Loremen Podcast - Loremen S5Ep64 - 2024 Almanac Part 2

Episode Date: January 16, 2025

The yuletide is over, Xmas Pig is a dim memory and it is already time to tear down the Plough Monday decorations. There's just time for a bit of sentimentality. So join the Loreboys as we look back on the 5 (five) best episodes of 2024 (twenty twenty four). What an exciting year we had! A heartfelt thanks goes out to you, the listeners for all the listening you did. We could not do it without you! (Well, we could, but it would be weird and kind of pointless.) Look away now if you don't want to know the results! The featured episodes are: S5Ep17 The Wild Man of Letchworth Hall S5Ep16 The Curse of Naworth Castle with Chris Cantrill S5Ep33 Bamburgh Castle and the Laidly Worm S5Ep37 The High Peak Beast S5Ep30 Hunting the Werewolf of Cannock Chase Join us LIVE in Leicester on the 9th February 2025 (2025): comedy-festival.co.uk/events/loremen-live Join the LoreFolk here... patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 @loremenpod youtube.com/loremenpodcast www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakespeare. And I'm Alistair Beckett King. And this is part two of the 2024 Almanac. It's the Lawmanac part deux. Yes. I'm really trying to make Lawmanac happen.'s the Lormenac part. Yes, I'm really trying to make Lormenac happen. I think you should, actually. Also, James, I know we've been doing the almanac for a few years now,

but is this what an almanac is? I like a compilation of the best bits. Is that what that word means? No, I don't think it is. No, I don't think so. I think it was kind of originally conceived as it was, it was back to the future reference, sure. To Grey's sports. Yeah. Yes.

Almanacs historically told you, well, like, we're like a calendar for the next year telling you when it was a good time to plant seeds, but sports Almanacs, I guess, probably told you about the past because- Just told you about the results. Yeah. So it must've already happened. Yeah. So I guess, yeah, via the medium of back to the future, that. So it must have already happened. Yeah.

So I guess, yeah, via the medium of Back to the Future, that's where we got the name from. Yeah. It's impossible to know which one of us came up with that idea. So I mean, just looking from friend of the show Wikipedia's explanation of contemporary use, it says, currently published almanacs. Enemy of the show Wikipedia. Such as Whitaker's almanac have expanded their scope and content beyond that of their historical counterparts.

Modern almanacs include a comprehensive presentation of statistical and descriptive data covering the entire world. So I think we're a squarely in that area, aren't we? Yeah. The entire world. So I think we're squarely in that area, aren't we? Will Barron Yeah, the entire world. Yeah. The description of the entire world. Lawmen. That's the subtitle. Can I say, James, upfront, I know in the first part of the Lawman Act, I was being quite competitive with you. These are the, with regard to who was getting the most stories in out of you and me and who was sort of winning. I was kind of making it a bit of a competition. And I just had a look at the,

what was it, nine to 11 or something? Yeah, it was 11 to six. And it featured three eights. Yeah, of course. Of course, we all remember it fondly and with some confusion. So it was nine to six. And I just want to say, having looked at the episodes that have made the the top. I want to say five. And yes, I don't think competition is important, really. I think we both make a contribution to this podcast, you know, and even even when you tell the story, I feel like sometimes it's me going,

that really makes a great episode. So I just want to say before we do this, it doesn't matter who wins. Right. OK. Well, actually, I think we're both winners. In fact, I think if the top episode is maybe maybe the top three episodes, if most of the episodes are from you, James, I think if anything, that reflects well upon me. Right. Yeah, that's a good point. I just want to lay my cards on the table and say that's what I think. Just like Jesus on the beach in that poem, you are also there. Yeah, exactly. Yes, exactly. Yeah. When someone was laughing at your jokes, that was me. As the poem famously says. Yeah, the poem is about how Jesus was kind of there as a bit of a third wheel, just kind

of quite redundant, not really contributing much. Well, you say that, but if you, well, I think we come back to this later in the day, but if you look at the previous, you know, the rundown from 11 till six slash nine till six with three eights. Yep. What have we got here? We've got one led by you. Mm hmm.

We've got three led by me and then three, two guests. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize how bad I was doing even in the last one. But you were you were in in at six. Yeah, I was the top one. I think I got overexcited about being the best of that bunch. But who is in at number five? It's me again, James.

Yes. From the 24th of Jan, 2024, series five, episode 17. The Wild Man of Lechworth Hall. That's right. I bought a book off of eBay, Hitchin' Worthies, which I'm looking at right now. A big, massive, hardback book to research this one. There's not a lot of information about this guy out there. Now this guy, he was some sort of kooky, cool vicar kind of boy. Yeah, more of a charismatic cult leader, I think.

He's the sort of person that goes up to the front of the church and flips the pulpit around and just jams with the congregation. An entire pew. He sits on an entire pew backwards. Oh, Reverend Jones. That's my dad's name. Yeah, no, he was a proto hippie radical who absolutely freaked out the squares. Big time.

And rode around indoors in a little car. Yes, yes. Let's have a listen to how he freaked out those church loving squares. This guy James was rich as heck. Very, very rich. I'll give you a little background on how he became to be so wealthy. His maternal grandfather, a farmer named John Williamson, had had a farm at Hell End in Baldock.

Wow. Now, speaking of things one letter different, I went on a school trip to Hill End. Oh, in Baldock? Not in Baldock. No, I think it was in Oxfordshire. Still, not bad. Pretty good, pretty good. Now, Farmer Williamson had a very good harvest one year.

Basically he had an inkling. An inkling that the weather was about to turn, that the rains were about to come. So he travelled the length and breadth, presumably, of Hertfordshire, rounding up a hundred hands to reap all of his corn. That's 50 people. And, okay, 200 hands. Two hundred hands with a lowercase h. And then a great storm destroyed all his neighbors' crops and many of them were ruined. And basically just in that year, he became one of the richest men in the region.

As far as I can tell, he basically bought the neighbouring farms for a song because his neighbours were ruined. Off the proceeds of his intuition, he bought a grand estate in Letchworth, which is now Letchworth Garden City. They say the whole area, there's a city there now. In those days, there wasn't much there. It was a small place between Baldock and Hitchin. But it didn't change him. Wealth did not change him. He still continued to go about looking like a scruff. In the words of Francis Lucas, he was a little man of mean appearance and never dressed well and his breeches were much patched. And in the same way that James, you and I, we're now moderately successful

podcasters, but I don't think, I don't think it's changed us. No, we still patch our breeches one later. I'm still a little man of mean appearance. When he died in the 1830 Farmer Williamson had 43 farms and a million pounds, which is a, which I think in 1830 is a lot of farms and a lot of pounds, yeah, a lot of pounds. His fortune ended up belonging to the Reverend John Arlington. Right. And I'm sure I've mentioned this in the podcast before.

You know how much I like lotto louts, right? Yes. Yes. We all love a lotto lout. They're just flipping the bird to the camera person at any point. Riding on a quad bike, flipping the bird. Doing a demolition derby in the garden. Yeah.

Demolition derby. Because I think if you, if you don't remember me complaining about how much people used to hate lotto louts in previous episodes, or if you don't remember the concept of lotto louts, basically when the national lottery was introduced, working class people started winning it and the papers were very unhappy that they were spending their winnings in a fun way. They weren't buying posh people's stuff, they were just having a nice time. And there's a little bit of the Lotto Lout. He was basically a Lotto Lout who was also an ordained reverend

and someone who had a degree from Oxford, but he started out fairly small in his eccentricities. But he moved into Letchworth Hall, the grand hall that belonged to his grandfather. And he began a lifelong vendetta against the Reverend Samuel Hartop Knapp. Now that's, I hope those peas are popping there. I hope those plosives coming through because this guy has two peas in Hartop and two peas in Knapp. He's a four P man. Hartop Knapp. And he was the rector of Letchworth Church who made it. I think one big mistake what Wait, this is vicar on vicar violence. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely intra-vicar conflict inter-vicar conflict

an Ecclesiastical blood feud. Yeah, don't know what blood feud is. It's probably a real thing I think a blood fluid and when it passes on through your family, which as far as I know didn't happen in this case, which also I think is literally what a vendetta is. So maybe, maybe that wasn't the right word. Oh really? So a Vickers Vendetta? A Vickers Vendetta, very good.

