Loremen Podcast - S3 Ep61: Loremen S3 Ep61 - The Birdcage, Thame

Episode Date: March 18, 2021

James has dug up a genuinely spooky inn-based tale this week. The Birdcage is a 600+ year old public house with a fearsome ghost, a horrible history and a serious pigeon problem. Be warned, this ghost frightens women, children, Australians and pornographers alike. The Loreboys also encounter Batman's shabbiest foe, and wilfully denigrate the filmography of a beloved comic actor. (Sorry, Robin Williams.) Loreboys nether say die! Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod @JamesShakeshaft | @MisterABK

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And this one, this puts the local in. Local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. You're basically there now. It's so near. It's almost too close for comfort.

It's the story of the Birdcage Inn in Tame. If I was any good at spitting, it would be within spitting distance. You're really doxing yourself here. I am a bit. People can really track you down. Listeners, don't remember this. Don't look in the 300-metre radius of the Birdcage. They're usually asleep by this point, aren't they? joxing yourself here i am a bit people can really track you down listeners don't remember this don't

look in a 300 meter radius of the birdcage they're usually asleep by this point anyway aren't they oh god yeah what is spitting distance hello alistair hi james i hope you uh don't know, what's the equivalent of having your ribs tickled but scared? Having your blood curdled. Yes, I hope your blood's ready to be curdled or you've got an anti-curdling agent on hand. Some kind of emulsifier. Yes. Chemists, please let me know if that was the correct agent to prevent curdling. Yes, I hope so because I'm hopelessly out of my depth. For the purposes of this, let's say an emulsifier.

Oh, sorry. For the purposes of listeners at home, we're not doctors, so please don't take any of this as medical advice. If your blood is curdling, please seek a relevant professional. Yeah, absolutely.

All of our medical advice is presented for entertainment purposes only. Misuse of the advice in this podcast may result in death vitamin c makes you fly misuse of the advice in this podcast may result in dust rub a little dust into your knees to ease away aches and pains but only lawmen brand dust which retails with quite a markup yeah we could We could be like InfoWars. We could just start selling absolute nonsense. Oh, yes. Absolute scam stuff to our gullible listeners.

Edit this bit out so nobody hears about that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but gullible listeners, please stick around for new merch announcements. Struggling to hear the voice of talking mongooses? Use our brain enhancement serum. It's just Tic Tacs. It's Tic Tacs.

Which is the name of Chip and Dale in France. What? Tic and Tac? Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers. They're called Tic and Tac. T-T-T-T-Tic and Tac. T-T-T-T-Tic and Tac.

Ranger de Rescue. Dangereuse. T-T-T-T-Tic and Tac. There are so many episodes of this podcast where we learn too late that neither of us speak French.

But we know a lot about 90s cartoons. So my bones are ready to be chilled and my blood is ready to be curdled. The hairs on the back of my neck are actually too long to stand on end. My God, if they did. You won't be needing any hair gel for your back and your neck hairs. No, I will not. Because I've got some terrifying tale for you. I was going to say tales there. I heard you stop

short of saying the S. I remembered as I was saying it, it was pretty much just one story. I've got some terrifying tale. A collection of macabre tale. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, let's get chilled in a scary way. We're in Tame. Oh, yeah.

The town where I live now and there's a spooky looking pub right on the high street it's called the bird cage i believe i pointed it out to you when you visited tame once like the robin williams film yes bird cage yes it's not very like that no no and it's not named after that either in a sort of film tie-in no in some sort of marketing decision gone wrong but then how do you explain madam doubtfire homewares over the road explain that james i can't i can't it's just a coincidence but the scottish woman that runs it she's always making cakes and setting fire to her boobs hilarious hilarious let's now go back and check if the politics of that film hold up.

Let's not. Let's just revisit it in our minds. And I think it's called Mrs. Doubtfire. The book is called Madam Doubtfire, isn't it? Is there a book first? Yeah, it was a kid's book. Really? Yeah.

So pretty scary so far. Yeah, so across the road, we've got the birdcage. Again, like I say, it's not named after the Robin Williams film. No, then next to it, the Dead Poets Society. We get it. Yes, yeah, yeah. Just up from after the Robin Williams film. No. Then next to it, the Dead Poets Society. We get it. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Just up from the toy shop, Toys.

Yes. And the morning supplies shop. Do you mean the funeral directors? The specifically Asian funeral directors. Good morning, Vietnam. That's very good. That's excellent. So the birdcage.

