Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - Episode 100 - The 100th Episode Special

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

For our 100th episode we answered questions from fans. Everything from the great tortilla debate to Jane Fonda tune in and listen to our probably terrible answers.

Hey everybody, Joe here from the Lions Led by Donkeys podcast. If you enjoy what we do here on the show and you think it's worth your hard-earned money, you can support the show via Patreon. Just a $1 donation gets you access to bonus episodes, our Discord, and regular episodes before everybody else. If you donate at an elevated level, you get even more bonus content. A digital copy of my book, The Hooligans of Kandahar, and a sticker from our Teespring store. Our show will always be ad-free and is totally supporter-driven. We use that money to pay our bills, buy research materials that make this show possible, and support charities like the Kurdish Red Crescent, the Flint Water Fund, and the Halo Trust. Consider joining the

Legion of the Old Crow today. And now back to the show. You have like the bumpy braille nipples of Stevie Wonder's. Yeah, they were nice. You know, when you like you grab a woman's breast and it's and you you feel it and it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it. Bag of sand. Hello and welcome to yet another episode of the Lions Led by Donkeys podcast. I got the whole crew in the house today. Most importantly, you have Laika, you have me, Joe, Rich, Nick. Did you fart? What's up, Laika? No, you. No.

Oh, okay. That was the seat. It's not awkward. It's weird. It was probably the seat. So I guess this intro is a good way to show how far we've come in two years and 100 episodes of still not being good at this. in two years and 100 episodes of still not being good at this.

So we are doing a Q&A for our 100th episode that is 100 on the dot. No, I certainly did not go over that by several. Good at planning. You said you wouldn't do it and you did it.

If you're keeping track, I do that a lot. No one likes a liar, Joe. I was not lying. You merely misheard me. In this extreme time of uncertainty, you're starting to sound like all the politicians. Look here, Jack.

I got nothing after that. Nothing that Nate wouldn't have to edit out. We're doing a Q&A for our 100th episode. And it is about our two-year anniversary as well. I think it's like a couple weeks removed, something like that. So we've come a long way in two years, in 100 episodes exactly.

Have we not? Yeah, two rooms. A hundred. Like, for one, our original room exploded with a water leak. And we found out that night the guy who fixed it was a Lionswood by Donkeys fan.

So, thanks, Roof Guy. Is he Australian? No, that was the guy who repaired the hole in the ceiling, not the guy who fixed the air conditioner that was pouring water into the hole. Wrong guy. Some fine workmanship here at the Pacific Northwest when it comes

to home building. We started out as we were getting drunk and roasting YouTube videos about history and playing video games and stuff. We made a Q&A when we hit 10 episodes because we did 10 episodes on

time and it like blew our minds and we actually have not missed an episode update on schedule yet which is far more reliable than i am at work so i have to i have to say i'm proud of us for that with our shit schedule yeah i, all of us have terrible schedules. We do not sleep like normal people. And sometimes we've come down to the wire quite a few times. One time I had to call it, or like two times I had to call him like an emergency guest host because the army stole you off the NTC or something. And it was just a subject that Rich would not have appreciated.

Or she was also stolen away by the military for a long stretch of time. I appreciate very few of these subjects. No offense, guys. Yeah. The third co-host, not the biggest fan of the show.

I'm glad we got that. I love the show. Joe and Nick are awesome. Just not a big fan of history. That's problematic on a history show. Especially with coworkers like, hey, do you listen to this show?

You sound kind of like that host. No, that's not me. That's definitely not Rich. Because if you quiz me, I won't know shit. So clearly that's not me. See, it's just plausible deniability. I have to uphold it. Yeah, that's the same way as like,

it's plausible deniability that every once in a while when we get too drunk, we say something that has to be edited out. That never happened. It's not sitting saved on like Nate's burn file somewhere whenever we piss him off to just release. Blackmail corner. Yeah, I'm going to need you to up those Patreon donations.

We're going to let the slur slide. We have not said any slurs. Yeah, there's no slurs. I feel like I need to point that out. And if we did, they were probably directed at Texas. More than likely. Yes.

There have been a few at California and- And New Jersey as well. And Michigan. Yeah, but fuck Michigan. We few at California and New Jersey as well. And Michigan. Yeah, but fuck Michigan. We say a lot about New Jersey, and I think I said a lot of hateful shit about Philadelphia as well. I think either Arkansas or Alabama, one of those A states, too. I mean, low-hanging fruit. Alabama is really low.

They fucking know. I mean, they know, right? I know. They won't even do a shelter-in-place order in Alabama, apparently. It's actually incredibly easy to pray coronavirus away. That's why I'm still healthy. Yeah, so you have to all commune in church, all in one crowded area. It's not the fact that I don't have a life.

It's why I was really good at social distancing by not having any friends uh but you're still going to work you're essential yeah yeah i'm i'm over that i'm not cool with being essential samesies now like when we started this whole thing did you think that we were ever going to make a hundred fucking episodes like rich you never think it's gonna get off the ground i didn't think much about it at first, to be honest. Did you think we'd have a million people

that have listened to us speak? No. Definitely not that part either. I thought best case scenario, we'd have like 500 people and we're like, yeah, these guys are all right. Yeah, I don't know.

We'd get so pissed off at the first episode, we'd be like, fuck this! You losers all need to find something better to do with your lives. Just kidding, we love you. I disagree

wholeheartedly with Rich. You should pay more attention to us. Don't do that, it might melt your brain. There's actually somebody's question, like, do you think it's good right now? Is it a good time to binge watch Lions Led by Donkeys? Professionally, I have to say yes.

Mentally, probably not. Skip around to the lighthearted episodes. Skip on the genocide and the Nazi stuff. I hate to be a stickler here, but you can't binge watch this. Binge listen. Shut up. Shut up, Rich. You can watch it.

Oh, I'm sorry. The semantics police are here. Always. Finally, I believe in. The semantics police are here. Always. Finally, I believe in the all cops are bastards thing. Now, it's really strange because, like, since this show started, I've traveled across the country and I've talked to, like, college students and professionals and stuff. And, like, legitimate academics, like, like yeah i love your show like why

why one i know i can't pronounce things for shit okay and two like my research should not be being praised by a fucking phd even though i'm really proud of it like i feel like it's below you i mean please don't stop listening to us uh i have bills to pay. I feel like you're giving them reasons. I know I should stop. It's like when everybody says that they enjoyed my book. I'm like, I'm sorry. Or nobody's perfect. Yeah, just quit while you're ahead, Joe.

Don't touch Steven. I don't know why, but Rich is threatening us with our cardboard cutout of Steven Seagal. I was just licking it. His midsection looks a little off. Did you do something to him? No, he probably Photoshopped it because he's fat. Thanks to our incredibly loyal fan base that has joined us on Discord,

we actually now have a cardboard cutout of a rapist in our recording studio. Staring at Rich. In a very creepy way. He really is like staring down at me. Steven Seagal can only stare at you in a creepy way. That's true. He's eyeing you like prime rib, both because he's hungry and because he's a rapist.

Who chose that specific picture to make a cardboard cutout with? I'm going to assume Steven Seagal himself. I'm going to assume Steven Seagal himself. I'm going to assume Steven Seagal himself. He thought that was hot. Yeah, he's like, these are my bedroom eyes.

Yeah, probably. It's his bedroom eyes. Now, I feel like it would be a good way because I just said, I was just talking about how, you know, big we've all,

the show's become. Like we've met people in the wild that enjoy our show, which is weird. I've seen more than one sticker just floating around JBLM or the Lakewood area or Seattle, which I always want to be like, whose car is this?

And follow them home? Yeah, and then just hide in their closet for a little while. But it's wild. So I thought we should bring us down a bit by reading a bad review I found on iTunes. It's kind of funny. One, so I use a podcast app to listen to other podcasts. And I never listen to ours because I find my own voice horrible. Called CastBox.

Oh, yeah. I know it's like, I guess it's kind of popular, but I did not know you could leave comments on it. And I saw that our feed had like four comments. All of them are on the Andersonville prison episode

and all of them are insulting us because they're Neo-Confederates. Really? Yes. Really? Yes. I'm going to go back and look at that.

