Loremen Podcast - S3 Ep103: Loremen S3 Ep103 - Dame Creswyke's Spectre, Moreton-in-Marsh

Episode Date: April 7, 2022

Welcome to the Loremen Guesthouse! Join us in the lounge for the bite-sized tale of Dame Creswyke: a restless spirit who has more than outstayed her welcome at one Moreton-in-Marsh hotel. We do hope you enjoy your room. A traybake breakfast is served 7-9, all our ghosts are en suite, and if you require a wake-up call, someone will yell "QUOZ!" Now settle down on that denim pillow... and relax. www.Patreon.com/loremenpod Loreboys nether say die! Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And boy oh boy, Alistair, have I got a dame for you. Oh boy, this dame sounds like she's the real deal. This dame is terrifying. Yes, this is obviously a story set in the Cotswolds.

Of course. I picked up the Cotswold twang in your accent. Thank you. It is the story of Dame Creswick of Morton-in-Marsh. The Dame Creswick of Morton-in-Marsh? A Dame Creswick of Morton-in-Marsh, yes. Oh, yes. Ooh.

General. Very unspecific. Mm-hmm. Let's crack right into it. Let's just crack into it like a sort of Easter egg. Like a mysterious chest full of Easter eggs. I've been playing a lot of zelda recently yeah and if you open chests from the side he just kicks them open it's really fun let's crack it open like you would crack open someone's house before smashing all of their vases oh yeah and they just stand there like this is reasonable he's a cheeky

one that zel. He is. I don't know how he keeps getting away with it. Little Johnny Zelda. And that's not even his real name. Jonathan Zelda is his real name. But today, Alistair, I want to talk to you about a quaint little town called Morton-in-Marsh. Nice name. Yeah.

Is it in a marsh, I assume? It's on a bit of flat ground, so I guess it was once marshy. Ooh. Once bebogged. I like a bog. Have you ever seen the pictures of the bogman? You know, the guys who fell into the bog hundreds of years ago, and they come out and they're all like,

the bogman is incredibly well-preserved. And then you see him and he looks dreadful. Oh, yes. He looks like the worst you've ever seen. Yeah, he does. He looks like a leather satchel with a face on it. Yeah, if that's what he was like when he was alive, and that's well-preserved, then...

Yeah. Is that what people mean when they talk about, like, older, usually Hollywood gents? Like, they're very well-preserved. Yeah. They mean, like, they look like a bog man. Or curled up with a little Iron Age dagger. That's George Clooney.

That's how he sleeps. That's how he maintains his look. Anyway, this Morton in Marsh, it's on the Foss Way, the Roman Foss Way. Ooh. One of the main Roman roads from Roman times, unsurprisingly, or as they called them, roads and times.

I had a little glance at internet reviews of the town and one word that kept coming up was quintessential. It's quintessential? Yeah, which means, as far as I understand, five times essential. The quintessence is the fifth element. Yes.

Isn't it? Are we both talking about the Luc Besson film? Multipass. I don't know. I saw it once at the cinema a very long time ago i'm afraid how dare you initiate a luke besson's fifth element riff without having the meat to back it up by meat you mean chops chops are a type of meat yes yes while i was looking up sort of reviews of the town i also looked up some of the fun things to do in the area one of which is visit the Wellington Aviation Museum, and that is open for four

hours on a Sunday. Sorry, the Wellington Aviation Museum? Yes. Oh, like the Duke of? I would guess so. I've not been, because I've not been in Moreton-in-Marsh for those four hours that it is open. He wasn't that big on flying himself, the Duke of Wellington. But I guess he wanged a welly, and that's why he invented the welly wanging.

Did he invent welly wanging? He must have. Before him, it was just called wanging. Or as he called it, wanging. Now, just a short welly wang from that museum lies the Manor House Hotel and a short welly wang inside the hotel. You should never welly-wang indoors, James.

