Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - Episode 167: The Napoleon Nerd Who Took Over a Country and Crowned Himself Emperor Part 1

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/lionsledbydonkeys Sources for both episodes: Titley, B. (1997). Dark Age: the political odyssey of Emperor Bokassa O'Toole, T. (1982). "Made in France: the Second Central African Republic" Kalck, P. (1971). Central African Republic: a failure in de-colonisation

Hey everybody, Joe here from the Lions Led by Donkeys podcast. If you enjoy what we do here on the show and you think it's worth your hard-earned money, you can support the show via Patreon. Just a $1 donation gets you access to bonus episodes, our Discord, and regular episodes before everybody else. If you donate at an elevated level, you get even more bonus content. A digital copy of my book, The Hooligans of Kandahar, and a sticker from our Teespring store. Our show will always be ad-free and is totally supporter-driven. We use that money to pay our bills, buy research materials that make this show possible, and support charities

like the Kurdish Red Crescent, the Flint Water Fund, and the Halo Trust. Consider joining the Legion of the Old Crow Led by Donkeys podcast. I'm Joe and with me today is band Liam. What's up, buddy? Yeah, hello from beyond the grave. I'm Joe and with me today is is band Liam what's up buddy yeah welcome uh hello from the grave from beyond the grave you've been shadow banned I've been I've been actually banned this seems like

cancel culture to me bro it does seem like it's funny how that works uh yeah I got banned for uh threatening to fight terps so yeah uh I think we've done that before on the show as well, and I stand by it. No actionable threats of violence, however.

I did actionable threats of violence, supposedly. However, I encourage our listeners to defend our trans comrades by any means necessary. We'll leave those methods up to your imagination, apparently. That's right. See, that's why I'm not banned, Liam. Oh, look at this. You're not banned over here.

And it's funny that two-thirds of this podcast of Well, There's Your Problem has gotten banned for defending other people's honor. It wasn't Ra's band for defending other people's honor it wasn't Roz banned for saying that someone's like neighborhood should be like insulted to the earth insulted my mom and he threatened to do the Punic Wars

to them see that is very on brand for the show and a shout out to Roz of well there's your problem for spitting a burn I can seriously respect and getting banned in the process so now honestly i am shocked that that was a problem i i cannot believe we got mass reported for that i assumed the terms matt you know tweeted and then i got mass reported

i assumed somebody reported all my tweets uh and i i appealed and uh apparently uh you as long as i if i had done an anti-semitism or a holocaust denial that would have been fine no you'd probably be verified yeah i'd have a blue check mark that i could never get banned i mean i'm i'm shocked i made it through um fighting with the azeri government without getting banned uh because they have like literal bot farms that will master port armenians and stuff and i i am legitimately shocked uh that did not happen to me must be nice joe instead i just got a lot of death threats one guy attempted to dox me and sent me the wrong address to a doctor kasabian which is not me um and also i'm a doctor though yeah thanks for thinking i think he's a dentist thanks i guess I definitely wouldn't pass dental school.

It's not real. Don't worry about it. Yeah. Dentistry is definitely it's like chiropractic, right? Your teeth are just naturally fine. They don't actually need care. Speaking of a guy who did not care about modern medical science, we're going to talk about a guy named jean baddell of bokasa have you ever heard of this guy uh not until a couple weeks ago

i'll preface this by introducing to him what is your favorite crazy ruler of all time i know like this is like a hard question because you have to just kind of laugh at insanity that would that just caused horrible misery to people the total weird over the weirdo that ruled over the general that real ruled over my myanmar or burma that was like guided by his dreams and at one point just made people start driving on the other side of the road because he thought his country was going too far to the left wasn't that the guy who built like a brand new capital that nobody lives in now yes perfect uh this guy very much that energy uh and the reason why uh jean badal bocasa is

definitely my favorite crazy ruler is because anybody who's ever listened to this show for any prolonged period of time or maybe the series that we did about napoleon's invasion of russia where i was allowed to gush openly i am a napoleon nerd uh because i have a history degree i am a basic ass history bitch in some ways uh like my my most of my undergrad was talking about napoleon so like yeah we even have merch modeled on him like this shouldn't surprise you that like I'm a huge Napoleon. I try not to let it show that much. You do a piss poor job. My bad. You're welcome.

But this guy, this guy is what would happen if I a gross domestic product of a nation but like a literal allowance uh to do whatever the fuck i wanted oh uh don't worry momar gaddafi makes an appearance because of course he does old friend vomar oh boy yep yep friend of the pod, Muammar Gaddafi. Now, this is the story of how a guy from the middle of Africa put my obsession to shame, attempting to carve out an empire for himself

and crowning himself the Napoleonic emperor of a very poor, destitute country in the most insane way possible. But, so to start off, I'll point out the source I use for the majority of this. It's a book called Dark

Age, The Political Odyssey of Emperor Bokasa written by a guy named Brian Titley. I'll let you, I'll give you a second to laugh at that. I tell you to pick it up as I normally do when it comes to our resources that I use, but I think it's out of print. I paid way too much for it

and also it's very dry and dense. So don't read it. It kind of sucks. Just listen to our podcast and stuff. Honestly, I don't know many other shows that have covered this guy. There's a couple YouTube videos that are like, isn't this guy nuts? But there's a lot more to it than that, as there always is.

And Brian does have a voice of very much of a white guy writing about a crazed african dictator so i i you kind of have to filter through it a lot sure and there's the reason for that and you're probably asking why did you use that as a source joe is because there's not really anything written about this guy i looked at the wiki it's pretty pretty sparse. It's fucking empty. And almost every citation is from this book. Now, there's been much more written in French. I don't speak French.

I can love it. And every time I try to say anything in French, I get laughed at. That's how I feel with the Wunderwaffe episode, because half the shit's in German. And I'm like, not learning German for this one. That is every time I also attempt to say a word in german uh because nate speaks german and he's like actually it's pronounced this way instead to be like a whatsapp clip of him saying it correctly like wow i fuck that up um so before we talk about jean bocasa we do have to talk about how exactly a napoleonic cosplayer popped up as the emperor of a small

country in the middle of Africa, literally called the Central African Republic, later the Central African Empire. It's also referred to as Central Afrique, which I think is, it's like a compound word in French. But this also means we get to talk about the scramble for Africa again.

Again! Yeah. Yay! Now, everyone knows about Leopold II of Belgium and I'm going to assume most of you know about German Southwest Africa at this point. If you haven't or don't, go back and listen to our two-part series

and be sad for a bit. Now, while all this is going on, the French established French West Africa, which today would be Mali, Niger, Burkina Faso, Benin and the Ivory Coast, Guinea and Senegal. Francophone Africa. Right. Luckily, an incredibly stable part of the world.

Some better than others. It's incredibly stable. Don't worry about it. Shut up. Especially nothing bad currently happening in Mali, Niger or Burkina Faso. There is no Islamic State in Mali. Shut up. Meanwhile, at the same time, Henry Morton Stanley was carving out a genocidal empire for Leopold. The French explorer named De Brazza was doing much of the same for France, using the exact same kind of techniques that we spoke

about in our Namibian genocide series. Now you can see the footprints of this in the Congolese town of Brazzaville, which is named after him, eventually pushing northward through the Obengui River, forcing through frauds, threats, and other force of arms, the natives of the area to sign protection treaties with the French. This entire area became known as French Equatorial Africa, and it was fucking huge. By the time... The least imaginative goddamn name is possible.