Those aren't the reviews I wanted to get into because those people are hardly literate, and I don't feel like being a codebreaker today. Though I did see that one of them said that, like, they definitely said that we must have gone to public school, which, yeah. No shit. Thank you. I'm not sure what you thought you were tuning into uh in this podcast yeah i am local cornell graduate uh joseph kasabian or once were enlisted members of the army

where the fuck do you think soldiers come from and like went to at best a bad state university the old okay i can't say that i have a culinary degree from before the army but the only reason i'm close to a bachelor's is because of army tuition assistance and it's an online shitty school so come the fuck on yeah i'm pretty sure that my dumb ass that was poor as fuck is not going to scrape my way through college without the military uh for sure yeah but yeah i mean yeah we would stay uh we went to public schools and we go to public schools now and fuck you. As does like 90% of America. Suck my lower class dick.

But this review comes from iTunes. So recently we've been unlocking bonus content to help people kind of distract themselves from being locked inside and not being able to go to work. Also, under the understanding that giving money to a podcast that makes you laugh every now and then isn't the highest priority for everybody right now. So, I started unlocking more content to give people two episodes a week. One of those was the remake of Red Dawn, which I think we all agreed was the worst movie we ever watched. So far, yeah. I only noticed Chris Hemsworth, that he was there, that he was hot.

I enjoyed when he got shot in the head. I didn't. I did not enjoy that. I think we laughed at that part. You know, I did because I watched it in theater. I think I point out like I didn't expect the main character to go down like that. I didn't always just. And that's how you could tell that when they wrote that movie, they did not think Chris Hemsworth was going to be Thor by that point because they would not have killed him.

Or at least not without some heroic last stand that definitely would end with you guys go. I'll stay here. No, he just gets fucking gunned down the hall like a fucking shitty apartment building. Yeah. Yeah. To be fair, they did shoot it in Michigan they all look like that that's the nicer ones you know I would

actually like to thank the fine North Korean people's army for refurbishing Waterford Michigan and giving everybody jobs I'm kidding not a big Juche guy in here. But anyway, this is a bad review that comes from that. It's obviously not a Patreon supporter

because it's on iTunes and that only would have been available to him about last month. So, quote, why are you comparing modern day left-wing bullshit with the remake of a good movie? The new one is terrible, as you say, but why bring up things that happened in America

a long time ago? We know the movie is stupid and dumb, but Bring Your Stupid Left-Wing Politics is also stupid and dumb. Who cares? Just review the horrible and stupid movie. Okay, drink every time he said stupid. We're a history podcast. We are a

history podcast! That's the first thing that points out. Why are you talking about shit that happened in American history? And most importantly, literally the only thing he could be talking about is the fact that I brought up that this movie is shot in Michigan and based in Spokane in Washington State, where we're located, which has a huge track record of anti-Asian racism. And I point out that we live maybe 30 minutes away from a former internment camp.

So that apparently was a pretty big distraction to him. Also, oh no, there's left-wing bullshit in this podcast hosted by socialists. It's great because you're in your PJs. I am wearing PJs. Yeah. Fucking insane. Full on lockdown mode. We're recording at 3 p.m.

You're in uniform. You just changed out of workout clothes, and I'm in pajama pants. Pajama pants that are hiked up to your knees for some reason. I got to get the air flowing through. The recording studio is either really, really hot or really, really cold. I have to be prepared for both.

I have one pant leg rolled up just in case the crips roll through and one rolled down in case I get kind of cold because I'm a pussy. Now, I thought it would be fun to start out with that because I thought it was funny. Solid. Yeah.

I got to bring us down before we start talking about stuff. Now, what are your favorite non-history authors or non-history books? Rich, you go ahead and say the most predictable answer ever. What? What do you think I'm going to say? Well, seeing how our very first bonus episode is you and me talking about Harry Potter

and how magical teenagers fucking suck at war. Take it from here. Okay, so I have read Harry Potter, the entire series, probably the whole series at least four times. I read at least one book over a year.

I absolutely love them. They never get old. So definitely my favorite books that are non-history, unless you count our Hogwarts episode on this podcast. I mean, that's just history. More than once I've gotten in your car and you were just listening to the audiobook, like a random book of the series. Is that a problem? It was just weird. Like, I'm going to read the fourth book. Yeah, I just like pick one. I'm like, I haven't read this one in a while. No, I know what happens.

I know the whole story. I don't need to go in order. Sometimes I just want to hear about the Goblet of Fire. And is J.K. Rowling your favorite non-history author? No. Who is? I mean, J.K. Rowling, I mean, and is jk rowling your favorite non-history author no who is um i mean jk rowling i mean i'm not i'm not harry potter isn't my favorite book of all time but like harry potter definitely got me into reading because it came out when i was like in started coming i was in middle school

but jk rowling's other stuff has been kind of yeah i kind of go in phases yeah yeah i mean she really actually like i've read a couple of her Robert Galbraith books or whatever, and they're not bad. It's just not like the level of Harry Potter. It's just not as good. They're not bad, but they're not Harry Potter. I used to read a ton of John Grisham. For some reason, when I was in high school, I fucking loved legal thrillers. That is really weird for a high schooler to get into.

I used to love him. That's a mom book. John Grisham is a mom book. That's probably why I started reading because my mom was reading them and I would just read some of the books that she read. I loved The Firm, The Pelican Brief, Time to Kill. Time to Kill is the only one

that I've read. I read it after I watched the movie because Samuel Jackson, yes, they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell. Yeah. Stephen King, definitely. I'm really into Leon Moriarty right now. She's great. Solid name.

She sounds like she should be a spy. She's Australian. Oh, so she's racist. I don't know. Oh, so she's racist. I don't know. It's sad because really what got me into books is history. Yeah.

But the first books I've read were definitely Tom Clancy books my dad had laying around. Have you ever gone back and looked at when Tom Clancy wrote a sex scene? What? It's terrible. Do yourself a favor and look it up. Is it in any of his books? I cannot remember which book it is in but it is. It's bad. Is it like Bland Bad or is it like

So you remember the 40 year old virgin? You remember the 40 year old virgin? Yeah. When Steve Carell's character is trying to explain what a boob feels like despite never having felt one? Tom Clancy has never fucked. It's impossible.

Nobody could actually have sex and write that. It's like having sex and then writing that scene from Enemy at the Gates. You know you wouldn't fuck like that. Have you written a sex scene? Absolutely not. I cut to black. I know better.

Because I'm a guy. I'm not black. I know better. Because I'm a guy. I'm not sensual in any way. I would really love to hear a sex scene that you wrote. It would just be a bunch of caveman drawings, like hieroglyphs from you. You know, for a bonus episode, I'm going to read the Tom Clancy sex scene. And like the most serious narrator voice I possibly can.

But no, I've never wrote a sex scene. And I don't think I ever will. I think you should. I think you should do America a favor. I'm a white man. I'm afraid of change. Throw it in your sci-fi book. Your wife must be so pleased.

It's funny because I almost did, and I had one in, I think, the second Citizen of Earth. The Great Traitor which should be coming out this summer. But I cut it on my second pass through. I'm like nope. Even my editor said it was fine. I was

like nope and my editor is a woman. So either she is hurting or like I wrote something decent and I hated it anyway. Fiona and Vincent deserve to get some. Oh, they fuck. You're just never going to find out about it.

It's between the lines. Yeah, it's implied. It's the implication. My favorite non-history book series is definitely Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings got me into reading from, I don't even know how young I was when I started reading Fellowship of the Ring. But I devoured all those books in a couple weeks after I watched the first movie and found out, holy shit, this is based on a book.

Books must be cool. And also The Giver was probably around the same time. I love The Giver. I love anything dystopian, really. I think we should all just as collectively forget that there's sequels that completely ruin the first one. And everything is a lot better. One of my favorite non-history authors is really hard for me right now. I don't have an all-time favorite author.

I fluctuate wildly. Right now, it's probably Djingo wexler who actually lives up in seattle uh and he wrote the shadow campaigns which is like the best fantasy series i've read since uh uh lord of the rings um it's uh he takes like the napoleonic uh wars in the french revolution and gives it magic and it's baller as fuck this is why i'm not a book reviewer now if you want if i saw that book reviewer. That's fucking awesome. If I saw that book reviewer, I'd be like, fuck yeah. If you're a author and you want

me to write a blurb like, yo, this book is baller as fuck and you put it on your cover, hit me up. I'll do that for you. New York Times says best fucking book ever. Joe Kasabian, baller as fuck. So long as your book actually is baller as fuck, he's not going to lie for you.