Yeah. It is room eight, and inside room eight is a four-poster bed. In that bed in the 80s, you've got some very scared guests because that room is the haunt of former dame of the house, Dame Krezik, who was apparently murdered in the grounds. She was either strangled or drowned in a pool at the back. But she really haunts that roommate nowadays. Severely haunts it, does she?

In the 80s, she severely haunted it. I don't know if she does nowadays. Looking on the reviews again on TripAdvisor, the only mention of her is her lack of appearance and that she must have been short because the shower's very low that's a little bit sarcastic yeah it was a bit four four out of five though not bad i hate it in hotels when the showers the trending new showers are fixed overhead yes it's been designed for people with short hair what if i don't have time to wash my hair that's a good point they haven't thought about it.

They haven't. It's outrageous. It is. It's sexism, but that affects me. It's sexism gone mad. Yes. I have to lean back the whole time in the shower. Yeah, you've got to limbo your way in. At my age, James, I can't be limboing into a shower.

But hotels are the only place where you'll get a regular supply of shower cap. I'll be honest with you, the capacity of the standard shower cap is insufficient. You reach and breach it. Yeah, I have to phone down to reception. Bring me an extra large. Bring two shower caps and a soldering iron. Stay where you are. I'll limbo down to reception and get them.

So angry. I'm coming in knees first. Well, maybe you'd see the ghost of the Dame limbo-winging. I don't know. The Manor House Hotel used to be named Krezik House because the Kreziks lived there. And that's where Dame Krezik was, legend has it, moided. By a Brooklyn gangster.

My main resource for this is my absolute favourite Folklore and Mysteries of the Cotswolds by Mark Turner. But he cites a short history of Morton in Marsh by the Reverend W.L. Warne, says that a lady, an unnamed lady, met an unhappy end, and that you could see through the cracks of one of the doors shadows re-enacting this unhappy end. Oh, that's cool. Cracks of one of the doors, shadows reenacting this unhappy end. Oh, that's cool.

And in another book, the privately printed Rambles Among the Cotswold. Can't believe a major publisher didn't pick that one up. The author, Ernest Belcher. Vastly preferable to a sarcastic Belcher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're going to do it, you've got to do it genuinely. He makes reference that the last Crescic did some dreadful deed, and that for over a century there was local fear of the wall, because that was where this Crescic kept a solemn vigil, apparently.

The male one, who's presumably the murderer. Sorry, moiderer. And in this roommate, in the some time ago, a resident woke to see a lady sitting on the end of the bed, combing her long, light-coloured hair. And then she vanished. And the description was similar to an apparition that had been seen near the pool in the garden.

So we're talking about this is the dame. Potentially. The dame. The dame. This is the dame. The dame got moided. Combing her lovely hair. Which presumably she'd need to because she'd been in the shower. Yeah, yeah. And it's fixed in the ceiling. That's the dame. The dame got moided. Combing her lovely hair. Which presumably she'd need to

because she'd been in the shower. Yeah, yeah. And it's fixed in the ceiling. That's the problem there. So a former owner of the hotel, he reckons that the ghost of Dame Krezic is only active in response to changes being made in the hotel.

So that four-poster bed was actually installed in 1980. And that's when some weird stuff started to happen. Towels, Alistair, towels left clean and dry on the towel rail would be found sodden with no reasonable explanation. Wet towels in a hotel? It couldn't happen, James. How can you explain that?

What, just on the floor? Or not in the bath? They'd be in the bath, where they ought to be. You do stay in budget hotels often. I just stayed in quite a nice little guest house. And when I got there, you know the way sometimes they arrange the towels? They fold them into a fun shape, like sort of towel-a-gami. Towel-a-gami?

Yeah, towel-a-gami. I've seen pictures of it. It would be like a swan or something. And I'll show you the picture of this. They've folded it into the shape of a roast chicken. Oh. Yeah. Like you could see the bum hole. Oh. Yeah. Like the bit where the giblets would go in or out. Yes. Yes. I'm a vegan. I've never been that close to a turkey's aperture. Whether rendered in toweling or not. And just a little flannel quail. Really, really weird. Bordering on a threat.