You don't really have to give them good names if all they're going to do is use it as a personal bank. True. I'll just go fuck myself. By the time of the Berlin Conference of 1884 and 85, that split up Africa amongst the inbred dickheads of Europe. We talked about that a little bit more during the Namibian series. France controlled over a quarter of the entire continent. So a lot of it is France. So a lot of it is France. Now, just to under underline how much of this is prestige rather than a scramble for actual riches. Much of what France controlled when they actually took it over was thought to be completely worthless, barren desert.

Other than, you know, the people that lived and settled on it. Yeah, yeah. Fuck that. They didn't know at the time it was going to actually have things like uranium in it. But, you know, at the time, was going to actually have things like uranium in it uh but you know at the time like look land whatever it was like it was also sparsely populated i think uh the central central afrique only has maybe about a million and a half to two million people in it uh and most and back then it would have been significantly less um but it looked good on a map and helped massage the ego of france which if you remember those dates had just gotten the shit kicked out of it in

the Franco-Prussian war. So it was like, we really need to massage our egos a bit after having our literal emperor captured by the Germans. Now the empire would expand after the destruction of the German empire at the end of world war one claiming most of it. Yeah. Unfortunately for a lot of Africans,ans it ended up you know part of south africa uh

yeah now these lands are pretty much split between the british and the french right uh the french took parts the british ended up taking namibia folding into the Union of South Africa, or what was then the Southwest Africa. But one thing this empire did do, rather than supplying material riches at the time, was applying a vast supply of manpower to use during times of war. Now, you can rightfully consider these colonial troops cannon fodder, because that's what the Africans under French rule would be be used for rather than turning up another generation or so of french youth over a half a million african colonial forces fought for french in the france in the first world war french french uh and then another 200 000 during the second world war and we're going to talk a little bit more about how that's exactly squared up in the second a little bit later on um in the middle of all of this was obangui chari eventually known as

central afrique or the central african republic this is one of the more neglected and obscure corners of the empire later called the french union to make everybody feel better about things yeah so you guys were all on the same team we're not an empire we're a union guys it's different

anyway give us rubber we're gonna cut your hands off yeah now this area is split between two dominant ethnic groups the Banda and the Baya but there were minority populations known as the Mbaka which the French would pluck out of we kind of like a lot of like

the Hutus and the Tutsis and a few other things in these colonial spaces. They would pick one specific race or tribe or whatever, ethnic group, and be like, there's our guys. We don't know why, but those are the ones.

Now, they do this like a divide and conquer type things. They empower one group to oppress other groups so they don't have to do it themselves. And this is the Mbaka in this area. The capital of Bangui was built where there wasn't much of a city before. It was kind of a decent sized village. But around the same time, the French split equatorial Africa into what were literally known as zones of exploitation.

Jesus Christ, man. Now, they would rent out these zones to private companies and those companies would run these zones as fiefdoms. This is why people have no culture. Yeah.

The French government and the colonial administration did not care what you did within those zones as long as you produced wealth. Is this similar to the German model? Did you get government support? I mean, I assume so because you're in the zone of exploitation. I would say this is more in line with what Leopold did. Leopold also had zones of exploitation.

Zones of exploitation. And remember, the Germans settled in uh in namibia like there's white people in namibia today that are german that's fucking that's a mind fuck man yeah um there wasn't a lot of settling going on here it was exploitation um yeah it says so right there at the zone yeah which you you did see some settling in the Congo Free State, which then ended up sparking an entire civil war later on. But it was much more exploitative than settling because they didn't want to live there.

They want to rip the wealth out of it and send it home, which is why all the museums and universities and things in Belgium are all built on blood. But the goal was short-term profit, not long-term colonization or settlement. Because of this, hardly anything that could be considered infrastructure, not directly related into tearing shit out of the ground and shipping it out, was built. So there was a very rudimentary railway built, but it went out of the country

in one specific way towards the ocean because Central Afrique is landlocked. So it has to be sent out, I believe, through Cameroon to be loaded onto boats and then shipped back to Europe. What a bunch of dicks, man. The only infrastructure that is built is directly

related to that venture nothing is like there's no schools there's no houses there's nothing as well as at least they're not at least they're they're not sugarcoating it that's something i guess that was uh again something leopold the second did what we're like to the point of when congo was given its independence i think there was like a dozen people in the country had a college education in the entire country of Congo. So like, you know,

very much the same thing, which isn't shocking. Um, now slavery was illegal in France at the time. And that law did spread to its colonies. So, wow. Progress boys.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I just create slavery with extra steps. No, I heard progress, boys. You've heard the term corvée before, right?

Yes. So for people who aren't aware, corvée is effectively conscription to work in the fields. It's not technically slavery, but it is. Yeah. Yeah. You could not legally refuse your corvée orders um if you didn't you would be lashed and your family would be thrown in prison until you met work quotas now as you can imagine after a while africans got sick of this shit by the 1920s the baya people began to unify around a religious man named carnew, who began to preach resistance.

He also happened to tell everyone that he had a special herb mixture that would turn the French into gorillas, like the monkey, not like gorilla fighters. That turned them into monkeys. And then he also had magical hoe handles that he would give to his believers, and they would make them impervious to bullets. You know, magical hoe handles is my name down at the strip club, Joe. Fuck yeah.

Unfortunately, these did not work. Oh. Yeah. That's a shame. Now, this uprising did not free the land, and instead the french crushed it with brutal savagery however this took some time and debate pen gotta hit those special herbs leave slowly transforming into an ape oh please just give me my twitter account back it's uh you ever read Animorphs hell yeah

man you know the front cover yeah the front cover with you like you'd see each step of the way yeah just get trapped right in the middle of becoming an ape whatever man at least I can free myself from this prison

now this uprising continued to the 1930s in At least I can free myself from this prison. Now, this uprising continued to the 1930s in small fits and starts. But while all of this is going on in 1921, a boy named Jean Bedell Bocasa was born in the village of Bobangui. Like most kids of the day, he grew up watching the men of his family being forced out into Corvée, the rosters of which were organized by Bocasa's dad, who was the village headman-in-chief because he was Mbaka, so his family had privilege. As the Carnu rebellion swept through the land, Bocasa's dad eventually joined up.

His father freed multiple people being held at the company that they were being slaves to, but like I already pointed out, this rebellion would end up failing. So Bocasa's dad, like many men involved, were dragged out to the town square and beaten to death by company goons right in front of their family. Also in front of their family, his mother killed herself. I love the French. So from a young age, young Bocasa. That was sarcasm.

Just in case anyone wants to cancel me again. It cancelled for liking the French. It's a curse. On this podcast, we eat freedom fries, goddammit. Go on. So, from a young age, Bocasa is very

mentally fucked, to use the scientific term he's watched his whole family die in front of him um yeah and fuck me up just get violently murdered uh not to mention this is not the only case of violence he would witness and a lot of people have opined that since bokasa is forced to watch this kind of thing multiple times a young boy he uh you know had some underlying psychological issues, but he also learned the best way to control people was through terror and violence, which, yeah, probably.

