up a cardinal like not the anthony's gonna write in
cardinal saint it's gonna be saint louis gonna click on the saint lou. Anthony's going to write in Cardinal. He's going to click on the St. Louis link.
He's like, why are they all in St. Louis or Arizona?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, did it.
Cardinal a day?
What?
That's not what we want.
That's the full name of the bird, the Cardinal.
It is?
Yeah, Cardinal Church.
Hey, religion.
I mean, he typed in Cardinal Bird.
Type in Catholic Cardinal.
Why did he type in Cardinal Bird?
That's what you guys meant. Sorry. Okay, you're fired. Oh, wow. in Cardinal Bird. Type in Catholic Cardinal. Why did he type in Cardinal Bird? That's what you guys meant.
Sorry.
Okay, you're fired.
Oh, wow.
You're just fired.
Look at the sea of red.
Go to images.
Hold on, hold on.
Let's take this in.
Let's stop for a second.
Also, why even add bird if he thinks that that's the only one?
Don't understand.
You guys were talking about, you guys were basically saying that I was going to type in
the sports team or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I was like, oh, well, obviously he means the bird then,
not the sports team.
I didn't know that Cardinal
Popes existed.
Cardinal Popes!
They're going to hell!
Cardinal is another position.
It's a lower... It's like there's the president and then there's senators.
They're like senators of the Vatican.
All right, so cardinal outfits are go, go, go up.
So what else you want to do is click on one of them.
What you'd want to do is click on images, right?
Images and then any of the images.
Instead of a screen.
Oh, yeah.
The shield, you know?
The heat is on, dude. You better click on the worst one right yeah oh yeah the shield you know the heat is on dude you better click on the right one
that way that you did the right one dude good job good job yeah it's pretty good 13 cardinals wow
they always hug with their arms down like this like touching their arms and not over because
they can't reach because the thing they have the things on it right the front words also if they
lift up their arms you'll see that they're all naked under there dude those hats fucking suck you know everything about you know it looks
like a fucking uh a box that you'd put your takeout in everything about can i get a box to
go and they give you the cardinal hat the way the catholic organization the church the the religion
i the religionized the organized religion of of catholicism
the way that they dress the higher-ups is so fucking stupid you know what they should wear
these get over it like okay i'll have sex with them get with the times dude look at the guy's
hat to them it's like it's a bento box to them it's just That one yes That's the one I wanted you to click on So dumb
So not aerodynamic
Dude just
The tip of a dick
A bellend
He's wearing a bellend
On his head
Look at the cane dude
How stupid everything is about it
It's so crazy stupid
Dude if he was in a convertible
Dude that thing would go flying
Man hit your windshield
Go click on the
All the way one to the left
Where he's sitting down and shit
With the cape on
Yeah the big chair
That one
Wow
Oh it's too small
I'm pissed
Do you guys remember
The pope before
this pope his name was pope benedict of course yeah they all looked the same he wore christian
louboutin shoes oh that was real i thought that that was like no no no you're thinking of something
else no no i know that too oh i thought that that was fake okay no oh no he i think i know he had a
red red bottom loaf oh man oh, man. Oh, you know?
Not what the Pope should be standing for, you know?
And I'm sorry if you're Catholic and you're listening.
I'm not.
But if you're Catholic and you're listening, why are you still Catholic?
Yeah.
But yeah, that's true.
Why does the Pope wear red shoes? Because he's got that drip on him, honestly.
He's trying to keep the nuns, pass out towels with the nuns.
Wow.
That's kind of cool, though.
You can wear whatever you want.
You can wear whatever you want on your feet. So he's's got to express himself many of you had yeezys on
um anyway well nothing is more religious than you know it's the latino shoemaker right so he's
probably like please please the pope now where am i what what are you pointing at the latino
shoemaker it said it was a latino shoemaker That made those shoes That's what it said right there Oh Anyway
Please please
For us
For us
For the people
We need
You know
Anyway
Alright cool
I did an Italian accent
Wait I have this wrong
He just wore red shoes
Oh
Fuck me man
Bam dude
Wow just
But they
Oh they were Prada
They were Prada
Prada red shoes
Okay
Which is a classic Prada thing, right?
They do those red shoes.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Honestly, this podcast, there have been no facts so far.
We've been saying things out of our heads.
Cardinal Bird, you know?
Cardinal Bird, your heart stops when you sneeze, and he's wearing Louboutins.
I haven't said a single piece of misinformation, and I'm proud of that.
You will.
All right.
All right, next one.
Hello, Chris and Matt.
Chris, I came to your show a couple years ago in Chicago.
It was a New Year's show.
Good-ass time.
Pause it.
Anyway, the topic is...
