Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - Episode 93 - Kevin Patrick Dawes

Episode Date: February 24, 2020

Sources: https://nationalpost.com/tag/kevin-patrick-dawes/ https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/syria-isis-kevin-dawes

On Friday, United States officials confirmed that Syrian authorities have released an American prisoner. While the State Department spokesperson would not identify the prisoner in question, other sources have determined that the American in question is 33-year-old Kevin Patrick Dawes. Hello, and that is Nick burping into the microphone. I was doing this. This is the Lions Led by Donkeys podcast. I was doing this, and you decided to not look at me.

He's holding up a finger, and I decide to ignore him. As is podcast standard operating procedure, is to ignore when somebody else is attempting to not burp into a microphone. I could have been dying. I mean, you didn't, though. You're right. So we decided to do something a little weird the leading cause of death is uh life life yeah i mean just i i don't know what is in this room that would give us cancer but something probably this podcast this podcast causes cancer um well you chose a

sitting down career i did with a lot a lot of authoring stuff going on and podcasting stuff going on. It turns out it gives you high blood pressure. Good luck walking. Yeah. I went to the doctor this week and like, huh, it seems like you have high blood pressure. And is there anything at home that's stressing you out? And in my head, I chugged an energy drink on the way here because I slept three hours last night because I'm reading two books, a podcast, and I'm in grad school. No, this is fine, dude. This is fine. I'm dying on the inside.

Yeah, I always do this. I never understood why I always do this, but I fucking hate doctor's offices as is. Oh, yeah. Like, my heart rate just goes, but then I bump it up even more by like, let me just pound this bang real quick. Yeah, that's exactly thirsty. I had a Miami Cola bang on my way.

It was, it was the only thing, the shitty gas station in the corner. I had left on sale. Yeah, it wasn't good. Um, speaking of really,

really, really unhealthy lifestyles, I got a good one for you today. And I actually have to thank the, really, really unhealthy lifestyles, I got a good one for you today. And I actually have to thank the communal discord that we have with Hell of a Way to Die because I had never fucking heard of this before. And that is a guy named Kevin Patrick Dawes who we will get to in a second.

But before we get there, have you ever heard of the website Something Awful? Either I've heard it on a YouTube video because I like to go down rabbit holes or it just sounds familiar to me. Now, you're a little bit younger than me so this may have been before your time in internet

culture. It is like the primordial soup of the modern internet in every good and bad way possible i don't think i want to eat that soup um you shouldn't you should not eat a suit made out of something no um it's a website it's like a forum there's there were some articles and stuff that people were like comedic articles that's not the important part we're going to talk about here but it predates what most people consider social media are we not a military podcast anymore uh no we're actually uh

we're and we're uber but for podcasts oh yeah uh we're an algorithm-based uh web culture podcast so are we like the the what is it the uber pool where you share yeah we just have a bunch of stuff going on yeah we have layers um i think that's like the third or fourth episode in a row where we have layers. Like an onion, but rotten all the way through. We're still peeling. Yeah. The podcast is actually onions all the way down. So this was actually found all the way back in 1999, which is like...

I didn't have a computer at that time. I did, but I don't think I had internet. I may have had AOL or something. I know. I think my family still has a shit ton of AOL, the disc of the yellow asshole. that time i did but i don't think i had internet um i may have had aol or something i know i i think my family still has a shit ton of aol the disc of the yellow asshole running on it or something yeah and they sent like the 1500 minutes this month like in the mail uh i actually got my whole family banned off aol once uh because i did uh what i guess is classical trolling. You stay true. You're still doing that now.

I was like 11 or 12 maybe, and my stepsister and I were on chat rooms, which are just full of creepy old men. You were using your ASLs out. Yeah, they were asking for age, sex, and location, and we'd say weird-ass shit like we're a 99-year-old mop and we're hiding in your closet, but that's not what we got banned for.

I got banned for calling somebody an assbutt i heard on the simpsons nice and i got and like you know back then it was all screen name uh connected so you would get your whole family banned from using the internet that guy got butt sad yeah his his butt shed a tear uh but uh something awful was mostly a forum. And it still exists. It is not the same, but it still mostly exists. Like most things from the days of the internet past,

there wasn't really any rules. Admins could- No holds barred. Well, it wasn't quite 4chan, because 4chan actually came from Something Awful. Because Christopher Poole, the guy who would create 4chan, was actually banned from something awful for not being funny. Because that was one that you could just be banned by admins

if they wanted to ban you. There was no real set of rules. If your trolling sucked, you'd get banned. I'll make my own forum. Yeah, that's what a lot of people end up doing. But I don't think any school shooters came out of something awful. 4chan can't say the same thing.

But a lot of child born. The community spawned, it's like the forum just grew and grew and grew. Eventually covered just about every hobby. And also included, because there were so many trolls, they had to make their own forum. It's like sub form called fuck you and die.

Uh, that was just dedicated to trolling. So like if you had to like, if you're in a roast battle, some like you take it to fuck you and die. Yeah. Um, and that's like,

it was like the, the random board of 4chan before that, which is where Christopher pool ended up getting his idea. Like if we just make this, all the assholes will go over there. Yeah. At its peak, the founder admitted

he kind of sucked at running the site and it was ran out of his basement. But he claims it was the largest forum on the internet at the time. And I kind of believe it. Solid. Yeah. And the people on that website

began to call themselves goons. And that's something that continues to this day. That will become important. Around the year 2000 and around damn near the year 2010, the goons were the hive mind behind what most people consider internet culture. Goons. The goons.

If you saw something online and thought it was kind of funny, there's a good chance it came from something awful. Like I already said, 4chan, but also slenderman and and shit like that which also led to a small child being stabbed but that's not slenderman's fault that's untreated mental illness which will be a pretty big star of this whole episode okay uh the problem is is whenever you create a small troll army there's always some worry of real assholes and crazy people might slip through this led to pretty much all of the admins having their uh addresses eventually posted to the forums at least once according to one of the early admins and this is from a vice article called fuck you and die which uh charts the entire history of the website.

There's also numerous shootings led back to the goons, including one where a guy put on a cape, a paintball mask, and killed a mentally handicapped woman who he claims is threatening his Halloween pumpkins. You gotta protect your pumpkins. Yeah. And this is the introduction to Kevin Patrick Dawes, our star for the evening. Sounds like a goon to me. This is the introduction to Kevin Patrick Dawes, our star for the evening. Not a lot of- Sounds like a goon to me. He was the goonest of goons, though they are not huge fans of him on the website.

