Loremen Podcast - S3 Ep60: Loremen S3 Ep60 - Amy Gledhill - Brother Jucundus

Episode Date: March 11, 2021

Old York, Old York. So York they named it York. Amy Gledhill (Radio 2, The Delightful Sausage, A Lovely Time) joins the Loreboys to delve into the story of York's original party animal: Brother Jucundus. He was a monk-about-town who took a little more of the holy spirit than was good for him. "Up, up, up we go!" This episode features a cut-out-and-keep joke that listeners can say whenever they are in York. (Unless James Shakeshaft is also in York, in which case he will be saying it.) Have A Lovely Time here Loreboys nether say die! Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod @JamesShakeshaft | @MisterABK | @ThatGledhill

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shegschaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And Alistair, we've got a deputy law person today. I'm very excited about that. It's the wonderful Amy Gledhill. law person today. I'm very excited about that. It's the wonderful Amy Gledhill and it's a really fun story about old York, as I like to say. All right, very good. It's a real cracker of a story. It's got a beginning, a middle and an end. Not to make every story we've done previously look like

total rubbish, but this one's got structure. Yeah. Oh boy, it's got structure. It knocks them into a cocked hat. It really does. It's a fantastic story and Amy is a fantastic guest. Enjoy! 3, 2, 1. Excellent. Beautiful. That even looked in sync for me. It never looks in sync. I know.

I saw that as well. I do have a dance background. I don't know if that's helped. You used to really dance at the same university I went to. Bretton Hall? Oh no. I thought you went to York St John. I did. I went to Bretton Hall first then messed that up.

And then finished off at York St John. Too much bullying and eventually there was no one left to bully and you moved on. It was quite a small uni so you got through victims quite quickly. So I was like, move me on.

Where next? Pastures new. Yeah. So then I went to York St John and that's when I lived in York, which I think brings us on to the location of today's episode. Am I right?

Yeah, it blooming does, actually. That was almost too good a link. That's too good. Because we haven't properly welcomed you back to the podcast or introduced you to people who have randomly listened to this one first. Hi, new people. Want to be bullied? Stand-up comedian, dancer and bully.

We've been bullied into having Amy Gledl back on By Amy Gledl Welcome Of Radio 2, Lovey's The Delightful Sausage Yes BBC Radio darling Amy Gledhill has joined us Radio 2 though? Yeah

What's on Radio 2? I don't know Johnny Walker That quiz? Pop Picker? What's on Radio 2? I don't know. Johnny Walker. That quiz, Pop Picker? That's on. These all sound like things that were on the radio in the 70s. Yeah, that quiz, Pop Picker.

Pop Picker. It was on in the 70s and it's still on now. I'm switching on to it, but all I can hear is Winston Churchill giving a speech. What's going on? Next up, the delightful sausage with their amusing off-the-wall comedy skits. We will delight them on the beaches. James always ready to come in with an actual joke,

not just a silly voice. Thank you, James. Former lawperson Chris Cantrell, of course, is the other half, the crusty end of the sausage. Yeah, the husk. He is quite a husk, isn't he? So did he talk about Bradford? Not this time.

He talked mostly about Treybakes. Treybakes. Treybakes is what he talked about. See, you can take over in the event of a disgrace. If? Sorry, when the story breaks. I keep reading articles by the head of BBC Comedy saying they're launching a raft of comedy shows

to bring the mood of the nation up. And you're front and centre in that. Yeah, big time. Absolutely big time. Until you listen to it and it's so dark. Oh, there's iron lungs and people getting trapped in monsters. These are all Radiohead songs. An iron lung combined with Chris's voice is just...

You're thinking the reverb. Yeah. I'm stuck in the iron lung. You're saying all this. I'm typing this up because I think this is going to be an amazing reality TV show. Like, around the world in an iron lung with the delightful sausage.

Someone will buy it. What do you think of the pyramids, Chris? I'm lying down. Tilt it up. Got a mirror. How are you guys? What have you guys been up to? Similar levels of important achievement.

Sure. Bread making. Yeah, it levels of important achievement. Sure, sure. Bread making. Yeah, it's all kicking off. Sure. So let's move on to the next section of the podcast. I don't know how we're going to edit it in, but we established that you went to uni in York.

