Loremen Podcast - S3 Ep53: Loremen S3 Ep53 - The Mystery of Lucy Lightfoot

Episode Date: January 14, 2021

If you've ever thought, "they couldn't make it up," then you are about to be proven so very wrong. They DID make this one up! But don't let that put you off. This bit of hoax-lore from the Isle of Wight has medieval romance, time travel and a solar eclipse: all the excitement of a parish newsletter, plus cocktails and a cameo from Michael Legge. By the way, do you know Tom Collins? He's been chatting some right stuff about you... Loreboys nether say die! Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod @JamesShakeshaft | @MisterABK

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And I'm James Shakeshaft. And in this episode, James, I've taken the format and I've thrown it out the window. Oh, well, I hope you backed it up beforehand. I certainly did not. I've defenestrated it with a flagrant disregard. Did you at least eject it safely? I never do.

Oh, you. You're a... Is there a non-sweary word for... Because that is what you are. This story comes from the Isle of Wight and it is The Mystery of Lucy Lightfoot. Ooh, I'm excited. It's the mystery of John Fake Names.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. My good friend James Shakespeare. Hello. Hello, Alistair Beckett-King. My good frenemy friend okay i thought you're about to acquaintance me there my good co-worker oh that hurt that was painful i've decided to mix it up oh go on i've decided to mix up the format yeah yep because uh to quote the 90s band the wild hearts don't try rules for they do not. Yeah, I can't think of a more 90s lyric than that. No.

Don't even try rules. Sorry, sorry. Are you trying rules? Big mistake. The most 90s lyric would just be, don't try. So, don't try rules, they don't apply. I'm going to score my own story in Supernatural now. Start of the episode.

Whoa, whoa. Zero. Whoa. This has no Supernatural. Oh. But the reason for that is that I'm not giving you folklore. I'm giving you some hoax lore. Hoax lore?

Yeah. I am consciously and deliberately giving you a story which isn't true. Unlike the usual stories we tell on the Lawmen Radio Hour, which are- Also not true. Solid, verified, come out of books and everything. They're just older. Yeah. This is flim flam.

Excuse my language. Flim and flam. Both flim and flam. Whoa. Spoiler warning, it's flim flam. Flim flam warning, flim flam. What's the flim flam level? It's flim flam.

There's a message coming out. There's too much static. Flim flam. Is that one of those EV much static flim flam is that one of those evps flim flam okay so i think that's um that's warned people sufficiently yes on the isle of white oh yeah that exists yep that's real that's real no i'm not an isle of white truther i've been there although it's falling into the sea is it but presumably only half of it is falling into the sea. Is it? But presumably only half of it is falling into the sea. Yeah, erosion and deposition.

It's the half that they built the theme park, Black Gang Chine, on. What's the name of the theme park? Black Gang Chine. Have you told us about that before? Yeah, Black Gang Chine. I don't know what word you're saying. I'm saying three different words. Right.

Black. Black. Gang. Gang. Two words that make sense. Okay, that sounds like a thing. Yep, yep, yep. And then the word chine. Chine? Yeah, like chime, but with an N. And what is Black like a thing. Yep, yep, yep. And then the word chime. Chime?

Yeah, like chime, but with an N. And what is Black Gang Chime? It's a theme park. It's the most scattergun theme park. It's got dinosaurs. It's got pirates. Worse than Mr. Blobby World. Well, no, that at least had a consistent theme.

Mr. Blobby. Whereas this has a consistent theme of anything that kids like at the moment, e.g. pirates, e.g. dinosaurs, and things falling into the sea they've made a feature of. Yeah, that's nice. We have talked about it before, but I think that's just enough of a recap. Great. So on the Isle of Wight, there's a church called St. Olav's Church.

It was built in the 13th century. It is on the Elbow Crook of Gatcombe Road. So it's named after Saint Olaf, who, as we all know, is King Olaf II of Norway. Oh. Famous for Christianising all of your Viking fellas. Oh. Actually, a tiny, tiny, tiny little droplet of supernatural.