It's got nothing to do with Robin Williams. Yes. So I don't know why you keep bringing up Robin Williams. I don't know why I do either. It's quite a higgledy-piggledy looking building. There's sort of one side of it goes up three storeys, like a tall old house. And then the other bits are just like two storeys. And then there's one that's sort of one and a half storeys.

A half storey? Yeah, it just looks like it's got a little mezzanine in there oh it's too big for one but not big enough for two the mezzanine a little tudor mezzanine yeah it's all tudored up it's white white plaster with your exposed beams yes on the front yep yep yep it goes back as far as 1430 that in not bad good age for an in age. Now the name the Birdcage comes from, before it was a pub, it was used as sort of offices for the market, like administrative offices for the local market and the whole bottom floor would have been open air. You know how they are, those buildings? Yes. Yeah, they're sort of on stilts. On what look like giant stone mushrooms sometimes and

people knock around under there and do their bartering. I don't think I realised how much admin was involved in the market. I always thought it was just people bring their own pigs, a jester probably breathes fire, some pickpockets, some child pickpockets probably scurry around. I didn't realise you needed an entire floor of a building to just do the admin for that. I think that's just for when it's raining.

Oh. And the pickpockets don't want to get wet they're like can everyone come under here and get your pockets picked please little pickpocketing tent form a queue form a queue and then part of it got enclosed with metal bars because it became a little little mini prison oh sweet called the cage and it was either because it was called the cage and then the pub was called the cage and then later on it got owned by someone called mr bird so it became bird's cage or the more fanciful rumor is that a notorious thief known as the magpie was incarcerated there for a while the magpie the magpie you can't catch me copper i'm The magpie. The magpie.

You can't catch me, copper. I'm the magpie. The terrible Oxfordshire. And he'd say, like, one for sorrow. And he'd punch people. That's a very nice, shiny thing you've got there, madam.

Be a shame if I took it away with my mouth. That's the problem, was that he put it all in his mouth and then... And now off to my nest. Just flapping his cape. That's how he got caught. That's how they got him. He thought he could fly. And word got

around that the bird was in the cage and then it became known as the bird cage. But it's much more likely it's named after Mr... Oh, you mean there wasn't a thief called the magpie? There may well have been a thief called the magpie. Who stopped Jules with his mouth and put them in a little nest and lived in a tree yes who stole only the shiniest of valuables oh that's brilliant of sparklies for the magpie oh he's gone tooth for joy bam yeah yeah all that all of that definitely true probably wasn't true

and then during your friends and mine the napoleonic. Friend of the show, the Napoleonic Wars, yep. This was used as a prison for prisoners of the Napoleonic Wars and apparently they even set up a Masonic lodge in there, these French prisoners. Apparently at the very top of this pub. The Higgledy Piggledy Peak, yes. The very

toppiest top bit of the Higgledy Piggledy bit, on the left as you look at it from the street, right up the top, there's an attic, which is where the people of Tame used to keep their lepers. What? So if you got leprosy, you got stuck up in the top of the tower at the pub, and there was a hatch in the floor,

which is where the monks and nuns would poke food in on the end of a long pole. And they just lived in the town. I've never heard of... I've heard of leper colonies before, obviously. Yes. Hawaii. Was Hawaii a leper colony? I think at least one of the islands was.

Right. They keep that quiet in the marketing. Yeah. Apart from you, I don't know anybody who goes leper colony Hawaii that quickly. Really? Yeah. I tend to think of sort of chains of flowers and surfing. What, with lepers? Yeah. They love... I was tend to think of sort of chains of flowers and surfing. What, with lepers?

Yeah, they love... I was going to say, they love to let their hair down. That's probably a more complicated procedure. Yes. Anyway, it's a serious medical condition. It's still incurable, right? It's not a subject for fun. I think it's...

Yeah, until the lawmen supplements come out, I don't think there's anything we can do. So they just locked away the poor lepers. In the top of the tower, yeah. So the tip top of the higgledy piggledy yeah tower they put the lepers yeah stuck them up there stuck in food through a trap door on the end of a stick do they have any games up there i don't know i don't think so like sometimes there's a board games in a pub you would hope so a row of books on the picture rail maybe oh now you're now you're talking. Yeah. But in the 70s, it was a pub. The 1970s.

In the 1970s, okay. The lepers are long gone by now. Or were they? Oh. I've got two different reports of this. One from Haunted Inns by Mark Alexander, the classic tome with the 70s men. Yes.

