Lifeline - 93. Truth Possessor
Episode Date: January 21, 2024✨ LIFELINE LUXURY is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can ...also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. Today we discuss the dreaded accidental "I love you," petty shit-starting, acceptable usage of your fly on your pants, dealing with Boomer Facebook tendencies, financial literacy, and bouncing back from a bad career moment. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Make your nights unforgettable with American Express.
Unmissable show coming up?
Good news.
We've got access to pre-sale tickets so you don't miss it.
Meeting with friends before the show?
We can book your reservation.
And when you get to the main event,
skip to the good bit using the card member entrance.
Let's go seize the night.
That's the powerful backing of American Express.
Visit amex.ca slash yamex.
Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply.
We're rolling, rolling, rolling rolling rolling rolling oh keep rolling rolling rolling
rolling oh we're speeding okay cool i think that that's i'm such a nervous passenger oh we're
speeding okay cool um dude i i don't i'm gonna laugh a lot i can feel it i can feel the last
the worst psychic i can absolutely feel the laughter. The worst fortune teller.
Also, life's unraveling.
Never had that, dude.
Yes, I do.
We haven't done life's unraveling for a while.
Yes, we already sweared twice and it's been 30 seconds.
Why do you always do the swear meter on me?
I'm just saying I did it once and then you did it.
So it wasn't just you.
Oh, okay.
I did it once.
I did the F word and then you did the SHR.
So why are you counting?
I'll stop now because I'm aware of it.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know because we normally don't,
and it's out of the ordinary to do two in under 30 seconds.
Okay.
But anyway, what were you just saying about,
oh, life's unraveling?
Yeah, wow, that one.
That's a good one.
I guess we haven't done that in a bit, huh?
Have you ever done it on Congratulations?
Probably.
You've done so many episodes, you don't know anything about it.
I'm sure I have.
He says no.
He's the biggest fan there is in the world.
He's seen every episode more than once.
Yeah, life's unraveling is meaning
when somebody says something,
they're trying to convince themselves that
things are great. Yeah, I feel great.
I love my new job.
Out of the blue. Amen.
When people say that out of the blue,
life's unraveling.
It's the best thing that ever happened to me
when they get fired.
Oh, that's the most life's unraveling.
Under any circumstance, if you say that's the best thing that ever happened to me your life's unraveling yeah of
course yeah also what's with those super squat arrowhead i didn't put them there uh chris did
but when you hold them you make you feel like a giant anyway dude i will be in wait no that phoenix
was already right yeah because phoenix uh el paso texas albuquerque kelowna bc vancouver i'm coming um
rochester kitchener ontario shreveport lazana houston texas corpus christi go to chrislea.com
i'm gonna do my birthday show in durham or is that it was at durham yeah north carolina um
interesting city lineup you got there yeah i know places there uh all over the place yeah all over
the place it's gonna, all over the place.
It's going to be all over the place too.
I'm announcing more coming up.
Nice.
And it's going to be all over the place.
Nice.
I like Durham.
You ever been to Durham?
Yeah.
I've been to Durham.
Oh, okay, man.
Relax.
I didn't know you were Mr. Durham over here.
Kristen is from there.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
All right, man.
Dude, why don't you chill?
Hey, take a step back.
Take a seat.
I'll handle it from here, all right?
What about the Patreon?
Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury.
If you're not signed up for that,
you hate me and our entire family
and you want us to all burn painfully
in hell for eternity.
If you do sign up for it, you love us.
So we love you back.
Oh, wow, okay.
Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury.
And you can go watch my special
Grow or Die at Chrisley.com.
You should watch that.
You like laughing?
You like life?
You like laughing?
You should watch that.
You like life. Do you like life? The worst pitch. You like life? I got life? You like laughing? You should watch that. You like life.
Do you like life?
The worst pitch.
You like life?
I got something for you.
If you really like life,
The Private Record is coming out Wednesday, January 24th.
Buckle up.
Get ready.
Hold on to your butts.
Right?
No.
It's coming out.
First episode's dropping.
Never hold on to your butts.
Be excited.
I'm excited.
The whole world is excited.
Join the party.
Submit yourself as a potential guest
at theprivaterecord.com
and make sure you subscribe on YouTube.
Why do people do that
when they're going through a list of things?
What?
Have you ever noticed that they talk like that
when you were going to go at,
when you're talking about.
Totally, yeah.
Why is that?
Because that's like. I do it too. First of all, anytime anyone's on. It's not a script. talk like that when you were gonna go at when you're talking about totally why is that because
that's like well i do it first of all anytime anyone's on it's not a script we're not on a
script but anytime that anybody's pilot exactly on autopilot with the same words they usually say
they like rattle it off with a certain cadence what is that though it's always the same everyone
does it always the same that's probably derived somehow from old time radios.
Right, right, right, right.
Probably.
Wow.
We got to change it up, dude.
But think about it.
How would you change it up?
Go on merch.
Go to lifeline.com.
Lifelinemerch.com.
Just change it up, dude.
Go to theprivaterecord.com.
101 of I Sussed With Matt at mattalia.com.
But now we're doing
it like that
and even
that's a
thing
see what
I'm saying
you can't
avoid doing
a thing
you know
okay
go watch
my special
at
AI
AI
just a
program
Chris D'Elia
dot com
okay
actually
what we're
just doing
is what
mattress
commercials
do now
oh man
we used
to watch
infomercials
together
do you ever
think about when we were young and how not how you wish it was like that again because i
don't wish i was young again that young again i'm still young i'm the youngest man in los angeles
quite frankly oh um but uh do we used to watch infomercials so late into the night i would want
to go to sleep and you would be like no no no no no come on come on just watch this one and it would be like somebody selling a long pole that at the end has like a
grabber you know and like you like it's good for reaching things that are high up you know and it's
just like call the next however long and you get two more free yeah or like a steamer or like
totally or like a dicer dude a dice everythingices. Well, the number one thing though was how something could help you make money.
Yeah.
Remember the guy in the Riddler money coat?
Yeah.
Oh, that guy.
Yes.
I hated that guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, who was that guy?
I don't know.
The Riddler money guy?
You know who we're talking about, right, Chris?
How could you just be the Riddler?
Like, he was just like had...
Instead of question marks, it was dollar bills.
That was the only difference though.
Oh, so it was.
Okay, got it.
The money Riddler.
The money Riddler.
Look that guy up, dude.
Let's see if we could find him.
He's dead.
He died of HIV.
Wow.
You know?
He died of full blown.
Oh, that was so fast.
Full blown AIDS.
Man.
Like he had such bad reaction, his whole head fell off man well don't oh he's
still he's still kicking looks like he's got the gray hair his head fell off from aids you know
not a thing oh no he mixed it up he didn't he stopped doing oh he did wait wait wait wait wait
i was wrong he did just do question marks yeah okay he was just the riddler right okay right i
thought so i don't like. I don't like that.
I don't like that he just took-
Well, that's what I was saying.
It's like, why-
I remembered it wrong, though, obviously.
It would be like if a guy just was dressed up as Two-Face, and he was like, hey, buy
my vacuum cleaner.
You're like, what the-
He's just ripping off Batman bad guys?
Let me tell you something right now.
No one in history had, if he's really dead, had worse breath-
Than that guy?