He tricked a troll into building a church for him. Ha ha! Unlucky troll. The troll was called Sigge, and he told the troll to build the church. The troll would be given either the sun, the moon, or the king's soul if he could build it in a very short space of time. Being a troll, that was no bother for him and the king was getting

a little bit... tight around the collar. But then he found out the troll's name and just said the troll's name, Sigge, and the troll turned to stone. That's not really tricking. Yep, that's basically not paying your contractors. That's how Donald Trump does it. What, did he turn all his contractors to stone? Yes, he turned them to stone by finding out their names. That's not really tricking. Yep, that's basically not paying your contractors. That's how Donald Trump does it. What, did he turn all his contractors to stone? Yes, he turned them to stone by finding out their names.

That's not good business practice. No, it is not. That's not tricking someone. If you get someone to do a job and then murder them before paying them. It says here on my notes, it says tricked for the troll. Okay, then you write that down. I write it down. You write that down in good faith.

Yeah, exactly. I'm sorry. Does Microsoft Word mean nothing to you? Yeah yeah i've got it written down right here that's like getting clippy to help you write a letter then uninstalling it before you can thank it so that's uh saint olaf's church another fact about it is that the bells are hung dead which i thought oh this sounds good but that just means that the clappers move, but the bells don't move. Oh, that's like all bar bells. As in... Bar bells.

Not the weight, the bell that you find in a bar. Yeah. You know, when they ring last orders. So that's what that's called. That's called hung dead. And that's why communion's so quick at St. Olaf's, because they're like, bing, bing, bing. And everyone's like, ah, quickly, drink up. Down in one, down in one.

Knocking back the communion wine. I don't know. I don't know much about communion. I've never taken the sacrament. Oh, I have, but I don't think I'm... Have you? What does it taste like? It tastes like blood. It's really the worst wine.

Not impressed with the blood of Jesus there. And the wafer is the driest thing known to man. Well, he did die a long time ago is it wafer first then a bit of wine to knock it back a bit of wine to wash it down i can't remember actually when i go to like japan and the shrines in japan there are little like little things that you're supposed to do before you go up to the shrine like there's a there's a thing where you wash your hands and wash your mouth out wash your mouth out before you go up to the shrine there's a little spring that you do that for.

In case you've been swearing outside the shrine. Or touching swears. And there's also some smoke that you breathe in as well that's meant to be a purifying thing. And I do that because, like, oh, it's fun to do a little tradition thing. And then I was in, like, a standard church and I was like, I haven't actually ever taken communion before.

Let's do it. Let's see what it is. That seems reasonable. Bad wine. Bad wine and dust. That's what you get if you join our patreon isn't it that's what the name of our of the the tell all autobiography bad wine and dust a year on the road with the lawmen oh yeah it's pretty wild guys and on that note the chillerton gatcombe parish newsletter is my source cgpn are you an avid reader do you take the cgpn that's where you get the real stories yeah throw in the ft out the window forget about that get me the chillerton gapton parish newsletter specifically spring 2012 so i mean some people think that the uh you know the times cryptic crossword is like one of

the most difficult things yeah but the chill the Chiltern Gantry Patrick... Chiltern Gapkin Paris newsletter. Spot the difference is somewhere else. Yeah, they printed me in word search. It's full of typos. It is a very serious publication. This edition includes a very angry letter to the editor about whether people on the Isle of Wight are known as corkheads or calves.

Corkheads. Cork. Oh, cork. Like what you would use to seal some tiling in your bathroom. Corkheads. Local man Derek Sprake, presumably local man, otherwise extremely interested in this man, Derek Sprake, who, among other things, insists that it's called the Isle of Wight, not the Isle of Wight. All right.

Seemingly. Seemingly. Thus spake Derek Sprake, most islanders call their residents after an animal. Guernsey people are called donkeys, those from Jersey are toads, and we are calves. So take it up with Sprake.

Got a problem with that, James? Take it up with Sprake is what I would give them an article. I would give them a regular column in the Chiltern Gap and Parrot newsletter called Take it up with Sprake. Sprake it up, lads. So the story that I want to tell you is called The Mystery of Lucy Lightfoot.

Oh, yeah. First published in a pamphlet in the 1960s by the Reverend of St. Olav's Church, James Evans. Reprinted in the Chiltern Gap and Parrish newsletter, Spring 2012. And it tells the story of a young woman called Lucy Lightfoot. She was, and I quote,

the most attractive young person, vivacious and romantic in spirits, a fearless horsewoman. Her dark beauty and passionate nature captured most of the young men's hearts in a whole district and even far afield. So she's a horsewoman? Sorry, that means that she was good at riding a horse. Oh, right. Not a centaur.

