Loremen Podcast - Japan Livestream Minisode

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

This is a biscuit-heavy minisode, in service of our upcoming LIVESTREAM. Join... Us... on the 12th June 2023 (2023) at 8:30pm BST (bst) on youtube.com/loremenpodcast for tales from James Shakeshaft's trip to Japan!  It will be fun!

I better start with a whisper again. Because it's a mini-sode. It's the mini-sode whisper. James, it's a mini-sode. Voice down. Keep a lid on it. Otherwise it turns into a maxi-sode. You know, we did a mini-sode last week with Tales of Your Adventures.

I do recall, yes. And some people rightly pointed out that was actually longer than the original Morton and Marsh episode. Was it? Was it? Yeah, it was longer than the original Morton in Marsh episode. Was it? Was it? Yeah, it was longer than Dame Krezic Spectre. Really? We were really phoning it in back then.

Oh, yeah. But it led to a more Morton in Marsh. And there's definitely enough for a more, more, more Morton in Marsh. W discount, W discount. Is there? There's enough. There's enough to make another Dame Krezik-esque. Another 12 minutes of lore. We haven't even done the pubs.

We could go on a ghostly pub crawl around Morton in Marsh. James, are you being sponsored by Morton in Marsh to keep bringing it up on the podcast? By big Morton in Marsh. Speaking of big shadowy conglomerates. What have you got for us this week? After this little bit of admin, you have got a special treat this week.

We've cracked open the vault, the Law Folk Patreon vault, and we're releasing into the wild a little bit of extra stuff from the other day. Be aware, obviously the podcast is known for being uh you know so tightly edited and uh always sticking to the topic and never meandering never meandering never ever meandering uh it's not like that on the patreon let me tell you oh no no this yeah this is basically a mini-sode all about biscuits.

You'll get to that. But the real reason we've tricked you into listening to this is to, well, Alistair, I've just been abroad. Yes. And you know the sort of people who come back off holiday and they've adopted some of the customs and they try and pretend like they were always like that. I always dip my bread in olive

oil i've always done it i always have olives for breakfast yeah is this why you made me sit down to a tea ceremony james absolutely and i painted your face white yep full geisha gear so in with that in mind let's do a live stream shall we and i'll dazzle you with some very fun japan stories oh yeah yes please they're from one of the areas i visited which is kumamoto and there is a right old character there and i've got some stories about him plus some video field reports i went to go see a volcano which is basically a grumpy mountain um but the top of the nature of mountains slash volcanoes is the top is very high. And if clouds are very low,

you're, you're in the Venn diagram of being both. I think I, I think I see where this is going. James. Yeah. Is the footage that you produce less than spectacular. It's,

it's, if you consider me against a gray background to be less than spectacular. If you consider me against a grey background to be less than spectacular, then yes, very much so. Right, okay. Well, I'm sure people can't wait to see that. Oh, yeah. And the sound quality's terrible.

Because it was windy. Sounds very volcanic. I was inside a windy cloud. Well, if James being stuck in a windy cloud has whet your appetite, then you can see that and hear the accompanying tales on the 12th. The 12th. The 12th. It's an F followed by a TH.

Yes, the 12th of June. 2023. 2023. Monday the 12th of June at 8.30pm. Bust. British Summer Time. Get your GMTs out of here. We ain't doing that.

Forget about it till November. Yeah, and then remember it. Probably an inconvenient moment. Yeah, come and join us. Oh, it's on YouTube, isn't it, really? We should probably mention that. YouTube.com forward slash lawmenpodcast. Going to double check that.

Yeah, YouTube.com forward slash lawmenpodcast. YouTube.com forward slash lawmenpodcast. At 8.30pm, bust. 12th June, 2023. And now, to get a load of this let's crack open the biscuits did you gently though use the little red thing to tear it open otherwise you'll just have to snaffle up those three yeah we're gonna have to eat the top few and then twist the packet that's how they get your big biscuit yeah they got oh a convenient tearing strip merely five biscuits down so what if i

only wanted one? You've got to eat them five from the top segment, and then you've got to eat five down to give you enough purchase to do a twist. One thing you can do is you can take the end that has come off, invert it, and then put it back in as a little ABK life hack there. That's a great little life hack. So it's like a little cap. Yeah.

Little beanie. Yeah. Of course you do need to, you need one biscuits gap to do that, but it works. So that's great. So that's great. So what's this podcast about really?

That's great. It's about a few less biscuits, please. Yeah. Oh no. I mean about a few less biscuits, please. Yeah. Oh, no. I mean, I've got business. Like, I've got a bit of business. Oh, a bit of business.

A bit of classic chef business, I didn't realise. Yes. Let's do your business then. Alistair, how's your week been? It's not been bad, thank you. Yes. Good. Caught out by train strikes.

Yeah, they kept that one under wraps didn't they well i went i checked if the trains were on i went to swindon and they were on and then the instant i arrived in swindon they all vanished and i um i stayed in swindon oh courtesy of the working man thank you i support organized Well, my fortnight has been... I've developed a bit of a custard cream habit. I thought you were using Cockney rhyming slang or something. I don't know what it means. No, no, the biscuit.