Yeah, I assume this is going to pop up at some point. Yeah, unfortunately, you are correct. Something I am sure that won't come back to haunt, I don't know, the people of the Central African Republic. Bokassa's put into care of his large family, and they decided it'd be best for him if he went and attended school. Now, the only schools in the region for use were for white kids,

mostly. It was for people connected to the companies. But the only Africans allowed in were generally upper class people of the Mbaka tribe which Okasa was. So he was able to get in. Unfortunately everybody knew who his dad was and kids throughout time have sucked so they all bullied him constantly because his dad got murdered by the company.

There's a level of bullying that I'm not familiar with. Even when I was in school my dad uh died he killed himself and even then kids didn't like make fun of me for it i can't imagine how shitty your kids have to be like remember when your dad got beaten to death by the guy who oversees the rubber plantation loser uh now he was a pretty small kid uh the time but he learned to settle all of his problems again through violence whenever anybody whenever anybody made fun of him or his dad he would

beat the shit out of them um and this worked this led to every kid in the school being absolutely terrified of him uh so he's learning not not good he went like you know how they say going to prison the u. US is like going to like criminal academy or whatever he's just continuing to go through like the alternative education path of being like a

French dictator wait if I hit people they'll listen to me he did well enough in school that he was recommended to go to a seminary and become a priest, though he failed out as soon as he started. Shit career path. Also, the guy who was training the priest who was training the seminary students really didn't like him and thought he was really weird. Probably on the kind of all the violence and psychological damage. Oh, man,

I just feel bad for this kid. I know he's going to be a genocidal dictator, but like, yeah, I can rest assure you that you will not feel bad for him for very long. At least. Now, having failed,

he went to Brazzaville to train as a cook and he eventually graduated from school in 1939, but he didn't like being a cook. So he didn't want to go through that path. Now being... Was it the genocidal violence again? Uh, he was pulled to, uh, was it night school for genocidal

dictators? Ah! Now 18 years old, Bocasa wasn't sure what he wanted to do, but he saw a recruiter for the French military. Now, if you notice the date, things get even worse for young Bocasa. Uh-oh.

As he enlisted in May of 1939, only a month or so before the start of World War II. Now, as everybody's aware, France crumbled before most of the colonial soldiers under its command could be brought to bear, and it finally did. But Bocasa landed under the command of the Free French and Charles de Gaulle. Now, I'm not going to talk about this for very long, but he has a weird relationship with Charles de Gaulle.

That does not shock me. Not even a little. To be clear, Charles de Gaulle hated Bocasa, but Bocasa called him literally his father. Like when Charles de Gaulle died, Bocasa then he was president, not emperor yet. But he went to the funeral and was crying so loudly. It annoyed Charles de Gaulle's widow to the point she left. Oh, like I just feel bad for him.

I know I'm not going to admit it, but I feel bad for him now. Like, I just feel bad for him. I know I'm not going to admit it, but I feel bad for him now. And like when Bocasa took took over, he said that, like Charles de Gaulle said, that like he could take power. And de Gaulle didn't even know what his name was. It's embarrassing. Yeah. Well, like his stepdad.

All right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's kind of the relationship I had with my stepdad. Now, this was by no choice of Bocasa's. It's not like he made the right ethical choice of not backing the Nazi puppet regime in France. There's actually a pretty good chance he couldn't tell the difference between the two sides. He simply went where his unit did. And of all of the colonies, French Equatorial Africa was the only one to set up the Free French government in exile, taking Bokassa with it.

Now, without the Equatorial African side, the Free French movement probably wouldn't have succeeded. It was there that de Gaulle was able to reform something of a government exile, march his forces out to link up with the British. It gave him a base of operations. Right. british it gave them a base of operations right the the forces that used for legitimacy were mostly african something that certainly wouldn't be swept under the rug for most of modern french history when paris was captured they purposely uh shifted all of the colonial troops out and only had white frenchmen marched through it the french yep butocasa thrived in the military. He was promoted every year,

taking part in the Allied landings in province right before the end of the war. He, by all means, was a very good soldier. With the war in Europe over in 1945, most of Bocasa's comrades mustered out of the military. They wanted to go home. There was some point that the french are like yeah you can move here like you don't have to like for your military service you can move to france stuff like that but for some of them but he decided to stay in in the 1950s he went to officer school

though france was still racist as hell and wouldn't actually allow him to attend school in france so he had to attend the one in Senegal instead. Oh. After that, he was deployed to Indochina, modern-day Vietnam, in France's vain and futile attempt to hold on to their colonial possession. At this point, they had switched their name to the Union of France.

Like World War II, Bocasa loved his time in Vietnam. He did see some combat. He was wounded a few times, but there's no major combat citations of note on his record. Shocker. But what he did love was fucking. Good for him. Now, according to several people and also him, he would spend every moment of his day looking to fuck.

Now, this is just being a soldier. I can attest to that. Anyone in the military can say, yep, he was definitely in the military. Though, like all soldiers, he eventually found the woman of his dreams a 17 year old sex worker in saigon oh um now they got a match made in heaven uh now that sounds gross and it is but you know it wasn't illegal at the time um now they got married or bokasa says they got married there's no record of them getting married anywhere. Now, this could be a loss of records.

He does seem to absolutely love this woman. And this seems to be the only child he actually loves as well, is a daughter who he has with her. He has registered as a French national, which is something he could do because he was a French national. Now, eventually, Bocasa was sent back to Europe, as he often was. Soldiers don't stay for the whole decade or so of war with Indochina. They rotate in and out after a set amount of time.

Bocas had done that a few times already over the last three years. He'd been going back and forth a lot. So he assumed that he would be coming back to Vietnam, as he always had because of that he left his wife and child behind because you know his wife's family is there right but he would never return um while he was gone the battle of dnbn fu would end the french war and bocasa would never again go back to vietnam uh his child bride actually uh funny thing about that no i know where this is gonna go but oh no so like i said so by the end uh we're doing this is a two-part series by the end this bokasa will have been married 17 times good for him a lot of you gotta

stay you gotta stay fighting joe you know um a lot of those at the same time uh he was a polygamist uh he was not a mormon but polygamist nonetheless um and uh he just seemed to be the only one he actually loved uh and like he had like 60 kids i think um this is the only this is the only kid he ever showed that he had any fatherly relationship with at all. So once he became president, he used his new power to ask France to find his wife and kid in Vietnam. And they did, kind of. They found a woman claiming to be his child.

So they sent her to Africa alongside this woman claiming to be his wife. There was not the right people. But he didn't know because he hadn't seen them for decades. A long time, right? Yeah. So he's like, close enough, I guess. Maybe you age differently. I don't know.