But yeah, it wasn't just the towels that were getting rearranged. The magazines, Alistair. Magazines would be found in odd places, such as under the bed or on top of the wardrobe. Now, these are magazines that the owner had put there for the guests, not the guests leaving their own magazines under the bed. I mean, there are certain magazines that a 1980s gentleman might deliberately conceal. Neath the bed, yes.

Upon a bookcase or neath the bed. No, these would be your country living, your The Dog, or whatever those sort of magazines are called. Yes, The Lady magazine, that's a good one. The Lady. Alistair, it wasn't just towels and magazines getting rearranged. These stakes are rising. On another occasion, a large tapestry fastened by large rings was hung on the wall. Now, a tapestry is like a medieval magazine.

Yeah, it is, yes. Crossed with a towel. You're right, it is. The exact intersection. Of towel and mag. And it was left for a short while, and when the hotel staff returned, it appeared untouched. Though someone took a closer look at the rings and each of the rings had been twisted through 180 degrees on the bar. And it says here,

on awkward feet, no prankster would have had time to perform. I can't picture it. Can you? It sounds like it could be backwards or it could just be very ripply. Yes. I can think of a few different ways that you could do that. Oh yeah, pleated. And every one of them could only be very ripply. Yes. I can think of a few different ways that you could do that. Oh, yeah, pleated. And every one of them could only be done by a ghost.

Yeah, every one of them is classic ghost stuff. Clearly the work of a ghost. Also in the 80s, a guest reported getting tapped on the shoulder. Very, very spooky. Classic 80s haunting, the shoulder tap there. These days. Thanks. It would probably be a tweet.

On the 7th of February, 1972, a night porter had a bunch of keys slapped from their hand when no one was there. Jingle, jingle, jingle. And the porter is absolutely certain that it was an unseen force rather than an accident. Mmm, that's quite spooky. The daughter of an owner said she heard

knocking sound coming from the kitchen, sounding like a heavy object, and the noises stopped as suddenly as they started. Could have been pipes. That's probably pipes. That's pipes. That's pipes. Clearly a case of the pipes.

Son of a porter said that they saw the ghost of the dame sitting silently under a tree. And then he said hello and she vanished she's really keen on the straight up vanish get right out of there well she she did a slightly more flamboyant vanish in 1987 when a couple said they noticed a woman walking ahead of them in old-fashioned clothings and there was something inexplicably odd about her and suddenly she turned left and walked straight through the hotel wall into the area where the dining room is situated at the point where the figure vanished it was a section that clearly used to be a door but it was now bricked up i was about to ask did there used to be a door

there i think they used they think there used to be a door there i love it when ghosts use doors that are no longer there yeah because you would if you could walk through stuff. You're like, there used to be a door here. I think it was better here. So I'm going to go through it. I don't care. So that's about it for the dame. The only other thing is there's a couple of secret passages. How can you throw away a secret passage like that, James? Oh, not one, two. Two?

One to the old parsonage and another one to the church. The 1970 Red Guide to the Cotswolds, written by Ward Loc ward lock mentions the remains of a passage but by the point this book was published in the 90s no remains are now known so those are the many ghosts of dame krezik haunting the manor house hotel those secret passages are so secret they don't seem to exist anymore in a way way, Alistair, you could say they'd turn to dust because they're probably full of mud now. And what is mud if not wet dust? Said it before and I'll say it again.

Mud's just wet dust. You're always saying it. You ready to score me? I would love to score you, yes. I feel like I've stayed in the hotel and now I'm just on the way out signing the guest book with my opinion. Oh yeah, what time is it? What day is it? Are you going to make it in time for the Wellington Aircraft Museum? That's right, it's early Sunday morning. I should be at the Wellington Air Museum in time to get into a Wellington boot and hop about like Mario. A winged Wellington.