He's legit.
I've never seen somebody with the same hair on his chin as on his head.
If you just switched it, it would look exactly the same.
That's incredible.
I've never seen that.
That's incredible.
That's pretty, yeah.
Also, the most regular shirt
I've ever seen in my life.
Okay.
Just regular guy to a T, this guy.
I was listening to a couple
of your old Lifeline episodes
and Chris, you were talking about
how you just had a hard time
at weddings.
Yeah.
And that's exactly why
I feel on them at weddings, dude.
Like, I just feel out of place.
I feel like a misfit
why is everyone here having such a good time
I'm just over here, you know, totally not
so anything you have for me
I didn't really go to weddings or dances or anything
come out of it as a kid, to deeper
so anything
Matt, Chris, anything you guys got for me
any advice on how to have a good time and just
enjoy the wedding, let me know
I'm in a wedding in a few weeks in Vegas in one? I have to participate and have a good time and just enjoy the wedding. Let me know. I'm in a wedding in a few weeks in Vegas.
In one?
I'm the groomsman, so I have to participate and have a good time.
Anything you guys got?
Love what you're doing.
Take it easy.
Thank you.
I appreciate you.
I'll tell you this much.
My whole attitude has changed when I'm at events now.
I'm way better at them.
I think it's because of the CBD I take from Pure Spectrum.
You can go get it on the code.
You type in the thing and you click on it.
Wow. Congrats, but that shit helps. You type in the thing and you click on. Wow.
Congrats.
But that shit helps.
And so I'm in business with them.
I'm not saying you should do that.
But my point is, I think that that's what helps for me.
Also, dude, I feel like the.
I mean, what's going on?
Yeah, I feel like he you're're in you're you don't like going
to weddings you go into Vegas and being in a wedding that could be a good you know I know
he's obviously been to some weddings but that could be a good way to ease into it is because
it's Vegas it's not like you're in the middle of nowhere fucking you know in Indiana which I'm you
know what I mean just like i assume
the wedding's still going to be wedding-ish though but you mean like no yeah yeah that's what i mean
like at least it's just that and then also although maybe it's not going to be wedding-ish
it's if it's in vegas he also might not be yeah like why the fuck would you go be wedding-ish if
you're going to be in vegas but he's also in the wedding so he's going to have a bunch of bullshit things to have to do.
Yep.
Having a wedding is rude.
Having a wedding is insanely rude.
Yep.
Thanks for being a both of mine.
Here's what's even more rude.
Thanks for being a both of mine.
Having a wedding, then there's like 250 guests.
Thanks for that.
I did that twice.
You know who that's rude to?
About 230 people. been rude to 500 people
every time a little under because some of the people at those weddings want to be there like
the person's family their best friends whatever but most people this goes out to everyone who's
listening who's ever been married plans on getting married or might one day get married
at your wedding just keep this in. No one wants to be there.
Yep.
Nobody there wants to be there except your mom.
Yeah.
And some other people who are like your mom.
And I get,
you kind of have to have a wedding.
Sometimes I understand,
you know,
cause either the woman wants it or sometimes the guy wants it or they think
it's the right thing to do.
I get it.
Uh,
however,
definitely keep the actual ceremony short and the speech is short yeah yeah nobody
wants to hear your speech where it's just and that's why when we and she was the only person
in class that i i got along with because we both wore jellies that's a good speech though that
if it's like that it's okay and that but that's the best that's the best that's the top yeah yeah oh dude remember jellies that's why i said it do you remember them now you said it a
few seconds ago yeah dude do you remember jellies marco that's why i said it does everyone remember
jellies i mean what the fuck i haven't thought about jellies in like 30 years remember this
you're gellan yeah that i'm gellan gellan gellan no well gellan was the was that was a part of it 30 years. Do you remember this? You're Jelen? Yeah, that I remember. I'm Jelen. Magellan.
Magellan?
Is it Magellan?
No.
Well, Magellan was the... But that was a part of it, right?
Jelen, Magellan.
I don't know.
I think...
I don't know.
Damn it.
Yes, it was.
It was?
Okay.
He said, I'm like Magellan.
I'm so Jelen.
Oh, yes.
He's right.
There we go.
Marco came through.
He's usually dumb, but he got it.
Well, they still make them?
Yeah, dude.
Oh, they still are a thing.
Yeah.