With the Sigs. I think there's a picture of it from the 70s where everyone's got Sigs on the go. Don't worry, we'll be posting that on our Insta oh yeah of course of course foot pictures of four ghostly lepers all smoking a cigarette that's not cigarette mate um and the other one is from oxford stories of the supernatural by betty puttick which is one of the three books i have that feature that skeletal monk pointing at the map yes He gives the 70s men a run for their money on the pointing front. Yes.

Yes. As pointers go, there's probably the dogs, pointed dogs at the top of the list. The photo section of Haunted Inns by Mark Alexander. Yep. That monk. And then after that, probably laser pointers. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The sort of late 90s, early 2000s craze for laser pointer cats like them cats do like them pilots don't like them no because they get distracted chasing them around the cabin no they're always like oh where is it i've got it i've got it i missed it oh and but you know by that time they've been distracted from their proper job yeah exactly so what happened in the 70s is that a question for me? Because it's quite broad. Late 60s, early 70s, a film was being filmed in Tame called Buttercup Chain. Which gets a 5.4

out of 10 on IMDb. Okay, it's about a really tough gang? No. The Buttercup Chain? No, it's a sex film. Ein sex film? Ein klein sex music. Just adding that to the list of languages we don't speak. Yeah, it's got Jane Asher in it. Oh, yeah.

And it's about these two cousins. Classic start for a 70s sex film. Yeah, it's just... And they were brought up as brother and sister and they... I mean, it's not sounding that romantic. They're very infatuated with each other. And one of them is Jane Asher. And then they sort of find each other partners.

But there's apparently, according to one of the reviews, is I don't want to misquote this person who's left a review on IMDB in good faith. So I don't want to paraphrase him because he is a guy. No, come on. Let's find out what this weird oddball had to say word for word. We owe him that much. Okay. Much of the time, the quartet are swimming, bathing, or making love,

so the two female leads are frequently topless. However, it was still the era of natural breasts, so none of the nudity seems gratuitous. Just European. What? Yep. And he signs off with, it's probably one of the few incest-themed dramas that doesn't feel creepy.

Well. Ironically, that person is one of the few incest-themed drama reviewers that does feel creepy. So two of the cameramen were staying at the birdcage. Oh, I can't believe they needed more than one cameraman for that, but okay. And they came down one morning and one of them said, you know, he was haunted up there. And the other one was like, no, no, it's not what you want about, mate. Then the next morning, the second one came down looking very startled.

I was like, yeah, no, he's right, he's haunted. So yeah, are you scared? Sorry, is that the entire story? That's not all of it. Two pornographers were frightened. Two pornographers were frightened two pornographers were frightened on two separate nights because they've probably seen quite a lot haven't they they've probably seen a lot quite a lot of stuff in their time so if their eyes are popping out it's got to be

pretty startling so this is from an interview with mrs she's called mrs pat neville in haunted inns but she's called pat ellis in um betty puttick's oxfordshire stories of the supernatural so i don't know if one of them has changed the name to protect or someone's gotten gone wrong or she's leading a complex double life and we've outed her on this podcast she's our sort of main in on most of the ghostly stories so she she told the story about the pornographers getting scared and she apparently first became aware the inn was haunted when they in the first few months of them taking over the pub when an old boy who used to come in there all the time by the name of jack fudge yep half of a robin williams film the quote is he used to mix all his drinks in one pot and then he'd sort of

mumble have you seen the ghost yet have you heard the knocking and she used to laugh all his drinks in one pot and then he'd sort of mumble, have you seen the ghost yet? Have you heard the knocking? And she used to laugh at him. But she was not laughing later. So, like, he'd order several drinks, like a shot and chaser or, like, beer and wine and then just mix them all together in a pot and drink it? Yeah, I think so. I think that's the implication. I guess there's no law against it.

No. If it's good enough for Jack Fudge, it's good enough for me. Oh, so Mrs. Neville used to be a nurse and a doctor friend of hers came to visit. there's no law against it no if it's good enough for jack fudge it's good enough for me oh so miss so mrs neville used to be a nurse and a doctor friend of hers came to visit he had a little look around the place and he climbed to the top of the house and said i do not like it up there the atmosphere changes she asked what's wrong he says i cannot explain but it's quite different from the other floors there's something very strange here. This guy's a medical doctor. Yeah, he's not. And she says it gave her a start because he was not an over-imaginative type.