So here was Samuel Hartop Knapp's mistake. When Allington arrived, he said, hi, basically, welcome. And I'm the rector. But you know, if you fancy coming taking some of the services, feel free, you said, hi, basically, welcome. And I'm the rector. But you know, if you fancy coming and taking some of the services, feel free, you know, because you're a reverend as well. Must enjoy it. Freeze frame. I suppose you're wondering how I got into this ridiculous situation. It's because what you did was you invited John Allington to come and take some of the services

in your church. Samuel Hartop Knapp. You fool. You foolish man. Was that his first mistake? That was his first and only mistake. Arlington took that offer quite seriously and began to do all of the Sunday services in the church, as well as all of the weddings and christenings, leaving just the funerals, which nobody likes to Samuel Hartop Knapp. And his sermons were quite unconventional. He basically he began doing erotic sermons, expounding a doctrine of free love.

Direct quote from Reginald Hine there, inspired by, you know, the song of songs from the Bible. I was, yeah. Is it, is it pure song of songs? Or song of Solomon? It's famously the sexiest bit of the Bible. It is ever so sexy. It's like lawmen-late material.

By the Bible's standards, it's very sexy. Yeah. And, um... Here, can I just read out just one bit of the sauciness? Oh, please do. Yes, I can't believe you've got it in your hand. Cover your children and pets' ears. Cover your children with animals.

Proceed, James. Let me kiss him with the kisses of his mouth. Oh, that's saucy. Ooh la la. So you can imagine that Regburn Samuel Hartopnap fally himself as he comes to his own church and hears this sort of filth from the pulpit. I've just read another bit. I've just read another three, one more bit. Let's hear it, Let's hear it. While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance.

Our couch is green. The beams of our house are cedar. Our rafters are pine. Maybe that might just all be euphemistic. So Knapp had no choice. He went over Ellington's head to the bishop and he had Ellington suspended. Oh, for being too blue, doing blue services. You know what these rural gigs are like? They don't like the blue material. I can see why he didn't do the funerals though, it's probably

for the best. It's very hard to make him sexy, that's the problem. You'd think that would be the end of the story, it's not. Ellington basically said, right, fine, I'll go. I'll set up my own church. You know, Bender in Futurama? Yes. His famous line, well, he didn't have blackjack. The sermons he set up were basically like illegal raves with music and dancing. Hine describes it as a Saturnalia. He would take to the pulpit, dress in a full leopard skin. And I've got a picture of it for you there, James, which you might like to describe for the listener.

From a sketch by local artist Samuel Lucas, you can see John Allington there, draped in the skin of a leopard. I'm still Googling sexiest bits of the Bible. Get back over to the picture I sent you. Whoa, what's... Okay, I mean, that's a man in a rug. It's a man in a leopard rug.

A full leopard. It had a tail. It definitely had a tail. And there's something at the front, which is not the tail, but there's like a sort of a bundle of hairs. It has a sort of spore and effect. Mmm. What's that?

He would give his sermons from a pulpit dressed like that in full leopard skin. He would play on the tiddly bump. Oh hello. Was his name for a ramshackle piano. There were music boxes and he rode around before the sermon on his hobby horse, which is not a horse. But if you go to the next picture I've sent you, it was a four-wheeled moving contraption. Oh, that's four wheels. I thought it was just one of them reclined bikes.

It looks a bit like a bicycle, but it's like a four-wheeled bicycle, if you can imagine. It's just Mario Kart in and then dressing as some sort of Bowser, leopard Bowser. You might imagine from this picture that this was an outdoor vehicle. From what we're describing in the list, I might imagine him riding around outdoors. No, this was an indoor vehicle. He would ride that around inside the room before the sermon began. I'm going to read from Reginald Hines' book. Precariously seated on this, propelled by his own feet or pushed behind by his men, he would ride up and down the cleared middle of the hall, whooping, whipping and spurring and cheering wildly as he rebounded from the brick wall at one end and the wooden

screen at the other, if he fell off, which happened every other turn. He would roar with laughter and bow to the congregation before he remounted the machine. Finally, he would trundle it up and down the two ranks of the people, holding out a pound jar of snuff so that all who cared might help themselves to a pinch. If Ellington disliked the look of a person, however, he would snatch the jar away. No snuff for you, I imagine him saying. And this is before church. This is before his version of church, which was very, very unconventional.

He would give powerful sermons. There'd be music. He would disappear from the pulpit, only to reappear from a trap door somewhere else. Nice stagecraft. I like it. Yeah, he's got everything. And the climax of the performance was this. His crimson face would stream with perspiration. And as a final triumphant gesture, at a clinching point in his crowning argument,

he would catch hold of his sandy wig, wave it wildly in the air, and hurl it into the hall. Oh, this sounds like a, he sounds like a rock star of church. Yeah, it's really, it was incredibly popular with the young folk. He would gather all sorts of people together. He gathered together Romani musicians to play with him. None of that book stuff for me. Give me the real wild music. He was reported as saying by, uh, Boswell who went on to add very nice gentlemen

were the squire and I wish there were more of his sort about sorry. What was that person's name again? Uh, wisdom Boswell, just drop a little wisdom Boswell in there. I know I'm so confident about names. Don't even have to stress them. Just a throw away name there. Wisdom Boswell. Oh, Wisdom Boswell.

Well, you've sent me the picture, the sketch of him still in his slippers, riding the hobby horse. I could just see some of the other text and I can see there's someone called his groom, Jimmy Tough. Jimmy Toughnall, presumably Tough Jimmy for short. It was definitely a James King and an Arthur King. I can see what their parents were doing name-wise. They were going for King James, King Arthur.

Very good. Nice. They were. Basically, his servants were his, I don't know, wingmen, sidekicks. He worked very closely with them in his many, many odd schemes. But I know I've been implying that it got pretty hot and heavy. It really did. He was extremely liberal. He was welcome. He was at home to all in the world. And it seems apparently people were welcome to ride their horses right in through the front door

when arriving. As you might imagine. Okay, now this is getting a bit out of hand. How high is the door? You'll be surprised to hear local people were somewhat judgmental. One gentleman farmer said of his Sunday sermons that, All the whores of Hertfordshire were there. But James, you know who else spent his time with sex workers? Angus Deaton, yeah. But also Jesus.

Oh, right, okay. And this guy, and Jesus as well. So that was the wildman, Reverend Wildman to you? Yeah. I don't think he was fully ord Wildman to you. I don't think he was fully ordained was he? I don't think he was officially anything. No. Apart from my controversial fave. That's quite right. So what's in at number four? Oh, this is from a week previous from the 17th of Jan. What a hot fortnight that was. It was. Ouch.'s series five, episode 16, the curse of Narnworth Castle and it's with a deputy- Who is it James?

Enemy of the show, Chris Cantrell. Now I was talking to Chris about this because I think off the back of this episode, I think if I remember correctly, we got a one-star review specifically mentioning Chris as a problem. And then I think James, you and I, I think we made a mistake by telling Chris that. Yeah. And the impression I get is that he's not he's not going to come back on the podcast because that review hurt his feelings. Because he's a sensitive fellow. I know he puts a big front on. I know he acts the big man when he's on the podcast. Oh, big time. What I'm saying is, I can't promise this will work, but I think the only hope we have of getting Chris back on as a deputy is a lot of five-star reviews, specifically mentioning

how much they like Chris. So I'm just putting that out there. And if that happens, great. But if it doesn't happen, you've broken Chris Cantrell's little heart. Yeah, actually, that's right. So just think about that. For the few Chris Cantrell lovers out there. Everyone else take your headphones off, fling them away, fling them into a ditch.