You could find them talking, but you could find old archived forums that he was either talked about or in, because he's been banned so many fucking times. It's insane. But yeah. Not a lot is known about Dawes' early life, though it does look like he was born in Renton, Washington,

a little bit north from here. Wow. In 1982. Though his family eventually picked up, moved to San Diego, California. Nice. And that is where he just kind of vanishes off the map. At some point, he could have studied physics at Cornell,

but the only real proof I could find of that was him. Not a good track record. At different points, he also claims he went to the University of Texas and acquired a master's degree in electrical engineering from Cornell. I mean, there's a good chance this guy's pretty highly educated,

but he's also fucking nuts, and he lies about himself constantly. So, yeah. He's an unreliable narrator as we would call him in the authoring business is that what you guys yeah it's unreliable narrator it's like it's an area that constantly lies and shifts the story around and yeah you guys have a author thread uh on something awful yeah probably i'm not something something awful actually costs money and i was does it yeah i was a member way way back in the day but i also was banned i don't On Something Awful? Yeah, probably. I'm not on Something Awful. Something Awful actually costs money. Does it?

Yeah, I was a member way, way back in the day, but I also was banned. I don't remember for what. Probably because I was not funny. Now, thankfully for shithead podcasters like me, Dawes is more than happy to fill that gap. Your gap? The gap in my soul.

Oh. By seemingly nonstop posting on something awful uh now what dawes did post about was absolutely batshit bug fucking sane uh are you familiar with the concept of gang stalking no you shouldn't be because it's not a thing um it sounds like by like the term gang stalking yeah it sounds like a thing um it sounds like by like the term gang stalking yeah it sounds like a gang well it sounds like you something that would exist like you're getting stalked by the crypts or the bloods or fucking i don't ms-13 or something right but that's not what it is it's it's a paranoid delusion meets conspiracy theory where people believe that they are the victim um that like they're the victim of a corny effort to surveil them at all times,

an effort to drive them insane. Which, spoiler alert, you believe in gang stalking, you already were insane. So you don't have to worry about that. Might have to get into it. Yeah. Some people think that this is like a mental disorder

that was conjured together by the internet specifically because a bunch of people with untreated mental illnesses like paranoia and stuff begin talking to each other and the delusions would sound a lot alike they're like holy shit we're all part of the same chain they're all they're all stalking us like no you're all just very very sick that's awesome yeah uh thanks internet real good for humanity um yeah so dawes and a lot of his posts on Something Awful, went at length about he was the victim of an FBI, CIA, San Diego Police Department gang-stalking operation. What do you know? Were you also gang-stalked by the San Diego Police Department?

So here I was. No, but one day I see Rich on her way home. So I had a follower. Sure, that's not weird. I mean, we live literally down the street. And you also, like, work effectively in the same place. Yeah, so we were literally merging at the same time, and I was like, let me slow down.

So what you're saying is we are, this podcast is engaged in gang stalking of Rich. She doesn't listen to this, so yeah. Yeah, she has no idea. I mean, military history is not her favorite subject. She is only drafted. We talked about animal history. Animal military history or crazy people.

Because I like making her very, very sad. Because she's a psych major. So I give it, actually, this would be a great episode for her. And make her badly psychoanalyzed Kevin Patrick. Um, uh, but at the rich signal. Yeah.

Uh, I think that's just, I don't know, like, uh, I don't know. She's, she's my bad dog hair that you just throw in the air.

Uh, now, uh, Dawes was not secret on his, uh, mental health struggles. And that, I mean, he talked about them constantly. Not the fact like, guys, I really need help, but I don't have health care.

I can't afford it. It was, holy shit, the FBI is after me. And he put it, UFO parked in my lawn. What? Yeah, and the one place you don't want to do that is like the internet. Like, I can't imagine. I can't imagine the trolling that came from it. Yeah, like if I posted on Twitter that I was having like i'm having a bad mental health day i guarantee you

five people would tell me to kill myself like i can only imagine this is even worse on something awful or 4chan yeah you put sane stuff and people tell you that yeah i just like you just went to the movies someone sends me a deal kill yourself baby killer like you're right kill yourself cock yeah fucking white knight uh now a lot of people on the forum to be fair were like bro it sounds like you need some help that's good good for that and now one of the places that dawes really like to hang on it was a sub called the goon platoon, which was like, it was goons who were in the military or enthusiastic about the military. Okay, here's where the military part comes in.

Yeah. So like, it was something of a community. I think there was also, there was a member of the community, I think his name was Vile Rat, who died in the Benghazi attacks. Vile Rat? Yeah.

What? He was the IT guy who got killed in the Benghazi attacks. Really? Yes. He was a racist. Wow. I didn't know that. That's not in the book.

If you forum search his name, he said some shit about the Jews. Whoops. Yeah. And when people on the forum were like, bro, you need help.

He was like, oh, you must be in on it. Which, to be fair, if I was talking to an anonymous forum and people actually showed compassion for me, I would also be suspicious. But for a different reason. But this

would become something of a trend for Dawes. When everybody is like, hey man, you might want to talk to someone, they were in on the conspiracy immediately. They're now the bad guy. And he would routinely threaten murdering them. Like, I assume family yes uh or we'll get to that okay uh now something awful uh has something of a paywall uh to access their archives so i was unable to access a lot of them it's like 10 bucks yeah we don't have the funds for that and i wasn't gonna pay for it uh but thankfully there are several members of our discord who are goons who dug up the archives for us

and screenshotted many of Daw's posts which survive to this day I like how we get our shit we will do everything we can to not pay other people money unless it's people that help us so you know something awful is helping us

I am a very very cheap man if you didn't notice from our original studio setup, and it was only changed when Rich did it for us. Yeah, and the stuff I bought ended up not working. Yeah, shit happens. Now, Jaws' posting does not paint the pictures of a mentally stable man. This is just one. Quote, I used to cry.

I stopped. I don't know what to tell you. I'm doing my best. I used to actually sleep with the rifle, but now I just keep it in the ready position. I've also changed rifles since then. I used to swing a beautiful AR-15. Then guns stopped meaning a

nice day at the range when all of this began. Now, it should be noted, he has no firearms training, but he has some weird obsessions with guns uh but if that sentence doesn't sound like someone who like knows what he's doing with the rifle and it really doesn't to me but don't worry he also developed a mind control satellite really uh quote yeesh for a moment i thought i was going to have to now all right before i finish this quote i'm going to say a lot of words that mean nothing just bear with me i was going to have to... All right, before I finish this quote, I'm going to say a lot of words that mean nothing.