You want to get yourself some of that lawmen supplements. That's what you should do. Yes. I, as a medical doctor, endorse that. And then she found herself waking up in the night at around 3 a.m. hearing knocking noises that would always finish by 4 a.m. And she had

kids and these kids, their bedroom was on that floor. And so one night she decided to stay in the room with one of her sons in the chair at the end of the bed. She dozed off and she suddenly woke up with a sensation of sheer terror and leapt out of the chair thinking she must get downstairs.

And there were a load of metal coat hangers on a rail and they were all sort of rattling and tinkling against each other and she thought it must have been the breeze but she as she swiftly went out the room she looked and saw the window was shut and she went downstairs to her room just abandoning the kid leaving the kid just just abandoning the kid there to a terrifying presence okay and when she asked the kid about the noise, the kid said, oh yeah, he just knocks back and it stops. That's creepy. That's very creepy. And occasionally she'd hear at night, before the knocking,

she'd realise that she'd hear someone coming up the stairs. The second step had a particular creak to it, and she'd hear that creak, and then footsteps ascending the stairs, and then knocking, banging would begin, That would always finish by 4am. What are ghosts doing, do you think, to make all that? Is it DIY? I don't know. What are they doing?

I don't know. Why do it at night, ghosts? Get it done during the day. Like any normal person. That would be useful, actually. If the ghost sort of kicked in at like 7 in the morning. Like an alarm. It's the world's most terrifying alarm clock.

Yeah, exactly. If you're going to be here here be part of the household contribute something it's yeah it's like my idea for the cheaper version of air conditioning just buying haunted belongings in the room and put them in the room yeah you want cool yep that's fine yes a classic shakeshaft life hack there yes shakeshaft life if you've got a ghost can you get them to just do their spookiness at a time when you do need to get up yeah will they be that accommodating i don't know if this ghost would be another time there'd been some sort of story about it on radio oxford and there was um a local in the bar who was taking the mickey out of this and he was saying oh it's a load of old nonsense it's just they're just doing it as a publicity stunt and there were three young students on the other

side like sort of behind this guy who suddenly went aghast because they saw a pot lift up off a nail hanging over the bar and pang off the back of his head off the back of his head and all three of the students saw that happen did they yes did anyone see the students saw that happen, did they? Yes. Did anyone see the students seeing that happen? The other students. The three, okay, so the three friends all saw that happen. Yeah. I suppose the guy didn't see it happen because he was facing the other way, did he? He probably just felt a pulse hit him in the back of the head. Yep. Thrown by a ghost.

Definitely thrown by a ghost there. Yep. I can't think of a single alternative explanation for that. Alright then, well here's another scary one. On another occasion the son Chris said that he'd had a terrible night's sleep because the ghost was whispering to him. And he was overheard by an Australian guest

who said... What's that? He said, you ain't kidding, this is a direct quote, you ain't kidding, the flaming ghost has been thumping on my door all night and I'm moving out. Like a bloody kangaroo on the door. He's going at me like a guy he's he's tapping away like a duckbill platypus

and again if an australian was frightened bearing in mind that everything in australia kills you dead yes it's got to be pretty scary i would have thought pretty spooky sorry can i just check he's Australian? Yep, that flaming ghost. Yep, definitely an Australian. Telltale sign of Antipodean-ness. A flaming ghost? A fair go, flaming ghost.

Pat realised she needed to do something. So she went up to the room and just said, quite definitely, look, you're frightening my kids, you're scaring people, you have to stop. And she screamed as something pushed against her legs. She looked down, it was a dog. That was a little cat scare

for you. That's not the end of it because... Oh good, the close up of a dog isn't the end of the film. No, that would be a bad way to end a scary film, with a cat scare. And it was a dog. What they did was they got a group of psychic investigators in. I'm glad they're finally getting serious about this.

The group came in, four men and two women. They settled down in the most haunted bedroom around midnight. And after 2am, they heard the footsteps on the stairs and a noise on the top landing they opened the door shone a torch around there was nothing to see went back to the room and as soon as they sat down the door began to rattle the handle began to rattle the door didn't open but then there were sounds in the room knocking on the floor on the walls and they felt a really depressing sensation when they remembered they were psychic investigators.