I thought only eighth grade girls in the late 90s could wear them well that's when they started wearing that's when they
exploded people are still doing anything girls in eighth grade in 1999 were doing that's crazy i
mean look they're kind of like honestly that they were ahead of their time i would say sick
i would say they're not like they weren't like that then those are just no they got a chick there's men's i'm getting a pair bro i mean what do you think you got to keep
updating shit you can't just have the same right you're right but they're so different though right
no they're not so different okay yes they are the whole thing about jellies is they were like that
weird yes material they still are oh really so yeah look at them i don't see the material on
them you can't go up go up and see the blue one right there on the right you can see it oh oh wait the one on the left isn't like that interesting
interesting that's not a true jelly to me no you're right but the oh see because that's the
kids one that's why there we go there's another adult one we've gotten to the bottom there we go
so they're not the true jelly ones yeah no they're not they're imposter there we go look at the men's
jelly ones the men's jelly ones have it, let's see the guy wearing them.
Yeah, he looks good.
Oh, he looks really bad, honestly.
That guy you want to fight.
To be honest, that guy you want to fight for just being there.
Not because of his shoes, though.
You just want to fight him.
Anyway, so jellies, yeah.
Cool.
That's what I said, and I pulled it deep from the archives to make it funny.
Oh, dude.
I never would have been able to think of that on my own.
But how good was it how I pulled it deep from the archives to make it funny? Yeah, you pulled it deep from the archives to make it funny. And, dude. I never would have been able to think of that on my own. But how good was it how I pulled it deep from the archives to make it funny?
Yeah, you pulled it deep from the archives to make it funny.
And it made it funnier.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey.
Took it.
Who was the next guy?
Oh, man.
Hello, Chris and Matt.
This is Hissa again from Nashville.
Thank you for answering my question.
Oh, you're the drummer?
I'm sad to send in a video of me playing drum set,
but unfortunately, I am classically trained,
so I have all those drums at the symphony.
Oh, cool.
However, I am first and foremost a Latin drummer, and Latin drums don't traditionally use drum set.
This means that my primary instruments are congas and bongos.
I don't have a great way to set my phone down.
Hell yeah, dude.
So these are congas, these big ones.
Wow. And then these little ones, my absolute favorite, are bongos.
Matthew McConaughey played them with his dick out, right?
And these are timbales. I don't keep them set up, but this is what the rhythm on them sounds like.
And yeah, these drums together make up the heartbeat of salsa music.
There's some cajon.
There's drum line stuff.
Selling it to us.
But yes, I am going to see you in Nashville.
And hopefully you get the Tweety Bird shirt on time.
I think you guys see it best.
We have the Tweety Bird shirt right now.
And thanks for coming to Nashville.
Nashville was awesome.
She was there.
Yeah, that's what she said.
Yeah, she just said that.
So thank you very much for coming.
Actually, that was an unreal. That venue, dude, that venue, the Ryman,
is the best venue I've ever played.
What?
Yep, I know.
And I didn't want to believe it
because it's built in 1896 or something.
1800s?
Yeah, 1800s.
Oh, it's one of the ancient, cool-ass ones in Nashville.
Dude, I was was like all right well
like you know how you think that make you not want to say it that should make you want to say
that's crazy well that's something amazing as a venue was built in the no no no no no what what
what i what i mean is you know how people say things are good just because they've been around
for a while no i know that you think that i don't think people actually do that though matt you don't think people are like it's like this it's like an example they don't make them
like they used to and in the meantime like yeah okay oh okay so cool so you'd rather have a
fucking 1950 chevy oh i see what then a car with all the bells and whistles and bluetooth and the
air conditioning and shit like go fuck yourself you're not even being right yeah yeah that's what i'm saying okay okay this venue is it's got church pews for seats
so i'm like everyone thinks i'm just people just believe in the hype is like to me that's how i am
with everything i go i perform in the dude it was the best venue i've ever played as a performer at
least i gotta say it was so awesome dude it's so
i'm sitting there and i go out while lulu's on stage and i walk out there for a little bit and
i'm in the crowd and i'm like what the fuck dude how is it possible that they make all these venues
now and they're not this good and this one was made over a hundred years ago yeah you would think
yeah anyway i'm getting off topic here because she wants to know about the drums but uh yeah that's cool that she put
the congas and we were we were racist i guess because we just think about those drums and what
she did just like a quick demonstration i'm not kidding yeah there's no chance i could learn how
to do even the very first thing she did i'm like the lead i'm already not musically inclined like i put me in front of a musical
instrument i have no idea what to do also singing yeah that too for sure but i'm a good singer
obviously okay well it's it's the rawness that comes out so it's different it's raw is it
classically good no but is it the rawness it is the rawness okay so but like i i was thinking
when she just said that there's no way i could do that you could and here's the drums are the i'm the worst at uh percussion instruments yeah i'll tell you this
much yeah you could learn how to do it but however there is one thing that's for damn certain you
will never be able to do that do what what you did i know. It's not that you can't. It's just that you won't. Oh, it's that I won't. There's no way a Matt D'Elia would ever be.
