Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - *UNLOCKED* Iron Sky ft. Francis Horton

Episode Date: March 25, 2020

*UNLOCKED* Iron Sky ft. Francis Horton by

All right, I am recording locally. Hello, and welcome to a bonus episode of Lines Led by Donkeys. Today with me is Francis of Hell of a Way to Die. How's it going? Joe, I'm feeling great. I got a couple of beers in me, and I got my podcast and vodka, so we are ready to go. I'm also doing vodka right now, because with Nick being an NTC, I promised him I would not drink Old Crow without him, and it's been really weird.

at NTC I promised him I would not drink Old Crow without him and it's been really weird that's like the weirdest like I mean when my wife was pregnant I was like well I guess I can't drink as much as I used to because that would be rude but you're just like I won't drink this literal specific type of booze without

you because I value our friendship so I'll just get drunk other ways yeah honestly Old Crow is only a thing because of him uh because uh he we record at my house and uh once upon a time he lived like 45 minutes away and it was a bit of a hike to get here and uh so the rule was like i always had mixer at the house and he always said to bring the liquor and he you know he at the time he's like an e4 in the army so it always ended up being really cheap shit and this one time he broke over a plastic fucking jug of old crone.

I thought it was fucking hilarious. And now we have shirts of it. And I'm somehow I have not been sued yet. So going strong. So today we are talking about Iron Sky, which is until you brought it up, a movie I did not know existed. I can't I can't remember like i think it was just in the discord like the if if you're a a patreon of either of our podcasts you you have access to the the discord but i think i just mentioned it offhanded to you and you said no

i haven't heard about it and then i guess you did a quick google search and you're like okay we we literally have to watch this movie yes fucking space nazis uh and before we get into the absolutely insane plot of this movie uh since you know we're kind of a history podcast even on the bonus episodes um i've talked about the uh stupid history of conspiracy theories around moon Nazis because it's actually a belief that exists it's not mainstream because the world isn't that bleak quite yet but the idea that the Nazis have some kind of super weapon

magical rocket systems or UFOs that brought them to the moon like there was like Daily Mail articles about it like one of the picture which I'm pretty sure is marketing material for this fucking movie, went mainstream. Like, oh, my God, look, it really did exist. The Nazis did go to the moon. It was like the swastika base.

And it was like such a bad Photoshop. It looked like something would be like a boomer meme on Facebook. And there's like a subset of people who believe in this shit almost all of them are neo-nazis or holocaust nairas to include we did an entire episode on holocaust and i was about a month ago i think and one of them was ernst sundell he's definitely one of them he talks to him all the time and another one is a guy named richard chase uh for people who are not aware richard chase is a guy named Richard Chase. For people who are not aware, Richard Chase is a serial killer from Sacramento that was known as the Vampire of Sacramento.

And he once accidentally almost killed himself while injecting raw rabbit's blood into his arms because Nazi UFOs were telling him to do it. You know, I mean, I know you said you wanted to wait for my reaction, and literally I have no reaction to any of that. That is literally exactly not what I expected, but 100% what I expected. It's like when I found out that Gun Girl is a flat earther now and I was like, this is the logical conclusion of this. And when you say a serial killer believes that Nazis are on the moon,

is like rabbit blood injected into his arms because the Nazi UFO said so? Sure. Yeah. Sure? If he was still alive because he killed himself when he was in prison, but if he was still alive he would definitely be on Alex Jones' show. He would love this movie too. He would be like, fucking, you see?

You see how this shit works? Told you it's real. If it wasn't real, he would have died from all the rabbit's blood. So, Iron Sky is a movie that was so great. It was funded by a Kickstarter and has a whopping 37% on Rotten Tomatoes. Funded by Kickstarter by yours truly, by by the way because i heard about this and i was like so this finish then they they showed like they had like a thing they're like look

there's here's some test footage that we we've shot and i was like this looks you know halfway decent like somebody who knows what they're doing with a computer you know made this stuff i'm in i'll kick you guys some money i can't i i can't remember when it was but it must have been when i had a little bit of money to to blow on ridiculous stuff because i paid however much to get a t-shirt so i have an iron sky t-shirt which i cannot wear anymore because it looks kind of nazi-ish i'm not gonna lie like it's a it's a uh an iron like an eagle not like the iron eagle with the um arms the or the wings like completely flayed out but it's like a statue of like an eagle in profile uh the wings are down and it's got a pigeon sitting on its head and the

pigeon shit on the top of the iron eagle and it says iron sky and it's like this is like you know kind of ironic like yeah the you know the bird shitting on and it's like this is like you know kind of ironic like yeah the you know the bird shitting on the eye but like but it looks a little like i don't want to have to explain that to people it's like somebody wearing like uh um you know a make america great again hat like it looks like it but it says something like you know uh make uh peewee hockey great again yeah it's like i don't want to have to explain that to somebody because from a from afar it looks really bad so that shirt is kind of tucked away in you know with all my other graphic t-shirts that i don't wear on a regular basis

it's kind of in there because like 2019 is not a time to be wearing an iron sky t-shirt yeah and so this movie came out in 2012, and it's supposed to be set in 2018, so it's kind of future-esque. But man, their whole plot fucking point goes out the window. If you put current-day optics, they're like, Nazis are on the moon! People are like, yeah, all right, let them back into America.

They're a voting bloc block now here's the thing about this movie like watching it again so i watched it when it came out i got i got it on dvd i can't remember when when i watched it but like watching it now in 2019 i was like oh my god this like there are so many and we'll go through the plot but there are so many things about it like now that i'm just like this would immediately happen. Yes. Maybe not like maybe not immediately, but somebody would be thinking about it. Like, you know, when the Nazis show up back on Earth and like the president's press secretary is just like, yeah, we need Nazis to write our speeches for us because Nazi speeches are what's going to make the president good.