You said she was a horsewoman and then said she was called Black Beauty or something. They're a kind of moving chair, horses. So moving. She got a lot of attention from the boys, the lads, the gentle folk. The calves. The young calves hanging about, leaning on fence posts, blocking up the style.

I'm trying to get across, but they're intimidating me. Wearing their flat caps backwards in the mid-19th century. She wasn't interested in them. She only had eyes for one man. Bad news was that he had died several centuries earlier. Jesus? Not Jesus. Oh.

His name was Edward Estour, who had died centuries before. And I quote again, he was a member of the Estor family who built the original Gatcombe house and the church of St. Olaf. And he appears in the church as an oaken carving. You know, the classic knight holding a sword, lying down having a little rest, dead kind of carving. There's an oaken carving of him.

Did he build the church? Did St. Olaf f*** him over when he handed the invoice in? And it also mentions that at the feet of the crusader rests his little dog, Flacon Caprice, which I've already taken a disliking to. I like it when dogs have surnames. I think I've mentioned before a friend of mine's eccentric mother had a dog. I can't remember its full name, but it was shortened to Lord Oro. I'm sure I mentioned that my my pet cat as a child she had a show name from before we owned her which was zarina sandgrown sandgrove being i think slang for someone from the lancashire coast

which she was right chinchilla chinchilla cat not chinchilla they'd spot that pretty quickly at a cat show yeah i mean if you just bought a rodent yeah the other cats would definitely spot it mess you can't just glue four chinchillas together and pass that off as a cat no believe me are you trying to get in the life hack business alice so uh flacon caprice the um extremely unlikable french dog has his own legend attached so this is a little side legend according to it once a year on midsummer's eve flacon caprice comes to life and dances all night that's the whole legend oh and i had a look at the carving and flacon caprice has it's not very realistic he has absolutely massive cartoon eyes like if that dog was dancing all night you'd be like drink some water you don't look great what have you taken

flacon you know the dog from the muppet show he basically looks like you know ralph it's like a You'd be like, drink some water. You don't look great. What have you taken, Flacon? You know the dog from the Muppet show? He basically looks like, you know, Ralph. It's like a carving of that. So a terrifying image of a Midsummer's Eve. But Lucy was in love with Edward Esther, and she would moon over his carving. Oh, that has a different meaning, doesn't it?

So, yeah, she would, what's the word? She was pining for him, not flashing him. Woodpun. Oh, very nice. Unintentional woodpun. And now it gets very specific and detailed. Quoting from James Evans's account, On the morning of June 13th, 1831,

Lucy was seen entering the church at about 10.30am after tethering her horse outside by the gate. Later inquiries revealed that Lucy had intended to call and see her friend, Marjorie Braithwaite, who lived at Chillerton Green. Whilst Lucy was in the church, suddenly there broke out a violent storm, which lasted for two hours. And to add to the terrifying experience, there came a total eclipse of the sun at 11.10am.

This lasted for 40 minutes. 40? 40. Wow. This storm and the eclipse were unique within the living memory of the oldest islander. So literally no one on the Isle of Wight had heard of such a heavenly conjunction. And young and old were terrified at the intensity of the storm and the darkness. According to one account on the website of a hotel.

That's pretty authoritative. Yeah. hotel so that's pretty authoritative yeah according to one account only lucy's horse tethered outside saw a strange glow emanating from inside the church and i think it's at the point where you are typing the words only lucy's horse saw something in what is supposedly a true story that you should start to question how you got that information like if only the horse saw it and why are you reporting it in a trip advisor review so we don't know what the horse saw but we do know that later that day farmer george brewster found that that self-same horse moving chair still tethered outside the church but lucy was nowhere to be

seen they searched within and without the church in fact she was never seen again oh in that century oh the rector did discover i'm quoting again The rector did discover, I'm quoting again, the rector did discover that the steel dagger that the young crusader held in his hand was shattered to pieces, and that the jewel that had been in the crossbar just above the hilt was not to be found anywhere. It was a fine chrysoberyl stone

set in a loadstone engraving. She's robbed it. That is where the Chiltern Gatcombe Paris newsletter Spring 2012 leaves the story. You're going to have to wait, James, for the much-anticipated sequel in the Chiltern Gatcombe Parish Newsletter Summer 2012. Cliffhanger. It begins brilliantly with,

You'll remember the story of... It's like it was three months ago. Where are the answers to the spot the difference? It begins by telling you, In the year 1865, a certain Reverend Samuel Trelawney, a Methodist minister on the Scilly Isles, which is a best-named island,

became interested in the history of the Crusades, and he discovered through his researches the name Lucy Lightfoot. She was none other than the loyal wife of Edward Esther. What? Yeah. She followed him around as he went around crusading,

and there's quite a lot of detail of the heroic things he did. But in retrospect, a lot of it is just killing Muslims for a laugh. Yeah. So it's very hard to get too excited about the crusades these days.

