Loremen Podcast - S3 Ep33: Loremen S3 Ep33 - The Chanctonbury Ring

Episode Date: August 13, 2020

This tale has it all; Romans, bikers, buried treasure, UFOs, the devil, a woman, trees. You name it! If anything, Chanctonbury Ring in the South Downs has too much folklore. This ep also features two of Alasdair's 'best' voices and will leave you questioning whether James understands how hills work... Loreboys nether say die! ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod @JamesShakeshaft | @MisterABK

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And I'm James Shakeshaft. And in this episode, I have done an actual field report. Whoa. Yep, I got out there. And did you find stuff? Oh, an unquantifiable

volume of folklore. Wow. I hope nothing bad happened to you. Oh, as you will discover, James, I risked my very life. Life and sum of limbs. Oh, yeah. My one limb. Your one limb. I'm basically a snake, if the listeners can't visualize me. I'm essentially a snake with a hand on the end. And a head at the other end. Yeah. So this is the story of Chantenbury Ring. It's not the story of how you're a snake, oh man. I've got a little oddity for you. Oh, this sounds like this could be a medical situation yeah maybe i should

talk to a doctor first but i just thought as a friend all right well instead of that i'm going to talk to you about chantenbury ring oh yeah quite a different ring to the one you were thinking of i hope it's an enormous earthworks tell me about it all right It's west of Brighton on the South Downs, which is a confusingly named place. The South Downs are hills. Yes. As many people have noted, it's confusing because they go up as much as they go down.

Exactly the same amount. Do they? Where do you start from? Do you start from sea level? But a hill goes up as much as it goes down, doesn't it? It might be on the edge of a cliff. Yeah, but... It might go further down.

It's like in Edinburgh, some of the houses on one side they seem to only have three floors but on the other side they've got six very confusing because edinburgh is like a pyreneesie drawing it was by my favorite rapper mc escher his rhymes like like the lyrics would double back on themselves he'd actually do a rhyme with something that he hadn't even said yet. That said, I've never actually seen an MC engage in any ceremonies to date. Yeah, the ceremonies that they're master of are sort of limited to song-based ones, aren't they? To the singing of a song. I've never seen one do a wedding or a knighthood.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Simics a lot. I'm sorry. So, Chantenbury Ring. It's a prehistoric fort. You might be thinking of something like the Rollwright Stones, which are Ring of Stones. It's not that. It's large earthen ridges in a sort of egg shape with the pointy end facing west and entrances in the east and south. And it's been there for flipping ages. Is it like an atoll, but if you didn't have any sea there and it was all covered in grass? If you imagine a large earthen wall that runs in a sort of ovular shape

at the top of a hill. Right. Okay. So like someone's dropped a rubber ring and it's grown over with grass. Exactly. Like a coit. There's a hollow in the middle.

That's what I'm sort of trying to... That's the important thing, yes. So we're not talking like a motte from a Motten Bailey castle. No. It's like an earthen wall with, as you say, a spooky hollow in the centre. If you wanted to keep your giant egg safe, you'd pop it in that so it didn't roll off the edge of the country. It would be the ideal place.

It would nestle in there so perfectly. And this place, Chantonbury Ring. First of all, the spelling is crazy. It's like the ideal place. It would nestle in there so perfectly. And this place, Chanterbury Ring. First of all, the spelling is crazy. It's like Chan-t-c-t-en-bury. There's a C in there for no reason in the middle of the word. Oh, dear. And it has got fairies, witches, ghosts, bikers. What?

Yeah, it's got everything. It's like aliens. It's got aliens as well. What? I'm not even going to bother doing the aliens. There's so many things. I imagine that it's got that pink sludge from Ghostbusters 2 running underneath it, being slightly unsatisfactory.