Than this guy. Look at the way he's opening
his mouth you can yeah you're right you know i'm saying you're right just had the worst breath
halitosis though he brushed his teeth all the time it didn't matter he wasn't like being rude or
disgusting he just had it look at that look at that guy yeah people run from his mouth yeah yeah
yeah i mean dude the suits he has why is that his thing uh home alone oh he was park alone
park alone right there um riddler alone dude uh yeah i don't know i i you bad breath is something
i don't even honestly it's something i don't even like to talk about you say it a lot though
as a joke about people or is that me no but i'm making it up that it's not real. I do what you do.
Right, right.
That's what I meant.
But when you think about
someone with bad breath.
If you tell me,
yeah, there was this guy,
I was in an elevator
and he said something,
he had bad breath,
that would like affect me.
I would say it affects me
to my core.
Well, let me affect you
to your core right now.
I once went on a date
with a girl
who was genuinely
a great person.
I knew her for a long time before we went on a date. a girl who was genuinely a great person. I knew her for a long time
before we went on a date.
We had a nice little innocent kiss
at the end of the date.
I have never tasted rat poison,
but all I thought was
there's rat poison inside this person
because it just completely consumed me.
It was like, I almost gagged onto her face.
Jesus, I'm bad at this.
It was so bad.
Dude, you're just like this.
Oh.
You have rat poison in your mouth?
I didn't know what to do.
I was so, I was like frozen.
I was like a deer in headlights.
Put yourself in that situation.
That's so horrible.
Of course, I've been around.
I wish it was someone I didn't know really though
because that made it way worse.
You know what I'm saying?
Like I already knew her and thought she was a great person.
Oh, I wish you were someone I didn't know.
Yeah, that's exactly.
Yeah, I was talking to somebody the other day.
I know them and we were talking and they got close, you know?
And I like the person a lot.
Well, you're saying it like it is someone died in the story, you know?
You're so solemn.
And I was like, you know, talking to the person and they got close
and I liked the person.
I was like, you know what?
Let them get close.
I'm not going to back up.
It was a guy. Why is it getting so close? It was just one of those, you know, some of get close i'm not gonna back up it was a guy why is he
getting so close it was just one of the you know some of those guys just i don't like that i don't
either like getting me back up like okay okay it's weird and a lot of times i go like this
you're good there but if you know the person no if you don't know the person what if you know the
person you just let him get in if i know the person i might if i know the person. You just let them get in? If I know the person, I might...
If I know the person, I'd be like, bro, why are you getting so close?
That's what I do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I didn't.
So I was like, you know what?
Let me ride this out.
Let me take it for a test drive.
Let me take this experience for a test drive.
You paid the price.
You paid a heavy price.
And it hit me, and it was like, oh, no.
Okay.
God, that sucks.
I wish I didn't know that about you.
You can tell, though, when it's because of some random thing they happen right it wasn't the worst kind right okay yeah that's good if it's
because of something they ate i'm kind of okay with me too dude actually 100 yeah if it's that
guttural rat poison yeah you know if it's if it's also if it's there's two types of bad kind if i can tell they like just kind of haven't eaten
it's kind it's it's terrible but it's not as bad as oh this person just when it gets bad it gets
bad oh wow i actually got a thing see yeah okay we're done let's start the show let's start the
questions yes me to the core hits him to his core had a burger last night and i've had a really embarrassing question to ask um so i've been talking to this guy for about a month um and things have been progressing
very nicely he's a really nice guy treats me better than a lot most anyone I've ever been with that's great I'm very much like swept up in my feelings
oh um the other night we went out it was like the fourth date okay and I just felt like treated
like a princess it was amazing something bad's coming and uh he walked me to my door and gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye.
And I just, without thinking, the words, I love you, came out of my mouth.
And I was mortified.
Absolutely mortified.
I don't know where it came from.
I didn't plan to say that.
It was literally a slip of the tongue.
It's never happened to me before.
That's hilarious.
And I backpedaled and he was like, what did you say?
Very nice about it.
Super sweet.
Wouldn't expect anything else.
Anyway, what would you do in this situation?
I know what I would do. She just felt so comfortable.
Yeah, exactly.
It slipped.
I mean, the truth is, it's probably,
I mean, only you would know if I'm wrong about this,
but like it probably slipped
because what you said, she's so comfortable.
It wasn't like an examined thought
where she was like, I love this guy.
I don't wanna tell him yet.
Maybe I should tell him, maybe I shouldn't.
But like, she was probably so in the moment
and has some kind of history of being in moments like that wow and it's just like she just came out of
she even said herself it just slipped i think that that is the thing to say i don't think you
i don't you're obviously mortified her she even blushed when she was telling the story to her
phone camera but um you don't actually need to be that embarrassed about it because it actually is
understandable i agree people have brain slips like that that it doesn't actually need to be that embarrassed about it because it actually is understandable. Yeah, I agree.
People have brain slips like that, that it doesn't actually mean you love the person.
Right.
So I would imagine you laughed about it in the moment.
And then when you got inside, you were obviously mortified.
Or next date, just in the middle of the date, just casually say like,
and I'm related to Hitler and then be like, wait a minute.
No, I'm not.
Sorry.
You know what? I just say stuff sometimes and my brain does that and I have no idea. None of it is true. It could be different than I'm related to Hitler. It doesn't have to be something
horrible. It doesn't have to be something horrible, but you'd be like, Mussolini is my cousin or
whatever. It doesn't have to be a dictator thing. Why does it have to be a dictator thing? No,
it doesn't. But Omar Gaddafi or whatever that guy's name is. Yeah. Gaddafi. He's my husband.
Oh no, he's not. I don't have a husband.
What am I talking about?
I don't love you.
We only can do slips if it's about a horrible dictator from history.
Actually, that would work if it was like, I love pizza.
Wait, I'm sorry.
But then it's like, then he'll think you have some kind of problem.
Yeah, true, true.
Just be like, I don't know what happened.
You know what you should do?
You should say, you just swept me out
of the moment like give him a compliment and and at the same time take back that i love you right
i just felt so comfortable i said i don't know why i said it made me so comfortable it was such
a pleasant moment yeah that it just like some kind of like trigger in my brain i don't know
what happened i don't know what happened but i don't know what happened stalin is my best friend
i you know i i just felt so comfortable it was such a sweet moment my best
friend it was such a sweet every morning just slipped in my mouth and lenin is my idol john
lenin john lenin and never mind um yeah that's that's wild that's funny did you know that that's
what she was gonna say when you said oh no you said oh no before she said it well i thought i
actually you know what i thought what it was it was uh she was gonna say she farted oh because i know a dude that that did that on the first date that
he said it went so well come on he said it went so well they're walking back to her car because
they met somewhere uh first time they ever hung out like as as a potential couple and he opened
the door for her and she was getting in the car. And he just like without obviously.
It's the kind of thing where he didn't even know it was coming.
He was comfortable.
Same thing as the I love you thing, by the way.
But it was actually just like a lightning strike moment.
Because he's like, that doesn't happen to me.
And honestly, to me, that's never happened.
I always know something that's coming.
And I can control it.
I had the first fart that came this past weekend.
Had the first fart ever that came out and I had no idea it was coming out.
Just this past weekend?
Yeah.
That never happened to me before.
Isn't that interesting?