I mean, how much money are you paying me? I'm a podcaster. I will lie for money. That's not a good thing to advertise in a history podcast. I mean, history isn't going to pay me enough money to fucking lie. Like, oh no, one day I might become a history teacher and make $25,000 a year. Look out.

All right, Nick, what's your favorite? I already kind of said it. Oh, did you? Yeah. Were you here? I'm here. Oh, I was just wondering. I don't really have any because...

I don't think I've ever read a Tom Clancy book. It's not good. It's just not there. I'd rather watch the movies. Yeah. Which still aren't even that good. They're normally starring people. I'd rather watch the movies. Yeah. Which still aren't even that good. They're normally starring people like Matt Damon or Ben Affleck. Harrison Ford.

Yeah. Harrison Ford back before he looked like weathered leather. Though, to be fair, he's still better looking than me, and he's like 80. He is a pretty old guy. Yeah. A few plane crashes under his seat. Yeah. He's not good at flying.

No, he's not. I mean, the Navy would probably still hire him because someone's got to crash the F-35, but he should stop. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to let you guys weigh on this because this very well, you do. I've thrown both of you,

and I can attest that you are heavier. So I win. The ties that buy this podcast are actually domestic violence. This is something that will weigh in heavily between the war between your two states. Corn or flour tortillas? Go ahead.

Okay, so... First shot goes to Rich. H-E-B has... How did I know you were going to bring it up one time during this podcast? The mixed ones. No, no, so. First shot goes to Rich. H-E-B has. How did I know you were going to bring it up one time during this podcast? The mixed ones. No, no, no. The heb. Yeah, no.

One or the other. They solved the problem is what I'm saying. You're not going to Joe Biden your way out of this. You got to pick a side. H-E-B made mixed tortillas and they're a mixture of corn and flour tortillas and they are delicious. But. To the gulag. It depends on what you're using them for because I love street tacos, which has to be corn

tortillas. Okay, but I pick flour tortillas overall. They're more versatile and delicious. I agree. So I agree too. And I'm from the north. So I agree too. You guys actually both agree on something?

Yeah, they're different things. Yeah, you have to use them. They're good for it. But overall, flour wins. Overall, yeah, flour wins. Flour tortillas get the podcast endorsement. HEB hit us up for the money. Yeah, let's go HEB.

The Texas FEMA, go ahead and hit us up. Hill Country Fairs. Hill Country Fairs? Hill Country Fair. That's the HEB brand. Is it? Yeah. I thought it was just HEB.

No, it's Hill Country Fair. Weird. Learn something new every day. I didn't expect to learn anything today. You should, for I don't know reasons. Now, this one's directed at me. Someone who is an aspiring author would like to know how I use outlines for my novels and what I had to do to get the hooligans published. for my novels and what I had to do to get The Hooligans published.

Well, those two questions are actually counterintuitive because I did not use an outline for Hooligans, which is why it took so long to fucking edit. Also, The Hooligans was rejected, I believe, about 80 times. I lost count. Literally every major publishing house rejected it or I heard nothing back. Agents rejected me or heard nothing back. It was bad.

It's not good. Finally it got published, obviously. But now that... I guess if I was to say what finally got Hooligans published is I was not smart enough to quit. I could not quit while I was ahead.

Persistence? I don't know. Yeah, that's a good word. You pretty much started writing hooligans while we were deployed, right? Yeah, there's actually pictures of me writing it in the tent because I was posting it to a blog, which actually might still exist. I hope not because those are unedited and terrible. And people will see how bad of a writer I actually am. And people were sharing it with their families back home

and it made their families feel better. I don't know why. It's not a happy book. But as far as outlines for my current novels I'm working on, it's kind of like you do the who, what, where, why, how, and all that

other shit for everything. I mean, you're writing a blueprint that you need to fill in with probably like 300 pages of exposition. So like you did know your characters pretty well. You can tell when someone knows their characters well and when someone doesn't because they'd be paper thin. So in order to learn what they are so you can write your book, you should probably write a biography for them and say what they're going to do and what horrible way you're going to kill them eventually that might just be me though um okay so hopefully that answered it um how uh now this one is interesting uh because this kind of could, I feel like, and this is something that we haven't really talked about on the show. Mostly because it's like personal politics and beliefs. I'll read the whole thing.

I cannot stress how much I appreciate a leftist military, a military history perspective from leftists. I'm a reservist. Yeah, I know I'm not actually in the Navy. That's all right. Either is your secretary now. And even when I show up to drill or my two weeks, I'm routinely the most progressive person in the room. And boy, howdy, is it frustrating.

I have felt that. Like, I cannot tell you how many people I have gotten into fights with because they said incredibly disparaging things about women or transgender people. Rich, I'm sure you have some feelings on that. Oh, yeah. Especially when Secretary Carter passed the directive. Anyway, my question is, how do you feel about leftist gun ownership? I've heard of organizations like the SRA, which is the Socialist Rifle Association, for anybody who's unaware. And I'm a huge fan of Robert Evans. He's always talked about being a proud gun ownership. I've heard of organizations like the SRA, which is the Socialist Rifle Association for anybody who's unaware. And I'm a huge fan of Robert Evans. He's always talked about being a proud gun owner. We can actually all point out that we're all huge fans of Robert Evans. Love

that guy. Now, this is actually interesting for me because I personally have gone through, because I personally have gone through, I guess, growth. I don't know. I haven't always felt about guns how I do now. I went from not really having an opinion on them because I never had them in the house growing up to thinking that, wow, these things are kind of awful. They should probably all be thrown into an oven somewhere and destroyed, too. We probably need more guns uh pretty rapidly

and i obviously i was kind of a shithead contrarian leftist in high school which slowly morphed into a more normal american liberal when obama got elected and then i quickly flew far far fucking left when he betrayed everything that he stood for after 2008 and uh but you know i think what opened my eyes the idea of of leftist gun ocean and i'm not a member of the sra or anything or any organization for that matter but um the what really opened my eyes is like i forget what year it was but when all those fucking bundy people you know the right-wing militias armed to the fucking teeth literally held off the federal government. And they took to the streets waving guns around.

Cops never did shit to stop them. And that's when I realized like, hmm, state is not going to stop this. Being a lifelong student of history and someone who's Armenian, when the people who are polarized against you start arming themselves, the last thing you should do is fucking disarm because that's if you show up to protest things unarmed you get your fucking ass kicked by the cops but if you show up with guns they let you march because they don't want to fuck with you and uh you know i would hope that some kind of armed conflict is not coming like you know robert evans amazing podcast laid out horribly for all of us. But I mean, I think until all guns are gone, nobody should fucking disarm.

I mean, Marx himself said the working class and disarm. And, you know, do you have, have you like, what about you guys? And we don't,

we don't talk about guns much other than like how dumb guns don't work in history. But like, I know rich, you're not a huge gun person but you were raised around guns because you're from the south right yeah so i probably given my personal history i probably should have more of an opinion on this i my first memory of shooting a rifle is when i was five years old and target practice with my dad on his hunting lease my dad's a huge hunter a lot of our food growing up was stuff that he actually killed and brought home. He took me hunting with him, me and my sister, hunting with him every year. I am a soldier in the army. I'm obviously qualified to shoot rifles. I own guns myself.

Unfortunately, I guess it's fair to say that I'm kind of ignorant on a lot of the actual gun issues, and I don't educate myself well on them. I own my guns legally, and that's pretty much as far as I go into it. Yeah, and as far as gun issues go, I know I've probably unwisely made a lot of mass shooting jokes on this show because I don't know what to do about it and it makes me uncomfortable. And whenever I'm put in a situation where I'm uncomfortable or confronted by something, I don't know what to do. I make jokes. And that's something that statistically, you own a gun in the house,

you're much more likely to be killed with that gun. I understand that. More guns do not make you safer. That's an ignorant right-wing talking point. They absolutely do not make you safer. Living around guns, you're much more likely to be killed by one probably your own probably by your own hands um that being said i don't own a fucking arms cache i own two small pistols um and i thought about buying a rifle until very recently when those all vanished from the shelves but yeah and yeah amer America has some of the worst

fucking gun violence on earth and that shit ain't going away. There's never going to be some kind of mass confiscation. And if it is, it will lead to Robert Evans' Civil War that he talked about. That's absolutely fucking sure. Nobody's going to give up all their weapons by force of the state.