And it works. It's like this is like that's kind of a stroke of brilliance, kind of a stroke of brilliance, a horrifying stroke of brilliance. If anything, we need to start watching the more Iron Sky movies because there's a sequel because they're apparently telling us the future because that's what fucking happened. Steve Ben exists and he got the president elected. Yeah. And what's his name? Stephen Miller, too. Like, you know, fucking white supremacists are

writing speeches for the president to say like oh he's got i mean i'm sure that the president you know most of what he says is just him sundowning but uh yeah there's a lot of a lot of garbage that gets shoved in front of him by like probably people who who like read hitler speeches and just like yeah i get it i get it i can understand this you know we say that and we're recording this today um and hitler was quoted in congress so like fuck it nothing matters anymore um so i guess uh we could talk politics all day that'd be your show we have to shit on nazis which is both which is both of our shows um uh so yeah so go ahead let's go through the plot here joe take me through iron sky uh so iron sky starts in the year 2018 like i

said as a liberty space mission is orbiting the moon uh to some really strangely upbeat ukulele music it sounds like um and then the liberty lands on the moon uh which i'm going to assume is the dark side of the moon because that's where this whole thing takes place at and unfurls re-election banners uh it was nothing but a giant uh re-election campaign for sarah fucking palin yeah it is a you got to realize when they were writing this sarah palin was still very much in uh the eye of the world and it Sarah Palin is the president, basically. Yeah, her name isn't Sarah Palin. I actually don't even remember catching her real name,

but it's definitely Sarah Palin. She has a really dumb accent, though I think they switched northern for southern and it just looks like her. But it's Sarah Palin. American astronauts get out of the lunar rover there and start walking in a spacesuit across the moon. And it looks like it's made out of a combination of a winter jacket and cardboard. And it's pretty obvious here that they're stretching their CGI budget pretty heavily, which is weird because later on the CGI actually looks significantly better than the very beginning of the movie.

Yeah. I mean, there's space battles that look really good in this. Yeah. And like the secret weapon the Nazis come up with, which we'll talk about later, looks I mean, it looks like a bad video game, but it looks significantly better than the very beginning. So I'm assuming this is like a well rendered bad video game. Yeah.

So I'm assuming this is shot last and there's like fuck it stitched together because it looks like a weird it looks like someone would wear this to a crossfit class in some scenes and then in other ones it looks like a ps2 game um and in some of the scenes where he's walking across the moon uh where like it's actually a person not a cga rendering it's obviously i want him to look like he's in zero g but he's taking like four steps and doing like this weird hop to make it look like he's floating it doesn't really work um the tool he's carrying looks like a combination of an ipad and a vacuum cleaner and uh using that sweet vacuum cleaner he finds a nazi helium mine on the dark side of the moon yeah yeah as what happens uh and then he is attacked by uh nazi astronauts um or just i guess they're not technically astronauts they didn't fly through

space they're just nazis on the moon and their space gear just looks like world war ii clothes it's like if you if you manage to take like the uh the uniform of a nazi and make it like okay in space like without like full gas mask and everything they they basically are just like what if you just literally put a nazi on the moon and we're like yeah this this is survivable we'll put a couple more hoses in the back and there we go he's got oxygen it looks like they just ripped it from wolfenstein oh absolutely right this is wolfenstein in space basically yeah uh and all their weapons are like world war ii vintage which is you know weird that they managed to make it to the moon but hey whatever yeah a fucking uh moon luger

yes that's one of my favorite parts is like uh we'll talk to you get there when they start talking about like call somebody a moon corporal? Fuck yeah! Hey, you don't want, like, earth corporals to come up to the moon and be, like, throwing their shit around. Like, bitch, you're an earth corporal, and you're on the moon, so guess what? You fucking listen to moon corporal. Right. I like to think, like,

they could cope with some kind of German ranking system. No, moon corporal. Fuck it. The Fourth Reich doesn't really give a shit anymore about optics. Uh, so of course the space Nazis have a giant swastika shaped moon base because subtlety has never really been a Nazi strong suit. They put swastikas on everything.

Why would they not just make a swastika base? It's, it's a swastika with a dome on top is all it is um and so the first thing we see is like a hitler youth class uh in session and apparently nothing has changed since 1945 they're all uh dressed like they would be back then um and they go over their brief history and everything else is kind of garbled where they ran from germany in 1945 and went to the dark side of the moon um a whole bunch is kind of yada yada yada over there to make this make sense but that's all right um i mean they

had v2 rockets right so it can only make sense that they can fucking shoot the moon right sure why not fuck it uh yeah the the slave labor built rockets that could barely hit a city-sized target definitely hit the moon um yeah yeah they just they just shot buzz bombs at the moon and with people on them until somebody survived managed to fuck their way up to the top of the food chain nazis survived through good old-fashioned fucking which i imagine is like through holes in a sheet but like still fully clothed and through zippered jeans um nothing good happening there um one of the one of the astronauts is captured and brought back with them fully clothed and through zippered jeans. Um, nothing good happened in there. Um,

one of the, the, one of the astronauts is captured and brought back with them. And this is probably what it was very, it's very important to, to, to mention that the captured astronaut is a black model. Like he's not technically an astronaut. Uh,

he's just put up there. He was sent to the moon as, uh, the presidents, uh, to, to, to boost her numbers and they call it black to the moon as uh the president's uh to to boost her numbers and they

call it black to the moon uh and they just sent a black man to the moon who's a model and he ends up getting taken captured so there's a lot of like they're all the moon nazis are very just like oh my god look at this black man on the moon yeah what is with these black people they literally didn't know what black people were which is like it makes me wonder what do they believe in like they're racist as shit because they're Nazis but at the same time they're like what's wrong with your skin right you have to be racist against

something like you have to like acknowledge that black people exist for you to hate them you can't just be like uh I mean this is just white I guess like they're like look guys if you're gonna do racism fucking do your homework, all right? You got to make sure that everybody knows that black people exist and they're bad if you want to be racist against them. You can't just have a bunch of, like, Hitler youth be like, what is this black person?