I should be winging a Wellington this very Sunday. Wanging a winged welly. Just getting into the welly and shouting Wang me! Wang me sir! You call that wanging? Yes, I'm ready to score. Great. What's the first category? The first category is going to be naming.

Krezik. Krezik. Nice name. It's got a W in it that you don't pronounce. Yes. It should be Krezwake. Krezwake. Fosway.

Not the Fossey way, which is jazz hands. Bob Fossey. That's a reference to the choreographer Bob Fossey. Thank you for explaining that. My blank face wasn't coming across on the podcast. I mean, that's the mime school training. Have you been dropping choreography references all the way through the podcast and I've just been missing them?

Oh, big time. Oh, no. The Reverend Warne, who gives a warning about seeing a ghost. Yeah. What was his first name? W.L. Willie Warne. Willie Louis Warne.

And, of course, the private printer, Ernest Belcher. Oh, yes, I did enjoy Ernie B. But that's it. We don't really have any other names for any other witnesses or owners. There's not loads. I feel like I've woken up in a hotel and I've gone for the continental breakfast and there's not actually a great spread. Yeah, there are some reviews that do mention the breakfast, yeah.

So, a slice of melon, a cup of tea, two out of five. What, even for Morton in Marsh? Morton in Marsh? It's not even in a marsh, James. The name's inaccurate. You want more town in a marsh? Yes, I do. The amount of marsh town is insufficient.

I'll settle for that, and I'll go with supernatural as my next category. Please, Alistair. It's a classic hotel ghost. It ticks all the boxes. If I went to a hotel hoping to see a ghost and I woke up and there was one sitting on the end of my bed combing her hair. Getting themselves to look nice for you. Yes.

Sitting under a tree. Walking through a wall where a door used to be. All the classics. Messing with magazines. No tapestry left unrotated through 180 degrees. I'll be honest, I'm not as impressed by the magazine thing. And the tapestry thing was just confusing. It was.

It was confusing, yes. But a lady walking through a wall. A dame. A dame. A broad walks through a wall. That's a ghost. You got a ghost right there, pal. I think it's a full five out of five.

It's got to be a full five out of five. It's got to be a full five out of five. It's a five out of five for supernatural. Witnessing a recreation of the murder through the cracks of a door. That's really spooky. That's properly like a thing that would happen in a horror film. Chilling. Yeah, this dame is getting me five points. This dame's worth five out of five. Next category, wet.

Wet. Slash moist, if you'll stand for it. Wet slash moist. I'll tolerate the double category, yes. The towels were wet. Towels were wet in a bathroom. Explain that. With your science.

Can't be done. And if she were drowned in a lake. In a pond. Sorry, a pond. In a pool. A pool. A pool. A pool.

Wow. Okay. You're really scaling down the wet there. Because a lake is a lot wetter than a pool. Yes. It was more than a bird bath, but less than a lake. Are you sure she didn't have just, you know, the amount of juice that you get with a contact lens thrown at her, and it just went down the wrong pipe? I don't know.

Or what they blow in lateral flow tests are nowadays. They're scrimping on it. They're scrimping on that liquid. Are you getting less juice in your lateral flow? Oh, there used to be so much in the little pipette, but now... It doesn't even flow anymore. Barely. Used to be four drips.

Now it's down to two. Yes, exactly. We used to have four. It used to be four drips when I were a lad. Yeah, you guys won't remember when it was four drips. Oh, yeah. We thought them days would never end. The kids out in the street flicking lateral flows against the wall.

We didn't have your PlayStation 2s. Or your Nintendo Wii. We still don't have your PlayStation 5s because of supply issues, supply chain issues. Yeah, we've got that. We've got Morton. Where is it? It's in a marsh. Oh? It's in a marsh.

Oh, it's in a marsh. Mm-hmm. What would a marsh be? Moist. Yes. Famously moist form of ground. There's some puddles over here. What are you going to need?