But until all guns magically get ferry-wanded away, I don't want to give mine up either. I mean, you know, I'm not a member of a racial or religious minority. I highly doubt unless I get warped back to the Ottoman Empire, I'm going to be victimized other than for politics. But I do know, if that time time comes that those racial and religious minorities

need allies. And I look forward into being one and I, we should protect people who are exploited and are victimized. But what about you, Nick? I own guns. I know before a really long time ago, I used to be really right with it.

Like, Oh yeah, guns, guns, this guns that no, not your dad was a cop. It's to be expected. Yeah. But even he chilled out a really right with it. Like, oh yeah, guns, guns, this, guns, that. No, not anymore. Well, your dad was a cop. It's to be expected. Yeah, but even he chilled out a lot about it too.

Like he's, I just have no opinion on it, to be honest. Yeah. And same with him. I mean, that's weird because we both went into that stage almost the same time. Yeah. I mean, I think that's all to be expected.

I'm obviously the most overtly political of the three of us. So I'm going to have the most political stance on them. If you want to own a gun, own a gun. But know how to fucking use it. Take training. If you don't

want to own a gun, great. I mean, that's... America's bad at a lot of things, but we still have that. And honestly, if you want to own a gun right now, good fucking luck. Everything's sold out. Definitely.

And they also ask if there's any literature to read to have a more informed platform. I will point you to something that Robert Evans pointed me to, actually, since you're a Robert Evans fan, is the book This Nonviolent Stuff Will Get You Killed. It's about how militant civil rights activists got shit done. And I highly recommend it. It's a really good book.

Now, after that, we're going to go to one that's targeted at all of us. It's a little bit lighthearted. It doesn't have to do with deep-seated political thoughts. For me, which Faygo flavor is best? Are you guys familiar with Faygo? What the fuck is Faygo? Okay, so you are aware of it to an extent that you're not aware of. You both know who the insane clown posse is.

Yeah. It's their sacrament, effectively. It's a regional Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, maybe, only soda, that comes in probably like 20 fucking different flavors, and you can buy a three liter for 75 cents because we're all poor. Yeah. Some of the flavors all just

taste like chemistry, but the best one is definitely Red Pop. Red Pop is the flavor? It tastes like red. Nick, if you could change one thing about your dick tattoo what would you change and I feel like we need to talk about that for a second it's podcast lore some people

might not know about Nick has a tattoo of a dick on his leg he does not have a tattoo on his dick that's an important thing we should put that's the $10,000 a month Patreon goal get at it I'd honestly put less hairs That would have hurt. Yeah, that hurt real, real bad. That's the $10,000 a month Patreon goal. Get at it.

I'd honestly put less hairs. Yeah, the hairs are a little weird. I mean, the hairs come in naturally. Yeah, but I think on the outside, it's kind of looking weird, but the inside hairs is cool. Ball hair is cool. Outside ball hair is not cool. So what you're saying is your dickhead needs to be manscaped.

Yeah, pretty much. Because I'll keep the tip. The tip's actually pretty cool. Just the tip? Yeah. It's a heart. It's pretty sweet. Oh, boy.

Rich. Because when you give the tip, you give love. That's what the heart was meant for. Ladies and gentlemen, Nick is single. Hey. I don't mind disappointing. Now, have you had any negative impacts from having a dick tattooed? And you're like, which you can totally see. Yeah, because you can totally see that motherfucker in PT shorts.

Yeah, absolutely. For sure. Actually, only at one place, which was at the Academy for NCOs. When a fucking sharp rep came by, he's like, is that a dick tattoo? I was like, yeah, it is. He's like, alright, we're gonna go see the commandant.

I was like, oh, fuck. The commandant looked at it, kind of grinned. He's like, put a fucking band-aid over it. So you had to turn your dick tattoo into Nelly. Yeah. So that's about it. That's all that came out of that. Everybody else thinks it's great. Great is a really

strong word. I mean, when it comes to a dick tattoo, there's really no middle ground. It's either you're strongly for or you're strongly against. Nobody's like, I'm okay with it. Basically, I have stuff that people wish they could have had. A dick tattoo? Pretty much. Who wishes they could have a dick tattoo? They have dick tattoo hubris.

If you wish you could have a dick tattoo, you would have one. I don't know. I'd never get a dick tattoo. Do you wish you could have one? But now he can experience it through me. He can experience that through me. That's true. So that's what people see. They're like, ah, the light in his eyes. You have light? Alright. this one's for rich um if you could keep any animal outside of common exotics which i'm

assuming means what you own now uh which in parentheses is outside of of of what you could buy at an expo or store what would you have oh gosh, you really should have prepared me for this one. I did. I literally asked you before we started to start thinking about it. You didn't ask me about animals. You asked me about books and authors. You were correct.

I forgot. I am a great showrunner, but I told you. I'm telling you now. I mean, of course, growing up, I always wanted like a tiger or something like that but after after the Joe Exotic

actually we are very close in the Patreon to being able to afford a tiger cup at Joe Exotic Crisis there's actually a great show

because I mean I've always been an animal lover I've always like been the one like the kid that picked up every stray

that she found off the street every bird that fell out of a nest, like whatever the case. I used to pick up baby ducks at the pond. Always wanted a duck. I obviously love reptiles, but I watched this show on I think it's on Amazon and it's like a animal planet show, but it's like all about people who have crazy exotic pets like chimpanzees and tigers and big hats and everything and all about

how eventually they attack them and I think I'm cured of those really really unavailable ones. Yeah, I don't want to own a chimpanzee and have it eat my face. Yeah. I love animals and I want to respect them and i want them to be in as much of their natural environment as possible um i like

to see them as at zoos and zoos do a lot of work to conserve natural environments so i'm okay with that like real zoos not like the southern exotic zoos like an animal park yeah but yeah And people talk shit about zoos because the animals are caged and everything like that. But they do. They do a lot of conservation work. They do a lot of breeding programs and stuff like that. Yeah. I think even in the Pacific Northwest, they do like a red wolf breeding program. I think it's a red wolf or something like that.

Yeah. Yeah. It was like extinct in the wild. So like you're fucking welcome. Yeah. That had if zoos didn't exist, that motherfucker would be extinct. Yeah. So really, I mean, unavailable exotics. I can't really say that there's one that I'd like to own. I would like to observe them from afar and appropriate places and watch them live their lives. But but i mean as far as just exotics go i love i love all the lizards i love rhino iguanas and tegus that i own um i really want a bird i really want a duck like i would like a toucan i feel like that's pretty like uncommon like you

can't just go buy one because we saw one an expo that was not for sale that they were just showing everybody and it looked like a real life cartoon character. Oh, I got it. Okay, I got my answer. What? I want a capybara. Capybaras are friend shaped. They are.

Everybody loves them. They just want to love and hug you. There's one at- There's actually a subreddit for people that own them as pets. Really? Yeah. Oh my gosh.

There was a petting zoo that we went to where you could go in and a capybara would just climb into your lap and just sit on you for hours and let you pet it. It was so cute. Yeah, they're super friendly. Though I have heard that they're incredibly territorial. When they say they bond to you and they're like, let's all go to Ridge's house for beers, we're going to be attacked by a capybara.

Or a wallaby. The wallaby was super cute. Or a fox. Ever since Rocco's Modern Life, I've been uninterested in wallabies. Rocco! He had a lot of stuff going on.

That's definitely not a good one. He's had a lot of stuff going on. I'm obsessed with foxes, so yeah, for sure. Foxes are adorable.

Yeah. That's why I always call, like, a fox dog, because she acts like one. And it's the closest I'll ever come to owning one. And for me, oh, I already said mine.

For everyone, if you had to redo a deployment, but you could choose any era and any position outside of being a commander, in any side of a war, what war would you serve in and what would you do? I mean, the on-brand podcast answer to this is all wars are bad yeah but like also we're huge nerds and we have real answers to this oh wow whatever soviet union liberated uh auschwitz you get to like give the prisoners weapons but go ahead and kill your guards oh yeah to be fair americans did that too that's like whoever did that i'm all for that.