Just bear with me. I'm going to have to AM modulate the mazer. Yes, that would work like that, and zap someone from a few miles away to prove that. I would make them my bitch, real genius style. Real genius style. Combined with a rifle scope, a camera, and image processing to track heads on people,

and high angular pushes and steppers to steal their fucker with a nice closed loop feedback control so it stays aimed. He may have used it. On himself! All those words do mean something. We just... Where? do mean something. We just... Quote, it is for this reason that I'm considering it. I would never be caught and I could buy a surplus industrial mazer

suitable for the task on eBay. Where? I'm officially an awesome. On eBay. Edit. Oh, dude. I put it on a satellite.

Holy shit. Mind control. How did you get access to a satellite? I do not believe Kevin Patrick Dawes ever got a satellite. Or just the... Somehow our security on satellites aren't good.

It could be either. Maybe he worked for SpaceX. Just fucking stole one of Elon Musk's satellites. Launched his car into space to the satellite. Except his car was like a fucking Metro Geo or something. Like an 89 Corolla. He was, like most people this far off the rails a government hating libertarian who constantly talked about how he'd like to fight and kill government agents or cops

if they came at him and how do i like how do you think he was going to do this with his mind control mind control satellite is a good bet since he just talked about how he totally had one that he bought off ebay if you were thinking forklift iron man suit congratulations you're kevin patrick dawes i will describe this in the only way it can possibly be described in his own words quote wherein i use those forklift fuel cells to design an Iron Man suit. Not a costume. An Iron Man suit. I will have the repulsors done. Pulsed currently Hallback array Eddy current devices. Just like

the linear array version made radially symmetric so that it has phi-symmetric magnetic fields. Spherical coordinates. Fields like a bit like a half bagel. What kind of bagel, though?

There's so many. Forklift Iron Man suit for the win. I think he was actually coming up with an Iron Man suit, but it was like cardboard. Like a costume, but he makes it very, very clear that this is not a costume. It's an Iron Man suit. He's like, look at this flamethrower. And he sticks his arm out, but puts his other arm through with a lighter and like... Look at this flamethrower

and it's just that really big stupid propane torch that Elon Musk sold as a flamethrower not that long ago. He's come up twice now. I feel like they're like simpatico in their insanity. Except one of them has a budget, and the other one has... I don't know. eBay satellites. I don't know.

Unfortunately, he doesn't go into too much detail on this design because he randomly starts talking about how he also developed a hoverboard skate park. How does that? What? I don't know. And also how the movie Avatar is totally about hardcore bestiality and rape. Which, okay. Okay. He's close on that one.

He does kind of fuck the flying horse thing. If I were to really want to search. Yeah. I mean, there's porn about it, I'm sure. Rule 34. Is there? It exists. Have you looked for it?

None of that really makes any more sense in context. Avatar porn? I mean, Avatar. Every porn exists. If it exists, there's porn of it. It's like the oldest rule on the internet. There's porn of this podcast somewhere. It's a thing. Please, nobody send that to me. Didn't one of the... I think somebody's porn of it. It's like the oldest rule on the internet. There's porn of this podcast somewhere. It's a thing.

Please nobody send that to me. Didn't one of the... I think somebody had talked about it. Porn of the podcast? Yeah. They did make a Hooligans of Kandahar fan fiction starring cat girls, but not of the podcast. You're that big to be a porn. I fully support cat girls to be involved in the Forever War, I guess.

I don't know. Might as well jump on in. Yeah, we're running out of people, so we gotta use the cat people. Now, he also became convinced his grandmother was a CIA agent. And that she was working with them in an effort to whisk him away to a CIA stud farm for a breeding project. I doubt they would take... Grandma's trying to fuck me. I have to run. I'd have to uppercut Grandma if I knew she was CIA.

Grandma's after my seed. That the homeless people around his house also worked for the CIA, and they were noting his habits, and they're attempting to control his thoughts in his sleep. Uh, he eventually gathered all this, uh, into a dossier, which he took to the Russian embassy who told him,

quote, fuck off. Really? According to him. Yes. That's awesome. Which I, I,

I believe that part. Yeah. They probably get a lot of crazy people shown up. I definitely have an email where I sent an LTA. I think I'm pretty professional. Yeah, sure. At least in my eyes. And I sent an email and it basically came back as a really professional fuck off.

Leave me alone. It starts off, per your last email, like, ooh, this isn't going to end well. Ooh, wee. Now, DAWs would eventually be banned from something awful for multiple different reasons. One time, the site admin said, like, when you get banned, they'll send you messages of why you got banned. This one was the admin begging him to get help and get on meds.

Wow. It said, quote, it's time. Seek mental help. The consensus among the mods is that you need to end your posting career and seek actual medical attention. We don't say this out of anger or hate, but just as general exasperation. I hope he asked for his last paycheck.

It's not like he was getting paid. I think it's funny that somebody considered a posting career. Yeah, exactly. That's why I hope he got his last paycheck. I hit the peak of my shit posting career. Yeah, exactly. That's why I hope he got his last paycheck. I hit the peak of my shitposting career. Now, this is where we get into the stuff that leads to him going to a war zone. And yes, I promise this all leads to a war zone. This is a military

history podcast, even if laughing at this can make it. Is he bringing his Iron Man suit? I wish. Now, if he brought his Iron Man suit, it would not have ended the way that it did. Now, at some point around 2011, Dawes began to fancy himself a journalist. This is despite the fact that regardless of what background he gave himself, none of those things were journalism school,

or had he ever worked for a paper that I could find. More than that, he also decided he was a paramedic and that he wanted to go to Libya. Now, this is the time that Libya was in the middle of a civil war to oust dictator Muammar Gaddafi. And he wanted to go there and document what was happening. Was there a documentary on this guy? No. There's a couple of YouTube things about him. There was another guy who went to Libya who ended up getting captured. And they did make a Netflix documentary.

I do not remember what it was called. Yeah, I think that's the one I'm thinking of. Now, he posted about his plans in the Something Awful forum where he had made a new username and paid more money where he was immediately roasted for this insane idea. What was his name? He normally went under... I can't remember what his normal username was.