I don't understand. But that is pretty much like everybody's just like, oh, my goodness. This is so strange. What is this? What is this black person? Yeah. It's not racism. it's first contact. Right.

It is. It's like they're meeting an alien. Like you would think in any one of their history books, they would mention, by the way, also not white people exist. Yeah. Yeah. I think at this point, everybody's just involved for all the cool hats. Like they're they they never once talk about Jews, which is probably like a marketing decision on their part. And like they don't know what black people are.

So like, so why are you Nazis? Yeah. I mean, I guess their whole thing is just world domination. Like it's they do talk about the aryan race so they are racist um as in you know anybody who's not aryan is bad but yeah they're never it's always an ubiquitous like anybody not us not you know specifically targeting jewish people or black people or whoever else. It's just, it's just that we're the top of the heap and anybody else who's not airing is going to get shot,

I guess. Yeah. Um, they, so they captured the, uh, the black model astronaut and, everybody stands there like,

and also did they have to, so I understand they wanted to make him not be quite an astronaut because he's not really an ass. He's just there to make President Palin look good. And also, it really hurts to say that out loud. But they made him call the Nazis brothers and shit, which is weird. Weird optics. This is a Finnish movie.

It's not an American movie. I've got it up. this is a Finnish movie. All right. It's not an American movie. It's, uh, hold on. I've got it up. It's, uh, yeah, everybody involved is from Finland. Uh,

however, ironically distributed by Walt Disney studios and most pictures of Finland. They just press the CD, the DVDs, man. Um, but yeah, it's,

it's a movie that is in Finland, and they have American actors. They have Americans, you know, American and German and Australian. Like, they brought people from all over. Like, it's not like German people trying to pretend to be American. But it is a movie shot by Finnish directors.

So it is, in some ways, it's kind of like, like you said, like he's, I don't know. They make him talk like a jive person. Yeah, it is. It's kind of,

it does, it does kind of do a shuck and jive thing. And now, now granted Washington, which is his name, um, he's kind of, he is kind of a hero and,

and he's a, uh, uh, a very, uh, I, I very, uh, I, I love,

I love his character. I love like everything that he has to fucking deal with and he fucking takes it all in stride. But yeah, he definitely, they, they do like in the beginning, they kind of make it a, a shuck and jive kind of thing, which is questionable.

But again, they're Finn, they're fins. I don't know if they know any better. I think they made every black person this movie designed after watching season one of The Wire. You know, yeah, the only other black people that you run into are like when Washington tries to go talk to black people playing basketball.

And it's the same, just like he walks up and they have, know to move the plot along they have turned him quote arian which they have albinized him made his skin whiter giving him white hair and put him in a uh a nazi uniform so he tries to walk up the up to them while they're playing basketball he's like hey what's up you know you know trying to integrate himself and immediately the first thing they do is pull out their guns. Now, to be fair, every single one of them has a gun,

but also to be fair, if a bunch of, you know, uh, black and Latino people were playing basketball and a white man in a Nazi uniform walked up to them trying to speak to them in Ebonics, I fully understand why people would pull their guns out and shoot at him. Especially when they, to be fair, they also steal their guns out and shoot at him. Especially when they...

To be fair, they also steal their vehicles. Yes, they do. I get it. I get that part. They didn't steal it. A Volkswagen just means people's car, Francis. It's for everybody. Yeah, they stole a fucking hippie van. One of them is still... One of the seven hippie vans that's still running

apparently is owned by a bunch of black people playing basketball. Yes. So, God, if we're if I mean, if we're going to if we're going to talk about how terrible the I guess the but the coincidences are would be here all day. So that's fair. Yeah. This whole plot is based on random coincidence and racism um so yeah in the end so there's a part when uh he gets captured and like

they pull his helmet finally it's black and then he so he's surrounded by i don't know a dozen people all of them with guns and he escapes through some three stooges type bullshit like he grabs his helmet and like spins around in a circle hitting them all like the only thing missing is him going and then like just jumps off a fucking banister through space um and like he uh busts through a uh like a great like it's a fucking video game there's just always a great nearby you have to bust through there's always some vents you can crawl through yeah it's like his resident evil evil game hey look a vent um and it always goes somewhere important not to like a fan um you know it always directs to a plot point yes in which he falls onto renata who is uh a uh a female nazi who's the yeah um the one of the main characters on the nazi side

she was the one teaching the Hitler Youth class at first. And when they try to escape, he accidentally exposes them both to the vacuum of space. Sure. Which seemingly in this movie only has the mysterious effect of stripping Renata down to her underwear and not killing them. That was such a weird...

They don't bimbo her at all though like she's the thing that kills me about that whole scene is like it makes no sense because like she's she's not a stupid character she has character growth like she's not just like oh my goodness my boobs fell out oh oh how terrible terrible. Except for this one scene where it's just like, oh, my underwear and my stockings and my bra, how scandalous. And at no other point in time is she bimbo-fied. They do it to everybody else.