But like the European history nerd in me also says like, I'd like to be Napoleon's Imperial Guard. His aid? Yeah. I would like to be his aid. What about you? Oh man, this one's awesome.

In all honesty, everything in me just says for some reason World War II. Probably with aviation. You're ball turret gunner, even though you're six foot tall they probably put me in the uh just regular not a door but the fuck i can't even remember wow tail gunner or whatever i mean that yeah but honestly that definitely something to do with aviation back in world war ii just how cool you're gonna be dead like 15 minutes pretty much their Their life expectancy was awful. Rich, let's just, when we ask this question,

let's pretend that Min didn't think that you were subhuman and could fight in all the wars of history. Yeah, you could do anything. Okay, so you guys are like thinking of like altruistic reasons and fun reasons

and cool reasons and everything. And all I'm thinking about is the horrible living conditions that we had in 2012 in afghanistan and how much worse that had to be in any past war because we actually had like some form of technology and shelter and i have a podcast you can listen to in afghanistan so just based on the fucking horrible living conditions and foodborne illnesses and lack of good medicine, no. Wait, you mean prayer won't cure my musket ball wound? No. I don't want to be a part of any of that. I mean, hypothetically, in all of our situations,

we will be the lone survivor. Like, was really weird my whole plane went down i was the guy that fell 25 000 feet onto a snowbank or whatever and walked away no i mean like of course it's terrible and uh b-17 if you've ever heard the podcast lines led by donkeys they actually cover a lot of that stuff um unless i'm in the air force because they never do shit so of that weird. Unless I'm in the Air Force because they never do shit. To be fair, you brought up the Army Air Corps.

I brought up the Army Air Force. The coolest Air Force ever. The only Air Force I don't recognize, the modern U.S. Air Force. It's like a ghost. It doesn't exist. It's the figment

of some old white woman's imagination. Some cool Army Air Force shit too. Oh, I think I still do. Oh, man. Some real collectible shit. All right. What podcast do you listen to? I think this is where I do the obvious plug,

and I point out the fact that our producer, Nate, has like three podcasts he's a part of, including this one, to include Hell of a Way to Die, which we all listen to. And I fucking love Trash Future. I don't think these guys are as thoroughly brain damaged as I am.

Trash Future? Trash Future. It's amazing. What is that? They talk about really dumb tech people and a lot of British politics. But it's... And you're probably asking,

why the fuck do you care about British politics? I don't. Because I hardly care about American politics anymore. But it's, and you're probably asking, why the fuck do you care about British politics? I don't, but like, because I hardly care about American politics anymore, but it's so entertaining. The people on it are fucking hilarious. I cannot recommend it enough.

There's very few podcasts that I just do not miss a week of. That's one of them, and I also love Knowledge Fight. It's two guys who listen to Alex Jones, and then pretty much just roast them for two fucking hours. It's two guys who listen to Alex Jones and then pretty much just roast him for two fucking hours. It's amazing. And then obviously the history ones.

Mike Duncan, everything he's ever done is amazing. Patrick Wyman's Tides of History and the history of Rome is great. And of course, I have to shout out Dan Carlin. I mean, he's pretty much what set us down this road long, long time ago. Oh man.

I loved his hardcore history. Yeah. If only he could update it more than once every month. You just got to wait like every year. But that episode is going to be long. It's going to be four hours of him going, well, I'm not a historian,

but, and then. But I feel like you are going, well, I'm not a historian, but... And then... But I feel like you are. I mean, I'm not a historian, but I just try not to say it that often, where it's a fucking meme. What other podcasts do you listen to?

Other than Dan Carlin, it's definitely... You actually put me on last podcast on the left. I really like them. I've listened to them significantly less lately, but that's mostly due to a change of platform. I don't really use Spotify. I'm a heathen from what I understand. Rich, I know you listen to a fucking ton of them.

I do. I love Crime Junkies really good. I love Behind the Bastards with Robert Evans. I don't even know why I didn't bring that up yeah that's i mean that's definitely one of my favorites worst year ever also with robert evans is great for 20 day fiance is my shit oh my god if you guys like the show 90 day fiance honestly even if you don't um miles gray and fucking sophia alexander are fucking hilarious they get really high and talk shit about 90 day fiance which is amazing um i could have liked that a whole lot more if i was

also high probably but even sober it's really fucking like grandma's boy it's funny but it's hilarious if you've been i've been in public places listening to that podcast on headphones and just laughing hysterically like people probably think I'm nuts. They do. Yeah. You're in Seattle. Podcast. Also, Armchair Expert is one of my favorites. Specifically, he does, it's Dax Shepard's podcast, but specifically he interviews a lot of like psychologists and things like that, which I'm really into psychology. That's what I'm going to school for. So I really like his experts on experts segment where he interviews like psychologists and things like that. It doesn't mean I'm going to give him a pass for having the first name Dax.

He didn't name himself. He could have changed it. And also he's married to Kristen Bell. You know what? Every once in a while we bat above our weight. But yeah, all of those are great. Anybody want to add anything to that? If I could speak clearly without mumbling?

I'm good. Oh, the new Office Ladies podcast is cute too. They are way too proud mothers. Oh, they're very, very emotional. They cry every episode. They do cry every episode. I have them saved. I haven't watched it in a long time.

It's super fun to learn about some of the behind-the-scenes stuff, though. They're just super mom about it. I mean, to be fair, they're both 40-year-old moms. They are super moms. It's very PG, have your cookies and milk while you listen. Yeah, it's a family-friendly podcast, much like this one. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. Actually, somebody did say that they were listening to the show with their children in the car. Because apparently their kids really enjoy it. I'm like, oh, God, what the fuck are they going to say? How old are they? Not old enough. Probably not old enough to drop a hard C at nap time.

Probably not old enough to drop a hard C at nap time. So what do you think a ethical military intervention would look like? I don't think we've covered one yet. It's really hard to say because, I mean, now we're going to have to talk. Obviously, we're talking hypothetically and if everything goes right, which it never does, if you're in case a new listener to the show or history in general or the military, nothing ever goes the plan.

But I think we've, we've had a couple in our history and we've definitely whiffed on a couple. Obviously world war, world war two is incredibly ethical for the Germans, no I'm just kidding I think I have to leave now you guys were listening so intently I had to snap you out of it

I think even though America that would have been weird if Bruce would have been like go on I'm listening, I learned this in my Texas history class you know um uh i think even though america's eventually dragged kicking and screaming into world war ii it was an ethical thing to do and it was ethical to ensure that the nazi regime was smashed and that imperial japan could not victimize china anymore obviously there's a whole lot more to it than that uh such as battling spheres of influence, but that's every war ever. Nobody's ever fighting a war for altruistic means, even if they say they are.

I think bombing or stopping the genocide and coast foes, absolutely the right thing to do. Yes, we fucked up and bombed the wrong targets every once in a while, but you know what? It's literally what war is. You're not going to launch a war without killing civilians it's something that has to be taught like that does not exist i agreed with uh obama beginning to bomb isis in iraq and syria because he was uh because jenna isis is a fucking death cult yes we helped create isis by inv by invading Iraq in the first place. Trust me, I fucking understand. But they were genociding the Yazidi people of Iraq.

And Iraq was not in the position to stop it. And since then, has the war effort gone sideways? Of fucking course it has. It's an American war. They're not meant to have an end. I think we should have been involved in Rwanda. I think we should have been involved in Rwanda. I think we should have been involved in Myanmar. I think we should, I mean,

we have the strongest military in the world, right? I mean, nobody's going to doubt that, even if we use it incorrectly and it costs way too much. We definitely have the strongest military in the world. The only ethical way to use that military is stopping genocides, which there's like fucking tons of them around the world all the time, but we never do that. I think that's the only ethical way you could use your military is to stop a genocide or stop some kind of Spanish Civil War, to stop a fascist from coming to power.

That's going to cause something akin to a genocide. Which we didn't do that either. Because like it or not, the government probably kind of liked Franco at the time. But I think that's it. I mean, what would it look like to you guys? I mean, all of us

except Nick have fought in an unethical war, so we know what that looks like. Nick's fought in many fake ones at NTC we know what that looks like. Nick's fought in many fake ones at NTC. The only good war. That's right. Yeah. It would look like NTC. No. We're at the end. Everybody just goes home.

