Loremen Podcast - Hand of Glory Recipe Minisode

Episode Date: April 28, 2021

Unlike a normal trailer this features all sorts of bits that won't be in the actual thing! Join us at http://www.twitch.tv/loremempod on 29 April at 8pm BST for Livestream fun!

Hey Alistair. Hello James. Hello. Shake Shaft. Thank you. We've got another live tomorrow. Yes we have. Or today if you're listening to this tomorrow. Yes. Or yesterday. Yeah or in the past. Yes. If you listen to it at any point in the future. Unless things go terribly wrong. You just told me that you're going to have the jab. You're going to have just been vaccinated. Yes. By the time we go live. Yes. So you could be in a terrible state with all of the microchips. Yeah. And. I think it's full of chemtrails, isn't it?

I think there's chemtrails in there. Yeah. A couple of bigfoots. Big feet. Big feet. Plural. Yeah. I could be in the throes of some sort of fever dream.

We could see you actually flip out. Yeah. Finally. This could be well worth it. Just finally crack completely. Yes. I'm excited. Yeah. I've been thinking about big feet. They're all big, aren't they? it. Just finally cracked completely. Yes. I'm excited. Yeah.

I've been thinking about big feet. They're all big, aren't they? Yeah, they're to scale. Not just the feet. Like if I were a Bigfoot, I would be annoyed that the foot was getting all the attention. Yeah. You know, my face is up here. Yeah.

Come on. My legs are very long. It's such a weird name. Funny you should bring up feet because we're going to be talking about hands on the live stream. That was a link, wasn't it? That was a great link. Yeah, we're going to be talking hands hands on the live stream that was a link wasn't it that was a great link yeah we're going to be talking hands of glory now now then yeah first of all that sounds like it's related to sport and if it isn't related to sport you're not interested

it's not the hand of god madonna's hand of god madonna maradona's hand of god i'm no sporting expert but i think you may have meant not to say madonna maradona's Hand of God. I'm no sporting expert, but I think you may have meant not to say Madonna. Maradona's Hand of God incident, no. And it's got nothing to do with, I guess, something that you might find near a glory hole. Can we say glory hole on the podcast? We're not responsible for people Googling it. Okay, yeah. But Hand of Glory, it's an item.

And there's one in Whitby Museum. Oh. It's a real thing. If you want to cook along yourselves when we do the show, there's quite a lot of things that you need to make a hand of glory. And we'll go into what they're for on the actual show. But basically, what you're going to need, if you want to make this along at home, like a macabre blue pita.

Yeah, Tracy Island style. What you need is an actual hand. A human hand. A human hand? A human hand. Okay. Cut from a criminal on a gibbet. Okay. You're going to need a bunch of different urines.

You need man, woman, dog, stallion and mare. Okay. Urines. Okay, all right. I mean, the first three seem quite easy to collect. The thing about these recipes is it's never the stuff you have in the cupboards with these online recipes. No.

It's always like liquid smoke. If you're a vegan, every American recipe has liquid smoke and evaporated cane juice. What? Which is sugar, but that's what Americans call it for some reason. What? Like American sugar has like extra sugar added or something, so vegans can't have it. Sugar from eyes. Yeah, like pig sugar, you know?

What is liquid smoke? Liquid smoke is smoky flavouring that makes things taste smoky. Liquid smoke. I know, America is just a land where every flavour is available in shops. Not like in England, where you just eat what you're given. Mmm, we've got orange juice. Yeah. What more do you want?

Don't like bits? Buy a sieve. We're not doing the work for you. This recipe we've got for the Hand of Glory is from a book of magic spells called Le Petit Albert. The Little Albert? The Little Albert. Yeah, don't know why. That also sounds faintly rude. Hand of Glory right in his Little Albert.

Tightly gripping his Petit Albert. Mon Dieu. Yeah, you'll need some strong salt pickles you need horse wee sounds reasonable i think that's going to be quite difficult to collect because i know they wee a lot but have you ever tried to fill a teaspoon from a tap that's on full force yeah yeah yeah i see the the issue there yeah i think you need like a yard of ale to kind of... Yeah, a Wellington boot, perhaps. Oh, yeah, that's better. That's more...

Don't forget that it's full of horse you're in. And don't forget which is which, because you'll need like L for mare, R for stallion or something, because you need both boots, because you need two different types of wee. Plan ahead and have a system. And read the recipe first, because if it's... I've said it

before and i'll say it again if they've used the word meanwhile yep that is there to test you yep it's like that exercise in school where it says read through all the questions and then all the questions tell you to do ludicrous things but then the last one is now you've finished reading through the questions sit quietly with your arms folded and it's a test to see if anybody reads through all the questions before doing the stuff in the questions no one does did they really they didn't really do that did they they did in my school and what were you thinking when you were sat there with your arms folded i was feeling pretty smug i'll tell you that much i'm so annoyed that you've nailed me so thoroughly

that I did read through all the questions. Ah, the horror of being known. You are seen. So, yeah, basically just bring probably the left hand, I think, is meant to be more magical because it's sinister. But it takes a couple of months to fully prep a Hand of Glory, so don't expect to have a working Hand of Glory by the end of the live stream.

You haven't told me what a Hand of Glory does yet. Is that a secret you're withholding for the live stream? As far as I can tell, it's sort of a bit of a burglar's Swiss Army knife. It seems to do quite a lot. If you're into nefarious things oh you can do a few different things with it and i'll go into them on the live stream i can't wait to find out what it does big thanks to icy sedgwick of the fabulous folklore with icy podcast

she gave me some extra pointers on hands of glory amazing stanley k Kubrick film, Hands of Glory. Oh, and a bit of admin. So, we're upping our live game. So, we're going to be doing about a live a month for the next few months and we're going to be having guest podcasts for the other ones. They won't be live. It's too much of a faff.

Zero, zero faff on this podcast. Yeah. We spell faff without the extra F at the end. Not necessary faff on this podcast. Yeah. We spell faff without the extra F at the end. Not necessary. We have a time. Yeah. It's not needed. It's faffy. Superfluous. Pfft. So, if you want to join us for this live stream, go to twitch.tv forward slash lawmen pod

on Thursday the 29th of April. 2021. And we're going a little earlier this time. We're going to start at 8pm British summertime. Bzzzt. Proper British time. Not European time with your siestas and so forth. It's proper English time. Probably cut

that bit out. After all my recent anti-French rants, I feel like the irony is less obvious. Yes. Yes. Someone said we were a bit top gear. I can't see how our podcast could be less top gear. Let's make a Hand of Glory.

Thursday the 29th, 8pm. Twitch.tv forward slash LawmenPod. Yeah. If this Hand of Glory were a car... This Hand of Glory will send a household to sleep in 0-7 seconds. Until you've collected a boot full of urine. I don't know. Okay. The end. The end. The end.