Not that heroic. No. What happened? It seems almost as if Lucy Lightfoot were transported back in time. Oh. James Evans speculates, how could it be

that Lucy entered the church in 1831 and vanished only to reappear In 1364 It has been suggested That in the four-dimensional Space-time continuum In which we live This guy's a vicar

Go on In the 60s Yeah Matter itself is a kind of kink In the space-time manifold And where kinks occur Space is distorted And even so-called time itself

So-called time Becomes curiously mixed up A unique tropical storm with its vast discharges of natural forces, a total eclipse with outpouring of radiation from sunspot effects, an adventurous lady passionately longing for adventure with her

loved one, all triggered by a disintegrating lodestone letting off enormous magnetism, could explain the mystery. Yeah. It's an amazing story considering the previous pieces about how Jess Baker, age 10, likes Mayday. And the next one is about how a local man, Charlie Summerfield, has got a bike. It's pretty big stuff. And this is what's going to shock you.

It's not true. What? James Evans made up the story to raise funds for the church. It was never meant to be taken seriously as a real story but such is the nature of law it has become a legend and is frequently repeated as a genuine legend that's pretty impressive that he made so on that hotel website which is at which has its embellishments like what the horse was thinking yeah in that story someone has added in the details of what the horse was thinking they're took that angling for a spin-off horse-based spin-off aren't they yeah it'll be like a rashomon thing and one episode will be

from the horse's point of view yes the bottle episode is mostly about hay i hate flashback episodes every show seems to have one now yeah get you to a really tense point there'll be a cliffhanger and the next episode will be a flashback to ages ago yeah just to pad it out yep yep yep can't be bothered with that what's happening in the present looking at you bly manna yes i am looking at you bly manna they won't be able to understand our accents yeah if we talk fast enough they won't understand us so it was it was a made-up thing yep that became yeah the legend escaped wow it happens all the time it's sort of like um like slenderman or something nowadays annoyingly it's sort of a potential explanation for all folklore, is that some cheeky wag made something up

and then a gullible nitwit went, Let's make a podcast about it. Two idiots. Two idiots went, sounds legit. The thing about them is that a lot of them have come from some sort of event, or it's used to explain a phenomena or a physical thing whereas this was a board vicar the church is in the middle of nowhere on the isle of wight yes there's not a

lot on because of the subsidence could very soon be the edge of nowhere absolutely when you mentioned you were going to do a hoax this episode that got me quite excited because i'd got into hoaxes a bit recently i'd been sniffing around the hoax area is that a thing because of the the various lockdowns myself and my wife have taken to having a cocktail night every week oh yes very sophisticated very sophisticated similarly in our house you know the little q-tips the little earbuds come in a little cup when reginald asks me to pass them to her i now say q-tips, the little earbuds come in a little cup? When Rachel asks me to pass them to her, I now say, Q-tip for the lady. Like a waiter. Do you sort of hold it against your other hand to sort of show off the label? And then she can just try one and then she'll say, yeah, leave the packet.

So you've got to do something, haven't you? You have to brighten the day. Yes. Because we now can't go to Wapping Station anymore. Previously, the only thing that was in our lives giving us joy, Wapping Station has been taken from us. Yes. And now, because like there's so many different cocktails,

but as you probably guessed from the fact that I do a folklore podcast, I quite like the old school ones. So like the original cocktails. Mud. Just dust. Grasswater. Yeah. The original cocktail.

Noah knocking back glasses of stuff on the ark yeah so i did one i looked up the tom collins because that's like a classic old name of a cocktail and righto what kept sort of catching my eye on the like wikipedia page or whatever was tom collins hoax oh yeah and i was, what's this? Is he when he's at home? Yeah, I looked up what the Tom Collins hoax was. The Tom Collins hoax of 1874, it was basically, it happened in America, people would go into bars and go, just go up to a stranger and go,

have you seen Tom Collins? And they'd go, what, no, what are you talking about? So that's the end of the hoax? Oh, no, no, the next, and then they go like, oh, well, he knows you. He's just round around the court he's been slagging you off oh tom collins has been calling you yeah that's how we'd say that in durham oh collins is calling you he's been coating you right off mate right off geese he's mugging you off but it's in america so it'd be like he's uh saying bad thing hey you look like a pretty straight bird.