But the three of you who like Chris, keep listening. You know it's going well when someone has a podcast when at three o'clock in the afternoon, American people start listening to it and going, what? What does he mean? What does anyone, what are any of the words that he's saying? In fact, the only last episode we'd had an email which ended with the words, PS, what is a tray bake? The tray bake guy, I went, I thought I'd get one free tray bake. It's not manifested at all.

Really? Really? Because it it's all it's ruined our life in terms of being able to communicate about the podcast. It's it's created a lot of background noise of sort of tray bag hiss. I'm trying over lawmen discourse. I'm not going to go Andy, Andy, who is the proprietor of how to make a tea room. It makes the tray bags. It's not dropped the ball at all, but it's a new year. I've just had a big birthday. I can't be fixated on tray bakes all the time. I need to think about my heart.

How am I right in thinking we've all had a big birthday? Al have you had your big birthday recently? Um, March. It's coming up in March. The big dog. And James, what are you now an old man of the trees now, James? Well, actually I have a little anecdote to illustrate that I'm 43 and a Top of the Pops 2 came on from 1980. And we said to our oldest child, this is music from when we were born.

And he just cracked up laughing and shouted the other one to come in. Come and look at this. He described it as it's for old people who are like this. And the other one went, no, no, no, they're not old people like that. They're old people like this. What was the music? It was like 1980 and it was scar and people dancing with their elbows up kind of stuff. It's honestly one of the bleakest programs I've ever watched.

There can only be about three or four episodes of that show that they can still show surely. Yes. I played my son music from cool like, you know, he's getting into rock music, rap music. And I played him a cool song for when I was little. And he looked at me with tears in his eyes and he was like, dad, how can you think that this is good? And he was, he was talking about, he was talking about lithium by Nirvana. Sorry, Chris, you could have no appreciation of good music.

He's obsessed with the nineties at the minute. He's like, oh, it was always like in the nineties. Yeah. Being cool in the nineties. It is what it was like in the nineties as a matter of fact, young man. I remember bad fashion because all the kids now dress in this nineties era. I remember it not looking good in the nineties. No one in our schools looks like that.

I remember the nineties has been very great, but I think that's because I lived in Bradford in the middle of the nineties. I didn't have loads. I wasn't like a young kid with money about town. And at A.C. Barton point out, I'm not now. So what have you got for us today, Chris? Have you got something for us?

Well, yeah, I've got a couple of things. First off, I've got a tail, but before we did that... T-A-L-E. Yeah, yeah. It's, you know, I grew up next to a chemicals plant in Bradford. We all had them. To like mark my middle age, I've decided to get into hobbies and such. And I've basically been reading a book

about the middle ages. So I thought we're gonna be taking a trip through time today. So I thought rather than me just telling all these facts that I researched here, what if I showed you by taking you on a trip through time? Yes, that's amazing. James, just FYI, this is going to involve

a lot of sound design from your side, but... No. I think that's fine. So I think if we start, so guys, I'd like you... If you just cue it in and then the listener can imagine it in their heads. So I think what we want to do now is like, if we all close our eyes and it closed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Closed. And then what's that? Can you hear that? Oh, Lou, Lou's music's playing. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do And then we're going through time together as a trio. We're going through our eyes still closed and eyes are still closed. We're going through the past. You're not looking at your RGB lit computer anymore. You're going back into time where if you said to somebody a time when,

if you'd have said, I'll turn the electricity on, they would say, what? Do you know what I mean? They wouldn't know what you're talking about. It's a time when the streets were mud and stuff like that. That's why. Hold on. were mud and stuff like that. That's right. Hold on. I've just opened my eyes.

You've both got your eyes open. I've got a little. I had my eyes closed for that entire time and you were just doing radio. I had one eye open. Dope. It always sleeps with one eye open, doesn't it? So now we're in a medieval tavern. So if James, at this point, if you could get like, there's a pig pen probably in

the pub, get some noises, some pigs going on. There's like some people, some brigands playing cards. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's an ace of hearts. Like that. Just put that in. And now this is actually us in, I'm the landlord. We're at the pub. This is a tavern. Welcome to the suckling bull. Welcome. Don't they speak where you're from? Strange clothes you're wearing.

Thanks. They're from the nineties. Good morrow. Yeah. Welcome to my establishment. It is a find place. Yeah, everything. Oh, you look too good by candlelight, which is the only light we know.

Thank you for mentioning that. Artificial light. We do have the sun. We have the sun. Oh, what are you looking at over there? Big one, big giant one. Are you looking at the lichen? No, hello.

You didn't just do your normal voice, your normal giant voice. Are you looking at the... You're not any bigger than normal, James. You have your just do your normal voice, your normal giant voice. Um, are you looking at, are you looking at the- You're not any bigger than normal James, you have your normal amount of giants. Are you looking at the lichen? Oh yeah, it's a lot more colorful to outsiders who traveled for the long distant future because there's many different types of lichen that will probably die out when mass industrialization takes over. That's interesting,

isn't it? Oh, excuse me, lovely lady. Is that me? Is that me? Is that Alice? Oh, it's just your delicate cheekbones and the sleeves you're wearing. Although they're all the long, long sleeves and pointy, pointy shoes that all the raging Europe, but over here, it's still a bit sort of nonsensical that we'd say. What would you both like to drink? Will there be any ales or meads that one grout gets me? Yeah, half a mead and two pints. And Al, just bear in mind, this is a long, long way before just having half a little thimble of ver mouf once a year on New Year's Eve has been invented. So you'll have to have a pint.

Do I have to have beer? Cause I normally have water. You can have ladies mate. You can't drink the water. If you want to die of dysentery. Okay. I'll have a small, small beer. Session ale. That's fine. Like, um. What is it? He'll have a small, small beer. Yeah. The tiniest available beer.

So now do the sound design and the psh psh pouring the drinks. No, no, no, put it in digit, put it in digitally and probably have a jester in the background at this point. Good, good, good, good, good. Welcome. It's delicious. Now you two. Oh, it turns out your money, you don Welcome. It's delicious. Now you two.

Oh, it turns out your money, you don't have any money. So now you have to work in the pub. So, James, the big one, you could probably work back, back in the barn in a small holding, helping the bullock into the heifer. Classic pub stuff. And Al, we would probably have to sell you to a fiddly Franciscan abbot or something. All right, yeah. That sounds fairly name of the rose.

I can live with that. Now, before we do that, take a seat around this table. That's my wife. Don't look at her. She's got a lot going on. It's locking time and it's time for me to tell you a tale. And this is the tale of the very cold boy. Oh, all right. Is it a cold lad?

Is he, is it spelt C-A-U-L-D? Yeah, that, that era of cold ghost lad, very cold. Oh, was he killed by his uncle? Yes, he was killed by his uncle. Oh, I think we're in big trouble here. Is it the cold lad of Hilton? Have you heard of the Radio 4 presenter and he's also got a TV show Danny Robbins? No, well, I shouldn't say not.

Yeah, I have. I'm his biggest fan. Oh, I know Danny Robbins. He's already come up. He's done a cold. He's done the cold. We've done the cold lad. Danny Robbins, the host of sorry. Inky uncanny. Yeah. Yeah. The big radio for he's got a big radio for series that he successfully turned into a TV series. Well, I mean, that's good for such a thing. That's good for two, but you know, you make it. Yeah.

Well, good for him. So he's stolen my idea as well. How about this? I've got a backup. I've got a backup. I've got a backup story. I don't listen to this. I've got, I've got a backup, I've got a backup, I've got a backup story. I don't listen to this. I've got, I've got a backup story.

I do, I do, I do. All the time. Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris. What a rascal. If only he ever listened to this podcast, then he would have known. He simply would have known. For any Chris Cantrell fans, I do actually- For the Cantrell heads. Yeah, you do another podcast with Chris, don't you? I do. It's called Rural Concerns. For the Christophiles.

Oh, Christophiles is a good name. I'm not sure about that. Yeah, it's called Rural Concerns. It's available on the internet and everywhere you get podcasts. called Rural Concerns, it's available on the internet and everywhere you get podcasts. Thinking about that star thing, he does do a call to action at the end where he asks for people to give us five star reviews and he does give out a distinct and bespoke threat every episode for anyone who doesn't give us the full five star reviews, which now I'm starting to see a pattern here. Yeah. Yeah.