I fart and I go, oh my God.
Oh, I'm getting older, I guess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He was young.
Who?
The guy that it happened to, man.
Yeah.
But that's crazy that that lady did that.
I mean, I feel she was also so sweet.
I know.
It seems like you're going to be good.
I have a prediction.
You guys are going to get married and have kids.
And you're going to look back and be like,
isn't that the funniest thing that ever happened?
And everyone is even going to be like, that is actually the funniest thing ever.
I actually thought the same thing.
I was like, that'd be the funniest story when you guys work out.
I thought it before you, but it's cool.
I thought it in Dad's balls. I thought it in grandpa bam's balls where'd you
think it i thought in whoever grandpa bam's whoever our great great great grandfather
father's balls are oh okay so you have the memory you just don't know whose balls are what's cool
so anyway next hey what's up guys i told the ex-boyfriend of a girl who lives on my floor
that she smells now i never wanted him to tell her anything why would you say he threw me under
the bus and did just that what he went and told her that i think she stinks um i only told him
because i didn't know if he ever experienced that with her and I didn't know how to confront her about it
What an asshole. It's so mean to go out someone's just be like you stink. Yeah
So, what do I do I need some advice because now every time I see this girl in the hallway it was
By the way, she smelled so bad like she hadn't showered in weeks
It would sting up the whole hallway if I was in the same elevator as her I literally had to hold my breath
Oh, that's why I went to her ex-boyfriend because i needed to do something
um but what do i do now because she hates my guts for going to her ex-boyfriend about something like
that and i just i don't know what to do thanks love you i know what to say i mean look if it's
i would never recommend this but it is where it. It's already so far down a certain path.
Yeah.
If she's really mean to you and that's the reason
and you explicitly have been told that,
I think you actually have license to say,
I was confused.
You smell terrible.
And we share an elevator and that's kind of mean to other people.
You live around other people.
You live in a building. If you live at home, shower never. I don't's like kind of mean to other people. You live around other people. You live in a building.
If you live at home, shower never.
I don't care.
But like you live with other people.
It's so rude to them to share a space with people and subject them to a terrible body odor.
Well, she's not going to like you after that either.
But what I'm saying is it's already so far down the path.
Like you don't need to be like tiptoeing and apologizing it's like
whatever also also though you're an idiot for saying that to her ex-boyfriend yeah that's
of course you never trust someone's ex not to tell their ex what you said about them
they want to hurt their ex yeah usually that's a dumb dumb move dumb dumb move i i actually uh was I actually was with someone, and then later on, my friend started dating her, and I always thought she smelled kind of funky.
And I didn't ask him.
Why would you?
I asked our other friend.
Has he ever alluded?
Oh.
Or have you noticed yourself?
And what did he say?
No.
Because here's the other thing too you could be like yo if you want to like i mean not not that it's backpedaling but like i would i would
do this because i would maybe think it's true i would be like i have a really sensitive nose i i
just wanted to know if it was me or not oh that's that's good because like but but she didn't shower
for weeks it's obviously if if it is that i mean you don't know you're not it's not like he's
watching her shower or not so he doesn't know i wonder how he knows yes, I mean, you don't know. It's not like he's watching her shower or not, so he doesn't know.
I wonder how he knows.
The ex?
The ex?
I mean, I don't know.
Yeah.
That's why I'm pointing this.
He probably doesn't know.
He's probably just saying she didn't shower for weeks.
Maybe the ex told him that, though.
That's such a specific thing to claim.
He must have heard that or learned that somewhere.
I think that it's just something he says when somebody smells bad.
I'm getting so mad at me.
And it's fine, but I think that's what it is.
I'm going to talk to me afterwards about it?
You're going to sit me down.
You agree with me, right?
On which?
On me saying that it was-
I didn't know if it was me or not?
No.
No, that he was probably just saying she didn't shower for weeks
and doesn't know that.
Oh, my God.
So angry.
It's all good.
I genuinely want to know.
I actually don't agree with that. But- You the he's privy to the knowledge that she hasn't
showered for weeks what i assumed based on what he said in the way he said it was was specifically
one thing he had a conversation with the ex he brought up the smell so the ex said oh she often
doesn't shower for a week all right so that, Matt, that's so much supposing going on
that is just crazy.
It is a lot of supposing,
but here's why I suppose it.
It's such a specific thing to say
with authority and conviction,
which he did.
He wasn't like,
it smelled like she hadn't showered
for a couple weeks.
He said she really did
and she really hadn't showered
for a couple weeks.
That is like claiming that.
Well, he didn't say.
So here's the deal.
He is either a bonehead idiot liar.
No, not a liar.
He learned it.
He's not a liar.
That is too specific to claim about.
He's a bonehead.
He told the ex that she smells bad.
He's a bonehead.
You're a bonehead, dude.
It's fine.
He seems like a nice guy.
My advice to you is stop being a bonehead.
Honestly, this kind of guy seems like he'd be in my circle.
I like this guy.
Yeah, he would 100% be friends with you.
And I would be like, that guy's such a bonehead dude and i'd be like i'd love it yeah yeah but
but hold on a second yeah you you i i get mad at you for assuming stuff i get mad but he here's
why i'm not assuming he said it so what i'm you're assuming you're assuming he made a thing up i'm
assuming he knows it you You're doing the assuming.
I'm not the assumer. You're the assumer. It's a bit of a colloquialism to be like,
oh yeah, he smelled bad. He didn't shower for weeks. No, but it can be. But the way he said it sounded like he had conviction. Why don't we listen to it again? Okay. Wow. Why don't we
listen to it again? Can't believe how hung up you are on this. Well, is it me that's hung up on it
or is it you? Yes. Cause you're keep bringing it up. All right. Fine. I'm fine with that. It's me
that's hung up on it. I like to be hung up on it. All right, fine. I'm fine with that. It's me that's hung up on it.
I like to be hung up on it.
I want to hear it again.
Hey, what's up, guys?
I told the ex-boyfriend of a girl who lives on my floor that she smells.
Now, I never wanted him to tell her anything, but he threw me under the bus and did just that.
He went and told her that I think she stinks.
I only told him because I didn't know if he ever experienced that with her
and i didn't know how to confront her about it because it's so mean to go out someone's just be
like you stink right um so what do i do i need some advice because now every time i see this
girl in the hallway it was here we go by the way she smelled so bad like she hadn't showered in
weeks like she hadn't showered for weeks damn Like shit. She hadn't showered for weeks. Damn it.
She had to hold my breath.
Okay.
Okay.
She said, he actually said specifically, like, the pause threw me.
But you're right.
Look, look, here's who I am.
I'm such an enormous.
You're not getting out of it with this.
I'm such an enormous man.
You're not getting out of this.
I'm such a big man.
It's not a good thing that you did.
I have such a big mind and heart.
No.
And it is open
my mind and my heart what you did that if i am wrong and it's i am immediately willing to admit
it worse and change my view to accommodate the more correct view i am a great man no and this
is evidence of it don't yeah it was so crazy i knew what was going on the whole time and i you
know i don't want to gloat let's face it you can gloat because it's so crazy. I knew what was going on the whole time. And I don't want to gloat.
Let's face it.
You can gloat because it's so rare that you're right and I'm wrong.
So go ahead and gloat.
So take a parade.