The effects are not quite there yet. And I went there. I was envious of you going and doing a field report at the Royal Wright Stone, so I did a socially distanced visit and I walked from Cisbury Ring. What? Oh yeah, there's another one. There's another ancient earthworks fort. I walked from Cisbury Ring

to Chantanbury Ring. Wow. Fell over on the road while doing it. Oh. Yep. Slipped right over. Oh. Banged my hip, bashed my face, got a big old bruise on my face. Have you?

I thought I'd sprained my wrist, but the swelling has gone down and now my hand is just green. Oh. But that might be important for later. Oh, gosh. The reason I'm talking about Chantanbury Ring rather than Cisbury is Cisbury has a bit of folklore attached, but it's not quite... Well, I'll tell you a bit about Cisbury. The Google Questions and Answers service allows people to ask questions about Cisbury Ring as a tourist destination. Someone asks,

I'm hoping to bring a rustic wooden chessboard to set up and have a game outdoors with my friend Quang at lunchtime. Is it too windy to do this, or would conditions allow us to enjoy a game of outdoors chess? And you've got to love the specificity. He named the friend. He's anonymous, but we know the name of the friend. I do feel like you could have just said, I want to play chess with my friend. I don't think we need to know that it's a rustic wooden chessboard

or that the friend's name is Quang. Well, actually, to be honest, I was thinking, when he was asking about whether it'd be too windy to play chess, I was thinking, well, it depends what your pieces are made out of, mate. Good point. Yep. Quangs, mate. Well, that's more useful than Neil Partridge, local guide, who replies,

keep an eye on the weather forecast. You're at the top of a hill near the coast, so it does get breezy. Thanks, Neil. The only other question that I found that seems relevant, and I can't really describe it because there's a word in this question that we can't use on the podcast. But this question is about an activity that adults might get involved in in car parks at night time.

Wheel spins. It's like, just to make sure you understand, it's a sort of, it's less pay and more display, if that makes sense. Someone asks, do they have this thing at night and weekends? And Abby, who has given her full name in reply but i'm not going to say it another local guide replies check the weather

forecast it does get breezy abby replies not that i've seen dot dot dot that's the cabbage patch by goring seafront or whiteways car park oh the cabbage patch. A cabbage patch, yes. Oh. So Sisbury Ring is haunting in its own way. Don't eat the coleslaw. But Chantanbury has got it all. I see this as the straight-to-video sequel to The Roll Right Stones,

where they've just crammed too many ideas in. Okay, yes. The Roll Right Stones know what it's about. It's their stones. Yeah. In this case, we've got the devil. He's involved. Cool. Arthur Beckett, cool name. Any relation?s don't know what it's about. It's their stones. Yeah. In this case, we've got the devil. He's involved. Cool.

Arthur Beckett. Cool name. Any relation? I don't know. Probably not. He doesn't appear to have left Sussex at any point in his life. He might have been down the cabbage patch and they could travel in from quite far. I did check, actually.

He died childless. But based on the way things carry on in Cisbury, that's probably an as-far-as-he-knows situation. In his 1909 book, The Spirit of the Downs, Beckett reports that, if on a moonless night you walk seven times around Chantanbury Ring without stopping, the devil will come out of the wood and hand you a basin of soup. Oh, that's a lot of soup. That's odd, isn't it? Yeah.

It takes a turn. I want you to remember that soup, because that's a lot of soup that's odd isn't it yeah it takes a turn i want you to remember that soup because that's important okay but also um you've noticed that he said come out of the wood because that is the remarkable thing about chantonbury ring it is surrounded by and full of beach trees some say there are 365 trees one for each day of the year some say it's impossible to count the number of those trees some say if you do count the number of those trees. Some say if you do count the number of those trees, Julius Caesar and his armies will arrive, which is the same thing as for your one that was stones.