But when France admitted like, whoa, we got the wrong people. He's the right people. He actually... This is the most love he's ever shown for anybody was in this moment he just allowed those people to stay in central africa living like queens in their own palace everything and then brought the real ones there as well and they were like neighbors and palaces and he treated them both like they were daughters though his real wife his real first life went back home yeah

his real first wife was like I'm gonna go back to Vietnam fuck this I'm out this whole relationship this fucking imperial polycule is getting real weird uh but after all this time he would go back to France get promoted

again now a second lieutenant and then he would go back to France, get promoted again, now a second lieutenant. And then he would eventually make captain. And he'd eventually go back to Bangui, the capital of the Central African Republic. And this is the first time he'd be home in 20 years. This is the first time he'd be there as the Central African Republic. And it was on the cusp of independence. Now, after World War II, the old world version of colonialism was becoming untenable, unprofitable, and unpopular. During World War II, de Gaulle had to promise these colonies to end the old systems in order to win them over to his side. Not to mention, getting their asses kicked by Germany made them seem a whole lot less unbeatable to their subjects. It's bad for the pr right so de gaulle only really promised actual french investment in infrastructure in the colonies which uh would begin a continued path to reform

the french didn't want to lose their overseas possessions but after wars in vietnam and the ongoing closer fuck in algeria as well as unrest pretty much across the empire. Yeah. And like unrest pretty much across the empire. Sorry, union. It's a union empire. Yeah. It became clear that all of these things were going to come apart,

whether it be through popular resistance, like was happening in Algeria and Vietnam, or people just breaking off. So instead of fighting over it, the French tried to play nice. They allowed Africans to vote and have representation in Paris. When that wasn't enough to make people not want their own freedom, France played another card. There'd be a referendum on the Fifth Republic's constitution. For the overseas colonies who wanted independence, they only had to vote no, at which point they'd immediately become independent with no further French assistance. Now you can see why that would be a problem.

Bit of a dick move, but all right. It was actually worse than that. One nation took them up on this, Guinea, and retribution was swift. Without French assistance and I'll consider intervention in these places, the countries didn't have much left to stand on. And the French and the Belgians and every other colonial power in Africa did that on purpose. And they did more than that.

They took everything that wasn't bolted down or anything that could generate wealth in their absence, saying it was French property. This included blowing up or stealing mining equipment on the way out. Jesus Christ. Yep. So, of course, this led Guinea to be like, man, fuck the French. They turned to the Soviets for help because, you know. Still have it. Gotta go.

Of course, this scared the shit out of France and NATO. Like, how could they possibly turn towards the soviets and like to be fair guinea wasn't communists they're like well who the fuck else can we turn to and that was that was another thing that a lot of the french allies like yeah we won't do business with them either like we'll do you a solid fuck those guys so like they ain't nobody else to turn to which of means, I guess they're communists now, right? And Bokassa would eventually use that against them as well. Now, the Central African Republic was in a weird limbo area, not able to control many of its own structures by the French

constitution while being told by the French government they were to run themselves while leaving things like defense, policymaking, trade, and economic development to the French and the private sector, which controlled most of everything still. Now, its premier was a priest named Boganda. He was very popular and favored independence, but saw doing so functionally impossible, which was the entire point of the French government at the time, right? Make the idea of independence terrifying to the point that you just give up and go with it right now the French really did not like him because he was openly in favor of independence but like he was

like you know I believe in freedom however yeah so like he was a realist and obviously we can't say how this would go if Bogondo was in charge because the French are going to kill him his plane mysteriously crashed say how this would go if Bogonda was in charge because the French are going to kill him.

His plane mysteriously crashed in 1959. Funny how that works. And the wreckage tested positive for explosives. Now, if that wasn't damning enough, the French High Commissioner, the Frenchman who was actually in control of the colony, so like the Premier Bogonda fell under the commissioner,

right? He immediately ordered a blanket ban on any media and, or press that talked about the explosives thing. So French killed him. I feel comfortable saying that French, French did it. Now this led to a rise of a guy named David Daco, a man we will be talking about quite a bit.

This guy sounds like an asshole already he is uh france supported him now daco along with various other premiers of the area began to argue for full independence without the loss of french investment daco was also a sovereigntist like he didn't like the french union at all um now france also saw that cutting them off completely like they did with Guinea leads them becoming communist so they can get money and weapons and stuff. So in 1960, the French finally granted them independence in order to keep them within

their sphere of influence is knows like the, the Frank block or whatever the, the French economic zone. It was all pretty much all of Frank. I like that. Yeah. It was all of Frank, a phone Africa and then France.

Daco became the head of state with by-elections to follow and general elections after that. Now, Daco's party lost the by-elections, leading them to believe, probably rightly, that he would lose the general election to the opposition. So he did what else? Get rid of those fuckers. He arrested all of them on fake charges as evidence that France was fine with this besides the fact that they almost certainly installed Daco.

Every magistrate in the country was French. And they all found Daco's political opponents guilty of all of the random charges that Daco had levied against them. How awful. Sentencing them to life.

Thanks, Fritz! Seems a bit extreme, but alright. Yeah. Afterwards, DACO's political party, the Misan, became the only legal party in the country. Membership was mandatory, and you had to pay dues. What are the other, man?

It's just a tithe at that point, right? That's just so rude. This might shock you, but after this adaco did in fact win the general election with 105 of the vote oh yeah dude 105 making a statement bro because when you're cheating why bother making any sense at all right it's a mandate joe that's right now the central african, which I will also refer to as CAR, was inflicted with a purposefully induced problem that many formal colonial administrations deal with.

There was simply not enough Africans to take over skilled jobs within the government, and most of these jobs were filled with French people. Daco was actually totally fine with this, but he also knew he had to surround himself with sycophants that helped him take power and you know kill all his political opponents so he rapidly promoted anybody who just happened to work for the french assuming that they would kind of know what they were doing instead this happened to be like guys like lowly office workers and random government

departments down to you know the bus driver or As long as you A, like the French and B, like David Daco, you get a civil service job that paid an incredible amount of money. They were given vast amounts of power and access to the government budget, which everyone robbed blind immediately. I mean, when you think about it... Yeah, I would do it too, man. These people are making... Most Central Africans at this point are making less than $100 a year. Right. So even some of the...

You gotta get it where you can get it, man. Yeah, like now... Okay, bus driver, you're now the head of the Minister of Transportation. What happened to all your buses? I'm taking the shit. Yeah, I'm taking everything. This is my armored bus.

This is my armored bus. What are you going to do about it? I'm taking everything that isn't bolted down and running across the border to Senegal, probably. And the French didn't care. They were like, oh, this isn't going great, but whatever. They just kept pumping money into it.

That's the French, baby. Things got so brazenly corrupt and mismanaged that by 1961, when Doc goes on a tour of the country, peasants and farmers told him to his face that rather the French be in charge again. Oh. This is going to be the case with Bocasa as well. But David Daco and most governments of the Central African Republic, it's kind of a problem today, have no span of government. of the Central African Republic, it's kind of a problem today,

have no span of government. Most of this is due to corruption, mismanagement, lack of communication infrastructure. But outside of the capital, most people just, the government's more of a vibe. Right. They're like, oh, is that the president? Fuck that guy.

Like, I didn't give a shit about him. What is that you said about Afghanistan? You physically control the ground you're standing on? Yeah. I mean, it's the same in a lot of developing places uh that you know because when you think about it these countries didn't exist not that long ago they were a group of people living on the same area of land that may have had relations with one another in some shape or form and then western governments came over like nah y'all are the central african republic now work together your friends now hello yeah it's a union you guys with one another in some shape or form. And then Western governments came over like, nah, y'all are the Central African Republic now. Work together. Right, you're friends now. Hello.