The president's press secretary in her skin-tight leather leotard at the end. She looked like fucking, was it Repululsa from the uh power rangers or like a bad star trek character yeah like yeah it turns out um space nazis really sexist also not that woke uh i don't know i don't know this reminds me this was the second star trek movie where the like the woman randomly changes in front of all the guys without any explanation and she's in her bra

it just doesn't fit with anything oh the uh yeah the second so you say the second Star Wars Star Trek movie of the new Star Trek yes yes yeah okay I was like when the fucking Wrath of Khan I mean Khan was also in it so this is all

getting confusing um so uh nazis show up and the astronaut is almost killed was talks his way out of it by telling everybody he knows the president uh as one does i guess uh the nazis laugh at the astronauts technology uh because they go through all this shit and they find like his cell phone and they point out like, this isn't a computer. This is a computer. And so when those giant, like water cooled wall monstrosities,

it's the size of a small room. Yeah. I like that in, uh, in roughly 70 years, technology on the moon has not gotten any better for the Nazis. Right. But they've managed to come up with like a totally enclosed city with like uh right like totally support systems and yeah and and a

uh and ships like dirigibles like space zeppelins right a space zeppelin that can shoot out ufos like we can do that all day long however as the cell phone oh oh my goodness can't understand such a thing yeah i i believe i believe steve apple um like clearly it's some kind of secret weapon that we're keeping from the nazis um so also at this point we find out that even though the nazis have been openly speaking english and like fits and spurts throughout the entire movie they can't seem to talk to washington um why is that because they don't understand black people they blame it on was it um an accent i think and that like seriously that's the reason that's given and then like they completely fix it later on i guess it's because they turn them white um the nazis only uh decide the only way to fix this problem is through the only way Nazis fix any of their problems,

and that's through phrenology. And they want to measure his brain. And what probably is one of my favorite parts of the entire movie is the U.S. at the U.N., their representative explaining to them that their mission to the moon went missing. And they have to explain it was all just a really dumb re-election marketing scheme. It went going wrong. And that it's not that dumb when you think about it, because it shouldn't surprise

anybody. Senators spend hundreds of millions of dollars to get re-elected just to get put in dog shit posts in the middle of nowhere and uh it's like you know and and that when you when you think about that like for how much money we uh our country spends it on elections like if somebody really did launch like an elon musk fucking rocket to the moon saying like cruise 2020 would any of us really be shocked i'm you know i'm i'm honestly surprised it has you know that that'll be howard schultz's thing when when he finally uh decides he's all in uh as an independent ticket to to strip you know out votes from the democrats that's what it's going to be he's going to uh rather than do an airplane he's going to do like some sort of like low flying or he's going to

figure out a way to like project on the moon or something i hope he's on the rocket wherever it goes and then it misses uh that coffee bitch can die um and i say that as someone who's currently sitting in washington state his coffee sucks balls um hey you know what look starbucks is perfectly fine if i need to get a cup of coffee and the line at McDonald's is too long. It doesn't matter. I mean, I don't know. It's better than the racist Black Rifle coffee, I guess. Yes, that's true.

Not by much, but a little bit. You know, at least, like, Starbucks employs, like, tons of people, a lot of them veterans, and a lot of them interpreters uh which black rifle does not do schultz isn't he's not even the ceo anymore and is he he's just a rich he's just a rich dude who's bored he's like he's like the minecraft dude notch who's just like rich and shitty online who i challenged to fight recently i i'm like yep this is how i get banned from twitter uh challenging the guy who made minecraft

to a fistfight um still good though nobody's banned me so i'm good to go he looks like a human thumb with a chin strap beard it's weird there's like some some kind of i just can't imagine being that mad online like if i had a billion dollars a billion dollars because i made some like and to be fair i play a shitload of minecraft back in the day so i get it like it's an addictive fucking game but like if i had a billion dollars i would still shitpost online but like oh yeah in a way in a way in which i don't give a fuck like rather than challenging random people to fights like notch did, he looks,

he, he has the body type of a hefty bag full of cake mix and he's challenging people to fight him. I would literally pay entirely too much money to watch him fight anybody, literally anybody. That's good entertainment. Yeah. I mean, and it it's it's funny to not to get too far too far off the topic but like all the all the games that he's tried to launch after that fucking suck yeah i never played minecraft but it just looked like somebody made a video game out of legos and

just changed enough not to get sued and you know. And you know what? I bought, for 10 bucks, I bought it when it was in the alpha or the beta or something. And I played it and I was like, this is fun. And then Minecraft really took off. And I'm like, I'm gonna go back to this and see what, oh Jesus Christ, this is all confusing and I need a Wikipedia page up to understand what the fuck I'm doing.

Nope. Done. Done. Made it too complicated. I'm fucking 36 years old god damn it can't be doing this shit anymore that's why I stick to really bad PC games that aren't Minecraft and much like my love affair with bad PC

games there's a love story in Iron Sky and that is a really bad loop around but there's a there's a love story in this movie and it sucks um klaus klaus attler and renata yeah the uh the teacher who is teaching all of the young nazis german and english and teaching them all about they watch oh we didn't we didn't mention they watch uh what the great dictator yeah um the charlieplin movie, but they only watched 10 minutes of it.

Yes. Uh, a movie that is like an hour and a half long. They only watched 10 minutes of it because they've condensed it down to like the most propaganda, uh, stuff that you can of like Charlie Chaplin was like, and I'm going to go and I'm going to,

you know, unite the world with, uh, with what I do. And of course, like the great dictator is him, you know, making fun of,

uh, of Hitler and Nazi. And there's a whole speech at the end about how like fascism is terrible and everything, but they don't know that they only have the 10 minutes. So Klaus Adler is, uh, the square jawed,

blonde headed, uh, man who is going to be the next fear of the, uh, the fourth Reich. And so he, uh, the fourth Reich. And so he, they, they decide,

um, so basically what they find, they have this, the secret weapon, the, the God of Dameron, which is a giant, um,

spaceship. And they find out that they can hook up their, uh, Washington cell phone to it. And for a moment at like, you know, the God of Dameron comes alive and low, good.