There we go.
Now that's what we got.
Take a victory lap.
Have a parade.
You were right.
And it's fine.
I'm good.
Here's why I'm okay with not being right.
Life's unraveling.
Because now I have the correct information and I am right now.
You're not doing it. because I think the right thing.
All I care about is the truth.
I'm a truth finder.
I'm a truth seeker.
I'm a truth lover.
I embrace the truth,
whatever the truth is.
And all I care about is possessing that truth.
Enough.
If you have the truth,
I'd love to possess it from you.
If Chris has the truth,
I'd love to possess it from him.
If Anthony has the truth,
he never does,
but let's say he did. In a hypothetical, I would try to possess it from you. If Chris has the truth, I'd love to possess it from him. If Anthony has the truth, he never does, but let's say he did,
in a hypothetical,
I would try to possess it from him.
All right.
All right.
I'm a truth possessor.
Okay, what's next?
A truth possessor.
So close.
Hey, Chris.
So close.
Thanks for everything that you do.
So my issue is
my girlfriend of five years
broke up with me
about six months ago.
Oh, man.
And lately,
I've been having these feelings
of dread. I'm really concerned about her, I've been having these feelings of dread.
I'm really concerned about her.
I worry about her well-being.
I hope that she's okay.
We don't have any sort of contact
or anything like that,
but I just get these feelings
of worry about her.
Interesting.
I was wondering if that's normal
and is there anything I can do
to stop these feelings as they arise?
Thank you.
Did he say he broke up with her
or she broke up with him?
No, she broke up with him.
Well, then that is a little bit weird. She broke up with her she broke up with him well then that is a little
bit weird why she broke up with you he's not here but i would wonder why where the dread is coming
from right like why are you so worried about someone who broke up with you i mean maybe
there's some kind of history there that we don't i guess there's grief and he's just experiencing
it in a weird way so yeah it's not, it's not weird, but I think honestly,
and this is, this sucks, dude.
But with breakups, sometimes the only way to get over stuff
is actually time.
It's literally like a physical injury.
The body will heal eventually.
Your heart, so to speak, will heal eventually.
That's five years is a long time, man.
It's been. And six months is not, or five months, well, man and and six months is not or five months
however long he said is not that long it's not that long but well i would say it probably will
go away but also it'll definitely go away if the we we wait the present a little bit too much
and we think in the present things aren't going to go away and then things are never going to change
because we're feeling those things right now. But- Yeah, check it out.
Check into your vast experience of life.
You've changed so much.
Everyone has.
Our feelings are constantly changing.
Our states of mind are constantly changing.
You will get over this too.
It's not that weird what he's feeling.
Check it out.
Okay.
And then look at this.
What happened?
It didn't stay like this.
It changed, right?
Yeah.
So maybe if you were going to think
that it was going to change like this,
if it was going to stay like this,
it's not.
You got something on your knuckle.
Let me hook you up.
Don't say.
Hang on, let me hook you up.
No, it's all good.
Yeah, so anyway, stuff changes.
See, look.
That is a great display of change.
That's what I thought.
Do you have anything to say to him besides that?
That's all you have to say?
That's the only thing I have to say is, look, hey.
And that's how I'm going to teach it to Calvin and Billy.
I'm a little thrown, though.
Why do you think he feels grief about someone who broke up with him?
Well, it might not.
Or dread, rather.
Sorry.
But it might not be about her.
Well, no.
You really feel that way?
I really am.
So you're saying the only thing, oh, I hope she's okay,
would be if I broke up with that person, and I hope they're okay without me because i broke up with them i didn't want to break their heart no in responding to him i'm trying to wonder what i
he asked if it's if we think it's weird like i i don't know actually is that is a little bit weird
to have someone break up the times i've been broken up with oh wait i've never been broken
up with i'm sorry but i'm imagining if i had you're the man dude no actually that's that's a joke i have
been broken up with and it sucks and um i don't remember worrying about her ever you know i'm
saying yeah worrying about her that's not exactly right in my i don't know i mean i i guess i've
been broken up with and like i'm when i think about the people that broke up with me i'm like i hope they're doing well but i guess it's not i'm
worried i'm not worried exactly yeah yeah he said dread dread is such a particular thing it's
terrible i feel dread all the time never about my ex i feel dread about the way i was in relationships
past yeah and i feel dread about like it's more like regret i guess but like i don't know i don't feel dread about what is going on presently with any of my exes you just be like And I feel dread about, like, it's more like regret, I guess. But like,
I don't know.
I don't feel dread about what is going on presently
with any of my exes.
You just be like me
and feel dread all the time.
But anyway.
Well,
I do actually.
Yeah.
Just a different degree.
I'm Judge Dredd.
Judge Dredd,
yeah.
I am the law.
Remember that?
Did you see the remake?
Yeah,
with the boys.
Carl Urban?
No.
I did.
I saw Dredd and Judge Dredd.
Yeah,
me too.
Same.
Cool.
I've seen every Dredd movie they've ever made. Judge Dredd is actually really sick. I am I did. I saw Dread and Judge Dread. Yeah, me too. Same. Cool. I've seen every Dread movie they've ever made.
Judge Dread is actually really sick.
I'm the law.
Dude, people really liked the remake.
Critics liked Dread.
Yeah.
Isn't that weird?
It was kind of cool, I thought.
Was it?
I thought it was kind of cool, yeah.
That's such a movie I'd watch.
Yeah, me too, actually.
I liked how it was contained.
Yeah, me too.
Same.
I loved that.
I loved that.
And that I can be like that if I really wanted to be like that and there was a project.
I could be like that.
Like what?
Judge.
I could be like Dredd.
Judge Dredd.
In what way?
Save everyone or whatever he did.
I don't remember what he did, but I could do it.
How do you know you could be it then?
I remember watching it and thinking I could do it.
Watching Dredd thinking i could do that wow
all of it's like futuristic stuff that doesn't even exist you know uh singing um how i would
wrap that up though is i think nothing in the wake of a long relationship as you're like grieving i
don't think anything's particularly weird. Yeah, I agree.
People are weird.
They're very particular and specific.
We're all very specific individuals
with specific brains.
And they all do different kinds of shit.
So it's not that weird.
I wouldn't worry about it.
But, you know, things change and you'll get better.
Every time I hear somebody say the word particular,
I think of Taken.
I have a particular set of skills. Cut. I have a particular set of skills.
Almost threw up.
Cut.
I have a particular set of skills,
and I will use them.
You know?
That's so insecure.
Dude, that would be great if that was,
I have a particular set of skills.
Hello?
What do you think of that?
Did you hear?
Did I cut out? Hello? Oh, you're of that? Did you hear? Did I cut out?
Hello?
Oh, you're there?
Hold on one second.
Let me go to the living room.
So anyway, do you have my daughter?
You said daughter, right?
There's a new movie they're trying to do,
Aaron Eckhart version for the takeover.
The Bricklayer?
Yeah, the Bricklayer.
I saw it.
It was like number eight.
You saw the movie?
No, no, no, no, but I will.
Oh, I will.
Oh, I'm going to see that quicker than you can say Bricklayer? Yeah, the Bricklayer. I saw it. It was like number eight. You saw the movie? No, no, no, no, but I will. Oh, I will. Oh, I'm going to see that quicker than you can say Bricklayer.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, you haven't seen it yet, and I could have said it like five times.