It's a union, you guys. Yeah, your countrymen make it work. You are married to me. Right. Now, the main problem was is that while the French were in charge, there was still corruption. However, it wasn't so in your face, and you also knew the fucking white people are doing

it. now it was corruption with an african face so like none of this yeah none of this money went to any of the people in need of which there were many instead more and more of the budget went to the inflated civil service salaries to the point that the entire government budget could not cover it uh now this is a smart move on Daco's part because these empowered people mostly of the Mbaka tribe of which he is also a member of the Mbaka tribe are the people that if they were really unhappy they would be the

ones that kill him or overthrow him right so like I need to make these 10 people happy fuck the other 2 million which is making like 500 G's a year that's what Nicholas Maduro was before he got into politics as a bus driver so far has gone swimmingly right

now when uh the car had budget shortfalls which was every month oh really uh france would swoop in and cover the red areas they did this because daca was their guy and despite unpopularity he refuses he refused to nationalize any resource because all of those private french entities were still in charge of everything right so there's so they because they don't care how they're making their money as long as they're making it presumably no don't fuck with the money like that's the through line of history if you are a country who wants to be independent you might be able to be as long as you don't fuck with the money. So you don't truly have independence. Now, throughout all of this,

Bocasa himself played no meaningful role. He was stationed at home in Carr, but he was still a member of the French military. A fledgling Carr military was forming, so Bocasa decided to get in on the ground floor. He resigned his position with the French military, joining the Carr one, and becoming a battalion the French military, joining the CAR-1, and becoming a battalion commandant,

far above the rank that he once held. Now, this also helped that he was David Daco's cousin. It's funny how that works. Within a year, in 1963, he became the commander in chief of the entire CAR military, despite the fact that he was a captain in the French military

a year earlier. He's a grinder, you know? He shows up, he goes after what he wants, you know? Like, I know rank structure is different, but I can only imagine all the dumb commanders that I've had, company commanders in the U.S. military, captains. Like, I can't imagine

like, surprise, you're the chief of staff now. Like, oh God. But I knew him when i watched you would not believe the things i've seen this man do yeah now the car military at this point wasn't much of an entity at all it was around 500 dudes had virtually no training or weapons um and then in 1964 bocaso was made the only colonel in the entire country he didn't promote himself his cousin did see it's fine

you're corrupt shut up now his rise to power could be thought of as default like I said he was David Daco's cousin but he was also related to Bogonda and he also happened to be the only captain in the French military from the Mbaka tribe more specifically from the same village that Daco was from.

So, like, he just kept getting promoted. Now, Daco knew that his cousin was kind of an idiot and was very vain and had a bit of a God complex. You don't say. At one point, he said that he had a dream where the Pope came to him this will be another thing that happens a lot is a lot of Pope related imagery and delusions and that told me he was bound to do

great things he also said that like Napoleon spoke to him in his dreams actually believe I don't think Napoleon would have great things to say about him as a black man because he bastard he made slavery illegal again in the colonies I don't think Napoleon would have great things to say about him as a black man. He made slavery illegal again in the colonies. Like Haiti, you know, tried to invade them.

I do seem to remember something about that. But Daco knew that his cousin cared more about awards and titles than really anything else. He went everywhere in dress uniform. It's Africa. It's hot as fuck. He's wearing his French dress uniform which is made out of wool. One of those guys. Yeah. The guy's just at a parade rest at a Jimmy John's. That's right.

Now, he thought, like he said, that he was sent by God to do great things. So he was a little bit worried that he'd have a seat at the table of politics. And he was slowly but surely always getting great things. So he was a little bit worried that he'd have a seat at the table of politics. And that's, he was slowly, but surely always getting closer and closer into doing that to the point that like the army wasn't important. Um,

cause it was just like 50 dudes, right? Yeah. Like he was supposed to, in ceremonies, he was supposed to be like the sixth guy back. And he like kept demanding to stay next to the president everywhere. He,

he went, he brought soldiers too, which made people uncomfortable. I kind of like that. This is my posse. And there were still French soldiers stationed in the country. So Daco didn't really care about his own military. I'm not going to get invaded. The French are here.

Nobody cares about us. These guys are just here to do parades and stuff, which is pretty much what they did um so he sent his idiot cousin on a soft exile he ordered him to go to france for a ceremony and then ordered his passport to be revoked banning him from the country oh dick dick move man yeah he's not harping anybody he just wants to wear his medals and do some shit man this is where france stepped stepped in again. Now, if you believe Bocasa, and to be clear, I do not, Charles de Gaulle himself demanded that David Daco allow his cousin to come back

into the country. I believe this wholeheartedly. Because they were, quote, comrades in arms. Yes. A thing that I believe happened now. Now, de Gaulle is notoriously racist, so I highly doubt that he would consider a colonial soldier a guy that, while he did meet, did not remember

a comrade. This is definitely wishful thinking on Bocas' behalf, but the French did pressure Daco to relent, and he did. Now, the reason for this is obvious. Daco was tanking the country. No matter how much money the French

gave him, which was a lot, it was like hundreds of millions of francs a month every month at the end of like i'm in debt help me i'm paying my bus what is it please help my family is starving yeah just bus driver salary 900 million dollars yeah uh he is so another thing that he did was start talking to communists daco reached out to china and china gave him a massive interest-free loan yes so like which of course he immediately embezzled um so much money. It never stops, Joe. Here's the thing. I know exactly what Jean-Baudel Bocasa spent his money on. We'll talk about that in depth. I still have

no fucking idea what David Daco did with this money. I'm convinced that he was just squirreling in a way to make it. Scrooge McDuckie and Bolt. Just swimming in a combined tank full of fronks and wand. So much. They get it just.

You smell that? It's like Mr. Krabs. I smell money, my boy. So much money had been pilfered from every department of every county of the government that in large part, it ceased to exist or function at any level. When Bokasa returned they both kind of knew what was going to happen next. Bokasa himself openly

began talking about wanting to do a coup and Daku knew the military was completely loyal to him. Not that Bokasa had done anything to him but he was at least a soldier. So he did what else but slashed the military's budget to literally nothing. They could no longer

pay the soldiers. Which means they were barely paying them anyway. At this point, civil servants weren't getting paid anymore. They were stealing so much money that nobody was getting money anymore except like DACO and his inner circle. So he's... I just wanted to be a billionaire bus driver.

The first billionaire bus driver. Yeah, he was just trying desperately to create Uber but couldn't lose enough money. You gotta get that

Saudi money, man. Just, what do they use? I don't even know what they use. Just roll that up with the... The real.

The real. The real. The real. The real. The real. Bobby just swimming in a Scrooge McDuckie and vaulting foreign currencies.

I mean, I'm honestly kind of surprised they didn't end up, well, I'm surprised Bocasa didn't get money from Saudi Arabia, but we'll explain why later. So instead, he decided to create what literally didn't exist before, which is like a security state. He was going to pump up the cops and create a

gendarme. So like, these guys will be loyal to me because I pay them, right? Yeah, so the thing known for working 100% of the time. Right. I mean, it's working in America, right? Pay cops like $90,000 a month and they'll do whatever you want.

Now, he's also attempting to pry away military loyalty from Bocasa by promoting people around him with the eventual goal of having enough leverage to demote his cousin and be done with him. Now, this plan leaked out to Bocasa because, of course, it did. He was talking to military people like, hey, so this Jean Bedell guy kind of kind of sucks, right? He's going to go tell him. It's true about me.

It's sad, right? So Bocasa. I'm your pal. Yeah. I'm the one that's going to pay you. Like, actually, you haven't paid me in three months. Now, Bocasso launched his coup at the end of that December, taking the capital and presidential palace without any real fight from the cops or the presidential guard. Also, the guy.