Yes. Where did you live? Gillygate. Gillygate. Gillygate. Do you know Gillygate? Do you know Gillygate, Alistair? Of course not. Everyone knows Gillygate in York. Gillygate, Good know Gilly Gate? Do you know Gilly Gate Alistair? Of course not Everyone knows Gilly Gate in York

Gilly Gate Goodrum Gate Which is which? No one knows Oh Did you ever go down Whipma Wapma Gate? Oh yes

No That's not a real one It's where they used to Apparently It's where they used to do The whippings Of naughty people You'd go and whipma wapma gate

And that's where they do Like the lash ins If you were naughty You'd say We're gonna whip your wapma And they'd say You're and whip my what-ma gate and that's where they do the lashings if you were naughty. You'd say, we're going to whip your what-ma. And they'd say, you're going to whip my what-ma. Okay. You said it. It's classic bullying technique.

Stop whip-ma-ing yourself. I don't know if that etymology is true or not. So I don't mean to doubt it, but there is such an industry of tour guides just making stuff up and lying to tourists. Oh, big time. lying to tourists oh big time really oh big time i used to be one of them so when i lived in york i worked at the york dungeon for three years and you'd get bored so you'd start throwing in facts that you'd made up the tourists don't know

so or if you was doing your script and you forgot dates or names, you'd just make it up. It was like improv. It was great. I don't know if you've ever been, but it's like the London dungeon, but it's quite scary. So when you first start, each actor's on a position, and there was a lot of times when you'd just be sat on your own for long periods of time in winter when there was no tourists.

You'd be sat in the dark surrounded by horror people being like skinned alive or tortured and there's a soundtrack on of screaming and you just sit there patiently waiting and then at the end of the day you know you've you've you've listened to horror sounds in the dark for you know eight hours straight and at the end of the day you just have to leave work and walk home like normal. And you feel absolutely bonkers. And also they put these smell pots in to make each... Actors, please.

Call them actors. Show a bit of respect. These are trained actors. They put these 21-year-old smell pots in. God. They put these 21-year-old smell pots in. God. But they make each area smell as authentic as possible.

So if you're working in plague all day, the smell would stick to your skin and your hair, and then you'd have all this fake blood on you, and then so you'd leave work, and you'd have cleaned your face a bit, but it was difficult to get off, so you'd leave stinking of the plague you'd have bits of like crusty blood in your hair you know if you get in a bus you definitely get two seats to yourself which was a real positive it sounds awful it sounds like watching a Samuel Beckett play every day for eight hours yeah but, but and you stink. Yeah, yeah.

I think York is fascinating. I think York's my favourite place. The place we're on about today in our tales is just down the end of Gillygate. Gillygate? Gillygate, yeah. I think it's from Giles. I think it's from St Giles. Down the, I think, south-west-ish end of that is St Leonard's

place yeah and there used to be there St Leonard's Priory way back in the day which is where the subject of today's tale brother Jacundus lived well let me just tell you how close to that I lived so my flat was the first flat that you got to on Gillygate. So I was basically on this hallowed ground of which you speak. Wow. And I had a little balcony which overlooked, sure, a Sainsbury's car park, yeah, but then straight to the York Minster and over what was the abbey and the botanical garden.

So where all this was set, my little flat was there and my mum lent me a book and my mum's choice of literature is let's be honest it's pap but she lent me a book because it was set there and it was by oh c.s samson or something it's called disillusion or dissolution or i don't know but i read it and it was all kind of based on actual events and it was all based around the abbey and st leonards and it was it was around the Abbey and St Leonard's and it was it was so amazing to read something while you're sat and you're like oh my god they're talking about this brutal murder and it was right here wow this is so cool Alistair where do you live

are you near Gilly Gate or Whippity Bip BipBip-Dick-Dick-Ding Street. For the longest time, I lived off Bootham, which is the former slum. It takes its name from the Viking word for little shacks or shanties. It wasn't an instruction of what to do to the poor people. Bootham. Bootham? Bootham. What a theatrical way of dealing with poverty. Just a slow hand clap until poor people book their ideas up.

Well, this chap, Brother Jocundus, if time wasn't a thing, he would have been knocking around both of your neighbourhoods because he was a monk at St Leonard's Priory. Fun fact about St Leonard, he's the patron saint of political prisoners, normal standard prisoners, women in labour and horsies. The four types of prisoner, yeah. The four main prisoners. And his full title is...