Say Bricklayer.
Bricklayer.
I saw it.
So hold on.
Is that?
Oh, wait, yeah.
After I saw the trailer for the Bricklayer, I immediately watched the trailer for Taken,
and I was like, nice try.
Well, dude, they keep trying to do that. Nice try, Eckhart. You know how many actors see what Liam Neeson did taken and i was like nice try well they do they keep trying
to do that nice try eckhart they they keep you know how many actors see what liam neeson did
and they're like all agent all of them where's my all of the big second act as an ass kicker
what's his name did it with silent night joel kinnaman yeah well that's not so much a second
act he's still in his first activist career i'm saying yes yes yes the older actors who can't get
the big leading man roles anymore are probably looking at right easton like how did he pull that
off that was oscar schindler you know what i mean yeah so many i mean uh what's his name that was
michael collins um you know who did it was the dude from um fuck what's his name pat
dylan not dylan mcdermott one of those guys tried to do it tried to do it oh really just came out
what do you mean one of those Dylan McDermott look up Dylan McDermott no it's not Dylan McDermott
is it Dermott Mulroney which one's the witch? Well Dermott Mulroney ended up doing a lot of
indies which I think is kind of cool not that guy Dermott Mulroney the other guy Dermott Mulroney
did it did what though like he's not in big action movies. Oh, he did? Yeah. That's what I'm telling you.
Oh, okay.
I would watch that.
What's the guy's name?
Not that one.
You said-
Dermot Mulroney.
How the fuck do you spell that?
Yeah, I know.
It's a pretty weird name.
Right there.
It just came up.
Just type in the little bit.
Just type in the way it sounds.
Wow, look at him with gray.
Yeah, he's in whatever.
Look at the latest one.
He's just taken.
Dude, you know what he's so funny in?
Huh?
He's so funny in that movie
with James Marsden and Jack Black,
the D-Train.
What is that called?
He's so funny in that.
Wait, hold on.
What is that first one?
Ruthless, Breakwater.
Ruthless, obviously.
Oh, cool.
It has a 4.9 rating.
And it's the worst title, too.
Oh, yeah.
That is basically taken.
Hey, I would watch that.
Yeah.
I love Dermot Mulroney.
I saw the preview.
It looks very...
Jeff Fahey's in it?
It would be on Cinemax.
Yeah.
Dude, I love Jeff Fahey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If I could look like
anyone who isn't me
throughout history,
I would look like Jeff Fahey.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Don't do that.
I wouldn't necessarily
disagree with that.
Yeah, Jeff Fahey's
so sick looking, dude.
Oh.
Both as an old guy and when
he was in the lawn yeah what's this that he's playing we don't trailer oh harry's daughter
was murdered four years ago the wow raped her left her to die in a ditch what is he trying to do
oh look at him he looks great he looks great. But look, obviously can't fight.
Right.
There's one thing here where obviously he's just like...
Nothing has happened, you know?
Nothing.
Just doors opening and closing.
We have a legal obligation to report any suspicions of abuse to make you fight, Harry.
Here it comes.
It honestly looks really bad.
This looks awful, but I would watch it.
Me too.
I would like it.
Right here.
This is...
Oh.
That's what I say to a lot of people.
The worst hoodie. Yeah, he looked bad there. He looks good though.
Yeah, he looks good.
Yeah.
What's this?
Taken!
So taken.
Not right here.
Wait.
Yeah, that.
Wait, there's one thing.
It was the hand thing.
Submit.
Submit.
Submit.
Submit. Submit. Submit. Wait, yeah, that. Wait, there's one thing.
It was the hand thing.
Submit.
That guy's in it, you know?
Yeah.
Submit.
There's Jeff Fahey, dude.
I'm gonna kill them.
What?
Fake name.
They always try to do like the star is.
Yeah.
Aaron Eckhart is the bricklayer.
Is.
Sabitch.
Later on in my career. Moroni is. Ha! my career is dude ruthless how funny would it be to make a
movie where a guy straight up can't fight but he's still like but it's the same movie but every time
he's just like and he's like it wouldn't go on very long because he would lose the no no but
he keeps winning oh that would like the and they don't explain it and he's just like
because he would lose the fights. No, no, no, but he keeps winning.
Oh, that would be good.
And they don't explain it, and he's just like...
Yeah, that would be great.
Dude, same music.
Hey, like this, running at the guy.
Right, and the guy just moves out of the way,
because he's so telegraphed.
No, he gets hit.
He wins.
You're not understanding the pitch.
So it's a goofball comedy?
No.
Okay.
No.
I mean, relax.
It just so happens that he keeps winning.
The most mad you've gotten on this show
is me not understanding this fake trailer
you're making up in your head right now.
Like he's on the ground and he just goes like this.
And the guy's like, no.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
And then it's just like, Chris D'Elia is a bitch.
Wants to be in it so bad.
That'd be great.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ch, ch, ch, ch.
They got my daughter.
Dong, dong, dong, dong.
I'm gonna get them.
Dong, dong, they're not gonna know what hit them.
Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong.
Ding, dong.
Oh.
Hey.
Ha.
Oh.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Dong, dong, dong, dong, ch, ch, ch. And every time
and every single time the a fight is about to start when he does the the the like the wind up
the the bad guy goes oh no see that's comedy zone no but it's not though. Okay. It's done. Like it's not comedy, dude.
Dude, you're getting so piping hot right now.
All right.
It's really good cinematography and the music is not comedy.
We're getting into Lifeline Luxury Zone.
Let's continue with the submissions.
I like your movie idea though.
Okay.
It's great.
A condom on his head.
What's up, Chris?
Taffer and Matthew. Oh, someone's a cure robot um a hammerhead shark this guy you guys know when you're like he's a hammerhead yeah out there right and you're like
doing what you're doing hasn't said anything yet yep and you turn around and you're like whoa so Whoa. So high.
Anyways, love the show, guys.
Thanks.
Bye.
Worst submission.
He's a hammerhead.
He is a condom.
Since he's trolling us, why are his eyes on the side of his head?
He is a flounder.
You know what that is? He's Stewie Griffin all grown up.
What happens is when he turns his head, you can't see it anymore because it's completely
flat like a pancake.
You know what I'm saying?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
That's unbelievable.
Why did Salvador Dali paint this guy's face?
Yeah, that's a good question.
This is-
Why, honestly, though,
is an unrolled condom on the tip of his head?
No, no.
Dude-
That is an unrolled condom on the tip of his head, dude.
Look at it.
I know.
It looks like the tip of a Kockenheimer
covered by the beginning of a condom down that's what the hoodie is those four
skins down right exactly and also everything in that visual is gray there isn't one thing that's
not gray besides even his skin besides his pink face his teeth okay anyway you could tell that
guy's a bad kisser wow oh wow i know it for as as and this i know be true what is that thing and i know this to be
true yeah i know that this i know to be true this i know to be true i know this much that's the
wally lamb that's the wally lamb book and that's what i meant to do really yep and i know this
much is true the title of a wally lamb book and i know this much is true yes you don't know who
wally lamb yes i do he wrote that book with the fucking fetus on the cover okay all right let's do another one jeff a millennial pause hey guys big fan um i'll cut to it i have a father that's in the hospital
unexpectedly for 35 days oh no holidays are stressful the timing's stressful
i can't stop thinking about the way you guys have described how you pee through your jeans rather than just
use the fly you like fillet the top open oh rather than pull them down to your knees i've been
thinking about this non-stop for several weeks now seriously and i just you know i have a size 12
shoe your boy's beefy like i'm i'm with you guys and i just use the fly pop it out do my business put it back in
that's crazy no harm no foul i don't have time to fillet the top it's just crazy dude um please
help me understand what the hell you guys are doing i i'm lost i need your help here's hey my
dad's dying i pee crazy here's the deal using your fly to pee is such risky business that you're just like flirting with disaster.