And it would still be awful. Mom says I have to go home now. I could honestly get behind the World War II one. Obviously. For obvious reasons. There's no way that someone could look at you and say, like, no, we shouldn't have fought the Nazis. I could definitely see that. I could definitely see somebody. I've seen it.

Have you? They exist. Or people that claim that, like, Imperial Japan was a victim of American aggression or something. Yeah, I definitely ran into those people. Fuck you, no. Is that the direction that showed it on Amazon Prime, the alternate history show? Oh, the one where Lindbergh wins the presidency?

Yeah, that's the direction that it's going, right? Where they choose not to fight the Nazis? That's right. Because Lindbergh was kind of a Nazi. The American first movement is fascist. Yeah, so I'm interested to see where that show goes because that's like that show goes. Anyways.

The Japanese were just as bad as the Nazis, if not worse. They were awful. The only reason why people don't care so much is because they were killing Chinese people and Americans are racist. Sorry. Fucking show me where I'm wrong, please. What would it look like to y'all?

Fighting the Nazis, everybody can get behind that unless you're a fucking Nazi. I'm hesitant to really answer this one because, as I've said many times before, I'm not a historian. I don't educate myself enough on these topics. What would you be okay fighting for? Because

you are still in. Right. And I mean, hypothetically, I would still be in in this situation. I have to think, what would I be okay possibly dying for currently i think that our motives are always capitalism based and polit and politically based um like to appease fucking big money and things like that um i would be okay globalists i would be okay fighting for quoting alex jones for more for more like socialist based causes like if we're fighting against corrupt governments who are starving their people if we're fighting against corrupt governments who are um who are enslaving people or against the drug cartel who is destroying the fucking south America and America, for that matter.

Those, I think, would be ethical if we're fighting those for the right reason and to actually stabilize countries and bring nations back to being viable. Those would be ethical causes for military intervention. But we just don't have that down because our priorities aren't in the right place. So what I'm gathering from this is you want to use the most powerful military in the world to topple capitalism. Yes, I want to help people. Amazing.

I saw a giant fucking blanket get thrown out. Did you see the smile spread across my face? I'm willing to ignore the drug war bit. Now what do you think is the most overrated quote unquote great uh in military history i could be like patton eisenhower napoleon i think i've answered this before and i'll say it again fucking uh the entire confederacy lost cause bullshit that comes up because like literally it was like well the confederates had the better generals no they fucking didn't you goddamn idiots you know what i heard that in school too yeah no you get it all the time because robert e lee didn't swing from the

fucking gallows and instead he got turned to a goddamn hero and he there's a reason why he was not a general he was a colonel and the confederates made him a general he fuck him he wasn't a real general no he was a colonel yeah he was a slave him a general. Fuck him. He wasn't a real general. No, he was a colonel. He was a slave-owning colonel that was so vicious to his own slaves, even other people in the South were like, damn. So, like, fuck him. The only thing that went wrong after the Civil War

is we didn't reconstruct the South harder. What about you guys? That was a solid fuck him. Yeah, I mean, I can't say that enough. Mostly because apparently we still have Neo-Confederates that pop up in our timeline. I'll go ahead and stick with my World War II theme. I'll go with Patton.

I'm going to say right now, you Neo-Confederates, you're listening to the wrong podcast. How have you made it 100 episodes? Wrong one. Now, I'm personally conflicted about Patton because he was a huge piece of shit that much is incontrovertible we've covered that

in our bonus army episode but I mean he he was a huge piece of shit but he was okay at what he did except the fact that like he was totally fine with like nuclear holocaust of the USSR after the war like but this is the next big target.

And then he dies. Yeah. He really didn't like him. Some Soviets. But I mean, he did his job okay. But he was... It's hard because... You gotta slap a few soldiers here and there. Yeah.

And that's where something that comes up where it's like, what makes a good leader? It's like, do they have empathy? Do they have love for the people under him? Were they just accomplished the mission? I'm sure the second, former secretary of the Navy could probably answer that for me.

But, uh, are you going to get them on as a guest? Uh, yes. I can tell him to go fuck himself the whole time. Yeah. Hi,

sir. Could you eat my butt? He'll try to answer something serious. Hit him with a bofa well it's it's like because you have to kind of like understand like what is it great like like and that's something that like somehow everybody gives lee all of those things like they show him as like a compassionate southern gentleman towards his soldiers but also like completely ignore the fact that he literally whipped slaves and had Brian poured on them.

Cause he's a racist, but also he lost a lot of fucking battles. And then the entire South, like the war ended when he's for all means surrendered, uh, the war ended. Uh, so like not that great.

Scumbag. Yeah. He's shit. He was a bad person and a bad leader. So like we, we, even though like we're all generally lower enlisted, originally a little bit higher than I ever got, obviously, even though like we're all generally lower enlisted,

originally a little bit higher than I ever got, obviously. Like we have to like, what, like does a good leader take care of their soldiers while also balancing that with like, you know, taking a fucking city or do they like, do they take that fucking city,

but also your patent who's like smacking people around, but also drove tanks at protesters in DC. Like, where's the toss up up I feel like as a general you shouldn't have to go as low as to smack a troubled soldier yeah like I understand PTSD wasn't totally understood back then

but like don't do that I mean physically abusing soldiers wasn't okay in World War 2 either like that's why it sticks out so much like that was everybody was like shocked that he did that so if you can like be in the 1940s and do something so outside like so like beside the pale as that it's like god damn you must be a pretty big piece of shit because like it was acceptable that black and white people don't work together back then so

like if you did something that was so awful as like physically abuse a soldier in front of a crowd of people. Yikes. At least like Napoleon did it too. Who's, you know, my personal favorite history thing.

But like, it was acceptable for people to abuse and beat their subordinates. Then those make right. Well,

I can make some more understandable. I guess. Yeah. Like you, that's why like something that a lot of people think like,

oh, this guy sucked because he did all this fucked up shit back then, which is fair. But like I said, owning slaves is bad from a 2020 perspective. And it was bad to a lot of people back in the 1860s as well. But lead to things that were so horrible that even other slave owners were like, holy shit. That's why patent-beating soldiers, everybody's like, god damn.

In our Napoleon series, I tried not to point out that beating soldiers with his writing crop was so crazy, it was just out of character for Napoleon. It wasn't out of character for the military back then by any fucking stretch of the imagination. But for Napoleon, it was like, damn.

So you have to measure what is a good person or a good leader by what section of history they were in. And Patton's a piece of shit. Too long, didn't read. Patton's kind of a piece of shit. He died in a car accident. He did. Which is actually a conspiracy theory, which I kind of buy into that the Soviets did it. There's a conspiracy behind it?

Well, this conspiracy is that the Soviets definitely assassinated him because, I don't know if I believe it or not, but I probably don't. You'd have to look more

into this. Yeah. Because he was so like incredibly anti-communist and was talking about how we totally need to invade the Soviet Union after the war that they're like, hmm, should probably kill that guy. To be fair, anti-communists and was talking about how we totally need to invade the soviet union after the war that they're like you should probably kill that guy to be fair winston churchill have

like the same idea it's like a whole plan called operation unthinkable that involved like rearming the german wehrmacht immediately after the war to invade the soviet union dumbest fucking planet earth and that actually brings us to our next question. What is the conspiracy theory that you believe? You guys both just exchange a really troubling glance. Because this is awesome. I honestly love JFK ones. You're a grassy

knoll type guy? Yes. There were six shooters. My personal favorite JFK thing was there was a cop directly behind them that had a negligent discharge that shot him in the head. Because being a soldier long enough, I could fucking see that. Do you think the cop was just sitting there because he's from Texas, so he's sitting there fucking twirling it? He's bored. He's like, God damn it, Billy Bob killed the president.

He fucking puts it away. Yeah, that's my personal favorite one of those. I fucking love killed the president. He fucking puts it away. Yeah. Yeah, that's my personal favorite one of those. I fucking love JFK ones. They're honestly my favorite. Okay, that's your favorite, but which one do you actually believe? Do I believe? Yeah. I need like a list of conspiracy theories to choose from or something.