That is true. That's not true. It's not just a condition, it's a place. And the main source for this tale is Sabine Baring Gould's 1877 work, Yorkshire Oddities, Incidents events volume two oh the sequel the difficult second yorkshire oddities incidents and strange events this chap our hero brother jacundus he became a sort of, it seems to be by accident from the tellings. He sort of, I think he got a bit hungover and felt a bit glum. So he became a monk, not really thinking it through.

And then he had to be a monk. He had to live on veg, bread, small beer and only six hours sleep a night. Because this particular brand of monk used to get up before dawn to do monk stuff. Yeah, monk stuff. Monkey about. Matins, would it be? Praying and singing and stuff. And he did quite well, but it was a full year,

and then it was coming up to Bartholomew's Fair, which is quite a debauched fair. The London version used to go on for three days. It was banned in the end because it was too carousy. Like Leeds Festival. A bit like Leeds and or Reading Festival. I think people have forgotten the real meaning of Bartholomew's

Fair. I think it's got too commercial. Fun fact, St Bartholomew was flayed and then beheaded. That is fun. That is a fun fact. Yeah, what a lovely little fun fact. St Barth a lovely little fun fact. St Bartholomew of skin lack. Head lack.

Behead me first, I'd say. And then you could probably bring the skin with it if you do it. Like when you do a satsuma just right, so it looks like an elephant. And so from his cell, he could hear the sounds of Bartholomew Fair and he really wanted to be in that fair. He wanted to be chasing those greased pigs, he wanted to be looking at the little side shows of oddities. York uni students

call them by their name, York uni students Smell pots and greased pigs have always inhabited York and so he snuck out at night and he got the keys off the porter and he was just about to go out and he realised, going to need a little bit of cash here, so he took the money out of the poor box.

And he ducked out into the streets to carouse and carouse. I don't know any other time-appropriate words for that. Tell you what he is, moral lack, actually. Oh, yes. Very nice. If anything, gosh. Out of the poor box. Yeah.

Which should be emptied every day anyway as a security measure. What, with a little sign on it saying, no arms kept in here overnight. Monks have no access to the safe. So he went out. He went out. He got to the fair. He's's partying hard he's gone to the side shows he's looked at the spotted boy and the bearded woman and he had a go on the giant seesaw

because that was what was fun in the past it was a big huge seesaw and he rode it with a beer in his hand sabine makes a point of saying he had a beer in his hand as he went up and down on this seesaw, crying out, Indulce jubileo! Up, up, up we go! That was his sort of chant. Indulce jubileo means...

Oh, I looked it up and I've forgotten. Sweet happiness? Yes, it means in sweet happiness. And then, because he's drinking a strong festival ale. He's been on small beer for a year, which is quite low alcohol, isn't it? Small beer. Yes. It doesn't mean that the cups were actually tiny and delightful.

They probably were as well, though. I assume they were quite twee little hobbit cups. But it mainly means that it wasn't that alcoholic. It's like about under 3% or something like that. But he's drinking festival beer. Carling or something. Yes, your carlings, your brother's pair of ciders. He's probably taken everything anybody has given him as well.

Whatever has been on offer, he's in there. Oh, yeah. You're not getting on a seesaw without, you know, a bit of summit that someone slips youaw without You know A bit of summit That someone slips you Are you? A couple of stink pots I'll have half a smell pot

Come on Get me on a seesaw Turn them screams up Just nodding along to the screams Back at St Leonard's Priory The porter woke up Just nodding along to the screams. Back at St Leonard's Priory, the porter woke up. His keys are gone. He wakes the friar up.

He looks in the poor box. The poor box is gone. They get all the monks down. Brother Jocundus is gone. Oh, gosh. A quick tonsured head count. Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. That's not the right number of slaps.

Wait a minute. Again, like a slow hand clap. Yeah. So what they did is they sent the two most boring monks to go and find him because they knew that they wouldn't get distracted by the fair. That would be me. I mean, you've been to Glastonbury with me, James. You know what I'm like.

A very boring monk. A very boring monk, yeah. Yeah, so these two boring monks find Brother Jucundus falling off the big old giant seesaw. He's drenched in the ale. He's leathered. So they have to take him back in a wheelbarrow. And he's still singing as he's going.