Take the extra split second to also undo the button and pull all of it down so it's all out and about in the air, not risking anything.
You're saying it's take the extra second
dude i would argue it takes longer to just take your penis out of the fly because you got a finagle
yeah the finagling is it's way quicker to just go boom and open it all then it is to go
and try to and the finagling is nil when you pull it all down the finagling is maximum amount when you open your fly
got to make sure nothing hits the metal you know because it's so big in my case you got to get it
through the zipper and make sure also you don't want to touch because it's cold the zipper gets
cold too like why are we risky what why are we gets cold why are we participating in this risky
business no if we don't have to? So foreign.
Yeah, you're wrong.
You've been living a lie.
Honestly, you've been living it wrong.
It's so much easier to do it the other way.
It's so much easier.
And I'm sorry about your dad.
The dad thing, like, what's going on?
Don't start with that because now I'm sad.
I know, I'm sad.
Thinking about the poor guy's dad. But he got two sad things.
You know, his dad,
and then also he doesn't know
how to take his penis out.
The unfortunate way he pees.
It's just terrible.
Okay.
Well, hopefully your father recovers,
and hopefully you learn
how to pee.
Hopefully you and your father recover.
Yeah.
Hopefully he's not the guy
that taught you that.
Honestly,
mom read the Wally Lamb book,
and so I know that's what I know about it.
Mom read?
Mom read it a long time ago.
This much I know to be true?
Yes.
I know this much is true.
I know this much is true.
And I remember seeing that.
I remember thinking about how stupid it is
to say I know this much is true
when you could just call the book true.
That is not the same meaning.
That's true.
This is all the stuff I know.
I know this is true would be a better way to say it.
But he's saying it how he wants to say it, dude. Ially lamb that book is like it sucks but it's crazy successful have you have
you read i've read it why did you read it because it was there one day what's it about it's a i mean
you don't want to know it's about a guy who they actually made a mini series out of it didn't they
mark ruffalo i think was in it of course it was you know yeah recently though too like way after
the book they were like well it's boring should we get mark ruffalo it's think, was in it? Of course it was, you know? Yeah. Recently, though, too, like way after the book. They were like, well, it's boring.
Should we get Mark Ruffalo?
It's got a guy whose twin brother died or something, right?
And when they were little and now he's divorced.
It's just about a guy who's struggling in life.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Okay.
Next.
Alec Baldwin.
Matt and Chris.
I thought the same thing.
Love the show.
Got to need some advices.
So my mother is 75 years old.
You have such a cool voice.
And she's on Facebook.
Unfortunately, she falls for all the things.
I'm talking about the things that say,
copy and paste this to your status
if you want to keep Facebook free
because Mark Zuckerberg is going to start charging next week.
Recently, she shared a post that said,
sadly, most people will keep scrolling,
but like and share if you support our Vietnam vets.
And the picture is the cast from Tropic Thunder.
No.
Just looking for some advice.
What should I do?
Just let these things go?
Should I address them
one by one should i tell her that she needs to run all of her posts through me first
uh yeah that'd be fun thanks i mean i mean if that's the last one would be funny if it's fun
for you exactly but i i think here's the thing and i've thought about this too i don't think
i don't think people past a certain age can understand social media.
It's tough.
It's not that it's hard for them to.
I think that they cannot.
I'm working on it.
I think that it came too late in their lives that they cannot understand it.
So trying to explain to her won't work.
I just promise you it won't work.
Now here's the thing that might work.
You tell her there are scammers on there
that can really mess up your life
and because you don't know,
I would like you to run posts by me
if you think that would be okay
or interesting or funny or whatever.
But she's never gonna learn in the classic sense of the word.
She's just not going to learn how to do it.
She cannot,
she cannot do that.
I think about this.
Cause like every generation goes through like,
right.
Like,
of course,
you know,
if you pick up the phone and somebody is like,
Hey,
I need your social security number not to do that.
But like if you're 80 and you're like,
Oh,
did I order this thing?
Okay.
Maybe what, you know, like now they have things where they call you and they say, not to do that but like if you're 80 and you're like oh did i order this thing okay maybe what
you know right like now they have things where they call you and they say can you hear me and
you say yeah and then they use that for consent on something else really they record it and then
use it as your voice to say yes to something else and then take your money oh my god but that's
what i'm saying like it's constantly changing so and then and just look at ai like you know scams are gonna get so crazy well that's
what i'm saying like you there will be video that you will be indistinguishable you can still kind
of tell but like there will be video that's indistinguishable and you won't be able to tell
and and i won't and and people our age will be like so it will be so hard for them to understand
it uh-huh yeah totally and but here's the thing it's gonna get to so good that's gonna be hard And people our age will be like, it will be so hard for them to understand it.
Yeah, totally.
But here's the thing.
It's going to get to so good that it's going to be hard for anybody.
Right.
Well, yeah.
I read a story about a mother
who got a call from her daughter's phone.
Oh, yeah.
Rather, she saw on her phone her daughter was calling.
She picks up.
Her daughter is on the other line.
The voice she knows to be her daughter's.
Right.
Begging for help.
Begging for money to be sent immediately to this thing for whatever reason.
It was all AI produced.
It's really fucked up.
Stuff from that woman's daughter.
Like, how are we going to ever get past that?
I don't know.
We're not going to be able to.
No, I know.
You know?
We're going to have to be like, what is our code word?
Right, right, right.
And it can't just be like birds. Right. It's going to have to be like birds fly south to the, like you're're gonna have to be like what is our code word right and it can't just be like
birds right i have to be like because they're gonna have birds fly south to the like you're
gonna have a whole poem worth of of words to verify it it's someone you know that's the only
way around it so my advice to you is have a poem for that you and your mom write a poem quick yeah
and give it to your mom have her memorize memorize it. Yeah, it's odd.
It's really odd, but you're right, dude.
You're going to have to have words like that.
Have her run by you.
See if that's not too annoying for you, right?
Get her on board that way, though.
You have to scare her.
Scare her into thinking she's going to get scammed.
Give her good examples.
They're easy to find.
Tell her these are ways people get scammed. They don't know they're getting scammed. It's very common old people to get scammed. Give her good examples. They're easy to find. Tell her these are ways
people get scammed.
They don't know they're getting scammed.
It's very common
old people to get scammed right now.
So just, yeah.
But, you know,
also that's kind of funny
all the things you described.
And let's face it,
everyone who's 75 is doing that too.
Yeah, but if she's doing that stuff,
you worry about
That's what I mean.
Phishing and all that stuff.
Totally.
Totally.