But it was Karo, like with a C or a K. I want to say cooler. And then it was like Karo Arised or something like that when he kept getting new usernames. You couldn't be permanently banned. They would just make you pay another $10, which is like a solid hustle, to be fair. Like if Twitter did that, they'd make a ton of money. For sure. Not that they're hurting for money um now most of these guys had had a history reading his posts so they knew he

was already fucking nuts uh so rightfully point out his crazy ass should not be anywhere near a war zone another user and i don't normally note the usernames because it's the fucking forum website but this guy's username was vincent van goatsey which is fucking amazing really uh and he asked like so where'd you learn to be a medic like i can tell you from personal experience paramedic school's hard uh it's it's at least a year long normally more but i mean it's it's it's not something you learn seemingly overnight like this guy did i watch youtube videos that's exactly what he said holy shit yes dawes responded quote youtube 100 100 at least he has confidence i like that he is you need that in a paramedic these days he is i need that my internet paramedics uh he's never lacking confidence uh i hope he printed off what youtube videos he watched he's like here's my certificate well like he legitimately did manage to give

himself an iv which he learned online which is the easiest thing you'll do as a paramedic so congratulations oh i've had those fucked up on me so it's because you used army medics which are not paramedic that's true uh i'm just saying i've had ivs fucked up on maybe they should have watched the youtube videos he watched. That's actually all they do at Fort Sam Houston is watch YouTube videos. I think that's where their basic training is. But now, and he also noted that he had tons of experience

in combat, which he did not. So somebody asked. YouTube videos. Close. Live leak. Are you familiar with live leak? Yes, I am. So for people who are not familiar with LiveLeak,

it is YouTube for war porn. Is it still around? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think it used to be Orgish or one of the other ones like that. There's a lot of websites like it. I think LiveLeak is the most mainstream, which there isn't.

They streamed the fucking New Zealand mosque shooting. Somehow did not get taken down for that. Wow. Yeah. Yikes. Then he also posted some pictures of him successfully sticking an IV in his own arm. In the post, he talked about how he was going to win the Pulitzer Prize and how something awful now had an official war correspondent, despite the fact the website clearly wanted nothing to do with him. Now, most of the forum posters were very up front like you're gonna die do not go to libya no but look the ivs in my arm yeah i got the hardest part down uh which reminds

me exactly of uh what was it a combat lifesaver course when they would teach you all the shit and then like at the end they'd make you stick IVs in each other and that sucks getting an IV stuck in your arm by an untrained asshole. So that's the only thing anybody would ever remember. Well, I thought I was getting stuck by a bunch of trained guys but it seemed like they were the same. Eh, you're not far off.

Now, they were like, dude, don't do this. You're going to die. Just go back to school or whatever. The CIA mind control drones aren't going to kill you. Just some guy with a rifle probably will. Now, Dawes really didn't have access to a lot of money. But what he did have access to was an incredibly large line of credit, which leads me to believe some of his story is true.

Because I'm not dirt poor. I would have a really hard time going out and just getting a $40,000 credit line tomorrow. which leads me to believe some of his story is true. Because, like, I'm not dirt poor. I would have a really hard time going out and just getting a $40,000 credit line like tomorrow. He did not. So, like, maybe he really did have a good job on his time when he was lucid. I have no idea. But that's exactly what he did.

He got a $40,000 line of credit, bought a ballistic vest and helmet, and a ticket to Libya. Well, he actually had to go to Egypt first. He also bought a ton of medical gear, a full chemical suit. So I got this first aid kit from Walmart. From the looks of it, he did not spare a lot of... He bought the name brand and everything's he didn't know what quality was

so he went full gear to with it yeah now this is according to an interview with bellingcat he simply charted his charted his flight to the war zone using expedia which you probably shouldn't be able to do uh from there he hired a fixer from whom he had no idea how to do that are you familiar with the concept of fixers no uh. So I don't really expect you or me, for the matter of a journalist, to be super familiar with fixers. They're like the journalist equivalent of a Sherpa. They plan things, they make connections,

they all around make sure foreign correspondence jobs happen. Also, a really good fixer will make sure you don't die. Because they're supposed to be at least familiar with the area that they're operating in. Finding a good fix fix is pretty hard uh if you happen to be a random insane person from the internet you're probably not going to be able to find a good fixer and he did not so instead of hiring a fixer dawes just kind of hired a local tour guide like get me to libya sir now the tour now have you ever like had a tour guide before in a foreign country?

Especially a country that's kind of hurting for money. They're going to take you for every dollar possible. I had family members. Yeah, they're tourist traps. I mean, that's their job, is to get you to hang around as long as possible and extract as much money off you as they can. Which, I don't blame them. Random dumb American shows up with literally endless money

trying to get to Libya. I'm like, all right. We're going to take the scenic route. Yeah. He was a scammer. He just kept nickel and diming Dawes knowing an easy mark when he had one. After grifting away most of Dawes' remaining cash, the tour guide supplied him with a driver that would actually get him to Libya. Wow.

Kind of. The driver's like, yeah, he'll get you close. Close enough. Yeah. And he did. He did get him to Libya. Wow. Kind of. The driver's like, yeah, he'll get you close. Close enough. And he did. He did get him to Libya. But the driver purposely went to different checkpoints. So, like, Egyptian authorities are pretty aware of what was happening

on the border. Like, there's just a flood of people going into Libya to fight the war or supply the war. Like, there was American military contractors pumping weapons and and vehicles uh across the border but this guy like kept taking really weird uh routes and stopping at specific checkpoints so you'd have to bribe people that the driver knew to get by which good idea honestly i would totally do that yeah like i gotta hook all my buddies up get all the motherfuckers on the block.

Yep. It eventually cost around $10,000. Jesus Christ. I would love to see $10,000 in my bank account. Yeah. To use an Egyptian cops. I guess. I mean, I guess that's an option.

Now, if you follow the same route in that direction, you will eventually run to ISIS. So don't do that. Bribe other cops. I don't know. I just won't do that at all. Yeah, just use it for not bribing cops. Yeah. I'll stay at home with it.

Yeah. So he was eventually driven to Benghazi and the El Noren Hotel. What's the ratings on that hotel like? Really, really high if you're a guy from America showing up saying you're a journalist, which is exactly what he found out. It was an incredibly inflated price because

it was like one of the only hotels still standing not blown up. I know this hustle, right? You say like blown up building, blown up building, pristine hotel, blown up building, blown up building. Pristine hotel, blown up building, blown up building. How much is a bed for a night? How much you got?

Yeah. It's either this or rubble. Yeah. Now, his driver no doubt telling them that he was dumb as hell and he'd easily been, like, they took him to the hotel knowing they, like, told the hotels, like, yo, this guy's got money. He's dumb as shit. But Dallas didn't actually fall for this one. Because he'd heard a rumor about a free hotel set up nearby for journalists. But it wasn't nearby.