He's in Dolce Jubileo. Up, up, up we go. and he's in dolce jubileo up up up we go he sings it to the porter as he goes by in dolce jubileo up up up we go and he's wheeled into where all the monks still are fuming the disapproval room

yeah and he's tried there he's tried then and there and they say have you got anything to say in your defence? And he goes, in dolce julio. And so they, right, you're going to be sentenced for this. You're going to be walled up in the cellar. What?

To death. What? Yeah. That is too much. That is too much. That's a lot, isn't it? I was having a look at another one of my folklore books of the North East, and it seems to be a reasonably common occurrence, just getting walled up.

It's what they do. Oh, dear. In Houghton Castle. Is it Houghton Castle, Alistair? Houghton, I think. Houghton Castle. There's the ghost of someone who's walled up with a lovely name, Screaming Armstrong. Oh, I like that.

That's the ghost of a knight that was walled up one time. Anyway, so they take Brother Jocundus down to the cellar, still in the wheelbarrow. Down, down, down they go. Yeah, he sings, down, down, down we go. They prop him up in a little nook and they give him one cup of water and a bit of stale old bread. Why? What's the point?

The last thing you want is to be walled up in a cellar needing a wee. Why? Don't give them a drink. You're just making it worse. Apparently they're so good at this warden up here, it only took them 15 minutes and they'd walled it up. By this point, Brother Jekundus is starting to realise this is not the end to the night that he envisaged.

Oh, dear. He probably wanted to cop off with either the bearded woman or the spotted boy. It's been a year. And he pushes against the wall and it's solid and he's trapped. He's basically been buried alive and he starts to panic and he pushes and he pushes and he braces himself against the back wall to push off. The back wall caves in. What? Yeah. The last thing I was expecting. Blackwall caves in. What? Yeah.

The last thing I was expecting. The old wall behind him caves in. He finds himself in a basement, in a basement of another priory, in a basement of St Mary's Priory. They built two priories next to each other. Yeah, St Mary's Priory is where the museum is now. In fact, if you go to the basement of the Yorkshire Museum, there is still the basement of St Mary's Priory where this took place. It had a very famous wine cellar.

On the subject of that area, I once saw a policeman chasing a naked couple who were having sex in the ruins of the Abbey. Oh my god! I was literally thinking about whether to tell you or not that I had sex. Were you chased by a policeman? I was like, don't say that. Well, no, it was a PSO, PSCO, what are they

called? Community Support Officer. Yeah, that's it. Can't do anything to you. They've got no training. They could just have a look. I was doing CPR on him. Oh, that's so funny. I was like, don't say that. Don't bring the tone of the podcast down, Amy.

Well, I can't tell if you're joking about having had sex there now. No, I genuinely did. You didn't get caught though, right? Yes, genuinely by a PCSO. On a bike. Amy, I think I saw you having sex in the museum card. Yeah, there was just this creepy guy

just staring at us. There was this creepy monk just doing little drawings in my sketchbook. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just creepy monk. Just doing little drawings in my sketchbook. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just Arby. Wow. Well, the mystery is solved. Wow.

I think we can end the podcast forever on that. That is a series ending. I think we can end podcasts. Lovely that. series ending i think we can end podcasts lovely that well anyway back to the past a few a scant 10 feet neath your tryst and your viewing of the tryst in the past brother jacundus finds himself yep in the basement of saint mary's priory and what he does what he does best he pretends to be a monk and he just slips in pops his hood up just sort of blends in with the monks no one says anything because they've taken a vow of silence and

apparently they can only speak one day a year on easter sunday oh god and they say that everyone speaks but no one listened so when easter sunday comes are they like, who's he? Who are you? I've been waiting to say this for a year. Where did you come from? It's too late. He's in there. He's in by now. And then a whole year passes.

It's come up to St. Bart's Fair again, a.k.a. party time. Oh, oh, oh. And Brother Jocundus, he's... No, please. He's getting those itchy fingers. Come on, BJ. Look, I think we're all sort of experiencing now towards the end of lockdown. We're all just a little bit eager for the pubs.