So they started to do the old one rap for yes, two raps for no, the classic. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they started to go through the letters of the alphabet to build up the words, which must have taken a very long time. Yes, because as we all know, there are quite a few letters in the old alphabet. Minimum 26. The message came through. K-I-L-L-Y-O-U. of it minimum 26 the message came through k i l l y o u kill you kill you which to be honest after four letters kill you and they said do you mean us and the ghost said yes again you

probably just end on the first letter on that one. Unless the ghost is saying, you, don't be absurd. You know what? I've changed my mind. You what, mate? They explained that they wanted him to help find peace, and they asked why they were there. And the answer that was spelled was, I am a leper and was stoned to death. And then the words became more menacing, saying, go now.

More menacing than kill you yes yeah i think i think betsy's forgotten the bit where the ghost opened with kill you and it said go now go go there's more to this exchange in haunted inns mrs western one of the psychic investigators said he was very bitter and unhappy and when we suggested praying to alleviate his earthbound condition he went wild through the knocking he told us he did not believe in god he hated people and did not want us to disturb them and finally said go or i will kill you after that there was nothing more we could do for their presence only seemed to aggravate the ghost wow now i think pat's words had had actually got rid of it i think she managed to sort of just cut through it

and just say, look, you're scaring people now. I don't want you to do it. Please don't do it. Because that ghost was never heard of again. Betty revisited the pub in the early 2000s and they say they hear scratching noises upstairs. And I can attest for this, there were a lot of pigeons there. Okay.

Probably pigeons. Wow. But apparently they nicknamed their the ghost pete pete and pete the leper pete the leper and sometimes you'd catch movement out the corner of your eye or there was a big old-fashioned mirror by the bar and sometimes you'd see a shadowy unidentified reflection that would disappear on closer inspection but now it seems there's not so much ghostly activity going on in the birdcage so hopefully that angry angry leper has been put to rest in some way oh leppy pee what a scary ghost i'm almost actually chilled there was a couple of chills right treat your lepers better guys yes if you've got a leper in the attic let them out that applies to anyone you've got a leper in the attic let them out

that applies to anyone you've got anyone trapped anywhere in your house let them out yeah yeah i'd say most people should be let out at some point but also if they're lepers come on another version i heard when i did the ghost walk in tame back back when we could do such things some i haven't got a source for this but one of the stories is that one of the leopards was so unhappy with his lot trapped up in that loft that they escaped and they got away and that the townspeople hunted them down and and stoned them in the street oh so that could be pete the leper that could be he was pretty angry oh well rightly so i'm on his side now even you can do you're like pete you know what do? Do DIY whenever you want, mate.

Whenever you like. Not bothered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's score. Let's give Lepi Pete the finale he deserves. Yes. And judge him in a numerical fashion. Yes. Via the medium of scores.

Yes. First up, naming. Names. Pete, not a good name for a leper. Pete the leper is. No, it isn't. It's a bad name. I prefer names like Methuselah or Balthazar.

That seems cruel. Cruel? For someone who may have dexterity problems with their tongue. Yeah, all right. Due to the nature of their disease. Pete, fine. You can't just be called Pete the leper or Jeff the leper. No, no, I don't accept it.

I want a proper grisly medieval name. Okay, then what about Jack Fudge? I had forgotten about Jack Fudge. Yes, yes, okay. That's a strong showing from Jack Fudge who I now realise had a walk-on role in the story purely because of his name. Yep. What about Buttercup Chain?

You can imagine what sort of focus that is soft focus it's a soft one i can see the font it's written in and everything it's a very evocative title of the films of the era absolutely the bird cage so called because of mr bird or mr magpie or the batman villain the magpie um yeah i like the Magpie a lot, obviously. And I've names for the psychic investigators that came in, the paranormal investigators. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. Two of the psychic investigators,

Mrs, she was Edna Weston of Watford. Edna Weston of Watford? Edna Weston of Watford and her husband, Ron. I don't know why I like Ron, but I do. Ron Weston, Watford, yeah. Ron Weston, psychic investigator. Imagine the handshake on him. Once for yes, two for no.

Three for a girl, four for a boy. I'm actually the magpie. It's a two for names. One for Jack, one for Fudge. Well, Jack Fudge would be turning in his grave and he would have spilled his booze as well. I forgot that he drank all his booze out of one cup. That's disgusting.

But he might, I mean, again, there's no specificity there. He might have taken it in turns and rinsed it out in between. Oh, okay. Right. Yeah. He just had a nice cup. He had a favourite cup. Fair enough.

I imagined him sort of swilling it all at once. Yeah. It doesn't say. Just getting all the Vimto and Guinness all in at the same time. Two for names. Supernatural, come on. Yes, it's high. It's genuinely quite a spooky story.