But it's still spooky, isn't it? Yeah, but I'm thinking with all those trees, there's enough shelter for a chess game. You might regret that because there are more spooky goings-on among the trees. Oh, no. But before we get to that, that's if you go around Chantambeau times without stopping how big is it it takes you about probably about 15 20 minutes to walk around oh and sometimes they say you have to do it while the clock is striking 12 which is that's too far it's pretty big if you can go around just three times a lady on a white horse

will appear i don't know how the ring knows that you're not planning to proceed to a fourth. Yeah, does she sort of show up and go, Oi, if you carry on walking. Oh, am I not good enough for you? Are you looking for the devil? I'm here, but... Someone wants soup. It's not always a lady and a white horse.

Sometimes there is a white-bearded Saxon. Oh. An old, old man, supposedly, who was at the Battle of Hastings. Oh. Even though, don't fight at the Battle of hastings even though don't fight at the battle of hastings old white bearded man that's a young man's game you're gonna be useless no wonder they won and he apparently is looking for buried treasure although that myth is probably transposed

from chanton farm nearby where a horde of anglo-saxon coins was found in 1866 oh i love that they're called hordes. A horde. Yeah. Apparently the white-bearded Saxon was reportedly looking for those prior to their discovery as well. Oh, okay.

So the legend was there. Yeah. So he'd been seen before they discovered the gold. That's neat. Witches. Ah. Witches? It's got loads of witches.

In 1979, a five-pointed altar made of flint was found there. And it is said, by people who should know, that it's been continuously in use throughout history, even before the witchcraft revival of the 20th century. Ooh. So proper old school, not these hipster witches. None of your Etsy witches. Nah. No, proper... The proper robes, no paraphernalia, mystery witches.

It's got a prince. Formerly known as Symbol. The prince's name is Prince Agassocles Syannesis Thackerian, which I think is how you pronounce that symbol that Prince changed his name to. I don't know if it's Agassocles, it could be Argosicles. You can see why I've included this guy in the story. It's a cracking name. Argosicles.

Argosicles. Agassocles Syannesis Thackerian. included this guy in the story it's a cracking name argusicles argusicles argusicles cyanus is the carrion um he was a 17th century astronomer and he camped out there one night and i should tell you that's not advised spending a night in the ring not advised what happens the next morning van dead oh and on his parchment he had written sapele ubi sesidi, bury me where I have fallen. Did they? I don't know, but in the great storm of 1987, I think. I remember it well. I was in the eye of it.

Not the eye, I was where it happened. A lot of the trees were destroyed, and uprooted trees found bones of a man who had died in probably the 13th century, I think. So plenty of people have met their end upon Chantanbury Ring. But one man had a very different attitude towards it, and his name was Charles Goring, a local aristocrat. Wait a minute. Isn't he named after the... The Cabbage Patch.

Yeah. The Goring Cabbage Patch. Is he the Cabbage Patch Kid? Is he Charles Goring, the Cabbage Patch Kid? We can only assume that he was named after the local outdoor sex club no i'm afraid as a local aristocrat it's much more likely that it works the other way around but i'd prefer to imagine it was a cabbage patch kid yeah but his he is the guy that this story is about because prior to charles goring no. No trees on the ring. Right. It was a bare bald cap.

Oh. And Charles Goring in 1760, usually described as a schoolboy, although as far as I can tell, he was either 16 or 20 years old. So now I'm just picturing an adult man, but wearing shorts and maybe a cap. He might have been held back. He might have. And the more you hear about him, the more likely that will sound. Oh.

Charles Goring had one dream. And that was that he wanted to plant beech trees on Chantanbury Ring. He wanted to plant a ring of beech trees around the Great Earthworks. Right. And he went up there as a child or man, dressed as a child. And he planted those beech trees and he watered them every day himself. Or he made servants do it. It's not clear.

He may have watered them every day himself or he made servants do it it's not clear he might he may have watered them every day himself and then after they'd taken root around the ring he tried to plant them across the entire thing so the hollow in the middle he planted a flip load of beach trees how do you what how do you grow a beach tree is it sand do you plant sand yeah i think um adjacent to volleyball helped. Dare to dream. It was shockingly unpopular with everyone. He was the local landowner,

and so he fought off all attempts to stop him from doing it. This guy sounds like Dominic Cummings. He's an adult dressed as a child. He's got one dream that everyone else thinks is a really bad idea. And how many of us can say that at the age of 85 he was able to look back on his life and his life's work of planting some trees on a hill and know that he had achieved it and he wrote a poem which james is not a good poem hey you know what there's a real coincidence here because my story next week features a man planting trees. What? And writing bad poetry.