We're all missing big pub, but he's not going to go out this time. Fate has given him a job at the Priory. Do you remember earlier on, before we were mildly distracted by the bit where your two stories intersected? I don't remember anything that happened before that now it's like the birth of christ everything's reset um my calendar's on january saint mary's priory was very famous for its wine cellar and the cellar keeper died just before saint bartholomew's and brother jacundus oh dear got promoted he got the job of cellar keeper they didn't know that's the worst idea ever how do they even do the interview if they can't speak

how did he get the job just him doing like thumbs up near the wine and they're going yeah he looks keen yeah he does the old drinky drinky two words first word He does the old drinky drinky. Two words. First word. Charades where you both can't speak is a slow game. You touch your nose and point at them. That's how you say when you... Oh, no, if you can't guess.

They'd have to mime the guess back. Oh, yeah, that is... In an awful feedback loop. That's what they do the 364 other days of the year that aren't Easter Sunday, one game of charade. It's not even plural, charades. It's just charade. Charade.

Just an entire day trying to do fried green tomatoes at the Whistlestock Cafe. It's a book and a film. So, yeah, because St Mary's is so famous for its wine cellar, when visiting dignitaries would come by, they'd always go for a big meal at St Mary's so they get a taste of their lovely wine. And the fair's in town, so some people come to visit friar sits down with all the monks and a special guest sends down for some wine it's not coming oh where's where's the wine he

sends someone to go and find out what the cellar keeper's doing and as that person goes down to the steps, they hear the raucous cry of... In Dolce Jubileo. Up, up, up we go. Learn a second song. And they find Brother Jocundus underneath a barrel, tipping it into his mouth and spluttering and singing his chants. Oh, dear. Yeah.

Brother Jocundus. Brother Jocundus. Brother Jacundus. This time, without even a trial, they're like, we're walling this guy up. Wall him up, lads. Get him in the nook.

And they find there's a nook there, stick him in it, use them old bricks, wall him up, tell you what, we'll give him some fresh bread and a cup of milk.

What's he going to do, make a bread and butter pudding in there? It's nonsense. And he's still drunk, singing away. Across the road, back in St Leonard's Priory, it's a dark day. Because the old prior has died. Oh no. And they've just finished his ceremony.

And as they come out of the church, they just hear very quietly, and they're like, what? And they go down to the cellar. Brother Jocundus is alive? This guy's been walled up for a year. How's that possible? It's a blooming

miracle is what it is. They pull the wall down and likeed up for a year. How's that possible? It's a blooming miracle is what it is. They pull the wall down and like, it is a miracle. Brother Jocundus, still alive, still drunk. Remember that mouldy old bit of bread we gave him? That's now fresh. And that little cup of water, that's now a cup of milk.

It's a miracle. What? And we've got an opening for a prior, friar, whatever. This guy's been picked by God. He's got the job. Brother Jacundus becomes the friar of St. Leonard's. He's been promoted again.

He's landed on his feet there. Wow. That's the end of the story. Brother Jacundus. Oh, dear. Fail up, up I do. Wow. Wow.

What a great story. And I believe it 100%. Yep, definitely happened. Especially the really big seesaw. Folks, are we ready to score? Yes. Just like Brother Jacundas probably was as he hit the town. All right, all right, all right.

First category, Supernatural. Yeah, okay, it's a zero out of five. And that's not a criticism of the story. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you going to break it to the monks? Because I don't want to see their little heads. Alright, a one out of five. Thank you very

much. Out of respect for the monks. Out of respect for the monks. The foolish monks. And you should be glad of that. That is 100% more points than you deserve. Right, okay, second category, names and naming. Oh, there's some good ones. Mm-hmm. Brother Jackandus. Yeah, that's very satisfying. I think

that's a great name. Screaming Armstrong. Oh, yeah. That's very good. Now I realise why Screaming Armstrong made a cameo in the film. Mm-hmm. Now I understand it. I just googled, walled up people and sought by funniest name.

And Sir Leonard, what's his name? Knoblach. Yes, St. Leonard of Knoblach. I mean, that's a high score just on its own. And, you know, Gillygate is very pleasing to say. And Whitmer-whatmergate. Whitmer-whatmergate. Whitmer-whatmergate.