It's quite manipulative really. I didn't see it before. Oh yeah. Do you do any other podcasts Alistair? I do. As I mentioned last week, I now do a podcast with Eleanor Morton called Eleanor and Alistair read, where we revisit childhood classic books and decide if they are worthy of cancellation by the woke mafia, which is me and Eleanor, the ginger mafia.

I did not realize you were the woke mafia, the redheaded branch. Yeah. The redheaded league we call ourselves. Oh, nice. Possible reference. Should have called the podcast that really. Right. You're down on a piece of paper and send it to yourself. I'm reference. Should have called the podcast that really. Right. You're down on a piece of paper and send it to yourself.

I'm doing that right now. We'll print out this episode. But next up, Alistair, it's from the 22nd of May. This is number three, by the way. We're in the top three now. Oh, already into the top three. It is Bamberg Castle and the Laidley Worm. I'm sure you know it's pronounced Bambera and you've just pronounced it Bambara to upset

me. I just listened to the episode and I had actually forgot that. It's spelt Bambara. So I can see that I could tell that you were reading that. But it's pronounced Bambara like Edinburgh. It's Bambara Castle and the Laidley, which means loathsome worm. Featuring your friend and mine, Queen Bebe. Oh yeah, Bebe. There's a few little bits from this one because there's a few choice moments

that people in the Discord, in fact, the law folk who voted for these, we should have mentioned that earlier. Yeah, this isn't random. This is democracy manifest. Yes, exactly. Get your hand off James's Laidley worm. This isn't this isn't random. This is democracy. Manifest. Exactly. It's your hand off. James is lately worm. Yes. I see. I see, you know, you're judo well.

This is very good impression. Thanks. Yeah, this is a succulent Chinese meal of a top 11 slash nine. Yeah. But this is the top five part of the Raw Men episodes from 2024. 2024. There was in the Discord, people picked out a few choice moments from Bambara and the Lately Worm. And we're going to hear them now featuring, of course,

Bebe and a reference, a very timely reference from the 22nd of May 2024 to June 2. June electric, June blue. Now you may not know what Laidley means, you might not know what a huff is. No. Don't worry James, it's coming. I can guess what a worm, well I know what a worm is. You know what a worm is.

Spindly? Was it spindly huff? Spindlestone. Spindleston. Spindleston, yeah you might not know what worm is. You know what a worm is. Spindly? Was it spindly? Spindle stone. Spindle stone. Spindle stone. Yeah, you might not know what that is. It could be spindle stone, but I think it's spindle stone. Spindle stone. It is a thin stone. So yes, you're way ahead of the game. Like a spindle. You now, James, are going to be moving from your pre-huff to your post-huff era. Oh, wow. During which you know what a kuf is. Am I like the baby bear of knowing what kuf is? No, am I the mummy bear? I'm the daddy bear of knowing what kuf is?

By the end of this, you're going to have the perfect amount of knowledge of what it is, which is that you'll know. The mummy bear knows too much. Isn't it the truth? Let me take you to Bambra Castle in Northumberland, which I think is a really underrated castle. Have you ever seen it, James? No, I've heard of Bambra Castle though, I reckon. Well, I'm about to paint a word picture, but I actually think if you can, you should Google a picture of it just so you can see it, because it's a good old castle. A lot of your Northern and your Scottish castles are a bit like a breeze block stood on their

end. Kind of a bit, you know, a bit sort of dumpus. But Bambra Castle is really terrific. This is the sound of a man seeing Bambra Castle for the first time. Oh, it's on a beach. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It's got a beachy plane and then it rises up from the plane on a massive volcanic rock. Obviously, it's been built and rebuilt many times over the years. But I'm going to start with a bit of history for you, but I swear later on there will be a dragon. Oh, thank goodness. Is that fair? Is that right?

So if you all your facts, you can have a little bit of spooky later. That's a good deal. Right. Okay, good. In his memoir of James Radcliffe, The Earl of Derwent Water, William Sidney Gibson described Bambra Castle thusly. The fortress of Bambra is situated towards the northeastern extremity of the Northumbrian coast and its broad towers and massive ramparts which seem to defy the hand of time and the wings of the tempest crown a lofty... sorry, I'm sure that should the wings of the tempest crown aloft it sorry i'm sure

that should be winds of the tempest but it says wings yeah i guess because it's the hands of time winds of a tempest the wings of a tempest winds makes way more sense well i'm not correcting it now because i want to register my my confusion there i'm putting a little sick in brackets to suggest that i think that's a typo as i I'm sure you in the listener remember, the massive ramparts seem to defy the hands of time and the wings and or winds of the tempest and also they crown a lofty mass of basaltic rock which rises precipitously from the wild but comparatively level shore. And look in isolated grandeur over the wide and restless waters of the northern sea. To the Romans this picturesque eminence must have seemed the appointed site for a temple of the winds. Not wings, you'll notice, but winds. And Bambra Castle is said to have originated

in one of the castella built by Agricola on his third campaign. But in later time, yet 1300 years ago, it became the citadel of a Saxon monarch, and in the very dawn of Christianity in Northumberland was dignified as the pharaohs, from which the light of the gospel, cherished by a regal convert, first irradiated her dark valleys and uncultivated hills. Then, as now, the ruled imperious waves were surging continually at its rocky base. But in that mighty wall of volcanic masonry, nature upraised an enduring barrier to their power

and decreed that the proud billows should be forever stayed at the foot of St. Oswald's Adamantine throne. What's that? Isn't that what Wolverine's made out of? Yes, it is, I think. Yes, he's made of adamantium. That's the same what Wolverine's made out of? Yes, it is, I think. Yes, he's made of adamantium. That's the same thing. It's made of that metal, that special metal that goes shhink. And I thought it was a made-up metal. All I'll say, having read that through a few times, is if I were the Earl of Derwent water,

I would be a bit annoyed about how little I appear in my own memoir. Isn't this meant to be a biography of me? Sounds like you're a bit more interested in this rock actually. Yeah, someone likes the precipitous rocks. It's a lovely description. It's not entirely accurate, I think. The rock is volcanic dolorite, not basalt. I'm not a geologist, James. I think they're different. If they aren't, sick. Just put a little sick there so everyone knows that I made a mistake. The Bamber research project, which is a long-running archaeological dig at the site, they say that

it was occupied. Sounds like you've had an archaeological dig there. Do you think I'm having a go at the... You said, I think you got the type of rock wrong there, mate. I think the Bamba Research Project sounds like a prog rocker group, but they're not. I've met at least one of them and he was an archaeologist. They say on their blog, It was occupied as a fortress from prehistoric times, as our earliest radiocarbon date suggests

construction activity and occupation from the Late Bronze Age, 10th century BC. And just to, I think, to illustrate why you're doing the accents, because most of your and I exposure to archaeologists is from time team. It is from time team. There was one guy with really good mutton. I think I knew someone who was related to this one. Of course you know someone who's related. You're probably related to him. Look at him. Giant hulking archaeologist of a man. Of course you are related to him. We weren't having an archaeological dig is what I'm saying. We were representing a real person. Yep. That's just a bad impression of a real person.

So Bamber is a pretty big deal. And the place is named after Queen Bebba. Yeah, Bebba. Oh yeah. Queen Bebba. B-E-B-B-A. Bebba. And there's a lot of names coming up, so brace yourself. But I have to do this in order that we can get to Queen Bebba. So, the original castle there is supposed to have been built by King Ida, the 6th century King of Banesia. And according to Historia Bretonum, his grandson was, sorry the names here are so hard, his grandson was Eid Fered Flesors, also known as Ethelfrith the Twister.

Aka Alan Kaplunk, as I like to think of it. That third one wasn't real, but Ethelfrith the Twister was an Ethelfrith, what we now call Bambra, to his wife, Bebba, Queen Bebba. And it became a Bebbanburg. You're in Bebba's town now, Bebba. This is Bebba's town. You're in Bebbanburg. Forget it, Bebba.