Oh, if you believe in one, you already know it. No, I don't think about it that much. You should. Let's see. Because you got the grassy knoll guys. You got the umbrella guy. There's an umbrella guy? Yeah, you never heard of that one?

The guy sitting on the street, he has the umbrella. It's the nicest day, but he has a black umbrella. Apparently, he puts it up to signal to everybody to take the shot. Really? Yeah. I've actually never heard that.

I've heard the magic bullet. I've heard the negligent discharge. That one's awesome. So I think the conspiracy theory that I've always kind of bought was that the Swedish Prime Minister, Olaf Palm, was assassinated by South Africa.

That's kind of like... You're going to have to go into more. It's a niche conspiracy, and it's from a long time ago. So the dude just kind of went missing. And, oh, well, sorry. No, he didn't go missing. He was just shot while he was leaving his house.

Nobody ever knows who did it. Nobody was ever arrested. Like, the dude didn't even have bodyguards because he's the fucking Swedish prime minister, and it's, I think, like the 680s, I think. but he was a really vocal anti-apartheid voice uh in the world and obviously in the late 80s south africa was led by a bunch of white dudes uh and you know oppressing tens of millions of black people and he was he was a prominent voice in the world stage for anti-apartheid stuff so they fucking shot him

i mean for all the other fucked up shit that apartheid south africa did that hardly even registers so i believe it um and nobody to the state's unsolved really so like i think they arrested someone then had to release him because like yeah he probably nothing to do with this they do the old couldn't find anything well it was just so out, like, nobody ever thought of it. I think they I think the correct term for it is a failure of imagination. Like, they didn't even, because the dude liked to go out walking at night,

because it's the late 80s, what the fuck else are you going to do? I don't know. And he just got capped. If they had a professional do it, like, because, I mean, South Africa had a ton of assassins that they used to take out, like, African militants and stuff like that it would make sense why they didn't get caught also

if you quickly run back to South Africa not gonna get caught how about you rich probably believe any conspiracy against somebody who's like have who's like stirring some political upset and then mysteriously dies or gets murdered especially when like apartheid South Africa is involved and they have like hit squads that's definitely what she was going for or even even more more recently and relevant Jeffrey Epstein oh fuck it Epstein makes an appearance in Lines Led by Donkeys. Oh, man. That's awesome.

No, I don't buy that shit for a second. And I think conspiracies exist because random acts of violence, terrorist attacks, things like that. Actually, I think my second favorite one is Finland doesn't exist. Can I? What? That one's awesome. Because I thought mine was good.

It's completely bad. It's a fake conspiracy theory. Someone said that, I bet if we say this enough, someone will eventually believe it. Can I say a local one that's mostly just spread by me? I don't think it's a conspiracy theory. I think that you're just lying to people. No, it's definitely a conspiracy. That the Chinese place up the street is a money laundering front. Oh, it's definitely conspiracy. That the Chinese place

up the street is a money laundering front. Oh, that's so common. Everybody has a place in town that's totally a money laundering front. Normally it's mattress stores. It's not because

it's a Chinese food place. It's because they literally don't ever have fucking customers and they're still somehow open. Paying Washington State rent prices.

That's almost like places in Killeen that were like that. Yeah, I mean, it's like normally everybody has a place in town that everybody's kind of weirded out paying Washington State rent prices. That's almost like places in Killeen that were like that. Yeah. I mean, it's like normally everybody has a place in town that everybody's kind of

weirded out by. Oh, the food is awful. I actually ordered from there one time. It's terrible. It's so bad. Never had it. Normally it's mattress places

that are considered money laundering fronts because nobody ever buys that many mattresses from a mattress place and they never close. They store their money in the mattress.

Not what I was going for. I see where you're going with this. Well done, Nick. You figured it out. You're not lying. What's yours, Nick? I liked the Marilyn Monroe is killed by the Kennedys. I mean...

That's a good one. That one's not bad. I like it. Other than the fact that she was a depressed person with substance abuse issues. That makes it easier to fucking hide the conspiracy. She was a well-known star. Yeah.

So use her substance abuse issues and get rid of the problem. We're in a long enough timeline. She's going to take care of that herself. That's why it's a good conspiracy. I can get on board with it. I mean, just by being around the Kennedys, she's much more likely to fucking die because they're cursed. Yeah. Oh, yeah because they're cursed. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

So fucking cursed. Did you see that two members of the Kennedy family went missing on their canoe the other day? What? A canoe? Holy shit. Yeah. The story is fucking bonkers. Because it makes no sense.

They lost a soccer ball out in their lakefront home or whatever. And they're like, oh, we'll go get it. And the child and the mother i think it was climbed in a canoe and just gone what the fuck yeah yep that family is cursed yep yeah i wouldn't want to be a kennedy i wonder what happened i wouldn't mind like in ancient times what happened to them that there is like some like fucking like money swap scheme like you are going to be really, really rich, but your entire family is going to die in really tragic accidents. I'm going to assume it started when JFK escaped getting ran over by a fucking ship during World War II.

Because that guy totally should have died. He definitely should have. He swam for fucking miles. And it looked like dozens of broken bones and shrapnel wounds. Like, no. With the wounded guy? Yeah. At that point, it reminds me of a Punisher comic from forever ago

when, like, he got wounded in Vietnam. And, like, some voice was talking to him. It's, like, one of the reboots. It's not very good. But it's like, you don't have to die. And he's like, well, I don't want to die uh and he's like well i don't want to die okay and then like his family all died and that's why the punisher's family died yeah that's what happened to jfk that's what the punisher comics are based off yeah he's actually

uh uh haunted by the poltergeist the frank castle no because he definitely wasn't cool enough to be frank castle because he was like on a ton of painkillers and a walker. He wouldn't be 2004 The Punisher. No, he's no Tom Jane. No, he's not. All right, next question. Imagine you were the chair of the Joint Chiefs a month after 9-11 and George W. Bush actually listens to you.

What is your advice or recommendations? Oh, shit. Holy cat. I think the most eye-opening part is like, wait, someone's actually going to listen to me? I thought I just stood here in a neat uniform. Mine's pretty easy. So for people who aren't aware,

the Taliban offered to give the United States Osama bin Laden in exchange for acceptance that they were the government of Afghanistan. I would take that deal. And that would end it. I mean, of course, the Taliban could be like, ha ha ha, I'll hit you with the reverse UNO card. We don't actually have Osama bin Laden.

But like, whatever, I still would take that deal. New book idea. The Taliban hits you with the reverse UNO card? No, alternate history story. What, you with the reverse email card? No. Alternate history story. What, like the Forever War never happens? Yeah. That book could be real boring because the only thing that would happen is

a couple thousand Americans are still alive. No, it would be similar to Stephen King's The Eleven... I can never remember the date. The one with the Kennedy assassination. Yeah, the one with the alternate history where Kennedy was never assassinated. No, we just invade Iraq anyway. That probably still happens.

Because after this works so smoothly and Bush doesn't get his war, I probably get fired. Or I mysteriously wake up with six gunshots in the front of my face and it's a suicide. You wake up with six gunshots. And wake up after the first one.

That one's the one that wakes you up. Oh, fuck. Which one puts you down? Number six. Nice. What about you guys? Honestly, yours is as good as mine, and I have no fucking clue. No idea.

No, Rich is over like, fuck that, we're invading Afghanistan anyway. No. Who said fuck Texas? Otherwise, I won't get my combat patch. Whoever said fuck Texas, we're invading Afghanistan anyway. No. Who said fuck Texas? Otherwise I won't get my combat patch. Whoever said fuck Texas, we're invading. Honestly, my plan works. Even if you really, really want war, because think of how many seal books will never happen.

They'll still happen. You'll never know who Eddie Gallagher is. That's a good one. Yeah. Seal books will happen. But off the off chance that Eddie Gallagher might not happen. I'll take it. Yeah.

I mean, in the last 20 years, somewhere, a monkey paws curling Edwards and Eddie Gallagher selected president. If we could have avoided Afghanistan in the last 20 years, we could have gotten into like a better war, a cooler war or something like America. What would that look like?

America's good at getting into shit. And we, like I said, we'd probably still invade Iraq anyway. Like, we got Osama bin Laden, but we don't have Saddam yet. Saddam's over there like, wait, what? What do I have to do with any of this? I thought you solved that whole kind of thing. With his magician in the background.