No.
No.
I want to know how to play an instrument, but I couldn't fuck with those.
Yeah.
What instrument would you play?
I will play the violin and do the thong song all the time.
The violin is a.
Jerking a guy off.
violin huh that's a good choice maybe to be like i would be like a great person like a great artist at this instrument you're saying a great artist like i would be great so foreign i would be a
great artist a great artist is not foreign great artist is what everybody people say all the time
yeah i understand but i'm saying what would you want to learn how to play that's it
but i'm is it just that i can play it or that i'd be like really good at you wouldn't be really good
at it so this is not a hypothetical this is just no this is what up and this is matalia what
instrument would you want to play who care none of them i don't play any of them you just said
you wanted to play an instrument you just said it dude set it and forget it what did i say you said
i want to learn how to play an instrument.
You said it.
That's what started this whole thing.
No, I didn't.
I don't want to learn how to play an instrument.
What?
I didn't say that.
Did I make that up?
Anthony?
I might have said something like that.
Yeah.
I didn't say that.
You said something like it.
I might have said.
I think you said that you.
I mean.
I could never.
Here's what we're going to do.
We're going to run the tape back.
Yeah, we're going to run it back.
It's not that you can't.
It's just that you won't.
Oh, it's that I won't. It's just that you won't.
Oh, it's that I won't.
There's no way a Matt D'Elia would ever be...
No.
No.
I want to know how to play an instrument, but I couldn't fuck with those.
Yeah.
I want to know how to play an instrument, but I couldn't fuck with those.
Yeah.
But I think what you said was that you would like...
You like the idea of it or you want to be...
Whatever you said, dude,
we don't know now at this point.
We'll replay it.
No matter what I said,
here's what is the truth.
If I misspoke or didn't.
Okay.
I don't want to
because I cannot do it.
I've tried to in the past.
Defeatist.
I wish I had the capability
or the mind for it.
Then I would do it
because musical instruments are the shit. But I don't have a single one I can even remotely or the mind for it, then I would do it because musical instruments are the shit.
But I don't have a single one
I can even remotely get the hang of.
Dude, remember when mom would be like,
you're going to want to learn,
you're going to want to learn,
I'm going to get your piano lessons,
you're going to want to learn,
you're going to be happy that you did.
And I did piano lessons for a bit.
I did like two different teachers and shit.
I remember, yeah.
And she's like, you're going to thank me.
Not only me not only
not only am i fucking so happy that i didn't go through with it so i could learn the piano
not only am i so happy yeah that i quit i'm upset i wasted that much time i that's funny because she
should have made me do it because i feel the exact opposite i wish i knew how to play yeah dude i
wish i knew how to sit in front of a piano and do something on it.
Because that's like a skill that I...
Because what do you mean?
Why?
Why do people learn how to play the piano?
That's why.
Do you want to learn how to twirl plates?
No, that's not something.
Okay.
Throw plates?
That's not something.
Twirl plates.
No.
No.
And also, neither do most people.
Asking me why I want to know how to play the piano as if it's a ridiculous thing
when millions of people know how to play the piano.
Yeah, because their mom made them.
That's not why people play piano.
You think that someone's fucking sitting in a piano bar
and that person's mom didn't make them do it?
Yeah, I think that.
I think there are many, many, many thousands
and most people who pick up the piano
okay that's fine just because their mom made them i'm just saying steeper i'm just saying
i would really appreciate it if i wish i never sat i wish i never sat at a piano bench even for
one second i wish i knew how to play the piano even when you played i was like damn i think
that's cool though why didn't you play dude because i couldn't do it oh that's defeatist
i didn't have the the brain for it no i didn't decide i couldn't do it i tried i couldn't do it oh that's defeated i didn't have the the brain for it no
i didn't decide i couldn't do it i tried and couldn't do it you tried for a little bit you
didn't try too much you're right you're right i didn't tiger woods the whole fucking endeavor
you're right all right hey i know that sorry i'm just at work uh to the guys we had on last week
uh here's some advice I can give to them.
For the Swedish guy who's working in Australia,
you actually have to claim that $750 on tax, like officially speaking.
Oh, that guy, yeah.
So just say to the lady, listen, I have to actually put all tips on tax.
So you have to pay me my normal wage or else that'll be flagged by the ATO,
which is technically true and you could get deported.
It actually did happen to a friend of mine, which is a bit of a mess.
Okay.
So the other guy who has his neighbor who's driving into his parking spot,
just put a whole heap of eggs, just go down the store, grab some eggs,
put a whole heap of eggs down your side of the parking spot.
Just leave them there.