The, uh, the, the processing power of this way better than anything we have and then the phone dies uh of no electricity because why would washington have brought one why would washington have brought his fucking iphone on his spaceship is he getting getting fucking service out there uh so they like all right we're gonna send klaus attler and uh a group of people and renata ends up tagging along without him knowing they send them down to earth to go get basically more of these uh phones and they uh albinize washington they turn them into a white man basically uh which was very like reminiscent of uh of every um chapelle show like whenever chapelle would do the

white makeup and the wig and everything. He looks just like him. Yeah, and then they put him in a Nazi uniform. And then they do, though, they steal that entire scene from fucking Dr. Strangelove where he fights his arm trying to throw up a Hitler salute, too.

Yeah, he yells Heil Hitler and Washington is trying to fight his arm down doing a hitler salute so they end up they go back to earth and everything to to get more information and uh while they're driving around washington sees uh the uh uh vivian wagner a very very fucking german name vivian wagner is the campaign advisor to uh the sarah palin president and so he's just like oh oh that you know she knows the president let's stop and pull over and and get her so they end up just basically kicking washington to the curb and grabbing uh grabbing the campaign advisor so So like, and earlier, like there's a whole,

like the president was like, God damn it, get me something to make my numbers better. We lost these people on the moon. And Vivian is, you know, put it out to her people and they all gave her, you know, things that weren't good enough.

Oh, this is shit. What the fuck's the matter with you? She's all yelling and screaming. And then she's like, oh my God, Nazis. That's the answer. Of course. We need Nazis to write all yelling and screaming. And then she's like, Oh my God, Nazis. That's the answer. Of course, Nazis to write all of our, uh,

all of our speeches. And basically all they did was change the armbands until like a pink and blue, like transgender flag, but with a V on it for, for, I guess, Vivian for herself. But like,

they're just, they just like, you know, come here and write speeches for the president. And, but like nothing else changed. They were very obviously still Nazis. Yeah, and this is kind of like a really big stretch here. This is such a twist because there's absolutely no way in real life that someone who's clearly not qualified for president would ride to popular support on thinly failed vassals bullet points. Like it just wouldn't happen.

Not Joe. That would never happen in America. Not my America. That's why we had the electoral college, not an America that you and I fucking went to wars for. Definitely not. Definitely not. So,

uh, so yeah, so obviously this, uh, this president does very well with all these Nazi speeches. And the, the thing is that, uh is that Washington has been presumed dead. And so he just turns into a homeless man who's on the street corner screaming about moon Nazis. Like any good veteran of the Space Force.

Right. And the thing is, though, is that if he's supposed to be a white man doing this, he should have been picked by the info wars guys at some point in time to talk about or joe rogan or this is actually the paul joseph watson origin story right yeah uh paul joseph joseph watson just sitting it's like oh uh you know conservatives are getting better at comedy and it's making uh liberals uh afraid and it's just him screaming about moon nazis at the top of his lungs fighting a rat over a piece of pizza or something so

as everything in a very unlikely happenstance chance Renata walks by Washington and she's just like oh Washington he just snatches her up she's like I got her I got one of the moon Nazis. So there's a great scene where they end up kind of reconciling.

And she's just like, no, no, it's fine. We're going to bring like she is a true believer in the whole like the Aryans are going to make Earth better. like the Aryans are going to make earth better. And they go to a movie theater and they watch the great dictator, the full length version of it. And she's like, ah, I didn't watch all of that.

And then he points out, he's like, look, there's some fucking Nazis over there. Why don't you go say hi to them? Yes. And of course, Nazis,

right. They go over. And of course, the first thing they do is just like, hey, we're going to rob you and rape you. Yeah. And they get away and everything. And it's like, oh my goodness, apparently Nazis are bad. Who would have thought? They just have so much economic anxiety, Francis.

We can't possibly understand them. And that's like like i think it's funny like oh man all the nazis outside the moon are really bad where did we go wrong in this you know and that that really is what the the whole renata like her uh her her eventual like as she goes along as her character development is like, oh my goodness, you know, the Nazis are bad. But like for her, it's like,

no, what, what you wanted to do was good. It's just understand that the whole Nazi thing is bad, but what you wanted to do was good, but just not like this. Yeah. And of course,

hair Adler is the, you know, so, so hair Adler is, you know, rising among the ranks as a speechwriter. But like everybody else, especially Vivian, who is the campaign manager, is just like, oh, yeah, we're doing great. You know, the president's doing great.

And Herr Adler Adler is just like this is staring off into the middle distance with a leather glove fist clutched. Like I will, I will get these people. I will, I will bring about the fourth Reich on earth. And she's like laughing and she's drunk and she really wants to fuck him. Like really wants to fuck him. So they go back to her,

to her hotel and they're wanting to bang. And then like the actual fear shows up and, uh, you know, Adler, uh, Herak Klaus is, you know,

very thrown off by it. There's a whole back and forth. And then Vivian like kind of pops up behind a bar and guns, everybody down saving her man, Klaus Adler. Uh, and then Klaus kind of realizes, Ooh,

I'm the Fuhrer now uh i don't need you vivian and kind of throws her to the side and gets onto a ship and fucks off back to the moon to go start the invasion which is like one of the greatest things i love about vivian is that she's such a two-dimensional person yeah um in that she's like, I would have fucked you and we would have brought about the fourth Reich, but you decided to not fuck me. So therefore I will murder the shit out of you forever. Not only that, I like that as her moon,

right? That's her whole thing. Like every bit of her personality. And like, I hate to like the, and the thing is about Vivian is that like, there are, you know,

female characters in this movie that have... Renata has growth. There's a lot of characters that have a lot of growth. But I love that this is such a B-movie. That you can have somebody who's just like, you won't fuck me? That's fine. I will literally blow up the moon to fucking get my revenge for you. And I love that.

I love that about this movie. And I love Viv i love that about this movie and i love vivian for that when she shows up in her fucking leather leotard with like crow feathers on the back holy shit i was just like fucking into it like let's go let's go let's kill this motherfucker also you know when i'm starting up which is like the the first united states armed space vessel i'm gonna put it in charge of a campaign manager because fuck it. Why not? Yeah.