So, he couldn't find Daco. And then another guy was was like president's gone shit's popping off i'm president now so there's like a coup within the coup nice and then some alexander hayes shit no but locked him in a wine cellar like just go in the basement nerd uh you ever read The Cask of Amontillado? This is going to turn out a little like that. Now, Bocasso began to panic when he couldn't find Daco, thinking he had run to the French to ask for assistance, because this had happened before.

A coup happened. The president called the French and was like, hey, my military is trying to kill me. And then the French came and supported them. So he was really worried that the French would step in and shoot him. Sure. But instead, Daco had no idea what was happening. He had left the capital to visit his friend on a plantation about 80 miles away.

And he was shit-faced drunk. By the time he was told what was happening, rumors of his death had begun to circulate throughout the capital. He figured he'd go back to Bangui and tell his cousin, or talk to his cousin like, hey, you're being a dick, cut it out. And he'd be like, alright. Or at the very least

lead a resistance against him, right? Rally the cops or the gendarme or the presidential, rally someone with guns to tell his cousin to fuck off. Instead, he only made it a few miles down the road when he ran into some soldiers who arrested him and chucked him in prison. Now, this entire coup is largely bloodless. It killed eight people. Now, the story behind that is very thin, but I really wish the book dark ages went into this more detail they were killed

by a night watchman at a radio station armed with a bow and arrow yeah eight people apparently being gunned down arrowed down by a night watchman armed with a bow and arrow and this this is one of the problems i have with this book because if i was writing this book even from a historical standpoint and not like you know flourishes of pop history i'd want more detail than that i mean like the the soldiers were barely armed uh during the coup a lot of them didn't have guns and if they had guns they didn't have ammo but like also how dedicated are you to your job as a night watchman you're gonna square up with like half of a squad of dudes and just fucking arrow them you know that's hey man you know i i play a lot of far cry 5 you know i i feel confident my ability to wipe out eight dudes with a bow and arrow you imagine me like

dude number seven or eight just like you can't have that many more arrows left i used to be i used to do coups like you until I took an arrow in the knee. I knew the joke was coming. It's the one joke! I have no choice! Don't have to be like this, Joe. There is another way. No, I must be insufferable. But

David Daco would not be in prison for very long. After this, with Bocasa firmly in charge, he simply walked up to the prison where his second in command during the coup, a guy named Captain Bonza, was threatening to kill Daco with a pistol, like just shoving it in his mouth and screaming at him. Oh, so like

the opening of Call of Duty. Yeah, alright. Yeah, yeah. And Daco was just like bawling his eyes out. Aww. Now, Bokasa randomly ordered every prisoner to be released from prison. What? Now, when he was warned by the prisoner to be released from prison. What? Now, when he was warned by the warden that, yes, there is some political prisoners in here, there's also rapists and murderers and stuff. So he fired the warden, made himself warden, and then ordered all the prisoners to be released again.

I mean, I'm for prison abolition, but not quite like that. No. Critical support to Bocasa I. Sorry. Daco was brought back to an army camp where he was forced to resign as president. And then while he was no longer in prison, he was effectively kept under the custody of the military, which wanted to murder him, but Bocasa refused. Now, the same mercy was not given to the same political opponents arrested that

night. Uh-oh. The leaders of the opposition, which had been pretty much all of DACA's yes-men just a few hours ago, the guys, you know, well, let's just go with the bus drivers. They're the bus drivers who've been pocketing all the money. Right, right. We're brought in, tortured, and murdered right in front of DACA, who again was crying the entire time, thinking he was next.

Mostly because Bonza's like, you're next, motherfucker! It kind of feels like he should have been next. It kind of feels like he should have been next. I don't know if we're pro or anti-coup on this podcast, but like, you know, I always wanted to be a bus driver. I'm anti-everyone involved in this government. Yeah, that's fair. I'm going to both sides this one. Oh, enlightened centrist Joe Kasabian.

Now, Bokassa needed to quickly legitimize his government in the eyes of the world, but mostly the French. He blamed everyone for failing the people, and Daco had sold the country to the Chinese, allowing the communists to come in and arm a tribe of pygmies. What? Which is exactly what it sounds like. He was telling the world, mostly the French, mind you, that DACA was planning a Chinese Maoist communist insurgency with a tribe of pygmies. Uh-huh.

All right. I'm on board. Why not? I mean, I wish this was true because that would be rad, but it absolutely was not. He produced guns that he said were taken from them to show the French that he had saved the country from a communist insurgency. And then he shot gold dust at a rock. It's crazy how that keeps popping back up. No, the ambassador pointed out that those are French weapons and literally laughed in his face.

Oh, now the Chinese were in the country. There's no evidence that they were ever attempting to foment any kind of insurgency. But yeah, a lot cooler if you did. I guess it couldn't do any worse than this guy. I'm on team tribe of pygmies here. Also, I don't know if that's considered a derogatory term it was used in the book they just bleep it out feels like it is right like he uh but at this point bokasa was uh firmly allowing himself to be an anti-communist uh because he knew that this

would be what france wanted him to be to be. But here's my thing. Bocasa had no ideology. He loved him to Bocasa. That's it. There'll be a through line to this entire two-parter. He did not care what banner he had to fly. As long as he was in charge, he did not give a fuck. So in his speech when he took over, he talked about the proletariats are going to take power.

The bourgeoisie will be like his his speech is straight up like I don't know like baseline communist stuff right and then he just didn't believe that of course not no because he wanted to be in the photo op and that is his ideology he wanted to yeah

it is yeah it is Jean Bedellist Bokassaist. He did not care if he was an Islamist, communist, anti-communist, capitalist, imperialist. He didn't care as long as he got to stand around

in a cool uniform. I want this guy to become an Islam, like, jihadist. Wait for part two. Hell yeah. Remember how I said Gaddafi shows up? That's why.

Nice. Now, hell yeah remember i said gaddafi shows up that's why now it shouldn't make you that happy but it does the french were not taking him seriously they didn't like him uh daco was alive so they're like well maybe we could just put daco back in charge uh so he did what else he fucked with the money he's like you know i'm starting to think it might be a good idea if we uh withdraw from the uh the franc zone you know that we no longer use the french currency oh and i'm sure this is going to go swimmingly now this got him a state visit to paris uh they're like no no no come come back in no it's fine don't fuck with the money and he and he got to meet charles de gaulle the man he literally worshipped. Yeah, his nationalist daddy. He got to meet his dad.

This gained him legitimacy for his government. At that point, there was no longer any kind of international like, iffiness about recognizing him as president. But, there was a small problem. Nobody knew who this guy was, except in the capital. So he got dressed up in his battle uniform, full of awards,

and a head of photographer took pictures of him striking poses in front of a collection of soldiers that he ordered to stand around just for that occasion. Like, you ever heard that story where Hitler took pictures of himself before, like, making hand gestures and stuff before speeches? Yeah, yeah. To see how they looked? He kind of did that, and it looked just as ridiculous. Now, he dismantled the government and replaced it with a revolutionary council. And what else? Elections

to come. They didn't. There was never any elections. What? Come on, man. Really? Instead, he ruled by decree. Something that David Daco didn't even do. He at least passed it through the National Assembly. Yeah.