Ride on them.
Do not move.
Do not touch.
And then if he touches them, if he runs over them,
just leave him a note being like, hey, don't touch my eggs.
Hold on.
What was the parking?
Oh, wait.
What was it again?
Yeah.
The guy has.
What was what?
What the original guy called in yeah yeah yeah i think
it was some guys parking in his spot right no it was some guys parking badly next to him in his spot
right right but then what was the eggs thing this guy fucking talking he's adding eggs don't he's
adding loves eggs dude he's just adding eggs he didn't need to add anything but he added eggs
here's what you do go get eggs thanks it's this fucking worst guy
friends like i got a headache hey okay i'll make you some eggs what
ah i'll just go put some eggs near you i'll put some eggs near you
and then there you go your headache's gone probably for some time let me know
it's the eggs you're like no it's just a day it was yesterday why did he bring eggs into this
dude he wakes up in the middle he wakes up the next morning there's eggs near him he had it gone
wait why the egg thing made me forget the first thing oh the the the guy the australian taxing
the tip yeah okay yeah yeah i didn't hear a word he said about that to be perfectly honest
that guy the the other taxing thing this guy that just did that video i
didn't hear a word he said about the whole video yeah oh that's amazing yeah uh i i don't know
about the the the taxing thing uh he has to claim it i guess but that doesn't change the fact yeah
what the guy this isn't what the guy was talking about yeah it's like that may be true right but like the
person the daughter was it in the last episode right i think the daughter like still was being
a giant prick yeah i mean you said something that isn't what it's about so that's so you not only
said something that it wasn't about yeah you then brought up a whole other scenario that another
caller called in about wasn't and brought eggs in for absolutely
no reason so come on to me or a problem this is that guy coming with a problem someone else who
knows that guy call in about that guy and the problems that he causes in your life because he
definitely causes them but tell me a problem that you have and then i'll tell you how this is how
that guy responds yeah uh i got this like i don't know what's going on but it's like a pain from the
pain top of my shoulders yeah down spine, just like sharp pain.
Okay, so you know when it's summer, you got to wear a t-shirt, it's like hot out, and
then as it gets cooler, you're going to want to wear a sweater.
What about eggs?
Also, you can eat eggs.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, that's true.
Okay, I'll try that.
Yeah, that guy's, I don't know. I just don't know about that eat eggs. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's true. Okay, I'll try that. Yeah, that guy's...
I don't know.
I just don't know about that last guy.
Yeah.
But I do like his energy and his disposition.
I like...
But what was he ever talking about?
His energy and his disposition.
Quite a bit.
What was he ever talking about, you know?
Quite a bit.
Okay, but what was he ever talking about?
I bet he gets the whole thing of when people say,
God, don't I know you from somewhere?
I bet that guy gets that so much.
I didn't know him from somewhere.
You thought you knew him from somewhere and you didn't.
I didn't.
You're right.
But I thought I did.
I actually think the guy he looks like is a guy that we both know,
who I'm not going to mention right now.
Oh, okay, cool.
Sounds good.
Go ahead, next one.
Oh, that's the guy.
What's up, boys?
I've got a quick one for you,
especially since you both enjoy movies and you're in the film industry.
His hair is so much better like this
he looked great okay that that's what i'm noticing what is his hair he had really long hair
and we were like this shit it was all flowing oh right and then he called in again this is the
third time this is the you know what you know what hair he had the hair that that skeleton
has on his shirt i think it's a hood but that's what it looked like okay well wow terrible okay uh all
right cool you can't get over hair and facial hair haircuts in movies particularly the ones
that are myself like you know someone's been gone for a long time or a medieval movie or something
i'm particularly talking about this show called see with jason momo it's actually
ridiculously good i feel like no one watched it, but it's good. It's about blind people.
See,
let's see.
And they have the greatest haircuts and it's like,
yeah,
it's just as such a suspension from like reality.
I hate that.
And it breaks it for me.
I guess maybe no one else gives a shit,
but anyway,
no.
Here's what you guys think about hair in movies when it does not stand it.
Um,
really line up with what you'd expect from that in movies when it does not really line up
with what you'd expect from that era or setting.
I totally do it.
Let me know what you think.
Here's what happens because when you go to set,
they cut your hair almost every time
and they make it fresh.
And then you're in like a middle ages thing
and you're just like,
you know what I mean?
All coiffed and shit.
And they're like,
I'm not going to live much longer.