This is a whole season of horticultural hacks. Not like in the sense of James Shakespeare life hacks, but... Yeah, poetasters. Oh, nice. That's the word for a poet that's not very good. To me, it sounds a bit too much like podcaster. Mm, it does, doesn't it? Poetaster. Let's not check if we have a log in our eyes.

Here is Charles Goring's poem. How oft around thy ring, sweet hill, A boy I used to play, and form my plans To plant thy top on some auspicious day, And then an almost hopeless wish Would creep within my breast. Oh, could I live to see thy top In all its beauty dressed

that time's arrived i've had my wish and lived to 85 i'll thank my god who gave such grace as long as i air live oh doesn't rhyme as long as i air live you can't run that with five charles charles come on chas's awful, isn't it? As long as I alive. What an oddball. Well, it just sounds annoying. It just ruined the view for everyone. Ruined an ancient earthworks.

Yep. And there were a really smug bit of doggerel about it. But the trees have revealed something interesting. There remained a treeless patch in the centre of the ring. It's actually slightly off centre center based on my investigations and trees simply would not take root in that area why do you think that was james um is it is it made of metal no but you're right that there's something underneath oh is it a giant's face no no not as good as that i'm i'm sad that you get something that's better a basin full better. A basin full of soup.

A basin full of soup. Not quite, but there's a connection there. Oh, is it the tank of soup that the devil gets a basin's worth from? It's only a bleeding Roman temple. That's right, son. Stay near where I have the bleeding. I've got a bleeding Roman temple there. Mere inches beneath the surface.

What? Yeah. Where did that come from? Bleeding Roman temple. Whoa. There's not even only one. There's two of them. There's another one.

There's two. One of them, mate, even been excavated, mate. He's also hampered the archaeological investigation of a Roman temple then. Although the trees being blown over has brought up archaeological finds.

So it's sort of, it's ups and downs on the South Down. That's your travelogue. You're listening to Ups and Downs on the South Downs. That's your travelogue. You're listening to Ups and Downs on the Downs. Oh, is it going to be your local radio programme? Phone in with your happy and sad stories.

That would be a terrible idea for a show. Pretty sure that is a show. That is the idea for most shows on local radio. Someone, like a squirrel, has saved a pensioner and somebody else has been overcharged. By a squirrel. The photographs show it's the same squirrel it's clearly it's clearly the same squirrel because we're not all good we're not all bad uh even squirrels shades shades of gray in it shades of gray in it shades of gray

squirrel so this i don't know why the temple is in that voice but it just seems right right that temple right believed to be the site of mithraic ritual oh so it's speculated and i am using that word that the the roman temple may have been a mithraic temple i.e a temple to mithras which was a sort of a cult that rivaled the christianity cult around about the the time that christianity was cropping up in England. Yeah. Christians saw Mithras worshippers as devil worshippers. Oh. And the Mithraic ritual involved, it is said, people walking around the ring and then feasting.

So perhaps the tale of walking around the ring and then being given soup by the devil is in fact a folk memory of the religious Mithraic rituals that were carried out up there. What's Mithras' vibe? It's like Jesus, but more aimed towards like a cool uncle who you watch wrestling with. Oh. Yeah. So like, I think he died and came back to life and did all that other stuff, but like in a bit more of an edgy way.