Just make sure she never gives anyone any information log in or otherwise she can post about tropic thunder
vietnam vets all she wants it's just okay it's just tough because like yeah i don't know get
off facebook don't be on facebook yeah but that's her social life now i know i know i know yeah
are you on facebook no i haven't been on I have an account I haven't been on for
I was just talking about this
I haven't been on Facebook
for like at least nine years
oh wow
yeah
do you
no I don't have it
I mean I have a fan page
but I don't
you don't have a guy
that runs it
I mean I have fans too
so it's all good
so don't
don't think you're the only one
alright
oh
I'm Chris
I know this guy
having a baby
I'm about to get
reconstructive knee surgery
for the second time oh no my question is afterwards I'm always man, Chris. I know this guy. Having a baby. I'm about to get reconstructive knee surgery for the second time.
Oh, no.
My question is,
afterwards,
I'm always a super big
emotional wreck
with all the meds
they put me on.
So,
how do I deal with that?
Let me know.
I mean,
you're calling a little late.
You're literally about
to go under the knife.
We're not going to turn around
the advice in two hours.
Yeah.
Also,
we talked to that guy
in Golden Hour before.
And here, actually. I don't recognize him. Are you sure? Yeah, I think, yes. We have talked about Also, we talked to that guy in Golden Hour before. And here, actually.
I don't recognize him.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I think, yes.
We have talked about him.
We talked to him here.
His name is Joel
and we were making fun of him.
Oh, that's that guy?
Yeah.
He looks handsome.
He is handsome.
He was handsome then too.
He didn't look as handsome
in the other video.
Yeah, we talked about it.
We talked about how he was handsome.
Gotcha.
Got me in that one.
So anyway,
did you do that
because I always say
I got out of that one
gonna kick mass yes i did yeah there we go so i'm good at being putting the piece together
nice actually no one's worse at putting the piece together than me
it's true um it's true you are a fucking idiot such a dick completely agree anyway uh
uh dude one time my ex-wife emily oh god yeah dude she got her wisdom teeth out
and i had to uh you know obviously pick her up and take her back and
bro oh i vaguely remember she was so funny the nurse was like so here's what you're gonna do
she was behind her the whole time going like this.
Tears,
just like this.
What?
Like cry laughing?
Yeah,
like she was talking,
she was mouth full of gauze.
The nurse was like,
behind her,
she was like this.
She actually goes like this.
Oh my God.
Wow.
That's like a Kristen Wiig character.
Oh dude,
it was.
It was so funny,
dude.
Yeah.
And then one time you were-
What was the thing that was with you?
You said you're a race car driver, right?
You brought me to get my wisdom teeth out
and I kept talking about how I had to get to the racetrack
because I was a race car driver
and I needed to get there.
I had a race right then
that all this stuff was making me late for.
That to me, I was like, I can't be late.
I remember being like, yeah, okay. All right, so you gotta get the race track? Okay. I was just like, I was like I can't and I remember being like yeah okay all right so you
gotta get the race contract okay like I was just like I guess go with it you know why why why just
why argue imagine if I got an argument with you like no you're not you're not a race car driver
Matt yeah uh we get in a fight no but I took you to your reconstructed knee surgery you did
oh okay yeah when you had your meniscus repaired yeah yeah you weren't that like dude i didn't feel loopy at all after that one yeah i i
i got out and maybe for like a split second i remember because here's what i remember thinking
i remember i got out i would do i remember they were wheeling me out and i go oh fuck
oh it feels is that it fuck i said swear words and then the nurse was like you're lucky the other
nurse isn't here she doesn't allow the swear words i remember getting mad being like don't
say that the first thing i come out i'm on drugs like i said fuck oh you must have not been too under
the influence then because that is exactly what you would think exactly that's my whole point
about this is that i wasn't under the influence so um but this last time when i did when it went
nose you know what happened yes i fought you talked about it on here yeah and they were trying
to pin me down and i was wolverine coming out of the fucking. Why were you doing that?
Like, what was.
Do you remember what was going through your head?
Oh, no.
I was blacked out.
I don't.
Okay.
I don't have any memory of it.
I mean, I remember a couple things.
They told me it happened.
And I said.
Oh, no, it didn't even remember.
And then.
No, no.
I did not know it happened.
Okay, right.
Straight up.
Yeah.
That's scary.
It is scary.
I remember I went under. I think I've said this before on the show but i went under for my sinus surgery and it took too
long and the drugs kicked in before i went under and it was the best feeling i've ever had in my
entire life it took too long what do you mean never usually when they they say countdown from
100 and you get to 99 and a half and you're just right right right it took like two or three
minutes and i could feel the pain drugs and it felt so good really yeah that scares me it's
terrible i never felt terrible terrible memory amazing experience because i remember it and it's
the best i'll ever feel in my life oh yeah fucks me up dude all right well let's move on then
that fucks me up yeah it fucks up a lot of people
hey what's up my name is dan i'm an actor based in vancouver cool um i wanted to call in and get
your guys opinion on robbing banks how to regain your motivation after having a really shitty
audition or callback um i was in the casting room for the first time about
three weeks ago and everything that could have went wrong I feel kind of went wrong. My mouth
went dry. I couldn't take direction well. Like the more direction they gave me the more that I thought
I was like fucking it up. So I was very much in my head and I was more focused on trying to pronounce
the words correctly because my mouth was so dry than I was on the actual scene.
I know it's so stupid to audition and do commercial auditions,
and I feel like I'm just losing motivation for doing it.
But I also don't want to be the guy who just quits after one bad experience.
So I would love to get your guys' opinion on kind of how to keep going
and work on my own
kind of creative outlets
to keep myself busy
while I'm waiting for auditions.
I love you guys.
I love the podcast.
You guys both seem so cool
and been a big fan
of both of you for a while.
So hopefully this makes it
on the show,
but I'm at one minute
and 11, 13 seconds now.
So I don't know.
Not bad.
We'll find out.
I was in,
I'll be in Vancouver soon, bro. Well, you're on, Dan. Dan, you're on the show and Chris will be in Vancouver soon. So I don't know. Not bad. We'll find out. I was in, I'll be in Vancouver soon, bro.
Well, you're on, Dan.
Dan, you're on the show
and Chris will be in Vancouver soon.
So you should buy a ticket
and go to Chris' show.
But yeah, that,
first of all,
it's not stupid to audition for this.
No, not at all.
What you mean is
the process of doing it
makes you feel stupid.
But also the process is ridiculous.
That's universal.
But doing it is not stupid.
No, no, no. It's just the game. It's the means, yeah, exactly. It's the means to an end That's universal. But doing it is not stupid. No, no, no.
It's just the game.
Yeah, exactly.
It's a means to an end.
It's the only way it could possibly work.
Yeah.
But the best advice I've heard,
and this is actually from an acting coach,
not to me, but I heard her give it to a group.
And it was to visualize or think of or yeah even visualize not just bad auditions but every audition
as a piece of toilet paper or a bunch of toilet paper right and the audition itself as a dump you took.
At the end, no matter how horrible the dump was, painful, whatever, smooth, easy, easy breezy, short, long.
It's over no matter what.
And you flush the toilet paper no matter what.
It could be an easy breezy good one. You don't keep the toilet paper as a souvenir.
And if it's a terrible one,
you don't remember it for a long time.
You flush it down all the same.