I have the gout. And you're like, like your hair is dope and they have product in it yeah i mean they want
yeah their feet are all fucked up but your hair is amazing the problem there's like a this is like a
symptom of like a bigger issue that i have when people criticize something for not being realistic they're the first of all no movie that's right
history has been realistic that's one i agree that i agree with that and so when people bought
but what i'm saying is people overlook things like that what do you mean they overlook things
like this guy's talking oh got it okay they don't think of that kind of shit and they should or like
when some like working class persons got a giant new
york city apartment like that's just taken in stride because like friends like the people yeah
yeah yeah those people lived in they would have been like 10 million dollars a month
and it's just like these people are unemployed actors that's never addressed you know people
say they care about realism stop pretending you'll enjoy stuff a lot more Realism sucks Nothing is realistic
So you're saying
It's okay for him to say that
No
I'm saying
Well sure I guess
But what I'm saying
Is it's a hypocrisy
People say
They value realism
First and foremost
And they absolutely
Do not
Nothing about their shit
Is realistic
I agree
I agree
I agree
I want to go though
And
I think that It's okay By the way i'm bleeding so much
my finger i gotta hang down it's bleeding so much i think that um what i think is that
it it's no movie should ever i don't like that whole slice of life realness type of movie usually
because of that because let's see how real
This is and it's still fake like nobody's
Doing what John Cassavetes did
Like that was just straight up
That was real right
But like
This like
Don't
Make this shit
You're
Fighting an uphill battle it's okay to make It shit that you're, you're fighting an uphill battle.
It's okay to make it,
you know,
you have the,
uh,
who's the guy who did,
uh,
the here's Johnny movies,
uh,
Stanley Kubrick.
And,
uh,
you have David Lynch.
You don't all have to be like that,
but those movies are awesome and they're not real at all.
And I love that shit.
Yes.
Right.
Yes.
So the second you're like,
yeah,
but realism.
And now that's not how it really would be.
That drives me nuts. When people are movies like, ah, that wouldn't be and now that's not how it really would be that drives me nuts when people in movies like oh that wouldn't be really that's not how it is
oh oh it isn't yeah no shit we're watching a movie yeah movies aren't supposed to be realistic
if they were they'd all suck but what sucks is a lot of times the even the filmmakers will do
movies like transformers and be like yeah yeah, but that's not real enough.
I know.
And that's why those movies are fucking awful.
But that's like a guiding principle of many filmmakers and many audiences. Yeah, I know.
And critics and everything.
It's bullshit, dude.
It's a totally unexamined thing to say.
The Christopher Nolan Batman.
It's like, dude, you don't have to make this real.
You don't need to make Batman realistic.
In fact, please don't.
It's fucking Batman. It's fucking Batman. It's weird that Chris Nolan made, and I love Chris Nolanman realistic it's weird that they please don't it's fucking batman
it's weird it's weird that chris nolan made and i love chris nolan but it's weird that he made this
realism batman and now all superheroes are like yeah they're in this real city that this is really
happening and and the joker doesn't look like the joker anymore he's a little bit you know less
makeup and more how real life joker would look it's like so odd to me. Yeah. It's really odd. Yeah.
But you like it though.
Oh,
I watch it.
I don't like them.
I,
the,
have you watched the dark night,
the Christopher Nolan movies that again,
again,
again,
I,
everyone says his are the best and they just,
Oh,
for sure.
Do not hold up to me.
It's so,
who do you like the best?
The Tim Burton ones you're saying?
No.
Well,
those are great.
Those are awesome. But the best one is the new one i think with robert pattinson oh really oh yeah
a hundred percent geez wow it's so awesome i didn't finish it so i can't really speak to it
but i was not feeling it when i was robert pattinson so cool he's cool yeah all right
uh i i don't like that i don't i don't like that at all i agree with this guy so much it would be
like that guy's hair in like fucking Game of Thrones.
I guess Game of Thrones doesn't matter because it's so fictitious.
But like Abraham Lincoln, the fucking movie with – what's it called?
Daniel Day-Lewis.
Daniel Day-Lewis.
We'll talk about realism.
It's like he probably didn't wash his hair for like a month.
I know.
It's disgusting.
Hey, you're disgusting.
All right.
Cool.
Love you guys both.
I got a quick...
Jordan with the sloooow!
I'm on the run.
I mean, how much is...
Pause it.
How much is this guy dressed like he did something very illegal,
like dealing with money,
and this is how he looks the moment he decided to look different?
He cut all of his hair off.
He shaved everything
except this little patch of dirt on his chin he got big sunglasses and a hat and he had like used
to have like long hair you know and a beard and that's like his mom's sweatshirt okay go ahead
when we were in high school we were at the lunch table and our buddy was uh talking about his
piss crank shout out to will sasso for that term. Piss crank.
He hit us with a double negative.
You know, he hit the negative,
so we thought a positive was coming.
And when it didn't, it was the best.