This Tom Collins has been kicking your name up and down Main Street. Yeah, you seem okay, but Tom Collins, he don't like you. It was just a random bit that you could do on strangers. Say like, have you seen Tom Collins? I mean, calling it a bit is a bit of a stretch, isn't it? It seems that there are, I couldn't find any specific examples, but newspapers got in on it and started printing stories of sightings of this Tom Collins, kind of as a joke. I won't take it seriously until I read about it in the Chiltern Gatcombe Paris newsletter, but it's fascinating nonetheless. Also, I found out a fun story about why the Tom Collins is called the Tom Collins.

The cocktail already existed before the hoax. The cocktail already existed. Oh, yeah. And people aren't really sure where it got its name from. In fact, the one person that went on record saying he thought he knew where it got its name from was a chap called Sir Morrill McKenzie. He was an expert on the larynx. Someone's got to be.

And he had an ongoing running battle with German doctors. With all German doctors. With all German doctors oh that is that is a lot of angry eyes behind little round spectacles i don't know if i could face that um he'd also claimed that the tom collins was named after a song called tom collins and he was called out in punch magazine in 1891 and they pointed out that the song was called jim collins that's like being cancelled on twitter these days being being called that in punch. Yeah, exactly.

It's basically a satirical take on the Chiltern Gatcombe Parish newsletter. If I may, the actual song was called Jim Collins. And it went, My name is Jim Collins, Edwaiter at Limmers, the corner of Conduct Street and over Square. And my occupation is serving out liquors to such sporting covies as Chance to Come There. That was lovely, by the way. Thank you.

There's an alcoholic connection then between Jim Collins. And Tom Collins. Well, yeah. They think that the Tom Collins was so named because it ended up using a slightly different type of gin, which is called Old Tom Gin. So they renamed it in the way the cocktails are. But an American later pointed out, and I'm going to do my American accent now.

That was my London accent. I'm very excited. The origin of the Tom Collins remains to be established. The historians of alcoholism, like the philologists, have neglected them. But the essentially American character of this and other drinks is obvious, despite the fact thatologists, have neglected them. But the essentially American character of this and other drinks is obvious, despite the fact that a number have gone over into English. The English, in naming their drinks, commonly display a far more limited imagination. Seeking a name, for example, for a mixture of whiskey and soda water, the best they could achieve

was whiskey and soda. The Americans introduced the same same drink at once gave it the far more original name of highball wow so i thought you were going to try and sell me bomber socks for a second oh yes casper mattresses the point there is apparently that calling whiskey and soda a highball is better than calling it what it is yes come on america that's nonsense there's not a ball involved at all he's sort of implying that if if the Tom Collins had been invented in England, it would be called gin, lemon, sugar and fizzy water drink. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? That's true.

It explains why American sports teams are called things like the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Golden State Warriors. The Colorado Eagle Necks. Yeah. And we've got Sheffield Wednesday. It's the most depressingly named team. So-called because they played on a Wednesday. That makes sense, yeah.

Nottingham Forest, so-called because they're made of wood. Yes. Team of Scarecrows. Yeah, Team of Scarecrows, yes. But while we're on hoaxes, friend of the show, Michael Legg. Oh, yeah. He made up a hoax person, weirdly enough, in spring 2012. The very year that the Chillington Gap Comparison Newsletter published the story of Lucy Lightfoot.

Coincidence? A hundred percent, yes. Definitely a coincidence. On February 24th, 2012, 2012, he did a tweet saying, sad to say, Greg Jevin, a man I just made up, has died. Hashtag RIP Greg Jevin.

I imagine that would have been the end of the matter. Oh no, people got on that bandwagon and there's really very funny tweets about him. has died hashtag r.i.p greg jevin i imagine that would have been the end of the matter oh no people got on that bandwagon and there's really very funny tweets about him saying like one in particular i don't know how i'm going to break the news about greg jevin to my kids he was their role model as they are also made up someone did i saw i read someone did a very funny one that sort of ended with like he was no age and then there was obviously the backlash of people saying, like, you didn't even know about Greg Jevin before he died. I saw there was a Guardian article about it, inexplicably.