So, this one is a bit of an itch if you guys are not aware niche if you will I thought you said it's an itch like that you need to scratch you got crabs a little scrotal itch I like how this one knows

the person who wrote this question knows how we speak because it says what is your slash y'all's position on Jane Fonda endorsing the North Vietnamese Army? And hypothetically, would you sign up to fight in Vietnam? Well, to answer your second question first, goddamn fuck no. Hell no. And I think we all have family members who fought in Vietnam.

I have two who fought in both the French and American War. And I can tell you no, and I would dodge the draft. 100%. Yep. No shame in that. My family had horror stories. Yep. As far as Jane Fonda's endorsing of the NBA,

first off, I feel like I should probably point out that she apologized for it. She did. But also, I think a lot of people fall into the same trap Jane Fonda does, and the only difference between you and her is that she was a movie star, Also, I think a lot of people fall into the same trap Jane Fonda does.

And the only difference between you and her is that she was a movie star. And so the Vietnamese kind of want to hang out with her. You become propaganda. She was anti-war, which we all are. Anybody with a fucking brain is. And she did other things. She hosted USO shows for soldiers that were outside of Bob Hope's ultra-patriotic USO shows before they went to Vietnam. But then she went to Vietnam, in North Vietnam, and hung out on top of an anti-aircraft battery that definitely killed Americans. And she also lied about American prisoners of war, who were, everybody knew they were being tortured, and she said they were being treated fine.

I think that's pretty unforgivable, and I'm not saying that, because I support the American war in Vietnam. You can be anti-imperialist, and anti-war, and not become propaganda. Don't do that. Don't become propaganda?

It's like, you can, new slogan. Yeah, you can be anti-war, but also like, not be, not support Bashar al-Assad. You can be anti-imperialist and realize that the North Vietnamese government was pretty goddamn horrible and did horrible things to ethnic minorities. A lot of even recent stories, you can be anti-war and still support American troops also and not do things that go against their well-being.

And I think that slaving of one to the other is directly tied to Vietnam, is a massive overcorrection of the American media narrative. Because the anti-war movement was so successful in Vietnam and widely supported that they began to equate one with the other and that's why i i mean i'm largely anti-soldier because i was one and i can tell you from first-hand experience most of them are pretty dumb but uh no i'm just kidding um i'm not but any anti-war behavior feeling, anti-imperialist movement, feeling, whatever, is not anti-soldier. Soldiers are enlisted or conscripted, significantly less conscripted these days.

They don't have any say in what they're doing. But you can be very much anti-officer, anti-general, anti-politician that starts and leads these wars. That's fine. But, I mean, I'm, as against the Afghan wars, anybody I know, I'm not going to go hang out with the Taliban because the Taliban

are pieces of shit. Yeah, that'd be super weird. Yeah. That would be kind of weird. Seeing you on the fucking news. Yeah. Turns out these guys are fine. Yeah.

Yeah, they're great. These guys are cool. Yeah, just because someone is fighting America and you don't agree with that war does not mean they're intrinsically good. Yeah. And that is a fucking, that's something that I actually set out and I think I kind of overcorrected a bit on that from a leftist perspective.

That leftists aren't good at history. And that they, as a group, I'm trying to not generalize here, but as a group, they generally are contrarian. And they believe that the Vietnam War was bad, so North Vietnam was good. Or that the Korean War was bad, so North Korea was good. I think it gets super fucking muddy

because you want there to be a good side and a bad side. So everybody who's pro-America thinks that America is always the good side. And we're not. We fucking suck sometimes. But other people suck as much or worse sometimes. There's good and bad in everybody. That's why the meme, I think it's a drill tweet or whatever, is like, no, there cannot

be two bad things here, you fucking idiot, you absolute imbecile. Sometimes two people just fucking suck. I mean, the Korean War is a great example of that. South Korea is a fucking dictatorship just like North Korea was. That was just Cold War bullshit and both sides were wrong. It's a huge misconception too. And North Korea invaded the South.

America is fighting for America's beliefs and political structure and culture, but the people that we're fighting against are fighting for the same thing just on their side, their beliefs, their culture, their political structure. So. Well, I mean, when you're talking about things like the Vietnam War, that's absolutely not what we were fighting for. But in South Vietnam was largely a puppet state that the split between the two was meant to be solved with an election that the North Viennese absolutely would have won.

And that's why we got involved, because we're like, oh, nope, can't have Vietnam become communist. Now, I'm not saying that North Vietnam was wrong in attacking the South. I actually kind of get that, because they had an election stolen from them. And we were wrong in defending South Vietnam, in my opinion. Just let it figure itself out. But that doesn't mean I'm going to go hang out with the North Vietnamese Army. And there's a lot of urban legends, I guess you could say, that popped up around this. Like soldiers saying that they gave Jane Fonda letters to bring home and she gave

them to the North Vietnamese. Never happened. There's no documented case that happened, but she's such a hateable character towards that era of veterans that I could say, I watched her eat a baby and you'd probably believe me at the local fucking American Legion or whatever. Go to the VFW down the street.

Yeah. The one in the double wide. Yeah. I mean, I think she was dumb, but like, as any, and she was, I think in her early. But, like, is any... She was, I think, in her early 20s, mid-20s. She was young.

Yeah, she was really young. She was dumb and got played. She got played for propaganda. People... It happens to people all the fucking time. It happens to America literally every day. So, I mean, I feel like people should be a little bit more understanding. She did apologize.

She didn't kill anybody. You know? And that is also like i mean especially now with like all this like cancel culture shit like you have to kind of decide if you're going to let people make mistakes and then grow into better people um because people do do her horrific shit sometimes or even just like meaningly bad shit and then if you grow and you learn from it and you become a better person because of it, you apologize for it and you mean it. Like, are you still canceled? Are we still going to fucking hate you for the rest of your life

because you did something bad? Well, if you say a slurry or a rapist, you can just get fired into the sun of cancel. I don't give a fuck about you. I'm not saying that every, I mean, obviously Hitler is completely canceled and no one will ever come back from that. I don't know.

He's making a comeback in some circles. There's levels of it. Like if you make a dumb fucking mistake in your 20s, like are you canceled for the rest of your life? And to Jane Fonda's credit, it never slowed her down. She's an activist to this day and was arrested very recently for protesting. Really? Yeah. activist to this day and was arrested very recently for protesting. So like, yeah. So unlike a lot of fucking shitty ass hippies who lost their thread and became shitty fucking centrist boomers and Republicans,

she's still a hundred percent through and through. So like she fucked up. A lot of people are guilty of that. I don't hold it against her. I think she was dumb and got played. I think if any of us, uh, became prominent enough where,

uh, a government asked us to visit,'d get played too i mean you're fighting an entire state aperture of fucking power you're not gonna win right what government would invite you uh nobody i mean to be fair the university of north carolina is state funded so i guess north carolina so we're at a little over an hour so we should probably wrap it up thank you everybody for the questions um thank you to y'all for joining me I like these questions if we didn't get to your question I apologize we kind of got long-winded on a few of them and we're not one to normally make two hour long podcasts because who's gonna listen to us for that long um so I really enjoyed doing this.

We try to do it once a year. I feel like that's pretty cool. You also do questions from the Legion at the end of your episodes? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yep. I mean, all of these are pretty much questions from the Legion. Oh, we just opened it up to everybody.

Everybody, thank you for tuning in. If you'd like to support the show, you can do that through rating and reviewing us on iTunes. Um, you can do it more by donating to the show on Patreon. You can get bonus content, uh, like access to the discord bonus episodes, stickers, books,

uh, early episodes, all sorts of stuff. Joe's toenails, uh, in a Ziploc bag, air mailed. Yeah.

Irish Royal mail. We'll get it there in like six months. I have my Ziploc bag, airmailed. Yeah. Irish Royal Mail will get it there in like six months. I have my Ziploc bag. Get yours. And, you know, that's all I got. I always feel like you kind of have a point and then you don't. And you just feel like an idiot because you hit nothing. Like Michael Scott.

You start a sentence and then you just hope it goes somewhere. I'm just hoping it catches up with me. That's me in the history of the show. So until next time, thank you, everybody. And here's to maybe another 100 more if you guys can stick around. Hear, hear. Later. That was terrible.

Yeah.