Now, he figured DACA's ban on every other political party was actually pretty cool and he kept that in place and then just like took over that party he decided to tackle one of the biggest problems facing the country unemployment now he did this in the most insane way possible he simply made being

unemployed illegal that's a good job now he didn't like I could see on this piece of paper it says you can't I could see some kind of like national work program where like it would be illegal for the government to not give you a job if you needed

one but like this is down to the the individual person like no no no if you don't have a job in this place where we have no jobs, you're going to prison. You don't have to worry about finding a job, I suppose. He made no attempt for a jobs program of any kind. He never

tried. There was no large-scale infrastructure programs, nothing. So people just went to prison. Homelessness was banned, which, you know, so it was begging. I shouldn't laugh because I know this guy's a horrific piece of shit. But like, can you imagine

like the Seattle City Council's like, I see what Bocasso I did and we like it. I think they may have gotten some inspiration. Yeah. Jenny Durkin's gonna crown herself Emperor of Seattle. Now, did you hit the big pen jeff no i accidentally inhaled water i mean what is what is water but pre-vape um i took a load of pre-vape in the mouth now oh well i'm hard i'm pointy some might say

he made begging banned uh he made that illegal, which the US does that too, which is not cool. Any kind of nudity was banned to include in private. He also banned polygamy, which was rich because at this point he was married to six different women.

Yeah. Like Daco, he jacked up salaries for civil servants and soldiers in order to buy their loyalty, along with that went promotions to everyone to include himself to general and Bonza to captain. He was obsessed with making things look good without taking care of any of the underlying problems. For instance, he made simply any show of poverty illegal. What? Yeah. Like if you lived in a shack or like a slum,

bulldoze it. Can't have that. Oh, are you going to build houses? No. I can do this shit. He also realized like, wow,

we have no public transportation. I'm going to fix that. I'm going to buy. The bus drivers are making $900 billion a year at one point. So I'm going to buy all of these new modern buses from France. And France obviously is fine with that because they just filter the money they give him right back

into their own economy. Small problem. They don't have any roads, Liam. Off-roading buses. Off-road buses. By October of that same year, he finally openly admitted he had no intention of ever stepping down from office.

Soon, pictures of him popped up everywhere on walls, posters, and billboards. People wore shirts with his face on it as they walked down multiple dirt roads that had been renamed after him, some which turned right into others. There is a good chance that you could drive down bokasa avenue

and turn right onto bokasa street he even said something kind of sweet he even like went like said some shit that you would straight up get out of like 1984 he during his speech he said quote i am everywhere and i am nowhere i can hear everything yet nothing i can see nothing, but I can see all. Alright, guy. Relax. That's like some super village shit. He held lavish banquets for tribal chiefs and diplomats, so it cost millions of dollars where he'd eat and drink himself into unconsciousness

while his country, at large, starved. Anyone who spoke against him was sent to prison, which despite being emptied previously, had become so overcrowded within a year it became known as the Devil's Hole. Oh. No health care was given to anybody who

was locked up there, and sometimes they wouldn't get food for days or weeks. Some of you are like, wow, Joe, you can't just not eat for weeks at a time. You're right, you die. You just die in prison from starving to death. Oh, that's rough. Yeah. Sentences and death sentences

were seemingly handed out at random, depending on the mood that Bocasa happened to be in on that very hour. While prison guards and wardens bilked families out of money, promising to release their loved ones, and then not releasing them when payment was made, Bocasa would also randomly order the death or release of

people without warning. At one point, he simply walked in and ordered everybody there on a murder charge to be payment was made, Bocasso would also randomly order the death or release of people without warning. At one point, he simply walked in and ordered everybody there on a murder charge to be executed while releasing all the women. This is not how prison abolition is supposed to go. No, you simply get rid of all of the prisoners and then you have no prisoners.

Wait. Are you going to release them? No, no, no. I'm going to beat them to death. No, no, no. No, no, no. Old fashioned way. Old fashioned prison abolition.

It was even joked within the prison that you could be released any day as easy as you could die because you never knew what the fuck Bokasa was going to do next. God, that's depressing. Now, another guy that eventually become the victim of bokasa's

randomly spinning mind was his second in command and current minister of finance the new colonel bonza he kept getting promoted you see bonza continually told bokasa that like we have no money please stop spending it on stuff like he was like seemed to be the one guy in government that was good at his job well at least attempting to be good at his job trying to trying to do his job yeah i am minister of finance i should do finance things and then when he attempted to do finance things bokasa's like wait no that's not how this works and 20 years in prison oh no uh bokasa took this to mean that this man meant to overthrow him oh of course yeah why not sure now there is some evidence that bonza did mean to do that probably because he realized he

helped put a crazy person in charge just imagine like 2 a.m been drinking just like oh no i fucked I fucked up oh boy he finally did start planning a coup when he got demoted and there's some like minor understandable Joe you should have done that right for my tiny base Afghanistan like I will overthrow the president now he was demoted like randomly he was sent to some

depths of the agriculture department or something that he had nothing to do with. Granted, he wasn't like an accountant before this either. He just got jobs that Bocasa wanted him to have. Gotcha. Now, his plan failed and he was arrested. Unlike Daco, he got executed and buried in an unmarked grave. Oh, okay then.

Now, all of this is what I would consider a boilerplate dictator shit, right? Now, all of this is what I would consider a boilerplate dictator shit, right? You got, you know, the crazed lust for power, executing your enemies, executing your friends, finding enemies when there is no enemies. Now, after the death of Bon or the murder of Bonza, rather, Okasa seemed to go completely insane. Now, like his friend in Ku Betty was like the only person that could talk to him like he was still a person right could reign him in even a little bit he was the only one with balls to actually be like yo we shouldn't do that um now when bonzo was gone he made himself in charge of the promotion system within the entire army. Nobody could get promoted or demoted without his approval. Remember, he's also president.

Just giving himself all these private needs to be promoted. Pass it up to the president. I have a corporal now. Actually, something even weirder than that happens. Bocasa is... There's a saying when,

when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro, uh, Thomas said that he is the epitome of that. Um, at one point a Frenchman was being rude to him. Uh, they were arguing over a trade agreement and a soldier who was, is variously described as a,

a private in a Sergeant walked up and slapped him in the face. Bocasa immediately promoted that man to a general on the spot. Oh, okay then. Now, this wasn't the only place he did this. One time he went into the hospital and was so impressed by a nurse's bedside manner, he promoted her to doctor.

Now, that's not a promotion. That's not how being a doctor works. You don't just like put in the elbow grease as a nurse and one day work your way up to be a doctor right another time he went into a building where a janitor was at work and promoted him to ceo because the floors were so clean what oh i mean okay also like he doesn't have the power to do that, but nobody's going to tell him he doesn't. Yeah, he's addicted. He can do whatever he wants. He also made himself the decision maker

for every department of the government, meaning that when he was gone, nothing could legally be done. No function of government could be signed off on when Bocasso was out of the country. And he went abroad a lot. Meaning, even the stupid things the government did do,

they couldn't even do that. Also, the reliance on decree meant that nobody was really sure what was legal and what was not. There's no central issuing authority at all. There was no Department of Law and Decree. They're like, hey, he signed something new today. There's a Department of Guy. issuing authority at all there was no like right there was no like department of law and decree like hey

he signed something new today there's a part of guy just a guy uh decrees were announced over the radio and uh not everybody had a radio uh so like a lot of parts of the of the republic people just like hey

i heard over the radio that like we can't have a that we can't have a tin roof anymore. The government's going to come and make us homeless. Or I heard over the radio that when we fuck, we only can say Bocas' name. But imagine a country-wide game of telephone

for laws. Yeah. Like, oh, what a horrible way to go. Also, he occasionally just put out decrees that one would override the other so like nobody was really sure what was illegal or not um and his laws were pretty much ignored outside the capital because nobody knew what the fuck to do with them right i think it's not like he was coming because the roads are all dirt and they have off-road buses oh he wasn't cat tracks. He wasn't going to go out there. He wasn't going to dirty himself

by talking to the proles. He's like, I'm going to stay myself. He had like six palaces at this point. To be fair, I would also like six palaces. I don't even have one palace. New patron goal. Get us a palace. By 1972, he officially made himself

president for life and a marshal of the republic. Now, he insisted his ministers president for life and a marshal of the Republic. Now, he insisted his ministers of government call him Papa, which is creepy. That's weird. I don't like that. Now, if anybody remembers how we started this

episode, probably just had their ears perk up by the Napoleonic nerd calling himself a marshal. More than that, he gave himself a new uniform, a blue military outfit with gold trim, modeled off of Marshall Michel Ney, one of Napoleon's Marshals of Empire.