I don't even know how she made it up there. Like in 2018, apparently you just have shuttles going up into space for no fucking reason. Yeah. Thanks a lot. Elon Musk. There's fucking, uh,

stupid Tesla missiles going up every other hour. All of them just bringing up scorned women. So there, there's a lot of so uh atler goes back to the the moon and he wants to start bringing on the fucking space zeppelins and space ufos to come and uh and start taking over the earth so as soon as the ufos show up on earth and start blowing things up you know they do the blow up the statue of Liberty because everybody has to fucking blow up the statue of Liberty.

Cause you know, what could be more of a, a symbol of Liberty in America than the statue of Liberty, a thing that was given to us by the French. Um, here's the thing. Here's one thing that while I was watching this, my brain screamed at me,

correct me if I'm wrong, Joe. All right. If you are calling in an a10 warthog yes it is for air to ground correct yes not air to air correct uh i'm assuming someone will say there's a configuration out there for air defense but yeah it's definitely a ground attack craft okay i was gonna say maybe there is some sort like there's a lot of like f-14s f-16s a lot of jet fighters that were fighting the ufos but the first thing you see are like a squadron of a-10s doing air-to-air and i'm just like one i don't know how you scrambled this like in new york city like where is there where are there

a-10s anywhere near new york city that are ready that are at a on a quick reaction force at any point in time like i'm sure there are qrfs in you know in major cities ready to go ready to scramble at any point in time i'm gonna go ahead and say they're probably not a tens i'm gonna say you're probably right and like the the it shows that either these stupid flying saucers suck at dog fightsights or A-10s are just the underdog of air warfare or something. You know, but God bless them, man. Those A-10s, they fucking showed up to the fight and they did some shit. Also, like, the U.S. has legitimately the wet dream of a space force in this movie. Like, they have a space battleship.

And they're going to scramble A-10s they have a space battleship and they're gonna scramble a10s for for stopping a space invasion well you know they so so let's let's move on to that because that's a that's a very great scene um in in which uh the the moon nazi starts showing up and so there's this whole like un um round table that's very reminiscent of dr strange love definitely the war room you know that obviously lifted directly from that and i love that like the moon nazi show up and everybody like all these like representatives from the countries all around the world is just like oh my god oh my god what's happening and like the representative from north korea stands up just like yep that's us that's us and it was

like all right shut the fuck down. North Korea. He just looks so sad. You have Nazis on the moon. He looks so sad that nobody even bought it for a second. You know that like, right. Like that,

that whole is like, look, just anything happens. Just say it's us. Yeah. So, uh, of course,

you know, the, the, the Nazis start, you know, the, uh, the air dirigibles come in, the slides open up from the dirigibles and more UFOs come out.

So there's a whole space thing and they're just like, well, go into space battle mode, America ship. And all of a sudden, all of the other – The George W. Bush. It's the George W. Bush. George W. Bush opens up and and is like they have nuclear missiles and they have machine guns and everything and then everybody else is just like yeah well okay let's go ahead and do this

and the thing that I love about this is that the only the only country that doesn't have that hasn't armed their people is Finland who made the movie who made the movie right the Finns the president's like,

did any, who didn't do this? And the Finns is like, ah, it's like, this is a violation of the, you know, space weapons treaty. It was like,

you violated it. It's like, we're America. Everybody expects us to violate it. Yes. I like how the Russians armed the mere fucking space station. Oh my God.

The mere, the mere fucking opening station oh my god the mirror the mirror fucking opening up and spinning out some fucking missiles was phenomenal oh man so everybody starts shooting at each other um the the god of dameron kind of comes up out of uh out of the thing and then uh they they blow it up well first they they want to like blow up the earth. They want to start shooting the earth. And they're like, well, we don't have a firing solution for it. And they're like, just fucking blow a hole in the moon. I don't give a fuck.

Because Klaus Adler don't give a damn. And so they blow up a chunk out of the moon. And then they're getting ready to shoot at the earth. but uh renata gets klaus attler to do a heil hitler into a broken into a broken lamp you you missed the part where how she distracted everybody by playing the nazi national anthem she broke a fucking glass box that in case you need motivation break glass when it's like this is how i assume everybody wants an nfl game to be like you just fucking hit that and you crank this is that mission this is that mission barbecue place where like they play the national anthem like on the hour and it's like if you don't stand

up and like salute in the middle of like eating barbecue they'll like kick you out and shit is that really a thing mission barbecue oh god yeah oh my god i've never heard of that oh yeah look up mission barbecue i've heard i've heard about it's i think it's like in texas or something of course it is of course it is it's a there was a time i was in fucking branson missouri where uh a very very southern uh missouri area. And, uh, we're, my wife and I, and my kid were at a steakhouse and we were sitting on the patio and like, there's a little like outside kind of, uh, square. And they started playing like at five o'clock, they started playing the national anthem and like, everybody was just kind of sitting around like, uh, uh, what do we do? And like

one guy with one of those like hats stood up and saluted, and then half of the diners stood up. I just remember I was like, I'm not fucking, I'm eating. I have a fucking steak in front of me. Fuck off. I love you. And it was so funny because it was like half of the people stood up and half the people were like, man, no, no.