It's Bebba town. It's Bebbitown. It's Bebbitown. In fact, of course, it wasn't called Bebbenburg before that. It was the fort town of Dinnguardie, which I can't not pronounce. Well, I was about to say, I want to pronounce that to the tune of Regvardie, but then it occurred to me that nobody who doesn't live in the northeast of England will know what the tune of Reg Vardy is. No! What's the tune of Reg Vardy? It's a car dealership in the northeast. I don't think it even is anymore, I googled it and I don't think it exists anymore. But if you're my age and you're from the northeast,

you know it's Reg Vardy, Din Qua Di. Now that's not doing anything for you, James, but the people in County Durham are going to be like, oh yeah, they're going to be lighting lighters and doing that sort of clicking their fingers and stuff. Hmm. He's really nailed that Reg Vardy jingle noise. Just so you know, it's been taken over by his son, Peter Vardy, which annoyingly doesn't scan. No, that's got two syllables. Pete Vardy was right there.

Pete Vardy. What are you thinking, Peter? doubles, Pete Vardy was right there. Pete Vardy. What are you thinking, Peter? I've really, I've staked quite a lot of my self-esteem on the final category here. I think I'm going to win you round. My final category, James, is it's Dune from Frank Herbert's Dune. I've not seen Dune 2.

I haven't seen Dune 2 either. You don't need to. It's Dune from Frank Herbert's Dune. It has weirding. Do you remember? The witch did a weirding way, just like they do the weirding way in Dune. Is that the silly walk or is that the voice? It's not the silly walk.

Yeah, you're making it sound more Python-esque than it is that the voice? No, it's not. It's not the silly walk. Yeah. You're making it sound more Python-esque than it is in the movie. It's not like John Cleese going across the dunes. It's the, it's the, yeah, it's the, it's the magic way of the Bene Gesserit priestesses slash witches. So it's got weirding, James. It's got psychic connections between family members.

Yes. It's got names that are hard to pronounce. Yes. It's got psychic connections between family members. Yeah. It's got names that are hard to pronounce. Yes. It's got worms. It's got worms. It's got a monarch who becomes a worm, which I think happens in one of the books, but not in the film. Yeah, probably that happens in a later book.

It's got a faint tang of incest about it. Yeah, the kissy bit, the kissy bit. And, and of course, the milk must flow. Right. That's the best I can do. She wanted a lot of milk. There's not really any spice. I think that's where this falls down. But no, I think I'd go with that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's June from Frank Herbert's June.

I think it is June from Frank Herbert's June. Oh, thank goodness. So I'm going to go with a, I think it's got to be a five. Even the spice thing didn't knock a point off. Even the phrase, the milk must flow. Yes. Even that didn't knock a point off. Wow. Okay. All right. Great. Not good. That's better than I was expecting. There's a little sand because it's on a beach. Yeah. And that toad spitting in people's faces seems like something that would happen in June.

The Baron spits poison in the face of the Duke, rather, spits poison in the face of the Baron. Spoilers for the first film and the book. I think in part it does, I don't want to take anything away from it, but it does, it helps that I don't really remember what happened in June and you're telling me all the things that happened in June that are the same as what happened in that story. So, so fine. It's exactly the same as that story. So that was the top three.

That was one of your stories there, Alistair, as the eagle-eared listeners will have no doubt heard. Yeah, yes. And it's the last ABK story. It's the last one in the countdown. So if you're an ABK head and you hate James and Chris, stop listening now. And stop listening, have stopped listening earlier as well. Have stopped listening immediately back in 2017 when we started. This is the second place.

And this was actually, I think this was one of my, I think this was, was my favorite, but the people spoke and they voted this second. This is from the 19th of June. It's series five, episode 37, the high peak beast. And the name perhaps undersells how good a beast it is. I have to be honest. I agree with you. I think this is a completely unique story.

You can't qualify uniqueness, says the listener. Quiet, you pedants, I say. It is the most unique, the unique-est and most unique beast we've ever had on the podcast. Definitely. I was instantly delighted and enchanted when you revealed the nature of the beast. I mean, that comes towards the end of this clip, but the start of the clip features a reference to my tight five minutes of dad jokes, which I'm going to, I've just replaying that to make, make listeners listen to that again.

That is the vegetables before they get the pudding of the reveal. Nice. Of the beast. Have a listen. Oh, speaking of dad jokes though, while we're here, I just want to send you this sign that I had to take a picture of because I knew it would come in useful. It's the sign for Haddenham carpets, which is a carpet shop in a local village near me. And it's one of them signs where they've got their own log line and it's flooring specialists since 1975.

I saw that sign and I said to myself, I know we've had enough of experts, but this seems like it's taken it too far. So what you've done there, James, if I can just break that down for the list. Yeah, please do. Um, is rather than flooring the noun, you're, you're imagining flooring the verb for, you know, like punching. As in to deck. Or yeah, to deck, to floor, to flatten.

You would wonder if they do have an outside, like wooden flooring shop, which is, which talks about decking specialists. Yes, perhaps since 2003. Because that's the same, that's the same joke, but with different words. Essentially the same joke, yeah. different words. Essentially the same joke. Yeah. But again, Alistair, I'm not here to do a bunch of dad jokes. My dad, my tight five dad minutes.

I want to tell you about more mysteries, more mysteries by Steve Cliff. And I want to tell you about the lights over Long Dendale. That's a place name. Wow. Long Dendale. Long Dendale. Long Dendale.'s a place name. Wow. Longden Dale. Longden Dale. Longden Dale. Longden Dale.

I did actually speak to my mother-in-law for pronunciations for this. Oh wow. Wow. That's more than we normally do. Yep. Longden Dale. There we go. So now we're paying out royalties forever. Thanks, James.

Brilliant. Because she grew up in the peak district. And so she knows all these places. She knows your gloss ups, which has a really good bookshop that I went into recently, by the way, she knows you had fields where the league of gentlemen was filmed. Oh, she knows your tint whistle. Okay. Seems to be a town that defines itself by why it isn't.

It's not a whistle, very good. A trick to that, I do have more. You do have more dad jokes. Five minutes. Okay. This is the area of the new mills, which is a town where, and I'm queuing you up here, Alistair, for what

I anticipate to be an extra ordinary anecdote slash astronomical observation. The Swizzle, that's New Mills is the location of the Swizzle Sweet Factory. Okay. Thank you, James. Strapping. Oh yeah. Quick question for you. Actually, this question can go to the listener as well. Unless you happen to be near them on a bus while they're listening. Could happen. Presumably out loud like a ruffian.

James, who invented Palmer Violets? Swizzles. Okay, that is kind of irritating to me, but that is the correct answer. Okay. And I venture to say that some people listening to this podcast might have gone, huh? It's not swizzles. Palmer Violets were invented by Michael Faraday.

What? Yeah, the well-known, the inventor of the Faraday cage. The cage fighter. The scientist. He wasn't a cage fighter, but if he was, he would have been brilliant at it. Michael Faraday? Someone was talking about Michael Faraday and I thought, all right, I'll be helpful here. I'll be a good conversationalist. I'll chip in my Michael Faraday fact, which is Michael Faraday

invented Palmer Violet. I thought before I do that, I'll just check. Did you play your Michael Faraday Faraday alarm? What would that sound like? I don't know. Just because of the electricity. Faraday fact. Faraday fact. Far-a-fact. Perhaps we should explain what Palmer Violets are because I'm not sure how popular they are internationally, bearing in mind that while I was Googling about this, I discovered that they are millennials' least favorite suite. Yeah, I was going to say they're not popular in this country. And I've seen them.