Did he wear it everywhere? Please tell me he wore it everywhere. Yes. Oh, yes. He gave himself so many random medals and awards at this point, he had to reinforce the right side of his jacket to hold them all. Oh, that's some real Idi Amin shit. I like that. Yes.

Yeah. Like, I think Idi Amin's uniform is still more ridiculous. But to be fair, Idi Amin doesn't eventually make himself emperor. So point match, Bokasa. Now, he also carried a cane with him at all times. This was to mask a limp he had developed on a horrible case of untreated gout he had developed. Of course, this guy had fucking gout. Because he wouldn't stop eating cheese.

Kim Jong-un himself a limp. I'm not surprised. Not even a little. But he declared it his cane of justice. Fuck it. Okay. Dude rock. Go on. And then he uh would beat the shit of anyone who

displeased him this extended to punishments to prisoners sentenced to death who were then beaten to death while he watched uh now when the UN pointed out that like that's awful and you shouldn't do that he called the general general secretary of the United Nations quote a pimp for

colonialism a bitch also not wrong heartbreaking the worst person you know just made a great point yes like i i love that he's walking around with like an official justice pimp cane and calling the general secretary a bitch trick ass bitch fuck off now at this point his friendship with France was failing mostly because France refused to give Bocasa any more money they were providing tens of millions of dollars a

month in assistance which Bocasa then spent randomly mostly on food and booze for himself and his friends when France didn't upgrade his allowance he decided he'd give communism a try kind of now I will call his attempt at communism his allowance, he decided he'd give communism a try. Kind of. Now, I will call his attempt at

communism what anybody would attempt to do should you breeze over an article or two, then call yourself a communist. Right? He appealed to communist nations for money. Mostly Romania under Nikolai Ceausescu

for some reason. Like, him and Ceausescu were best friends which is a weird relationship i did not see coming okay um kind of here for it though i mean for people who are unaware of like the insanity of the chochescu romanian government yeah give it a quick google we We'll eventually talk about it and how he is overthrown, but dude is nuts. Now, he effectively... Normally, it's the unwritten thing that's like

it's obvious this guy will just do whatever as long as anybody gives him money. He'll be communist if Romania gives him money. He'll be French if French give him money. He straight up said, I'll adopt any ideology that you want if you build a modern train system within the country. Shockingly, there were no takers. Like the one time every communist is like, yo, but like nobody would do it.

I think everybody just hated him. Now, he fired every French agriculture specialist in the country replacing them with his friends i was when i was reading this i was really assuming he would just like adopt lisinka wisdom like fuck it i'll do communism but plants um but most importantly none of these guys have ever worked on a farm before in their life uh boca support money into new collective farms which not only went against the traditions of the people in the area, it reminded them of the days of the Corvée. Because now they're like,

no, you're all going to farm together for the government. And they're like, yeah, we did that before. That shit sucks. Furthermore, this is a country full of people who are kind of hungry, right? Definitely a hand-to-mouth, best-case scenario,

subsistence farming right but he wanted to grow cash crops instead of food uh yeah now according to this plan known as what else but operation Bocasa crops are supposed to triple they fell by 19% to cause the

famine oh oh no but none of this slowed him down. He built the university. The University of Bocasa. What else? Insert a national airline staffed by a single DC-8 airplane called

the Bocasa. Going further and further into debt, the banks of Carr refused to loan him any more money, worried that his spending could actually impact the entire franc currency as a whole. Yeah. So he

simply shut down the bank and was about to print his own francs with his own face on them. Yeah, this is the Bocasa franc. And then France is finally like, oh shit, okay, we'll be friends with them again. mostly because the president had changed a guy named Valéry Giscard had become

president noted for claiming a noble bloodline and being a bit of a vain dickhead himself now more than a national friendship with Bocasa they became personal friends there's also a rumor that they occasionally had orgies with sex workers when the French president visited the country

you know unbreakable bonds of brotherhood There's also rumor that they occasionally had orgies with sex workers when the French president visited the country. You know, unbreakable bonds of brotherhood. As you do. We cross swords. We must be friends. Now, I do have to say, not that I give a shit about Valerian Giscard or his legacy. There's no evidence of this other than Bocasa constantly telling everyone that they totally banged sex workers together. I believe it.

I think that stuff happens more often than people think it does. I have no reason to not believe it. Yeah. I'm just saying I haven't seen anyone other than the French deny it. Now, this could be because the two are close, but what is more likely is Giscard was very good at his job of

protecting French interests in the region. As Bocasa reached out to people who were supposed to be France's enemy, he was worried that what would happen to the most important resource in the country that France wanted to keep, uranium. Remember, France is a nuclear power. Yep.

So, by Eiffel Towering a couple of people and giving them money, he managed to keep Bocasa on Team France. Yes, I used the term Eiffel Towering on purpose there though by this point the French public had heard about the weird guy with the justice stick and the crazy spending and he was very

fucking unpopular so Giscard had to tell Bocasa he would give them more money but he had to stop building palaces for everybody Bocasa however that still was not enough for him so to stop building palaces for everybody. Okasa. Lame. However,

that still was not enough for him. So he glanced upward, still within the friend's sphere of influence, looking for friends with money. And that is where he found Momar Gaddafi. And that is where we'll pick up next week. Christ. I fucking love this guy.

He's an evil psychopath right like i'm not i'm not debating that he's a good person like i mean is he any different than like literally any roman emperor probably not yeah but like he's in power for i think 12 years, and all of them just shoelace eating insane. I love it. Um, and you're probably asking, why are you covering this in the military history podcast? He was in the military. Shut up.

Check that block. Uh, anyway, uh, Liam, thank you for joining us. Uh, plug your podcast.

Uh, you can't follow me on Twitter anymore. Um, so, uh, I guess listen to my podcast uh well there's your problem it's a podcast about engineering disasters with slides country music bonus episode

is he country music alright it's good it's a good episode Alice Alice went to town if you like sci-fi or even if you don't uh buy my book the prisoner's dilemma uh it is available and for free on kindle unlimited so you can literally get it for free or if you don't have kindle unlimited it's a dollar uh or you can you buy a paperback or whatever um buy this book yeah buy it it's it's it's good and clearly i am not biased um

and thank you everybody for joining us thank you for supporting the show and join us next time for part two where Bokasa becomes emperor it's good later