It was in a completely different city called Misurata, which is something he did not figure out until then. I imagine the fixer would tell you that. The tour guide? Yeah. I don't think he got that far. No, he did not. He also had no means of communication, which is pretty important for a journalist.

So he stole a cell phone from someone, which is not something you want to do in a war zone. He only paid them when they angrily called the phone, which remember, of course, they knew the number from. They stole it from him. How'd you get this number? Are you with the CIA? And like, I will kill you

if you don't give me my cell phone back. So he paid him instead. You can have the cell phone, guy. Yeah. Now, the cell phone didn't do a lot of good because he didn't speak any fucking Arabic, nor did he hire a translator. Totally spaced on that one.

Don't need it. YouTube. And with that, I YouTubed me some Arabic. Yeah. And with that, he made his way to Misrata. The Dawes eventually did link up with some militants, engaged the battle against Gaddafi's army. And he did produce something that could be considered

journalistic content for his YouTube page. Does it still have videos on it? He took them all down. But I did find some clips and stills from them. Okay. Now, because he wasn't a journalist and he had no idea how to actually sell journalistic content,

he just kind of posted stuff to YouTube. Cool. I think I would do the same. That's how you get the Pulitzer that you want. And then Dahl just kind of stopped being a journalist if he ever really was one. He linked up with a local doctor named Tamim Abu-Garsa because- He became a doctor? Hold on to that. All right. Now, one of the things that I listed off on some of the things that he bought was a ton of medical supplies. He wanted to find someone like, have all these medical supplies which was like one of the few good things that he did and then

it'll stop there um because he has no money no he just has a lot of the shit that he brought with him he burned through just about all of his cash um and garza was willing to take all his medical supplies off his hands like yes please i need medical supplies take care of everybody that's wounded um garza believed dawes uh when dawes told him that he was a paramedic because he's like why would this guy come to libya and fucking lie about being a paramedic look at all this shit he brought yeah like and this youtube certificate he spelled paramedic wrong weird uh soon dawes became the doctor's right hand man uh not only did he begin treating the wounded badly uh but he was also running into firefights and collecting the wounded and the

dead yep okay now i would also now there's probably a lot of people like why the fuck would i believe this guy when he says this like first of all abu gars is a real guy and said yep he worked for me secondly proudly uh he didn't say he was good at it uh he said that like he was obviously a very troubled man and like he like uh dawes talked to garsa about the cia and garsa's like yeah yeah whatever just put the iv in this person you see mycer. Ah, let me put this IV in. Is your leg being gang-stalked? And Garth's like, yeah, we just ignored it because he'd do what we told him to do. Like, okay, whatever.

But Dawes is very clearly visible in an Al Jazeera broadcast that took place in a Rebel Field hospital working on a wounded person. Wow. Yep. Not good, I assume? Probably not. I mean, he's... Not good, I assume? Probably not.

I mean, he's definitely the only Asian American man at that Libyan field hospital. So, like, it's definitely him. And then that's when he began to carry a rifle and join the firefights that he was once recording. That's where things get kind of weird. This guy's all over the place. Yeah, during his time with the

libyan rebels uh that his let's just say that their opinion on him is somewhat mixed they had dealt with a lot of people like him like the libyan civil war was kind of something new to the world um it was really easy for people from all over the world to travel there and fight. There's people from all over Europe just showing up to fight with the rebels. Something that kind of happened with Iraq and Syria as well when ISIS flooded through there. They just kind of thought he was a war tourist. But they also thought he was insane because he was. But they also thought he was insane because he was. He kind of giggled when things exploded around him,

which even kind of put the hardened rebels on nerve. But all this didn't stop him from recording the fights he found himself in. He recorded and posted 300 videos during this time. One of which has a rebel trying to pull him to cover because Dawes is just kind of sitting out in the middle of the open firing a sniper rifle off in the distance. And the guy's like, yo, get to cover. You're going to fucking die. I mean, at least they cared enough. And to which Dawes responds, quote, I'm in a sniper battle, bro.

That's Call of Duty shit. I got this, dude. Dawes also had time to continue to be nuts online because he could just never log off uh when people trolled him in the youtube comments of his videos which they rightfully should and also on um something awful they're like dude you are just showing up and killing people they're like what the fuck is wrong with you? So when people trolled his YouTube videos, he accused them of being Gaddafi loyalists. And also CIA. And also is like, I was just shooting it.

You had to have been there. Like someone from the 12 year old, like someone from the Gaddafi side is like totally shit posting his YouTube comments. Like he legitimately believed believe that which is kind of hilarious another journalist came across him thought he was dangerous and unstable journalists in war zones operate in a weird limbo

state coming near to the combat but not actively taking part this is one of those reasons why they're supposed to be protected like you cannot target journalists it's considered a war crime now this is canceled that when journalists actively take part in the fighting it's a tenuous balance at best and uh dawes is throwing it all out the window kind of putting other journalists at risk uh like there's a lot of journalists who have openly talked about like what would have to happen

for me to actively take part in the fighting? Like one of my favorite journalists ever is Sebastian Younger. He was in, you know, he helped make the Strepo. He wrote the book War. And he actively said like, I ran the mammo. I helped take care of the wounded. Because like it's kind of a fallacy where you can be like an inactive observer when someone's trying to kill you. But he never fired a weapon at the taliban but he he

did openly he's like i probably would if i thought we were going to be overran he's like they're not gonna capture me and just release me later like they're they're gonna kill me right so like yeah but in this situation uh a lot of the journalists that saw him, to include Chris Hetherington, who was the cameraman for Restrepo and would die in Libya, was very off-put by Dawes. Because he's like, you're shitting all over us, man. I'm going to go on a limb here and assume that the Gaddafi loyalist fighters were probably not going to treat journalists very well if you fell into the grass because they work for Momar fucking Gaddafi, but I get why they're mad. Many journalists recount jumping in and rendering first aid. Not many people talked about actively shooting at them. One of those was a Brazilian journalist named Andre Leon, who was in Misurada with Dawes

and did the same thing, helping wounded to get to the hospital and stuff like that. A fighter was shot in the leg, so Andre and a few others applied a tourniquet. Now it was a rudimentary tourniquet because they didn't have much. Dawes ran up and removed it, placing one of his tourniquets in its place, insisting that his tourniquet was better. Now for people who are unaware,

because this is really, really bad, you're never ever ever ever ever ever ever supposed to do this if a tourniquet is failing you're supposed to place a tourniquet over that one uh at no point are you supposed to remove a failing tourniquet it should be noted this is not a paramedic skill it's not even an emt skill it is a literally basic first aid skill uh dawes had no idea. Nice. After carrying the wounded man to a hospital, Andre and Dawes got into a screaming match,

which Andre rightfully pointed out very easily could have killed the men because they were literally at a corner and there's a street on the other side of this building where people are firing a machine gun into and Dawes is pushing him into the street. Wow. And that's when Dawes charged his weapon because remember he's carrying a weapon

and Andre screamed at him and then beat the shit out of him with his own camera. With his own camera. With his own camera, which is like really expensive. At that point, the rebels separated the two of them and arrested Dawes telling him he had to which is like really expensive. At that point, the rebels separated the two of them and arrested Dawes, telling him he had to stop acting like a fighter. He could stay as an aid worker, like a fake paramedic, or as a journalist.