Some very chilling moments. It's got ghosty noises corroborated by loads of people. It's got little kids saying spooky things. Yeah, like, I usually just knock back and then he stops knocking. I was kept up all night by the ghost whispering. Oh, Flaming Hill is a bloody ghost in here, mate. You know, spooky stuff. And these people don't have a reason to lie.

We're talking about innocents. We're talking about people who respond emotionally and not intellectually. We're talking about Australians. Pornographers. Pornographers. They have no capacity for deceit. It's not in them. No.

They don't know how to do it. No. So I think it's a four. Yes. I think it's a good old four out of five for deceit. It's not in them. No. They don't know how to do it. So I think it's a four. Yes. I think it's a good old four out of five for sort of the natural. Not the bit where

the whole room's banging and knocking. No, because it turned out to be the dog. I didn't like the jump scare. I didn't like the... What about the bit where it said,

kill you. Get out, I will kill you. Yeah, I just... I don't believe that bit of the story. You don't believe edna and ron two pillars of the psychic investigating community i visualized them being built like pillars as well perfectly cylindrical that's such a reassuring presence firm handshake steely gaze bristly mustache and ron pretty similar shiny Right, next category is knocks.

Oh, yeah. There was a lot of knocking. A lot of knocking. Do I hear five points? I want to hear one knock for yes. Yes. No, that was the number of points. That was a single knock.

He was knocking for the amount of points. You asked. Can I hear two no's and a yes? Yes. Yes. That's five. Is that five knock points? I've lost count, frankly.

Final category, the films of Robin Williams. Yes. They were very present. Weren't they? Yeah. There's also, there's good will hunting. If the ghost was called Will, that'd be good. That'd be a really good name for it.

Yeah. Or like if someone had written a will and they were looking for it, that didn't happen in the story, but it's just an idea. Not in this ghost story. I could have happened. That's just a good idea for part of a ghost story. It's quite a good idea for a story. So yeah, let me know if anyone wants to get involved with that idea.

The birdcage, obviously. Obviously. It's the only one that's actually right. That one about... Did you do one about lepers? Flubber? Is Flubber... Is Flubber about lepers? I'm not seeing it. Popeye is possibly about lepers, but... Is it all set on a leper colony?

Oh, yeah, I know. Aladdin, the loft who's got leprosy. Because there was Aladdin in the loft that had leprosy. That's one of the straight-to-video sequels. I'm just on his IMDb now. Yeah, Awakenings, because the ghosts awakened. They did. Hook, because the story had quite a good hook.

It does have a good hook. Fung Gully, The Last Rainforest. Probably. It doesn't work as well, but, you know. And if the leopard's ghost has been around for 200 years, what would he be? The World According to Garp. Yes.

Some of the photographs of men pointing at corners might have taken an hour to develop. Yes. One hour photo. Very good point. Yes, yes. I'd like to be sort of strict with you and try and mark you down and try and negotiate.

But I feel like a sort of awkwardly saccharine ending seems mandatory under the circumstances. I feel like it's got to be a five out of five, a slightly winsome five out of five. Good. His last film was called Absolutely Anything, which looking at his previous filmography,

seems what he'd say yes to. I would like to point out that I think Robin Williams is a very talented performer. Yes, no shade on Robin Williams. I like quite a lot of his films. You have been listening to Lawmen with me, Alistair Beckett-King. And me, James Shakespeare. You can support our endeavours by getting on patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. You can also support the podcast by writing us a review on one of the many podcast

providing services yes and yeah just look after yourselves yeah just look after yourselves come on take a little bit of you time self-care yeah that's a weird ending If you're up the Empire State Building, then quite a lot of New York is within spitting distance. Yeah. But you wouldn't want to go there, that method. Surfing a bit of Giant's Flop. Disgusting. Awful.

Horrible business. Surfing on King Kong's Flop. Goss. That's what we called King Kong's flob. Goss. That's what we called it in the North East. Goss. Godzilla's goss. Godzilla's goss. Oh, it was goss down our way.

It got a bit farmery and brr, got that farmer brr goss. It's like the Inuit people, that legend that they've got all those different words for snow. But you, at school, you had all those different words for spit? Yeah. Different types of spit. Elugi. Oh, yeah yeah that have been imported from america very american the spit the spit hocking a loogie hocking that's a good word hocking hocking a loogie going down the diner for a malt and then riding around with my best girl and then hocking a loogie america and that best girl leaving you for being disgusting.

Yep. Because that's how disgusting. A very malty loogie. Mmm.