I saw he had a filmography, Greg Jevin, including the film Tears From Her Face. Someone tweeted, loving all the people asking who is Greg Jevin, but then, did any of us really know? tweeted loving all the people asking who is greg jevin but then did any of us really know so he's the tom collins of early 2010s twitter yes yeah and it still it still goes on to this date every february 24th every midsummer's eve michael leg comes to life and just romps about with his bugging eyes people will you know remember g Jevin. And it's coming up, so I'd ask you, the listener, to, on February 24th, just pop out a little hashtag RIP Greg Jevin.

Yeah, let's remember Greg Jevin. Let's remember remembering Greg Jevin. And now on the podcast, we're going to have a minute's silence, which you might want to skip. Very few podcasts are brave enough to do that. You told me about the Greg Jevin debacle. Yes. I didn't know anything about it so i i reached out to um michael leg himself and asked him if he if he had an on the record comment and he said i have to say that i meant to message you yesterday for the past few years anytime i see anyone with long red hair i immediately think

they're you i have a moment of delight and then disappointment this has now evolved to anytime i see anyone with hair. It's become a roller coaster. That's all he had to say on that matter. So, leg remaining tight-lipped. Yeah. He's classically evading the question there by complimenting you. Yeah, exactly.

I was complimented, so I didn't notice. Yeah. I think it's time for some scores. Yeah, let's do some scoring. Let's get it out of the way. Yeah. I've already told you the answer. Supernatural.

You get one. What? Am I getting one? For what? For the troll? The troll. Oh, thank you. We can't say that's nothing.

We can't say that there's no supernatural involved in that. Are you telling me there's no trolls, James? No, opposite. All right. Great. One out of five for supernatural. That's more than I was hoping for. Yes, an unexpected one. Okay, next one. in next one names right what's the newspaper name again it

is called the chillerton gatcombe parish newsletter chillerton gatcombe have worked together ah i thought it was three people chillerton gatcombe and parish and they were just giving out a newsletter about their lives um i to be honest i supplied you with a lot of the names as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Black Gang Chyne, Tom Collins, John Collins. I did Flacon Caprice. Flacon Caprice. Flacon Caprice.

What's she called? Lucy Lightfoot. Lucy Lightfoot, that's a lovely name. We've got Corkheads, Carves, Toads, Donkeys, and Jess Baker. The Reverend Samuel Trelawney of the Silly Isles. I think the problem is, to make a good hoax, the name has to be very believable. Oh, so you think the alliteration has made it implausible? Lucy Lightfoot, that kind of pops out a little bit as a, mmm, kind of thing.

Whereas Tom Collins. Believable. That sounds like a name. Maybe even the fact that it is also the same name as a drink is a kind of double bluff. Yeah, like Aquafina. But Edward Esther, he's a real person, and he's got an alliterative name.

He does. He's got unimaginative parents, yes. Double E. Probably what the dog was on. I think it's going to have to be an average score. So I'll give you three, because the point of hoax names is that they are distinctly average yeah yeah yeah you're right okay but next category hoax hoax i've packed it

full of hoax and it was for a good cause as well yeah not like that pesky michael legg playing with our feelings was it meant to be a hoax by the vicar or was it in the fiction section and people misunderstood i think he i think he was meant to be fiction i don't think he expected people to take it seriously to be honest but he's added so much detail like the time she went into the church you knew what you were doing james evans maybe he's just sort of padding it out maybe he was supposed to have an expose on the bmx track nothing happened so he had to make up a story but that's not how you write the stories like charles dickens doesn't have and then ebenezer scrooge at 11 minutes past 12 left his office like

you don't say the time that it happened you think he was trying he was trying to put a fast one on you james okay then this is the q anon of the isle of white uh it's pronounced quon They just want you To think it's QAnon Long and short Five out of five For hoax Yes Because it seems Whether you intend it

To be a hoax or not Doesn't matter does it It can still work It wasn't Orson Wellesing Final category Welcome to the island Welcome to the island To be said in a strange voice

Yeah Welcome to the island Because I think it's got A bit of a Royston Vasey feel Some of these details Yes It's a local newsletter To be fair I a strange voice. Yeah. Welcome to the island. I think it's got a bit of a Royston Vasey feel, some of these details. Yes. It's a local newsletter. To be fair, I don't think any other author is expected to be made fun of by a pair of folklore hipsters, but it's happened. Almost a decade later.