Or he had to go home. You gotta pick one guy. So Dawes went home. Oh, okay. Unfortunately for Dawes, he decided his career as a journalist was not over, however. Dawes had his eyes in a new battlefield of syria oh boy nice like it's bad to go to syria as a any journalist uh let alone like even the most skilled journalists die there uh this is dawes uh so yeah he decided that would be his

next place to cover so he's not an expert. He is not an expert. All right. Now, if Libya was considered dangerous for journalists, and it was, and still is, one of, like what I already pointed out, Chris Hetherington died there. Syria should have been considered an absolute no fucking go zone.

Like there's a lot of people, there's a lot of outlets that will not send journalists to Syria because of how dangerous it is. Sebastian Junger made a Syria documentary, could not go there. Yeah, he had to get footage from inside the country from local Syrians and make it because the person he was working for was like, no, you cannot go to Syria. No go, bro. Yeah. The Syrian Civil War has been one of the most deadly conflicts in history for journalists. Not only the many sides of the war actually targeting journalists,

but they've just been killed trying to report on the war because how chaotic everything is. But because of his trip to Libya, Dawes was flat broke. So he did what most people do when they need to afford things like health care he attempted a crowdfunding operation via kickstarter did it work well it did not uh now he requested tens of thousands of dollars uh that's what i do yeah i might start a kickstarter, I don't need to go to Syria. Reasonings. Uh, I don't want to work. Nice.

Uh, so like, I just want to go to a sugar Ray concert for $10,000. I, I think someone is grifting you on those tickets. Damn it. That was getting a steal. Yeah.

Uh, that he probably thought he was going to use his sweet mind control satellite or whatever but his actual plan was he was going to use an army of drones with cameras attached to him to fly over northern Syria and record the war from the air

imagine how annoying that would be just having an army of drones around I mean you're in the United States Army you literally have an army of drones I don't hear them here as often. Maybe because of the rain. The kids in Pakistan might. Ooh. Yeah.

Now, there's a problem with this. Many, many problems, really. The fact that he was trying to do this on his own, use multiple drones. The logistics isn't important. I'm not going to try to flesh it out because he didn't try either. So I'm not going to bother. Now now he required tens of thousands of dollars you want to guess how much money he got fucking fish tank rocks and a packet of dressing slightly more he got 30 bucks nice yeah uh not quite enough for his drone army it turns out so he went back to posting on

something awful under various different names because he was continuously banned yet again, the goons, I would rightfully say ruthlessly trolled him for going on a vacation to kill Brown people. Even the little amount of journalist cred that he got from his Libyan trip, he pissed away by being nuts. A guy named Randall Hendricks reached out to him to maybe possibly work on something,

but Dawes immediately scared him away by offering to check his house for cia bugs and wear taps got a background check you guy hey uh mr dawes so uh really like maybe you want to come to the local coffee shop or well like i'd really like to hear your pitch on the story you're all right man but like i really need to sweep this motherfucker for bugs. Okay, we'll be in contact. I really hope he just had his wallet and he was making the sound like it was sweeping for bugs. Don't worry, I can do this with my mind. He just Goku's his

hand across the wall. Then something happened I'm not entirely sure about. According to Dawes, a journalist named Elliot Higgins, Dawes did something that ended up having him get a red flag extreme protection

order placed against him. Are you familiar with those? No. Those end up with having your weapons taken away. I'm by no means a lawyer or a judge or anything in between of those things, but from my limited understanding of the law uh at least in washington one of those things can ever be put placed on you

uh if you like violently assaulted your spouse or you made some kind of threat that's considered like violence is imminent if you your weapons are not taken away. But he told that in a Twitter DM to this Elliot Higgins, who I believe works for Bellingcat. And he kept the receipts for the message. So like, I believe it. Also, like, why would anybody say like, yeah, I got my guns taken away when you didn't. Because everybody knows it means you're a fucking insane person. So, like, he's getting worse. And also going to Syria.

So, once again, with no connections or money, he racked up some serious fucking debt. Where did this guy go? Like, internet cafes? I mean, he, as far as I know, he lived with his grandma. Who he thought was in the CIA running a stud farm. I wonder how that went every time he entered the door. Like, grandma lives there. Kevin, where were you?

Oh, I went to the corner store to buy some milk. You were gone for months. Yeah. Fucking spook. What are you, your dad? From my understanding, he racked up debt again. And in 2012,

flew to Turkey. Uh, he eventually made his way to a border town, uh, where he got a hotel room. Now, Dawes had a problem with believing just about everything he saw on the internet.

Um, which is interesting for somebody who's so clearly paranoid about the CIA, um, uh, and like mine lasers and gang stalking. So like when he, when he read something online, he just believed it, which is like how QAnon exists.

That's what I would do. Yeah. So he thought he arranged travel from Turkey to the nearby Syrian city of Aleppo via some random guy he met on YouTube. The most reliable of people. Yeah. Have like, have you ever read a YouTube comments on something?

Yes. Imagine reading one of those, like, this seems like a guy should fly across the world and hang out with like Yahoo answers people. Yeah. How was Babby formed? You ever seen that one? Oh my God.

What is that? It is like literally the best Yahoo answers thing ever. It's someone like incredibly broken English saying like, how is Babby formed? And like, Oh, obviously they mean like how our baby's born. Right.