Oh. Like he's probably got a tattoo. Cool. Yeah. Like a hipster Jesus. It's like Jesus, but if Jesus smoked. Yeah, exactly. Jesus on a motorbike on which subject jesus on a motorbike on the subject of jesus or christ on a bike yeah in 1966 the southern paranormal investigation group decided they needed to bite the bullet

and camp within the ring for for a night the spig the spig boys packed up their kit and they went up there they arrived at 9 30 and set up a fire and ran into a group of bikers who were camping out what yeah bikers are involved uh and they they all camped out together they had a lovely crack on presumably because as we both know paranormal investigators and bikers both have a reputation for being quite hard quite rough and, you know. But there's a mutual respect there, naturally. Yes. At the stroke of midnight, they heard the wailing voice of a woman moving around outside the ring. And the sound of things moving outside the ring appears in lots of stories.

Sometimes there's the sound of horses' hooves beating around the ring. Well, someone walked around it three times, maybe. Could have been. Could have been. Could have been the woman. Could have been the grey woman. According to the website Sussex archaeology and folklore there was a period of quiet until 2 a.m when there was the sound of a church organ and feelings of

intense pressure from people within the group and at 2 30 a.m get this the bikers had had enough and they left what complaining of quote something really This place, it's too much for bikers, James. It's frightened off the bikers. It scared the bikers. But what about the spig? The spig stuck it out. Whoa. Until the morning.

And they left feeling pain right up until they left the next morning. And there are about four accounts, similar accounts of people actually seeing UFOs, moving vessels above it. One account of a man being bodily lifted into the air in front of his friends and then dropped to the ground, injuring his back. Jumping? No, because like for longer. Was it Michael Jordan? Because I don't know if you've seen that documentary on Netflix. What, Space Jam? I genuinely thought that's what you were referring to. I haven't seen this other documentary. Oh, well, fine then.

But my favourite account of Spooky Goings On is a first-hand account which was sent in to someone who writes under the name Obi-Wan at ghosts.org. Oh, ghosts.org?

They've unionised. So this is an anonymous account, but it comes in the form of a narrative email. Are you saying that because he's called Obi-Wan, that is basically, he's anonymous? That's as good as being anonymous? This is my problem with Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yeah?

In the film, there's a bit where there's a message, the princess says, help me. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope. Luke hears that and then he says, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Perhaps she means old Ben Kenobi. I have never been on the run, but if you are you you really need to change your surname all darth vader would have to do is check the electoral register and that's it the game you can't just like if hitler had escaped and gone to south america you can't change your name to alan hitler change your surname

that jeff hitler he keeps himself to himself. Loves animals, very kind to animals. So Obi-Wan is the blogger who runs the blog on ghosts.org. So do you think his real name's Ben? Yeah, he's probably a Ben. This didn't happen to Obi-Wan himself. This happened to somebody who emailed Obi-Wan and remains nameless. C3PO.

Yeah, one of his mates. So this guy describes going for a walk with his dog. A lovely day. Very much like my experience of visiting the ring the other day. Wanted to throw a stick for his dog. Couldn't find one. And so he ventured in amongst the trees to find a stick. Uh-oh.

Big mistake. Yeah. He found a stick, picked it up, got ready to throw it for the dog. But the dog was terrified. Ran away from him, kept running, and he couldn't understand why he was calling his dog. The dog kept running. He tried to follow the dog, and he slipped and fell and rolled down the bank. Wait a minute.

Very much like I slipped and fell without a dog. It's a slippery place. Okay. It gets spookier, James. It's not just gravity. Had he just jumped it's very much the michael jordan of sussex as he rolled down he felt intense pain from tinnitus in his ears and an intense pressure on his head just like the southern paranormal investigation group described whoa when he managed to gather himself together and stand up he heard

a rushing sound from behind, and he turned around, expecting to see his dog running towards him. But instead, he saw nothing except a single tree shaking really violently. Wow! Yeah, that freaked him to flip out, and he ran all the way back down to his car, completely forgetting about his dog, only to find his dog already there,

shivering and vomiting. What a day out! Yeah. Didn't even get to get a chest in. His dog, Quad. His quangler dog. Very obsessed. Should have gone to the cabbage patch. I half expected you to say that he ran down

to find his dog there with the engine running. Get in! Hop in. We're getting out of here. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Was his dog also a Roman temple? His dog was the expert in Roman temples from earlier, yeah. There's something funny going on down there.