Yeah. Derek Sprague may be no longer with us, because based on his opinions, he seems quite old. He's the sort of person that can remember when there was a storm and an eclipse at the same time yeah i love i love its localness it's five out of five thank you i absolutely that's yeah i really and i like that its localness has gone onto the world stage well is that our podcast technically it's the world is that how you see our podcast people could feasibly listen to this anywhere in the world we get like one download in qatar yeah eight people in japan yeah or eight people who've got a vpn that says they're in japan i'd love it if they met up oh yes the tokyo lawmen society they meet up solve mysteries

solve us a mystery if you if you're one of the listeners who lives in a predominantly non-English speaking country, for whom this is a series of exotic mysteries about the Isle of Wight, slash Isle Wight. Isle Wight. Isle Wight makes it sound like a monster from an RPG. Like a particular type of wight that you have to face. The Isle Wights. Probably like a low down one that you just gotta churn through to get your points. But they drop a spectral sword. But it falls off the edge of a cliff because of

subsidence. You've been listening to Lawmen with me, Alistair Beckett-King. And me, James Shake Shaft. Oh, Alistair, I did find out that dog's name. What was it? His full name is Lord Pontimore Oro III. If you'd like to honour the memory of Lord Pontiac... Fireball.

...9th, why not join our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash lawmenpod. You know how to spell it by now. If you don't, just Google it. He was the dog that always looked like he had a bit of ham sticking out of his face because his tongue was weird stop describing a horrible dog while we try and raise funds we had something excellent sent in to us on the Twitter. Oh, we did. By Michael Reeve.

Another fun fact, that was an MIP teacher. Oh, yeah. He told me off once for wearing the wrong kind of shorts. You're only allowed to wear black shorts with no branding. And I had some Adidas shorts with the three stripes. And he was doing the register at the beginning of the class, went, shorts, James, what's the story? And I said, well, they're like trousers, but not as long.

So what did the real Mike Reeve play stand up? What did he send in? At M-Y-K-R-E-E-V-E, Mike Reeve. He's a computer wizard. Not the kind of wizard we normally have on the podcast. No, he's made a random folklore generator. Based on the Law wizard we normally have on the podcast. No. He's made a random folklore generator. Based on the Lawmen podcast. Based on our podcast. But if you go to

myk.ninja forward slash lawmen, you know how to spell it. You know how to spell it. Is that the new 2020? That's the new 2020. You know how to spell it. And if you just go to that address you get a random bit of folklore. I'm going to click it now and get one absolutely live.

This story is spoken of in Greater London. In 1405, the shape of a witch was seen in the blacksmith's shop. I've got a few of my favourites. Can I share some of them with you? This story comes from the mythology of Warwickshire. In 1610, a necromancer melted a woman in a barn. This legend is spoken of in Durham. In 1431, a witch called Madame Cady flew away on her besom

after seducing some wheat in the manor house of Stanley. This legend is told by the people of Christchurch. In 1738, a druid exploded a witch named Nanny Liliana into pieces on the altar of St. Penley's Church. I've got an exploding one as well. This legend comes from the mythology of Northumberland. In 1668, the devil himself exploded the town's simpleton into pieces on the high street. I love that it comes up with the devil himself every time.

It's always the devil himself, yeah. The devil himself every time. It's always the devil himself, yeah. The devil himself. There is a legend which is told by the people of Leatherhead. In 1451, a large pig gave birth to the second count of dorking in a barn. You can really feel how it randomises nouns. Yeah. This story is spoken of in Kent. In 1646, a warlock received a beautiful stool,

said to have the power to heal from a smuggler on the town common oh that one's great i mean some of these are just fact yeah we should clarify that none of this is true these are all randomly cobbled together it's weird how absolute gibberish sounds exactly the same as our podcast yeah so thanks very much mike reeve that's amazing mike and thank you to james p Less so, less thanks for me. I'm glad there's a teaching role for people who are essentially bullies. Yeah, I mean all the other sort of types of

school child are catered for in the teaching industry. Yeah, exactly. All the bullying victims can go on to teach English, maths, art, but what do the bullies do? Who bullies the bullies? P.E. Teachers.