Oh yeah. Cause um, gotcha. Yeah. So lo and behold, uh, when he got to Turkey, this mysterious YouTube person went silent,

uh, probably as shocked as everybody else that he managed to actually make it to turkey like oh fuck this guy is actually on the border he actually did it now totally fucked he just kind of held himself up in a hotel room and began to unravel a journalist and a mod of uh something awful a guy named elliot higgins who we've already talked about was one of the few people who was in contact with him during this time using Twitter DMs Dawes poured out his every thought

and emotion to him in real time as he thought it which equaled up to hundreds of messages a day I could imagine that that was like a novel oh yeah and they're fucking deeply deeply sick and unwell in it he talks about meeting a Canadian journalist

at that hotel on the border because he thought he was spying on him because of course he did. As were the nice people working the hotel. So yeah, everybody. Now for the people at the hotel, they either thought that he was CIA because he probably said he was

or a Mujahideen going to fight for the Al Nusra Front or ISIS or something. You just can't pinpoint this guy. Well, the people at the hotel, when Higgins interviewed him, was like, well, the only people who ever come here are CIA or Mujahideen. I wonder what his cover was. Blimp pilot. I am Iron Man. Fuck. I am...

Damn it. Don't talk to me. Now, as he began to unravel and tell him, hey, I have no way to get to Syria. I can't possibly go home. I'm in too deep. Everybody already thinks I'm a fucking loser. I can't bail on this.

So he's like, fuck it. I'm going to walk into Syria. Now, Higgins helpfully pointed out, like, there's a ton of landmines in northern Syria. Don't do that. Dawes said that, fuck it, I'll crawl across it and start hitting him with sticks. That doesn't seem any better.

Yeah, just crawling hundreds of miles on your stomach. Wacking shit. Yeah. He also thought that while he was in syria he would just pop on over and rescue a guy named austin tice he was a was a uh a marine corps veteran turned journalist who had went missing following the exact same route that he was trying to take austin tice is still missing um in the year 2020 so yeah he was like yo a tICE rescue operation is in the books. I have it all planned out.

Yeah, pretty much. And at this point, Higgins just got sick of it and ignored him. He's like, all right, this guy is not listening to anything I'm saying. Though Higgins does, at one point, he was the only person that Dawes was in contact with that he believed was not

in the CIA. But that quickly changed when Higgins stopped answering his DMs. Finally, Dawes sent one final message, saying, quote, We'll see where this goes. This obscenity has to end. Then he fucking vanished off the face of the planet. Did he kill himself? Oh, no,

no, no, no. Eventually, he popped up on the FBI's's missing persons post which of course led to all the people in the something awful form declaring he'd finally gotten his dumb ass killed oh my god now andre uh you remember the brazilian journalist yeah yeah said quote when i heard he was when he disappeared in syria i was very happy thinking andre's not a great guy, but yeah, I thought that was funny. But he didn't die. He was still alive. James Harkin, a journalist researching the death of journalists in the Syrian government hands,

contacted a woman named Fatima, whose son Abbas Khan also went missing in Syria and died in a Syrian prison. Abbas Khan also went missing in Syria and died in a Syrian prison. Now, Harkin was researching Austin Tice, thinking that maybe Khan and Tice had crossed paths in one of Syria's brutal prison turned death camps. And they maybe had. But Harkin asked Fatima if Khan had run to any Americans in prison. And she said that he had. Kevinrick dawes oh dawes had been arrested by the syrian government and thrown into a prison known as the palestine branch it's a prison with such a reputation for making people disappear it is one the place that the ci dump people uh at when they were done torturing them at various black sites after 9-11 knowing that the syrian government would kill them really yeah and like they had like giant trenches maybe that was his plan he's getting close to the

cia now maybe he was cia and there's a there was a lot of fighters and he didn't know yeah he was so far in uh his grandma was in play uh there's a lot of fighters in libya's like maybe he's cia he awfully talks about them a lot because fighters in Libya. Maybe he's CIA. He talks about them a lot. I know I want my CIA agents to talk about the CIA a lot. The Palestine branch is fucking horrible. It's pretty much like the S-21 of prisons in modern day. Where Pol Pot threw people during the commuter route. Most people don't leave Palestine branch.

Who would want to? I mean, stay for the food, am I right? At one point, there was satellite images that showed a trench outside of Palestine Branch. You could clearly see it was full of bodies. And then when those got published the next day, the trench was gone. Convenience?

Like, oh, got to bury them all. Now, cells are about the size of a coffin or about 2 meters. Comfy. It's invested with roaches, rats and disease. Prisoners are allowed outside for 10 minutes a month. Nice. See?

You're not alone. I got the rats. You get yard time. 10 minutes? 10 minutes a month. Yeah. Who needs an hour a day? And I mean,

I'm a homebody. Who wants fresh air when you go outside and you're like, oh, I'm next to the pit of death. Exactly. I'm a homebody type of guy. Now you're probably wondering

how do they use the bathroom if they're in their coffins? An empty pot bottle would be given to prisoners to piss in. And they just shit on the floor. Yep. Like, imagine you have to

shit really really really bad because you're in a diseased prison and you have like cholera or dysentery and all those other things like oh i really gotta shit where can i go and they're like you're standing at convenience saves time and is here that the mentally unbalanced something awful shit poster found himself. According to the people that were in the prison with him, he was treated a little bit better than the others. Maybe the guards felt sorry for him because unlike everybody else, he'd already shown up crazy.

But he continuously begged the guards to kill himself constantly and endlessly. For two years! He was, holy shit. I can hardly blame him. He probably managed to find the one crowd on earth totally willing to listen to him about all that CIA shit. He's a Syrian fucking prison guard.

I imagine they're bored in one. I'm not going to go into detail about the shit that the guards at Palestine Branch do to people because I don't feel like putting up a bunch of trigger warnings on this podcast episode. That's supposed to be kind of funny, but the guards are well known for beating people and electrocuting their dicks.

And that's like the least worst things that they do. My favorite. In 2016, that would change. He was there for four years. Jesus. After having horribly unspeakable things done to him, Dawes is released by the Syrian government

after the efforts of the U.S. State Department and the Czech Republic and Russia. The Syrian government said that he was released on humanitarian grounds, and they still saw Dawes as a criminal. I thought they were just like, hey, this guy's fucking annoying, dude. You gotta take this guy.

Someone please get this guy off our hands. He was charged with illegal entry into the country and other offenses of which were never published. I assume it was possession of a mind control satellite. Those are probably deeply illegal in Syria. We found him whacking the ground. We found this guy just laying on his stomach, hitting the ground with a stick.