Let's get out of here. This place is weird. So there's some notes there that corroborate what the Southern Paranormal Investigation Group experienced. Spig. And in the 1930s, Philip Goss and his book Go To The Country. Philip Goss? Is he the dad of Matt and Luke?

I don't know who that is, sorry. Not seen the documentary about Bross even. Don't say Space Jam. So Dr. Bross wrote a book called Go To The Country. I thought I would end my account of Chantinbury Ring on his description of it. Even on bright summer days, there is an uncanny sense of some unseen presence

which seems to follow you about. If you enter the dark wood, you are conscious of something behind you. When you stop, it stops. When you go on, it follows. It's like that film. What, The Shadow? Yeah, Space Jam.

No, I mean, it follows. He has just described a shadow, though. Spooky, James. Come on, tell me that's not spooky. I mean, I went there and it was fine. It was just quite a lot of manure from the ghost horses. And I did fall over. Did you jump up in the air?

Were you trying to be Michael Jordan again? I'm told I bounced. It's very embarrassing. Yeah. It's very embarrassing to fall over, isn't it? Yeah. I've always assumed it was a tall thing. You're taller than me.

Do you fall over a lot? I'm clumsy. Sometimes I'll just stagger. But I'm quite good at keeping my feet. But I fall and I tend to more just sort of sit on something and then it breaks. Yeah, because physically your body is like, I don't know, what would it be? Three pig carcasses tied together under a head? My father-in-law described me as a two-portion man. That's lovely.

That's a lovely phrase. You'll often find me with a broken chair around me and I'll usually be saying my catchphrase, which is, this world's too small for me. I forget that you live constantly in the third panel of a comic strip from the 1950s. Tall James and his antics. Tall James and the small chairs.

Angry lines coming off your head. This world's too small for me. It also sounds a bit like a supervillain's catchphrase as well, doesn't it? This world's too small for me. I've built my enlarging ray, just mainly for door frames. And the bar on the train next to the door. You just tilt your head into it. I've built my enlarging ray, just mainly for door frames. Yeah. And the bar on the train next to the door. You just tilt your head into it.

That's the sort of height I am. Would you like to sprinkle a few scores? I'm approaching you like a waiter with a large pepper pot. A score, sir? Oh. Ah, yeah. That's enough, thank you. Yep, just put your hand over when you've had enough.

Don't look me in the eyes or talk to me. Will they still be doing that in the age of COVID? I guess it will just be an even bigger pepper pot. Much, much longer, two metre long pepper pot. Okay. My first category for you is names. We've got an errant C in the chant... Yeah.

Chantanbury. Yeah. Yep. We've got Sisbury. We've got my friend Quang. Quang. In the Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant...

Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant...

Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant...

Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant...

Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant...

Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant...

Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Chant... Is he called The? Was there a The in there, or did it just sort of sound like that because of his name? Yeah, he's The-carian. Oh, okay. Is his name Prince, or is he an actual Prince, like Peter Andre's kid? He's an actual Prince, not like Peter Andre's kid.

Charlie Goring? Charlie Goring? Yeah. Chazzy G? Charles Goring? Probably not related to Herman. Good. Goring?

Probably not. Don't check. Probably not related. Don't check. We've got a Mithraic temple. Mithras. I've never heard of Mithras, but I really like the sound of it. We've got Obi-Wan.

Yeah. My very young apprentice. You have much to learn about good online screen names. Obi-Wan is one of them. Now the moderated has become the moderator. If you ban me now, I'll become more powerful than you can ever imagine. Philip Goss, the Brost guy's dad, apparently. Philly G.

A doctor, Philip Goss. Who was the chap with the dog? He's the anonymous correspondent of Obi-Wan. Probably Han Solo. I'll just check. I can find the dog's name. It better be Chewie. If I was that much into Star Wars and I had a dog, I would definitely call it Chewbacca.