He goes, you know, my piece, it ain't the longest,
but by golly, it is the thinnest.
And we cried laughing for about 10 minutes straight.
So hard to where you laugh so hard,
and you know you can't hear one more funny thing because you know you'll die literally expire you'll die so you're like shutting your eyes and like plugging your ears and singing and so now whenever we're somewhere
and we like to hit a double negative you know we'll be eating at a restaurant be like man this
steak you know it ain't the most seasoned but by golly it is the driest. Right, yeah. Let me know what you guys think.
Runk.
What do you think?
Lost his fucking mind.
What do I think about what?
Is that a Jordan with a slime?
Is that a Jordan with a slime?
I wish I had a pen and paper to do a diagram, but that is 0% like a Jordan with a slime.
Okay, but why though?
Because it isn't weird. Yeah. It's too much of a specific thing right it's not a joke that a guy told yeah it's a fucking too coherent it's a fucking i'm pissed it's a fucking people don't
really get the jordan with the slam it's not just something that you remember it's not god damn and
now i'm pissed see what i'm saying yeah yeah you were so easy on the guy and i was easy on the guy he's on the run it's hard to be on the run i know i know i know but look he's
great guy this isn't to do he's a great guy this guy's a great guy but he's not getting it right
most people don't get the
what are they missing how do we what do we do they want to make sense i'll tell you why this is so
this is so cocksuckery okay but we live a life of play in the world of comedy okay especially me
it's not something you can figure out because it wouldn't be as funny to us if it was because it needs to be a little more out there
because we are advanced in comedy so most people think well i gotta make sense of it
it's got to be funny so it's a joke it's not no it's just something and now we got people
listening right now that are like i know what it is i got i got it and you may you might but you
also may not if it makes too much sense it makes no
sense that he kept going john with the slam the reason why it was funny is because it was like
why the fuck is he doing this it made no sense so now i told matt and now his you know marco
we know what the slam is three decades later yeah right right it's it's oh it's not a non-sequitur
because it's much more than that but in a way one of its qualities is very non-sequitur ish it's like when someone is
doing something that is unclear as to why yeah and it's like especially when there's like bombast
and like a weird like sharp tone of voice to it like he was putting on a higher voice yeah we
didn't know why and it was like and then when it sticks, that's all that really happened with the Justin
McKibben thing.
It was like, it stuck because he told us and we thought it was funny.
And then we kept doing it over years, which just ended up being a thing that we would
do without even thinking about what it was.
Like we'd see a Michael Jordan jersey and think it and then say it.
Yes.
Good point.
I don't like that. that guy said all that stuff.
I'm pissed.
See, I mean, you weren't even pissed at the beginning.
Hey, have you guys ever spoken to that guy?
Because you have talked about this so much here on Congratulations.
Like, does he know?
Yeah.
That's a good question.
I haven't talked to Justin in a long time.
He hasn't DM'd or anything?
No, I saw his social media.
He's posted like six
pictures and it's like a fucking it's always so sad when you find the person you're looking for
and you're like yes and then you look and they haven't posted it's like 2018 you're like oh
they're never gonna check yep a lot of people that you haven't looked uh up in a long time
are now conspiracy theorists yeah well especially because if you haven't heard from them in a while
then you look under the radar that's why okay this is why i haven't heard of them yeah um but anyway
uh i i re let's just look at the positive the one of the reasons why it was like a children
with the slime is because they keep doing it and it keep it keeps recurring that's what i was going
to give yeah yeah okay yeah yeah right but that is maybe That's what I was going to give to you. Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, right.
But that is, maybe that's what people are missing,
but it's not just that.
No, it's not just something you remember and repeat.
And with a group that,
and then it becomes sort of like an inside joke.
It's not all it is.
It is also that,
but that's like the last thing that it is.
Yeah.
There are other things that it is before that.
I hope people don't find this Jordan with the Slam thing
too crazy that they don't,
that they're like, what is this podcast? And flip it flip it off although people were i can't believe how much people like the jordan with the slam thing last episode people
like things that people care about and people like things that are specific to certain people
this is insanely specific to us and people do here's the thing everybody does have stuff like
this i know but it's just
the people that have sent videos and they don't they're not filing it a lot of people they don't
realize though they don't even know what's happening with the slam thing and it just
labeled the wrong he may not because one of the reasons why you have a jordan with the slam thing
is because you realize oh that's a jordan with the slam thing and then you tell each other and
you're like oh shit this is becoming jordan with the slam thing many people i bet do not have that
kind of a thing that exists in their life i bet but no you're that's like a chicken chicken or
the egg thing what you just said how like oh no i mean we don't have to we can call it whatever
we want but it's a jordan with the slam thing because justin mckinnon kept saying mckinnon
mckinnon kept saying don't bastardize jordan jordan with the slam and we were like what the
hell is he doing like that is just what it was.