You're going to need your wellingtons. Oh, this is really, really well done. I was sceptical of this category, but you've really thought this through. I really have. I think it's a four out of five. Yes, please. Very good. Well done.

Thank you very much. this through i really have i think it's just four out of five yes please very good well done thank you very much and my final category then is there's nothing like a dame is this another musical reference this is another musical reference i'm not getting it would you like to sing it or say it with a bit more erasmus i think it's from south pacific uh so it's a bunch of sailors singing about oh yeah sailor stuff there is nothing you can name that is anything like a dame. That's not true. Go on. We share 98.4% of our DNA with chimps.

Yep, yep, yep. So a chimp would be quite like a dame. It's 98% like a dame. But I'm not saying you can't tell the difference. And also like a banana. I'm just going to go and work on my stand-up routine about how cats and dogs are largely similar. Both domesticated quadrupeds.

Yeah. Is that song the whole basis of the defence of this category? Yeah, when I did the Bob Fosse reference and it fell on the stony ground. Yeah, I can tell that you were hoping that was going to go over better and I would have some knowledge of... I kind of regretted putting a musical reference as one of my whole categories.

I could try it maybe in a New York accent, sort of rebadge it as a gangster. Oh, yeah. I would enjoy that. There's nothing like a dame. Oh, good. That did work a lot better for me

because I enjoy 1940s gangster films. Because this ghost was very much like a dame. Can I change it to there is something like a dame? Oh, yeah. I.e. this ghost. Or a chimpanzee.

Or, yes, chimpanzee. A Vega category. Yeah. I don't think we've had. There's something like a dame. Something like a dame. Three out of five. The vaguest possible score for the vaguest possible category.

Okay. I mean, I deserve it. Can you live with that? No, I should have gone with the wet slash moist as my finale. That was a master stroke. That was like being caressed. Just getting sprayed with a fine mist. Yes.

Like a dog who was misbehaved. Just like, oh, I don't like it. Oh, it's cold. You'd think they would like it with their noses being so wet. I'm never quite clear on how dogs feel about water. Because when there's a hose going, they're always like, oh, I'm going to kill this water. That's why they hang their tongues out,

and they just get... Try and get the water off their tongue. It's all wet. It's all wet. It's horrible. Dogs hate being wet. We're going to have people writing in saying, actually, my dog really likes the water.

Me, a dog. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. That's a dog writing in. I thought you were doing another musical reference. There's a musical about cats. There could be one about dogs, for all I know. And they are very similar musicals. Oh, but let's talk about the differences

between the musical cats and the musical dogs. Are you telling me Guys and Dolls is one musical and not two separate musicals? We will be revisiting Morton and Marsh. There's not just a Wellington Aviation Museum and one haunted hotel. There's a plethora of haunted hotels. So, Alistair, how can the listeners get even more Lawmen in their lives? Go to patreon.com forward more lawmen in their lives. Go to patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod

and in exchange for some of your money, you can get fresh side episodes. Oh, yes. You can see James' field reports. Before they are finalised. Or they're even edited sometimes. If you like lawmen, give us money for more

men. Mmm. No, that's somewhere between m, give us money for more men. Hmm. No, that's somewhere between mermen and Mormons. Hmm. Exactly between the Salt Sea and Salt Lake City. The more men. Lovely. I stayed in a hotel a little while ago. Hmm.

Where there was dust on the walls. What? Yeah. You're a known dust aficionado. Hmm. I was almost impressed because conventionally, as you know better than anyone, dust is usually found

on horizontal surfaces. Yeah. You've really, really got to try hard to get dust on a wall. To get dust on a vertical surface. But they did it.

Fair play to them. Did you tell them? No. Just leave it. Just leave it. It was thick and furry. Ooh. Arranging the words, get out.

Why would the hotel staff have spelled out those words? Very, very unwelcoming. What a rude wall.