Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - *PREVIEW* Robot Jox

Episode Date: October 16, 2024

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Hey everybody, Lions Head by Donkeys is live in Belfast at the Oye Music Center Saturday, 26th October. Tickets are still available and if you can't make it to Belfast, good news, we are live streaming it and tickets are still available for that as well. You can find both of the links for either of those tickets, or both, in our show notes. So click on those and get your tickets. Our merch store is restocked. So if you missed any of the live shows, specific merch, at wherever date that we went to and you couldn't make it to, it's all on our merch store, LLBDmerch.com.

So get your orders in while they last. We only have certain sizes and certain numbers and whichever one it happens to be. So you want something get your order in once again, that is LLBDmerch.com and the link will also be in the show notes. Thank you. Hey everyone What you're about to listen to is a preview of a bonus episode that is available on our patreon If you like this clip, you can grab the whole episode as well as years of other bonus content at If you liked this clip, you can grab the whole episode, as well as years of other bonus content, at www.patreon.com slash lions led by donkeys. Also the robots can barely move.

They don't need a large ring because they move at the speed that like a really spicy fart slips out of your asshole. And the stink spreads through the room. That's how fast they move. All the robots move with the amount of elasticity of like an early tool music video. Rich Piano moves better than these robots. That man is dead. Yeah. I'm a big I love stop animation and but it's it's got to be done right.

And when like this is the 1990s, I feel like. It was from 1989, the year after I was born. It was actually made to honor the year of my birth. What's it, once again, honor? Dishonored? No, it's a, I believe it's called a poor tent of things to come. Yeah, you know, I just, you as a small toddler sitting in a bassinet somewhere like deep

in Detroit, you know, robot jocks like comes on, you know, as like... My bassinet put up on blocks? The late night movie. All the copper stripped out of your bassinet. You see the tank on the screen and you're just like, well. Daddy? You just start pointing at it, they don't know why, it's like, ah this kid's one day is going to be a tanker.

I have found such an insane fact on the Wikipedia, this movie was sampled by 9 inch nails on the downward spiral. Yeah, yeah, 100% it was. It was the second most popular, actually absolutely the first most important thing it's known for is that Trent Reznor sampled it one time for like five seconds. And the second being that it was written by Joe Haldeman,

one of the most legendary science fiction authors of all time. And Joe Haldeman hates this fucking movie. So you gotta, first of all, you gotta be on heroin to enjoy this movie but second you don't need to be on heroin to write it? No no you just have to be a deeply fucked up war veteran. Certainly nothing that any other science fiction author would ever go and do and is currently on this podcast.

Right and look we uh Tom you didn't watch VFW though. I definitely suggest that you do go watch VFW. It suggests the worst movies. And I suggested Chappy. Oh, this is worse than Chappy. Yeah, but it's also only 80 minutes long. Yeah. Chappy's a solid two hour.

Two hours and twelve minutes. I'm not going to come to you guys and be like, let's watch this three-hour slog of a movie That's terrible. This movie destroyed the studio that made it Only cost like five million dollars. It was the most expensive picture the ever made Don't want that stop animation man It takes a lot to make to make the little changes and then take a picture a little change take a picture that takes days like Joel Haldeman Joe Haldeman said that like he wanted to make a movie for

adults that was accessible by children and the other guy wanted to make a film for children that was accessible by adults and I don't know which one of them won that fight. I just know how he worded how he felt about the movie. This would see this movie would have been better if the Cars universe had already existed and they knew that they could just dispense with humans completely. Technically the Cars universe, per Cars lore, the Cars universe did exist. And Haldeman said that this movie was like if you had a child, it started out well, and then sustained brain damage. Oh, it's us.

That's a direct quote. Hey, to be fair, Empire Films did make Trancers and Re-Animator, so they got some hits. And this killed it. It's one of those solid like, could have been A24 once upon a time if they had any kind of talent behind them, you know? It's like one of those, let's be a little independent, let's be a little weird, let's do some different things. Let's do American Gundam.