Custard cream, the biscuit. Okay, okay. The delicious bicky. I thought you meant the custard cream dream. I don't know. Addicted to dreaming. Yeah. I've always thought you were a custard cream dream. I don't know. Addicted to dreaming. Yeah. I do feel like I am.

I've always thought you were a dreamer, James. I'm not the only one. How many custard creams have you eaten in a week? I'm kind of, I'm doing a packet every other day. That is too many. Especially as every other day is bourbons. The body needs time to recover. And so you've got to switch to bourbons. The body needs time to recover. And so you've got to switch to bourbons.

Yeah. Should we explain what a custard cream is? I suppose we'd better. It's a type of biscuit. I suppose it's like an English Oreo, isn't it? Yes. English Victorian Oreo. Yeah.

But it's all yellow. What, cream? It's cream coloured. Yeah, but yellowing. And I think it's meant to be vanilla flavoured. And there's not much information about it. Like, if you go to its wiki page, it's very light.

Sorry, are you suggesting a cover-up? Of some sorts, yes. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what it is, but I think because they've all got the same pattern. All custard creams have the same pattern. All custard creams have the same pattern. All custard creams. It's like...

Even made by different biscuit manufacturers. Well, Alistair, the reason I go for a custard cream is because when you go for like a supermarket-owned brand version, they're consistent. It's like they're an open-source biscuit. That's a good point because sometimes if you go for a an off-brand ginger nut you can be very mealy it's gonna be mostly nut i guess james are you are you a biscuit truther now i think i am all i'm not sure this isn't even

like bonus patreon material this is an entirely new podcast, I think. I think this is a spin-off. The Biscuit Man. The Biscuit Man. The Biscuit Man cometh, and he sneaks into your tins, and he snaffles up the best biscuits. To be honest, he takes too many custard creams. More custard creams than you were actually offering when you said help yourself.

He doesn't get away that quickly because he's in the custard creams as he goes, leaving a clear trail. He is the biscuit man. By the way, you know the pattern on a custard cream? It's meant to, I think it's meant to represent vines or something, for some

reason. But I think it's the tendrils of the custard cream manufacturer, because I think there's only one and that's why there's one yeah that's why there's such little information out there because they're like we've cornered the market on custard creams we don't want anyone else realizing that it's like an open source recipe whatever they've done maybe they've shaken down the other suppliers. Yep. That's clearly a racket, at least, if not a cartel.

I just want to say to the listener, if anything happens to us now, just spread the word. Yeah. You know why. You'll know why, yeah. We've been not cream crackered so much as cream biscuited. Big biscuit got to us. If we end up dunked. If someone pulls off our rigid outer pieces and laps up our soft fillings, you'll know why.

Yeah. Do you ever make a doubler? What? Sorry, I think I just did the audio version of a spit take there it doesn't work as well on podcasts it's just a disgusting noise

so what are you telling me you okay you twist off one lid off one custard cream

and one lid off another custard cream and then put the two cream sides together put the two cream sides together but what happens to the other one? You've made a horrible... You toss them to your butler. Yes, you have made the anti-cream.

There you are, Jimkin. Thank you very much, sir. I do enjoy, sirs, offcuts. Yeah, you've made the anti-custard cream and you have to eat that. To stay in balance. Like the Muller Fruit Corner, you have to eat the white bit of yoghurt.

It can't be all Fruit Corner. No, it can't be all Corner, can it? Unless they brought out like a fruit octagon. A froctagon. A froctagon that was just fruit. And if that happens, and anything happens to us, and the fruit octagon comes out, then that has slightly muddied the waters.

Yeah. These are the... Who did it? Was it Big Yogurt cornering us? Yeah. Mullerising us. We got mullered. We've been mullered.

Dial M for Muller. What you wouldn't do if you were worried about being murdered by Big Yogurt. Yeah, don't. I you were worried about being murdered by big yoghurt. Yeah, don't. I can't think of what would be the opposite of yoghurt. I don't know. Some sand? I don't want to be found drowned in a small corner of my bath.

Full of blood. Yeah, just that weird, just that corner, though. And I'll just be crumbled in a dusty heap by a big biscuit. Or squished between two biscuits. Yeah. Well, that was... What a was, um, what a week. Yeah. What a week.

What a week. So if anyone knows the inside track on custard cream, leave me a message, you know, I don't know, in some sort of biscuit themed manner, probably write it on a biscuit. Yeah. Email, email. That's what CC and email stands for. Custard cream. Oh, yeah. So just pop. Yeah, email, email. That's what CC in email stands for, custard cream. Oh.

Yeah, so just pop us an email. And I'll reply with just a biscuit that says, nice. Because that biscuit already exists. So it's either biscuit, yeah. Fortunately. Broadly, I posit that custard creams are basically... They're all the same. Yeah, they're masterminded by a criminal cartel.