Yeah.
People, I guarantee you that guy has more than one.
But it's not a Jordan with the slam thing unless then it is repeated and said, oh, we did it again.
And then we did it.
Jordan with the slam.
And then next week, Jordan with the slam.
And now it has solidified itself as a Jordan with the slam thing.
Wow.
Okay?
Okay.
And I'm very, very, very, very, very, very, very passionate about this i can see that yeah i can see that all right should we get one more stop getting
him wrong i don't think there's ever been a jordan with the slam thing that people told us
about get it here's what we want get it right and make a video and send it it'll be fun if it's
wrong though it will be yeah if you're not sure if it's right yeah somebody's gonna take a chance
and be like i don't know if this is right and be right so don't not
send it make take that video and send it we want people to get it right and we want to see someone
get it right do you know a skib huh never talk about a skip i don't know a skip it sounds familiar
so i told this story my podcast but when i was at i would go to bob's big boy almost every night i
would get the bob's big boy burger do you you know about that? Disgusting, but I was also 23.
Why do you think that's funny, Marco?
I'm going to kick his ass.
Yeah, tell me the truth.
Go on.
I think it's funny that he thinks it's disgusting.
But also that you ate a burger every day.
That is disgusting is the word.
He did it.
But I was also 23.
It's okay.
Wow.
That's defensive.
Ask God. ask god so um so the guy would come up the the hawaiian or samoan uh
waiter would come up and say what do you want you know like really short okay like an accent yes
whatever i would say i want it i would mostly get the burger sometimes i would get the stir fry
sometimes i would get the you know whatever I said he would say a skip the hell does that mean a skip a skib I mean I really
really leaned in to try and understand what he was saying you never asked him no and I really
regret it how could you not I think you know the answer to that question but i will answer it it was too funny and i wanted to figure it out myself but like you didn't figure it out i didn't
but one day years later i came up with a really good theory okay you want to know the worst part
about it you forgot it completely and i don't remember what the theory was and i was so sure
that that's what it was and now i'm pissed off and how much you hate when people say couldn't
have been that good of a theory well that that's that's those people honestly deserve to die in a
fire but but but i think because you forget really important shit yeah really important shit yeah you
forget your bank password that's so important yeah yeah all right so right right right yeah it's like
i mom used to say that all the time i could have been important that's like a saying though that's
like one of those like what's interesting is that people say that to try to make you feel better
yeah it makes it worse it does yeah you're like no it's important i was fucking thinking of
it yeah yeah and so so now the guy has said i skip and i don't know what he said and i'm pissed
it's skip i think he might have said it's good it's good it wasn't that
because i would lean
in and it was not that you're just like let's skip i'll have the bob's big boy you lean in real fast
yeah calvin does that that's cute he leans into me cool man he leans into me and he goes and he
goes he angles my head to watch something watch watch this he goes wow yeah wow uh so and then bob's big
boy uh the waiter that i used to love all the time his name was uh kevin he was maybe 45 um
i loved that dude man we would we would bullshit and uh i found out years later he died of cancer
i mean dude that is the worst that is actually wait i'm thinking about it more and more yeah
that is the worst story you could ever tell to like on a show you know a comedy like that is just
unbelievably bad it was so sad nothing good for about it he looked so like healthy and shit and
he looked he was so 80s movie star.
He was good looking.
Not really, but nice looking.
He just died?
I stopped going to Bob's Big Boy.
I moved it a little bit further, and then I came back one day, and I was like, hey,
so where's Kevin?
And they're like, oh.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay.
Geez.
Yeah.
I was reading about a guy.
But anyway, a skib is a thing.
Like, try to put slime. Mark knows what a skib is, and some of my friends know what a skib is. I thought you but anyway the skib is a thing like it's all about slime
marco knows what a skib is and some of my friends know what a skib is i thought you
knew what i don't know what a skib is i don't like bob's big boy and i never did so why i don't know
it's gross mentally or the way it tastes it tastes okay i just yeah the vibe is scary
yeah yeah the vibe scary yeah it's like i would go there all the time the big boy
outside like with the gay the way you're saying it the big boy outside yeah uh all right man the
big boy outside you gotta suck off you know and you're finishing you're like a skip
are we doing one more or not no i mean whatever dude, whatever, dude. All right, we're done? But also, it's too hot, so that's cool.
Okay, so we'll stop, and then we'll take a little cold air on us.
So foreign, yeah.
So insecure the way you're laughing.
All right, cool.
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That's crazy.
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