That's a nice little thing that's happening down there. I'm not doing that. Yeah, that's dumb. That's weapons grade dumb. Yeah. But apparently it's a barbecue place that'll kick you out i want to go there because i want to try it and then when i want to see if i get kicked out before i have to pay the bill that's a good call so what because i'm probably moving back to texas like two three years i'm gonna definitely do that i'll just like moving back why are you moving back to texas uh because i hate myself francis i mean you're in the pacific northwest and to be fair like the two weeks i spent in

seattle were nice but i wouldn't stay there for the rest of my life it's simply unaffordable to live here unless you're a tech douche and seeing how i'm a writer and a podcaster uh nobody's paying my bills anytime soon uh hey come to come to st louis brother oh man buy a whole lot of you can buy a whole lot of fucking house for not a whole lot of money here and also it's not texas that's always a plus i mean it's missouri but it's not texas i did spend some time at fort leonard wood in the in in like August and it sucked ass okay yeah yeah let's don't don't let don't let Fort Lost in the Woods

fucking you know paint what St. Louis is because like it's still like you know weather wise garbage in August but at least the zoo is free so that's nice maybe I can finally take Nick to the zoo are you are you

adopting nick after he gets out of the army i kind of have to he's gonna he's gonna ets he's like so where are we going man you're just gonna have to always have like a basement room for nick oh we've already accepted it like he he stays in my guest room a lot his dog's over here like 90 percent of the time uh like he works out in my garage gym he just lives with me i mean look dude i have a roommate who i've been living with him for like 11 years at this point and like my wife and i were thinking about buying a new place and moving out of the house that we're in is like well i mean where's roy gonna stay though and we always have to like have that consideration so congratulations you have a roy now

yeah yeah he's you ever watch half-baked he's my guy on the couch yeah um so probably one of the most well you already talked about how he throws up the hitler salute and then fucking electrocutes himself and then he could stab him the adler gets stabbed in the fucking head with a shoe and that's how he dies of course with a heel sure yeah so yeah they they crashed the god the the god of dermarung uh and then renata is kind of like she she's still on the moon uh washington blasts off in a uh uh an escape pod and Renata is saying and like all the the Hitler youth are still there but it's not just the youth there's you know older people and they're like well when can we go to earth what do we do and she's just like no don't throw out the

the Nazi salute anymore we'll go in peace and everything uh which is going to be kind of questionable because as the spaceship, the George H.W. Was it George W. or George H.W.? I can't remember which one it was. I think they went with George W., but I could be wrong. I don't know. They're both the fucking same asshole, except one of them is still alive. Maybe they named it after George H.W. Bush's dog. It's the George W.

they named after george hw bush's dog it's a george it's the george w yeah so um so yeah after like all of the uh the spaceships like you know work together to to fight back the nazi hordes and everything and uh vivian is is vivian is asking like the the crew chief is just like do you think it hurt do you think he suffered like she's still like her whole thing is to to blow to kill and hurt adler and then she's you know she tells the the president down on earth she's like oh there's something helium three up here and the president like i'm good fuck what's that and the defense minister is just like that would make us energy independent for like a thousand years and she's like yep that's ours it's ours now and we're gonna deal with it and then so it becomes like all of the countries start immediately like brawling all of the uh the the heads of state and then the defense minister like screams like defend that helium-3

and she's like against who's like against everybody yeah so it immediately turns into a brawl on earth and then a space fight in space in which everybody is fighting each other. And then a nuclear war on Earth. The UN devolves into a Taiwanese parliament meeting where they're all jumping over and punching each other in the fucking face. It's awesome. And the ending, it's not the star spangled banner it's a version of the star spangled banner which is just phenomenal i want to go find a version of it which is does your uh uh your stars still uh shine do your rockets still red glare and everything

fucking loved it and and yeah it's it's like like i said like watching it now as somebody in 2019 versus when i first watched it maybe 2015 when i was still like an irony laden dipshit who you know saw politics as like funny rather than serious right like now it's just like oh my god that would actually probably happen like we would immediately go to war for that shit the only thing that's like not real for me for this like the only thing that's not real is like oh look the u.s is a spaceship it didn't take fucking 60 years and 800 billion dollars to be fucking crashed into the sea by general dynamics or something yeah that's a really nice spaceship that they have too it's got artificial gravity and everything in it like that was that was that was something i kind of noticed

like i don't know i don't know what you know future planning was going on in this but like that's a really nice spaceship like our spaceships currently like you see the astronauts up there and there's like always like exposed wiring and shit like because because at any point in time they're like oh i might have to go hotwire this fucking this fucking space station to do something and like their escape thing looked like this do you ever watch futurama their little escape pod looked like the scooty puff jr apparently they didn't remember when fry warned them all that the scooty puff jr sucked yeah so joe how'd you like this movie i don't know i i like i am legitimate i'm i'm legitimate i've

not been this confused about a movie since i watched the movie that the wu-tang clan put out a couple years ago like i don't know if i liked it like it i i don't know what they were trying to do i mean they're obviously trying to satirize a lot of shit but like i don't i my brain hurts honestly i i don't know if i'd watch it again but i'd definitely watch the second one because i'm in so far now i have to know what happens you know there's a lot of bad movies i've seen multiple times but this is only the second time that i've watched this movie because i watched it once and i was like that was great and i never want to watch it again and and now you know i watched it again for this for for this show and again i'm just like okay unless i have like a

specific reason to watch this again five years from now i'm never gonna watch this movie again but the trailer for for uh iron sky 2 certainly does have hitler on a tyrannosaurus rex that he named blondie god so now i have to watch it i'm kind of into that and you know it's uh it starts the the first trailer that i watched was the sarah palin president who's just like watching the nukes the nuclear bombs go off and she's like and she gets on a helicopter and the helicopter flies like the antarctic and she gets into a little shack and just has to climb like hand over feet foot down into the hollow earth and like i don't even know what the plot is but i'm 100 in and i think that movie has been made and i have watched

all of the starship troopers movies so i will certainly watch i will certainly watch another uh fucking iron sky movie um i just it's you know i don't i'm gonna say i don't regret giving them money because they made exactly the movie that i thought they were going to make and it just just because my expectations like i watched and i was like okay i i this is what i expected and you know i this isn't what i wanted but okay i'm with it though i i you had me at hitler t-rex i mean i i have i have to watch it now and yeah i'm not sure if i'm like i'm just so thoroughly entertained by the concept or i i want to retire because two of these movies have been made and nobody has pitched me a movie script for hooligans of kandahar yet like uh hitler t-rex can be made my but but me no no no no no it can't happen um well look, look, they already made Generation Kill.