The dog's name is bonnie sorry okay i think the prince guy really tips over the line to a four to me yeah he's he's doing a lot of heavy lifting there definitely because he's got most of the letters of the alphabet in his name for a start thank you very much acacly's sienesis the carrion my next category is supernatural very isn't it it is isn't it? It is, isn't it? And surprisingly coherent. Like the first person accounts of spookiness seem to match up with each other, even if the claims about ghosts and devils seem a little bit hack.

Yeah, I like how they're tied into real events, like the Saxon guy who can't fight his horde. Yeah, we got your horde right here, pal. The devil's kitchen. Yeah, devil's soup kitchen. And what about the white lady on the horse or the grey lady on the horse? Well, at least that ties in with the sound of a woman screaming

and the sound of hoofbeats. Those connect, the spectre and the sound. Yeah, the mysterious empty patch of land that is just, it's concrete, mate. It's concrete, can't plant trees on there. All right, it isn't mysterious that the building underground prevents the trees, but the building underground is a mysterious

Roman temple, which the earthworks predate. That means the Romans must have come along and gone, this place is spooky. Let's do a temple. Yeah. What I don't understand is how it ended up being underground, because you would have built the temple above ground, wouldn't you? Yes. So does that mean all the ground has... Everything is somehow going underground.

Is someone looking into that? Because it always worries me. Where's the ground coming from? Yeah, where is the new ground coming from? Where is it coming from? So what's the score for Supernatural? Oh, five. Yay!

Next category. That boy ain't right. That boy ain't right. And this is said by the Roman temple. dog i think in that case that's how the dog talks but it's the dog's opinion of charles goring this 20 year old school boy with his obsession with planting trees on a prehistoric ring it's odd it's a weird thing to want yeah dream a bit higher mate he was obsessed with a pointless vanity project yeah and it's a bizarre thing for a kid to be interested in.

Unless he's an adult dressed as a kid. Unless he is an adult dressed as a kid, which is still strange. Then, if anything, it's good that he's got other hobbies. I would have been a nightmare, this kid. Just constantly trying to plant trees on stuff. Just leave it, slapping seeds out of his hands every five minutes. It'd be awful. It'd be like a little local gangster just walking around public areas going,

Oh, nice park. Shame if someone were to plant beech trees all over it. It'd be awful. It'd be like a little local gangster just walking around public areas going, oh, nice park. Shame if someone were to plant beach trees all over it. Yeah, nice park. Shame if it had a copse in the middle of it. Whoops. Where's he going with them acorns? Oh, dear. Accidentally walked there every day and watered it.

Yeah. Or had a servant do that. Or like in Great Escape and he shakes his leg, but it's acorns instead of dirt beach tree james it was only interesting beach trees oh so it's beach nuts yeah although i think quite a lot of them aren't beach trees these days post storm oh it has lost some of its grandeur someone else been up there replacing them yeah people have replanted the trees but it wasn't it was a why are they doing that i don don't know. It should have been like,

take that, you little weirdo. Nature strikes back. Also, five doesn't rhyme with the word live. Now your rubbish poem is not even topical. It's just inaccurate. It is annoying. People do get away with weak material when it's topical. And it is not fair.

Yes, I agree. See me earlier, Dominic Cummings jokes. That boy ain't right. That boy just ain't right. Yes, I agree. See me earlier, Dominic Cummings jokes. That boy ain't right. That boy just ain't right. Five out of five. I don't like him one bit. Brilliant. He's got no redeeming features.