Yep. Whitmer-whatmergate. That sounds like some sort of scandal in America. And whip me what my gate. Whip me what my gate. Whip me what my gate. That sounds like some sort of scandal in America. The tour guides could use that because all the streets have a gate suffix. Basically, wherever you are in York, you could use that line. If you're a York tour guide listening to this,

let's face it, the York tour guides probably do listen to our podcast. You can use that. Well, no, as long as I'm not there because I'll be saying it if I'm there. That'll be my one joke of the day. Getting off the train station. It's about a 30-minute walk from the train station

to Whitmore-Watmergate. Just... Come on, family. And then just leaning next to the sign, waiting for someone to come by. It's a bit like... It's like an American scandal. Talking too loudly to someone

who can't read what it says. Have you heard of Watergate? It's like the name of an American scandal. Have you read what it says. Have you heard of Watergate? It's one of the names of American Scandal. Have you heard of... You, have you heard of Watergate? You speak English? Google it. Yeah, I use my phone.

Right. Do you know what that is? Do you understand it? Guten Abend. Wo ist York, Münster, bitte? Mate, I'm trying to do a bit. He can't read it. All right, kid, go back to your school party.

So, yeah, that'll be me in York. So if I'm doing that, don't you also do the joke tour guide, basically, is what I want to say. Well, I'm going to. I'm going to find out when James is planned to go to York and I'm going to stand, like, crossroad on, like, Fishergate and be, like, just saying it louder. You know Watergate?

Yeah. Well, this is, like, Fishergate and be like, just saying it louder. You know Watergate? Yeah. Well, this is like Fishergate. Imagine that. What's that scandal? Bit fishy? It's got to be five out of five for names because everything in York has a hilarious and ridiculous name. And we haven't even done the history of Grape Lane,

which I don't think we can do on the podcast because it's too rude, but Google it. Oh. Well, it's five out of five from me for that. Next category, Absolute Lad. Oh, he was, wasn't he? Brother Jacundus. He smashed that.

I believe the technical term is leg end. It's ledge gate. Ledge gate. Also, let's not forget he was on a seesaw. Some other leg end is on the other gate. Ledge gate. Also, let's not forget he was on a seesaw. Some other leg end is on the other end of that seesaw. Definitely. That's a bonus leg end. And who's the most

absolute a lad if not Jesus? Number one boy. B-O-I. Absolute lad. Top marks. It's got to be. It's got to be. I've come under some criticism for marking too generously. That's my concern. You would not be criticised for marking Brother Jocundus

to be a 100% absolute lad. You're right. The category is absolute lad, isn't it? Yeah. He's not a partial lad. No. He's all in. He is an absolute lad. So it's all or nothing, isn't it? There aren't degrees of lad.

There's absolute lad and then there's an absence of lad. Lad lack. It's five out of five. I have no choice in the matter. That brings me to the final category. Bit much. Yeah. He sounds a bit much, this chacundus. He's robbing from the poor. Because everyone's got one of those

friends who gets too drunk and then... Who's an absolute lad. Absolute mess. and then you have to wall up in a cellar twice in 12 months i mean the worst we used to do was just play buccaroo but on a person who's passed out at a party you just put objects on them until they wake up some drawing that's better because it sort of teaches them a lesson yeah but without threatening their life yeah you don't wall them up instantly. If they've got too drunk and they've been sick on your carpet multiple times, that's when I'm like,

get me the brick and mortar, we're going to wall them up. Get him in the nook. Get him in the nook. Nook, nook, nook. You're not using that nook, are you? And Brother Jacundus did drink a bit much. He drank a bit much. We all enjoy letting our hair down.

Everyone enjoys a party. Yeah. Excluding me from the category of everyone here. But most people enjoy these things. I would also say a bit much that when he, so when he found himself in the basement of the other priory, you'd be like, oh, pop my head up, try and sneak out. Yeah.

But he didn't. He stayed there for a year. Imagine a whole year. Like, that's a bit much. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. He stayed there for a year. Imagine a whole year. That's a bit much. Do you know what I mean? Living a lie for a year. His response to his hangover in the first place was to become a monk. That's a bit

much. It's a series of overreactions, isn't it? It's a bit much. Just watch a couple episodes of Catfish the TV series and have a little cry. Well, I think that this is a four out of five, but I'm going to give it a five out of five because it's a bit much. So what's the final score?

We've never bothered. That's it. So just sort of peters out, really. Yeah, no, we normally just fade the music in. Yeah. But sometimes when we've got a guest, we invite them to plug their stuff. Yes.