I think we can both assume the humanitarian grounds was the fact that he was just brain dead at that point. There's a lot of evidence that leads to that. Dawes was transported out of the country by a Russian military transport plane, after which he was kind of vanished,

which is shocking. Look at all the posting and internet shit that he was doing before he went to Syria. I checked. I found one thing that has been posted since he's been back, and it was three years ago, and it's been deleted off Reddit. And all of his YouTube posts have been deleted or made private. I mean, there's a really, really good chance this dude's in a mental hospital for the rest of his life.

Yeah. And he probably needs it. Meanwhile, Austin Tice remains in captivity. Maybe. Nobody's really sure if he's alive or dead. It really makes me wonder why the governments of several different nations would bust its ass to free a dangerously crazy person

who would like to go on murder vacations but allow an actual journalist to rot in a Syrian prison cell. Starting to think he's probably not alive. Why are we asking these questions? They're going for us the cia is gonna come for us now there's like good now we did a lot of uh and i can't we kind of talked about the same thing uh in our american sniper bonus episode uh which will or will not be out of the time of this episode i'm not really sure but we don't like to make fun of people with mental illnesses unless they hurt other people kevin patrick dawes definitely killed some people uh on murder vacations in the middle east so i don't feel bad laughing at him um also uh the the main uh

source i used for this was a gq article that was published before he was found. Yeah. I mean, they've popped up on this podcast lot. They're also one of the main sources that we used for a Robert Bales episode. But they make it seem like it was kind of something awful's fault. He ended up in Syria, which I totally don't fucking buy. I don't know what to make of Kevin Patrick does. other than that he's a deeply, deeply unwell man.

I'm really, really glad that he's not going back to Syria anytime soon. Probably shouldn't be. You would really fucking hope so. And now, Nick. Well, before we get into our question from the Legion. How do you feel about Kevin Patrick Dawes? How do I feel about him? How do you feel about Kevin Patrick Dawes? You feel good feel about him? How do you feel about Kevin Patrick Dawes?

You feel good? Other than him being, I guess, obviously one sick guy, mentally. Yeah. It's not something I, honestly,

never knew about the guy. Now that I know about him, and obviously you told me about him. Yeah, it's weird, man. I don't know what to think of it. He's very much so a creation of the 21st century.

And there's got to be more people like him. Has to be. Especially with the conflicts in Ukraine, Syria, Iraq, with all the fucking foreigners that have flown in there and fought. Yes. I think we've only heard about him because he's the one that speaks English. I mean, how many of the Westerners who went like fought for isis were like insane online shit posters who just found someone that like found community or something uh i i think

we'll probably next time we'll probably see more yeah oh yeah next time there's a major conflagration i mean there's serious of war still going on though it's largely confined and and and smaller now than it was when he was there um and when austin tice is captured i mean the libyan civil war is still going on just different flavors um i don't know well definitely there's definitely gonna be more kevin patrick dawes especially with how prevalent social media is like imagine some like the the worst like a drill or something from twitter ends up in fucking libya or some shit like it's gonna happen it's gonna happen more um i don't know i thought it was a really weird story he's one of

a kind for now it's not something i expected us to talk about let's shake it up everyone so much that's true now that brings us to our questions from the legion now if you'd like to ask us a question from the legion you can donate you can simply donate $1 to our Patreon and get access to the Discord. And then you can ask us whatever question that you fucking want. Which brings us to our question today. Who gets the most undeserved credit as a leader?

I'm going to say the entire Confederacy of America. Every single one of them. That one's pretty easy for me. Is that your true answer? That one's pretty easy for me. I mean, if I was going to dig in kind of lower or a little bit further, I would say Nazi leadership during World War II.

It's that thing in every fucking Reddit Ask History post that immediately gets to leave. Like, is it true? If Hitler just did blank, they would have won the war. No. Next question. God, they would never have won the war.

You see those all the time. Were you hoping for them? I get asked that all the time. No. People really ask you that. We don't get that question from the Legion. I don't get that question from the legion i don't think because i think we've managed to cultivate a fan base that is largely that largely exists outside of the popular narrative of pop history which is like and by what i mean by pop histories i mean like history channel history or

discovery channel history but we see a lot less of that now because the history channel discovery channel don't show we're two documentaries like they used to. No, they do not. Like, there's no, like, Hitler's crazy alien space weapon that totally would have turned the tides, or if he just would have got the mouse tank running, this would have turned the fucking whatever. Nothing. No, never. Just fucking next slide.

So that's yours? Starting a fucking three-front war is a bad goddamn idea. Always. Yeah, or a fucking slave revolt is a bad idea. And by a slave revolt, I mean like pro-slavery revolt. Slave owner insurrection, I'll say. What's yours? Pizza roll employees.

Say again? Run the vibe? Pizza roll employees. Now, pizza roll employees. You mean like tostinos what is it about their leadership that irks you so

I need a bigger pizza roll hot pockets don't do it but like hot pockets and pizza rolls are completely different exactly so are you saying you want like

you want to buy the bag of like 40 pizza rolls or whatever so you've had the bag you've had the bag of course I have but you want each one to be the size of a

hot pocket the size of the bag like a hot pocket god damn it anyway that's been the lines led by donkeys podcast for this week thank you for supporting the show if you do support the show if

you'd like to support the show our show will always be free but if you'd like to throw us a dollar you could do so on patreon where you could even for a dollar you can ask us questions from but if you'd like to throw us a dollar, you could do so on Patreon. Even for a dollar, you can ask us questions from the Legion. You get access to one bonus episode a month. You get access to the Discord.

You get regular episodes early. If you donate more, you get more. Funny how that works. I cannot promise you any pizza rolls or any variations thereof. I want pizza rolls now. Not yet. rolls uh or any variations thereof i want pizza rolls not yet uh we will not accept nor will we pursue the sponsorship of totino's because they're apparently terrible leaders they're unjust size of pizza rolls so what you're saying is you're asking for a pizza roll equality you know i feel

like that's something we could all support big Big pizza rolls, same quantity as the 40. So giant 40 pizza rolls. One man, one pizza roll. Ooh. Edward, 40 hands. But with pizza rolls. God damn it. That would just be...

Ooh, that would be so hot because have you ever eaten a Hot Pocket? Yes. Fresh out of the microwave? I have. Ooh, lava. It's either lava or frozen in the middle. Right. Anyway, we'll talk to you guys next week. Thank you for tuning in. fresh out of the microwave? I have. It's either lava or frozen in the middle.

Anyway, we'll talk to you guys next week. Thank you for tuning in. Hopefully this doesn't make you on a pizza roll or something. I don't know. Later.