We don't need another movie about sad veterans being sad. We don't, but my mortgage does, Francis. Well, then you need to go back to Iraq and fucking ride a Tyrannosaurus Rex into battle. You know, one of the other... There's another Kickstarter that I, that I backed. I can't remember what it's called. It ended up failing, sadly.

But it was about a T-Rex that fought during World War II, like on the Allied side. Holy shit. Oh my God. Like I have a postcard still on my refrigerator i think i'll have to pull it off and send you a picture of like it's a t-rex with like a uh uh an m m2 machine gun strapped to its chest like and the whole like all the video was like of it like you know walking across like no man's land with the machine gun like they had trained a tyrannosaurus rex to like just run

it's like this is fucking ridiculous and i love it and the polish trained a bear how to load an artillery so anything's possible seriously i'm probably making that up the bears probably got the uh the strength for that kind of shit so fucking why not i mean a bear could have done my job i'm everybody knows tankers are stupid, so fuck it. But could you fit a bear into a tank, though, is the question. They could barely fit you into a tank. That's true. I don't know.

Small bear? A cub? Maybe. Like a sun bear, maybe? Yeah. Or a panda bear? Red panda. Put one of those smaller ones in there. Red panda.

It'll be adorable and incredibly irresponsible. It's kind of right up the army's alley adorable and irresponsible so it's a so it's an e2 that's right it's like this stupid fucking tweet that i got stolen by a couple people on facebook that i sent out like hey i can't vote or smoke or drink army's LOL, here's a tank. You know, the Army has done worse things. Probably not recently, but certainly

worse things than that. I think one of my buddies was one of the younger... Well, so he said he was one of the younger snipers. He joined at the age of 17. Here's snipers. He joined at the age of 17. And here's the cool thing about joining at the age of 17. When you join up, you have to get your parents' permission. Yes, you do.

At 17. Yeah. So I had to get my parents to sign a permission slip for me to join at the age of 17. My parents, however, would not sign a permission slip for me to play football. That was too dangerous. would not sign a permission slip for me to play football because that was too dangerous so we were uh i was in uh advanced placement uh like literary class in high school because it's like literally the only subject is ever good at and one of the the books i had to read was the motley crew book dirt and oh my god watch the movie dude i i need to and uh but it's so vile

apparently uh i end up reading the book later. But it's so, like, they required a permission slip. I brought that home. And my mom's like, absolutely not. You're not reading that. Fast forward, like, three months. She's like, yeah, you can go be a tank crewman. And signs him down in line.

Dude, that's another, like, I'd be interested. I'll have to do an episode of that with my wife, probably, because she loved that book, because she grew up, like, loving Motley Crue. Mick, what's his name? Mick Mars is played by Ramsey Bolton. Oh, that's going to be weird. Oh, my God, it's so phenomenal.

He's, like, the best person in that, because he's the old man of Motley Crue. So he's he's like the best person in that because he because he's the old man of uh of motley crew so he's just like all you fucking kids jesus fucking christ but he's but he's ramsay bolton and it's phenomenal it would have with like big black hair it would have gone over a lot better for like a lot of women if he went full ramsay bolton just started chopping dicks off like he would have stopped He would have stopped the spread of herpes. You know, one of the best things that Motley Crue ever could have done is flay people on stage. This next album is called The Flayed Man.

Just like a human skeleton with fucking done up 80s hair. well um francis thank you so much for giving me this this experience of a movie that that has been thrust upon my life and thank you for coming on the show infecting you infecting you with this movie in which we will have to watch the second because like i said i have not watched the second movie you'll have to come on to my show and we'll review the second movie that's the deal i don't know if we'll talk about if it's fascist or not i'm sure it will be in some way or not i mean do you think that this movie was fascist um i mean sarah palin was president and being one of the good guys so i don't i don't know what to make of that but not really because they all went to war at the end so and you know it's everybody's fascist in their own way i guess guess, in the end. Yeah, the real fascism is the friends we made along the way.

We made along the way. Exactly. But I have no choice but to watch it, to experience the second movie now. I have to do this to myself. I'm excited. We'll give it a little bit of time, but we'll watch that fucking garbage together. Of course. but we'll watch that fucking garbage together.

Of course. I know obviously everybody knows that you're one of the hosts of Hell of a Way to Die, but go ahead and plug your pluggables for those who are not aware. Oh, yeah. If you're not listening to Hell of a Way to Die, please do. Me and Nate Bethea,

we're two lefty veterans, same with Joe, who talk about politics and military and and whatnot so you know we we all have our you know give your money to Joe or give your money to me either way and come

join us in the discord we have a very popping discord at this point in time so really that's what I want people like give give somebody some money and come into the discord and start you know join and join the Discourse. The Discord is the fucking Thunderdome. But everybody, thank you for donating to the show. You keep us running.

You pay for research materials of which I have way too many books now. You help me feed and clothe Nick. many books now um you help me feed and clothe nick and you help me pay you help me pay for server space and uh updating my office and getting more cardboard cutouts uh so i could uh represent my guests that i have on right now currently you're superman because that's the only one i have just get a whole like wall of fat heads so you can just move the desk and take pictures like which fat head do you want just move the desk and take pictures. Which fat head do you want to be? I want to be Spider-Man today.

I used to have a cardboard cutout of Tom Jane, but my dog ate it. Tom Jane is the Punisher. I'm going to have to replace that. Everybody, thank you so much. We'll see you in the next bonus episode.