And I should say here that you have a new podcast coming and one of the producers of that podcast, friend of the show, Chris Cantrell, got in touch with me to say, make sure Amy takes it seriously. Did he really? When Chris Cantrell is saying Make sure she takes it seriously

Oh my goodness You're going to have to do an impression of him You know that there's a problem Do you know what it is? It's because whenever I'm trying to plug the delightful sausage Because it's such a stupid name And what we do is so gross The delightful sausage

Oh my gosh So every time I plug something, I do have to go, well, it's rubbish and it's daft. Oh, God, don't listen. Don't look at it. Don't look at me. So I guess I understand where it's coming from. But the podcast isn't The Delightful Sausage,

so the podcast is called A Lovely Time. Oh, that sounds like a lovely time. It does sound like a lovely time. That's the point of it. It a lovely time. It does sound like a lovely time. That's the point of it. It's so exciting. It's so nice. So we were going to start a night in Manchester. It was like a stand-up night, but with none of the sort of the stuff that you don't like about comedy. Like, if you don't like being picked on or being too macho and all that. We just wanted it to be like really funny and really good and a really positive thing.

And then lockdown happened. So then we were like, well, let's do it as a little podcast. So I've been chatting to comedians that we were going to have on. Yeah, we've just been chatting about what makes a perfect day. And because it's comedians, it's gone from being like a really twee thing to being like scraping out the dark depths of their imaginations. And some of them have gone so strange.

We talked to George and Brooks, and there was a bit where he was flinging burgers into the sea. And Phil Ellis, I think he went to Vietnam during the war. And it's been very funny and very... It's been a lovely time. It really has. And, yeah, so that starts on March the 8th. A St. Bartholomew's Day of a podcast.

It's like being on a big seesaw. It's like being on a big seesaw with some hard liquor in a tankard. It's like you've just given up being a monk. Yes, exactly. Well, thank you very much, Amy Gledhill. Thank you. Cheers, Amy. We don't need to say where you get a podcast, being a monk. Yes, exactly. Well, thank you very much, Amy Gledhill. Thank you. Cheers, Amy. We don't need to say where you get a podcast, do you?

Everyone knows. No. The internet. It's the internet. The internet. It's not just a guy on the street with a trench coat with podcasts. Just say podcast as you go past. Podcast.

Podcast. Audiobook. And then he's like, have you heard of Watergate? Oh, not him again. He's trying to do his bit. Run. Come. Get on this train to York with me. Now. I'm going to do a pun in two

and a half hours. We're going to go through Gateshead, but that's not going to work. Wait, wait, wait. Where did you start? You would have had to start in Edinburgh for that journey to be plausible. I don't know. I don't know where Gateshead is. You know. know oh just knock some things over there a bit of poltergeist activity there that's chris sending his energy towards me being like do it bad take it seriously So I have a question, James. Go on.

Is Amy's surname pronounced Gledhill, as I say, or is it pronounced Gleddle, as you say, at the start of the episode? I don't think it's pronounced Gleddle, but I accidentally said that. I don't know. I think my larynx was taken over by the ghost of the episode. I don't think it's pronounced Gledl, but I accidentally said that. I don't know. I think my larynx was taken over by the ghost of Chris Cantrell.

Gledl? Eric Gledl? So you've been listening to Lawmen with me, Alistair Beckett-King. And me, James Shakeshaft. And Amy Gledl. And if you want to hear more from the Gledster, a little bonus will be appearing on the Patreon.

Yes. That's patreon.com forward slash lawmanpod. It's very funny. My partner used to work in the Cat Gallery, which was then on Stonegate. So the Cat Gallery, if you don't know, is a shop that sells only cat-themed products. Purely cat-themed mementos And a New Zealander ran in Wearing, you know, probably some sensible outdoor wear

You know what New Zealanders are like And flip-flops Ran in and said Have you got any turtles? And she said No, it's the cat gallery, so everything here is cat-themed And she said What? Not at all?

She couldn't believe they didn't have any turtle based paintings or toys in the cat gallery like you'll have one i expect a few just a little turtle shelf oh my god oh not one turtle though that is kind of a shame really there's a shopping york called duttons for buttons and they just sell buttons two people called duttons every day i'd walk past and be like one of these days i'm gonna go in and i'm gonna say excuse me do you have any buttons and we're all gonna have a great time i never did i'll just drive them mad by asking for zips. Just driving past being like, Velcro.