If, if I had been in a snarky frame of mind, when you'd ask me the question, who invented the palma violet, I would have said, I don't know some grandma, because they famously smell, smell and taste of grandmas. Yes. They have the chalky texture of maybe a love heart, but without the love heart hook. They want to be pink, but they're basically white. Yeah. I think they want to be violet. Well, oh yeah. Yes. They're supposed to be violet, but they're barely violet. And you're right. According to the authoritative website,

Mr. Sim's Old Sweetie Shop, which appears to be based in Hong Kong, looking at the Earl. But anyway, Mr Simms Old Sweety Shop says they're named after the violet flower of palma Italy, which it takes its flavour from. Palma violets were launched in the 1940s by Swizzles, Maslow Company. Although internet rumours claim they were invented by the scientist Michael Faraday. How dare you accuse me of spreading misinformation, Mr. Sims, if that is your real name. This isn't an internet rumor. I've believed my entire life that Michael Faraday invented palmar violets. And I went to speak to... I thought you were going to say, I went to my grave, still thinking that.

I went and asked my lover and confidant. I didn't, didn't cure up in any way. I said, who invented Palmer violets? She said Michael Faraday. I said, yes. That's cause you've brainwashed her. Allister. No, we've never discussed it.

We've never discussed this. And so I'm about to in your sleep, your pharaoh, your pharaoh alarms going off. No, of course, of course she sleeps in a Faraday cage to prevent the penetration of mental energies. So I tried to work out why do we both think that Palmer Violets, why do, why do lots of people think that Palmer Violets were invented by Michael Faraday? And as usual, when you, when you do, I'm going to say investigative journalism, I mean Googling.

It all comes back to Johnny Ball. The BBC Radio 2 broadcaster, Zoe Ball's dad. That's right. Thank you for explaining that for Americans who don't know who Johnny Ball is, but do know who Zoe Ball is. If they know who Fatboy Slim is, Fatboy Slim's former father-in-law. That's such an obscure way of trying to explain who Johnny Ball is. He was a science broadcaster when we were kids who had a sort of mad scientist energy. He was very funny and enthusiastic.

Yeah, a lot of time for him. He staged a number of musicals educating people about science, one of which was called the Michael Faraday All Electric Roadshow, which toured around at least the north of England. Searching on Twitter has brought up a few people who have come a cropper in exactly the same way I did. And I'll protect their identities out of respect for the dead platform that is Twitter. But some of them have realized that the source of this apparent myth is the Michael Faraday All Electric Roadshow, which toured around teaching us about Michael Faraday and what was Volta's first name?

The Italian scientist? I want to say like Eugene, but no way was he called Eugene Volta. That's such a nerd's name. How do you spell Volta? It's like volt with an A. Volta trucks. Alejandro. Alejandro, which is Italian for Eugene.

Alejandro, Giuseppe, Antonio, Anastasio Volta. Now that's an Italian guy's name. That's all the Italian guy's names. He sang a song about animal electricity, which is what he believed in. Because if you wire someone playing him, right, some electrodes up to frogs legs. Oh yeah, yeah. It wasn't, it wasn't really Michael Faraday in the musical and it wasn't really Alejandro Volta, but it would make little frogs legs dance by giving them little jolts of electricity. And I think we were all convinced that we were told that Michael Faraday invented Palmer Violets. But looking back, I think what's most likely is that there is a scene in that play

where they just throw out sweets to the audience. And I think maybe the actor improvised the line, and here's another one of my inventions. And we grabbed a hold of Palmer Violets and thought, ah, a fact for life. Michael Faraday invented Palmer Violins. Of course. Yeah, you don't know your power, theatre and education performers. Terrifying. We didn't get Johnny Ball. Well, to be fair, we didn't get the real Johnny Ball on tour.

No, it wasn't the real. We just got a, yeah. We got a sub ball, yeah. We got an understudy. yeah. We got a sub ball. Yeah. We got an understudy. An under Johnny, if you will. For the sub ball, that's bad. I just wanted to set the record straight and reveal the origins of what I think of as a suburban legend.

That is wicked. That's really good. Thanks very much. You're doing the Lord's work there by clearing up. It also makes you wonder what other sweets were invented by famous Oh yeah. inventors who didn't really specialize in sweets. John Logiebert did push pops maybe.

Anyway, Alistair, thank you for clearing up that confusion. I'm about to generate some. Whoa. It's a one in one out policy on confusion because I want to talk to you about the Devil's Elbow. Oh, now this is a very familiar sounding place name construction. There's the famously the Devil's in Derbyshire. In Pete, yeah, Pete Cavern, AKA the Devil's. A fatifier man going up and down a pole.

Yeah, bottom hole. This is from Tom, Tom Middleton's work. And Thomas Middleton published a book in 1900 called The Legends of Longdondale. He also, he's also the author of The Annals of Hyde and Old Godly. I think Godly is a play. Am I saying Gooly? Can't tell if it's Godly or Gooly from the picture. Oh, it's not going to be old Guli. The Devil's Elbow was created, it's a rock, right?

It was created when a mystery light froze the Devil's arm into a rock. Ooh, a mystery light. There's a lot of mystery lights up on Longdondale. They're called the Longdon Dale lights. They all, a lot of them center around a place called Shining Clough. But again, that's not why I'm here to talk to you about. What I want to tell you about is the 1950s. Oh yeah. Tell me about them.

And the railway man, John Davies lived in a cottage and he needed to get home from Woodhead and he was riding along a bit of the road called the Devil's Elbow above Nell's Pike. So is he on a train or is he in a car? No, he's on a motorbike. Oh. Actually he was riding along Nell's Pike which is a rocky edge above the Devil's Elbow. I'm picturing him as a kind of greaser. Yes. Tear away. Like in that new film that's coming out. Yes, all rebel without of course that old film that came out. Oh, what you rebelling?

What's that rebelling against John? What's that got? That's a little taster of the accent to come. Because we've got a quote here from John Davies. I was on my motorbike on a section of road known as Devil's Elbow. The moon lit everything up as bright as day and as I rounded the corner level with a farm, something sort of told me to stop. A great black wall appeared in front. I couldn't see through it. I had to stop right in front of it. It didn't frighten me but I had a queer sensation.

It was like a massive black slug, sliding across road and up moor. It had a head, just like a whale, and a white eye with a black pupil going round and round. After it disappeared, I got off and had a look, but there was nothing there. There you go. James, that's the best thing I've ever heard. Hey! That's the best thing I've ever heard. What? It's a big black slug. Just appeared in the middle of the road. That's the best thing I've ever heard. That's the best thing I've ever heard.

What is a big black slug? Just appeared in the middle of the road. As an image. With its eyes spinning around. You're kind of Googling around. From the description there, it kind of sounds like Devil's Elbow is a stretch of the road rather than a stone, you know, like a hairpin bend. Yeah, I think so.

From the way he described it, it kind of sounds like a place where the teens would meet up and race. Yeah, he said it was a section at road, didn't he? Section at road, known as Devil's Elbow. Hey, everyone has two elbows. Well, not everyone. Well, not the... But a lot of people have two elbows.

That's a good point. He described this encounter as between Ogden Clough and the track which enters the road above the higher Deepclough farm. I've been over there a thousand times but never seen anything like it. I've heard many stories about ghosts of Roman soldiers being seen on moors. They're supposed to appear at night on the first full moon in spring. I'd believe anything about this valley. It's a weird place at night.

There you go, the words, not my words, Alistair, the words of John Davies. Wow. Now, Alistair, I don't think we made enough of its googly eyes. I've forgotten that it had googly eyes until I heard that. But because they, the eyewitness, pardon the pun, the eyewitness distinctly describes it having large white eyes with a black pupil that went round and round. That is precisely what a googly eye looks like.

But then of course, if you go back and listen to the full episode, you will hear me blow that case wide open with some, there are some mystery carvings that were found, which, well, I mean. Yeah. I've forgotten about that part of it. Yes. Yeah. You spotted, you spotted the beast on a carved stone over a door. Back to it.

There's even more to it because I say the stone with the beast on it, it also features some things that people think are leaves. What, what do that? What does that sort of beast eat people think are leaves. What what do that? What does that sort of beast eat? If not leaves, leaves. So just that's just a few snacks. Yes. On the carving. It's all coming together.