He's named after a notorious sex bot. Or a notorious sex bot is named after him. Nothing wrong with sex in general. Just clear up after yourselves. That's the main problem with that type of activity i think i agree the litter because they don't biodegrade maybe that's why the dog was being sick in the car park he just heard about it final category roll right stones two electric boogaloo oh yes the legend of curly's gold roll out stones bogus journey yes two roll right two stones there's definitely more than two stones

roll harder yes tokyo drift oh did you know that the fast and the furious is a film from the 1950s did you know that no that they yeah they they bought the concept it's a film from the 1950s it's a speed racing movie oh and they went our film isn't anything like that but who has time to come up with a title let's license this 1950s film it makes so much you think about though because the fast and the furious is quite a 1950s sort of the dame wore shoes kind of a title but they've got time to go to title because i think i think every single film has a different naming convention one of them's called fast and furious fast and furious yeah that's one of the sequels so they've just taken out the the the thes yeah they've just

d-thed it to make a sequel yeah the reason i call this category roll right stones to electric boogaloo is it feels like as i say this is sort of a companion piece to the roll right stones where there's been less of a steady hand on the tiller and someone has been allowed to just they've got too much budget they don't know what to do with it and just every idea celebrity cameos they got bross in there. Yeah. It's just all been crammed in. Herman Goering.

Herman Goering. Well, maybe that's the thing. He's doing the Obi-Wan Kenobi trying to hide his identity thing. It probably was Herman Goering, yeah. He just changed his name to Charles. I think it has actually got to be a five because they've got everything, including the kitchen sink i.e the devil's basin full of so it's got the devil's basin in thank you very much you're

welcome and if you walk around the ring five times you get a roll that you save just don't eat it on the next four times around because you're gonna need that roll mate you can have as much bread as you want in the devil's soup kitchen devil's soup kitchen the bread is free like an evil version of club tropicana oh i thought it was the first draft of hotel california either way it was great in the soundtrack of space jam sorry i assumed you were going to go into and i think that would sound a little something like this are you not going to i can't believe you're now not going to sing the devil's soup kitchen welcome to the devil it doesn't fit to the devil's soup kitchen such a lovely soup such a lovely soup such a lovely soup You have been listening to Lawmen, a podcast.

I shouldn't need to explain that at this point. Oh, gosh, no. By me, Alistair Becker-King. And me, James Shakeshaft. And if you would like more of this in your life, then join us on twitch.tv forward slash lawmenpod on the 30th of August, which is a Sunday, for our second live show spectacular.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Is that a seal you've got there, James? Yes, I couldn't afford an actual air horn, so I've got an annoyed seal instead. A bit cheaper to just get an aquatic mammal, I agree. Oh, oh, oh. Have you ever tried snuff? I've never snuffed, no.

Snuff is weird. I tried snuff when I was 18 because I was cool. Sorry, James, I think you mean when you were in the 18th century. Yeah. Well, I was pretty mean when you were in the 18th century. Yeah. Well, I was pretty worried about the jewel, so I needed some snuff to calm my nerves. So I had my man bring it to me. He's off his head on snuff.

We can't take this guy to the jewel. He's snuffed up. What would you be if you were to... He's a snuff head. Snuffles. He's got snuffles. So you tried snuff when you were 18? Of course you did. Super cool.

Getting it all over your dandy cuffs and your roof. My skate wear. You can't take snuff and listen to Nirvana. I think you'll find it's drum and bass, mate. Oh, right. I think you'll find it's the Wu-Tang Clan. I'm just hearing about drum and bass now. Doesn't sound like enough instruments, but fair play to those lads.

I haven't heard of that clan but good luck to them i'm very interested in world music i was a trailblazer uh i was a snuff head 200 years after it was cool yeah it's going to come back around eventually exactly and i'll have done it first but you're like oh cute kids were your snuff i was taking that when I was 18 and listening to the Wu-Tang Clan. And that would be like the equivalent of just like Big Band or something to us now. To them then. Time, eh? What's it like?

Oh, time. Time. Funny old thing, innit? Yeah. You're listening to our podcast where we remember things. Yes, and hypothesise about what people will remember. If you've ever remembered anything, let us know. Or if you think you will remember something, try to remember to let us know.

Something tells me this is not going to be serviceable as an intro. Yes.