Which I'm upset that there is no- That's exactly what this is, is American Gundam, But it was inspired by Transformers, rather than Gundam. This movie was so bad that we couldn't get another American Gundam until 2015 when Pacific Rim came out. I mean, this is literally the storyline of G Gundam. The baseline storyline of G Gundam, the world building of there is no wars and you just have a robot kung fu battle to settle your differences but this the difference between this movie and G Gundam is G Gundam takes acid about 10

episodes in and now there's like robot Satan and there's magic and shit where this one runs out of money 10 minutes it. So, I just have to add, just because I'm just like, just going through the Empire movie back catalog, and I found something that's even more cursed. Cannibal Woman in the Avocado Jungle of Death. So first- It's a bit of a wordy title, but- Avocados, that's why they don't have any money.

It's described as a as a light-hearted romp centered around Joseph Conrad's 1899 novel Heart of Darkness. That one needs a reboot. I'm sorry. It stars Canadian actor Shannon Tweed and Bill Maher. Also, as well, they put out sorority babes in the slimeball ball orama. These are all Isakai titles. These are way too long. Like these would be these would be the titles of like a light novel that can't be translated into English because it's a bit too weird. Yeah, this would be perfect as anime made by a Japanese man with parental trauma.

I think that just called anybody who makes manga or anime. Yeah, there's two types of manga. I say that, parenthesis, respectful. Yeah, there's like two types of manga creators. There's like the neat Japanese guy who has parental trauma and trauma and doesn't know how to speak to people. And then there's like the neat Japanese guy who has parental trauma and trauma and doesn't know how to speak to people and then there's paedophiles. Yeah, I was about to say, then there's the guy who made Rurouni Kenshin. Oh man, Cannibal Woman and the Avocado Jungle of Death comes from that period of time when

they're like, we wanna make pornos, but pornos that you can go see in a regular theatre, so like, we have to put a plot line to all the tiddies we're about to show you. Yeah but that also like brings up the idea that there was an entire writers room that sat down and said people want to see Bill Maher fuck. I know does he fucking hear that? I'm I'm the trailer is playing on IMDB and there's a lot of oh, wow Nobody has ever in their life looked at Bill Maher and said I want to watch him clap cheeks No, I think they want to eat him which is the most important thing is that what they really want to do is kill and eat him Yeah, they kill him first So this is like the fifth thing that Bill Maher ever made, and it's really disappointing to me that this wasn't like, this didn't also somehow torpedo his career.

Nothing torpedoes that man's career. The US government, eager to protect the nation's avocado supplies, recruits feminist professor Margot Hunt to make contact with the Piranha women, an all-female tribe who believe men are only good as a source of food. This is why Bill Maher hates women now. He got eaten in a movie in the 1990s and now he's just 1989. God damn. Well this one's 90 minutes longer. Oh there's a there's a shot of him in a giant a giant walk. Wait so the same year that Robot Jocks was made by this film studio they also made this? This was happening in the same building?

Right, we could have had Bill Maher in Robot Jocks. That's what we're really missing. No, that makes it worse. That makes it going from Funny Bad to I Want to Burn It. God, you'd have to listen to some smarmy cunt make shit jokes about Russia. I really don't wanna see what if Robot Jocks jokes what if robot jocks was islamophobic? Oh, that's just anything that man makes I mean I mean it I honestly I feel like you know based on the time that this was made there was probably like a coin flip that happened

When they made this movie, and it's like is the evil robot going to be Russian or Libyan? Because it really like during this period Gundam that is better like during this period, I feel like it could go either way. That is better. Oh, Goddafi Gundam. Yeah, that's a Goddafi Gundam. He's going to teleport to Chicago and give a fucking Gundam to the like the El Rukin street gang.

I feel the Libyans need a little something since Back to the Future only put them in a hippie van. Like we need a Libyan Gundam at this point. We need the Goddafi Gundam. They also killed Doc Brown for a second there. Just a reboot of Navy SEALs, but like the entire, like every SEALs helicopter gets taken down not by their own incompetence, but by a Libyan Gundam. The Green Book Gundam, let's go! Yeah, and all those gun, all the, all the

Gundams from the African countries link up together to create a giant Voltron Gundam. Well, actually if it is made in 1989, I can think of specifically one country that would not be involved in that Voltron. Hahahaha!