But now, Alastair. Now that we've dealt with the one that we both think was actually the best episode of the year, let's move on to the one that the people think. Yes. It's from on to the the one that the people think. Yes. It's from the first of May. It's series five, episode 30, hunting the werewolf of Canuck Chase. Now, would it be fair to say

that what makes this moment great and in fact, the best and most entertaining thing that happened in the entire year of podcasting was my reaction to your words. I think so. I feel like I am adding something this time. I don't do any work on the Hyperbeast, but I feel like my reaction here is part of what makes this special.

Yeah. So there's a couple of clips. So the first clip is kind of setting the scene to get you into the idea of Kanekchase and what sort of things you might find there. Yeah. Your note says four minutes of dogging. Just to let people know what to expect. Then it's the bit. And yeah, I think if only we recorded more episodes with the camera on, we

could have put this out onto YouTube as Alistair reacts. They would have shut down the rest of the site. They would have converted the good people at YouTube would have converted every other video to be that video. Turning the site into a huge Rick roll, but a pleasurable Rick roll of you reacting to the story that you're going to hear in this clip now. I'm just remembering it. Alistair. Hello there, James. Hello there.

How are you? I'm all right. You look like you've had an experience of some kind. There's a wild look in your eyes. Your hair's a skew. What have you seen, James? Basically, I went werewolf hunting on Saturday night. What?

James. With some bigger boys. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. What have you seen, James? Ah, basically, I went werewolf hunting on Saturday night. What? James! With some bigger boys and girls.

James, they're leading you astray. It was the host of the Quantum Mechanics podcast, Peter and Ben. They took me and a couple of sidekicks. Is that sidekicks or sidekicks? Well, they were sidekicks, sidekicks. Sidekicks, sidekicks, the most useful kind of sidekick. We all went to Canock Chase. Is that a famous place? Do I recognise that name?

Canock Chase, we have mentioned it before and specifically we have mentioned the Canock Chase werewolf before simply as an aside in the Hull werewolf, old stinker. Oh. before simply as an aside in the the whole werewolf old stinker. Oh long long time ago England Britain is quite low on werewolves. Very light on werewolves. We've mentioned that before compared to France. You can't move for werewolves in France. Where is the werewolf?

The werewolf! Oh my god! The human's dog! Ah my leg! My leg? Either way, it's in a bad state. Well, look, I'm all over the shop because the other thing that Cannock Chase, it turns out, is famous for, aside from werewolves,

UFO sightings, and a pig man. You're just sliding a pig man in there under the radar. To be honest, all we know about him is he's the result of an experiment gone wrong. And it really does beg the question, what would have been that experiment going right? It's the man with the head of a pig. What, what did you, what were you expecting? I asked, I ordered the head of a man on the body of a pig. This is the opposite of what I wanted. It's a simple switcheroo.

Yeah, you've got it wrong. They've sent the, what I want to switch a roo. Yeah, you've got it wrong. They've sent the, the, what I want to the other person. And they've sent the pigs head on a band's body to me. It's ridiculous. And you can't get ahold of anyone when you phone, there's no phone number on the website. It's a chat bot. Yeah. It's a chat bot with the head of a pig.

That's the pig man. I, we were there for a werewolf, but the other thing, so if a, if a pig man had approached you, you would, you would have said, sorry, not interested. Not interested in looking for a werewolf, but the other thing. So if a big man had approached you, you would have, you would have said, sorry, not interested, not interested in looking for a werewolf. Look, the other thing that Cannock Chase is famous for, it is a thing that we have alluded to before using the euphemism pay and display, but not the pay bit, I think, you know what I mean? Okay.

I think you might be being too euphemistic. Park and ride. It's a car-based activity. Yes. Popular with grown-ups. With grown-ups. It's called, I mean, cover your kids' ears if you don't want to have to explain something now. It's called dogging. Which is also a euphemism. It's already a euphemism.

There's no way of putting it. There's no dogs involved. There's no way of putting it politely or at all. It defies description and I'm not going to try now. It seems that I, in doing this trip, I proved to myself that I believe in werewolves more than I believe in dogging because I went there to see a werewolf. But literally the very first lay by we pulled into by the German prisoner of war grave, which is where the werewolf is supposed to have been seen, first of all, in the 1960s. There were three or four cars and some men in hoodies standing around. We panicked. We instantly panicked. A lot of us, all of us paranormal investigators panicked in the car. What are we going to do?

Are you paranormal investigators? Excuse me? To be honest, we don't know they very well could have been. We don't know that they weren't. They were parked up next to the German prisoner of Wargrave, the spookiest part of Canock Chase. We did some recording. The, the psychics investigated the graveyard a little bit more than me. I didn't really feel comfortable doing that. I sort of went around the outside, nearly trodding some dog poo. That wouldn't have happened to the psychics.

As we lurked around this location of the werewolf sighting, we could hear them sort of chatting away. I couldn't hear the specifics of what they were saying, but it sounded pretty normal and boring. It sounded like it was just like a few men having a chat. Yeah. I mean, I, I don't imagine the doggers are fascinating individuals conversationally.

They're not going there for a chat. Are they? These guys were, and they were guys. I think, I guess the sort of, the thing that makes dogging so special wasn't happening at that point. Yeah. So you got to pass the time. Similar to werewolf hunting, I suppose.

It is seriously the tip of the iceberg of weird things that happen in Cannock Chase Paranormally. Now there are a lot of UFO sightings there there and having been there, I really, really doubt that those flashing lights and peculiar sounds and basically car noises, I doubt they were UFOs because there were a lot of cars about and flashing lights is very much a feature of the of the other thing that it's famous for around there. So I there is a story that someone was abducted when they came to they had October 27 written on their hand. Well that could be three years from now. So that could be a prediction. But what's going to happen

then? Don't know. Or it could be the 27th of October. I think about it. It was almost a decade ago that this happened. So we've had loads of October 27th since then. Yeah, at least nine, depending on when you listen to this. We went up to a place called Castle Ring, which is the highest point of the chase, which sort of sounds like something Sherlock Holmes might shout, to be honest. So Castle Ring is an old Iron Age encampment on the top of a hill, obviously. And it was very atmospheric up there. We did some filming.

This was the place that we all kind of felt the most calm because there was, the car park was shut basically. So it was, it was quite fine. I thought you meant that like a sort of a spiritual calm descended upon your wall, but you just meant that you couldn't see any guys wearing goodies. Yeah, basically a bit, a big ring, basically. So all we're talking about an earthworks. Yeah.

All that's really left. I about on earthworks. Yeah. All that's really left. I love an earthworks. Great. Kind of like a big unfilled swimming pool, big iron age, unfilled swimming pool. Cause like there's a big bank around, which is a good, you know, few hundred meters across and we were there looking around and then we saw two little. Him pricks of light on the other side of the ring to as we shined our very high powered torches. And then another two and another two and they kind of started bouncing around and leaping.

And it was Diaz. Diaz? Diaz. Yeah. And that was, that was, that was very nice. And you could see like over the, over the area, but it's also the site of some UFO sightings, flybys, and apparently satanic rituals are said to have started there. Yeah. And then the final place we went to was a little sort of car park. They were all car parks. By this point, we'd, we'd, we'd, I honestly, at some point, you know, We'd, we'd, we'd, I honestly, at some point, you know, end up in a dog in car park once. Shame on them. But end up in three car parks. Shame on you, James.

Look somewhere else. Just like, oh, what's in this car park? Oh, no. Again. What? How does this keep happening to us? So at one point we were driving and because we were going on, we were driving down, we were not, we were not taking normal routes to places. And at one point we were driving and we were like, I think, I think this car's following us. And we went like a right and a left and we started going to like quite a suburban street and it was still fun.

As we were like, okay, we'll turn right here. And if, if they follow us down there, they definitely following us. Cause this is just like a random, we turned right. They drove past. Yeah. So we do. Okay. The sigh of relief. I thought you had for a minute. I thought you had a bogey on your tail. So you had a bogey on your six, which is your tail. It is. So we did a three point turn, turn around, came back to the road, round the corner, the car had come back, had very distinctive headlights. Very clearly the same car. They'd gone up, turned around and come back. It was a red Qashqai. Oh, the most intimidating car on the market.