You fluff, good audition, bad audition, whatever audition,
you flush it down, it has to go away
because you need to get used to it.
And it's literally just one part of the process.
I mean, she kind of was a
life coach she was an acting coach oh she said that no this was somebody said this yes yeah i
thought you were saying it no that's i'm quoting an acting remember what dad would always say leave
it in the room or was that just probably for me because i was doing auditions i guess yeah yeah
he would just be like just leave it in the room don't think about it yeah it's the same idea you
don't hold on to it but here's the thing. Don't hold onto the good ones either.
Understand them all to be transitive experiences and they're going to go away.
Some of them will be terrible.
Some will be great,
but they don't matter.
After they're done,
they don't matter.
Flush it down the toilet no matter what.
Take a shit and flush it down the toilet.
Yeah.
That's cool.
Yeah.
That she said that.
It is cool that she said that.
I like that.
I think about it all the time
about a lot of things.
My auditions are shits. Let me tell you why yeah she should have started
it like that yeah auditions are big fat smelly dumps let me tell you when i audition i take
shits walk it back with me um yeah but you have better advice i mean you've auditioned well
audition the audition the whole audition process is just absolutely, it's just stupid.
It's shitty.
It's unnecessary, dude.
It's so stupid that even on the other side of the table, I feel embarrassed for the people who have to do it.
You just don't.
I decided that if I'm ever going to do stuff again, I'm just not going to audition.
Like, I don't care.
Okay, but that doesn't apply to this guy.
Right, true.
Right, but that's what I'm telling you.
That's how stupid it is.
Like, I wish it could change,
and I don't know how it changes
because it's just,
they're so up their own ass with it.
This isn't helping, but it's just...
Some directors,
some really big directors actually, refuse to even hold them.
They only accept on tape auditions.
Well,
that's how it should be.
I know.
I agree.
Yeah.
But that's a,
that's a newer thing.
Yeah.
I,
I,
I,
it's just,
it's not,
a lot of these people think that they're like reinventing the wheel or like
changing the world with this movie.
That's going to come out on fucking Tubi.
Oh, yeah, your movie's not going to change the world.
In fact, it's not going to change anything.
So it's like just hire a guy, you know?
Anyway, this doesn't help you.
You want it to be good, though.
You want it to be good, but stop second-guessing yourself.
You know who could do it.
Here's another thing that I think really helps actors understand
how much control they have over the process
and therefore how much they should really feel responsible
for it going bad or well.
When an actor walks into an audition,
the moment they walk in,
the casting director, director, producers, whoever,
already know to about 90% degree,
sometimes they can be surprised,
but they already know whether this actor for this role has a chance to get it or not.
Yeah, true.
Because in their minds,
they have the way a person looks.
This should free you up because here's why.
If you walk in and they think you look right for it,
you have a huge leg up.
So just be yourself and do the thing you were going to do.
If you walk in and you don't line up
with what they have in their mind,
you're not going to get it anyway.
Yeah.
So have fun and just have the experience.
Both ways, it doesn't matter.
Just have the experience.
You're very, very,
what you do in the room
has way less impact than you think it does.
You're either already going to get it maybe
or already never going to get it for sure.
The moment you walk in before you do a
single bit of acting
and that's just the harsh reality people
have it in their heads the way someone's supposed to
look for a role and there's no getting it out of their heads
yeah
so let that free you up
also auditions are shits
should we do one more
yeah let's do one more
yeah
hey Chris I'm Matt from Connecticut here the most boring place on earth Should we do one more? Should we? Yeah, let's do one more. Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah?
Hey, Chris and Matt.
Elmo from Connecticut here, the most boring place on earth.
Chris, I've been watching your shit since like seventh grade,
and now I'm 20, so you've aged me.
Thank you.
So I'm in the military now.
That's sick.
I'm in the infantry.
So in the small, minute periods of time that we do have free to ourselves. I was just wondering if you guys have any advice
on the best way to maximize my learning
when it comes to like financial shit or just like,
cause I want to use these like next few years
on my contract to like, when I get out,
I'm like set like I fucking, I know what I'm doing.
I'm a civilian and I'm fucking, I'm like investing.
And like, I got my finances straight. And I like, can just like, I know what I'm doing. I'm a civilian and I'm fucking, I'm like investing. And like, I got my finances straight.
And I like, can just like, I know what I'm doing.
Cause before I joined, I'm kind of a dumb ass.
No one ever taught me how to do anything.
So I'm trying to kind of go through life alone right now.
So yeah, just the best ways to maximize my time.
It's like any good books for just learning basic adult shit.
Like I'm talking finances and
things of that nature but um yeah that's pretty much it thank you love you guys peace out oh dude
hey you know what i don't know oh well i do first of all that hoodie right into the show and tell
us what that is that is a fucking rat hoodie it says enjoy it says enjoy are you sure okay i think
it's a great hoodie i want i think so okay so send me a link or send the show a link and it'll get to me um i'll buy it that being said wow you know um
i think that that's tricky because it's hard to look at time like i gotta maximize it i gotta
maximize it because then it's like you feel all this pressure but i think the right the best way to do it is obviously not my
brother my brother is someone you admire and he's an example rather of someone you admire that has
no possible advice to give you in this arena because he's never read a book in his life
but there are people there are people who you admire who actually probably have given either
an interview or have written some kind of article
or there's something written about them where they talk about the things that have inspired them
or the things that they look to, whether it be finance or philosophy in life or whatever.
Just keep looking to the people you admire. Role models, and I don't mean like you look up to them
and want to be like them, but I mean people that you look out in the world and think they're doing their thing.
And I admire how much passion they have for it and how good they are at it and how much
they love what they do or whatever it is.
Pinpoint those people, whether they do the thing you want to do or not, and just model
yourself after them the way they describe themselves, the way that they say they go
about things.
Because honestly, you can find too many books
on the subject of how to invest your money,
how to maximize your time.
There's just too much written on that shit.
You need to look to the people you already admire
and see how they do that thing.
And I know that's you doing this right now,
but unfortunately, he's never read a book in his life.
That's not true, I've read The Client.
And I've read other books too, but I've read books, yeah.
Did you read Congo?
I have read Congo.
What do you think about Congo?
I asked you because I knew you read Congo.
When I think of Congo, I only remember the movie
and I only remember the same early graphics over and over again.
Tim Curry, yeah.
Yeah.
Why do you think that's so funny, dude?
Because it's so stupid.
It's another one of those things that you guys, for some reason, have stuck in your head.
Yeah.
The same Iroglifics over and over again.
The same Iro...
It's hard to say, actually.
Iroglifics.
The same Iroglifics oglyphics didn't we watch
it on this show before yeah i think we did watch that clip on luxury i think yeah oh yeah uh that's
the kind of great stuff you get over on luxury yeah so you can go over to lifeline luxury get a
patreon.com slash lifeline luxury and uh you get the uh the episodes of that we got a bunch of them
out there right now i think there's 20 um but anyway you can go sign up for that that'd be great and also go i'm coming to vancouver and el paso and all sorts
of places chrisley.com and uh check out matt's podcast coming out soon private record coming out
wednesday baby this wednesday january 24th first episode subscribe on youtube and leave a comment
for us here thank you
episode subscribe on youtube and leave a comment for us here thank you
hello Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?
Hello?