Exactly. But it's got very distinct headlights. Yeah. So we've visited lots of different sites of spookiness and we were, the calmness that the Castle Ring had given us had dissipated. Well, you're being tailed James by a red Kashkai. Kashkai? Kashkai?

Kashkai. Well, I'll be honest, I don't know what type of guy we're talking about here. What's it called? It's called a Kashkai, which is obviously spelled Q-A-I-S-H-Q-A-I. Oh, well, if you'd spelled it, of course I would have known. Kashkai. At one point, we just pulled up in LA by, and we did some recording. We were telling the stories and we were very paranoid about leaving lights on

because there's a whole like etiquette. One person had ruined his search history by finding out what the, what the rules are for dogging and there's, you know, having the lights on, leaving your window half open or fully open, it implies different things. I see. I see. What's the signal for? We're paranormal investigators.

Like Scooby Doo, leave us alone. We're looking very embarrassed. We're just a pair of mysterious teens. And having high- powered torches. We, yeah, we, we read over the stories and we went to the final place, which is where there had been some UFO sightings and a couple in, in the sixties had parked up there and I think they'd for a bit of amorosity, amorosity, amorousness. There is such a theme, such a theme. What is going on in Canning Chase?

And they, how I believe it would have happened, they saw a car slowly go past them up the hill, no driver. And then, and so I've imagined like looking out like an, and there was trees alongside the alleyway and they saw the car, the body come past and then saw the driver's beer and there's no driver for American listeners. That's the hood. Sorry, Americans, the driver area. No driver in there. The backseat.

That's that's if it wasn't a driver, Americans, there's no driver there. Then there's the boot. Please translate. I listed. That's the, that's the trunk. And then behind the boot, there was an alien pushing the car up the hill. It's an alien broken down. I guess so.

So that was it. That was the best bit. The alien was pushing the car. It was pushing the car along. What do you, what? It doesn't know how to drive a car, of course. Wouldn't happen. Just wouldn't happen. You think it would ditch the car and go on foot?

It would hitchhike. They've got massive thumbs, haven't they? Yeah, good point. It would hitchhike. They've got massive thumbs, haven't they? Yeah, good point. It would. Other honorable mentions that didn't quite make... There is the clutching hands of Blakemere Poole, which was flagged in the Discord as having an explanation of why I hate poetry. Yeah, finally, the backstory, the origin story of James as a hater of poetry. You've got to go find that yourself.

Um, there was, uh, obviously we give out category points for the category of naming and one name was mentioned, uh, from the gray hitchhiker. Uh, it was a really great lady. It was, she was a, um, one of the founding mothers of, um, suffragette movement, Edith Splatt. Yes. And then a few other bits, the whole intro to the Sanford Orcas episode, which I think is a very bleak trip you had to Clithero.

I was on tour. I've just blocked all of that out. So I don't remember the bleak walk through Clithero at all, but I must have done it because there's a recording. Yeah. And then, yeah, the very recent Pig Faced Spectre, which was kind of our lead up to the Christmas Pig episodes, which to be honest, you don't really need to listen to them at Christmas Pig. No, you can listen to them at any time of the year, Pig. Oh, and I can't believe I've left it so late during our recording to wish you a very happy Plow Monday.

Happy Plow Monday, James. It is of course Plow Monday today. At the time of recording. Not at the time that this goes out. Yes. Happy Plow Monday to those who celebrate. Anyone who's missed Plow Monday then I'm afraid. Yikes. It's bad news for your barley this year. Did you get any plow shares in your, in your Plow Monday stockings this morning,

James? No, I didn't cause I don't really go in for the whole commercialization of Plow Monday. People have forgotten the real meaning of Plow Monday. Haven't they? It's a bit like that, isn't it? And the plows are coming out earlier and earlier, I think. Of course, if you are listening to this on the day of release, you're probably

in the sweet window where you can get very discounted Plough Monday merch in the shops before they pop it out again in March, ready for next year. But remember to take down your Plough Monday decorations before the end of the week. Yes. Or it's bad luck. Very bad luck. Get all that tinsel off your plows. Thank you very much again, the listeners, for a lovely year.

Thanks to the Lorefolk for supporting us. Cheers, the Lorefolk. And if you want to also become a supporter, you can join us at patreon.com forward slash loremenpod. Thank you very much to Joe, who has done a lot of editing this year. Yeah, thanks, Joe. It's really hard to say. I'm saying that in a really serious tone of voice.

Yeah. Thanks Joe. You're really hard. Was that there? Oh yeah. Thanks to you Alistair. Oh, actually really for lawmaning. For the chuckling along as you said, good stories.

And thanks to you James for all of the best stories of the year, pretty much. Apart from two. Three. Well done. Apart from two. Three. Well done. Three or four. And some of them were guests. No, it's been real a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to another lovely year of it. We've got some wonderful guests lined up, some returning deputies.

Yep. But no Chris Cantrell unless he gets five stars. Unless he gets five. And he hasn't, he hasn't, he hasn't said Unless he gets five. I even gave him a- And he hasn't said that, by the way. I just think that's our only chance of getting him back. I might be dreaming. And do mention in your five star is due to Cantril.

Yeah. Five star review. Pure Cantril star. I don't know, that didn't make any sense. That was gibberish. No, but just write it in anyway. Pure Cantril star. Pure Cantril Star. Pure Cantril Star. And yet you can find us on various socials. There's too many now to

list, but we're on all the nice ones. We're on all of them from evil to less evil. Yes. And you can actually, you can leave comments on individual episodes in Spotify nowadays. That's quite fun. Oh, great. Because you can really, people can really drill down into what bits of accent work they've found annoying for me, amongst other things. But yeah, thanks very much everyone and see you soon for series six.

Are we revealing that now? This is the first time hearing of it. Yeah, thanks very much everyone and see you soon for Series 6. Are we revealing that now? I guess this is the first time hearing of it. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Series 6. Yes. Nice. Anything else we need to mention?

Oh, yes. One thing quick. Get your tickets for Lawman Live at the Leicester Comedy Festival on the 9th of February 2025. 2025. Find them on the internet or probably in a link in the episode description. See ya. Bye. Hello lorefolk, it's Alistair here with the news that my stand-up special, Nevermore,

is now available to watch if you're in the UK on the streaming service ITVX. Or as James calls it, ITV... That was a kiss noise. Which I dunno, take that up with James. The show is neither as saucy nor as crypto-fascist as the presence of the X would suggest. The show should appear on the service soon-ish. Now? Maybe?

I dunno, they don't tell me these things. So please check it out. And hey, stay safe. Before we start, James, you might have noticed that I sound like I'm in Clithero. Yeah, I was going to say there was some sort of click. It was a bit roomy, but you have the rowing bit, Clither. Oh, a bit, bit of echo, bit of Clither. I'm in a hotel room in Clither. Oh, James, I know that you only like to read the starts of words.

I implore you, I implore you not to do that on this occasion. I mean, Clither. Oh, and I was just doing a little folkloric roundup of Clither. Oh, as I went between the train station and the hotel where I now am. It was an extremely short walk. And basically all I found out is that they're putting up a folkloric statue to a mythical dog. But I can't find out where because the magazine Live Ribble Valley, aka Ribble Valley Live,

doesn't have page numbers on it. So I can't work out what I can't find out anything about this dog. I went past a news agents called banana news. What's the latest. So that's unfortunately it was closed. So I couldn't be like, um, come on guys. What's the, what's the news? These are the bananas. What about the spider eggs?

Are they spider eggs all the way through the middle? Are they real spider eggs? There's blackbirds. Can you eat them? Is that safe? There's a butcher's called cowman's butchers, which raises questions. You don't want raised. I mean, the listener probably doesn't know cause I never mentioned it, but I'm a

vegan, but I would say if you go to a butchers, you probably want to be confident that a human, not a cow man is serving you and the human is serving cow. I'm not the other way around. But Alistair, I didn't bring you here to have you tell me about your walk around in Clitheroe. You didn't? A town that I do need to read right to the very last letter.